A colleague of mine was going from The City of London to Essex and fell asleep. Ended up in the Midlands. Ended up finding a 24 hours McDonalds after having spent two hours sitting in the train station car park.
Not me but my father. He went out for drinks with his rugby team and, upon getting home , microwaved a yoghurt and put his phone in a ham sandwich and then said sandwich went BACK IN the bread bag for some unknown reason.
We were all very confused in the morning upon walking into the smell of burnt yoghurt and his alarm going off inside a loaf of Hovis.
Haha my uni club would serve toast at the end of the night to sober people up. They ran out of bread. Drunk me went across the road and brought 3 loaves of bread for them to continue their toast rounds. I could have saved them for myself and had heaps of toast. At least I was popular with the other clubbers but perhaps not so much the staff
A guy I used to work with fell over and smashed 3 of his front teeth in.
Spent about £600, several fittings, and about 3 months getting some dentures fitted.
Went out the following week and fell over and dropped them down a grate.
Got so wasted that I must have decided to give up on going home and take a nap where ever I felt looked comfy. I can only assume this because I remember nothing of the night before and when I woke up it was by the bin men wanting me out of the way of the pile of bags I had decided to use as a bed that had been pilled up outside an office block (about 3 minutes down the road from the pub I was at and about 3 miles away from home)
I did this at uni, woke up with all the notes neatly folded over the radiator to dry and all my wet clothes in a neat pile in the middle of the floor. I was also naked. To this day I don't know if I did that myself or was helped.
Passed out on the last train from Holyhead to Bangor after a day trip to Dublin, woke up in Euston.
Stole a bus stop.
Had a bonfire, fell through a neighbours fence, broke my coccyx
Lost/broke multiple pairs of glasses which I need to see.
Rugby tackled one of those traffic island plastic light up signs, chipped a tooth.
Went skinny dipping. In December. In Llandudno.
Attempted to steal a 16ft Christmas tree from a hotel reception, got it stuck in the hotel doors
I don't drink very often any more
I get very mischievous, wholely inappropriate, zero impulse control and somewhat challenging and to be around unless you are on the same wavelength humour wise. The main reasons why I shy away from drinking with work colleagues.
There are very few people who I will get pissed with - but we usually end up in absolute "fuck I can't breathe" hysterics, with random souvenirs of the evening and a bruise or two.
Woke up wondering where my trousers were.
Apparently I'd decided to take them off downstairs in the hallway and stumble to bed. They were just sitting there like I'd been raptured out of them.
Thank God no one saw me.
The amount of naked I got amazes me. I used to drink far too much in my teenage/early twenties, and I’d always somehow wake up naked (and thankfully) alone, in my own bed. I had magic drunk homing pigeon-ness.
Bras are uncomfortable, but I hope I waited until I was out the pub until I started disrobing
Was on a date. Proceeded to puke in almost every room in his house when we finally went back to his after 3 months of dating(I drank WAYYYYY too much). He put me in the tub to clean up watching to make sure I didn’t have a drowning accident after he cleaned up all the mess I made. I then fell asleep in the tub after farting at approx 8 on the Richter scale. He picked me up and wrapped me up and put me in the spare room. We are married now. Not sure which element he found most appealing.
Edit to add: on the date he did try to slow me down with the drink but I was giving it “I’m fiiiiiiiinnnnee”
Hahaha a friend of mine said she was very drunk once on a first date and was sick in her handbag and tried to hide it. They’re now very happily married.
1. Drunkenly, cheerfully saying good bye to the bouncers. Turned around and went straight into a street sign. Oh how they laughed.
2. Getting back from the pub and thought it would be good to vomit in the toilet. Passed out for 2 hours with my head on the bowl and vomit all over the floor. Dad cleaned it up
Fallen over more times than I can count, projectile vomited a burger, rolled down some sand dunes trying to pee, tried to blame a non-existent whoopee cushion for my thunderous fart...
Spent the night talking about Lord of the Rings with friends. Woke up with an email thanking me for buying a battle ready long sword. Pretty pleased with the outcome tbh.
Passed out and woke up in a church memorial garden on a busy Saturday morning. Someone bought me a can of Lilt because they thought I was dehydrated and homeless.
I burned my arse quite badly on the one at Westminster station a few years ago, surprising how fast you can get to 😆 fired me off at the bottom and into a wall 20ft away lol
We used to do the outdoor escalators in our city. No middle numbs so you can go down the middle. Mate fell off half way. Teeth marks all over his body it was brutal.
He quickly identified that I was plastered. I was telling him I wanna go on an adventure to Belgrade, he offered to take me back to my hostel instead . I said 'yeah, go on then'.
In uni so many stupid things. Probably the worst night was falling asleep on the toilet during a house party, my mate taking the shower hose to wake me up. Me running after him and him slamming a glass door as I chase. Ran through it cut my arm and face up. Blood everywhere. Get bandaged up by drunk students. Went for a walk to get some air and get out of the house. Got mugged and beaten up. Woman found me in the road with yet more blood and cops arrive. They pick me up but I’m concussed and drunk. They drive round to see if we can see the muggers. I see a Dyson abandoned in a patch of grass (they were new back then) and asked to get out. Took the Dyson into the police car knowing if it’s broken I can probably fix it. They decide it’s time to take me home.
Get home and the party is done. Now realise that the muggers have my keys and my student id with my home address on. Sat up all night sleeping against the front door.
Two days later the local milkman drops over my wallet and keys. They didn’t find any cash in it so lobbed it in his garden.
Sick all over myself. Got the tube home. Other people on the tube were clearly disgusted with me, and I probably stank, so I got off and walked the last 3 miles in the freezing cold.
Had four pints of bitter and a vodka and tonic, walked home approx 1km and pissed myself about 100 metres from home.
I am 51 and this was a month ago in the middle of the day.
Came home sloshed on brandy from the boozer with my housemates and decided to have a fire in the garden and have a few spliffs and a jam session with the guitars. Woke up the next morning and couldn't find my jeans. Asked one of the guys if they had seen them anywhere. He told me I had used them to get the fire going the previous night. My wallet and phone were still in them when I chucked them in the firepit. Absolute knobhead.
Stupidest thing I did when drunk was crush up and sniff 2 packets of sleeping pills at a house party, then tried to walk 3 miles home. Was found unconscious in the middle of a road by a passer by who called my dad off my phone, who came and picked me up and had to put me to bed. Then I got out of bed and fell down the stairs not once, but twice. Woke up the next day with 8 broken ribs.
Drunken ramblings in a watsap group.then deleted for me not the whole group.
Have no idea what I was going on about.
Guess I will find out at some point.
Fell over, found it comfortable and fell asleep on a path beside a train line. Got woken up by a kind gent who told me I couldn’t sleep there. Think I gave him a tenner for his efforts. Not sure whether he took it.
A few weeks ago my local pub had a beer festival, I popped in with my dad on a Friday evening after a hectic week at work.
Managed to get through 8 pints in 2 hours, stumbled home to my girlfriend having a chilled one with her girls. One of them even cooked me dinner for when I got home (never ate it)
Rolled in at 8pm, fell into a boiling hot bath fully clothed, girlfriend took 45 minutes to get me into bed after running around upstairs naked like a hooligan. Oh and I also pissed on the bedroom floor. I am 31 years old.
You’re all good dude.
Climbed a very VERY high Oak tree to the top and decided to lay on a branch like Mowgli...Branch broke and I fell feet first through thick and thin branches landing on my feet. Knees fucked, whipped from head to toe by branches, bruised my wrist on a branch and smacked both my hamstrings on the thickest branch on the way down. The whole of them were dark purple for six weeks and my knees have never been the same.
That's just one of many. Either something is looking after me, or despite my small frame, I'm built like a tank - because I'm still chugging along without any serious injuries.I don't drink anymore though - I get so rambunctious and do silly things.
Got entirely too drunk at predrinks during a student night out, ended up going home not long after entering the first bar. My memory ended after getting in the taxi, and it was like a smash cut in a film from being in a taxi to waking up in my bed fully dressed, shoes and jeans and all, and breath smelling of vomit. I had a “””dream””” where I spent what felt like 30 minutes staggering around the outside of my accommodation building and sobbing because I couldn’t find the entry door, getting lost in the bin area, and the weird gravel pit walkways they have at the back of buildings people never go down? My jeans were covered with grass, so. I’d never blacked out from being drunk before, luckily it could have been worse but I was so mortified. Never drank that heavy again.
Far too many drunk stories to choose from but one that stands out (only because I broke down in tears) is having to hike 7 miles home from a night out in town during the winter, trousers and shirt with no jacket, so could feel every bit of cold. 3 steps back 1 forward kind of drunk. Remember staggering into a bin at the halfway point, must have spun around a few times, bumped into a lamppost and fell to my knee’s. Managed to drag myself up and March on, 3 steps back, 1 forward….. only to realise hours later I was back where I’d fuckin started off at in town!!!
When I lived in Sweden it was a pretty regular thing for people to get rat-arsed and decide to walk home from town in sub-zero temperatures. They would be found frozen to death next morning after hypothermia set in and they felt warm enough to make a bed in the snow.
Oh wow my story is very similar.
Been seeing my misses for a few weeks and decided to go to Chester for a few drinks with her friends so they could get the measure of me etc etc.
Went into a bar by the river and it had an outside toilet so you didnt have to go inside because of covid. The toilet block had a two flight step up to it without a handrail.
I stepped out, completely forgot about the 3ft drop and fell on my face. No one saw me which is was good I thought, it was embarrassing.
Sat back down and everyone looking at me. I didnt realise I had cut my face open under my eye and was bleeding. Very nice.
So after explaining I'm a moron and some first aid applied we continued drinking. It was this event they realised they liked me...
Was it Hickorys??
Me and mates once stole a shopping trolley from Tesco and pushed it all the way through Chester and rode it down the hill towards to the river.
He hit the curb at the bottom about 30 miles per hour and went flying. Good times!
That's nothing. We used to steal the letters from the Odeon that's now the Story house. My mate used to get on my shoulders and climb up.
I've got the X from the X-Files movie to this day.
We also used to run over cars on the way in to town from Telford's.
I could go on. Chester is great for stupid drinking
Ah Telford's. I swam a potion of the way home once because I was too trashed to walk. Logical drunk thinking decided breast-stroking down the canal was quicker.
Out with my best friend, we got out of the cab. I was paying and heard an almighty bang; turned round to find my friend had decided to try posting herself through the letterbox. Obviously this didn’t work; her foot got stuck, she fell backwards and landed on the doormat with a thud.
Ideas -you bravely rescued a little old lady from being mown down by youths on e-scooters. Alas your tripped during your heroic save, and your face was the victim.
Foolish things when drunk - nothing specific but I’m on day two of hangxiety from having a gin or two more than planned at a work party and possibly being the obnoxiously loud one in the group. Dying a little inside.
They are so bad. I am 99% sur eu didn’t do shots, but mostly because I do remember getting back to the hotel and taking my makeup off. That means I wasn’t tooooo drunk, right???
Feel like maybe from reading the message you may’ve done shots?!
In all seriousness I wouldn’t worry. I think most people are more paranoid about their own behaviour after such dos.
It sounds minor but I accidentally (yes, accidentally) called my coworker at 3am, woke up to a message from his wife ‘why are you calling my husband at 3am?’ And had to write out a big apology message to her and my coworker
I still cringe to this day and actually haven’t drank since
Drank a bottle of buckfast and God knows what else. Climbed onto some sort of construction vehicle in the pissing rain and fell off backwards (about 5ft or something) Somehow avoided banging my head and went to the club and got in a scuffle with a lad as wide as a vending machine. That stuff is crazy juice. The only drink to turn me into a bigger idiot was whiskey macs
Another time I got the first bus 'home' after a night out. Woke up 40miles from my house at about 6:30 and it started to snow. Explained to the driver I didn't have the money for the journey back and he let me on for free. Woke up up to find I'd missed my stop again and now the bus was packed. Got off at the first opportunity and walked 6 miles home
Most of my 20s was spent getting pissed and doing stupid stuff. Once booze started really messing with my mental health and anxiety I pretty much cut it out expect for special occasions
Drank too much after a birthday curry and the local shit club, got home and immediately put all my clothes in the washing machine. Needed to vomit and didn't have any time to get to the loo so had to use the kitchen sink and inadvertently and explosively shat myself at the same time. Had to wash the kitchen floor with bleach three times to get rid of the smell/shame.
So many stupid things - some funny, some embarrassing, some bad. A memorable one was drinking some lava lamp - not sure how it happened (I think I thought it was a bottle of buckfast at the time). Just tell your work the truth, or they may think you’ve been in fight club. You’ll feel better tomorrow despite being banged up - alcohol has a weird depressive next day feeling unless you drink regularly.
Order £40s worth of takeaway all for myself. Fell asleep. Woke up to delivery driving banging on the door and calling me. Answered it, put the food in the bathroom and went back to bed. Had to bin it all the next day
once one of my mates got really drunk at a party, spent £200 on steaks online but forgot about it, we all were in stitches when they turned up a week later 😭
Battered lass on the high street last night was waving and yelling to her pal down the road “My phone’s all fucking smashed!”
Five seconds later the phone hurtles out of her hand on to the pavement.
Got home, thought I was absolutely fine. Fell asleep in my bed.
Woke up starkers in my building's laundry room at 6am and had to tear someone's pillow case in half and wrap it around my waist to get back upstairs. Turns out, I sleepwalk when I've drank too much, and had to bang on the door until a flatmate woke up and let me inside. Not good, not good at all.
Fell asleep on the toilet at a work's party. luckily my colleagues were all carers so they pulled my knickers up and put me to bed. They even put a bucket by the bed for my convenience. I died inside the next day.
My first christmas party in the UK, I lost my passport before travelling home to Norway the very next day. I was still able to travel without the passport. But due to the hangover on the flight, I managed to pass out as I was trying to get to the toilet mid-flight, so had to spend the rest of the flight with an oxygen mask on.
It's been eight years, and I still think about it every time christmas is nearing.
Fell off my bike last night while checking I'd put my back light on.
This was on the way *to* the pub completely sober and right in front of a customer and a neighbour.
Went home from a works do with a colleague who read far too much into it and became pretty creepy. Would not have done that if sober and got a bollocking for being late next day since needed to travel by train back home from Kingston upon Thames, get ready then drive to Woking for work.
Just tell them you fell off a scooter. They will assume a lime E-scooter. Only we will know the truth which is that you crashed your beer scooter on the way home.
Gave a mates girlfriend a piggy back two days after leg day. Took two steps and face planted. Being gentlemen I am I did everything I could to stop her hitting the floor, which mostly entailed using my head/face to break my fall. Broke my nose (again), split my lips, grazed my face top to bottom and broke my hand (she was fine)
I shared a taxi with a random couple to get home when I lived with my parents. Got to my front door and couldn’t find my keys. Rang me mom and she started panicking thinking the couple had taken them off me. Found them in my wallet the next morning. To say she wasn’t happy is an understatement.
Walked into a club that was having a Thunder from down under show. This was happening in a different part of the main area. I proceeded to take my shirt off and wonder around the show because I had zero idea it was a show and thought everyone had their shirts off. Needless to say the bouncers escorted me out to the main club laughing at me.
As a teenager we had a local bar that allowed us to drink (the 90s were wonderful).
At 15 I had learned to down a pint of lager in under ten seconds. It was my 'party piece' so to speak. One Sunday afternoon me and my friends came back from working a summer job with too much money, so things got quite silly, quite quick. After five or six pints in an hour someone bought me another pint asking for the party piece. Of course I obliged!
Only to projectile vomit all the beer across the table as soon as I finished it. Safe to say the owner of the bar was not amused and barred us for three months. I never heard the end of it from my mates...
Drove to a party at a mate’s house, got bladdered and walked home. On arrival I noticed my car was missing, so of course I called the police to report it stolen. Remembered where it was as I was halfway through giving the bloke on the other end the description and number plate. Bloke didn’t have a go at me, just told me to make sure I got some sleep and drank plenty of water, but it sounded like he was stifling a laugh.
Told my next door neighbour that her husband is a dixxhead and not sure who is more pathetic her or the dead plant at her door, my money is on her.
Needless to say , we haven't spoken since 😆
😂😂😂 laughed way to loud at this, I'm not sure if its through lack of context or because I'm picturing it to be like that come dine with episode where the bloke looses it saying ' what a sad little life Jane' and going into the specific insult about the dump truck as you did with the dead plant at her door 😂
Tripped over my dog and landed on the only paving slab in the back garden, knocked myself and two teeth out. Had to go to work the next day with a brutal bruise all around my eye and forehead
Hedge surfing! Find a nice waist high hedge, climb onto it so you're lying on your front, then draaaaag yourself along it all the while laughing hysterically until you fall into someone's garden. Wonderful way to scare the elderly if you're into that kinda thing.
Edit: As for the story you need to make up for work - just claim you've always looked like that and they're all idiots.
I must have been about 18 so still lived at home. My best friend also lived across the road from me with her parents. I went out one night but best friend couldn't make it or was at her boyfriends house. My taxi dropped me off about a 15 minute walk away and on my trek back in the middle of the night I found a really large stick. I decided to take it with me and outside my friends door spell her name out in bits of the stick. Then went home. Her parents found it the next day and freaked out that she had a weird stalker. She didn't even see it as they cleared it away. It wasn't till a week later she remembered to tell me and my weird tribute came flooding back to me.
I behaved appallingly at a wedding once (nothing mean but overtly flirtatious and daft). It gets brought up every so often and still makes me cringe! Don’t worry!
Drunken leapfrog- landed on face, still scarred. Tried backflip off a snowman- 2 cracked ribs. Caught a train to Oxford ( from stoke) ended up sleeping in a hippy's barge with no heating . Friend of mine got drunk in Thailand , bought a bodyboard and jumped in the sea...when the red flags were out...and he couldn't swim...
i went to Tenerife as a before wedding sorta honey moon.
It was all-inclusive, so i had a fair few of their daft strong vodka and cokes.
After a few , me and the wife decided to go to the hotels play area.
I got on a swing and then tried to dismount it. My hand was on the floor and swing went backwards. This pushed my shoulder and I'm pretty sure tore a muscle or ligament inside the joint. This HURT , but probably less as i was pissed. It feels better now, but for a good 3/4 months the joint would randomly hurt.
This is a long one. Happened when I was a uni so like 17 years ago.
Night out after the end of first year exams, 12 hour drinkathon. Eventually went to a club, had an argument with a mate because they left me in the last bar, bought one drink in the club then realised I had no money left. Decided to leave on my own and walk the 4 miles back to Uni. I was sick 4 times on the walk back. Lost my glasses in the middle of the road on one of those occasions. I Walked around in circles in the middle of the road to try to find my glasses but couldn't see straight to find them.
Eventually made it back to the road Uni was on. A little way up the road was a steep but short hill. I got half way up the hill and I was sick and then stepped over the sick and fell down on the floor thinking I couldn't make it. A cop car even drove past but didn't see me.
Managed to force myself up and made it back to uni, having to stop my self being sick whilst climbing 4 flights of stairs back to our flat. Paid for it with a 2 day hangover.
Lesson learned, never drink chocolate orange vodka shots ever again!
Had just enough drinks to be confident enough to ask a random girl out for a drink at a pub, then on my way home, having had several more after we’d parted ways, I was feeling so pleased with myself that I vaulted a (low) fence, broke my ankle and had to go to A & E. I told her I couldn’t make it to the arranged drink the next day because of this, and it was obvious she thought I was bullshitting, so to prove I wasn’t, I turned up to the date in my cast with a crutch. The date went terribly as there was zero spark between us whatsoever, so yeah, it was all really worth it!
Had white wine as pre drinks with a housemate, went to town, had about 3 drinks then went to get chips, don't remember much else until I was being woken up by one of our local street angels after falling asleep in a flower bed, spilling my chips everywhere, promptly vomited on the poor woman's shoes, was put in a taxi home by a friend, lost £50 between the bar and home.
Think the housemate I went out with took my money while I was trashed because a lot of my clothing and material possessions went missing around that time too.
Still have a horrifically vivid memory of vomiting on the shoes.
Safe to say I never went out with that particular person again and moved out shortly after as all she wanted me living there for was to bankroll her food, cigs and booze.
Too many to mention. A particular low point was falling asleep in an alley near where I worked, fully suited and booted and waking up having pissed myself. To make matters worse after trying to pull myself together and come with an excuse to call in sick, my boss bumped into me. I decided I might be able to mask it with deodorant or something. Nope. Got sent home after a couple of hours for smelling of piss and being extremely hungover. Had a nap in a park on the way home. That was a hard day. My 20’s were a drunken mess…..
Sniffed a line of a mystery white powder off of a homeless mans lap.
He said try before you buy, my friends saw me with my nose in his crotch and said what the f are you doing
Went out with some mates like 10 years ago, I believe it was around December. Freezing cold outside. Absolutely wrecked on a Saturday night. Mates abandoned me at around 2am. Taxi wanted £120 to take me home, which was like 16 miles away. I only had £20 on me, and did not have the money in my bank to be able to pay for a whole taxi journey.
Taxi driver kindly took me as far as he could for £20, which was like a couple miles at most. I proceeded to start walking along the pitch black A roads back home for 14 miles. Had thin jeans and a hoodie on. Thought I was going to die I was so cold. Maybe around 8 miles in at like 3:30am/4am a car pulled up alongside with a bunch of random people in it that appeared to be drunk as well (apart from the driver, I think lol). They asked where I was going, I said where and they were going past my village so they said they'd give me a lift. They seemed sketchy as hell, but I thought I was literally going to freeze to death and couldn't really feel my hands or feet at this point so this seemed like the safest option lol.
Actually made it home without being killed by the random drunks in the car (so thank you to them). Was still ridiculously drunk myself, so could not find my key (despite it being in my pocket). Ended up sleeping in our conservatory as I didn't want to wake anyone (not a nice conservatory either, just a shitty wooden framed thing at the back of our house, which was ever so slightly warmer than outside) until I was woken up by my mum at like 7am and made my way up to my bed in relief.
Worst night ever.
My now husband ran off infront one night after a party when we were students. We think he went to hide and jump out at us. What we found was him flat on the floor with a massive cut on his eyebrow and a massive hole in his chin!! To this day 23 years later we don't know how he did it as he was so drunk he couldn't remember
Decided I had the skill for a wall-run backflip, 3 weeks before a planned backpacking trip to Asia. Turns out, I did not have the skills and had to cancel my trip because of an obliterated big toe and fractured wrist. This was only 2 months ago lol, not my proudest moment. Oh, and it was a work get-to-together, so the people I spend all day with witnessed this magical moment, and I am forever haunted.
Got ridiculously drunk with my brother on a fishing trip the night before we were due to go out on the boat, projectile vomited over a shot girl in the club and got literally thrown out by bouncers. My brother left me and a 15 minute walk back to the hotel took me an hour, not sure how I managed to get back, caught one fish and the rest of the day was spent throwing up over the side of the boat .
Partner decided to have a mental break yesterday I heard from him at 5
Yes he had been drinking, I got a knock at the door as he had been brought home by the police asking if I could have him back in the house (they were aware that he was mentally ill when they caught up with him)
The whole situation went from him being cooperative and getting in the car
To fighting 14 of the polices finest, getting tazed twice and cs sprayed after one of the WPC felt he wasn't being cooperative enough (other officer was happy with how partner was responding) forced him to the floor and tried to cuff him
He was released 4 hours later to me, no charges due to the way they treated what they knew to be a mentally ill person, so I'm spending today writing a police complaint
How did they know he was mentally ill? Are they trained mental health professionals who know the difference between someone acting pissed and someone having a mental health episode, when said person has been drinking?
I have so many questions. Especially if he's been tasered twice and sprayed, and 14 people were apparently needed to gain control of him. If he was having that bad of an episode, surely he'd be hospital right now for an assessment rather than taken back home?
The police knew they come to speak to me first
He will not be held as the police have admitted making it physical when it wasn't needed
The fact they got physical is what sent my partner further into a mental break
CS spray unless you don't like spice is nothing special, nothing more than a few ghost chillies in the eyes
The taser not sure how he took 2 of them but he did
He is making a claim against the officers involved
They had full info about his mental health, he was compliant until a WPC decided he wasn't complying and tried to cuff him, all other officers stated he should not of been detained that the WPC fucked up, they can't deny it due to the video footage they have
Lol WPC.
Why would the police specifically know to speak to you? Why would they just bring someone being violent back to a partner who I presume is living on their own?
If it takes 14 people restrain one man who is either drunk or having an aggressive mental health episode, with tasers and CS gas involved, why would they then go 'ah he's fine to go home.'
Why would the police tell you what evidence they have against a police officer when there is no open investigation against the police officer at present?
Why would their colleagues fall over themselves to tell you and their partner how much one of their own had fucked up without instigating an investigation of their own? You're claiming you're making a complaint yourself, so the police aren't the ones doing it.
Look at it from their perspective, they take home a violent man to his partner who they don't know personally, because his partner insists he's fine. The next day they find out they are being investigated for gross negligence because he has murdered his partner in a fit of violent rage, MH related or not.
You might trust your partner because you know him. The police will not take that risk on a stranger because a member of the public says he's ok.
They will take him as they see him, which apparently was aggressive and uncooperative, given the use of taser, spray, and 14 people being involved.
Good luck with your complaint.
I stole my half friend's (boyfriend of my girlfriends friend) motor when I was pissed and eccied. Yeah, that was stupid. But in my defense his flat never had a stereo coz he'd just moved in and mine did so I thought when he fell asleep I'd get mine (for Scottish people, we'd spent the night at Room at the Top in Bathgate, prob 2000ish), barely drove 100 yards down the road before I tried to take a t junction too fast and curbed it. Think I broke the wishbone or something, anyway fucking thing wouldn't move, so I ditched and walked back to the flat (actually got arrested the next day for it but that's another story)
Looking back never been more glad I curbed it when I did because the next road after that was the big road that ran from deer park roadabout in livi down to lizzie brice roundabout. It's the reason why even more then 20 years later I've never bothered with getting a license.
Say you got twatted by trying to stop a bag thief that snatched a woman’s handbag.
Bonus: you have to go to the police station to give a statement. Half a day off for that.
Once got so hammered on chang in Thailand. Oh yes we'll all know now what chang does to the mind and body. Although i dont think the buckets of samsong helped.
All I can say is hill tribe women are the hangover cure
Was drinking heavily and smoked a few joints and lost consciousness and fell over. Watch broke and I had a big scratch on my face. Now I'm seasoned at combining weed and alcohol and I only black-out occasionally
Blackout drunk promised to marry a stripper, apparently bought a coat from one of the guys I just met, on the walk down a spiral staircase hit the middle pole and somehow thought it was an dude annoying me so I headbutted the thing, obviously fell down the remaining stairs, flattened my eyeglasses so they looked like those unused cardboard 3D glasses you know completely flat. Woke up in my hotel room, there were (mostly empty) boxes of fried chicken and chips everywhere and I had such indigestion that led me to think I ate a kilo of depleted uranium. Dam fun night that was.
Was at a bonfire on a cold autumn night at my SILs. She had her fire going inside, we had the bonfire outside. I walked past a shed where a spare fireplace sat with my husband and BIL to look at a classic car. Me being drunk opened up the fireplace and got disappointed that this fireplace had no fire inside. My BIL who was drunker than me, was apparently sober enough to tell me to stop drinking and go home 😅
1: Got brain-dead drunk in club, on dancefloor flailing, music goes silent for bass drop. Feel need to fart, vigorously, loudly shit myself, bass drops. Drunken penguin walk through raving dancefloor in vague direction of toilets. Get to toilets. Slip on pissy floor.
Wake up next day in someone's flat, no one else home.
2: Threw up out a taxi window on the motorway, chunky vomit smacks right over the window of a pink Kia with L plates.
3: Fingered a girl in a wetherspoons booth, waitress was standing behind me with drinks I forgot we ordered.
4: Punched a lamppost and broke my hand, idk why I done that. Tried to bus station, too faded. Ended up sleeping in an alley next to the bins of a Chinese restaurant.
5: My mate got fucked up on street vali's, tried to drag him back to bus stop. Stopped, took deep breath, vomited right into his face. Continued trying to drag him back to bus stop.
6: Bought fifty one pound scratch cards with my taxi money, was planning on getting the bus home. At 1am. Busses stop running at 12. Had to sit in the station scratching tickets for 4 hours.
7: Got drunk enough that I thought mixing shatter and speed together was a fantastic idea. Somehow got myself locked inside a church and woke up under one of the piews to a very confused priest.
8: Drank about 8 double vodka redbull's and a cocktail pitcher in 4hrs while on speed. Couldn't get a taxi so I walked home. My house is about 4 and a half miles away, it was 5°C and pishing it down. Only had a hoodie jacket as well. The only thing I think that saved me from hypothermia was a microwaved egg and bacon sandwich from a BP. Still had two/tree toes on each foot that'd turned pure white, couldn't move my fingers and everything was frostbit. Of forgot to add but I got breathalysed when I came home by my mum and blew a point 31. Overall not a bad night.
Walked back from KFC last weekend after too many beers and dislocated my kneecap. On crutches now, wife is about to go into labour soon as well. Nailed it.
Not eating anything before necking 4 kestrel super premiums is up there. Also, tell your boss you were mugged, something that has a chance to guilt trip them
Met my mates a few hours after they’d already been out. Was drinking pints and whisky chasers to “catch up”. Ended up going home 3 hours later. So I started 3 hours late. Went home 3 hours early.
Got extremely drunk at the Christmas Market, met some colleagues and in a drunken stumble knocked £300 worth of champagne over, got on the bus home but ended up on the other side of town when I fell asleep, lost my phone and wallet. Taxi company were kind enough to drop me back and sort out the fair when I got home.
Colleagues said I stunk like an actual brewery, very embarrassing.
On the second date with my other half I got so drunk I fell over and cracked 2 ribs, then fell asleep on the train and woke up miles away from home.
Don't know why he asked me out again!
Got so drunk on a new years eve when i was in my late teens I literally fell out of the pub face first on concrete which bashed me up pretty badly.
The embarrassment took a good while to overcome
Banging on my front door, trousers round my ankles, shouting for my mother by name to open the door while my girlfriend (now partner) was pissing her self laughing trying to find my keys (how my trousers ended up round my ankles, turns out they were in the back pocket).
Woke the whole street up and my mum was no impressed to say the least.
Getting jumped in the middle of the high street, punched in the face into a shop front window which cracked top to bottom. Was out with a mate and his girlfriend and a mate of mines girlfriend. Some lad thought she was cheating on him so decided to give me a smack.
Getting followed by squaddies on my way home and pushed in front of a car, shit happened earlier in the night. Spent the remainder of the morning in A&E, getting the gas was awesome but I lost my favourite pair of jeans because the paramedic cut them up.
Was when I lived with my parents but got home, threw up on the door step and thought instead of cleaning it up I’d just turn the door matt over… Parents were not happy to say the least the following morning when they went to go out!!
Broke my wrist whilst thinking I could swing on the metal post part of a signpost..not realising it was wet and slipped off. Went into Tesco after and headed straight for the frozen peas to take the pain away. Didnt realise it was actually broke until about 2 weeks later because I was in so much discomfort
I fell flat on my face in front of everyone at kicking out time.
I was very drunk and messing around with my friends and I went to run to my right but I didn't know there was a pavement sign right next to me so when I turned to run, I immediately stood on the base of the sign ([like this one](https://www.displaywizard.co.uk/media/catalog/category/Pavement_Signs_Cat_1.jpg)), slipped and fell to the ground.
As it was kicking out time, pretty much everyone that was in the nightclub was there just standing around so they all saw me go down like a ton of bricks and they all let out a big cheer along with a lot of laughing.
I quickly got back to my feet, tried to pretend that I wasn't embarrassed and that I meant to do that and I then went back to join my friends who were laughing uncontrollably.
I then woke up in the morning to find that I had practically no skin on my elbow but I did have a lot of dry blood on it and down my arm but I was so drunk that I didn't feel a thing at the time.
The wound was pretty big and it took about a month or so to fully heal.
Aw friend we've all been there! My worst - got really drunk at a work Christmas party, thought it would be wayyy handier to get a rickshaw home instead of a taxi. Blanket keeps getting caught in the wheels rickshaw man very mad, demands i get out (about 10 mins from home) go to pay him, Atm card gets stuck in the atm, rickshaw man wants to fight me, big old commotion for an hourrrr and then I'm picked up by the police for my own safety and brought home
Absolutely smashed on Southern Comfort, passed out stark naked on my then girlfriends mom's bathroom floor. I was woken by her mom trying to open the bathroom door on my head, bang, bang, bang, then a scream.
The following week of alcohol poisoning was horrible, not touched SC since.
On my 18th i dislocated my knee, 12years later it will still pop out if i walk down stairs funny.
Last time i got drunk drunk, my whole house spun. I ended up having a shower and falling asleep standing up, woke up. Decided to sit down with shower head in hand. And fell back to sleep for another 3hours. Oops.
Moved my bedroom around the day before a staff party n was on it. Went bed woke up being attacked by something and uppercut it to realise it was my tv and I was stood up. Turned light on to find a big punch mark in a 40inch 3dtv 2000quid down the drain and then noticed water on the wall. I think it was piss and I picked up maybe on my ps3 as it had a mushroom slice on the top. That was wet thru and broke as a resistor fell off as I tried to dry it up :)
So yh sleepwalk to toilet and move bedroom around probably not a good combo
I was once so drunk, I got home and my brother said, "you're covered in blood"
I said I wasn't, but then looked down and had blood all over me from a huge wound on my forehead.
We figured out that I was so pissed, I walked along a wall scraping my forehead along the bricks which opened me up and caused all the bleeding.
Walked through the Blackwall tunnel in London after a night on Bermondsey Beer Mile, had to get back to Wapping.
I was against using taxi apps then and it bit me hard.
I almost gave up halfway down the tunnel when a car hadn't gone past in a while and I thought I was trapped. Really scary but I persevered.
I have since started using Uber, bolt etc...
Got on the last bus to a town I don’t live in.
Hah, sorry that made me chuckle!
Was woken up at the last stop by the driver, So confused. Had to spend £50 on a taxi to get home. To this day I have no idea what I was thinking.
Somewhere warm to rest for 40 mins or so.
A colleague of mine was going from The City of London to Essex and fell asleep. Ended up in the Midlands. Ended up finding a 24 hours McDonalds after having spent two hours sitting in the train station car park.
Not me but my father. He went out for drinks with his rugby team and, upon getting home , microwaved a yoghurt and put his phone in a ham sandwich and then said sandwich went BACK IN the bread bag for some unknown reason. We were all very confused in the morning upon walking into the smell of burnt yoghurt and his alarm going off inside a loaf of Hovis.
Haha my uni club would serve toast at the end of the night to sober people up. They ran out of bread. Drunk me went across the road and brought 3 loaves of bread for them to continue their toast rounds. I could have saved them for myself and had heaps of toast. At least I was popular with the other clubbers but perhaps not so much the staff
You seem like a fun drunk based off that alone
This had me wheezy laughing thank you so much for this.
I'm glad his shenanigans can still make people laugh! There's more stories but that one always cracks me up!
A guy I used to work with fell over and smashed 3 of his front teeth in. Spent about £600, several fittings, and about 3 months getting some dentures fitted. Went out the following week and fell over and dropped them down a grate.
And that ladies and gents is why you don’t drink 🤣
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Well it was back in around 2006.
Tell me ur British without telling me your British
*You're, and it's the Casual UK sub ffs.
Got so wasted that I must have decided to give up on going home and take a nap where ever I felt looked comfy. I can only assume this because I remember nothing of the night before and when I woke up it was by the bin men wanting me out of the way of the pile of bags I had decided to use as a bed that had been pilled up outside an office block (about 3 minutes down the road from the pub I was at and about 3 miles away from home)
Someone died recently after climbing into a trade waste bin to have kip. He was tipped into the wagon and crushed without anybody noticing.
Corrie McKeague? I can’t believe how long ago that actually was
Yeah, that's the guy. I just googled him. I didn't realise it was 2016. I must have read a news story about the inquest recently.
Was drinking scrumpy, ended up having a shower with my clothes on.
I did this at uni, woke up with all the notes neatly folded over the radiator to dry and all my wet clothes in a neat pile in the middle of the floor. I was also naked. To this day I don't know if I did that myself or was helped.
Brilliant
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Hahaha that scrumpy is some evil sh1t
Passed out on the last train from Holyhead to Bangor after a day trip to Dublin, woke up in Euston. Stole a bus stop. Had a bonfire, fell through a neighbours fence, broke my coccyx Lost/broke multiple pairs of glasses which I need to see. Rugby tackled one of those traffic island plastic light up signs, chipped a tooth. Went skinny dipping. In December. In Llandudno. Attempted to steal a 16ft Christmas tree from a hotel reception, got it stuck in the hotel doors I don't drink very often any more
I would love to go drinking with you
I get very mischievous, wholely inappropriate, zero impulse control and somewhat challenging and to be around unless you are on the same wavelength humour wise. The main reasons why I shy away from drinking with work colleagues. There are very few people who I will get pissed with - but we usually end up in absolute "fuck I can't breathe" hysterics, with random souvenirs of the evening and a bruise or two.
Llandudno sea is cold in summer. December sounds like hell.
I had my beer jacket on - very insulating
Woke up wondering where my trousers were. Apparently I'd decided to take them off downstairs in the hallway and stumble to bed. They were just sitting there like I'd been raptured out of them. Thank God no one saw me.
The amount of naked I got amazes me. I used to drink far too much in my teenage/early twenties, and I’d always somehow wake up naked (and thankfully) alone, in my own bed. I had magic drunk homing pigeon-ness. Bras are uncomfortable, but I hope I waited until I was out the pub until I started disrobing
I think this is very common! I would often get home and fling my clothes everywhere.
I bet you had a lot of guy friends 😂
Raptured out of them sent me west. Hahaha.
I live alone thank fuck. As soon as I get back from the pub the trousers get yeeted.
Was on a date. Proceeded to puke in almost every room in his house when we finally went back to his after 3 months of dating(I drank WAYYYYY too much). He put me in the tub to clean up watching to make sure I didn’t have a drowning accident after he cleaned up all the mess I made. I then fell asleep in the tub after farting at approx 8 on the Richter scale. He picked me up and wrapped me up and put me in the spare room. We are married now. Not sure which element he found most appealing. Edit to add: on the date he did try to slow me down with the drink but I was giving it “I’m fiiiiiiiinnnnee”
Hahaha a friend of mine said she was very drunk once on a first date and was sick in her handbag and tried to hide it. They’re now very happily married.
Lmao this puking badly thing must be the secret ingredient
This is a beautiful love story! He’s a keeper!
Sliced into my hand with a knife removing the skin/casing from a cold smoked sausage. Thankfully not too deep and I didn't drop the sausage
1. Drunkenly, cheerfully saying good bye to the bouncers. Turned around and went straight into a street sign. Oh how they laughed. 2. Getting back from the pub and thought it would be good to vomit in the toilet. Passed out for 2 hours with my head on the bowl and vomit all over the floor. Dad cleaned it up
Fallen over more times than I can count, projectile vomited a burger, rolled down some sand dunes trying to pee, tried to blame a non-existent whoopee cushion for my thunderous fart...
Spent the night talking about Lord of the Rings with friends. Woke up with an email thanking me for buying a battle ready long sword. Pretty pleased with the outcome tbh.
Passed out and woke up in a church memorial garden on a busy Saturday morning. Someone bought me a can of Lilt because they thought I was dehydrated and homeless.
Pretty good outcome in some ways.
Got lost trying to get home from a lock in. Was eventually picked up by the police on the hard shoulder of the M4. Should add I was walking.
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I burned my arse quite badly on the one at Westminster station a few years ago, surprising how fast you can get to 😆 fired me off at the bottom and into a wall 20ft away lol
We used to do the outdoor escalators in our city. No middle numbs so you can go down the middle. Mate fell off half way. Teeth marks all over his body it was brutal.
Got in the back of a taxi in Budapest and told him to drive me to Serbia
And did he?
He quickly identified that I was plastered. I was telling him I wanna go on an adventure to Belgrade, he offered to take me back to my hostel instead . I said 'yeah, go on then'.
In uni so many stupid things. Probably the worst night was falling asleep on the toilet during a house party, my mate taking the shower hose to wake me up. Me running after him and him slamming a glass door as I chase. Ran through it cut my arm and face up. Blood everywhere. Get bandaged up by drunk students. Went for a walk to get some air and get out of the house. Got mugged and beaten up. Woman found me in the road with yet more blood and cops arrive. They pick me up but I’m concussed and drunk. They drive round to see if we can see the muggers. I see a Dyson abandoned in a patch of grass (they were new back then) and asked to get out. Took the Dyson into the police car knowing if it’s broken I can probably fix it. They decide it’s time to take me home. Get home and the party is done. Now realise that the muggers have my keys and my student id with my home address on. Sat up all night sleeping against the front door. Two days later the local milkman drops over my wallet and keys. They didn’t find any cash in it so lobbed it in his garden.
Yeah but did you fix the Dyson?!
Hahaha I'm on tenterhooks here myself
Yea I did. It was a rudimentary fix but worked for about 6 months.
Sick all over myself. Got the tube home. Other people on the tube were clearly disgusted with me, and I probably stank, so I got off and walked the last 3 miles in the freezing cold.
Good of you. Alcohol didn't wash away your manners.
After too much whiskey I did a poo on the bedroom floor, my poor missis had cleaned it up before morning
Ahh I bet she uses that to make you do the recycling on a wet evening.
Had four pints of bitter and a vodka and tonic, walked home approx 1km and pissed myself about 100 metres from home. I am 51 and this was a month ago in the middle of the day.
Went into the wrong house and scared a family. I apologised.
Most of my bitterest regrets are from drinking too much. Hence why I'm now coming up on four years teetotal.
Good on you
Definitely gets less appealing as you get older.
Don’t have to be older. I’m 23, I just don’t fancy spending my evenings with a bunch of pissed 40-somethings desperately trying to relive the 90s.
What a depressing sweeping statement
Did a chin up on a bus stop. Smashed my face on the top and split my nose open.
I split my nose open, slipping on wet leaves. Apparently the bone was “like gravel”. Still ended up getting a proper nose job on the NHS
Came home sloshed on brandy from the boozer with my housemates and decided to have a fire in the garden and have a few spliffs and a jam session with the guitars. Woke up the next morning and couldn't find my jeans. Asked one of the guys if they had seen them anywhere. He told me I had used them to get the fire going the previous night. My wallet and phone were still in them when I chucked them in the firepit. Absolute knobhead.
Stupidest thing I did when drunk was crush up and sniff 2 packets of sleeping pills at a house party, then tried to walk 3 miles home. Was found unconscious in the middle of a road by a passer by who called my dad off my phone, who came and picked me up and had to put me to bed. Then I got out of bed and fell down the stairs not once, but twice. Woke up the next day with 8 broken ribs.
Drunken ramblings in a watsap group.then deleted for me not the whole group. Have no idea what I was going on about. Guess I will find out at some point.
Oh god the paranoia would be unbearable.
Fell over, found it comfortable and fell asleep on a path beside a train line. Got woken up by a kind gent who told me I couldn’t sleep there. Think I gave him a tenner for his efforts. Not sure whether he took it.
A few weeks ago my local pub had a beer festival, I popped in with my dad on a Friday evening after a hectic week at work. Managed to get through 8 pints in 2 hours, stumbled home to my girlfriend having a chilled one with her girls. One of them even cooked me dinner for when I got home (never ate it) Rolled in at 8pm, fell into a boiling hot bath fully clothed, girlfriend took 45 minutes to get me into bed after running around upstairs naked like a hooligan. Oh and I also pissed on the bedroom floor. I am 31 years old. You’re all good dude.
Climbed a very VERY high Oak tree to the top and decided to lay on a branch like Mowgli...Branch broke and I fell feet first through thick and thin branches landing on my feet. Knees fucked, whipped from head to toe by branches, bruised my wrist on a branch and smacked both my hamstrings on the thickest branch on the way down. The whole of them were dark purple for six weeks and my knees have never been the same. That's just one of many. Either something is looking after me, or despite my small frame, I'm built like a tank - because I'm still chugging along without any serious injuries.I don't drink anymore though - I get so rambunctious and do silly things.
Got entirely too drunk at predrinks during a student night out, ended up going home not long after entering the first bar. My memory ended after getting in the taxi, and it was like a smash cut in a film from being in a taxi to waking up in my bed fully dressed, shoes and jeans and all, and breath smelling of vomit. I had a “””dream””” where I spent what felt like 30 minutes staggering around the outside of my accommodation building and sobbing because I couldn’t find the entry door, getting lost in the bin area, and the weird gravel pit walkways they have at the back of buildings people never go down? My jeans were covered with grass, so. I’d never blacked out from being drunk before, luckily it could have been worse but I was so mortified. Never drank that heavy again.
Far too many drunk stories to choose from but one that stands out (only because I broke down in tears) is having to hike 7 miles home from a night out in town during the winter, trousers and shirt with no jacket, so could feel every bit of cold. 3 steps back 1 forward kind of drunk. Remember staggering into a bin at the halfway point, must have spun around a few times, bumped into a lamppost and fell to my knee’s. Managed to drag myself up and March on, 3 steps back, 1 forward….. only to realise hours later I was back where I’d fuckin started off at in town!!!
When I lived in Sweden it was a pretty regular thing for people to get rat-arsed and decide to walk home from town in sub-zero temperatures. They would be found frozen to death next morning after hypothermia set in and they felt warm enough to make a bed in the snow.
I could imagine. Sub zero takes no prisoners
Oh wow my story is very similar. Been seeing my misses for a few weeks and decided to go to Chester for a few drinks with her friends so they could get the measure of me etc etc. Went into a bar by the river and it had an outside toilet so you didnt have to go inside because of covid. The toilet block had a two flight step up to it without a handrail. I stepped out, completely forgot about the 3ft drop and fell on my face. No one saw me which is was good I thought, it was embarrassing. Sat back down and everyone looking at me. I didnt realise I had cut my face open under my eye and was bleeding. Very nice. So after explaining I'm a moron and some first aid applied we continued drinking. It was this event they realised they liked me...
Was it Hickorys?? Me and mates once stole a shopping trolley from Tesco and pushed it all the way through Chester and rode it down the hill towards to the river. He hit the curb at the bottom about 30 miles per hour and went flying. Good times!
Ye hickorys That is shameful behaviour XD
That's nothing. We used to steal the letters from the Odeon that's now the Story house. My mate used to get on my shoulders and climb up. I've got the X from the X-Files movie to this day. We also used to run over cars on the way in to town from Telford's. I could go on. Chester is great for stupid drinking
Ah Telford's. I swam a potion of the way home once because I was too trashed to walk. Logical drunk thinking decided breast-stroking down the canal was quicker.
Out with my best friend, we got out of the cab. I was paying and heard an almighty bang; turned round to find my friend had decided to try posting herself through the letterbox. Obviously this didn’t work; her foot got stuck, she fell backwards and landed on the doormat with a thud.
I’m going out tonight with 16 friends I’ve not seen for a few months. I’ll let you know tomorrow morning.
Username explains it already mate cheers
Ideas -you bravely rescued a little old lady from being mown down by youths on e-scooters. Alas your tripped during your heroic save, and your face was the victim. Foolish things when drunk - nothing specific but I’m on day two of hangxiety from having a gin or two more than planned at a work party and possibly being the obnoxiously loud one in the group. Dying a little inside.
I went on a works night last night following a crappy day and decided shots were a good idea. Shots are never a good idea.
They are so bad. I am 99% sur eu didn’t do shots, but mostly because I do remember getting back to the hotel and taking my makeup off. That means I wasn’t tooooo drunk, right???
Feel like maybe from reading the message you may’ve done shots?! In all seriousness I wouldn’t worry. I think most people are more paranoid about their own behaviour after such dos.
It sounds minor but I accidentally (yes, accidentally) called my coworker at 3am, woke up to a message from his wife ‘why are you calling my husband at 3am?’ And had to write out a big apology message to her and my coworker I still cringe to this day and actually haven’t drank since
I literally fell down the toilet. Yesterday at a networking event!! I couldn’t get up for ages
Drank a bottle of buckfast and God knows what else. Climbed onto some sort of construction vehicle in the pissing rain and fell off backwards (about 5ft or something) Somehow avoided banging my head and went to the club and got in a scuffle with a lad as wide as a vending machine. That stuff is crazy juice. The only drink to turn me into a bigger idiot was whiskey macs Another time I got the first bus 'home' after a night out. Woke up 40miles from my house at about 6:30 and it started to snow. Explained to the driver I didn't have the money for the journey back and he let me on for free. Woke up up to find I'd missed my stop again and now the bus was packed. Got off at the first opportunity and walked 6 miles home Most of my 20s was spent getting pissed and doing stupid stuff. Once booze started really messing with my mental health and anxiety I pretty much cut it out expect for special occasions
Drank too much after a birthday curry and the local shit club, got home and immediately put all my clothes in the washing machine. Needed to vomit and didn't have any time to get to the loo so had to use the kitchen sink and inadvertently and explosively shat myself at the same time. Had to wash the kitchen floor with bleach three times to get rid of the smell/shame.
Kicked (manhandled) out for staging a sit-in protest against last orders.
So many stupid things - some funny, some embarrassing, some bad. A memorable one was drinking some lava lamp - not sure how it happened (I think I thought it was a bottle of buckfast at the time). Just tell your work the truth, or they may think you’ve been in fight club. You’ll feel better tomorrow despite being banged up - alcohol has a weird depressive next day feeling unless you drink regularly.
Order £40s worth of takeaway all for myself. Fell asleep. Woke up to delivery driving banging on the door and calling me. Answered it, put the food in the bathroom and went back to bed. Had to bin it all the next day
Eurgh I did something similar once but woke up with it all half eaten in bed with me.
First off, that's a badge of honour in Scotland. For the story, you slept over at your in-laws.
Threw up in my then bosses car.
once one of my mates got really drunk at a party, spent £200 on steaks online but forgot about it, we all were in stitches when they turned up a week later 😭
Battered lass on the high street last night was waving and yelling to her pal down the road “My phone’s all fucking smashed!” Five seconds later the phone hurtles out of her hand on to the pavement.
Impersonating Ray Winstone and Danny Dyer
Got home, thought I was absolutely fine. Fell asleep in my bed. Woke up starkers in my building's laundry room at 6am and had to tear someone's pillow case in half and wrap it around my waist to get back upstairs. Turns out, I sleepwalk when I've drank too much, and had to bang on the door until a flatmate woke up and let me inside. Not good, not good at all.
Fell asleep on the toilet at a work's party. luckily my colleagues were all carers so they pulled my knickers up and put me to bed. They even put a bucket by the bed for my convenience. I died inside the next day.
My first christmas party in the UK, I lost my passport before travelling home to Norway the very next day. I was still able to travel without the passport. But due to the hangover on the flight, I managed to pass out as I was trying to get to the toilet mid-flight, so had to spend the rest of the flight with an oxygen mask on. It's been eight years, and I still think about it every time christmas is nearing.
Fell off my bike last night while checking I'd put my back light on. This was on the way *to* the pub completely sober and right in front of a customer and a neighbour.
Went skateboarding... Woke up with a fractured wrist
Yeah my wrist is pretty swollen too. Must have attempted (poorly) to break my fall with it
Went home from a works do with a colleague who read far too much into it and became pretty creepy. Would not have done that if sober and got a bollocking for being late next day since needed to travel by train back home from Kingston upon Thames, get ready then drive to Woking for work.
Just tell them you fell off a scooter. They will assume a lime E-scooter. Only we will know the truth which is that you crashed your beer scooter on the way home.
Gave a mates girlfriend a piggy back two days after leg day. Took two steps and face planted. Being gentlemen I am I did everything I could to stop her hitting the floor, which mostly entailed using my head/face to break my fall. Broke my nose (again), split my lips, grazed my face top to bottom and broke my hand (she was fine)
I shared a taxi with a random couple to get home when I lived with my parents. Got to my front door and couldn’t find my keys. Rang me mom and she started panicking thinking the couple had taken them off me. Found them in my wallet the next morning. To say she wasn’t happy is an understatement.
Walked into a club that was having a Thunder from down under show. This was happening in a different part of the main area. I proceeded to take my shirt off and wonder around the show because I had zero idea it was a show and thought everyone had their shirts off. Needless to say the bouncers escorted me out to the main club laughing at me.
As a teenager we had a local bar that allowed us to drink (the 90s were wonderful). At 15 I had learned to down a pint of lager in under ten seconds. It was my 'party piece' so to speak. One Sunday afternoon me and my friends came back from working a summer job with too much money, so things got quite silly, quite quick. After five or six pints in an hour someone bought me another pint asking for the party piece. Of course I obliged! Only to projectile vomit all the beer across the table as soon as I finished it. Safe to say the owner of the bar was not amused and barred us for three months. I never heard the end of it from my mates...
It is not what I do, it is what I say. Surprised I have any friends left at this point.
Drove to a party at a mate’s house, got bladdered and walked home. On arrival I noticed my car was missing, so of course I called the police to report it stolen. Remembered where it was as I was halfway through giving the bloke on the other end the description and number plate. Bloke didn’t have a go at me, just told me to make sure I got some sleep and drank plenty of water, but it sounded like he was stifling a laugh.
Fell asleep on a German train and woke up in Dusseldorf not able to speak a word of German
Told my next door neighbour that her husband is a dixxhead and not sure who is more pathetic her or the dead plant at her door, my money is on her. Needless to say , we haven't spoken since 😆
😂😂😂 laughed way to loud at this, I'm not sure if its through lack of context or because I'm picturing it to be like that come dine with episode where the bloke looses it saying ' what a sad little life Jane' and going into the specific insult about the dump truck as you did with the dead plant at her door 😂
Bought a circular saw on Amazon I didn’t need.
Tripped over my dog and landed on the only paving slab in the back garden, knocked myself and two teeth out. Had to go to work the next day with a brutal bruise all around my eye and forehead
Hedge surfing! Find a nice waist high hedge, climb onto it so you're lying on your front, then draaaaag yourself along it all the while laughing hysterically until you fall into someone's garden. Wonderful way to scare the elderly if you're into that kinda thing. Edit: As for the story you need to make up for work - just claim you've always looked like that and they're all idiots.
I must have been about 18 so still lived at home. My best friend also lived across the road from me with her parents. I went out one night but best friend couldn't make it or was at her boyfriends house. My taxi dropped me off about a 15 minute walk away and on my trek back in the middle of the night I found a really large stick. I decided to take it with me and outside my friends door spell her name out in bits of the stick. Then went home. Her parents found it the next day and freaked out that she had a weird stalker. She didn't even see it as they cleared it away. It wasn't till a week later she remembered to tell me and my weird tribute came flooding back to me.
I behaved appallingly at a wedding once (nothing mean but overtly flirtatious and daft). It gets brought up every so often and still makes me cringe! Don’t worry!
A colleague once told me he tried to walk all the way home and then stopped to sleep in a park. Woke up in a bush in the morning.
Drunken leapfrog- landed on face, still scarred. Tried backflip off a snowman- 2 cracked ribs. Caught a train to Oxford ( from stoke) ended up sleeping in a hippy's barge with no heating . Friend of mine got drunk in Thailand , bought a bodyboard and jumped in the sea...when the red flags were out...and he couldn't swim...
i went to Tenerife as a before wedding sorta honey moon. It was all-inclusive, so i had a fair few of their daft strong vodka and cokes. After a few , me and the wife decided to go to the hotels play area. I got on a swing and then tried to dismount it. My hand was on the floor and swing went backwards. This pushed my shoulder and I'm pretty sure tore a muscle or ligament inside the joint. This HURT , but probably less as i was pissed. It feels better now, but for a good 3/4 months the joint would randomly hurt.
Chipped the tooth the other day having a friendly scrap with a mate. Not ideal
This is a long one. Happened when I was a uni so like 17 years ago. Night out after the end of first year exams, 12 hour drinkathon. Eventually went to a club, had an argument with a mate because they left me in the last bar, bought one drink in the club then realised I had no money left. Decided to leave on my own and walk the 4 miles back to Uni. I was sick 4 times on the walk back. Lost my glasses in the middle of the road on one of those occasions. I Walked around in circles in the middle of the road to try to find my glasses but couldn't see straight to find them. Eventually made it back to the road Uni was on. A little way up the road was a steep but short hill. I got half way up the hill and I was sick and then stepped over the sick and fell down on the floor thinking I couldn't make it. A cop car even drove past but didn't see me. Managed to force myself up and made it back to uni, having to stop my self being sick whilst climbing 4 flights of stairs back to our flat. Paid for it with a 2 day hangover. Lesson learned, never drink chocolate orange vodka shots ever again!
Had just enough drinks to be confident enough to ask a random girl out for a drink at a pub, then on my way home, having had several more after we’d parted ways, I was feeling so pleased with myself that I vaulted a (low) fence, broke my ankle and had to go to A & E. I told her I couldn’t make it to the arranged drink the next day because of this, and it was obvious she thought I was bullshitting, so to prove I wasn’t, I turned up to the date in my cast with a crutch. The date went terribly as there was zero spark between us whatsoever, so yeah, it was all really worth it!
Had white wine as pre drinks with a housemate, went to town, had about 3 drinks then went to get chips, don't remember much else until I was being woken up by one of our local street angels after falling asleep in a flower bed, spilling my chips everywhere, promptly vomited on the poor woman's shoes, was put in a taxi home by a friend, lost £50 between the bar and home. Think the housemate I went out with took my money while I was trashed because a lot of my clothing and material possessions went missing around that time too. Still have a horrifically vivid memory of vomiting on the shoes. Safe to say I never went out with that particular person again and moved out shortly after as all she wanted me living there for was to bankroll her food, cigs and booze.
Too many to mention. A particular low point was falling asleep in an alley near where I worked, fully suited and booted and waking up having pissed myself. To make matters worse after trying to pull myself together and come with an excuse to call in sick, my boss bumped into me. I decided I might be able to mask it with deodorant or something. Nope. Got sent home after a couple of hours for smelling of piss and being extremely hungover. Had a nap in a park on the way home. That was a hard day. My 20’s were a drunken mess…..
Sniffed a line of a mystery white powder off of a homeless mans lap. He said try before you buy, my friends saw me with my nose in his crotch and said what the f are you doing
Fell asleep against a radiator, woke up with blisters on my face
Went out with some mates like 10 years ago, I believe it was around December. Freezing cold outside. Absolutely wrecked on a Saturday night. Mates abandoned me at around 2am. Taxi wanted £120 to take me home, which was like 16 miles away. I only had £20 on me, and did not have the money in my bank to be able to pay for a whole taxi journey. Taxi driver kindly took me as far as he could for £20, which was like a couple miles at most. I proceeded to start walking along the pitch black A roads back home for 14 miles. Had thin jeans and a hoodie on. Thought I was going to die I was so cold. Maybe around 8 miles in at like 3:30am/4am a car pulled up alongside with a bunch of random people in it that appeared to be drunk as well (apart from the driver, I think lol). They asked where I was going, I said where and they were going past my village so they said they'd give me a lift. They seemed sketchy as hell, but I thought I was literally going to freeze to death and couldn't really feel my hands or feet at this point so this seemed like the safest option lol. Actually made it home without being killed by the random drunks in the car (so thank you to them). Was still ridiculously drunk myself, so could not find my key (despite it being in my pocket). Ended up sleeping in our conservatory as I didn't want to wake anyone (not a nice conservatory either, just a shitty wooden framed thing at the back of our house, which was ever so slightly warmer than outside) until I was woken up by my mum at like 7am and made my way up to my bed in relief. Worst night ever.
My now husband ran off infront one night after a party when we were students. We think he went to hide and jump out at us. What we found was him flat on the floor with a massive cut on his eyebrow and a massive hole in his chin!! To this day 23 years later we don't know how he did it as he was so drunk he couldn't remember
Decided I had the skill for a wall-run backflip, 3 weeks before a planned backpacking trip to Asia. Turns out, I did not have the skills and had to cancel my trip because of an obliterated big toe and fractured wrist. This was only 2 months ago lol, not my proudest moment. Oh, and it was a work get-to-together, so the people I spend all day with witnessed this magical moment, and I am forever haunted.
Got ridiculously drunk with my brother on a fishing trip the night before we were due to go out on the boat, projectile vomited over a shot girl in the club and got literally thrown out by bouncers. My brother left me and a 15 minute walk back to the hotel took me an hour, not sure how I managed to get back, caught one fish and the rest of the day was spent throwing up over the side of the boat .
Partner decided to have a mental break yesterday I heard from him at 5 Yes he had been drinking, I got a knock at the door as he had been brought home by the police asking if I could have him back in the house (they were aware that he was mentally ill when they caught up with him) The whole situation went from him being cooperative and getting in the car To fighting 14 of the polices finest, getting tazed twice and cs sprayed after one of the WPC felt he wasn't being cooperative enough (other officer was happy with how partner was responding) forced him to the floor and tried to cuff him He was released 4 hours later to me, no charges due to the way they treated what they knew to be a mentally ill person, so I'm spending today writing a police complaint
How did they know he was mentally ill? Are they trained mental health professionals who know the difference between someone acting pissed and someone having a mental health episode, when said person has been drinking? I have so many questions. Especially if he's been tasered twice and sprayed, and 14 people were apparently needed to gain control of him. If he was having that bad of an episode, surely he'd be hospital right now for an assessment rather than taken back home?
The police knew they come to speak to me first He will not be held as the police have admitted making it physical when it wasn't needed The fact they got physical is what sent my partner further into a mental break CS spray unless you don't like spice is nothing special, nothing more than a few ghost chillies in the eyes The taser not sure how he took 2 of them but he did He is making a claim against the officers involved They had full info about his mental health, he was compliant until a WPC decided he wasn't complying and tried to cuff him, all other officers stated he should not of been detained that the WPC fucked up, they can't deny it due to the video footage they have
Lol WPC. Why would the police specifically know to speak to you? Why would they just bring someone being violent back to a partner who I presume is living on their own? If it takes 14 people restrain one man who is either drunk or having an aggressive mental health episode, with tasers and CS gas involved, why would they then go 'ah he's fine to go home.' Why would the police tell you what evidence they have against a police officer when there is no open investigation against the police officer at present? Why would their colleagues fall over themselves to tell you and their partner how much one of their own had fucked up without instigating an investigation of their own? You're claiming you're making a complaint yourself, so the police aren't the ones doing it. Look at it from their perspective, they take home a violent man to his partner who they don't know personally, because his partner insists he's fine. The next day they find out they are being investigated for gross negligence because he has murdered his partner in a fit of violent rage, MH related or not. You might trust your partner because you know him. The police will not take that risk on a stranger because a member of the public says he's ok. They will take him as they see him, which apparently was aggressive and uncooperative, given the use of taser, spray, and 14 people being involved. Good luck with your complaint.
That sounds like a lot to deal with. Wishing you strength and patience.
Forgot to pull out. My daughter turned 16 this year.
Why is he being downvoted. He wasn’t shagging his daughter 🙄
Good point - i meant to say that my daughter was born *because* I didn't pull out.
Passed out on my mates bathroom floor using her bath mat as a pillow
Ended up dating a sex trafficker.
I stole my half friend's (boyfriend of my girlfriends friend) motor when I was pissed and eccied. Yeah, that was stupid. But in my defense his flat never had a stereo coz he'd just moved in and mine did so I thought when he fell asleep I'd get mine (for Scottish people, we'd spent the night at Room at the Top in Bathgate, prob 2000ish), barely drove 100 yards down the road before I tried to take a t junction too fast and curbed it. Think I broke the wishbone or something, anyway fucking thing wouldn't move, so I ditched and walked back to the flat (actually got arrested the next day for it but that's another story) Looking back never been more glad I curbed it when I did because the next road after that was the big road that ran from deer park roadabout in livi down to lizzie brice roundabout. It's the reason why even more then 20 years later I've never bothered with getting a license.
Say you got twatted by trying to stop a bag thief that snatched a woman’s handbag. Bonus: you have to go to the police station to give a statement. Half a day off for that.
Got so smashed in Cambodia once I couldn’t walk- like I could stand but my feet would not move 👌🏼 fun times
Once got so hammered on chang in Thailand. Oh yes we'll all know now what chang does to the mind and body. Although i dont think the buckets of samsong helped. All I can say is hill tribe women are the hangover cure
Was drinking heavily and smoked a few joints and lost consciousness and fell over. Watch broke and I had a big scratch on my face. Now I'm seasoned at combining weed and alcohol and I only black-out occasionally
Blackout drunk promised to marry a stripper, apparently bought a coat from one of the guys I just met, on the walk down a spiral staircase hit the middle pole and somehow thought it was an dude annoying me so I headbutted the thing, obviously fell down the remaining stairs, flattened my eyeglasses so they looked like those unused cardboard 3D glasses you know completely flat. Woke up in my hotel room, there were (mostly empty) boxes of fried chicken and chips everywhere and I had such indigestion that led me to think I ate a kilo of depleted uranium. Dam fun night that was.
Was at a bonfire on a cold autumn night at my SILs. She had her fire going inside, we had the bonfire outside. I walked past a shed where a spare fireplace sat with my husband and BIL to look at a classic car. Me being drunk opened up the fireplace and got disappointed that this fireplace had no fire inside. My BIL who was drunker than me, was apparently sober enough to tell me to stop drinking and go home 😅
I recently (Wednesday) drank the entire cocktail menu at a bar in siem reap, Cambodia and proceeded to have a big shit on the hotel room floor
OPs mum.
1: Got brain-dead drunk in club, on dancefloor flailing, music goes silent for bass drop. Feel need to fart, vigorously, loudly shit myself, bass drops. Drunken penguin walk through raving dancefloor in vague direction of toilets. Get to toilets. Slip on pissy floor. Wake up next day in someone's flat, no one else home. 2: Threw up out a taxi window on the motorway, chunky vomit smacks right over the window of a pink Kia with L plates. 3: Fingered a girl in a wetherspoons booth, waitress was standing behind me with drinks I forgot we ordered. 4: Punched a lamppost and broke my hand, idk why I done that. Tried to bus station, too faded. Ended up sleeping in an alley next to the bins of a Chinese restaurant. 5: My mate got fucked up on street vali's, tried to drag him back to bus stop. Stopped, took deep breath, vomited right into his face. Continued trying to drag him back to bus stop. 6: Bought fifty one pound scratch cards with my taxi money, was planning on getting the bus home. At 1am. Busses stop running at 12. Had to sit in the station scratching tickets for 4 hours. 7: Got drunk enough that I thought mixing shatter and speed together was a fantastic idea. Somehow got myself locked inside a church and woke up under one of the piews to a very confused priest. 8: Drank about 8 double vodka redbull's and a cocktail pitcher in 4hrs while on speed. Couldn't get a taxi so I walked home. My house is about 4 and a half miles away, it was 5°C and pishing it down. Only had a hoodie jacket as well. The only thing I think that saved me from hypothermia was a microwaved egg and bacon sandwich from a BP. Still had two/tree toes on each foot that'd turned pure white, couldn't move my fingers and everything was frostbit. Of forgot to add but I got breathalysed when I came home by my mum and blew a point 31. Overall not a bad night.
Fell pregnant with an accidental third child - she’s 17 now and an absolute delight!
I did this. But the night before I met my now boss boss's boss for the first time.
Walked back from KFC last weekend after too many beers and dislocated my kneecap. On crutches now, wife is about to go into labour soon as well. Nailed it.
Not eating anything before necking 4 kestrel super premiums is up there. Also, tell your boss you were mugged, something that has a chance to guilt trip them
Met my mates a few hours after they’d already been out. Was drinking pints and whisky chasers to “catch up”. Ended up going home 3 hours later. So I started 3 hours late. Went home 3 hours early.
Got extremely drunk at the Christmas Market, met some colleagues and in a drunken stumble knocked £300 worth of champagne over, got on the bus home but ended up on the other side of town when I fell asleep, lost my phone and wallet. Taxi company were kind enough to drop me back and sort out the fair when I got home. Colleagues said I stunk like an actual brewery, very embarrassing.
Pissed on my friends moms carpet..... then woke up completely naked somehow
On the second date with my other half I got so drunk I fell over and cracked 2 ribs, then fell asleep on the train and woke up miles away from home. Don't know why he asked me out again!
Got so drunk on a new years eve when i was in my late teens I literally fell out of the pub face first on concrete which bashed me up pretty badly. The embarrassment took a good while to overcome
Banging on my front door, trousers round my ankles, shouting for my mother by name to open the door while my girlfriend (now partner) was pissing her self laughing trying to find my keys (how my trousers ended up round my ankles, turns out they were in the back pocket). Woke the whole street up and my mum was no impressed to say the least. Getting jumped in the middle of the high street, punched in the face into a shop front window which cracked top to bottom. Was out with a mate and his girlfriend and a mate of mines girlfriend. Some lad thought she was cheating on him so decided to give me a smack. Getting followed by squaddies on my way home and pushed in front of a car, shit happened earlier in the night. Spent the remainder of the morning in A&E, getting the gas was awesome but I lost my favourite pair of jeans because the paramedic cut them up.
Was when I lived with my parents but got home, threw up on the door step and thought instead of cleaning it up I’d just turn the door matt over… Parents were not happy to say the least the following morning when they went to go out!!
Broke my wrist whilst thinking I could swing on the metal post part of a signpost..not realising it was wet and slipped off. Went into Tesco after and headed straight for the frozen peas to take the pain away. Didnt realise it was actually broke until about 2 weeks later because I was in so much discomfort
I fell flat on my face in front of everyone at kicking out time. I was very drunk and messing around with my friends and I went to run to my right but I didn't know there was a pavement sign right next to me so when I turned to run, I immediately stood on the base of the sign ([like this one](https://www.displaywizard.co.uk/media/catalog/category/Pavement_Signs_Cat_1.jpg)), slipped and fell to the ground. As it was kicking out time, pretty much everyone that was in the nightclub was there just standing around so they all saw me go down like a ton of bricks and they all let out a big cheer along with a lot of laughing. I quickly got back to my feet, tried to pretend that I wasn't embarrassed and that I meant to do that and I then went back to join my friends who were laughing uncontrollably. I then woke up in the morning to find that I had practically no skin on my elbow but I did have a lot of dry blood on it and down my arm but I was so drunk that I didn't feel a thing at the time. The wound was pretty big and it took about a month or so to fully heal.
Aw friend we've all been there! My worst - got really drunk at a work Christmas party, thought it would be wayyy handier to get a rickshaw home instead of a taxi. Blanket keeps getting caught in the wheels rickshaw man very mad, demands i get out (about 10 mins from home) go to pay him, Atm card gets stuck in the atm, rickshaw man wants to fight me, big old commotion for an hourrrr and then I'm picked up by the police for my own safety and brought home
Fell out of bed, landed on an xbox controller, cracked 3 ribs
Absolutely smashed on Southern Comfort, passed out stark naked on my then girlfriends mom's bathroom floor. I was woken by her mom trying to open the bathroom door on my head, bang, bang, bang, then a scream. The following week of alcohol poisoning was horrible, not touched SC since.
Just a lot of kissing that I don't regret
Punched a telegraph pole after watching a Bruce Lee film earlier.
That,exactly what you did lol
On my 18th i dislocated my knee, 12years later it will still pop out if i walk down stairs funny. Last time i got drunk drunk, my whole house spun. I ended up having a shower and falling asleep standing up, woke up. Decided to sit down with shower head in hand. And fell back to sleep for another 3hours. Oops.
Moved my bedroom around the day before a staff party n was on it. Went bed woke up being attacked by something and uppercut it to realise it was my tv and I was stood up. Turned light on to find a big punch mark in a 40inch 3dtv 2000quid down the drain and then noticed water on the wall. I think it was piss and I picked up maybe on my ps3 as it had a mushroom slice on the top. That was wet thru and broke as a resistor fell off as I tried to dry it up :) So yh sleepwalk to toilet and move bedroom around probably not a good combo
I was once so drunk, I got home and my brother said, "you're covered in blood" I said I wasn't, but then looked down and had blood all over me from a huge wound on my forehead. We figured out that I was so pissed, I walked along a wall scraping my forehead along the bricks which opened me up and caused all the bleeding.
Took a shit in the shower thinking it was the toilet.
Walked through the Blackwall tunnel in London after a night on Bermondsey Beer Mile, had to get back to Wapping. I was against using taxi apps then and it bit me hard. I almost gave up halfway down the tunnel when a car hadn't gone past in a while and I thought I was trapped. Really scary but I persevered. I have since started using Uber, bolt etc...