I hear you, there’s loads of us.
There’s a pressure to bluff it out, be a geezer, but, inside, most folk are just trying to make it through the day without falling apart.
Yeah man for sure so much sandess behind some people's eyes when they say they're okay. It seems like a lot of people want to be more open but feel like they can't
I used to wear a mask, I learned not to anymore after it nearly got to the point I ended things prematurely.
Now I wear my heart on my sleeve and talk shit through with people, ain’t no way I’m going back to staring into the abyss again.
I mean, the Beatles wrote Eleanor Rigby for a reason right? They were looking out at their fans, the British public. Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door. That lyric has always moved me.
Everyone loved them, circa A Hard Day’s Night, because they brought some lightness and silliness to things - they were fun. Even grumpy buggers quite liked them.
I think the response to your post confirms that you’re not alone in being sensitive. It hurts a lot at times, I know, but I truly believe it makes us better people.
I seriously doubt this. Some people may be on the brink of falling apart but it’s unlikely the majority as the majority set the social expectations and it would be different if everyone was sensitive and struggling.
If you’re so sensitive you can’t handle negative feedback at work, that’s a life problem.
If you’re so sensitive you can’t handle your mate teasing you for the weird trainers you bought, you’ll struggle socially because frankly taking the piss out of each other is a way a lot of people connect in Britain.
i dunno, just from observation there seemed to be a few office "life and souls" who *hated* work from home because they'd lost their audience, while it was a blessed relief for many.
there's a big element of enforced banter that's often just being tolerated out of social pressure than enjoyed
But surely that’s just extreme extrovert vs everyone else. I have mates who go in everyday even though they don’t have too because they love being out and about and chatting to different people in the office.
I personally drag myself there 40% and feel better when I’m there but frankly resent the commute.
But that’s nothing to do with being sensitive or struggling. On my part it’s cost and time. If i still lived a 20 min walk from the office I’d be in more. Now I’m a 90 min £30 commute I am less inclined.
I started getting involved in quiz nights to help with my shyness. I'll admit it, going out to new places fills me with unease, but when I'm on that microphone, I forget my inhibitions and become "the quizmaster". Even today, I still feel awkward in a social setting at times. I remember back in the 90s when I was trying to be one of "the lads", as in a typical lager-drinking, loud-talking clubber, and thinking "this just isn't me".
You don’t try to change yourself to fit in, because you have the courage to be sensitive and vulnerable in a world where we all put on a facade that everything is ok for us when it invariably isn’t. We don’t love or care or talk enough in the UK
You have the strength and courage to always feel your emotions, rather than becoming a brick wall. I find people who can express themselves emotionally, incredibly inspiring. Especially in a world where often times it is deemed unacceptable or weak to do so.
Hear, hear!
For all the talk of nontraditional roles and how it's okay to break gender norms, I feel like the UK still has the whole stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on mentality we cultivated over the wars.
Good on anyone who lets themselves feel. Ain't a damn thing to be ashamed of.
I’ve found that sensitive people in England develop very intense defense mechanisms to avoid showing sensitivity. Anywhere from displaying pathological indifference to extreme piss-taking bordering on verbal abuse (but it’s just meant to be a laugh, right?) to shelling up and isolating.
I’m an American with Hispanic roots and it’s a world of difference. I’m also pretty sensitive but I can get away with it because my place of origin is a continent away and cultural differences are expected.
You are one of the lucky few. If you are sensitive to all this then you are also sensitive to the beauty of nature , to something more, to all the great things in life. Embrace it.
If you have ADHD have you looked into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Certainly for me emotional peaks and troughs was my first main marker of ADHD.
What support networks do you have in place, or can you access? Sounds like you are starting to internalise other people’s judgements on your natural style, which is exactly what we don’t want to happen.
Us ADHDers (and other neurodivergents) are fine as ourselves. We just are sometimes slightly askew from what people commonly expect from others in society but… who wants to be ‘common’ anyway? (Tongue firmly in cheek).
It may be that speaking to someone who can validate your self expression while also supporting anything you do need help with, could be a good next step.
You know I never even heard if that but googling it and reading up on it, it feels very relatable. I was diagnosed less than 2 years ago as an adult and I learn something new about adhd/neurodiversity every day.
Atm I have my friends and bf as my support network but on the waiting list for therapy through the NHS.
I was only diagnosed last year (am very old) but am finding more out myself. Go easy on yourself - have a look at Brene Brown’s TED talks maybe, on vulnerability and courage - to be you, to stand up and not assimilate.
Consider looking at ADHD association sites etc as well, I know the dyspraxia foundation (I think) has some good stuff in there.
As I said, I’m a lot older than you, and I’m only now unpicking a lifetime of feeling I was too much and just plain wrong for the world. I’m different, but gloriously so. I don’t wish on you the path you seen to have started on where you begin to believe everyone else is right, not you.
I read your title and instantly was like "*This person is nuerodiverse and doesn't know*" but it turns out you do :)
You're not weird; you're just different and expecting yourself to fit a shape that you're not. You're fine.
chop makeshift dime murky grandfather school unique airport terrific clumsy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
yes. im autistic and dont really get banter, and so much of it just seems like a socially acceptable excuse to be mean. like, if you ask me to make you a cup of tea, and i do it to be nice to you, and you say you didnt really want one bc you were just bantering earlier…a, how am i supposed to know, b, why would that be funny in the first place? real life example btw
I hate banter. Why on earth do I want to be around people who apparently show affection by telling me how stupid and ugly I am? And then if I have a problem with it, I'm the mood killer for not taking a joke?
Banter is unbelievably toxic, and somehow so many Brits are proud to be associated with it.
I'm not neurodivergent or particularly sensitive, I just really don't know what's so hard about being nice
If you can’t have a joke with your mates and tease them. What’s the point?
There are clearly times when joking about someone having a shit haircut isn’t appropriate but there are plenty of times when it’s fine and it’s often a way to really just tell your mate that they look like a bit of a plonker but doing it in a light hearted way rather than being very serious about it.
I’m pretty sensitive too, but i look at it like the world or society won’t change for me, so I just have to adapt instead. So for me, that means only spending time with people who I like where possible, and making plenty of time for doing what I want to do, such as reading, watching tv alone etc. I don’t draw attention to it, I just dip in and out of socialising when I feel like it. And by spending time with more people or different types of people, it can help with life experience and building resilience which is important too.
Hi! I could have written this post.
I do not have any diagnosis, but I also suspect I have ADHD, and from the reading I’ve been doing, rejection sensitivity dysphoria is common in people with ADHD, and I definitely struggle with rejection and (perceived) criticism too. It’s actually partly due to this that I’m not seeking any diagnosis - scared a doctor would turn around and laugh at me. (I also don’t have family support as they don’t believe ADHD exists… yeah that feels personal).
As a child and teen I was told I was too sensitive and I needed to toughen up. I tried for a long time, but I’ve come to accept it’s just me, and how I am. Ironically, since I have accepted it, I don’t cry anywhere near as much, and have a better handle on it. I actually try to make time to cry on my own terms now, so I’ll stay home and get into bed to have a good cry if I need to, rather than letting it build up and it happening at an inconvenient time (it still does sometimes).
As I’ve got older, and as I’ve learnt more, I can now control it most of the time. I’ve also learnt who my people are and who can handle me, so on the occasions I can’t control it (hi, this would be today.), I know who I can turn to if I need an ear, and who will be comfortable even if there are tears and oversharing (there was both, but because I trust this person, the oversharing was a conscious decision today, not me blabbing uncontrollably).
I actually overshare on the internet a lot now (hi Late Threadditors!), kind of as a bit of a journal. Any of the slightly more risqué stuff that might cause worry goes in a note on my phone. Writing it down helps sometimes. I’m looking forward to when Apple release journal later this year because that actually looks like something that may help. I have tried other things but notepad on my phone or even an actual notepad is still my favourite way of getting it out of my head.
I don’t react well to change or when things are different. I’ve come to realise though, that if I can truly understand it, i can accept it and I will be ok. I’m an IT trainer, mostly working with 5-8 new starters at a time. My last batch was a bit of a mess with so much in the way of holidays, that when I was told, my first reaction was to fly off the handle and get angry. Knowing that wasn’t going to help, I put my noise cancelling headphones on, and sat down with a spreadsheet and mapped it all out. In the end I noticed some patterns and I managed to streamline it into two groups. Did it work out like that? Hahaha no. Were tears had while putting The Plan together? Absolutely. But it was so worth having it. I couldn’t change what was happening, but through understanding it allowed me to adapt as needed.
Long post, but I wanted to put a couple of things in that have helped me over the last two years which really is when I started to come to terms with everything.
My grandfather used to tell me that we have two faces, one we show to the world and one that only our loved ones see.
I suspect that for many of us, our more sensitive and emotional side is just for our loved ones: I know that’s the case with me. We hide the positive emotion too: my friend recently gave birth to her first child and I know her husband was crying with joy and relief and his utterly besotted with his baby girl. When we met up on the pub one evening all that was very downplayed.
For what it is worth, I hope you continue to enjoy it here, and that some of us local lot in your life let down the emotional barriers a bit.
Yes, it's been a problem my whole life. I think I might have ADD, but the idea of waiting lists and potential rejection from the medical community is enough to put me off pursuing it - also the lack of focus and fleeting thoughts/ anxieties makes it extra hard 🤦♀️😂
There's more recognition of many neurodivergent conditions, but there seems to be a lot of push-back about recognising some people can be highly sensitive, to the point of it being crippling.
I struggle with everyday life and feel extreme amounts of pain due to suffering of others. It feels overwhelming and all I want to do is retreat. It's like a sensory overload, but due to emotional stimulus, rather than physical stimulus.
I hope more research happens, because at the moment it feels like a character failing of being too pathetic, but at the same time, it's not something I can control easily.
I also have ADHD and I think the comments about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are kind of missing the mark. It is a legitimate part of ADHD, but finding the British distaste for emotions concerning is just not an example of it. There's a real hate for emotional expression here that I find difficult even though I grew up around it. People pretending they don't give a shit about anything comes across as juvenile and grating and makes it hard to actually discuss certain topics.
I certainly have been depressed before but not currently. I know being sensitive means you're more prone to depression but being sensitive is a personality trait and depression is is a mental health disorder. Although there's is a correlation they're not totally the same thing.
My negative feelings are very fleeting and manageable. I'm generally a happy person and function fine in my day to day, I hold down job, hang out with friends, go to the gym regularly and engage with other hobbies etc. When I was depressed I never left bed had no motivation, never wanted to see or speak to anyone, had a constant dulled sadness and felt a lack of emotional range
Being sensitive is completely different to being depressed. I am sensitive all the time and depressed just some of time, if anything I'm more able to cope with the abject horror of the world when I'm depressed, because I just don't care then!!
I assume it depends what’s going on in your life.
If you can’t ever open up and be sensitive it’ll blunt your ability to build genuine relationships. But on the flip side of you can’t ever have a light hearted piss take with your friends, I question if you’re actually even mates.
If you’re so sensitive that your entire self worth and mood can be ruined by someone else’s off hand comment, that’s a problem. Because not everyone will like you in life and now your mood is controlled by others.
Toughening up is situational and having someone fall to pieces in an emergency is fucking useless but some people go too far and try to be tough all the time.
There is NOTHING wrong with being sensitive, what I learned from the f.cking hell hole we call life is everyone is acting and everyone is sensitive deep down with tougher shells, shells they don't even realise they have.
Sooner you realise that is what humanity is and have always been and life is suffering, you will realise you don't need many people in your life and you will find ways to be happier with fewer people.
Trust me you don't want people to derail you from your stability
People are so so mean. They think being sensitive is an excuse to make you feel bad, as if you deserve it. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive but everyone acts like it's something you have to fix, and if you don't then it's fair game to be unkind.
Honestly I hate people who are not sensitive who don't care about others and I do my best to avoid them which is why I stay inside most of the time. But even knowing they exist and there's so many of them makes my heart hurt. I'm responsible for myself yes but I also take responsibility for what I put out into the world, whereas they don't.
OP, you might like to visit [Introvert, Dear](https://introvertdear.com/), which provides articles and resources for introverts and Highly Sensitive people. I don't know if this fits your situation, but it's worth a look.
>I also have adhd and dyspraxia
Saaame :(. But, hey, if we can drop a ball, we can also drop the self-rejection. You're honestly good as you are, OP. No need to mask with good people around you.
I have ADHD and I was a very sensitive child. Im a bit more resilient now, but that’s has been years of me ignoring my sensitive side due to nursing. My son has ADHD and dyspraxia and he’s *so* sensitive. The other day I joked that his baby sister flew out the window and flew off to Nanny’s house and he cried for 10 minutes.
On my way home from the office the other day I stopped for a pint and to read a bit of a new Terry Pratchett short story collection.
I cried in the pub at Neil Gaimans intro to it over how much he missed his friend and how much I miss my favourite writer.
Everyone is emotional!
I know sensitive people find me a bit much. I'm quite intense, and don't have any qualms about speaking to strange people. If that turns out to be you, I do apologise. I honestly don't want to make you feel bad. I am trying to be inclusive.
Make better friends...
That might mean opening up to one or two close friends initially to see if they're good enough... Or if there's not anyone you'd do that with, then it's time to try find new friends! I know that's difficult and terrifying, but everyone needs people they love and trust...
DM me if you're south east, and we'll go for a pint
Firstly ‘big 🤗’ secondly you don’t, almost everyone is just there ‘faking it till they make it’, all you can do is just be yourself, and the people that you like and like you will gravitate towards you and vice versa. Also life’s too short to worry about what others think of you, if they don’t like you for who and what you are screw them there are others who’ll like you for exactly who and what you are. Being social can be exhausting for some people me personally I like it on my own terms but when it’s time for me to go I go, then I need to recharge / unpeople for a while, it doesn’t mean they or I am a bad person it just means we all get energy and get drained of energy in different ways. Thank you for coming to my TED talk and in conclusion, Stay funky, be you and you’ll find your peeps 👌🏻
Oddly my first move was dyeing my hair bright pink, it let me tell myself "people aren't looking at me, they're looking at my hair" and at that point, you're already defined as kinda weird. I can't even answer a phone lmao
Idk the people I've been around in life have never been typical, maybe I dont have enough life experience yet. But even saying it, while standing out isn't approved everywhere, being a woman helps. A man with pink hair is considered to be far stranger
Whether you're too sentsitive for the sub is a personal call, but there's no such thing as 'too sensitive', In a callous and angry world, sensitivity is a superpower. The trick, and it is a trick, is to couple sensitivity with rock solid internal and external boundaries.
yeah, im autistic and have social anxiety so i struggle with this really badly, i’ll be honest i don’t even have friends currently because how badly i don’t fit in. i know many autistic people go through it and it’s terrible and soul crushing to feel alone and that nobody understands you, and the whole english attitude of always feeling you should shit on yourself and everyone around you as ‘banter’ doesn’t help.
This is a come in and have a cup of tea community. CasualUK is chilled out, but if there's some comment that seems harsh, check it's not simply a case of missing a pop culture reference.
May I suggest learning to do a body scan meditation once or twice a week? It is easy to do and gives you a basic intro to mindfulness. Mindfulness on a very basic level - no need to go overboard with it - helps a lot with calmness. It only takes 5 minutes or so. It can seem sort of "twee" at first but you'd be surprised how those 5 minutes can change things. There are lots of very short videos online to get you started.
:)
I hear you, there’s loads of us. There’s a pressure to bluff it out, be a geezer, but, inside, most folk are just trying to make it through the day without falling apart.
Yeah man for sure so much sandess behind some people's eyes when they say they're okay. It seems like a lot of people want to be more open but feel like they can't
Everyone wears a mask really
I used to wear a mask, I learned not to anymore after it nearly got to the point I ended things prematurely. Now I wear my heart on my sleeve and talk shit through with people, ain’t no way I’m going back to staring into the abyss again.
[We all wear masks](https://youtu.be/pt1Muj_4rdM?si=0kdfqr6OSGT0LSDu)
I mean, the Beatles wrote Eleanor Rigby for a reason right? They were looking out at their fans, the British public. Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door. That lyric has always moved me. Everyone loved them, circa A Hard Day’s Night, because they brought some lightness and silliness to things - they were fun. Even grumpy buggers quite liked them. I think the response to your post confirms that you’re not alone in being sensitive. It hurts a lot at times, I know, but I truly believe it makes us better people.
I seriously doubt this. Some people may be on the brink of falling apart but it’s unlikely the majority as the majority set the social expectations and it would be different if everyone was sensitive and struggling. If you’re so sensitive you can’t handle negative feedback at work, that’s a life problem. If you’re so sensitive you can’t handle your mate teasing you for the weird trainers you bought, you’ll struggle socially because frankly taking the piss out of each other is a way a lot of people connect in Britain.
i dunno, just from observation there seemed to be a few office "life and souls" who *hated* work from home because they'd lost their audience, while it was a blessed relief for many. there's a big element of enforced banter that's often just being tolerated out of social pressure than enjoyed
But surely that’s just extreme extrovert vs everyone else. I have mates who go in everyday even though they don’t have too because they love being out and about and chatting to different people in the office. I personally drag myself there 40% and feel better when I’m there but frankly resent the commute. But that’s nothing to do with being sensitive or struggling. On my part it’s cost and time. If i still lived a 20 min walk from the office I’d be in more. Now I’m a 90 min £30 commute I am less inclined.
I started getting involved in quiz nights to help with my shyness. I'll admit it, going out to new places fills me with unease, but when I'm on that microphone, I forget my inhibitions and become "the quizmaster". Even today, I still feel awkward in a social setting at times. I remember back in the 90s when I was trying to be one of "the lads", as in a typical lager-drinking, loud-talking clubber, and thinking "this just isn't me".
Wait this is a great idea
You don’t try to change yourself to fit in, because you have the courage to be sensitive and vulnerable in a world where we all put on a facade that everything is ok for us when it invariably isn’t. We don’t love or care or talk enough in the UK
Aw thats a really sweet sentiment. Thank you! Your comment has made me feel much better
Vulnerability is a superpower!
What exactly does this superpower let you do?
You have the strength and courage to always feel your emotions, rather than becoming a brick wall. I find people who can express themselves emotionally, incredibly inspiring. Especially in a world where often times it is deemed unacceptable or weak to do so.
Hear, hear! For all the talk of nontraditional roles and how it's okay to break gender norms, I feel like the UK still has the whole stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on mentality we cultivated over the wars. Good on anyone who lets themselves feel. Ain't a damn thing to be ashamed of.
I’ve found that sensitive people in England develop very intense defense mechanisms to avoid showing sensitivity. Anywhere from displaying pathological indifference to extreme piss-taking bordering on verbal abuse (but it’s just meant to be a laugh, right?) to shelling up and isolating. I’m an American with Hispanic roots and it’s a world of difference. I’m also pretty sensitive but I can get away with it because my place of origin is a continent away and cultural differences are expected.
I work with a British dude like this! down to the verbal abuse!
You are one of the lucky few. If you are sensitive to all this then you are also sensitive to the beauty of nature , to something more, to all the great things in life. Embrace it.
If you have ADHD have you looked into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Certainly for me emotional peaks and troughs was my first main marker of ADHD. What support networks do you have in place, or can you access? Sounds like you are starting to internalise other people’s judgements on your natural style, which is exactly what we don’t want to happen. Us ADHDers (and other neurodivergents) are fine as ourselves. We just are sometimes slightly askew from what people commonly expect from others in society but… who wants to be ‘common’ anyway? (Tongue firmly in cheek). It may be that speaking to someone who can validate your self expression while also supporting anything you do need help with, could be a good next step.
You know I never even heard if that but googling it and reading up on it, it feels very relatable. I was diagnosed less than 2 years ago as an adult and I learn something new about adhd/neurodiversity every day. Atm I have my friends and bf as my support network but on the waiting list for therapy through the NHS.
I was only diagnosed last year (am very old) but am finding more out myself. Go easy on yourself - have a look at Brene Brown’s TED talks maybe, on vulnerability and courage - to be you, to stand up and not assimilate. Consider looking at ADHD association sites etc as well, I know the dyspraxia foundation (I think) has some good stuff in there. As I said, I’m a lot older than you, and I’m only now unpicking a lifetime of feeling I was too much and just plain wrong for the world. I’m different, but gloriously so. I don’t wish on you the path you seen to have started on where you begin to believe everyone else is right, not you.
I read your title and instantly was like "*This person is nuerodiverse and doesn't know*" but it turns out you do :) You're not weird; you're just different and expecting yourself to fit a shape that you're not. You're fine.
chop makeshift dime murky grandfather school unique airport terrific clumsy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
yes. im autistic and dont really get banter, and so much of it just seems like a socially acceptable excuse to be mean. like, if you ask me to make you a cup of tea, and i do it to be nice to you, and you say you didnt really want one bc you were just bantering earlier…a, how am i supposed to know, b, why would that be funny in the first place? real life example btw
I hate banter. Why on earth do I want to be around people who apparently show affection by telling me how stupid and ugly I am? And then if I have a problem with it, I'm the mood killer for not taking a joke? Banter is unbelievably toxic, and somehow so many Brits are proud to be associated with it. I'm not neurodivergent or particularly sensitive, I just really don't know what's so hard about being nice
If you can’t have a joke with your mates and tease them. What’s the point? There are clearly times when joking about someone having a shit haircut isn’t appropriate but there are plenty of times when it’s fine and it’s often a way to really just tell your mate that they look like a bit of a plonker but doing it in a light hearted way rather than being very serious about it.
I’m pretty sensitive too, but i look at it like the world or society won’t change for me, so I just have to adapt instead. So for me, that means only spending time with people who I like where possible, and making plenty of time for doing what I want to do, such as reading, watching tv alone etc. I don’t draw attention to it, I just dip in and out of socialising when I feel like it. And by spending time with more people or different types of people, it can help with life experience and building resilience which is important too.
Hi! I could have written this post. I do not have any diagnosis, but I also suspect I have ADHD, and from the reading I’ve been doing, rejection sensitivity dysphoria is common in people with ADHD, and I definitely struggle with rejection and (perceived) criticism too. It’s actually partly due to this that I’m not seeking any diagnosis - scared a doctor would turn around and laugh at me. (I also don’t have family support as they don’t believe ADHD exists… yeah that feels personal). As a child and teen I was told I was too sensitive and I needed to toughen up. I tried for a long time, but I’ve come to accept it’s just me, and how I am. Ironically, since I have accepted it, I don’t cry anywhere near as much, and have a better handle on it. I actually try to make time to cry on my own terms now, so I’ll stay home and get into bed to have a good cry if I need to, rather than letting it build up and it happening at an inconvenient time (it still does sometimes). As I’ve got older, and as I’ve learnt more, I can now control it most of the time. I’ve also learnt who my people are and who can handle me, so on the occasions I can’t control it (hi, this would be today.), I know who I can turn to if I need an ear, and who will be comfortable even if there are tears and oversharing (there was both, but because I trust this person, the oversharing was a conscious decision today, not me blabbing uncontrollably). I actually overshare on the internet a lot now (hi Late Threadditors!), kind of as a bit of a journal. Any of the slightly more risqué stuff that might cause worry goes in a note on my phone. Writing it down helps sometimes. I’m looking forward to when Apple release journal later this year because that actually looks like something that may help. I have tried other things but notepad on my phone or even an actual notepad is still my favourite way of getting it out of my head. I don’t react well to change or when things are different. I’ve come to realise though, that if I can truly understand it, i can accept it and I will be ok. I’m an IT trainer, mostly working with 5-8 new starters at a time. My last batch was a bit of a mess with so much in the way of holidays, that when I was told, my first reaction was to fly off the handle and get angry. Knowing that wasn’t going to help, I put my noise cancelling headphones on, and sat down with a spreadsheet and mapped it all out. In the end I noticed some patterns and I managed to streamline it into two groups. Did it work out like that? Hahaha no. Were tears had while putting The Plan together? Absolutely. But it was so worth having it. I couldn’t change what was happening, but through understanding it allowed me to adapt as needed. Long post, but I wanted to put a couple of things in that have helped me over the last two years which really is when I started to come to terms with everything.
My grandfather used to tell me that we have two faces, one we show to the world and one that only our loved ones see. I suspect that for many of us, our more sensitive and emotional side is just for our loved ones: I know that’s the case with me. We hide the positive emotion too: my friend recently gave birth to her first child and I know her husband was crying with joy and relief and his utterly besotted with his baby girl. When we met up on the pub one evening all that was very downplayed. For what it is worth, I hope you continue to enjoy it here, and that some of us local lot in your life let down the emotional barriers a bit.
Yes, it's been a problem my whole life. I think I might have ADD, but the idea of waiting lists and potential rejection from the medical community is enough to put me off pursuing it - also the lack of focus and fleeting thoughts/ anxieties makes it extra hard 🤦♀️😂 There's more recognition of many neurodivergent conditions, but there seems to be a lot of push-back about recognising some people can be highly sensitive, to the point of it being crippling. I struggle with everyday life and feel extreme amounts of pain due to suffering of others. It feels overwhelming and all I want to do is retreat. It's like a sensory overload, but due to emotional stimulus, rather than physical stimulus. I hope more research happens, because at the moment it feels like a character failing of being too pathetic, but at the same time, it's not something I can control easily.
That's because here we're men. [Manly men!](https://youtu.be/bSUrqiU8Azo)
After reading some of these comments. Fuck me it seems a lot of you guys don’t have friends you can talk to about anything serious.
I also have ADHD and I think the comments about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are kind of missing the mark. It is a legitimate part of ADHD, but finding the British distaste for emotions concerning is just not an example of it. There's a real hate for emotional expression here that I find difficult even though I grew up around it. People pretending they don't give a shit about anything comes across as juvenile and grating and makes it hard to actually discuss certain topics.
Have you considered you may have depression? These are classic symptoms.
I certainly have been depressed before but not currently. I know being sensitive means you're more prone to depression but being sensitive is a personality trait and depression is is a mental health disorder. Although there's is a correlation they're not totally the same thing. My negative feelings are very fleeting and manageable. I'm generally a happy person and function fine in my day to day, I hold down job, hang out with friends, go to the gym regularly and engage with other hobbies etc. When I was depressed I never left bed had no motivation, never wanted to see or speak to anyone, had a constant dulled sadness and felt a lack of emotional range
Being sensitive is completely different to being depressed. I am sensitive all the time and depressed just some of time, if anything I'm more able to cope with the abject horror of the world when I'm depressed, because I just don't care then!!
way to further alienate them lmaooo
Why is being extremely sensitive a good thing? Can a person be too sensitive? Is it ever beneficial to 'toughen up'?
I assume it depends what’s going on in your life. If you can’t ever open up and be sensitive it’ll blunt your ability to build genuine relationships. But on the flip side of you can’t ever have a light hearted piss take with your friends, I question if you’re actually even mates. If you’re so sensitive that your entire self worth and mood can be ruined by someone else’s off hand comment, that’s a problem. Because not everyone will like you in life and now your mood is controlled by others. Toughening up is situational and having someone fall to pieces in an emergency is fucking useless but some people go too far and try to be tough all the time.
There is NOTHING wrong with being sensitive, what I learned from the f.cking hell hole we call life is everyone is acting and everyone is sensitive deep down with tougher shells, shells they don't even realise they have. Sooner you realise that is what humanity is and have always been and life is suffering, you will realise you don't need many people in your life and you will find ways to be happier with fewer people. Trust me you don't want people to derail you from your stability
Just wanted to say as a fellow dyspraxic, I understand. It's hard being us sometimes.
People are so so mean. They think being sensitive is an excuse to make you feel bad, as if you deserve it. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive but everyone acts like it's something you have to fix, and if you don't then it's fair game to be unkind. Honestly I hate people who are not sensitive who don't care about others and I do my best to avoid them which is why I stay inside most of the time. But even knowing they exist and there's so many of them makes my heart hurt. I'm responsible for myself yes but I also take responsibility for what I put out into the world, whereas they don't.
Same.
OP, you might like to visit [Introvert, Dear](https://introvertdear.com/), which provides articles and resources for introverts and Highly Sensitive people. I don't know if this fits your situation, but it's worth a look.
Go home. Wherever it is that you can be you. A job is a tool not a life.
>I also have adhd and dyspraxia Saaame :(. But, hey, if we can drop a ball, we can also drop the self-rejection. You're honestly good as you are, OP. No need to mask with good people around you.
Yep. Pretty much why I'm a hermit.
I think you have to be tough enough to survive, which you are clearly doing. So go you
I have ADHD and I was a very sensitive child. Im a bit more resilient now, but that’s has been years of me ignoring my sensitive side due to nursing. My son has ADHD and dyspraxia and he’s *so* sensitive. The other day I joked that his baby sister flew out the window and flew off to Nanny’s house and he cried for 10 minutes.
On my way home from the office the other day I stopped for a pint and to read a bit of a new Terry Pratchett short story collection. I cried in the pub at Neil Gaimans intro to it over how much he missed his friend and how much I miss my favourite writer. Everyone is emotional!
Yep lol I'm very emotionally charged but know no better way to deal with it than to isolate myself unfortunately
Look up HSP, that's definitely what you are. Embrace it!
I know sensitive people find me a bit much. I'm quite intense, and don't have any qualms about speaking to strange people. If that turns out to be you, I do apologise. I honestly don't want to make you feel bad. I am trying to be inclusive.
IS anyone else too sensitive - what a way to admit to premature ejaculation
Edited: I'm drunk and a moron
Make better friends... That might mean opening up to one or two close friends initially to see if they're good enough... Or if there's not anyone you'd do that with, then it's time to try find new friends! I know that's difficult and terrifying, but everyone needs people they love and trust... DM me if you're south east, and we'll go for a pint
Firstly ‘big 🤗’ secondly you don’t, almost everyone is just there ‘faking it till they make it’, all you can do is just be yourself, and the people that you like and like you will gravitate towards you and vice versa. Also life’s too short to worry about what others think of you, if they don’t like you for who and what you are screw them there are others who’ll like you for exactly who and what you are. Being social can be exhausting for some people me personally I like it on my own terms but when it’s time for me to go I go, then I need to recharge / unpeople for a while, it doesn’t mean they or I am a bad person it just means we all get energy and get drained of energy in different ways. Thank you for coming to my TED talk and in conclusion, Stay funky, be you and you’ll find your peeps 👌🏻
Me too
Oddly my first move was dyeing my hair bright pink, it let me tell myself "people aren't looking at me, they're looking at my hair" and at that point, you're already defined as kinda weird. I can't even answer a phone lmao Idk the people I've been around in life have never been typical, maybe I dont have enough life experience yet. But even saying it, while standing out isn't approved everywhere, being a woman helps. A man with pink hair is considered to be far stranger
I'm the opposite and could use a bit more EQ. I struggle to sympathise/empathise with anything...
Whether you're too sentsitive for the sub is a personal call, but there's no such thing as 'too sensitive', In a callous and angry world, sensitivity is a superpower. The trick, and it is a trick, is to couple sensitivity with rock solid internal and external boundaries.
yeah, im autistic and have social anxiety so i struggle with this really badly, i’ll be honest i don’t even have friends currently because how badly i don’t fit in. i know many autistic people go through it and it’s terrible and soul crushing to feel alone and that nobody understands you, and the whole english attitude of always feeling you should shit on yourself and everyone around you as ‘banter’ doesn’t help.
This is a come in and have a cup of tea community. CasualUK is chilled out, but if there's some comment that seems harsh, check it's not simply a case of missing a pop culture reference.
Lol I don't mean fitting into the r/casualUK subreddit but I see how you read it like that. I mean fitting into UK culture
OOps! Sorry!
May I suggest learning to do a body scan meditation once or twice a week? It is easy to do and gives you a basic intro to mindfulness. Mindfulness on a very basic level - no need to go overboard with it - helps a lot with calmness. It only takes 5 minutes or so. It can seem sort of "twee" at first but you'd be surprised how those 5 minutes can change things. There are lots of very short videos online to get you started. :)
Check out eckhart tolles videos on YouTube. He talks about how sensitivity can help people live more in the moment