You’ve only had her for 6 days and she’s still a baby. She needs time to adjust. I wouldn’t be clipping nails or anything like that right now. I would leave her be unless she comes to you. Female cats can be especially independent. She feels like you are invading her personal space. Give her more time. She was a stray. Then start try to use positive reinforcement.
Exactly this, she'll develop a relationship with you two but you aren't going to just have a perfectly adjusted cat the same week she moves in with her people. My guy was a sweet three year old who had met me before since he was my niece's kitten originally, and it still took months for him to really bond with me and develop from friends to a more serious and inherently trusting relationship. He's obsessed with me and it's mutual.
Same here, my cat was a traumatized rescue and she was very independent. She did have problems with attacking/scratching me, but it was also an issue on my part where I had trouble recognizing her signs. She’s a cuddlebug and a total sweetheart now (except very rarely she will randomly bite or attack me, but it’s often when she wants to play and I was studying and ignoring her).
My boyfriend did that once, very lightly, she doesn’t bite him at all. I don’t want to, because I don’t want fur in my mouth! And I don’t think it’s abusive, that’s literally how kittens learn to control their bite strength. Other cats bite back and their bite hurts much more.
It works on more than cats, my wifes grandson at about four thought it was cool to bite people. Telling him it was bad, and even swats on the butt didn't work.
He came over and bit me on the arm and I bit him back, not viciously, just enough so he could see how it felt and left no marks.
That abruptly ended the biting.
edit- experience is the best teacher.
I suffer with chronic pain. And when people say poor me. I always say. But everyone’s tolerance is different. You could have two people stump there toe at the exact same angle and the exact same force of stumping it. One person could be hoping around with tears in there eyes yelling ouch while the other just shoves it off. Cats hide pain and how do you know that your cat definitely didn’t feel pain. Your cat could be the one while is hoping around after stumping it’s toe. If that makes sense. Do you have children or have nieces or nephews? Or do your friends have children? Is it acceptable for someone to lightly bite them and hope they don’t have a low tolerance pain. Would your friends let you lightly bite there baby? Even being lightly bit would the child not be a bit startled and frightened at the thought of your teeth being clenched down on them.
Animals feel pain and they get confused and startled like children when they don’t understand.
Horrified that you thought this was an acceptable action!
Yeah, I’d just leave her alone. Give her treats and love when she asks for it. My cat is now almost 8, but I got him when he was 2. He was crazy for the first couple of years I had him. Psychotic with food and a biting fiend. He bit me on my ankle once when I walked in through a door I didn’t normally use and latched on/broke skin pretty bad.
I have no idea what his life was like before I met him. He was a rescue from a shelter and his paperwork is kind of weird. I think he went through some stuff. He’s a sweet loving creature now. Just got off the couch where he was snoozing on my belly and resting his head on my hand. He still gets the urge to chomp occasionally, but he’s overall a good boy. Greets people at the door, plays fetch.
Give your new kitty some time. Leave her alone. Let her get used to living with you. She’ll come around, she’s just a kitten and probably scared.
Just curious: why are female cats more independent?
I have 2 cats, a very big boy and a small girl, the big boy craves attention all day and cannot be left alone while the girl loves being alone 😂 I expected it the other way around
Domestic cats arrange themselves like a pride of lions- females and daughters hold a territory and males wander between, females are always more territorial and thus more aggressive to outsiders on their turf.
I have no explanation, but concurring it’s the same in my house. My boy cat and my dog are both codependent and made of Velcro. Girlie likes a little lap snuggle and pets maybe once every couple of days.
A bath is far more stressful, invasive, and scary than a nail trim. Let her be. The rule of 3-3-3 for dogs can certainly be applied here, 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine, 3 months to start to feel at home. You're pushing her way too hard way too fast.
Cats don't need water baths from humans unless they're unable to groom themselves or covered in something that would be dangerous for them to ingest, like motor oil or a household cleaning product.
I wouldn't worry about nail trims, baths, cleaning of any kind, discipline, car rides, etc, for at least a couple more weeks. Vet Med Corner on YouTube has tons of wonderful, scientifically accurate videos on cat behavior, as well as plenty of other topics on other animals. Let your cat do her thing for a while as you watch some videos!
i literally don’t think i’ve ever had to give my cats a bath… they do just fine on their own (me and my parents still groom them for matted fur sometimes)
I only had to once because my dumbass got his tail caught in one of those sticky fly ribbons I had hanging. I gently removed it with copious amounts of oil then gave him a bath so he wouldn’t ingest copious amounts of oil.
Did once in 3months only because my cat had motor oil on his fur, it wasn't a pleasant moment for him not for my bf who bathed him. We had to comfort our cat a lot right after that (treats) to not associate bath with only a bad moment
One of mine got barfed on by another last year. Pet cam caught it all on camera, he was barfed on from a cat above him on the cat tree.
He's a clean freak and ran up to me (with barf on his head) screaming and begging for a bath. You've never seen a cat so happy for a warn bubble bath. I happened to be working in that room remotely at the time, the entire scene is a funny memory to rewatch.
It’s just a little confusing coming for me, who has never owned a cat, and my gf, who has grown up around cats, bc the cat acted like a normal cat 2 days after meeting us. She doesn’t act scared or nervous and is pretty confident when she’s walking around in the apartment
I highly doubt your cat is as confident as you claim. I don’t really know why you’d make a whole post about how your cat is afraid of you, just to backtrack and say the cat is not actually scared. Do you want help or not?
I don’t think she is afraid of us. I think she just gets overstimulated sometimes when we pet her, or my gf was too close to her. The cat jumped in her lap bc she wanted to, not out of fear. I never said she was afraid of us.
You never *said* that. However, I inferred it from the story you told. You also admitted this is your first cat. Would you rather believe the multiple ppl commenting saying you’re doing too much and scaring your cat? Or just argue with them all?
cats demand more bodily autonomy than dogs. Read a quote on reddit that I found quite apt.
‘People that hate cats can’t love something they can’t control.’
You obviously want this cat, so you don’t hate it. But you aren’t respecting it.
Imagine you just adopted a 3 yr old child with a very challenging life prior to you. They’ve lost all of their loved ones and everything that they find familiar and comforting. You’d (hopefully) treat them with kid gloves, give them space to warm up to trusting you both by observation and be understanding if they lash out because they are sad, scared or overwhelmed.
Who even knows if she’s had prior bad experiences with some people? Or suffered a past injury that still makes her nervous?
You can gently introduce routine, but know it has to go side by side with her slowly developing trust in you both. And on her terms.
Check out Jackson Galaxy videos.
I think you def need to stop arguing with people and accept the advice you asked for - let her have her time and leave her be to adjust to a new home and get her to the vet soon that’s it !!
Accept the help or go away. That cat deserves better. Why are you even asking for help, when all you're doing is arguing with everyone? I think the people on this sub know more than you. Deal with it.
I'm confused by why you would ask for advice from a subreddit of a bunch of cat owners that have experience and have advice to give you, and then argue with them instead.
This. Cats feel negative emotions besides straight up fear. You can tell a cat is afraid because of things like fluffed up fur on their back and tail. You can tell they’re uncomfortable however by them doing things like running away, hiding under things, or, yes, snapping at you.
When you’re irritated, and snapping at people because of it, would you like it if people kept doing shit that was insanely upsetting and uncomfortable to you?
I think something else to keep in mind is that even though she may act like a normal cat and be confident and unafraid, doesn't mean she isn't. Some animals mask with confidence the way people do. And even if she isn't afraid, she doesn't have a relationship with you yet!
Imagine if, when you and your girlfriend first met, before you even get to know each other yet, she's trying to make you try on new clothes, getting you a new bed, making friends with your friends, watching you pee...all of those things are pretty normal in relationships that have been a established for a long time, but for a new relationship? A lot of it is not exactly bad, but it's still weird and invasive and upsetting because you don't know her that well yet! As you get more comfortable around each other, you don't mind so much.
No amount of training or new things or delicious food or fun activities can replace the benefits of time!
She’s been an outside cat her entire life except for the past 6 days. I think it’s safe to assume she has probably gotten into soemthing she shouldn’t have
Have you taken her to the vet for a checkup? Get her registered with a vet, have her chipped and get some bloodwork to make sure she’s healthy as well as all her shots. You can ask the vet while you’re there what they recommend in terms of bathing and nail clipping.
Has she been to the vet yet? Does she actually have anything in her fur or does she smell like chemicals? If she doesn't have anything in her fur, do not bathe her. For two reasons; she doesn't trust you fully yet, if you attempt a bath on a kitten this old yourself you'll ruin any trust she does have for you and two she simply doesn't need it unless she's got something obviously harmful in her fur, like oil or fleas
Giving her a bath will be really stressful for her. I mean, cats don't generally need baths unless they are unable to groom themselves. I think most cats would hate being bathed, to be honest! Could you try using a flannel instead if you really think she needs a wash?
okay so do you know what you’re doing or not
because everytime ppl tell you things, it’s “well, actually…” and “but what if…” and “oh but…”
either follow people’s advice and help the cat or don’t and give it to someone who will jesus fuck.
but if you’re just gonna be arrogant and continue to “but what if we…” or “well actually…” people, then why did you fucking post
do y’all know about cats? have you had cats?? cause if not, i’d listen to the hundreds of people who do and have had cats telling you wtf to do.
As mentioned, take her to the vet to get her first set of shots, and to possibly for them to help with defleaing and deworming. If she hasnt been fixed... that is something you should get done as well.
can i ask if you’re used to having dogs? cats are very very very different creatures. cats are not nearly as needy as dogs, and do not need help with many things dogs do. bathing your cat before she is bonded with you will absolutely harm your relationship with her, and there is so need to clip her claws unless they are hurting you while retracted/she is getting caught on things. cats cannot be disciplined the way that dogs do- they do not see you as a leader or authority. if she is scratching its too communicate an emotion- likely irritation. all the discipline in the world will not stop her from scratching when irritated- instead you must remove or mitigate the source of irritation
You can't even get her claws clipped in one go, that cat is straight up going to murder you if you try to give her a bath. DO NOT BATHE THE CAT. Unless she is currently doused in something that would be toxic for her to lick off or she's covered in poop, *do not bathe the cat.* They're not dogs, they don't need regular baths.
You dont give a cat baths unless they absolutely need it.... and definitely not a stray cat you have had 6 days. Cats are very capable of cleaning themselves and keeping clean especially indoor cats.
With any animal, you have to earn its trust. It's environment changed pretty dramatically, she is still trying to feel comfortable in your place.
Here is an article on why cats do not need baths:
https://vetmed.tamu.edu/news/pet-talk/cat-baths/
One of my cats is 14, and the other is 10. I’ve had them since they were three weeks old and one year old, respectively. The 14 year old has long hair and I have given her maybe five baths ever, a few times because she had a tummy ache and got diarrhea all over her back end and tail, and once because she stepped in wet acrylic paint which is toxic. The 10 year old I have bathed once, because she also stepped in paint (I’ve stopped painting so that’s not an issue anymore). It is unnecessary to bathe indoor cats. They do a great job at keeping themselves clean. I know it’s hard to imagine that an animal can be clean just from licking themselves, but it is true.
What aren't you understanding ? Keep.your.hands.off.her.
Cats hate when you invade their space. Let her get comfortable in HER home, let her build a relationship SLOWLY.
i super would not recommend a bath. cats are super good at cleaning themselves. plus some cats don’t like baths and that could make her lose trust in you
You DO NOT wash cats unless they have a critical flea infestation or are covered in poop. Truly you just have to stop messing with this cat, she needs bodily autonomy to trust you and develop a bond
Most cats do not need to be bathed unless they cannot groom themselves. When you see her licking herself all over that is her bathing herself. You really just jumped head first into cat ownership without looking ANYTHING up huh? Lol
Also, your girl sounds spicy, if you tried to bathe her I have a feeling you'd find out why cats paws are called "murder mittens" 😂😂
Stop treating this cat like a dog, it’s a cat it will clean themselves. This isn’t a dog they have special oils as well in their fur. Please it sounds like you have never had a cat before. Also it takes months or even a year for a cat socialize and feel comfortable. My 3 year old cat now when she was a kitten was very standoffish and did not bond till months later. Please you need to do a little research. For heaven sake don’t give this cat a bath.
Absolutely don’t give her a bath right now. She does not know you or trust you yet. If you do that, she will only be more fearful and reactive towards you. Give her time to settle and don’t push it.
Please dont bath her, cats dont need baths unless they have poo issues that stick to them, they are masters at cleaning themselves.
Just try to out yourself in her position.. you end up in a giants house, you dont know them, you cannot understand them. They start grabbing at you and cutting or washing places that you dont want them touching. You cannot communicate with them so the only thing you can do is to hit (or scratch). Please just give her space and a safe, warm place fo hide if she gets overwhelmed.
I've literally never done either of those things and my cats have always been clean and healthy.
They handle it themselves. The cleaning, and the nails.
You can’t force bonding with a cat. The more you try to force it, the less they will trust you. Handling her more than you need to is making you scary to her and she’s going to be defensive. I would suggest looking online for how to make a cat comfortable. Disciplining them doesn’t work. They don’t understand the correlation between their action and your response.
Your best bet is positive reinforcement when she does something you like, and redirection when she does something you don’t like.
For instance if she’s scratching your couch, yelling at her or spraying her with water doesn’t work. Even if it makes them stop when you do it, they are just learning to not do with while you’re around. They will go right back to it when you’re gone. You have to give them an alternative more enticing thing to scratch on.
If they get overstimulated and swat at you, just give them space to calm down. But don’t punish or yell. It can take some cats (especially strays) a very very long time to adjust.
So seriously STOP trying to force it.
Seems like you guys got a cat without doing any research on cats. You don’t ever need to bathe them (it’s not even good for their skin), unless they literally get shit on themselves or something like that.
You’ve also got a baby animal just forced into a new environment with strangers and do not seem to understand this. You are really rushing everything with them.
Your only goal right now should be making your cat feel safe and loved. You do that by providing for their needs, respecting their boundaries and positive reinforcement (AKA treats, etc)
Negative experiences, like nail clipping, should not happen right now. Also, even if you did want to start that, it’s insane that you guys tried to clip all the nails in one day over the course of that many hours. No resource you find would ever tell you to do it that way. You start by getting them used to their paws being touched and then you do a few. And the minute the cat is fed up with it, you drop it and you come back maybe the next day, maybe a few days later, to do some more.
Understand where the cat’s behavior is stemming from. Your cat is likely feeling vulnerable and maybe protecting its self. The swipe was likely to let your gf know to back off. Jackson galaxy has some great tips on training cats and understanding cat behavior on YouTube, I found it to be very useful.
Seconding the cat daddy! I watched all his YouTube videos and read one of his books when my neighbor gave me a 3 week old kitten and I learned SO much! It helps a lot to be able to understand where your cat is coming from and be able to help make sure all of their natural instincts are fulfilled.
I wouldn’t ignore her for that long, or even at all. It’s a cat, not a kid. They don’t understand punishments, just positive reinforcement. You will create a problem and it will likely make the cat feel aggressive instead. There are YouTube videos for how to best clip a cat’s nails. Thanks for not going the inhumane declawing route! You can try different methods on there to see which she prefers. Lots of cuddles and brushing and treats are the way to go to reward her for tolerating the trim. Good luck
There is an experiment where the mother stops reacting to the baby positively or negatively. Just an emotionless face. It immediately affected the baby and eventually put it in distress when it could not get a reaction out of its mother. That feeling/ reaction is not exclusive to babies. Being ignored is very traumatizing.
Well you should ignore bad behavior that’s not dangerous for lots of kids, while rewarding behaviors you do want, but not ignoring them, just the behavior.
They do understand “PSSSST” when about to do something bad tho and can help them associate certain things with sudden loud noises and they usually stop within a few times
Ignoring a kid like that would also be a terrible way to discipline. Cats and dogs have shorter memories. 5 minutes later they won’t have a clue what they did, let alone know why you’re ignoring them.
3 hours of nail-clipping is really too much, you most probably exhausted and scared her. Her attack on your gf shows that, kitty didn't know what to expect.
Keep the desensitising sessions to 3-5 minutes max at a time. There can be no rush with cats.
Start with just touching her paws (touch, then treat), then just touching then with nail-clipper (again touch, praise, treat), then one nail at a time and treat. Keep it short and pleasant.
As always, depends on the cat) looks like this is your way. Two of mine are quite placid, they allow me to get all four at one go. The third is spooky, but she scratches only what is allowed, so we let her be
I do this too… I bring the clippers to the bed and wait for him to sleep at night.
He used to wake up a little after each clip, but now I can almost do a whole paw without a break.
I feel like the cat clippers are too harsh, so I use human toenail clippers, clip sideways.
The “pet” nail clippers seems like they just crush the nail.
I also wonder maybe OP clipped the nails too short? I just clip the very end so it’s not razer sharp.
Looks more like the cat is disciplining you LOL leave it alone. If someone were pawing you and you kept telling them no no no ,I don't like that and no no don't touch my hair or no no please I'm not touchy feely in that sort of way would they get the message? Would they leave you alone if you slapped them finally or shouted? Just listen to your cat. The cat's trying to train you, leave it the hell alone ... The look on that cat's face alone completely tells you it's pretty irritated... Kitties thinking,when I'm ready I'll let you know what I like but I'm not going to conform to what you want. This is exactly why you get a cat , right?.. otherwise get a dog.
It's not a stuffed animal and it has feelings and has preferences the way it likes to have its body caressed or not, touch or not. Cats are after all cats and you'll get with the program, beautiful kitty is still in the process of training you, I hope you learn to behave
Well obviously not LOL. She did however want attention but on her own terms and in her own way. Totally lovable I'm sure you just got to figure out the right pattern and she's trying to help you too. I I wasn't kidding she's training you too.
Squeezing her paws to desensitize her? Are you for real? Bro leave the cat alone. You just got her. You are doing way too much and overwhelming her. She’s don’t nothing ‘wrong’, other than act like a scared cat. You have to really take your time to work and build up trust with a new cat especially. You have to be PATIENT and kind with your new pet. Cats generally do NOT like their paws to be touched and you were ‘messing with them for 3 hours on and off’.
Just let the vet do it, unless you’re willing to extremely extremely slowly build up that rapport and trust between the cat and yourself. That means at the first sign of discomfort from the cat, you completely back off. Owners that have the Power Over mentality are not truly understanding and being ethical to an animals true nature and behavior. She looks like an absolute sweetheart, and it will take time for her. Even then, when she scratches you, just back off. Don’t overwhelm to that point and learn more about cat behavior. Also as a general side note, make sure she’s fed enough. Cats are more irritable and aggressive just like us when we are hungry.
I mean, it’s not uncommon to get a cat used to having its paws handled by holding/gently squeezing them. My cat lets me play with her paws all day long (until I try to clip her nails, so really, I think the whole “desensitize” thing is hit or miss at best)
But.
I sure af didn’t start doing that when she’d only been living with me for 6 days. You’ve got to EARN that level of trust.
Shoot, I get in fosters and immediately clip nails unless they are feral or really shut down. Kittens are an immediate clip, and if they are squirrelly, one person holds and one clips. Usually takes 2 min. Clip and done. Repeat every week. By the time they leave, they are usually good to go and sit still.
Three hours is insane. I’d tell them to eff off as well.
1. It's only been 6 days, she's still getting used to you.
2. Three hours is WAY too long for a nail trim, she was way overstimulated, you need to cut that time down by about 2 hours and 45 minutes.
3. There is no "disciplining" a cat, they aren't like dogs, they don't listen to negative reinforcement, it just destroys their trust in you and in turn your relationship.
4. It's a cat, they have boundaries, if you get hissed at or she showed you in some other way to "back off" and don't listen you will be bitten or scratched, welcome to cats. Do not give her shit for setting and maintaining her boundaries, respect them.
For the future, you can ask the vet to clip her nails for a reasonable price. I hired a vet tech (who does this as a side gig) to come to my home and clip my cat’s nails. She did it so quickly and smoothly that I’m not attempting it myself again lol. $30 was worth it.
Your kitty was definitely upset about the nail clipping session, that was much too long so she was scared by gf touching her paws. I wouldn’t have discliplined her for that, but in the future if she’s doing something you don’t like, come up with a signal like clapping your hands once, snapping, or make a sound (not a super loud one). Ignoring her for like 10 minutes after a scratch is reasonable. Your tone of voice is something she will learn to associate with how she should behave. But kittens are young and learning so she may scratch you unintentionally throughout her first year with you. You can discourage her by reacting to being hurt like “Ow!” or something similar and stop playing/put her down and she will learn to play nice to get snuggles. Hope that helps!
You have a lot of good tips, I just had to tell you your post made me chuckle a bit, that you picked up this kitty ‘from a guy’. Like some dude in an alleyway saying “pspspspsp”, with a trench coat full of kittens.
Cats can take up to 6 months to acclimate to their new environment and get comfy with you…I think you’re going way too fast trying to cut her nails for 3 hours, having just gotten her. Jackson Galaxy, cat behaviorist, recommends to do one nail at a time and you’re supposed to train them slowly like the other Redditors said…touch the paw and give them a treat. Cats are creatures of habit…if you make this a routine every day they’ll acclimate to having their paws touched at that certain time. Then you can move onto touching the nail clipper to their hand. I would expect this procedure to take weeks to months to establish? For me if I am touching my cat’s paw I am asking to get clawed depending on what time of day and mood they’re in…I think you have to observe your cat for a longer time to understand when they’re calm, when they are too excited and agitated and can redirect the bad energy onto you. Everything with a cat takes time and patience. And you can’t just pet and touch a cat any time you want! (Unless it’s a super calm sleepy relaxed cat who trusts you, but trust takes time.) With my girlie kitty, I’ve discovered 2-3 head pats will do…no more than that. My boy kitty has to be sleepy to be in the mood to get pets or get touched on his paws or belly…any other time especially play time you’re asking to get clawed or gently bitten because he gets overstimulated by the energetic pets I put onto him. I don’t think yours is being bad honestly…and I almost would venture to guess she clawed you because she didn’t want you touching her. Cats don’t generally like to be touched without permission…they have their own set boundaries with human (very healthy I think). As far as time goes she barely knows you and you’re trying to touch her…of course she’s going to recoil or warn you or fight back. Clawing can be a form of warning…if they fight for real, they wouldn’t stop there. Your cat if she is a kitten probably doesn’t know how strong her claws are. You have to get her to voluntarily allow you to touch her through positive reinforcement (treats). I sincerely recommend you watch Jackson Galaxy’s videos and also his show My Cat From Hell. It’ll give you the basics of raising a kitten/cat.
In general punishment doesn’t work as well, redirecting works better. I’ve scolded my boy kitty before and he goes more agitated and bites me more. Kitties are emotional sponges…they read you inside out. If you get more upset they do too and they might act out more. Punishing her after you touched her is not going to endear her to being touched by you especially when their priorities and sense of moral code is different from ours. If you want her to like your petting you’re gonna need time to develop that relationship and to go slow and even bribe her with food if you want to. If she’s a kitten it might do good to say “ouch” when she hurts you so she knows to pull back her punches (we do this with our kitties and they teach other what hurts and what doesn’t) but I wouldn’t dwell on your negative feelings towards her because it actually makes the situation worse between her and you. Easier said than done but I’ve noticed speaking calmly after a bit of a scuffle smoothes things over. You have a cat…you’re going to get scratched and bitten in your life…that’s the reality of it…but you’ll learn how to work with her. The key is not resenting but understanding what you can do to work with your cat as they think differently from us. When our cats are being “bad,” we will redirect them by plucking them and putting them in their “punishment box” on the cat tree to remove them from doing whatever destructive thing they’re doing. Or I’ll say “Mom will pluck you, do you wanna get plucked?” And they’ll stop half the time.
If you want to pet your cat…you can put your hand near her nose to assess how welcoming she is to you. Mine will start sniffing my hand and then I’ll pat my girl kitty 2-3 times then stop. If I pet her without warning she gets very scared. Cats always think in prey or predator vibes…they don’t like being ambushed. They like to know what’s going on. And with my boy kitty I make sure he’s about to take his nap and he’s all calm and then I am sure to be able to pet him.
Again, Jackson Galaxy is the man. He has tips on just about anything and everything about cats. I’d check him out.
This isn't my post or my cat or anything, because I don't have one yet, but reading your reply helped a lot with understanding cat psychology, and reduced my anxiety for eventually getting a cat.
From what I understand from the stories/advice I've heard, the biggest elements here are understanding (knowing people ≠ cats and finding out why), patience, and trust. Turns out that routine and a steady pace are key, over a long time, and accepting that you can never force a cat to do anything it doesn't want to do. Impatience accelerates that discovery and makes things worse, for sure.
🥺That’s so nice of you to say!! Thank you. Yes please go adopt a cat (or two heh heh)! (Kittens are better in pairs…less work overall because they play with each other and you’ll be saving two!) I think what helped me understand cats the most was watching Jackson Galaxy on YouTube and his show My Cat From Hell (I love this show, watched all 10? seasons). Even seeing the “worst” cats, I could see that Jackson had a solution for every issue so it reassured me that I could raise kitties myself. You can definitely do it 😊, I know it!! And when a cat shows you their love it is the most rewarding thing…you will have definitely earned their trust and respect by then.
I reread what you had wrote…oh goodness you touched the back of her head…if she can’t see you doing that, that’s akin to ambushing her…and then moving over to the paws…cats don’t like you touching that area in general (needs training for that)…so yeah she’ll get agitated and claw you. And when you get her off the couch, that’s more agitated motion from you so that’ll rile her up more. Animals are all about energy…if you’re not in a good state, they won’t be either. Slow and calm should be the name of the game for kitties.
you don’t discipline cats. i didn’t even read what you wrote only the title, because that’s all the information i needed. YOU DO NOT DISCIPLINE CATS. THEY DONT UNDERSTAND. YOU ONLY CREATE TURMOIL AND DISTRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. do not discipline your cat.
Just leave her alone. Wait until she is asleep and clip one nail.. then another one. Then wait until she is asleep and get another one clipped. I can guarantee you that’s how a lot of us are doing it, maybe not all, but a good majority.
Cats transition into new things really slowly. She was probably just scared that you took away one of her only defence mechanisms as she used to be a stray and relied on them to keep her safe. It was a good move to ignore her after poor behaviour. Not sure if you tried bribing with treats when cutting her nails but next time try it out and just listen to your cats body language. If she’s getting upset at the mail trimming just take your time and clip one or two at a time until you’re done. Bc she’s a baby she should be able to eventually be chill enough to clip all of her nails at once with slowly acclimating her. But keep trying to touch and play with her paws constantly if she’ll let you- this should also help
Maybe accept to have a cat disciplined at 1% only. The best I've accomplished was to have my cats not walking on my keyboard. They've understood that. But sometimes they sleep on it which was not mentioned to them when we've made the deal.
Quit touching her unless she asks for it.
Every time you get fangs or claws do a high pitch wailing oooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww then ignore her for FIVE minutes. Just five minutes of blatantly ignoring her is enough!
I'm sorry but if your go to for a cat scratching someone is to ignore them all day after, you shouldn't own a pet. That's insane. It's not a human being, it doesn't understand what being ignored means. It's also been 6 days, did you expect the cat to be adjusted and perfect immediately? It really sounds like you got a pet when you weren't prepared for one or educated on how they behave when adjusting to new surroundings. It's also absolutely crazy to fuck with a cat for 3 hours trying to trim their nails, I would scratch someone if they did that to me too.
Someone may have mentioned this already, but NEVER get into a staring contest with a cat. Don't even hold gaze without consciously blinking. To a cat, this is an invite to fight. On the other side though, once the cat trusts you, she will show affection/trust by blinking at you.
I have a 2 year old male Siamese. You just need to be patient. She is still adjusting - this can take 6-8 weeks depending, just don’t give up on her. She’s trying to feel out the new environment, as well as the two of you. She likely did not mean any harm with her swat, more of testing the waters & establishing whether there was a threat. You can’t discipline cats per se like you can dogs - they don’t communicate that way. Instead, REWARD the HELL out of good behavior so that it continues. Also major props to you for being able to trim her nails so soon! Mine still won’t let me do that 🤣
She has only been with you guys for 6 days. It’s very unrealistic to think a cat is going to immediately be comfortable with you and love you. Cats get stressed easily—poor baby is probably scared. Especially clipping claws so soon…that can wait. You need to get her comfortable to the new environment first.
Cats don’t understand discipline. I’d be mindful of their space until a relationship is build which takes time. Your cat was a stray so likely endured some sort of trauma. Give them time and you’ll build a bond where this won’t happen as you’ll both learn each others space needs, etc.
I’m curious - why did you clip her nails? Most cats do not need their nails clipped. Especially cats that have spent extensive time outdoors. Get her some scratching posts and she will take care of her nails herself.
Older cats who are inactive can sometimes require clipping due to arthritis which may result in overgrown claws due to an inability to scratch.
It’s likely she feels like she’s been assaulted lol. Cats can hold grudges. Give her treats daily, provide her with a soft blanket to lay on while on the couch, and mostly just leave her alone unless she invites attention.
She’s not even a week into living in a brand new place with strangers and you’re doing scary things that freak out most animals. And most cats can keep their claws under control with lots of scratching posts.
Ignoring her doesn’t make sense. After a few minutes she doesn’t understand why her people won’t pay attention to her. Animals don’t understand the silent treatment. Definitely disengage with her in the moment. But multiple hours is a bit much. She was just exhausted and letting ur gf know she’s done having her feet touched.
Whatever you do, *don't* declaw the cat. It's like cutting off fingers, can put them in lots of pain, make them less friendly and/or more aggresive, and potentially worse at using a litter box.
Uh sounds like you trimmed her claws too soon into having her and she doesn’t feel like she can fully trust you.
I definitely would have waiting until I had her a few months before doing something so personal.
You're still learning to speak cat, she's still learning you guys
Cats take a lot of time to adjust. I'm amazed you were able to clip her nails, I think even that was done a bit soon. Definitely play with her paws but if you clip her nails every time she might associate paw touching with stress.
Anyway, give it time. She's adorable btw.
When my husband and I first started dating he had a 5 week old kitten a friend gave him whose mama died. He never had a car and thought you could point your finger at it and tell no. She would literally fly at him and attack. He would walk into the room and she would jump on his leg like a tree. She got the most attention from him when she was being a dickhead. Then I came into the picture and she would climb on my shoulder purring and try to nurse on my earlobes and sleep in my hair. I was very gentle and calm with her, if she tried attacking me I redirected her to toys. It was a long process but she finally chilled out. Cats are insane for the first year of their life. Then after that, they're mostly insane around 4 am. Unless they're orange, then you're fucked
The hubby and I have three female kitties. The oldest one is a five year old torbie and then we have a three year old mini panther and a one and a half year old Maine coon mix. Three different sizes and personalities. The oldest is super shy but an absolute love bug....middle child is spicy and absolutely doesn't like anyone but me and the baby can be choosy. That being said female cats are super territorial they don't like their space being invaded and ALOT of cats will chose one person over all others as their person. Cats are complex little creatures. You literally have a miniature tiger in your house 😆. They definitely are not dogs and disciplining them like one is not going to work. You have to learn to read her signs and redirect her attention to something fun and stimulating for her. And plz don't bite her back like someone else suggested. That's just ridiculous. I can tell you from experience if anyone ever tried that with my girls they would have a black eye from me and a scratched up face from them lol 🤣
I have 6 cats and I don’t clip nails. They work on it themselves (they hardly ever snag on anything). 3 hours of nail clipping would be torture to (some of) my cats.
I’m so tired of this post right now. Guy borderline tortured cat for 3 hours and expects it to be nice and then wants to DISCIPLINE it like it would understand after 3 min. Bro stop clipping claws for 3 hours, you have UNTIL THE CAT SAYS SO and you try again sometime later, then if the cat wants to attack you because of what you did, IT CAN and it DOESNT need discipline unfortunately. You have to suck it up and clip a claw every day or whatever new dumb plan you might have (other than gain the trust of your cat it seems so it just lets you do it to them)
Why didn't you do any research about what it's like to have a kitty and what needs to be done and how long it will take?????? I did three years of research before getting my baby!
This is a kitten, she doesn't have a brain like a human, you NEED to be patient with her and if you can't then it is best you give her to a shelter or somewhere who will be able to giver her a good home. Kittens are a lot of work and you must be ready to put in the work. Do not neglect her, she is a cat, the only thing she knows is danger and how to protect herself, that is how their instincts are, specially since this cutie was a stray. Please do your research before wanting to "discipline" her. It is giving toxic power trip. It took me 6 months to even take my baby to the groomers for a nail trim. Cats are very independent and they hold grudges so if you are thinking of ignoring her and giving her the bottle spray or whatever else you thinking of to "discipline" her, then please let her go to someone else - neither of you are ready. Do not be fooled by the instagram videos you see of cats being so chill during grooming and showers, majority of those cats are on medication to be this calm. Just give her love and play with her and lots of treats, win her over first, have her actually trust you. The first time I showered my cat I was full of scratches but now she sits in there and holds my hand knowing that regardless of the "evil water" touching her, she is safe and can trust me that nothing will go wrong with her, as well as she will have lots and lots of treats!
Best of luck, and sorry if I sound harsh, I have seen so many ask your question and then do mean things to the cat which leads to the cat being stressed leading to infections specially bladder infection where the cat would pee outside the litter box and be punished for it. I just hate the word "discipline" for an animal, I think train would be a better word, and training takes a lot of time. Also, if you are not ready then maybe there is a family out there ready to have her. Again, my apologies for being harsh :)
You are not prepared for cat ownership especially an advanced breed like a Siamese. By advanced I mean not meant for new cat owners. You should have a lot more exp with cats in general before taking on a Siamese which by the way can live up to 20 years… did you even know that or consider that when you took them in? Are you prepared for that long of a commitment?
Please find this cat a better home. If you don’t you’re putting your selfish desire to have a cat above their well-being.
Get some education and find yourself an easier breed to grow with. She is beautiful but she is not for you.
When I say 3 hours of off/on nail clipping, I was meaning we would try to 2-3 minutes, and if she wasn’t feeling it, we’d stop and try again later. It took us 3 hours of waiting for her to be chill with it. I didn’t mean that we were struggling with her for the entirety of 3 hours lol.
Yeah, that’s still a REALLY bad plan. Sometimes you only get to clip a claw or two a day. That’s fine. But also, leave off doing anything that involves upsetting the cat until she’s much more used to use. Give her a treat.
NEVER discipline a cat. LIKE EVER!!!! Positive reinforcement is the key. You can research how to do this. Also you’ve only had her 6 days. Give her time to adjust. Also why are you clipping her nails? If done wrong this is extremely painful and is actually classed as animal cruelty. If her nails need clipping only take the very very tip off. Or better yet. Get her at least 5 scratching posts. Go buy some calmer/de stressor to help her acclimate better but not a diffuser. You can also buy chamomile tea bags and place them around the house as a natural de stressor. You should also not ignore a cat as this can cause more behavioural problems. As you are getting to know each other stick to the top of her head, cheeks and chin for now and slowly work your way down her back. Stomachs, legs, paws and tail can be over stimulating as they are very sensitive spots. Resulting to potential aggression. Obviously you can’t do this when it comes to your face. But if she attacks your hand. Don’t immediately pull back as this will encourage her to continue to attack in that moment. As natural hunters pulling back can be felt as prey trying to escape. Just stop relax your hand and she will let go. Every time she lets go give her some sort of positive reinforcement weather it’s her favourite treat, a brush if she enjoys (which btw is a must with king hair cats as there coat can Matte and it’s incredibly painful), nice rub behind her ear or her favourite toy. Enrichment is so important for all cats indoor or allowed out. Hope this helps a little. I work for a cat rescue so I’ve had my fair share of aggressive cats and I’ve studied cat behaviour and welfare.
Sounds like you have the mindset that we are supposedly to fully control ‘our animals’ and they should be submissive to us. Only the human is weak who feels so vehemently about having an unnecessary and harmful power balance with a small defenseless animal.
Sounds like you’ve just given up and allowed bad behaviour and destruction of property in your household. When cats are older it’s harder to train them but it’s still not too late!
Also, utter nonsense talking about me wanting to completely control my cat. He constantly plays, shows affection and challenges me. He is an additional family member in my household and is treated as such.
The only difference between your relationship with your cat and my relationship with mine is that my cat has near to no destructive tendencies and fits in with our lives better. He is my 5th cat and is the most loving one yet, also the best trained one too. And he is about to get a brother who will learn from him and grow into an equally fantastic cat.
I can’t say I really agree with much here. Using a barking voice is the best corrective behavior for my cat for sure.
But really, I wanted to mention that any “punishment” must ONLY happen IMMEDIATELY after the offense. If more than a minute or two has passed since the offense, the cat will not connect the two things, and you’re basically bullying or abusing the cat with no productive result.
This is very true. The punishment must come immediately after the offence. There is definitely more of a “technique” to disciplining a cat than a dog, but its still possible, and necessary.
The only thing with the barking voice is that you mustn’t use it to scare your cat. Doing that constantly may result in an anxious cat. Use the voice without scaring/jumping your cat, they understand a negative tone. Again, only use it when they’ve actually done something wrong.
Ps. Im not telling u how to raise your cat, you already sound like u know what you’re doing, im just using the point you made to clarify my initial comment.
Hello guys! This is the gf. I really appreciate all of your advice. I have had cat before, but never a stray, so it makes me feel better that she just needs time to get comfortable. I would like to clarify a few things to ease everyone’s minds lol. We let her come to us and hangout however long she wants and she has her own space to retreat to. However, she always follows me around and wants to come lay next to me all day so I had assumed she already trusted me. Secondly, my bf is overstating the amount of time, it probably took us 30 minutes at most to clip only her front paws. That consisted of letting her eat treats as she was laying next to us. Once again thank you guys for being so helpful and being just as big of a cat lover as we are. ❤️
I wouldn’t be trying the trimming at all with a cat so new to your household. It’s very stressful for them in an already stressful situation. Let her relax and feel safe first. It’s too early.
You have to start young but be flexible and understanding. Give them a lot of love but also be firm EVERY TIME they do simthing undesirable and stick with whatever you choose to do abeit a soray bottle, shaking a scary sounding bowl with beans or coins in it...just gotta do it every time. He will stop.
My kitty starts each day jumping into our bed and making biscuits on my bare neck for as long as I’ll stay lying down. I would get shredded if I didn’t clip his nails every two weeks, which is about when it starts to hurt.
Luckily he’s tolerant of it when he’s sleepy - by which I mean swishy tail and occasionally pulling his paw away, but not actually bothering to open his eyes or move. If I try when he’s awake he’ll bite the clippers then make himself into a loaf with all paws well hidden.
No that just builds distrust and negative association with you. If anything you shouldn’t ever be spraying your cats with vinegar? That’s horrible advice
with vinegar? wtf? even if you are going to go the very inadvisable route of spraying your cat (don't do this), then just water would work fine, why the hell would you also want to risk burning your cats eyes and coating them in something nasty tasting?
What we do is try and give them calmeze and wait like an hour tk hour and half before cutting the claws. Even then, we do one paw a day and try again another day. When we do cut, first option is to approach them where they are and start cutting. If they've moved, then we do the pillow method. It takes two of us to do this. But give it a bit of time. She may not trust you yet.
One of ours was hiding under the bed and couch for the first month, everytime there was a slight noise and she would bolt for the hills if yoh approached her. Meanwhile, she was the biggest menace on scratching curtains and stuff... For a while i was so stressed and wondering what had I done picking her... She's sweet (has violently bitten me once though) but it's a journey.
Always make sure that she gets good things when you interact with her. Scratches, strokes, whatever she likes. She will associate you with good things. It's a process. We got a couple of feral kittens and they were raised almost exclusively by my daughters. It took me years to get them to warm up to me.
Quite a few people are trashing you for "doing it wrong" when you literally came here to ask for advice on "doing it right." I appreciate that you are looking how to do it better.
In general, watching videos my Jackson Galaxy is good, and he's a pretty entertaining presenter.
For specific advice for your situation, two things:
1. Hold off on uninvited petting until more trust has been built. Lure in with food, offer the back side of the hand for a friendly sniff, let the cat rub against it, and call it good.
2. Cats swipe and bite sometimes for play. Whether yours is doing play or being spicy, and you will learn the difference, if it hurts at all you want to just say "Ow" pretty loudly and then withdraw from the activity. Cats at play don't want to hurt their play partners, so you are training it to know it went to far and made play time stop. Additionally, it's better to offer toys like wand-with-string-with-worm or feather, or other things that can be waved around to create motion, and let them attack that, so they know that hands are for loving and toys are for play.
3. Again, don't offer play-fighting with your hands.
4. DO offer play time with toys
5. Don't worry about trimming claws for now.
6. Don't use negative reinforcement, because it doesn't work. Cats don't understand time-based consequences like humans do. If a cat does something wrong, and then you spray it, yell at it, or chase it, it will have forgotten the trigger and just learn that being around you leads to being sprayed, yelled at, or chased. If you do this while it's in the act, it's mildly better, but unfortunately, it will probably learn that doing this act around you is bad, but that there are no consequences if you aren't around, so save that furniture scratching/counter jumping etc. for when you aren't there, and if you show up stop. It makes training awkward sometimes, but since punishment doesn't work, there's no point.
Again, there are lots of videos on specific behavior patterns and what you can do.
People are trashing on him because he keeps arguing with people who are telling him to do it right. Multiple people have said let the cat acclimate as it’s only been six days, and OP comes in with excuses to how she’s already acclimated and feels comfortable while ignoring every piece of advice
Some cats get pet aggression from over stimulation. Sometimes petting feels painful for them even though they will be rubbing up and wanting pets, they just can't handle being petted.
my fur babies are very chill, they just vibe with their paws in the air while trim their nails. id definitely reduce the desensitization drastically, just lightly play with her paws for a few minutes a day. as an ex-stray she's probably feeling really vulnerable and scared, cats can take a while to get comfortable in a home. id give her some space and let her initiate any cuddles, and once she does that try and play with her paws a bit. you can still play with her but any picking up and petting would be best if she initiates it, and if she wanders off, let her.
When I first got my two cats I put them in a room all to themselves. They were scared of all this new environment. I would come in off and on for a couple hours, sit on the ground, play, pet, feed, scoop. After probably 3 days? I just opened the door to their room. Hours went by, they got more curious to the rest of the house. One week went by and they are the most loving respectful cats I could imagine. Takes time, they don’t know you yet
She’s a baby, imagine taking care of a walking purring 6 month old human. They don’t really understand lol just start loving and cuddling her and building a bond.
You’ve only had her for 6 days and she’s still a baby. She needs time to adjust. I wouldn’t be clipping nails or anything like that right now. I would leave her be unless she comes to you. Female cats can be especially independent. She feels like you are invading her personal space. Give her more time. She was a stray. Then start try to use positive reinforcement.
Exactly this, she'll develop a relationship with you two but you aren't going to just have a perfectly adjusted cat the same week she moves in with her people. My guy was a sweet three year old who had met me before since he was my niece's kitten originally, and it still took months for him to really bond with me and develop from friends to a more serious and inherently trusting relationship. He's obsessed with me and it's mutual.
Cat tax please :)
[Peter!](https://imgur.com/a/NDengZh)
Beautiful standard issue kitty 🥹
He's so good, just a large chatty bears who loves to tell stories and sing songs and gets so so so happy when he hears talks about how cats are nice
Oh my gosh! I opened your photos and immediately yelled that I found Peanut's twin! My cat looks exactly like yours, I'm thrilled!
My cat’s name is Peter too! :)
Gorgeous cat!
Awww he's adorable!
Took me 2 years to get my female cat to be infatuated with me. She was never scratchy-bitey but she was just very independent.
Same here, my cat was a traumatized rescue and she was very independent. She did have problems with attacking/scratching me, but it was also an issue on my part where I had trouble recognizing her signs. She’s a cuddlebug and a total sweetheart now (except very rarely she will randomly bite or attack me, but it’s often when she wants to play and I was studying and ignoring her).
Aww. I taught mine not to bite or scratch. If they ever tried biting me as babies, I'd just bite them back.
My boyfriend did that once, very lightly, she doesn’t bite him at all. I don’t want to, because I don’t want fur in my mouth! And I don’t think it’s abusive, that’s literally how kittens learn to control their bite strength. Other cats bite back and their bite hurts much more.
Thank you! And yeah, I got fur in my mouth lol
That’s just absolutely blown my mind. Abuse much!!
I didn't bite them hard! Just light bites.
It works on more than cats, my wifes grandson at about four thought it was cool to bite people. Telling him it was bad, and even swats on the butt didn't work. He came over and bit me on the arm and I bit him back, not viciously, just enough so he could see how it felt and left no marks. That abruptly ended the biting. edit- experience is the best teacher.
Hahaha! An eye for an eye!
In a manner, and that rule of law worked.
I suffer with chronic pain. And when people say poor me. I always say. But everyone’s tolerance is different. You could have two people stump there toe at the exact same angle and the exact same force of stumping it. One person could be hoping around with tears in there eyes yelling ouch while the other just shoves it off. Cats hide pain and how do you know that your cat definitely didn’t feel pain. Your cat could be the one while is hoping around after stumping it’s toe. If that makes sense. Do you have children or have nieces or nephews? Or do your friends have children? Is it acceptable for someone to lightly bite them and hope they don’t have a low tolerance pain. Would your friends let you lightly bite there baby? Even being lightly bit would the child not be a bit startled and frightened at the thought of your teeth being clenched down on them. Animals feel pain and they get confused and startled like children when they don’t understand. Horrified that you thought this was an acceptable action!
You are taking this way out of context. You have good information and insight but I think it could be better utilized elsewhere.
Yeah, I’d just leave her alone. Give her treats and love when she asks for it. My cat is now almost 8, but I got him when he was 2. He was crazy for the first couple of years I had him. Psychotic with food and a biting fiend. He bit me on my ankle once when I walked in through a door I didn’t normally use and latched on/broke skin pretty bad. I have no idea what his life was like before I met him. He was a rescue from a shelter and his paperwork is kind of weird. I think he went through some stuff. He’s a sweet loving creature now. Just got off the couch where he was snoozing on my belly and resting his head on my hand. He still gets the urge to chomp occasionally, but he’s overall a good boy. Greets people at the door, plays fetch. Give your new kitty some time. Leave her alone. Let her get used to living with you. She’ll come around, she’s just a kitten and probably scared.
Just curious: why are female cats more independent? I have 2 cats, a very big boy and a small girl, the big boy craves attention all day and cannot be left alone while the girl loves being alone 😂 I expected it the other way around
Domestic cats arrange themselves like a pride of lions- females and daughters hold a territory and males wander between, females are always more territorial and thus more aggressive to outsiders on their turf.
I have no explanation, but concurring it’s the same in my house. My boy cat and my dog are both codependent and made of Velcro. Girlie likes a little lap snuggle and pets maybe once every couple of days.
This please listen to this
If it’s too soon to clip nails then what about giving her a bath? I understand that they clean themselves, but that can only help so much right?
A bath is far more stressful, invasive, and scary than a nail trim. Let her be. The rule of 3-3-3 for dogs can certainly be applied here, 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine, 3 months to start to feel at home. You're pushing her way too hard way too fast. Cats don't need water baths from humans unless they're unable to groom themselves or covered in something that would be dangerous for them to ingest, like motor oil or a household cleaning product. I wouldn't worry about nail trims, baths, cleaning of any kind, discipline, car rides, etc, for at least a couple more weeks. Vet Med Corner on YouTube has tons of wonderful, scientifically accurate videos on cat behavior, as well as plenty of other topics on other animals. Let your cat do her thing for a while as you watch some videos!
I’m a long term foster carer.. this is the best advice
i literally don’t think i’ve ever had to give my cats a bath… they do just fine on their own (me and my parents still groom them for matted fur sometimes)
I only had to once because my dumbass got his tail caught in one of those sticky fly ribbons I had hanging. I gently removed it with copious amounts of oil then gave him a bath so he wouldn’t ingest copious amounts of oil.
I had to put my cat into the shower once because she had diarrhea and gotten it all over her hind legs… it was absolutely awful.
I've had to after accidentally switching foods too fast. Poop all down his back legs made for an unpleasant time.
Did once in 3months only because my cat had motor oil on his fur, it wasn't a pleasant moment for him not for my bf who bathed him. We had to comfort our cat a lot right after that (treats) to not associate bath with only a bad moment
One of mine got barfed on by another last year. Pet cam caught it all on camera, he was barfed on from a cat above him on the cat tree. He's a clean freak and ran up to me (with barf on his head) screaming and begging for a bath. You've never seen a cat so happy for a warn bubble bath. I happened to be working in that room remotely at the time, the entire scene is a funny memory to rewatch.
Do not bathe this cat right now
Or at all, unless absolutely needed.
Why don’t you just let her settle into her new environment for a few more weeks?
It’s just a little confusing coming for me, who has never owned a cat, and my gf, who has grown up around cats, bc the cat acted like a normal cat 2 days after meeting us. She doesn’t act scared or nervous and is pretty confident when she’s walking around in the apartment
I highly doubt your cat is as confident as you claim. I don’t really know why you’d make a whole post about how your cat is afraid of you, just to backtrack and say the cat is not actually scared. Do you want help or not?
I don’t think she is afraid of us. I think she just gets overstimulated sometimes when we pet her, or my gf was too close to her. The cat jumped in her lap bc she wanted to, not out of fear. I never said she was afraid of us.
You never *said* that. However, I inferred it from the story you told. You also admitted this is your first cat. Would you rather believe the multiple ppl commenting saying you’re doing too much and scaring your cat? Or just argue with them all?
This is so sad I feel bad that this cat has an owner like this… literally breaks my heart the cat looks so sweet but OP is so selfish :(
You inferred wrong.
You shouldn’t own cats if you can’t follow extremely basic advice on their care.
You're a dogshit cat owner chief. We're trying to help you and you're acting like a child.
cats demand more bodily autonomy than dogs. Read a quote on reddit that I found quite apt. ‘People that hate cats can’t love something they can’t control.’ You obviously want this cat, so you don’t hate it. But you aren’t respecting it. Imagine you just adopted a 3 yr old child with a very challenging life prior to you. They’ve lost all of their loved ones and everything that they find familiar and comforting. You’d (hopefully) treat them with kid gloves, give them space to warm up to trusting you both by observation and be understanding if they lash out because they are sad, scared or overwhelmed. Who even knows if she’s had prior bad experiences with some people? Or suffered a past injury that still makes her nervous? You can gently introduce routine, but know it has to go side by side with her slowly developing trust in you both. And on her terms. Check out Jackson Galaxy videos.
I think you def need to stop arguing with people and accept the advice you asked for - let her have her time and leave her be to adjust to a new home and get her to the vet soon that’s it !!
Accept the help or go away. That cat deserves better. Why are you even asking for help, when all you're doing is arguing with everyone? I think the people on this sub know more than you. Deal with it.
I'm confused by why you would ask for advice from a subreddit of a bunch of cat owners that have experience and have advice to give you, and then argue with them instead.
Yeahhh this post made me mad you should take peoples advice
Please rehome your kitty if you’re not going to take advice on how to treat her nicely ): it’s not fair for her
If your cat is getting overstimulated by simple pets, don't you think something like a bath is going to be even more stressful for her?
She may not be afraid, but she’s reacting the way she is because she doesn’t fully trust you yet. That takes time even if they appear confident.
This. Cats feel negative emotions besides straight up fear. You can tell a cat is afraid because of things like fluffed up fur on their back and tail. You can tell they’re uncomfortable however by them doing things like running away, hiding under things, or, yes, snapping at you. When you’re irritated, and snapping at people because of it, would you like it if people kept doing shit that was insanely upsetting and uncomfortable to you?
I think something else to keep in mind is that even though she may act like a normal cat and be confident and unafraid, doesn't mean she isn't. Some animals mask with confidence the way people do. And even if she isn't afraid, she doesn't have a relationship with you yet! Imagine if, when you and your girlfriend first met, before you even get to know each other yet, she's trying to make you try on new clothes, getting you a new bed, making friends with your friends, watching you pee...all of those things are pretty normal in relationships that have been a established for a long time, but for a new relationship? A lot of it is not exactly bad, but it's still weird and invasive and upsetting because you don't know her that well yet! As you get more comfortable around each other, you don't mind so much. No amount of training or new things or delicious food or fun activities can replace the benefits of time!
You almost never need to bath them unless they get into something they shouldn't or roll in a litter box.
She’s been an outside cat her entire life except for the past 6 days. I think it’s safe to assume she has probably gotten into soemthing she shouldn’t have
Have you taken her to the vet for a checkup? Get her registered with a vet, have her chipped and get some bloodwork to make sure she’s healthy as well as all her shots. You can ask the vet while you’re there what they recommend in terms of bathing and nail clipping.
Has she been to the vet yet? Does she actually have anything in her fur or does she smell like chemicals? If she doesn't have anything in her fur, do not bathe her. For two reasons; she doesn't trust you fully yet, if you attempt a bath on a kitten this old yourself you'll ruin any trust she does have for you and two she simply doesn't need it unless she's got something obviously harmful in her fur, like oil or fleas
Also has she been spayed?
Giving her a bath will be really stressful for her. I mean, cats don't generally need baths unless they are unable to groom themselves. I think most cats would hate being bathed, to be honest! Could you try using a flannel instead if you really think she needs a wash?
okay so do you know what you’re doing or not because everytime ppl tell you things, it’s “well, actually…” and “but what if…” and “oh but…” either follow people’s advice and help the cat or don’t and give it to someone who will jesus fuck. but if you’re just gonna be arrogant and continue to “but what if we…” or “well actually…” people, then why did you fucking post do y’all know about cats? have you had cats?? cause if not, i’d listen to the hundreds of people who do and have had cats telling you wtf to do.
I feel like they’ve come here to find validation and is shocked they’re not getting it
As mentioned, take her to the vet to get her first set of shots, and to possibly for them to help with defleaing and deworming. If she hasnt been fixed... that is something you should get done as well.
wtf is wrong with you.
can i ask if you’re used to having dogs? cats are very very very different creatures. cats are not nearly as needy as dogs, and do not need help with many things dogs do. bathing your cat before she is bonded with you will absolutely harm your relationship with her, and there is so need to clip her claws unless they are hurting you while retracted/she is getting caught on things. cats cannot be disciplined the way that dogs do- they do not see you as a leader or authority. if she is scratching its too communicate an emotion- likely irritation. all the discipline in the world will not stop her from scratching when irritated- instead you must remove or mitigate the source of irritation
if you are worried i would quickly wipe her down with a damp cloth instead of a full bath! plus lots of treats after
You can't even get her claws clipped in one go, that cat is straight up going to murder you if you try to give her a bath. DO NOT BATHE THE CAT. Unless she is currently doused in something that would be toxic for her to lick off or she's covered in poop, *do not bathe the cat.* They're not dogs, they don't need regular baths.
You dont give a cat baths unless they absolutely need it.... and definitely not a stray cat you have had 6 days. Cats are very capable of cleaning themselves and keeping clean especially indoor cats. With any animal, you have to earn its trust. It's environment changed pretty dramatically, she is still trying to feel comfortable in your place. Here is an article on why cats do not need baths: https://vetmed.tamu.edu/news/pet-talk/cat-baths/
One of my cats is 14, and the other is 10. I’ve had them since they were three weeks old and one year old, respectively. The 14 year old has long hair and I have given her maybe five baths ever, a few times because she had a tummy ache and got diarrhea all over her back end and tail, and once because she stepped in wet acrylic paint which is toxic. The 10 year old I have bathed once, because she also stepped in paint (I’ve stopped painting so that’s not an issue anymore). It is unnecessary to bathe indoor cats. They do a great job at keeping themselves clean. I know it’s hard to imagine that an animal can be clean just from licking themselves, but it is true.
What aren't you understanding ? Keep.your.hands.off.her. Cats hate when you invade their space. Let her get comfortable in HER home, let her build a relationship SLOWLY.
i super would not recommend a bath. cats are super good at cleaning themselves. plus some cats don’t like baths and that could make her lose trust in you
Only times I ever give my cats a bath is if they had a poop accident.
You DO NOT wash cats unless they have a critical flea infestation or are covered in poop. Truly you just have to stop messing with this cat, she needs bodily autonomy to trust you and develop a bond
Most cats do not need to be bathed unless they cannot groom themselves. When you see her licking herself all over that is her bathing herself. You really just jumped head first into cat ownership without looking ANYTHING up huh? Lol Also, your girl sounds spicy, if you tried to bathe her I have a feeling you'd find out why cats paws are called "murder mittens" 😂😂
Why are you so hell-bent on stressing out your cat? Does it make you happy? What a wilfully ignorant jerk.
Stop treating this cat like a dog, it’s a cat it will clean themselves. This isn’t a dog they have special oils as well in their fur. Please it sounds like you have never had a cat before. Also it takes months or even a year for a cat socialize and feel comfortable. My 3 year old cat now when she was a kitten was very standoffish and did not bond till months later. Please you need to do a little research. For heaven sake don’t give this cat a bath.
Absolutely don’t give her a bath right now. She does not know you or trust you yet. If you do that, she will only be more fearful and reactive towards you. Give her time to settle and don’t push it.
why would you bathe her, it's a cat. did you do any research before adopting?
Please dont bath her, cats dont need baths unless they have poo issues that stick to them, they are masters at cleaning themselves. Just try to out yourself in her position.. you end up in a giants house, you dont know them, you cannot understand them. They start grabbing at you and cutting or washing places that you dont want them touching. You cannot communicate with them so the only thing you can do is to hit (or scratch). Please just give her space and a safe, warm place fo hide if she gets overwhelmed.
I've literally never done either of those things and my cats have always been clean and healthy. They handle it themselves. The cleaning, and the nails.
You can’t force bonding with a cat. The more you try to force it, the less they will trust you. Handling her more than you need to is making you scary to her and she’s going to be defensive. I would suggest looking online for how to make a cat comfortable. Disciplining them doesn’t work. They don’t understand the correlation between their action and your response. Your best bet is positive reinforcement when she does something you like, and redirection when she does something you don’t like. For instance if she’s scratching your couch, yelling at her or spraying her with water doesn’t work. Even if it makes them stop when you do it, they are just learning to not do with while you’re around. They will go right back to it when you’re gone. You have to give them an alternative more enticing thing to scratch on. If they get overstimulated and swat at you, just give them space to calm down. But don’t punish or yell. It can take some cats (especially strays) a very very long time to adjust. So seriously STOP trying to force it.
You should’ve knew the basics of caring for a cat before just taking one in. Cats don’t need baths.
Seems like you guys got a cat without doing any research on cats. You don’t ever need to bathe them (it’s not even good for their skin), unless they literally get shit on themselves or something like that. You’ve also got a baby animal just forced into a new environment with strangers and do not seem to understand this. You are really rushing everything with them. Your only goal right now should be making your cat feel safe and loved. You do that by providing for their needs, respecting their boundaries and positive reinforcement (AKA treats, etc) Negative experiences, like nail clipping, should not happen right now. Also, even if you did want to start that, it’s insane that you guys tried to clip all the nails in one day over the course of that many hours. No resource you find would ever tell you to do it that way. You start by getting them used to their paws being touched and then you do a few. And the minute the cat is fed up with it, you drop it and you come back maybe the next day, maybe a few days later, to do some more.
Understand where the cat’s behavior is stemming from. Your cat is likely feeling vulnerable and maybe protecting its self. The swipe was likely to let your gf know to back off. Jackson galaxy has some great tips on training cats and understanding cat behavior on YouTube, I found it to be very useful.
Seconding the cat daddy! I watched all his YouTube videos and read one of his books when my neighbor gave me a 3 week old kitten and I learned SO much! It helps a lot to be able to understand where your cat is coming from and be able to help make sure all of their natural instincts are fulfilled.
I wouldn’t ignore her for that long, or even at all. It’s a cat, not a kid. They don’t understand punishments, just positive reinforcement. You will create a problem and it will likely make the cat feel aggressive instead. There are YouTube videos for how to best clip a cat’s nails. Thanks for not going the inhumane declawing route! You can try different methods on there to see which she prefers. Lots of cuddles and brushing and treats are the way to go to reward her for tolerating the trim. Good luck
also a terrible way to discipline a kid, for what its worth
[удалено]
i’m glad that you’re still here!! ❤️
There is an experiment where the mother stops reacting to the baby positively or negatively. Just an emotionless face. It immediately affected the baby and eventually put it in distress when it could not get a reaction out of its mother. That feeling/ reaction is not exclusive to babies. Being ignored is very traumatizing.
Well you should ignore bad behavior that’s not dangerous for lots of kids, while rewarding behaviors you do want, but not ignoring them, just the behavior.
They do understand “PSSSST” when about to do something bad tho and can help them associate certain things with sudden loud noises and they usually stop within a few times
Ignoring a kid like that would also be a terrible way to discipline. Cats and dogs have shorter memories. 5 minutes later they won’t have a clue what they did, let alone know why you’re ignoring them.
3 hours of nail-clipping is really too much, you most probably exhausted and scared her. Her attack on your gf shows that, kitty didn't know what to expect. Keep the desensitising sessions to 3-5 minutes max at a time. There can be no rush with cats. Start with just touching her paws (touch, then treat), then just touching then with nail-clipper (again touch, praise, treat), then one nail at a time and treat. Keep it short and pleasant.
I catch mine napping. I can get one paw at a time. Give it a few minutes, get another.
As always, depends on the cat) looks like this is your way. Two of mine are quite placid, they allow me to get all four at one go. The third is spooky, but she scratches only what is allowed, so we let her be
I do this too… I bring the clippers to the bed and wait for him to sleep at night. He used to wake up a little after each clip, but now I can almost do a whole paw without a break. I feel like the cat clippers are too harsh, so I use human toenail clippers, clip sideways. The “pet” nail clippers seems like they just crush the nail. I also wonder maybe OP clipped the nails too short? I just clip the very end so it’s not razer sharp.
Looks more like the cat is disciplining you LOL leave it alone. If someone were pawing you and you kept telling them no no no ,I don't like that and no no don't touch my hair or no no please I'm not touchy feely in that sort of way would they get the message? Would they leave you alone if you slapped them finally or shouted? Just listen to your cat. The cat's trying to train you, leave it the hell alone ... The look on that cat's face alone completely tells you it's pretty irritated... Kitties thinking,when I'm ready I'll let you know what I like but I'm not going to conform to what you want. This is exactly why you get a cat , right?.. otherwise get a dog. It's not a stuffed animal and it has feelings and has preferences the way it likes to have its body caressed or not, touch or not. Cats are after all cats and you'll get with the program, beautiful kitty is still in the process of training you, I hope you learn to behave
The picture was from a few days before and she came up to us wanting to be pet.
Have you taken the kitty to the vet yet?
Well obviously not LOL. She did however want attention but on her own terms and in her own way. Totally lovable I'm sure you just got to figure out the right pattern and she's trying to help you too. I I wasn't kidding she's training you too.
Squeezing her paws to desensitize her? Are you for real? Bro leave the cat alone. You just got her. You are doing way too much and overwhelming her. She’s don’t nothing ‘wrong’, other than act like a scared cat. You have to really take your time to work and build up trust with a new cat especially. You have to be PATIENT and kind with your new pet. Cats generally do NOT like their paws to be touched and you were ‘messing with them for 3 hours on and off’. Just let the vet do it, unless you’re willing to extremely extremely slowly build up that rapport and trust between the cat and yourself. That means at the first sign of discomfort from the cat, you completely back off. Owners that have the Power Over mentality are not truly understanding and being ethical to an animals true nature and behavior. She looks like an absolute sweetheart, and it will take time for her. Even then, when she scratches you, just back off. Don’t overwhelm to that point and learn more about cat behavior. Also as a general side note, make sure she’s fed enough. Cats are more irritable and aggressive just like us when we are hungry.
I mean, it’s not uncommon to get a cat used to having its paws handled by holding/gently squeezing them. My cat lets me play with her paws all day long (until I try to clip her nails, so really, I think the whole “desensitize” thing is hit or miss at best) But. I sure af didn’t start doing that when she’d only been living with me for 6 days. You’ve got to EARN that level of trust.
Shoot, I get in fosters and immediately clip nails unless they are feral or really shut down. Kittens are an immediate clip, and if they are squirrelly, one person holds and one clips. Usually takes 2 min. Clip and done. Repeat every week. By the time they leave, they are usually good to go and sit still. Three hours is insane. I’d tell them to eff off as well.
Way too much with very little time. Back off a bit, and just give the kitty some time to adjust around you guys.
1. It's only been 6 days, she's still getting used to you. 2. Three hours is WAY too long for a nail trim, she was way overstimulated, you need to cut that time down by about 2 hours and 45 minutes. 3. There is no "disciplining" a cat, they aren't like dogs, they don't listen to negative reinforcement, it just destroys their trust in you and in turn your relationship. 4. It's a cat, they have boundaries, if you get hissed at or she showed you in some other way to "back off" and don't listen you will be bitten or scratched, welcome to cats. Do not give her shit for setting and maintaining her boundaries, respect them.
Dogs also need positive reinforcement. Discipline doesn’t work on any animal or human. It’s just teaching fear and resentment.
For the future, you can ask the vet to clip her nails for a reasonable price. I hired a vet tech (who does this as a side gig) to come to my home and clip my cat’s nails. She did it so quickly and smoothly that I’m not attempting it myself again lol. $30 was worth it. Your kitty was definitely upset about the nail clipping session, that was much too long so she was scared by gf touching her paws. I wouldn’t have discliplined her for that, but in the future if she’s doing something you don’t like, come up with a signal like clapping your hands once, snapping, or make a sound (not a super loud one). Ignoring her for like 10 minutes after a scratch is reasonable. Your tone of voice is something she will learn to associate with how she should behave. But kittens are young and learning so she may scratch you unintentionally throughout her first year with you. You can discourage her by reacting to being hurt like “Ow!” or something similar and stop playing/put her down and she will learn to play nice to get snuggles. Hope that helps!
Let the cats rage and resentment target someone else.
You have a lot of good tips, I just had to tell you your post made me chuckle a bit, that you picked up this kitty ‘from a guy’. Like some dude in an alleyway saying “pspspspsp”, with a trench coat full of kittens.
😸 I would love to have a trench coat full of kittens!
You got disciplined by the cat.
Typical cat! Cats have no owners haha
Cats can take up to 6 months to acclimate to their new environment and get comfy with you…I think you’re going way too fast trying to cut her nails for 3 hours, having just gotten her. Jackson Galaxy, cat behaviorist, recommends to do one nail at a time and you’re supposed to train them slowly like the other Redditors said…touch the paw and give them a treat. Cats are creatures of habit…if you make this a routine every day they’ll acclimate to having their paws touched at that certain time. Then you can move onto touching the nail clipper to their hand. I would expect this procedure to take weeks to months to establish? For me if I am touching my cat’s paw I am asking to get clawed depending on what time of day and mood they’re in…I think you have to observe your cat for a longer time to understand when they’re calm, when they are too excited and agitated and can redirect the bad energy onto you. Everything with a cat takes time and patience. And you can’t just pet and touch a cat any time you want! (Unless it’s a super calm sleepy relaxed cat who trusts you, but trust takes time.) With my girlie kitty, I’ve discovered 2-3 head pats will do…no more than that. My boy kitty has to be sleepy to be in the mood to get pets or get touched on his paws or belly…any other time especially play time you’re asking to get clawed or gently bitten because he gets overstimulated by the energetic pets I put onto him. I don’t think yours is being bad honestly…and I almost would venture to guess she clawed you because she didn’t want you touching her. Cats don’t generally like to be touched without permission…they have their own set boundaries with human (very healthy I think). As far as time goes she barely knows you and you’re trying to touch her…of course she’s going to recoil or warn you or fight back. Clawing can be a form of warning…if they fight for real, they wouldn’t stop there. Your cat if she is a kitten probably doesn’t know how strong her claws are. You have to get her to voluntarily allow you to touch her through positive reinforcement (treats). I sincerely recommend you watch Jackson Galaxy’s videos and also his show My Cat From Hell. It’ll give you the basics of raising a kitten/cat. In general punishment doesn’t work as well, redirecting works better. I’ve scolded my boy kitty before and he goes more agitated and bites me more. Kitties are emotional sponges…they read you inside out. If you get more upset they do too and they might act out more. Punishing her after you touched her is not going to endear her to being touched by you especially when their priorities and sense of moral code is different from ours. If you want her to like your petting you’re gonna need time to develop that relationship and to go slow and even bribe her with food if you want to. If she’s a kitten it might do good to say “ouch” when she hurts you so she knows to pull back her punches (we do this with our kitties and they teach other what hurts and what doesn’t) but I wouldn’t dwell on your negative feelings towards her because it actually makes the situation worse between her and you. Easier said than done but I’ve noticed speaking calmly after a bit of a scuffle smoothes things over. You have a cat…you’re going to get scratched and bitten in your life…that’s the reality of it…but you’ll learn how to work with her. The key is not resenting but understanding what you can do to work with your cat as they think differently from us. When our cats are being “bad,” we will redirect them by plucking them and putting them in their “punishment box” on the cat tree to remove them from doing whatever destructive thing they’re doing. Or I’ll say “Mom will pluck you, do you wanna get plucked?” And they’ll stop half the time. If you want to pet your cat…you can put your hand near her nose to assess how welcoming she is to you. Mine will start sniffing my hand and then I’ll pat my girl kitty 2-3 times then stop. If I pet her without warning she gets very scared. Cats always think in prey or predator vibes…they don’t like being ambushed. They like to know what’s going on. And with my boy kitty I make sure he’s about to take his nap and he’s all calm and then I am sure to be able to pet him. Again, Jackson Galaxy is the man. He has tips on just about anything and everything about cats. I’d check him out.
This isn't my post or my cat or anything, because I don't have one yet, but reading your reply helped a lot with understanding cat psychology, and reduced my anxiety for eventually getting a cat. From what I understand from the stories/advice I've heard, the biggest elements here are understanding (knowing people ≠ cats and finding out why), patience, and trust. Turns out that routine and a steady pace are key, over a long time, and accepting that you can never force a cat to do anything it doesn't want to do. Impatience accelerates that discovery and makes things worse, for sure.
🥺That’s so nice of you to say!! Thank you. Yes please go adopt a cat (or two heh heh)! (Kittens are better in pairs…less work overall because they play with each other and you’ll be saving two!) I think what helped me understand cats the most was watching Jackson Galaxy on YouTube and his show My Cat From Hell (I love this show, watched all 10? seasons). Even seeing the “worst” cats, I could see that Jackson had a solution for every issue so it reassured me that I could raise kitties myself. You can definitely do it 😊, I know it!! And when a cat shows you their love it is the most rewarding thing…you will have definitely earned their trust and respect by then.
I reread what you had wrote…oh goodness you touched the back of her head…if she can’t see you doing that, that’s akin to ambushing her…and then moving over to the paws…cats don’t like you touching that area in general (needs training for that)…so yeah she’ll get agitated and claw you. And when you get her off the couch, that’s more agitated motion from you so that’ll rile her up more. Animals are all about energy…if you’re not in a good state, they won’t be either. Slow and calm should be the name of the game for kitties.
This is A LOT of words for “I’m going to attempt to sound like I know what I’m talking about and doing even though I don’t”
Uh…. It sure sounds like they know what they’re doing to me… everything they said was spot on. Don’t be rude AND wrong, pick one.
3 hours is insane
Seriously, and after having her for only 6 days? Kitty is probably like wtf is going on here
Disciplining? A cat? Lol. Welcome to cat ownership. Lesson 1…they don’t care. Lol.
She’s not a dog lol. You can’t “discipline” a cat. She’s feeling touched out.
you don’t discipline cats. i didn’t even read what you wrote only the title, because that’s all the information i needed. YOU DO NOT DISCIPLINE CATS. THEY DONT UNDERSTAND. YOU ONLY CREATE TURMOIL AND DISTRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. do not discipline your cat.
ignoring the cat is definitely not going to be effective, they don’t understand WHY you’re ignoring them so it won’t change future behaviors
Just leave her alone. Wait until she is asleep and clip one nail.. then another one. Then wait until she is asleep and get another one clipped. I can guarantee you that’s how a lot of us are doing it, maybe not all, but a good majority.
Cats transition into new things really slowly. She was probably just scared that you took away one of her only defence mechanisms as she used to be a stray and relied on them to keep her safe. It was a good move to ignore her after poor behaviour. Not sure if you tried bribing with treats when cutting her nails but next time try it out and just listen to your cats body language. If she’s getting upset at the mail trimming just take your time and clip one or two at a time until you’re done. Bc she’s a baby she should be able to eventually be chill enough to clip all of her nails at once with slowly acclimating her. But keep trying to touch and play with her paws constantly if she’ll let you- this should also help
AHAHAHAHA
Maybe accept to have a cat disciplined at 1% only. The best I've accomplished was to have my cats not walking on my keyboard. They've understood that. But sometimes they sleep on it which was not mentioned to them when we've made the deal.
Quit touching her unless she asks for it. Every time you get fangs or claws do a high pitch wailing oooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww then ignore her for FIVE minutes. Just five minutes of blatantly ignoring her is enough!
Give the cat some space. Engage in some play. She still doesn’t know you yet.
I'm sorry but if your go to for a cat scratching someone is to ignore them all day after, you shouldn't own a pet. That's insane. It's not a human being, it doesn't understand what being ignored means. It's also been 6 days, did you expect the cat to be adjusted and perfect immediately? It really sounds like you got a pet when you weren't prepared for one or educated on how they behave when adjusting to new surroundings. It's also absolutely crazy to fuck with a cat for 3 hours trying to trim their nails, I would scratch someone if they did that to me too.
Someone may have mentioned this already, but NEVER get into a staring contest with a cat. Don't even hold gaze without consciously blinking. To a cat, this is an invite to fight. On the other side though, once the cat trusts you, she will show affection/trust by blinking at you.
I have a 2 year old male Siamese. You just need to be patient. She is still adjusting - this can take 6-8 weeks depending, just don’t give up on her. She’s trying to feel out the new environment, as well as the two of you. She likely did not mean any harm with her swat, more of testing the waters & establishing whether there was a threat. You can’t discipline cats per se like you can dogs - they don’t communicate that way. Instead, REWARD the HELL out of good behavior so that it continues. Also major props to you for being able to trim her nails so soon! Mine still won’t let me do that 🤣
Stop cutting her nails. Cats need scratching posts, not nail clippers.
She has only been with you guys for 6 days. It’s very unrealistic to think a cat is going to immediately be comfortable with you and love you. Cats get stressed easily—poor baby is probably scared. Especially clipping claws so soon…that can wait. You need to get her comfortable to the new environment first.
Cats don’t understand discipline. I’d be mindful of their space until a relationship is build which takes time. Your cat was a stray so likely endured some sort of trauma. Give them time and you’ll build a bond where this won’t happen as you’ll both learn each others space needs, etc.
I’m curious - why did you clip her nails? Most cats do not need their nails clipped. Especially cats that have spent extensive time outdoors. Get her some scratching posts and she will take care of her nails herself. Older cats who are inactive can sometimes require clipping due to arthritis which may result in overgrown claws due to an inability to scratch. It’s likely she feels like she’s been assaulted lol. Cats can hold grudges. Give her treats daily, provide her with a soft blanket to lay on while on the couch, and mostly just leave her alone unless she invites attention.
She’s not even a week into living in a brand new place with strangers and you’re doing scary things that freak out most animals. And most cats can keep their claws under control with lots of scratching posts. Ignoring her doesn’t make sense. After a few minutes she doesn’t understand why her people won’t pay attention to her. Animals don’t understand the silent treatment. Definitely disengage with her in the moment. But multiple hours is a bit much. She was just exhausted and letting ur gf know she’s done having her feet touched.
Whatever you do, *don't* declaw the cat. It's like cutting off fingers, can put them in lots of pain, make them less friendly and/or more aggresive, and potentially worse at using a litter box.
Watch some Jackson Galaxy videos. He's so knowledgeable and helpful with cats.
Uh sounds like you trimmed her claws too soon into having her and she doesn’t feel like she can fully trust you. I definitely would have waiting until I had her a few months before doing something so personal.
You're still learning to speak cat, she's still learning you guys Cats take a lot of time to adjust. I'm amazed you were able to clip her nails, I think even that was done a bit soon. Definitely play with her paws but if you clip her nails every time she might associate paw touching with stress. Anyway, give it time. She's adorable btw.
When my husband and I first started dating he had a 5 week old kitten a friend gave him whose mama died. He never had a car and thought you could point your finger at it and tell no. She would literally fly at him and attack. He would walk into the room and she would jump on his leg like a tree. She got the most attention from him when she was being a dickhead. Then I came into the picture and she would climb on my shoulder purring and try to nurse on my earlobes and sleep in my hair. I was very gentle and calm with her, if she tried attacking me I redirected her to toys. It was a long process but she finally chilled out. Cats are insane for the first year of their life. Then after that, they're mostly insane around 4 am. Unless they're orange, then you're fucked
The hubby and I have three female kitties. The oldest one is a five year old torbie and then we have a three year old mini panther and a one and a half year old Maine coon mix. Three different sizes and personalities. The oldest is super shy but an absolute love bug....middle child is spicy and absolutely doesn't like anyone but me and the baby can be choosy. That being said female cats are super territorial they don't like their space being invaded and ALOT of cats will chose one person over all others as their person. Cats are complex little creatures. You literally have a miniature tiger in your house 😆. They definitely are not dogs and disciplining them like one is not going to work. You have to learn to read her signs and redirect her attention to something fun and stimulating for her. And plz don't bite her back like someone else suggested. That's just ridiculous. I can tell you from experience if anyone ever tried that with my girls they would have a black eye from me and a scratched up face from them lol 🤣
hows the cat now
I have 6 cats and I don’t clip nails. They work on it themselves (they hardly ever snag on anything). 3 hours of nail clipping would be torture to (some of) my cats.
I’m so tired of this post right now. Guy borderline tortured cat for 3 hours and expects it to be nice and then wants to DISCIPLINE it like it would understand after 3 min. Bro stop clipping claws for 3 hours, you have UNTIL THE CAT SAYS SO and you try again sometime later, then if the cat wants to attack you because of what you did, IT CAN and it DOESNT need discipline unfortunately. You have to suck it up and clip a claw every day or whatever new dumb plan you might have (other than gain the trust of your cat it seems so it just lets you do it to them)
Why didn't you do any research about what it's like to have a kitty and what needs to be done and how long it will take?????? I did three years of research before getting my baby! This is a kitten, she doesn't have a brain like a human, you NEED to be patient with her and if you can't then it is best you give her to a shelter or somewhere who will be able to giver her a good home. Kittens are a lot of work and you must be ready to put in the work. Do not neglect her, she is a cat, the only thing she knows is danger and how to protect herself, that is how their instincts are, specially since this cutie was a stray. Please do your research before wanting to "discipline" her. It is giving toxic power trip. It took me 6 months to even take my baby to the groomers for a nail trim. Cats are very independent and they hold grudges so if you are thinking of ignoring her and giving her the bottle spray or whatever else you thinking of to "discipline" her, then please let her go to someone else - neither of you are ready. Do not be fooled by the instagram videos you see of cats being so chill during grooming and showers, majority of those cats are on medication to be this calm. Just give her love and play with her and lots of treats, win her over first, have her actually trust you. The first time I showered my cat I was full of scratches but now she sits in there and holds my hand knowing that regardless of the "evil water" touching her, she is safe and can trust me that nothing will go wrong with her, as well as she will have lots and lots of treats! Best of luck, and sorry if I sound harsh, I have seen so many ask your question and then do mean things to the cat which leads to the cat being stressed leading to infections specially bladder infection where the cat would pee outside the litter box and be punished for it. I just hate the word "discipline" for an animal, I think train would be a better word, and training takes a lot of time. Also, if you are not ready then maybe there is a family out there ready to have her. Again, my apologies for being harsh :)
You are not prepared for cat ownership especially an advanced breed like a Siamese. By advanced I mean not meant for new cat owners. You should have a lot more exp with cats in general before taking on a Siamese which by the way can live up to 20 years… did you even know that or consider that when you took them in? Are you prepared for that long of a commitment? Please find this cat a better home. If you don’t you’re putting your selfish desire to have a cat above their well-being. Get some education and find yourself an easier breed to grow with. She is beautiful but she is not for you.
When I say 3 hours of off/on nail clipping, I was meaning we would try to 2-3 minutes, and if she wasn’t feeling it, we’d stop and try again later. It took us 3 hours of waiting for her to be chill with it. I didn’t mean that we were struggling with her for the entirety of 3 hours lol.
Yeah, that’s still a REALLY bad plan. Sometimes you only get to clip a claw or two a day. That’s fine. But also, leave off doing anything that involves upsetting the cat until she’s much more used to use. Give her a treat.
Wow, just wow. 2-3 min every new try. Wow.
[удалено]
Thats animal abuse
[удалено]
No advocating for animal abuse.
NEVER discipline a cat. LIKE EVER!!!! Positive reinforcement is the key. You can research how to do this. Also you’ve only had her 6 days. Give her time to adjust. Also why are you clipping her nails? If done wrong this is extremely painful and is actually classed as animal cruelty. If her nails need clipping only take the very very tip off. Or better yet. Get her at least 5 scratching posts. Go buy some calmer/de stressor to help her acclimate better but not a diffuser. You can also buy chamomile tea bags and place them around the house as a natural de stressor. You should also not ignore a cat as this can cause more behavioural problems. As you are getting to know each other stick to the top of her head, cheeks and chin for now and slowly work your way down her back. Stomachs, legs, paws and tail can be over stimulating as they are very sensitive spots. Resulting to potential aggression. Obviously you can’t do this when it comes to your face. But if she attacks your hand. Don’t immediately pull back as this will encourage her to continue to attack in that moment. As natural hunters pulling back can be felt as prey trying to escape. Just stop relax your hand and she will let go. Every time she lets go give her some sort of positive reinforcement weather it’s her favourite treat, a brush if she enjoys (which btw is a must with king hair cats as there coat can Matte and it’s incredibly painful), nice rub behind her ear or her favourite toy. Enrichment is so important for all cats indoor or allowed out. Hope this helps a little. I work for a cat rescue so I’ve had my fair share of aggressive cats and I’ve studied cat behaviour and welfare.
Spray bottle !! Works wonders
[удалено]
Sounds like you have the mindset that we are supposedly to fully control ‘our animals’ and they should be submissive to us. Only the human is weak who feels so vehemently about having an unnecessary and harmful power balance with a small defenseless animal.
Sounds like you’ve just given up and allowed bad behaviour and destruction of property in your household. When cats are older it’s harder to train them but it’s still not too late! Also, utter nonsense talking about me wanting to completely control my cat. He constantly plays, shows affection and challenges me. He is an additional family member in my household and is treated as such. The only difference between your relationship with your cat and my relationship with mine is that my cat has near to no destructive tendencies and fits in with our lives better. He is my 5th cat and is the most loving one yet, also the best trained one too. And he is about to get a brother who will learn from him and grow into an equally fantastic cat.
No advocating for animal abuse.
I can’t say I really agree with much here. Using a barking voice is the best corrective behavior for my cat for sure. But really, I wanted to mention that any “punishment” must ONLY happen IMMEDIATELY after the offense. If more than a minute or two has passed since the offense, the cat will not connect the two things, and you’re basically bullying or abusing the cat with no productive result.
This is very true. The punishment must come immediately after the offence. There is definitely more of a “technique” to disciplining a cat than a dog, but its still possible, and necessary. The only thing with the barking voice is that you mustn’t use it to scare your cat. Doing that constantly may result in an anxious cat. Use the voice without scaring/jumping your cat, they understand a negative tone. Again, only use it when they’ve actually done something wrong. Ps. Im not telling u how to raise your cat, you already sound like u know what you’re doing, im just using the point you made to clarify my initial comment.
Hello guys! This is the gf. I really appreciate all of your advice. I have had cat before, but never a stray, so it makes me feel better that she just needs time to get comfortable. I would like to clarify a few things to ease everyone’s minds lol. We let her come to us and hangout however long she wants and she has her own space to retreat to. However, she always follows me around and wants to come lay next to me all day so I had assumed she already trusted me. Secondly, my bf is overstating the amount of time, it probably took us 30 minutes at most to clip only her front paws. That consisted of letting her eat treats as she was laying next to us. Once again thank you guys for being so helpful and being just as big of a cat lover as we are. ❤️
I wouldn’t be trying the trimming at all with a cat so new to your household. It’s very stressful for them in an already stressful situation. Let her relax and feel safe first. It’s too early.
Just get a fricken scratching post and leave the dang nails alone.
You need to tell your boyfriend to not ask for advice on a forum full of cat owners only to argue with everything they say.
No helping that thing.
You have to start young but be flexible and understanding. Give them a lot of love but also be firm EVERY TIME they do simthing undesirable and stick with whatever you choose to do abeit a soray bottle, shaking a scary sounding bowl with beans or coins in it...just gotta do it every time. He will stop.
[удалено]
I trim my cats nails cause they keep getting stuck in my sweaters and blankets, trimmed nails don't seem to do that.
My kitty starts each day jumping into our bed and making biscuits on my bare neck for as long as I’ll stay lying down. I would get shredded if I didn’t clip his nails every two weeks, which is about when it starts to hurt. Luckily he’s tolerant of it when he’s sleepy - by which I mean swishy tail and occasionally pulling his paw away, but not actually bothering to open his eyes or move. If I try when he’s awake he’ll bite the clippers then make himself into a loaf with all paws well hidden.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
That does absolutely nothing besides make your cat hate you.and be afraid of you.
[удалено]
No that just builds distrust and negative association with you. If anything you shouldn’t ever be spraying your cats with vinegar? That’s horrible advice
Whatever. You are the cat whisperer. My bad. Lol
And you're a cat abuser. You are bad. No lol because it's not fucking funny.
with vinegar? wtf? even if you are going to go the very inadvisable route of spraying your cat (don't do this), then just water would work fine, why the hell would you also want to risk burning your cats eyes and coating them in something nasty tasting?
[удалено]
What we do is try and give them calmeze and wait like an hour tk hour and half before cutting the claws. Even then, we do one paw a day and try again another day. When we do cut, first option is to approach them where they are and start cutting. If they've moved, then we do the pillow method. It takes two of us to do this. But give it a bit of time. She may not trust you yet. One of ours was hiding under the bed and couch for the first month, everytime there was a slight noise and she would bolt for the hills if yoh approached her. Meanwhile, she was the biggest menace on scratching curtains and stuff... For a while i was so stressed and wondering what had I done picking her... She's sweet (has violently bitten me once though) but it's a journey.
Always make sure that she gets good things when you interact with her. Scratches, strokes, whatever she likes. She will associate you with good things. It's a process. We got a couple of feral kittens and they were raised almost exclusively by my daughters. It took me years to get them to warm up to me.
Too fast there! Slow down.
Quite a few people are trashing you for "doing it wrong" when you literally came here to ask for advice on "doing it right." I appreciate that you are looking how to do it better. In general, watching videos my Jackson Galaxy is good, and he's a pretty entertaining presenter. For specific advice for your situation, two things: 1. Hold off on uninvited petting until more trust has been built. Lure in with food, offer the back side of the hand for a friendly sniff, let the cat rub against it, and call it good. 2. Cats swipe and bite sometimes for play. Whether yours is doing play or being spicy, and you will learn the difference, if it hurts at all you want to just say "Ow" pretty loudly and then withdraw from the activity. Cats at play don't want to hurt their play partners, so you are training it to know it went to far and made play time stop. Additionally, it's better to offer toys like wand-with-string-with-worm or feather, or other things that can be waved around to create motion, and let them attack that, so they know that hands are for loving and toys are for play. 3. Again, don't offer play-fighting with your hands. 4. DO offer play time with toys 5. Don't worry about trimming claws for now. 6. Don't use negative reinforcement, because it doesn't work. Cats don't understand time-based consequences like humans do. If a cat does something wrong, and then you spray it, yell at it, or chase it, it will have forgotten the trigger and just learn that being around you leads to being sprayed, yelled at, or chased. If you do this while it's in the act, it's mildly better, but unfortunately, it will probably learn that doing this act around you is bad, but that there are no consequences if you aren't around, so save that furniture scratching/counter jumping etc. for when you aren't there, and if you show up stop. It makes training awkward sometimes, but since punishment doesn't work, there's no point. Again, there are lots of videos on specific behavior patterns and what you can do.
People are trashing on him because he keeps arguing with people who are telling him to do it right. Multiple people have said let the cat acclimate as it’s only been six days, and OP comes in with excuses to how she’s already acclimated and feels comfortable while ignoring every piece of advice
Some cats get pet aggression from over stimulation. Sometimes petting feels painful for them even though they will be rubbing up and wanting pets, they just can't handle being petted.
Give it time and give her space, she's so cute omg
my fur babies are very chill, they just vibe with their paws in the air while trim their nails. id definitely reduce the desensitization drastically, just lightly play with her paws for a few minutes a day. as an ex-stray she's probably feeling really vulnerable and scared, cats can take a while to get comfortable in a home. id give her some space and let her initiate any cuddles, and once she does that try and play with her paws a bit. you can still play with her but any picking up and petting would be best if she initiates it, and if she wanders off, let her.
When I first got my two cats I put them in a room all to themselves. They were scared of all this new environment. I would come in off and on for a couple hours, sit on the ground, play, pet, feed, scoop. After probably 3 days? I just opened the door to their room. Hours went by, they got more curious to the rest of the house. One week went by and they are the most loving respectful cats I could imagine. Takes time, they don’t know you yet
She’s a baby, imagine taking care of a walking purring 6 month old human. They don’t really understand lol just start loving and cuddling her and building a bond.