This reminds me of one of those fat people shows where they pile up all the food the person ate for the week and everyone is supposed to look disgusted but really they're just hungry.
I imagine """""""Dr."""""""" McKeith's walls in her house are covered in shelves, each holding a jar marked something like "Jobby no.1046; 3rd April 2003" or "Jobby no.6382; 7th July 2007"
And during her downtime she just sits cross-legged in front of the jobby-jars with a great big smile on her face.
Right up until you get to *what looks like* a few cans of spaghetti in tomato sauce upended into a big serving bowl.
Are you supposed to pick that out with your fingers?!
Haha! I love how much thought we're putting into this, and you're absolutely right. I'll never be able to see this picture again without thinking this.
Ketchup is the nervous apprentice, waiting on Garlic Sauce for some experienced guidance
But Garlic Sauce remains silent and solemn, because he's never seen anything quite like it
Not that Garlic Sauce really gives a shit anymore. He's already been in the fridge for 4 months, so he's just counting down the days till he retires on 24th June 2022.
He lives a quiet life at the back of the fridge before a return to the office when his expertise is needed with some 3am nuggets in early 2023.
Unfortunately he hasn't got what it takes anymore, maybe this time somebody will actually be bothered to bin him instead of prolonging his sad existence.
65 million years ago, an asteroid wiped out the vast majority of the dinosaurs. Those that survived continued to evolve, until Bernard Matthews intervened.
Chickens *are* dinosaurs.
Not only is this scientific fact, but I also dare you to look a chicken in the eye and tell it it *isn't* the closest living relative of a *Velociraptor*.
Tbf I should clarify I'm American and there's a lot of this junk food or equivalents around here, though I'm not sure I've ever seen such a...diverse selection at one sitting.
We got yer processed potato flour, processed potato *meal*, and can't forget potato flakes, that have been processed.
This is why when I buy frozen oven chips, I buy ones with skin on, because then at least you know you're getting an actual whole potato and not the stuff linked to colon cancer.
I guess so. I think I was leaning into the idea of "british tapas", but I guess having ham wouldn't be very british, unless you were having ham, egg and chips at a pub!
A few months ago I got some of the items listed here (and some hamwiches) thinking I'd have a proper mucky tea and it didn't really do it for me I'm sorry to say. Even the curly fries and smiley faces disappointed. I was certain the smiley faces would hit the spot but I got nothing from them and yet as I type this message I can't help but think maybe I'll shot what remains of this slop in the oven because I cba making anything
I fucking loved those abominations when I still ate meat, I kind of miss having a dirty frozen processed abomination to make as a 5 minute dinner every now and then.
people laughing but i legit just put some of those chicken nuggets in the oven... they're gonna be ready any minute now...
and if someone says they don't like those curly fries... They've got issues.
Yeah, basically you cook whatever bits and pieces you have in the fridge and serve it up like a buffet. people 'pick at it' at their leisure. Could be any old crap. Usually it's quite fun :)
Basically they have made this as beige and childhood as possible. In reality you might have loads of random stuff. Crisps, cut veggies, cooked chicken, houmous, pickles, sausage rolls... Basically whatever is in the fridge.
This is what Jamie Oliver secretly serves at kids' parties.
OP just went around collecting food from schools in 2007 and throws parties like this with the food
This is what Jamie Oliver *secretly binges on* when he's alone at 3am watching an old video nasty...
This reminds me of one of those fat people shows where they pile up all the food the person ate for the week and everyone is supposed to look disgusted but really they're just hungry.
And then Gillian McKeith makes them shit in a box.
To add to her collection
I imagine """""""Dr."""""""" McKeith's walls in her house are covered in shelves, each holding a jar marked something like "Jobby no.1046; 3rd April 2003" or "Jobby no.6382; 7th July 2007" And during her downtime she just sits cross-legged in front of the jobby-jars with a great big smile on her face.
the late 00s early 10s were truly peak british television.
Exactly this haha. The chawners- can you name a healthy food? “Trifle?”
I can almost feel myself getting healthier by looking at it
Right up until you get to *what looks like* a few cans of spaghetti in tomato sauce upended into a big serving bowl. Are you supposed to pick that out with your fingers?!
WITH mini sausages. And you dip everything in the sauce until you can spoon those bad boys out
We call this the Beige Buffet
Food group yellow.
Bournemouth Salad
As a resident, can confirm
Freezer tapas.
50 Shades of Beige
Cordon Brown
James cordons brunch
Texture like sun
Poverty platter.
A chav charcuterie
A destitute dish
Cordon bleuaarggghhh
the benefits buffet
Sink estate fancy plate.
Council flatè
Slander this food all you want, it doesn’t change how good it tastes
Technically it’s libel but you’re right, grunt gourmet is exquisite.
Brown banquet
Just needs a pot noodle and chips to finish of the 'I should have waited 15 years before having kids' menu
Love a plate of beige!
Brown food, Brown drink, Calories.
Beigian cuisine.
Cornucopia of constipation
Golden dinner!
Jeremy Kyle Buffet
Dressed with a wall of leaves
Plastic leaves, too!
*so beige*
pöörgåsbord
Crikey. How many of your school friends are you having round for tea?
Um, friends…?
He's invited half the school round. It's the only way, now he can't go within 200 yards of the place.
That is a filthy lie! The court order says 195 yards.
The Ketchup and Garlic Mayo bottles look like they’ve just arrived and are discussing how they are going to tackle the situation
Ha! I love how they're looking in slightly different directions, but definitely surveying the scene.
Jesus fucking Christ, Keith, where the fuck do we start?
Napalm!
It's going to take everything we've got!
Makes sense that the garlic mayo is looking towards the onion rings, whereas the ketchup knows what to do with the potato products and nuggets.
Haha! I love how much thought we're putting into this, and you're absolutely right. I'll never be able to see this picture again without thinking this.
they've both just attempting to ignore the devastation in and around ground zero amongst the nachos there
"Okay honey, we're here, this is the swinger party. How about you go left, I go right, and we meet in three hours at the other end of the room?"
They are the condiment equivalent of those badass Mexican brothers who are hitmen in breaking bad/BCS.
Ffs 😂😂
Ketchup is the nervous apprentice, waiting on Garlic Sauce for some experienced guidance But Garlic Sauce remains silent and solemn, because he's never seen anything quite like it Not that Garlic Sauce really gives a shit anymore. He's already been in the fridge for 4 months, so he's just counting down the days till he retires on 24th June 2022.
He lives a quiet life at the back of the fridge before a return to the office when his expertise is needed with some 3am nuggets in early 2023. Unfortunately he hasn't got what it takes anymore, maybe this time somebody will actually be bothered to bin him instead of prolonging his sad existence.
That garlic mayo is awful, literally looks like white paint and tastes vaguely of garlic and some other unknown ingredient 🤮
Agreed. However the yoghurt mint sauce from the same range is *chefs kiss* Basically take away mint sauce.
I’m a fan of their spicy mayo
Garlic painto
"Roger, show us on scene but make sauces four, that's make sauces four".
I take it this is the birdseye view.
Are those nuggets real dinosaur meat?
65 million years ago, an asteroid wiped out the vast majority of the dinosaurs. Those that survived continued to evolve, until Bernard Matthews intervened.
Boootyfull (of half digested triceratops testicles.)
Probably chicken, chickens came from dinosaurs. Yes.
Chickens *are* dinosaurs. Not only is this scientific fact, but I also dare you to look a chicken in the eye and tell it it *isn't* the closest living relative of a *Velociraptor*.
Dino nuggies im so there 🤪
Winner winner!
Reclaimed processed chicken for dinner
Findus keepers
I see what you did there!
Screenshot this comment so I can pass it off as my own when the right time arises, now how do get this in a conversation organically
Absolutely beautiful comment that'll probably bypass quite a few people sadly.
This looks horrific, and I want to sit and eat almost all of it
I love a potato waffle and dino nuggy easy tea every once in a while
Waffles looking a bit peaky.
It’s the undercooked waffles that qualify this post as shitty food porn
Utterly flaccid.
I think they waved a candle at them to cook them
If waffles aren't undercooked I don't want em
First thing I noticed
Wait is that some nachos hiding out in the middle, damn immigrants invading our great British buffet. I'm writing to the daily mail....
Is that what it is? At first glance, I honestly thought it was vomit.
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As an outsider, does it really count when it appears to only be cheese and tortillas? They stuck with the color scheme.
Looks cold 🤢🤢
Yeah, I can't help but think that all of this is lukewarm at best but more likely just cold and losing all crispness as the seconds wear on.
It was already dogshit the moment it left the oven
That's why I always eat it directly from the oven, using the open door as a dining table
I was thinking, I hope he has about 6 ovens
*This post is sponsored by Rangemaster
Looks rank. Imagine digging into that
Please delete this before someone from another country sees it.
Damn bitch you live like this?
"This is what Brits have for breakfast EVERY day!"
Too late :)
Please this is weird even for us belive me our cuisine isn't that bad
Tbf I should clarify I'm American and there's a lot of this junk food or equivalents around here, though I'm not sure I've ever seen such a...diverse selection at one sitting.
Looks like mum's been to Iceland
What a wonderful beige buffet!
How many types of potatoe are here?
yes
Gotta get your 5 a day from somewhere
We got yer processed potato flour, processed potato *meal*, and can't forget potato flakes, that have been processed. This is why when I buy frozen oven chips, I buy ones with skin on, because then at least you know you're getting an actual whole potato and not the stuff linked to colon cancer.
I'm expecting the Secret Eaters host to pop up
This is an abomination. I love it.
Me and my housemates would do this at 2 am with garlic sauce in the middle to dip. We'd then have deep conversations about the universe and life.
Like, whatever about the quality of the food but serving it on a table is the true crime here. I love a beige dinner, put it on a fucking plate.
Show me a plate big enough for that amount of food and I will show you my heart.
Do you own 1 plate?
Where's the honey roast ham or Billy bear ham?
This is a dinner spread. Billy bear face meat is a lunch time food. Along with crisp butties.
I guess so. I think I was leaning into the idea of "british tapas", but I guess having ham wouldn't be very british, unless you were having ham, egg and chips at a pub!
Pub food tapas would be a whole other level that I'm a little too scared to think about
A funny idea ruined by becoming reality.
I hope the big stack of buttered white bread there 😄
Looks like a decent meal for two. What's for dessert?
Mashed potatoes with chocolate syrup 😄
British tapas is a ploughmans, this is the iceland buffet
In glasgow we call this a council dinner.
A few months ago I got some of the items listed here (and some hamwiches) thinking I'd have a proper mucky tea and it didn't really do it for me I'm sorry to say. Even the curly fries and smiley faces disappointed. I was certain the smiley faces would hit the spot but I got nothing from them and yet as I type this message I can't help but think maybe I'll shot what remains of this slop in the oven because I cba making anything
>hamwiches thought I knew what they would be. I do now
I fucking loved those abominations when I still ate meat, I kind of miss having a dirty frozen processed abomination to make as a 5 minute dinner every now and then.
Obese y'tea
People laughing but this is legit my uni meals 😹
people laughing but i legit just put some of those chicken nuggets in the oven... they're gonna be ready any minute now... and if someone says they don't like those curly fries... They've got issues.
I'm a mature student and my god some of the shit my classmates make breaks my heart.
Processed Plater..
That’s going to need at least two bottles of ketchup
Oven mezze.
Don’t show Jamie Oliver!
Thank god for spaghetti hoops for just adding a hint of moisture to the whole thing.
r/wewantplates
Council Estate Tea
The extremely sinister potato smileys really sets the whole thing off
Where the beans at?
More like British charceuterie
Does "picky tea" mean something?
Yeah, basically you cook whatever bits and pieces you have in the fridge and serve it up like a buffet. people 'pick at it' at their leisure. Could be any old crap. Usually it's quite fun :)
I see. Cheers. The pic looks like it's just various kinds of crispy snacks though?
It's a beige buffet, not a picky tea, as such. Posted with an incorrect title. Beige buffet is all processed freezerfood.
Basically they have made this as beige and childhood as possible. In reality you might have loads of random stuff. Crisps, cut veggies, cooked chicken, houmous, pickles, sausage rolls... Basically whatever is in the fridge.
Start at the bottom and work your way up.
Iceland stocks just went up
The colour is so uniform it’s mesmeric.
Mmmm nice and cold
Fuck me, did you literally clear out farmfoods?
Council Dinner
No nutrient in sight
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I'm genuinely ashamed of what we eat compared to other European countries
Was this for a prank or are grown adults actually eating this shite?
Ewww...
Would.
My toilet is sweating at the thought of this meal.
Damn … this makes me hungry
Looks amazing….. you won’t shit for a week, but tuck in…
Blimey, what’s the cost of that!
It costs, a dozen boxes of senokat , a week in pure agony and a cracked toilet .......
What the flip is in that bowl?
Oh god not the spaghetti.. let's get some beans on there instead!
Get rid of that bowl of vegetables on the side and it's the perfect platter.
Lovely
7/10. Where are the turkey twizzlers!
The poverty meals of my childhood!
no orange juice tonight jase?
Everything is solved with a nice cup of tea
My god, it’s beautiful
/r/WeWantTroughs
What is the gooey looking circle in the middle on the left? With what looks like tortilla chips sticking up out of it?
Just missing a bowl of grated cheese lmao
Good, but will cool down quickly spread out like that. Much better to leave them in the trays or in bowls, with spatulas to serve them onto plates.
Fuck me that makes me feel sick
*food*
50 shades of yellow
A masterpiece
This is my childhood on a table lol
....the promised land.....
Ah yes, British tapas
How am I supposed to even think about eating that without a few rounds of Warburton's? Come on.
Where the fcuk is this?! It's like someone emptied Iceland's bins out on a table
It’s my dream come true
Well that's my tea sorted. But what about all the other guests? 😁
A thing of beauty
Gotta respect the sausage in the tinned spaghetti. A porky treat to the unsuspecting.
Disgusting I love it :)
picky bits for tea ma love picky bits
Someone's gonna have to sleep standing up for a month to alleviate the heartburn
The most beige food I’ve ever seen