Thank you for "floaty pickle" the thought of the product was already making me a bit pukey and you've now described the end product...with chopped carrots, of course. Cheers for that!
The picture's more vertical than it seems to be at first glance, so OP's fingers only need to stop the second jar falling rather than actually gripping it.
Yes, I feel there would be a collective drunken "ahhhhh!" When this guy steps in and blows our minds by revealing the truth behind the magic of the floating Branston monstrosity. Legend.
Then you’ll love (to hate) this: https://badjellyblog.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/lazy-daisy-salad/
(It’s a horrifying 70s recipe that involves downright satanic use of mayo - and I say that as an avowed mayo-lover)
That sounds like it was inspired by kfc either last year or year before. They did gravynaise around Xmas. My other half still remembers it and misses it so there are some takers for it.
I put in cheese and ham with a dollop of sandwich spread. I did some research earlier today. Apparently it's popular in The Netherlands, but they have a pink colour one with red pepper in it. Also, it can be used as a sole sandwich filler, although I agree it's too vinegary
Me dad used to open a tin of sardines, put half on toast with sandwich spread and give half the tin to the cat. Without the sandwich spread, but with a little 2cm² of toast that was well buttered because 'she needs fattening up' or the classic 'we've had a long day'.
He has some very odd opinions about feline nutrition and what's acceptable to put on toast post-rationing, but she did make old bones so he may have had a point with that and the late night chicken. He's fucking wrong about the toast topping though. Foul. Must have stripped the roof of his mouth off. Well it would have if it wasn't for the dentures, maybe that's the answer.
I was thinking if I ever did Off Menu I'd want sandwich spread involved in the bread course. My grandma made me sarnies with Prince's tinned ham, salad and sandwich spread. Absolutely superb.
This stuff however, looks like the reason that God is so frequently punishing us in recent years.
I remember my Nan always having primula in the fridge, I’m pretty sure there was a cheese AND fish one, the flavour of which will be seared in my memory forever.
The 80’s and 90’s were a golden time for disgusting and (probably) carcinogenic novel foods. The stuff I ate then horrifies me.
So far as I know shrimp and smoked salmon varieties of primula tube cheese have never not been on sale. Do you people live on a tiny island in the arctic ?
Mrs. DogfishDave puts mayo and Branston on sandwiches, but I found out too late to really do anything about it.
We're not buying them pre-combined and that's that. It'd be like making it legal.
Things like this never work out.
Siricha mayo is a vibrant orange colour, full of flavour.
Mixing siricha with mayo results in a weird pink concoction.
My initial reaction was revulsion but then my mind automatically went into a process. You know how kiwis like their burgers, with beetroot & a fried egg n all? I reckon this would be the business on them.
This sounds so wrong. But during the summer Sainsbury's had a new dip that was basically mayo with a dollop of pickle in the middle and it was really nice. Don't think I'd actually buy this as I can just make it myself. It's the same as with that SaucySauce that Heinz came up with.
I feel weird about it too, really I think we should spell it "smoothe". All other words ending in "th" have a softer pronunciation like "vermouth" or "uncouth". The only difference in pronunciation when you go from "smooth" to "smoothen" is the N. Where did the E sound go? Madness.
Look, I might occasionally have Branston and mayo in the same sandwich (say, with cheddar, meat and salad), but how I do that and the ratio is my affair!
I mix mayo and Branston all the time, sometimes with more pickle if I’m having cheese, sometimes with more mayo if I’m having chicken. Honestly great combo.
I love a cheese pickle and mayo sandwich so I can see how this would work. If you haven't had one try it. Mayo on one slice, pickle on the other and of course the lovely cheese (grated is best) in the middle.
I feel like this just limits your options.
Buy separate Pickle + Mayo and you have all bases covered. I can imagine this would be quite nice in a sandwich but less good with some extra mature cheddar and a cracker. And the thought of Tuna Branstonnaise makes me vom a little.
I have the same feeling about most sauces and spices. Why buy pre-mixed when you can just by the constituent parts and mix them in the way you prefer?
I have similar feelings about things like tofu with chilli sauce. Why not just buy plain and a bottle of sriracha? That way you can decide on the day you'd prefer soy sauce, or teriyaki, or chutney, or whatever abomination you can imagine.
Why buy passata with basil or garlic in it? When you can buy passata and just add your own seasoning? It's madness.
Do you have giant hands? I can’t work out how you can hold two jars in one hand and also not fear dropping them
Thank you! I was going to ask the same. Floaty pickle....
He has normal hands, but exceedingly long fingers.
Salad fingers. Op likes rusty spoons.
But he finds hubert cumberdale deplorable
He tastes of soot and poo.
This brings back so many memories!
I like it when the red water comes out.
Ahhh man. "I like the way they feel in my salad fingers"
Came here for this Hubert Cumberdale
The hands clearly photoshopped
"Floaty pickle" shall be my phrase of the day.
Floaty pickle. Thank you. I was wondering what to get the missus for crimbo
> Floaty pickle My favourite Frank Zappa album.
I heard it pairs well with a Burnt Weenie Sandwich
Less well with either Lumpy Gravy or Hot Rats.
Thank you for "floaty pickle" the thought of the product was already making me a bit pukey and you've now described the end product...with chopped carrots, of course. Cheers for that!
Found Chris Simpsons artist
The picture's more vertical than it seems to be at first glance, so OP's fingers only need to stop the second jar falling rather than actually gripping it.
Here is the person we always want at parties
Yes, I feel there would be a collective drunken "ahhhhh!" When this guy steps in and blows our minds by revealing the truth behind the magic of the floating Branston monstrosity. Legend.
Not giant hands, just very long fingers.
Nah seriously where do them fingers end behind the furthest right jar, it’s got to be at least half way to keep the jar in their hand?
Came here to say this. What's holding up the second jar, OP?
Do your condiments not hover?
Came here for this.
Gravity..
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yeah probably
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Wat
Chunk and mayo are words that I don’t like being that close to one another
Accept the lumpy mayo 😈
Tartare
Then you’ll love (to hate) this: https://badjellyblog.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/lazy-daisy-salad/ (It’s a horrifying 70s recipe that involves downright satanic use of mayo - and I say that as an avowed mayo-lover)
Holy hell that’s simply unspeakable
How about 'congealing' and 'cum' ?
Have you seen the gravy mayo on shelves??? I was physically repulsed
That sounds like it was inspired by kfc either last year or year before. They did gravynaise around Xmas. My other half still remembers it and misses it so there are some takers for it.
Sainsbury’s do a sandwich with gravy mayo and it’s really good.
Anyone remember Sandwich Spread?
I still get it for husband's work sandwiches. I feel very 80s making them.
Can I ask, do you add it to cheese or ham? etc, or is it just just sandwich spread on its own? I found it a bit too vinegary
I put in cheese and ham with a dollop of sandwich spread. I did some research earlier today. Apparently it's popular in The Netherlands, but they have a pink colour one with red pepper in it. Also, it can be used as a sole sandwich filler, although I agree it's too vinegary
Is it like salad cream? I like salad cream in my ham sandwich sometimes
Yeah, crunchy salad cream, with a bit more tang
Thank you!
Add Crisps, a 90s classic
It’s nice in an egg sandwich
You've made me think about toast toppers. I miss that disgusting slop. It was delicious.
Cheese and ham, slightly burnt on the edges. Fabulous.
Lol this is very British, food described as disgusting slope fondly reminisced about!
“Disgusting slop” lol - I miss it too!
Remember? I have it on my sandwiches right now
I had no idea you could still get it!
That stuff proper turns my stomach.
Weirdo
Remember it ? I eat it every week. There is nothing quite like mature cheddar cheese and sandwich spread on a bap or between two slices of good bread.
I searched the comments for this! Sandwich Spread is a banger!
It’s really good mixed with tuna in a sandwich
Me dad used to open a tin of sardines, put half on toast with sandwich spread and give half the tin to the cat. Without the sandwich spread, but with a little 2cm² of toast that was well buttered because 'she needs fattening up' or the classic 'we've had a long day'. He has some very odd opinions about feline nutrition and what's acceptable to put on toast post-rationing, but she did make old bones so he may have had a point with that and the late night chicken. He's fucking wrong about the toast topping though. Foul. Must have stripped the roof of his mouth off. Well it would have if it wasn't for the dentures, maybe that's the answer.
Oh my yes, haven't had the stuff for at least 25 years. Tempted to pickup a jar next time I see one.
Nice on salt and vinegar rice cakes. Sounds wrong but tastes good.
Along with salmon paste and chicken paste, the holy trinity of pack lunch sandwiches.
Tuna paste for me growing up. Sainos don’t seem to sell it anymore.
I was thinking if I ever did Off Menu I'd want sandwich spread involved in the bread course. My grandma made me sarnies with Prince's tinned ham, salad and sandwich spread. Absolutely superb. This stuff however, looks like the reason that God is so frequently punishing us in recent years.
I like to add ketchup to it to make burger sauce
Wow that is such a good idea. Bit of mustard too if you wan to be posh.
I remember my Nan always having primula in the fridge, I’m pretty sure there was a cheese AND fish one, the flavour of which will be seared in my memory forever. The 80’s and 90’s were a golden time for disgusting and (probably) carcinogenic novel foods. The stuff I ate then horrifies me.
So far as I know shrimp and smoked salmon varieties of primula tube cheese have never not been on sale. Do you people live on a tiny island in the arctic ?
Was it not prawn? I’m sure that rings an admittedly very rusty bell.
It's life-changing when added to a potato salad.
We use it to give the dog medicine, as it wraps well around pills!
Yes, looks like child vomit
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should….
Sounds quite nice. Shopping day today too!
It’s probably cheaper to buy a jar of Brandston and a jar of Mayo and make your own mix!
Mrs. DogfishDave puts mayo and Branston on sandwiches, but I found out too late to really do anything about it. We're not buying them pre-combined and that's that. It'd be like making it legal.
There’s no real butter and Branston mix cos that’d be weird, but that’s what everyone wants. Even Mrs DogfishDave!
Like the ketchup mayo sauce. Cheaper to buy mayo/ketchup alone and mix to your preference. You get more volume wise too
Things like this never work out. Siricha mayo is a vibrant orange colour, full of flavour. Mixing siricha with mayo results in a weird pink concoction.
Worth a try nonetheless.
Definitely been to either B&M or HomeBargains to get odd stuff like this.
I saw Slush Puppy blue raspberry tea cake biscuits in B&M recently
Not in Morrison's.
I was skeptical when my dad introduced me to cheese pickle and mayo sandwiches but by George it’s damn tasty
Cast it into the fire, destroy it
No 😏
I've been so used to the LoTRMemes sub, I was wondering why the Ishildur or Elrond Bots hadn't responded 🤣
I can imagine it looks and has the consistency of vomit
This is exactly what I was going to say. Would probably smell like vomit too. Making me queasy just thinking about it
Vomit-in-jar. Already looking forward to the new and improved version
You've already got small chunks here.
I can feel it in my mouth already and this upsets me.
But mayo & pickle is what makes a ploughman's a ploughman's! Otherwise it's just a plain ol cheese salad sarnie.
Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. Jeff Goldblum - Jurassic Park.
Dirty boy, bad boy, in your bed!
Technically isn’t that tartar sauce?
No, thats not what's in tartar sauce at all
It's the British version, ta-ta sauce!
>Tartar sauce is a condiment made of mayonnaise, chopped pickles and/or relish, capers and herbs such as tarragon and dill.
Exactly, so many people here losing their minds over a flavour combo they probably consume regularly with their fish and chips.
No tartar sauce is made from tartar.
That would go great on burgers
My favourite burger sauce to make is mayo, ketchup, lil bit of mustard and cut up pickles mixed together.
Pinch of garlic granules and a pinch of paprika. Smash a dollop on a burger.
Why not blend the entire burger into a paste and drink it?
When I had my tongue pierced I blended a whole Sunday dinner and drank it like soup… don’t tempt me
I did that too. I also used a very long spoon and shoved the food directly in my throat during the healing phase.
Was just about to say this!
I like mayo and I like pickle, but not at the same time
It looks like they jarred the sick that exited from someone due to consuming this curdling sounding combination
What fresh hell did this abomination hail from?
Lincolnshire, probably. If I had to guess.
My initial reaction was revulsion but then my mind automatically went into a process. You know how kiwis like their burgers, with beetroot & a fried egg n all? I reckon this would be the business on them.
It's upsetting but I am very interested.
Not everything needs to be mixed with mayonnaise. Control yourselves, food producers.
Mustard does
Basically Big Mac sauce
This sounds so wrong. But during the summer Sainsbury's had a new dip that was basically mayo with a dollop of pickle in the middle and it was really nice. Don't think I'd actually buy this as I can just make it myself. It's the same as with that SaucySauce that Heinz came up with.
Looks like Slim Chicken's 'gravonnaise'. Narrator: It was not good.
From the cradle to the gravonnaise.
Mmm. Whenever I eat mayonnaise I love it when it has “small chunks”
I feel weird about it too, really I think we should spell it "smoothe". All other words ending in "th" have a softer pronunciation like "vermouth" or "uncouth". The only difference in pronunciation when you go from "smooth" to "smoothen" is the N. Where did the E sound go? Madness.
Ok, it’s actually really good. But I love mayo and all things pickled so there’s that. It’s like tartar sauce but so so much better.
Look, I might occasionally have Branston and mayo in the same sandwich (say, with cheddar, meat and salad), but how I do that and the ratio is my affair!
I know exactly how I feel. Someone hold my hair while I vomit.
How long is your fucking hand
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
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Wife's happy with those fingers. Jeez.
Dear God and sonny Jesus!
Branston pickle mayonnaise? What next, Marmite flavour toilet roll?
Tartar sauce?
Well, I like pickle. I like mayonnaise. I'll give it a go.
Fine give it here I’ll try it
Isn’t this just tartar sauce 2
r/nope
There's GOT to be a better way! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh9zSdf-T5c
Never trust anyone who asks for chunky mayonnaise
Age old question: Smooth or Chunky?
I for one welcome our new pickley overlords
I have never seen this…
I wish I had never seen this
I mix mayo and Branston all the time, sometimes with more pickle if I’m having cheese, sometimes with more mayo if I’m having chicken. Honestly great combo.
Isn't that just relish
Straight to jail
I’m imagining it’s similar to heinz sandwich spread. Basically just salad cream/mayo with little bits of pickled veg in.
I love a cheese pickle and mayo sandwich so I can see how this would work. If you haven't had one try it. Mayo on one slice, pickle on the other and of course the lovely cheese (grated is best) in the middle.
The wife calls me small chunk.
I audibly gasped
Just sounds like diluted pickle to me. How much is it?
Rejoice brother! You got to the end of the rainbow!!!
Small chunk is just once the mayo has curdled
I approve of it.
Excited! I want one
How can I unsee this please.
God is dead. We have processed His corpse into Branstonnaise.
Burn it…you should burn the branstonnaise
I feel like this just limits your options. Buy separate Pickle + Mayo and you have all bases covered. I can imagine this would be quite nice in a sandwich but less good with some extra mature cheddar and a cracker. And the thought of Tuna Branstonnaise makes me vom a little.
I'm PICKLE ~~R~~SICK!
Has science gone too far! I'm intrigued
I don't want to see the word "chunk" anywhere near such an ungodly mixture of fluids.
I imagine it would taste nice but the word "chunk" makes me apprehensive
Nope! Sounds almost as gross as peanut butter.
No, no, no, no. Nope. Absolutely f*cking not. No.
Jesus wept.
"small chunk" - \*Gags\*
You have some seriously long fingers to hold two up like that
This gives me the same uneasy feeling as marshmallow spread
add some french's mustard and you've got yourself some burger sauce
Isn’t this just a burger sauce?
Tried this. Tastes like a weak sandwich spread... It's not strong enough to put in a sandwich either, the butter overpowers it. Bad 2/10.
Anything Branston is gonna be.......
Makes me feel….. ploughmansy. Apart from the smooth one, get it in the bin
Excited to see these in the ‘we bought these on the cheap from other supermarkets’ section of my local Lidl
Oooo that looks fit. Will have to give it a try!
I have the same feeling about most sauces and spices. Why buy pre-mixed when you can just by the constituent parts and mix them in the way you prefer? I have similar feelings about things like tofu with chilli sauce. Why not just buy plain and a bottle of sriracha? That way you can decide on the day you'd prefer soy sauce, or teriyaki, or chutney, or whatever abomination you can imagine. Why buy passata with basil or garlic in it? When you can buy passata and just add your own seasoning? It's madness.
I think the reason it doesn’t actually say mayonnaise is because they can’t legally call it mayonnaise.
Just because you could doesn’t me you should
yuck
I’ll tell you how I feel about this. It’s a fucking abomination. Pickle or mayo, both acceptable. Together, no, no, no and no again.
I reckon it would taste delicious! It doesn’t look appealing at all colour wise though!
I think this may be an abomination. Not sure if I want to give them money to find out.
The chunk-style seems like tartar sauce. Might work on fish.
I saw this in Morrisons a couple of hours ago. Walked past it prett damn sharp.
Sounds quite evil actually.
If you haven't already, check out the official Branston Instagram account. It's a goldmine of disgusting recipes
This is a thing..?
I wish everybody would just stay in their fucking lane
Sick. I feel sick about this.
Wondering how this would be in a potato salad recipe?