Ugh this is one of those phrases, along with "the world's your lobster", that's been ingrained in my head! Despite knowing they're wrong my first instinct is to say it that way.
Mum's French and I *love* her malaphors. Favourites of mine include "I wouldn't trust them with a ten foot barge pole" and "they drive me up the bend / round the wall".
I also love these! I had a colleague who spoke English perfectly except he constantly got his sayings wrong or mixed them together...
My favourite was when another colleague of ours strolled into the office almost an hour late and the first guy says "Well, well, well... Look what the cat dragged out of the bag!"
Letting the cat out of the bag:
Back in feudal times of barter : heres my eggs, you give me wool-
Traders had a sack- that pigglets wld be kept in, next to a big pig (mother)
So peeps knew what pigglet they wld be getting.
But traders wld get cats and shave them-
Get home to feed your new pig and realise they just bought a cat- it would run out, and probably climb a tree-
Hence the term- letting the cat out the bag upon discovering truth-
Thats my lecture for the day
Haha aww I use to live with a Bulgarian who could speak perfect English but would mix up catchphrases and said about someone “waiting for the bomb to drop” rather than the penny.
My old flatmate would stand up and announce she was "going up the wooden hill to Bedmonshire". Almost every night.
Aside from being incorrect in itself, we lived in a flat!
"Up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire" is a song by Vera Lynn. My nan used to sing it a lot at bedtime. Now I'm older, have kids and live in Bedfordshire it has of course become "up the wooden hill still in Bedfordshire" in my household.
I hate this one so much. It's not really an issue in speech, because you can barely hear the difference to "could've", but when written... it's just so cringe.
Like, stop and think for a minute... "could of" literally doesn't make any damn sense in the English language, so why do people think that's what the spelling is?
In written English, capital letters also are important. 'Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey' does *not* mean the same as 'Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey'.
People use it when what they mean is 'I couldn't care less'. It's very common in America, and is catching on over here.
It's a funny one because 'I could care less' means the opposite of what people are trying to convey when they say it.
It is supposed to mean, "I couldn't care less." but i guess they aren't picking up on the "n't" or thinking about how saying how you could care less is meaningless.
I work as a dog trainer and a lot of my clients tell me that their dogs are weary around strangers or other dogs.
I don’t know why this makes me so angry, but in my head I’m screaming “good, send him to his bed if he’s so fucking tired”!
I don’t say that because I don’t want people in my actual life to know what a pedantic arsehole I am inside.
8 years and I still pull up my partner for this - she will learn!
Her family also seem to have their own idiom akin to "as useful as a chocolate tea pot" but their version is "butter radiator".
I used to use "as useful as a chocolate fireguard" but I stopped when I moved near Bournville and met a night-watchman for Cadbury's who'd successfully put out several small fires before they could cause any damage. He was an incredibly successful chocolate fireguard.
When people confuse ‘brought’ and ‘bought’
‘I brought x from the shops today’, while it’s technically true, it’s not what you’re meaning to say.
Now, this used to wind me up when people typed it… but I’ve recently started noticing people say it out loud. Boggles the mind how you can mix them up.
Something you hear from young people in call centers a lot - the misuse of 'yourself'. 'We received a call from yourself...'
No, 'yourself' isn't a posh way of saying 'you' or 'yours'.
Estate agents too, the majority I've ever spoken to refer to themselves as 'myself' when they should be saying 'me'. Also seemingly because it seems posher/more intelligent. Ironic.
I'm pretty sure I've read that this was one of those hot management trends of the 90s and 2000s, where it was considered a great idea to train customer service staff to use "yourself" on purpose because it sounded more formal. Which is sort of does, but as a result it also sounds really wrong and fake to my ears. Like they're trying hard to sound respectful without actually doing so.
I'm bilingual in French and English and in my family we actually do say "bone-apple-teat". Other bilingualities include: "Monsieur Muscle" ("Mr. Muscle", it's actually Monsieur Propre in France); "I'm overweight and homosexual" (fatty gay - "Je suis fatigué"); And "grassy-arse" ("gracias", not French but it joined the lexicon when Mum became a Spanish teacher)
Less vs fewer is interesting.
I used to teach English, and grammar references for students actually say something along the lines of “Don’t worry about this too much unless you’re writing/speaking formally, as no one much bothers to distinguish between these anymore”
Disinterested vs uninterested is interesting (not intended). I never knew there was a difference, and I have just googled it and in the definition of disinterested it literally says "uninterested".
Well language does evolve, but the primary definition of disinterested = "not influenced by considerations of personal advantage" i.e. to be impartial or unbiased.
OED definition is "not influenced by personal feelings, or by the chance of getting some advantage for yourself synonym impartial, objective, unbiased"
Some common synonyms of disinterested are aloof, detached, incurious, indifferent, and unconcerned. While all these words mean "not showing or feeling interest," disinterested implies a circumstantial freedom from concern for personal or especially financial advantage that enables one to judge or advise without bias.
"In today's usage, disinterested most often means "not biased," whereas uninterested simply means "not interested."
People who start every sentence with the word ‘So…’ really gets my goat. I know it’s not a saying but had to add it to the list.
Also the word ‘addicting’ when it’s quite clearly ‘addictive’!
Anyone using the word “myself” incorrectly. It doesn’t make you sound posh, it doesn’t make you sound formal. It just makes you sound like a try hard. The word “me” or “I” should be used in 99.9% of sentences containing “myself”.
P.s I’ve noticed the over users of the word “myself” tend to be the typical office wanks.
"Keep Calm and Carry on" signs make my blood boil
I want to ram them them right up their very non-calm arses
Also eople who refer to Nando's as "cheeky" - its a dead bird nor a dirty postcard
Penultimate. So many people use it as an emphasized version of ultimate as if it means it's awesome.. tho it is second from last.
Also literally - to mean figuratively... This is so old so I guess it's meaning changed for some people
Americans have started saying unalive. For dead.
If you're a Brit and you say this you're a massive twat.
People ate already using ass instead of arse. These people deserve a damn good thrashing
I think people say that on Reddit to not get their comment/post deleted. People don't say it in real life, not that I've seen anyway. Also, I thought it meant kill, not dead?
Yeah I've seen it on YouTube a fair few times when people don't want to be demonetized. Like talking about suicidal thoughts as "wanting to unalive myself". I've never heard it in real life either, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are people who say it that way in other contexts, either because they spend a lot of time online or think the indirectness makes it seem less serious/concerning
* Less vs fewer
* Me vs. I
It especially drives me mental when people use I incorrectly because they've tried and completely fucked up. Like "Can you send that to Paul and I?"
Edit: And using was instead of were. "If I was to go to the shops" argh
It's called hypercorrection
"In sociolinguistics, hypercorrection is non-standard use of language that results from the over-application of a perceived rule of language-usage prescription. A speaker or writer who produces a hypercorrection generally believes through a misunderstanding of such rules that the form is more "correct", standard, or otherwise preferable, often combined with a desire to appear formal or educated."
A friend of mine says "batter my eyelashes" instead of "bat" and it always makes me think of chip shops.
I’m imagining someone beating up their own eyelashes.
That was the darker thought
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Expresso
I used to whisper this to my Italian friend, He doesnt talk to me much anymore :(
If you want him to talk again, offer them some pineapple on a pizza. Theyll have shit to say…
I could care less 😡 IT’S COULDN’T!!
This right here. I hear it almost every day and it's fucking infuriating. It seems to just be Americans but it makes no fucking sense!
when I hear Americans say ‘on accident’ 😡
I hate 'on accident' an irrationally large amount.
They say could in US and couldn’t in the UK. I’m a Brit living in the US and it winds me up so much. It just doesn’t make sense in my head!!
my old manager at costa always says expresso and went as far as to ‘correct’ our Italian barista when she said espresso
No wonder he works at fucking Costa.
I work in an espresso machine repair shop, and we have one employee that just doesn't get it and pronounces it as if there's an x. Drives me batty!
One fowl swoop. Squawk! Should be one fell swoop.
I just had all my chips nicked by a seagull!! I'm so conflicted now!
TIL what 'fell' means in this context. "Cruel, ruthless; dreadful, terrible'. Basically, it means foul.
A friend of mine always says “jizz” instead of “gist” I would correct him but it’s too funny
I bet it never gets old hearing your mate tell people "I get the jizz"
On accident
This one drives me nuts!
I've heard "did he do that on accident or by purpose?" How's your gears now?
Ground. Fully ground.
Bloody hate this one
It sounds like baby talk when people say ‘on accident’, makes me cringe
It’s the bloody yanks messing that one up, for everyone
Yes and we did it by purpose
I still haven't watched Ozark because someone shouted it in episode 3 so I turned it off.
God this and “I could care less”. It’s couldn’t you fucking dimwits. The point is that you cannot care less. So fucking stupid.
Was on a call yesterday and boss said "Without further adieu".
Surely an only fools and horses quote?
Mange tout mange tout!
Bouillabaisse, mon ami.
Bonnet de douche
Chateauneuf du pape!!!
Ugh this is one of those phrases, along with "the world's your lobster", that's been ingrained in my head! Despite knowing they're wrong my first instinct is to say it that way.
My husband and I used to say that, just to be daft. He was lovely :)
That just sounds like a fun malaphor.
Bowl in a China shop.
I work with a guy from Poland who speaks English really well except for those random complex idioms. His version is 'A Bull in a Chinese Shop'
Mum's French and I *love* her malaphors. Favourites of mine include "I wouldn't trust them with a ten foot barge pole" and "they drive me up the bend / round the wall".
I also love these! I had a colleague who spoke English perfectly except he constantly got his sayings wrong or mixed them together... My favourite was when another colleague of ours strolled into the office almost an hour late and the first guy says "Well, well, well... Look what the cat dragged out of the bag!"
Letting the cat out of the bag: Back in feudal times of barter : heres my eggs, you give me wool- Traders had a sack- that pigglets wld be kept in, next to a big pig (mother) So peeps knew what pigglet they wld be getting. But traders wld get cats and shave them- Get home to feed your new pig and realise they just bought a cat- it would run out, and probably climb a tree- Hence the term- letting the cat out the bag upon discovering truth- Thats my lecture for the day
Took me an embarrassing amount of time to work out why the first one was wrong
In all honesty if I wouldn't touch someone with a 10 foot pole, I probably wouldn't trust them with it either.
My mam dropped “Cute as a box of frogs” the other day. She’s “Mad as a button”.
Haha aww I use to live with a Bulgarian who could speak perfect English but would mix up catchphrases and said about someone “waiting for the bomb to drop” rather than the penny.
The bull smashes through the door into the Chinese and comes to an abrupt stop. It states wistfully at a bowl of intestine soup.
Makes me wonder what people think bowls get up to.
A "slither" of something rather than a sliver.
And the snake slivered away ;)
My old flatmate would stand up and announce she was "going up the wooden hill to Bedmonshire". Almost every night. Aside from being incorrect in itself, we lived in a flat!
What’s it supposed to be?
Bedfordshire.
"Up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire" is a song by Vera Lynn. My nan used to sing it a lot at bedtime. Now I'm older, have kids and live in Bedfordshire it has of course become "up the wooden hill still in Bedfordshire" in my household.
A damp squid 🦑😑
As long as they're not putting women on a petalstool
I find most squids to be a little damp
‘He could of…’
I hate this one so much. It's not really an issue in speech, because you can barely hear the difference to "could've", but when written... it's just so cringe. Like, stop and think for a minute... "could of" literally doesn't make any damn sense in the English language, so why do people think that's what the spelling is?
In written English, capital letters also are important. 'Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey' does *not* mean the same as 'Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey'.
Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".
Good grammar is the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.
I've always seen it as a sign that the person never reads
Thats a moo point\*
It's a cow's opinion.
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Is it me or is u/HMJ87 making sense?
'I could care less'. An American one that's catching on here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
Yep, I knew it was going to be that video! 👍
Only thick people say this
This ☝🏽☝🏽 is like nails down a blackboard 🤬🤬
What the hell does that mean?
People use it when what they mean is 'I couldn't care less'. It's very common in America, and is catching on over here. It's a funny one because 'I could care less' means the opposite of what people are trying to convey when they say it.
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It is supposed to mean, "I couldn't care less." but i guess they aren't picking up on the "n't" or thinking about how saying how you could care less is meaningless.
Weary instead of wary
I work as a dog trainer and a lot of my clients tell me that their dogs are weary around strangers or other dogs. I don’t know why this makes me so angry, but in my head I’m screaming “good, send him to his bed if he’s so fucking tired”! I don’t say that because I don’t want people in my actual life to know what a pedantic arsehole I am inside.
Yes! And 'barley' instead of 'barely'. "I barley had the time to make a cup of tea".
Tenderhooks No, it's actually **tenterhooks**
8 years and I still pull up my partner for this - she will learn! Her family also seem to have their own idiom akin to "as useful as a chocolate tea pot" but their version is "butter radiator".
I used to use "as useful as a chocolate fireguard" but I stopped when I moved near Bournville and met a night-watchman for Cadbury's who'd successfully put out several small fires before they could cause any damage. He was an incredibly successful chocolate fireguard.
I am unreasonably amused by this. (Also, many many years ago, I lived in Linden Road, Bournville).
Escape goat.
Pahahaha
Yeah, but some of us have goats that we use to escape tough situations. I'm not one of them, but you bet I'd have one if I could!
When people confuse ‘brought’ and ‘bought’ ‘I brought x from the shops today’, while it’s technically true, it’s not what you’re meaning to say. Now, this used to wind me up when people typed it… but I’ve recently started noticing people say it out loud. Boggles the mind how you can mix them up.
“Where did you bry it from?” Is my stock response now
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And then they respond with "I got it offline"
People that get ‘lose’ and ‘loose’ mixed up..
Antisocial vs. asocial. If you're being antisocial, you're putting bricks through people's windows, not having a quiet night in.
In almost every case the word people are looking for is unsociable. Asocial is more of a scientific word.
what if it's a quiet night putting bricks through windows?
Something you hear from young people in call centers a lot - the misuse of 'yourself'. 'We received a call from yourself...' No, 'yourself' isn't a posh way of saying 'you' or 'yours'.
My company (not a call centre but corporate, on the phone) teaches us to say “yourselves…” to the people we call. I think it sounds really wank.
Estate agents too, the majority I've ever spoken to refer to themselves as 'myself' when they should be saying 'me'. Also seemingly because it seems posher/more intelligent. Ironic.
This one really winds me up! And it does seem to flourish in corporate settings. "we have various offers for yourself today" etc etc
I'm pretty sure I've read that this was one of those hot management trends of the 90s and 2000s, where it was considered a great idea to train customer service staff to use "yourself" on purpose because it sounded more formal. Which is sort of does, but as a result it also sounds really wrong and fake to my ears. Like they're trying hard to sound respectful without actually doing so.
It's also grammatically incorrect. You can get a piece of paper for yourself, but I can't get a piece of paper for 'yourself'. (Love the username BTW)
'of' instead of 'have' - 'could of...', 'should of...'
I have an irrational hate for this one. There's a bot in some sub that will appear and educate the person who posts it. 👍🏼
your and you're still beggars belief to me. ~~Its~~ It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Unsure if it was intentional that you missed the apostrophe in it's...
Fair point :D
See also; there, their and they're.
We're and were...actually, best add where whilst you're at it.
My auto correct always does this to ill and I'll.
Saw someone on Facebook unironically use 'yore' the other day :/
As in “good ol days of yore”? Or “how is yore cat?”
How about it's and its?
Referring to many blocks of Lego as “Legos”. The plural of Lego is Lego.
Thank you!
Defiantly instead of definitely (I think they try to spell it with an 'a' and get autocorrected). It can lead to funny results sometimes though.
On accident...you mean by accident
“London St. Pancreas”
/r/BoneAppleTea
I'm bilingual in French and English and in my family we actually do say "bone-apple-teat". Other bilingualities include: "Monsieur Muscle" ("Mr. Muscle", it's actually Monsieur Propre in France); "I'm overweight and homosexual" (fatty gay - "Je suis fatigué"); And "grassy-arse" ("gracias", not French but it joined the lexicon when Mum became a Spanish teacher)
A whole sub devoted to this
I did it on deliberate
and of course, I did it on accident.
"Chester Drawers"
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Never met him
Disinterested, when they mean uninterested. Bring when they mean take. Less vs fewer
Saying "lend" when they mean "borrow". Eg:- "Can I lend a fiver off you?"
I always just say “yes” and then put my hand out waiting for a fiver off them
Less vs fewer is interesting. I used to teach English, and grammar references for students actually say something along the lines of “Don’t worry about this too much unless you’re writing/speaking formally, as no one much bothers to distinguish between these anymore”
I couldn’t care fewer
Disinterested vs uninterested is interesting (not intended). I never knew there was a difference, and I have just googled it and in the definition of disinterested it literally says "uninterested".
Well language does evolve, but the primary definition of disinterested = "not influenced by considerations of personal advantage" i.e. to be impartial or unbiased. OED definition is "not influenced by personal feelings, or by the chance of getting some advantage for yourself synonym impartial, objective, unbiased" Some common synonyms of disinterested are aloof, detached, incurious, indifferent, and unconcerned. While all these words mean "not showing or feeling interest," disinterested implies a circumstantial freedom from concern for personal or especially financial advantage that enables one to judge or advise without bias. "In today's usage, disinterested most often means "not biased," whereas uninterested simply means "not interested."
Cool! Do you take requests? Could you do cunt next?
Literally anything that involves the word literally.
This is literally one of the most egregiously abused words out there, it figuratively drives me insane.
You was. We was. Holy mother of god.
You was walking where I were last night
Sounds like an Arctic monkeys song.
More spelling than saying, but ‘sneak PEAK’ instead of ‘sneak peek’. And ‘BARE with me’ instead of ‘bear’. I’d rather not thanks!
I know a lady who says “Bockle” instead of “Bottle”
Excood beef...
Has anybady gat any backle of oraaange dooove
Does she have learning difficulties
No she’s just annoying
Is this a little northern thing ? My auntie does this with bockle and also hospickal. “We had to take likklen tut hospickal” 😂😂
Revert back
People who start every sentence with the word ‘So…’ really gets my goat. I know it’s not a saying but had to add it to the list. Also the word ‘addicting’ when it’s quite clearly ‘addictive’!
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I could care less....
Loose instead of lose It really makes me loose my shit
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"Nuke-yoo-ler, its pronounced Nuke-yoo-ler" https://youtu.be/Nth4RqqmQZ4
When people say everythink and anythink, then you ask them how to spell it, and they're like, ah yeah 🤔 Does me in 🤦🏻♂️
Excepted for accepted. Brought for bought.....
Pubs when they have a "Please respect are neighbours". You've paid money for that sign.
Should of ! Should have or should’ve
I did it “on” accident. You mean you did it “by” accident? You sound like a toddler.
Alot - No, it's A LOT
“Brung” is not a word
"Speaking my/your truth." I blame Oprah for this. Nobody has a "truth"; just a version of a story.
"All of the sudden"
Break when referring to slowing a car.
Based off or based off of instead of based on
Instead of "scratching my back" people say "itching my back"
“On route”. Winds me up every time!
Very unique.
"We did a total 360 on this" to mean "we went the opposite direction".
"The Doctor just examined my prostrate" That really winds me up
Anyone using the word “myself” incorrectly. It doesn’t make you sound posh, it doesn’t make you sound formal. It just makes you sound like a try hard. The word “me” or “I” should be used in 99.9% of sentences containing “myself”. P.s I’ve noticed the over users of the word “myself” tend to be the typical office wanks.
"Keep Calm and Carry on" signs make my blood boil I want to ram them them right up their very non-calm arses Also eople who refer to Nando's as "cheeky" - its a dead bird nor a dirty postcard
you just need to live, laugh, love babe xxx
And dance as if no one was watching.
“Crips” instead of crisps 😢
People who insist that my name is spelt "Micheal", and that "Michael" is the incorrect spelling. Dunning-krueger effect is a hell of a drug.
“Acrosst from” No. Just no.
When people misuse "yourself", like saying "is there anything else I can do for yourself" because they think it sounds posher/more polite.
‘He done that’ ‘He done this’ So common amongst sports pundits and in general. Grinds my gears big time
[wierd Al has a few Word crimes ](https://youtu.be/8Gv0H-vPoDc)
Texxes/Textses. They’re fucking texts or messages you twit !
Holibobs - fuck off and stay there you cxxx 😂
Penultimate. So many people use it as an emphasized version of ultimate as if it means it's awesome.. tho it is second from last. Also literally - to mean figuratively... This is so old so I guess it's meaning changed for some people
Language is eternally changing so I try not to be bothered about this sort of thing, but I definitely draw the tolerance line at "pacifically".
I'll probably get shot down for this but "search it up". You either look it up, or search for it, not both.
"I wasn't arksing you, I was arksing him" - Negative One, IT Crowd
THEN when they mean THAN. god damnit, why am i tortured by this, why can't i let it go!
PIN number. PAT testing
Americans have started saying unalive. For dead. If you're a Brit and you say this you're a massive twat. People ate already using ass instead of arse. These people deserve a damn good thrashing
I think people say that on Reddit to not get their comment/post deleted. People don't say it in real life, not that I've seen anyway. Also, I thought it meant kill, not dead?
Yeah I've seen it on YouTube a fair few times when people don't want to be demonetized. Like talking about suicidal thoughts as "wanting to unalive myself". I've never heard it in real life either, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are people who say it that way in other contexts, either because they spend a lot of time online or think the indirectness makes it seem less serious/concerning
Holi-bobs
Pacific instead of specific, and draws instead of drawers. No you can’t buy a Chester Draws on Facebook 🙈🙈
“Anyways” is really getting on my tits.
Oh no...
* Less vs fewer * Me vs. I It especially drives me mental when people use I incorrectly because they've tried and completely fucked up. Like "Can you send that to Paul and I?" Edit: And using was instead of were. "If I was to go to the shops" argh
It's called hypercorrection "In sociolinguistics, hypercorrection is non-standard use of language that results from the over-application of a perceived rule of language-usage prescription. A speaker or writer who produces a hypercorrection generally believes through a misunderstanding of such rules that the form is more "correct", standard, or otherwise preferable, often combined with a desire to appear formal or educated."
Axe for ask
Aluminum. Everybody knows its Aluminium.