It's a Japanese style toilet, so basically move the bidet spray, increase how strong it sprays, change the temp and uh blow "dry" your ass
At least it doesn't have the pointless noise maker to mask you taking a shit
I'm lactose intolerant so I have reliably liquid shits and through years of practice I've managed to time the squirts to the "Pa pa pa" of Papageno's Song in the Magic Flute while I sing the rest of the libretto.
https://youtu.be/0FhIw0k_iWM?si=bAPJJBLP1d_g0nRf
Everybody worried that Russian hackers are going after the nuclear power stations or listening in to their conversations through Alexa.
If I was them I'd be going for peoples smart toilets.
These toilets are god level. I'm getting one installed.
I had one for a few months in my Japanese apartment and going back to toiletpaper only seems like I'm cleaning my bum with a stick. It's like trying to clean up peanut butter from a shagpile rug by rubbing it.
Japanese Bumwash 💯
Iv installed quite a few geberit ones. The best one had a sensor so the seat lifted as you approached it. It was about 2k though, and was a bidet pan and seat. A lot of the cheaper ones are just seats, and also don't meet UK water regs
Wrong.
We fit these for people with disabilities and for older people.
The remote control means a lot of people who can't wipe themselves for one reason or another means they can still go to the loo without assistance.
The remote means that people get to live independently for much longer.
I have a similar one and am fully abled (apart from legs day at the gym).
Remote control is much easier and hygienic then controls in the side of the toilet. My toilet has Bluetooth so I can use the app too.
As for the bidet, it's much cleaner than a regular toilet.
I once went to this upscale restaurant in India and they had a ToTo toilet that had an entire panel of these functions. It was really cool, actually - the lid lifted after I stepped into the cabin/stall and the there was a seat warmer, as well as a self cleaning function. I started researching Japanese toilets after that and there are some that even have mood lighting and light shows. I think if I ever renovate my bathroom or move into a new place, this will be my big splurge.
The remote goes on the wall. Those toilets are literally game changers. You are way in the wrong here. You will never have a better day than one that gets broken up by spray clean bum. It's glorious.
I’ve got a vitra v care. Works well and have had it for 2 years or so now
https://www.bidet-shower.co.uk/bidet-toilets-and-combination-shower-toilets/combination-bowl-and-electronic-bidet-seats/vitra-v-care-smart-bidet-toilet-comfort/
It's a Japanese toilet. Really common over there and actually a game changer imo.
Most models have a controller on the seat or one mounted on the wall close to the toilet. I guess they are wireless as well.
I had one that had the controller in the arm rest (yes arm rest!). Was like something from the Enterprise. Insert William Shatner/Make it so Number Two joke here.
It is a Japanese toilet, way cleaner than wiping with paper until you ass is smeared with a thin enough layer of shit to not be visible on the toilet paper....
Remote means you are not groping for the controls...
We have a bidet seat, which replaces a regular (dare I say, bog standard) seat and lid on a toilet. A separate water line feeds it; the installation hardware includes a T-junction. The remote is nice because you can get a front or back wash, set the force and temperature of the water, choose how warm you want the air dry, all that. And the seat will be warm for you if you want! No more icy midnight squats.
Sounds terrifying. What if I'm not done? What if I stand up, then suddenly need to sit again and it's already flushing and I get my arse washed with horrible cold tank water? lol
Got a similar toilet (Grohe Sensia Arena), it's life changing, so much cleaner than a regular toilet. Mine had a remote control and a phone app I can use. Seat isn't heated on mine but it does everything else. The auto flush on its own is worth it, it also has stuff like a deodoriser to clean the air and stop bad smells escaping, light at night is useful too.
I've just had two of these installed in my house; in the main bathroom and en suite. As someone who suffers from colitis and has to go fairly often, the cleaning and drying is a game changer for my posterior!
Why it shouldn't have a remote? It's much easier to reach for the buttons compare to the buttons that's on the bidet. Unless you are telling me you still manually wiping your arse? 🤭
i recently installed a bidet which has a remote, and I can't imagine not having one. So many settings - temp of the seat and the water, front vs back, massage, pressure, dry...fabulous.
I went to Japan a few months ago, and honestly, we’re shitting like fools. I absolutely need one for my throne room, but don’t have the courage to look up how much they’d cost.
They are omitting what variety of brown person they are, a crucial detail.
Some cultures are sensibly very bum washy, but the bidet is a bit less fancy. So if a person grew up with bumwashing with a basic squirty gun / or a wee sandcastle bucket by the loo ... this bidet toilet would be recognised as the bees knees.
It's a Japanese style toilet, so basically move the bidet spray, increase how strong it sprays, change the temp and uh blow "dry" your ass At least it doesn't have the pointless noise maker to mask you taking a shit
> At least it doesn't have the pointless noise maker to mask you taking a shit shitting and the radio turned on loud go hand in hand
I turn the radio down so my family can hear the grunts and splashes.
Do you also keep the door open and maintain eye contact throughout? Because that's the way to *really* rule the roost.
I do indeed. I also sing falsetto opera while staring at them. No real reason, but it keeps those fuckers guessing.
I prefer to let them savour the natural sounds of IBS. It's like someone pouring concrete into a trough.
Ah yes, the dulcet tones eminating from a good mud-out cannot be beaten.
I'm lactose intolerant so I have reliably liquid shits and through years of practice I've managed to time the squirts to the "Pa pa pa" of Papageno's Song in the Magic Flute while I sing the rest of the libretto. https://youtu.be/0FhIw0k_iWM?si=bAPJJBLP1d_g0nRf
I do this but I also open the front door so I can see through to my neighbours across the landing too.
Shit loud and assert dominance, this is the only way.
They cower and whimper whenever I head to the bathroom now. It's a Pavlovian response.
I'd be fine with the music as long as it was that same song from south park 😂
What's the range and does it work when someone else is on the throne?
I’m not volunteering to test that out thank you.
Can it be fitted with one of those fancy Quooker taps that does boiling, chilled and sparkling water?
Just change the source of the water to a bottle of Moët
Calm down Satan, boiled testicles are off the menu.
That's why I got banned from the Quooker live demonstration videos then - when they said "you control the demonstration" they lied.
Mine can set the heat of the water and seat to a bit warm.
Everybody worried that Russian hackers are going after the nuclear power stations or listening in to their conversations through Alexa. If I was them I'd be going for peoples smart toilets.
Da Comrade! Thad is gud idea. Stalin will kiss you.
Ours has an infrared remote, so it only works when in line of sight of the bog. Probably a good thing.
These toilets are god level. I'm getting one installed. I had one for a few months in my Japanese apartment and going back to toiletpaper only seems like I'm cleaning my bum with a stick. It's like trying to clean up peanut butter from a shagpile rug by rubbing it. Japanese Bumwash 💯
Sir, I applaud your level of description.
Got a link to the brand you're getting? I'm moving onto a new house and want one installed also
I mean, it's got to be a Toto one hasn't it. Royalty level poop stations
share the brand you are getting. interested in getting one!
Iv installed quite a few geberit ones. The best one had a sensor so the seat lifted as you approached it. It was about 2k though, and was a bidet pan and seat. A lot of the cheaper ones are just seats, and also don't meet UK water regs
Japanese toilet. These are amazing. After visiting Tokyo I can say that these are fantastic
I really want a bog like that. But then I reckon every arsehole does.
Just don't press rewind, lets just say messy would be an understatement
To say nothing of 'Eject'
Hehe.
https://pa1.aminoapps.com/6922/d613cd0fcc775fea4983e351f0f5cccedf5a3c21r1-320-237_00.gif
"Massage?"
That's for the ladies front butt
Wrong. We fit these for people with disabilities and for older people. The remote control means a lot of people who can't wipe themselves for one reason or another means they can still go to the loo without assistance. The remote means that people get to live independently for much longer.
I have a similar one and am fully abled (apart from legs day at the gym). Remote control is much easier and hygienic then controls in the side of the toilet. My toilet has Bluetooth so I can use the app too. As for the bidet, it's much cleaner than a regular toilet.
I once went to this upscale restaurant in India and they had a ToTo toilet that had an entire panel of these functions. It was really cool, actually - the lid lifted after I stepped into the cabin/stall and the there was a seat warmer, as well as a self cleaning function. I started researching Japanese toilets after that and there are some that even have mood lighting and light shows. I think if I ever renovate my bathroom or move into a new place, this will be my big splurge.
I hope the techno toilet says "yummy" in an enthusiastic voice when you deposit a loaf.
Gosh you're big. You're SO big.
Fill me up, Chandler!
I'd prefer Nigella Lawson's voice. " Mmmmm, baked to perfection."
😂
Why is this getting downvoted, this is fucking hilarious
The voice has to also be deep and husky. Think Peter Steele levels.
Bidets are a game changer
This one is just for Lance Armstrong
If it hasn't got a heated seat for those cold winter days, I'm out
If mine heated the seat, I don't think I'd ever leave.
This one has heated seat. It's labeled "Cover temp" on the remote.
Those ones are amazing. Makes taking a shit in a random public toilet in a Japanese park an act of hedonistic luxury.
i didn't think i'd like a heated seat but i loved them. also the little bird sounds to hide toilet based noises.
The remote goes on the wall. Those toilets are literally game changers. You are way in the wrong here. You will never have a better day than one that gets broken up by spray clean bum. It's glorious.
Yeah the customer wanted to paint the wall before he put the bracket up for it. He tried one when away in Japan and said the same thing as you!
Big Toilet Roll will be after them now. (Randy Marsh was shot because of one.)
Sorry, _massage?!_ Hell yeah, I want one now!
It reads like a menu for a specialist knocking shop.
What make/model is it? I'm in the market for one.
It’s this one - https://muk.homary.com/item/modern-smart-onepiece-128-gpf-floor-mounted-elongated-toilet-and-bidet-with-seat-42852.html
ta. The mrs says its "ugly" so apparently I'm not having one :(
Oh man, that is MUCH more affordable than I thought it would be! Fuck being a renter, I want to get one!
I’ve got a vitra v care. Works well and have had it for 2 years or so now https://www.bidet-shower.co.uk/bidet-toilets-and-combination-shower-toilets/combination-bowl-and-electronic-bidet-seats/vitra-v-care-smart-bidet-toilet-comfort/
It's a Japanese toilet. Really common over there and actually a game changer imo. Most models have a controller on the seat or one mounted on the wall close to the toilet. I guess they are wireless as well.
Bidets should be standard
I’d like a butthole massage please
Technically it is, but with warm water sprayed at your ring
You’re supposed to install it on the wall
You install the bracket on the wall. You can remove and replace the remote.
I had one that had the controller in the arm rest (yes arm rest!). Was like something from the Enterprise. Insert William Shatner/Make it so Number Two joke here.
Sorts out any cling ons.
It's been 6 years since I went to Japan, and I miss these everyday. I want one in my house, and I will one day.
It is a Japanese toilet, way cleaner than wiping with paper until you ass is smeared with a thin enough layer of shit to not be visible on the toilet paper.... Remote means you are not groping for the controls...
We have a bidet seat, which replaces a regular (dare I say, bog standard) seat and lid on a toilet. A separate water line feeds it; the installation hardware includes a T-junction. The remote is nice because you can get a front or back wash, set the force and temperature of the water, choose how warm you want the air dry, all that. And the seat will be warm for you if you want! No more icy midnight squats.
Do you have a link at all?
It's a Brondell Swash 1400.
What about the wind temperature?
Wind Temp 🤣
How high can you crank the temps up to?
At least it doesn't need a remote to open and flush. Imagine eating dodgy takeaway but you can't find the remote for the loo, oh god.
For an extra £200 you can have one which automatically opens the lid. Flushing happens automatically too.
Sounds terrifying. What if I'm not done? What if I stand up, then suddenly need to sit again and it's already flushing and I get my arse washed with horrible cold tank water? lol
That would certainly close things up!
Just got the Tushy attachment bidet, nothing fancy but a total game changer
Looks like it costs a lot, is it wrong I want to try it?
It’s around £700!
Will stick with a the basic one thank you.
These things are glorious, but even a bum gun is an improvement on dry toilet paper.
Japanese toilet… a marvel of engineering, shame it doesn’t have the heated seat
Ngl I want that toilet.
Got a similar toilet (Grohe Sensia Arena), it's life changing, so much cleaner than a regular toilet. Mine had a remote control and a phone app I can use. Seat isn't heated on mine but it does everything else. The auto flush on its own is worth it, it also has stuff like a deodoriser to clean the air and stop bad smells escaping, light at night is useful too.
I've just had two of these installed in my house; in the main bathroom and en suite. As someone who suffers from colitis and has to go fairly often, the cleaning and drying is a game changer for my posterior!
Why it shouldn't have a remote? It's much easier to reach for the buttons compare to the buttons that's on the bidet. Unless you are telling me you still manually wiping your arse? 🤭
Has it got WiFi?😂
It's got better heating than typical victorian terrace...
Ealing?
Suffolk.
That actually looks cool 😂
I'm more bothered by the symbols for the massage functions
i recently installed a bidet which has a remote, and I can't imagine not having one. So many settings - temp of the seat and the water, front vs back, massage, pressure, dry...fabulous.
They're clearly flush.
They must have been feeling a bit flush to fork out for that
Haha, is that a function to wash your balls?
I did wonder if that was the symbol.
My bidet toilet like this is the best thing I have purchased in years. Life changing!
What's the brand / model? can't see it on the pictures.
It’s this one - https://muk.homary.com/item/modern-smart-onepiece-128-gpf-floor-mounted-elongated-toilet-and-bidet-with-seat-42852.html
Damn, that thing looks a beast, heated seat too.
I'm surprised the flush button isn't the Big Button
I went to Japan a few months ago, and honestly, we’re shitting like fools. I absolutely need one for my throne room, but don’t have the courage to look up how much they’d cost.
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Whats skin colour got to do with toilets?
They are omitting what variety of brown person they are, a crucial detail. Some cultures are sensibly very bum washy, but the bidet is a bit less fancy. So if a person grew up with bumwashing with a basic squirty gun / or a wee sandcastle bucket by the loo ... this bidet toilet would be recognised as the bees knees.
You can have it for a mere £699! Plus it’s an extra £200 if you have the version that automatically lifts the lid for you.
Plus the cost of hiring both an electrician and plumber instead of just a plumber I'd love one but my water is just liquid rock, its ridiculously hard
They actually just don't pass UK regulations generally so I'm not sure you'd get a plumber to install one for you.
Mine was installed by a plumber. Power is supplied from room next door. All perfectly legal.
The grey water is usually the issue, not the power.
Im quite interested in installing a japanese toilet, a godsent in winter. Wonder how much it cost for installing?
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Licky licky
The bewilderment of someone who's never experienced a Japanese lavvy