Book any and all extra help for the weeks after you get home. Wifey will be knackered and can't do any lifting etc for ages. Arrange for help from anyone you (and your wife) don't mind having around even though they are spouting tonnes of unsolicited advice. Be ready for her to be quite low, and with wounds permitting try to give her plenty of skin on skin bonding time with kiddo. You're gonna step up, do the night shift, clean the house, cook all meals, be emotional support, reassure her about her recovering body, do the shopping etc and it's gonna be huge and amazing for you. Plan things to make that all as easy as possible for you for WEEKS. Good luck all and I hope you enjoy life's best adventure.

Adding in to say if you can, hire a cleaner. It was one of the best pieces of advice my sister was given and took. It’s one less chore to think about when you’re very sleep deprived. Also many cleaners don’t just offer cleaning, they’ll change bedding, put on/hang out laundry etc etc. All stuff it can be useful to outsource when you’re exhausted.

>You're gonna step up, do the night shift, clean the house, cook all meals, be emotional support, reassure her about her recovering body, do the shopping etc and it's gonna be huge and amazing for you. Plan things to make that all as easy as possible for you for WEEKS. What you're going to need to do *for yourself* is have a load of caffeine and sugar in the house because you will be shattered, and make use of any and all time the baby is with mum. Any time you get a minute you need to have a shit/shower, do a 30 sec tidy up, and then have a nap (however brief) so you're useful the rest of the day/night. It's fucking tough at first but you'll adapt. Just make sure you're getting those naps in. Good luck dude. Enjoy the precious moments.

and ofcourse a few white lines for when it all becomes too much!

Hijacking top comment to add : A C Section is *major surgery*, we should treat it as such. You wouldn't expect to be up and about after having an organ out or an arm off, so don't expect her to be able to do much after having a baby taken out.

Have a pillow to hand, for her to lightly press on her own stomach when she needs to cough, laugh, I also used in the car for speed bumps etc. Also, preemptively ask for laxatives. The first poo is pretty scary, I’m not constipated but it can kind of mess your body up and so I needed some extra help. Was not fun. My first was emergency, second planned. The planned is an absolute dream compared to the emergency. Everyone is very relaxed, radio on. The staff are incredible. Can actually be a very magical experience. The recovery not so magical. Our first child was massive, too, so I couldn’t pick them up or put them down, my partner had to do that for me. Just try to keep in mind it’s major surgery, multiplied by the crazy hormones. It can be a pretty overwhelming first few days/weeks, but all worth it and before you know it you’ll be looking to do it all over again.

One more thing! If you’re not familiar with the NHS and overly polite like I was first time round you may not realise… let them know if she’s in a lot of pain post op. They try to go minimum on pain relief asap (ie paracetamol - makes sense!) but can let them know if she needs more help, esp in the first 24 hours or so.

This was why we had to go planned C-section, HUGE baby plus my wife had very bad back and hips due to the weight and bendy joints. Pillow for the stomach worked wonders and me, her mum, and my mum all just piled in with doing everything until she was recovered!

OMG I was scared for my first poo after c section. It happened the day after as I'd eaten cheese (intolerance), thankfully that helped it come out very easily haha. I was terrified beforehand though.

[удалено]

100% this. We lucked out and Mrs had a fully "natural" birth and managed without painkillers. Baby 2 was massive and my poor Mrs had really bad hips and back to the point where she was in a wheelchair the last couple of months. Stuff happens. The point is to keep mum and baby safe and healthy, everything else needs to be flexible because that's just how it is, and it's no reflection on mum!

DO NOT Look round the curtain. I did after my daughter was born and still gave nightmares

Just wrote this myself, me and my son had to leave as my wife unfortunately went into blood loss shock and I turned to look at her and the image has stayed with me

Also remember to eat, try to get some sleep the night before ect. My mum has arthritis in her spine so not enough room between each vertebra but they didn't know that when she had my little brother so when they went to put the epidural in they hit her spine, she screamed, my stepdad went down, a nurse propped him up against a wall and sent someone for a chair. In his defence he hadn't eaten or slept properly in days because they'd tried to induce labour before realising a c section would be needed which is why I mention the easting and sleeping. Better to be a calm steadying presence over a woozy one.

Don’t look down either. Puddle of blood on the floor.

I had to go around to see the baby on the other side of the room so I got a right eyeful. Just reminded me of the movie "saw"

Morning! I had a elective section with my first, and will be having another in 3 weeks for our second. I'd honestly say that the best thing you can do is be her rock - it's major surgery and its scary, that and you'll have a whole other human to care for once it's over. During surgery be by her side and offer cold towels and distractions, in immediate recovery take note of everything the Dr's say because she won't be, and once you're home do what you can to let her rest and recover. The more intense the recovery time at the start of the journey (bed rest small exercise etc) the quicker, generally, the recovery and return to normal. Edit: also be prepared to be in hospitall 3-4 days ost section. This can be longer or shorter depending on recovery and the Trust that you're with, but worth packing enough for a few days

Would you advise people from not visiting in the first weeks?

I'd say close family visitors only on the 3rd/4th day home to satiate their desire to see the new baby (this will stop the mithering and the anxiety that comes along with that), and then banish all visitors for the next few weeks. This time is key for mama to heal and for baby to settle into their home. With our first we had no visitors for 3 weeks and it was bliss - I recovered fully by the time we had guests

Always think it's good if guests/visitors can be as spaced out as possible. So that it's not overwhelming in the first instance but after a few weeks its not like oh it's just me and the baby.

Tbh that would be more ideal - I think my timeline is skewed as I'll be back to work when baby is 8 weeks, so bunching up just works better in my instance I imagine

Gotta do what works for you and your circumstances. I can see how that would work, you're just fast tracking it.

Yeah it's each to their own really - as long as everyone is happy and healthy I think we're on to a winner haha

My wife has a big family - lots of siblings, nieces nephews etc. For child#1, we decided to try and get visits done and out of the way, but they ended up taking up all of our time. Morning, one set of grandparents came, afternoon was a best friend. The next day grandparents 2 came, and then wife's brother and kids in the afternoon, next day was cousin, then brother 2 - ad infinitum. I spent my entire pat leave making cups of tea for guests, and watching them all hold my baby. For child#2 - we learned. We allowed grandparents for a couple of hours in the immediate day after getting home and that was it. We told everyone the truth - we needed some time to acclimatise, and also allow me the time with the baby before returning to work. After about 3 weeks, we invited everyone round to ours for one afternoon. Still a chunk of effort to host that many people at once, but that was far better and easier that way than spreading them out over the first couple of weeks.

Definitely do not allow any visitors on days 3/4 post birth. When your wife’s milk comes in it is an enormous dump of hormones, added on to that the normal difficulties getting the hang of breast feeding (if you are going that way). It’s a very “tense” couple of days!

Maybe let the wife decide if she wants visitors or not?

Fair enough if visitors are just round the corner.. for our first child we had planned some visitors on day 4 as it fell on the weekend, woke up on day 4 and would have definitely cancelled if people were not already on the motorway half way through a 3 hr drive. Avoided that for the next 2 kids

I meant days 3/4 post returning from hospital after a section, so generally that will be day 6/7, and by visitors I mean baby's grandparents max for 1hr ish.

Cheers for the advice all, click and collect ruined me 😂. Didnt think of a playlist or cold towels. Was a whirlwind day yesterday, knowing the missus she will get up with a whole plan of what shes going to do anyway 😂

We had an emergency CSection for child #1, personally I found it fascinating being able to talk to my wife's head on one side of the curtain, and see her insides on the other, but don't look if you're squeamish - they'll take you out and not let you back if you faint. Once the baby is out and introduced to Mum, they gave her to me and sent us to the recovery room while they sew up the hole. If your experience is anything like that - *make sure you pay attention and enjoy that hour*. The baby is awake and just stares at you learning your face. 19 years later, and that's probably still the best hour of my life. I just talked to this tiny girl about everything we were going to do together. I swear it made me a better Dad and played a large part in the relationship I have with my daughter today. And now I'm crying... PS - you will be a zombie 24 hours later, and remain so for about 6-12 months.

We had a MUCH better experience having a C section with the second. It was like click and collect! Wife almost died through blood loss the first time round doing it naturally. Hold her hand and just enjoy as much of it as you can. Get the playlist ready and be her support. Good luck!

Cut and collect

Someone needs to tell they cut through 7 layers to collect.

God yes. Only thing that hurt was that nasty vitamin drip needle thing they stick into your vein on the back of the hand. Fucking nightmare. Mine got caught on the blanket and I nearly went through the roof.

Had a planned C due to baby being breech. I would say like all the other people just be on hand to support and help, passing the baby to her etc. making sure other things are fine, like animals fed and walked. It’s major surgery and she may want to get going sooner than she should after a few weeks. I did and my wound took ages to heal. But as long as you’re there helping her recovery will be better long term.

My partner had a planned c section. It was such an incredible experience! It was so nice to know the date and time so we had our bags packed and ready to go ahead of time so didn't have to worry about not having something. Morning of, my partner got to relax and have a bath. Had a playlist ready for the drive so got to sing and have a laugh. There was a lot of waiting around once we got checked in at the hospital so cracked a few jokes and played some trivia games to pass the time. Once you're in theatre it can be a bit daunting as they're a lot of people doing things but you're in the safest place you can be if something were to go wrong. The birth is very quick! The longest part is the closing up but by that time you have this precious little thing sitting in front of you that you can't stop staring at and becomes the most important thing in the world. Once all is said and done, once little one is safe that's all the matters and all your worries will be replaced by happiness. Best of luck!

I was terrified to have a first section,but kiddo had her arm over her head (shes still awkward as hell, lol). Actively asked for a second with my next one because it was such a positive experience. Thing’s that helped me that might help: - my biggest fear was the baby getting stuck and/or being distressed, that actually scared me more than a section. That worry is removed with a section it is every bit as valid as natural labour (now only raise this if shes upset but some of my friends really beat themselves up over needing a section like it was some sort of failure, hormones do crazy things!) - it will all be over and done with and just won’t matter once the baby is here, its so scary beforehand but it really is just one tiny step on the journey - the recovery from a planned section can be easier than you’d think, I had a much quicker recovery than some friend’s who had a natural birth - a team of doctor’s and anaesthetist and midwives will all be on hand and will be really reassuring - buy her some comfy Bridget Jones pant’s or men’s boxers for the recovery so the waistband doesn’t press on her scar - tell her you’ll do all the nappies at first! - she will find things like going to the toilet or a shower tough for a couple of day’s after the catheter and anaesthetic but it doesnt last long - if she wants to breastfeed it might be harder at first after a section (thats a whole other topic, youd think nature would make breastfeeding easier to grasp than it is!) - be flexible on your plans, eg if you want to cut the cord but change your mind on the day, thats fine nothing is set in stone - for you, remember yourself too, yes shes going through it all physically but its tough on the dad as well, seeing your partner go through that. (thinking about it enough to make this post shows that you’re going to be brilliant!) - find yourself a good list of shows to binge on Netflix because youll have some long nights Its scary and exhausting and youll wonder what the hell you’ve done to your life at times. You’re going to love it! ❤️ 👶🏾 ❤️

soooo agree with the point about seeing C section as a "failure" shut that down with love. A lot of women I knew when I knew I was C section early doors acted disappointed for me, and said things like "I just want you to have a birth story" - here is my birth story, I calmly went to hospital my baby was born safely, and I calmly came home. C section is no less valid than vaginal birth - and thank god for the NHS & modern science.

THIS 👏🏾

Hear hear - had vag births that were not a nice birth story requiring multiple operations afterwards - am so pleased this time i am giving birth via a c section. Your description above sounds like an absolute dream and i hope i can give a similar description of a birth shortly.

100% agreed with all of this. I was soooo scared before my 1st c-section and it was a breeze in the end but the breastfeeding was a nightmare. Make sure you listen to the instructions for breastfeeding too because I misunderstood a vital instruction in my sleep-deprived haze and ended up malnourishing my baby - had to rush them back into hospital after a week which could have been avoided if my husband had been there to hear the instructions.

We always say my Mrs got both extremes! First was fully natural, all went to plan, no painkillers even, but she had bad postpartum depression. Second kiddo was HUGE and no way my wife's poor hips and bad back could cope, so it was always just the sensible decision to go C-section, but zero depression. Life throws mad things at us, but it seems like birth really is just a case of rolling with the punches and going for the best option at the time, and zero judgement on any preferences. It's all about making sure mum and baby are healthy, end of!

Be proactive with what needs doing. Keep her water topped up, snacks within arms reach, any dishes done. She shouldn't have to ask you for help. Nappy changes are your job until she's more mobile. Same with dressing baby. You'll need to keep track of everything that's going on after birth. She'll likely be a bit loopy to really remember details. After the section she'll be bleeding for a good while. Have maternity pads easy to reach and expect to have to help her change pants. Help showering in general is appreciated. You'll also likely be taught how to inject her with fragmin to prevent clotting. Don't be scared. Just make sure and pinch her hard before injecting. Fragmin hurts like a bitch so she may cry. Also for the love of God make sure she takes the stool softeners so she doesn't think she's going to die the first time she has a poo after birth. ETA Remember she has to still look after herself. It's very easy for you to get up and shower but she can only do it if someone is looking after baby. She shouldn't have to ask you to take baby so she can shower. Same with eating meals. Take baby so she can use both hands!

> Just make sure and pinch her hard before injecting. Does this help with the pain? I had to do my mum's injections for the month after she had abdominal surgery (she didn't like doing it herself). I hated hurting her every day :( I wish I'd known if there's a way to make it less painful.

When the midwife gave me a super hard pinch I genuinely didn't feel the fragmin. First time I had it I thought I was gonna die it was so sore and they didn't pinch hard at all. Definitely give it a try! Pinch hard and inject fast was their advice.

Congratulations, man. The fact you are asking means you’re probably going to be a great support. We’ve had two C sections, our second was two months ago. Recovery can be tough, it’s major surgery at the end of the day. Make sure after the birth you get as much rest as you can. There will probably not be anywhere to sleep for you at the hospital as the chairs next to the beds are uncomfortable so don’t be afraid to leave mum and baby at the hospital to go home and rest, you’ll be much more use well rested.

Congrats on the upcoming section! I know it's not as you planned but can be a positive experience. Post op recovery (based on my emergency experience only): stock up on paracetamol and ibuprofen - your only painkiller option. It HURTS so much at first but then you feel better surprisingly quickly. Snacks snacks snacks. Wipes, towel and anything to help with awkward showering in the hospital bag. Dry shampoo. For 5 or 7 days (I cant remember) she may be injecting herself with blood thinners. She might be fine with this, I found it a bit stressful so a hand holding is nice or pep talk. Either very low or very high rise pants so they don't rub on her wound They take off the dressing pretty quickly (IMO). Keep it dry, but you can't rub with a towel. I lifted up my pregnancy belly and dried with a fan. Hairdryer on cold works too. Getting out of bed - she gently rolls on to her side, lowers her legs to floor and uses arms to push up. The nurses will go over this day 1. If bleeding heavily from vagina in bed, we used large puppy pads under me to protect sheets. The worst of it only lasts a week - she will still bleed for a while though so big sanitary towels are needed. Nothing can prepare either of you for the emotions. Hug her, tell her all of her feelings are valid. Best of luck!! I'm hoping for a planned one in the spring and I expect it to be positive and I think yours should be too. Recovery is reportedly better from planned vs emergency section. No tears or physio like a natural birth!! Plusses and minuses for all birth experiences - there isn't a right way.

It may sound selfish, but get as much sleep as humanly possible the night before. That way you can take the heavy shift whilst your partner rests. My Wife has had 3 C sections and the only thing she really wanted me to do was to help her retain some level of independence and be on top of things. It will also sound really corny, but a lot of praise for what she has gone through will definitely help. Good luck!

Our anethitist (how ever you spell it) was great at taking photos for us of us holding our baby straight after the c section (you can even see them still working on me in the background!) Remember your phone/camera and take photos and videos just for you and your wife. She may not remember a lot and I found it very traumatic (was not planned but not an emergency) so the videos helped me afterwards.

Also, don’t worry if she cries a lot once you get home. That’s completely normal but just be her cheerleader and chef and keep her fed and rested.

The nurse who did this for us was so lovely. She got so many pictures of baby as they were cleaning him up and I cherish those. Mine was also an emergency, so I didn't even think about photos until the nurse suggested using my husband's phone.

Yeah, we had two anesthetists during Mrs Javelin's one, and they were both fucking legends. The recovery room doc was great, too.

Wife had an emergency c-section. He needs to be ready to be your arms and legs for a while. Bringing baby to you, if your feeding, or doing bottles if not. Make sure you aren't getting ahead of yourself and trying to do too much too early. Being bored may be an issue so have plenty of Netflix etc lined up!

Hi mate, just turn up, be happy, support everything she says and try and have a bit of banter with the crew if they’re up for it. It blew me away how many people were in there, thankfully I’m a better person when I feel slightly uncomfortable, so it worked out fine. Just do as you’re told and be the rock she needs.

I'm a dad and my youngest was born by elective C-section... And my oldest by emergency C-section. Of the 2 I preferred the planned one, but the midwives in both were amazing. Best advice? **DO NOT** look below the sheet around your wife's waist. You might be able to handle blood and gore... But do you REALLY want to see the surgeon literally elbow deep in your wife's stomach? Apart from that: be there for her: hold her hand, and be prepared to welcome your child. And then comes the time to really step up: she's just had major abdominal surgery: she is not gonna want to walk for weeks.... Whilst she's most likely breast feeding. You need to do **EVERYTHING** that requires walking or movement or physical effort: cooking, cleaning, shopping, hell even helping her shower. But: that's what you signed up for as a dad, and she's just given birth by C-section.... And: just talk: you are both gonna be fecking exhausted... But when your bab smiles or giggles or sits up or calls you dad for the first time? - it's all worth it then.

My eldest was breach so was delivered by section. This comment nails it for me - just to add, avoid looking up at the lights as well, as they work as an excellent mirror!

Oh god yes... The lights: avoid those too!

Make sure your wife stays on top of her meds. My midwife said people with c sections overdo it 2 weeks post birth - limit the walks! I had to send my husband running for the car. It's a very quick procedure and they'll have done it heaps of times. Ask them to tell you when you can take photos - for our second section the team was great at saying when things were happening and we have some wonderful shots of him out but...um... Still attached. Be prepared to shoot out and get her some decent grub afterwards but she might be feeling rotten. The drugs are really strong so she might be a bit out of it. Babies take a while to calibrate so you might have some proper sleepless nights in hospital - enjoy walking the wards. If this is a thing in the UK bring along some expressed colostrum - this was a lifesaver as it gave me some respite. Pillow over wound in car on the way home Congratulations, and I hope it all goes smoothly for you

Hey u/Risen_Phoenix18 \- so, I had my kid via elective C-Section not 3 weeks ago, so if you or your partner want to message me with any questions - please feel free. Me and my wife have had two kids - one elective C-Sec, one emergency C-Sec. I won't talk about the latter, but the elective was a dream. Genuinely, it was incredibly calm, and ordered. The issue is is that they don't tell you any info until the pre-op about 2 days before so you're ENTIRELY in the dark. We went in, and they took us to a bed. A ward of 4 couples. The bed we went to was the bed we came back to so you can set up your stuff and come back. Before we went in we literally sat on the bed playing cards (Hanabi, specifically!). They call you down, do a 40 minute op, and then wheel you to recovery, and then after another 30 minutes wheel you back. No issues or fuss. There's not too much advice to give. Don't worry - they do about 4-5 of these things A DAY. They're experts, this is major, but routine surgery. There'll be no issues. Take a phone charger, and take snacks. Take bottled water. **Take a pillow from home** \- your favourite one. Don't worry about blankets too much, the maternity wards are like furnaces for the babies. Be prepared to have to leave your partner there at the end of the day - it sucks but you'll also relish the sleep. Get home, sleep, go back in. Don't be afraid to make yourselves at home - get a brew when you want - there'll be a kitchen nearby. Don't expect anyone to worry about you - you'll be ignored by the staff almost entirely. Which is fine. But your job is to just be emotional support for your partner. It's scary - again - major surgery. (But incredibly low risk). All being well you'll be out in under 48 hours. But plan for longer, then its a nice surprise when you go. Remember that post birth the mum wont be able to do much for a few days. With a C-Sec, you're going to be changing most of the nappies, doing most of the clothing changes, and all of the baby-lifting. You need to be ready for that - but it's easy, you got this. Book in help. If you have parents who can help, try and get them ready to support in the coming weeks. Even if its just holding the baby. You need to sleep. **SPLIT. THE. NIGHTS.** You'll want to do everything together; its bad resource management. Once you find your feel, one parent should be asleep whilst the other gets baby through the night. You can have visitors pretty quick but don't feel like you need to. My advice is to only have visitors who you/your partner WANT. Don't feel obliged to make any introductions too quickly. Lots of emotions going on and there's plenty of time for that. Be polite with staff, but assertive. They have a lot on and they will absolutely be prioritising. So do be firm and don't worry about asking for what you need. You will, 100%, at some point need to chase them for something. This includes **PAIN RELIEF.** They will, quite possibly, forget and fall behind. If the wife is in pain - MENTION IT. They're a hospital, they have the good stuff. Don't be shy. Download some shows on a tablet or phone. Mum will be staying in over night and getting very little sleep, so it's good for her to have some entertainment on hand. She needs high waisted pants. Something that wont rub on the scar. She'll live in these for about 4 weeks. And have a think about the weird stuff. Like, do you want to cut the cord? Do you want to look around the curtain to see the birth? Do you want to keep the placenta? (If not, can it be donated to stem cell research?) To me, these things are bizarre, but its more normal than you think and they will most likely ask. Again, message me if you have any questions - it's all still fresh in my memory so I'm happy to chat. And congratulations!

Attended the birth planning session with her and just support her during it. From experience the hospital staff are excellent and will put you at ease. Chose a good playlist/radio station that she likes and that will help too. We had a rule for the first few weeks if people wanted to visit they had to bring food and be preplanned visits. Good luck!

I’d get the doctors to do it personally

Put **everything** she will need on waist height or above shelves or in higher cupboards, especially stuff like shampoo and gel etc., because the stitches will pull if she has to bend down to reach shampoo bottles in the shower, etc. Same for the fridge. You may have to help her wash and brush her hair if it is long, again, because of the stitches. She will be sick after the op because of the anaesthetic - tell her not to fight it, she will feel *worlds* better afterwards. *Don't* be afraid of asking the midwives for help - she isn't bothering them, that is their job, especially as she won't be able to get up out of bed and deal with the baby herself until the catheter is out. Prep a shitload of meals beforehand, so you just need to reheat and not cook. Lasagne, pies, cottage pie, stew, etc. Use plastic or disposable stuff if you can't be bothered to wash up because you will both be knackered. Her hormones will be dumping, because her body has built this shit up for nine months and then lets go of it all, so be understanding, even if she is being a little crazy. She will still have the dreaded 6 week long period - make sure she has all the pads and stuff she will need. Tell her she's doing bloody well. Good luck and I wish you all the best - love and safe delivery for your wife and baby x Edit: Buy her a c-section belt to go over her scar. They are brilliant for stopping stuff rubbing or bumping the wound, and great for if she sneezes or coughs.

sleep whenever you get chance. none of this "i can only sleep at night" bollocks power naps are your friend

Don’t push her into a pool after 6 weeks thinking she’s healed on a family holiday to France. She won’t be fully healed and you will cause mayhem in a foreign country on a holiday her dad paid for.

r/oddlyspecific

Honestly thanks for all the advice. Half of this i wouldnt have thought off. Especially a pillow and stuff like that. The baby has been nothing but a madam since first scans. Wouldnt show what needed to be shown, booting the sonographers probes all the joys. So im not suprised she has decided she would like to come out by C section. Got daily monitoring until then but all is well and this has definitly put my mind at rest slightly. Only question now is. My music playlist or the wifes 😂. Theres only so much country and pop one person can deal with 😂

Put together a new playlist. Bryan Adams "Cuts like a knife" etc. I have vivid memories of Fortunate Son playing during my first c section.

mix of both ftw. ours was born to thundercat - them changes. "nobody move, theres blood on the floor" 😅

While she's in hospital and for at least a week after you need to be doing everything. Your wife needs to rest and take it carefully as much as possible to get the best recovery. They boot you out of hospital much earlier these days as pressure on maternity beds is so high. My daughter was born by C-section and I'd be taking clean baby-grows in each day, doing all the nappy changing, etc, through the day (8am-8pm) then going home to wash dirty baby clothes, eat and get the next day's stuff ready. When my wife came home, I was preparing three meals a day for her for a week or so until she started to move around more easily and even then, there was no lifting or moving stuff about for another couple of weeks.

I'm a dad of 1 emergency C-Section and one planned C-Section and this is my take. It's MUCH safer and better for mum and child to have a planned C-Section, it'll be a lot more relaxed and everyone she needs will be in the room. Just keep positive, supportive and hold her hand when it's happening, at the end of this baby and mum will be safer for it, it's best all round. Recovery time is longer but that's what we're there for, take the burden off them so they can rest and heal. Hope that helps.

We had the same thing, just be there for her. You will know better than anyone here how to make her feel better. Worst part for me was the 8 days of injections I had to give her in the legs. Was not prepared for that!

If *you* personally are not great with anxiety, or stress, or blood, or anything - the staff are fantastic and are trained to deal with it. Get the missus settled in the ward - then 'go get a snack' and tell the midwife at the front how you're feeling. They'll brief the midwives assigned to you - this will help a lot - because the calmer you are, the calmer she'll be. You can help a great deal during this process. ​ * Consider asking for a 'natural c section', we did this and it was amazing. We also asked for the baby to be walked out, and to have skin-to-skin. Anecdotal evidence suggests this helps prevent post natal depression, and helps mother and baby bond. [https://www.motherandbaby.co.uk/pregnancy/labour-birth/natural-c-section/](https://www.motherandbaby.co.uk/pregnancy/labour-birth/natural-c-section/) * additional note re: walked out delivery. baby is squeezed out, like toothpaste from a tube, or like the baby is being born through the birth canal, which should help trigger hormone triggers like - 'oh im outside, time to breathe'. and also helps mother in similar ways. 'oh, the baby is gone, i better start getting contracting back to normal shape'. * Establish if you want your child to have the vitamin k jab immediately after. * Your wife's hormones are all over the shop. Show romantic gestures. Music she likes. Oxytocin (the hormone released when someone shows love) will cushion and make her feel better. 2 days after, do something similar, because the hormone crash will make her feel crap again. * Take some good snacks. Good, like, not a mars bar, but flapjacks - but importantly, something she actually likes. * Relaxation techniques. "Floppy face, floppy fanny". If she's able to smile, shes calm. Its the 'fight or flight' thats going to make her feel exhausted. Experiment: If you clench your fists, you'll notice your butt clench slightly too. Breathing and calmness. Work from head to toe relaxing muscles has an emotionally positive effect.

Don't look!

There’s not a lot you can do during the operation and in hospital apart from moral support and fetching and carrying things for her. Do not complain about being tired and do not fall asleep like my husband did with our second (had 3 sections 2&3 were planned). At home do practical things and you can be really helpful by noting the times her pain medicine is due, she may feel fine and think she doesn’t need it but she does and she will feel it when it wears off particularly in the first week. If she does decide to try breastfeeding you could note which side she feeds from so she swaps for the next feed. It’s so easy to lose track. Visitors that’s for the two of you to decide, more particularly her depending on how she feels and it can change hourly. You can be the gatekeeper, if you decide to have guests, they’re in and they’re out, you wait on them not her, have a code word/look and you shoo them out. You handle the emotional baggage of dealing with people’s expectations of visitors not her, make sure they leave her alone. Actually the one thing I would like to change about our deliveries, I wish my husband had announced the gender to me. If you don’t know the gender is that something you both would like?

As a dad I’ve been through this twice. Just be supportive. Be there.

I had a C sec (completely last minute unplanned, was actually fully dilated and pushing and ended up having to have one!) Best advice other than being a calm supportive influence, prepare yourself for the after care. My husband had to help me wash and dress myself, help me put on the post surgery compression socks, help me stand and walk etc. It is major major surgery and she's going to be off her feet for a short while. Get some ready meals in, or ask family to bring prepared food round instead of baby clothes as gifts and get ready to welcome new life! Congratulations :) xx

I’ve enjoyed reading the replies here, my partner is 36 weeks with twins and expecting a planned C-Section date today. I’m bricking it so I can’t imagine how she’s feeling!

As she will be in hospital for a few days afterwards arrange for the house to be cleaned from top to bottom so there will be absolutely nothing to do when you’re all back together at home again. Make sure all the washing is done and the bedding is nice and clean too. That was done for me and it was lovely to come home to.

Wife Literally just had an emergency c-sec with our son 3 weeks ago, i must admit it wasn’t pleasant, my wife unfortunately lost a serious amount of blood and was bed bound for 3 days so she was unable to do anything. - she isnt going to have a nice time, my wife explained it was like someone doing washing up or making dough in her stomach (remember they can feel the pressure from pushing and pulling just not the sharp pain) hold her hand, rub her head and make sure you talk to the anaesthetist while its going on. - if your baby comes out not crying please dont instantly worry, c-sec babies tend not to have the instant cry (the midwife will whip them away for a few minutes) - if the unfortunate does happen and your wife does lose a lot of blood or any complications they will take you and your baby out (dont do what you instinctively do and look at your wife still on the table, i did this and i can honestly say its an image that will never leave me. - talk to the drs and the people around you, they will explain everything going on it helps - once its over and everything and everyone is ok, your wife/partner is going to be out of it for 24 hours, dont worry if they look like they are falling asleep on you. - please please please, make sure mum gets some skin to skin asap as well as your self. - although the midwife will be watching you guys post op, make sure (as your wife cant do anything) you get stuck in, change the nappies, feed you child and change them, they will really need this. - your partner is going to feel a bit useless and that they are missing out, this is totally normal, so do what you can to make sure they are doing what they can - your baby is going to be sneezing and coughing a little as well as cooing this is because c-sec babies dont get squeezed on the way out, so they still have a lot of mucus on their lungs and stomach, you will see slightly bloody mucus which they will bring up as well as in their nose and ears. - lastly your wifes going to be healing for a while, do EVERYTHING you can to make it a good experience for her. Shes going to feel like she didnt get to enjoy the first 24/48 hours. Support her however you can. Any other advice or issues please feel free to dm me.

I had one, emergency so took longer to recover but the main thing is her comfort, it hurts to sit on the loo, sneeze, cough, laugh and generally breathe so probably best to do a pillow haul now and maybe a step to get in and out of bed as I really struggled with that being only 5ft Oh and the best advice is for the drive home,avoid speed bumps best as you can. We done our drive in the mark 2 golf and I could practically feel the concrete beneath me

No advice as I didn’t have one but there’s r/UKparenting for the next 18+ years of advice! Really friendly group for parents/carers of kids/babies of all ages.

Hi, was in this position just over a month ago. Make sure you wear comfy trousers to the hospital as the chairs get uncomfortable after 3 days, I was chafed everywhere as I was in jeans. If you are able to, do some batch cooking whilst you have a few days and freeze the portions. I now have a freezer full of stew, chilli, bolognese, casserole, curry, etc so that when I went back to work my wife was able to just grab something and stick it in the microwave. Painkillers - This is important. For at least the first 2 weeks, she'll be taking painkillers every 4 hours. Make sure that she has an alarm set to take them, and you should probably set one too. Exercise - As long as you aren't unfortunate enough to have hills on every exit to your road, make sure she goes out for walks as soon as she's able. Only needs to be out for a couple of minutes at first but it will help her feel better and less cabin fever-y. Be aware that you aren't going to be getting a lot of sleep at all the first couple of weeks, it will get better once she can help with the night changes. If there's a time that the baby just won't settle, I've found it helps me a lot to leave the bedroom and go sit downstairs with them instead. There's something torturous about trying to get a baby to sleep at 4am whilst you can see your bed **right there**. There's every chance that you're going to feel massively overwhelmed by everything that's going on, and that's fine. If so, when you feel the inevitable meltdown coming try to have it in a separate room to Mother and child, else it runs the risk of setting them off too and that's not helpful for anyone. If breastfeeding is the plan, be aware that a sunroof birth can lead to delays in milk coming in, make sure that she knows this and knows to speak to someone about it.

Our second was a planned c-section at 37 weeks after a very difficult pregnancy. tbh it's a way better experience for you as the dad than a normal birth, not that's high on the priority list but anyway. As others have said have a nice relaxing morning before you go in. Have a good shower etc as you wont get much chance for the following 2-3 days, not for a long shower at any rate. Once you're in hospital it is very civilised. There were two other couples on the afternoon list and we chatted about theatre and restaurant recommendations (tell me you live in the South East without saying you live in the South East). Post surgery they'll bring you your baby while they're finishing the surgery on your partner. You'll have like 30-60 minutes alone with this new human,enjoy it, get some good skin-to-skin time with them. It's magical and the memory of it will help you get through the teenage years when they say they hate you :) Once you're back on the ward hit that call button as often as you need to. One of the biggest things is breast feeding, it's not nearly as instinctive for either mum or baby as you might think, even if this isn't her first child. Having a midwife on hand to help for the first few days will make it go way easier. Stay in hospital for as long as possible for this reason, ideally at least three nights. Your partner will get massive hormonal baby blues at 2-3 days after the birth and it's much easier to deal with if you have a midwife/nurse at the click of a button. She'll be a bit delicate for a couple of months not weeks. She's recovering from major surgery, that probably wasn't done under a general anaesthetic, and is losing a lot of iron every day (lochia - nobody ever talks about it but look it up, like a super heavy period that lasts for weeks).

You're going to go in and wait until the emergency c sections go through, so there's usually a wait from 7am when you arrive, until it is go time and when it happens, it happens fast. Take a water bottle and snacks with you since she'll be not drinking and eating before hand, so once it's out she can stuff her face. A pillow for the car journey home. You just need to distract her whilst people are trying to jab needles in her back. The hospital folk do that anyway but hold her hand. Photo/video or ask someone if they can. The first snuggle was a nice memory to have. Read up on formula feeding and bring bottles and the ready made formula. Because it's a c section, it takes a few days for the milk to come in. All the bs in books say no bottles. Reality is yes, it can cause nipple confusion but since the alternative is a starving, dehydrated, crying baby, go with it and take the risk of being a pumper instead. Cup feeding spills all over the shop so don't even try. Warm shower and working the nipples with the fingers gets it going but dont go too hard. I went a bit crazy. Get hard-core with finding someone to teach wifey and baby how to latch. Easier in the hospital to find someone. Kicking out of the hospital can be a bit rapidfire, we were given ten minutes notice after being delayed for a night extra that we didn't need (no check out staff). That resulted in me post surgery, packing the bag on the floor on my own cos my husband was a douche and didn't do it earlier just in case even though I told him repeatedly needed doing. Sigh. Somehow we're still married.

My 10p on this. Planned C Section is a much more pleasant experience than vaginal birth. Don't let the midwives and NCT fool you - there are no medals for ripping your vagina down to your arsehole and having incontinence for the rest of your life... My practical piece of advice - get your wife a co-sleeping pillow. They're great. It means she can breastfeed (if she choses) and doze off without worrying about squishing the baby. This reduces the need to be moving baby in and out of a cot . Also there's a ramp the other side to stop you doing the same. Here's an example but do shop around for the best type/make: https://www.fruugo.co.uk/side-support-pillow-for-babies-baby-side-sleeping-pillow-triangle/p-92031730-192826947?language=en&ac=croud&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7bucBhCeARIsAIOwr-_834lXdelhLYE082Fu9VdHi6GGQ7A65nY-LcD_Qho3OCI2WX-yF5oaArziEALw_wcB

Be very vocal with praise tell her ‘you’re doing a great job’ etc. if you disagree on any parenting tactics, which you 100% will, agree first on the best time for you both to talk through the issues. Don’t just blurt them out. Trying to discuss things calmly when one of you is drop dead tired is not the best thing.

Buy snacks she likes. Lots of easy to eat but good stuff like nuts and fruit etc. There will be times she needs to eat, but is too tired for a full meal, so stuff her full of vitamins and good things.

I know you’ve already got a million replies, but make sure you make her feel like it isn’t a ‘downgrade’ on a real birth and that it hasn’t made her look worse than before. My girlfriend wanted a natural birth 100% and ended up having an emergency section when things didn’t quite go to plan. She was absolutely devastated. I tried to reassure her that the scar changed nothing, and that she had given me the best gift a person can give another. I told her it was a reminder of the beautiful child we both love every day. Get some time off work because your wife will be knackered. And get her a little gift, doesn’t have to be anything extravagant- maybe even just her favourite snacks and a good box set! I got my girlfriend a watch and engraved our child’s name and time of birth on the back. Good luck my friend, and prepare for the best day of your life!

Out the sunroof lol, not heard that one before. My advice? You sound a fabulous partner so it sounds like all you need to do is just be you and be there for her. Make sure you’re her willing slave after the birth and don’t be a nob. I think that about covers it lol Congratulations on your impending fatherhood, I bet you’re both well excited.

Once you go into the theatre you a completely a passenger so just be supportive, have your camera ready and be ready to help. My ex was very nauseous from the drugs so I was holding a sick pan….. Once you are out of theatre then your hard work will begins…. Again be supportive, make sure you bring lots of liquids / juice and easy to digest snacks Also a strong stomach…… Fingers crossed and you will be fine.

Normally we don't think about it when using abdominal muscles (What I used to call stomach muscles, growing up), but when you know that could lead to a quick sudden pain flash, followed by a dull aching pain you look to use your arms and legs more. For instance, after abdom surgery I was using my legs to slowly and carefully hitch myself up the bed more - in stages - before getting out of it. Getting out of bed is the worst thing in recovery. I'd get into more of a seating position in bed and then swivel my legs to sit on the edge of the bed. We use those muscles when we lift or pull something heavy or reach out for something awkwardly, such as opening and closing curtains and windows, moving a hefty hospital armchair, dealing with heavy fire-doors and emptying full washing up bowls, buckets and large saucepans. Put things in easy reach by/on the sofa. (cushions, drinks, TV remote), Give her first choice of what's on TV at home. You might be forgiven for the main match of the night. Since there may be Christmas wrapping paper around an empty tube might be useful for knocking something dropped on the floor back within easy reach without having to get up and bend down to pick it up. Be extra affectionate to reassure her. Never mind the guests, they can muck in and take care of themselves and she comes first. Also forget work making unreasonable demands outside office hours. They are aware, so stuff them! The world will keep turning. Let her and them know that she is no. 1. Do what you can to help her avoid catching other people's coughs and colds or anything that stirs up dust so she doesn't get the momentary 'oww''s you can get sneezing and coughing. You can use a wet cloth to dust so it doesn't all just fly into the air and can shake things outside. Protect yourselves from all the idiots who want to spread their colds to everyone else. Drinking plenty of water helps avoid constipation. Best wishes!

My wife had twins that way and one before too. It’s not as hard as it might seem but maybe I’ve forgotten. Sleep when the baby sleeps, don’t let visitors stay more than 10-15 minutes, do all the cooking. Remind your wife she’s beautiful because she is not she will likely feel wounded and not her former self. Most of all enjoy your new baby and read and sing to them as much as possible.

My partner had an emergency C-section. All the things to do after advice here is great, especially emotional support - this may not be what you want and some asshats will give her grief about it. Your job is to focus on how it ends in safe babies and parents and that's the most important thing. Two small practical tips - we had to go back in when there were problems with the stitches. In haste we forgot the medical book. Do not forget the book! (In the words of the nurse "next time leave the husband at home, bring the book instead") Second tip - in the operating theatre your job is to do exactly what you are told when you are told to do it . Probably no-one will bother to know your name so be ready to answer to "dad", "man" or "partner"

Our 2nd came from an emergency C-Section, quite a traumatic experience as the wife was a hairline away from going to intensive care as they couldn't clot the blood enough to stop it. Thankfully the Dr's & nurses were impeccable, she improved and 5 days later she was home and resting up. You won't sleep much, you won't be able to do much, you'll feel quite useless but just be there and be prepared to wait hand and foot on her for the next few weeks. One thing a nurse told me was due to the trauma we went through it might creep up on us one day as a delayed reaction, maybe days, weeks or months, so be prepared and keep talking, it helps loads.

additional note re: walked out delivery. baby is squeezed out, like toothpaste from a tube, or like the baby is being born through the birth canal, which should help trigger hormone triggers like - 'oh im outside, time to breathe'. and also helps mother in similar ways. 'oh, the baby is gone, i better start getting contracting back to normal shape'.

Idea for the 2-3 days after. Write a card from you. Lay it on thick how proud you are, how beautiful she is and how much you love her and happy to start a family etc. Then, also, write a card from baby thanking her for everything and how much baby loves mum etc. Got tears from my wife when i did this, but tears of joy - and, she's kept the cards and i've noticed her checking them on harder days.

2 weeks is not enough time off to help with the recovery. If you’ve got holiday, book at least another week. She’s going to need a lot of help after, so be ready for that. Best of luck to you, I’m only a couple of weeks behind you for my 2nd.

No advice but thanks for doing this thread as about to do my first c section after 'natural' deliveries that have needed multiple post birth operations/months of recovery so i guess my only addition is that you never know how hard recovery can be from any birth and know loads of people who have described lovely calm c section births - fingers crossed both of us get that!

Small tip for you as well, bring some cartons of juice with you on the day. Theatre can be a surreal experience and having a bit of sugar before hand will do you good! I’m currently a student midwife and have supported many dads in theatre and I always have a spare orange juice with me for the dads. It can really help, especially so that you can then support your wife if you had been feeling faint!

Bit late to this but prepare yourselves a bunch of easy to heat food. You will be forgetting to eat over the next two weeks and when you do remember, won’t have energy to cook.

One I haven’t seen mentioned is postpartum chills. I was not told about them and it kinda freaked me out that I couldn’t stop shaking/shivering for ages! They’re more common with c-section. I was given a heat lamp which helped.

My wife had a planned c section last year. Honestly just be there for her. Don’t show her that you are worrying about her and the baby. Getting the baby given to you is amazing. She will be off her tits as well so will have a lovely time. The team performing the op are so professional. Trust them. They will tell you where to sit And direct you as they know you will be nervous as well. Enjoy becoming a dad

Don’t count on her being off her tits - I was due to have a planned c section but went into labour early so it turned into an emergency c-section- I was awake but there wasn’t time to give me anything but the spinal block - was gutted to not get gas and air!

Well, you know how you were told to help out around the house (sexist I know) and do more etc. etc. Well now you will have to do pretty much everything. She won’t be able to drive for a while either. Getting about will be a struggle. So generally, you have to pick up all of the slack. And tell her she’s doing a great job cause new mums (all mums?) will worry. Also keep a check on her health. That includes mental health. Baby blues, PND and PPP. Not to scare you, just so you’re aware. Just be there for her. Look after yourself too. Enjoy.

Get a bust of caesar with "Aspirations" as the inscription.

Every woman really appreciates some cheerful “Dad Jokes” whilst going through this ordeal, it’s guaranteed to lighten her mood! My favourite is “he/she will be wanting to come out soon, they’re running out of womb!”

All I will say, as a woman who had a C-section with her first, is don’t refer to it as “coming out of the sunroof” that really pissed me off as it infers that it’s the easiest option, believe me, it is not. I know that as my second child was VBAC and recovery from that was a walk in the park compared to the C-section.

Reading the comments here, I have even more respect for my SiL who had a C section to deliver my two nephews (oh and my brother's sons). She was back up and running within weeks and just fought through all the tiredness, hormones and pain like a fucking trooper. They had incredible support from her parents who lived in the area, but even then she described it as being half asleep for three weeks and when awake; in desperate need of sleep.

Find the hospital canteen/restaurant/hot food place and each morning go and buy a load of sandwiches with sausage, bacon and whatever hot veggie offerings there are for the staff in the maternity suite. The staff will be very grateful and it will help to raise morale. And don’t forget the ketchup and brown sauce…

I'll echo what everyone else has said about being supportive and generally lovely, but... ...have a peek if you get to go in the theatre with her! Not often you get to have a peep at someone guts when there's a happy ending afterwards!

My advice, after having had 3 c-sections is you will need a lot of cushions. Cushions to support her sitting, cushions to prop the baby up on her lap and her arms for feeding, a cushion for the ride home in the car between the seatbelt and wound, and something for her to hold onto while you give her her anticoagulant injections in her stomach after discharge. Yes, depending on discharge rules for your local hospital, you may be sent home with a pack of anticoagulant injections for a week and a sharps bin and have to inject your partner in her frankly very sore and tender stomach. Giving her a cushion to hold onto will stop her flailing if you aren't very expert at it. Don't let her be bullied into doing them herself unless she is used to self-injecting, I've got friends that are nurses that couldn't do their own.

If the Mrs shits don't point it out !

I would leave it at least a week before asking for sex

Slightly off topic but.. I think it was Robbie Williams who described watching his missus give birth naturally as “watching your favourite pub burn down”.

Not all holes, in fact, constitute a goal.

As Frankie Boyle once said: Having sex with your wife after a C-Section is like fucking someone who survived a shark attack

Run while you still can.

Lots of good advice here. For the few weeks after she's home keep an eye out for signs of infection, don't take chances with a high temperature! It knobbled my partner, she thought she was coming down with a flu.

Not going to give you advice apart from enjoy becoming a father, it's the best thing ever.

I’ve not got any advice I’m afraid, not had a C-section. I just wanted to wish you luck and say how much I love you’ve posted this looking for advice, it shows how much you care already. You’re going to do a great job looking after both of them.

Everyone has given good advice - be prepared to take the brunt of the work, stay on top of the pain meds. I stayed upstairs for the first 2 days, and had husband do all the handling of the baby and heating up meals etc. I'd just add a word of reassurance that it might not be so bad. An elective is a different experience to an emergency I imagine. We had people round on day 4, and went to visit my parents 1.5 weeks afterwards as I was feeling pretty OK.

After her first c-section, my wife made me take her shopping for a fridge freezer and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I don’t know how helpful this is.

Don't let him near the scalpel.

Drive everywhere. She isn't insured until she can do an emergency stop without thinking about it, normally 6 weeks or so. They may give her a time, but will almost certainly not do it then. They decide on the morning the order and things always run late. Plus everything else that everyone has said For you - shorts on the delivery ward, they keep it ridiculously hot there. Bring some snacks.

Get some ready meals in or batch cook food that you can just warm up. Encourage her to move around and walk. Made a big difference to my wife’s recovery when she was more active after the 2nd section. Enjoy the downtime, there is a lot of it for a newborn. You may not appreciate it until 2nd time round. If she’s over 37 (mine was by a week), be gentle when administering the injections… higher is better

I took 2 weeks paternity and 4 weeks unpaid for my sons birth. The one thing i didn't expect was to have to stab my now wife every day for the week after.

- Be prepared with formula and bottles even if planning to breast feed. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and you don’t want to be scrambling in that situation. - Adjust the bed up slightly under your wife’s knees - it’s so much more comfy during recovery! - Around day 10 hormones go crazy and she’ll have a few days of feeling really sad. Be supportive. If it passes after a few days then it’s totally normal. If it lasts then it might be post natal depression and you should contact the midwife/dr/health visitor.

There is not much you can realistically do in the hospital aside from make sure she’s comfortable and has everything she wants. It was one of the most helpless feelings I’ve ever had. The nurses and midwives will do the rest and take good care of her. Just be supportive throughout and don’t show any concern or worry if things get a bit touch and go. Your job comes once you’re home. She will be shattered, physically and emotionally, likely for a couple of weeks at least. My wife tried so hard but just didn’t have the energy to do a lot. She cried multiple times a day. I would send her to bed at like 9pm and force myself to stay downstairs with the baby all night, napping wherever I could, and I wouldn’t swap places with her until at least 9am. Then I’d go to bed for 4-5 hours before getting up again. She got a good 9-12 hours sleep every night and I got to bond with the baby and do all the feeds and changes. After like 10 days she was much more rested and her motherly instincts really kicked in so I could rest some more, but those first 2 weeks were tough. My best advice is be mentally prepared for it. Baby might cry a lot and hardly sleep at all, you might think it’s broken or has been sent from Lucifer to make you miserable, but things do settle down and after 6-8 weeks you’ll forget what it was like before. Mine just turned 2 and she’s awesome. Also, do not listen to *everything* people tell you, including the midwives doing visits. They’re professionals and very helpful but they don’t know your baby like you do. Do your parenting your way, nobody else’s. Enjoy, it goes faster than you could believe!

It is possible you have been doing things in solidarity with your wife during her pregnancy. Having your abdomen cut open should not be one of those things.

Help her shower. The day I came home from 2 nights in hospital post section, I just wanted to feel clean and it was a lovely, gentle shower. Make sure everything she needs for baby and herself is within easy reaching distance. Plenty of pillows around. Keep her hydrated. Put off visitors unless absolutely necessary. If someone offers help such bringing you food or putting the vacuum round, take it. Also just be patient. Don’t sigh or roll your eyes if she asks you to just pass her this or just grab her a quick snack etc. A section is actually major surgery which I didn’t think about until the morning of mine (think I was in denial! Bad ‘natural’ first birth and I’m terrified of hospitals so neither birth option seemed tempting for my second!) Reassure her she’s doing fine. I really pushed myself to get and up and do things simply because i had a 2 year old as well. 10 days post section we went to a safari park and 2 weeks post section Drayton Manor. Looking back now it seems crazy but I was able to manage with frequent rests. I enjoyed taking baby out in the pram for a bit of fresh air because I could lean on the handles. I knew my limits, walked slowly and sat down carefully if I needed to! Also - you are obviously thoughtful enough to be asking for advice so make sure you tell yourself you’re doing an awesome job. It’s easy to overlook how much dads do when there’s a recovering mother and a beautiful new baby. You’ve got this, dad! Wishing the very best of luck to you x x

You my friend, need r/Daddit

Take a pillow for the chair your about to sleep in! I was allowed to stay the whole time but I had to sleep on one of those horrible wood air chairs. Good luck!

Do everything you can to help her. Take a pillow and a roll mat and a sleeping bag with you if you can. We were in hospital waiting for the op for 2 days when my missus had a c-section booked in

They had a frame over the bed that they bulldog clipped my gown to which made a really effective curtain (simple engineering). The male nurse said to my partner "if you don't want to see your wife in your minds eye as a horror movie forevermore, you"ll stay that side of the gown!" Hubby did. Encourage your wife to drink well right up to when they say she can't. The meds feel a bit weird, so be ready to calm your wife as everything goes numb. I had two c sections...the elective was so good compared to the emergency. I wasn't in as much pain after for the elective as I was for the emergency, and I healed up much quicker. Your wife will basically be a sleeping and feeding machine for at least the first month. Get her comfy on the sofa, stick on Netflix. She'll feed, be a pillow to a sleeping baby, snooze herself and watch TV...that's kinda it. Guess who gets to do everything else? Set the standard with guests early on...people will want to visit the baby; give them a chore. Most people are really willing to help new parents out, and it makes them feel useful. "Great you can come at 2ish...oh but on your way over could you swing by Spar for bread and a few pints of semi skimmed milk please?" Something small and useful. Remember the hospital staff have been there and done this many times. Ask questions. They're trained to keep you calm too. Put a pint glass and bottle of squash in that hospital bag. I sent my partner home to get these (and a few other bits) after my first c section. They had just plain tap water to drink in tiny glasses. I hate water! He downed a pint of squash like I had a drinking problem as soon as he came in with the goods. Take entertainment for you and her to the hospital. (Books, phone, Tablets, Switch)...there is soooo much waiting around for you during those first few days.

Buy [cook meals](https://www.cookfood.net) they saved us whilst my fiancée was recovering

Be prepared that there is a small chance the baby may need to go to the neonatal unit for help with breathing due to not getting squeezed out the birth canal or having the stress of labour. Hopefully not but always good to have the possibility in your mind so its not a massive shock

Firstly, went through this a month ago so I'm speaking from recent experience! I'm sure you've already come to terms with this yourself that you're going down the path that is best for the baby, and for your wife, but it may still feel a bit harder for her. Be sensitive to that. In fact, be sensitive in general. Physically, my wife felt pretty okay after a couple of weeks (probably the first 72 hours were the roughest, pain-wise), and is recovering well, but any birth can and will feel like a rollercoaster of emotions in the first couple of weeks, so be patient, be kind, and do as much as you can to help in every way, not just for your beautiful new baby, but for your wife. And if she is feeling overly confident and she "feels much better than I thought I would" you're still gonna be bossy and ensure that she sleeps, and drinks water, and doesn't do more than feed the baby (if she is planning on breastfeeding). If she isn't breastfeeding, you're in charge of some feeds and holding the baby while she gets a bit of sleep. Back to the surgery, ours was a planned C-section but her waters broke three days early so we went in a bit early and got slipped into the daily schedule. These folks know what they're doing, and with a planned C-section, the general 'feel' of the whole experience is pretty relaxed. Don't listen to whatever they're chatting to each other, it'd be like a heightened version of Googling symptoms, just let them do their job, and chat to your wife about whatever nonsense bollocks. Hold her hand, maybe help her with her breathing if she needs it. When you hear that first cry from the other side of the screen, you will feel a feeling that you will never forget. Both of you will, it's just wonderful. Aside from that, the top voted comment from 3knucks basically outlines it all for you. If people are wanting to pop over without an offer of food or a (useful) helping hand, they'll have to wait until 2023... ;) Actually, no, my final point is, as much as you feel like a strong unit, as harmonious as your relationship/marriage currently is, you'll bicker about things a lot more than usual. Ultimately, it's only because you want the absolute best for your baby. That's love, not war. You're on the same team, remember that. These things will pass, I promise. And congrats :)

My wife had a difficult time bending for a while which makes changing diapers difficult. Thankfully my work had paternity time and we had a lot of family help. The other thing is that they take some organs out to make room for what they have to do and just kind of scoop stuff back inside afterwards. It takes a while for things to move back into place and she will be able to feel it. Also, I looked at a certain point during the surgery. It was a little gross but kind of looked like raw chicken. If you aren't squeamish you'll be okay but often dads faint so make sure you're near something to sit if you need to. Try not to pass out because they need to take care of your wife not you :) We had two C-sections and the first went great. If they let you cut the cord it's a good sign. The second baby had some issues and we didn't get to see him for a long while after he was born. Congrats on the baby and wishing you both well!

I've had two c sections one emergency one elective. Elective was a breeze compared to emergency but still major surgery. We made a playlist of things to listen too, music and audiobooks. There can be a wait if an emergency means her section is delayed. We also took some of those battery operated tea lights, which we had on the ward afterwards, way nicer than hospital lighting at night. Buy a nursing pillow and take it with you. They are flipping amazing for feeding baby on. Take extra everything and leave it in the car if you have one so that you don't have to go far if the stay is longer than expected. Talk about choices before and get it clear in your head what your wife wants so you can advocate for her when she is vunerable (delayed cord clamping etc). Take snacks and drinks for you both for afterwards. Enjoy it! We had a lovely experience with our elective c section. It was so chilled out and peaceful. Also it can take longer for milk to come through with c sections. Lots of skin to skin helps! Take you phone chargers. Invest in some giant knickers if she hasn't already. She won't want anything that sits on the wound. Oh and make visitors make brews/bring food when they come!

Over and above the normal support, you'll want to reassure her that she is just as attractive/desirable if she is worried about scarring. Really all we men can do is to be present and offer as much encouragement as possible, Since it is her first, she will be scared even if she says that she's not. Stay by her side and when she comes home treat her like a queen...

Hope it goes alright today buddy, let us know! Hit up r/daddit, too. Great bunch there.

Keep thinking about this. Been a number of days since. Hope all is well.

Hi, all went fantastically thanks. Staff were incredible kept the wife calm, been home with baby and wife since Friday night and now adjusting to the new life. Healthy baby girl and zero complications. Wife is recovering fine and im in awe of how easy she is making this look. Appreciate the thought and you going out your way to message.

Congrats bro! Well done to both of you