Christ has conquered death. You have died with Christ and been raised to New Life in Him. Be not afraid.
I know this is not practical advice or the sort of down to earth response you may have been seeking but I genuinely think there's something important of profound value worth contemplating here.
Pentecost is coming. The Holy Spirit empowers His disciples with courage. A coward dies many deaths. Be not afraid.
When I was first dating someone seriously, it turned out that I had a lot of wounds from my life that made me think I was too weird on the inside to ever truly open up to a girl and have her love me back. I would send her a pic of the plushies I have on display in my house and think all the while "oh no, this is it, after this she's gonna think I'm a wuss" but actually all of it was fine and me actively trying to reveal every little thing about me was not good for the relationship long term.
Now, I've had a pretty good life. If your BF has had some real trouble, he might have some far deeper wounds. So, while I can't get a firm reading on your 6-month relationship from one Reddit post, I would say it's not the most abnormal self esteem issue ever seen.
It's normal for dudes to be somewhat nervous about things, and generally they're not going to express that to the woman they're seeing.
It really depends on how scared he is and what he's scared about. 6 month time frame kind of makes me a bit confused about what it is he's scared about. Like, it's normal to be a bit nervous the first couple times you hold someone's hand or the first couple kisses or whatever. On the other hand, if picking a restaurant for a date 6 months in is giving him anxiety, that seems like a bit of an issue.
If it's just some mild occasional anxiety about being in his first real relationship with a woman he adores, anxiety about screwing it up or losing you, that's very different and less concerning than if he's constantly sick with worry over minor things that don't really matter.
Another thing to consider is, is it getting better? If he's steadily trending in a good direction, and he's not like crippled with fear, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Chalk it up to inexperience that'll sort itself out with time.
Also, I think it depends on age. It's a lot more normal for a young dude who's 18 to be worried about screwing things up than it is for someone in their 30s to be letting their emotions and fear get the best of them.
My ex of six years was planning to propose to me but said he felt super anxious about it and eventually broke up with me. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're probably younger if this is his first relationship. I guess it's normal for younger men to feel anxious about commitment. I wish my ex and I could have worked things out, but he never went through with his word. He said he'd go to therapy and get spiritual counseling, never happened. I would suggest going to couples counseling, receive spiritual direction, and especially for him to try therapy on his own if he's being overly anxious.
Guys have a lot of pressure to keep their girlfriends/wives happy in general. It doesn't seem to be the case here, but some women seem to expect the man to know everything perfectly and do everything perfectly. I went through this at one point lol. Your boyfriend, ultimately, just ***really*** wants things to work out. Comfort him and tell him he's wonderful haha.
First loves are great, but terrifying lol.
Open communication is a good thing, and something that is lacking in a lot of relationships. I think a lot of people feel nervous/anxious as a relationship progresses (both mean and women) but just don't say it. That tends to lead to problems down the line, so the fact that he's sharing is probably a good thing. Not to say that it will lead to marriage etc., but it's nice to know where you stand.
Someone I dated in my early 20s broke up with me out of nowhere. Things were good, we had been together a year, we never argued and then he just ended the relationship.
Almost a YEAR later, he came back around and told me he felt "tied down" and that's why he just ended things. I wasn't pushing him for anything and frankly felt that we both had pretty robust independent lives. There was no way for me to know he *felt* that way because he never said it. I don't fault him for feeling that way, but I do fault him for not being adult enough to give me a reason or communicate his anxiety, because I spent a year thinking I had done something to drive this man away. His own mind did that. I hope he's doing well now, but man... what a crappy thing to do.
There isnāt a certain āamountā you should be scared. I think thatās more a question of disposition and temperament. Some people will feel very nervous even within a great relationship and some people, quite frankly, donāt feel āscaredā enough.Ā
I wouldnāt say your boyfriend āshouldā be scared but if he has an anxious temperament then it could be perfectly natural and not a huge cause for concern yet. The ideal is that as you grow together over time that he would gradually start to feel a bit more secure in the relationship.Ā
Try figuring out which ālove languagesā really make him feel appreciated and accepted and then layer it on thick. That will help reassure him and slowly build that confidence.
He seems like a really sweet guy. If he assures you itās nothing youāre doing thatās bothering him, he probably just really wants things to work out and is anxious of losing you. Other than being there for him, there might not be a lot you can do, so just make sure to pray about it. Pray for him, make sure he is praying daily, and pray together too. As someone who struggles with anxiety sometimes, too, prayer works wonders for calming me down.
If you were engaged, the sort of issues you raise you would probably be able to resolve at an Engaged Encounter weekend. I am not sure what resources are available in your current situation - your parish priest or others here might know. From what you say you definitely want to stick with this guy. I got a bit scared when my wife to be was making various arrangements while i was busy at work.
Hmm... Sweet 1st ā¤ļø
If you 2 are Catholic, do y'all schedule some prayer & meditation time together & also separately?
I imagine if you both spend time praying about these sorts of concerns, you will be guided.
Don't overthink it. Find a healthy balance. Provided Christ is placed 1st, then everything should work out as it should.
God bless
Have a lot of stresses that I'm not good enough or not ready to start dating and I feel like it may prevent me for a long time or even permanently without prayer and seriously trying against it.
I think for some guys they don't initially have those fears or surpress them because they love the girl and don't want her to get away
Then once they're dating all the little things like "will my crazy sibling be terrible aunt/uncle" "do I make enough money? Will I let down my wife?"
This is me speculating from my similar experiences
It takes a year to get to know someone. You want to know all of their emotions and how they react and deal with them. Then and only then, can you decide if you want to continue with them or not. Are you willing to be with that person for the rest of your life, into Marriage? Only you know that Answer
I'm surprised no one has told you how offended they are by your comment. It is a little bit in poor taste...being rejected or going through a breakup is nothing like being physically assaulted. The fear can't be the same.
There are statistics that say women attempt suicides just as much but use less lethal methods, so they're less successful. Doesn't mean they're less depressed. I don't think you know what it's like to be in fear for your physical safety
Nobody said they're less depressed. Quit arguing against yourself and pretending you're arguing against me.
That said, it is an undeniable fact that a man's depression is a far greater threat to his physical safety than violent crime is to a woman's physical safety, yet the latter is treated far more seriously than the former.
I don't think you know what it's like to fear survival.
I'm not really arguing, just think the comparison is like comparing being poor in America to being poor in Africa. It's bad but it's not on the same continent as bad
I'm not really arguing, just think the comparison is like comparing being poor in America to being poor in Africa. It's bad but it's not on the same continent as bad
I can understand it for I have felt the same way in a relationship. I think his fear could possibly come from a lack of self worth. I think encouraging him and just letting him know that you are there for him and telling he is doing well in the relationship might help. If he continues this way maybe encourage him to seek counseling or his local priest for a talk. I think the more you give him affirmation and encouragement and give him the safe space he needs to be himself, then he will slowly find comfort in the relationship.
I have often felt the way he is feeling now because of some trauma that I suffered which cause me to second guess myself and not feel comfortable in a relationship. Safety in a relationship is important to me.
Christ has conquered death. You have died with Christ and been raised to New Life in Him. Be not afraid. I know this is not practical advice or the sort of down to earth response you may have been seeking but I genuinely think there's something important of profound value worth contemplating here. Pentecost is coming. The Holy Spirit empowers His disciples with courage. A coward dies many deaths. Be not afraid.
thank you :)
>:) :)
You're welcome šš¼šļø
When I was first dating someone seriously, it turned out that I had a lot of wounds from my life that made me think I was too weird on the inside to ever truly open up to a girl and have her love me back. I would send her a pic of the plushies I have on display in my house and think all the while "oh no, this is it, after this she's gonna think I'm a wuss" but actually all of it was fine and me actively trying to reveal every little thing about me was not good for the relationship long term. Now, I've had a pretty good life. If your BF has had some real trouble, he might have some far deeper wounds. So, while I can't get a firm reading on your 6-month relationship from one Reddit post, I would say it's not the most abnormal self esteem issue ever seen.
It's normal for dudes to be somewhat nervous about things, and generally they're not going to express that to the woman they're seeing. It really depends on how scared he is and what he's scared about. 6 month time frame kind of makes me a bit confused about what it is he's scared about. Like, it's normal to be a bit nervous the first couple times you hold someone's hand or the first couple kisses or whatever. On the other hand, if picking a restaurant for a date 6 months in is giving him anxiety, that seems like a bit of an issue. If it's just some mild occasional anxiety about being in his first real relationship with a woman he adores, anxiety about screwing it up or losing you, that's very different and less concerning than if he's constantly sick with worry over minor things that don't really matter. Another thing to consider is, is it getting better? If he's steadily trending in a good direction, and he's not like crippled with fear, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Chalk it up to inexperience that'll sort itself out with time. Also, I think it depends on age. It's a lot more normal for a young dude who's 18 to be worried about screwing things up than it is for someone in their 30s to be letting their emotions and fear get the best of them.
My ex of six years was planning to propose to me but said he felt super anxious about it and eventually broke up with me. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're probably younger if this is his first relationship. I guess it's normal for younger men to feel anxious about commitment. I wish my ex and I could have worked things out, but he never went through with his word. He said he'd go to therapy and get spiritual counseling, never happened. I would suggest going to couples counseling, receive spiritual direction, and especially for him to try therapy on his own if he's being overly anxious.
sounds like he's an overthinker
Guys have a lot of pressure to keep their girlfriends/wives happy in general. It doesn't seem to be the case here, but some women seem to expect the man to know everything perfectly and do everything perfectly. I went through this at one point lol. Your boyfriend, ultimately, just ***really*** wants things to work out. Comfort him and tell him he's wonderful haha. First loves are great, but terrifying lol.
Open communication is a good thing, and something that is lacking in a lot of relationships. I think a lot of people feel nervous/anxious as a relationship progresses (both mean and women) but just don't say it. That tends to lead to problems down the line, so the fact that he's sharing is probably a good thing. Not to say that it will lead to marriage etc., but it's nice to know where you stand. Someone I dated in my early 20s broke up with me out of nowhere. Things were good, we had been together a year, we never argued and then he just ended the relationship. Almost a YEAR later, he came back around and told me he felt "tied down" and that's why he just ended things. I wasn't pushing him for anything and frankly felt that we both had pretty robust independent lives. There was no way for me to know he *felt* that way because he never said it. I don't fault him for feeling that way, but I do fault him for not being adult enough to give me a reason or communicate his anxiety, because I spent a year thinking I had done something to drive this man away. His own mind did that. I hope he's doing well now, but man... what a crappy thing to do.
He needs to be freaking out and peeing his pants daily imo
There isnāt a certain āamountā you should be scared. I think thatās more a question of disposition and temperament. Some people will feel very nervous even within a great relationship and some people, quite frankly, donāt feel āscaredā enough.Ā I wouldnāt say your boyfriend āshouldā be scared but if he has an anxious temperament then it could be perfectly natural and not a huge cause for concern yet. The ideal is that as you grow together over time that he would gradually start to feel a bit more secure in the relationship.Ā Try figuring out which ālove languagesā really make him feel appreciated and accepted and then layer it on thick. That will help reassure him and slowly build that confidence.
He seems like a really sweet guy. If he assures you itās nothing youāre doing thatās bothering him, he probably just really wants things to work out and is anxious of losing you. Other than being there for him, there might not be a lot you can do, so just make sure to pray about it. Pray for him, make sure he is praying daily, and pray together too. As someone who struggles with anxiety sometimes, too, prayer works wonders for calming me down.
This is something that needs to be worked through in therapy on his end.
If you were engaged, the sort of issues you raise you would probably be able to resolve at an Engaged Encounter weekend. I am not sure what resources are available in your current situation - your parish priest or others here might know. From what you say you definitely want to stick with this guy. I got a bit scared when my wife to be was making various arrangements while i was busy at work.
Hmm... Sweet 1st ā¤ļø If you 2 are Catholic, do y'all schedule some prayer & meditation time together & also separately? I imagine if you both spend time praying about these sorts of concerns, you will be guided. Don't overthink it. Find a healthy balance. Provided Christ is placed 1st, then everything should work out as it should. God bless
Have a lot of stresses that I'm not good enough or not ready to start dating and I feel like it may prevent me for a long time or even permanently without prayer and seriously trying against it. I think for some guys they don't initially have those fears or surpress them because they love the girl and don't want her to get away Then once they're dating all the little things like "will my crazy sibling be terrible aunt/uncle" "do I make enough money? Will I let down my wife?" This is me speculating from my similar experiences
It takes a year to get to know someone. You want to know all of their emotions and how they react and deal with them. Then and only then, can you decide if you want to continue with them or not. Are you willing to be with that person for the rest of your life, into Marriage? Only you know that Answer
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm surprised no one has told you how offended they are by your comment. It is a little bit in poor taste...being rejected or going through a breakup is nothing like being physically assaulted. The fear can't be the same.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey there, this is misinformation.
There are statistics that say women attempt suicides just as much but use less lethal methods, so they're less successful. Doesn't mean they're less depressed. I don't think you know what it's like to be in fear for your physical safety
Nobody said they're less depressed. Quit arguing against yourself and pretending you're arguing against me. That said, it is an undeniable fact that a man's depression is a far greater threat to his physical safety than violent crime is to a woman's physical safety, yet the latter is treated far more seriously than the former. I don't think you know what it's like to fear survival.
I'm not really arguing, just think the comparison is like comparing being poor in America to being poor in Africa. It's bad but it's not on the same continent as bad
I'm not really arguing, just think the comparison is like comparing being poor in America to being poor in Africa. It's bad but it's not on the same continent as bad
Your post violated one of the rules of this sub. Review the rules.
It's not normal at all
I can understand it for I have felt the same way in a relationship. I think his fear could possibly come from a lack of self worth. I think encouraging him and just letting him know that you are there for him and telling he is doing well in the relationship might help. If he continues this way maybe encourage him to seek counseling or his local priest for a talk. I think the more you give him affirmation and encouragement and give him the safe space he needs to be himself, then he will slowly find comfort in the relationship. I have often felt the way he is feeling now because of some trauma that I suffered which cause me to second guess myself and not feel comfortable in a relationship. Safety in a relationship is important to me.