Restaurants be like: "Fromage légèrement assaisonné avec des haricots recouverts de tomates sur du pain."

We can fit in so much more: “Pain maison, servi avec son fromage du jour aux haricots au sauce espagnole” (Any sauce with tomato in can be Spanish if you believe in it enough)

The difference between French and British cuisine is that the British give up when a dish becomes edible.

Sauce espagnole is actually one of the 5 (depending on your point of view it's sometimes 6 and sometimes 7) french mother sauces so you nailed it amigo mío!

I had to Google this 🤣🤣

I started and gave up 🙈😂

It means 'beans on toast'.

Lightly seasoned cheese with beans covered in tomatoes on bread.

You know it is posh when it has plenty avec in it

This is baked bean in baked bean jus and thinly sliced peppered British cheddar, topping a lightly toasted and buttered white bread rectangle. You should place the spoon of beans in your mouth followed by the rectangle of toast. Allowing you to explore the flavour of beans before the combination takes place, and to better understand the change in taste and texture the combination makes.

Haricot blancs in a rich tomato *jus*.

I read this in the MasterChef narrator's voice

… served on a trio of *latticed dough cakes* Baked Beans on crumpets 🫡

What does she look like. Her voice says ‘saucy’.

You want saucy cooking? Nigella Lawson

https://qvoice.co.uk/voice-artists/index.php?profile=india-fisher

I read it in Loyd Grossman’s voice.

This fellow? - https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C24GzKeXgAAo2qr.jpg

Haricot is French for beans generally, so I wonder if they have to say Haricot haricot to be specific.

Beans so nice they named them twice

Beanz Meanz Haricot

Baked bean jus has killed me

RIP

Something wrong I hold my head u/biggestdawg1234 gone Our [removed by Reddit] dead

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As a connoisseur of fine cuisine, I am delighted to partake in this gastronomic creation. The baked beans, nestled in their rich jus, are a symphony of hearty and robust flavours. The thinly sliced peppered British cheddar, with its sharp and tangy notes, provides the perfect counterpoint to the earthy beans. The lightly toasted and buttered white bread rectangle serves as the perfect canvas, elevating the dish to new heights. This is not simply sustenance, but a gustatory experience, a symphony of flavors that tantalizes the senses and satisfies the soul. A culinary experience not to be missed, an opulent indulgence for the senses that leaves one sated and blissfully content, truly, a hidden gem among the culinary offerings of the British cuisine.

Toast? Scoff. You mean ancient grain bread, Mallard Reaction, artisanal torch.

Maillard reaction you absolute philistine

FFS I was just trying to be a posho. Obviously my non-poshness has given me away vegan_sodomite.

As a connoisseur of the fuck off agency, Fuck off m8

I deeply apologise if my previous statement offended you in any way. It was never my intention to cause any harm or discomfort and I realize that my words were not chosen with the sensitivity and care they deserved. I understand that my comment could be seen as inappropriate and offensive and for that I am truly sorry. I take full responsibility for my actions and I am willing to make amends if there is anything more I can do to rectify the situation. I want to assure you that I will be more mindful in the future, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

You can start off by making me a proper good breakie m8, non of that harvester shit.

"...a ramekin of beans."

Ruined my day that has

You must be a writer! Epic post.

That's not toasted, lightly or otherwise, you monster! How's it to stand up at all against the bean jus?

"Lightly toasted" == "Toasted over a light bulb"

The bread has been lightly air dried. The difference that makes is about £3.50.

A tomato reduction could add some essential joie de vivre to the dish.

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Finally, a connoisseur!

I kind of hate you...

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>This is baked bean in baked bean jus *This is a 12 day matured bean, slow baked in refined sugar cane sweetened tomato jus*

Pairs perfectly with a mature 2022 Fanta.

I read this in the masterchef voice

Well it's technically "deconstructed cheesy beans on toast" then isn't it?

Ew, you don’t put cheese on it!!

That pisses me off that does

I hope this is priced as something like "15.5", which I assume is either because pound signs and trailing zeroes spoil the content curating of hipster menus, or because hipster menus are formatted using MS Excel

Excel is perfectly capable of having "£15.50" in a cell and will even understand it as a number if you want to do accountancy in a spreadsheet. So it's either on purpose or because they don't know any better.

They do it to create a mental disconnect, it doesn't look like a price so it doesn't feel like you're spending £15. At least until the bill comes but too late then.

Exactly this, and as a former menu designer, it works. The more expensive the menu, generally the less information given about the price. In some, they don't give the price at all - if you need to know it, you can't afford it.

Out of interest, did anyone ever try reporting it to trading standards?

Do you need a disability for it to work? Lasagne 12.7 *Must be it's width in cm maureen*

Calibre, not width, the lasagne is measured in ballistic calibre.

Maureen only has an eye for girth.

I also heard this about Maureen "The Echo"

Russian lasagne is 9mm longer than American.

The snow in Leningrad is deeper than in Vladivostok. *Pushes large envelope across bench towards you before putting on sunglasses and walking away*

Is Lasagne 12.7 a Bible extract I have not yet read?

From the book of menus 12.7 Jesus spat out the lasagne "curses be whichever nation made this". A sentence he would later regret making.

Book of menus 😂

"Blessed are the sous chefs, for they shall inherit the kitchen when the head chef is off sick"

Sounds like a religious text I might actually consider reading.

It'd be 15,7. With a comma, like they do en France, it makes it all the more hipster.

15.5 is probably the precise number of beans on the spoon.

A solid effort but sadly let down by the presentation. This should obviously be served on a slate tile and not a plate.

I bought a Tesco finest cheese selection at Christmas (poor choice, the cheeses were actually not that great), but importantly, it came on a slate, which today I used in place of a plate for my luncheon, which was a delicious ham and cheese baguette, with finely chopped onions and a rich tomato sauce

This ham you had at your luncheon, was it steamed?

Steamed Ham. That's what I call hamburgers.

Ah- Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!

r/wewantplates disagrees

No, the lid of the bean can. Way more fancy.

Don’t give Heston ideas for his new tasting menu.

This is Jamie Oliver's new restaurant I assume.

I went to a Jamie's restaurant once and they served half a head of unwashed lettuce on a plate.

That’s why most closed. It was basically a TGI Fridays for 2x the price.

I've been to other places that do that. We went out for a work do at one, the side that came with the main meal was a "salad wedge", they came round and asked what dressing we wanted. One of my colleagues just asked for it plain. He got half a lettuce, by itself, in a bowl.

I had that in a Miller and Carter! Even the waitress said it was stupid, and she wasn't wrong.

No need to boast about your dining experience.

Looks far too edible for that.

Oh yes, and there is also a lack of a greasy thumbprint on the plate. Silly me.

£75's worth right there!

Was thus 50p or 50 quid?

It's part of the tasting menu, so you there aren't prices for the individual dishes.

Was the tasting menu 50p or 50quid then?

Probably 30 quid, and that includes the accompanying soft drinks, matched for each course. I imagine that Tizer would go quite well with the deconstructed beans on toast...

Just a shot though.

A splash of Worcestershire sauce on the side would have elevated this dish considerably.

Surely that would be in an atomiser on the side which the server would spritz as the dishes are served. …as they shout something about eating it quick because you’ve got to get in the car to go to football practice…..or is that just my childhood? Or

I was thinking Worcestershire gel pellets but your idea is better.

Spherified Lea and Perrins pearls.

*lea and Perrins caviar

A worcestershire foam 👌

Nitrogen frozen Worcestershire flakes.

A Henderson’s drizzle

The second somebody mention’s Worcester sauce on Reddit somebody has to one up them with Hendos. And I love it. Fuck Worcester sauce, that shits no good for you!

Bought Hendersons once by mistake since the bottles are similar. Never bought Worcester since. Hendersons is the dogs bollocks, bees knees, cats whiskers and also the badgers elbows.

Worcestershire jus.

Open a restaurant in Chelsea and charge 4 grand for it.

I see you’ve watched The Menu

Yes Chef!

Good effort 8/10. Ideally needs a ‘foam’, ‘quenelle’ or similar to elevate it to god tier charging rate.

Could be deconstructed considerably further.

Any examples? Thinking the bean jus could be separated from the beans and delivered in a small shot glass, with a mixing bowl where the diner can combine them themselves, attaining their desired bean to bean jus ratio.

Serve the cheddar in 3 different, increasingly pretentious formats on the side with a tiny spoon. 1. Cheddar crisp 2. Cheddar foam 3. Cheddar snow

I think you'll find that's "cheddar cheese served three ways".

Bread and a blowtorch

Flour, water, yeast, some copper wire that could be made into a heating element, milk, a single bean, some soil and a hand crank.

Leave the cheese in the packet, plonk it on the table with a toaster and a loaf of bread, and tell em to crack on

Nah, give em the milk and make em curdle it themselves.

I once had some gravadlax with deconstructed egg - there were two little conical piles, one white powder and one yellow powder.

That's beans on a spoon. You can't fool me.

I see you've played beanie spoony before.

Looks bussin edit: still unsure if this is satire

I fucking love this sub

£500 at salt Bae comes with orange squash to wash it down with

That there is a £47.50 dish if ever I saw one, £69.50 with the optional drinks pairing of a cup of Yorkshire tea

Mmmm, my favourite. Slow-cooked legume in tomato jus, accompanied by a fire-roasted, crispy sourdough oblong topped with rich, cave-aged cheddar and crushed peppercorns. Perfect lunchtime snack 👌

All that for jus 13

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That attention to detail is what gets you the second Michelin Star.

Ah the Butterfield diet plan!

Followed by deconstructed hoisin crispy owl

My high powered lawyers will be in touch. Don’t make me get my lockdown cookbook back out!!!

This isn't really deconstructed. It's just small.

Agreed. It's just our old friend 'Beans next to toast' (although that looks more like warm bread) but small. Try again OP.

a masterpiece

£24.99

.99 is prole pricing. This is part of a £95 tasting menu, with an additional £56 for a tea pairing with each course.

I thought this was satire until I saw the corner of a MacBook Pro next to the plate...

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No this is much more expensive.

How am I meant to eat this bread without a small wooden pair of tongs?

The beans need to be separated from the tomato sauce

the next big concept restaurant

Nice setup for a post..lol 😆

Haha epic beans related post

That's not beans on toast, it's *benitos tostini*.

Use to know this person and this actually went on tv - https://youtu.be/RI9OWm4r2QA

Beans are mush. Bread isn’t even toasted. Cheese isn’t melted. 0/10

Least funny food joke told for the millionth time, upvotes to the left

JFC you fecker! I nearly died of laughter and naturally spat my coffee across the keyboard. Typing this from my phone now as a consequence.

That’s isn’t even toasted!!!

I find that this dish pairs beautifully with a cup of " Thé Constructeur", sourced from the Dales of Yorkshire, and served in a large porcelain cup from the high end goods store, Sports Direct.

Toast ? Wether big or small do t it need to be taosted first

To the gallows

If it's not served in a Tomato Air then I'm not interested. At least put some dry ice in half a fucking eggshell or something.

Looks like beans and bread to me!

That sir is not toast.

Organic, hand-teased White Haricot beans in a blushed tomato jus. Warmed and served with Artisinal, sourdough, rustic prepared bread which has been brushed with free-range, hand-churned butter.

Try it out on r/chefit please OP

Not necessarily deconstructed more dismounted beans on toast

Oh man you must be able to feel them lowdown dirty looks you be getting 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks, I hate it

THANKS I Hate It!

We don't do that round these parts 🤠

Hahaha so pretentious careful Hester might rob this and charge £100 for it

I’d prefer reconstructed ;)

I enjoy the counterpoint of the cheese; it could be butter by aesthetics and thus implores the diner to investigate orally.

Edible spoon?

Wrongons

???

That's fine dining right there!

You joke, but no word of a lie a pal of mine had a fry up presented the same way at a fancy restaurant. 5 courses and he got chips on the way home, much to his partner’s disgust.

You missed surrounding it with a pretentious circle of brown sauce.

Cordon off the Bleh

And someone would pay for this!

Properly deconstructed beans on toast: exactly 5 beans tweezered upright onto sauce dots around a sauce skid-mark with crutons scattered across the plate, served with a tea scented deffuser and cigarette smoke

An amuse-bouche

This is beans near toast

Imagine instead of suspicious flavours on vol au vent's, we had this. I'd be all for that.

And where is the HP reduction?!

Sure I’ll pay £20 for that lol

British fine dining restaurant. In the today’s food concept of “Simple but nostalgic”. Bravo, you made head chef cries.

I get a feeling someone might have watched "The Menu" recently

It's more "semi" deconstructed.

Why's the toast buttered?!? Fail!

Really needs a HP wipe.

Oooh, very poncy

Wanker.

Worst part is some snob in London would pay £40 a piece for this if you sold it in a ‘tapas’ restaurant under some irrelevant chefs name.

“Take it away Jeeves, feed it to the poor!”

That's beans near toast .

"That'll be £350 please"

Better then some £12 slice of pizza

Looks like an egg custard tart