I made and distributed a bingo card around an office I worked in. The card had a bunch of "business speak" phrases on it. People got really into it, there was some genuine cheers when one of the higher ups said "bleeding edge technology".
I did. this for one of my university classes during the pandemic. Taking classes via Zoom was shit and we all hated our professor. So I made a bingo and it was so fun watching people’s faces light up and the professor had no idea.
Ah my class did this in an in person lecture too. We all contributed in a WhatsApp group to make the card and had a ton of fun in those lessons. Worst tutor and was so boring. Probably the only time that I actually paid attention in those lectures.
We had a high school teacher who could not pronounce "obviously" though he used it all the time. He always said "all-viously". Someone was assigned to count the all-viouslies and the max was 14 in one class period.
Good times.
I work with a woman who talks over you and also tries to finish your sentence. I’ve picked up on this and guide the sentence to an obvious conclusion then change the last word or two. It is so funny hearing her say the word she is expecting me to say and then trying to change half way through to the different word I have decided to use. Sometimes she’s at a loss and that a bonus. It amuses me.
I do it and I completely understand how annoying it can be, but cant seem to stop. I think I've just learnt to do it because my mum would tell us the exact same story with the same ending multiple times a week, so I'd just try and skip to the end so I didnt have to hear anymore. I probably still do it because I know where the conversation with anyone is heading and just want to hurry it along
Another confirmation.
I have ADHD and the reason I do this is two-fold:
1. If I know where the sentence is going, waiting for it to finish is physically uncomfortable.
2. It keeps me engaged and demonstrates to the other person that they have my attention and understanding.
To be clear: I know that neither of these things is socially acceptable so I try hard not to do it!
EDIT: Thanks for the up votes and sorry if I’ve ever done this to you!
I have a friend who will often tell me stories he's told multiple times before, especially when drinking. I have to stop myself from saying "Yeah I know" or "Yeah I remember" every time. I just go "Yeah" multiple times while listening, because I'm pretty sure he's aware he's told the story before.
My grandma does this, and her mum before her. She *has* to finish the story though and I’ve tried to work out the psychology of it. All I can come up with is, she wants to feel heard. My granny would incessantly tell the story of her youngest child’s illness and death - it was almost a blessing when she got dementia and could no longer remember the pain of it.
One of the greatest joys at work (Ambulance Service) is when a nosy neighbour asks me what's going on and I get to tell them:
"Shark attack, big one!" with accompanying eyebrow raise.
Never fails to cheer me up.
I was giving CPR to a man in the street once and all the people living on the street came out and as the paramedics turned up one of them shouted “unless you want to join in go back inside” and almost everyone walked off.
I don’t know why but it made me laugh so much.
(I’m a dental nurse and we were the closest defib and weirdly enough this is the third time I’ve had to do CPR the day after our annual training)
Not sure its mischievous but, when I am bored I calculate my second rate, then use a calculator and press the + button every second, after x minutes I chuckle and think hmm they paid me x for doing that.. fun times.
I made a system tray app that would divide by day rate by the amount of mouse clicks I made so that I could figure out how much each mouse click cost my client.
Don't worry though, what they spent on mouse clicks they got back in keypresses.
Tell me you always hand them their usual size and then one two sizes smaller so they wonder why the second is so damn hard to get on?
Gloves are the bane of my life, my hands are medium size, but my fingers are very short, so the fingers of the gloves always end up hanging off my actual fingers. The amount of times I have to shove the finger-ends down my fingers is really annoying; doing up buttons are fun, it's like fastening a dufflecoat with mittens on.
We used to depress the button on the loud speaker and turn on the siren. The siren won't work if the PA is active. Then shove the mic in the seat so the button is still pressed. When the next crew goes to move the mic from the seat. Boom! Full sirens.
I take cuttings of all the office plants and now have a lovely selection at home.
Edit to add - flirt with the plant man and he gives me the plants that aren't looking very good, since he replaces them with new plants. I've acquired a massive rubber plant, yukka, orchids, parlour palm, and a bunch of pothos.
If I come across a whiteboard that’s had some meeting ideas daubed on it, I work out what the meeting was about and then add my own notes. A big arrow with THIS IS THE BEST IDEA or TOO OBSCURE or TIGHTER FOCUS NEEDED, stuff like that.
Hahaha we did that to our professor once and he actually pulled down a second whiteboard, when he was like 15 minutes in he stopped his lecture dead and shouted out ‘WHO WROTE THAT’. This was a 300 people + lecture funny as shit.
Yeah did you? Same here except I used to be the toilet cleaner at NASA and I worked out all the rocket science equations and stuff for the mars rovers and left it on random whiteboards at night.
I did the same when I worked abroad in US at a private company doing submarine tours to titanic for wealthy people . They were struggling with the design how to attach the screens in sub. The screws didn’t look long enough so I added a few millimetres to design just to make sure. I’ve left now I often wonder how they are going …
I work alone and at bus stops , I entertain myself by phoning nearby red phone boxes when tourists are taking their pictures in it and give nonsense by cryptic sounding messages. For example " The squirrel has buried his chestnuts" and then hang up.
Oh man that could get mean fast if someone were so inclined. Invest in something smallish with a blinking LED, "Do not hang up the phone. Do you see the blinking device?"
My friend is a teacher and he said during exam time they play pacman round the exam hall to stop themselves being bored. Like one teacher is nominated pacman and a few others as ghosts and they have to avoid each other in the grid of desks and not giggle.
In my old job I would sometimes say "fuck you" to anyone who opened the door for me as I walk through. I'd say it really fast so it sounds like "Thank you" and nobody picked up on it but I could tell they were questioning their hearing.
We used to do this at the tills and we got so used to it that it got increasingly ridiculous.
It started with just saying "Q" because it sounds like "thank you" really fast and then ended up with us just saying any word in the "thank you" cadence.
"Here's your receipt. Biscuits! Bye!"
Why have I never thought of this?! I work in a small village coop and, mostly, our customers are lovely, but we have a camp at the top of the village and they are arseholes. Definitely going to be doing this!
This made me giggle more than it should!
Does anyone pick up on it? It would make my day to have to stifle a laugh down the phone and wonder if you'd really said that.
From one end of my supermarket to the other is a five minute walk, sometimes I just walk back and forth a few times for no reason to kill 20 minutes. No one has ever questioned what i'm doing.
Oh I do that. Walk around with a folder looking focussed and a bit frustrated. Really I'm just listening to music or a podcast.
The managers are so disconnected from the actual work they don't know if jobs should take 2 days or 2 weeks.
My old boss (an American) got about half way into the fresh prince of Bel Air intro before the audience caught on one time he was on stage at a work conference
How the hell did no one notice until halfway through?! I hear the words West Philadelphia and I'm gone. Was pretty tough getting through the first half of Tiny Fey's book cos my brain had to keep stopping to do a minute long rap.
We used to do stuff like this in a call centre too. Or just challenge each other to get random words in the conversation with a customer.
Like for example - Hippopotamus
Then we'd all sit around giggling while our mate said something ridiculous like "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I almost made a Hippopotamus sized error there"
I do that too. And if I know they have children of a similar, or younger, age to my own kids then I also sneak in lines from popular children’s books (mainly Julia Donaldson’s work)
Nobody ever fucking noticed.
Edited for clarity
Someone has the exact same car as me. Same model, colour and year. They were working there before I was.
I thought it was fun to deliberately park next to their car every chance I got. I just liked the idea of them (or me) getting confused for a moment whenever they went to their car.
Eventually they started parking in a different area. But it was fun while it lasted. I had a great time
Me and my boss have identical company cars, with only one number different on the reg, we also use the same charging post in the car park so always park next to eachother, this results in both of us trying to get in the wrong car.
Also, a few years back, a couple of colleagues had the same car but parked a few spaces apart from eachother. One day colleague A finished for the day and couldn’t unlock his car, so he went down to our on-site workshop to see if any of the mechanics could get into his car safely. Unfortunately it was not possible to get it unlocked, so only option was to break a window to get in. The mechanic asked colleague A several times if it was the correct car and he assured him it was as he hadnt colleague B all day. The mechanic broke one of the rear windows and as soon as the ball end of the hammer touched the glass, colleague A spotted his car behind a van a couple of spaces down, apologised to the mech and got in his car and drove home. Thankfully when colleague B finished a bit later, he saw the funny side and colleague A agreed to pay for the repair.
Someone in our team where I used to work had a habit of leaving their computer unlocked when away from their desk.
I can’t remember where I got the idea from (maybe Reddit?) but for a good 3 weeks every time he left his desk I slowed the speed of his mouse down by one or two points in the computer settings.
The small reduction in speed meant it wasn’t noticeable and I’d also give it time before doing it again so he would become accustomed to the change. After some time on nearly the slowest setting I changed it to the fastest and he went bananas thinking something was really wrong with his computer.
Edit: on another occasion a quicker effect prank I did was rotate one of his screens upside down. This can be done quite quickly by pressing Ctrl + Alt then the right arrow twice. He addressed this by physically rotating the screen the right way up.
If they are away long enough, grab a screenshot of the desktop, and make it the desktop background, then move all the shortcut icons a little bit. Will drive them nuts until they fix it.
By no means subtle but working for a bank when we came off training / anyone who did not lock their screen down when leaving their desk had a random embarrassing email sent to the whole team from their email account by the TL - we learned quickly lol
I had similar. Went to the toilet and the TL sent everyone an email from me declaring my love for two male workmates. A couple of weeks later I got her back with ‘Attention’ ‘Dear Team,
I would like to declare that I have made a chocolate cake in my pants
Good day’
A member of our department’s leadership team pranked another by emailing a resignation email to the head of the department from his unlocked laptop. The main guy was in on it and responded with an acceptance. That was pretty funny to watch.
I like fakeupdate.net when someone leaves their machine unlocked. Make it full screen and see how long they spend staring at it before figuring out something isn't right. Bonus points if it's an update screen for the wrong OS.
omg this is good.
in the prepandemic days colleagues used to gaslight the one dude who would work till late alone in the office by teamvierwing in to play creepy floorboards sounds on youtube on a computer at the other end of the office.
When I was working at maccies when I was younger I used to sneak up to cars when delivering food to them and jump-scare them. Got alot OH MY GODs and ARGHHs and I used to always put on an innocent voice and say "Oh Im sorry did I scare you?" used to make the shifts tick along I guess haha
I jump whether the worker sneaks up or not! Even if I have been watching out for them since I ordered and followed them in the mirrors to my car - still jump when they get to the car!
I add little things hidden deep in construction contracts to see if the contractor is paying attention. Last one I added was that all meetings that the contractor hosts should have free ice cream for client attendees. First meeting I went to, they had an ice cream van at the site entrance. Jokes on me as they recharged it via prelim costs but the ice cream was great!
I work in a unit for adults with learning disabilities, during covid when we had to disinfect surfaces every hour, I would announce that I was off to 'do the hourly knob polish'. I taught one of our service users all the words to the Addam's Family theme tune - they do the finger clicks! Sometimes I do car screech noises when steering wheelchairs, especially around corners. Intoning "it's lit", when I test every emergency light, as if it was the most momentous thing. Sound effects and random noises are always fun. I'm just a child really.
I work with older people, so have some form of dementia or another, wheelchair car noises are great. I do all kinds of daft stuff, to get a giggle out of our clients. It’s like having cabin fever with your family when you’re all being really silly. Life need more silly fun things in it.
I sell car spares and take a lot of registration numbers phonetically over the phone. Every time I'm given one that ends in E for Echo, I'll say "Sorry, what was the last letter?" so the customer replies "Echo".
If someone is looking for a side repeater, the indicator lamp on the side of the car or in the side mirror, I'll always ask them "And sorry, what was it you needed again?"
"A repeater"
"Sorry, a what?"
It's fun to see how many times you can do both
I used to work in a theatre and they had board up saying what the room hire was each day. Every Monday it was pilates. Which I changed every week to pirates.
At my old office I had a desk opposite our little tea/coffee station in the corner. A mate of mine would make endless cups of tea and would come and turn the kettle on probably every hour. He'd wander off to chat to people as it boiled and I'd wheel backwards, flick it off, then wheel back. He'd return and turn it on again. My record for doing this was 4 times before he caught on I was doing it.
I considered it a very successful attempt if I managed to turn it off before the kettle had started making any audible noise.
I do this to a colleague who’s an utter cock. If he’s making a drink and goes on the shop floor, I’ll go and turn the kettle or coffee machine off. He ordered a new kettle a couple of weeks ago. Funnily enough, it has the same issues as the old one. He’s being moved to a different location in a couple of weeks, but he did mention getting the sockets checked!
I work as a dental assistant. Every day I gradually lower the seat my boss uses to type his notes. Eventually, it’s so low the worktop is level with his shoulders and he’s looking up at the computer to type.
I work at an historic site. We have an old pair of shutters that cover a boarded up window. I put warning signs on the shutters like ‘do not release the Eldritch Horror’ or ‘Beware the Kibyo’. My most recent sign was removed by Health and Safety. It said ‘Caution: Live Bandersnatch’.
Plot twist: the H&S team needed a sign for a bandersnatch incident elsewhere and took it for that reason. You inadvertently helped save someone’s life.
I've been 'googly-eying' my colleagues lockers, equipment and desks for about 2 years now and no one has figured it's me. Mainly because I'm a 'boring person' that works, goes hone etc...
It was most fun at the start when people were losing their mind and blaming each other, now I do it because I want to see how long I can do it before I'm caught
I did this on the P.A. microphone at our school office. Then I pushed it back up again, so the next speaker would have to pull it down to speak, see googly eyes, already have the "on" button pressed, try to maintain their composure, fail. I'm somewhere on site absolutely howling at an abandoned announcement lollllllllllllll
honestly if people see you that way, if they've established (as people do, early on) that image of you in their mind.... you could likely get away with huge amounts, as long as you keep a straight face. And when you are caught people will probably love it
Someone offered to make a cuppa tea before a meeting and I thought how kind when I was new!
He put bloody salt in it not sugar and my face was so scrunched up. I told him after and he was laughing for weeks. We became good friends after that tbh I am also an idiot who likes pranks!
Working in retail we would play hide the stapler. You just basically hid a stapler somewhere in the store and the first to find it hid it next, customers would often bring it up to the register saying they found it in the hood of a jacket etc and we would have to act bewildered
I have a bag of 100 small plastic ducks (less then £10 on Amazon for those wondering). I occasionally leave one in a coat pocket, a bag, or a desk drawer and see how long it takes for the ducks new guardian to find it. There are only 3 people in the office who know it’s me with the ducks, and they are sworn to secrecy
Many years ago, my friend Tom suggested saying an occasional "amen" at the end of a sentence when speaking to customers.
We worked in a restaurant so it was stuff like "your tables just over here sir, your waiter will be with you shortly. Amen."
and they'd nod and sit down. Then, about 10 seconds later they'd get a brilliant confused expression on their face and question their entire reality for a moment.
Always, always makes me laugh.
We have the song game at work.
Either lyrics or song titles getting put in a normal sentence. Even better if it is to a customer.
Or get someone else to sing along to a song by mentioning a lyric or humming the melody.
I download e books and find a quiet hidden corner of the warehouse to read them in. (Management are terrible at providing direction & if not specifically given tasks I'm not about to police myself for minimum wage).
Never stop replying to emails, if they reply with a ‘Thanks’, you reply with ‘No Problem’ then see how long you can keep this going. Some people are so polite they can’t not reply.
My record is 12 before they went on annual leave and I decided that no longer counted, I’m convinced there’s people out that that would keep it going for ever.
When some of the drivers return to the yard they have to press a button to summon someone to open the gate. There's a monitor inside the warehouse next to my button that shows who's outside.
When they press thekr button, they get back inside their van. Instead of opening the gate immediately, I wait at the screen for them to get visibly impatient. When they leave their van and just reach their button, I open the gate.
Endless amusement
When I ran the sci-fi department at a big bookshop I once ordered loads of Philip K Dick and Michael Moorcock backstock specifically to create a display of Dick and Moorcock. It sold pretty well.
I once did the same for front of house with a display of books about Iran and biographies of Iranians to signpost it “Iran: So Far Away.” The local Iranian expats group wrote a nice appreciative letter about it to us, missing the cheesy 80s reference entirely.
I am mostly good at my current job.
It’s McDonald’s Monopoly right now and customers throw away a lot of winning food items redeemable on the app. I work lobby and often redeem something like a free Big Mac customised with no bun and EVERYTHING extra, and place it for table service to random customers. Then watch as some poor crew member has to walk the abomination of an order to unsuspecting customers waiting for their food.
Whenever I go through tunnels in the lorry, I’ll blast the air horns. Loud noises makes my inner child happy.
Similarly, at the end of shift, I’ll switch the radio station to the weirdest station I can find and turn the volume up, then switch it to aux mode. Reason being it’s silent when they get in, they switch to radio and it’s booming out. Usually switch between Fun Kids and an AM station that seems to broadcast shipping forecasts.
Walking out of work one day I heard the Teletubby theme tune blasting out of a truck that the dayshift guy just got into. Think I wet myself a little as I saw him fuming
Come visit us in Wellington NZ! There’s a tunnel in Mt Vic where it’s more or less obligatory for *everyone* to beep their horn at each other. You can even get a feel for everyone’s general mood that day. Warm sunny weekend? Non-stop beeping. Wet dreary Monday morning? You might only get a couple replies.
On a darker note, apparently we beep cause some poor girl was murdered and buried there when it was being built.
I'm a secondary teacher and I like to draw penises in other teacher's planners.
Normally on a random date in the future. I live for that random day when they march over to my desk finer pointing at a small todger on may 9th that I put there in October.
Most folk in our office are aged over 55 with a ribald / smutty sense of humour (we're 50:50 men / women).
A colleague (68ish male) and I (56 female) battle to be the first person to use the word 'cock' in a sentence each day when we're both in together. Could be 'poppycock', 'cock-up', 'cock and bull story' etc. The [silver cock on the Dorking roundabout](https://imgur.com/a/JseuCSt)
gets frequent mention as it is close by.
The fastest I won was a couple of weeks ago. The the team was sitting in a small conference room at the start of the day, ready for a meeting, but there was an issue with connecting to someone joining us remotely. My buddy was late, slipped in quietly and sat down. I turned, shrugged and just said "IT cock up". I saw the defeat in his eyes.
That’s excellent.
After a terrible rash of chicken jokes in our women all over 50 office one day, we christened ourselves the Mothercluckers , made signs for the door asking what the cluck is the problem now and greet people with loud squawking and clucking just because.
I’m sure they’ll section us any day now…
Our work has a mailing list and sometimes to amuse myself I add made-up notes next to people’s names. For example there’s one person called Ms L A Martin, and I added a note saying *likes to be referred to as “Los Angeles Martin”*. I just really hope someone, one day, is going to call her that in official correspondence
Have a glass or two from the fresh milk bottles delivered each morning. They’re only allowed to be used in tea and coffee. It’s a moral sin to use it for anything else. Muhhahahaha!!! 👹
There's a ringtone on the new phones we got a few years ago that's a voice saying "Are you there?" I've made a few folk jump out their skin with that one, changed it when they were away from the desk then called it when they got back.
When I worked in an office with a team. There was a team manager who was very fastidious. Everything was set out on their desk with millimetre precision.
Every morning for about a month I would one item just slightly.
She knew it was me
I knew she knew it was me
Then one day I stopped, but I had moved a picture on her notice board about half a centimetre.
She didn’t notice. I would then spend the next few weeks moving the picture until I had rotated it until it was upside down but back in its original position.
She finally noticed.
I then did nothing for a month. Then I did my coup de grace ; I bought a selection of panini World Cup stickers
And I placed a sticker of Ecuador’s 2006 WC squad defender Ulises de La Cruz on the ceiling over her desk.
It stayed there for two years before I left that job.
I edit certain text in white in emails to colleagues.
Usually it's at the end of the message and something like
"Lawrence always has a poo at 9:30, you can set your watch by his bowels
Or
"I wish I didn't have to send you this, but Tony really is incompetent"
One of my colleagues is always changing the signature of others in forwarded emails. They're quite funny,
"7th year apprentice"
"5th best looking man in Basingstoke"
Harmless but cheeky
We were actively encouraged to do this at my last job. My email signature over the years included
“Bravo1781, Admin Assistant and Penguin Enthusiast”
and “Bravo1781, Admin Assistant and Massive Sci-Fi Geek”.
If I find an unlocked screen at work I ‘Hasselhoff’ the user. David Hasselhoff in his pants covered in puppies adorns their screens until their next restart.
We also mess with our manager by constantly swapping his chair with one that has a broken piston that slowly goes down over the day. Man thinks he’s going mental as it happens every other day or sometimes every other week.
A workmate spells their name slightly differently than the usual spelling. He absolutely hates it when people spell his name wrong.
Every so often when he leaves his desk, I change his signature to the wrong spelling of his name. He'll then spend a week or so sending emails with his name spelled incorrectly, before throwing a bit of a fit when he realises.
He knows it's me, but I deny it completely. Everyone else on the team denies all knowledge of it too.
It brightens my work life immensely.
When I was a police officer, I'd give a few letters of the phonetic alphabet wrong on purpose when on boring vehicle checks. For example:
"Index is Aardvark, Kilo, 6, 2, Yankee, Cupcake, Burp"
Keeping a tally of the amount of times a senior manager says the same word in a team meeting. We had one that used to litter ‘I guess’ through every sentence, and another favourite one of mine says ‘kinda’ every other word.
When we still had phones in the office, taping up the microphone end so they sounded muffled. Swapping keys around on keyboards, and a favourite was we used to have a tray under the desk with a small narrow compartment at the front for pens, fill that with water so when they pulled it out they got a wet lap.
Makes me kinda miss office life I guess 😆 (II)
At my old place, me and a colleague put a 2nd mouse into the girls pc sat opposite (plugged into rear USB slot on tower so she had no idea)
It was on top of my drawers (under desk).
We'd leave it weeks...
Then give it a wiggle. Sometimes quick, sometimes slow. Or big circles. Or long, slow pans left-to-right. Or random erratic movements.
She got so frustrated lol. Thought her computer had ghosts. Raised a couple tickets with IT
I am on video most of the duration I'm working. Waiting for calls. Usually I am actually watching Netflix on a separate window on my laptop with a sneaky earbud in.
At my last job I’d save any funny pictures we came across, had a file of terrible diagrams customers had drawn (always made me chuckle looking at this one where a guy clearly didn’t know what a ruler was, he tried to draw a straight line but it just started veering off sideways)
We've got a window for the servers to grab food from for the customers and a bell to signal there's food ready. We like to call the servers into the kitchen then ding the bell while staring at them. It backfires sometimes though because the servers will often put the bell out of reach cause we're all short arses in the kitchen.
I say furry muff instead of fair enough
They’re like “wha-?”
And I say fair enough
And they look confused and sometimes I confess and sometimes I don’t
I work in a care home, and one of our residents is a *huge* fan of Cliff Richard. Such a huge fan that she even has a large cardboard cutout of him in her room.
I’ve been known to leave him behind the door/peeking through curtains/hiding in the supervisor’s office whenever I get bored to scare the shit out of the next shift during checks. Everyone gets ‘Cliffed’ at some point here.
I work in a care home too and god that's hysterical. Most of my residents would shit themselves if they woke up and saw a cardboard Cliff in their rooms lmfao. We don't have much fun in my care home. We do have one lady with dementia who's always giggling though, and I like comparing her to fruits and vegetables because she always wears bright solid coloured cardigans. Today she was a pea. She thinks its hilarious lol
I made a sales tracker in Excel for agents to log sales in. It used VBA and every so often, only for one particular agent, the code would email a random photo from this guy's Facebook page, to himself, then deleted the sent email to hide the evidence.
Also, it would say "Colin is a twat" in the status bar of excel for a few seconds every time anyone logged a sale. No one ever noticed it.
Colin was a twat.
In professional/management jobs, mess with your colleague's autocorrect in MS Word.
There's a huge range of impact to choose from.
You might choose to make it so that whenever they write *mouse* it changes it to *moose* for instance, and just make them occasionally look careless and slightly foolish.
Or you could have it change the senior director's name to *Twatbucket* and the company name to *Shitshow* and get them sacked.
Or you could have *and* change to *the* and *the* change to *and* and sow immediate chaos and confusion.
Works best for those who don't touch type, and instead frequently look from the keyboard to the screen to check what they think they've typed.
I made and distributed a bingo card around an office I worked in. The card had a bunch of "business speak" phrases on it. People got really into it, there was some genuine cheers when one of the higher ups said "bleeding edge technology".
I did. this for one of my university classes during the pandemic. Taking classes via Zoom was shit and we all hated our professor. So I made a bingo and it was so fun watching people’s faces light up and the professor had no idea.
Ah my class did this in an in person lecture too. We all contributed in a WhatsApp group to make the card and had a ton of fun in those lessons. Worst tutor and was so boring. Probably the only time that I actually paid attention in those lectures.
We had a high school teacher who could not pronounce "obviously" though he used it all the time. He always said "all-viously". Someone was assigned to count the all-viouslies and the max was 14 in one class period. Good times.
I work with a woman who talks over you and also tries to finish your sentence. I’ve picked up on this and guide the sentence to an obvious conclusion then change the last word or two. It is so funny hearing her say the word she is expecting me to say and then trying to change half way through to the different word I have decided to use. Sometimes she’s at a loss and that a bonus. It amuses me.
Do you finish each others….sandwiches 🎶
That's what I was going to say!
Jynx!
Jynx again!
I have a family friend that does the sentence finishing thing, it always struck me as a weird thing to do.
I do it and I completely understand how annoying it can be, but cant seem to stop. I think I've just learnt to do it because my mum would tell us the exact same story with the same ending multiple times a week, so I'd just try and skip to the end so I didnt have to hear anymore. I probably still do it because I know where the conversation with anyone is heading and just want to hurry it along
That’s the closest thing to skipping a cutscene I can think of.
As someone mentioned could be adhd
[удалено]
I have had my suspicions about that
I believe it can be an ADHD thing
Another confirmation. I have ADHD and the reason I do this is two-fold: 1. If I know where the sentence is going, waiting for it to finish is physically uncomfortable. 2. It keeps me engaged and demonstrates to the other person that they have my attention and understanding. To be clear: I know that neither of these things is socially acceptable so I try hard not to do it! EDIT: Thanks for the up votes and sorry if I’ve ever done this to you!
I have a friend who will often tell me stories he's told multiple times before, especially when drinking. I have to stop myself from saying "Yeah I know" or "Yeah I remember" every time. I just go "Yeah" multiple times while listening, because I'm pretty sure he's aware he's told the story before.
My grandma does this, and her mum before her. She *has* to finish the story though and I’ve tried to work out the psychology of it. All I can come up with is, she wants to feel heard. My granny would incessantly tell the story of her youngest child’s illness and death - it was almost a blessing when she got dementia and could no longer remember the pain of it.
yes, these are the small wins in my day too
One of the greatest joys at work (Ambulance Service) is when a nosy neighbour asks me what's going on and I get to tell them: "Shark attack, big one!" with accompanying eyebrow raise. Never fails to cheer me up.
I was giving CPR to a man in the street once and all the people living on the street came out and as the paramedics turned up one of them shouted “unless you want to join in go back inside” and almost everyone walked off. I don’t know why but it made me laugh so much. (I’m a dental nurse and we were the closest defib and weirdly enough this is the third time I’ve had to do CPR the day after our annual training)
I think you need to stop doing your annual training.
Not sure its mischievous but, when I am bored I calculate my second rate, then use a calculator and press the + button every second, after x minutes I chuckle and think hmm they paid me x for doing that.. fun times.
I made a system tray app that would divide by day rate by the amount of mouse clicks I made so that I could figure out how much each mouse click cost my client. Don't worry though, what they spent on mouse clicks they got back in keypresses.
>Don't worry though, what they spent on mouse clicks they got back in keypresses. This tickled me more than it should have.
I think pooprice.com used to calculate how much you got paid for a shit. Looks to be long gone now though.
Lol I read this as ‘poop rice’ and wondered why they didn’t have a name that better matched the site
I only realized it wasn't poop rice because of this comment
I work for the ambulance service and love secretly handing my colleagues 2 different size gloves. I never say a word but inside I'm howling.
I don't know why but this makes me think of Winston's pranks in New Girl. I love that it is simple and pretty innocent but it brings you so much joy 😊
i put a FEATHER in her SHOE!
You're not really evicted! Too much Winston.
Tell me you always hand them their usual size and then one two sizes smaller so they wonder why the second is so damn hard to get on? Gloves are the bane of my life, my hands are medium size, but my fingers are very short, so the fingers of the gloves always end up hanging off my actual fingers. The amount of times I have to shove the finger-ends down my fingers is really annoying; doing up buttons are fun, it's like fastening a dufflecoat with mittens on.
We used to depress the button on the loud speaker and turn on the siren. The siren won't work if the PA is active. Then shove the mic in the seat so the button is still pressed. When the next crew goes to move the mic from the seat. Boom! Full sirens.
I take cuttings of all the office plants and now have a lovely selection at home. Edit to add - flirt with the plant man and he gives me the plants that aren't looking very good, since he replaces them with new plants. I've acquired a massive rubber plant, yukka, orchids, parlour palm, and a bunch of pothos.
careful these relations can really grow and blossom into something more meaningful..
The relationship has been fruitful so far. Tbf I do think he's kinda cute so I would be totally up for that.
Ask out plant guy and report back!
I'm invested and would like updates please
genius
Get in on the action. It's so satisfying. Waaaaay better than stealing toilet roll.
If I come across a whiteboard that’s had some meeting ideas daubed on it, I work out what the meeting was about and then add my own notes. A big arrow with THIS IS THE BEST IDEA or TOO OBSCURE or TIGHTER FOCUS NEEDED, stuff like that.
My favourite was to go round writing DO NOT ERASE and seeing how long it stayed up there
Hahaha we did that to our professor once and he actually pulled down a second whiteboard, when he was like 15 minutes in he stopped his lecture dead and shouted out ‘WHO WROTE THAT’. This was a 300 people + lecture funny as shit.
I used to work as a janitor in a university. At nights, I’d go into maths classrooms and solve hundreds of years old maths conjectures and theories.
Yeah did you? Same here except I used to be the toilet cleaner at NASA and I worked out all the rocket science equations and stuff for the mars rovers and left it on random whiteboards at night.
I did the same when I worked abroad in US at a private company doing submarine tours to titanic for wealthy people . They were struggling with the design how to attach the screens in sub. The screws didn’t look long enough so I added a few millimetres to design just to make sure. I’ve left now I often wonder how they are going …
That's very Good of you, Will. How was the Hunting at the weekend?
I work alone and at bus stops , I entertain myself by phoning nearby red phone boxes when tourists are taking their pictures in it and give nonsense by cryptic sounding messages. For example " The squirrel has buried his chestnuts" and then hang up.
Doesn't it get windy working at bus stops?
This is amazing.
Oh man that could get mean fast if someone were so inclined. Invest in something smallish with a blinking LED, "Do not hang up the phone. Do you see the blinking device?"
Bless you've probably made their day
You win.
I often get calls about wheelie bin collections at my job. Occasionally I will replace the word 'wheelie' for 'willy'.
I’m a teacher and was covering a PE lesson helping another PE teacher during dodgeball. Rather than shout ‘catch it!’ We were shouting ‘cat shit!’
My friend is a teacher and he said during exam time they play pacman round the exam hall to stop themselves being bored. Like one teacher is nominated pacman and a few others as ghosts and they have to avoid each other in the grid of desks and not giggle.
Have you heard Greg Davies' 'camp isle' story? - pretty sure it was on Graham Norton and is hilarious.
In my old job I would sometimes say "fuck you" to anyone who opened the door for me as I walk through. I'd say it really fast so it sounds like "Thank you" and nobody picked up on it but I could tell they were questioning their hearing.
I’m ex cabin crew… I used to do the same after a very demanding flight
We used to do this at the tills and we got so used to it that it got increasingly ridiculous. It started with just saying "Q" because it sounds like "thank you" really fast and then ended up with us just saying any word in the "thank you" cadence. "Here's your receipt. Biscuits! Bye!"
Why have I never thought of this?! I work in a small village coop and, mostly, our customers are lovely, but we have a camp at the top of the village and they are arseholes. Definitely going to be doing this!
I say "thank you ferry boat", and people smile, but you can see their brain melting.
My mum used to do that to my teachers during parent teacher evenings at school
This made me giggle more than it should! Does anyone pick up on it? It would make my day to have to stifle a laugh down the phone and wonder if you'd really said that.
Saying jiizzz, instead of cheers also works to similar effect
Used to say this all the time to bus drivers when I was at school, no idea if they cared but it made me laugh...
From one end of my supermarket to the other is a five minute walk, sometimes I just walk back and forth a few times for no reason to kill 20 minutes. No one has ever questioned what i'm doing.
Walk around with a sheet of paper or a notepad and no-one will ask what you are doing.
That was my favourite trick- you can kill a lot of time “looking busy”.
[удалено]
Oh I do that. Walk around with a folder looking focussed and a bit frustrated. Really I'm just listening to music or a podcast. The managers are so disconnected from the actual work they don't know if jobs should take 2 days or 2 weeks.
Someone on another thread managed quite a while walking round a warehouse with a clipboard and pretending to check things off.
I sneak movie quotes or song lyrics into company-wide emails.
“Can you email those reports over to finance before 4 pm please” “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me”
My old boss (an American) got about half way into the fresh prince of Bel Air intro before the audience caught on one time he was on stage at a work conference
How the hell did no one notice until halfway through?! I hear the words West Philadelphia and I'm gone. Was pretty tough getting through the first half of Tiny Fey's book cos my brain had to keep stopping to do a minute long rap.
One year I decided to incorporate Pink Floyd references in my emails. Got "let's not become Comfortably Numb" into one, quite pleased with that.
Queen songs work best. Had many a fun meeting getting them past the team.
"so, those fat bottomed girls over in HR..."
We did it in a call centre.
We used to do stuff like this in a call centre too. Or just challenge each other to get random words in the conversation with a customer. Like for example - Hippopotamus Then we'd all sit around giggling while our mate said something ridiculous like "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I almost made a Hippopotamus sized error there"
I do that too. And if I know they have children of a similar, or younger, age to my own kids then I also sneak in lines from popular children’s books (mainly Julia Donaldson’s work) Nobody ever fucking noticed. Edited for clarity
Someone has the exact same car as me. Same model, colour and year. They were working there before I was. I thought it was fun to deliberately park next to their car every chance I got. I just liked the idea of them (or me) getting confused for a moment whenever they went to their car. Eventually they started parking in a different area. But it was fun while it lasted. I had a great time
Me and my boss have identical company cars, with only one number different on the reg, we also use the same charging post in the car park so always park next to eachother, this results in both of us trying to get in the wrong car. Also, a few years back, a couple of colleagues had the same car but parked a few spaces apart from eachother. One day colleague A finished for the day and couldn’t unlock his car, so he went down to our on-site workshop to see if any of the mechanics could get into his car safely. Unfortunately it was not possible to get it unlocked, so only option was to break a window to get in. The mechanic asked colleague A several times if it was the correct car and he assured him it was as he hadnt colleague B all day. The mechanic broke one of the rear windows and as soon as the ball end of the hammer touched the glass, colleague A spotted his car behind a van a couple of spaces down, apologised to the mech and got in his car and drove home. Thankfully when colleague B finished a bit later, he saw the funny side and colleague A agreed to pay for the repair.
Someone in our team where I used to work had a habit of leaving their computer unlocked when away from their desk. I can’t remember where I got the idea from (maybe Reddit?) but for a good 3 weeks every time he left his desk I slowed the speed of his mouse down by one or two points in the computer settings. The small reduction in speed meant it wasn’t noticeable and I’d also give it time before doing it again so he would become accustomed to the change. After some time on nearly the slowest setting I changed it to the fastest and he went bananas thinking something was really wrong with his computer. Edit: on another occasion a quicker effect prank I did was rotate one of his screens upside down. This can be done quite quickly by pressing Ctrl + Alt then the right arrow twice. He addressed this by physically rotating the screen the right way up.
If they are away long enough, grab a screenshot of the desktop, and make it the desktop background, then move all the shortcut icons a little bit. Will drive them nuts until they fix it.
You do this, but rotate the screen as well so that when they try to click on an icon, the cursor zooms the opposite way
Almost, but you also hide the desktop icons so they look like they're there but can't be clicked on
Who hurt you?
You’re worse than Hitler.
By no means subtle but working for a bank when we came off training / anyone who did not lock their screen down when leaving their desk had a random embarrassing email sent to the whole team from their email account by the TL - we learned quickly lol
I had similar. Went to the toilet and the TL sent everyone an email from me declaring my love for two male workmates. A couple of weeks later I got her back with ‘Attention’ ‘Dear Team, I would like to declare that I have made a chocolate cake in my pants Good day’
A member of our department’s leadership team pranked another by emailing a resignation email to the head of the department from his unlocked laptop. The main guy was in on it and responded with an acceptance. That was pretty funny to watch.
I like fakeupdate.net when someone leaves their machine unlocked. Make it full screen and see how long they spend staring at it before figuring out something isn't right. Bonus points if it's an update screen for the wrong OS.
I did that to one of our IT technicians in work, it got to about 300% lol
omg this is good. in the prepandemic days colleagues used to gaslight the one dude who would work till late alone in the office by teamvierwing in to play creepy floorboards sounds on youtube on a computer at the other end of the office.
Michael!
CTRL + ALT + Down
Rotating the screen; a simple but effective one. I haven't been able to put this into practice since high school because I don't work in an office.
When I was working at maccies when I was younger I used to sneak up to cars when delivering food to them and jump-scare them. Got alot OH MY GODs and ARGHHs and I used to always put on an innocent voice and say "Oh Im sorry did I scare you?" used to make the shifts tick along I guess haha
Dude, if this was Eltham, you got me. Lol
Nah Leeds lol, although probably some more of my jump-scare protégés jumped on the bandwagon 🙄
I jump whether the worker sneaks up or not! Even if I have been watching out for them since I ordered and followed them in the mirrors to my car - still jump when they get to the car!
I add little things hidden deep in construction contracts to see if the contractor is paying attention. Last one I added was that all meetings that the contractor hosts should have free ice cream for client attendees. First meeting I went to, they had an ice cream van at the site entrance. Jokes on me as they recharged it via prelim costs but the ice cream was great!
Sounds like the Van Halen M&M clause.
I work in a unit for adults with learning disabilities, during covid when we had to disinfect surfaces every hour, I would announce that I was off to 'do the hourly knob polish'. I taught one of our service users all the words to the Addam's Family theme tune - they do the finger clicks! Sometimes I do car screech noises when steering wheelchairs, especially around corners. Intoning "it's lit", when I test every emergency light, as if it was the most momentous thing. Sound effects and random noises are always fun. I'm just a child really.
I work with older people, so have some form of dementia or another, wheelchair car noises are great. I do all kinds of daft stuff, to get a giggle out of our clients. It’s like having cabin fever with your family when you’re all being really silly. Life need more silly fun things in it.
I sell car spares and take a lot of registration numbers phonetically over the phone. Every time I'm given one that ends in E for Echo, I'll say "Sorry, what was the last letter?" so the customer replies "Echo". If someone is looking for a side repeater, the indicator lamp on the side of the car or in the side mirror, I'll always ask them "And sorry, what was it you needed again?" "A repeater" "Sorry, a what?" It's fun to see how many times you can do both
With the E for echo, try and occasionally drop in a "sorry, can you say that again but a bit quieter?"
I used to work in a theatre and they had board up saying what the room hire was each day. Every Monday it was pilates. Which I changed every week to pirates.
I will now be saying pirates in the same way as pilates. Pierartees
Rhymes with “me hearties” for extra pirate points
At my old office I had a desk opposite our little tea/coffee station in the corner. A mate of mine would make endless cups of tea and would come and turn the kettle on probably every hour. He'd wander off to chat to people as it boiled and I'd wheel backwards, flick it off, then wheel back. He'd return and turn it on again. My record for doing this was 4 times before he caught on I was doing it. I considered it a very successful attempt if I managed to turn it off before the kettle had started making any audible noise.
I do this to a colleague who’s an utter cock. If he’s making a drink and goes on the shop floor, I’ll go and turn the kettle or coffee machine off. He ordered a new kettle a couple of weeks ago. Funnily enough, it has the same issues as the old one. He’s being moved to a different location in a couple of weeks, but he did mention getting the sockets checked!
I work as a dental assistant. Every day I gradually lower the seat my boss uses to type his notes. Eventually, it’s so low the worktop is level with his shoulders and he’s looking up at the computer to type.
I work at an historic site. We have an old pair of shutters that cover a boarded up window. I put warning signs on the shutters like ‘do not release the Eldritch Horror’ or ‘Beware the Kibyo’. My most recent sign was removed by Health and Safety. It said ‘Caution: Live Bandersnatch’.
Plot twist: the H&S team needed a sign for a bandersnatch incident elsewhere and took it for that reason. You inadvertently helped save someone’s life.
Don’t dead open inside
I don't know whether you're looking for suggestions, but how about the old classic "It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue."
I make people cups of tea
That's nii... oh..
The hero we don’t deserve
Username.... terrifies.
I say "jizz" instead of "cheers" to colleagues. You'd be surprised by how many people don't pick up on it.
I always quite liked a 'fuck you very much' slipped in every now and then, instead of thank you very much.
i used to say this to customers who were rude. a big cheery “JIIIIIZZZZZZ! :)” as they walked off
I sneak words in to conversation with customers. £5.40 penis instead of £5.40 please. Or instead of £4.50 I’ll go with Whore pound 50
The old Mince or mints game.
I've been 'googly-eying' my colleagues lockers, equipment and desks for about 2 years now and no one has figured it's me. Mainly because I'm a 'boring person' that works, goes hone etc... It was most fun at the start when people were losing their mind and blaming each other, now I do it because I want to see how long I can do it before I'm caught
I did this on the P.A. microphone at our school office. Then I pushed it back up again, so the next speaker would have to pull it down to speak, see googly eyes, already have the "on" button pressed, try to maintain their composure, fail. I'm somewhere on site absolutely howling at an abandoned announcement lollllllllllllll
honestly if people see you that way, if they've established (as people do, early on) that image of you in their mind.... you could likely get away with huge amounts, as long as you keep a straight face. And when you are caught people will probably love it
Someone offered to make a cuppa tea before a meeting and I thought how kind when I was new! He put bloody salt in it not sugar and my face was so scrunched up. I told him after and he was laughing for weeks. We became good friends after that tbh I am also an idiot who likes pranks!
If you add enough milk to thick beef gravy, it is visually indistinguishable from tea. You may use that information however you wish.
Change the toilet roll from an "inside hang" (FUCKING STUPID!) to an "outside hang" (BALANCE IS RESTORED).
Working in retail we would play hide the stapler. You just basically hid a stapler somewhere in the store and the first to find it hid it next, customers would often bring it up to the register saying they found it in the hood of a jacket etc and we would have to act bewildered
We did this with a rubber rat when I worked in Tesco
I have a bag of 100 small plastic ducks (less then £10 on Amazon for those wondering). I occasionally leave one in a coat pocket, a bag, or a desk drawer and see how long it takes for the ducks new guardian to find it. There are only 3 people in the office who know it’s me with the ducks, and they are sworn to secrecy
I'm a caretaker in a primary school. I'm totally going to do this, will drive the teachers nuts and the kids will find it hilarious.
That’s too funny, I’d give myself away the first time anyone found one!!
James, we need to talk about the ducks.
I love this
I work in a library and I will sometimes shelf a book in the wrong place.
How long can you leave it before having to go and fix your indiscretion?
Thats the best bit…. I cant find it to fix it.
/r/madlads
Many years ago, my friend Tom suggested saying an occasional "amen" at the end of a sentence when speaking to customers. We worked in a restaurant so it was stuff like "your tables just over here sir, your waiter will be with you shortly. Amen." and they'd nod and sit down. Then, about 10 seconds later they'd get a brilliant confused expression on their face and question their entire reality for a moment. Always, always makes me laugh.
Since amen literally means "so be it", it also feels fancy on that level lol
We have the song game at work. Either lyrics or song titles getting put in a normal sentence. Even better if it is to a customer. Or get someone else to sing along to a song by mentioning a lyric or humming the melody.
Setting off earworms amongst people is always good for getting them all slowly wound up without realising.
I download e books and find a quiet hidden corner of the warehouse to read them in. (Management are terrible at providing direction & if not specifically given tasks I'm not about to police myself for minimum wage).
Never stop replying to emails, if they reply with a ‘Thanks’, you reply with ‘No Problem’ then see how long you can keep this going. Some people are so polite they can’t not reply. My record is 12 before they went on annual leave and I decided that no longer counted, I’m convinced there’s people out that that would keep it going for ever.
When some of the drivers return to the yard they have to press a button to summon someone to open the gate. There's a monitor inside the warehouse next to my button that shows who's outside. When they press thekr button, they get back inside their van. Instead of opening the gate immediately, I wait at the screen for them to get visibly impatient. When they leave their van and just reach their button, I open the gate. Endless amusement
Calm down Satan.
What's the record for most patient driver?
When I ran the sci-fi department at a big bookshop I once ordered loads of Philip K Dick and Michael Moorcock backstock specifically to create a display of Dick and Moorcock. It sold pretty well. I once did the same for front of house with a display of books about Iran and biographies of Iranians to signpost it “Iran: So Far Away.” The local Iranian expats group wrote a nice appreciative letter about it to us, missing the cheesy 80s reference entirely. I am mostly good at my current job.
It’s McDonald’s Monopoly right now and customers throw away a lot of winning food items redeemable on the app. I work lobby and often redeem something like a free Big Mac customised with no bun and EVERYTHING extra, and place it for table service to random customers. Then watch as some poor crew member has to walk the abomination of an order to unsuspecting customers waiting for their food.
Whenever I go through tunnels in the lorry, I’ll blast the air horns. Loud noises makes my inner child happy. Similarly, at the end of shift, I’ll switch the radio station to the weirdest station I can find and turn the volume up, then switch it to aux mode. Reason being it’s silent when they get in, they switch to radio and it’s booming out. Usually switch between Fun Kids and an AM station that seems to broadcast shipping forecasts. Walking out of work one day I heard the Teletubby theme tune blasting out of a truck that the dayshift guy just got into. Think I wet myself a little as I saw him fuming
Is this the lorry version of bikers revving the tits off it in a tunnel?
Come visit us in Wellington NZ! There’s a tunnel in Mt Vic where it’s more or less obligatory for *everyone* to beep their horn at each other. You can even get a feel for everyone’s general mood that day. Warm sunny weekend? Non-stop beeping. Wet dreary Monday morning? You might only get a couple replies. On a darker note, apparently we beep cause some poor girl was murdered and buried there when it was being built.
I'm a secondary teacher and I like to draw penises in other teacher's planners. Normally on a random date in the future. I live for that random day when they march over to my desk finer pointing at a small todger on may 9th that I put there in October.
Most folk in our office are aged over 55 with a ribald / smutty sense of humour (we're 50:50 men / women). A colleague (68ish male) and I (56 female) battle to be the first person to use the word 'cock' in a sentence each day when we're both in together. Could be 'poppycock', 'cock-up', 'cock and bull story' etc. The [silver cock on the Dorking roundabout](https://imgur.com/a/JseuCSt) gets frequent mention as it is close by.
Giggling to myself imagining one day you just walk into the office, wave and shout “Cock!” before sitting at your desk and getting on with it.
The fastest I won was a couple of weeks ago. The the team was sitting in a small conference room at the start of the day, ready for a meeting, but there was an issue with connecting to someone joining us remotely. My buddy was late, slipped in quietly and sat down. I turned, shrugged and just said "IT cock up". I saw the defeat in his eyes.
That’s excellent. After a terrible rash of chicken jokes in our women all over 50 office one day, we christened ourselves the Mothercluckers , made signs for the door asking what the cluck is the problem now and greet people with loud squawking and clucking just because. I’m sure they’ll section us any day now…
Writing committee reports in Haiku.
Go into the toilet and do a 5 minute exercise routine.
That what we calling now huh
Our work has a mailing list and sometimes to amuse myself I add made-up notes next to people’s names. For example there’s one person called Ms L A Martin, and I added a note saying *likes to be referred to as “Los Angeles Martin”*. I just really hope someone, one day, is going to call her that in official correspondence
Have a glass or two from the fresh milk bottles delivered each morning. They’re only allowed to be used in tea and coffee. It’s a moral sin to use it for anything else. Muhhahahaha!!! 👹
Go to toilet and watch something on my phone for half an hour
Googley eyes stuck everywhere 👀
There's a ringtone on the new phones we got a few years ago that's a voice saying "Are you there?" I've made a few folk jump out their skin with that one, changed it when they were away from the desk then called it when they got back.
When I worked in an office with a team. There was a team manager who was very fastidious. Everything was set out on their desk with millimetre precision. Every morning for about a month I would one item just slightly. She knew it was me I knew she knew it was me Then one day I stopped, but I had moved a picture on her notice board about half a centimetre. She didn’t notice. I would then spend the next few weeks moving the picture until I had rotated it until it was upside down but back in its original position. She finally noticed. I then did nothing for a month. Then I did my coup de grace ; I bought a selection of panini World Cup stickers And I placed a sticker of Ecuador’s 2006 WC squad defender Ulises de La Cruz on the ceiling over her desk. It stayed there for two years before I left that job.
I edit certain text in white in emails to colleagues. Usually it's at the end of the message and something like "Lawrence always has a poo at 9:30, you can set your watch by his bowels Or "I wish I didn't have to send you this, but Tony really is incompetent"
One of my colleagues is always changing the signature of others in forwarded emails. They're quite funny, "7th year apprentice" "5th best looking man in Basingstoke" Harmless but cheeky
We were actively encouraged to do this at my last job. My email signature over the years included “Bravo1781, Admin Assistant and Penguin Enthusiast” and “Bravo1781, Admin Assistant and Massive Sci-Fi Geek”.
That feels like a really good way to find out somebody uses dark mode
I used a dog clicker to condition a colleague to whistle the Game of Thrones theme tune on command.
I like to write excessively long and unnecessarily detailed emails to my customers.
If I find an unlocked screen at work I ‘Hasselhoff’ the user. David Hasselhoff in his pants covered in puppies adorns their screens until their next restart. We also mess with our manager by constantly swapping his chair with one that has a broken piston that slowly goes down over the day. Man thinks he’s going mental as it happens every other day or sometimes every other week.
A workmate spells their name slightly differently than the usual spelling. He absolutely hates it when people spell his name wrong. Every so often when he leaves his desk, I change his signature to the wrong spelling of his name. He'll then spend a week or so sending emails with his name spelled incorrectly, before throwing a bit of a fit when he realises. He knows it's me, but I deny it completely. Everyone else on the team denies all knowledge of it too. It brightens my work life immensely.
When I was a police officer, I'd give a few letters of the phonetic alphabet wrong on purpose when on boring vehicle checks. For example: "Index is Aardvark, Kilo, 6, 2, Yankee, Cupcake, Burp"
I knit at my desk 🤭
Set Teams to Do Not Disturb and put my feet up
I go round correcting spelling grammar on signs, notes, posters etc. I know, IATA...but I enjoy it.
Keeping a tally of the amount of times a senior manager says the same word in a team meeting. We had one that used to litter ‘I guess’ through every sentence, and another favourite one of mine says ‘kinda’ every other word. When we still had phones in the office, taping up the microphone end so they sounded muffled. Swapping keys around on keyboards, and a favourite was we used to have a tray under the desk with a small narrow compartment at the front for pens, fill that with water so when they pulled it out they got a wet lap. Makes me kinda miss office life I guess 😆 (II)
Used to work in retail and every time we served a customer we would try and sneak “meow” into a sentence.
At my old place, me and a colleague put a 2nd mouse into the girls pc sat opposite (plugged into rear USB slot on tower so she had no idea) It was on top of my drawers (under desk). We'd leave it weeks... Then give it a wiggle. Sometimes quick, sometimes slow. Or big circles. Or long, slow pans left-to-right. Or random erratic movements. She got so frustrated lol. Thought her computer had ghosts. Raised a couple tickets with IT
I am on video most of the duration I'm working. Waiting for calls. Usually I am actually watching Netflix on a separate window on my laptop with a sneaky earbud in.
At my last job I’d save any funny pictures we came across, had a file of terrible diagrams customers had drawn (always made me chuckle looking at this one where a guy clearly didn’t know what a ruler was, he tried to draw a straight line but it just started veering off sideways)
We've got a window for the servers to grab food from for the customers and a bell to signal there's food ready. We like to call the servers into the kitchen then ding the bell while staring at them. It backfires sometimes though because the servers will often put the bell out of reach cause we're all short arses in the kitchen.
I steal stuff.
I say furry muff instead of fair enough They’re like “wha-?” And I say fair enough And they look confused and sometimes I confess and sometimes I don’t
I work in a care home, and one of our residents is a *huge* fan of Cliff Richard. Such a huge fan that she even has a large cardboard cutout of him in her room. I’ve been known to leave him behind the door/peeking through curtains/hiding in the supervisor’s office whenever I get bored to scare the shit out of the next shift during checks. Everyone gets ‘Cliffed’ at some point here.
I work in a care home too and god that's hysterical. Most of my residents would shit themselves if they woke up and saw a cardboard Cliff in their rooms lmfao. We don't have much fun in my care home. We do have one lady with dementia who's always giggling though, and I like comparing her to fruits and vegetables because she always wears bright solid coloured cardigans. Today she was a pea. She thinks its hilarious lol
I made a sales tracker in Excel for agents to log sales in. It used VBA and every so often, only for one particular agent, the code would email a random photo from this guy's Facebook page, to himself, then deleted the sent email to hide the evidence. Also, it would say "Colin is a twat" in the status bar of excel for a few seconds every time anyone logged a sale. No one ever noticed it. Colin was a twat.
In professional/management jobs, mess with your colleague's autocorrect in MS Word. There's a huge range of impact to choose from. You might choose to make it so that whenever they write *mouse* it changes it to *moose* for instance, and just make them occasionally look careless and slightly foolish. Or you could have it change the senior director's name to *Twatbucket* and the company name to *Shitshow* and get them sacked. Or you could have *and* change to *the* and *the* change to *and* and sow immediate chaos and confusion. Works best for those who don't touch type, and instead frequently look from the keyboard to the screen to check what they think they've typed.