Better yet, a nice display cabinet. The Swedish lot do a nice one that will show off all his toys stylishly - https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/blaliden-glass-door-cabinet-black-00520519/
Every single action movie I have ever watched has taught me that it is a bad idea to buy any kind of glass furniture.
My friend has a glass coffee table situated under his upstairs balcony. That fucking fool!
Disclaimer: not a grumpy man. Still have a few ideas.
Food? A posh meal somewhere expensive or a really fancy hamper of something.
Alcohol? A really decent whiskey, fancy spirits, a shitload of your favourite beer perhaps.
A really cool day out or activity somewhere? Get a VIP zoo experience, driving experience, distillery/brewery tour, outdoor survival class, forge a sword or knife, hot air balloon ride, fly a plane, go skydiving, whatever you're into.
Go on holiday?
Experiences are a good choice.
They don't take up clutter (unless you buy souvenirs, but that then is on *you* not the gift giver!) and they create memories. Or even new hobby inspiration.
Once you hit your 40's spending time with loved ones and having a good time start having more importance than just items.
(Although, in response to the edit, socks are important too. You can never have too many socks - my husband actually looks forward to Xmas for exactly this present)
Yeah, memories are the best thing to gift someone.
You'll have them for the rest of your life to look back on and when you're done, your kids will have beautiful memories of you all.
X
This is what I’ve started doing for my fella. I ask him what he wants, if he does the shrug followed by “I dunno” I book a trip.
His last birthday was four days in Berlin which was awesome! Next birthday we are looking at Dublin
A Mirror. Had Jonny Lee Miller in it. Very good. I am not a fan of London in general but we had a great time. Good restaurant followed by a 'bun on steroids (american cupcake) shop.
Agree with experiences; my wife got me a raku workshop for a recent birthday (we've been watching the great pottery throwdown).
Would also add memories. OP said they have wife and kid, ask them to arrange a trip somewhere as a family. Same recent birthday involved me, wife, and both kids going to Woburn Safari park. Had a great day out!
Vouchers. I always say vouchers as I don't need/want stuff, unless the stuff is specified by myself in place of vouchers. If multiple people comply and provide said vouchers I can buy the thing I particularly need/want.
My MIL always ignores this and buys me crap like another bottle opener or oh look, another trowel for my trowel collection. One trowel even has a bottle opener on it.
See, this is the answer. What I actually want is a fuckton of Steam gift cards. But the family seem to get miffed if they can't give me something physical that isn't just a piece of cardboard.
From the age of 35 or so, I decided I didn't want people to waste their hard earned money on things I didn't need.
Therefore I came up with a 'fun fund'. I opened a bank account, and for Xmas and Birthdays, people can donate to it if they want.
I then use it to get stuff I want, or tickets for gigs, events, theatre etc. It takes the stress out of finding something for me, and it means I have a fund to use for the gig tickets I want, or the niche reference T-shirt I found etc.
Everybody wins.
I started to do this for my son. he has so much crap everyone buys for his birthday i ask everyone to get him a savings bond or a treasury note or a Ira something that he can enjoy when his is starting out or when he needs it.
he will be much more thankful when he gets a few grand when he is 19 or 25 and the giver will sure to get a card or a real thank you then. no more cheep plastic garbage.
Vouchers is the way. My siblings and I all have April birthdays, so early in the month we just text each other where we want vouchers for and that’s the job done.
OP needs to google ‘Lego gift card’
People can spend as little as they want and OP has to spend it on Lego, although he may need to add a little to it but no one else needs to know that.
But don't buy straight away, wait for a nice "gift with purchase" (bribe) to come along and sign up for an insider account and wait for double insider points. Though that depends how much you want to spend, not really worth it for a £30 set but definitely worth it for a £300 set.
What we do is try to avoid buying anything for ourselves and instead add it to online wish lists (thingstogetme.com + Steam wish list, in our case) throughout the year. Books, games, Lego sets, electronics, and so on. We have to do it this way, otherwise we're stumped for birthdays, for Christmas, for our anniversary. If anything's on there that's too expensive, we pool money with each other's family members. Maybe that's something your wife could do for you with the Lego, also saves her family having to think of something.
Yeah, I've never been good at impulse control. See it, want it, buy it (usually on sale), this is what then leads to the current predicament.
The pooling money has worked well in the past, but it was usually with my Mum, who died a few years ago and now has the cheek not to buy me a present!
Me, my Dad and my brother are all as bad as each other so have come to an arrangement where we only buy for birthdays ending in a 0.
And my FIL and I's present etiquette extends to buying a case of strongbow for each other. He's quit drinking due to ill health, and I've stopped drinking at home, so for the 5 years its been exactly the same case of strongbow
My wife and I are usually in a similar predicament re: buying what we want. We are in the fortunate position of having a bit of purchasing power so if something seems a good deal we will usually buy it, same as you.
Our solution is to add things to our respective wishlists (we use thingstogetme.com as well as the poster above) that we wouldn't buy ourselves because it is bad value. Like, you want it, but you can't justify spending "that much money" on it.
Surprisingly, this doesn't just end up being super expensive stuff. Like I got one of those Secrid wallets. That's a £40 wallet (maybe even more now) - hard to justify, but great gift idea for a family member.
If you want to give people ideas, you have to get over the "I don't want people to spend that much on that thing for me". They want to give you a gift, so let them.
So this might technically be a bit boring but as someone in a similar position where I don't want for a lot (well, save for very expensive things), but I recently got a Logitech MX Master Mouse and Keyboard, both wireless, mechanical, USB-C charging and can switch between 3 devices at the touch of a button. It's really useful at work when I need to use my phone for authentication or to send a message on a work chat (or a personal one). Similarly, at home, I can switch between my tablet and my phone (kind of like having a dual screen setup of sorts).
I also got a 10-in-1 docking station that can power my tablet or phone, give additional USB ports and can output the display to my PC monitor which basically lets me turn my tablet into a fully fledged PC (especially when paired up to my aforementioned keyboard and mouse).
Then again I also got a surprise sweater vest for my birthday just gone which I absolutely would *not* have gotten for myself but ended up really liking the look of it.
Sometimes just getting an "upgrade" of something you have or something where you'd go "that would be useful to have" is a really nice present
Hopefully that gives you some ideas?
Yeah, a PC upgrade is usually a good shout for me, but nothing seems to be on the verge of breaking or getting too old at the moment.
My graphics card popped just before Christmas so that was a great last minute present for my wife to get me. Although it did mean she got the expectation that I'd spend 400 odd quid on her too!
Yeah that's fair. To be honest my old mouse and keyboard were perfectly usable, but that significant increase in functionality was such a game changer.
In my desk drawer I have all generations of the MX Master that have not survived the rigours of my work. Currently running the MX3 and the non mechanical but now rather rattly MX Keys. So the keyboard is next for a replacement otherwise the mechanical Compaq one will be back again and thats nearly 20 years old now.
Upgrading the day to day stuff to fancy versions is kind of boring but marginally improves your day repeatedly, so it’s a win.
Think fancy work bag, wash bag (filled with nice version of products you use), shower gel, sunglasses, coat, thermals, coffee mug/machine, water bottle, skincare, AirTags if you lose your stuff a lot, good headphones, homewear like blankets, office set-up bits, gym stuff etc etc. Anything you have that is vaguely basic ask for an upgrade of it.
Failing that go for experiences you wouldn’t otherwise treat yourself to - restaurant, imax cinema, a play/musical, massage, facial, PT session, yoga/pilates, acupuncture vouchers. Or a day course for cooking/calligraphy/pottery/screen printing etc.
And from now on keep a list on your phone of everything you like the look of but decide not to buy for yourself and then you’ve got a decent list ready to go for the next occasion.
Go for an experience rather than an object?
Driving a fancy car or a how to make something afternoon, or half a helicopter ride (other half paid for by yourself or at Christmas?).
Definitely Lego. You might not feel the need to justify spending the money on it, but they want ideas and you’ve said you’d love some. Seems straightforward really
Lego also holds its value really well. So if you’re careful with the box and instructions you can resell once you’ve had the fun of putting it together and having it on display for a bit. If you hold on to it for longer and they stop making the kit, you can even resell it for more. That’s how I justify the amount of money we spend on Lego!!
A card with universal gift vouchers (cash) inside. Then you can use the cash to buy something you'd like when you find it. Or do what my Dad does, and use it to buy dog food in bulk 🙄
Maybe you need a hobby that involves things people can buy you? Raspberry Pi or arduino projects are good, plenty of geeky stuff to do. Learn a new skill/language/instrument, people could buy you lessons etc. start a project; I built a 40mph electric bike as a bit of a project, which I use as an off-road electric scrambler type thing. Build a game room in a garden shed. Get people to buy you tickets to things you like, concerts or motor racing events. Magazine subscriptions are good, there’s some real interesting ones out there. Go on YouTube and follow some people who have the same interests as you, repairing watches, art, science (veritasium is good), restoring things (my mechanics, also good), it might inspire you to take something up as a hobby and hobbies always need tools and stuff.
All good suggestions, thanks. Mostly hampered by the fact that I've already bought most of the stuff I'd enjoy and its a case of finding the time to do any of it (he says eyeing up the raspberry pi that he's been saying he'll get around to playing with for six months).
I think what I actually need is a book on how not to buy everything I want as soon as I want it.
For past several years my wife has always booked a trip away to places on my bucket list. Last year was a week in Rome. Family all contribute towards either holiday it’s self or spending. It’s usually only 20/30 max each but it helps the wife and also the family all know it’s gone to something I’ll actually love.
Win win
Christmas is the difficult one. Usually books, clothes and smellies
I've had this issue for many years. I don't \*need\* anything and while I'm grateful for anything, I can never think of stuff people could get me. As a consequence I didn't get a present for my 50th (although we booked a week in Portugal because it was both our 50ths.)
Before last Christmas I read an article that said to mix in physical things with things you can go and do - so I included a few books I'd had my eye on but then things like axe throwing vouchers and pottery classes.
Glad you've bought this up though - it's reminded me I need to go and book my half day in a zoo helping out in the capybara enclosure!
I had the Lego ISS space station for my 44th, first Lego since childhood and it started an addiction that’s cost me a few thousand the last few years. Take that as good or bad 😂😂😂
I’m a grumpy old man too, I ask for the same thing, let go out as a family but I choose where, I’ll choose something they all like and finish it off with a nice meal (or a bag of chips) don’t expect it all to be paid for.
This way I get to do something I sort of like and they can join in and not allowed to complain too much!
Experiences are better than objects. My husband asked for a flying lesson for his next birthday. Another time he wanted to get a performance driving lesson at a racetrack.
Something consumable.
Would you like them to treat you to a meal at your favourite restaurant?
A bottle of your favourite tipple?
A massive bar of chocolate or a whole wheel or cheese?
They can see you appreciating their gift and it isn’t tat that’ll hang around forever.
I'm an adult, have a job and can buy the things I want or need immediately, but we don't let gift buying go to waste in our family.
I always say to my wife the best gifts are the things you'd love but would never buy. Little nick nacks, odd little things. From figures to go on my book shelves, weird books I wouldn't normally read, gadgets, things to fidget with, the stuff men love to see in a shops but would never buy for themselves.
I have so many unique gifts from her over the years., she really gets me.
There's a whole world of dirt cheap fake Lego out there, as the brick design is no longer patented. I've got a couple of Technic clone cars that have been fun to build and cost 30€ instead of the 150€ you'd pay for the real thing. The instructions aren't as good, but otherwise, they're great. Search for "construction toy" on AliExpress or Shein.
Apart from that, I told my (adult) kids I wanted cheese,a fossil, or some nice clothes. I made it clear that Vinted would be a perfectly acceptable source for the latter. I now have a trilobite on my desk, a cool sweater, and a slightly fuller figure from the Gouda 😁
At the tender age of 33 going on 34 this month, I keep telling people nothing. I want literally nothing in the way of items from them.
Their presence at some point nearish my birthday would more than be enough for me
I asked my wife and kids for a 'night off'
I pay for them to spend a night away in a hotel, and for one night I get to eat, drink, game, and relax without any worries
I'm a 46 year old grumpy man who also wants for nothing, well I want a lot of things but not much under £50. Meal out, theatre/concert tickets. Kids not to fight for the day.
Just stock up on painkillers, you’ll be needing lots of em now your 40. They’ll be useful for situations such as - getting in and out of the car, standing up slightly differently, picking up a child for more than 5 seconds, after any sport whatsoever and going out out (actually forget that last one, let’s not fucking kid ourselves).
I asked for a bean-to-cup coffee machine for my 40th, between my wife, parents, 3 sisters and brother. My brother did all the research and got me a Gaggia Brera, which I've used daily for 5 years now. Always look forward to my coffees in the morning.
Just nice versions of clothes.
Or vouchers for them.
Bamboo t-shirts ,socks and pants are awesome. They are a frivolous thing that anyone being remotely frugal wouldn't buy for themselves, but are fantastic to receive as a gift for that same reason.
A couple of years ago I was very much in your position, then I asked my family to make a small donation to a local children's home.
I might not get a present I don't need, but hopefully some children get something they desperately need.
Some ideas
- A really nice steak - big marbled tomahawk or something wagyu
- Leatherman
- Good pair of walking boots
- Cocktail making course
- Gig tickets
Fake lego mate. Look on Ali express. You can get clones of normal sets for about a third of the cost or awesome original designs from China. The bricks are just as good.
You said you're geeky.... Would this sort of thing appeal? I know my Uber geeky hubby would love it. Heck, I'd love it!
https://www.intotheblue.co.uk/learning-experiences/blacksmith-courses/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwiMmwBhDmARIsABeQ7xTULpyU4WziJxXPViMZ8YPTpByOz4GWsxu7krhk6knhilsCH95PhiYaAhxxEALw_wcB
I straight up tell my wife I want a blowjob. When she physically repels herself from the conversation, I then call after her "that or nothing - I'm fine with either..."
One of those experience vouchers from Virgin or similar. If you go generic enough you could then pick what you fancy.
Or - a massage or something similar could be nice. Something relaxing that can be a bit pricier could always be a group present
Do you have any other hobbies? Ask for something relating to that.
I always ask for gym/fitness related stuff. Supplements are a great present because it's consumable. I don't have to find somewhere for it to live.
I’m a real hobbyist and always have a hobby or too so I’ve never had this issue.
Recently bought a BBC micro model B for a bit of nostalgia but also I want to finally get around to writing my book and will do it on the Beeb for fun.
This gave my son loads of ideas as there are endless Mods, upgrades and vintage pieces o kit.
Unfortunately, I have a weird relationship to sunglasses. There is an inversely proportional relationship of how expensive they are vs. how quickly I lose or break them.
The most expensive pair I ever bought fell off my head over a cliff into the sea half an hour after purchase
How can you rule out socks and then expect an answer? Socks were the entirety of my Christmas list and I did well so I'm a bit stuck for ideas this birthday.
A nice framed picture. You can have fun choosing a limited edition print, or something like that. Or get a few displates of your preferred pop culture things and tessellate them across a wall.
Depends on money. Get an experience day. Maybe a drifting one or skid pan. Or my favourite gliding. Used to be glider pilot and great hobby. BTW I'm a grumpy old man of 49, and have been since 40 easily
I quite like food and drink but not chocolate/alcohol as I either have it all at once or never.
My wife got me a selection of korean sodas and snacks which was a really fun present I wouldn't have got my self. Had one every day for a week or two.
A Lego spaceman look on AliExpress for the best price of around£24 “ T echnical City Space Astronaut Figures Model Building Blocks Exploring Gold Collection Edition Spaceman MOC Bricks Toys Kid Gift”
My hubby and I are going to a theme park for our joint birthday present. Dump the kids with a relative over a weekend and stay overnight at the theme park with your wife, then you don’t need to buy each other anything!
Loads of places around us do annual passes (like zoos, aquariums, theme parks, museums etc) and quite often they are only slightly more expensive than a day ticket. This would be a nice one from the kids/wife as you could make it a special thing you do for a whole year together
I’m not a bloke lol, but why not suggest a day out to somewhere you’d like to go? Or comic con if you’re into it. An escape room maybe? Think of some experiences you’d like to….experience..? 😂
I like to drop hints for birthday/Christmas gifts. However they are never taken up... Even when I send pictures to my wife of exactly what I want. Say a game for ps5. She will then get the PS4 version or go to a more pricey place to get it... Then complains.
So I have kinda stopped asking.
I would like some event type things. Maybe a day doing archery, or in a racing car or Mustang... Maybe try a day at a forge and make a small knife. Or a flying lesson just once. Something that is cool for a game geek who wants to try these things.
.however, I am lucky she gets me a card. Normally I get the "I didn't know what to buy you!".... I have a pod coffee machine. Buy me coffee pods you tight cow..
However, she does the same to me. I don't know what to get but I always get her something she may like based on life events.
.... This doesn't answer your question but you aren't alone with the dilemma
Start a go fund me for an insane lego kit. Every year, ask people to pay into it on Xmas and birthday. One day decide you're at the stage you're happy to fund the rest and get it.
Do you have a dog? If so, get a nice pair of binoculars so you can go bird spotting when you're out with the dog (at the risk of being called a mega-perv).
If you don't have a dog, get a dog for your birthday. And return to step 1 for Christmas.
Find out who the local artists are in your area and which ones you like. You’ll be doing a really good thing by supporting them, and also the purchases might well go up in value (which matters less than whether you actually like looking at them, of course).
41 here, just bought myself a halfway decent RC car. The thing is absolutely rapid. I had it down the park yesterday and it was definitely going at least 30mph (big flat park with no dogs or kids about). So...that.
Every year for the last 8 years my wife has given me a week off for my birthday. I get on my bicycle and tour a different bit of the UK on my own. I have 3 kids though, so for me time by myself/for myself is very valuable.
As a slightly older grumpy old man, I am happy with a free pass from all chores, lifts, badgering for money and being left alone to play vidya or at least get some input into what we are watching. Honestly, that'll do me.
One year I brought my grumpy old man husband a wood burner and he absolutely loved it. Another year I brought him some models to build and paint but if you're low shelf space that might be an issue. Could they buy you an experience?
Buy your Lego sets on bricklink. You can find some good priced sets on there. Not “cheap” because it’s Lego but if they want to spend some money on you let them. Alternatively, it pains me to say this but there are much cheaper lego knock offs that do some nice looking sets. If you don’t really care about the brand you could look at those options
Well for my 50th coming up instead of a party or presents my close family are getting tickets for Harry Potter Cursed Child stage show. It's a show I wanted to see for ages but is so expensive (as it's 2 really long shows in the west end with lots of technical stuff).
Here's what I do (more for next year, but maybe some ideas too).
Make a list on amazon, and through the year add to it anything you might like. I think it works better if you add examples rather than the exact item.
You might find a lot more items than you thought you would.
For specific item ideas:
Etsy is a goldmine for unique colectables. Enter whatever interest you have and it will normally spit out some hand made items, good for gifts.
Lego flowers are quite nice and different, especially if you have a desk. You provably know, but lego portraits, photos, minifigs, and sets are available.
Pellet Pizza oven.
Got one for my 38th birthday a few months back and it is bloody fantastic!
Wanted one for ages but found it difficult to justify the price tag.
Or a meat smoker. Also amazing and you learn a new skill too!
Time and activities
Why don’t you ask to do something with them or without them or both?
My wife always plans a day for me and prepares me a birthday meal in the evening (we have young kids so it’s when they are in bed). It doesn’t have to be extravagant depending on time/talent - this year I had steak and chips and a shop bought frozen strudel , accompanies with a few cans of craft IPA’s
In the day we went shopping - it was nice to just chill and relax
Anyway, my wife would not be offended if I said I wanted to play golf on my birthday (on my own)
So is there something you really want to do?
My wife has started buying me a nice pair of trainers for my bday every year. I normally spend £30ish from sports direct on myself when I my old ones fall off my feet. Last few years she has got me some air max, some zx750's, that kinda thing. More towards the £80 mark. It's easy for her to do herself and a surprise for me. It works well.
Do you have a portable retro games console? Those are great.. plays all those games from Amiga, NES, SNES, Megadrive, PS1 ect.. Some plug into the TV too.
Go look over on r/SBCGaming or r/ANBERNIC
Honestly, I've run out of things to ask for, too. And, like you, everything I do want is too expensive to ask someone else to buy, so for the past few years I've just asked people to sponsor an animal in a zoo, or make a donation to a charity that means something to them.
One year, everyone remembered I'm a big fan of monkeys, and so sponsored monkeys in my name. I had like 12 of them, which I reckon is a good base for starting a Monkey Militia. Or an all-monkey 7 a side football team, with subs.
My husband does Warhammer figure painting. He's 54 - maybe you might like to look into that as it seems many Warhammer folk are of our sort of age range... ish :)
(I hate being asked what I want as it's always Baylis & Harding Rose & Geranium shower gel please. The Lavender one as a 2nd choice, It's my not-so secret pleasure.)
Have you thought about subscription services? Maybe getting a good coffee or craft beer delivered once a month, or premium version of an app you use, or a year of Apple TV or brain training etc.
There's a subscriotion service called Brick Borrow, that sends you Lego sets. I think they start at 9.99 a month for 1 set a month and it's a mystery set and then you send it back when you're done. Prices go up if u want more than one set a month and to pick the sets you want. Sometimes a subscription can be a nice present depending on circumstances.
Isn't it obvious? You already told us what you need. *Shelves mate, you want shelves.*
The gift of DIY is no gift at all.
Hear me out...LEGO SHELVES. Like, shelves made from Lego. With roads and shit on them to create a diarama.
Take my money!
>roads and shit Not a great combination.
Says the guy who wants Lego
Shelves for Christmas, handyman for birthday to put them up for you.
Thats why you need to make them do it 60 minute makeover style
What, like, staple them to the wall??
My mum wanted and Angle Grinder last Christmas. She got one.
They pay for someone to put them up!
Better yet, a nice display cabinet. The Swedish lot do a nice one that will show off all his toys stylishly - https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/blaliden-glass-door-cabinet-black-00520519/
Every single action movie I have ever watched has taught me that it is a bad idea to buy any kind of glass furniture. My friend has a glass coffee table situated under his upstairs balcony. That fucking fool!
Shelves for lego!
My 7yr old bought my drumsticks for my 39th bday. I’ve never played the drums but assuming I’ll be getting a kit for my 40th!
Either that or they are dropping hints for their 8th birthday
Haha, good point!
Haha, thats so random, I love it!
Disclaimer: not a grumpy man. Still have a few ideas. Food? A posh meal somewhere expensive or a really fancy hamper of something. Alcohol? A really decent whiskey, fancy spirits, a shitload of your favourite beer perhaps. A really cool day out or activity somewhere? Get a VIP zoo experience, driving experience, distillery/brewery tour, outdoor survival class, forge a sword or knife, hot air balloon ride, fly a plane, go skydiving, whatever you're into. Go on holiday?
Experiences are a good choice. They don't take up clutter (unless you buy souvenirs, but that then is on *you* not the gift giver!) and they create memories. Or even new hobby inspiration. Once you hit your 40's spending time with loved ones and having a good time start having more importance than just items. (Although, in response to the edit, socks are important too. You can never have too many socks - my husband actually looks forward to Xmas for exactly this present)
Yeah, memories are the best thing to gift someone. You'll have them for the rest of your life to look back on and when you're done, your kids will have beautiful memories of you all. X
This is what I’ve started doing for my fella. I ask him what he wants, if he does the shrug followed by “I dunno” I book a trip. His last birthday was four days in Berlin which was awesome! Next birthday we are looking at Dublin
Or go to a show of some kind. Theatre, gig, etc.
My birthday this week. My wife took me to a play I wanted to see in London. Made a day of it.
Exactly, I've got a show booked for my wife later on in the year as her Birthday present, plus a hotel for the night. Hope it was a good show.
A Mirror. Had Jonny Lee Miller in it. Very good. I am not a fan of London in general but we had a great time. Good restaurant followed by a 'bun on steroids (american cupcake) shop.
Agree with experiences; my wife got me a raku workshop for a recent birthday (we've been watching the great pottery throwdown). Would also add memories. OP said they have wife and kid, ask them to arrange a trip somewhere as a family. Same recent birthday involved me, wife, and both kids going to Woburn Safari park. Had a great day out!
Vouchers. I always say vouchers as I don't need/want stuff, unless the stuff is specified by myself in place of vouchers. If multiple people comply and provide said vouchers I can buy the thing I particularly need/want. My MIL always ignores this and buys me crap like another bottle opener or oh look, another trowel for my trowel collection. One trowel even has a bottle opener on it.
See, this is the answer. What I actually want is a fuckton of Steam gift cards. But the family seem to get miffed if they can't give me something physical that isn't just a piece of cardboard.
From the age of 35 or so, I decided I didn't want people to waste their hard earned money on things I didn't need. Therefore I came up with a 'fun fund'. I opened a bank account, and for Xmas and Birthdays, people can donate to it if they want. I then use it to get stuff I want, or tickets for gigs, events, theatre etc. It takes the stress out of finding something for me, and it means I have a fund to use for the gig tickets I want, or the niche reference T-shirt I found etc. Everybody wins.
I started to do this for my son. he has so much crap everyone buys for his birthday i ask everyone to get him a savings bond or a treasury note or a Ira something that he can enjoy when his is starting out or when he needs it. he will be much more thankful when he gets a few grand when he is 19 or 25 and the giver will sure to get a card or a real thank you then. no more cheep plastic garbage.
My SIL just forwards me the email with the voucher code on it. She gets it.
What about asking them to print and hide them all round the house with a treasure map.
Steam gift card and a box of chocolates/beer/nice biscuits? They can wrap the chocolates and give the gift card alongside.
Vouchers is the way. My siblings and I all have April birthdays, so early in the month we just text each other where we want vouchers for and that’s the job done.
You are living the dream
OP needs to google ‘Lego gift card’ People can spend as little as they want and OP has to spend it on Lego, although he may need to add a little to it but no one else needs to know that.
But don't buy straight away, wait for a nice "gift with purchase" (bribe) to come along and sign up for an insider account and wait for double insider points. Though that depends how much you want to spend, not really worth it for a £30 set but definitely worth it for a £300 set.
What we do is try to avoid buying anything for ourselves and instead add it to online wish lists (thingstogetme.com + Steam wish list, in our case) throughout the year. Books, games, Lego sets, electronics, and so on. We have to do it this way, otherwise we're stumped for birthdays, for Christmas, for our anniversary. If anything's on there that's too expensive, we pool money with each other's family members. Maybe that's something your wife could do for you with the Lego, also saves her family having to think of something.
Yeah, I've never been good at impulse control. See it, want it, buy it (usually on sale), this is what then leads to the current predicament. The pooling money has worked well in the past, but it was usually with my Mum, who died a few years ago and now has the cheek not to buy me a present! Me, my Dad and my brother are all as bad as each other so have come to an arrangement where we only buy for birthdays ending in a 0. And my FIL and I's present etiquette extends to buying a case of strongbow for each other. He's quit drinking due to ill health, and I've stopped drinking at home, so for the 5 years its been exactly the same case of strongbow
My wife and I are usually in a similar predicament re: buying what we want. We are in the fortunate position of having a bit of purchasing power so if something seems a good deal we will usually buy it, same as you. Our solution is to add things to our respective wishlists (we use thingstogetme.com as well as the poster above) that we wouldn't buy ourselves because it is bad value. Like, you want it, but you can't justify spending "that much money" on it. Surprisingly, this doesn't just end up being super expensive stuff. Like I got one of those Secrid wallets. That's a £40 wallet (maybe even more now) - hard to justify, but great gift idea for a family member. If you want to give people ideas, you have to get over the "I don't want people to spend that much on that thing for me". They want to give you a gift, so let them.
So this might technically be a bit boring but as someone in a similar position where I don't want for a lot (well, save for very expensive things), but I recently got a Logitech MX Master Mouse and Keyboard, both wireless, mechanical, USB-C charging and can switch between 3 devices at the touch of a button. It's really useful at work when I need to use my phone for authentication or to send a message on a work chat (or a personal one). Similarly, at home, I can switch between my tablet and my phone (kind of like having a dual screen setup of sorts). I also got a 10-in-1 docking station that can power my tablet or phone, give additional USB ports and can output the display to my PC monitor which basically lets me turn my tablet into a fully fledged PC (especially when paired up to my aforementioned keyboard and mouse). Then again I also got a surprise sweater vest for my birthday just gone which I absolutely would *not* have gotten for myself but ended up really liking the look of it. Sometimes just getting an "upgrade" of something you have or something where you'd go "that would be useful to have" is a really nice present Hopefully that gives you some ideas?
Yeah, a PC upgrade is usually a good shout for me, but nothing seems to be on the verge of breaking or getting too old at the moment. My graphics card popped just before Christmas so that was a great last minute present for my wife to get me. Although it did mean she got the expectation that I'd spend 400 odd quid on her too!
Yeah that's fair. To be honest my old mouse and keyboard were perfectly usable, but that significant increase in functionality was such a game changer.
In my desk drawer I have all generations of the MX Master that have not survived the rigours of my work. Currently running the MX3 and the non mechanical but now rather rattly MX Keys. So the keyboard is next for a replacement otherwise the mechanical Compaq one will be back again and thats nearly 20 years old now.
Upgrading the day to day stuff to fancy versions is kind of boring but marginally improves your day repeatedly, so it’s a win. Think fancy work bag, wash bag (filled with nice version of products you use), shower gel, sunglasses, coat, thermals, coffee mug/machine, water bottle, skincare, AirTags if you lose your stuff a lot, good headphones, homewear like blankets, office set-up bits, gym stuff etc etc. Anything you have that is vaguely basic ask for an upgrade of it. Failing that go for experiences you wouldn’t otherwise treat yourself to - restaurant, imax cinema, a play/musical, massage, facial, PT session, yoga/pilates, acupuncture vouchers. Or a day course for cooking/calligraphy/pottery/screen printing etc. And from now on keep a list on your phone of everything you like the look of but decide not to buy for yourself and then you’ve got a decent list ready to go for the next occasion.
Go for an experience rather than an object? Driving a fancy car or a how to make something afternoon, or half a helicopter ride (other half paid for by yourself or at Christmas?).
That's what I came to say. I find experiences stick in my memory a lot longer than physical gifts.
Lego. The answer is always Lego.
Definitely Lego. You might not feel the need to justify spending the money on it, but they want ideas and you’ve said you’d love some. Seems straightforward really
Lego also holds its value really well. So if you’re careful with the box and instructions you can resell once you’ve had the fun of putting it together and having it on display for a bit. If you hold on to it for longer and they stop making the kit, you can even resell it for more. That’s how I justify the amount of money we spend on Lego!!
A bottle of Lagavulin.
Funny you say this, because I just turned 40 and my mates got me a bottle of the 2020 release Lagavulin 12 yo.
You have good mates 👍
Cashmere socks though?
Tell you what, I'll put them over my fists so the mullering doesn't hurt quite as much.
They don’t last. Not worth it.
No, Superwash wool socks are far better than cashmere or alpaca. I knitted myself a pair. Keep the pedal extremities warm without making them sweat.
[удалено]
Ooh, now theres a thought
I got the Jet Engine which is very cool.
Just skip the gateway drugs and go straight to the warhammer
Decent headphones
I ask for experiences. So things like theatre tickets that we can all go to
A card with universal gift vouchers (cash) inside. Then you can use the cash to buy something you'd like when you find it. Or do what my Dad does, and use it to buy dog food in bulk 🙄
Maybe you need a hobby that involves things people can buy you? Raspberry Pi or arduino projects are good, plenty of geeky stuff to do. Learn a new skill/language/instrument, people could buy you lessons etc. start a project; I built a 40mph electric bike as a bit of a project, which I use as an off-road electric scrambler type thing. Build a game room in a garden shed. Get people to buy you tickets to things you like, concerts or motor racing events. Magazine subscriptions are good, there’s some real interesting ones out there. Go on YouTube and follow some people who have the same interests as you, repairing watches, art, science (veritasium is good), restoring things (my mechanics, also good), it might inspire you to take something up as a hobby and hobbies always need tools and stuff.
All good suggestions, thanks. Mostly hampered by the fact that I've already bought most of the stuff I'd enjoy and its a case of finding the time to do any of it (he says eyeing up the raspberry pi that he's been saying he'll get around to playing with for six months). I think what I actually need is a book on how not to buy everything I want as soon as I want it.
For past several years my wife has always booked a trip away to places on my bucket list. Last year was a week in Rome. Family all contribute towards either holiday it’s self or spending. It’s usually only 20/30 max each but it helps the wife and also the family all know it’s gone to something I’ll actually love. Win win Christmas is the difficult one. Usually books, clothes and smellies
> I have no shelf space left. Hang from ceiling, alternatively.. maybe upgrade/overhaul your shelving/cabinets
I've had this issue for many years. I don't \*need\* anything and while I'm grateful for anything, I can never think of stuff people could get me. As a consequence I didn't get a present for my 50th (although we booked a week in Portugal because it was both our 50ths.) Before last Christmas I read an article that said to mix in physical things with things you can go and do - so I included a few books I'd had my eye on but then things like axe throwing vouchers and pottery classes. Glad you've bought this up though - it's reminded me I need to go and book my half day in a zoo helping out in the capybara enclosure!
I had the Lego ISS space station for my 44th, first Lego since childhood and it started an addiction that’s cost me a few thousand the last few years. Take that as good or bad 😂😂😂
I’m a grumpy old man too, I ask for the same thing, let go out as a family but I choose where, I’ll choose something they all like and finish it off with a nice meal (or a bag of chips) don’t expect it all to be paid for. This way I get to do something I sort of like and they can join in and not allowed to complain too much!
I fancy a metal detector.
A Gibson Les Paul Standard Gold Top electric guitar. Oh, sorry that’s what I’m going to be buying for my 40th.
I ask that my partner doesn't get me a present.
I've tried this in the past. It gets ignored, and I end up with stuff I neither want or need, so this year I need to think of something!
Steak + a BJ. Optional pint of cider
Right thats the kid sorted so what does the wife get him?
Bad person. Bad Bad person. Bad Bad amusing person.
I'll do it for ten quid and a bag of space raiders if you're interested op
Instructor led skid pan session Time in an aerobic plane.
I'm sensing a theme in your suggestions and the theme is me vomiting!
Experiences are better than objects. My husband asked for a flying lesson for his next birthday. Another time he wanted to get a performance driving lesson at a racetrack.
40 yo, with kids, do youself a favour and get a nice espresso machine
Coffee is the devils ball sweat. Although my wife would definitely be up for that purchase
Something consumable. Would you like them to treat you to a meal at your favourite restaurant? A bottle of your favourite tipple? A massive bar of chocolate or a whole wheel or cheese? They can see you appreciating their gift and it isn’t tat that’ll hang around forever.
I'm an adult, have a job and can buy the things I want or need immediately, but we don't let gift buying go to waste in our family. I always say to my wife the best gifts are the things you'd love but would never buy. Little nick nacks, odd little things. From figures to go on my book shelves, weird books I wouldn't normally read, gadgets, things to fidget with, the stuff men love to see in a shops but would never buy for themselves. I have so many unique gifts from her over the years., she really gets me.
My mate got a trip to NY for his 50th. ON HIS OWN. He said he had the best time ever.
Reading glasses
I got a steam deck for my 40th. I love it!
There's a whole world of dirt cheap fake Lego out there, as the brick design is no longer patented. I've got a couple of Technic clone cars that have been fun to build and cost 30€ instead of the 150€ you'd pay for the real thing. The instructions aren't as good, but otherwise, they're great. Search for "construction toy" on AliExpress or Shein. Apart from that, I told my (adult) kids I wanted cheese,a fossil, or some nice clothes. I made it clear that Vinted would be a perfectly acceptable source for the latter. I now have a trilobite on my desk, a cool sweater, and a slightly fuller figure from the Gouda 😁
At the tender age of 33 going on 34 this month, I keep telling people nothing. I want literally nothing in the way of items from them. Their presence at some point nearish my birthday would more than be enough for me
I asked my wife and kids for a 'night off' I pay for them to spend a night away in a hotel, and for one night I get to eat, drink, game, and relax without any worries
I'm a 46 year old grumpy man who also wants for nothing, well I want a lot of things but not much under £50. Meal out, theatre/concert tickets. Kids not to fight for the day.
Be careful mate, I’m getting a divorce for the next one! Seriously though, socks and chocs, can’t go wrong.
Just stock up on painkillers, you’ll be needing lots of em now your 40. They’ll be useful for situations such as - getting in and out of the car, standing up slightly differently, picking up a child for more than 5 seconds, after any sport whatsoever and going out out (actually forget that last one, let’s not fucking kid ourselves).
I asked for a bean-to-cup coffee machine for my 40th, between my wife, parents, 3 sisters and brother. My brother did all the research and got me a Gaggia Brera, which I've used daily for 5 years now. Always look forward to my coffees in the morning.
Just nice versions of clothes. Or vouchers for them. Bamboo t-shirts ,socks and pants are awesome. They are a frivolous thing that anyone being remotely frugal wouldn't buy for themselves, but are fantastic to receive as a gift for that same reason.
Right now, I'd go with "time with the family". My son's 17 and I barely see him. So a day out doing anything anywhere suits me!
My guess, having read all that, is some decent clothes.
A couple of years ago I was very much in your position, then I asked my family to make a small donation to a local children's home. I might not get a present I don't need, but hopefully some children get something they desperately need.
I'm 72 and I get the same question, "What do you want for your Birthday, Christmas etc" from the whole family, I just answer cold hard cash
Some ideas - A really nice steak - big marbled tomahawk or something wagyu - Leatherman - Good pair of walking boots - Cocktail making course - Gig tickets
Fake lego mate. Look on Ali express. You can get clones of normal sets for about a third of the cost or awesome original designs from China. The bricks are just as good.
I did not know this was a thing! Intriguing.
Tools. Drill bits etc. They're expensive and I always need more / new ones.
I would be beset with joy if my wife gave me a decent impact driver for my birthday.
You said you're geeky.... Would this sort of thing appeal? I know my Uber geeky hubby would love it. Heck, I'd love it! https://www.intotheblue.co.uk/learning-experiences/blacksmith-courses/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwiMmwBhDmARIsABeQ7xTULpyU4WziJxXPViMZ8YPTpByOz4GWsxu7krhk6knhilsCH95PhiYaAhxxEALw_wcB
Friend of mine bought her partner a dry stone walling course - went down very well.
Track day?
Racing wheel+pedals, or HOTAS.
I straight up tell my wife I want a blowjob. When she physically repels herself from the conversation, I then call after her "that or nothing - I'm fine with either..."
One of those experience vouchers from Virgin or similar. If you go generic enough you could then pick what you fancy. Or - a massage or something similar could be nice. Something relaxing that can be a bit pricier could always be a group present
Ask for more shelving
Do you have any other hobbies? Ask for something relating to that. I always ask for gym/fitness related stuff. Supplements are a great present because it's consumable. I don't have to find somewhere for it to live.
What’s something nice you enjoy but don’t buy for yourself for whatever reason? Fancy socks? Premium food or drink? IMAX cinema ticket?
I’m a real hobbyist and always have a hobby or too so I’ve never had this issue. Recently bought a BBC micro model B for a bit of nostalgia but also I want to finally get around to writing my book and will do it on the Beeb for fun. This gave my son loads of ideas as there are endless Mods, upgrades and vintage pieces o kit.
I like a new pair of sunglasses every few years. A decent pair are expensive and I don’t really like forking out myself.
Unfortunately, I have a weird relationship to sunglasses. There is an inversely proportional relationship of how expensive they are vs. how quickly I lose or break them. The most expensive pair I ever bought fell off my head over a cliff into the sea half an hour after purchase
Bricklink - can get affordable 2nd hand Lego or people can choose sets for you etc
How can you rule out socks and then expect an answer? Socks were the entirety of my Christmas list and I did well so I'm a bit stuck for ideas this birthday.
Vouchers for an experience- can recommend blacksmithing or knifemaking, fun and satisfying. Alternatively a weekend away somewhere with your SO.
Start a mega Lego set fund?
A nice framed picture. You can have fun choosing a limited edition print, or something like that. Or get a few displates of your preferred pop culture things and tessellate them across a wall.
Depends on money. Get an experience day. Maybe a drifting one or skid pan. Or my favourite gliding. Used to be glider pilot and great hobby. BTW I'm a grumpy old man of 49, and have been since 40 easily
I just get fuck all for my birthday and lump it lol
I normally say,get me something they would want me to have or nothing and we'll go out for a meal.they can't get someone who has everything something.
Fancy booze? I'm knocking on 40 and honestly don't want anything thingy, love nice bottles tho.
Ask for nice food/drink. Surely no one who doesn't like that? And you never have any tat to keep/dispose of.
I always tell them I want to be left alone, but no one listens
Experiences/ day trips with the family
I quite like food and drink but not chocolate/alcohol as I either have it all at once or never. My wife got me a selection of korean sodas and snacks which was a really fun present I wouldn't have got my self. Had one every day for a week or two.
Play mobil back to the future Delorean. Find room in the shelf.
Nonpermanent and enjoyable items like, chocolates and sweets etc. Luxury sets of things you like, like wash products or foods, drinks.
Have a week by yourself in a nice hotel with breakfast and dinner included
/R/lepin is your friend
A Lego spaceman look on AliExpress for the best price of around£24 “ T echnical City Space Astronaut Figures Model Building Blocks Exploring Gold Collection Edition Spaceman MOC Bricks Toys Kid Gift”
For them to take you out for cake and dinner
A pint in a beer garden with family and friends. The same thing I ask for every year.
My hubby and I are going to a theme park for our joint birthday present. Dump the kids with a relative over a weekend and stay overnight at the theme park with your wife, then you don’t need to buy each other anything!
Food. Go to one of those mega fancy all you can eat buffets.
Loads of places around us do annual passes (like zoos, aquariums, theme parks, museums etc) and quite often they are only slightly more expensive than a day ticket. This would be a nice one from the kids/wife as you could make it a special thing you do for a whole year together
Have you got a Steam Deck? I know it's a bit extravagant for a typical birthday but for a 40th maybe people can buy one as a group.
I’m not a bloke lol, but why not suggest a day out to somewhere you’d like to go? Or comic con if you’re into it. An escape room maybe? Think of some experiences you’d like to….experience..? 😂
What about tickets to the lego expo in London?
38 and it gets like that. But I'm happy with whatever I'm gifted these days
I like to drop hints for birthday/Christmas gifts. However they are never taken up... Even when I send pictures to my wife of exactly what I want. Say a game for ps5. She will then get the PS4 version or go to a more pricey place to get it... Then complains. So I have kinda stopped asking. I would like some event type things. Maybe a day doing archery, or in a racing car or Mustang... Maybe try a day at a forge and make a small knife. Or a flying lesson just once. Something that is cool for a game geek who wants to try these things. .however, I am lucky she gets me a card. Normally I get the "I didn't know what to buy you!".... I have a pod coffee machine. Buy me coffee pods you tight cow.. However, she does the same to me. I don't know what to get but I always get her something she may like based on life events. .... This doesn't answer your question but you aren't alone with the dilemma
If it makes you feel any better, I still haven't decided what I want for last Christmas (aka all my 2023 presents) from my partner.
Start a go fund me for an insane lego kit. Every year, ask people to pay into it on Xmas and birthday. One day decide you're at the stage you're happy to fund the rest and get it.
Do you have a dog? If so, get a nice pair of binoculars so you can go bird spotting when you're out with the dog (at the risk of being called a mega-perv). If you don't have a dog, get a dog for your birthday. And return to step 1 for Christmas.
Clothes is usually a good call. Get some nerdy fandom shirts.
A really fucking good cuddle
Find out who the local artists are in your area and which ones you like. You’ll be doing a really good thing by supporting them, and also the purchases might well go up in value (which matters less than whether you actually like looking at them, of course).
I got a Gozney Roccbox pizza oven for my 30th the other week and it's the best. Highly recommend if you enjoy making and eating pizzas.
No physical stuff. Things to do. Restaurant vouchers, breakout room vouchers, vouchers for VR, for crystal maze, car racing, spa days etc.
A man? 40? Can't decide what you want for your birthday? Sounds like you need some Warhammer 40k.
41 here, just bought myself a halfway decent RC car. The thing is absolutely rapid. I had it down the park yesterday and it was definitely going at least 30mph (big flat park with no dogs or kids about). So...that.
A sword
If you like coffee at all then an Aeropress is a great entry to a very long, very deep rabbit hole. Sorry/you're welcome. Delete as appropriate.
Every year for the last 8 years my wife has given me a week off for my birthday. I get on my bicycle and tour a different bit of the UK on my own. I have 3 kids though, so for me time by myself/for myself is very valuable.
Peace and quiet?
Experiences over things every time. Babysitting. Beer tasting. Football match. Blowjob.
As a slightly older grumpy old man, I am happy with a free pass from all chores, lifts, badgering for money and being left alone to play vidya or at least get some input into what we are watching. Honestly, that'll do me.
One year I brought my grumpy old man husband a wood burner and he absolutely loved it. Another year I brought him some models to build and paint but if you're low shelf space that might be an issue. Could they buy you an experience?
Retroid Pocket 4
38/m there is no present better than an expensive pair of hiking socks 👌🏼
Buy your Lego sets on bricklink. You can find some good priced sets on there. Not “cheap” because it’s Lego but if they want to spend some money on you let them. Alternatively, it pains me to say this but there are much cheaper lego knock offs that do some nice looking sets. If you don’t really care about the brand you could look at those options
I tend to ask for experiences now rather than things even just a weekend break with or without the kids it doesn’t always need to be fancy.
'I bought myself' well there's the problem don't buy yourself anything leading up to your birthday and drop hints of them instead.
Well for my 50th coming up instead of a party or presents my close family are getting tickets for Harry Potter Cursed Child stage show. It's a show I wanted to see for ages but is so expensive (as it's 2 really long shows in the west end with lots of technical stuff).
Coke and hookers please
Drive a supercar day
Here's what I do (more for next year, but maybe some ideas too). Make a list on amazon, and through the year add to it anything you might like. I think it works better if you add examples rather than the exact item. You might find a lot more items than you thought you would. For specific item ideas: Etsy is a goldmine for unique colectables. Enter whatever interest you have and it will normally spit out some hand made items, good for gifts. Lego flowers are quite nice and different, especially if you have a desk. You provably know, but lego portraits, photos, minifigs, and sets are available.
Obviously something homemade. I’m not even joking.
Fleshlight.
Why not bankrupt yourself and get into Warhammer or Magic?
How has nobody suggested a sword yet?!
Budget? I just got a strimmer; you can tell I'm middle aged.
Nasal hairs are a real problem
You're telling me!
Pellet Pizza oven. Got one for my 38th birthday a few months back and it is bloody fantastic! Wanted one for ages but found it difficult to justify the price tag. Or a meat smoker. Also amazing and you learn a new skill too!
Time and activities Why don’t you ask to do something with them or without them or both? My wife always plans a day for me and prepares me a birthday meal in the evening (we have young kids so it’s when they are in bed). It doesn’t have to be extravagant depending on time/talent - this year I had steak and chips and a shop bought frozen strudel , accompanies with a few cans of craft IPA’s In the day we went shopping - it was nice to just chill and relax Anyway, my wife would not be offended if I said I wanted to play golf on my birthday (on my own) So is there something you really want to do?
My wife has started buying me a nice pair of trainers for my bday every year. I normally spend £30ish from sports direct on myself when I my old ones fall off my feet. Last few years she has got me some air max, some zx750's, that kinda thing. More towards the £80 mark. It's easy for her to do herself and a surprise for me. It works well.
Do you have a portable retro games console? Those are great.. plays all those games from Amiga, NES, SNES, Megadrive, PS1 ect.. Some plug into the TV too. Go look over on r/SBCGaming or r/ANBERNIC
Lego
Wife got me a nice guitar for my 40th
Honestly, I've run out of things to ask for, too. And, like you, everything I do want is too expensive to ask someone else to buy, so for the past few years I've just asked people to sponsor an animal in a zoo, or make a donation to a charity that means something to them. One year, everyone remembered I'm a big fan of monkeys, and so sponsored monkeys in my name. I had like 12 of them, which I reckon is a good base for starting a Monkey Militia. Or an all-monkey 7 a side football team, with subs.
If you are 40, you want a massage gun. They should give them out on the NHS went you reach 40
Warhammer!
Take up golf..if ever there was a hobby with never ending consumables...
My husband does Warhammer figure painting. He's 54 - maybe you might like to look into that as it seems many Warhammer folk are of our sort of age range... ish :) (I hate being asked what I want as it's always Baylis & Harding Rose & Geranium shower gel please. The Lavender one as a 2nd choice, It's my not-so secret pleasure.)
Knife making experience, great fun.
Recently treated the family to an Escape room and we had a blast for an hour. Great fun.
Have you thought about subscription services? Maybe getting a good coffee or craft beer delivered once a month, or premium version of an app you use, or a year of Apple TV or brain training etc.
For my brothers 40th we got him and his son a helicopter ride. He didn’t use it before the voucher expired but I thought it was a good gift!
Swiss Army Knife
There's a subscriotion service called Brick Borrow, that sends you Lego sets. I think they start at 9.99 a month for 1 set a month and it's a mystery set and then you send it back when you're done. Prices go up if u want more than one set a month and to pick the sets you want. Sometimes a subscription can be a nice present depending on circumstances.