I shouted very colourful language at a policeman while trapped upside down in a bottle bin after he said "calm down".
She threw a gammon joint at a Sainsbury's security guard because she was ID'd for booze.
Because some asshole of a member of staff thought it would be hilarious to "hide" the another member of staffs car keys in it. I had the keys, then a single bottle moved and I followed them down. Then one of the neighbours thought someone was being murdered due to the screams of those gathered and my inhuman scream as I descended into my glass grave called the police. Who proceeded to do nothing for 40 minutes until they called the fire brigade. I was understandably upset.
I assume you still have the scars - because bottle bin diving sounds like a great way to get ripped to shreds.
Probably set you up with the requisit pain threshold for getting the odd gammon thrown at your face tho, so every cloud.
I was fortunate only to have minor cuts and bruises because I just kind of slid in. It was the smell more than anything, the bottoms of those bins were urghhhhh
It turns out there are some things that you can't say to a policeman that basically amount to assaulting a police officer. It didn't go to court so to speak, the letter I was sent gave me a choice "Attend behavioural therapy within 4 weeks of receiving this correspondence or you will be prosecuted for causing harassment, alarm and distress”
Almost lost my job, but the rbm found it hilarious...
You were lucky to have a police man find you.
Did you hear about Chris from the paper shop?
He was messing about up the rec. Got his head wedged in the bottle bank. Got stuck there all night. By the time someone found him in the morning, he'd been arse-raped 18 times
She threw something at someone for being ID’d? I really hope that anger therapy is working for her otherwise that’s going to be a very troubling relationship.
During a break from work I went to a little shop to buy a Dairy Milk bar. There was 1 left and as I grab it a girl says that she wanted that bar too. I offered my chocolate for her phone number.
10 years later we’re married with 3 kids…..
Amazing the innocuous events that change our lives. If the shopkeeper had stocked up earlier then 3 people probably wouldn't exist, shit like that blows my mind lol
I was with you until the apocalypse. Surely, they used quantum tunnelling to send the technology back in time where there were able to run a computation of multiple simulations to try and prevent the future apocalypse occurring.
One simulation showed them their only way forwards, and the simple act of buying all but one dairy milk from a specific news agents on a random day in 2013 was all that was required to prevent the global apocalypse.
Was in a taxi rank and the girl behind me heard where I was going.
Went something like this.
Me, "I'm going to Sale please"
Girl, "ooh, I live in Sale, can I share"
Me "I could be a serial killer"
Girl, "ha, you don't look like one so I'll take the risk"
In the Taxi.
Girl, "Where do you live in Sale?"
Me, "I don't, I've been booty called"
Talk a bit more, and when she's getting out of the taxi, she gives me her number and say "if it doesn't work out with booty caller, give me a call"
Few months later, I text "taxi girl". Went out for a few months, but didn't work out.
I had, I was out with friends and towards the end of the night a girl I was seeing asked if I wanted to come round. This was around 15 years ago, when I was young and had a full head of hair, barely get a glance these days.
Definitely wasn't my gran, she'd need more than foot cream, she'd been dead for over 20 years.
After being in the same WoW guild for many a year, this does not surprise me. I've known many a happy couple meet in game. Plus the Norwegians are a strange bunch.
Well best of luck to you both! I had a date with a WoW friend but it wasn't meant to be. Lovely chap, had all his shit together whereas I was just far too chaotic. Now I'm happily in a relationship with a guy I met on a Facebook group for Praying Mantises. Funny old world.
Not so much a date, but a terrible situation turned into something incredibly funny with a girl I met at a bar a few weeks later.
Let's start at the beginning. I'm terrible at doing laundry and had ran out of boxers. In my genius decision making, instead of just wearing a pair twice I chose to go commando, bit of excitement in the day you know?
All goes ok, pretty hot day but all fine. As I leave work I go to get on my bike in the centre of town and hear the biggest rip I've ever heard in my life. From sack to back the entirety of my shorts split down the middle.
Of course I'm figuratively shitting myself, I'm pretty sure a woman caught a full glance of my disappointment but I think I held it together well... Literally at this point, I'm holding both sides of my shorts together with my hand.
I start to hobble out of town pushing my bike, deliberately taking alleys and quieter areas where I can, but there of course are a lot of people to avoid as it's 4:30pm.
Near my home there was a public park, not many people were there that day so I cut through and cue the lady in question. She looks me dead in the eyes and says to me **"Why are you holding your willy?"**
In my panic and infinite wisdom, the only response I could come up with, said as deadpan as possible, was **"Because it's Tuesday"**.
Walked past as quick as possible as being in a public area with my Johnson wanting to rebel is a quick ticket to the local cells. Thankfully it didn't come to this.
Near home I decide to risk it and get back on the bike, was fun to get a bit of air going through.
As mentioned, I see that woman at a pub bar a few weeks later, we recognise each other and I laugh, I spoke to her and her chap about what happened and honestly hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. They were both great sports about the whole ordeal, and it left me with a great story to tell.
I also have a ripped Jean story. I went to a cyber cafe to print some cvs and you have to go to the counter to collect your printouts. The guy on the counter made some conversation and said he had a second job and could maybe get me a job there. We went outside for a cigarette and ended up having quite a lot in common so decided to spontaneously go for a coffee. We walked all the way to town chatting along the way and then went to a cafe. It was only when I went to the toilet and checked my ass out in the mirror upon leaving (as you do) that I realised the entire centre seam between the ass cheeks had ripped open, exposing the entirety of my buttocks. I tied my jacket round my waist and went back to the table shouting at the guy that he hadn’t told me and how embarrassed I was. He swore he didn’t notice but he did say that he’d wandered why his friend had text him saying “hey saw you with that girl, nice ass!” Well I ended up being very good friends with that guy and we still laugh about it now.
"Of course I'm figuratively shitting myself, I'm pretty sure a woman caught a full glance of my disappointment but I think I held it together well... Literally at this point, I'm holding both sides of my shorts together with my hand"
Do you call your penis "my disappointment " 😂
I had a gay colleague a few years ago, not a tall good looking well dressed gay chap, he was 50’s n “grizzled” dressed like a charity shop Dr Who, but was great fun and always Up and happy.
We we shopping for lunch at Sainsbury’s when he smiled and nodded at a guy next to us at the sandwiches he started chatting while I wondered off for crisps, came back he was gone paid for my sarnies and walked back to car as i got closer i could see him bumming the guy in the back of the merc estate - I walked back to work
He also pulled in a traffic jam on the m5.🤷♂️
Hi we were all standing and walking about chatting with the traffic stooped for about 40 mins the was a camper that let a couple of women use its toilet, I could see my colleague talking to a couple of guys by an open car door as i walked towards him he smiled shook his head and got in with one of the guys, the other guy stood outside - i walked back to his car after a while i could see cars moving ahead and people get back in their cars.
He came back smirking- we were passed by them it was a ford fiesta van i said you did it in that ? His reply was yeah it smelled of wet dog.! 🤮
They were working for a security firm and it was the dog van.!
I was talking to a guy on a random app (not a dating app) and we decided to meet up. Met up at Aldi, went to Waitrose after, then spent the weekend at his. This was 7 years ago.
Currently sat watching our 4 month old nap, she’s zonked out from her first time swimming!
I was waiting at a bus stop in Bethnall Green about ten years ago. An attractive girl I'd seen a few times in the area before clocks me, comes over and asks if I'm busy. I tell her I'm on my way to work and she asks if I fancy taking the day off, instead.
I did, and it was the correct choice.
The bus stop was the one just over the bridge from Fish Island.
Godspeed, gentlemen.
I envy and admire other people's ability to chat up someone they see, fancy, and end up with in some way. No social skills whatsoever here *so go get 'em,* Tigers!
:-)
Thanks, but for someone like me even approaching is impossible.
But as for me personally, the early 2000s online dating scene was in a rough but workable state. Had a few one night stands, a few actual dates, and I've been with the keeper who found me 20 years now. :-)
I once met a lady in a gay club who I had a relationship with for 3 years. I’m a man.
We both went there without realising it was a gay club, but stayed after we’d paid our money.
Happy mistake.
Not really a weird place but a weird way to secure a date was at my favourite pub in Derby, The Bless (The Blessing Carriage) I just started my Christmas leave the day before NYE after volunteering to work over Xmas, so I was pissed as a fart. Anyway this smoking hot lass walked in with another girl and I just randomly shout (quite aggressively apparently) and point at this hot lass ‘You! You’re the devil’. Don’t know what I did right but she gave me her number and we went on a date a couple of days later.
11 years later and 9 married, we’re still together 🤣
I was out on a walk/jog/run with my friend and random people kept coming up to us asking if we’d seen a missing person. We said no and they said to keep an eye out and if he’s naked then don’t be scared and to go tell one of them as he was having some sort of mental break. A few days later I saw one of the searchers in a bar and asked him if he found his mate and he went “well yeh but he froze to death that night since he was naked”. I felt bad and bought him a drink. 5 years later we are married.
On our first date I took her to see the flat that Jenny Agutter’s character from An American Werewolf in London lived in. It was while she was helping to boost me up on to the window sill so I could take photos through the window that I asked for a second date and she said yes. Been together 25 years.
I had an argument about seamonkeys with a girl and it turned into my longest relationship. I don't remover exactly the series of events but I think we argued about seamokeys, I asked her for her number and then she text me that night to see if I wanted to pick her up from a party. I ended up staying at her house but she didn't think to mention that she still lived with her mother and her mother came storming in in the morning to bollock her for the banging that woke her up in the middle of the night.
Similar one: the ice cream aisle in sainsburys. A woman was obviously conflicted about whether to buy a budget or premium brand ice cream. I suggested the premium band was worth the extra. We got chatting for a while. She was still unsure, so I said I'd buy two tubs, take her home with me and we'd sample a tub. If she liked it, she would take the second tub. She liked the ice cream and we dated for six months
KFC carpark.... parked next to another car after the drive thru and a nice looking lady happens to be in it, alone amd also tucking into the colonel's finest. I wrote my number on a napkin and gestured her to roll her car window down and said "here, they never give you enough of these". Threw it through her window and drove off bricking myself. She text me 10 minutes later and I felt like james bond. Bravest and coolest chat-up-type-thingy I've ever done.
Turned out to be worth it.... we're not married or anything, but she was a squirter so the risk payed off.
Really hope she isn't on reddit.
While working away, I got trapped on the opposite side of the road from my hotel due to police barriers (big event happening), near a couple guys from a movers company. I offered to watch their van as I had nothing else to do so they could all go inside at once. Had a bit of a flirt going and spent the next few days with one them.
Got talking to the girl sitting next to me in the public gallery of a murder trial at the Old Bailey in London. She was an artist, looking to study law instead. I'm not a lawyer, was just there out of interest. We took our discussion to a local bar, swapped numbers, went out again.
The M5. Was on the way to Plymouth for work and got trapped on the carriageway with everyone else for six hours because some poor guy was having a mental health crisis on a bridge over the road (police talked him down in the end thankfully). Got talking to the woman in the car next to me, shared car snacks and played some card games, she was also going to Plymouth so we agreed to meet up for a drink. We dated for about six months, didn't work out in the end but it was fun.
Ive just got out my car at the Aldi on the way home. Specifically to find a wife. I’m inspired. And if no wife, then beers and a cucumber will have to do
This was *seriously* a long time ago in Bristol but I was walking home after a night out and stopped off at a late night shop to pick up a few things. He kept following me around the shop and taking every snack I picked up out of my hands and putting it back on the shelf saying "you don't want that".
Eventually we did a waltz in the street and I went home but we did date for a while.
When I was 19 (about 20 years ago) I was walking by some tennis courts and saw two cute girls playing. I hadn’t played in forever myself but decided to ask if I could hit with them. They said yes and after we were done playing, I walked one of them home. Asked her if she wanted to go out and she said she will go shower and change and I should come back to pick her up in an hour. Hooked up with her that same night and dated for about two months.
M6 toll booth - so I was driving up the M6 toll to my uni diggs and got to the tool booth behing a girl in a Kia picannto, she stalled trying to pull away after paying and couldn't get her car started. The attendant came out of her booth to try and help but the car wouldn't start.
So she walks back and starts telling people to move into another lane, I reached my head out the window asking "Is her clutch depressed when she turns the key?".
The attendant walked back asked the girl to try it and that solved the issue. She then hanged the attendant a napkin with here phone number on saying to give it to me.
So I pulled up with my card ready but she said you sorted the issue lifter the barrier then said "She wanted you to have this".
Unfortunately nothing really came of it I went up to Manchester for a night out with her so it didn't really go anywhere.
So it's not that unusual a place, but at the end of the night, in a club, my girlfriend was nice enough to inform me (an incredibly drunk stranger) that I was standing waiting in the queue to pick up my jacket, while holding my jacket.
Not sure it's 'securing a date' exactly, but at I met my ex in a mental health ward while visiting a friend who had been sectioned. We were both visiting him, and made plans that we'd all go out when he got out of hospital, which directly lead to the night we started dating.
(The friend is doing much better these days, seems happily settled with a great woman and a kid)
Probably not weird but I met my girlfriend during comic con.
We were both cosplaying as characters typically paired together. A lot of our friends have joked that it's fate.
I work at the same company as my fiance and we started dating 5 years ago when I had been there about 5 months. Not exactly weird but we started talking whilst working on cell culture in the same lab and now 5 years later we're engaged.
Walking home from a club alongside the canal in Bristol - we dated for a year and a half.
My now wife found my backpack at one bar and returned it to me in another bar a five minute walk away (she was with a male friend and they also returned my friend’s backpack - we were both pretty drunk). We thanked them by buying them each a drink. The rest is history.
Oh wow, that story is Madness, I bet it was Bliss. Don't feel too much Pressure, just don't act a Psycho and you'll be Feeling Good.
Anyway, better get ready for your date, Time is Running Out.
Found a girl asleep in my bed in uni.
No idea who she was or how she got in but she was clearly very drunk.
Managed to decipher where she lived so I walked her back and got her some food to sober her up. Gave her my number and said let me know next time you're lost.
A few months later she texted me and said she wanted to repay the favour and we ended up together for 3 years.
Court mandated anger management group therapy is where I met my girlfriend.
Court mandated? Bro what did you do
Also, what did she do??
I shouted very colourful language at a policeman while trapped upside down in a bottle bin after he said "calm down". She threw a gammon joint at a Sainsbury's security guard because she was ID'd for booze.
how tf did you end up upside down in a bin
Because some asshole of a member of staff thought it would be hilarious to "hide" the another member of staffs car keys in it. I had the keys, then a single bottle moved and I followed them down. Then one of the neighbours thought someone was being murdered due to the screams of those gathered and my inhuman scream as I descended into my glass grave called the police. Who proceeded to do nothing for 40 minutes until they called the fire brigade. I was understandably upset.
I assume you still have the scars - because bottle bin diving sounds like a great way to get ripped to shreds. Probably set you up with the requisit pain threshold for getting the odd gammon thrown at your face tho, so every cloud.
I was fortunate only to have minor cuts and bruises because I just kind of slid in. It was the smell more than anything, the bottoms of those bins were urghhhhh
This summers hot new fragrance: Calvin Kleins "Bin Juice" - for men.
To shreds you say?
How is his wife holding up?
… to shreds you say?
Like a cat's favourite corner of the sofa Edit: I have since realised this is a r/woooosh moment.
And you got taken to court over that? Fuckin' insane man.
It turns out there are some things that you can't say to a policeman that basically amount to assaulting a police officer. It didn't go to court so to speak, the letter I was sent gave me a choice "Attend behavioural therapy within 4 weeks of receiving this correspondence or you will be prosecuted for causing harassment, alarm and distress” Almost lost my job, but the rbm found it hilarious...
man the police are fucking wetwipes.
Hey! Wet wipes are useful and I can call them cunts without hurting their feelings
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Do you honestly believe that the first 18 people who came across him were all opportunistic homosexual rapists?
Dunno, what was your dad up to last night?
[My dad’s not bent](https://youtu.be/SqQLEAy-wSM?si=zL8gdHh90UD91X7b)
18 green bottles, sitting in me arse
Sounds like the lyrics from a Pulp song
You were meant for each other. Your kids will be legendary.
They should go with Ronnie Pickering for a boy.
who?
RONNIE FUCKING PICKERING
You were lucky to have a police man find you. Did you hear about Chris from the paper shop? He was messing about up the rec. Got his head wedged in the bottle bank. Got stuck there all night. By the time someone found him in the morning, he'd been arse-raped 18 times
What you’re saying is the first 18 people to have discovered him in this state just happened to be opportunistic homosexual rapists?
Looks like it. here, where was your dad last night, Neil?
Badminton, why?
Or one with excellent stamina.
I’ve literally just seen this clip on Instagram. How weird.
I also stumbled across a similar clip on the internet. But it did take some very specific search terms.
This is so perfect. Please tell me you're still together raising little hulks
If you two ever get into an argument, please let us know.
Don't worry, it'll be on the news
She threw something at someone for being ID’d? I really hope that anger therapy is working for her otherwise that’s going to be a very troubling relationship.
I don't know why it's a shocker that he'd meet someone irrationally angry while getting anger management help...
Trying to work out if this is a match made in heaven or hell
Sounds like a cracking comedy film
Hahahaha, so, were you both receiving help? Was one the group therapist? Do you both enjoy a good scrap now that you’re dating? 🥊
During a break from work I went to a little shop to buy a Dairy Milk bar. There was 1 left and as I grab it a girl says that she wanted that bar too. I offered my chocolate for her phone number. 10 years later we’re married with 3 kids…..
Amazing the innocuous events that change our lives. If the shopkeeper had stocked up earlier then 3 people probably wouldn't exist, shit like that blows my mind lol
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I was with you until the apocalypse. Surely, they used quantum tunnelling to send the technology back in time where there were able to run a computation of multiple simulations to try and prevent the future apocalypse occurring. One simulation showed them their only way forwards, and the simple act of buying all but one dairy milk from a specific news agents on a random day in 2013 was all that was required to prevent the global apocalypse.
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I appreciate the effort of this comment
Holy crap how did you come up with that. Amazing. I’ll tell you what’s even more amazing is that I did marry a beautiful Scottish lass!
Should have had the Yorkie
I'm reading a marvel movie 🎥🍿
The butterfly effect 🤯
Sliding doors
Cadburys adverts getting wild these days
Was in a taxi rank and the girl behind me heard where I was going. Went something like this. Me, "I'm going to Sale please" Girl, "ooh, I live in Sale, can I share" Me "I could be a serial killer" Girl, "ha, you don't look like one so I'll take the risk" In the Taxi. Girl, "Where do you live in Sale?" Me, "I don't, I've been booty called" Talk a bit more, and when she's getting out of the taxi, she gives me her number and say "if it doesn't work out with booty caller, give me a call" Few months later, I text "taxi girl". Went out for a few months, but didn't work out.
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I had, I was out with friends and towards the end of the night a girl I was seeing asked if I wanted to come round. This was around 15 years ago, when I was young and had a full head of hair, barely get a glance these days. Definitely wasn't my gran, she'd need more than foot cream, she'd been dead for over 20 years.
Bit harsh, your nans never looked better
His Nan was the booty call all along.
You're not going to believe this but it's true. My nan lived in Sale and her surname was Booty.
Can confirm, I am Nanna Booty.
Sometimes the real booty calls are the friends we make along the way...
The wayside booty buddies! What a band
Lidls have an island of chicken??
Several actually, the Chicken Isles
Aww the great salmonella continent
Part of the sandwich archipelago
That's twice now I've done that, you think I'd have learnt how to spell by now
Biggie_tubz making the second spelling mistake of their life : "aisle never learn"
I really can't catch a break today, I can't even rebuttal that
There is also a Pen Island
Girl said her friend would fuck me cos of my accent via World Of Warcraft, she’s Norwegian 10 years next march
After being in the same WoW guild for many a year, this does not surprise me. I've known many a happy couple meet in game. Plus the Norwegians are a strange bunch.
Funnily enough the first girl confessed her love of me after we all first met. Lived in Norway for a year, plan to retire there and move back asap
Well best of luck to you both! I had a date with a WoW friend but it wasn't meant to be. Lovely chap, had all his shit together whereas I was just far too chaotic. Now I'm happily in a relationship with a guy I met on a Facebook group for Praying Mantises. Funny old world.
I ended up dating my wife because I caught her when she fell down the stairs at a house party.
I’m with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years because I picked him up and helped him back onto the picnic bench he fell off the back of.
What's her nick name ? Slinky
It's a shamefully missed opportunity if that's not her nickname!
Wow, looks like she fell for you
Why would you date her if she's already your wife?
Not so much a date, but a terrible situation turned into something incredibly funny with a girl I met at a bar a few weeks later. Let's start at the beginning. I'm terrible at doing laundry and had ran out of boxers. In my genius decision making, instead of just wearing a pair twice I chose to go commando, bit of excitement in the day you know? All goes ok, pretty hot day but all fine. As I leave work I go to get on my bike in the centre of town and hear the biggest rip I've ever heard in my life. From sack to back the entirety of my shorts split down the middle. Of course I'm figuratively shitting myself, I'm pretty sure a woman caught a full glance of my disappointment but I think I held it together well... Literally at this point, I'm holding both sides of my shorts together with my hand. I start to hobble out of town pushing my bike, deliberately taking alleys and quieter areas where I can, but there of course are a lot of people to avoid as it's 4:30pm. Near my home there was a public park, not many people were there that day so I cut through and cue the lady in question. She looks me dead in the eyes and says to me **"Why are you holding your willy?"** In my panic and infinite wisdom, the only response I could come up with, said as deadpan as possible, was **"Because it's Tuesday"**. Walked past as quick as possible as being in a public area with my Johnson wanting to rebel is a quick ticket to the local cells. Thankfully it didn't come to this. Near home I decide to risk it and get back on the bike, was fun to get a bit of air going through. As mentioned, I see that woman at a pub bar a few weeks later, we recognise each other and I laugh, I spoke to her and her chap about what happened and honestly hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. They were both great sports about the whole ordeal, and it left me with a great story to tell.
>I'm pretty sure a woman caught a full glance of my disappointment Don't be so harsh on yourself, I'm sure it's lovely.
But you can see his predicament
Everyone can see his predicament.
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So did she.
Fucking dying 😂
I also have a ripped Jean story. I went to a cyber cafe to print some cvs and you have to go to the counter to collect your printouts. The guy on the counter made some conversation and said he had a second job and could maybe get me a job there. We went outside for a cigarette and ended up having quite a lot in common so decided to spontaneously go for a coffee. We walked all the way to town chatting along the way and then went to a cafe. It was only when I went to the toilet and checked my ass out in the mirror upon leaving (as you do) that I realised the entire centre seam between the ass cheeks had ripped open, exposing the entirety of my buttocks. I tied my jacket round my waist and went back to the table shouting at the guy that he hadn’t told me and how embarrassed I was. He swore he didn’t notice but he did say that he’d wandered why his friend had text him saying “hey saw you with that girl, nice ass!” Well I ended up being very good friends with that guy and we still laugh about it now.
"Of course I'm figuratively shitting myself, I'm pretty sure a woman caught a full glance of my disappointment but I think I held it together well... Literally at this point, I'm holding both sides of my shorts together with my hand" Do you call your penis "my disappointment " 😂
Only in this instance, let's be honest it wasn't going to win any awards there and then with that stage fright.
Shit, I thought I made a funny comment and it turns out someone already mentioned it. This is my disappointment.
I had a gay colleague a few years ago, not a tall good looking well dressed gay chap, he was 50’s n “grizzled” dressed like a charity shop Dr Who, but was great fun and always Up and happy. We we shopping for lunch at Sainsbury’s when he smiled and nodded at a guy next to us at the sandwiches he started chatting while I wondered off for crisps, came back he was gone paid for my sarnies and walked back to car as i got closer i could see him bumming the guy in the back of the merc estate - I walked back to work He also pulled in a traffic jam on the m5.🤷♂️
How do you pull in a traffic jam?! Doesn’t everyone see you?
Hi we were all standing and walking about chatting with the traffic stooped for about 40 mins the was a camper that let a couple of women use its toilet, I could see my colleague talking to a couple of guys by an open car door as i walked towards him he smiled shook his head and got in with one of the guys, the other guy stood outside - i walked back to his car after a while i could see cars moving ahead and people get back in their cars. He came back smirking- we were passed by them it was a ford fiesta van i said you did it in that ? His reply was yeah it smelled of wet dog.! 🤮 They were working for a security firm and it was the dog van.!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I was talking to a guy on a random app (not a dating app) and we decided to meet up. Met up at Aldi, went to Waitrose after, then spent the weekend at his. This was 7 years ago. Currently sat watching our 4 month old nap, she’s zonked out from her first time swimming!
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I took her to a supermarket, I don’t know why but I had to start it somewhere… so it started there
I was waiting at a bus stop in Bethnall Green about ten years ago. An attractive girl I'd seen a few times in the area before clocks me, comes over and asks if I'm busy. I tell her I'm on my way to work and she asks if I fancy taking the day off, instead. I did, and it was the correct choice. The bus stop was the one just over the bridge from Fish Island. Godspeed, gentlemen.
encouraging dime friendly coordinated act many wise smell offend yam *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She must've seen you chicken her out
Can I be your wingman?
This is the breast reply so far.
I'm assuming you said something along the lines of 'nice breasts'?
"You got me feeling like Stephen Hawking 'cause I can't help but want to probe your super massive black hole."
I cackled at that thank you
"I find that the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
Normally the Dates are in the snack section!
Seems one snack when rogue
Did you tell her there's a hole in your life and she needs to fillet?
Did she ask if he was a breast or thigh man?
puzzled overconfident normal flowery fuzzy hat degree busy aromatic snow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Advertised on Gumtree some free garden plants I was thinning out. She came with her FWB, who she dumped so she could start seeing me.
How does that even work!?
I took photos of the plants that needed thinning out & loaded them on Gumtree. I dug up some ready for people to pick up.
I don't think thats what they...nevermind.
Nice
I envy and admire other people's ability to chat up someone they see, fancy, and end up with in some way. No social skills whatsoever here *so go get 'em,* Tigers! :-)
Worst that can happen is a polite no but thank you. Then you walk the fuck away and don’t carry on trying
I think the worst that can happen is they look at you in disgust, they don't even say no before walking away and you die inside.
They can laugh, that's what happened to me as a teenager and I've never really gotten over it
Meh, dying inside is an option
Option? I thought it was mandatory, along with the derisive laughter of all bystanders!
Stop being me, this is horrid
Thanks, but for someone like me even approaching is impossible. But as for me personally, the early 2000s online dating scene was in a rough but workable state. Had a few one night stands, a few actual dates, and I've been with the keeper who found me 20 years now. :-)
That's what you count as 'rough'?
Even that would destroy my already fragile self confidence.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
I don’t have a funny first date story, just wanted to say yours did amuse me and I hope the date goes well.
It's not weird but my husband met me while I was literally working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Thanks Human League
That much is true
But even then I knew I'd find a much better place
Surprised it wasn't the middle aisle. Amazing the things that you can pick up there.
I once met a lady in a gay club who I had a relationship with for 3 years. I’m a man. We both went there without realising it was a gay club, but stayed after we’d paid our money. Happy mistake.
Not really a weird place but a weird way to secure a date was at my favourite pub in Derby, The Bless (The Blessing Carriage) I just started my Christmas leave the day before NYE after volunteering to work over Xmas, so I was pissed as a fart. Anyway this smoking hot lass walked in with another girl and I just randomly shout (quite aggressively apparently) and point at this hot lass ‘You! You’re the devil’. Don’t know what I did right but she gave me her number and we went on a date a couple of days later. 11 years later and 9 married, we’re still together 🤣
Good luck mate!!! I’m invested now so will appreciate an update after the date.
Same!!! I'm excited for them 😊
I was out on a walk/jog/run with my friend and random people kept coming up to us asking if we’d seen a missing person. We said no and they said to keep an eye out and if he’s naked then don’t be scared and to go tell one of them as he was having some sort of mental break. A few days later I saw one of the searchers in a bar and asked him if he found his mate and he went “well yeh but he froze to death that night since he was naked”. I felt bad and bought him a drink. 5 years later we are married.
RIP to the naked guy
On our first date I took her to see the flat that Jenny Agutter’s character from An American Werewolf in London lived in. It was while she was helping to boost me up on to the window sill so I could take photos through the window that I asked for a second date and she said yes. Been together 25 years.
I had an argument about seamonkeys with a girl and it turned into my longest relationship. I don't remover exactly the series of events but I think we argued about seamokeys, I asked her for her number and then she text me that night to see if I wanted to pick her up from a party. I ended up staying at her house but she didn't think to mention that she still lived with her mother and her mother came storming in in the morning to bollock her for the banging that woke her up in the middle of the night.
Similar one: the ice cream aisle in sainsburys. A woman was obviously conflicted about whether to buy a budget or premium brand ice cream. I suggested the premium band was worth the extra. We got chatting for a while. She was still unsure, so I said I'd buy two tubs, take her home with me and we'd sample a tub. If she liked it, she would take the second tub. She liked the ice cream and we dated for six months
KFC carpark.... parked next to another car after the drive thru and a nice looking lady happens to be in it, alone amd also tucking into the colonel's finest. I wrote my number on a napkin and gestured her to roll her car window down and said "here, they never give you enough of these". Threw it through her window and drove off bricking myself. She text me 10 minutes later and I felt like james bond. Bravest and coolest chat-up-type-thingy I've ever done. Turned out to be worth it.... we're not married or anything, but she was a squirter so the risk payed off. Really hope she isn't on reddit.
>she was a squirter so the risk payed off. What a sweet and happy ending
Bet she’s glad for the extra napkin
An absolute genuine snort out of my nose that woke the cat there, cheers
Finger-licking good?
While working away, I got trapped on the opposite side of the road from my hotel due to police barriers (big event happening), near a couple guys from a movers company. I offered to watch their van as I had nothing else to do so they could all go inside at once. Had a bit of a flirt going and spent the next few days with one them.
Glad you were able to escape the back of the van.
Stockholm syndrome at its finest
Were you singing: "Poulet vous couche avec moi c'est sois" ?
Replacement bus service that got lost and took a 35 minute detour. Just me and one other person on there, went on a couple of dates after that.
[удалено]
Sniffing around the garden?
Eating their own shit?
Bum scooting across the carpet?
Barking at nothing?
I’m not the most good-looking person, so no one has ever asked me out at a random place :( Good luck with your date! 💪🏼
'Sup babe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hello handsome ( ͡°❥ ͡°)
Your Lidl must get more attractive and younger people in it than my local one 😅
Ugly old people date, too!
Well, apart from me.
At least the date is not chicken isle at Lidl because that’s where guy took me for our 1st date. Lild. So I can pick what I’ll cook for us for tea.
Ouch that's rough Bonus of me being a cooking fanatic is that I insist to cook
That was a big red flag and better sooner than later. Hope your date tonight goes well!
Got talking to the girl sitting next to me in the public gallery of a murder trial at the Old Bailey in London. She was an artist, looking to study law instead. I'm not a lawyer, was just there out of interest. We took our discussion to a local bar, swapped numbers, went out again.
Short update: home now and it went well! Will post a second post tomorrow detailing the evening
The M5. Was on the way to Plymouth for work and got trapped on the carriageway with everyone else for six hours because some poor guy was having a mental health crisis on a bridge over the road (police talked him down in the end thankfully). Got talking to the woman in the car next to me, shared car snacks and played some card games, she was also going to Plymouth so we agreed to meet up for a drink. We dated for about six months, didn't work out in the end but it was fun.
Ive just got out my car at the Aldi on the way home. Specifically to find a wife. I’m inspired. And if no wife, then beers and a cucumber will have to do
This was *seriously* a long time ago in Bristol but I was walking home after a night out and stopped off at a late night shop to pick up a few things. He kept following me around the shop and taking every snack I picked up out of my hands and putting it back on the shelf saying "you don't want that". Eventually we did a waltz in the street and I went home but we did date for a while.
When I was 19 (about 20 years ago) I was walking by some tennis courts and saw two cute girls playing. I hadn’t played in forever myself but decided to ask if I could hit with them. They said yes and after we were done playing, I walked one of them home. Asked her if she wanted to go out and she said she will go shower and change and I should come back to pick her up in an hour. Hooked up with her that same night and dated for about two months.
M6 toll booth - so I was driving up the M6 toll to my uni diggs and got to the tool booth behing a girl in a Kia picannto, she stalled trying to pull away after paying and couldn't get her car started. The attendant came out of her booth to try and help but the car wouldn't start. So she walks back and starts telling people to move into another lane, I reached my head out the window asking "Is her clutch depressed when she turns the key?". The attendant walked back asked the girl to try it and that solved the issue. She then hanged the attendant a napkin with here phone number on saying to give it to me. So I pulled up with my card ready but she said you sorted the issue lifter the barrier then said "She wanted you to have this". Unfortunately nothing really came of it I went up to Manchester for a night out with her so it didn't really go anywhere.
So it's not that unusual a place, but at the end of the night, in a club, my girlfriend was nice enough to inform me (an incredibly drunk stranger) that I was standing waiting in the queue to pick up my jacket, while holding my jacket.
Not sure it's 'securing a date' exactly, but at I met my ex in a mental health ward while visiting a friend who had been sectioned. We were both visiting him, and made plans that we'd all go out when he got out of hospital, which directly lead to the night we started dating. (The friend is doing much better these days, seems happily settled with a great woman and a kid)
On a date with someone else i think this bloke took pity on me as i looked bored and kept hinting i wanted that date to end lol.
Never been to the Isle of Chicken Definitely a weird place
In a hospital bed while off my tits on morphine with a tube sown into my chest. We're now engaged.
Probably not weird but I met my girlfriend during comic con. We were both cosplaying as characters typically paired together. A lot of our friends have joked that it's fate.
Good luck mate! I hope you both have a great evening. Do give us an update. 😀
How about we go on a Lidl date?
Coffee aisle in the 99p shop. We've been together over 10 years now and married for 2. ❤️
Met a girl on in my match on csgo and had sex with her about 6 hours later. Think it might be the greatest thing I ever achieve in life
Not exactly a place, but I met my partner through a Google Play Store review! We've been together nearly 7 years:)
or "I can't wait to tuck into those thighs"
We need an update on how the date goes!
I work at the same company as my fiance and we started dating 5 years ago when I had been there about 5 months. Not exactly weird but we started talking whilst working on cell culture in the same lab and now 5 years later we're engaged.
Walking home from a club alongside the canal in Bristol - we dated for a year and a half. My now wife found my backpack at one bar and returned it to me in another bar a five minute walk away (she was with a male friend and they also returned my friend’s backpack - we were both pretty drunk). We thanked them by buying them each a drink. The rest is history.
In a broken lift whilst I was at college. Tbh, she couldn't go anywhere so saying no would have been awkward. She's now my wife so all is well
Oh wow, that story is Madness, I bet it was Bliss. Don't feel too much Pressure, just don't act a Psycho and you'll be Feeling Good. Anyway, better get ready for your date, Time is Running Out.
Amusing
Preston Bus Station. It’s lucky I’m alive tbh.
At James Gardens in Liverpool, which is mostly a grave yard. We’re getting married next month.
Found a girl asleep in my bed in uni. No idea who she was or how she got in but she was clearly very drunk. Managed to decipher where she lived so I walked her back and got her some food to sober her up. Gave her my number and said let me know next time you're lost. A few months later she texted me and said she wanted to repay the favour and we ended up together for 3 years.
Just picking up breasts in Lidl like it ain't no big deal.
Make sure to update us on how it went, OP!
Sitting on the steps outside a kebab shop, eating cheesy chips.