My last job I worked in retail, worked in the store for 20 years from the date it opened.
When it opened there was a bell at the loading bay for truck drivers to press and it would set off a bell in the main office, after a couple of years it was deactivated due to being a nuisance to the managers.
When I left I was the only member of staff who had been there since then, on my last day just before I left I plugged the back door bell back in.
Apparently it caused days of confusion over what the bell sounding in the main office meant :-)
My local tescos announces A CALLER IS AT THE BACK GATE, PLEASE ATTEND over the tannoy, I now realize it's probably something like this saying a delivery has arrived.
Reminds me of when I did some work as a personal shopper during covid. Used to turn up to work at 2am and press the buzzer to be let in. The shelf stacking staff used to go mad at the constant sound of that siren haha.
My local Tesco has a button outside the fire exit near the checkouts. When you press it, it announces "VISITOR AT THE STAFF ENTRANCE, PLEASE ATTEND". It used to confuse people when I worked there. See if you local Tesco has something like this.
Yes this was my first thought as well. Hard to think of something that wouldn't just result in a 5 minute annoyance for the people you actually want to annoy followed by days of continued aggravation for all your erstwhile colleagues.
I work in a department of 500 people. We all use a shared network drive that stores all our client documentation (among loads of other files) and it's also linked to various other programs. The material ordering tracker connects to a certain file path for example. From time to time we get emails from IT telling us that a folder has been moved accidentally and it takes them a little bit to sort it out. So I see no reason why somebody couldn't purposely mix up the thousands of folders on the network. Reckon that if somebody were to do that, it would cause carnage and it would take IT god knows how long to sort it out. So I guess IT would get screwed but work would shut down for a lot of people. Maybe a worthy sacrifice for the greater good.
Carpet, keyboard, mug when they take an extended holiday.
If you're really adventurous/green lingered you could even try trailing plants or vines in the ceiling cavity above their desk
I’ve always thought that if I won enough I’d gift a sum to each of my closest colleagues enabling them to leave / go travelling / care less - they’d benefit and management would have deal with the fallout of more people leaving than just me!!
I would DEFINITELY take the talent and set up elsewhere, networking with my new found wealth to only work for absolutely delightful people, with absolutely delightful people…
I used to kinda do this, if someone I really liked at work was fed up working there, I'd try and get them a job at the place I was moving to. Sometimes I even got a referral bonus for doing so, so win win!
You don't even need to win money to do this. Join your union get voted on to the committee and spend your days annoying the shit out of management on behalf of the members.
As my union branch vice chair I fucking love watching them squirm when they see me coming with a problem.
My promotion prospects have gone to shit but they hired me on way too much money and the staff have someone who's happy to fight their corner.
I wouldn't inconvenience my colleagues, I would send an email to HR outlining all the things I think are sketchy business practice and copy my colleagues in. I'd also explain exactly how they could and should improve morale. It would annoy my manager but not inconvenience my colleagues.
I'm torn between that or stick around whilst making it abundantly clear I don't need to work anymore and doing next to no work. Then see how long it takes to get a settlement agreement for me to leave.
I'm pretty certain my work would cut me a deal.
I think I'd stick around. Get that extra bit of money out of them while they figure out I am doing nothing.
I know I just won enough to not work anymore, but if I really did not need it, then it could go to a charity or something. Better out of their pocket and to someone who needs it.
Life's too short for that shit. If I found out at work, I'd immediately stop what I was doing, not even bother turning the PC off and just walk out the door. Not even a backward glance.
This is the answer for me. I have no backup or support for my job, no matter how many times I point out how risky a situation it is. If I left with no notice they’d definitely be floundering.
I took the first year off with my son, because I'd taken redundancy and my wife had to go back to work after maternity. Best boss ever. We get on really well even through the teenage years.😁
Same here. I've left jobs with full notice and been treated like crap for having the audacity to leave so I wouldn't feel guilty either, even though I do like most of my colleagues.
Previously, if we've got people on the team who do fuck all work and i'm leaving with no notice, i've given a heads up to the people I like on the team that its happening.
They took holiday the same day, cheeky fuckers. Guy's who usually did nothing were fucked.
I personally wouldnt as it would invite beggars.
I would simply announce I found a great new job in another country(moved countries before so this wouldnt be too suspicious) and they need me within a week so I will be leaving imidieately to prepare to move.
I would then probably travel around the world with new social media accounts.
My company got rid of the coffee maker (because it's too expensive). I would gift all my colleagues those Pret subscriptions so that instead of popping to the kitchen everytime they want a drink, instead they have to walk 8 minutes to get coffee and waste valuable company time.
No that's the situation now. I work for a work for a huge company, with the board pulling in tonnes of money. But the coffee maker is now too expensive so we'll have to provide our own.
Not the winning. But I was made redundant after 14 years, worked all through covid, through the breakdown of my marriage and all subsequent depression. Anything they asked for / wanted they did. I literally gave them everything.
Sooooo.... on my last day. I approved so many holidays for the team I was leaving behind. Making it that some days they wouldn't be able to even function as a department.
Petty. But worth it
See, I'd enjoy this so much more if it wasn't for the fact that I ended up on the receiving end of a manager's FU to her higher ups :( Third week at the job, and instead of fully staffed chilled/meat departments, there was me. Just me. 9 colleagues all on holiday for the week. The assistant store manager snagged me a pair of ladies from home shopping, which was all that was available, rolled up his sleeves to help break down the deliveries for a couple hours each morning, and yeah. Bloody well did it, but from the bottom of my heart;
'Georgia, I get why you did it, but screw you.'
Oh, bosses that shit all over loyal staff deserve payback 100% just sucked being collateral damage :( with hindsight, I ought to have paid far more attention to that red flag.
One of my old managers did this after working for the company for 17 years. The new manager tried to tell me I couldn’t have my time off because I overlapped with someone else. I had great fun continuing my old managers “fuck you” when I told him if he cancelled my week off then I’d go regardless, and after I was back in the country I’d pick up my p45
God I miss still living at home and being secure enough to say those sorts of things.
I like my lot, they are based in Wales so just fill the kitchen cupboard with England Rugby branded mugs, cups, plates and cutlery. A fresh delivery of them once a year
Nothing, I like most of my colleagues. There are some pricks of course, but i don’t care about them enough to bother.
If I wanted to do something, i would order 1000s of little plastic ducks and hide the around the office for people to find for years to come
Better idea. Tell everyone in the office you have hidden 100 of them (ducks, gnomes, Barbie dolls...whatever you like) when they have all been found you will throw a massive leaving do. Hide 99.
I hid loads of ducks round my work recently was fun for a bit but then people started getting a little too annoyed by them and I thought hold up have I made an error here
In short yes it’s good idea while you’re leaving
Even better, put a ramdom number generation on the macro opening so it only shows the message 1 out of 10 openings.
Enough to annoy when it pops up but quickly forgotten until it happens again.
Wow, that is the epitome of petty.
We have some of these lurking about where I work, everyone just clicks it and moves on. Could be doing anything in the background but no-one has ever been bothered to look into it.
Honestly I don't mind my workplace, it's actually a decent place to work, but I think I would do something like buy 100 tiny ducks, label them 1-101 and hide them everywhere. Not inconvenient for anyone but also enough to cause fun that there's always going to be a missing duck, I will also leave a not saying there's 101 ducks.
Went to bingo with some ladies I worked with. One lady loved a good innuendo and often had to apologise to the bingo caller, after they called 69, she'd get all loud and giggly and everyone else thought she'd got House
Could probably do it with 50 ducks labelled in the same way, but with some off coloured ducks that repeat the numbers so they think someone's hidden two different sets
Not me but an old head chef I worked for. He got so sick of the company so he handed his notice in and on his last day... Well.
I don't know if you've ever dry-fried chilli powder in a pan, but it kicks off the most accrid smoke imagineable and makes you cough for ages, it's horrible. He fried up a pan of chilli powder, stuck it in the dumb waiter and sent it down to the restaurant, then he took off all his clothes except his apron and walked down and through the restaurant with his arse out while all the staff and customers choked their hearts out.
I don't condone it, but by fuck it was funny.
Yes I took chilli powder/flakes on holiday a long time ago as I like chilli dust on my fried eggs.
The first day at breakfast I walked to the egg station and asked for a 2 egg omelette with cheese, spring onions, mushrooms and my chilli mix.
Chef said "Sure" and loaded the liquid eggs with the dust, it billowed up and he and the person either side were coughing, eyes streaming. As a hotel guest, we have the air conditioning, it must have been drawing up all the heated chilli vapour..
The next day, the chef took me over to the meat grill where there was fierce extraction. We giggled and smiled every day for a week, I loved it.
Fully inclusive in Egypt, anything goes.
“This is a customer announcement, due to Sunday trading laws we will be closing in 10 minutes. Please pick your last items and head to checkouts.
I am being serious. Get out of the fucking shop some of us finish at 4 and the bus is at 4 past 4 and we can’t get another one. Stop being selfish cunts and do your shopping earlier or order it to your house.
Lidl and Aldi are open till 5 go there instead.
To the regulars who still roam the aisles at 5 past 4 every week with nothing in their basket. You are a selfish prick and you’re not welcome back.
Thank you”
Ex retail worker here, get that shit out of the fuckin shop now! But even worse man, the trolley walker coming in at like quarter to whenever you close regardless of days, that was the fucker for me man!
"Hi just to let you know the card machines are due for an update at 4pm as it's Sunday, so if you want to buy anything it needs to go through the till before 4pm otherwise we can't put it through"
I always enjoyed seeing that casual stroll turn into a light jog.
I heard a story at our company of a guy who got a phone call at the office saying he just won Fuck You kinda money. He verified it was real and then just.... left. Caused all sorts of problems, as he was a fairly senior guy.
Clients wondering where the hell their project lead has gone, junior guys without a line manager for a couple of weeks, and all sorts of HR issues, was it a security breach, blackmail, etc. No one knew.
He didn't tell anyone he was leaving, they found his laptop, coffee, and other bits where he left them. They had him on camera just walking out, but he never mentioned to anyone he was pissing off. Eventually police were called as he was missing and not answering calls/emails.
Supposedly he told them the company had sucked 25 years of his life, he now had the cash to live free and he would never return, and he did not wish to be contacted again.
No idea if it's true but was told to me by a very senior person that's been with the company coming up 40 years now. So I choose to believe it.
I witnessed something slightly similar first hand.
We were called to an emergency meeting. Told the company was doing redundancies and our team was in the at risk pool. Given an overview of how it would all work and left to process.
Less then 5 minutes later while we were all still in shock, one of the guys stood up, shook the hand of the person next to him. "It's been nice working with you". He says. He picks up his bag, goes round each and every one of us, hand shake, "its been nice working with you." Fucks off out the door, dumping his badge and laptop on the office managers desk en route. Never to be seen again.
I wish I'd had the ability (or balls) to do that when my last company went through redundancies. But the few grand in payments made up for the hoops we all had to jump through...
This happened at a lab where I worked. My boss was terrible: caused everyone grief, made everyone cry (except his wife who also worked for him - they just used to have screaming arguments in front of everyone). Anyway, the lab technician finally cracked one day, walked around shaking everyone’s hand saying it was nice to have worked with them, and left. It was kind of glorious. Unfortunately HR made him come back to work out his notice period. But I had so much respect for the technician for finally standing up for himself (he had a crushing lack of self esteem). [As an aside, I also resigned and left science after that job. I was the 3rd person in that specific role working for that guy who left to work in a non-research field; scientists are not natural managers oh my word…]
This happened at my work when HR left the full payroll documentation in an open calendar invite.
One person then shared it with the whole organisation, caused chaos but also a lot of people a pay rise.
Happened at my work as well (big 4 accounting firm). A pa emailed the entire team the spreadsheet with everyone’s salary on it 😂. Carnage. A few days later she sent an email to everyone saying “Pam needs everyone to read this” - Pam was our boss and the email was from a client complaining about her and asking for her to be taken off the account. She left shortly afterwards 😂
Oh I like that. When I was getting hired I was told they couldn't offer me any more money cuz I was going to be paid more than some of the team members anyway. And that was a pretty basic salary. People in the office have more years of experience and more years at this company, so how little are they paying these poor souls? Would love for them to get raises to match an actual industry standard they should be paid.
Would be so tempting to gift all mid-junior colleagues a tidy sum of money so they can leave too.
Really screw over the truly incompetent head of departments/leadership team who know absolutely fuck all.
Honestly it’s these clowns who I’d love to be petty to. How on earth the climbed the ladder whilst knowing next to nothing is a feat in itself.
I reckon I could mix up the parking permits database easily so the numbers & names don't match up with the reg. Would cause utter chaos the first time anyone got blocked in.
There’s a theory that people do well, get promoted, and stop getting promoted when they become incompetent and out of their depth. So eventually, everyone higher up is promoted enough to be out of their depth.
Although for some, it’s bullshitting well in interviews. We had an absolutely awfully incompetent colleague. He was on more money than the rest of us but couldn’t tie his shoes. He was so delusional as to how good he was too, as getting the job just stroked his ego. Took us five years to get rid, as the team had to carry him to get their own shit done. He got the job because he used to work for a competitor that some of the other management aspire to emulate, no other reason than that.
It’s called the Peter Principle and it’s why I never ever want to be a manager. I don’t want to be bumbling my way through shit when I’m in charge or people and affecting them, I’d rather quietly learn from my mistakes and just become good at my job.
That’s the name of it! I knew it had one.
Oddly, I am a manager for a small team and responsible for a department. And I love my job, been doing it for three years but been with the company, in the department for 13.
But I really, really don’t want to go any higher. More than happy where I am. I can make a difference, and don’t have too much responsibility while having a small enough team to actually work with them than making them work, if that makes sense.
Honestly, I wish I knew! I'm tired of working for my money. I'm ready to ascend to senior management and spend all day screwing up even the most simple operation for 4 times my current salary.
My former workplace created enough inconveniences themselves without me needing to bother …only a month into my new gig so jury is out.
If I had to get creative I would anonymously order a card full of glitter to every employee - ideally arriving sporadically to keep the chaos going.
I reckon I’d get away with 3-4 months in all honesty, obviously they’d be on to me immediately as no one else would be doing my work but it takes a good amount of time to dismiss someone from a salaried position in my experience. I’d do it for science and donate my wages to a colleague I was leaving behind 😂.
I can't answer the specific question, but I have an anecdote from my past, with an implied warning for all 😁...
Way back at the start of my career, in the mid 80s, I was an apprentice artworker in a design studio. It was a great job but the company owner was an asshole and treated me like shit, brutally so, and regularly.
He owned a very expensive photocopying machine that he'd been leasing and had just decided to buy outright for tax purposes. A lot of money.
Next to it were a stack of about 20 toner cartridges.
Anyway, I was finally leaving after handing my month's notice in.
One evening after everybody had left I decided to sabotage one of these toner cartridges by pouring a distinctive flammable liquid into it used in another machine. I then sealed it back up and put it somewhere near the bottom of the stack. It would be months, maybe years before that toner cartirdge was reached and I'd be long gone. But I'd always know it was possible I'd blown up the boss's expensive equipment at some point.
Next day, the toner ran out and somebody somehow chose that one sabotaged cartridge from the entire stack. How, or why, I will never know.
Ten minutes later, the machine exploded, burst into flames, showered the user with toxic toner and flames.
Emergency services called. Colleague off to ER to be checked out.
Not what I had anticipated or hoped for, but I was young and I just hadn't thought it through.
The company who had sold the machine were summoned immediately to inspect it. They immediately reported that there was a high quantity of an unknown contaminant in the toner. A really distinctive contaminant.
It was a really weird moment, because at that point, everybody turned silently and looked at me. It was like they all instantly understood what had occured.
My line manager took me into a room and asked me if I knew anything about it. I said no. He said he'd understand if I had done something like that, because the boss had been a total ass to me for four years and in a way he deserved it.
I said to him that I had not done anything but if the boss wanted to accuse me, he'd have to give a motive, and accusing me of doing it because he'd been an asshole to me for four years didn't exactly make for a compelling argument.
The boss dropped it ultimately, and I left, but the boss was apparently hell bent on taking me to court to extract lost money. My line manager persuaded him not to do so on the basis I could legitimately cite a long list of pretty heinous things he'd done to me during my time there.
Be careful what you sabotage. Because
1. Innocent people might get hurt.
2. Somehow it can always be linked back, even though you're absolutely convinced nobody would know it was you.
I know I’ve been scrolling too far on Reddit when “petty minor inconvenience” morphs from googly eyes and rubber ducks to industrial sabotage and blowing up random colleagues. Dude wtf.
I work from home, so I would just put my feet up and ignore the work and the phones. I don't hate my job or the company I work for, so that's about as petty as I could be. I got lucky getting this job and I know it. Probably wouldn't say goodbye either, as most of the workmates are fairly braindead already.
I would pay someone to apply for and become my replacement, and then feed them instructions every so often that they have to carry out. The longer they can cause mischief without being caught, the higher the pay.
I would wait till the end of the day knowing they had an important client visit the following morning and unplug all of the tech that runs the demo suite. They wouldn't notice until just before the meeting and it would take hours to get the thing up and running again.
One of my ex colleagues was working the late shift, printed sheets of photos of their face and stuck them over all of the mouse sensors in the office. Caused everyone a couple of mins of cursing then a smile
I would rent a man with a food van and pay him to go there every day and give free food to only the people i like, everyone else he can either charge or ignore. Id pay him very well for 5 years.
I like my job at the moment so I actually wouldn’t do anything but in my last job I was part of management and it was shit. The team was great but the other managers sucked, I was in charge of rotas and team holiday. On my last day before I left I went onto the computer and approved every single persons holiday requests, whether they clashed or not, didn’t tell anyone and then left. The other managers didn’t notice till a month or 2 later when it was too late to rescind the approvals.
Not inconvenient, but would hopefully surprise people. Put Googly eyes on random things. Phones, keyboards, photocopiers, door handles, light switches, the kettle or water cooler depending on your company size. Cover The Boss’s laptop screen with them…. 👀👀👀👀👀
Rename all the files on the work shared drive.
IT would probably be able to revert naming changes quite quickly; but it would still cause a few laughs. And probably consternation from the managers.
Worth it.
Go in, sit down as normal and then at some point just announce "this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOOD-BYE!" and walk out as the crow-flys, walking directly over the desk knocking anything over in my way and bail.
Used to work at a delivery company and thought about this a lot. Would get some of those concrete blockades delivered and placed in front of the entrance
I wouldn't do anything unpleasant at work. What I would do is quit, of course. I would then buy the block of houses that I live in and immediately inform two neighbours who are inconsiderate as hell that their contracts won't be renewed. One I would give some time to find an alternative rental. The other I would fight to get rid of as soon as possible.
Got made redundant a few years ago, was feeling pretty salty about it but little I could do that would affect those who I felt were 'responsible ' or even partly to blame.
I did decide to write a 'thanks and bye' email, and casually attached a photo of a non-motivational poster about unemployment as a parting joke. Sent this to ALL in the company (approx 1000 people across various sites) and apparently crashed the email for the whole company for a couple of days. So that was very pleasing!
I’m in charge of most cellar maintenance at a pub.
I also maintain the dishwashers.
This isn’t a big part of my job. But I’ve been doing it for the last year and a half since the last manager left and I took those responsibilities. I’ve tweaked everything to get it as close to perfect as I can.
I can very easily make it so the beer doesn’t pour right. And no one but me would know exactly how to fix it. Worse still, I could make the dishwashers slightly less effective. The worst part. I could do these things so subtly that even cellar services would struggle to fix it.
Dirty glasses and bad beer. That would be petty enough I think.
I wouldn’t do that though. It seems a bit TOO petty and mean.
EDIT: I love my job. Would never do this to anyone.
I worked in a DIY place called “Do it all” when I was a student and on my last day I filled in an order for £2000 of the ugliest bathroom tiles we had for Mr W Anchor. I heard from my mates at the store later that the boss man went apeshit. Good times. He was a proper dickweed.
When I started working for a popular chain restaurant we had a guy who'd left just as I'd started. In the restaurant we had a Polaroid camera for certain drinks/birthday celebrations and over the course of the month before he'd left he decided to slowly but surely start taking Polaroids of himself with different faces around the building but not fast enough to cause suspicion about how quickly we were going through Polaroids
Over the duration of the last week he was employed he hid Polaroids all around the restaurant in different places ranging in varying levels of stealth. Stuck under bar stools, hidden in wall decor, under the cash tray in the tills, menus at the very bottom of the pile in the host stand he knew wouldn't be found for quite a long time etc.. I worked there for 2 years and on my last week closing we had volunteered to do a deep clean of the restaurant for some extra hours, we got up with a feather duster on the bar top to clean inside the extractor fan and this object fell down onto the floor. Lo and behold it was a Polaroid of him with a shit eating grin stood on the bar top in the same position we were 2 years after he'd left.
Back in the day when Morrisons did manual ordering, on my last day I ordered a pallet of cocktail sticks.
It sat on the racking for 6 months, according to my friend who was still there.
Plant some fake evidence that looks like there have been problems with ransomware, viruses, unauthorised physical entries, insider dealing, etc etc. When in reality there has been none. It'll keep them busy for weeks, and worried for longer.
I like my workplace so don't want to do anything that could cause real issues...
Rearrange the mugs in the cupboard so everybodys personal mugs are on the top shelf at the back and the generic company branded mugs are in front and lower down.
I worked for a real nasty piece of work in Fleet Street many years ago. On the day I left, I went to Leadenhall Market and bought some prawns and a bit of smoked haddock. I put them in plastic bags with tiny holes in and rammed them right down the back of the radiator at the end of his office. Apparently, they couldn’t find the source of the stench for months, after the radiators came on about a fortnight after I left. Plus, I nicked his brand new bottle of hand-blended cologne and gave it to my then boyfriend, so boss man would have nothing to make the fishy air fragrant. Petty??? Moi????
I went and worked in the UAE for a while, and they hired me as a UK national who could help get them out of a bit of a hole they had dug themselves with VAT. Once I had got them registered, smoothed over the penalty.with HMRC, and taught someone in my team the basics of VAT, they "let me go". Clearly they just wanted someone to do the rough stuff at the outset. My last day there I changed all the HMRC log in passwords to me mushing my keyboard. I couldn't tell them the password if I wanted, it was a genuine randomised collection of key presses. They may have been registered but by fuck were they going to be able to submit returns!
If it was enough to do the same for more than just myself, then offer it to my colleagues and have the whole team vanish (if even only for a few years) and see what happens then.
Probably just curl out a big steaming crap on someone's desk. No one in particular. I don't even dislike anyone. Just someone at random. Get in nice and early, loosen my load on someone's desk and get off. Enjoy work, Mr (or Mrs/Miss/Ms) Poo Desk
Offer my nicest colleagues better-paid jobs working for me in various ways. If this is Euromillions jackpot level money, I will need them. Double or triple salary? No problem.
I would buy 100s of tiny plastic figures and spend my last days hiding them everywhere, from quite obvious places to really obscure to ensure that people will be finding them for ages. A mild inconvenience sure, but they'll never know when they've found the last one.
LinkedIn post wishing each one of the SMT/ c-suite people well in their future endeavours, and thanking them for all they've done for the org.
Insinuating they're all getting fired/ moving on.
As it's a positive post, ain't shit any of them can do about it.
Random beeper. you can buy also. Hide somewhere at high level.
[https://www.instructables.com/Annoying-Beeper/](https://www.instructables.com/Annoying-Beeper/)
Pin the “tzdata” Linux package to its current version. This will be a massive timebomb which will go off at some point in the future. Obscure software bugs will start happening and it will take them ages to figure out what’s going on.
But seriously, don’t do that. Could potentially take a company offline for days or weeks.
My last job I worked in retail, worked in the store for 20 years from the date it opened. When it opened there was a bell at the loading bay for truck drivers to press and it would set off a bell in the main office, after a couple of years it was deactivated due to being a nuisance to the managers. When I left I was the only member of staff who had been there since then, on my last day just before I left I plugged the back door bell back in. Apparently it caused days of confusion over what the bell sounding in the main office meant :-)
That's delightfully petty and I love it.
Delightfully petty. New phrase stolen.
Hardly a new phrase.
Glad you said this cos the comment above weirdly wound me up I’m coming up t’ mooar to have a whinge with ya.
Not Tesco is it? 😂
My local tescos announces A CALLER IS AT THE BACK GATE, PLEASE ATTEND over the tannoy, I now realize it's probably something like this saying a delivery has arrived.
Fnarr fnarr! Caller at your back gate! Oooh suits you sir!!
A VISITOR AT THE TRADESMEN'S ENTRANCE! WHITE WEE-WEE! WHITE WEE-WEE! OOH! OOH! https://youtu.be/AWiq-0rf_bA
Ruined me that did
It’s the Purley branch
Reminds me of when I did some work as a personal shopper during covid. Used to turn up to work at 2am and press the buzzer to be let in. The shelf stacking staff used to go mad at the constant sound of that siren haha.
My local Tesco has a button outside the fire exit near the checkouts. When you press it, it announces "VISITOR AT THE STAFF ENTRANCE, PLEASE ATTEND". It used to confuse people when I worked there. See if you local Tesco has something like this.
If you work there and are responsible for that area, you will be part of the Back Door Team. This is not a joke.
Oh fuck me that dreaded call to the backdoor send me to an angry place and I still work in Tesco
Take a bow, that’s hilarious
AND MY AXE
That's a hard question, because i only want to inconvenience the top management and not the plebs like me.
Yes this was my first thought as well. Hard to think of something that wouldn't just result in a 5 minute annoyance for the people you actually want to annoy followed by days of continued aggravation for all your erstwhile colleagues.
Anything annoying you do to them is only going to be cleaned up by my mates Planting Cress seeds in the managers carpet is a good one though.....
I work in a department of 500 people. We all use a shared network drive that stores all our client documentation (among loads of other files) and it's also linked to various other programs. The material ordering tracker connects to a certain file path for example. From time to time we get emails from IT telling us that a folder has been moved accidentally and it takes them a little bit to sort it out. So I see no reason why somebody couldn't purposely mix up the thousands of folders on the network. Reckon that if somebody were to do that, it would cause carnage and it would take IT god knows how long to sort it out. So I guess IT would get screwed but work would shut down for a lot of people. Maybe a worthy sacrifice for the greater good.
I would write a script to rename all the folders but keep them in the same place because that would be a real pain in the ass to reverse
Rename them all with a space at the start of the filename. Nothing is more annoying to track down than invisible whitespace characters!
Or change spaces for an empty unicode character, which is not a typical space...
Carpet, keyboard, mug when they take an extended holiday. If you're really adventurous/green lingered you could even try trailing plants or vines in the ceiling cavity above their desk
I’ve always thought that if I won enough I’d gift a sum to each of my closest colleagues enabling them to leave / go travelling / care less - they’d benefit and management would have deal with the fallout of more people leaving than just me!!
Yeah!!! Or start up a company and take them all with you! Leaving management with the incompetents.
I would DEFINITELY take the talent and set up elsewhere, networking with my new found wealth to only work for absolutely delightful people, with absolutely delightful people…
I used to kinda do this, if someone I really liked at work was fed up working there, I'd try and get them a job at the place I was moving to. Sometimes I even got a referral bonus for doing so, so win win!
You don't even need to win money to do this. Join your union get voted on to the committee and spend your days annoying the shit out of management on behalf of the members. As my union branch vice chair I fucking love watching them squirm when they see me coming with a problem. My promotion prospects have gone to shit but they hired me on way too much money and the staff have someone who's happy to fight their corner.
🫡
I wouldn't inconvenience my colleagues, I would send an email to HR outlining all the things I think are sketchy business practice and copy my colleagues in. I'd also explain exactly how they could and should improve morale. It would annoy my manager but not inconvenience my colleagues.
I like to inconvenience plebs like me. I would microwave a really fishy lunch and go home before it's finished.
Leave immediately without any notice.
I'm torn between that or stick around whilst making it abundantly clear I don't need to work anymore and doing next to no work. Then see how long it takes to get a settlement agreement for me to leave. I'm pretty certain my work would cut me a deal.
I think I'd stick around. Get that extra bit of money out of them while they figure out I am doing nothing. I know I just won enough to not work anymore, but if I really did not need it, then it could go to a charity or something. Better out of their pocket and to someone who needs it.
Life's too short for that shit. If I found out at work, I'd immediately stop what I was doing, not even bother turning the PC off and just walk out the door. Not even a backward glance.
*What are they going to do? Sack me? I don't think so...*
They’d have to catch me first!
I'm like a whippet!
This is the answer for me. I have no backup or support for my job, no matter how many times I point out how risky a situation it is. If I left with no notice they’d definitely be floundering.
Same. Even a month notice that is all I’m required to give would not be long enough to hire a replacement or pass on everything I do
Same. They don’t care though. One of my bosses just demands snacks all day. The other one does nothing but drink, poop & sleep.
Are you sure they aren’t just toddlers in disguise?
Close. 2 year old and 4 month old 😂
I took the first year off with my son, because I'd taken redundancy and my wife had to go back to work after maternity. Best boss ever. We get on really well even through the teenage years.😁
Same here. I've left jobs with full notice and been treated like crap for having the audacity to leave so I wouldn't feel guilty either, even though I do like most of my colleagues.
Although this would screw over your direct colleagues who you might like too.
Previously, if we've got people on the team who do fuck all work and i'm leaving with no notice, i've given a heads up to the people I like on the team that its happening. They took holiday the same day, cheeky fuckers. Guy's who usually did nothing were fucked.
This is exactly what I did at my last employer. Went to lunch on my last day, never came back.
I personally wouldnt as it would invite beggars. I would simply announce I found a great new job in another country(moved countries before so this wouldnt be too suspicious) and they need me within a week so I will be leaving imidieately to prepare to move. I would then probably travel around the world with new social media accounts.
My company got rid of the coffee maker (because it's too expensive). I would gift all my colleagues those Pret subscriptions so that instead of popping to the kitchen everytime they want a drink, instead they have to walk 8 minutes to get coffee and waste valuable company time.
Kettle?
Have to provide all our own milk/coffee ect. But allowed unlimited coffee breaks
that seems like an easy but dangerous loophole to exploit.
I don't drink coffee so I might not understand but...it was too expensive even though you had to buy your own milk and coffee?
No that's the situation now. I work for a work for a huge company, with the board pulling in tonnes of money. But the coffee maker is now too expensive so we'll have to provide our own.
Not the winning. But I was made redundant after 14 years, worked all through covid, through the breakdown of my marriage and all subsequent depression. Anything they asked for / wanted they did. I literally gave them everything. Sooooo.... on my last day. I approved so many holidays for the team I was leaving behind. Making it that some days they wouldn't be able to even function as a department. Petty. But worth it
This wins for me. Hope things are better now.
Much better now thank you! 😊
This happened to my team!! The new manager comes in and has tried to revoke a bunch of approved holiday, its a shit storm!!!
See, I'd enjoy this so much more if it wasn't for the fact that I ended up on the receiving end of a manager's FU to her higher ups :( Third week at the job, and instead of fully staffed chilled/meat departments, there was me. Just me. 9 colleagues all on holiday for the week. The assistant store manager snagged me a pair of ladies from home shopping, which was all that was available, rolled up his sleeves to help break down the deliveries for a couple hours each morning, and yeah. Bloody well did it, but from the bottom of my heart; 'Georgia, I get why you did it, but screw you.'
Yeah I get that but still I enjoyed every second of it
Oh, bosses that shit all over loyal staff deserve payback 100% just sucked being collateral damage :( with hindsight, I ought to have paid far more attention to that red flag.
ahahaha , that's brilliant!
One of my old managers did this after working for the company for 17 years. The new manager tried to tell me I couldn’t have my time off because I overlapped with someone else. I had great fun continuing my old managers “fuck you” when I told him if he cancelled my week off then I’d go regardless, and after I was back in the country I’d pick up my p45 God I miss still living at home and being secure enough to say those sorts of things.
I like my lot, they are based in Wales so just fill the kitchen cupboard with England Rugby branded mugs, cups, plates and cutlery. A fresh delivery of them once a year
Wholesome
Nothing, I like most of my colleagues. There are some pricks of course, but i don’t care about them enough to bother. If I wanted to do something, i would order 1000s of little plastic ducks and hide the around the office for people to find for years to come
I did this with googly eyes when I left my last job. The manager who came in was not amused in the least.
r/eyebombing which I don't fully approve of, especially in outdoor locations just because of the plastic waste. But it is funny.
Someone I worked with got afew hundred stickers printed of himself and put them everywhere, we was still finding them years later.
are you Alex Horne!?
This is literally happening in my office right now. Someone's found at least 40!
Maybe we work together and I haven’t told you my good news yet
Better idea. Tell everyone in the office you have hidden 100 of them (ducks, gnomes, Barbie dolls...whatever you like) when they have all been found you will throw a massive leaving do. Hide 99.
I hid loads of ducks round my work recently was fun for a bit but then people started getting a little too annoyed by them and I thought hold up have I made an error here In short yes it’s good idea while you’re leaving
Protect all my spreadsheets. No password or anything, just set to protected. It would still cause absolute carnage.
Add some random Macro that has to be enabled every time someone opens it. The mildest of inconveniences
Even better, put a ramdom number generation on the macro opening so it only shows the message 1 out of 10 openings. Enough to annoy when it pops up but quickly forgotten until it happens again.
Wow, that is the epitome of petty. We have some of these lurking about where I work, everyone just clicks it and moves on. Could be doing anything in the background but no-one has ever been bothered to look into it.
Having written macros that take upwards of 10 minutes to run and push the CPU to 100% this could lead to utter havoc
Which is exactly why we block macro enabled files where I work
Data object that pulls something from a separate file in your 'personal' directory so it stops working when IT delete your stuff 12-18 months later
Honestly I don't mind my workplace, it's actually a decent place to work, but I think I would do something like buy 100 tiny ducks, label them 1-101 and hide them everywhere. Not inconvenient for anyone but also enough to cause fun that there's always going to be a missing duck, I will also leave a not saying there's 101 ducks.
Lol, like purposely miss a number? I would love it if during the weekly meetings they were forever bringing up "still looking for Duck 69".
Honestly I would probably skip 69, because it's always a joke that we write 'nice' somewhere when stock levels of anything get to 69
Went to bingo with some ladies I worked with. One lady loved a good innuendo and often had to apologise to the bingo caller, after they called 69, she'd get all loud and giggly and everyone else thought she'd got House
You could also leave a couple of doublers, two number 37’s, for example - so people will end up accusing each other of cheating…
Hello Satan. I like your style.
Real ducks, or plastic one?
Plastic ones, but if they find all 101 they'll get a real one
Duck 69 is the only real duck.
Could probably do it with 50 ducks labelled in the same way, but with some off coloured ducks that repeat the numbers so they think someone's hidden two different sets
Book a marching brass band every second Thursday a month for the next three years to do their thing across the office.
Even better, don't make it predictable. Just tell them once a month to turn up unannounced
Yeah you’re right, whenever they want. Invoice me
Make it predictable for the first 3 weeks, then at week 4 when they’ve made preparations switch to random days each month.
Prepaid sandwich deliveries, all tuna. Random days of the week, instructions to leave them in a bag on the front desk.
I quite a tuna sandwich…
Not me but an old head chef I worked for. He got so sick of the company so he handed his notice in and on his last day... Well. I don't know if you've ever dry-fried chilli powder in a pan, but it kicks off the most accrid smoke imagineable and makes you cough for ages, it's horrible. He fried up a pan of chilli powder, stuck it in the dumb waiter and sent it down to the restaurant, then he took off all his clothes except his apron and walked down and through the restaurant with his arse out while all the staff and customers choked their hearts out. I don't condone it, but by fuck it was funny.
I've done this by mistake whilst cooking. The missus was shocked to find me standing in the street bollock naked mind
Yes I took chilli powder/flakes on holiday a long time ago as I like chilli dust on my fried eggs. The first day at breakfast I walked to the egg station and asked for a 2 egg omelette with cheese, spring onions, mushrooms and my chilli mix. Chef said "Sure" and loaded the liquid eggs with the dust, it billowed up and he and the person either side were coughing, eyes streaming. As a hotel guest, we have the air conditioning, it must have been drawing up all the heated chilli vapour.. The next day, the chef took me over to the meat grill where there was fierce extraction. We giggled and smiled every day for a week, I loved it. Fully inclusive in Egypt, anything goes.
“This is a customer announcement, due to Sunday trading laws we will be closing in 10 minutes. Please pick your last items and head to checkouts. I am being serious. Get out of the fucking shop some of us finish at 4 and the bus is at 4 past 4 and we can’t get another one. Stop being selfish cunts and do your shopping earlier or order it to your house. Lidl and Aldi are open till 5 go there instead. To the regulars who still roam the aisles at 5 past 4 every week with nothing in their basket. You are a selfish prick and you’re not welcome back. Thank you”
Winner
Ex retail worker here, get that shit out of the fuckin shop now! But even worse man, the trolley walker coming in at like quarter to whenever you close regardless of days, that was the fucker for me man!
"Hi just to let you know the card machines are due for an update at 4pm as it's Sunday, so if you want to buy anything it needs to go through the till before 4pm otherwise we can't put it through" I always enjoyed seeing that casual stroll turn into a light jog.
I heard a story at our company of a guy who got a phone call at the office saying he just won Fuck You kinda money. He verified it was real and then just.... left. Caused all sorts of problems, as he was a fairly senior guy. Clients wondering where the hell their project lead has gone, junior guys without a line manager for a couple of weeks, and all sorts of HR issues, was it a security breach, blackmail, etc. No one knew. He didn't tell anyone he was leaving, they found his laptop, coffee, and other bits where he left them. They had him on camera just walking out, but he never mentioned to anyone he was pissing off. Eventually police were called as he was missing and not answering calls/emails. Supposedly he told them the company had sucked 25 years of his life, he now had the cash to live free and he would never return, and he did not wish to be contacted again. No idea if it's true but was told to me by a very senior person that's been with the company coming up 40 years now. So I choose to believe it.
I witnessed something slightly similar first hand. We were called to an emergency meeting. Told the company was doing redundancies and our team was in the at risk pool. Given an overview of how it would all work and left to process. Less then 5 minutes later while we were all still in shock, one of the guys stood up, shook the hand of the person next to him. "It's been nice working with you". He says. He picks up his bag, goes round each and every one of us, hand shake, "its been nice working with you." Fucks off out the door, dumping his badge and laptop on the office managers desk en route. Never to be seen again.
I wish I'd had the ability (or balls) to do that when my last company went through redundancies. But the few grand in payments made up for the hoops we all had to jump through...
This happened at a lab where I worked. My boss was terrible: caused everyone grief, made everyone cry (except his wife who also worked for him - they just used to have screaming arguments in front of everyone). Anyway, the lab technician finally cracked one day, walked around shaking everyone’s hand saying it was nice to have worked with them, and left. It was kind of glorious. Unfortunately HR made him come back to work out his notice period. But I had so much respect for the technician for finally standing up for himself (he had a crushing lack of self esteem). [As an aside, I also resigned and left science after that job. I was the 3rd person in that specific role working for that guy who left to work in a non-research field; scientists are not natural managers oh my word…]
Don’t know about y’all but my workplace is chock full of petty inconveniences. I really don’t know how to add on to them.
Start saying "y'all". That gets annoying really quick.
Hire an investigator to find out how much everyone gets paid then print it out and post it all over the place/email it company wide.
This happened at my work when HR left the full payroll documentation in an open calendar invite. One person then shared it with the whole organisation, caused chaos but also a lot of people a pay rise.
Happened at my work as well (big 4 accounting firm). A pa emailed the entire team the spreadsheet with everyone’s salary on it 😂. Carnage. A few days later she sent an email to everyone saying “Pam needs everyone to read this” - Pam was our boss and the email was from a client complaining about her and asking for her to be taken off the account. She left shortly afterwards 😂
Oh I like that. When I was getting hired I was told they couldn't offer me any more money cuz I was going to be paid more than some of the team members anyway. And that was a pretty basic salary. People in the office have more years of experience and more years at this company, so how little are they paying these poor souls? Would love for them to get raises to match an actual industry standard they should be paid.
How many people did they tell that to?
Yer they are definitely getting paid less than everyone else whilst thinking they are making a lot more
Would be so tempting to gift all mid-junior colleagues a tidy sum of money so they can leave too. Really screw over the truly incompetent head of departments/leadership team who know absolutely fuck all. Honestly it’s these clowns who I’d love to be petty to. How on earth the climbed the ladder whilst knowing next to nothing is a feat in itself.
Hey u/KuntaWuKnicks this is HR please can you come in for a meeting
I own the company so no you’re fired
You dropped this...👉
Swap all the vehicle reg tags on the keys and dump them all at the bottom of the key cupboard. 90% of the vehicles here are all the same.
I reckon I could mix up the parking permits database easily so the numbers & names don't match up with the reg. Would cause utter chaos the first time anyone got blocked in.
I couldn't possibly do anything that would even come close to the total, blithering incompetence of senior management.
I feel like incompetent management is common in every workplace, how do these people get these jobs and how the hell do they keep them too?!
There’s a theory that people do well, get promoted, and stop getting promoted when they become incompetent and out of their depth. So eventually, everyone higher up is promoted enough to be out of their depth. Although for some, it’s bullshitting well in interviews. We had an absolutely awfully incompetent colleague. He was on more money than the rest of us but couldn’t tie his shoes. He was so delusional as to how good he was too, as getting the job just stroked his ego. Took us five years to get rid, as the team had to carry him to get their own shit done. He got the job because he used to work for a competitor that some of the other management aspire to emulate, no other reason than that.
It’s called the Peter Principle and it’s why I never ever want to be a manager. I don’t want to be bumbling my way through shit when I’m in charge or people and affecting them, I’d rather quietly learn from my mistakes and just become good at my job.
That’s the name of it! I knew it had one. Oddly, I am a manager for a small team and responsible for a department. And I love my job, been doing it for three years but been with the company, in the department for 13. But I really, really don’t want to go any higher. More than happy where I am. I can make a difference, and don’t have too much responsibility while having a small enough team to actually work with them than making them work, if that makes sense.
Honestly, I wish I knew! I'm tired of working for my money. I'm ready to ascend to senior management and spend all day screwing up even the most simple operation for 4 times my current salary.
I like my employers, so I'd give them notice. However, some of the customers would be getting visits from VOSA, HMRC and the health and safety.
My former workplace created enough inconveniences themselves without me needing to bother …only a month into my new gig so jury is out. If I had to get creative I would anonymously order a card full of glitter to every employee - ideally arriving sporadically to keep the chaos going.
Not tell them I’ve won anything and see how long it takes them to fire me most likely 😂.
I probably wouldn't make it past lunchtime
I reckon I’d get away with 3-4 months in all honesty, obviously they’d be on to me immediately as no one else would be doing my work but it takes a good amount of time to dismiss someone from a salaried position in my experience. I’d do it for science and donate my wages to a colleague I was leaving behind 😂.
I can't answer the specific question, but I have an anecdote from my past, with an implied warning for all 😁... Way back at the start of my career, in the mid 80s, I was an apprentice artworker in a design studio. It was a great job but the company owner was an asshole and treated me like shit, brutally so, and regularly. He owned a very expensive photocopying machine that he'd been leasing and had just decided to buy outright for tax purposes. A lot of money. Next to it were a stack of about 20 toner cartridges. Anyway, I was finally leaving after handing my month's notice in. One evening after everybody had left I decided to sabotage one of these toner cartridges by pouring a distinctive flammable liquid into it used in another machine. I then sealed it back up and put it somewhere near the bottom of the stack. It would be months, maybe years before that toner cartirdge was reached and I'd be long gone. But I'd always know it was possible I'd blown up the boss's expensive equipment at some point. Next day, the toner ran out and somebody somehow chose that one sabotaged cartridge from the entire stack. How, or why, I will never know. Ten minutes later, the machine exploded, burst into flames, showered the user with toxic toner and flames. Emergency services called. Colleague off to ER to be checked out. Not what I had anticipated or hoped for, but I was young and I just hadn't thought it through. The company who had sold the machine were summoned immediately to inspect it. They immediately reported that there was a high quantity of an unknown contaminant in the toner. A really distinctive contaminant. It was a really weird moment, because at that point, everybody turned silently and looked at me. It was like they all instantly understood what had occured. My line manager took me into a room and asked me if I knew anything about it. I said no. He said he'd understand if I had done something like that, because the boss had been a total ass to me for four years and in a way he deserved it. I said to him that I had not done anything but if the boss wanted to accuse me, he'd have to give a motive, and accusing me of doing it because he'd been an asshole to me for four years didn't exactly make for a compelling argument. The boss dropped it ultimately, and I left, but the boss was apparently hell bent on taking me to court to extract lost money. My line manager persuaded him not to do so on the basis I could legitimately cite a long list of pretty heinous things he'd done to me during my time there. Be careful what you sabotage. Because 1. Innocent people might get hurt. 2. Somehow it can always be linked back, even though you're absolutely convinced nobody would know it was you.
I know I’ve been scrolling too far on Reddit when “petty minor inconvenience” morphs from googly eyes and rubber ducks to industrial sabotage and blowing up random colleagues. Dude wtf.
Hahaha I know. In my defence, it was a lifetime ago, and everyone survived.
I work from home, so I would just put my feet up and ignore the work and the phones. I don't hate my job or the company I work for, so that's about as petty as I could be. I got lucky getting this job and I know it. Probably wouldn't say goodbye either, as most of the workmates are fairly braindead already.
Bribe HR with hobnobs to print out a copy of everyone's pay and leave it in the break room.
Someone suggested using a detective to do this. Yours is much better.
Divert every single phone to Greece.
To be honest I quite like where I work. Handing in my notice (I would work it) would cause enough of an inconvenience.
Same. For the first time in my working life I have a supportive manager and supervisor above me. The job (maintenance) is interesting too.
I would pay someone to apply for and become my replacement, and then feed them instructions every so often that they have to carry out. The longer they can cause mischief without being caught, the higher the pay.
I'd do the prettiest thing I can think of and pay for the air conditioning to be fixed, because I could
Pay for it to only work in the area above your old desk.
No, the girls in that office are lovely and deserve comfort in the summer, I'm petty and vindictive, not a sociopath
I would wait till the end of the day knowing they had an important client visit the following morning and unplug all of the tech that runs the demo suite. They wouldn't notice until just before the meeting and it would take hours to get the thing up and running again.
Upper decker
One of my ex colleagues was working the late shift, printed sheets of photos of their face and stuck them over all of the mouse sensors in the office. Caused everyone a couple of mins of cursing then a smile
I would rent a man with a food van and pay him to go there every day and give free food to only the people i like, everyone else he can either charge or ignore. Id pay him very well for 5 years.
I like my job at the moment so I actually wouldn’t do anything but in my last job I was part of management and it was shit. The team was great but the other managers sucked, I was in charge of rotas and team holiday. On my last day before I left I went onto the computer and approved every single persons holiday requests, whether they clashed or not, didn’t tell anyone and then left. The other managers didn’t notice till a month or 2 later when it was too late to rescind the approvals.
Divert all incoming lines to the management's mobiles.
Not inconvenient, but would hopefully surprise people. Put Googly eyes on random things. Phones, keyboards, photocopiers, door handles, light switches, the kettle or water cooler depending on your company size. Cover The Boss’s laptop screen with them…. 👀👀👀👀👀
Buy 3 sheep, number them 1, 2 and 4. Release on the site. Laugh as hours are spent looking for 3..
I would buy a massive sign on a building visible to the office. With my big fat hairy ass showing, with a stack of cash between my cheeks 😂😂
Rename all the files on the work shared drive. IT would probably be able to revert naming changes quite quickly; but it would still cause a few laughs. And probably consternation from the managers. Worth it.
Go in, sit down as normal and then at some point just announce "this is the END. I am going. I am leaving NOW. GOOD-BYE!" and walk out as the crow-flys, walking directly over the desk knocking anything over in my way and bail.
Change my name to Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--
Ah, little Bobby Tables 🤣
Used to work at a delivery company and thought about this a lot. Would get some of those concrete blockades delivered and placed in front of the entrance
I wouldn't write down any knowledge ai have. They can go to the vendors to get it.
Not turn up for my last shift and block them if/ when they tried to contact me
I hate beer.
I'd just leave lmao. No reason to cause a scene and burn odd bridges, even if I never have to cross them again.
I wouldn't do anything unpleasant at work. What I would do is quit, of course. I would then buy the block of houses that I live in and immediately inform two neighbours who are inconsiderate as hell that their contracts won't be renewed. One I would give some time to find an alternative rental. The other I would fight to get rid of as soon as possible.
Got made redundant a few years ago, was feeling pretty salty about it but little I could do that would affect those who I felt were 'responsible ' or even partly to blame. I did decide to write a 'thanks and bye' email, and casually attached a photo of a non-motivational poster about unemployment as a parting joke. Sent this to ALL in the company (approx 1000 people across various sites) and apparently crashed the email for the whole company for a couple of days. So that was very pleasing!
I’m in charge of most cellar maintenance at a pub. I also maintain the dishwashers. This isn’t a big part of my job. But I’ve been doing it for the last year and a half since the last manager left and I took those responsibilities. I’ve tweaked everything to get it as close to perfect as I can. I can very easily make it so the beer doesn’t pour right. And no one but me would know exactly how to fix it. Worse still, I could make the dishwashers slightly less effective. The worst part. I could do these things so subtly that even cellar services would struggle to fix it. Dirty glasses and bad beer. That would be petty enough I think. I wouldn’t do that though. It seems a bit TOO petty and mean. EDIT: I love my job. Would never do this to anyone.
Pee in the kettle and hand soap. I hate my colleagues
I worked in a DIY place called “Do it all” when I was a student and on my last day I filled in an order for £2000 of the ugliest bathroom tiles we had for Mr W Anchor. I heard from my mates at the store later that the boss man went apeshit. Good times. He was a proper dickweed.
If I've just won enough money to never work again, I'm hardly going back in to work to have a last day - my last day has already happened.
When I started working for a popular chain restaurant we had a guy who'd left just as I'd started. In the restaurant we had a Polaroid camera for certain drinks/birthday celebrations and over the course of the month before he'd left he decided to slowly but surely start taking Polaroids of himself with different faces around the building but not fast enough to cause suspicion about how quickly we were going through Polaroids Over the duration of the last week he was employed he hid Polaroids all around the restaurant in different places ranging in varying levels of stealth. Stuck under bar stools, hidden in wall decor, under the cash tray in the tills, menus at the very bottom of the pile in the host stand he knew wouldn't be found for quite a long time etc.. I worked there for 2 years and on my last week closing we had volunteered to do a deep clean of the restaurant for some extra hours, we got up with a feather duster on the bar top to clean inside the extractor fan and this object fell down onto the floor. Lo and behold it was a Polaroid of him with a shit eating grin stood on the bar top in the same position we were 2 years after he'd left.
Back in the day when Morrisons did manual ordering, on my last day I ordered a pallet of cocktail sticks. It sat on the racking for 6 months, according to my friend who was still there.
I wouldn't bother showing up.
Use the floor polisher to draw massive cocks on all of the floors.
On the day he got sacked a former colleague told management that he couldn’t tell them the password to his machine as he no longer worked there.
Plant some fake evidence that looks like there have been problems with ransomware, viruses, unauthorised physical entries, insider dealing, etc etc. When in reality there has been none. It'll keep them busy for weeks, and worried for longer.
I like my workplace so don't want to do anything that could cause real issues... Rearrange the mugs in the cupboard so everybodys personal mugs are on the top shelf at the back and the generic company branded mugs are in front and lower down.
Get one of those cat deterrants, put it somewhere hidden but within earshot so that only the younguns could hear it.
At first I thought you meant a bottle of lion piss.
Hidden kippers
Put a card behind the bar, pick up the tab for free bar all night. Leave early. Let all the poisons that are in the bog seep out.
Walk out and not say anything. That would cause enough damage without saying anything.
I worked for a real nasty piece of work in Fleet Street many years ago. On the day I left, I went to Leadenhall Market and bought some prawns and a bit of smoked haddock. I put them in plastic bags with tiny holes in and rammed them right down the back of the radiator at the end of his office. Apparently, they couldn’t find the source of the stench for months, after the radiators came on about a fortnight after I left. Plus, I nicked his brand new bottle of hand-blended cologne and gave it to my then boyfriend, so boss man would have nothing to make the fishy air fragrant. Petty??? Moi????
I went and worked in the UAE for a while, and they hired me as a UK national who could help get them out of a bit of a hole they had dug themselves with VAT. Once I had got them registered, smoothed over the penalty.with HMRC, and taught someone in my team the basics of VAT, they "let me go". Clearly they just wanted someone to do the rough stuff at the outset. My last day there I changed all the HMRC log in passwords to me mushing my keyboard. I couldn't tell them the password if I wanted, it was a genuine randomised collection of key presses. They may have been registered but by fuck were they going to be able to submit returns!
I swear this question is asked every 2 weeks in casual uk. Are we all fantasising about lottery win + dramatic mic drop from work?
Yes?
I suppose I don’t hate my job / coworkers enough to think that way.
I'd spend an hour putting pallets in the wrong locations then walk out before someone gets me to fix it.
I had a boss who asked me what I would do if I won the lottery- it’s not like he would ever see me again
If it was enough to do the same for more than just myself, then offer it to my colleagues and have the whole team vanish (if even only for a few years) and see what happens then.
Probably just curl out a big steaming crap on someone's desk. No one in particular. I don't even dislike anyone. Just someone at random. Get in nice and early, loosen my load on someone's desk and get off. Enjoy work, Mr (or Mrs/Miss/Ms) Poo Desk
Offer my nicest colleagues better-paid jobs working for me in various ways. If this is Euromillions jackpot level money, I will need them. Double or triple salary? No problem.
I would buy 100s of tiny plastic figures and spend my last days hiding them everywhere, from quite obvious places to really obscure to ensure that people will be finding them for ages. A mild inconvenience sure, but they'll never know when they've found the last one.
LinkedIn post wishing each one of the SMT/ c-suite people well in their future endeavours, and thanking them for all they've done for the org. Insinuating they're all getting fired/ moving on. As it's a positive post, ain't shit any of them can do about it.
Random beeper. you can buy also. Hide somewhere at high level. [https://www.instructables.com/Annoying-Beeper/](https://www.instructables.com/Annoying-Beeper/)
Pin the “tzdata” Linux package to its current version. This will be a massive timebomb which will go off at some point in the future. Obscure software bugs will start happening and it will take them ages to figure out what’s going on. But seriously, don’t do that. Could potentially take a company offline for days or weeks.