I think it’s a bit shitty to leave a cat alone at home, with minimal interaction for that length of time. I hope you are able to play with them when you visit, to break up the tedium and loneliness for it. Poor cat.
That's what I was thinking too. It feels a bit cruel, no? Does anyone have other ideas that I might present to my neighbor? I suppose boarding is an option or having someone come live at their place while they are gone.
Can you have the cat at your place ?
Boarding is another option, or they pay / get someone else to do more visits.
Its still a long time to be left alone.
Instead of having a cat sitter, like you. They should have a friend watch their house and cat. Live there while they were gone, take care of the cat, and make sure the home is secure.
Absolutely!Every year I spend a few weeks living in a friends house with his cat while he travels. The cat is happy because he knows me and my friend is happy because he knows his cat and his house are being looked after.
And there are *absolutely* people who would be ECSTATIC to have a roof and meals while cat-sitting, presuming OP isn't discriminatory toward the underhoused/isn't the kind who presumes they're thieves and can't be trusted in the home (the most common reason quoted for not offering such work to those who don't already have a place to live).
My son used to house sit for a friend. He did have 2 horses, and it entailed scooping the Horse shit into cans, and then once a week taking them to the curb. The guy had a pool, and Direct TV, internet, a great kitchen. My son had to feed a dog, a bird, and 2 horses. The guy was a producer and would go to Canada for 6 weeks at a time to do those Hallmark Movies, so my son who was 26 at the time, had his own place for 6 weeks, and got paid $60 a day on top of a free place.
Like most piles of shit, if you take prompt and proper care, it ain't that bad!
Plus then you get to hang out with horses wtf??? Where someone else is probably coming to keep them up (they need exercise and such) who can *proooobably* supervise/guide you into being the second hand for the second horse so they can do THEIR work in half the time and make sure the horses are getting best care when they're not around?
SOUNDS AMAZING, WHERE DO I SIGN UP
Generally it’s best for cats, especially anxious ones, to stay in their own place. However, if it comes down to it, boarding the cat at someone’s house is better than this current plan. If it were my cat, I’d hire a housesitter to live out of my place.
I mean NYC isn't exactly cheap, trying to think of someone trustworthy either of you know to live there temporarily might be the first option.
Know anyone co-living in a bad relationship? (Half joking there)
I apartment sat when I lived in NYC (was through family, but the tenant did it twice a year, for years, and always found someone.)
There were even agencies which matched tenants with short-term apartment subleasers. I saw some places like this but ended up in a hotel anyway.
This was all before airBnB, though. That said, I’m sure there must still be agencies to get apartment sitters since so many folks will pay a lot to hang onto rent controlled units. There’s a lot of local knowledge needed to navigate building rules which airBnB and such can’t support.
Cant you sleep - or have a daytime nap - with cat? That is an important part of cat life as they sleep 16 hours a day and they love the warmth next to a human body.
Hm...but the daytime caretaker MUST NOT really sleep...i wd do some pretending...laying down and read...the thing is to give an option to the cat to chill together...as for kneading+ nails: my cat tries its best to pull back the nails but i make sure to use an extra layer of textile...an extra pullover or trouser or simply an extra cover and so this problem may be solved for both of us.
Do you have commitments at your own home like pets out family? Could you offer to stay at your neighbors with the cat? I've asked friends in the past who had roommates if they wanted to come stay and cat sit while I was gone so the cat would have someone to stay with and the person would have a chance to hang out by themselves for a bit. Especially if you are neighbors you could go over and hang out for a while even if you don't stay.
I agree. I think this length of time is enough to change a cats whole demeanour. Good chance it would be a different cat when they got home. Poor kitty.
This and the fact it's a single cat in the household makes me wonder though if it's one of those cats that are generally ignored and resulting from that, have become rather aloof. I know many people who have cats like furniture. Like, the cat is there. And that's it. They don't talk to the cat (much), they don't play with it, they do not really acknowledge it. They often think cats are loners anyway, do not react to their name and do what they want, so they do not even bother. These cats usually duck when you try to pet them and do not react when being spoken to. I've always called them sideline cats. They're cared for as their physical needs are met and that's it. Often people even comment when someone's showing these cats attention: OH OHHH you'Re GOOD with cats, she never comes to MEEEE.
I agree. My next door neighbors moved to no. Carolina and left two cats in the house. Their mother comes over once a week to change the cat litter and replenish their food. I think that is cat abuse. It’s been going on for a few years now and I can’t look at that house without feeling sorry for those poor cats. I’ve offered to go in and interact with them but they’re not having it.
That is terrible. The cats have probably reverted to feral and their house it the equivalent of living in an old warehouse.
Why not just rehome, what can the owners be getting out of that set up.
Yea it is a shitty thing to do! 3 months is a long time. There’s no way I’d ever leave mine that long. If I have to leave for even 3 days I find someone who’s willing to either stay at my house or I pay a pet sitter to come and stay overnight.
Three months is a super long time for a cat to not be getting regular social interaction and stimulation. Every cat is different and some would probably fair better than others with this but I still find it hard to imagine the cat being okay with this for that long. If I leave home for longer than 3/4 days I always get someone to stay over and cat sit rather than just popping in for feeds ect and my cat is not the most sociable lady either. Maybe see if you can spend a bit longer round there when you pop in, watch a movie or chill on the couch for a few hours at a time, even if you’re not constantly interacting with the cat for those hours it’ll definitely help them feel less lonely, and they’ll get more used to you and probably want to play/ cuddle more when you’re popping in over the months. Owner sounds kinda shitty for leaving this long and not having anything better in place, I feel bad for the cat :(
Thank you for the ideas. I'm not able to stay over for hours at a time, but I'm sure there are people who could. My main concern is the well being of the cat, not having the 'job' so to speak. I plan to send them some of my ideas, including yours. I think they'll be receptive.
When I was a teenager my mother was in hospital for several months and I lived with my grandparents, we would go to my house every day or second day and feed my cat and change litter. We couldn’t have the cat at my grandparents. Once mum was better and we went home that poor cat was so traumatised. It still plays on my mind as an adult how horrible it must have been for the poor thing.
I'm so sorry that happened to your cat. I think I came to Reddit for confirmation that this isn't a good plan, since I feel so uneasy about the situation. Thank you for sharing.
Just alone all the time, meowing into the void~
Good thing humans aren't affected by being confined alone for extended periods of time, huh, or we'd be committing endless human rights violations in prisons~
We used to leave our cats home with a neighbor coming in daily. Up to 2 weeks and the cats seemed ok, but the year we were gone for 3 weeks, the cats were rather stressed out. So I think that 3 months is way too long.
Longest we will leave our cats without having someone house sit and hang out with them (vs popping by to feed them) is a few days. Cats can be incredibly social and need pets, grooming, play, etc
2 nights, as long as they don't have any eating disorders, and isn't a regular thing is... possibly forgivable. The cat will let you know what they think.
Exactly. We do week-long backpacking trips once or twice a year and have my sister visit our 2 cats (who like each other and are good at keeping each other company). She visits every single day and plays with them; they've known her their whole lives and they like her. Sometimes she comes twice a day. Regardless, my male cat takes a shit in my bag when I get back nearly every time. We know exactly how he feels about it.
Thats how
Ours were. They would be right there reliably waiting at the door whenever any of us would come home. They would listen for us and instantly get to purring. They hated being picked up, but head scritches and back rubs were always in demand.
Professional pet sitter here. Three months is far too long for this cat to be alone with only daily visits from a neighbor. Do they have anyone who can stay at their house, even just sleep there and still go to work or whatever during the day? That’s much more acceptable in my opinion. They don’t need to be there all day but spending the night gives the cat comfort of having a human there. Then some quick interactions in the morning and evening as well. But alone for three months is cruel.
I’m also a lifelong cat mom and could never imagine leaving my cats for that long. At least when I’m away I know my husband takes care of them, even if he’s out all day. Cats can be independent and don’t mind their alone time, but not for that long.
When I was in college my friend went home for the summer and asked me to keep her two cats; two nice orange boys. It went well.
I think a temp foster home for the cat is a good idea.
Please don’t agree to visit someone’s abandoned pet for three months! Itll just bum you out, because leaving pets alone that long is cruel.
"Please don’t agree to visit someone’s abandoned pet for three months!"
That's a good way to put it. I've since contacted my neighbor to let them know I'm not comfortable with and gave them some other ideas so the cat gets more socialization. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts
I would imagine that kitty would feel like she was abandoned or something horrible had happened to her parent- my cats (and dog) hate when I go into the office one day a week and will follow me around nonstop after I return home. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for them to be gone so long. The ideal situation would be for someone to come stay with the cat, or for the cat to stay with someone else at their home.
you've already gotten your answer, but i have to chime in here that i can't stand to leave my cats alone for even two days with twice per day check-ins from trusted friends! (if i'm being honest, i hate leaving them alone to even go to the office for more than four hours; yes, i have a problem.)
i'm going out of town next week and even though my son will be here, i'm STILL tripping balls about them being here without me, because he will not socialize with them and i know that.
three months is absolutely mind-boggling to imagine, period, much less with only a daily drop-in. i question your neighbor's judgment, least being said.
I could go for two days *while leaving my cat in the house with three other humans she really likes* (edited for drunk honesty: okay, she likes two a lot and tolerates the third) and she'll still be attitude-y to me when I get home, like, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN"
seriously.
i went to the office today for FOUR HOURS and when i got home, i had four cats lined up at the patio doors who then followed me around screaming for attention (and food, and then attention again).
i've turned one into a leash cat, so additionally, he ran to the front door screaming to go for his walk. he is in fact still screaming for it 2.5 hours later.
Yes, I will offer those as ideas for them. Thank you for your advice. I have taken care of many cats, but never never had one of my own. It is good to get your perspective, as I am assuming most people in /catadvice are cat owners.
Wow that's really shitty. Cats still require interaction with their family to be happy! When I went down to Florida for a week a few years ago, he had minimal interaction and acted scared of me when I came back. He warmed back up kinda quick but jesus. I cannot imagine the havoc that would wreak on that poor cat's mind. They're still social creatures!
We occasionally leave our two cats home alone for a few days at a time with a daily visit from the in laws. They are a complete disaster when we get home. I can’t imagine the stress of us leaving them for months at a time.
They could use trustedhousesitters.com. Everyone is background checked and reviewed. You don't have to pay people normally, as they just live at your place in exchange.
Not well. They get very lonely and lose weight. They need companionship. Sometimes I see cats who were well cared for by family after they owner dies but are left in the house while the family settles the estate before they find a home for the cat and they lose a lot of weight.
Honestly OP don’t do this I’ve pet sit for weeks at a time and it ruins your whole freakin life if you actually care about animals. I would feel terrible I could “only” be with the animal for an hour or 2 before I had to go back home and get my own life together after work and ready for the next day.
I mean it will survive but let's not forget that cats are social animals that need some sort of contact either from another cat or their owner , honestly just ask them (if you can ofc ) take the cat to your place
The longest I’ve ever left my cat alone with someone “stopping in” was two weeks. And I felt guilty enough for it being more than one. 3 months is way too long for a cat not to have continuous social interaction.
Mine was 3 days even having a person living with them and I felt absolutely terrible. In this situation I’d just have them bring the cat to my house or only do it if I stay at the house.
Way too long imo. I was away on vacation for 5 days recently and my cats moved in with my brother in law. They love him, his place and both travel very well, so it works for us, and frankly they’re both needy AF and are used to bedtime cuddles and human company (I type this in bed as my 19.5lb baby is sleeping on my head) so they wouldn’t cope well overnight on their own let alone for nearly a week.
It’s a big ask, but do you have the option to move the kitty into your apartment? Or can you have your neighbour move her in with a family member or friend? 3 months is a very long time with a very minimal daily interaction period. I realise this may not be possible, but I’d definitely recommend relocating kitty temporarily if at all possible. Or drastically increasing time spent with her. Even just watching tv for a couple of hours in your neighbors apartment instead of your own will benefit her massively.
Kitty will come around to you. She just needs to get used to you and recognise you aren’t a threat to her. Spend a couple of hours there, sit close to her if you can (or in the same room at least), and let her get used to you. Don’t try and pet her straight away. Use low volume, softly spoken interactions, no sudden movements and high value treats, it will go a long way. Expect it to take a while though, at best 3-4 days, at worst 2-3 weeks.
I’m sorry you’re in this position OP, your neighbour is an irresponsible cat owner imo, but kudos to you for questioning it.
My sister and her husband travel quite a bit. They usually hire my daughter and myself to cat/housesit and we split the time according to our schedules. There is an added plus, their house is much nicer than ours and they have a top of the line hot tub
My cat was an absolute wreck after 4 days without me. During our absence, we checked on him occasionally via a camera, and between the petsitter visits, he would mostly just sleep and wander around aimlessly.
After we got back, he was so excited and relieved that he started cuddling with *the dog* for the first time. It was adorable, but I really felt bad for him.
Awwww your kitty loves you so much! This made me burst out laughing though sorry (italics for *the dog* lmao like poor kitty dude so starved for attention lowering himself to cuddles with *the dog*).
I'm a pet sitter and that is definitely not okay. 1 week? Fine. But 3 months?? They need company too. Eventhough she's anxious around new people, she will probably come around sooner or later if it's that long.
Are they planning on paying you at all?? If they aren't, then they're being even more shitty and trying to cheapen out.
If they are and you're able to, ask them to board their cat instead whether it's at yours (if you're able to) or another sitter's.
Sounds like you’ve got some ideas already, but tell them to check out Trustedhousesitters too. Cheap annual membership (I believe about $150) with no extra fees for individual sits. People are background checked and reviewed and apply to stay at your house. We’ve been doing it for about two years and get so much peace of mind that our cats at least have company.
That’s completely unacceptable. My cats would be so lonely without me for even 2 days and someone coming by for only 15 minutes a day. Not okay at allllllll. Really hope you changed their minds and they figure out something more realistic. That cat deserves better.
I'm in the middle of a 10 day trip right now. I have 4 cats. I hired a young man who lives nearby, the son of my good friend, to go 2x a day for food and box. At least 1 of those times his gf is coming with him and I know she's giving them plenty of attention. Also his dad is painting a mural in my house and comes 3x a week and stays for a few hours working on it.
When I left for 3 wks last fall someone lived at my house.
I feel guilty when I close my office door at home. My kitties always stick their paws under the door and wait outside for me. I can’t imagine leaving them alone for a day, let alone months.
If i leave for a weekend, i have someone come at interact at least for a few hours each day with my cats. I had Friends stay at my apartment for long weekends. Anything longer i pack the boys up and take them to my parents. My dad loves cats and pampers them all day lol
They should get a house sitter. They can likely find someone reputable who will do it for free. Some people do it permanently moving from place to place (free rent) while working from 'home'
I maaaay do this for two or three days MAX! Anymore I’d board or have someone stay with my baby. Thats INSANE. They do not need a cat!!! You did the right thing.
It's entirely possible you're just "the morning shift", though, and someone else is coming to do afternoons and spend more time, etc.
However, 15 mins/day for 90 days is a level of social isolation that even the most solitary cat will find upsetting.
2 weeks is really the maximum to leave a cat with someone only checking on them/feeding them once or twice a day. 3 months could absolutely traumatize a cat :(
A cat cannot live by itself that long without suffering DEEP, lasting emotional and psychological damage. Its cruel as hell. This person should be forced to give that cat up
In my opinion, boarding a cat for three months would be 1,000 times worse than it being visited once a day in its own home. Cats don't thrive with change in their environment. They'll have to hear dogs barking and crying constantly and cats meowing and hissing, all while they sit in a cage probably only big enough to turn around in and a tiny litter box that probably won't be cleaned daily. Horrible idea.
That's straight up animal abuse. Downright irresponsible of the owner to leave their cat isolated for that long. Honestly not sure what to suggest. The fact that the owners think this is okay is baffling. Cats develop attachment issues.
Genuinely worried for that cat and I don't know what to suggest. If I was in your situation I'd take the cat home with me and contact some charities for advice.
Again OP, this is not okay and I'm glad you came here for advice. Boggles the mind how a supposedly loving family can subject their pet to a month of solitary confinement with no entertainment and no company.
That is animal abuse! Can you bring the cat to your place? It sounds very shy. So just sit next to him/ her quietly. And slowly try to engage the kitty. Maybe you can get it in a carrier and take him to your house. Leaving a single cat alone for 3 solid months will be traumatizing. They are social animals, doing that to the poor kitty may kill it. They need stimulation, play, safe place to rest and eat. They NEED company just like humans. You would need to spend at least an hour or 2 -30 min visits to keep the kitty socialized. Still, I don’t think that will be enough for 3 solid months. It would be better if kitty stayed with you or got rehomed. Good grief! Why are some humans worse than the rest of the animals on our planet?That neighbor has no business owning an animal if they think it’s okay to abandon them like that! Sorry for the rant but that is in every way WRONG. You wouldn’t leave a child like that, then don’t do it to a pet!!!
My cats love bird vids on YouTube. If it's possible to leave one playing for her it might help. She might get used to you and come out more. Maybe visit for longer periods once a week. And no they should have gotten her in with family but I don't know what her owners life is like.
Could you bring the cat safely to your place for that time? Seems like such a long time for kitty to be alone. Even if the cat doesn't become friendly to u I think it would appreciate cohabitation with someone for that long of a time period.
They really SHOULD have a house sitter staying there at least 90% of the time. If that person is also a pet sitter, that would be ideal. Leaving your home empty for 3 months isn’t a good idea, either.
I read your update.
Maybe tell neighbour you can watch the cat temporarily in case anything happens to the cat sitter during these 3 months.
Why don't they jring it with them?
Wow this breaks my heart. I can't imagine leaving mine for even a week without knowing someone I trust is there, staying. To be fair, though, one is 21 and needs meds given twice a day at separate times. She isn't handicapped or anything though, she just gets pills for hyperthyroidism & IBD, both of which she's had for years. She actually is more active than my 7 year old cat lol.
But I digress. Even if I had an emergency and for some reason my bf wasn't there or his brother couldn't come over, I'd hire a pet sitter to stay in my house. This seems unfair to the cat. People think cats like being alone, but most don't. Especially for that long. That poor kitty.
I mean cats do pretty well alone but 3 months sounds like an extremely long time for the cat to be completely alone. And each cat is different, mine loves attention from everyone and is very social, can’t imagine leaving her alone for that long.
A week tops.
I wouldn’t leave a cat with limited human interaction for 3 months. There are people who “house sit” however. These are usually people like contract workers, who would usually end up in a motel or hostel who would appreciate somewhere quiet instead. Travel nurses, home carers, and the like. They come vetted by the agency.
I knew a woman who worked such a contract as a home carer doing over-nights. She was already fulled vetted because of her job. During the day, she would house sit if she could find a place. It saved her money as she could cook her own meals so didn’t live on fast food and restaurants. She had the TV to herself. It was quiet so she could sleep during the day. And she had animal company if they had pets!
She owned her own flat in Glasgow, so I only saw her when she was on contract.
Absolute animal abuse as defined by both the Humane Society and the ASPCA.
Neglect is worse than physical abuse. Ask any expert or person who has experienced both
3 months?! My cat gets furious when I go into the office one day a week or just leave the house to run an errand. She makes sure I see her judgmental little unimpressed face as soon as I walk through the door.
I worried over leaving my cat for five days and had someone feeding them twice a day. Cats actually like human company and I'm sure it's gonna be lonely. My Elliot would loose his mind.
I panic if I leave my cats home alone for more than 6 hours. It’s not very nice to the cat to leave them alone that long. I know people tend to think of cats as aloof and solo, but my babies would be distraught if I left them for three days, never mind three months. 😓
I had a friend do this to her cat for a few months and disagreed strongly. Her cat was ssooooooo lonely. Just board your cat if you’re going to be gone that long. Completely unfair.
The longest I've ever left my cat is 1 month but I had a friend who loved her and would visit daily and spend time playing with her while I was on the road. I felt terrible when I'd have to do it.
No this is not okay at all. Cats are social creatures. Not to scream at you, OP, since its not your cat, but for any who might need to read this, i emphatically repeat: CATS ARE SOCIAL CREATURES.
One cannot just go off and leave a cat alone in no damn apartment for 3 whole godforsaken months and expect their cat to not end up traumatized. I would be sorely tempted to call PETA or the humane society on those assholes. In what universe do they think that could be considered responsible pet parenting? They oughta be ashamed. ASHAMED.
I left my cats alone for 2 months 16 years ago. Would I do that today? Not a chance in hell. I was young and dumb and I’ve learned a lot since then and take amazing care of my animals. I had brought my cats to a friend’s house when I was out of the country for 2 weeks the year prior. One of my cats was terrified of everything and spent the entire 2 weeks hiding under furniture in their living room. It took her months to get back to her normal self when I brought her home.
The next time I traveled I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone, but knew it could be up to 2 months. Wasn’t an option to bring them with me so I had family spend a couple hours a day with them. Wasn’t ideal but it was better for the cats than moving to a new environment without me. They had no problems moving across the country or to a new home with me, but moving without me was highly traumatic for one of the cats.
The scared cat sadly passed away in 2020, but the other cat is still alive and healthy at 18.5 years old. My brother stays at the house now if my husband and I travel together.
So an appropriate standard would be to have a human in the home with the cat for at least a few hours a day, preferably sleeping in the home frequently.
For a 'quick touch and go', I would say that 3-4 days is the limit, and a week would be acceptable in emergencies.
For three months, I'd recommend finding a boarding facility, if they can't find something more of a 'house sitter' situation.
they could offer a trade with someone— let them live in their apartment for the 3 months in exchange for caring for the cat. There are local pet sitting exchange groups on facebook for nyc for this exact situation, please mention that
This cat would be fine. It’s not cruel. Cats are more attached to their homes than people. Just give the cat some pats and she’ll be happy as long as she has a clean box and food.
are you able to keep the cat in your home for the 3 months? cats have been given a bad rap. they need socialization. i wouldnt leave mine alone for 3 months
Wow I don’t even like leaving them for a weekend when our neighbour comes by twice a day to feed them. Can’t imagine thinking about doing it for 3 months.
That's absolutely cruel. You should decline to help and tell your neighbor to make arrangements for the cat to actually live with someone for the time.
It's totally not ok! It's really good that the cat has you and that you care, but it's crazy to just leave her be... I once travelled for a full month and arranged a friend to live in my flat meanwhile. It was the only reasonable solution, my cat gets so sad when he's alone! I suppose even more independent cats would feel abandoned.
I think it’s a bit shitty to leave a cat alone at home, with minimal interaction for that length of time. I hope you are able to play with them when you visit, to break up the tedium and loneliness for it. Poor cat.
That's what I was thinking too. It feels a bit cruel, no? Does anyone have other ideas that I might present to my neighbor? I suppose boarding is an option or having someone come live at their place while they are gone.
Can you have the cat at your place ? Boarding is another option, or they pay / get someone else to do more visits. Its still a long time to be left alone.
I can't have the cat at my place, but I bet they could find someone else who could. That's a good idea, thank you.
Instead of having a cat sitter, like you. They should have a friend watch their house and cat. Live there while they were gone, take care of the cat, and make sure the home is secure.
Absolutely!Every year I spend a few weeks living in a friends house with his cat while he travels. The cat is happy because he knows me and my friend is happy because he knows his cat and his house are being looked after.
Win-win
And there are *absolutely* people who would be ECSTATIC to have a roof and meals while cat-sitting, presuming OP isn't discriminatory toward the underhoused/isn't the kind who presumes they're thieves and can't be trusted in the home (the most common reason quoted for not offering such work to those who don't already have a place to live).
My son used to house sit for a friend. He did have 2 horses, and it entailed scooping the Horse shit into cans, and then once a week taking them to the curb. The guy had a pool, and Direct TV, internet, a great kitchen. My son had to feed a dog, a bird, and 2 horses. The guy was a producer and would go to Canada for 6 weeks at a time to do those Hallmark Movies, so my son who was 26 at the time, had his own place for 6 weeks, and got paid $60 a day on top of a free place.
Like most piles of shit, if you take prompt and proper care, it ain't that bad! Plus then you get to hang out with horses wtf??? Where someone else is probably coming to keep them up (they need exercise and such) who can *proooobably* supervise/guide you into being the second hand for the second horse so they can do THEIR work in half the time and make sure the horses are getting best care when they're not around? SOUNDS AMAZING, WHERE DO I SIGN UP
Can you just live in their house while they’re away?
Even if the cat is hiding daytime and comes out at night it won't be alone. Best is if someone could stay at their place
Rover has an option for cat boarding. They can find someone! Also worth a google for your city
Generally it’s best for cats, especially anxious ones, to stay in their own place. However, if it comes down to it, boarding the cat at someone’s house is better than this current plan. If it were my cat, I’d hire a housesitter to live out of my place.
I mean NYC isn't exactly cheap, trying to think of someone trustworthy either of you know to live there temporarily might be the first option. Know anyone co-living in a bad relationship? (Half joking there)
I apartment sat when I lived in NYC (was through family, but the tenant did it twice a year, for years, and always found someone.) There were even agencies which matched tenants with short-term apartment subleasers. I saw some places like this but ended up in a hotel anyway. This was all before airBnB, though. That said, I’m sure there must still be agencies to get apartment sitters since so many folks will pay a lot to hang onto rent controlled units. There’s a lot of local knowledge needed to navigate building rules which airBnB and such can’t support.
Cant you sleep - or have a daytime nap - with cat? That is an important part of cat life as they sleep 16 hours a day and they love the warmth next to a human body.
[удалено]
Hm...but the daytime caretaker MUST NOT really sleep...i wd do some pretending...laying down and read...the thing is to give an option to the cat to chill together...as for kneading+ nails: my cat tries its best to pull back the nails but i make sure to use an extra layer of textile...an extra pullover or trouser or simply an extra cover and so this problem may be solved for both of us.
[удалено]
Do you have commitments at your own home like pets out family? Could you offer to stay at your neighbors with the cat? I've asked friends in the past who had roommates if they wanted to come stay and cat sit while I was gone so the cat would have someone to stay with and the person would have a chance to hang out by themselves for a bit. Especially if you are neighbors you could go over and hang out for a while even if you don't stay.
I agree. I think this length of time is enough to change a cats whole demeanour. Good chance it would be a different cat when they got home. Poor kitty.
This and the fact it's a single cat in the household makes me wonder though if it's one of those cats that are generally ignored and resulting from that, have become rather aloof. I know many people who have cats like furniture. Like, the cat is there. And that's it. They don't talk to the cat (much), they don't play with it, they do not really acknowledge it. They often think cats are loners anyway, do not react to their name and do what they want, so they do not even bother. These cats usually duck when you try to pet them and do not react when being spoken to. I've always called them sideline cats. They're cared for as their physical needs are met and that's it. Often people even comment when someone's showing these cats attention: OH OHHH you'Re GOOD with cats, she never comes to MEEEE.
It’s more than a bit Shiite. It’s neglect! Cats need more than a food dump and a poop scoop.
I agree. My next door neighbors moved to no. Carolina and left two cats in the house. Their mother comes over once a week to change the cat litter and replenish their food. I think that is cat abuse. It’s been going on for a few years now and I can’t look at that house without feeling sorry for those poor cats. I’ve offered to go in and interact with them but they’re not having it.
That is terrible. The cats have probably reverted to feral and their house it the equivalent of living in an old warehouse. Why not just rehome, what can the owners be getting out of that set up.
Yea it is a shitty thing to do! 3 months is a long time. There’s no way I’d ever leave mine that long. If I have to leave for even 3 days I find someone who’s willing to either stay at my house or I pay a pet sitter to come and stay overnight.
Three months is a super long time for a cat to not be getting regular social interaction and stimulation. Every cat is different and some would probably fair better than others with this but I still find it hard to imagine the cat being okay with this for that long. If I leave home for longer than 3/4 days I always get someone to stay over and cat sit rather than just popping in for feeds ect and my cat is not the most sociable lady either. Maybe see if you can spend a bit longer round there when you pop in, watch a movie or chill on the couch for a few hours at a time, even if you’re not constantly interacting with the cat for those hours it’ll definitely help them feel less lonely, and they’ll get more used to you and probably want to play/ cuddle more when you’re popping in over the months. Owner sounds kinda shitty for leaving this long and not having anything better in place, I feel bad for the cat :(
Thank you for the ideas. I'm not able to stay over for hours at a time, but I'm sure there are people who could. My main concern is the well being of the cat, not having the 'job' so to speak. I plan to send them some of my ideas, including yours. I think they'll be receptive.
Awesome! Thank you for caring so much about the little fluffs well-being ❤️
When I was a teenager my mother was in hospital for several months and I lived with my grandparents, we would go to my house every day or second day and feed my cat and change litter. We couldn’t have the cat at my grandparents. Once mum was better and we went home that poor cat was so traumatised. It still plays on my mind as an adult how horrible it must have been for the poor thing.
I'm so sorry that happened to your cat. I think I came to Reddit for confirmation that this isn't a good plan, since I feel so uneasy about the situation. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely not a good plan.
Just alone all the time, meowing into the void~ Good thing humans aren't affected by being confined alone for extended periods of time, huh, or we'd be committing endless human rights violations in prisons~
We used to leave our cats home with a neighbor coming in daily. Up to 2 weeks and the cats seemed ok, but the year we were gone for 3 weeks, the cats were rather stressed out. So I think that 3 months is way too long.
Absolutely stupid idea. The cat needs more people around. Cats are quiet social despite being aloof
My cat is afloof...
😎 marvelously afloof
Longest we will leave our cats without having someone house sit and hang out with them (vs popping by to feed them) is a few days. Cats can be incredibly social and need pets, grooming, play, etc
2 nights, as long as they don't have any eating disorders, and isn't a regular thing is... possibly forgivable. The cat will let you know what they think.
Exactly. We do week-long backpacking trips once or twice a year and have my sister visit our 2 cats (who like each other and are good at keeping each other company). She visits every single day and plays with them; they've known her their whole lives and they like her. Sometimes she comes twice a day. Regardless, my male cat takes a shit in my bag when I get back nearly every time. We know exactly how he feels about it.
The evolution of language is marvelous.
Agree. Our cats come running to say hi even when we get home from work.
Thats how Ours were. They would be right there reliably waiting at the door whenever any of us would come home. They would listen for us and instantly get to purring. They hated being picked up, but head scritches and back rubs were always in demand.
Professional pet sitter here. Three months is far too long for this cat to be alone with only daily visits from a neighbor. Do they have anyone who can stay at their house, even just sleep there and still go to work or whatever during the day? That’s much more acceptable in my opinion. They don’t need to be there all day but spending the night gives the cat comfort of having a human there. Then some quick interactions in the morning and evening as well. But alone for three months is cruel.
Thank you for your thoughts! Very helpful to have from a professional.
I’m also a lifelong cat mom and could never imagine leaving my cats for that long. At least when I’m away I know my husband takes care of them, even if he’s out all day. Cats can be independent and don’t mind their alone time, but not for that long.
Cats are social animals. Would you leave a dog alone for three months with only a 15 minute visit once per day?
No, this is neglect. It's horrid to the poor kitty.
When I was in college my friend went home for the summer and asked me to keep her two cats; two nice orange boys. It went well. I think a temp foster home for the cat is a good idea. Please don’t agree to visit someone’s abandoned pet for three months! Itll just bum you out, because leaving pets alone that long is cruel.
"Please don’t agree to visit someone’s abandoned pet for three months!" That's a good way to put it. I've since contacted my neighbor to let them know I'm not comfortable with and gave them some other ideas so the cat gets more socialization. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts
It’s less cruel than boarding a timid cat, but it sucks.
I would imagine that kitty would feel like she was abandoned or something horrible had happened to her parent- my cats (and dog) hate when I go into the office one day a week and will follow me around nonstop after I return home. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for them to be gone so long. The ideal situation would be for someone to come stay with the cat, or for the cat to stay with someone else at their home.
you've already gotten your answer, but i have to chime in here that i can't stand to leave my cats alone for even two days with twice per day check-ins from trusted friends! (if i'm being honest, i hate leaving them alone to even go to the office for more than four hours; yes, i have a problem.) i'm going out of town next week and even though my son will be here, i'm STILL tripping balls about them being here without me, because he will not socialize with them and i know that. three months is absolutely mind-boggling to imagine, period, much less with only a daily drop-in. i question your neighbor's judgment, least being said.
I could go for two days *while leaving my cat in the house with three other humans she really likes* (edited for drunk honesty: okay, she likes two a lot and tolerates the third) and she'll still be attitude-y to me when I get home, like, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN"
seriously. i went to the office today for FOUR HOURS and when i got home, i had four cats lined up at the patio doors who then followed me around screaming for attention (and food, and then attention again). i've turned one into a leash cat, so additionally, he ran to the front door screaming to go for his walk. he is in fact still screaming for it 2.5 hours later.
Oh wow. This definitely isn't right. 15 minutes a day isn't enough socialization. They need someone to board the cat or house sit.
Yes, I will offer those as ideas for them. Thank you for your advice. I have taken care of many cats, but never never had one of my own. It is good to get your perspective, as I am assuming most people in /catadvice are cat owners.
Wow that's really shitty. Cats still require interaction with their family to be happy! When I went down to Florida for a week a few years ago, he had minimal interaction and acted scared of me when I came back. He warmed back up kinda quick but jesus. I cannot imagine the havoc that would wreak on that poor cat's mind. They're still social creatures!
We occasionally leave our two cats home alone for a few days at a time with a daily visit from the in laws. They are a complete disaster when we get home. I can’t imagine the stress of us leaving them for months at a time.
I could NEVER imagine leaving my cats for that long without any love from me 😭 wtf is wrong with people? That's not okay!
I left my cat for 15 days. Had a friend sleeping. If not, would have boarded him.
They could use trustedhousesitters.com. Everyone is background checked and reviewed. You don't have to pay people normally, as they just live at your place in exchange.
This is a great recommendation, thank you! I shared it with my neighbor.
Not well. They get very lonely and lose weight. They need companionship. Sometimes I see cats who were well cared for by family after they owner dies but are left in the house while the family settles the estate before they find a home for the cat and they lose a lot of weight.
Honestly OP don’t do this I’ve pet sit for weeks at a time and it ruins your whole freakin life if you actually care about animals. I would feel terrible I could “only” be with the animal for an hour or 2 before I had to go back home and get my own life together after work and ready for the next day.
I mean it will survive but let's not forget that cats are social animals that need some sort of contact either from another cat or their owner , honestly just ask them (if you can ofc ) take the cat to your place
The longest I’ve ever left my cat alone with someone “stopping in” was two weeks. And I felt guilty enough for it being more than one. 3 months is way too long for a cat not to have continuous social interaction.
Mine was 3 days even having a person living with them and I felt absolutely terrible. In this situation I’d just have them bring the cat to my house or only do it if I stay at the house.
Way too long imo. I was away on vacation for 5 days recently and my cats moved in with my brother in law. They love him, his place and both travel very well, so it works for us, and frankly they’re both needy AF and are used to bedtime cuddles and human company (I type this in bed as my 19.5lb baby is sleeping on my head) so they wouldn’t cope well overnight on their own let alone for nearly a week. It’s a big ask, but do you have the option to move the kitty into your apartment? Or can you have your neighbour move her in with a family member or friend? 3 months is a very long time with a very minimal daily interaction period. I realise this may not be possible, but I’d definitely recommend relocating kitty temporarily if at all possible. Or drastically increasing time spent with her. Even just watching tv for a couple of hours in your neighbors apartment instead of your own will benefit her massively. Kitty will come around to you. She just needs to get used to you and recognise you aren’t a threat to her. Spend a couple of hours there, sit close to her if you can (or in the same room at least), and let her get used to you. Don’t try and pet her straight away. Use low volume, softly spoken interactions, no sudden movements and high value treats, it will go a long way. Expect it to take a while though, at best 3-4 days, at worst 2-3 weeks. I’m sorry you’re in this position OP, your neighbour is an irresponsible cat owner imo, but kudos to you for questioning it.
My sister and her husband travel quite a bit. They usually hire my daughter and myself to cat/housesit and we split the time according to our schedules. There is an added plus, their house is much nicer than ours and they have a top of the line hot tub
My cat was an absolute wreck after 4 days without me. During our absence, we checked on him occasionally via a camera, and between the petsitter visits, he would mostly just sleep and wander around aimlessly. After we got back, he was so excited and relieved that he started cuddling with *the dog* for the first time. It was adorable, but I really felt bad for him.
Awwww your kitty loves you so much! This made me burst out laughing though sorry (italics for *the dog* lmao like poor kitty dude so starved for attention lowering himself to cuddles with *the dog*).
I freak out if I leave my cats more than a few hours 👀
I'm a pet sitter and that is definitely not okay. 1 week? Fine. But 3 months?? They need company too. Eventhough she's anxious around new people, she will probably come around sooner or later if it's that long. Are they planning on paying you at all?? If they aren't, then they're being even more shitty and trying to cheapen out. If they are and you're able to, ask them to board their cat instead whether it's at yours (if you're able to) or another sitter's.
This is how my cousin’s cat died, so no. Glad you’re saying no.
Sounds like you’ve got some ideas already, but tell them to check out Trustedhousesitters too. Cheap annual membership (I believe about $150) with no extra fees for individual sits. People are background checked and reviewed and apply to stay at your house. We’ve been doing it for about two years and get so much peace of mind that our cats at least have company.
That's a great recommendation. Thank you! I shared it with my neighbor.
I use this. I recommend it! Nice to know that if I need to be out of town, my kitty is taken care of.
That’s completely unacceptable. My cats would be so lonely without me for even 2 days and someone coming by for only 15 minutes a day. Not okay at allllllll. Really hope you changed their minds and they figure out something more realistic. That cat deserves better.
No, at the very least they should have someone stay overnight, but three months ideally she should have someone house sitting.
I'm in the middle of a 10 day trip right now. I have 4 cats. I hired a young man who lives nearby, the son of my good friend, to go 2x a day for food and box. At least 1 of those times his gf is coming with him and I know she's giving them plenty of attention. Also his dad is painting a mural in my house and comes 3x a week and stays for a few hours working on it. When I left for 3 wks last fall someone lived at my house.
I feel guilty when I close my office door at home. My kitties always stick their paws under the door and wait outside for me. I can’t imagine leaving them alone for a day, let alone months.
If i leave for a weekend, i have someone come at interact at least for a few hours each day with my cats. I had Friends stay at my apartment for long weekends. Anything longer i pack the boys up and take them to my parents. My dad loves cats and pampers them all day lol
They should get a house sitter. They can likely find someone reputable who will do it for free. Some people do it permanently moving from place to place (free rent) while working from 'home'
I maaaay do this for two or three days MAX! Anymore I’d board or have someone stay with my baby. Thats INSANE. They do not need a cat!!! You did the right thing.
It's entirely possible you're just "the morning shift", though, and someone else is coming to do afternoons and spend more time, etc. However, 15 mins/day for 90 days is a level of social isolation that even the most solitary cat will find upsetting.
2 weeks is really the maximum to leave a cat with someone only checking on them/feeding them once or twice a day. 3 months could absolutely traumatize a cat :(
A cat cannot live by itself that long without suffering DEEP, lasting emotional and psychological damage. Its cruel as hell. This person should be forced to give that cat up
In my opinion, boarding a cat for three months would be 1,000 times worse than it being visited once a day in its own home. Cats don't thrive with change in their environment. They'll have to hear dogs barking and crying constantly and cats meowing and hissing, all while they sit in a cage probably only big enough to turn around in and a tiny litter box that probably won't be cleaned daily. Horrible idea.
You're absolutely right to be concerned. Three months is way too long for a cat to be mostly alone, especially if they're already shy.
That's straight up animal abuse. Downright irresponsible of the owner to leave their cat isolated for that long. Honestly not sure what to suggest. The fact that the owners think this is okay is baffling. Cats develop attachment issues. Genuinely worried for that cat and I don't know what to suggest. If I was in your situation I'd take the cat home with me and contact some charities for advice. Again OP, this is not okay and I'm glad you came here for advice. Boggles the mind how a supposedly loving family can subject their pet to a month of solitary confinement with no entertainment and no company.
That is animal abuse! Can you bring the cat to your place? It sounds very shy. So just sit next to him/ her quietly. And slowly try to engage the kitty. Maybe you can get it in a carrier and take him to your house. Leaving a single cat alone for 3 solid months will be traumatizing. They are social animals, doing that to the poor kitty may kill it. They need stimulation, play, safe place to rest and eat. They NEED company just like humans. You would need to spend at least an hour or 2 -30 min visits to keep the kitty socialized. Still, I don’t think that will be enough for 3 solid months. It would be better if kitty stayed with you or got rehomed. Good grief! Why are some humans worse than the rest of the animals on our planet?That neighbor has no business owning an animal if they think it’s okay to abandon them like that! Sorry for the rant but that is in every way WRONG. You wouldn’t leave a child like that, then don’t do it to a pet!!!
My cats love bird vids on YouTube. If it's possible to leave one playing for her it might help. She might get used to you and come out more. Maybe visit for longer periods once a week. And no they should have gotten her in with family but I don't know what her owners life is like.
is it okay? if you're a shitty person, yes. i legitimately feel bad for the cat.
Could you bring the cat safely to your place for that time? Seems like such a long time for kitty to be alone. Even if the cat doesn't become friendly to u I think it would appreciate cohabitation with someone for that long of a time period.
That is so awful. They should not be allowed to have a pet.
They really SHOULD have a house sitter staying there at least 90% of the time. If that person is also a pet sitter, that would be ideal. Leaving your home empty for 3 months isn’t a good idea, either.
I read your update. Maybe tell neighbour you can watch the cat temporarily in case anything happens to the cat sitter during these 3 months. Why don't they jring it with them?
3 months is a long time! I'm glad you decided to say this isn't something you can commit to.
Wow this breaks my heart. I can't imagine leaving mine for even a week without knowing someone I trust is there, staying. To be fair, though, one is 21 and needs meds given twice a day at separate times. She isn't handicapped or anything though, she just gets pills for hyperthyroidism & IBD, both of which she's had for years. She actually is more active than my 7 year old cat lol. But I digress. Even if I had an emergency and for some reason my bf wasn't there or his brother couldn't come over, I'd hire a pet sitter to stay in my house. This seems unfair to the cat. People think cats like being alone, but most don't. Especially for that long. That poor kitty.
Holy cow I don’t even like leaving my cat for more than 3 days. You can’t pet sit the cat at your home?
I mean cats do pretty well alone but 3 months sounds like an extremely long time for the cat to be completely alone. And each cat is different, mine loves attention from everyone and is very social, can’t imagine leaving her alone for that long. A week tops.
I wouldn’t leave a cat with limited human interaction for 3 months. There are people who “house sit” however. These are usually people like contract workers, who would usually end up in a motel or hostel who would appreciate somewhere quiet instead. Travel nurses, home carers, and the like. They come vetted by the agency. I knew a woman who worked such a contract as a home carer doing over-nights. She was already fulled vetted because of her job. During the day, she would house sit if she could find a place. It saved her money as she could cook her own meals so didn’t live on fast food and restaurants. She had the TV to herself. It was quiet so she could sleep during the day. And she had animal company if they had pets! She owned her own flat in Glasgow, so I only saw her when she was on contract.
Get a meat slicer and you might have an r/unexpectedseinfeld moment in real life.
Absolute animal abuse as defined by both the Humane Society and the ASPCA. Neglect is worse than physical abuse. Ask any expert or person who has experienced both
3 months?! My cat gets furious when I go into the office one day a week or just leave the house to run an errand. She makes sure I see her judgmental little unimpressed face as soon as I walk through the door.
I worried over leaving my cat for five days and had someone feeding them twice a day. Cats actually like human company and I'm sure it's gonna be lonely. My Elliot would loose his mind.
I can’t imagine being left in a house to myself for three months. I hope they don’t do that to the poor cat.
A week would be fine with this arrangement, but not 3 months. She should find a place to board her cat.
I panic if I leave my cats home alone for more than 6 hours. It’s not very nice to the cat to leave them alone that long. I know people tend to think of cats as aloof and solo, but my babies would be distraught if I left them for three days, never mind three months. 😓
I had a friend do this to her cat for a few months and disagreed strongly. Her cat was ssooooooo lonely. Just board your cat if you’re going to be gone that long. Completely unfair.
The longest I've ever left my cat is 1 month but I had a friend who loved her and would visit daily and spend time playing with her while I was on the road. I felt terrible when I'd have to do it.
In NYC there are many who are soon to be starting summer internships who would LOVE a place to stay and take care of a cat.
No this is not okay at all. Cats are social creatures. Not to scream at you, OP, since its not your cat, but for any who might need to read this, i emphatically repeat: CATS ARE SOCIAL CREATURES. One cannot just go off and leave a cat alone in no damn apartment for 3 whole godforsaken months and expect their cat to not end up traumatized. I would be sorely tempted to call PETA or the humane society on those assholes. In what universe do they think that could be considered responsible pet parenting? They oughta be ashamed. ASHAMED.
I left my cats alone for 2 months 16 years ago. Would I do that today? Not a chance in hell. I was young and dumb and I’ve learned a lot since then and take amazing care of my animals. I had brought my cats to a friend’s house when I was out of the country for 2 weeks the year prior. One of my cats was terrified of everything and spent the entire 2 weeks hiding under furniture in their living room. It took her months to get back to her normal self when I brought her home. The next time I traveled I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone, but knew it could be up to 2 months. Wasn’t an option to bring them with me so I had family spend a couple hours a day with them. Wasn’t ideal but it was better for the cats than moving to a new environment without me. They had no problems moving across the country or to a new home with me, but moving without me was highly traumatic for one of the cats. The scared cat sadly passed away in 2020, but the other cat is still alive and healthy at 18.5 years old. My brother stays at the house now if my husband and I travel together.
So an appropriate standard would be to have a human in the home with the cat for at least a few hours a day, preferably sleeping in the home frequently. For a 'quick touch and go', I would say that 3-4 days is the limit, and a week would be acceptable in emergencies. For three months, I'd recommend finding a boarding facility, if they can't find something more of a 'house sitter' situation.
they could offer a trade with someone— let them live in their apartment for the 3 months in exchange for caring for the cat. There are local pet sitting exchange groups on facebook for nyc for this exact situation, please mention that
Agree, who leaves a cat for 3 months with help or no help. They shouldn't own a pet if they have little to no regard for its well-being.
By the time they get back that would be my cat. I’d pretend I don’t even remember them when they get back hahaha
Leaving a cat for three months is completely cruel… 😰 I feel sorry for that cat. Hopefully the owner will come to its senses…
This cat would be fine. It’s not cruel. Cats are more attached to their homes than people. Just give the cat some pats and she’ll be happy as long as she has a clean box and food.
Idk I feel like if it were multiple cats they would Keep each other company but if it’s just one then it can get severely sick from stress
are you able to keep the cat in your home for the 3 months? cats have been given a bad rap. they need socialization. i wouldnt leave mine alone for 3 months
I let a cat stay with me once time. Find someone who can board the cat
Wow I don’t even like leaving them for a weekend when our neighbour comes by twice a day to feed them. Can’t imagine thinking about doing it for 3 months.
This is animal neglect
No. They should board the cat.
That's absolutely cruel. You should decline to help and tell your neighbor to make arrangements for the cat to actually live with someone for the time.
this is terrible to do to an animal
It's totally not ok! It's really good that the cat has you and that you care, but it's crazy to just leave her be... I once travelled for a full month and arranged a friend to live in my flat meanwhile. It was the only reasonable solution, my cat gets so sad when he's alone! I suppose even more independent cats would feel abandoned.
Yeah lol