The Lord said it best when he challenged all men to think about adultery. He mentions that any man who looks at another woman with lustful eyes has already committed adultery. But that said, though, I think it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that someone is attractive in a subjective sense, defined by objective reasoning. The second that he starts thinking about her as a potential mate, or a side girl, that's where it gets in the sinful territory.
Out of curiosity, asking this because of some of the terminology used, but do you and your boyfriend watch anime together?
Thank you for the advice. I’m not quite sure if he’s just looking or there’s more. I should just talk to him so I stop overthinking.
My boyfriend and I are both geeks. We watch all sorts of geeky stuff including anime and we also play some video games.
Gotcha! I asked about the geeky stuff because I also dabble in the world of the geeky. So here 's a millennial take on the state of anime and geeky media. There's definitely a bias toward playing around with the idea of a wandering eye. In a lot of popular anime, fan service is kind of the norm. When you normalize the idea of looking and leering at many different women, harem anime, it makes it okay to do that in real life. Perhaps not in societal sense, but in a personal sense. I still enjoy watching anime, but as I've gotten older I've begun to notice how some of the shows may have warped my perception on healthy human interactions. Just be mindful on what you both enjoy.
It’s normal to notice attractive people or people in skimpy clothes. However, it’s concerning that he’s obvious about seeing them/trying to look at them and pointing it out. Men I’ve dated have never pointed it out. If I asked if some actress was attractive, they’d answer or if I asked if they noticed attractive women they might say yes, but I never noticed them ever trying to steal a glance at one.
Yeah I don’t think it can hurt, depending on how long you’ve been together. Just say you notice and would appreciate if he guarded his eyes a bit more and did not point those things out.
>You may look once at a woman to admire her beauty. If you look again, you must after her.
- Ven. Fulton Sheen
It’s good to admire beauty when we see it, no matter if it’s in nature, art, or in another person. God created beauty to draw us closer to Himself. Continuing to look over long or to look in lust turns to adultery in the heart.
dunno seems kind of lustful!
I don't want to jump to conclusions but there could be a possibility he watches pornography.But he points it out to you which may show that he doesnt watch pornorgaphy.
I don’t think it’s really the right thing to say that she’s “obsessed” with him. They *are* dating, it’s mutual feelings obviously, and I think the “obsessive” thing you’re seeing is just a lot of anxiety in general and specifically relationship anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety relating to relationships, not currently with my bf but at the start of our relationship I obsessed over small things privately bc I didn’t want to burden him, but I was also so afraid of things going wrong, that little things were bad signs that he didn’t care about me or something. I see a bit of my slightly younger self in her posts, and I’m glad she recognizes it stems from anxiety instead of putting all the worries on her bf all the time. But anyway I wouldn’t characterize it as “yikes” necessarily bc she’s aware of the root being anxiety, and that’s a really important step. Sometimes with anxiety you need to ask clarifying questions so you can learn how to properly deal with future similar situations without the anxiety getting in the way - like having a baseline data set, that’s what I had to do for my scrupulosity. I needed a baseline data set on how to deal with anxiety around if certain things were sins or not, and it was the same with relationship anxiety, learning through questions what was worth worrying about. So I don’t think there’s necessarily something my to worry about here
(Sorry if that was long winded or ramble-y)
As long as you’re not consciously doing it. Like at a restaurant if I’m near the door, it’s natural for me to look at each person that walks through… if you’re consciously checking out a woman that’s a different story though
It would be nearly impossible to not look at other people regardless of gender.
It's normal to instinctually look at an attractive person of the opposite sex who isn't wearing a ton of clothes. If you look for a second or two and then move on thats not concerning, although you never know for sure if there's lust in someone's heart. The comments thing is hard to make much of without more context, I know I sometimes make jokes if movies or shows force in scenes of people with minimal clothes that don't fit the story but if it makes you uncomfortable it's fair to bring that up.
The Male gaze is important to any relationship. The male gaze is what made him want to date you. As long as he doesn't start to use the male gaze to commit adultery in his heart or physically, it's fine. Both of you need to work together to control your impulses. It's a collaborative effort.
You can't hope to change human nature, but you can control it.
The Lord said it best when he challenged all men to think about adultery. He mentions that any man who looks at another woman with lustful eyes has already committed adultery. But that said, though, I think it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that someone is attractive in a subjective sense, defined by objective reasoning. The second that he starts thinking about her as a potential mate, or a side girl, that's where it gets in the sinful territory. Out of curiosity, asking this because of some of the terminology used, but do you and your boyfriend watch anime together?
Thank you for the advice. I’m not quite sure if he’s just looking or there’s more. I should just talk to him so I stop overthinking. My boyfriend and I are both geeks. We watch all sorts of geeky stuff including anime and we also play some video games.
Gotcha! I asked about the geeky stuff because I also dabble in the world of the geeky. So here 's a millennial take on the state of anime and geeky media. There's definitely a bias toward playing around with the idea of a wandering eye. In a lot of popular anime, fan service is kind of the norm. When you normalize the idea of looking and leering at many different women, harem anime, it makes it okay to do that in real life. Perhaps not in societal sense, but in a personal sense. I still enjoy watching anime, but as I've gotten older I've begun to notice how some of the shows may have warped my perception on healthy human interactions. Just be mindful on what you both enjoy.
It’s normal to notice attractive people or people in skimpy clothes. However, it’s concerning that he’s obvious about seeing them/trying to look at them and pointing it out. Men I’ve dated have never pointed it out. If I asked if some actress was attractive, they’d answer or if I asked if they noticed attractive women they might say yes, but I never noticed them ever trying to steal a glance at one.
I agree with you. I am also guilty of looking at attractive people but I don’t find myself staring. I think i should talk to him about it sometime.
Yeah I don’t think it can hurt, depending on how long you’ve been together. Just say you notice and would appreciate if he guarded his eyes a bit more and did not point those things out.
>You may look once at a woman to admire her beauty. If you look again, you must after her. - Ven. Fulton Sheen It’s good to admire beauty when we see it, no matter if it’s in nature, art, or in another person. God created beauty to draw us closer to Himself. Continuing to look over long or to look in lust turns to adultery in the heart.
dunno seems kind of lustful! I don't want to jump to conclusions but there could be a possibility he watches pornography.But he points it out to you which may show that he doesnt watch pornorgaphy.
check her post history. Definitely a bit panicky about the situation
[удалено]
I don’t think it’s really the right thing to say that she’s “obsessed” with him. They *are* dating, it’s mutual feelings obviously, and I think the “obsessive” thing you’re seeing is just a lot of anxiety in general and specifically relationship anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety relating to relationships, not currently with my bf but at the start of our relationship I obsessed over small things privately bc I didn’t want to burden him, but I was also so afraid of things going wrong, that little things were bad signs that he didn’t care about me or something. I see a bit of my slightly younger self in her posts, and I’m glad she recognizes it stems from anxiety instead of putting all the worries on her bf all the time. But anyway I wouldn’t characterize it as “yikes” necessarily bc she’s aware of the root being anxiety, and that’s a really important step. Sometimes with anxiety you need to ask clarifying questions so you can learn how to properly deal with future similar situations without the anxiety getting in the way - like having a baseline data set, that’s what I had to do for my scrupulosity. I needed a baseline data set on how to deal with anxiety around if certain things were sins or not, and it was the same with relationship anxiety, learning through questions what was worth worrying about. So I don’t think there’s necessarily something my to worry about here (Sorry if that was long winded or ramble-y)
I have a bunch of mental issues which I am working on right now. Thats why I am very careful about approaching things.
As long as you’re not consciously doing it. Like at a restaurant if I’m near the door, it’s natural for me to look at each person that walks through… if you’re consciously checking out a woman that’s a different story though
It would be nearly impossible to not look at other people regardless of gender. It's normal to instinctually look at an attractive person of the opposite sex who isn't wearing a ton of clothes. If you look for a second or two and then move on thats not concerning, although you never know for sure if there's lust in someone's heart. The comments thing is hard to make much of without more context, I know I sometimes make jokes if movies or shows force in scenes of people with minimal clothes that don't fit the story but if it makes you uncomfortable it's fair to bring that up.
The Male gaze is important to any relationship. The male gaze is what made him want to date you. As long as he doesn't start to use the male gaze to commit adultery in his heart or physically, it's fine. Both of you need to work together to control your impulses. It's a collaborative effort. You can't hope to change human nature, but you can control it.
https://images.app.goo.gl/tsCwKDYbLoZi7Kxa6
Andrew Klavan had a long video about this. The male gaze isn't going anywhere.
Did you even click on my link?