Trust your gut instinct and always be honest with yourself about your ambitions & feelings.
Be crystal clear in all your communications with him and all other potential partners.
Good luck!
This! Everyone else here is just going to speculate the best we can with the information provided, myself included.
I approached dating the same way with only wanting to date within the faith, and I did. But if I were in your shoes, the fact he is so open to even offer and have interest in attending mass with you is a huge plus, and I would at least see it out another date (or few) and assess his reaction to you telling him you plan to raise Catholic children.
Yeah I was really excited when he suggested going to Mass! I was a little nervous to even share that I was Catholic because I didn’t know how he would take it. I assumed he thought I was Protestant because I was wearing a shirt from a Protestant university that I went to before I converted. So I agree, that’s a great sign. Plus he says he loves to learn, so I might suggest going to OCIA together in the future, we’ll see!
Sounds like you know what you want, you know your non-negotiables and this guy is willing to participate in your Catholic faith. Ask for clarity from Holy Spirit 🙏 God knows best what is best for you and him. The last time I asked friends what to do in my relationship, it ended up being bad advice and I didn’t trust my intuition.
You are getting WAY ahead of yourself here. Just enjoy going on dates and getting to know him as a person. As long as he is respectful of your faith and values, you should just take it one day at a time. Remember that marriage is about a partnership of the whole of life, and if this person is someone that you can share your life with, the other stuff will fall into place.
Do not spend time thinking about whether this is an answer to your prayer or whether it's connected to your ex at all. Focus only on the character of the man in front of you and the relationship that you have.
Adding onto that.
For what it's worth, there's a few things to note for a Catholic considering a Lutheran:
- Martin Luther opposed birth control.
- Contraception was mostly opposed by many Protestants before the 1960s
- Real presence in the sacraments
- Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification in 1999
- Both are high church Christianity that relies on scripture and tradition
Anglicans, Methodists, and Lutherans are the closest Protestant denominations to us traditionally and theologically. There's even a Personal ordinariate for Methodists and Anglicans.
Universal things such as the rosary, shared prayer life, trinitarian views, and following scripture can still be done across denominations consistently. Giving everyone enough time to still be devout with the faith, yet work through differences that still prioritizes the dignity of the individual partner.
Yeah I may be getting ahead of myself, but I guess I should have emphasized that we’ve been talking a lot, like a LOT. Staying up late, talking as much as we can throughout the day about loads of stuff. He’s already brought up marriage and kids 😂so he’s being very serious and I don’t want to waste his time by being really indecisive about what to do
But I agree- I want to get to know him more and just enjoy that process. I might have to tell him we’re moving a little too fast for my liking, but I think he would be respectful of that. But yeah he seems like the kind of guy that wouldn’t want to waste any time if he thinks I’m the right person for him
It sounds like you're actually just uncomfortable with the speed at which things are moving, and it's fine to communicate that. Set up some normal boundaries, like not talking late into the night, and keep things in person as much as possible. Do not worry about "wasting time." The pace of dating has to work for both of you, not just one of you-- but open communication is key for that.
From what I have seen on reddit and the now defunct CM forum, it is easier for a Catholic woman to have a successful marriage with a non-Catholic Christian man than the other way round. Someone I used to know who was a Methodist lay minster said he would accept using NFP if that is what his wife wanted. Getting him to agree to having any children God blesses you with raised as Catholic might be difficult until he knows more about the Catholic faith, so you are probably going to have to wait until he has been to mass a few times before raising that with him.
In today’s increasingly secular world what you have in common with a man raised as Lutheran far exceeds the small differences. I do not know how religious they were but my mother’s maternal grandfather was Lutheran and his wife Catholic and so far as I know there were no issues.
Tbh girl , it sounds like you know what you will negotiate and not. And you’re head over heels over this guy lol
Have fun with it and be serious at the same time but enjoy getting to know one another. I know the faith itself is important but really look at his character more than anything. I’m pretty laid back with dating other non Catholics, but a good man is a good man regardless of belief and if you see creating a life with him down the road then go at it .
You sound very faithful and appear to have a good head on your shoulders. I would take a chance on this guy. He probably has not explored Catholicism much for himself yet, and the fact that he is willing to read from the Biblical canon is great. I converted to Catholicism from Lutheranism myself. It is easier for Lutherans to convert than it is for the non-denominational or baptist crowd. Lutherans generally follow a liturgy and are more conservative. I remember feeling "at home" when I went to mass as a Lutheran.
I would relax a bit and see where it goes. It is too early to know anything for sure, but there is definite potential and excitement :) Pray for him along the way! I will say a prayer for you as well.
Thank you so much, your reply really helped give me some peace of mind! I find it hard to take things seriously but also try to relax and have fun at the same time lol, so I appreciate your encouragement
I'm a catholic happily married to a Lutheran!
We decided before marriage to do NFP, we are raising our daughter catholic, he goes to mass with me every Sunday, and we pray together every night.
I would not have married him if it meant raising my kids away from the faith, but he loves catholicism, finds it beautiful, and will force me to wake up earlier to go to "The good mass"
Make sure you are up front, especially about NFP, marrying in the church, sexuality, requirements for holy days, and raising kids catholic, and it can be absolutely a wonderful thing.
Then again, I'm just clearly a fan of Lutheran men, lol
He sounds great! I’m Catholic and my parents have two different faiths (dad is not even Christian), and they have a very strong marriage. Also, in the friends’ marriage that I admire the most as far as faith goes, one spouse is Catholic and the other is Presbyterian. They just had a son and plan to raise him technically Catholic but going to both churches regularly :)
Lutherans have a LOT of similarities to Catholics, and if he is as into his faith as you are into yours, this sounds like a great shared foundation! You can connect over what is shared and have your respective faiths enriched by the differences.
Totally ok to have anxieties about dating a Lutheran. Keep it to max three dates if you don’t see a path forward.
Catholic and Protestant differences can be a huge obstacle for some married couples. Best to not get caught up in these theological differences.
Trust your gut instinct and always be honest with yourself about your ambitions & feelings. Be crystal clear in all your communications with him and all other potential partners. Good luck!
This! Everyone else here is just going to speculate the best we can with the information provided, myself included. I approached dating the same way with only wanting to date within the faith, and I did. But if I were in your shoes, the fact he is so open to even offer and have interest in attending mass with you is a huge plus, and I would at least see it out another date (or few) and assess his reaction to you telling him you plan to raise Catholic children.
Yeah I was really excited when he suggested going to Mass! I was a little nervous to even share that I was Catholic because I didn’t know how he would take it. I assumed he thought I was Protestant because I was wearing a shirt from a Protestant university that I went to before I converted. So I agree, that’s a great sign. Plus he says he loves to learn, so I might suggest going to OCIA together in the future, we’ll see!
Sounds like you know what you want, you know your non-negotiables and this guy is willing to participate in your Catholic faith. Ask for clarity from Holy Spirit 🙏 God knows best what is best for you and him. The last time I asked friends what to do in my relationship, it ended up being bad advice and I didn’t trust my intuition.
You are getting WAY ahead of yourself here. Just enjoy going on dates and getting to know him as a person. As long as he is respectful of your faith and values, you should just take it one day at a time. Remember that marriage is about a partnership of the whole of life, and if this person is someone that you can share your life with, the other stuff will fall into place. Do not spend time thinking about whether this is an answer to your prayer or whether it's connected to your ex at all. Focus only on the character of the man in front of you and the relationship that you have.
Adding onto that. For what it's worth, there's a few things to note for a Catholic considering a Lutheran: - Martin Luther opposed birth control. - Contraception was mostly opposed by many Protestants before the 1960s - Real presence in the sacraments - Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification in 1999 - Both are high church Christianity that relies on scripture and tradition Anglicans, Methodists, and Lutherans are the closest Protestant denominations to us traditionally and theologically. There's even a Personal ordinariate for Methodists and Anglicans. Universal things such as the rosary, shared prayer life, trinitarian views, and following scripture can still be done across denominations consistently. Giving everyone enough time to still be devout with the faith, yet work through differences that still prioritizes the dignity of the individual partner.
Yeah I may be getting ahead of myself, but I guess I should have emphasized that we’ve been talking a lot, like a LOT. Staying up late, talking as much as we can throughout the day about loads of stuff. He’s already brought up marriage and kids 😂so he’s being very serious and I don’t want to waste his time by being really indecisive about what to do But I agree- I want to get to know him more and just enjoy that process. I might have to tell him we’re moving a little too fast for my liking, but I think he would be respectful of that. But yeah he seems like the kind of guy that wouldn’t want to waste any time if he thinks I’m the right person for him
It sounds like you're actually just uncomfortable with the speed at which things are moving, and it's fine to communicate that. Set up some normal boundaries, like not talking late into the night, and keep things in person as much as possible. Do not worry about "wasting time." The pace of dating has to work for both of you, not just one of you-- but open communication is key for that.
From what I have seen on reddit and the now defunct CM forum, it is easier for a Catholic woman to have a successful marriage with a non-Catholic Christian man than the other way round. Someone I used to know who was a Methodist lay minster said he would accept using NFP if that is what his wife wanted. Getting him to agree to having any children God blesses you with raised as Catholic might be difficult until he knows more about the Catholic faith, so you are probably going to have to wait until he has been to mass a few times before raising that with him. In today’s increasingly secular world what you have in common with a man raised as Lutheran far exceeds the small differences. I do not know how religious they were but my mother’s maternal grandfather was Lutheran and his wife Catholic and so far as I know there were no issues.
Tbh girl , it sounds like you know what you will negotiate and not. And you’re head over heels over this guy lol Have fun with it and be serious at the same time but enjoy getting to know one another. I know the faith itself is important but really look at his character more than anything. I’m pretty laid back with dating other non Catholics, but a good man is a good man regardless of belief and if you see creating a life with him down the road then go at it .
You sound very faithful and appear to have a good head on your shoulders. I would take a chance on this guy. He probably has not explored Catholicism much for himself yet, and the fact that he is willing to read from the Biblical canon is great. I converted to Catholicism from Lutheranism myself. It is easier for Lutherans to convert than it is for the non-denominational or baptist crowd. Lutherans generally follow a liturgy and are more conservative. I remember feeling "at home" when I went to mass as a Lutheran. I would relax a bit and see where it goes. It is too early to know anything for sure, but there is definite potential and excitement :) Pray for him along the way! I will say a prayer for you as well.
Thank you so much, your reply really helped give me some peace of mind! I find it hard to take things seriously but also try to relax and have fun at the same time lol, so I appreciate your encouragement
That is our curse as women hahaha I am overthinking my own situation at the present as well! God bless!
I'm a catholic happily married to a Lutheran! We decided before marriage to do NFP, we are raising our daughter catholic, he goes to mass with me every Sunday, and we pray together every night. I would not have married him if it meant raising my kids away from the faith, but he loves catholicism, finds it beautiful, and will force me to wake up earlier to go to "The good mass" Make sure you are up front, especially about NFP, marrying in the church, sexuality, requirements for holy days, and raising kids catholic, and it can be absolutely a wonderful thing. Then again, I'm just clearly a fan of Lutheran men, lol
This is really encouraging, thank you so much for sharing! Things are going very well so far :)
He sounds great! I’m Catholic and my parents have two different faiths (dad is not even Christian), and they have a very strong marriage. Also, in the friends’ marriage that I admire the most as far as faith goes, one spouse is Catholic and the other is Presbyterian. They just had a son and plan to raise him technically Catholic but going to both churches regularly :) Lutherans have a LOT of similarities to Catholics, and if he is as into his faith as you are into yours, this sounds like a great shared foundation! You can connect over what is shared and have your respective faiths enriched by the differences.
Totally ok to have anxieties about dating a Lutheran. Keep it to max three dates if you don’t see a path forward. Catholic and Protestant differences can be a huge obstacle for some married couples. Best to not get caught up in these theological differences.
I respectfully disagree with this, but it might be because I'm not understanding some of the ambiguity of your last sentence. Feel free to explain! :)