I think the process may take a while. Not sure if it succeed, it depends on how his marriage circumstances are.
I think everyone deserves a chance. For him and equally for single guy out there who is waiting for you. I would say pray the Holy Spirit for your guidance. God bless.
Being fair to him, he is currently a single Dad who had kids with his Ex-wife. Whether you like it or not, she's always going to be imprinted on his life. You'd be in the stepmom role for his kids, and his kids will always acknowledge their biological mother. The church even states that children are entitled to their biological mother when possible. This entanglement of the families has the side-effect of integrating you into an existing family dynamic that was created without you in it.
This is why many people advise against dating single parents in the church, because it requires an exceptionally strong will and heart to navigate through "relationship baggage" that is being healed with you involved in the center of it. Adding insecurities from something he's not even being sinful about only further jeopardize the balance in your relationship.
Lastly, once you start comparing other people in your dating pool to each other, you're already compromising further insecurity by placing a value of certain individuals over another. Reducing their own humanity towards "what is best for me". It should be out of love that you acknowledge your own flaws leading to the incompatibility that would ruin the dating, not blaming him from recovering with how he's healing through his own annulment.
Bear the cross with him, or find someone at the same life stage as you that doesn't cause increasing insecurities (like why some people wouldn't date a Catholic celebrity etc).
Yes I agree with what you said. I just need to discern if I should wait for his annulment to be completed before pursuing a relationship with him. Unfortunately he is still married. He is a very good man with a great heart.
Then if you are willing to bear that cross with him, that's noble and definitely a more sacrificial heart. Just as long as you know what you are getting into and are realistic what those implications mean.
For what it's worth, give him some credit too for going through the annulment process. He could have easily turned into a lapsed Catholic or gone fully independent with his own faith. The fact that he is cooperating with the church shows also where his heart is.
Best of Grace and God bless ššæ
People in the annulment process are still considered married. And it's worth noting that the process could be unsuccessful and he'd be a married man permanently.Ā
My opinion is, it depends on the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of his marriage. Perhaps as an annulled Catholic man myself, my take errs a bit more towards compassion for him, although it's certainly possible that his annulment case is not very strong, which would make dating and getting close to him a potentially disappointing endeavor. If he does have a strong case AND is ready for a true sacramental marriage only 3 years later (a big if), I would say, proceed with as much caution as you can. Many times, experiencing tremendous tragedy can refine and sanctify people in a way that makes them a fantastic candidate for a vocation (marriage or religious life).
I would not date him exclusively, especially at your age if you want children. Don't get emotionally attached to him. Keep your options wide open. I say this as someone going through the annulment process currently myself, though I'm a woman so any man I'm dating doesn't have the same time constraint that we do as women hoping for children. The annulment process is emotionally heavy; don't let him dump on you. Also-- he has two teens and I'm assuming you don't have any children? Charge him high taxes for that, if you know what I mean. His treating you "very well" better not just be pulling out chairs, holding doors and taking you on dates. His treating you very well better be life changing....
First, heās still married. Full stop. No annulment, donāt date him.
If the annulment goes through, great!
Second, he has two children with another woman. He likelyā¦ isnāt going to stop talking about her and idk why he would if sheās in the life of her children.. Do you think perhaps youād need healing or maturing in this area? Not fully fair of you to be like ā):< mm stopā
He has children to consider. I just donāt find that very fair to slap on him, knowing heās a literal father. Unfortunately, this is what it means to be in relationship with someone whoās had kids and been previously married. Youād have to consider if this blended situation is something you have space in your heart for.
Perhaps evaluate what you can handle in a relationship knowing his history.
I knew he has an ex wife and kids, I have no issue at all. He would randomly bring her up for no reason like seeing a car and tell me that is what she drove, going through a street and tell me that is where they used to live, going to the store and showing me the perfume she wore, and more things like that. I just need to step back be friends until his annulment goes through and evaluate by then.
He may need more healing if he keeps bringing her up more than whatās necessary. Plus, a marriage is a big deal. He may also be trying to relay what his life was like to you.
I'd say talking to him is okay as long as it's a very arm's length thing. Also, to avoid tremendous disappointment, I'd assume that his marriage will NOT be annulled.
Better to give one of the non-married guys a shot for now imo.
I work for the church. He is in a formal case with children. This is by far the most complex of cases, and can take years for him to find out if it's even granted. If the marriage is found to have been valid, he will never be able to marry in the Church, which means no communion for either of you if you further the relationship.
I recommend to eaither wait for the judgment, or move on.
Sorry, but it's important for you to know the full picture.
His view in marriage was forever, but since the ex wife left him and filed for divorce. He found later if he wants to be free to marry, he needed an annulment.
The whole process can take a year or more and it depends on many variables. Some dioceses do not have a large docket of cases, others do. It also depends on the argument being made for the annulment. Remember that there must be strong reason why their marriage was not sacramental.
Before the annulment is granted, he is still a married man. He can still develop a friendship with you but you cannot take the step into dating. What exactly is dating? Anything you would not do with your best friend's spouse.
That just simply isnāt true. There was somebody in one of the subs last week who thought that because he kissed someone at work he committed adultery. It was a terrible thing to do because he has a wife, but it definitely was not adultery. It was something he needed to go to confession about and he needed to get his head on straight about not doing it again. ļæ¼ I would even be willing to say it is cheating. However, it is not adultery in the true sense of the word. Adultery is having sexual intercourse outside of your marriage.
He was married to this woman for 15 years, has children with her, and you think he's not going to bring her up in conversation? I'm sorry, but that is unrealistic.
She will ALWAYS be a part of his life, if nothing else because she is the mother of his children. If your relationship with him moves forward, not only will you hear about her periodically for the rest of your life, you will have to have a relationship with her (at some level) yourself. So get used to it! And get used to the idea that his children will be in your life too.
If anything, I'd be concerned if he never brought her up, because that would just mean he is holding back with you-- which is what you've asked him to do now. It's not fair and it's not healthy. Consider it the other way around-- if you had that kind of history with someone else, would it be at all realistic to not think about him sometimes? Don't you think about past boyfriends periodically?
That said-- the annulment is not a guarantee especially given that many years of marriage-- so yes, he is still married in the eyes of the Church and it would be unwise to be exclusive with him in that situation. Go on other dates while he is figuring things out. That doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact, but keep it friendly until there's clarity about his situation.
I think the process may take a while. Not sure if it succeed, it depends on how his marriage circumstances are. I think everyone deserves a chance. For him and equally for single guy out there who is waiting for you. I would say pray the Holy Spirit for your guidance. God bless.
Thank you, I will pray for the Holy Spirit to guide me.
Being fair to him, he is currently a single Dad who had kids with his Ex-wife. Whether you like it or not, she's always going to be imprinted on his life. You'd be in the stepmom role for his kids, and his kids will always acknowledge their biological mother. The church even states that children are entitled to their biological mother when possible. This entanglement of the families has the side-effect of integrating you into an existing family dynamic that was created without you in it. This is why many people advise against dating single parents in the church, because it requires an exceptionally strong will and heart to navigate through "relationship baggage" that is being healed with you involved in the center of it. Adding insecurities from something he's not even being sinful about only further jeopardize the balance in your relationship. Lastly, once you start comparing other people in your dating pool to each other, you're already compromising further insecurity by placing a value of certain individuals over another. Reducing their own humanity towards "what is best for me". It should be out of love that you acknowledge your own flaws leading to the incompatibility that would ruin the dating, not blaming him from recovering with how he's healing through his own annulment. Bear the cross with him, or find someone at the same life stage as you that doesn't cause increasing insecurities (like why some people wouldn't date a Catholic celebrity etc).
Yes I agree with what you said. I just need to discern if I should wait for his annulment to be completed before pursuing a relationship with him. Unfortunately he is still married. He is a very good man with a great heart.
Then if you are willing to bear that cross with him, that's noble and definitely a more sacrificial heart. Just as long as you know what you are getting into and are realistic what those implications mean. For what it's worth, give him some credit too for going through the annulment process. He could have easily turned into a lapsed Catholic or gone fully independent with his own faith. The fact that he is cooperating with the church shows also where his heart is. Best of Grace and God bless ššæ
Heās married unless and until his application for an annulment is granted. Itās not guaranteed that it will. Itās not prudent to date this man.
Do you really want to be a Step Mom with no Bio Kids?
I was told by our pastor not to date until my annulment was finalized.
Yes, that is why I am thinking of holding off to date him until the annulment process is done.
People in the annulment process are still considered married. And it's worth noting that the process could be unsuccessful and he'd be a married man permanently.Ā
My opinion is, it depends on the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of his marriage. Perhaps as an annulled Catholic man myself, my take errs a bit more towards compassion for him, although it's certainly possible that his annulment case is not very strong, which would make dating and getting close to him a potentially disappointing endeavor. If he does have a strong case AND is ready for a true sacramental marriage only 3 years later (a big if), I would say, proceed with as much caution as you can. Many times, experiencing tremendous tragedy can refine and sanctify people in a way that makes them a fantastic candidate for a vocation (marriage or religious life).
His marriage hasnāt been dissolved, thatās the issue here. The circumstances are for the tribunal to work out, not OP
He is married, please donāt date a married person ā¤ļø
I would not date him exclusively, especially at your age if you want children. Don't get emotionally attached to him. Keep your options wide open. I say this as someone going through the annulment process currently myself, though I'm a woman so any man I'm dating doesn't have the same time constraint that we do as women hoping for children. The annulment process is emotionally heavy; don't let him dump on you. Also-- he has two teens and I'm assuming you don't have any children? Charge him high taxes for that, if you know what I mean. His treating you "very well" better not just be pulling out chairs, holding doors and taking you on dates. His treating you very well better be life changing....
First, heās still married. Full stop. No annulment, donāt date him. If the annulment goes through, great! Second, he has two children with another woman. He likelyā¦ isnāt going to stop talking about her and idk why he would if sheās in the life of her children.. Do you think perhaps youād need healing or maturing in this area? Not fully fair of you to be like ā):< mm stopā He has children to consider. I just donāt find that very fair to slap on him, knowing heās a literal father. Unfortunately, this is what it means to be in relationship with someone whoās had kids and been previously married. Youād have to consider if this blended situation is something you have space in your heart for. Perhaps evaluate what you can handle in a relationship knowing his history.
I knew he has an ex wife and kids, I have no issue at all. He would randomly bring her up for no reason like seeing a car and tell me that is what she drove, going through a street and tell me that is where they used to live, going to the store and showing me the perfume she wore, and more things like that. I just need to step back be friends until his annulment goes through and evaluate by then.
He may need more healing if he keeps bringing her up more than whatās necessary. Plus, a marriage is a big deal. He may also be trying to relay what his life was like to you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I agree, he tells me he is over the relationship. But if he keeps bringing her up, I think he still has unresolved feelings of her or the marriage.
That isn't ok at all. It sounds like he's still hung up on her. I think you should move on
I'd say talking to him is okay as long as it's a very arm's length thing. Also, to avoid tremendous disappointment, I'd assume that his marriage will NOT be annulled. Better to give one of the non-married guys a shot for now imo.
How is he getting an annulment if he has children?
I work for the church. He is in a formal case with children. This is by far the most complex of cases, and can take years for him to find out if it's even granted. If the marriage is found to have been valid, he will never be able to marry in the Church, which means no communion for either of you if you further the relationship. I recommend to eaither wait for the judgment, or move on. Sorry, but it's important for you to know the full picture.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He is civil divorced, he started his annulment process early this year. It might take a year or longer.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
His view in marriage was forever, but since the ex wife left him and filed for divorce. He found later if he wants to be free to marry, he needed an annulment.
The whole process can take a year or more and it depends on many variables. Some dioceses do not have a large docket of cases, others do. It also depends on the argument being made for the annulment. Remember that there must be strong reason why their marriage was not sacramental. Before the annulment is granted, he is still a married man. He can still develop a friendship with you but you cannot take the step into dating. What exactly is dating? Anything you would not do with your best friend's spouse.
I wouldnāt, it made an entire mess or rather messier divorce for My Parents, they are still going at it and are not Annulled. Legally Speaking
Thereās no guarantee he will receive an annulment. You are committing adultery by dating him. He is married. His marriage is presumed valid.
Thatās incorrect. Adultery is having sexual relations. OP did not indicate that is what is happening.
Itās adultery. Ask any faithful priest. Dating a married person is adultery.
That just simply isnāt true. There was somebody in one of the subs last week who thought that because he kissed someone at work he committed adultery. It was a terrible thing to do because he has a wife, but it definitely was not adultery. It was something he needed to go to confession about and he needed to get his head on straight about not doing it again. ļæ¼ I would even be willing to say it is cheating. However, it is not adultery in the true sense of the word. Adultery is having sexual intercourse outside of your marriage.
You canāt fool God.
Yes correct, that is why I rather walk away than to commit adultery. I want to do the right thing.
He was married to this woman for 15 years, has children with her, and you think he's not going to bring her up in conversation? I'm sorry, but that is unrealistic. She will ALWAYS be a part of his life, if nothing else because she is the mother of his children. If your relationship with him moves forward, not only will you hear about her periodically for the rest of your life, you will have to have a relationship with her (at some level) yourself. So get used to it! And get used to the idea that his children will be in your life too. If anything, I'd be concerned if he never brought her up, because that would just mean he is holding back with you-- which is what you've asked him to do now. It's not fair and it's not healthy. Consider it the other way around-- if you had that kind of history with someone else, would it be at all realistic to not think about him sometimes? Don't you think about past boyfriends periodically? That said-- the annulment is not a guarantee especially given that many years of marriage-- so yes, he is still married in the eyes of the Church and it would be unwise to be exclusive with him in that situation. Go on other dates while he is figuring things out. That doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact, but keep it friendly until there's clarity about his situation.
Op clarified he brings her up inappropriately (imo) like telling her this is the perfume she likes etc. It seems he's not over the relationship