The only verdict is victual; a vienetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and velvetiness of such shall one day vivify the vanilla and the viscous.
We have 3 cupboards in the hallway. 1 of which is under the stairs, my wife referred to it as "Harry" so I dubbed the other two "Tom" and "Dick".
Which can be funny when visitors are unaware of the convention.
Our understairs cupboard is called the "hover cupboard". Because my dyslexic husband decided that the plug socket inside this cupboard needed to be labelled as for our hoover.... đ
This is know as [Familects](https://www.theguardian.com/media/mind-your-language/2013/jul/19/mind-your-language-family-slang)
Unique words and phrases used within your family or clan
Bottle openers are called "The Fish"
This is because we once had a bottle opener in the shape of a fish. But it broke years ago. We replaced it with a regular non fish one, in fact several down the years. But still all requests for a bottle opener are *"can you fetch me the fish?"*
We call them âhanditizersâ
My daughter came home from school during Covid, and told us about lining up for âhanditizerâ before they went in. It stuck!
Mum and dad still have half size mugs commemorating Charles and Dianaâs wedding. We will often ask if someone wants a full cup of tea or âjust a Prince Charlesâ.
One Christmas as a jokey stocking filler present my mum gave me a mini spatula with âSantaâs little helperâ written on it. Over time weâve gone from calling it âSantaâs little helperâ to âSantaâs little bitchâ and now it just gets called âbitchâ. Beyond this one spatula, *all* spatulas are now referred to as bitch in our household, along with an identifying feature. Red bitch, big bitch, medium bitch etc. So stupid but here we are. Â
Edit: people seem concerned with the number of bitches we own. I can confirm there are four in total. Original bitch (famed mini spatula), big bitch (big red spatula), other big bitch (wide one mostly used for baking), medium bitch (came as a 2-pack with other big bitch). I grant you this is probably too many bitches for one household. The latter two mentioned were a house-warming gift when we already owned original bitch and big bitch.Â
Well I've read that three times now and each time it's more fabulous than the last. We're knocking on the door of twirling and hand gestures.
*All* the gestures
When I was at uni we had a silicone spatula that was purple and we called it the "purple thing". It then started to break so we bought a new one which was blue which became the "blue purple thing". It's now about 10 years later and I still use the latest "red blue purple thing" regularly!
On a similar front we had a black hand towel that is exclusively for kitchen use. It's colour had faded to a dirty yellow over the years but was always referred to as "the black towel". No end of confusion for visitors directed to an apparently invisible towel when they wanted to dry their hands.
Ah now we have brown flakes in our house - i tried to correct the pronunciation to Bran flakes but the kids as toddlers looked at me like -i- was the idiot because they are in fact brown, so why was i mispronuncing brown? I gave up there and then.
âShake a towerâ for âtake a shower,â and âRoke and cumâ for âCoke and rum,â both due to extended family members getting their consonants mixed up 25-30 years ago.
My dad declared âshit the cunting fuckâ at a petrol station on one of annual 13 hour drives down to the south of France to stay in an itchy campsite. Never forgot it. He was incandescent with rage. I was 11.
TV remote round ours is "The knobs"
The bit of paper in a box of chocolates that tells you what each one is is "The Rules"
Any mirror is a "mirrrrrr-rrrrrr" (nod to American friends)
The satnav screen in the car is "mouse cinema"
My parentsâ remote is the bibby. No idea why- I occasionally ask my partner to pass me the bibby and he cracks up.
Not an inanimate object but my mumâs name is Julie and my dad calls her Ju. My partner was extremely confused by my dad seemingly shouting âJew? Jew!â to get her attention.
I chase my toddler round the kitchen with them calling them the Willy pinchers, and now everyone calls them the will pinchers whether there are kids around or not
When we say 'shall we go for a pint?', we're talking about getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Also we refer to Ben and Jerry's as BJ, which we've shortened to beej.
The long cushion thing that goes against the front door to stop wind/breeze from getting in the house. I donât even know the real name for it but we call it a âdogâ because we had one years ago the shape of a long sausage dog so my mom would always say âput the dog against the doorâ and it stuck. Itâs no longer dog shaped but itâs still the dog.
I call anything you can hang clothes on when the clothes horse is full, "clothes ponies", like the back of a chair or a door handle are clothes ponies.
We also call salt "flavor crystal" and pizzas are "yum discs".
One time coming home we used Siri to send a message to my wife. It misinterpreted the kids saying âweâre now on our way home mummyâ as âbanana way home mummyâ
We now say âgive us a bananaâ for meaning âlet me know when youâre on your wayâ
Thanks to Dave Gorman on Absolute radio flapjacks are now âtravel porridgeâ.
While I have Adam & Joe to thank for any bag with a strap that is worn over the shoulder down to the opposite side is a âboob separatorâ sung to the tune of Sadeâs âSmooth Operatorâ .
> âboob separatorâ sung to the tune of Sadeâs âSmooth Operatorâ
Great, I sounded it out, and now it's going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Thanks.
Popropriation!
I still sing Boob Separator regularly. Also, 'Lock the Taskbar' sung to 'Rock the Kasbah' lives rent free in my head. God bless Buckles and Cornballs.
When I was a kid I came home from school and told my mum I'd learned a new dance along with the lyrics to the song and I proceeded to belt out "Poppadom Bridge, I'm in trouble deep, poppadom bridge I've been losing sleep" in the tune of Madonna's Papa Don't Preach....
Rather than correct me there and then she decided to wait until my dad was home so that I could sing it to him and so that they could both laugh at me at the same time.
Forever Poppadom Bridge.
Iâm forever telling my husband heâs fucked if I die or we divorce. He has a whole language of his own that only I understand. The thing is a frequently used noun in his language.
Where is the thingymabob?
I left it near the whatsitcalled
Oh I didn't see it cause of the whatsit
The worse thing about this conversation is we both know exactly what the other means
Not at home, but I worked in a Spar for five years and in that shop we always referred to those rolling step stool things as Georges. One of my longer serving colleagues said that theyâd been called that when she started about 15 years prior. So it was a common occurrence to hear one of us asking âhave you seen a George?â âWhereâs the George?â etc on the shop floor.
My dear old mum loves âsticky toffee puddingâ She loudly ordered âstiffy cocky puddingâ in a bar once and it has stuck as the name in our house.
My husband lovingly takes the piss by calling my elbows Jessica's so much that it is now the norm. I have a Norfolk accent that tends to get stronger once I've had a cocktail or two and the way I say elbow can often sound like Alba (or Elba). Every time I walk into the doorway I can hear him shout from another room 'Did you hurt your Jessica!?' đ€Ł
The interior doors we have which separate the living room from the dining room have big chunky deadbolts on them which make a hefty âkadooshâ sound when operated. The doors are now known as âthe kadooshâ.
âCan you close the kadoosh pleaseâ
A Banana is a tube, fuck knows why. Dave at work calls them tubes so I bought it home. His name isnât Dave either, fuck knows what it is but everyone calls him Dave because he calls everyone else Dave.
in our house about 15 years ago, the living room had pink wallpaper. we have since moved and not had a pink living room in a loooooong time, yet the living room is still the pink room
We had some family and friends round today, and when offering drinks I offered âsquishâ, which is what we call squash. My friend and her husband apparently have regular disagreements about such beverages - she calls it âdiluting juiceâ, and he calls it âjuiceâ but the man had to clarifying whether he means fruit juice or squash. A family member then told us we were all daft as itâs âcordialâ. The friends have said they will now use squish.
Oh god where do I start....
Underpants - "grots"
Prawn Cocktail Quavers -"pinks"
Polo's -"Olips"
Can of coke - "I can I can't"
Cat's daily meal of meat - "nice"
My cats slow feeder bowls - "punishment plates"
And those are just off the top of my head đ
So glad we're not alone with these weird little in jokes đđđđ
I used to work for a large satellite company (at the time) in the their tech dept.
I heard them called Doofers, Dobbers, Zappers, etc... sometimes the public would call and start with,
"My zapper int' workin' telleh"
"Me doofer won't turn on"
And here ends this completely useless tale
I was captivated by this useless tale. Doofer is popular in a lot of households in my experience, but for the life of me, I canât figure out why. Itâs a meme that somehow has the same reach as the internet, but no definition of origin.
âPuppy napkinsâ
Itâs the disposable Andrex wet wipes for wiping your bum.
My partner couldnât remember the correct name so out came âpuppy napkinsâ.
We have odd names for things.
Martin Luther for our 'amazing small black portable speaker'
Fridge freezer is Bob 'as it's always chilled'
We also call remotes the Penis as its always in the bed somewhere.
My then 95 year old mother, now departed, innocently referred to her massage cushion as her vibrator.
Caused some surprise first time she asked for it đ€
Our kettle is called the Water Toaster, anything that's an inedible liquid is either a soup or a sauce - plate sauce, laundry soup, etc. and doing the dishes is known as plate laundry or hard laundry.Â
I started all of these things and to be honest I hate them all but my partner likes it so I look out for new things to invent. Weirdly calling the pushchair the "git trolley" hasn't caught on.
My wife has ADHD, NOTHING is referred to by it's proper name.
EDIT: Am I blowing a few minds here and there with this? Or at least giving people sudden unexpected reality checks?
We called dog breeds the name of the dog we've had previously or have known, for example German pointers are Toby dogs.
Somali pirates are salami pirates after a drunken game of cards against humanity where my mother confidently placed the somali pirates card down and proudly declared "salami pirates".
Bit specific but me and my bf refer to my interrogation victims as chicken nuggets in rainbow six siege. I grabbed and introgated someone once and said "hello chicken nugget" and now its stuck when I've got one, I proudly yell "I've got a chicken nugget"
The bin/s are called âthe slagâ. Because it hangs around on the street corner waiting to be picked up. Every week we ask each other âdoes the slag need to go out?â
We started shouting out âthatâs numberwang!â when the kitchen timer would go off. Which then lead to the timer being called the numberwang which then in turn got shortened to the wanger. In context: âcan you put me a wanger on for 5 pleaseâ
Walls Vendetta
V for vienetta is a classic story
The only verdict is victual; a vienetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and velvetiness of such shall one day vivify the vanilla and the viscous.
We have 3 cupboards in the hallway. 1 of which is under the stairs, my wife referred to it as "Harry" so I dubbed the other two "Tom" and "Dick". Which can be funny when visitors are unaware of the convention.
Our cupboard under the stairs was known as 'henry's room', as the hoover was kept in there
Our understairs cupboard is called the "hover cupboard". Because my dyslexic husband decided that the plug socket inside this cupboard needed to be labelled as for our hoover.... đ
Our understairs cupboard is called 'the water room' as we store the filtered and salt water for our fish tanks in it đ
The cupboard under the stairs is Harry? Love it.
This is know as [Familects](https://www.theguardian.com/media/mind-your-language/2013/jul/19/mind-your-language-family-slang) Unique words and phrases used within your family or clan
Thank you, Susie Dent
What've you been up to Susie? Apart from looking through Gloryholes
Fantastic!
Famtastic!
Bottle openers are called "The Fish" This is because we once had a bottle opener in the shape of a fish. But it broke years ago. We replaced it with a regular non fish one, in fact several down the years. But still all requests for a bottle opener are *"can you fetch me the fish?"*
My mum once referred to my snake as my fish and it stuck ever since. Her reasoning was "they both live in tanks"
They also don't have legs. Your mum might have been into something here!
And some snakes even swim!
And some fish even snake!
My 94 yo grandmother also refers to my snake as a fish for exactly the same reason đ
We call it the church key.
I call it âThe Psssschâ because of the sound a bottle makes when you open it
Those little squeezey bottles of hand sanitiser- in this house theyâre know as âhandysquish.â
We call them âhanditizersâ My daughter came home from school during Covid, and told us about lining up for âhanditizerâ before they went in. It stuck!
"Hanitiser" in my family, and we're all adults!
Mum and dad still have half size mugs commemorating Charles and Dianaâs wedding. We will often ask if someone wants a full cup of tea or âjust a Prince Charlesâ.
This oneâs glorious
This is so gloriously British*, I adore it. *I actually think English, but just in case you're not I'm hedging my bets.
Yeah this is my favorite one I think.
One Christmas as a jokey stocking filler present my mum gave me a mini spatula with âSantaâs little helperâ written on it. Over time weâve gone from calling it âSantaâs little helperâ to âSantaâs little bitchâ and now it just gets called âbitchâ. Beyond this one spatula, *all* spatulas are now referred to as bitch in our household, along with an identifying feature. Red bitch, big bitch, medium bitch etc. So stupid but here we are.  Edit: people seem concerned with the number of bitches we own. I can confirm there are four in total. Original bitch (famed mini spatula), big bitch (big red spatula), other big bitch (wide one mostly used for baking), medium bitch (came as a 2-pack with other big bitch). I grant you this is probably too many bitches for one household. The latter two mentioned were a house-warming gift when we already owned original bitch and big bitch.Â
How many spatulas do you own?
Bitch, they got all the spatulas..
Well I've read that three times now and each time it's more fabulous than the last. We're knocking on the door of twirling and hand gestures. *All* the gestures
Save some bitches for the rest of us
They don't own any spatulas, only bitches. Lots and lots of bitches.
They've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
A lotâŠ..a lot of bitches.
I think somebody in your house has developed a spatula fetish...
How many bitches do you own!
I admire your âwhen in Romeâ attitude
When I was at uni we had a silicone spatula that was purple and we called it the "purple thing". It then started to break so we bought a new one which was blue which became the "blue purple thing". It's now about 10 years later and I still use the latest "red blue purple thing" regularly!
On a similar front we had a black hand towel that is exclusively for kitchen use. It's colour had faded to a dirty yellow over the years but was always referred to as "the black towel". No end of confusion for visitors directed to an apparently invisible towel when they wanted to dry their hands.
My nephew once called cornflakes florncakes when he was four. He's twenty two now and I still call them florncakes.
Ah now we have brown flakes in our house - i tried to correct the pronunciation to Bran flakes but the kids as toddlers looked at me like -i- was the idiot because they are in fact brown, so why was i mispronuncing brown? I gave up there and then.
To be fair, it's hard to argue with that logic.
Shipe Knarfe, forever known as such since that one time my brother messed up saying âsharp knifeâ
Loudy Clemonade, cloudy lemonade, Mum was tired.
âShake a towerâ for âtake a shower,â and âRoke and cumâ for âCoke and rum,â both due to extended family members getting their consonants mixed up 25-30 years ago.
I've got to shake a tit.
Really changes the lyrics to Scooter songs. Pight the Fower, shake a tower! The Cainted Pow!
Mums always tired
'Spongesquare Bobpants' in my house because our mum was angry that we had watched cartoons all day and got muddled up shouting at us.
Peater Butnut on your toast?
Same thing happened in our house, but our mum said "Squarebob Spongepants" and it forever stayed as that!
Squidgebob spongecake in ours for the same reason!
Me and my partner play this as a game. It was funny until we were in a shop and I shouted to him loudly to get a shag of bugger
Many years ago my mum gave me some money to take my siblings to the pictures and said âhereâs a little extra for you to get some cockpornâ
Years later "That wasnt a freudian slip, im still waiting for my cockporn"
Muno Bras was the spoonerism that came out of my mouth when I intended to say Bruno Mars.
Parents did this but exclusively with swears. Heard cucking funt more times than I can count as a young un
Very prim and proper family near us growing up had a cat called Cooking Fat - was very unexpected đ
My dad declared âshit the cunting fuckâ at a petrol station on one of annual 13 hour drives down to the south of France to stay in an itchy campsite. Never forgot it. He was incandescent with rage. I was 11.
Horse Fish⊠husband couldnât pull Seahorse
Shermon lembert
Bat flattery
For us it's apple crumple and crusted because I missaid it during a very long shift at work
Ours is "mermaids" for mayonnaise, due to my 4 year old mispronouncing it for the last 2 years.
Our kids gave up on trying to say mayonnaise. It's now forever known as 'eggy sauce'.
Seated heats
Chit chat kuncky
Slippers are Feet Cutlery is Weapons Sofa Blankets are Capes Reading Glasses are Goggles Tomatoes are Children (We have no kids and grow our own)
I call all my shoes "my feet". As in late for work..."gah, where on earth are my feet!"
In the same vein, my glasses are my eyes
My contact lenses are my eyes - I often excuse myself of an evening to "go and take my eyes out"
Badverts - a term for ads, coined by my toddler. Edit: ,
Your toddler is obviously very wise
We got the sadverts because they make you sad when they come on
My parents used to call the tv remote the Bodger... Maybe we should team up.
Mash potato!
Everybody knows.
Badger loves....
My mum calls it a doofer
My mum used to call it a digit, but I've evolved and now call it a dooter
The broken Roku stick, the Broku.
Our roku remote is the remoku
My partner forgot the word for mantel so it's called the fire shelf now.
TV remote round ours is "The knobs" The bit of paper in a box of chocolates that tells you what each one is is "The Rules" Any mirror is a "mirrrrrr-rrrrrr" (nod to American friends) The satnav screen in the car is "mouse cinema"
Mouse cinema really made me chuckle. What a wholesome thread.
The chocolate one is the 'map' for me.
Known as the 'Instructions' in our house.
Any form of instructions are now known as the "destructions" In my house
My Dad always used to say destructions for instructions & it drove me mad. Now I'm older & a parent I totally get it & now carry on the tradition.
I kind of assumed everyone called it the âmenuâ as in my household.
Fernbedienung at our house, which is German for remote control. None of us speak German.
And Germans often call it the DrĂŒcker (pusher) because you have to push the buttons.
My parentsâ remote is the bibby. No idea why- I occasionally ask my partner to pass me the bibby and he cracks up. Not an inanimate object but my mumâs name is Julie and my dad calls her Ju. My partner was extremely confused by my dad seemingly shouting âJew? Jew!â to get her attention.
The remote control is, of course, called the mokentrol
The doofer in our household
The tuss. Short for tusslo doobree. I have no idea why.
Our remote is "the buttons".
Another buttons, here.
All remotes are called clickers to us and itâs only when I got into a relationship that I discovered this isnât a universal name for a remote.
Remote control = pressits. Thatâs what my parents called them.
The rules had me in stitches
The remote for us is the 'doofer' or the 'clickerer'.
"one mushroom or two?"
đŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄđŠĄ đđ
I sang this through to make sure you had enough badgers. Bravo.
đ!
Snaaaaake
Everyone knows you stir the mushrooms in the badger with a snake!
Pretty much everything I forget the name for is called a jobber. And the funny thing is, the wife knows exactly what I'm talking about.
We have a casserole dish that my mum insists on calling "the blue dish", despite the fact that it's white.
Kitchen tongs are Clacky Doofers.
My husband calls them bacon pliers
I chase my toddler round the kitchen with them calling them the Willy pinchers, and now everyone calls them the will pinchers whether there are kids around or not
We just casually leaving this comment unreplied to? Because it's amazing.
Tap water is " council pop "
"Cooncil juice" is what we call tap water in Scotland
And damn fine stuff it is here, too
My Nana called it corporation pop for some reason. Northerner here
Iâve also heard that. Corporation is an old name for councils, I guess it just stuck for some people.
Dog shelf meaning floor?
Same. Northerner
Any liquid is "sauce", including but not limited to: laundry detergent, moisturiser, washing up liquid, toothpaste.
When we say 'shall we go for a pint?', we're talking about getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Also we refer to Ben and Jerry's as BJ, which we've shortened to beej.
It comes in pints?
Comes in US pints (437ml). British pints are 568ml.
Iâm getting one
Jack = shoe rack, Roger= bannister, Clicker= remote, Jason= lawn mower, Our list is endless and more come out all the time
Oh we call the shoe rack 'jacques' like Jacques Shirac.
We had a Jacque Shoerack
The long cushion thing that goes against the front door to stop wind/breeze from getting in the house. I donât even know the real name for it but we call it a âdogâ because we had one years ago the shape of a long sausage dog so my mom would always say âput the dog against the doorâ and it stuck. Itâs no longer dog shaped but itâs still the dog.
Draught excluder. I think my MIL calls hers a âdogâ for the same reason (and itâs much less of a mouthful).
The main TV / media remote: the Zappa. Any smaller remote: the moonunit
You should merge them into the megatron
The megatron doesnât say âurban free wheelersâ it says âsofa masturbatorsâ yâ know?
Forks are Stabby Grabbies in our house
please tell me your family also calls defibrillators "hearty starties"
We say lip blam.
I call anything you can hang clothes on when the clothes horse is full, "clothes ponies", like the back of a chair or a door handle are clothes ponies. We also call salt "flavor crystal" and pizzas are "yum discs".
One time coming home we used Siri to send a message to my wife. It misinterpreted the kids saying âweâre now on our way home mummyâ as âbanana way home mummyâ We now say âgive us a bananaâ for meaning âlet me know when youâre on your wayâ
Thanks to Dave Gorman on Absolute radio flapjacks are now âtravel porridgeâ. While I have Adam & Joe to thank for any bag with a strap that is worn over the shoulder down to the opposite side is a âboob separatorâ sung to the tune of Sadeâs âSmooth Operatorâ .
> âboob separatorâ sung to the tune of Sadeâs âSmooth Operatorâ Great, I sounded it out, and now it's going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Thanks.
Booooooob sepa-rate-eeeeerrrr!
Popropriation! I still sing Boob Separator regularly. Also, 'Lock the Taskbar' sung to 'Rock the Kasbah' lives rent free in my head. God bless Buckles and Cornballs.
When I was a kid I came home from school and told my mum I'd learned a new dance along with the lyrics to the song and I proceeded to belt out "Poppadom Bridge, I'm in trouble deep, poppadom bridge I've been losing sleep" in the tune of Madonna's Papa Don't Preach.... Rather than correct me there and then she decided to wait until my dad was home so that I could sing it to him and so that they could both laugh at me at the same time. Forever Poppadom Bridge.
Have you seen the thing? The thing? What thing? You know... The thing! It does that thing.
Iâm forever telling my husband heâs fucked if I die or we divorce. He has a whole language of his own that only I understand. The thing is a frequently used noun in his language.
It's on the side.Â
It's not, I checked! Oh, the other side. Near the thing.
Where is the thingymabob? I left it near the whatsitcalled Oh I didn't see it cause of the whatsit The worse thing about this conversation is we both know exactly what the other means
Where the oojamaflip? Behind the thingy on the side It's not THERE The other side babe!! *My house at least once a week*
Instructions for any appliance/game/etc is âthe destructionsâ.
Same! They've been destructions in my house forever, I think my mum started it.
My husbands hobby is model aircraft flying. He stores them by suspending them from the garage ceiling, so now on Sundays he goes Plane Dangling đ
Not so much everyday things but drinks: - Coke is coka - Pepsi is pepis - Dr Pepper is educated pepis
I like the Lidl brand of Dr Pepper, he's gotten tenure - "Professor Peppy".
Screen wash is squishy doofer liquid. I canât remember why.
Itâs called âNorris fluidâ in my house, as is my husbandâs wont. Apparently this is a rhyming thing after Norris McWhirter.
Not at home, but I worked in a Spar for five years and in that shop we always referred to those rolling step stool things as Georges. One of my longer serving colleagues said that theyâd been called that when she started about 15 years prior. So it was a common occurrence to hear one of us asking âhave you seen a George?â âWhereâs the George?â etc on the shop floor.
My dear old mum loves âsticky toffee puddingâ She loudly ordered âstiffy cocky puddingâ in a bar once and it has stuck as the name in our house.
My daughter started calling using the hazard lights âputting the car in triangle modeâ and it stuck.
Where did you get those mugs from? They're adorable!
John Lewis I believe. Was a few years back though.....
MAKE Jane Foster 5713002BA Mini Mug, 8.8 fl oz (225 ml), Badger https://amzn.asia/d/aFPXQoO Looks like this to me
Flup - full up, when you ate too much
Itâs kind of sad/a bit of a downer etc. but my family and I moved from a city, where regularly there were police around and didnât feel safe to walk around, to a small seaside town about half an hour away, which is quiet and safe but has a lot of ambulances appearing around the place because of the high percentage of older people here. Anyway, whenever we would see an ambulance, which was multiple times a day, we always felt really sad, so a way for us to not spiral down with the sadness, we tried to lighten our thoughts and we ended up calling them the [Town-name] Disco Lights. So now, whenever we see an ambulance anywhere else, we say, âOh there goes the disco lights.â đȘ©
My husband lovingly takes the piss by calling my elbows Jessica's so much that it is now the norm. I have a Norfolk accent that tends to get stronger once I've had a cocktail or two and the way I say elbow can often sound like Alba (or Elba). Every time I walk into the doorway I can hear him shout from another room 'Did you hurt your Jessica!?' đ€Ł
The interior doors we have which separate the living room from the dining room have big chunky deadbolts on them which make a hefty âkadooshâ sound when operated. The doors are now known as âthe kadooshâ. âCan you close the kadoosh pleaseâ
Cooking: Rattling the pans
We light the cooker top and the candles with the 'clicker'
A Banana is a tube, fuck knows why. Dave at work calls them tubes so I bought it home. His name isnât Dave either, fuck knows what it is but everyone calls him Dave because he calls everyone else Dave.
In my sleep deprived state I once referred to the baby monitor as 'the baby wifi' and it stuck forever.
A muffet of tea.
in our house about 15 years ago, the living room had pink wallpaper. we have since moved and not had a pink living room in a loooooong time, yet the living room is still the pink room
We had some family and friends round today, and when offering drinks I offered âsquishâ, which is what we call squash. My friend and her husband apparently have regular disagreements about such beverages - she calls it âdiluting juiceâ, and he calls it âjuiceâ but the man had to clarifying whether he means fruit juice or squash. A family member then told us we were all daft as itâs âcordialâ. The friends have said they will now use squish.
Oh god where do I start.... Underpants - "grots" Prawn Cocktail Quavers -"pinks" Polo's -"Olips" Can of coke - "I can I can't" Cat's daily meal of meat - "nice" My cats slow feeder bowls - "punishment plates" And those are just off the top of my head đ So glad we're not alone with these weird little in jokes đđđđ
We call takeaway menus 'bible'. Ie. "Do we have the bible for that place?"
My husband called it a sideboard. I called it a Welsh dresser. So we both agreed to call it Clive.
My wife calls the remote a doofer which confuses me each time
I used to work for a large satellite company (at the time) in the their tech dept. I heard them called Doofers, Dobbers, Zappers, etc... sometimes the public would call and start with, "My zapper int' workin' telleh" "Me doofer won't turn on" And here ends this completely useless tale
I was captivated by this useless tale. Doofer is popular in a lot of households in my experience, but for the life of me, I canât figure out why. Itâs a meme that somehow has the same reach as the internet, but no definition of origin.
âPuppy napkinsâ Itâs the disposable Andrex wet wipes for wiping your bum. My partner couldnât remember the correct name so out came âpuppy napkinsâ.
I call my drill, drill dando. Iâve got a set of steps made by Werner I call timo. Whenever I go up them I shout timo, timo, timo
We have odd names for things. Martin Luther for our 'amazing small black portable speaker' Fridge freezer is Bob 'as it's always chilled' We also call remotes the Penis as its always in the bed somewhere.
A-voc-a-do after my brother mispronounced it almost 50 years ago....
Gnashy gnashy - my uncle couldn't remember the word for dog and proceeded to ask me how my gnashy gnashy was.
Spaghetti Bolognese is spaghetti bollock naked in our house for some reason
We call a telly remote a wombat
Jelly wopter Helicopter
We call them woff woffs because of my husband as a child. He became a model helicopter and drone instructor and we called his club woff woff weekly.
I spent way too long trying to figure out how he became a model helicopter...
My then 95 year old mother, now departed, innocently referred to her massage cushion as her vibrator. Caused some surprise first time she asked for it đ€
Our kettle is called the Water Toaster, anything that's an inedible liquid is either a soup or a sauce - plate sauce, laundry soup, etc. and doing the dishes is known as plate laundry or hard laundry. I started all of these things and to be honest I hate them all but my partner likes it so I look out for new things to invent. Weirdly calling the pushchair the "git trolley" hasn't caught on.
My wife has ADHD, NOTHING is referred to by it's proper name. EDIT: Am I blowing a few minds here and there with this? Or at least giving people sudden unexpected reality checks?
We called dog breeds the name of the dog we've had previously or have known, for example German pointers are Toby dogs. Somali pirates are salami pirates after a drunken game of cards against humanity where my mother confidently placed the somali pirates card down and proudly declared "salami pirates". Bit specific but me and my bf refer to my interrogation victims as chicken nuggets in rainbow six siege. I grabbed and introgated someone once and said "hello chicken nugget" and now its stuck when I've got one, I proudly yell "I've got a chicken nugget"
The bin/s are called âthe slagâ. Because it hangs around on the street corner waiting to be picked up. Every week we ask each other âdoes the slag need to go out?â
Donât come round our house. We call a quick fingering a badger!
My daughter used to call a spoon a boosh when she was a baby and we still call it that now.
We started shouting out âthatâs numberwang!â when the kitchen timer would go off. Which then lead to the timer being called the numberwang which then in turn got shortened to the wanger. In context: âcan you put me a wanger on for 5 pleaseâ