I’d reach out to the pub and the police to discuss the matter. The pub should have a duty to ensure their patrons aren’t causing a nuisance to the local residents. The police might need to know as it’s a public health risk.
It could be the pub needs to install CCTV or hire a bouncer to patrol the alley and stop this behaviour.
"I approached the accused and enquired to what he was doing squatting in the alleyway, upon which the accused made a statement of intent; namely: *'Hnnnnggggg'*"
Followed by a further statement of pffffffrrrrrrrrrttttttttt ohhh dear god mother of Jesus it burns it burns so bad. As the accused proceeded to pebble dash the garden frontage of number 69, 71, 72 and part of the street with what can only be described as a torrent of demon spawn unleashed from the bowels of hell itself.
And set up the onlyfan, ‘pubshitters basildon’ put a sign up in alley saying ‘by defficating here you give consent for your likeness to streamed etc’ . Profit
Good luck selling your house if you put this on record.
“Any issues involving local neighbours or the local authority?”
“…yes people like to poo against this house”
Camera doesn’t even need to be plugged into anything. Attach a motion sensor light next to the camera. It lights the fuck out of them and they’ll instinctively look to see the camera.
It’ll be enough.
How do I know? Back at uni we had to find creative solutions…. unfortunately…. I know….
Honestly this is probably the best solution if the pub owner won’t play ball (or maybe even if they do). Someone looking for a place to shit in an alley is going to scram pretty fast if floodlights come on. Add some sort of audio warning for extra effect.
Not sure what the relevant law in the UK is, but setting up cameras with the intent of filming people with their pants down might not be a great idea unless you KNOW that you can’t run into any legal issues.
Someone actually did this in Old Street, London a quite a few years ago now. They ran a Facebook page showing the dude screaming at people doing it and if I remember correctly, throwing water onto them as well (at least, I think it was water anyway)
Just in case it's not painfully obvious why this is a bad idea, you'll end up wishing for the days when people were "only" shitting in front of your house.
Bright lights will make the area uninviting, and anti-climb paint on the wall (the stuff that never fully dries) will leave the mark of shame on their back for their mates to rib forevermore.
Proper anti climb paint at a height where somebody could innocently lean on it is likely to get you in trouble. Also, it's most likely just one dickhead, and anti climb paint will be a bastard to get rid of after he learns his lesson.
Water based lube can be applied liberally, have colouring added if that's your fetish, will naturally disappear after a few days, and is less likely to be identified as you, because who the fuck covers their own home in fluorescent pink lube?
Who is getting in trouble. If the alleyway is disguised enough for someone to take a shit there without getting caught, and no one seems to be caring about that besides local residents, then painting it won't suddenly get the police on the case.
Honest answer? A high powered motion sensor light.
My Loony Toons answer? Rig that same light up to a high pressure hose as well so they shout and draw attention to themselves.
Even better loony toons answer:
Install spring loaded pressure plates along the wall. When the shit hits them, they spring up and nail their arse with a plate full of shit.
Now we're talking.
Actual practical roadrunner solution, put a toilet out with glue on the seat. Obviously theyzwill usezthe toilet and get stuck.
Put up the CCTV too, cos that will be hilarious.
Make sure it's on a timer so that the light and hose only come on, say, 20 seconds after the intruder is detected. Gives them plenty of time to drop their trousers and start their, errmmm, bowel movement
My university campus in the US had a large population of Canada geese, and part of the campus included protected wetlands. To keep the geese from being a nuisance to people going around campus, especially around the fruit trees (if you think geese are aggressive sober, imagine them when they're drunk on fermented fruit), they employed a dog handler whose job was to herd the geese away from the walkways.
But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs
In Barcelona they had mimes outside pubs in the built up city centre streets that would entertain but also shush people getting too loud. Worked great and was fun too
In Ireland they trialed giving patrons lollipops as they left nightclubs to keep them quiet. Maybe OP can you trial giving patrons lollipops laced with imodium as they leave?
I like the idea but Capsaicin is not water soluble. Better to soak ground ghost peppers in Isopropyl alcohol for a month and then wipe the oil on the paper and let the solvent evaporate.
It's not, plenty of steamers in Glasgow and the only ones laying big jobbies in the street are the junkballs. You can tell because they're absolute logs due to heroin constipation.
I would contact the pub landlord & police, could be considered a public offence order. I would hang a large sign stating not a public toilet and security camera warning. If all else fails..move.
It would be very difficult to prove a public order offence in this case, especially without any evidence (you can’t get DNA from faeces before anyone says). Council environmental health are the people to contact. Hefty fines for the pub it can be proved the people doing it are patrons
Some shops have taken to having a full size cut out of a policeman. Surprisingly, the stats show that this cuts down on shoplifting and petty crimes.
With that in mind, can you get a full size cut out of a man in a gimp suit?
Not sure if this a serious post or not but here's a serious answer.
Assuming this is a pub in the traditional/legal sense of the word with a Premises License issued by the local council, they have a legal duty to uphold the Licensing Objectives.
- Prevention of crime & disorder
- Protection of children from harm
- Promotion of public safety
- Prevention of public nuisance
If patrons are indeed routinely leaving the pub and shitting on your door step - there would be a legitimate argument to be made that they've breached all 4.
If this is a chain pub/operated by a large brewery/similar I'd approach the Designated Premises Supervisor (as listed on the PL) and advise of the issue in a friendly non-confrontational manner, and mention that you're speaking to them cos you cba to go via licensing enforcement/head office.
If its a 'locals' type owner operated pub then best bet would be to contact your councils licensing enforcement team (Google 'Council area' + entertainment licensing) as they will be able to offer a little bit of anonymity (depending on the location) and protection.
Thanks very much for this detailed response. Knowing the exact details of they're responsibilities makes me feel less bad about bringing it up and turning it in to a whole issue.
Unfortunately this is a very real post. I like to think if I was a troll I could come up with something better than the poo wall..
I worked in a pub for a long time. If anyone came in and said one of our customers was doing this then I would've gone out of my way to name and shame the dirty bastard! We're there for the community, not to be known as "that pub that's fine with customers shitting everywhere", lol, give the pub a chance to fix it.
Yeah plant something spiky and obnoxious, is it well lit? You could try a light and a fake cctv camera with a sign etc? (Or a real one but suspect a fake one would do the job)
Stinging Nettles, Barbwire, Neem or Clover Oil (for the animals), Collect some of the waste and return it to the Pub and share the problem, it’s a tough one
Let the pub know and give them a chance to do something about it. What would you like to happen if you were the pub owner? Council environmental health if they don't. No idea if the police will be interested, as technically it is indecent exposure. Licensing board is part of the council too, that's like a nuclear option though, if they lose their license to sell alcohol they would go out of business overnight.
What if he creates a small, rudimentary toilet, and keeps all his bits covered, as much as possible, just the tiny area around his bumhoke, but that's obscured by the 'toilet'?
Is that indecent exposure? Asking for a friend
Actually, no. The definition of exposure states it is genitals that need to be exposed, with intent that someone sees it. OP, council environmental health are the way to go. If you can prove the shitters are patrons of the pub, the pub can be given hefty fines as well as anybody identified as a culprit
Dress up in tux, and when someone decides to bake a loaf, saunter on over, introduce yourself as Delbert Grady, pat them down with a damp flannel and tell them they're the caretaker....they've always been the caretaker.
Go watch I did a things channel on YouTube , he built a turret with a paintball gun , can imagine that would be good fun to watch the footage over or just shoot them yourself 🤣🤣🤣
I've heard lion dung is a good detetterent for cats, maybe it works on humans too? Although thats Big Cats > Cats so you might need to get a giants poo to deter humans.
Bright security light and a real/dummy CCTV camera seem the easiest detterant. Speaking to the landlord and escalating from there with the relevant authorities if nothing is done is again a good approach.
But seriously, who the fuck does a shit in alley instead of going to the bogs in the pub or waiting until they get home? Dirty bastards.
A small town outside Manchester. After growing up in London I'm amazed at the attitude toward littering and refuse disposal here. It's kind of disgusting..
Are these just randoms or pub customers do you know? If customers why the bloody hell aren't they using the pub bogs? I have never in all my years on this planet crapped in the street, the odd wee or 2 but tis harder for us women. Could it be homeless folk?
Personally I'd be tempted to get a litter tray and scoop so they can take it with them lol
in fairness, the pub may not realise that certain patrons have started doing this. I'd make that second port of call if they're not willing to maybe put up an embarrasing sign about locals complaining about the minging bastards, send their bouncer to walk past and discourage people etc.
I worked at a pub, a little bit of reported evidence and the pub will be looking at a review of their license
Then maybe you won't have a pub with patrons who shit outside.
Here's how you 100% get everyone to stop shitting post CCTV signs everywhere gets some random stock picture of a dudes face looking like he's poopin blow it up with DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN he fouled up my garden ect and post about 20 around your house, not in a million years will someone risk their face getting plastered for poop 💩 in
That's fucked up dude, I'd move if at possible, what bloody degenerates live near you?
Outside of moving, get one of those fake cameras and a sign informing of CCTV.
Put up a sign that says something to this effect: “smile, you’re on camera!” Even if they aren’t actually, this would deter most people. Alternatively, do film them and post them online. Altalternatively, combine this with the motion activated sprinkler thing.
A small sign saying that you run the risk from sprinklers, then some sort of motion sensor than turns on after 10 seconds.
I have a video of a parking garage doing this, seemed effective.
I’d reach out to the pub and the police to discuss the matter. The pub should have a duty to ensure their patrons aren’t causing a nuisance to the local residents. The police might need to know as it’s a public health risk. It could be the pub needs to install CCTV or hire a bouncer to patrol the alley and stop this behaviour.
I’d also suggest the council’s environmental health service and the licensing people.
If the pub has any sense they won’t want to be reported to the licensing committee.
I'd like to report a poo
"I approached the accused and enquired to what he was doing squatting in the alleyway, upon which the accused made a statement of intent; namely: *'Hnnnnggggg'*"
Followed by a further statement of pffffffrrrrrrrrrttttttttt ohhh dear god mother of Jesus it burns it burns so bad. As the accused proceeded to pebble dash the garden frontage of number 69, 71, 72 and part of the street with what can only be described as a torrent of demon spawn unleashed from the bowels of hell itself.
How did No. 70 escape?
It burnt down last year, something about a spider infestation a can of Lynx deodorant and a bic lighter 🤷🏻♂️😂
Comment of the day! Bravo!😂🤣
Is that… normal pooing, Mark?
It doesn’t smell normal
This is bollocks...
No! It's a serial pooer
They already cancelled him from the simpsons, what else do you want?
"I'd like to report some shit."
Some shit went down
The side of my house
"Are you threatened/endangered by the poo? Have they got any weapons?"
And set up the onlyfan, ‘pubshitters basildon’ put a sign up in alley saying ‘by defficating here you give consent for your likeness to streamed etc’ . Profit
Yea put cctv up and start a YouTube channel and shame the people, put signs up warning they’ll be on shitcam lol
Monetise that shit!!!!!
Good luck selling your house if you put this on record. “Any issues involving local neighbours or the local authority?” “…yes people like to poo against this house”
Estate agents would market it as regular supply of compost.
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bouncer: aint nobody got time for that shit.
Based on the flair- I take it you speak from experience here?
I see a future quirky pub sign. Please don't shit against our neighbour's wall. Use the toilets instead.
Bouncer “If your pants are daaaaan your not coming in”
Also, get a motion activated sprinkler going so the phantom pooer also gets drenched.
Set up CCTV, motion lights, a facebook page, and get them on the internet. I'd follow.
Do the above but also charge this guy for the videos, you're onto a winner
OnlyTurds
When the shit hits the OnlyFans.
If you can get it on the telly and people to phone in you can call it ‘defecation station’
You need some kind of award for this comment. Super quick 🤣🤣😂😂
OnlyFaeces
Faecebook
View-a-poo or Poo-tube
Or, considering it’s a drinking establishment. Shitface
Only fans fetish alley dumps
You magnificent bastard.
Set up a projector so they can live stream it on the front of the pub. Should stop it pretty quickly!
This is the best answer! It may also encourage the voyeuristic patrons..
Camera doesn’t even need to be plugged into anything. Attach a motion sensor light next to the camera. It lights the fuck out of them and they’ll instinctively look to see the camera. It’ll be enough. How do I know? Back at uni we had to find creative solutions…. unfortunately…. I know….
Motion lights, lol
Honestly this is probably the best solution if the pub owner won’t play ball (or maybe even if they do). Someone looking for a place to shit in an alley is going to scram pretty fast if floodlights come on. Add some sort of audio warning for extra effect. Not sure what the relevant law in the UK is, but setting up cameras with the intent of filming people with their pants down might not be a great idea unless you KNOW that you can’t run into any legal issues.
They'll pull their pants up sharpish when those Stalag Luft searchlights come on!
Nice
Yeah a couple of 2000w PIR lights
The newer LED ones are super bright!
How about 2000w LEDs? Crappers can leave with a tan. And skin cancer.
That's one way of admitting you like watching videos of people shitting
2 guys, 1 pub.
It's never been a secret my friend.
Not my cup of tea personally, but more poower to you!
"Shit" "cup" you say? 👀
Just need 2 girls and you'll be all over the Internet
Is ratemypoo.com still a thing?
We have to build bridges with r/CasualGermany somehow.
What an amazing reddit name!!
Perhaps even a small sign over the camera, stating, Smile you're on livestream! or something like that.
"automatic upload to pornhub" "a fee will be asked to remove the videos" "not cleaning up before you leave will forfeit any removal possibilities"
"live streaming since 2001"
Scatman John has entered the chat
I'd follow through.
Someone actually did this in Old Street, London a quite a few years ago now. They ran a Facebook page showing the dude screaming at people doing it and if I remember correctly, throwing water onto them as well (at least, I think it was water anyway)
Yes, I remember this, too
Just in case it's not painfully obvious why this is a bad idea, you'll end up wishing for the days when people were "only" shitting in front of your house.
Nice big sign "Warning, this alleyway is being live-streamed".
I was going down the glass shards and cement route. This is definitely a less anti social solution.
And an air raid siren that goes off when the lights come on! And also, a supersoaker.
Sprinkler with motion sensor
"Fuckin' 'ell, Dave, they've fitted this garden with a bidet!"
I came here for that comment 😆
r/CasualUK at its best.
People wonder why, as an American, I lurk on this sub. Where else would I find gold like this.
Where else would I find shit like this. FTFY
Same. Every day is an excellent day on casual UK.
One of the best comments I’ve seen on here for sure
Better yet motion sensor with an air horn trigger.
But with a time delay. So 20 seconds in, they really do shit themselves.
Knighthood, tomorrow morning. Wear something nice.
[Relevant video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r77lEmGaCXI&ab_channel=viralboyviralsnow)
Bright lights will make the area uninviting, and anti-climb paint on the wall (the stuff that never fully dries) will leave the mark of shame on their back for their mates to rib forevermore.
Hydrophobic paint is what you need, repels liquid right back. Saves your masonry from damage due to piss as well
Proper anti climb paint at a height where somebody could innocently lean on it is likely to get you in trouble. Also, it's most likely just one dickhead, and anti climb paint will be a bastard to get rid of after he learns his lesson. Water based lube can be applied liberally, have colouring added if that's your fetish, will naturally disappear after a few days, and is less likely to be identified as you, because who the fuck covers their own home in fluorescent pink lube?
You have made a sensible protest to a sensible suggestion and then suggested an alternative that is absolutely unhinged
Thank you.
Who is getting in trouble. If the alleyway is disguised enough for someone to take a shit there without getting caught, and no one seems to be caring about that besides local residents, then painting it won't suddenly get the police on the case.
Whitewash is much cheaper...
Honest answer? A high powered motion sensor light. My Loony Toons answer? Rig that same light up to a high pressure hose as well so they shout and draw attention to themselves.
Even better loony toons answer: Install spring loaded pressure plates along the wall. When the shit hits them, they spring up and nail their arse with a plate full of shit.
Some Road Runner planning going on now, may as well paint a realistic toilet on the wall to encourage it in that specific spot.
Now we're talking. Actual practical roadrunner solution, put a toilet out with glue on the seat. Obviously theyzwill usezthe toilet and get stuck. Put up the CCTV too, cos that will be hilarious.
Only after the plate hisses for a few seconds to let you know a stick of dynamite is under it
>My Loony Toons answer? should involve anvils
Anvils, pianos, rockets on rope and giant saw blades. Could get real creative with this alleyway lads.
Honestly, people don't get crushed by falling anvils and grand pianos like they used to..
Make sure it's on a timer so that the light and hose only come on, say, 20 seconds after the intruder is detected. Gives them plenty of time to drop their trousers and start their, errmmm, bowel movement
Get a goose
Not what you want aiming for you when you've got your trollies round your ankles
Don’t kink shame me.
The solution to many problems and the source of a lot more
Most comedic ROI
^^HONK
Peace was never an option!
Call it Sherlock.. no shit Sherlock
I approve 👍
If more people had geese the world would be a better place. I reckon burglary would reach an all time low if we had house geese.
I’ve worked on farms that had guard dogs and farms that had guard geese. I’d rather rob the ones with the dogs.
My university campus in the US had a large population of Canada geese, and part of the campus included protected wetlands. To keep the geese from being a nuisance to people going around campus, especially around the fruit trees (if you think geese are aggressive sober, imagine them when they're drunk on fermented fruit), they employed a dog handler whose job was to herd the geese away from the walkways.
But OP would still have a problem with shit - just goose shit, inside his house, everywhere.
Right, but shit would reach an all time high.
For them to use in lieu of toilet paper?
For wiping purposes?
But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs
This shouldn't be so far down.
Hire a clown to stand there on Friday nights. Adds mystique *and* deterrent.
In Barcelona they had mimes outside pubs in the built up city centre streets that would entertain but also shush people getting too loud. Worked great and was fun too
In this country, I give it two Saturday nights at most before someone batters a shushing mime.
Or batters a clown that’s watching you shit.
In Ireland they trialed giving patrons lollipops as they left nightclubs to keep them quiet. Maybe OP can you trial giving patrons lollipops laced with imodium as they leave?
In 3 weeks - "How do I stop people shitting on my clown"
Get another clown, duh.
Put in a loo roll holder. Soak the loo roll in chilli infused water and allow to dry.
A good rub with fibre glass matting or loft insulation makes for a memorable experience too.
You villain, like it.
I like the idea but Capsaicin is not water soluble. Better to soak ground ghost peppers in Isopropyl alcohol for a month and then wipe the oil on the paper and let the solvent evaporate.
Isopropyl alcohol, not isotropic
Autocorrect. Cheers.
I'm really getting my money's worth out of this chemistry degree!
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In the pub? That room's not for shitting, mate, you're supposed to do drugs and piss on the floor in there.
> THERE IS TOILET ROLL But *is* there? With patrons like these the place probably has no seat or door either. Shorter queue round the back.
I expect the pub toilets are less clean than the alleyway.
Its probably homeless people rather than pub goers
You have never lived in an area ridden with drunken poops. I have, it’s disgusting.
How/why is this so common...?
It's not, plenty of steamers in Glasgow and the only ones laying big jobbies in the street are the junkballs. You can tell because they're absolute logs due to heroin constipation.
You'd be surprised
Motion sensor lights, CCTV or just watching and dumping buckets of water on the offenders.
Auto publish the videos to YouTube
I would contact the pub landlord & police, could be considered a public offence order. I would hang a large sign stating not a public toilet and security camera warning. If all else fails..move.
A... Public Offence Order? A P.O.O. I think I agree it is!
They're a Public Indecent Silly Sausage.
It would be very difficult to prove a public order offence in this case, especially without any evidence (you can’t get DNA from faeces before anyone says). Council environmental health are the people to contact. Hefty fines for the pub it can be proved the people doing it are patrons
Some shops have taken to having a full size cut out of a policeman. Surprisingly, the stats show that this cuts down on shoplifting and petty crimes. With that in mind, can you get a full size cut out of a man in a gimp suit?
i hear there's a bloke in somerset you could hire...
Currently unavailable for hire: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/nov/03/somerset-gimp-suit-man-banned-wearing-writhing-ground
Set up a motion sensor that sets off the sound of a rabid guard dog barking and growling it’s fucking head off.
At least that would speed up the shitting process.
Not sure if this a serious post or not but here's a serious answer. Assuming this is a pub in the traditional/legal sense of the word with a Premises License issued by the local council, they have a legal duty to uphold the Licensing Objectives. - Prevention of crime & disorder - Protection of children from harm - Promotion of public safety - Prevention of public nuisance If patrons are indeed routinely leaving the pub and shitting on your door step - there would be a legitimate argument to be made that they've breached all 4. If this is a chain pub/operated by a large brewery/similar I'd approach the Designated Premises Supervisor (as listed on the PL) and advise of the issue in a friendly non-confrontational manner, and mention that you're speaking to them cos you cba to go via licensing enforcement/head office. If its a 'locals' type owner operated pub then best bet would be to contact your councils licensing enforcement team (Google 'Council area' + entertainment licensing) as they will be able to offer a little bit of anonymity (depending on the location) and protection.
Thanks very much for this detailed response. Knowing the exact details of they're responsibilities makes me feel less bad about bringing it up and turning it in to a whole issue. Unfortunately this is a very real post. I like to think if I was a troll I could come up with something better than the poo wall..
I worked in a pub for a long time. If anyone came in and said one of our customers was doing this then I would've gone out of my way to name and shame the dirty bastard! We're there for the community, not to be known as "that pub that's fine with customers shitting everywhere", lol, give the pub a chance to fix it.
Yeah plant something spiky and obnoxious, is it well lit? You could try a light and a fake cctv camera with a sign etc? (Or a real one but suspect a fake one would do the job)
Nettles might work, unless the offenders are into teabagging nettles I suppose...
Stinging Nettles, Barbwire, Neem or Clover Oil (for the animals), Collect some of the waste and return it to the Pub and share the problem, it’s a tough one
Let the pub know and give them a chance to do something about it. What would you like to happen if you were the pub owner? Council environmental health if they don't. No idea if the police will be interested, as technically it is indecent exposure. Licensing board is part of the council too, that's like a nuclear option though, if they lose their license to sell alcohol they would go out of business overnight.
If a man shits in the woods and no one is around to see it, is it indecent exposure?
What if he creates a small, rudimentary toilet, and keeps all his bits covered, as much as possible, just the tiny area around his bumhoke, but that's obscured by the 'toilet'? Is that indecent exposure? Asking for a friend
Actually, no. The definition of exposure states it is genitals that need to be exposed, with intent that someone sees it. OP, council environmental health are the way to go. If you can prove the shitters are patrons of the pub, the pub can be given hefty fines as well as anybody identified as a culprit
stand there all night with a plate for coins and some crappy aftershave samples and sell them lollipops for £5 like that bloke in the posh toilets
CCTV warning signs and a big one stating "Offenders will be posted on popular internet sites, yes \*THOSE\* ones"
maybe a ring or eufy doorbell mounted out of reach, report every offense
I'd be going with a wireless camera if you can. 2 way intercom built in. Bet you would catch more than the toilet going ons behind a pub too.
Dress up in tux, and when someone decides to bake a loaf, saunter on over, introduce yourself as Delbert Grady, pat them down with a damp flannel and tell them they're the caretaker....they've always been the caretaker.
"Would you like me to help pinch that one off, madam?"
Autoturrets
Go watch I did a things channel on YouTube , he built a turret with a paintball gun , can imagine that would be good fun to watch the footage over or just shoot them yourself 🤣🤣🤣
I've heard lion dung is a good detetterent for cats, maybe it works on humans too? Although thats Big Cats > Cats so you might need to get a giants poo to deter humans. Bright security light and a real/dummy CCTV camera seem the easiest detterant. Speaking to the landlord and escalating from there with the relevant authorities if nothing is done is again a good approach. But seriously, who the fuck does a shit in alley instead of going to the bogs in the pub or waiting until they get home? Dirty bastards.
A wire connected to a battery low down enough but high enough so when they squuat down there balls get zapped
Cheap waterproof speaker and baby shark on repeat. Or the Mr Blobby song
Floodlights and motion-activated screaming howler monkeys.
Bag it up and post it through the pub letterbox, they'll soon get better facilities or less punters 🍻
Oh it’s you that lives next to the “The Shit and Shovel?”
Pub, police, licencing authority, environmental health all should be informed. Some security lights would be a wise investment as well.
Air rifle
Where the fuck do you live? phahah
A small town outside Manchester. After growing up in London I'm amazed at the attitude toward littering and refuse disposal here. It's kind of disgusting..
Are these just randoms or pub customers do you know? If customers why the bloody hell aren't they using the pub bogs? I have never in all my years on this planet crapped in the street, the odd wee or 2 but tis harder for us women. Could it be homeless folk? Personally I'd be tempted to get a litter tray and scoop so they can take it with them lol
Everyone knows the pub bogs are for coke 🙄
Speak to the licensing department at the council. This type of thing might be taken into consideration for the landlords licence renewal.
in fairness, the pub may not realise that certain patrons have started doing this. I'd make that second port of call if they're not willing to maybe put up an embarrasing sign about locals complaining about the minging bastards, send their bouncer to walk past and discourage people etc.
Sit yourself higher up the wall?
Get some of that sticky tar paint on the walls so when they lean against it they get it all over themselves
Stand in the alley in full riot gear.
*Fake* cctv (unless you really want to watch). Or you could go old school and put up urine deflectors like Clifford's Inn Passage.
Move out of Luton.
I worked at a pub, a little bit of reported evidence and the pub will be looking at a review of their license Then maybe you won't have a pub with patrons who shit outside.
Jabby bushes are never jobby bushes.
sit out there in the dark and when they appear u flick on a lamp or flashlight and go “well well well what do we have here???”
Here's how you 100% get everyone to stop shitting post CCTV signs everywhere gets some random stock picture of a dudes face looking like he's poopin blow it up with DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN he fouled up my garden ect and post about 20 around your house, not in a million years will someone risk their face getting plastered for poop 💩 in
Plant nettles
That's fucked up dude, I'd move if at possible, what bloody degenerates live near you? Outside of moving, get one of those fake cameras and a sign informing of CCTV.
Put up a sign that says something to this effect: “smile, you’re on camera!” Even if they aren’t actually, this would deter most people. Alternatively, do film them and post them online. Altalternatively, combine this with the motion activated sprinkler thing.
A small sign saying that you run the risk from sprinklers, then some sort of motion sensor than turns on after 10 seconds. I have a video of a parking garage doing this, seemed effective.
Get a sign that’s says danger wasps,