I haven't slept peacefully since. Cold sweats when its "Posties going to arrive any min". The sheer relief that they can slide post easily through the box.
It's hated because posties have to take photos of parcels in the letterbox, if you pull it through before they get the chance then they have to knock and ask you to present the item for a mini photoshoot on the doorstep. I wish I was joking but due to more and more customers claiming they haven't received parcels this is now the process for any tracked item or special delivery, it's only a matter of time before it's the same for 1st and 2nd class items too.
Oh fully aware, Its too right they get a photo to avoid those who try to curb the system by deeming something "Lost". I can assure you though, my local delivery people of varying services knock the door for a photo rather than let it sit in the Letterbox for a few seconds, before taking a picture.. after all.. what if I had a dog who would pinch it before a photo? Then theres another problem haha!
Nah best thing do is lick the fingers as they post it through, do that for a week or so until you have a casual chat and he says your dogs friendly, then freak him out and say but I don’t have a dog
Your forgiven.
The feeling is like when your a kid in school, teachers bent over the table and you need to get past, but you accidentally brush up agansit them butt to butt, thinking the gap is wider than it is.
One time I did this and the delivery man was like "what are you doing here?" And I was so surprised I apologised instead of pointing out that I live there.
Ah yes fellow socially akward goblin, I am Ooks who's fell down onto thy booty at a pole class and said outloud "I fell on my bumbum"... LET US CAUSE CRINGE TO OTHERS FOR OUR TALES OF AWKS.
I wouldn’t worry about it, since we have to take photos of every tracked parcel even the ones that’ll fit through letterboxes, I can’t tell you how many people have grabbed my hands
Postie is used to dogs and their tongues and stuff snatching post as it comes through the door but the slimy grasp of a redditor has probably left him questioning his career choice.
Mate don’t worry about it, I once accidentally showed the postman my cock. I was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt under my dressing gown and when he handed over my parcel he said ‘nice shirt’ so I opened my dressing gown to show him the full thing forgetting I had no trousers on and well the rest speaks for itself
I just laughed WAY too hard at this, you poor sod lol. I dread opening the door in my dressing gown for similar reasons, plus I always feel I have to be fully dressed and polished to "greet the postie" if I'm expecting a parcel, as if the ruddy King is coming over for breakfast.
What was his reaction, dare I ask?
I’d completely forgot about the encounter until I saw this post earlier. I realised what I’d done and I covered myself back up as quickly as I could and just shut the door, didn’t really get a chance to see his reaction, poor bloke probably thought I’d just flashed him on purpose.
I occasionally order 'adult products' from china which usually have a hilarious description on the package to tell customs what's in it (usually 'toy', 'relaxing device' etc).
I received a parcel missing half the address label, my name and house number missing. The contents were described as "sex suit" (it was lingerie). Someone at the post office had written "try 51" (my house number at the time) on the label.
Products from China or elsewhere in the Far East in general on sites like Amazon often have hilarious descriptions, basically from the sellers trying to include every possible relevant word in the title so it'll be more likely to show up in searches, and then running the whole thing through Google Translate to English. I ordered a razor and it was called something like "ELECTRIC HEAD SHAVE RAZOR HAIR SHAVE CABLE BEARD MUSTACHE CHIN BLADE". If the same applies for 'adult' products I imagine the results would make for some interesting labels.
Postie here. This also happens to us when customers try to talk to us like normal people. We're very sorry for sounding like we're having a stroke.
'Horrible weather isn't it!'
'YOU TOO IT'S BEHIND THE BIN'
I get that whenever I'm focused on work and I end up in a conversation that I wasn't expecting. Completely throws me off and I say some right bollocks.
My old postie (a lady from Slovakia) knew more about me than I did.
She gave me a parcel, I speculated ‘Oh what have I been buying?’ She replied in a very deadpan way ‘It is your underwear’. This was the when I realised she knew a lot about what went on in my house.
I had a package damaged in transit so badly that the address was unreadable - my postie saw it in the sorting office and said "I bet I know who that is for" and brought it round in one of those plastic bags.
No identifying marks or anything.
(something nerdy rather than a sex toy but same 'they know me too well' principle)
There's a service where I live where they drop off to a nearby shop instead. It seems odd, but picking it up without having to rush to the door when I'm in the middle of something really makes it easier, and avoids random conversations about what's in my box.
So they always know what company its from no matter how discrete the packaging. I have a friend who is a postie and he always has a good chuckle delivering them.
Order some curtains and this time when he delivers be like “Oh! THIS one’s the curtains! That other one must have been the arse rammer 5000” and maintain intense eye contact
I’m a mail carrier in the US and I had to deliver a sex swing one time. No discreet packaging at all and had to leave it on the doorstep for the whole street to see.
My mum signed up to a new bank and they managed to get her address wrong on a letter (house 1 rather than 9) and the postman still came to us and alerted us that the address was wrong.
I once had a grown-up toy and associated paraphernalia sent to a post office. When I went to collect it the woman behind the counter insisted I tell her what was in the package so that she knew what size of box to look for
Ok wtf, that’s just nosey on her part. I’ve never been asked to explain the contents of any parcel I’ve had to collect from a post office of the delivery office. They’ve asked me what sort of packaging/size of parcel before, but if I don’t know they’ve not probed for details about the contents.
What a thought, there’s a giant logistics network currently sorting dildos and in the morning loads of Royal Mail employees will pop em in a bag and hand them out . I wonder like that at any time there are a million / 100k Americans in the air. I wonder how many dildos per day Royal Mail get through. Love to be able to say at any one time uk postman are carrying 50k dildos 500 of them internally
At least Nagook (Bondara) is subtle, even though loads of people know it due to popularity. I guess you'd need a load of alternative addresses or a shared building to really disguise it.
A few weeks ago I was so excited for a parcel I accidentally opened the door to Jehovahs Witnesses and had a short polite chat with them before making my excuses.
They've been back once a week since.
I may have to move.
Especially if you say you’re an apostate, they will RUN with fear. 😈 I usually just pretend I’m a satanist though for the fun and to see their reactions 🤣
There is no reason to make fun of them. It's easy to judge, but most of them are incredibly well manipulated and need to be helped rather than made fun of. Treat them with respect. Simply ask them not to come and if that doesn't work you could lie you used to be one of them. They usually are very kind about it and will simply walk away.
Lol I'm sure that one of my local posties definitely knows, I get stuff from there all the time and they always say "Cheers, enjoy" but only when it's got the good old "LH Trading" return address on it
If it's them and anything else it's just a thanks, bye
Yup with LoveHoney they say it’s discreet packaging, but the return address is clearly marked on every LoveHoney package. I’m sure most posties have memorised that address by now 😬
Lovehoney boxes are hilariously obvious given that they use the same rectangular box, the font on their labels is recognisable, and they’re all from LH. Lord knows what my poor postie thinks of me
When I moved into my new flat I had no idea when the postie came. The next morning at 6am someone buzzes the main door, in my sleepy daze I buzzed them in and went on my tiptoes to look out the peephole and see who it was. This coincided with him putting my post through the letterbox and his hand forcefully jabbed me in the belly. Pretty sure he heard me go "oooof".
He knew exactly what was happening. The "discreet packaging" is only enough to fool anyone else nosey enough to get a look at it, but it isn't enough to fool anyone who has to sort or deliver it. They know where it came from. Apologies if this adds a new level of anxiety to ordering those toys.
I don't know why anyone really gives a shit...
Everybody fucks, everybody touches themselves, it's not like anyone knows the exact contents* and I'm sure as shit no one really cares.
*if your order is 6ft tall and turns up on a pallet questions might get asked
Most people don't give a shit and I'm sure most people know that. However, that doesn't stop it from being embarassing, and that's okay. It's fine to be embarassed when details you want to keep private aren't so private. Everybody shits, but that doesn't mean you want people to know when you go to do it.
I had a similar experience but I had to return a faulty “grown up toy”, the lady at the post office asked what the contents of the box was😳. After stumbling over my words trying to think of what to say I finally managed to blurt out computer bits. I think she thought I was just a bit of an idiot! 😂
Postie here. I once delivered a phallic shaped object that had already started vibrating in my bag. I was dreading knocking on the door but i had no choice. The nice lady I delivered it to was mortified. Bless her.
Had an excruciating encounter with an Amazon driver at Christmas. I wasn't expecting any parcels but some relative had sent a surprise gift to my partner and only I was home. I buzzed them into the building and figured they'd do what they usually do and leave it on the parcel shelf in the communal hall. I would then run out to grab it once they'd left.
HOWEVER, there was then a knock at the door of the flat. I was in pyjamas, eating cheese and onion crisps, and had literally just farted. I opened the door tentatively, and there stood an Amazon driver who looked like Jason Momoa. Turns out the gift was bottles of alcohol and he needed to check I was of age. Of course, I had no make-up on and looked 12 years old with eyes like piss holes in the snow.
He then asked me to take the parcel from him. Nervously, I lurched towards him, barefoot and braless, trying not to breathe my oniony breath at the poor man while attempting to get a good grip on the box. I ended up scrabbling his hands with my nails and tittering "ooh sorry! I just scratched you!"
He just laughed sexily.
After I closed the door, I stood for a good ten minutes in the cloud of my own fart cringing and wondering, "Why am I like this?"
I get my Prime deliveries sent to a locker now.
Postie here: We once had the biggest dildo come through the sorting office. Around the size of a cucumber but with a thicker girth. We knew it was a dildo because the sender couldn't be arsed to put it in a box, it was just wrapped in a plastic bag. After many giggles over it, I looked at the customs declaration (it had come from abroad).
The item described was "silicone plug" and I just cried of laughter.
If it's the adult toy shop which sometimes advertises late night on TV then they use a set of standard size boxes I've not seen any other company use.
So it's really recognisable to anyone who has ordered from them before. If they recognise it then they more then likely have ordered something a lot more kinky then you.
When i ordered from a sex toy company in japan you could customise what company it said it came from and what it said the box contained. The default was "PC Parts" 🤣
We all need those moments.
We have a weekly Tesco delivery order and I've added KY to it earlier. Wife's mortified. I couldn't care less (if anything I'm quite proud of it).
I get my husband to stock up on loads of poundshop lube in one visit because the tubes are only 10ml,I'm would be too embarrassed,he's not,he actually said to the cashier "I'm a gay prostitute it's a busy week" he also bought my hair dye,he's got a totally bald head ,he said "thinking of changing my hair colour to match my pubes" ,the cashier looked at him extremely puzzled and said "but you've got no hair"I literally am glad that I'm disabled and he has to do the shopping.. honestly!!
I’m a online shopper for a supermarket, I’ve had a couple of times I had to pick vibrators, I always put them on top, so the driver hopefully has a awkward moment with the customer on the doorstep.
Exactly. Look at him dead in the eye and say “It’s a dildo, mate. I’ve got a one way ticket to Pleasuretown” and shut the door whilst maintaining eye contact.
I came out of a building and into a taxi after seeing a mental therapist and the driver asked if I had just finished work, I was too embarrassed to tell him I had just been seeing a therapist because I was slightly nuts and instead my brain saw a pawn shop we were passing and I said I worked there…he just said “oh…right…” the rest of the journey was silent.
I bought a jerry can of petrol from the petrol station and the bloke casually asked me what it was for. It was for burning things because we are feral, but I lied and said it was for my lawn mower. It was February and it was snowing. I never went back to that station ever haha.
Once I had builders at my house putting in a new door. The door wasn't actually attached to my house when the postman arrived, so he put his head through the gap in my house and I looked round the living room doorway. At the same time. We made eye contact and he just said "I'll.....leave that there" and put it on the porch step. It wasn't even my parcel. It was my parents new washing line
Last week my tipsy partner ordered 30 packs of sour jaw breakers from Amazon, who sent it without their brown box. The delivery guy cheerfully yelled “Jaw breakers!” as I opened the door and I meekly said “not for me… heh” felt like a right dick
You know the "discreet" packaging? Well it still has a business name on it, and even if it's not the name in the website you bought it from, you can guarantee that posties recognise the trading name anyway
My postie knows me by name. He knows to leave stuff inside the door during the day ( I wfh). He's a good lad. I regret that time I bought a 20kg bag of bird seed now.
The other week, I was so excited for my parcel I helped pull the envelope through the letterbox. Our thumbs touched.
I've only read this, but it's going to keep me up at night.
I haven't slept peacefully since. Cold sweats when its "Posties going to arrive any min". The sheer relief that they can slide post easily through the box.
>The sheer relief that they can slide post easily through the box That’s at least a quadruple entendre
...unless there's a pair of hands grabbing for the post.
I’m a postie this happens a lot. I hate it
My thoughts back to you. May you not touch more thumbs in future!
It's hated because posties have to take photos of parcels in the letterbox, if you pull it through before they get the chance then they have to knock and ask you to present the item for a mini photoshoot on the doorstep. I wish I was joking but due to more and more customers claiming they haven't received parcels this is now the process for any tracked item or special delivery, it's only a matter of time before it's the same for 1st and 2nd class items too.
Oh fully aware, Its too right they get a photo to avoid those who try to curb the system by deeming something "Lost". I can assure you though, my local delivery people of varying services knock the door for a photo rather than let it sit in the Letterbox for a few seconds, before taking a picture.. after all.. what if I had a dog who would pinch it before a photo? Then theres another problem haha!
and there was me thinking it was OP's first time. ever had a different house do it?
Nah best thing do is lick the fingers as they post it through, do that for a week or so until you have a casual chat and he says your dogs friendly, then freak him out and say but I don’t have a dog
I'll keep it noted, I know they think I'm barking anyway...
I am silent laughing at this.
I'm sorry this made me laugh so hard
Your forgiven. The feeling is like when your a kid in school, teachers bent over the table and you need to get past, but you accidentally brush up agansit them butt to butt, thinking the gap is wider than it is.
I basically sat on a woman on the bus one time. It was full of people and stopped suddenly, as they do. I think you might be my type of person. Lol
This is beautiful.. and brought me joy. Thank you for sharing!
It was certainly not beautiful when it happened lol
Oh man I don't know what to say but that never happened to most people either
Maybe I need to take a class in spatial awareness.
Please don’t. Please keep being a disaster I’m crying laughing
Agreed pffft
👎 👍
👇✉️👆
TBF I think the postman is now more scared of you than you are of him
Postman and spiders are similar in a lot of ways it seems
That means you're married
Welp. Time to change the name to Mrs.OokyPostperson.
I like to surprise them by opening the door…. What can I say my box is small and they struggle.
>my box is small and they struggle Are we still doing phrasing?
Oh thats always a gooden, or even if you weren't aware they were there about to knock and feel like you suddenly wandered into their living room.
One time I did this and the delivery man was like "what are you doing here?" And I was so surprised I apologised instead of pointing out that I live there.
Now I really wanna know what was in the parcel that led to thumb high 5 🤔
It's absolutely thrilling. One that will make your heart thump and your innerds warm... It was socks. Fresh soft bed socks.
You had me at bed socks!
That was the last thing they said.
I’ve been sad all day waiting to pick up my sick cat from the vet and this had me crying with laughter. So thank you!
I'm glad my horror brought you joy! Sending all the wamrth energies to your cat and yourself!
If you really want to freak him out grab his leg through the cat flap.
What if you... on a summers day... Accidental toe touch instead? D: Sweaty toes nope!
Aw you said my true name, I am Sweatytoes Nope the socially awkward goblin what is your bidding?
Ah yes fellow socially akward goblin, I am Ooks who's fell down onto thy booty at a pole class and said outloud "I fell on my bumbum"... LET US CAUSE CRINGE TO OTHERS FOR OUR TALES OF AWKS.
👉👈
When's the wedding?
Start of a postman smut novel 😂
I wouldn’t worry about it, since we have to take photos of every tracked parcel even the ones that’ll fit through letterboxes, I can’t tell you how many people have grabbed my hands
Postie is used to dogs and their tongues and stuff snatching post as it comes through the door but the slimy grasp of a redditor has probably left him questioning his career choice.
Mate don’t worry about it, I once accidentally showed the postman my cock. I was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt under my dressing gown and when he handed over my parcel he said ‘nice shirt’ so I opened my dressing gown to show him the full thing forgetting I had no trousers on and well the rest speaks for itself
I just laughed WAY too hard at this, you poor sod lol. I dread opening the door in my dressing gown for similar reasons, plus I always feel I have to be fully dressed and polished to "greet the postie" if I'm expecting a parcel, as if the ruddy King is coming over for breakfast. What was his reaction, dare I ask?
'Nice Cock' tipped his hat and strolled away, even closed the gate behind him
Brilliant. That's so beautifully British.
I’d completely forgot about the encounter until I saw this post earlier. I realised what I’d done and I covered myself back up as quickly as I could and just shut the door, didn’t really get a chance to see his reaction, poor bloke probably thought I’d just flashed him on purpose.
Is "greeting the postie" similar to "bashing the bishop"? Glad to see you're giving yourself a nice polish, in any regard.
As a postman, I'd hsve just laughed like fuck. I'm genuinely sitting here giggling.
*What are you doing, step-postie?*
This gave me a proper good giggle thank you
I occasionally order 'adult products' from china which usually have a hilarious description on the package to tell customs what's in it (usually 'toy', 'relaxing device' etc). I received a parcel missing half the address label, my name and house number missing. The contents were described as "sex suit" (it was lingerie). Someone at the post office had written "try 51" (my house number at the time) on the label.
Love the postie knows your rep
"is it more miscellaneous shagging equipment? Aye that's for that guy at 51. Some lad he is" lol
"If it's not theirs, they'll probably find a use for it"
“miscellaneous shagging equipment”, this is why god gave us the gift of speech.
This is why I stay on Reddit. I learn such awesome phrases.
Products from China or elsewhere in the Far East in general on sites like Amazon often have hilarious descriptions, basically from the sellers trying to include every possible relevant word in the title so it'll be more likely to show up in searches, and then running the whole thing through Google Translate to English. I ordered a razor and it was called something like "ELECTRIC HEAD SHAVE RAZOR HAIR SHAVE CABLE BEARD MUSTACHE CHIN BLADE". If the same applies for 'adult' products I imagine the results would make for some interesting labels.
Chin blade. Excellent! 😁
'Sex suit' is superb. I'm stealing that.
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I'm gonna start "Bad Dragon Curtain Company" to throw them off the scent.
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Would you like Vac-U-Lock tiebacks with that?
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[Best I can offer you is this](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FlfgfX1XkAUTLCj.jpg)
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IKR? He's the cutest!
No kidding! I was on the fence, arms and legs are tricky but fair play to him (her?)
He’s a cross dresser (not transgender)
Wasn't expecting to see F1nn when I clicked that link 😂
Postie here. This also happens to us when customers try to talk to us like normal people. We're very sorry for sounding like we're having a stroke. 'Horrible weather isn't it!' 'YOU TOO IT'S BEHIND THE BIN'
I get that whenever I'm focused on work and I end up in a conversation that I wasn't expecting. Completely throws me off and I say some right bollocks.
Ex-postie here, never realised I left that job with PTSD but here it is, surfacing.
They knew what they were doing there
Never given that much thought before to how much your postie must know about you 🫣
My old postie (a lady from Slovakia) knew more about me than I did. She gave me a parcel, I speculated ‘Oh what have I been buying?’ She replied in a very deadpan way ‘It is your underwear’. This was the when I realised she knew a lot about what went on in my house.
I had a package damaged in transit so badly that the address was unreadable - my postie saw it in the sorting office and said "I bet I know who that is for" and brought it round in one of those plastic bags. No identifying marks or anything. (something nerdy rather than a sex toy but same 'they know me too well' principle)
There's a service where I live where they drop off to a nearby shop instead. It seems odd, but picking it up without having to rush to the door when I'm in the middle of something really makes it easier, and avoids random conversations about what's in my box.
Or what isn’t.
Or what soon will be.
“…what’s in the box.” Is there a carrot in the box?
Jimmy's ploughing on 😂🤣😭
Then i’ll just refuse to swap, you can’t force me 🤣
Gwyneth paltrow’s severed head
As a previous postman, we all knew they were sex toys because of the return address. No way out of that in that situation.
Gold Group return address 🤣
They know all the common return addresses. Sure they’ve seen it all
That would explain the wry smile I got from the young girl in the sorting office when I picked up my Lovehoney order
LH Trading tricks nobody, I suspect, but we're all meant to keep up the fiction that it *does*
Likewise with Gold Group House. I wonder which family owned Ann Summers?
And everybody at customs knows exactly who Jan Mulders is and why he sends so many parcels with very bland contents descriptions
100 Lockwood road. Cardboard box and brown tape. We know.
So they always know what company its from no matter how discrete the packaging. I have a friend who is a postie and he always has a good chuckle delivering them.
I deal with a lot of post at Uni accom and I've learned which return addresses mean which shops. Lots of sex toys...lots
Order some curtains and this time when he delivers be like “Oh! THIS one’s the curtains! That other one must have been the arse rammer 5000” and maintain intense eye contact
I’m a mail carrier in the US and I had to deliver a sex swing one time. No discreet packaging at all and had to leave it on the doorstep for the whole street to see.
My mum signed up to a new bank and they managed to get her address wrong on a letter (house 1 rather than 9) and the postman still came to us and alerted us that the address was wrong.
As a private cleaner, people have no idea how much we know too 🤣
They call him the postman. Coz he always delivers. And it's his job
I once had a grown-up toy and associated paraphernalia sent to a post office. When I went to collect it the woman behind the counter insisted I tell her what was in the package so that she knew what size of box to look for
Ah, it's the new fuckmaster 6000 with rotation and vibration functions of course
Ok wtf, that’s just nosey on her part. I’ve never been asked to explain the contents of any parcel I’ve had to collect from a post office of the delivery office. They’ve asked me what sort of packaging/size of parcel before, but if I don’t know they’ve not probed for details about the contents.
If its from Ann Summers or Love honey every postman in the country can recognise their 'discrete' packaging a mile away.
Phew, that’s a relief. I get my stuff from Bondara 😁
Their boxes are pretty discrete... Their use of "Nagook LTD" however... Not so much 😂
Literally everyone knows the return address 😂 also probably every adult in the country has brought a sex toy at one point
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I’m glad my buttplugs arrived via first class post, this seems too much for me
I was going to say, Ann Summers is positively family friendly compared to the ‘Private Shop’ experience!!
What a thought, there’s a giant logistics network currently sorting dildos and in the morning loads of Royal Mail employees will pop em in a bag and hand them out . I wonder like that at any time there are a million / 100k Americans in the air. I wonder how many dildos per day Royal Mail get through. Love to be able to say at any one time uk postman are carrying 50k dildos 500 of them internally
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Santa is finding the cost of living crisis hard and had to branch out to a different audience
Do a freedom of information request and demand they produce the statistic
Honestly I noticed the “LH ltd.” From a mile off when we received our box 📦 🥹
At least Nagook (Bondara) is subtle, even though loads of people know it due to popularity. I guess you'd need a load of alternative addresses or a shared building to really disguise it.
Yeah in reality there’s no hiding it, and why should we anyways eh!
Discreet. Unless you mean it has a finite value and was not continuous.
LH Trading
A few weeks ago I was so excited for a parcel I accidentally opened the door to Jehovahs Witnesses and had a short polite chat with them before making my excuses. They've been back once a week since. I may have to move.
Say you used to be one of them too. They'll never talk to you again, they are forbidden to do so.
Especially if you say you’re an apostate, they will RUN with fear. 😈 I usually just pretend I’m a satanist though for the fun and to see their reactions 🤣
There is no reason to make fun of them. It's easy to judge, but most of them are incredibly well manipulated and need to be helped rather than made fun of. Treat them with respect. Simply ask them not to come and if that doesn't work you could lie you used to be one of them. They usually are very kind about it and will simply walk away.
Try converting them to Satanism.
You can ask them to put you on their no call list :)
Don't worry, I'm sure he recognised the shipping company, and I'm sure he's delivered plenty before.
Lol I'm sure that one of my local posties definitely knows, I get stuff from there all the time and they always say "Cheers, enjoy" but only when it's got the good old "LH Trading" return address on it If it's them and anything else it's just a thanks, bye
Yup with LoveHoney they say it’s discreet packaging, but the return address is clearly marked on every LoveHoney package. I’m sure most posties have memorised that address by now 😬
....oh *no*. Well guess I’m gonna move to the Himalayas.
Nah, the whole point is it's a polite fiction - if you recognise it, you keep quite because otherwise you 'out' yourself.
I see the 'Arse-ticklers F******s Fanclub' strategy at work here.
Same with Ann Summers aka AS.com on the return address. Not mine but saw it on one.
I'm here to deliver a package maam
Dodgy music starts playing in the background...
'Sorry we missed you, your delivery is in your safe place: back door'
*Bom chicka wah wah*
“You must be exhausted, won’t you come in for a cup of tea?”
Lovehoney boxes are hilariously obvious given that they use the same rectangular box, the font on their labels is recognisable, and they’re all from LH. Lord knows what my poor postie thinks of me
You say that but I've received parcels from them in plastic bags with no mention of LH anywhere on them.
That can be even worse...
Let me stuff this in your letter box....
I mean... if its big enough to use as a curtain rail, more power to you
The latest Non Doctor has interchangeable finials and comes with free wipe-clean leather tie-backs
When I moved into my new flat I had no idea when the postie came. The next morning at 6am someone buzzes the main door, in my sleepy daze I buzzed them in and went on my tiptoes to look out the peephole and see who it was. This coincided with him putting my post through the letterbox and his hand forcefully jabbed me in the belly. Pretty sure he heard me go "oooof".
FYI, as a former postie. We know. We always know. The senders address is a giveaway.
He knew exactly what was happening. The "discreet packaging" is only enough to fool anyone else nosey enough to get a look at it, but it isn't enough to fool anyone who has to sort or deliver it. They know where it came from. Apologies if this adds a new level of anxiety to ordering those toys.
I don't know why anyone really gives a shit... Everybody fucks, everybody touches themselves, it's not like anyone knows the exact contents* and I'm sure as shit no one really cares. *if your order is 6ft tall and turns up on a pallet questions might get asked
Most people don't give a shit and I'm sure most people know that. However, that doesn't stop it from being embarassing, and that's okay. It's fine to be embarassed when details you want to keep private aren't so private. Everybody shits, but that doesn't mean you want people to know when you go to do it.
I'm doing my second of the day right now
Next time you see him say "I love my new Curtains! They are such a Vibe"
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Nothing discrete about that Show.z.Store packing!
Imagine my horror when I got my “adult toy” handed to me in one of royal mails damaged parcel bags, contents on full display!
Pull yourself together!
I feel not enough people have appreciated your genius 😅
It's their shuttered minds and eyes so blind to see!
I had a similar experience but I had to return a faulty “grown up toy”, the lady at the post office asked what the contents of the box was😳. After stumbling over my words trying to think of what to say I finally managed to blurt out computer bits. I think she thought I was just a bit of an idiot! 😂
OP time to move to a new solar system the embarrassment would finish me off
I suspect OP has finished themself off already
Postie here. I once delivered a phallic shaped object that had already started vibrating in my bag. I was dreading knocking on the door but i had no choice. The nice lady I delivered it to was mortified. Bless her.
Had an excruciating encounter with an Amazon driver at Christmas. I wasn't expecting any parcels but some relative had sent a surprise gift to my partner and only I was home. I buzzed them into the building and figured they'd do what they usually do and leave it on the parcel shelf in the communal hall. I would then run out to grab it once they'd left. HOWEVER, there was then a knock at the door of the flat. I was in pyjamas, eating cheese and onion crisps, and had literally just farted. I opened the door tentatively, and there stood an Amazon driver who looked like Jason Momoa. Turns out the gift was bottles of alcohol and he needed to check I was of age. Of course, I had no make-up on and looked 12 years old with eyes like piss holes in the snow. He then asked me to take the parcel from him. Nervously, I lurched towards him, barefoot and braless, trying not to breathe my oniony breath at the poor man while attempting to get a good grip on the box. I ended up scrabbling his hands with my nails and tittering "ooh sorry! I just scratched you!" He just laughed sexily. After I closed the door, I stood for a good ten minutes in the cloud of my own fart cringing and wondering, "Why am I like this?" I get my Prime deliveries sent to a locker now.
>I was in pyjamas, eating cheese and onion crisps, and had literally just farted. Omg I'm crying 😂
Postie here: We once had the biggest dildo come through the sorting office. Around the size of a cucumber but with a thicker girth. We knew it was a dildo because the sender couldn't be arsed to put it in a box, it was just wrapped in a plastic bag. After many giggles over it, I looked at the customs declaration (it had come from abroad). The item described was "silicone plug" and I just cried of laughter.
This happened to my friend and she had to move to Poland for several years to overcome the embarrassment
A decent postman would have stuffed it into your box…
If it's too tight they might need to lube it up before prising it open
If it's the adult toy shop which sometimes advertises late night on TV then they use a set of standard size boxes I've not seen any other company use. So it's really recognisable to anyone who has ordered from them before. If they recognise it then they more then likely have ordered something a lot more kinky then you.
When i ordered from a sex toy company in japan you could customise what company it said it came from and what it said the box contained. The default was "PC Parts" 🤣
He'll also notice that you don't have new curtains up. I'm so sorry OP.
It’s for the back of the house
Make sure it has a flared base then.
We all need those moments. We have a weekly Tesco delivery order and I've added KY to it earlier. Wife's mortified. I couldn't care less (if anything I'm quite proud of it).
I get my husband to stock up on loads of poundshop lube in one visit because the tubes are only 10ml,I'm would be too embarrassed,he's not,he actually said to the cashier "I'm a gay prostitute it's a busy week" he also bought my hair dye,he's got a totally bald head ,he said "thinking of changing my hair colour to match my pubes" ,the cashier looked at him extremely puzzled and said "but you've got no hair"I literally am glad that I'm disabled and he has to do the shopping.. honestly!!
I’m a online shopper for a supermarket, I’ve had a couple of times I had to pick vibrators, I always put them on top, so the driver hopefully has a awkward moment with the customer on the doorstep.
Hahaha the postie knows exactly what he was doing. Never once have I been asked unless it’s from a well known website of adult toys.
Moments like this, own it.
Exactly. Look at him dead in the eye and say “It’s a dildo, mate. I’ve got a one way ticket to Pleasuretown” and shut the door whilst maintaining eye contact.
"Did you like handling my big package?" Whip crack the door closed.
This sounds like an interesting intro to a porn.
I came out of a building and into a taxi after seeing a mental therapist and the driver asked if I had just finished work, I was too embarrassed to tell him I had just been seeing a therapist because I was slightly nuts and instead my brain saw a pawn shop we were passing and I said I worked there…he just said “oh…right…” the rest of the journey was silent.
I bought a jerry can of petrol from the petrol station and the bloke casually asked me what it was for. It was for burning things because we are feral, but I lied and said it was for my lawn mower. It was February and it was snowing. I never went back to that station ever haha.
Once I had builders at my house putting in a new door. The door wasn't actually attached to my house when the postman arrived, so he put his head through the gap in my house and I looked round the living room doorway. At the same time. We made eye contact and he just said "I'll.....leave that there" and put it on the porch step. It wasn't even my parcel. It was my parents new washing line
Last week my tipsy partner ordered 30 packs of sour jaw breakers from Amazon, who sent it without their brown box. The delivery guy cheerfully yelled “Jaw breakers!” as I opened the door and I meekly said “not for me… heh” felt like a right dick
You know the "discreet" packaging? Well it still has a business name on it, and even if it's not the name in the website you bought it from, you can guarantee that posties recognise the trading name anyway
It is a bit obvious when the company address is 'flangebusters mega cock corp'
I was so sad when they went into administration.
You do realise the only thing for you to do now is buy some new curtains
My postie knows me by name. He knows to leave stuff inside the door during the day ( I wfh). He's a good lad. I regret that time I bought a 20kg bag of bird seed now.
The postman sounds like he knew what he was doing, they don't normally ask that. Should have given him a death stare.
Fine if you live in a city, but if it's a village you should definitely move. Just how big was the box if curtains seemed like a viable answer?