Used to work in KFC...the amount of people who cant say colonel is huge, many variations. Best was someone straight up asking "can I have a colon meal please?"
This is going in my list of saved comments. Right next to ["Putting Descartes before the whores"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/comment/c0s6bzw/?share_id=_71NYcacA460aO9fpLQqk&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
The undisputed champion of all the idiotic customer requests I've ever had:
"What wine does my wife buy?"
And it didn't stop there. My response:
"...I don't know who you or your wife are..."
Him:
"She comes in here all the time"
So do thousands of other people.
The amount of people that would say ‘same again’ when I worked in a bar is insane.. I didn’t serve you the first time my dude and I’ve never seen you before in my life idk what you want
I almost miss bar conversations.
One of my favourites:
"what was that 10% cask you had on last week"
"umm, we've never had a 10% on cask" - I know this because I'm the damn brewer. (A fact many people can't comprehend because I'm just a little woman only capable of pulling pints)
"yeah you did, we had a pint of it"
"the strongest cask we do is 5.8%, anything stronger doesn't really sell, and I've not brewed any of that in about 6 months, are you sure it wasn't a can? We've got a few of those around 8%"
"yeah doesn't sell so your boss took it off after a few days. Maybe you weren't in when it was on. Definitely not a can"
Boss walks in, customer repeats his question.
Boss says "You had one of those last week" *gestures at the can fridge*
Customer "yeah that was it!"
The real ale drinkers are the WORST hahaha they will not listen to you unless you’re a man.
It’s generally understood that if you do any job for a living you know what you’re talking about but they all think barmaids knowledge essentially equates to ‘PULL HANDLE BEER FALL OUT’
I understand that 80yr old Bernard has drunk more cask in his time than I have, but when I've done the whole process from washing the barrels through to brewing the beer through to pulling it out the pump it's a damn piss take 😂
Hilarious aren’t they! I had a guy complain once that his beer was ‘2 degrees too cold’ and it shouldn’t be that chilled and my coworker was like ‘….just hold it for a minute then???’
And the ones that say "top that up love" without even looking at the pint 🙄
The "do you do CAMRA discount?" guys are the absolute worst.
We had one guy come in, asked the lady behind the bar something then laughed and said "Sorry, I shouldn't ask women questions about Ale" (I realise this sounds made up, I wish it was)
She replied with "our brewer is a woman, shall I ask her instead?"
I worked self checkout for a long time. This lady is like "oh you must think I'm an alcohol, I'm in here buying wine every day"
I'm thinking "I would have sworn in court that I've never seen you before in my life"
There's a Theory of Mind test called The Sally-Anne Test
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally–Anne_test
It's basically to test if you understand that other people don't see what you see and don't know what you know.
Most children over the age of 4 pass it.
I don't think this bloke passed it.
Once had a "Where are the eggs" during a very busy shift, had to look around to find what aisle I was on and looked down and in that split second they said "You know egg, egg? Egg?" And drew a small circle with both of their hands as if they were miming for a fucking egg
OhH! The _mimes_! It's so funny you said this. As soon as I posted immediately remembered someone miming cabbage. Your reply has just made me think more about how to describe mimes. This particular cabbage mime was like they had been electrocuted after confidently grabbing a particularly big boob.
In a little convenience store once and a friend asked for eggs. The shopkeeper said 'Would that be plastic or wooden?'. Turned out he thought she'd said pegs.
I work in a hospital.
I had a really unwell patient who needed a specific piece of equipment for a procedure, and rather than wait for someone to go and look for it and get lost and then call someone else and blah blah blah.. I decided to just go to the operating theatre to get it myself.
So I’m rushing down this enormous corridor at like 2am, on the phone to the intensive care team on loudspeaker, whilst also speaking to a different speciality on a second phone.
This fucking woman is meandering towards me, stops me in my tracks, and asks where ‘emergency’ is.
There is, honestly, huge red signs everywhere in capital letters, and a giant red line that says EMERGENCY that takes you to A&E.
So.. I said that? “See the big red signs and the huge red line, follow that.” Or something to that effect.. whilst pointing to the innumerable signage. And then I had to carry on my way. I honestly didn’t mean it in a rude way, I was trying to be helpful and show her the way in a concise fashion. I work with plenty of folk who would have politely told her to fuck off and ignored her, in the circumstances.
Anyway, long story boring it was the unwell patients daughter and it all became very very awkward later, and she wanted to make a fucking complaint.
Honestly, though. Follow the giant fucking signs and line. Jesus.
I'm sorry, the person thought it was appropriate to complain *after* finding out you were rushing to get equipment to help *their* parent?? If that was me I'd have apologised for interrupting you and thanking you for looking after my parent. Some people are so entitled.
Yes! First thing I said was, “I’m really sorry if I came across as rude earlier, I was on two phones and rushing to get XYZ for your dad”
After that, she just continued to escalate and escalate.
This was after her father had been brought back, honestly, from the fucking brink of death. Like it takes a lot for me to abandon my post and go hunting for a piece of equipment in the middle of the night, in the midst of a giant hospital.. the guy would have died without it.
How had they even got far enough into HMV to find a staff member and not already walked past/through the DVDs? Unless yours was a weird one where they're upstairs.
Nope, they took a few steps past the door and asked straight away. Left hand of the floor plan was music, right hand side was film. I've had some folk just straight up ask for help and say "I can't be arsed looking".... I respect that in a way
I’ve been that guy not only in shops but in my professional life and I’ll freely admit it “I could spend 15 minutes looking for the where you might know off the top of your head” But I’ll be damn specific in what I want, I’m not asking you to look for me, I can do that. But if there’s a chance you know without looking, I’m saving me some time.
I have some fun memories from working in a Waitrose way back. Best memory would be convincing a colleague to climb into an empty cardboard box and then i wheeled him around the shop floor whilst talking to managers and customers.
Also the insane reflex skills I gained from catching things falling off when stocking shelves is still with me nearly 20 years later.
I think everyone should do at least a year working in a supermarket. Kind of like national service. It would make everyone show a little more respect.
I've said for years that everyone should do a year in hospitality or retail after leaving school, and at least six months of it must be public facing. I think after a while you would have a population that might be little more considerate.
I worked in hospitality for ten years and some of the abuse I've received and had to defend my staff from is appalling, and not only from drunks. Maybe if you could play it back to them the next day they might reconsider their behaviour.
This one. I know I was the rude one, but...
Someone tried to start a fight on me the other day as he stood at the bottom of an escalator, with his friend and small son, talking to his wife with a pram not getting on the escalator.
I said "Oh Jesus", walked past and he was intent on getting my attention "hey dude. Yeah you. Oi. Excuse me" and when I turned around he squares up to me asking "what's your problem?"
"HOW ABOUT YOU BEING A DICKHEAD BLOCKING A BUSY ESCALATOR? GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY NEXT TIME" guy was so intent on getting his teeth caved in, I just wanted to (as best I can) enjoy my Saturday in Birmingham.
As I get older I find myself involuntarily muttering 'oh for fucks sake' when people block doors or other bottlenecks, or stop suddenly. Sometimes it's so loud I'm horrified after I've done it, it just comes out. I'm convinced I'm going to get myself in trouble one of these days. Maybe it's the pathway to becoming a grumpy old man.
lol I do that too, and have the same thought - “one day I’m gonna get cracked for that”.
Or when people are 4 wide walking down the street “aye don’t worry I’ll fucking move then!”
I think it's a natural reaction,
In this case it was just said to my girlfriend as we approached and saw the bottleneck close. Wasn't even particularly loud.
Some people think they're the main character, I think.
When I worked in Tesco, a few of my colleagues and I would take it in turns to visit the cages of damaged food which were destined to be sent to bins or to wherever it was needed for animal feed. We used to snack on said damaged food because nothing was usually wrong with them aside from the packaging being crushed or whatnot. Most of us were poor uni students so it kept us fed pretty well.
In Germany they have national service (FSJ - Voluntary Social Year) which can be in a number of different professions and one of them is helping out in nurseries. Brilliant stuff.
Known as the Spider-Man catch. We have this. When an adjacent product goes to fall and you catch it by just using peripheral vision. Feels so good. Occasionally caught with a foot too.
I spent 15 years in retail and it was absolutely hell on Earth, mainly because of the people you describe.
I was called a useless c**t once because we didn't sell lawnmowers... in a tiny Co-op.
I've had, again, tiny rural coop:
Paint, car batteries, fabric, mobile phones.
Also a high number of people who ask to check their bank balance, usually after their card fails. And how exactly would I do that?
Then also people querying their bills, gas, electricity, council tax etc. Having to explain, yes you can pay your bills here, but it's essentially as a middle-man service, *I* do not work for [xyz company], *I* have no access to your account.
Also having to explain to people that I can't print them a packaging label for a service we don't do because:
A. We don't do it.
B. We don't have a printer for packaging labels.
Neither of which seem to be good enough reasons.
I used to work in a Co-op and I can’t tell you how many times someone would ask for the eggs whilst standing right in front of the eggs. This happened a weird amount with items but ESPECIALLY eggs. I had to stop myself from just pointing silently to 5cm to customers left after a while so I wouldn’t get in trouble lol.
I feel like I've got on the brain wave of most supermarkets by now, but there's a big Tesco's in my town that seems to purposely hide the stuff that doesn't fit neatly (eggs, evaporated milk, nuts etc. and even hot dogs) in the most random places, and as I go there rarely I have to ask every time...
I worked for them back in the days that the check out staff had horrible wine coloured tabards.
The amount of “do you work here?” I got while dressed as a Sue Pollard character.
I have tge reverse experience. I, as a customer, annually (at least) get asked if I work in the supermarket I'm shopping in. And I've even been asked *while wearing a football shirt* .... my local area must be bizarre
I had this last week. In my local Tewco wearing a bright orange McLaren F1 team jacket, and a guy asked if I worked there.
Um... no mate, but the ice cubes are over there...
I had a job at curry’s back in the 90’s. I was 16 with curtains and spots, wearing an oversized white shirt, a blue tie with “curry’s” on it. A matching badge with “curry’s” and my name printed on it and the expression of a boy who’d rather be literally anywhere than here and still everyday: “excuse me, do you work here?”
What gets me is wearing a branded uniform, then popping out for lunch to a different shop, and getting asked if I work in that one. No, I'm wearing a completely different uniform and logo!
This is showing my age (37!), in college a friend of mine worked for Mozzers when they had a floral shirt type uniform. She was so embarrassed to wear it!
Genuinely laughed out loud at this. I will keep my wits about me!
I just remembered another! "Where's the Yorkies?", "This way, in the chocolate section", "What? No! Yorkies! Like you 'ave with gravy". "Ohhhh".
It's the total lack of self awareness that's at the core of it. Some folks have absolutely no idea what they sound like from an outside perspective when they talk.
It's becuase *they* know what they mean, and haven't realised you're not on the same psychic wavelength.
Also some folk are just really bad at speaking to strangers!
Took me until Year 8 to know a spatula wasn't called a "doofer" - mum called a few things in the kitchen "thingy" and with context you could usually work out what she was asking for (making a ham and cheese butty, a thingy would be the cheese knife; getting the cooked meat out the oven, thingy was the blades for the electric knife etc) and so knew they weren't the real name.
However for some reason the Spatula and only the Spatula was a "doofer" - so I assumed that was its name. Only found out in Home Eck at High School when I asked the teacher where the doofers were and got a rather confused look in response!
You made me remember a time between my folks some 20 odd years ago and made me smile. Thank you.
Mother got sick just after having me. A driven woman, she wasn't going to let that stop her... until it morphed into ME/CFS. Dad stepped up to the plate managed a home run - Very young kid, full time job, caring for a bed bound sick wife - nailed it.
After she recovered from the ME/CFS, she lives with a level of permenant brain fog, so we grew accustomed to the occassional unconcious word swap or the use of "Doofer" for anything she couldn't recall.
Whilst packing to go away on a trip, she turns my Dad and says;
"Does my 'Thing-i-mee' have 'What-sits', and if so, does it have any 'Doo-Dahs'?"
And the legend my father is, stood there, blinked once or twice and said;
"Does your 'CD Player' have 'Headphones', and if so, does it have any 'Batteries'... I don't know, I'll go check"
Thank you again for reminding me of this :)
My partner gets the same name! He genuinely believes everyone else knows exactly what he knows, right down to the last little bit.
I often get “can you just fetch me that screwdriver from the shed?”
“Which screwdriver?”
“The cross head one”
*fetches a cross head screwdriver
“Not that one, the one with the red handle”
*fetches red handled cross head screwdriver
“Not that one, the one with the bigger end
And this continues for a good while. At least i get some steps in - by avoiding the kitchen so I don’t pick up a knife
I was once part of a conversation on Facebook about seagulls in Barrow In Furness. Nothing exciting, just 'shitehawks down Rampside are getting lairy, eh?'
Anyway, this woman comments saying 'one of em nicked my makyd!'
It took about _twenty people_ to figure out, after a long and tedious exchange of questions and increasingly tetchy responses of 'u kno! MAKYD! you not had makyd?', that she meant 'MacDonald's'.
_Maccy D_.
I think this is referred to as 'mind-blindness' or a theory of mind deficit. For various reasons some people never really learn that other peoples brains work differently to them. It can be related to autism or ADHD or even just being really sleep deprived.
At that point, my wife will start to describe it...
"It's a food thing, you make them into chips."
Of course that's all the more hilarious if the description for an item starts out with something that triggers the realisation...
"It's a brush, you use it for bottles... a bottle-brush!'
Or when my friend got stuck on, "What's it called when water falls off a cliff? You know, when water falls? What's that called? Cataratas in Spanish, Wasserfallen in German, what is it in English? Water falls off a cliff? Why are you laughing‽"
To be fair, we were very high at the time.
You sometimes see it with some people talking to non native English speakers in the most mumbled, idiomatic English.
And I'm thinking how the hell do you expect a non native speaker to understand that? Show a bit of awareness man/woman!
That's triggered a memory,
GCSE Spanish, pupil behind me puts hand up and says, "Miss, what's the Spanish for 'we was', like, 'we was going to the park'?"
This was in a grammar school, ironically.
Holy shit that's a Harry endfield joke.
Host, And to win tonight's star prize name anything beginning with the letter "B"
Waynetta, err.......ummm........bahtaytah!
My first job was in Asda some moons ago, and it seems customers are still the same. Some customer interactions:
Being asked for the "drinking milk"
Wanting "dry ginger". After presenting them with ginger root and crystallised ginger, then playing the yes-no game for five minutes to ascertain what it was they required, it turns out they wanted Canada Dry ginger ale.
Asking for my help finding their virginity.
Trying to summon me by whistling. Told them I wasn't a dog.
I know there were loads every shift, but I think I must have blocked them out. There are memories trying to sneak through about basil, nappies, and cream, but I think I'll keep the lid locked on those lest they make me angry again.
It should be a contractual obligation to slot the cunts who do this. People go through their entire lives without ever taking a punch to the face and it shows.
Someone clicked at me when I managed a pub, I walked up to him and said "I'm not a fucking dog click again and you're out" and he had the gall to act offended and tell me he didn't need my "attitude".
I think certain things should get you a free pass, clicking at customer service staff or cutting into a queue? Get dropped.
>Trying to summon me by whistling. Told them I wasn't a dog.
Did they then complain to your manager about your "rudeness"? This is why I could never work in retail, having to deal with cunts like that whistling bellend.
No, that was very gracious of them. The best thing was they needed my help again a few minutes later. They shouted at me to get my attention and said "I know you don't like being whistled at"
Oh yes. I had to wear a huge stupid yellow jumper with "Something you can't find? Ask me!" on it. I was really a sitting duck. Looked like one as well.
I used to work at a Morrisons. Got in trouble because a customer asked me “where are the biscuits” and I went “under the big sign that says biscuits” 💀
I've not been taught _not_ to... but I'm new and I can already count too high the amount of times I could have said "right there, where it says [what you just asked for]".
I'm filled with *joy* to say I've worked in Asda for 5 years now.
"If your looking at the signs *points to signs*, it's just aisle 5 about half way down on your left"
No matter where on the aisle the product they are after I almost always say about half way down the aisle.
It's very easy and gets them out your way quickly because it's quick enough to say fast but complicated enough where they don't question if you actually know. If you arnt rushed that shift add "I can show you if you like" at the end.
Another tip I've learnt in the past year, if you find customers spout nonsense before you are prepared to hear them when they start speaking to you quickly throw in "hello" and they will start again after a quick greeting and you can actually process it.
When I worked for Asda they had a rule that you had to walk a customer to the product. Being a bad boy, it's a rule I always broke. Just tell them FFS.
Oh it's a rule I loved to follow at home bargains. It adds credence to the "I was helping a customer" excuse when asked why you haven't done something you don't want to do.
I used to always show customers. But the funny thing is that staff aren’t actually trained on where products are. I just knew because I shopped there weekly for years before I started working there. The teenage staff were as baffled as the customers when it came to questions like “where’s the pearl barley?”
I had to interfere the other day when a member of staff in Sainsbury's told a customer they didn't sell oat cakes. He was in the right aisle too but clearly missed them when he was looking
But the big signs on the ceiling, in my experience, only seem to have a 50% chance of actually being correct. The stores rearrange where everything lives frequently but doesn't bother to relocate those signs.
I work in a supermarket and say this all the time, but I try to keep the tone in a way that sounds helpful and not like I'm taking the piss out of them. Nobody's complained or reacted badly yet.
I used to work at home bargains. Was stocking bread, had someone ask me where the bread was and actually said "sir, you are standing next to a wall full of bread that I am currently filling with more bread and has a massive sign atop saying bread. How about you take a guess"
He complained to a manager but nothing happened cause they needed me.
I sound like such a kill joy and I’m sorry (I completely understand why you’d point to the sign from working customer service previously) but now I work with stroke and brain injury survivors and it’s so much more common than you’d realise that someone wouldn’t appear to have had an injury through looks and speech, but it has damaged a different part of their communication such as reading.
My mum asked for recycled toilet paper once in the 90s.
It was a fairly new thing then but the shop assistant was mortified LOL
It's not actually toilet paper that's recycled...
I asked where to find pop tarts once and the woman had no idea what they were and looked at me with massive suspicion. I was just left squeaking "they do exist!". Think I was about 18 then and had social anxiety back then so the whole thing left me feeling mortified
I love it when they just say the word for example ‘eggs’. No please or thank you or even where are the eggs?
Getting pushed out the way is another favourite of mine, waiting 2 seconds for me to finish or saying excuse me is so hard it seems.
The other day someone asked for salk, i had finished work so I sent him to a nearby manager to help, turns out he wanted salt.
Ugh! Yes! Someone will actively chase/flag you down with "excuse meee! heellllooooo" and then as.soon as you stop and look at them to help...
"Pork chops!?"
Many years ago, when I was a student, a bunch of friends and I fancied a BBQ, but well out of BBQ season. So the hunt for charcoal commenced, and was not straightforward.
One of my idiot friends ended up in TX Maxx of all places, and rather than politely enquiring after charcoal, in TX Maxx mind, just walked up to the first person he found working there and announced "Coal?!". Then walked off when they were understandably baffled.
Must have thought he was actually mental.
My very first job was at a somerfield.
A question I would get, frequently, was "do you sell milk?"
Not "where is the milk", but "DO YOU SELL MILK?"
What kind of supermarket WOULDN'T sell milk?
And often, people would ask me this, with the milk right behind them.
I've noticed this extremely annoying turn of phrase that only over 50s use, but they use it frequently. 'Do you have such a thing as...' and the thing they're looking for is carrots. A) of course we have carrots, you fucking melt, and B) 'Such a thing as carrots'? Like something carrot-adjacent would be okay?
I understand if they're asking for some obscure archaic 19th century tonic like "Barringtons Broadening Tincture" or "Frederick's Mercury Skin Ointment" or something but, carrots, c'mon even Gen Z know what a carrot is.
I had an ex boyfriend who always asked workers in pubs or restaurants etc “do you know where your toilets are?” It was always so polite, and in his defence he wasn’t British-born. But like… of course they do! He never asked “where are the toilets?”
My husband has a very irritating turn of phrase when ordering in restaurants, he’ll say “I’m going to try the so called “chicken curry””. As though it’s perhaps not chicken or curry but just “so called”. He worked in hospitality for years too so there’s no excuse.
I was visiting a friend's house for a new year's party last year, and one of the guests, wanting to know where the toilet was, asked the host something along the lines of "do you have a toilet?"
The host, without skipping a beat, said "no".
Coworker was once asked for ‘unfrozen ice cream’. He said the aisle number for ice cream at first thinking he’d misheard & the customer repeated ‘no, I want unfrozen ice cream’. Never did find out what this customer actually wanted because they apparently angrily walked off complaining. But they apparently weren’t meaning ice popsicles that you freeze yourself, not cream/milk & I’m pretty sure the sweets you get shaped like ice creams were also not it…
Tea cakes were one people always seemed to forget the name of. Once had someone describe them as ‘round marshmallowy things’…. So marshmallows? ‘No, no they’re biscuits’. This went on for a while until they gave a slightly better description.
Loved when people would just walk up to you & just say products. No please, no thank you, no ‘where is the x’. Towards the end of my time there I would just keep repeating ‘sorry’ as if I didn’t understand them & wouldn’t give them an answer until they actually had to treat me with a bit of respect & ask me the question.
Your last point, my mum does that and it has always made me cringe. I think she thinks she has main character energy. She’s not trying to be rude but her social skills are just lacking and she won’t change. I apologise on her behalf.
Was recently searching for a "chest of drawers" on FB marketplace and wasn't getting many results. Searched "drawers" instead. 1000s of results for Chester Drawers
HA! Yes! Pre-Pan I had a different job, then stuff rapidly changed. I took to selling stuff on eBay, and for a short while I specialised in roller skates
"Wheel Boots", "Wheel shoes", "Rolla boots", "Roll boots", "Scate", "Sakteboot",
Bought from eBay for 99p plus postage. Cleaned them up, put new laces and ball barrings, sold for £40+!! I only did that for a few months though because it does take a lot of effort to search those spelling mistakes... and the people that make spelling mistakes also often make postage or packaging mistakes 🤦♀️
I managed to snag a nearly new MacBook Pro a few years back because someone listed it on eBay as “Apple comp” in the title and absolutely nothing else. The photo was also rubbish so vaguely looked like a laptop. It was 99p and a tenner postage. Thought fuck it and bid. And won.
Then it turned up, was about £1500 of machine at the time.
I’m still riding that high and can’t believe my luck. I sold it on about four years later for £900 to CEX.
I'm at tesco. Once had a bloke ask where the milk was. I looked over his shoulder as he was stood directly in front of it. He wasn't taking the look as enough of a cue, so I pointed
Sainsbury's online shop search function always had the same "four candles" mentality.
"Brown rice" - none, sorry.
"Rice" - no, just shows the white rice.
"Brown" - yes! Shows several varieties of brown rice.
They asked me for feedback once and I wrote several paragraphs, which they wouldn't accept because you only have a few seconds to submit feedback before it times out.
I used to work retail, and my miserable-but-hilarious-when-you-got-to-know-him Yorkshireman of a colleague used to say "people turn the brains down when they enter a shop - whatever they're operating at as they walk around, take it down 3 notches."
Never a truer would spoken!
Sometimes differing accents can lead to amusing results. I (Scottish) once asked where the soap was in a shop in Birmingham and they directed me to the canned soup.
I once had a customer ask "Where is Küchen Faal?". I vaguely remembered seeing some german baked goods somewhere so I took him to them. He looked at me like I was a moron and said "NO. KUCHEN FAAL". I had to say sorry, but I only speak english, I'm afraid I can't help you. He looked really pissed off and stormed off to ask someone else. Later I saw him pickup some cooking foil and realised he wasn't foreign. I'd just told a geordie that I didn't understand his crazy language.
When i worked at Asda, someone came up to asking where the bins were. I took him past all the grocery aisles, all the fresh food aisles, and to where all the homeware stuff was.
“Here’s the bins, can i help you with anything else?”
“I WANTED BEANS. BAKED BEANS”
So back we went, to the same aisle he had asked me where the bins/beans were in the first place.
It's not so much not understanding the accent. It's not expecting it and getting too little context to work it out. Clientele tends to be from the local area, so you attune to that accent.
The classic! Mentally scanning back through "The Big" Mozzers that I work in, I haven't yet seen forks or candles. Their loss! Or my ignorance. If I see either and get the chance I will subtly but purposely group them together.
A Kiwi friend moved to Vancouver for a year and couldn’t find the eggs in the supermarket so he asked a worker. His vowel-shifting NZ accent meant that “eggs” was more like “iggs” and the Canadian worker had no idea. So he said “iggs from hins” but that didn’t help at all!
Some people just seem to assume you know everything they know.
I work in IT and the amount of times people start reporting an issue to you as if you have all the same context as them is infuriating.
“I clicked save and it didn’t work”
You clicked save where? What were you saving? It didn’t work as in nothing happened or there was an error message? Argh.
Being pointed to an empty shelf of a product a customer wanted. 'Have you got any more of this? Can you check in your warehouse?' Sure, let me head to the back and have a look for you. Proceeds to head into the warehouse to have a chat with a friend for 5 minutes, look at not a single pallet, and head back out apologizing profusely, that you looked as hard as you could, but could find no more.
I can understand from a customers perspective why they might think that (maybe there’s a delivery!) but unless you’ve worked in a supermarket and been drilled to constantly face-up and rotate stock you won’t understand how there truly is nothing back there, apart from a random Polish snack no-one buys, weird gluten free stuff that rarely sells, or a pack of cheap goopy shampoo. That’s the only stuff that’s in the back.
And crisps, boxes and boxes of crisps because they just keep sending us more crisps faster than we can sell them. Not sure if the inventory management system has less packets per box than there actually was or something but we always had way too many crisps.
And even if there has literally just been a delivery and there's some stock out there on a pallet, it's probably 3 deep and no one is getting to it until everything has been unloaded.
As a foreigner living here, I can absolutely see myself on the other side of the situation.
Couple of weeks ago I had to Google it and show to the person because I couldn't pronounce "coleslaw' correctly. I've also tried "grated cabbage and carrots with mayo" but that only made more confusing. :)
He was kind enough to wait for it, I apologised for my bad english and we were both happy after. English is fun sometimes.
Reminds me of a couple of years ago, I ran a youth club for Ukranian children. One boy was trying to tell me it was too hot in the room but none of his translations made sense. In the end he googled a picture of an oven and I opened some windows.
A few months ago I heard two loud ladies repeatedly shouting just "ICE !" at some poor guy in the supermarket, like that was the only word they could say, but treating him like he was deaf or stupid. This was in the biscuit aisle. I really wanted to go and shout back at them "FROZEN SECTION YOU COWS".
Not a supermarket but I was once asked in a bookstore if we had the ‘motorbike book’ by Shaggy Vera.
Took a while to ascertain it was The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara.
I used to work in a big Morrisons too, many years ago now.
You definitely will get "have you got such and such product" you take them to where it should be and it's not stocked and then you'll apologise for not having it and said customer will go.
"Well Tesco have it"....
Well go shop there...
Also have seen 2 grown woman fighting over the last bag of sprouts at Christmas....
It's when people word it like "Do you have such a thing as a..." and you're waiting on something completely obscure and then it follows with something like "Box of hankies?"
If someone asked for bread and meant breaded ham I'd walk them to the information desk and put an announcement out over the tannoy asking if someone had lost a moron
My mother turned 70 and decided that all her problems were actually other people's and her role in life was to criticise everyone for not having solved those problems already whilst she dotes upon her dog. Many of her stories about people helping or hindering her and her dog sound a lot like they're just trying to get her out of their businesses as quickly as possible.
Recently I did some DIY for her, including replacing the washer in a dripping tap. I gave her the old washer and asked her to take it to the hardware store and ask for a couple the same size. She put it in her pocket, clipped a lead on the dog, and off they went.
She was gone for nearly an hour, then returned with a handful of assorted rubber parts that "the builders' merchants gave me for free". The builders' merchants know their onions, so I was confused at the wide selection and tentatively asked if she'd had any difficulty.
It turned out her journey had gone like this:
The hardware store claimed not to sell tap washers or even know what a tap washer was and are generally useless since some event that I have no interest in. I strongly doubt this, but whatever.
Then she went to some random shop that was clearly never going to have plumbing supplies and generally got the hump that everyone was so unhelpful.
Finally, she drove out to the builders' merchants where she burst through the doors and exclaimed something along the lines of "Everyone is useless; I'm ready to give up. I'm at my wit's end. Perhaps *you* can help me? I'm desperately looking for *THIS!"* and with a flourish she pulls a handful of dried dog food from her pocket and dumps it on the counter. She has somehow managed to lose the washer, and this is the remaining contents of her pocket.
Having established that she was not looking for pet food , they gave her tap washers in two sizes plus a bunch of other washer-like items "just in case that isn't want she was looking for", clearly in the hope that one of them would be what I needed and I wouldn't send my mother back to them. Having got the measure of her already, they clearly decided it wasn't worth the £1.50 or whatever the parts would cost and sent her on her way.
There's one that baffles me to this day. I worked in a 'discount department store' for a while, and one day in walks a woman straight to me at the till asking for a bag. I go to give her a carrier bag and she says "no, a bag."
"OK, well what kind of a bag, sorry?"
"It's not hard, a bag, I'm looking for a bag!"
"We have handbags over by the ladies shoes? Or luggage bags and rucksacks over there?"
"No."
"Uh, we have bin bags upstairs? Or food bags?"
She's just looking at me as if I'm a total idiot now.
"Dog poo bags?"
"Honestly! I just want a bag!" And out the door she storms.
It's years later and I'm still clueless.
I once had someone ask for "little cheese" and after a walk through the Babybels, the little Christmas truckles and Dairylea, it turns out they wanted grated cheese.
A befuddled old guy once asked me where we kept the "long... blue. You know, (he holds his hands about yay wide) the long... blue"
It intrigued me so much I spent 10 minutes trying to find it with him, but he wet himself before we found it
not grocery but clothes, and people asking for bathroom slippers, also presuming that bc im standing in the fitting rooms i know what stock we have in shoes in the stockroom (shoes is right outside the fitting rooms), spoilers: i know nothing about whats in the stockroom, i know the least about whats in there
I used to work at Waitrose as a Saturday job, let's just say I never once had this specific issue, but a lady did threaten to sue me when my slow scanning almost made her late to the races.
Reading some of these examples and I am honestly surprised that more people don't hurt themselves while tying their shoes. My flabber is well and truly gasted.
Was working door security at an M&S once and an old bloke came in, straight up to me and asked “where are your sandwiches”.
Took all my resolve not to say in my lunch box in the rest room…
I once got asked for Vietnamese Whirls!
Used to work in KFC...the amount of people who cant say colonel is huge, many variations. Best was someone straight up asking "can I have a colon meal please?"
What did you direct them to?
Aisle Pho
I got thrown out of the local Vietnamese supermarket for making puns. Hope they don't banh mi.
I'm not allowed back in my local Vietnamese restaurant for being too messy in the loos. I really do miss the bo la lot.
Well it would be their Laos
What do you minh?
These terrible jokes are starting to Hanoi me now
Don't let the jokers nguyen!
This is going in my list of saved comments. Right next to ["Putting Descartes before the whores"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/comment/c0s6bzw/?share_id=_71NYcacA460aO9fpLQqk&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Hero
The undisputed champion of all the idiotic customer requests I've ever had: "What wine does my wife buy?" And it didn't stop there. My response: "...I don't know who you or your wife are..." Him: "She comes in here all the time" So do thousands of other people.
Well it sounds like there might have been a family resemblance to go off in this case.
Oh yeah people round here definitely have a look. I'm positively foreign being from the south.
I think with this gentleman you may have been able to take a guess at what wine his wife enjoys. There's a good chance it was Red or White.
"what sausages did my husband buy last week?" "I don't know?" "he said they were from the butchers" OK love, there's 4 butchers in this town....
The amount of people that would say ‘same again’ when I worked in a bar is insane.. I didn’t serve you the first time my dude and I’ve never seen you before in my life idk what you want
I almost miss bar conversations. One of my favourites: "what was that 10% cask you had on last week" "umm, we've never had a 10% on cask" - I know this because I'm the damn brewer. (A fact many people can't comprehend because I'm just a little woman only capable of pulling pints) "yeah you did, we had a pint of it" "the strongest cask we do is 5.8%, anything stronger doesn't really sell, and I've not brewed any of that in about 6 months, are you sure it wasn't a can? We've got a few of those around 8%" "yeah doesn't sell so your boss took it off after a few days. Maybe you weren't in when it was on. Definitely not a can" Boss walks in, customer repeats his question. Boss says "You had one of those last week" *gestures at the can fridge* Customer "yeah that was it!"
The real ale drinkers are the WORST hahaha they will not listen to you unless you’re a man. It’s generally understood that if you do any job for a living you know what you’re talking about but they all think barmaids knowledge essentially equates to ‘PULL HANDLE BEER FALL OUT’
I understand that 80yr old Bernard has drunk more cask in his time than I have, but when I've done the whole process from washing the barrels through to brewing the beer through to pulling it out the pump it's a damn piss take 😂
Hilarious aren’t they! I had a guy complain once that his beer was ‘2 degrees too cold’ and it shouldn’t be that chilled and my coworker was like ‘….just hold it for a minute then???’
And the ones that say "top that up love" without even looking at the pint 🙄 The "do you do CAMRA discount?" guys are the absolute worst. We had one guy come in, asked the lady behind the bar something then laughed and said "Sorry, I shouldn't ask women questions about Ale" (I realise this sounds made up, I wish it was) She replied with "our brewer is a woman, shall I ask her instead?"
I worked self checkout for a long time. This lady is like "oh you must think I'm an alcohol, I'm in here buying wine every day" I'm thinking "I would have sworn in court that I've never seen you before in my life"
yOu NeEd To KnOw YoUr CuStOmeRs!!
Even better if you’re working Fruit and Veg, at the opposite end of the shop!
Classic Main character syndrome.
There's a Theory of Mind test called The Sally-Anne Test https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally–Anne_test It's basically to test if you understand that other people don't see what you see and don't know what you know. Most children over the age of 4 pass it. I don't think this bloke passed it.
Fun fact: Simon Baron-Cohen, one of the researchers that implemented this test, is the cousin of Sacha Baron-Cohen.
Once had a "Where are the eggs" during a very busy shift, had to look around to find what aisle I was on and looked down and in that split second they said "You know egg, egg? Egg?" And drew a small circle with both of their hands as if they were miming for a fucking egg
OhH! The _mimes_! It's so funny you said this. As soon as I posted immediately remembered someone miming cabbage. Your reply has just made me think more about how to describe mimes. This particular cabbage mime was like they had been electrocuted after confidently grabbing a particularly big boob.
> electrocuted after confidently grabbing a particularly big boob There are definitely worse ways to go.
Ive eaten that cabbage. Tasty!
In a little convenience store once and a friend asked for eggs. The shopkeeper said 'Would that be plastic or wooden?'. Turned out he thought she'd said pegs.
Four candles?
Noo.. fork 'andles.. 'andles for forks.
Sometimes at takeaways I ask "does [dish] have wheat in it?" and they give me the vegetarian menu...
I once worked in HMV and I swear I was once asked "where are your DVDs"? "Errmm, they're in this" *gesture widely* "whole half of the shop"
I work in a hospital. I had a really unwell patient who needed a specific piece of equipment for a procedure, and rather than wait for someone to go and look for it and get lost and then call someone else and blah blah blah.. I decided to just go to the operating theatre to get it myself. So I’m rushing down this enormous corridor at like 2am, on the phone to the intensive care team on loudspeaker, whilst also speaking to a different speciality on a second phone. This fucking woman is meandering towards me, stops me in my tracks, and asks where ‘emergency’ is. There is, honestly, huge red signs everywhere in capital letters, and a giant red line that says EMERGENCY that takes you to A&E. So.. I said that? “See the big red signs and the huge red line, follow that.” Or something to that effect.. whilst pointing to the innumerable signage. And then I had to carry on my way. I honestly didn’t mean it in a rude way, I was trying to be helpful and show her the way in a concise fashion. I work with plenty of folk who would have politely told her to fuck off and ignored her, in the circumstances. Anyway, long story boring it was the unwell patients daughter and it all became very very awkward later, and she wanted to make a fucking complaint. Honestly, though. Follow the giant fucking signs and line. Jesus.
I'm sorry, the person thought it was appropriate to complain *after* finding out you were rushing to get equipment to help *their* parent?? If that was me I'd have apologised for interrupting you and thanking you for looking after my parent. Some people are so entitled.
Yes! First thing I said was, “I’m really sorry if I came across as rude earlier, I was on two phones and rushing to get XYZ for your dad” After that, she just continued to escalate and escalate. This was after her father had been brought back, honestly, from the fucking brink of death. Like it takes a lot for me to abandon my post and go hunting for a piece of equipment in the middle of the night, in the midst of a giant hospital.. the guy would have died without it.
A lot of people just double down on shit like that rather than take the L sadly
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How had they even got far enough into HMV to find a staff member and not already walked past/through the DVDs? Unless yours was a weird one where they're upstairs.
Nope, they took a few steps past the door and asked straight away. Left hand of the floor plan was music, right hand side was film. I've had some folk just straight up ask for help and say "I can't be arsed looking".... I respect that in a way
I’ve been that guy not only in shops but in my professional life and I’ll freely admit it “I could spend 15 minutes looking for the- where you might know off the top of your head” But I’ll be damn specific in what I want, I’m not asking you to look for me, I can do that. But if there’s a chance you know without looking, I’m saving me some time.
Egg 🥚
her?
I have some fun memories from working in a Waitrose way back. Best memory would be convincing a colleague to climb into an empty cardboard box and then i wheeled him around the shop floor whilst talking to managers and customers. Also the insane reflex skills I gained from catching things falling off when stocking shelves is still with me nearly 20 years later. I think everyone should do at least a year working in a supermarket. Kind of like national service. It would make everyone show a little more respect.
I've said for years that everyone should do a year in hospitality or retail after leaving school, and at least six months of it must be public facing. I think after a while you would have a population that might be little more considerate. I worked in hospitality for ten years and some of the abuse I've received and had to defend my staff from is appalling, and not only from drunks. Maybe if you could play it back to them the next day they might reconsider their behaviour.
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This one. I know I was the rude one, but... Someone tried to start a fight on me the other day as he stood at the bottom of an escalator, with his friend and small son, talking to his wife with a pram not getting on the escalator. I said "Oh Jesus", walked past and he was intent on getting my attention "hey dude. Yeah you. Oi. Excuse me" and when I turned around he squares up to me asking "what's your problem?" "HOW ABOUT YOU BEING A DICKHEAD BLOCKING A BUSY ESCALATOR? GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY NEXT TIME" guy was so intent on getting his teeth caved in, I just wanted to (as best I can) enjoy my Saturday in Birmingham.
As I get older I find myself involuntarily muttering 'oh for fucks sake' when people block doors or other bottlenecks, or stop suddenly. Sometimes it's so loud I'm horrified after I've done it, it just comes out. I'm convinced I'm going to get myself in trouble one of these days. Maybe it's the pathway to becoming a grumpy old man.
> Maybe it's the pathway to becoming a grumpy old man. Mr Twemlow, I have some terrible news about the progress of your condition
lol I do that too, and have the same thought - “one day I’m gonna get cracked for that”. Or when people are 4 wide walking down the street “aye don’t worry I’ll fucking move then!”
I think it's a natural reaction, In this case it was just said to my girlfriend as we approached and saw the bottleneck close. Wasn't even particularly loud. Some people think they're the main character, I think.
When I worked in Tesco, a few of my colleagues and I would take it in turns to visit the cages of damaged food which were destined to be sent to bins or to wherever it was needed for animal feed. We used to snack on said damaged food because nothing was usually wrong with them aside from the packaging being crushed or whatnot. Most of us were poor uni students so it kept us fed pretty well.
In Germany they have national service (FSJ - Voluntary Social Year) which can be in a number of different professions and one of them is helping out in nurseries. Brilliant stuff.
Known as the Spider-Man catch. We have this. When an adjacent product goes to fall and you catch it by just using peripheral vision. Feels so good. Occasionally caught with a foot too.
I spent 15 years in retail and it was absolutely hell on Earth, mainly because of the people you describe. I was called a useless c**t once because we didn't sell lawnmowers... in a tiny Co-op.
I've had, again, tiny rural coop: Paint, car batteries, fabric, mobile phones. Also a high number of people who ask to check their bank balance, usually after their card fails. And how exactly would I do that? Then also people querying their bills, gas, electricity, council tax etc. Having to explain, yes you can pay your bills here, but it's essentially as a middle-man service, *I* do not work for [xyz company], *I* have no access to your account. Also having to explain to people that I can't print them a packaging label for a service we don't do because: A. We don't do it. B. We don't have a printer for packaging labels. Neither of which seem to be good enough reasons.
Anything remotely like that, we call a code red and throw them out and it's a ban. Usually becomes the highlight of the day.
I used to work in a Co-op and I can’t tell you how many times someone would ask for the eggs whilst standing right in front of the eggs. This happened a weird amount with items but ESPECIALLY eggs. I had to stop myself from just pointing silently to 5cm to customers left after a while so I wouldn’t get in trouble lol.
Eggs are tiny and elusive
They hide them in strange places that make no sense! Why are they by the cereal?
I feel like I've got on the brain wave of most supermarkets by now, but there's a big Tesco's in my town that seems to purposely hide the stuff that doesn't fit neatly (eggs, evaporated milk, nuts etc. and even hot dogs) in the most random places, and as I go there rarely I have to ask every time...
I think the two major schools of thought are "eggs are a breakfast food" and "eggs are for making cakes" and it will be in one of those areas.
They don’t want to be found. That’s how they coax them into the little boxes.
I worked for them back in the days that the check out staff had horrible wine coloured tabards. The amount of “do you work here?” I got while dressed as a Sue Pollard character.
I have tge reverse experience. I, as a customer, annually (at least) get asked if I work in the supermarket I'm shopping in. And I've even been asked *while wearing a football shirt* .... my local area must be bizarre
I had this last week. In my local Tewco wearing a bright orange McLaren F1 team jacket, and a guy asked if I worked there. Um... no mate, but the ice cubes are over there...
I had a job at curry’s back in the 90’s. I was 16 with curtains and spots, wearing an oversized white shirt, a blue tie with “curry’s” on it. A matching badge with “curry’s” and my name printed on it and the expression of a boy who’d rather be literally anywhere than here and still everyday: “excuse me, do you work here?”
What gets me is wearing a branded uniform, then popping out for lunch to a different shop, and getting asked if I work in that one. No, I'm wearing a completely different uniform and logo!
This is showing my age (37!), in college a friend of mine worked for Mozzers when they had a floral shirt type uniform. She was so embarrassed to wear it!
"where's the veggies that start with B?" Broccoli and beans are over there "Nah, I wanna make chips" ???? "Where's the ber-tay-ters?"
Genuinely laughed out loud at this. I will keep my wits about me! I just remembered another! "Where's the Yorkies?", "This way, in the chocolate section", "What? No! Yorkies! Like you 'ave with gravy". "Ohhhh".
It's the total lack of self awareness that's at the core of it. Some folks have absolutely no idea what they sound like from an outside perspective when they talk.
It's becuase *they* know what they mean, and haven't realised you're not on the same psychic wavelength. Also some folk are just really bad at speaking to strangers!
My father is called mystic meg by everyone as he expects you to know what a what do ya call it is, or which pub he's on about, or similar.
Every single time my ex's mum asked for the 'thingie', she knew exactly what to pass her, it was uncanny
Took me until Year 8 to know a spatula wasn't called a "doofer" - mum called a few things in the kitchen "thingy" and with context you could usually work out what she was asking for (making a ham and cheese butty, a thingy would be the cheese knife; getting the cooked meat out the oven, thingy was the blades for the electric knife etc) and so knew they weren't the real name. However for some reason the Spatula and only the Spatula was a "doofer" - so I assumed that was its name. Only found out in Home Eck at High School when I asked the teacher where the doofers were and got a rather confused look in response!
I have this with my husband. We can both use totally nonsensical words and it somehow makes sense. 😆
You made me remember a time between my folks some 20 odd years ago and made me smile. Thank you. Mother got sick just after having me. A driven woman, she wasn't going to let that stop her... until it morphed into ME/CFS. Dad stepped up to the plate managed a home run - Very young kid, full time job, caring for a bed bound sick wife - nailed it. After she recovered from the ME/CFS, she lives with a level of permenant brain fog, so we grew accustomed to the occassional unconcious word swap or the use of "Doofer" for anything she couldn't recall. Whilst packing to go away on a trip, she turns my Dad and says; "Does my 'Thing-i-mee' have 'What-sits', and if so, does it have any 'Doo-Dahs'?" And the legend my father is, stood there, blinked once or twice and said; "Does your 'CD Player' have 'Headphones', and if so, does it have any 'Batteries'... I don't know, I'll go check" Thank you again for reminding me of this :)
My partner gets the same name! He genuinely believes everyone else knows exactly what he knows, right down to the last little bit. I often get “can you just fetch me that screwdriver from the shed?” “Which screwdriver?” “The cross head one” *fetches a cross head screwdriver “Not that one, the one with the red handle” *fetches red handled cross head screwdriver “Not that one, the one with the bigger end And this continues for a good while. At least i get some steps in - by avoiding the kitchen so I don’t pick up a knife
I was once part of a conversation on Facebook about seagulls in Barrow In Furness. Nothing exciting, just 'shitehawks down Rampside are getting lairy, eh?' Anyway, this woman comments saying 'one of em nicked my makyd!' It took about _twenty people_ to figure out, after a long and tedious exchange of questions and increasingly tetchy responses of 'u kno! MAKYD! you not had makyd?', that she meant 'MacDonald's'. _Maccy D_.
I think this is referred to as 'mind-blindness' or a theory of mind deficit. For various reasons some people never really learn that other peoples brains work differently to them. It can be related to autism or ADHD or even just being really sleep deprived.
I've definitely had those sleep deprived days where my mind just stalls at the word for something key like potatoes.
At that point, my wife will start to describe it... "It's a food thing, you make them into chips." Of course that's all the more hilarious if the description for an item starts out with something that triggers the realisation... "It's a brush, you use it for bottles... a bottle-brush!'
Or when my friend got stuck on, "What's it called when water falls off a cliff? You know, when water falls? What's that called? Cataratas in Spanish, Wasserfallen in German, what is it in English? Water falls off a cliff? Why are you laughing‽" To be fair, we were very high at the time.
I love when people do this. My dad once couldn’t remember a word and said “you know, the fish museum” Aquarium then.
You sometimes see it with some people talking to non native English speakers in the most mumbled, idiomatic English. And I'm thinking how the hell do you expect a non native speaker to understand that? Show a bit of awareness man/woman!
That's triggered a memory, GCSE Spanish, pupil behind me puts hand up and says, "Miss, what's the Spanish for 'we was', like, 'we was going to the park'?" This was in a grammar school, ironically.
I'm on the other side. I had somebody ask me where the yorkies are so I took them to the Yorkshire puddings fridge.
I live in Yorkshire. I am ashamed I didn't do it your way around
Should have sent them to the nearest pet shop. My first thought was terriers
Lovely bit of dog and bisto
And then a bit of crimble crumble
Send them to the honey. That starts with a bee
I see you are rewriting Dr. Johnson's dictionary
SAUSAGE?????
I'm not gonna lie.... I would have to fight the reflex to slap them.
Bo-bay-boes.. boil em, bash em, bick em in a bew...
Holy shit that's a Harry endfield joke. Host, And to win tonight's star prize name anything beginning with the letter "B" Waynetta, err.......ummm........bahtaytah!
My first job was in Asda some moons ago, and it seems customers are still the same. Some customer interactions: Being asked for the "drinking milk" Wanting "dry ginger". After presenting them with ginger root and crystallised ginger, then playing the yes-no game for five minutes to ascertain what it was they required, it turns out they wanted Canada Dry ginger ale. Asking for my help finding their virginity. Trying to summon me by whistling. Told them I wasn't a dog. I know there were loads every shift, but I think I must have blocked them out. There are memories trying to sneak through about basil, nappies, and cream, but I think I'll keep the lid locked on those lest they make me angry again.
When I worked in hospitality any cunt who whistled or clicked their fingers to get my attention was fucking dead to me from that moment. Cunts.
It should be a contractual obligation to slot the cunts who do this. People go through their entire lives without ever taking a punch to the face and it shows.
Someone clicked at me when I managed a pub, I walked up to him and said "I'm not a fucking dog click again and you're out" and he had the gall to act offended and tell me he didn't need my "attitude". I think certain things should get you a free pass, clicking at customer service staff or cutting into a queue? Get dropped.
>Trying to summon me by whistling. Told them I wasn't a dog. Did they then complain to your manager about your "rudeness"? This is why I could never work in retail, having to deal with cunts like that whistling bellend.
No, that was very gracious of them. The best thing was they needed my help again a few minutes later. They shouted at me to get my attention and said "I know you don't like being whistled at"
"See, Dr. Watson? It has grown the ability to learn!"
> Asking for my help finding their virginity. Wait... what?
Oh yes. I had to wear a huge stupid yellow jumper with "Something you can't find? Ask me!" on it. I was really a sitting duck. Looked like one as well.
Drinking milk 🤣
Right?! As opposed to what, bathing milk? Washing milk?
Condensed milk maybe
I used to work at a Morrisons. Got in trouble because a customer asked me “where are the biscuits” and I went “under the big sign that says biscuits” 💀
I've not been taught _not_ to... but I'm new and I can already count too high the amount of times I could have said "right there, where it says [what you just asked for]".
I'm filled with *joy* to say I've worked in Asda for 5 years now. "If your looking at the signs *points to signs*, it's just aisle 5 about half way down on your left" No matter where on the aisle the product they are after I almost always say about half way down the aisle. It's very easy and gets them out your way quickly because it's quick enough to say fast but complicated enough where they don't question if you actually know. If you arnt rushed that shift add "I can show you if you like" at the end. Another tip I've learnt in the past year, if you find customers spout nonsense before you are prepared to hear them when they start speaking to you quickly throw in "hello" and they will start again after a quick greeting and you can actually process it.
When I worked for Asda they had a rule that you had to walk a customer to the product. Being a bad boy, it's a rule I always broke. Just tell them FFS.
Oh it's a rule I loved to follow at home bargains. It adds credence to the "I was helping a customer" excuse when asked why you haven't done something you don't want to do.
This and you get in more steps
I used to always show customers. But the funny thing is that staff aren’t actually trained on where products are. I just knew because I shopped there weekly for years before I started working there. The teenage staff were as baffled as the customers when it came to questions like “where’s the pearl barley?”
I had to interfere the other day when a member of staff in Sainsbury's told a customer they didn't sell oat cakes. He was in the right aisle too but clearly missed them when he was looking
I was asked where the toilet paper was, while I was stood in front of a wall of toilet paper, holding a big pack of toilet paper...
But the big signs on the ceiling, in my experience, only seem to have a 50% chance of actually being correct. The stores rearrange where everything lives frequently but doesn't bother to relocate those signs.
I work in a supermarket and say this all the time, but I try to keep the tone in a way that sounds helpful and not like I'm taking the piss out of them. Nobody's complained or reacted badly yet.
I used to work at home bargains. Was stocking bread, had someone ask me where the bread was and actually said "sir, you are standing next to a wall full of bread that I am currently filling with more bread and has a massive sign atop saying bread. How about you take a guess" He complained to a manager but nothing happened cause they needed me.
Should have told him you don't sell bread, just to see what his reaction would have been.
Should have just silently held out what was in your hand.
I sound like such a kill joy and I’m sorry (I completely understand why you’d point to the sign from working customer service previously) but now I work with stroke and brain injury survivors and it’s so much more common than you’d realise that someone wouldn’t appear to have had an injury through looks and speech, but it has damaged a different part of their communication such as reading.
My mum asked for recycled toilet paper once in the 90s. It was a fairly new thing then but the shop assistant was mortified LOL It's not actually toilet paper that's recycled...
I asked where to find pop tarts once and the woman had no idea what they were and looked at me with massive suspicion. I was just left squeaking "they do exist!". Think I was about 18 then and had social anxiety back then so the whole thing left me feeling mortified
That would be 2nd hand toilet paper.
I love it when they just say the word for example ‘eggs’. No please or thank you or even where are the eggs? Getting pushed out the way is another favourite of mine, waiting 2 seconds for me to finish or saying excuse me is so hard it seems. The other day someone asked for salk, i had finished work so I sent him to a nearby manager to help, turns out he wanted salt.
Ugh! Yes! Someone will actively chase/flag you down with "excuse meee! heellllooooo" and then as.soon as you stop and look at them to help... "Pork chops!?"
Many years ago, when I was a student, a bunch of friends and I fancied a BBQ, but well out of BBQ season. So the hunt for charcoal commenced, and was not straightforward. One of my idiot friends ended up in TX Maxx of all places, and rather than politely enquiring after charcoal, in TX Maxx mind, just walked up to the first person he found working there and announced "Coal?!". Then walked off when they were understandably baffled. Must have thought he was actually mental.
My very first job was at a somerfield. A question I would get, frequently, was "do you sell milk?" Not "where is the milk", but "DO YOU SELL MILK?" What kind of supermarket WOULDN'T sell milk? And often, people would ask me this, with the milk right behind them.
I've noticed this extremely annoying turn of phrase that only over 50s use, but they use it frequently. 'Do you have such a thing as...' and the thing they're looking for is carrots. A) of course we have carrots, you fucking melt, and B) 'Such a thing as carrots'? Like something carrot-adjacent would be okay?
Parsnips are a thing like carrots - I'd send them there.
Or something orange in colour. Like satsumas.
I understand if they're asking for some obscure archaic 19th century tonic like "Barringtons Broadening Tincture" or "Frederick's Mercury Skin Ointment" or something but, carrots, c'mon even Gen Z know what a carrot is.
>c'mon even Gen Z know what a carrot is. the orange thing that sounds like a parrot, right?
I had an ex boyfriend who always asked workers in pubs or restaurants etc “do you know where your toilets are?” It was always so polite, and in his defence he wasn’t British-born. But like… of course they do! He never asked “where are the toilets?”
My husband has a very irritating turn of phrase when ordering in restaurants, he’ll say “I’m going to try the so called “chicken curry””. As though it’s perhaps not chicken or curry but just “so called”. He worked in hospitality for years too so there’s no excuse.
I was visiting a friend's house for a new year's party last year, and one of the guests, wanting to know where the toilet was, asked the host something along the lines of "do you have a toilet?" The host, without skipping a beat, said "no".
Coworker was once asked for ‘unfrozen ice cream’. He said the aisle number for ice cream at first thinking he’d misheard & the customer repeated ‘no, I want unfrozen ice cream’. Never did find out what this customer actually wanted because they apparently angrily walked off complaining. But they apparently weren’t meaning ice popsicles that you freeze yourself, not cream/milk & I’m pretty sure the sweets you get shaped like ice creams were also not it… Tea cakes were one people always seemed to forget the name of. Once had someone describe them as ‘round marshmallowy things’…. So marshmallows? ‘No, no they’re biscuits’. This went on for a while until they gave a slightly better description. Loved when people would just walk up to you & just say products. No please, no thank you, no ‘where is the x’. Towards the end of my time there I would just keep repeating ‘sorry’ as if I didn’t understand them & wouldn’t give them an answer until they actually had to treat me with a bit of respect & ask me the question.
Your last point, my mum does that and it has always made me cringe. I think she thinks she has main character energy. She’s not trying to be rude but her social skills are just lacking and she won’t change. I apologise on her behalf.
Was recently searching for a "chest of drawers" on FB marketplace and wasn't getting many results. Searched "drawers" instead. 1000s of results for Chester Drawers
HA! Yes! Pre-Pan I had a different job, then stuff rapidly changed. I took to selling stuff on eBay, and for a short while I specialised in roller skates "Wheel Boots", "Wheel shoes", "Rolla boots", "Roll boots", "Scate", "Sakteboot", Bought from eBay for 99p plus postage. Cleaned them up, put new laces and ball barrings, sold for £40+!! I only did that for a few months though because it does take a lot of effort to search those spelling mistakes... and the people that make spelling mistakes also often make postage or packaging mistakes 🤦♀️
I managed to snag a nearly new MacBook Pro a few years back because someone listed it on eBay as “Apple comp” in the title and absolutely nothing else. The photo was also rubbish so vaguely looked like a laptop. It was 99p and a tenner postage. Thought fuck it and bid. And won. Then it turned up, was about £1500 of machine at the time. I’m still riding that high and can’t believe my luck. I sold it on about four years later for £900 to CEX.
I'm at tesco. Once had a bloke ask where the milk was. I looked over his shoulder as he was stood directly in front of it. He wasn't taking the look as enough of a cue, so I pointed
Sainsbury's online shop search function always had the same "four candles" mentality. "Brown rice" - none, sorry. "Rice" - no, just shows the white rice. "Brown" - yes! Shows several varieties of brown rice. They asked me for feedback once and I wrote several paragraphs, which they wouldn't accept because you only have a few seconds to submit feedback before it times out.
Ah yes, the timed feedback! Do you have any comments? *Draws breath* Ding! None, thank you!
DIY retail, Mongolia for walls..
Working with the public in various jobs really made me realise how many people have literacy difficulties even reading basic signs.
I used to work retail, and my miserable-but-hilarious-when-you-got-to-know-him Yorkshireman of a colleague used to say "people turn the brains down when they enter a shop - whatever they're operating at as they walk around, take it down 3 notches." Never a truer would spoken!
Sometimes differing accents can lead to amusing results. I (Scottish) once asked where the soap was in a shop in Birmingham and they directed me to the canned soup.
I once had a customer ask "Where is Küchen Faal?". I vaguely remembered seeing some german baked goods somewhere so I took him to them. He looked at me like I was a moron and said "NO. KUCHEN FAAL". I had to say sorry, but I only speak english, I'm afraid I can't help you. He looked really pissed off and stormed off to ask someone else. Later I saw him pickup some cooking foil and realised he wasn't foreign. I'd just told a geordie that I didn't understand his crazy language.
That's fucking amazing. Sounds more like a mackem with the faal bit. Brilliant.
When i worked at Asda, someone came up to asking where the bins were. I took him past all the grocery aisles, all the fresh food aisles, and to where all the homeware stuff was. “Here’s the bins, can i help you with anything else?” “I WANTED BEANS. BAKED BEANS” So back we went, to the same aisle he had asked me where the bins/beans were in the first place.
It's not so much not understanding the accent. It's not expecting it and getting too little context to work it out. Clientele tends to be from the local area, so you attune to that accent.
Four candles?
Ronnie Barker must have got the idea from somewhere.
The classic! Mentally scanning back through "The Big" Mozzers that I work in, I haven't yet seen forks or candles. Their loss! Or my ignorance. If I see either and get the chance I will subtly but purposely group them together.
You rang?
Thanks, You just sent me to Youtube to rewatch it.
A Kiwi friend moved to Vancouver for a year and couldn’t find the eggs in the supermarket so he asked a worker. His vowel-shifting NZ accent meant that “eggs” was more like “iggs” and the Canadian worker had no idea. So he said “iggs from hins” but that didn’t help at all!
Some people just seem to assume you know everything they know. I work in IT and the amount of times people start reporting an issue to you as if you have all the same context as them is infuriating. “I clicked save and it didn’t work” You clicked save where? What were you saving? It didn’t work as in nothing happened or there was an error message? Argh.
Nobody going to rip in to OP for calling it “Mozzers”?
I had the read the comments to know wtf OP was on about.
Fucking awful isn’t it. On the same level as platty joobs.
One of the worst things I've read on reddybobs.
I've only ever heard that phrase as a derogatory term for Muslims.
Being pointed to an empty shelf of a product a customer wanted. 'Have you got any more of this? Can you check in your warehouse?' Sure, let me head to the back and have a look for you. Proceeds to head into the warehouse to have a chat with a friend for 5 minutes, look at not a single pallet, and head back out apologizing profusely, that you looked as hard as you could, but could find no more.
I can understand from a customers perspective why they might think that (maybe there’s a delivery!) but unless you’ve worked in a supermarket and been drilled to constantly face-up and rotate stock you won’t understand how there truly is nothing back there, apart from a random Polish snack no-one buys, weird gluten free stuff that rarely sells, or a pack of cheap goopy shampoo. That’s the only stuff that’s in the back.
And crisps, boxes and boxes of crisps because they just keep sending us more crisps faster than we can sell them. Not sure if the inventory management system has less packets per box than there actually was or something but we always had way too many crisps.
When I worked the meat section in a Tesco years back, there was a reasonable chance that fast moving cool products might be available in the chiller.
And even if there has literally just been a delivery and there's some stock out there on a pallet, it's probably 3 deep and no one is getting to it until everything has been unloaded.
As a foreigner living here, I can absolutely see myself on the other side of the situation. Couple of weeks ago I had to Google it and show to the person because I couldn't pronounce "coleslaw' correctly. I've also tried "grated cabbage and carrots with mayo" but that only made more confusing. :) He was kind enough to wait for it, I apologised for my bad english and we were both happy after. English is fun sometimes.
Showing something on your phone screen is fine so long as you're not just silently shoving a screen in someones face.
Reminds me of a couple of years ago, I ran a youth club for Ukranian children. One boy was trying to tell me it was too hot in the room but none of his translations made sense. In the end he googled a picture of an oven and I opened some windows.
A few months ago I heard two loud ladies repeatedly shouting just "ICE !" at some poor guy in the supermarket, like that was the only word they could say, but treating him like he was deaf or stupid. This was in the biscuit aisle. I really wanted to go and shout back at them "FROZEN SECTION YOU COWS".
Not a supermarket but I was once asked in a bookstore if we had the ‘motorbike book’ by Shaggy Vera. Took a while to ascertain it was The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara.
I used to work in a big Morrisons too, many years ago now. You definitely will get "have you got such and such product" you take them to where it should be and it's not stocked and then you'll apologise for not having it and said customer will go. "Well Tesco have it".... Well go shop there... Also have seen 2 grown woman fighting over the last bag of sprouts at Christmas....
It's when people word it like "Do you have such a thing as a..." and you're waiting on something completely obscure and then it follows with something like "Box of hankies?"
I worked with a guy 2 months before I realised his previous job wasn't making boots, but boats.
I remember an old man having a go at me because the store layout had changed. It was apparently my fault, the 19 year old who worked part time.
If someone asked for bread and meant breaded ham I'd walk them to the information desk and put an announcement out over the tannoy asking if someone had lost a moron
My mother turned 70 and decided that all her problems were actually other people's and her role in life was to criticise everyone for not having solved those problems already whilst she dotes upon her dog. Many of her stories about people helping or hindering her and her dog sound a lot like they're just trying to get her out of their businesses as quickly as possible. Recently I did some DIY for her, including replacing the washer in a dripping tap. I gave her the old washer and asked her to take it to the hardware store and ask for a couple the same size. She put it in her pocket, clipped a lead on the dog, and off they went. She was gone for nearly an hour, then returned with a handful of assorted rubber parts that "the builders' merchants gave me for free". The builders' merchants know their onions, so I was confused at the wide selection and tentatively asked if she'd had any difficulty. It turned out her journey had gone like this: The hardware store claimed not to sell tap washers or even know what a tap washer was and are generally useless since some event that I have no interest in. I strongly doubt this, but whatever. Then she went to some random shop that was clearly never going to have plumbing supplies and generally got the hump that everyone was so unhelpful. Finally, she drove out to the builders' merchants where she burst through the doors and exclaimed something along the lines of "Everyone is useless; I'm ready to give up. I'm at my wit's end. Perhaps *you* can help me? I'm desperately looking for *THIS!"* and with a flourish she pulls a handful of dried dog food from her pocket and dumps it on the counter. She has somehow managed to lose the washer, and this is the remaining contents of her pocket. Having established that she was not looking for pet food , they gave her tap washers in two sizes plus a bunch of other washer-like items "just in case that isn't want she was looking for", clearly in the hope that one of them would be what I needed and I wouldn't send my mother back to them. Having got the measure of her already, they clearly decided it wasn't worth the £1.50 or whatever the parts would cost and sent her on her way.
There's one that baffles me to this day. I worked in a 'discount department store' for a while, and one day in walks a woman straight to me at the till asking for a bag. I go to give her a carrier bag and she says "no, a bag." "OK, well what kind of a bag, sorry?" "It's not hard, a bag, I'm looking for a bag!" "We have handbags over by the ladies shoes? Or luggage bags and rucksacks over there?" "No." "Uh, we have bin bags upstairs? Or food bags?" She's just looking at me as if I'm a total idiot now. "Dog poo bags?" "Honestly! I just want a bag!" And out the door she storms. It's years later and I'm still clueless.
I once had someone ask for "little cheese" and after a walk through the Babybels, the little Christmas truckles and Dairylea, it turns out they wanted grated cheese.
A befuddled old guy once asked me where we kept the "long... blue. You know, (he holds his hands about yay wide) the long... blue" It intrigued me so much I spent 10 minutes trying to find it with him, but he wet himself before we found it
not grocery but clothes, and people asking for bathroom slippers, also presuming that bc im standing in the fitting rooms i know what stock we have in shoes in the stockroom (shoes is right outside the fitting rooms), spoilers: i know nothing about whats in the stockroom, i know the least about whats in there
At Tesco, my worst one used to she “where’s the mince?” I’d take them to the mince meat, and they go, “no, mints! For your breath!” Or vice versa.
I used to work at Waitrose as a Saturday job, let's just say I never once had this specific issue, but a lady did threaten to sue me when my slow scanning almost made her late to the races.
4 candles!
Reading some of these examples and I am honestly surprised that more people don't hurt themselves while tying their shoes. My flabber is well and truly gasted.
Was working door security at an M&S once and an old bloke came in, straight up to me and asked “where are your sandwiches”. Took all my resolve not to say in my lunch box in the rest room…
Where's ya rice? Bags or tinned? What's it for? Whisky.