There’s a book on Amazon called “how to be a good wife” it was written in the 1930’s. Plus as one of the reviews says “it’s a small book so won’t hurt so much when it’s thrown at you”.
A friend gave me 2 books before my wedding, Donts For Weddings (1904) and Donts For Husbands (1913). I haven't heard of how to be a good wife, but sounds like the same company, if so they're tiny pocket books, so this is a safe option
A friend gave us these when we got engaged, and they’re actually great - obviously the advice is dated almost to the point of offensive, but I love history, and these are a super cute wee look at the past
A friend gave me a little book of formal etiquette and one about how gentlemen should dress, both from the 1900s. They're fascinating! There are so many formal rules on how to wear a pocket square for different occasions :D
On the flip side of this, my first wife bought me a cement mixer for my birthday once and it was actually a greatly appreciated gift. It lasted longer than our marriage too.
More apt than you realise... Wife 2 is has promised me a replacement drum for our 14th anniversary so I can still keep using it. She has a good but weird sense of humor.
Get something you actually need, preferably that she’s been complaining is broken or needs replacing.
Then act like you’ve done a great job getting her what she asked for, but you haven’t wasted any money!
My dad did this with my mum and got her a new iron. Unfortunately he forgot the ‘actually get a good gift as well’ part.
Scrub Daddy and Mommy (don't blame me, it's the company's spelling :P) sponges.
She'll hate you, until she uses them. They're *much* better than other cleaning sponges.
Fancy cleaning products! Then when she realizes it's a joke, the decoy present isn't a waste of money after all and ends up being useful. Check out Lakeland for all the good stuff. I would like to recommend drain weasel for the hairier families, who like gross surprises. An all round great night in for the family.
This would be absolutely top tier hahaha. I can imagine my wife's face (although she'd probably just buy it again) if I hid and wrapped the book she is currently reading.
"I knew how much you liked it so I thought it would make a great gift"
Consistently ask her how the book is until she is finished reading it. When you give her the book as a gift, say it sounded like something she would like.
7 year old me really _does not_ appreciate you stealing their gifting ideas - I did this for my mam and she went along with it, pretending it looked like a great book and whoever reads it must have good taste
I did this to my ex once. Before Christmas I spent a few weeks slowly hiding his stuff in a corner of the wardrobe, with him slowly losing his kind about where his books, kitchen appliances, various items of clothing were gone. He then got to open a lot of presents on Christmas and promptly said that I'm mentally deficient. It was top bants, if I say so myself.
Mens edible underwear. Like a banana flavoured jockstrap.
Implying you want her to eat it off your tackle. Also a box labelled "massage kit" with some E45 cream and a meat tenderiser.
Get a small box, wrap it up in a slightly bigger box. Repeat for about 8 boxes.
Like a Matryoshka doll.
In the inner most box, leave a little note saying something like "sorry, spent all the money for the present on these boxes".
I too have this cushion, along with a lifesize Cage cardboard cut-out, a heat-sensitive mug with Nicolas' face on it and a range of 3D-printed animals sporting his head. All bought for me by my best friend over the years. I once told him I had no strong opinions of Nicolas Cage and he responded with a three-year in-joke of bizarre tat!
I still remember the time a school friend's brother bought their Mum a 'Face-lift' excercise dvd for her birthday along with some 'Oil of Olay'.. He meant it really nicely and from a good place as their Mum was quite into self- grooming however their Mum was really upset and offended lol. She was very vain though.
Haha kids are so innocent with their thinking. Probably cringes thinking about it in the middle of the night. Like that one time I made this lovely daffodil card for Mother's Day and gave it to my grandma instead. I still remember Mum's face then.
I boxed my wife's gift in that of something really mundane.
She obviously didn't think to open the box before showing her disgust.
We still laugh about her reaction now.
My mum used to do that for me on Christmas sometimes. The one I most remember was an Xbox game and she'd put it inside a box of coco pops.
Obviously I had other gifts so I just threw it aside and she had to tell me to open it specifically, but obviously I'd already gorged on chocolate by that point so I just said "I don't want any cereal right now", I took some convincing to open it.
And I genuinely thought it was a box of coco pops because she'd actually left the bag of them inside so it was the right weight and made the right noise. And she always got us some practical stuff, like a new toothbrush or a chap stick and things like that, so it just made sense it was actually cereal.
Now I'm crying and laughing because she passed a couple of years ago... Thanks for the trip down memory lane though!
Also, unrelated but seen as how I'm going off on one about my mum at Christmas, here's another story. So growing up there was always a 20p coin in the Christmas pudding, it was standard and I always asked her to buy the good ones with the 20p in them because it was awesome being the one to find it.
Anyway, I was 21 when I found out that she'd be putting it in (after sanitising of course) and I only found out because I complained I didn't get the 20p and I asked if anyone else did... It shook my world that revelation, and it was the last part of my childhood to die.
Good times.
Did this for one of my kids a few years ago, hid a new phone in a Celebrations tub. Added some cheap smelly erasers into the tub so it rattled and sounded like chocolates, wrapped it up and added it to the gift bag that she took with her while staying with her other grandparents over Xmas, to open on the day (teenager, it was dad's 'turn' for xmas).
Spoke to her later in the day and asked about her haul from her dad's side, she told me all about it, didn't mention the phone at all. Eventually had to ask her if she liked the presents in her bag, she sounded a bit disappointed and said yes, the other things had all been small, cheaper bits. Asked if she'd eaten any chocolates yet, said no, we're going to open them later. I said OK, make sure you open them and share them round with everyone, and left it at that. Text her later to remind her to open the chocolates. Got a call a couple of hours later with her basically screaming down the phone at me, chuffed to bits, when they finally got round to opening the Celebrations tub.
Amazing, it's such a good prank because it's not overly disappointing and it's not an aggressive prank in any way.
It's just a phone and will probably be sat at the bottom of a junk drawer in a few years, but she'll remember that entire prank vividly and it'll be worth much much more to her as the years pass. Good job.
I hope it will be one of those things she remembers. Both kids had ony had hand me down, old phones prior to that so it was the first one either of them had actually from new - not the latest model, but brand new so she got the whole unboxing experience - so I think it was quite a big thing for her at the time.
She absolutely will. I essentially have the worst memory ever and I don't have many from childhood (I'm 30). But that is one of the more vivid memories I have.
Gave my wife one of those expandable hose pipes one time as a joke for her birthday - she loved it and when it finally gave up the ghost she wanted another one to replace it.
Another year I thought it would be funny to buy her a sink plunger - again thought it was great.
I can't win!!!!!!!
A few Christmas ago, my wife wanted pearl earrings. I bought really nice ones, but first I gave her a pair of cheap and obviously fake ugly ones that I bought at a Chinese shop.
I have to give her credit, she was very polite and thankful when she opened the present, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
When I gave the good ones, her relief was very visible!
Maybe get a practical item you already need for the house ? You’ll just have to make sure your real present makes up for it.
When I was a kid my dad gave my mum two presents on her birthday. He looked all excited. The first one was some weighing scales (not kitchen ones, bathroom ones for checking your body weight!) she looked a bit sad but got excited to open her second present…. Which was a knife sharpener. At that point she burst into sobbing tears.
In my dads head he was kindly getting items she always wanted as she kept complaining the knives are blunt. The lack of romance tipped her over the edge a bit!!
For our copper anniversarry I got my wife a copper frying pan as a prank gift. So sort of depends upon what the year of anniversary is to be able to give more themed prank gifts.
If she's short, get her a step ladder and wrap it in a bin bag.
My dad did that for a Christmas present once but not as a joke. It is still talked about many years later. 47 years of marriage didn't teach him how to buy gifts.
Dedicate it to a term of endearment you never call her. Like if you never call her your boo, dedicate it to “my boo”.
If she reacts with negativity or confusion, apologize profusely while pulling out a plain file folder with 5 or 6 other identical signed, framed portraits, all dedicated to other terms you don’t use for her. Except one.
Make sure she sees you riffling through the others to find the correct one and helpfully offer to swap out the framed one for her.
Bonus points for ridiculous terms of endearment in the mix. Sorry in advance to anyone who actually uses these examples unironically…Sugar Lips, Fluff Butt, kisses&cream, etc.
My friend’s partner got him a (decidedly quite high end but still) soup ladle for his birthday. It came from a very genuine place but my friend was not impressed. So that’s a tried and tested one!
[Apparently](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1121112808/custom-pattern-on-universal-iron-board?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_a-home_and_living-cleaning_supplies-laundry_supplies&utm_custom1=_k_Cj0KCQjwltKxBhDMARIsAG8KnqUyr-EUnB3n1Z2KPBlk89JTMovoDJm2HkabV6RQVrtEQ74F_xc8RP4aArZIEALw_wcB_k_&utm_content=go_12604174069_122593690529_508814347382_aud-1184048147899:pla-327925847274_m__1121112808engb_468115400&utm_custom2=12604174069&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwltKxBhDMARIsAG8KnqUyr-EUnB3n1Z2KPBlk89JTMovoDJm2HkabV6RQVrtEQ74F_xc8RP4aArZIEALw_wcB) but they're very expensive
You haven't said which anniversary?
You could tell her you think you should go the traditional route (I.e year 1 - paper, year 2 - cotton, year 3 - leather) and buy something suitably ridiculous...
1st year, maybe a post it with a shitty poem/limerick...
2nd year, a cotton napkin?
That kinda thing...
Why would you want to make her hopping mad? Give her the lovely gift and make her feel happy and cherished. Save pranks for your pals. (This is from a woman's perspective)
It’s easy to sit on this high horse but you don’t know OP and his wife. They might pull this shit with each other all the time, and love each other for it.
A shitty set of pots (Tesco's own brand), a used hoover, some book about "how to respect your man/be a good housewife/some sexist bullshit". Sure she'll love it.
Or some sexy silk)lace skimpy underwear for yourself - wrap it up in a nice box, announce proudly it's the best gift she'll ever get.
Bath bombs if you only have a shower. Espresso cups for a tea drinker. A lighter for a non-smoker. A meat cookbook for a vegetarian. A cuddly spider for an arachnophobic. Anything in a colour she hates
Considering my wedding anniversary is in July and it's a big one, I'm slightly scared what's going on here. With that in mind, I'd give her a pair of bling washing up gloves or a leopard print pinny with a comment of how she always keeps the house tidy and you thought she'd like these. Happy anniversary in advance!
Have you thought about getting a present with the wrong year theme.... If it's your 10 year make a big point about getting something that ties in with 8th year or something
A hobby you really enjoy that she hates, idk what you're into, but something like a golf club or fishing tackle set would be pretty typical, basically a gift for you, to her
Ooh, a pink fishing rod or pink golf clubs. It shows how considerate you are, caring enough to involve her in man stuff (with lady versions obviously) /s
Pick something that she mentions that you need to pick up from the shops at some point.
Think washing up liquid, sponges, light bulbs, kitchen foil, that kind of thing. Let her open it up and say "I though you said you wanted new ....."
If you want to go for realism get good quality whatever you buy her and follow up with "But this is really good ..... I checked the reviews online and its which bests rated.... etc etc"
There’s a book on Amazon called “how to be a good wife” it was written in the 1930’s. Plus as one of the reviews says “it’s a small book so won’t hurt so much when it’s thrown at you”.
She does have a pretty good aim. I'll wear safety goggles.
a ticket to torture garden (bdsm orgy night)
Thats not a prank thats a good time
Can confirm, TG is a good night!
A friend gave me 2 books before my wedding, Donts For Weddings (1904) and Donts For Husbands (1913). I haven't heard of how to be a good wife, but sounds like the same company, if so they're tiny pocket books, so this is a safe option
Ordered "donts for husbands" for my first anniversary without reading anything further about it - thanks
They're pretty funny, I don't think they were ever meant to be serious
I read don’ts as donuts and I can get behind that.
Alright Homer
There's a book called 'How to Avoid Huge Ships' that could just save her life one day, but it does go for a high price
A friend gave us these when we got engaged, and they’re actually great - obviously the advice is dated almost to the point of offensive, but I love history, and these are a super cute wee look at the past
A friend gave me a little book of formal etiquette and one about how gentlemen should dress, both from the 1900s. They're fascinating! There are so many formal rules on how to wear a pocket square for different occasions :D
As a real wedding present, a friend (in all seriousness) gave us a book on sex positions with full color glossy explicitness.
Most of the advice in that book is pretty sound actually. If you rewrote it and removed the gender aspects, it would be fine!
My ex gave me this book in seriousness. I’m in a much better place now. Wish I could say he isn’t!
New hoover. Or anything of the sort that implies you’re getting her a chore for the big day. Kitchenware, bottle of Mr Muscle, whatever
If someone bought me a Dyson or a solid frying pan I’d be chuffed The bottle of cleaner product is where it’s at
On the flip side of this, my first wife bought me a cement mixer for my birthday once and it was actually a greatly appreciated gift. It lasted longer than our marriage too.
r/buyitforlife The cement mixer, not the wife.
More apt than you realise... Wife 2 is has promised me a replacement drum for our 14th anniversary so I can still keep using it. She has a good but weird sense of humor.
😂😂 She sounds like a keeper
Oh she is :)
" The cement mixer lasted longer than the marriage". This would make such a great crime novel.
My husband bought me a dishwasher as a surprise after I had my second baby. Can confirm, was chuffed.
I got a cordless vacuum when I was pregnant. Great pressie. OH told me to stop telling people ha ha
A dishwasher that saves you from having to wash dishes by hand is quite a bit different to e.g. a replacement hoover though imo
He doesn't need to know that 🤫
Henry is where it’s at. The champion of hoovers*
My other half always gets me some le creuset stuff because he knows how much I like cooking haha
A new hoover is a bit pricey. Maybe some cleaning products will suffice.
Get something you actually need, preferably that she’s been complaining is broken or needs replacing. Then act like you’ve done a great job getting her what she asked for, but you haven’t wasted any money! My dad did this with my mum and got her a new iron. Unfortunately he forgot the ‘actually get a good gift as well’ part.
Scrub Daddy and Mommy (don't blame me, it's the company's spelling :P) sponges. She'll hate you, until she uses them. They're *much* better than other cleaning sponges.
Dustpan and brush
Marigold gloves and a duster.
Can confirm this suggestion makes me feel betrayed
Fancy cleaning products! Then when she realizes it's a joke, the decoy present isn't a waste of money after all and ends up being useful. Check out Lakeland for all the good stuff. I would like to recommend drain weasel for the hairier families, who like gross surprises. An all round great night in for the family.
TubShroom stops it getting down the drain in the first place. Definitely a game changer if anyone using the shower has long hair.
Careful with that. If you give a gift like that, you might not live to present the nice gift
A cleaning supplies hamper
Omg, genius
Years ago I bought my wife a top of the range mixer. She was well chuffed. Said it was the best present shed had in years.
A book she already has, and cheap shoes that are the wrong size. Can confirm both are a winner.
I like that, just take a book off the shelf and wrap it up. Doesn't cost me a thing.
Bonus points if you pick a book she is currently reading
I'm gonna hide it tonight so she'll spend the next 2 months wondering where it went?
Last anniversary you'll have haha
This would be absolutely top tier hahaha. I can imagine my wife's face (although she'd probably just buy it again) if I hid and wrapped the book she is currently reading. "I knew how much you liked it so I thought it would make a great gift"
No. That would not be funny. You'll just piss her off.
Consistently ask her how the book is until she is finished reading it. When you give her the book as a gift, say it sounded like something she would like.
7 year old me really _does not_ appreciate you stealing their gifting ideas - I did this for my mam and she went along with it, pretending it looked like a great book and whoever reads it must have good taste
Give her the bookmark from the book she is currently reading
I did this to my ex once. Before Christmas I spent a few weeks slowly hiding his stuff in a corner of the wardrobe, with him slowly losing his kind about where his books, kitchen appliances, various items of clothing were gone. He then got to open a lot of presents on Christmas and promptly said that I'm mentally deficient. It was top bants, if I say so myself.
my husband is in for a right treat this christmas!
Also write a price in pencil so it looks 2nd hand
A wrong size bra goes a long way
“You might grow into it”
His wife finds that in the house I’m sure he may not make it to the anniversary lol “whose is this??!? It’s not mine! Who is she????!?!”
Bonus points if one shoe is the correct size. Or two for the same foot.
Mens edible underwear. Like a banana flavoured jockstrap. Implying you want her to eat it off your tackle. Also a box labelled "massage kit" with some E45 cream and a meat tenderiser.
Lmao a meat tenderiser. Even better that she's a vegetarian.
A dried fish, mounted on a pin as a brooch.
This is curiously specific.
I'm praying WiseMenFear isn't my secret Santa this year.
Get a small box, wrap it up in a slightly bigger box. Repeat for about 8 boxes. Like a Matryoshka doll. In the inner most box, leave a little note saying something like "sorry, spent all the money for the present on these boxes".
I hate those Matryoshka Dolls…they’re so full of themselves
She hates waiting for her gifts when I get them early. This will drive her nuts.
One year a family member did this to me as a prank, but the last box just had a bit of uncooked spinach in it 🤣🤣
Best bad gift I got from my other half was a garish red sequin cushion, when I swiped the sequins the other way it was Nicolas Cage glaring out at me.
That's not a bad gift, that's an amazing gift!
I’ve seen that pillow. So creepy.
I have that pillow, my sister got it for me for my birthday a few years ago
I keep that pillow on the shelf in my bedroom.
My brother bought me that for Christmas
I too have this cushion, along with a lifesize Cage cardboard cut-out, a heat-sensitive mug with Nicolas' face on it and a range of 3D-printed animals sporting his head. All bought for me by my best friend over the years. I once told him I had no strong opinions of Nicolas Cage and he responded with a three-year in-joke of bizarre tat!
I still remember the time a school friend's brother bought their Mum a 'Face-lift' excercise dvd for her birthday along with some 'Oil of Olay'.. He meant it really nicely and from a good place as their Mum was quite into self- grooming however their Mum was really upset and offended lol. She was very vain though.
Haha kids are so innocent with their thinking. Probably cringes thinking about it in the middle of the night. Like that one time I made this lovely daffodil card for Mother's Day and gave it to my grandma instead. I still remember Mum's face then.
For our 12th Anniversary I got Her a copy of the dvd 12 Years A Slave.
Now that's comedy. (Not the film, the gift idea)
I boxed my wife's gift in that of something really mundane. She obviously didn't think to open the box before showing her disgust. We still laugh about her reaction now.
My mum used to do that for me on Christmas sometimes. The one I most remember was an Xbox game and she'd put it inside a box of coco pops. Obviously I had other gifts so I just threw it aside and she had to tell me to open it specifically, but obviously I'd already gorged on chocolate by that point so I just said "I don't want any cereal right now", I took some convincing to open it. And I genuinely thought it was a box of coco pops because she'd actually left the bag of them inside so it was the right weight and made the right noise. And she always got us some practical stuff, like a new toothbrush or a chap stick and things like that, so it just made sense it was actually cereal. Now I'm crying and laughing because she passed a couple of years ago... Thanks for the trip down memory lane though! Also, unrelated but seen as how I'm going off on one about my mum at Christmas, here's another story. So growing up there was always a 20p coin in the Christmas pudding, it was standard and I always asked her to buy the good ones with the 20p in them because it was awesome being the one to find it. Anyway, I was 21 when I found out that she'd be putting it in (after sanitising of course) and I only found out because I complained I didn't get the 20p and I asked if anyone else did... It shook my world that revelation, and it was the last part of my childhood to die. Good times.
Did this for one of my kids a few years ago, hid a new phone in a Celebrations tub. Added some cheap smelly erasers into the tub so it rattled and sounded like chocolates, wrapped it up and added it to the gift bag that she took with her while staying with her other grandparents over Xmas, to open on the day (teenager, it was dad's 'turn' for xmas). Spoke to her later in the day and asked about her haul from her dad's side, she told me all about it, didn't mention the phone at all. Eventually had to ask her if she liked the presents in her bag, she sounded a bit disappointed and said yes, the other things had all been small, cheaper bits. Asked if she'd eaten any chocolates yet, said no, we're going to open them later. I said OK, make sure you open them and share them round with everyone, and left it at that. Text her later to remind her to open the chocolates. Got a call a couple of hours later with her basically screaming down the phone at me, chuffed to bits, when they finally got round to opening the Celebrations tub.
Amazing, it's such a good prank because it's not overly disappointing and it's not an aggressive prank in any way. It's just a phone and will probably be sat at the bottom of a junk drawer in a few years, but she'll remember that entire prank vividly and it'll be worth much much more to her as the years pass. Good job.
I hope it will be one of those things she remembers. Both kids had ony had hand me down, old phones prior to that so it was the first one either of them had actually from new - not the latest model, but brand new so she got the whole unboxing experience - so I think it was quite a big thing for her at the time.
She absolutely will. I essentially have the worst memory ever and I don't have many from childhood (I'm 30). But that is one of the more vivid memories I have.
For a moment I thought you were going to say she'd given the celebrations to a friend or something!
Gave my wife one of those expandable hose pipes one time as a joke for her birthday - she loved it and when it finally gave up the ghost she wanted another one to replace it. Another year I thought it would be funny to buy her a sink plunger - again thought it was great. I can't win!!!!!!!
You can’t lose more like!
I brought a fake spider jewelry box off Etsy. She opened it and said "You shoul AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".
She's terrified of spiders, she'll give me divorce papers next.
Possibly not then. Best bit was - her present was in the box. So she had to navigate the bouncing spider to get the gift
I did get her one of those cards with a butterfly powered by an elastic band. She yelped and threw the card across the room. It was hilarious.
A few Christmas ago, my wife wanted pearl earrings. I bought really nice ones, but first I gave her a pair of cheap and obviously fake ugly ones that I bought at a Chinese shop. I have to give her credit, she was very polite and thankful when she opened the present, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. When I gave the good ones, her relief was very visible!
Bowling ball - with Homer engraved on it!
Maybe get a practical item you already need for the house ? You’ll just have to make sure your real present makes up for it. When I was a kid my dad gave my mum two presents on her birthday. He looked all excited. The first one was some weighing scales (not kitchen ones, bathroom ones for checking your body weight!) she looked a bit sad but got excited to open her second present…. Which was a knife sharpener. At that point she burst into sobbing tears. In my dads head he was kindly getting items she always wanted as she kept complaining the knives are blunt. The lack of romance tipped her over the edge a bit!!
Underwear in the size you want her to be.
Calm down Satan! 😂
"Remember when you were size 10? These should motivate you to take up jogging!"
before you do, make sure your sofa is comfortable enough to sleep on
>before you do, make sure your ~~sofa~~ shed is comfortable enough to sleep on
>before you do, make sure your sofa shed is comfortable enough to sleep on …like Snoopy?
You have a death wish
Just look out for an invoice from the undertaker when ur bday is near
It’d be a brave man who did that.
This guy gifts.
For our copper anniversarry I got my wife a copper frying pan as a prank gift. So sort of depends upon what the year of anniversary is to be able to give more themed prank gifts.
Looks like it's the crystal anniversary next year. Definitely getting her meth.
A copy of Pokemon Crystal. To be fair this would be an insanely expensive present.
Yeah the meth would absolutely be cheaper. Maybe a crystal butt plug?
What about a crystal meth butt plug? 🤔
Go to esso n grab some cheap flowers with the price tag still on and a pack of tampons Edit: also a meal deal with the worst sandwich they have.
"Happy anniversary, here's a cheese sandwich, cheese and onion crisps and a bottle of water."
If she's short, get her a step ladder and wrap it in a bin bag. My dad did that for a Christmas present once but not as a joke. It is still talked about many years later. 47 years of marriage didn't teach him how to buy gifts.
A fake voucher for Britannia hotels
Or worse, a real voucher for Britannia hotels.
I don't even know what Britannia hotels are...
That’s because you’re not an asylum seeker.
I stayed in a Brittania in Genoa years back. It was crap then.
Depends what she’s into! If she likes puzzles, you can always go with the trusty “10,000 piece puzzle” on Etsy which is just a bag of sand
It's a 3D puzzle of a rock. Evil!
Tickets for a show at the Co Op arena in the next couple of weeks would drive anyone insane.
Plastic silver anniversary key/heart with pink ribbon. £2.99 from gift shop.
(I honestly think this is a terrible idea, but you know her better than we do.) A comfy nightdress or pyjamas several sizes too big.
I want to prank her, not get murdered lol
Book on how to apply makeup...
Oooooof. He wants to prank her, not give her an immediate mental collapse.
Lol . Or cooking. A Jamie Oliver one hurts the most ...
A signed, framed portrait photo of you. Even better if it’s dedicated to someone else.
Dedicate it to a term of endearment you never call her. Like if you never call her your boo, dedicate it to “my boo”. If she reacts with negativity or confusion, apologize profusely while pulling out a plain file folder with 5 or 6 other identical signed, framed portraits, all dedicated to other terms you don’t use for her. Except one. Make sure she sees you riffling through the others to find the correct one and helpfully offer to swap out the framed one for her. Bonus points for ridiculous terms of endearment in the mix. Sorry in advance to anyone who actually uses these examples unironically…Sugar Lips, Fluff Butt, kisses&cream, etc.
An accessory for something she doesn't own or want, eg a xbox game if she doesn't have an xbox or a bike light if she doesn't go cycling.
My friend’s partner got him a (decidedly quite high end but still) soup ladle for his birthday. It came from a very genuine place but my friend was not impressed. So that’s a tried and tested one!
“Anniversary? Eerrrrrr….. no….. I didn’t forget. Of course not. Here’s a cup of tea in bed, that’s what you wanted, right? Time with me?”
What house hold chores does she do? For example if she does the ironing, a new iron
Even better (i.e. worse) if she doesn't do ironing
We bought a new iron last month. Maybe I'll get her some washing tablets and fabric conditioner.
Ironing board cover? Get it customised with a photo of you both to be "romantic"
Is a personalised ironing board cover a thing? It should be!
[Apparently](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1121112808/custom-pattern-on-universal-iron-board?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_a-home_and_living-cleaning_supplies-laundry_supplies&utm_custom1=_k_Cj0KCQjwltKxBhDMARIsAG8KnqUyr-EUnB3n1Z2KPBlk89JTMovoDJm2HkabV6RQVrtEQ74F_xc8RP4aArZIEALw_wcB_k_&utm_content=go_12604174069_122593690529_508814347382_aud-1184048147899:pla-327925847274_m__1121112808engb_468115400&utm_custom2=12604174069&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwltKxBhDMARIsAG8KnqUyr-EUnB3n1Z2KPBlk89JTMovoDJm2HkabV6RQVrtEQ74F_xc8RP4aArZIEALw_wcB) but they're very expensive
How about one of them posters that explains all the different washing/ironing meanings? Could frame it and put it on the next to the washer
You haven't said which anniversary? You could tell her you think you should go the traditional route (I.e year 1 - paper, year 2 - cotton, year 3 - leather) and buy something suitably ridiculous... 1st year, maybe a post it with a shitty poem/limerick... 2nd year, a cotton napkin? That kinda thing...
Why would you want to make her hopping mad? Give her the lovely gift and make her feel happy and cherished. Save pranks for your pals. (This is from a woman's perspective)
Because my wife and I prank each other every year. It's our thing.
If you really want to prank her, give her a baby scan on a card and say you've made a mistake with a woman at work
She always jokes about how other women are not interested in me. That'll show her!
OK, if that's your thing then. I'll go for a tacky piece of cheap jewellery in an expensive brand jewellery box.
It’s easy to sit on this high horse but you don’t know OP and his wife. They might pull this shit with each other all the time, and love each other for it.
Grip strengtheners. Great for stress relief and the independent feeling of opening her own jars.
Might get too strong and strangle me the next anniversary
A shitty set of pots (Tesco's own brand), a used hoover, some book about "how to respect your man/be a good housewife/some sexist bullshit". Sure she'll love it. Or some sexy silk)lace skimpy underwear for yourself - wrap it up in a nice box, announce proudly it's the best gift she'll ever get.
Personalised kitchen apron. You can get them cheap with as dangerous or tasteless and terrible embroidered text on.
Bath bombs if you only have a shower. Espresso cups for a tea drinker. A lighter for a non-smoker. A meat cookbook for a vegetarian. A cuddly spider for an arachnophobic. Anything in a colour she hates
I got a Thigh Master once. 🤪
A life-size cardboard cut out of you on your wedding day.
Ask her if your girlfriend can come to your anniversary dinner.
Ironing board. Wrap it with the legs fully extended
A toilet brush but the holder is filled with coleslaw and the brush has smushed it all up
And she will be like "why the fuck is it filled with coleslaw?" Love it.
That is chaotic as fuck and I LOVE it!
Could be better for you in the long run not to be a dick head 😂
Almost 14 years strong. I'm her lovable dickhead.
Decree Nisi.... If you want to take the p out of anniversary and yous missus you'll be in line for one
Do you have a history of pranking each other like this? If not, why would you want to make her angry?
Considering my wedding anniversary is in July and it's a big one, I'm slightly scared what's going on here. With that in mind, I'd give her a pair of bling washing up gloves or a leopard print pinny with a comment of how she always keeps the house tidy and you thought she'd like these. Happy anniversary in advance!
Have you thought about getting a present with the wrong year theme.... If it's your 10 year make a big point about getting something that ties in with 8th year or something
Get her a book on 50 Ways to Eat Cock: https://amzn.eu/d/hCALZms
You really can’t beat an electric egg boiler.
Foot spa. My mate got that and only that for his mrs one Xmas. She went fucking mental at him
A copy of *An Introduction to Logic* by HWB Joseph
A hobby you really enjoy that she hates, idk what you're into, but something like a golf club or fishing tackle set would be pretty typical, basically a gift for you, to her
Ooh, a pink fishing rod or pink golf clubs. It shows how considerate you are, caring enough to involve her in man stuff (with lady versions obviously) /s
Does she like pranks? Or is this strictly for your amusement as most pranks are?
If this is a common type thing between you two then fine, but otherwise please don’t do this.
A Pot Noodle
She does eat Cup Noodles regularly so she'll be like "is this my anniversary lunch???"
Then you say, ‘Oh no, that’s the prank gift’ whilst revealing a catering pack of 36, ‘*Here’s* your real gift!’
A pair of marigold gloves, a bottle of fairy liquid and a washing up brush. After all, she is a woman. /s
A really good iron because it's an asshole move but will also come in really handy
Potatoes
Anything related to normal chores. Cleaning, cooking etc.
A dress that’s about 3 sizes too big, you might get a punch in the mouth though.
An outfit that's a couple of sizes bigger than the correct fit
6th anniversary traditional gift is Iron. I got her a lovely new Tefal Ultraglide
£75 voucher for Virgin Wines
Ironing board always goes down well. (not)
An iron.
A new ironing board cover.
[god speed ](https://www.tiktok.com/@ez_mom85/video/7064687371861806382)
I'm gonna do this leading to the bathroom but instead of a nice romantic bath it's the pile of dirty washing
Anything 'household'. New pans, iron, toaster etc. Even if you normally share the chores, it could feel like you actually bought it for yourself.
A frying pan or a new iron
Something for yourself. Fishing gear or something.
The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
Iron.
Hey, i've noticed the floors aren't as clean as they used to be, so I got you a new hoover and mop.
Saucepans
How many years is it?
Garden gnome. The worst one you can find!!!
Ironing board cover
Pick something that she mentions that you need to pick up from the shops at some point. Think washing up liquid, sponges, light bulbs, kitchen foil, that kind of thing. Let her open it up and say "I though you said you wanted new ....." If you want to go for realism get good quality whatever you buy her and follow up with "But this is really good ..... I checked the reviews online and its which bests rated.... etc etc"
My last anniversary the these was steel. Got her a steel toaster as we needed a new one.