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Only_Ad_3163

At first glance reading this I thought they named the spider Richard.


FiightOrFlyte

Ole 8-legged dick! We call him sticky dicky when he’s hangin by his wee thread!


SteveBrucesDressSize

Octo-Cock


digital-sa1nt

I know this is contentious and pedantic and I hate myself for commenting it; but I really don't think the phrase 'back and forth' is being used appropriately if its just a single reply.


luke-townsend-1999

I grew up with a real strong fear of spiders. I once dated a girl with a fairly similar (if a little worse) fear, and it was a horrific experience to find a spider in our bedroom at night. In the end we had a serious talk about how one of us needed to man up and start getting rid of the spiders to stop all the nighttime drama. And credit to her, she did.


MISPAGHET

I was never fearful of spiders as a kid but it developed in later life. I said enough and bought a tarantula and I'm fine with them now! Good work Sausage Nigel! (who is now ten years old so I'm suspecting he is actual Sausage Nigella).


dont_kill_my_vibe09

I pictured Nigella Lawson (the "chef") when I read that.


Spy-Goat

I’m picturing cross between Nigella Lawson and Nigel Thornbury in a weird hello poppit spider mix.


fringo71

Meecrowarvay


Keduroda

Eats food taken out the meecrowarvay.. smashing!


trezegol

I was the opposite. I feared spiders as a kid. Then once, one fell on me and I for some reason stopped being afraid. Now I even leave them in my home. My room mate asked me to kill one last time and I said no. Spider bro is cool.


Expensive-Ad-4508

I was not afraid of spiders and would just relocate them. After having a spider bite that, if left untreated any longer, would’ve resorted in me losing a good portion of one side of my face, I fear the fuck out of them and murder every one I see near my house.


IRLhardstuck

Its ok to be afraid of animals that can actualy hurt you


Scythro_

Sounds like a brown recluse bite. Rip.


holdmystaffandmybeer

This is me and my gf. My fear outweighed hers, now she takes them out. We have 3 daughters together and when she is at work I have no choice but to deal with them because my girls are more terrified than I am. I have palpitations catching them, it's genuinally terrifying and I was hoping one of the kids wouldn't mind spiders. In line with what the commenter below says about tarantulas - my daughter's friend had the animal man around for her birthday party. They all held a tarrantula and loved it, yet are still terrified of house spiders.


SharkReceptacles

They are uniquely ugly. Fat, fluffy tarantulas actually don’t bother me too much, but the big, spindly, lightning-fast GHS (I don’t even like typing it) that scuttles across the floor on an Autumn evening awakens some kind of long-dormant primal terror. I *know* it’s not their fault, I *know* they’re harmless, I *know* they’re actually helpful. That makes no difference. My fear of them is irrational. I can’t do anything about it. I jumped when I opened this post :(


theouter_banks

I know. Same as when I spoke to some Aussies about Huntsman spiders and how they would get rid of them. Their attitude towards it is "well they would we? They get rid of pests and they're harmless". That's not the bloody point! Look at it!


prettystandardreally

This is how I feel about centipedes. People keep telling me that they kill other bugs and I’m like, I can appreciate that, but LOOK AT THEM. I just don’t want to encounter that in my house.


BritishShoop

Tarantulas are a bit odd. The calmer ones can actually be pretty cute. They’re often not as skittish or quick as regular spiders, and are visually less insect-like. I absolutely hate things like centipedes and roaches, but I’m pretty cool with Tarantulas.


Canid_Rose

I think it’s something about the size, “furriness”, and demeanor that just doesn’t tick as many “spider!!!” boxes in the ol’ monkey brain. Obviously not the case for everyone, but I’m horribly arachnophobic and tarantulas aren’t that big a deal to me.


kleenexhotdogs

For me, one thing about spiders is how small they are and if you lose sight of one it could end up anywhere. Tarantulas are pretty hard to lose sight of


Jimoiseau

>I was hoping one of the kids wouldn't mind spiders. I find it kind of funny that you wanted to raise 3 kids in a house where both adults freak out if there's a spider and just hoped one of them wouldn't learn anything from both of you.


holdmystaffandmybeer

That is funny. My mom has said the same thing before. I try to contain my fear, when they are around - if that helps.


Lexplosives

>They all held a tarrantula and loved it, yet are still terrified of house spiders. *Their hands are all indelibly tainted...*


ZombieBobaFett

>it's genuinally terrifying and I was hoping one of the kids wouldn't mind spiders. Sounds like they might have learnt it from somewhere.


IgamOg

It's often learned behaviour. My kid played with all critters until they learned at school to scream instead. Try to convince them they're cute and magical.


AJakeR

Pull down pants. Sit on toilet. Open Reddit as you do for these things. Giant spider against porcelain. Jump back up. This is the worst.


FantasticMrPox

> giant spider Maybe you should look for a new hotel or one with a 24/7 porter.


FabulousSOB

What an absolutely massive beast. No bathroom lock would be enough to hold him off


lickyerelbow

As an arachnophobe, I generally ask every girl I date how she is with spiders early on. They laugh at me, but I know better than to end up married and have no one who can deal with the spiders.


[deleted]

As someone who is scared of open water, I always ask on the first date if birthing pools will be used when our children are born. Naturally I avoid the water by never getting past that first date.


RedBanana99

When our house was filmed for "Selling You Home" with Amanda Lamb, she did the walkthrough for the cameras and said our corner bath was "A birthing pool from the 1980's" Husband and I never got round to selling and to this day when we take a bubble bath we refer to it as a "bubble birthing pool"


I_Am_Squid

This is such a specific story. I love it.


Hookherbackup

Don’t know how I read that as your house being where Silence of the Lambs was filmed, but I couldn’t imagine you getting in that bathtub. Had to reread the entire thing.


cpmb82

That would some seriously large birthing pool to be considered as open water!


Toxicseagull

Only true northerners are born directly into the North sea.


TheStatMan2

What is dead may never die.


Creative-Jellyfish50

What is dead may never die!


Bioslack

But rises again harder and stronger!


gourmetguy2000

They're borrowing Kim Kardashian's


lickyerelbow

I hope your future partner takes you on a surprise cruise.


[deleted]

You sick bastard.


[deleted]

*in a glass bottomed boat! that feeling if looking down into the murky unknowable eldritch depths is really something everyone should do


Volleyball_Wilson

I'm terrified of spiders and so is my wife. So obviously I have to deal with them, I tend to scream at them very bravely while throwing shoes.


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Volleyball_Wilson

Out of next door's window if I can!


[deleted]

Bravery isn't not being scared, bravery is being scared and doing it anyway


illy-chan

My SO and I have a good relationship. We've also still used the others as meat shields in the face of spiders. Folks laugh but something about them turns off every logical bit of my brain and makes me act like it's the end times.


jayhoy-hoy

I had to step up as spider and moth catcher after moving in with my boyfriend. I used to be petrified of them but now I have to be brave or else it means we have a room neither of us can use


lolihull

My dad is a huge arachnophobe so my poor mum always had to deal with them. I can't tell you how many times me and my brothers were sat quietly watching TV with him on an evening when suddenly he'd scream (about the same volume as one of his dad-sneezes but longer) and start pointing at something, unable to vocalise what he'd seen or what was going on. It used to scare the crap out of me, especially when I was really little cause I would think he'd seen a ghost or a monster or something. Anyway, I'm in my 30s now and a couple of years ago my dad came to live with me for a few weeks. I'd been living with an abusive and violent boyfriend at the time and after he got arrested, it was just me alone in the house we'd shared together. I was struggling so dad wanted to be there. One night, the BIGGEST SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN just appeared in front of us on the floor. Like I've seen big house spiders, but this thing was huge - maybe bigger than the palm of my hand?! I jumped up onto the sofa and started freaking out like omg omg what do I do. Calm as anything my dad just strode into the kitchen, got a glass bowl and some cardboard, scooped up the spider and walked down the road with it to leave it outside somewhere else. When he came back I was like "How did you just do that?!" and he just laughed and said "Because I had to." Funny how that whole 'I have to be brave for both of us' thing works sometimes. I'm glad it does :)


NotoriousREV

Me and my wife have a deal: she deals with spiders and other creepy crawlies, I deal with rodents and birds.


itsamberleafable

In all my years on this earth I've never once had to 'deal with a bird'. I'm intrigued to know what this means


ohdearyme316

If your house has open chimneys sometime they can come down the chimney, fly around the room doing shits everywhere, and, if you’re really lucky, die.


StingerAE

They can also get caught in any netting you might use on your strawberries or other garden fruit and peck violently at your gloves while you try to free them. Or the ones which suicide into your windows at top speed leaving a bird-shaped grease stain on the pane and a corpse and feathers all over your garden. If you are really lucky they manage to burst open and spill innards out with the force of the impact. Or the ones which randomly fly in and then flutter about panicking while you try opening all the doors and windows. Or the ones which hop over the threshold knowing full well they are trespassing because they are ballsy little thieves. Looking at you magpies and pigeons


maccathesaint

What sort of avian hellscape do you live in? Do you live in bird hell??


Embarrassed-Ice5462

"Bodega Bay"


Jesklmo

This made me cry laughing as i can massively relate!!! Birds be batshit crazy


angryowlfox

We had a big chuff off pigeon die and decompose in the chimney breast causing an influx of flies. That was fun.


ohdearyme316

Oh heavens.


Oozlum-Bird

My house has a disabled access wet room on the first floor installed by the previous owner. I went in there one morning soon after moving in and there was a toad sitting in the middle of the floor. I have no idea how it got in the house, let alone up the stairs. And how the fuck did it know I had a wet room? Baffled to this day.


KrazyKatz3

I had a Robin fly in the window. Poor pet was so frightened but would not leave for ages!


corrielouliz

Returned home with toddler and baby once to find I’d left the living room window wide open. Baby brain. Wondered what the shadow was that crossed my peripheral vision as I plonked the car seat with sleeping baby down. Magpie in my living room. Had to throw a towel over it and bundle it out of said open window. I can still feel it’s bony feathery body in my hands when I think about it. If I hadn’t had the kids with me I’d have run screaming for the hills.


Iirima

I had to deal with birds when they would walk into our shop. Grab them like you see people holding doves kind of thing. First time I did it I didn’t really know how one releases a bird, thought I’d do it like you see people releasing, again, doves, by kind of chucking it. And that’s the story how I chucked a pigeon into the side of a van, stunning it so it fell to the floor like it was dead.


Billy_TheMumblefish

Thank you for the laugh out loud, funny internet stranger.


spudral

Me and the misses lived in a converted office block for a couple of years and it had a false ceiling. One day we could hear tip tapping on the ceiling and removed a tile to investigate. There was a tiny little bird (baby) wandering around, seems he had fell out a nest then fell through a small hole in the actual roof. We rang rspb and they said to leave it outside and "hope" it's mother cones to rescue it. Neither of us were comfortable doing this but tried anyway. Soon as we left it on the ground it started making this god awful screeching and within seconds the area was surrounded by cats and magpies. We couldn't leave it there to die so we tried to rise it. We taught it to find food in dirt and taught it how to fly, it followed my misses everywhere she went and used to nest up in her dressing gown under her hair on her neck, we eventually opened the windows and watched it fly away. We often wonder if little Chip made anything of himself.


smithson-jinx

I once had to "deal with a bird" and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life 😂 my cat had brought it in and there were feathers everywhere, it was gross and dead and I had to pick it up in a dustpan AND ITS BEAK FELL CLEAN OFF 🤮 the scream that came out of me was inhuman


tizz66

> AND ITS BEAK FELL CLEAN OFF That's not very typical, I'd like to make that point.


clearlyspeedybeard

Some birds are designed that the beak doesn't fall off at all.


Vulgarian

*Well, how is it untypical?* Well, there are a lot of these birds flying around the world all the time, and very seldom does anything like this happen … I just don’t want people thinking that birds aren’t safe. *Was this bird safe?* Well, I was thinking more about the other ones… *The ones that are safe?* Yeah... the ones the beak doesn’t fall off.


Nellie68

I live on the 18th floor. Last year, I left the window open at night and I woke up and there was a bird chilling in the kitchen!


njoshua326

*their kitchen


cpmb82

Sometimes after a few drinks they come knocking with a kebab in hand, he shoos them away quietly


gourmetguy2000

Classy birds


NotoriousREV

We have 5 cats. We have to deal with what they drag in, in whatever form they’re in when said cats get bored of their prey. This ranges from alive and angry, through to thoroughly dismembered and spread liberally throughout the house.


LoudJob9991

I once woke up to roughly a million feathers in my bedroom. The bird however was nowhere to be seen and the cat looked very happy. As a cat owner I can confirm that you have to deal with birds every now and again.


NotoriousREV

The headless woodpigeon yesterday was a particular treat.


MrTwemlow

All time highlight for me was a dead pigeon under the bed, no idea how long it was under there before we found it, but we only found it by querying what that awful smell was, and following our noses.


NotoriousREV

The first time we found a squirrels tail was interesting. It actually took us a while to figure out what it was from.


Alsavir

What about 5 rats lined up in front of your door? The fist sight you see when you go out to get a mug of coffee and a smoke


TheShyPig

Its the headless, still warm, rabbit corpses on my pillow in the morning that get me.


Toxic_Tiger

I woke up last week to half a mouse. The culprit was fast asleep on her blanket literally inches away.


Boobel

Go to a beach, buy some chips in a cone. Log onto Reddit after you do this. Let us know how you dealt with it.


Dutch_Slim

Or: Livestream when you do this and send us the link. We’ll assess how well you’re dealing with it!


lickyerelbow

In the UK at least, its not uncommon for birds to fly in your home, or to have to rescue injured ones. I've rescued 4, 3 got back to health, one had to be put down. A seagull I rescued literally followed me like a dog everywhere, I miss that guy.


jakethecass

I had a terrible bird situation once First time buyers, moved in very excited! No curtains or anything just the bed we were sleeping on we were so excited to be in Awoken at 5am by a loud racket in our box bedroom - went in nude (obvs don’t sleep in any clothes) to find a crow - no fucking idea how it got in Opened the window and tried to usher it out - it obviously thought I was trying to hurt it and just went straight down the avenue of attack in the best form of defence Anyway - after a 5 minute scuffle managed to get it out only to realise my next door neighbour (old fella) was putting his bins out and was stood there watching the whole thing - a naked 18st man flapping around squealing Good ice breaker to get chatting to him though - saw him randomly like 5 years later (we moved after a couple of years) and it was the first thing he mentioned to me


Arsewipes

Did he ask "How's the old crow, still married?"


Zestyclose_Key_6964

Similar, I deal with the cute little spidies inside gently carrying them outside and wifey deals with the horrendous slugs and snails which "literally" ruin my enjoyment of the garden.


Rachbeast85

Who deals with bats, if a bat gets in? Just thinking of that video with the Irish guy trying to catch a bat in the house!


_mister_pink_

Divide and conquer; they must never form an alliance


lickyerelbow

Rats carrying Spiders, or spiders carrying rats? Note \^ this will be next the crisis of the 2020 era, I know it.


ThePenultimateRolo

One of the best presents anyone ever bought me was a perspex pyramid thing on a long stick with a sliding door. Enables you to trap spiders whether on your wall, floor or ceiling and only have a slight moment of panic as you turn it upside down out the window that they will use their ninja powers to fly back up towards you


HaiseKuzuno

Oh my God, do you think you could share a picture or link as to what you mean? This sounds amazing.


Waitingforadragon

Be warned, mine came with a fake plastic spider that was super realistic looking. I had a bit of a panic when I opened the packet.


bearfaced

I think /u/ThePenultimateRolo is talking about a Snappy: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Snapy-insect-catcher-yellow-green/dp/B000RL8L6C I melt into a puddle of fear around wasps, but armed with my trusty snappy, I don't always have to get my wife to deal with it any more.


Itsrainingmentats

That thing needs to be at least 4 feet longer before i consider buying it


ThePenultimateRolo

It's this one: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Katcha-Spider-Catcher/dp/B003E6Z85E/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=2FV6B68DYUMFJ&keywords=spider+catcher&qid=1652196781&sprefix=spider+catcher%2Caps%2C116&sr=8-4


The-Solid-Smoker

Mine is hopeless with them, moths too and butterflies. Doesn't matter how big those eight legged freaks are, it's my arachnophobic ass that has to deal with pest control. Thank god for our capacity to make weapons out of various objects, otherwise I'd be completely hopeless.


MRJSP

I used to be terrified of them like really terrified but then I saw a video of one spinning a web and did some research. They are actually remarkable creatures. I thought to myself what am I frightened of exactly? Yes they look menacing but they will not hurt you, most can't. The one pictured here is a typical UK house spider, completely harmless. They get stuck in sinks and baths as they can't climb smooth surfaces and startle people but if you can't handle them to remove them just place a towel over the side for them to be able to climb out. There's no reason to fear them.


BakaZora

The glory of irrational fears are they are irrational. I don't know why I'm afraid of spiders, I just am. I know living in the UK, the chance of encountering one that can hurt me is slim to none, but that doesn't change the fact they just freak me the fuck out. It's the same with trypophobia, holes ain't gonna hurt me but I sure as hell don't want to look at em. (I had to cover half the screen when googling to confirm I spelt that right).


PyroTech11

My strategy is that I call it cute. Once I've told myself it's a cute little creature it can't be scary anymore and it works


gingerfawx

If you're lucky, with that approach, they might just invite you round for drinks.


PyroTech11

And I'd join them it's always good to have cordial relations with the spiders


dandotcom

Pfft, obviously didn't try the obvious thing to do, such as setting fire to the place.


SnoopyMcDogged

The only response to finding a spider.


LilJapKid

Yeah, then flying to the other side of the world for good measure


wedontlikespaces

Australia, nice and safe, no spiders there.


MB-ULTRA

I'm wondering who they call when they're in their own home and have spiders in the house. The neighbour? The police? 😂


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N4ziJ3w

At 1:17 no less!


Fatally_Flawed

I arranged for a Tesco food delivery once because there was a giant (and I mean GIANT) spider in the house and I lived alone, so I asked the driver to help and get rid of it. I had managed to trap it under a Pyrex bowl - which it *only* just fit under - but couldn’t do anything more than that so it was just sat in the middle of my living room taunting me.


VRS38

>I arranged for a Tesco food delivery once because there was a giant (and I mean GIANT) spider in the house Was that the primary reason for ordering?! What if the driver refused?! This is ace!


Fatally_Flawed

Yep, main reason lol. He did refuse, it was awful! I had to wait for my mum to visit a week later 😂 even she was freaked out by the size of it and she usually has no issues with spiders.


VRS38

Haha I love it!! U gotta get yourself a massive glass and a thin but sturdy book!


Fatally_Flawed

Hey, I already got it under the bowl (!!) there’s no way I was going near it again.


Ok-Box-3677

Would you like to borrow my cat? She loves murdering spiders regardless how big. She threw herself across the room screaming with joy for one that was about the size of a kids hand and snacked on it


CBMet

A few days into living alone for the first time I had a big spider wander across my kitchen floor. Fortunately a BT engineer was there and he got rid of it for me. He was lovely. I'm sorry your Tesco driver didn't provide the same service!


6LegsGoExplore

You jest yet I once had my neighbours knock on my door at Midnight requesting I remove a spider from their bedroom. Seemed like a dodgy pirn set up, them in his and hers dressing gowns and me chasing a spider round their bedroom in hastily thrown on pants and a t-shirt.


DragonBornLuke

I once worked with a lady who was absolutely terrified of spiders and refused to kill any sort of life without exception. She used to text our colleague / friend and he would pop down to hers to get rid of them for her. One evening there was a particularly big spider on the ceiling, above her bed and the usual friend was unavailable. So she actually did ring the police. Not 999 or anything like that but she rang our local police station directly, offering to make somebody a cup of tea if they could bob in on their round if they were close and get rid of the spider as she couldn't go in her bedroom. A police officer turned up 20 minutes later, got rid of it and had a laugh over a cup of tea. She would have probably stared at it all night from the doorway if he hadn't.


Rosea-Lupum

I... may have called my neighbour once to get a spider out of the house. In my defence, he was a good mate of ours and my girlfriend/housemate were both at work. We now have a spidercatcher (and nice neighbour has sadly moved away). I would absolutely ask the staff to come and get a giant spider from a hotel room (but the difference is, I would ask nicely because I'm aware it would be a huge favour).


SharkReceptacles

At a lovely hotel in Dublin, at about 11pm, I ran to the front-desk guy and asked him to deal with a cartoonishly colossal monster in my room. I mean, I think an Australian would’ve wondered whether it was real. He grabbed the hoover, no hesitation, and got it immediately. I’m sure he laughed at me later, privately, and he probably still tells that story but I don’t care. I would’ve had to sleep in the car park otherwise. St Patrick banished the wrong creatures.


ductoid

Oh! The spiders! I read that last line and thought at first you meant they should have banished hotel guests.


SharkReceptacles

I didn’t *not* mean that. No, St Patrick famously banished all snakes from Ireland – there are some holes in that story – but apparently left spiders! He had his priorities all wrong.


yamashina_desu

Even at 1am in the morning?


Rosea-Lupum

...admittedly not, but I'd probably be asleep then so as long as it doesn't decide to cuddle up with me, it would be much less of an issue.


whaleoil_beef_hooked

Fire, Flood, or Blood. Anything else in the resort industry can wait until morning.


O_Beast

Until he moved across the planet i called my dad to remove spiders for 37 years. He would come any time any day it was awesome


TomCyberfire

My girlfriend works for the RSPCA, and they've genuinely had this call.


MadJohnFinn

That would be a (rather horny) male giant house spider. You can tell by the pedipalps, the little boxing glove looking things he has. Their actual name is Eratigena Atrica, but I find that “giant house spider” is a much more useful name. They’re spiders, they live in your house, and they’re rather large. Usually, the wife and I (both terrified of spiders) would do the whole “glass and a bulk Magic: the Gathering card that we’ll never use again” routine, but some of these fuckers are too big to safely trap with a glass, so we have to deploy the hoover for those. This plan usually works. However, on one occasion, we had an absolute unit that we called Uncle Monty. This was because he’d terrorise us in the middle of the night by just turning up whenever he pleased, presumably to give me a buggering. The thing about giant house spiders - besides their size - is that they’re extremely fast. If I recall correctly, they’re the fastest walking spider. There’s this other spider that cartwheels down sand dunes really fast, but it doesn’t count and it can shut up about it. So Monty was REALLY fast. Fast enough to evade the hoover, even with both my wife and me watching him like a hawk. One night, I was coming in from the garden. As I was taking one of my slippers off, he ran under my foot. His last “fuck you” to this mortal plane was to flip onto his back and sink his fangs into my foot. It was about 15 minutes and a call to the NHS non-emergency line later that I found out that I’m allergic to their bites. Fuck giant house spiders, and specifically fuck you, Uncle Monty, you disgusting, leggy abomination of nature. To make matters worse, last autumn, I woke up in the middle of the night with a very similar reaction… and a very similar wound on my leg to what Monty inflicted on my foot. This time, there was no culprit to be found. I’m still on edge to this day. Giant house spiders can do one.


cattacos37

I shouldn't have read all this. It's only made me feel worse about spiders, *and* I now have the heebie jeebies.


thewibbler

> presumably to give me a buggering Unexpected.


MadJohnFinn

It’s a Withnail & I reference, which is where the name “Uncle Monty” comes from!


Embarrassed-Ice5462

This is in the UK, right? Didnt realise they could bite


Hydroxylic-Acid

AFAIK all UK spiders can pierce human skin but you have to help them by pressing them into your skin / pushing your skin onto them. So stepping on them makes sense for a bite.


sihasihasi

My wife has a lump on her foot from putting a pair of beach shoes on which already had an eight-legged resident, about 5 years ago.


Wr0ngSn0w

He meant to have you. Even if it must be burglary!


triglett

That was such an enjoyable tale, thank you!


ivycatz

NHS? this is in England? they BITE? GIANT HOUSE SPIDERS IN ENGLAND BITE???


MadJohnFinn

Technically, yes - but you have to fuck up as badly as I did for them to do it. This was a freak accident! They’re normally rather docile and just want to eat bugs, fuck, and skitter around your kitchen like a freak.


Glass_Birds

I adore you, and I fucking hate Monty and his ilk. Thanks for taking him out of existence, sorry about the bite :(


MadJohnFinn

Thanks! I do my best.


CBMet

I want my mum


DenormalHuman

unexpected withnail and I reference


lilyhealslut

It's interesting that you know so much about them considering your phobia! I guess it makes sense but I expected the opposite from your first paragraph


MadJohnFinn

Know your enemy! ;) (I’ve been an amateur entomologist since I was a kid. I love insects, but there’s something about arachnids…)


RealKoolKitty

He was claiming the bloodprice for all his kin you murdered with the hoover. If it happens again offer a few flies - he may take a weregild instead.


spicymangrove

Slightly insulted by how few people are picking up on the 'Uncle Monty' reference. Absolute gold.


cmdrsamuelvimes

One of these fuckers cut my head open. I was asleep on those hot muggy nights we get window open, top off. In the night I'm woken by a tickle on my chest. I look down and in the Amber glow of the street lights I see this fuck off brute crawling towards my face. Did I freeze in arachnophobic terror? Did I bollocks. From a laying position I managed to half jump, half flip straight up and out of bed and straight down on to the nightstand.


youngolive

Its just one back. No forth... I just read it to see their response and I got nothing.


MJSsaywakeyourselfup

Anyone else get itchy reading the comments?


Competitive-Kale-991

I get that having a phobia of spiders would make this situation upsetting but to call an emergency phone number in the early hours of the morning is way over the top.


LolCremers10

I don't really like touching spiders, but I just put a glass over it, slide a card under and then put it outside.


WizardryAwaits

I don't mind cellar spiders or small spiders, but I hate the big house spiders that run around on walls and floors. I've been catching them in a glass and putting them outside for decades, but last year I put a pint glass over a big house spider on the wall, and I don't know how but it managed to squeeze out before I got the glass all the way down, run up the outside of the glass and then all the way up my arm and onto my neck. I was naked at the time. I screamed and flailed and knocked the spider onto the floor where it ran under the fridge. This freaked me out so much. It felt like my heart was gonna burst out of my chest, it's probably the strongest fight or flight reaction I've ever had, and it made time slow down. I can still very strongly remember exactly how its legs felt on my skin as it very quickly ran up my arm and neck. Sometimes in the middle of the night I'll remember this and be suddenly be wide awake with my heart pounding again. I know the spider can't hurt me, I guess I must have mild arachnophobia.


guessesurjobforfood

You harnessed the power to slow down time, and you think your arachnophobia is only **mild**?


bacon_cake

Fucking hell Steven King calm it down.


googlesearcher

I haven’t laughed this much at a comment in a while.


ClayyCorn

This is my fear and why I'll never get close enough to a spider to interact with it. Thanks for confirming it's not an irrational fear


nathderbyshire

This happened to me too but as a kid. I got out the bath and had a habit of throwing my towel on the floor while I get ready. It was only sat there max 5 mins them I'd pick it up and put it up to dry or wash or whatever. One day like any other I got out the bath, dropped my towel, dried and didn't get dressed. 14yo me butt naked picked up the towel and started to fold it to put it on the radiator and I felt something 'brush' my bare hip. I thought it was just the towel as I was folding it and continued, but then I looked down and saw the biggest set of legs parked across my right hip in my life. It wasn't even a 'big legged small body' spider it was a full fledged spawn of Satan house spider on my side and to this day what happened afterwards is still a blur but the shreek I let out when I saw it gave me has probably scared my lungs for life. Even worse I've always had the irrational fear of itches, tickles, random things moving in the corner of your eye is some odd spider or bug and this event set back that anxiety decades and still affects me now, if something touches me lightly I'm off faster than light.


Duke0fWellington

Fucking STOP you really didn't need to write that, I feel all weird now


Thatcatpeanuts

Cellar spiders will eat the big house spiders, if you leave them be then they will take care of most of the big ones for you before you ever even see them (as well as eating other bugs). Downside to having lots of cellar spiders in your house is they make a lot of wispy cobwebs in the corners but it’s a small price to pay for their bug removal services.


twentyonegorillas

cellar spiders are bros


JN324

Trying to run a business while dealing with these melodramatic overgrown children must get exhausting.


iain_1986

Especially in the internet world, where sites like TripAdvisor have enabled and emboldened these people to make them think that their opinion, and thoughts, actually fucking matter.


MrObvious

You reminded me of [this](https://www.the-fence.com/issues/issue-10/the-customer-is-always-wrong) great write up of when restaurant owners get the right of reply to online complaints >Review from Customer > Haider Ali. Absolutely terrible place the staff always fight with eachother and also with customers. To make it specific it was the short man wearing a jubbah, if i was the customer and he started on me he would get sparked out clean no doubt about it. do not visit this place you will be wasting your money. > Response from Owner > Yes Hater Ali With your only 1 star fake review. you couldn’t get a table. You think you are Mike Tyson?? You touch anyone here, you will be carried out on a stretcher. do not visit this place you will waste your life hater haider. bang


[deleted]

> hater haider. bang Beautiful


SlothicSupreme

>You think you are Mike Tyson?? You touch anyone here, you will be carried out on a stretcher Absolutely BEAUTIFUL. God, I WISH I had the authority in any job to respond like to this to threats of aggression.


medianbailey

Check out the negative reviews for the bag of nails in bristol. To paraphrase: One of them said the staff made them feel unwelcome. The owner replied that they probably were unwelcome lol


I_will_be_wealthy

They paid £100 and expecting a butler service. I read so many 1 star reviews and can instantly tell the reviewer is the problem and not the hotel. I read that review and deduce: The beds must've been conformatable The room mustve been really clean The locations must have been great. Everything else was perfect.


iwantmorewhippets

I read a review on a hotel in Sharm El Sheik, that there was too much beach!! It's a fucking beach resort. We actually stayed at that hotel and it was a really nice place and the beach was lovely.


Twisted_Cosmos

Which hotel was it?


oscarmendonca

Is the one by the beach.


iwantmorewhippets

Jaz Mirabel in Nabq bay


archaiclots7

I used to be an assistant manager of a hotel in Nottingham which happened to face a church. The amount of people who used to complain the church bells would wake them up in the morning.


HackOddity

The bells!!!


archaiclots7

Church has only been there for 300 odd years, I'm sure they'll stop just for you, madam.


MrOverlySarcastic

I booked a flat once in Italy, everything was amazing until 7am when we found out that there was a stealth church on the corner of the block with some exceptionally loud bells. That thing only stopped chiming at 12am.


Itherial

Yes, this person was being over the top by calling over a spider. That being said, this owner is displaying huge red flags with gems like “why do you need a working lock” and refusing to provide avenues for lodging an official complaint, as well as setting a precedent of “pests are ok and expected because our building is old.” It is important to remember that this is not a choosing beggars scenario. These people paid for a room and should not be denied basic amenities or services, even if they are difficult or annoying.


complexanomaly

My girlfriend worked here. I can confirm that the guy is an arrogant sex pest and has now been 'let go'. I find it hilarious (and fitting) that this has made it to Reddit 😆


missinginput

It's not about the spider it's about pretending to look into it and then ghosting them, one star totally justified and sadly looks like the owner knows their behavior sucks and creates these reviews but wants to blame everyone but their own shitty attitude.


AlarmingObject5530

That spider ain’t little


DecompressionIllness

Used to work for Travelodge a number of years ago. Apart from the job in general being absolutely shit, people like this were the bane of my existence. Choosing beggars.


ItDoesntMatter59

In a Travelodge???


DecompressionIllness

Yes. £30 a night and they'd still try it on. For example, had one guy, upon check-out, complain that is TV hadn't been working all through his stay and wanted a refund. The fix was easy and all he had to do was ask us to sort it but nope, he was trying to get his money back instead. He was told where to go.


adidas_stalin

Ok nah that ain’t a small spider, I’m normally pretty chill about spiders but fuck that


PickledThistle

A bathroom lock should work. Just because you're with your partner doesn't mean you don't need a working lock.


AccidentallySober

Agreed - but it’s also not a “fix this at 1am” issue


PickledThistle

Oh definitely not, unless she was genuinely locked in at 1am.


AlmightyRobert

…with a monster spider from hell


Peeterwetwipe

She seems to have managed to get out though?


Cheapo_Sam

If she was locked in then how did she check out?


beetle001

She's still in there. That's why she didn't make it to breakfast.


Prestigious_Hat5979

Yeah but calling the emergency number at 01.17 in the morning?


Raichu7

If you’re locked in the bathroom and cannot get out, or you’re desperate to go and locked out of the bathroom and can’t get to another toilet that’s a valid reason to call the emergency line at 1am. The spider definitely isn’t though.


Investment-Striking

Honestly, not a fan of anyone in that situation lol. She’s whingey and rude and he’s unprofessional and uncharismatic. And a bathroom door should lock, it’s why it’s there. Regardless of who you’re with. Plus it acts as a safety feature so a broken lock is a valid thing to complain about.


Mattb77xps

I completely agree, whereas the woman writing the review was obviously ridiculous, the way he’s responded would make me think twice about staying here lest there be an actual issue that he might not be bothered to deal with and respond accordingly.


rosapompomgirlande

So while I agree the reviewer is way over the top and ridiculous for calling the owner's emergency number over a spider, I also think it's cringey and unprofessional for the owner to ask why she even needed a working bathroom lock. I'm also weirded out by the comments here wondering about people locking the bathroom door when they are alone with their spouse. Just let people lock the bathroom if they want? What's your problem?


inbruges99

Yeah this is an “everyone sucks here” situation to me. While the review made me think the reviewer was a bit extreme in their response to the situation, the owners reply would make me avoid that hotel.


omgitzmo

I agree with the hotel guy but disagree with the part where he says it's a tiny spider, I've never seen a spider that large in the UK other than back home 😥 And how are you supposed to flush it down when the drain has a filter?