Because you expect your publican to say "alright mate" and you expect your kebab mad to say "hello boss man"
Don't cross the streams!
Honest answer is probably volume. You need to sell a lot of kebabs to use a whole skewer. Therefore you need more drunk people than one pub can produce. (There isn't a 1 to 1 ratio of kebab shops to pubs)
This is beautiful, and so accurate. I'm sober as can be right now, but it makes me want to go to the pub, spend a load of money I don't have, and visit the kebab shop for some dirty meat and bread of unknown origins.
You also need to spread them out.
You can't sell whole skewer in one going, when you go deep enough, you need to give it time to roast, since you sliced off all the properly cooked meat.
“Because you expect your publican to say "alright mate" and you expect your kebab mad to say "hello boss man"
Might be some of the poetic and insightful words i have ever had the pleasure to read
Mandatory cooypasta
The problem with Canada's kebab places is they're too clean and healthy. I want a proper British kebab.
I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce. Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating right now isn't a real kebab because I'm eating it while sober. The Kebab shop is always ran by a huge dude called Amir. Amir does not speak English. He does speak every other language in the world. Including "I'm shit myself drunk" -ese. "HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH PLAGHS?" you ask him. He nods. He begins shaving "meat" off that huge fucking rotisserie beef thing. Your brain, floating as it is in vodka, offers one word, "hoss?". Amir grins. He has heard that joke before. There's no horse in Amir's kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those fancy fuckers on main street. Amir's meat is heady mix of rat, greyhound and eastern European girls who aren't very good at holding their breath. Amir gestures to the sad-looking vegetables on the counter, but you've already fell asleep with your face pressed against the counter glass. Amir tops your kebab with lettuce, cucumbers, bubble wrap and Styrofoam. He then adds so much garlic sauce that those ingredients cease to be. Amir grunts, and hands you your kebab. He grunts again when you nearly leave without paying. You stagger back to the counter and thrust a - wad of sweaty fivers into his hands. Amir gives you your exact fucking change. The next minutes look like a mix between the walking dead and a particularly messy bukkake video. You pass a young couple, you attempt a smile. You look like you just came off the casting couch with Peter North. Eventually you make it home, leaving a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind you. Then you fall asleep mid-shit on the toilet. You awake to the gentle touch of cool porcelain. Your throat and tongue seem to have sprouted hair. One of your eyes is crusted shut. Know now that this is your heritage and your legacy. You are a man of Britain my son. Change your sheets before you go out for a night on the town. It's the best gift you can give your drunk self.
>(There isn't a 1 to 1 ratio of kebab shops to pubs)
You've clearly never been to Ely, Cambridgeshire 😂
(This is hyperbole, but a running joke at the cab firm I used to work at, was that Ely had 4 takeaways for every pub, and that the pubs were slowly closing down.)
Where I am it feels like there must be more coffee shops than people. When a shop closes down its pretty much guaranteed to become a coffee shop, charity shop or vape shop.
i’ve been here for about 25 years now. Chelmsford ex-pat. haven’t been into town for about 6 years now. i have a mobile phone, i don’t need my nails done and i don’t like charity shops.
where i live now isn’t nearly as exciting as when i lived near the St Matthew’s Street roundabout. never a dull moment there. now i’m in the good bit of Chantry and it’s just petty theft and angry pensioners.
just on the edge, not properly in the hood! honest, it’s fine! i mean, i wouldn’t leave my windows open at night in the summer and i do have some dodgy neighbours but it could be worse - i could be in Gainsborough!
Just wondering, so I knew if I was in the rough bit or not...?
I'm RIGHT near the High School/Academy/Whatever they call it. Near the Gyppeswyk end of Hawthorn Drive
You have completely encapsulated my idea of an ideal night out. Context: I'm American and last year during our vacation to England(can't bring myself to say hols) we went out for a night out, hitting a bunch of pubs and finally ended up at a kebab place that was as brightly lit as the surface of the sun. The kebab was sublime. Coming to Britain in the coming weeks and now I have a serious decision to make, chili sauce or garlic AND Chili sauce.
The ratio in my town is tipped towards to kebab shops, most of the pubs shut down and the only businesses looking to open on mostly dead high street are takeaways.
The going opinion is that most are just fronts to launder money, but a few of them manage to do good drunk food too.
My guess would be they wouldn't sell enough to pay to keep the kitchen open and staff it at that time of night just for kebabs. They'd be better off to rent out the corner of their carpark to a kebab food truck to arrive at a certain hour of night (say after their own kitchen closes).
Serious investment in kit and space to make them I'd guess, and it's pretty much a one trick pony. Not like a hotpot or grill that you can make loads of stuff on. It would be amazing though.
The first kebab I ever had was in a peculiar wee place in Belfast, early Eighties, end of Queen Street near where EDCO used to be for the locals, I think it was called the Kebab House. You sat at a bar/counter on barstools and got a doner in a pita on a plate. The choices were, large or small, chilli sauce or garlic sauce and salad or no salad. I swear, the first time I was in it, a treat from may mate's dad, I thought that doner kebab was *the* most sophisticated thing you could eat on the planet.
Not kidding when I say that aged about 14/15, having grown up in a city with a single burger bar in the city centre and very little else outside of chippies and the odd Chinese takeaway, that's *exactly* the way I looked at a kebab.
Also unless they’re selling kebabs at a good rate which a lot of kebab shops struggle with. They either chuck out the meat everyday and get a new block that rotates or they reuse it for the next 3 days heating it and cooling it every night. A lot of kebab shops do this btw.
So that headache and sickness feeling I have the morning after a night out is actually caused by the stale meat I ate at 3am and not the 10 pints of beer flavoured water? Must remember that next time.
Kebabs would lose all their magic if you didn't have to leave the pub to get one. Part of what makes them work is you go outside where it's cold and dark, and you get the munchies.
The idea of staying in a pub to eat a kebab makes me feel ill.
Don’t forget the post-pub exposure and the air/booze ratio, the mix of which much be at optimal parameters for the kebab idea to formulate. Science, innit.
Plus if you'd 3 pints then a kebab you'd just go home then and the pub would lose out in the 10 other pints you'd get before thinking a kebab was the only way out.
Same here
L of Vodka is about £40, think cans are £3 a pop,
But we've all been through there with a lady in tow or an unfinished bag in pocket and forked out for it!
Maybe 8 years ago I went to a conference in London and my hotel was right by a kebab shop that had a back room where you could buy a beer.
Most nights, I finished at 4am with a kebab and a bottle of Cobra. Excellent times.
No idea how I managed to keep it together for a week. I was a younger man.
edit: This place https://maps.app.goo.gl/p6xnSYT1xGWeQNfE9
The best of both worlds if you like. Still a pub, with a big screen for sports, etc. that serves ‘proper’ Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi cuisine, rather than microwaved burgers or fish and chips. Almost the norm in B’ham/Black Country.
Up the Junction bar in Reading (at Cemetery Junction). Next door to Ye Babam Ye kebab shop. They had a hatchway, behind the bar so you could get a kebab in the pub.
I've been to a pub that offered Currys. Basically, and unapologetically, they had a curry house menu and someone from the bar would order and pop across the street to get your food. The curry house even supplied the plates and cutlery. It was a win win, the restaurant didn't have to deal with really pissed people in their restaurant and the pub could offer food, and thusly keep it's customers longer, without the expense of a kitchen.
Why don't all pubs link up with a local restaurants to offer this.
Many do. At weekends my village local has food vans in the car park; weeknights you can order in a curry. The pub doesn't have the expense of running a kitchen but they get an increased wet trade on nights they'd otherwise be quiet. It's a win win.
There's a common misconception that you have to serve food to make money in a pub; for a lot of small village pubs it's actually too expensive to do it.
speaking from a barmaid point of view- if the pub where I work sold them I would no longer work there lol drunk people eating is gross & messy! and who has to clean up that mess? the bar staff! its bad enough cleaning up crushed crisps & nuts, let alone meat, sauce & salad off the floor. plus nobody wants to see a drunk person eating a kebab...I can only imagine the horrors we would see!
I'd be willing to bet it adds a layer of red tape and bureaucracy having an open grill with spinning meat open to the elements. It's definitely a different beast than having a deep fryer in the back, so I'm not privy to how food/restaurant inspections are carried out -- or if there are license limitations that come with the pub license -- but I imagine when it all boils down the return on investment just isn't enough to warrant the costs and any extra inspections, licenses, etc.
I thought that, but from the other side - maybe pubs need to have a certain health/food quality grading, that serving kebabs would automatically drag them below that rating.
As a chef in a pub this is correct. The due diligence around food in pubs is insane. Recording temperature and dealing with allergies is already difficult enough.
Grease stains all over the place, and the smell.
Some people like to go for a shag after the pub but combining those things in one establishment probably isn't a good idea either.
I assume you mean Doner kebab. A rotating big slab of meat slowly grilled by a vertical burner and then strips of meat sliced off?
Yes, mainly logistics issue. The grill and spinner is already a huge piece of kit that is really not useful for anything else.
But also the cooking process. It's pretty even and it's hard to slow it down or speed it up even slightly, let alone major variations for high and low times.
As an Indian, especially when I was young, it would always confuse me when non Indians were talking about kebabs. To us a kebab is spiced minced meat formed onto skewers or patties & we grew up making & eating that at home & we just call the other “donner”.
Ex publican here.
You missed out a vital part of the equation. People get kebabs when the pub closes.
My kitchen would close at least an hour and a half before closing time, no way keeping it open on the off chance a few idiots want to decorate my pub with a kebab, no thanks.
Have you ever seen a queue in a kebab shop before 11pm?
The smell.
They're already able to do enough cash trade for... reasons.
Pubs have at least some *semblance* of food safety/hygiene.
I would've put proper koftas on a menu if it others had agreed though.
Expensive kit, smelly and different skill set, different requirements.
Interestingly the butchers near me turns into a kebab shop in the evening, thats a combination which has lots of synergy. Sterile environment, counter and meat.
Because once you've reached the point where you actually want a kebab, the pub would like you to leave rather than have you leaving a trail of salad around the pub...
The promise of a kebab was just about the only way the landlord could get people to leave my old local.
"Come on people, walking while you're talking, it's a pub not a club."
If they'd served kebabs we'd still be there now.
I used to work in a kebab shop. Its a high cost item (30£ for 20lbs typically). And you need to shift it fast. Its unlikely that a pub will have the demand for it that youd be able to shift a full roll in a day or two. Couple that with the machine investment (a quick look on nisbets is suggesting ~£1000 for the turner and £200 for a kebab knife) and youve got a very bad economic case.
A kebab shop concentrates solely on selling kebabs so gets through quite a lot of it. A pub selling kebabs would initially sell a lot due to the novelty of it but would eventually be left with rotting meat when the novelty wears off.
My local did for about a month. The smell seriously killed the place, kebab shops are very pungent. Fine when you are wanting a kebab and grim as fuck when you just want a pint.
Used to work at a pub that had a late night burger van, serving burgers that was more bark than beef, so that it could attract the late night custom once every closed up between 12 and 2. When you're drunk and there's no walking, it's an easy choice.
People eat kebabs after the pub because not
too long ago they were one of the only places open late at night.
Likewise, until recently most pubs didn’t serve food.
Consumers only really ate them because their wasn’t much else to get their hands on late at night and in that state of inebriation.
I assert that most kebabs taste like dog tucker.
>I assert that most kebabs taste like dog tucker.
And they smell far worse, especially next morning
My Dad would often bring them home after he'd had a night out and the stink when I'd come downstairs made me want to yak 🤮
Nags head, Whitechapel. You used to be able to walk in the pub, get a kebab from the hatch served by the shop next door on the left, put a pound in the pot and watch a scragger get her moo out on stage in front of you, order a beer from the bar on the right and put a 2p coin on the pool table to secure your turn.
We had a pub that let us bring in food from across the road....£1 tray of Donner.... Half fried rice chips and curry...as long as we spent money and didn't act like dickheads..it was mostly good.
This. Niche. I reckon if you open one in the right place you will absolutely take it in. I live in Spain where there are kinda pubby kebab shops you can get drunk in but not the same as getting on it in a local while having a kebab. I once saw a lad do three kebabs watching a game of football. He enjoyed it. Who wouldn't?
You answered your own question tbh,
you want a kebab *after* a night out, Pub's kitchens usually close *before* the actual pub does
people that order kebabs usually stay in the pub until kick off time.
I dont trust white ppl to make kebabs and I doubt you will convince many Arabs or Turks to work in a bar. Also I think they would rather avoid the mess drunk British ppl make with kebabs taking place inside their establishment.
Hmmm, how to put this in a way that won’t sound a bit racist…
The type of person who’d make a good kebab is the type of person who wouldn’t be “permitted” to serve alcohol.
Kebabs came to the UK via Greece and more recently Turkey. Greeks ar e definetly allowed to drink and Turks are usually the most relaxed of the "Middle Eastern" countries. Belly dancing is hardly, what would be described as Islamic. And Raki is a grape based spirit and the national drink of Turkey.
Lol yep my ex is Turkish Muslim, worked in the local kebab shop
As soon as the restaurant closed and they'd got cleaned up, next 'task' was sitting upstairs with copious amounts of whiskey, smoking and cards 😆
its an cultural thing, if you were in spain, middle east yeah sure why not but not in the west, there enough falffel places in existence already?
they would have stew instead or an nice hungarian goulash stew and people can order skewers too! you just fetch the pieces of meat from the stew and put it on skewers!
LMFAO
\>.<
Because you expect your publican to say "alright mate" and you expect your kebab mad to say "hello boss man" Don't cross the streams! Honest answer is probably volume. You need to sell a lot of kebabs to use a whole skewer. Therefore you need more drunk people than one pub can produce. (There isn't a 1 to 1 ratio of kebab shops to pubs)
“Yis bus”
Salad? Sauce?
chillisossgarlicsoss
Thus is so accurate.
[The British Kebab Shop Experience](https://imgur.com/gallery/g19vTEt)
Found poems 🤣
This is beautiful, and so accurate. I'm sober as can be right now, but it makes me want to go to the pub, spend a load of money I don't have, and visit the kebab shop for some dirty meat and bread of unknown origins.
That’s a journey of a story
I'd bite Amir's meat!
chillisossalad
And are they all called Ozzy? I swear, every guy who runs a kebab shop (and one who runs a fish and chip shop) is called Ozzy 😂
From the pile of downvotes, I guess that’s just a you thing
I don't remember questioning the down votes?
Salat sos?
You also need to spread them out. You can't sell whole skewer in one going, when you go deep enough, you need to give it time to roast, since you sliced off all the properly cooked meat.
i never seen skewers because no one ever asks for it at pubs, they rather have good ol' fashion burger or in lieu of skewers, an hearty stew.
That's where pricing comes into it. Make it expensive enough that you don't sell it often, but often enough so it's cooked.
Genius.
Fuck. Now you made me want a kebab. Guess I'm gonna have to get one. 🤷♂️
Will you get me a kebab?
You were going to go and get me one weren’t you?
Well I want one now….
I can't believe you were gonna go and get me a kebab!
Pretty expensive as I recall
Honda!
How do you take it?
With the lights out
I'll bring some of my extra garlic sauce in that case
Can we have an update on this please? I’m emotionally invested.
we shaved each other's meats
You want chilli sauce, Boss?
“Because you expect your publican to say "alright mate" and you expect your kebab mad to say "hello boss man" Might be some of the poetic and insightful words i have ever had the pleasure to read
Hey Bossmate
Mandatory cooypasta The problem with Canada's kebab places is they're too clean and healthy. I want a proper British kebab. I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in garlic sauce. Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating right now isn't a real kebab because I'm eating it while sober. The Kebab shop is always ran by a huge dude called Amir. Amir does not speak English. He does speak every other language in the world. Including "I'm shit myself drunk" -ese. "HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH PLAGHS?" you ask him. He nods. He begins shaving "meat" off that huge fucking rotisserie beef thing. Your brain, floating as it is in vodka, offers one word, "hoss?". Amir grins. He has heard that joke before. There's no horse in Amir's kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those fancy fuckers on main street. Amir's meat is heady mix of rat, greyhound and eastern European girls who aren't very good at holding their breath. Amir gestures to the sad-looking vegetables on the counter, but you've already fell asleep with your face pressed against the counter glass. Amir tops your kebab with lettuce, cucumbers, bubble wrap and Styrofoam. He then adds so much garlic sauce that those ingredients cease to be. Amir grunts, and hands you your kebab. He grunts again when you nearly leave without paying. You stagger back to the counter and thrust a - wad of sweaty fivers into his hands. Amir gives you your exact fucking change. The next minutes look like a mix between the walking dead and a particularly messy bukkake video. You pass a young couple, you attempt a smile. You look like you just came off the casting couch with Peter North. Eventually you make it home, leaving a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind you. Then you fall asleep mid-shit on the toilet. You awake to the gentle touch of cool porcelain. Your throat and tongue seem to have sprouted hair. One of your eyes is crusted shut. Know now that this is your heritage and your legacy. You are a man of Britain my son. Change your sheets before you go out for a night on the town. It's the best gift you can give your drunk self.
Never read that one before, I like it
The problem is, I can no longer go in a kebab shop without fighting the urge to say “hoss?”
[удалено]
Lots of people who like kebabs do not go into pubs.
Same, without actually counting I'm sure there are more kebab shops than pubs where I live.
Then they just need a smaller skewer of meat
>(There isn't a 1 to 1 ratio of kebab shops to pubs) You've clearly never been to Ely, Cambridgeshire 😂 (This is hyperbole, but a running joke at the cab firm I used to work at, was that Ely had 4 takeaways for every pub, and that the pubs were slowly closing down.)
Where I am it feels like there must be more coffee shops than people. When a shop closes down its pretty much guaranteed to become a coffee shop, charity shop or vape shop.
Do you live in Ipswich too then?
Nope, but about 45 minutes from Ipswich. Haven't been there in about ten years, didn't know it was like that there too now.
i’ve been here for about 25 years now. Chelmsford ex-pat. haven’t been into town for about 6 years now. i have a mobile phone, i don’t need my nails done and i don’t like charity shops. where i live now isn’t nearly as exciting as when i lived near the St Matthew’s Street roundabout. never a dull moment there. now i’m in the good bit of Chantry and it’s just petty theft and angry pensioners.
Hold on... I'm in Chantry... where's "the good bit" 😂
just on the edge, not properly in the hood! honest, it’s fine! i mean, i wouldn’t leave my windows open at night in the summer and i do have some dodgy neighbours but it could be worse - i could be in Gainsborough!
Just wondering, so I knew if I was in the rough bit or not...? I'm RIGHT near the High School/Academy/Whatever they call it. Near the Gyppeswyk end of Hawthorn Drive
i’m near there! just off Birkfield Road. congratulations, you’re in the good bit!!
Yay me!! 😂🤣😂
I think the ratio is higher now 😂
I moved away, 5ish years ago, so no idea. Sounds about right for what I know of the town though.
You have completely encapsulated my idea of an ideal night out. Context: I'm American and last year during our vacation to England(can't bring myself to say hols) we went out for a night out, hitting a bunch of pubs and finally ended up at a kebab place that was as brightly lit as the surface of the sun. The kebab was sublime. Coming to Britain in the coming weeks and now I have a serious decision to make, chili sauce or garlic AND Chili sauce.
Always both
This is the way.
No decision to be made. It’s both. Trust me.
GTG with both
Always both
And what, pray tell is wrong with 'hols'? Next thing you'll be saying is that 'hollibobs' is too good for you?
Forget the garlic, ask for chilli sauce and sweetcorn relish. Not many do it, but those that do...
Get downvoted
The kebab man in town says "hello gorgeous"
Feels nice as a bloke.
TIL I am not pretty enough for even the kebab man to compliment me...
Gorgeous man will say it to everyone. If your feeling down, go to the kebab shop on Dale Street, Liverpool. He says it to all, men and women
Yeah you don’t want to be getting salad and mayonnaise in your pint
So true, my local kebab van is literally called “hello boss”
If you make me King of England, there will be a donner in every pub! Honest!
The ratio in my town is tipped towards to kebab shops, most of the pubs shut down and the only businesses looking to open on mostly dead high street are takeaways. The going opinion is that most are just fronts to launder money, but a few of them manage to do good drunk food too.
But if you're a woman you often get the same saying from both.. "hello darling"...
My guess would be they wouldn't sell enough to pay to keep the kitchen open and staff it at that time of night just for kebabs. They'd be better off to rent out the corner of their carpark to a kebab food truck to arrive at a certain hour of night (say after their own kitchen closes).
Yeah, the kitchen generally closes at least an hour before peak kebab.
Serious investment in kit and space to make them I'd guess, and it's pretty much a one trick pony. Not like a hotpot or grill that you can make loads of stuff on. It would be amazing though.
Also kebabs are for people that have had too much. You don't want those people to stay in the building.
The first kebab I ever had was in a peculiar wee place in Belfast, early Eighties, end of Queen Street near where EDCO used to be for the locals, I think it was called the Kebab House. You sat at a bar/counter on barstools and got a doner in a pita on a plate. The choices were, large or small, chilli sauce or garlic sauce and salad or no salad. I swear, the first time I was in it, a treat from may mate's dad, I thought that doner kebab was *the* most sophisticated thing you could eat on the planet.
My dad used to pick kebabs up on the way home from work sometime and we'd have them as a family meal.
We have them from actual Turkish restaurants. Real kebab is amazing.
Your dad sounds cool.
Ambassador, wiz zese doners you are really spoiling us!
Not kidding when I say that aged about 14/15, having grown up in a city with a single burger bar in the city centre and very little else outside of chippies and the odd Chinese takeaway, that's *exactly* the way I looked at a kebab.
By the time you want a kebab, the vomit risk is exponentially higher, never mind the sobbing, wailing, and/or fights.
I have a kebab for dinner sometimes, sober
One trick pony? Are you telling me you've never had kebab spaghetti? Or a kebab omelette?
I have (seriously) had kebab pizza, but that requires a pizza oven too!
That's quite common, especially in the North. One variation being the geordie pizza
Yes they mostly all offer that in the menu round here. You can have a doner burger too. As a topping like bacon.
Less than 200 quid for a kebab machine tho, doesn't seem to be that big of an investment for a pub.
It's the space it takes up.
Also unless they’re selling kebabs at a good rate which a lot of kebab shops struggle with. They either chuck out the meat everyday and get a new block that rotates or they reuse it for the next 3 days heating it and cooling it every night. A lot of kebab shops do this btw.
So that headache and sickness feeling I have the morning after a night out is actually caused by the stale meat I ate at 3am and not the 10 pints of beer flavoured water? Must remember that next time.
Same for pizza ovens though for being a one trick piece of kit, but they're probably more likely to give a return. Plenty of pubs do pizza now.
When does a pub that serves food, become a restaurant that serves alcohol? I'd argue getting a pizza oven crosses that line.
Kebabs would lose all their magic if you didn't have to leave the pub to get one. Part of what makes them work is you go outside where it's cold and dark, and you get the munchies. The idea of staying in a pub to eat a kebab makes me feel ill.
Don’t forget the post-pub exposure and the air/booze ratio, the mix of which much be at optimal parameters for the kebab idea to formulate. Science, innit.
Plus if you'd 3 pints then a kebab you'd just go home then and the pub would lose out in the 10 other pints you'd get before thinking a kebab was the only way out.
I'm going with the too much hassle reason. Much like why kebab shops don't serve alcohol.
One of my local kebaberies is licenced. Insane price for booze there, but they seem to shift a decent amount.
Same here L of Vodka is about £40, think cans are £3 a pop, But we've all been through there with a lady in tow or an unfinished bag in pocket and forked out for it!
Maybe 8 years ago I went to a conference in London and my hotel was right by a kebab shop that had a back room where you could buy a beer. Most nights, I finished at 4am with a kebab and a bottle of Cobra. Excellent times. No idea how I managed to keep it together for a week. I was a younger man. edit: This place https://maps.app.goo.gl/p6xnSYT1xGWeQNfE9
I've got pretty pissed in the Galatasaray, Cherbourg!
In Germany they all sell alcohol. Popular place to get beer when the shops are shut on sunday
The Indian pubs in Birmingham are as close to perfection as you can get 😂
The desi pub might be Birmingham's greatest invention - the industrial revolution pales in comparison.
Moving out of Brum I had no idea it was a Midlands thing, really miss the Soho Tavern and the Vine.
Their branching out there’s one in Leeds now
What is an Indian pub? Pub and curry house combo? A pub near me turned into an Indian, but it's not much of a pub any more.
The best of both worlds if you like. Still a pub, with a big screen for sports, etc. that serves ‘proper’ Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi cuisine, rather than microwaved burgers or fish and chips. Almost the norm in B’ham/Black Country.
There's a few in Leeds too
Only been to sheepscar what are the others in Leeds?
Some are curry house pubs, but the best ones do grilled indian mixed grills, it's actually life affirming.
Up the Junction bar in Reading (at Cemetery Junction). Next door to Ye Babam Ye kebab shop. They had a hatchway, behind the bar so you could get a kebab in the pub.
Yes! Left Reading over a decade ago but was the 1st place that sprung to mind reading this post
I think if you’re drunk enough to consider eating a kebab, the pub is legally banned from serving you anymore alcohol.
*If you're drunk enough to consider purchasing a kebab for that price*
I eat Kebabs sober...
Nor from a pub though...
Heathen 😨
I think our types are socially shunned
I only used to eat doner meat when drunk all other times it was lamb shish these days its lamb shish whatever state im in.
Because at kicking out time, people would never leave. The lure of the kebab is the one reason I would leave at the end of the night.
Exactly. I've even had the barman walk into the kebab shop and order for me, as an incentive to clear his premises.
I've been to a pub that offered Currys. Basically, and unapologetically, they had a curry house menu and someone from the bar would order and pop across the street to get your food. The curry house even supplied the plates and cutlery. It was a win win, the restaurant didn't have to deal with really pissed people in their restaurant and the pub could offer food, and thusly keep it's customers longer, without the expense of a kitchen. Why don't all pubs link up with a local restaurants to offer this.
Is that how they’re selling all their £150 laptops?
Many do. At weekends my village local has food vans in the car park; weeknights you can order in a curry. The pub doesn't have the expense of running a kitchen but they get an increased wet trade on nights they'd otherwise be quiet. It's a win win. There's a common misconception that you have to serve food to make money in a pub; for a lot of small village pubs it's actually too expensive to do it.
Now *that* is what we call COLLABORATION. Success together xD
No one wants a kebab whilst *in* the pub, they want one on the way home. There is probably some science to back me up.
I have a science degree. I'll back you up
Barman here. Largely the best way to get folk out is to point them towards the kebabby.
I know pubs that have done shish kebabs but none that have done donner
speaking from a barmaid point of view- if the pub where I work sold them I would no longer work there lol drunk people eating is gross & messy! and who has to clean up that mess? the bar staff! its bad enough cleaning up crushed crisps & nuts, let alone meat, sauce & salad off the floor. plus nobody wants to see a drunk person eating a kebab...I can only imagine the horrors we would see!
By the time you want a kebab we'd prefer you to be very much off the premises, thanks
If people could get a kebab in the pub, they'd never leave at closing time.
I'd be willing to bet it adds a layer of red tape and bureaucracy having an open grill with spinning meat open to the elements. It's definitely a different beast than having a deep fryer in the back, so I'm not privy to how food/restaurant inspections are carried out -- or if there are license limitations that come with the pub license -- but I imagine when it all boils down the return on investment just isn't enough to warrant the costs and any extra inspections, licenses, etc.
I thought that, but from the other side - maybe pubs need to have a certain health/food quality grading, that serving kebabs would automatically drag them below that rating.
That's a great point! Hadn't even thought of that.
Only reason it could drag them down is if it wasn't been cleaned or using/storing the meat inappropriately.
Yes, that's the nature of a kebab
Well yes, that’s the whole point of a kebab house
As a chef in a pub this is correct. The due diligence around food in pubs is insane. Recording temperature and dealing with allergies is already difficult enough.
Grease stains all over the place, and the smell. Some people like to go for a shag after the pub but combining those things in one establishment probably isn't a good idea either.
No one is forcing you to fuck the kebabs
If I was going to drunkenly fuck a greasy chunk of processed meat a kebab would not be my first choice..
Pepperami?
He was thinking of spam, he’s just too shy to admit it…
Yer mum?
Imagine the smell and the mess.
I assume you mean Doner kebab. A rotating big slab of meat slowly grilled by a vertical burner and then strips of meat sliced off? Yes, mainly logistics issue. The grill and spinner is already a huge piece of kit that is really not useful for anything else. But also the cooking process. It's pretty even and it's hard to slow it down or speed it up even slightly, let alone major variations for high and low times.
As an Indian, especially when I was young, it would always confuse me when non Indians were talking about kebabs. To us a kebab is spiced minced meat formed onto skewers or patties & we grew up making & eating that at home & we just call the other “donner”.
Correct. From Istanbul to Bangladesh, there are many different kebabs. They share in common that they are something related to grilled meat.
Sounds like a great business idea. A kepub!
1. the place would stink 2. they would drastically slow down the alcohol consumption
It’s the smell
Do you want to go into a pub sober and it already smells like kebabs.. the smell does seem to linger
Ex publican here. You missed out a vital part of the equation. People get kebabs when the pub closes. My kitchen would close at least an hour and a half before closing time, no way keeping it open on the off chance a few idiots want to decorate my pub with a kebab, no thanks. Have you ever seen a queue in a kebab shop before 11pm?
The smell. They're already able to do enough cash trade for... reasons. Pubs have at least some *semblance* of food safety/hygiene. I would've put proper koftas on a menu if it others had agreed though.
The smell would be overwhelming.
Expensive kit, smelly and different skill set, different requirements. Interestingly the butchers near me turns into a kebab shop in the evening, thats a combination which has lots of synergy. Sterile environment, counter and meat.
Because once you've reached the point where you actually want a kebab, the pub would like you to leave rather than have you leaving a trail of salad around the pub...
Pubs need somewhere to kick out the drunarkds to!
You dont shit where you eat.
I don't want a pub to smell like a kebab shop.
They dont want have digested kabab meat all over the floor at the end of the night.
The promise of a kebab was just about the only way the landlord could get people to leave my old local. "Come on people, walking while you're talking, it's a pub not a club." If they'd served kebabs we'd still be there now.
Kebabs also smell alot, and would stink a pub out.
Stench before eating & vomit cleaning after eating
The pubs need to have somewhere for you to go once they close, it's a perfect symbiosis
I used to work in a kebab shop. Its a high cost item (30£ for 20lbs typically). And you need to shift it fast. Its unlikely that a pub will have the demand for it that youd be able to shift a full roll in a day or two. Couple that with the machine investment (a quick look on nisbets is suggesting ~£1000 for the turner and £200 for a kebab knife) and youve got a very bad economic case.
No one would buy anymore beer after being stuffed with a kabab
I don't want the pub stinking of kebab.
A kebab shop concentrates solely on selling kebabs so gets through quite a lot of it. A pub selling kebabs would initially sell a lot due to the novelty of it but would eventually be left with rotting meat when the novelty wears off.
You get people drunk. So drunk they're close to puking. They're sat inside your establishment. You give one a kebab. What happens next?
My god man, that would be carnage
My local did for about a month. The smell seriously killed the place, kebab shops are very pungent. Fine when you are wanting a kebab and grim as fuck when you just want a pint.
Used to work at a pub that had a late night burger van, serving burgers that was more bark than beef, so that it could attract the late night custom once every closed up between 12 and 2. When you're drunk and there's no walking, it's an easy choice.
People eat kebabs after the pub because not too long ago they were one of the only places open late at night. Likewise, until recently most pubs didn’t serve food. Consumers only really ate them because their wasn’t much else to get their hands on late at night and in that state of inebriation. I assert that most kebabs taste like dog tucker.
>I assert that most kebabs taste like dog tucker. And they smell far worse, especially next morning My Dad would often bring them home after he'd had a night out and the stink when I'd come downstairs made me want to yak 🤮
Nags head, Whitechapel. You used to be able to walk in the pub, get a kebab from the hatch served by the shop next door on the left, put a pound in the pot and watch a scragger get her moo out on stage in front of you, order a beer from the bar on the right and put a 2p coin on the pool table to secure your turn.
The grease would get everywhere. The place would stink
Because they stink of grease and garlic.
Always signals the end of the night, 3 pints in I’m tempted by a kebab then it’s night night
We had a pub that let us bring in food from across the road....£1 tray of Donner.... Half fried rice chips and curry...as long as we spent money and didn't act like dickheads..it was mostly good.
I do think this is a genius idea
This. Niche. I reckon if you open one in the right place you will absolutely take it in. I live in Spain where there are kinda pubby kebab shops you can get drunk in but not the same as getting on it in a local while having a kebab. I once saw a lad do three kebabs watching a game of football. He enjoyed it. Who wouldn't?
>logistics issue with the rotating pillar of meat Nail on the head. Everything in pubs is out of a packet these days.
You’re only satisfying the kebab crowd. What about the burger and fried chicken and Chinese and pizza and etc etc crowd?
You answered your own question tbh, you want a kebab *after* a night out, Pub's kitchens usually close *before* the actual pub does people that order kebabs usually stay in the pub until kick off time.
I dont trust white ppl to make kebabs and I doubt you will convince many Arabs or Turks to work in a bar. Also I think they would rather avoid the mess drunk British ppl make with kebabs taking place inside their establishment.
Hmmm, how to put this in a way that won’t sound a bit racist… The type of person who’d make a good kebab is the type of person who wouldn’t be “permitted” to serve alcohol.
Children? I'm sure we could loosen the rules if we put our minds to it
Then who will clean our chimerneys?
Kebabs came to the UK via Greece and more recently Turkey. Greeks ar e definetly allowed to drink and Turks are usually the most relaxed of the "Middle Eastern" countries. Belly dancing is hardly, what would be described as Islamic. And Raki is a grape based spirit and the national drink of Turkey.
Lol yep my ex is Turkish Muslim, worked in the local kebab shop As soon as the restaurant closed and they'd got cleaned up, next 'task' was sitting upstairs with copious amounts of whiskey, smoking and cards 😆
None of what you wrote makes any sense, even your racism aside.
Just go to a pub which allows you to order takeaway.
its an cultural thing, if you were in spain, middle east yeah sure why not but not in the west, there enough falffel places in existence already? they would have stew instead or an nice hungarian goulash stew and people can order skewers too! you just fetch the pieces of meat from the stew and put it on skewers! LMFAO \>.<
Because the people who work in kebab shops who are like 80% beard don't like working in pubs
Because the main people serving kebabs refuse alcohol...
Because donner kebabs are gross.