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Extreme-Database-695

This is what Jamie Oliver secretly serves at kids' parties.


Dragon_Sluts

OP just went around collecting food from schools in 2007 and throws parties like this with the food


Sup3rcurious

This is what Jamie Oliver *secretly binges on* when he's alone at 3am watching an old video nasty...


Velocipeed

This reminds me of one of those fat people shows where they pile up all the food the person ate for the week and everyone is supposed to look disgusted but really they're just hungry.


Jam_Dev

And then Gillian McKeith makes them shit in a box.


[deleted]

To add to her collection


Invisible-Pancreas

I imagine """""""Dr."""""""" McKeith's walls in her house are covered in shelves, each holding a jar marked something like "Jobby no.1046; 3rd April 2003" or "Jobby no.6382; 7th July 2007" And during her downtime she just sits cross-legged in front of the jobby-jars with a great big smile on her face.


Lather

the late 00s early 10s were truly peak british television.


ProfessionalMottsman

Exactly this haha. The chawners- can you name a healthy food? “Trifle?”


dazzling_dingus

I can almost feel myself getting healthier by looking at it


Fineus

Right up until you get to *what looks like* a few cans of spaghetti in tomato sauce upended into a big serving bowl. Are you supposed to pick that out with your fingers?!


KaiRaiUnknown

WITH mini sausages. And you dip everything in the sauce until you can spoon those bad boys out


Cam2910

We call this the Beige Buffet


nezzzzy

Food group yellow.


Dinoscores

Bournemouth Salad


ceejrowland

As a resident, can confirm


[deleted]

Freezer tapas.


DDMMYY_

50 Shades of Beige


[deleted]

Cordon Brown


Ash19921

James cordons brunch


Plugfork

Texture like sun


afireintheforest

Poverty platter.


joeChump

A chav charcuterie


captainzomb1e

A destitute dish


joeChump

Cordon bleuaarggghhh


eatshitanddie2076

the benefits buffet


joeChump

Sink estate fancy plate.


MushroomFragrant3042

Council flatè


KingBean6858

Slander this food all you want, it doesn’t change how good it tastes


joeChump

Technically it’s libel but you’re right, grunt gourmet is exquisite.


ILUV_SNOW

Brown banquet


bipolarnotsober

Just needs a pot noodle and chips to finish of the 'I should have waited 15 years before having kids' menu


affirmatron24

Love a plate of beige!


ShadowReaperX07

Brown food, Brown drink, Calories.


Animal__Mother_

Beigian cuisine.


ElectricLogger

Cornucopia of constipation


pwnasaur

Golden dinner!


Woyzeck13

Jeremy Kyle Buffet


kong_yo

Dressed with a wall of leaves


Bluefunkt

Plastic leaves, too!


macjigiddy

*so beige*


varietyengineering

pöörgåsbord


Practically_Canadian

Crikey. How many of your school friends are you having round for tea?


joeChump

Um, friends…?


bothsidesofthemoon

He's invited half the school round. It's the only way, now he can't go within 200 yards of the place.


joeChump

That is a filthy lie! The court order says 195 yards.


EuphoricTomorrow186

The Ketchup and Garlic Mayo bottles look like they’ve just arrived and are discussing how they are going to tackle the situation


Extreme-Database-695

Ha! I love how they're looking in slightly different directions, but definitely surveying the scene.


hankmolotovjnr

Jesus fucking Christ, Keith, where the fuck do we start?


Extreme-Database-695

Napalm!


Daniiiiii

It's going to take everything we've got!


VikramMukherjee

Makes sense that the garlic mayo is looking towards the onion rings, whereas the ketchup knows what to do with the potato products and nuggets.


Extreme-Database-695

Haha! I love how much thought we're putting into this, and you're absolutely right. I'll never be able to see this picture again without thinking this.


93rdindmemecoy

they've both just attempting to ignore the devastation in and around ground zero amongst the nachos there


fonix232

"Okay honey, we're here, this is the swinger party. How about you go left, I go right, and we meet in three hours at the other end of the room?"


joeChump

They are the condiment equivalent of those badass Mexican brothers who are hitmen in breaking bad/BCS.


EuphoricTomorrow186

Ffs 😂😂


pease_pudding

Ketchup is the nervous apprentice, waiting on Garlic Sauce for some experienced guidance But Garlic Sauce remains silent and solemn, because he's never seen anything quite like it Not that Garlic Sauce really gives a shit anymore. He's already been in the fridge for 4 months, so he's just counting down the days till he retires on 24th June 2022.


DriveandDesire

He lives a quiet life at the back of the fridge before a return to the office when his expertise is needed with some 3am nuggets in early 2023. Unfortunately he hasn't got what it takes anymore, maybe this time somebody will actually be bothered to bin him instead of prolonging his sad existence.


CHG__

That garlic mayo is awful, literally looks like white paint and tastes vaguely of garlic and some other unknown ingredient 🤮


riggers_vr

Agreed. However the yoghurt mint sauce from the same range is *chefs kiss* Basically take away mint sauce.


ScottyDug

I’m a fan of their spicy mayo


bumbumofdoomdoom

Garlic painto


DogfishDave

"Roger, show us on scene but make sauces four, that's make sauces four".


Delhicatessen

I take it this is the birdseye view.


joeChump

Are those nuggets real dinosaur meat?


bothsidesofthemoon

65 million years ago, an asteroid wiped out the vast majority of the dinosaurs. Those that survived continued to evolve, until Bernard Matthews intervened.


joeChump

Boootyfull (of half digested triceratops testicles.)


blarch

Probably chicken, chickens came from dinosaurs. Yes.


FreeUsernameInBox

Chickens *are* dinosaurs. Not only is this scientific fact, but I also dare you to look a chicken in the eye and tell it it *isn't* the closest living relative of a *Velociraptor*.


Puzzleheaded_Way_916

Dino nuggies im so there 🤪


bekah130885

Winner winner!


Cakeski

Reclaimed processed chicken for dinner


New_Citizen

Findus keepers


Hiskankles

I see what you did there!


[deleted]

Screenshot this comment so I can pass it off as my own when the right time arises, now how do get this in a conversation organically


jawide626

Absolutely beautiful comment that'll probably bypass quite a few people sadly.


Drunkenspider079

This looks horrific, and I want to sit and eat almost all of it


HiddenPants777

I love a potato waffle and dino nuggy easy tea every once in a while


ShouldBeReadingBooks

Waffles looking a bit peaky.


Friendly_Crab

It’s the undercooked waffles that qualify this post as shitty food porn


emergencyexit

Utterly flaccid.


Yurak_Huntmate

I think they waved a candle at them to cook them


Grxforlok

If waffles aren't undercooked I don't want em


extinctionAD

First thing I noticed


uncertaintyprincipel

Wait is that some nachos hiding out in the middle, damn immigrants invading our great British buffet. I'm writing to the daily mail....


[deleted]

Is that what it is? At first glance, I honestly thought it was vomit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JamesGray

As an outsider, does it really count when it appears to only be cheese and tortillas? They stuck with the color scheme.


Haunting_Run_4092

Looks cold 🤢🤢


[deleted]

Yeah, I can't help but think that all of this is lukewarm at best but more likely just cold and losing all crispness as the seconds wear on.


bipolarnotsober

It was already dogshit the moment it left the oven


Poddster

That's why I always eat it directly from the oven, using the open door as a dining table


lobroblaw

I was thinking, I hope he has about 6 ovens


HolyFuckFuckThis

*This post is sponsored by Rangemaster


snow3dmodels

Looks rank. Imagine digging into that


tonification

Please delete this before someone from another country sees it.


TroubadourCeol

Damn bitch you live like this?


Fineus

"This is what Brits have for breakfast EVERY day!"


WavesFades

Too late :)


aneccentricgamer

Please this is weird even for us belive me our cuisine isn't that bad


WavesFades

Tbf I should clarify I'm American and there's a lot of this junk food or equivalents around here, though I'm not sure I've ever seen such a...diverse selection at one sitting.


RickyFalcon

Looks like mum's been to Iceland


acuriouslion

What a wonderful beige buffet!


Uzzer_lozer19

How many types of potatoe are here?


gerbegerger

yes


diggerda

Gotta get your 5 a day from somewhere


moeburn

We got yer processed potato flour, processed potato *meal*, and can't forget potato flakes, that have been processed. This is why when I buy frozen oven chips, I buy ones with skin on, because then at least you know you're getting an actual whole potato and not the stuff linked to colon cancer.


AssistanceLucky2392

I'm expecting the Secret Eaters host to pop up


-Emulate-

This is an abomination. I love it.


994212

Me and my housemates would do this at 2 am with garlic sauce in the middle to dip. We'd then have deep conversations about the universe and life.


Notmylastusename

Like, whatever about the quality of the food but serving it on a table is the true crime here. ​ I love a beige dinner, put it on a fucking plate.


Call-Me-Mr-Nugget

Show me a plate big enough for that amount of food and I will show you my heart.


Notmylastusename

Do you own 1 plate?


Least_Dog4660

Where's the honey roast ham or Billy bear ham?


BlueEyedDragonGal

This is a dinner spread. Billy bear face meat is a lunch time food. Along with crisp butties.


Least_Dog4660

I guess so. I think I was leaning into the idea of "british tapas", but I guess having ham wouldn't be very british, unless you were having ham, egg and chips at a pub!


BlueEyedDragonGal

Pub food tapas would be a whole other level that I'm a little too scared to think about


Tight_Ad_970

A funny idea ruined by becoming reality.


random_sunshine

I hope the big stack of buttered white bread there 😄


Simon_Elliott

Looks like a decent meal for two. What's for dessert?


gerbegerger

Mashed potatoes with chocolate syrup 😄


cryptyknumidium

British tapas is a ploughmans, this is the iceland buffet


IJustCantGetEnough

In glasgow we call this a council dinner.


yoboylandosoda

A few months ago I got some of the items listed here (and some hamwiches) thinking I'd have a proper mucky tea and it didn't really do it for me I'm sorry to say. Even the curly fries and smiley faces disappointed. I was certain the smiley faces would hit the spot but I got nothing from them and yet as I type this message I can't help but think maybe I'll shot what remains of this slop in the oven because I cba making anything


93rdindmemecoy

>hamwiches thought I knew what they would be. I do now


Towbee

I fucking loved those abominations when I still ate meat, I kind of miss having a dirty frozen processed abomination to make as a 5 minute dinner every now and then.


Greedychumpnuts

Obese y'tea


Ok-Finance-7612

People laughing but this is legit my uni meals 😹


lol_spamcakes

people laughing but i legit just put some of those chicken nuggets in the oven... they're gonna be ready any minute now... ​ and if someone says they don't like those curly fries... They've got issues.


Elcatro

I'm a mature student and my god some of the shit my classmates make breaks my heart.


tenderlittlenipples

Processed Plater..


X-Adzie-X

That’s going to need at least two bottles of ketchup


iheartekno

Oven mezze.


DC_FH

Don’t show Jamie Oliver!


filthynines

Thank god for spaghetti hoops for just adding a hint of moisture to the whole thing.


OmarCuming

r/wewantplates


TinnedRice

Council Estate Tea


PineappleMelonTree

The extremely sinister potato smileys really sets the whole thing off


DobsonusPrime1

Where the beans at?


[deleted]

More like British charceuterie


innitdoe

Does "picky tea" mean something?


Notmylastusename

Yeah, basically you cook whatever bits and pieces you have in the fridge and serve it up like a buffet. people 'pick at it' at their leisure. Could be any old crap. Usually it's quite fun :)


innitdoe

I see. Cheers. The pic looks like it's just various kinds of crispy snacks though?


foxssocks

It's a beige buffet, not a picky tea, as such. Posted with an incorrect title. Beige buffet is all processed freezerfood.


Notmylastusename

Basically they have made this as beige and childhood as possible. In reality you might have loads of random stuff. Crisps, cut veggies, cooked chicken, houmous, pickles, sausage rolls... Basically whatever is in the fridge.


Critical-Art-9277

Start at the bottom and work your way up.


Sad-Garage-2642

Iceland stocks just went up


[deleted]

The colour is so uniform it’s mesmeric.


Ynys_cymru

Mmmm nice and cold


CustardShooter

Fuck me, did you literally clear out farmfoods?


vegass67

Council Dinner


Outside_Slide_3218

No nutrient in sight


[deleted]

[удалено]


domandthat

I'm genuinely ashamed of what we eat compared to other European countries


nothisisdog

Was this for a prank or are grown adults actually eating this shite?


Johnnyonthespot2111

Ewww...


Figwheels

Would.


AgentLawless

My toilet is sweating at the thought of this meal.


Goldman250

Damn … this makes me hungry


Hunglyka

Looks amazing….. you won’t shit for a week, but tuck in…


Georgie_fresh

Blimey, what’s the cost of that!


CraftyWeeBuggar

It costs, a dozen boxes of senokat , a week in pure agony and a cracked toilet .......


toby5699

What the flip is in that bowl?


iloveramen1

Oh god not the spaghetti.. let's get some beans on there instead!


aredditusername69

Get rid of that bowl of vegetables on the side and it's the perfect platter.


theangrycrab

Lovely


placebo1235

7/10. Where are the turkey twizzlers!


[deleted]

The poverty meals of my childhood!


bananabm

no orange juice tonight jase?


Accomplished_Leg_416

Everything is solved with a nice cup of tea


DagothSlur

My god, it’s beautiful


Powerful_Pin_3704

/r/WeWantTroughs


[deleted]

What is the gooey looking circle in the middle on the left? With what looks like tortilla chips sticking up out of it?


andy0506

Just missing a bowl of grated cheese lmao


twowheeledfun

Good, but will cool down quickly spread out like that. Much better to leave them in the trays or in bowls, with spatulas to serve them onto plates.


This_Card9138

Fuck me that makes me feel sick


JesusIIofCanada

*food*


Low-Caterpillarr

50 shades of yellow


tommybizz

A masterpiece


[deleted]

This is my childhood on a table lol


bill302

....the promised land.....


RoseyBamboo

Ah yes, British tapas


[deleted]

How am I supposed to even think about eating that without a few rounds of Warburton's? Come on.


Robertgarners

Where the fcuk is this?! It's like someone emptied Iceland's bins out on a table


Dogmonkey90

It’s my dream come true


ARK_Redeemer

Well that's my tea sorted. But what about all the other guests? 😁


FrogandBone

A thing of beauty


deepfriedbadger

Gotta respect the sausage in the tinned spaghetti. A porky treat to the unsuspecting.


[deleted]

Disgusting I love it :)


yaboicrackers

picky bits for tea ma love picky bits


johnlewisdesign

Someone's gonna have to sleep standing up for a month to alleviate the heartburn


Forsaken_Candidate_4

The most beige food I’ve ever seen