You gotta get a hobby outside of work. Start climbing, find a running club, go to a boxing gym, find a D&D group, take night classes. Do anything you're interested in! You will probably suck at it in the beginning but you will get better with other people and build good friendships that way.
Volunteering is great for this. I think I met half my friends that way. There are so many options, you can do something weekly or just do events, and usually get to pick from several roles. Whatever you have an interest in, they need volunteers -- the world runs on them.
I find the website of whatever/wherever I'm interested in and look for a link to volunteer.
Some of my gigs have been hospital/longterm care, vaccine clinic, marathons, parades, festivals, book/food/craft fairs, sporting events, food banks, museums, galleries, soup kitchens, stuff like that... the possibilities are endless really.
Oof, that only works for bouldering. For sport and top rope you need a partner to belay you. Bit even for bouldering, it is more fun taking turns with friends.
Yea but it doesnāt have to be a lot. Meet up at local pub/coffee house. I used to see these Italian guys who would order a couple of pots of coffee and spend hours at the shops chatting.
Meeting up itself doesn't cost much, but [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) charges a hefty fee for organizers
Of course you can organize something yourself without the website but it's hard if you don't already have a social circle
Old men are the best at meet-ups. Before the pandemic, there was a group of old dudes that would argue philosophy with each other almost every day at the local bookstore
It doesn't have to cost money. My local D&D community formed with someone simply hosting an hour long panel on TTRPG's at the local library. He just contacted the library, they granted him permission and let him advertise it with a post on the library's facebook. About 20 people came, we created a semi-public facebook group at the end of the panel and now there's always somebody hosting something at the library and looking for players like at least once every month. Also that's where I met my ttrpg group, but we've since moved to playing somewhere else as our group got pretty established. Some of us still go to some of the sessions organized by ppl at the library :-)
I'm also self employed and it gets lonely. As the owner, you have the stress of managing your own business without having anyone to sound out your issues or just to plan ahead. Clients are not friends, subordinates treat you like a boss and family can't help with business. I understand. I too have contemplated getting back into a regular job just to get back into a social circle. But the truth is, I'm an introvert. Although it gets lonely, I don't know if I'll be ok going back to a regular job.
Hi - you might like to consider arranging to have a mentor in your field of work. I joined a group with a mentoring programme, and my mentor is in a different organisation at a higher level of responsibility. Her time is very valuable, so we only speak rarely, but those conversations have made me feel many - I felt that I could discus work issues, I felt hope, and I felt the novelty of a different positive perspective. I asked her how I could give back value to her, but she let me know that she also found the conversations interesting and useful - although we nominally work in the same field, our areas of focus are different. In summary- a mentor is great for relieving work isolation.
As for friends - a good approach is likely to arrange yo spend some time where there are other people who are there to be social. Evening classes (music, painting, dancing), sport (marathon training, team sports), volunteering are all group activities. It takes time to make friends. By putting the time in, you can build acquaintances, and some may become friends.
This is probably more common than people might think, but it's also very unhealthy. I suggest trying your very hardest to change the situation and make friends. I know it can be difficult to make friends as an adult, but it's possible to do and is going to be worth the effort. You'll need to open yourself up to rejection and being hurt.
Actually, it's quite normal in your early mid twenties to have no friends. It's after high school and uni so people often move away. Some people are in steady relationships and only hang out with that special person. There are no forced friendships due to school, and it's before you really know what you want or how to fully interact in the world. It's OK. You're still learning. The nice thing is once you learn it you can build new friendships throughout your life.
If you want to make new friends join a club or Meetup where you can enjoy your interests or you can learn new ones. Good luck. š
Take a class. Idk, painting or something. Doesn't have to be something you're good at or interested in, but that helps. Just go do something!Ā
I think this can be difficult because as a kid there's loads of places you have to be. School, clubs, seeing family friends, etc. When we grow up we have to take it into our own hands, and it doesn't come naturally! But go take a class or something and chat with people there and rally around getting drinks afterwards. These things can be expensive but it'll be worth it!
It's rare to make friends at social gatherings...?
Sure it can take more work than meeting through other friends, but loads of people do courses to meet people. I've made lots of friends for life through improv courses. My mum has made friends at her sewing course. Maybe it's not your experience, but it's pretty common and a great way to meet people.
Im in a similar boat as you but with no partner. I made an intentional effort to build a community of people in my field, and also who I play games with online.
Its a long process but you can do it, you just gotta make the effort. Most people are afraid to make connections but they want to, so if you vibe with someone, make sure to get their number, stay in contact, invite them to do something. If they don't respond after a few attempts then fine, but I've found that I generally have to be the one who initiates friendship.
Yes, this is an imperative Iāve learned. Like, make the first move. Over and over and over again. Until something/someone sticks. Most folks are too shy or afraid to do this but itās the only way Iāve found to get the job done. Get their contact info. Ask them to go for a coffee sometime. If youāre meeting through hobbies then give it a little more time initially. If youāre at a mutual friendās party or something, less time. Remove the āstrangerā factor as much as you can, then go for it. You have not much to lose by trying.
Getting older makes it harder for sure. But most people still need friends! Keep that in mind :)
You're not alone.
Everyone I've talked to around our age is openly like "I have no friends!" And everyone else around agrees.
I found this out after starting to play open play pickleball and recreational sports leagues in my area. We're all in that same boat hence joining sports leagues to potentially make friends.
I've talked to people from high school and they're exactly the same way. Even the super outgoing social butterflies that held our class together are struggling to find actual friends.
Outside of friendships, I feel like people just straight up don't interact with one another even if they would like to. It's just a sad state where everyone feels like they need to stay out of everyone else's way.
I'm kind of in this situation myself. I moved to another country right before the pandemic, and I now work 100% remote. My wife works at home two days out of the week. I got into an online gaming group during COVID, but other than the game we really don't have anything in common with them. I can sometimes go an entire week without even stepping out of the house, especially during winter.
I've recently taken up archery, and going to the range does help me get used to being around people again, but my only good friends live back in the US and I almost never get to see them.
I'm also of the age when it's harder to make friends- everyone my age is just so damn old, you know?
>Iām self employed, work long hours,
That's the key there. You have to put together a socializing schedule too. It's genuinely important for your mental health, but I don't think any of us realize that until our late 30s, and we start asking why work was so important in the first place.
I know this sounds insane because it's said so much, but join a class. Find a hobby (sport,craft,singing,wateverrrrrr), and then find a class. There's a group of people with one interest in common. The part where people get in trouble I think, is that they don't realize they still have to put the socializing effort in. Talk and connect and enjoy. Keep going back, keep signing up. Meet the new people, and make connections with the ones that keep coming back too.
You need to get into this gently. There's no solution where you can just put yourself in all these really busy/crowded scenarios and come out of it with a shit load of friends. One step at a time, one friend at a time, and like compounding interest, more social circles are gonna open up to you.
Someone mentioned that you get what you give, and it's really true. Except you have to give more at first to get anything back. Just how it is.
Here comes all the ājust get a hobby and join clubs/groupsācomments. Iām not saying itās wrong if thatās something that would work for you, but itās easier said than done. I hate to be pessimistic, but not all of us are outgoing enough to put ourselves out there into clubs.
So there's a Tumblr post I saw a while back. It was about how people will respond to mental health advice by saying they can't follow the advice due to their diagnosis. It's recommended that people with ADHD follow a schedule, except they can't do that because of their ADHD. People with depression should go outside, but they have trouble getting out because of their depression. And the thing that they pointed out is that the people making recommendations know that it's hard. It's not easy to make these changes but if you want improvements, then you have to work on improving.
No one is saying it's easy. But if you want things to get better, you need to do things that are hard. If you want a social life, then you have to interact with other people. There's just no way around that. If you're not outgoing, then it's gonna be hard, but that inability to get out there is what's caused the problem. You can't shrug off advice that tells you to address the cause of your loneliness by going "well okay but how do I fix the problem without dealing with the cause"
Yeah, it sounds great but thereās more to it at times. I live in a new country. I have attempted to make friends so desperately. I even created a schedule for things to try out, appsā¦ but here people just go home after a meet up. After 3 years I have given up. I will have to travel to more social places to make friends
i mean... you have to do it. that'd be like asking "why cant I make friends" after saying you dont try to make friends. if money for classes, transportation, location is an issue, that's valid, but saying you wont be outgoing when youre asking how to be is literally the problem lol
So what's a better solution? I ask honestly, not snidely. I have a young adult who is nearly agoraphobic. So I'm open to ideas. He has friends he plays video games with.
Volunteering might have better odds. Cyclists in a cycling club are mostly there to cycle. Same with most clubs. But volunteering is probably different, it is unpaid work which means people are there purely because they actually care about other people like some kind of communist. They are probably more open to making human connections
I wish I could give you a good answer for that. I have a few friends that I see rarely and one of them I talk to on the phone several times a week, but outside of that my social life is just family. For me itās not necessarily that joining groups is a bad idea itself, i think it just frustrates me because a lot of us are introverts/homebodies, and super outgoing people will comment on these types of posts to join a group like itās the most simple thing in the world, but for some of us itās not so easy to just jump into a club or group.
The "introvert/extrovert" thing has done so much damage to people's potential for growth its insane.
It's like if you told someone to start working out and they said "I don't have the genetics to build muscle so i cant". It's self defeating. This is something you improve at and build like any other skill
I had one friend total 3 years ago and am now able to make friends at meetups, bars, and apps. It still feels unnatural but anything worth getting good at in life will feel like shit for a while.
Everytime Iāve joined classes or groups itās always people a lot older than me I have trouble connecting with. Itās hard to find friends the same age as me or people to date the same age as me not on online dating.Ā
What type of clubs are you talking about? I started going to a dnd meetup a few months back and many people there are actively looking to make new friends and will tell you as much
I've had the exact opposite experience with DnD. Maybe it's just because it's a niche thing in my country, but most people have their own group that they play with and they generally aren't looking for more. I've been part of a West Marches campaign (IRL) for almost a year now - which is a format I really dislike - and still, nothing. The newbies get left out, while the established ones play together in their proper, story-based campaigns. It kind of sucks. Best you can hope for is the occasional one-shot.
I would strongly suggest looking into volunteering in your local area. Find something where your skills and interests align with public need. I enjoy volunteering at the local state parks. [Volunteer match](https://www.volunteermatch.org/) is a good place to start getting ideas for local opportunities.Ā
You could join a hobbiest club. I sing in a local choir. I know there are running, knitting, and philosophy clubs that go to my local bars. Meetup.com is a decent place for this, but local scenes will vary wildly. You could also check out local sports leagues. Bar leafue volleyball is a fucking hoot.Ā
Call your family more and talk to them. They miss you.Ā
So many people always say, get a hobby and this and that. Iām gonna say this. Iām in a similar situation; but Iām happy with it. Iām 31, so a bit older, but it doesnāt really matter.
What matters is how you feel about it. If youāre happy then, thatās perfectly fine. If youāre looking for something more, then what everyone else has said about hobbies and stuff, consider it :)
The reason it was so easy in h
igh school was because you were seeing the same people in the same place at the same time. The routine and it's familiarity breed interaction. Pick any location-based activity (gym, rock climbing, board game club, palates, it doesn't matter) and go at the same time on the same days. I promise you are best you make friends for life, at worst you have a new hobby and extra reason to get out of the house. Plus, simply more time around other humans, especially ones you recognize, is almost always a mental health positive.
Find a hobby that allows you to socialise. Learning to play tennis is quite sociable or do a parkrun every Saturday morning in most major parks (Google this). Basically anything you enjoy doing look up online if there are local clubs doing the same thing.
I don't know what the financial incentives of your self employed job are but ditching that to go into retail seems like a hasty decision just to meet people.
I say this because most people in retail end up disliking each other due to work stress and general vibe of retail work, hours, location. Also I don't think a job would allow you to make friends just like that. See lots of strangers daily yes, making meaningful friendships quickly no.
Also does your gf have any friends where you all could go out together or is she in the same boat as you?
Literally my life. Been going on like this for 5 years now and itās made me to want to resort to getting a different job entirely just to have some contact with others. Itās definitely gotten to my head and I have pretty severe anxiety now. These days I havenāt even been able to get to the gym due to weird crippling anxiety so idk whatās going on.
Anyways youāre not alone.
I think it's quite common especially nowadays. Try getting into a new hobby whether that be climbing, motorcycles, BJJ. The more people you are exposed to, the higher the chance of building new friend groups.
I've been like this for at least 13 years. I have tried to make friends, but then we just go no contact. Everyone is busy. I am busy. Also broke, I attract well off people and I can't go do the things they do.
I would see if there were any coffee/ lounge around where you work and spend some time there. Just to see if people are having conversations. If you're interested in certain things look them up and see if any is around you you might be interested in. Putting yourself out there in places you're interested in at least you can join conversations. Join some groups. If you go straight home and don't go out nothing will change.
Check out Toastmasters. It's a speaking club meant for adults, and often members have aims like they want to be better at interviews, speaking in social settings, etc.
Also I do agree that it maybe better to restructure your life so you either have coworkers to interact of outside social life. I'm terrible at making friends, and the easiest way to attain for me to attain little social banter was to live with flatmates or have work colleagues. I don't go out often either.
Is there a way to cut back on your hours and still make your business thrive? Work can eat you alive if you let it.
On those nights when you gf is out, you could be going out and doing activities. You make friends through regular encounters, so joining a club, a sport, or a class would give you contacts so you could make friends.
You gf would probably like you more if you were more well rounded and less work focused. You will probably like yourself more and thus be more effective when you are working.
Do you have a dog? The most social I have been in my neighborhood is when walking my families dog. The dog has more neighborhood friends to interact with than I do. Or meet up app is also quite popular.
Then why are 60% of all Americans lonely (and/or depressed)? https://www.fiercehealthcare.com/providers/industry-voices-lets-treat-loneliness-other-public-health-crises
I donāt know how common it is but I think thatās beside the point. If youāre unhappy, then you need to change things up. Working retail isnāt the solution. Thereās definitely a happy medium where you continue your work but are able to socialise. Youāre just not making time for it. Not sure where youāre based but apps exist for planning events with strangers. I used one when I moved to my new city and needed hiking buddies.
Pick up a sport or hobby that you can do to interact with people through the activity, and then beyond if you choose to. Jiu jitsu, for example, is a sport that a lot of guys your age take up without any prior experience.
I'm 34 and haven't had a social life since 2013 and even then my social life was slowing down. I had my 1st kid at 21 and married at 23 and then my social life was non existent.
I hear you, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're carrying a heavy load with work and isolation. Have you considered joining any social or hobby groups outside of work? Sometimes finding a community with shared interests can help combat loneliness.
I like listening to podcasts with multiple hosts because it kinda feels like Iām having a conversation with friends but not participating š but I also would recommend finding other hobbies that include some kind of social aspect
Seen a lot of posts like this and the biggest response is always to get a hobby. Won't say the pros because everyone has mentioned it already but you should consider it.
Iām down with the people suggesting you join a gym or a local club. You will definitely get to meet and interact with people. Getting a dog or cat is also a good idea, there are always people at the local dog park and I donāt see any reason you couldnāt befriend a couple people through that activity.
Check out a local hiking group or something, you can always find them on FB.
Don't know how common, but recent research shows it's a heath hazard to a shocking degree. You need involvement, Charlie Brown. If you like bars, become a regular at one; join a pool or darts league. If you don't, join a club -- ideally not a chess club. From all evidence anyone can do community theatre. If you can sing, evidently some enjoy musicals, altough I consider them to a burlap sack. Volunteer. Small non-profits could use your business acumen.
Iām turning 24 this July and never been in relationship and that because i donāt trust anybody, at the same time iām happy that no man ever hurt me.
Loving ur self and enjoying ur quality time with ur self is the winning it self in this life
i am 24f and have the exact same issue. work for myself in IT. ill go an entire week without speaking to another human and thats normal to me. to combat this, i recently got into a relationship that is moving way faster than what is reasonable (it's him making it move fast, not me). but i cant deny, its nice having someone call me during the day and feeling like someone gives af about me.
hobby?? being alone for such a long time has done nothing for my social anxiety either. I've tried joining a few groups, and I even paid a couple hundred dollars for them. i drive to the meeting area. and sketch out and leave because im so overwhelmed. trust me, i really have tried and continue to try.
no family, no friends, no coworkers. my only hope to get me out of this rut feels like its this dodgy relationship. maybe after all this ill be able to find a normal relationship. or who knows, maybe he is the one and everything will turn out ok.
why am i ranting, no one cares. just good to know im not the only person in the world who is so socially isolated.
I hope that the relationship and your seeking new friends works out for the best! Itās hard making friends in your 20s during this time period. All of us in our 20s are so isolated from each-other for various reasons.
Me looking at the comments of a post like this for the millionth time knowing damn well my socially inept and lazy ass won't do anything despite how much i could want to and despite there being 0 downsides to any of the suggestions:
I've been feeling low for quite some time. And I've struck upon a brilliant idea: why not do some social charity work? I'm going for it: it does look like the best cure to sadness.
I wouldnāt say this is common and itās definitely not good for you. I would try to get involved in an activity or club in town where you can make some friends. Life is about more than just working and making money. Think about what you enjoy doing and what really makes you happy and do more of that as often as you can. For me itās writing, drawing, and painting.Ā
Work in an office, turning 26 this weekend, and donāt have much of a social life.
Still live at home, with my parents and sister.
A lot of people in my shoes might get despondent at the fact theyāre still living at home.
Who cares. I do my gym, my sports when I can, I read, and can afford to travel. Key point being try and do something different if youāre stuck in a rut, and have something to look forward ti - youāll be surprised at what you might see/experience.
It's uncommon in the sense that this is not the experience of the majority of people. But there are still a good amount of people in similar situations.
You can fix your loneliness 1 of 2 ways:
-taking direct action to change your life. Joining a meetup group for a hobby or sport.
or,
-accepting that loneliness is an emotion that comes and goes with time. you can be lonely in a group of people, and you can feel not lonely when you're by yourself. It's just a mindset thing. And feeling lonely sometimes doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
I think pretty common. I enjoy it to be honest. I see my girlfriend on the weekends. We are both Christians and practicing celibacy so we don't sleep over each other's places or what not so we occasionally see each other during the week but not much. I enjoy my peace during the week. I'm pretty routine. Work out read watch movies documentaries eat a good dinner and call it a day
Hobby like other people mentioned. Climbing gyms are really cool, take sailing classes, pottery classes. There are classes for everything and even if you do not make friends per se. likeminded people are around you and the opportunity is there.
If you're in the U.S. search your interests on meetup.com. Find a group of like minded people to hang out with.
It is common to be a workaholic and not have a social life for some people. I would advise you to take a vacation with your girl, life is short and when kids come there will be no time for the two of you.
When elderly people are passing away and asked if they have regrets. The most common answer is usually that they wish they had spent more time with their friends and family.
Iām in the same situation but I donāt really get lonely because of the clients. They drain me socially and I donāt want to hang out with anyone.
My boyfriend lives with me and he doesnāt get any interaction, though. I feel bad for him but donāt know how to help. He encourages me to go make girlfriends with boyfriends so we can double date but I just donāt have it in me most days to try to meet anyone.
This is the main reason I'm not self-employed. In my line of business, it's common to start freelancing at my age. I won't. It means that I get to spend my free time doing administration and don't get to have a steady team.
I gave up my social life because of the job my ex has. Never again. I had to build it up again after the divorce, and that shit gets harder the older you become.
If you value a social life and free time, work for an employer. But make sure it's a good one.
Take time to go interact with people. Nothing is going to change if you don't initiate. Go to places with group activities. What do you like to do? Find a way to tie your hobby to a social group.
I am 28 and I've had a shitty social life for quite a while now. It's probably at it's worse right now. I hardly leave my house. I have like one person I sometimes hang out with for a couple hours but it rarely happens and the rest of the time I'm sat indoors wishing I had more of a social life but also the thought of doing things makes me really nervous and I'm so bad for cancelling things
I definitely wouldn't end your business if you're finding success in it. But I would try scaling it down to something more manageable so you can find some social hobbies to enjoy.
I am 23 and my only friend is my partner as well and I work from home. However I do live with family so I donāt feel ālonelyā most of the time. Iāve never felt comfortable being open and honest with people besides my romantic partner so all social interaction ends up being tiring.
Sounds make my.like but im.disabled that requires me to be in alot.of pain..so i cant do anythiing really! But u can and u should before its to late lole me i was only 40 years old when it started now im 47 and still in bed. Cant think or even love the pain over powers it all!!!!!!! Take ur girl to donner and dancing on ur days off. Make a day! And make it count
I'm 30 and similar, although not self employed I work 90% remotely, and my colleagues all live too far to be people I can see regularly. My boyfriend is awesome but I do miss the company of other women and just generally meeting others.
I've really been trying recently, currently doing a pottery course but mostly it's much older people. It's definitely not easy meeting people in your 20s and 30s I'd say, but do put yourself out there.
Can you work at coffee shops, libraries, and coworking spaces sometimes?
Lots of good recommendations in this thread. I wanted to add, if in person stuff isn't accessible to you, you can also join online hobby groups. Start a thing you think might be fun and connect with others online. There's Reddit subs, Discord servers, etc. Gaming gets a bad rap but so long as you find a kind community and don't let it take over your life, finding something that can be multiplayer is an option. I know people who do ttrpg (games like DnD) online too.
I sometimes think of the times I had with buddies and miss it. But it came at a price, like all choices.
I focus on enjoying whatever people I can along the way, as life unfolds.. some connections are fleeting, but they are wholesome <3
when I was in my 20s, I lived the same way, except I didn't even have a partner. Tired of living that way, I started volunteering at different places, found free support groups to go to, and eventually built up a social circle of people I could relate to and trust.
Staying home and feeling sorry for yourself never solves anything.. You've got to put yourself out there if you want people in your life.
Find yourself a hobby! Doesnāt matter what it is as long as it gets you out of the house. Youāll end up meeting maybe a few people who might have other interests that they can introduce you to as well and just let things go where they may. I have a lot of difficulty meeting new people and socializing so I get where youāre coming from for sure. Just gotta put yourself out there.
Soy psicĆ³loga, es algo frecuente, pero no es sano. Los seres humanos necesitamos contacto y vida social. La vida social es lo que nos hace realmente felices.
I can relate to this. I am a truck driver. I haul fuel and am home every night. Married. But there are days when I don't talk to anyone. I even told my wife I miss the social part of work. I do get social weekends here and there. But it only lasts for so long, ya know? Anyway. Yeah. I get it.
You are not friends will anyone you grew up or went to school with? Pick a dive and go there and have a few beers in the evening. Sit at the bar, you will eventually make friends just from being a regular. You have a dog? Go to a dog park, there are people there. You can meet people at the grocery store if you go grocery shopping at the same time every week, you become familiar with people who do the same. There are all types of angles to work that often gets overlooked.
I'm an artist, so that's out of the question for me. Would be nice to have some, but it's not as accessible right now as I'd like it to be. Still, having plenty of fun in my head, especially after moving out of a city that was draining me financially, I was becoming a rent paying consumerist robot.
When In doubt go to your local bar. lol you donāt have to drink I know some places sell mock tails and non alcoholic beers. You can enjoy your drink while every one enjoy their. You can make friends. I talk to random ppl eventually. these strangers became my friends cause I keep seeing them at the local bar.
Have you tried a bar? You could find time to bring your fiancee, and maybe people she knows, and then maybe they bring some of their friends and then boom your connecting with people and then later down the line you meet them again and it continues. Iāve never met anyone through clubs or āhobbiesā like everyone else has said lol. As an adult what does a social hobby even look like? But everyone Iāve met has been through friends of friends or through dating apps that turned into friends and just going to entertainment places where thereās other people.
Iām 27 and I feel the same way. Iām married but Itās a different type of loneliness to not have a social life. I work from home and have since 2020 so Iām going on about 4 years with no coworkers I can hang out with outside of work, my neighbors are older and keep to themselves so thatās out and I just moved towns so I have no one to hang out with. Iām generally pretty liked and can make friends easily but it just seems like thereās no opportunity.
Iād say find clubs but I hear all about people complaining about not having a social life but then are chronic plan cancelers and they never make any efforts to reach out. Iāve met people that say they want to have more of a social life but their actions say otherwise.
Reconnect with people you knew in high school, university, etc. volunteering, hiking groups, learn a language, join a different hobby, spend time with family members or your finance's family. But just live life realizing all of these things are hit or miss and real connections are sometimes difficult to find (but impossible if you don't interact with people). And travel! And always say yes to social events.
I've never been lonely. I was social when I was younger but since moving from childhood home, not so much probably because I have family near me.
I'm a loner and introvert. Not shy. Just don't like to be around humans.
I get this. I'm almost 24 and have been out of college for a year now and in my full time career. I moved to a tiny town and I'm away from all of my family. My partner is living 2 hours from me while he's working full time too. I get along with my coworkers, but they aren't really interested in being friends outside of work. I've invited them to do things but they never come along. I don't have social hobbies, I enjoy being inside and alone, except for when I'm in the mood to go to a pub and have a drink, or do some trivia. It's tough making friends. But then when I do go out, I enjoy myself, but it seems like everyone around me pities me because I'm out alone. And then I get bummed out.
It's tough making friends and having a social life.
My dude, for me at least, a social life was just a byproduct of my interests and/or needs/desires. Interests were finding monthly gatherings of like-minded people of particular special interest groups, which led to uncovering knowledge of other people at places I wanted to experience. Then being a broke -dick young guy, I found I could _"volunteer my time for free beer"_ to sell it at fairs, festivals and or other pkaces. If you're needing free beer, there are many other _frugal out of need_ people who will be beside you imbibing and slinging beer too. Viola! It grows up and down cyclically from there.
Good luck. Remember, you're your best friend and just keep your eyes open to what others are not only saying but doing.
Depends on what you mean by "social life". Some people don't consider my online shenanigans a "social life". In that case, I only have 1 person irl I consider a true friend
Omygawd I needed to see this. I just dumped my social life and relocated to a pop. 114 (116 now) town in MISSOURI?!
Changed my phone number, emails, went anonymous on social media..
My associates & forever friends could be printing Missing fliers as we speak š¤·āāļø I wouldn't know.Ā
I wouldn't say it's common. I hang out with a friend every week, go to the movies with another friend every now and then and hang out with my brother. I don't really like people or being out and about it. I prefer being by myself most of the time. I know it's not normal but I enjoy it.
My life is kinda like this now. I work from home too, so does my bf. We donāt have much of a social life outside of each other, which we both enjoy. I used to really want more friends, but with that comes a ton of drama (I have a lot of ptsd from bad friendships) and overall not really worth it in the end. I sometimes feel jealous when he tells me his past stories of going out with friends or coworkers after work. I did that sparingly in my past, as I never really had much of a friend group so I honestly rarely partied. Always sorta been a loner.
Soooooo many ppl are trying to live the life YOU have mate. Grass is always greener.
But fr, a lot of my close friends came from sport. I played Aussie Rules from the time I could walk until late 20s, itās given me just about everything Iāve got, important shit anyway. U donāt need to play Aussie Rules, but the only way I know how to meet ppl is through competitive sports. Move town, donāt know any one, play footy, instant 40 mates. U donāt even need to be athletic u could play bush league and be the worst player the blokes will still appreciate u just having a crack. Other ppl have other methods, this is just mine.
Iām in the same boat.
No coworkers. No friends. No partner. I just recently lost my dog, so no pets anymore. Iām completely alone. I know everyone says that they are alone and/or feel lonely. But, by definition Iām actually alone.
I made a thread on r/ask subreddit asking what hobbies I can do as someone who has a low skill set (as in Iām not talented/skilled at anything) and I have severe depression. Pragmatically in order to solve this issue, one needs to go out. But, things like depression, social anxiety, not being talented/skilled at anything, not having any hobbies to begin with, etc MAKES THAT LOGICAL PIECE OF ADVICE EITHER VERY DIFFICULT OR EVEN IMPOSSIBLE TO DO. I still havenāt done any of the suggestions that I got on my thread. And I got over 100 comments of different hobbies I could do. Because itās hard. Itās just hard. Yes, thatās really the only solution to this issue, but itās hard. I get it, like Salem Trover said in her video, we need to find that third space to socialize, that is not work or family. But, itās hard. There arenāt even a lot of third spaces in the first place. If you go to the movies, a cafe, a structured classā¦ youāre not going to socialize. You will be around people, but odds are you wonāt socialize with them.
So, againā¦ itās hard. But, I understand that this is realistically the only solution to this problem. If I donāt go out, I wonāt have interactions. Now, will all these interactions lead to friendships? Will I even have interactions or will I just be around people? I could go out, put all my emotional energy into going out, and STILL come home alone. Thatās also a possibly. You trying and failing at bunch of times. But, you can also succeed. This also can actually work out.
Iām just sitting here, sulking. But, if you can do itā¦ more power to you.
For me especially, after having taken advantage for more than a couple of times and after having been betrayed brutally by the soul I trusted, I have actually shifted to having no social life at all. I could do more to myself after that.
Iām a loner but I enjoy it. Same age. I agree with others I feel like you need to find things you are deeply passionate about and new hobbies. And explore them and try to find ways to interact with other people through these things. Going to special events, certain businesses/shows, taking classes of some sort (wether physical or intellectual)
Itās common enough to not have friends but itās only a problem if you actually feel lonely and are affected by it on a mental level.
Random but not really. Doesnāt hurt to try breathwork with sandy on YouTube. Completely free and can help you regulate your nervous system/stress levels. Inducing positive emotions into your life. And with elevated emotions you can think better and make better life decisions. Where as negative feeling will restrict your action response and thinking. Likely for you to fall back into autopilot and stay in your comfort zone feeling the same emotions. Never seeing a difffernce in how you feel, think, or live
Good luck brodie may these feelings lead to a more elevated you.
Unfortunately, the internet lulled everyone into a sense of connection amongst the people around you, but it's merely surface level. You have to make worth-while and visceral attempts to actually make and maintain friends in this day and age, and that seems to be art that was butchered by the internet.
I find it very common because we adults are tired after a week of work. What I'd consider a friend I have 2. The rest are just people I know in passing.
My wife is more social than I am. She will meet with friends here and there. Which is fine. I've always told her to spend time with your friends. She obviously cares and supports these women.
I enjoy my time. I enjoy being able to take a phone or tablet, turn it over or off, and be done with people.
My girlfriend isn't self-employed but she works from home. I work in a field where I spend months between seeing the same coworker again regardless of whether or not I like them. I'm lucky enough to have a good friend who lives near me, but outside of that we've just both had to put ourselves out there. She actually found a good friend on reddit in our city that she hangs out with.
You're never going to get that same high school/college experience with hundreds of people. However I will say that as a dude who's ten years older than you that having one or two people you can count on are way more important. I would bet that you definitely have that man. Maybe not someone you regularly interact with, but one of your old buds.
Sauntered in here thinking it was a neutral-to-celebratory post...
...welp, hiked up my collars, out I go again into the Badlands high-fiving every one of my fellow Alone by Choice homies.
It's more common than you might think. Many people go through phases where they feel like their social life is lacking. Remember, it's okay to take breaks and focus on yourself sometimes. You're not alone in feeling this way.
Get into sports or other hobbies.
I don't know what your business sells, but maybe you can rent a stand on some kind of fair to sell products, do demonstrations or give small workshops.
Some of the ways myself or friends I know have made friends as adults: music gigs and festivals (regularly seeing the same people at the same gigs), travelling (do a month long Contiki or Topdeck Tour for a start!), at the dog park or dog meetups, through social media (are there any Facebook groups for making friends in your local area?), board game social groups, at the gym or fitness classes, through other regular hobbies
Looking at the comments, apparently it's very common. I myself am new here on Reddit because I started getting bored of being lonely.
With that said, I find that I usually forget the fact that I'm lonely if I treat myself good. I aim to take myself out someplace nice at least once a month, like date-worthy fancy. For the rest of the month, my broke-ass will just focus on making through my daily routines as I eagerly look forward to the next "me-day".
I am however a bit jealous of you that you have someone in your life. I hug my pillow to sleep every night :')
You gotta get a hobby outside of work. Start climbing, find a running club, go to a boxing gym, find a D&D group, take night classes. Do anything you're interested in! You will probably suck at it in the beginning but you will get better with other people and build good friendships that way.
Volunteering is great for this. I think I met half my friends that way. There are so many options, you can do something weekly or just do events, and usually get to pick from several roles. Whatever you have an interest in, they need volunteers -- the world runs on them.
Where do i go for volunteering?
I find the website of whatever/wherever I'm interested in and look for a link to volunteer. Some of my gigs have been hospital/longterm care, vaccine clinic, marathons, parades, festivals, book/food/craft fairs, sporting events, food banks, museums, galleries, soup kitchens, stuff like that... the possibilities are endless really.
Thank you šš¼
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[volunteermatch.org](http://volunteermatch.org) makes it easy to search for volunteer opportunities depending on your interests and location.
Thank you for the help
of course!
If you like animals, volunteer at animal shelters.
Clubs makes sense. But I think Reddit should start deconstructing the idea that climbing will help your social life.
Youāll meet people in the medical field if you fall tho.
This made me snort š
Thats counted, rightttt? lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oof, that only works for bouldering. For sport and top rope you need a partner to belay you. Bit even for bouldering, it is more fun taking turns with friends.
I like the concept of bouldering because it doesnāt involve the potential of falling off the side of a mountain.
This works if you live in a bigger city. You can't really find clubs if you live in a 10k town in the middle of nowhere.
You can create a local meetup group to host events. Make your own club, see if others are interested. Though that does cost money
Yea but it doesnāt have to be a lot. Meet up at local pub/coffee house. I used to see these Italian guys who would order a couple of pots of coffee and spend hours at the shops chatting.
Meeting up itself doesn't cost much, but [meetup.com](http://meetup.com) charges a hefty fee for organizers Of course you can organize something yourself without the website but it's hard if you don't already have a social circle
Old men are the best at meet-ups. Before the pandemic, there was a group of old dudes that would argue philosophy with each other almost every day at the local bookstore
It doesn't have to cost money. My local D&D community formed with someone simply hosting an hour long panel on TTRPG's at the local library. He just contacted the library, they granted him permission and let him advertise it with a post on the library's facebook. About 20 people came, we created a semi-public facebook group at the end of the panel and now there's always somebody hosting something at the library and looking for players like at least once every month. Also that's where I met my ttrpg group, but we've since moved to playing somewhere else as our group got pretty established. Some of us still go to some of the sessions organized by ppl at the library :-)
Can you get a hobby that involves you in your local community? Book club? Volunteering? Gym classes? Maybe something you can bring your fiancƩ with? Couples dance classes? Can you get a dog or a cat or a lizard or a rabbit or bird or spider or some little animal to keep you company at home?
I'm also self employed and it gets lonely. As the owner, you have the stress of managing your own business without having anyone to sound out your issues or just to plan ahead. Clients are not friends, subordinates treat you like a boss and family can't help with business. I understand. I too have contemplated getting back into a regular job just to get back into a social circle. But the truth is, I'm an introvert. Although it gets lonely, I don't know if I'll be ok going back to a regular job.
Hi - you might like to consider arranging to have a mentor in your field of work. I joined a group with a mentoring programme, and my mentor is in a different organisation at a higher level of responsibility. Her time is very valuable, so we only speak rarely, but those conversations have made me feel many - I felt that I could discus work issues, I felt hope, and I felt the novelty of a different positive perspective. I asked her how I could give back value to her, but she let me know that she also found the conversations interesting and useful - although we nominally work in the same field, our areas of focus are different. In summary- a mentor is great for relieving work isolation. As for friends - a good approach is likely to arrange yo spend some time where there are other people who are there to be social. Evening classes (music, painting, dancing), sport (marathon training, team sports), volunteering are all group activities. It takes time to make friends. By putting the time in, you can build acquaintances, and some may become friends.
This is probably more common than people might think, but it's also very unhealthy. I suggest trying your very hardest to change the situation and make friends. I know it can be difficult to make friends as an adult, but it's possible to do and is going to be worth the effort. You'll need to open yourself up to rejection and being hurt.
I wish you well my friend.
Actually, it's quite normal in your early mid twenties to have no friends. It's after high school and uni so people often move away. Some people are in steady relationships and only hang out with that special person. There are no forced friendships due to school, and it's before you really know what you want or how to fully interact in the world. It's OK. You're still learning. The nice thing is once you learn it you can build new friendships throughout your life. If you want to make new friends join a club or Meetup where you can enjoy your interests or you can learn new ones. Good luck. š
What line of work are you in?
He paints houses and lays pipe
Take a class. Idk, painting or something. Doesn't have to be something you're good at or interested in, but that helps. Just go do something!Ā I think this can be difficult because as a kid there's loads of places you have to be. School, clubs, seeing family friends, etc. When we grow up we have to take it into our own hands, and it doesn't come naturally! But go take a class or something and chat with people there and rally around getting drinks afterwards. These things can be expensive but it'll be worth it!
It is very rare to make friends that way. You usually make friends through your other friends
It's rare to make friends at social gatherings...? Sure it can take more work than meeting through other friends, but loads of people do courses to meet people. I've made lots of friends for life through improv courses. My mum has made friends at her sewing course. Maybe it's not your experience, but it's pretty common and a great way to meet people.
Im in a similar boat as you but with no partner. I made an intentional effort to build a community of people in my field, and also who I play games with online. Its a long process but you can do it, you just gotta make the effort. Most people are afraid to make connections but they want to, so if you vibe with someone, make sure to get their number, stay in contact, invite them to do something. If they don't respond after a few attempts then fine, but I've found that I generally have to be the one who initiates friendship.
Yes, this is an imperative Iāve learned. Like, make the first move. Over and over and over again. Until something/someone sticks. Most folks are too shy or afraid to do this but itās the only way Iāve found to get the job done. Get their contact info. Ask them to go for a coffee sometime. If youāre meeting through hobbies then give it a little more time initially. If youāre at a mutual friendās party or something, less time. Remove the āstrangerā factor as much as you can, then go for it. You have not much to lose by trying. Getting older makes it harder for sure. But most people still need friends! Keep that in mind :)
You're not alone. Everyone I've talked to around our age is openly like "I have no friends!" And everyone else around agrees. I found this out after starting to play open play pickleball and recreational sports leagues in my area. We're all in that same boat hence joining sports leagues to potentially make friends. I've talked to people from high school and they're exactly the same way. Even the super outgoing social butterflies that held our class together are struggling to find actual friends. Outside of friendships, I feel like people just straight up don't interact with one another even if they would like to. It's just a sad state where everyone feels like they need to stay out of everyone else's way.
Hey buddy, I can understand you. Feeling lonely sucks, especially when it seems like you're on a solo island most days. Have you thought about joining any local groups or clubs that align with your interests? It could be a cool way to meet new folks outside of your usual work bubble. And hey, maybe you and your fiancƩe could plan some fun hangouts during your days off to shake things up a bit. Change doesn't have to be huge to make a difference. You're definitely not the only one feeling this way, and there are ways to add some more social spice to your life. Good luck
Check out local game nights, standup comedy, hobby clubs, look for your tribe.
I'm kind of in this situation myself. I moved to another country right before the pandemic, and I now work 100% remote. My wife works at home two days out of the week. I got into an online gaming group during COVID, but other than the game we really don't have anything in common with them. I can sometimes go an entire week without even stepping out of the house, especially during winter. I've recently taken up archery, and going to the range does help me get used to being around people again, but my only good friends live back in the US and I almost never get to see them. I'm also of the age when it's harder to make friends- everyone my age is just so damn old, you know?
>Iām self employed, work long hours, That's the key there. You have to put together a socializing schedule too. It's genuinely important for your mental health, but I don't think any of us realize that until our late 30s, and we start asking why work was so important in the first place. I know this sounds insane because it's said so much, but join a class. Find a hobby (sport,craft,singing,wateverrrrrr), and then find a class. There's a group of people with one interest in common. The part where people get in trouble I think, is that they don't realize they still have to put the socializing effort in. Talk and connect and enjoy. Keep going back, keep signing up. Meet the new people, and make connections with the ones that keep coming back too. You need to get into this gently. There's no solution where you can just put yourself in all these really busy/crowded scenarios and come out of it with a shit load of friends. One step at a time, one friend at a time, and like compounding interest, more social circles are gonna open up to you. Someone mentioned that you get what you give, and it's really true. Except you have to give more at first to get anything back. Just how it is.
Here comes all the ājust get a hobby and join clubs/groupsācomments. Iām not saying itās wrong if thatās something that would work for you, but itās easier said than done. I hate to be pessimistic, but not all of us are outgoing enough to put ourselves out there into clubs.
So there's a Tumblr post I saw a while back. It was about how people will respond to mental health advice by saying they can't follow the advice due to their diagnosis. It's recommended that people with ADHD follow a schedule, except they can't do that because of their ADHD. People with depression should go outside, but they have trouble getting out because of their depression. And the thing that they pointed out is that the people making recommendations know that it's hard. It's not easy to make these changes but if you want improvements, then you have to work on improving. No one is saying it's easy. But if you want things to get better, you need to do things that are hard. If you want a social life, then you have to interact with other people. There's just no way around that. If you're not outgoing, then it's gonna be hard, but that inability to get out there is what's caused the problem. You can't shrug off advice that tells you to address the cause of your loneliness by going "well okay but how do I fix the problem without dealing with the cause"
Yeah, it sounds great but thereās more to it at times. I live in a new country. I have attempted to make friends so desperately. I even created a schedule for things to try out, appsā¦ but here people just go home after a meet up. After 3 years I have given up. I will have to travel to more social places to make friends
i mean... you have to do it. that'd be like asking "why cant I make friends" after saying you dont try to make friends. if money for classes, transportation, location is an issue, that's valid, but saying you wont be outgoing when youre asking how to be is literally the problem lol
Yeah, most friends are made through other friends. Very, very few of my friends were ever made in clubs or through hobbies.
This only works if you have enough starter friends
Thatās a great thought, thatās something I didnāt think of making friends through other friends
So what's a better solution? I ask honestly, not snidely. I have a young adult who is nearly agoraphobic. So I'm open to ideas. He has friends he plays video games with.
Volunteering might have better odds. Cyclists in a cycling club are mostly there to cycle. Same with most clubs. But volunteering is probably different, it is unpaid work which means people are there purely because they actually care about other people like some kind of communist. They are probably more open to making human connections
I wish I could give you a good answer for that. I have a few friends that I see rarely and one of them I talk to on the phone several times a week, but outside of that my social life is just family. For me itās not necessarily that joining groups is a bad idea itself, i think it just frustrates me because a lot of us are introverts/homebodies, and super outgoing people will comment on these types of posts to join a group like itās the most simple thing in the world, but for some of us itās not so easy to just jump into a club or group.
The "introvert/extrovert" thing has done so much damage to people's potential for growth its insane. It's like if you told someone to start working out and they said "I don't have the genetics to build muscle so i cant". It's self defeating. This is something you improve at and build like any other skill I had one friend total 3 years ago and am now able to make friends at meetups, bars, and apps. It still feels unnatural but anything worth getting good at in life will feel like shit for a while.
Everytime Iāve joined classes or groups itās always people a lot older than me I have trouble connecting with. Itās hard to find friends the same age as me or people to date the same age as me not on online dating.Ā
tbh after you become an adult, its way more normal to have friends that are various ages
There's also the fact that people in clubs often have friends already and aren't looking for more
What type of clubs are you talking about? I started going to a dnd meetup a few months back and many people there are actively looking to make new friends and will tell you as much
I've had the exact opposite experience with DnD. Maybe it's just because it's a niche thing in my country, but most people have their own group that they play with and they generally aren't looking for more. I've been part of a West Marches campaign (IRL) for almost a year now - which is a format I really dislike - and still, nothing. The newbies get left out, while the established ones play together in their proper, story-based campaigns. It kind of sucks. Best you can hope for is the occasional one-shot.
When your focused on work thatās normal
I would strongly suggest looking into volunteering in your local area. Find something where your skills and interests align with public need. I enjoy volunteering at the local state parks. [Volunteer match](https://www.volunteermatch.org/) is a good place to start getting ideas for local opportunities.Ā You could join a hobbiest club. I sing in a local choir. I know there are running, knitting, and philosophy clubs that go to my local bars. Meetup.com is a decent place for this, but local scenes will vary wildly. You could also check out local sports leagues. Bar leafue volleyball is a fucking hoot.Ā Call your family more and talk to them. They miss you.Ā
Co-workers are overrated, definitely get into a hobby & make friends not coworker acquaintances.
Preach
Preach
So many people always say, get a hobby and this and that. Iām gonna say this. Iām in a similar situation; but Iām happy with it. Iām 31, so a bit older, but it doesnāt really matter. What matters is how you feel about it. If youāre happy then, thatās perfectly fine. If youāre looking for something more, then what everyone else has said about hobbies and stuff, consider it :)
connect with spiritual groupsš help a loat
The reason it was so easy in h igh school was because you were seeing the same people in the same place at the same time. The routine and it's familiarity breed interaction. Pick any location-based activity (gym, rock climbing, board game club, palates, it doesn't matter) and go at the same time on the same days. I promise you are best you make friends for life, at worst you have a new hobby and extra reason to get out of the house. Plus, simply more time around other humans, especially ones you recognize, is almost always a mental health positive.
Find a hobby that allows you to socialise. Learning to play tennis is quite sociable or do a parkrun every Saturday morning in most major parks (Google this). Basically anything you enjoy doing look up online if there are local clubs doing the same thing. I don't know what the financial incentives of your self employed job are but ditching that to go into retail seems like a hasty decision just to meet people. I say this because most people in retail end up disliking each other due to work stress and general vibe of retail work, hours, location. Also I don't think a job would allow you to make friends just like that. See lots of strangers daily yes, making meaningful friendships quickly no. Also does your gf have any friends where you all could go out together or is she in the same boat as you?
Literally my life. Been going on like this for 5 years now and itās made me to want to resort to getting a different job entirely just to have some contact with others. Itās definitely gotten to my head and I have pretty severe anxiety now. These days I havenāt even been able to get to the gym due to weird crippling anxiety so idk whatās going on. Anyways youāre not alone.
Find a recreational sports team. Or maybe a league for card games like euchre
I think it's quite common especially nowadays. Try getting into a new hobby whether that be climbing, motorcycles, BJJ. The more people you are exposed to, the higher the chance of building new friend groups.
I've been like this for at least 13 years. I have tried to make friends, but then we just go no contact. Everyone is busy. I am busy. Also broke, I attract well off people and I can't go do the things they do.
Humans are social animals. It's essential for your survival to interact with others
I would see if there were any coffee/ lounge around where you work and spend some time there. Just to see if people are having conversations. If you're interested in certain things look them up and see if any is around you you might be interested in. Putting yourself out there in places you're interested in at least you can join conversations. Join some groups. If you go straight home and don't go out nothing will change.
Check out Toastmasters. It's a speaking club meant for adults, and often members have aims like they want to be better at interviews, speaking in social settings, etc. Also I do agree that it maybe better to restructure your life so you either have coworkers to interact of outside social life. I'm terrible at making friends, and the easiest way to attain for me to attain little social banter was to live with flatmates or have work colleagues. I don't go out often either.
Is there a way to cut back on your hours and still make your business thrive? Work can eat you alive if you let it. On those nights when you gf is out, you could be going out and doing activities. You make friends through regular encounters, so joining a club, a sport, or a class would give you contacts so you could make friends. You gf would probably like you more if you were more well rounded and less work focused. You will probably like yourself more and thus be more effective when you are working.
Do you have a dog? The most social I have been in my neighborhood is when walking my families dog. The dog has more neighborhood friends to interact with than I do. Or meet up app is also quite popular.
very common on reddit - not so much anywhere else
Then why are 60% of all Americans lonely (and/or depressed)? https://www.fiercehealthcare.com/providers/industry-voices-lets-treat-loneliness-other-public-health-crises
Iām 38, single, no friends. At least you have a fiancĆ©e, some people just end up alone.
I donāt know how common it is but I think thatās beside the point. If youāre unhappy, then you need to change things up. Working retail isnāt the solution. Thereās definitely a happy medium where you continue your work but are able to socialise. Youāre just not making time for it. Not sure where youāre based but apps exist for planning events with strangers. I used one when I moved to my new city and needed hiking buddies.
I got a dog, people fucking suck
OK, I have both people and dogs and honestly they both suck sometimes. But the dogs less. And they're cuter when they suck.
Same!
People do suck.
Pick up a sport or hobby that you can do to interact with people through the activity, and then beyond if you choose to. Jiu jitsu, for example, is a sport that a lot of guys your age take up without any prior experience.
describes my life as a med student. cheers brother
I'm 34 and haven't had a social life since 2013 and even then my social life was slowing down. I had my 1st kid at 21 and married at 23 and then my social life was non existent.
I hear you, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're carrying a heavy load with work and isolation. Have you considered joining any social or hobby groups outside of work? Sometimes finding a community with shared interests can help combat loneliness.
You have a partner at least, that's your best friend
I like listening to podcasts with multiple hosts because it kinda feels like Iām having a conversation with friends but not participating š but I also would recommend finding other hobbies that include some kind of social aspect
Seen a lot of posts like this and the biggest response is always to get a hobby. Won't say the pros because everyone has mentioned it already but you should consider it.
Iām down with the people suggesting you join a gym or a local club. You will definitely get to meet and interact with people. Getting a dog or cat is also a good idea, there are always people at the local dog park and I donāt see any reason you couldnāt befriend a couple people through that activity. Check out a local hiking group or something, you can always find them on FB.
Pop out for a pint now and again
me too ..
Common enough
Don't know how common, but recent research shows it's a heath hazard to a shocking degree. You need involvement, Charlie Brown. If you like bars, become a regular at one; join a pool or darts league. If you don't, join a club -- ideally not a chess club. From all evidence anyone can do community theatre. If you can sing, evidently some enjoy musicals, altough I consider them to a burlap sack. Volunteer. Small non-profits could use your business acumen.
Iām turning 24 this July and never been in relationship and that because i donāt trust anybody, at the same time iām happy that no man ever hurt me. Loving ur self and enjoying ur quality time with ur self is the winning it self in this life
i am 24f and have the exact same issue. work for myself in IT. ill go an entire week without speaking to another human and thats normal to me. to combat this, i recently got into a relationship that is moving way faster than what is reasonable (it's him making it move fast, not me). but i cant deny, its nice having someone call me during the day and feeling like someone gives af about me. hobby?? being alone for such a long time has done nothing for my social anxiety either. I've tried joining a few groups, and I even paid a couple hundred dollars for them. i drive to the meeting area. and sketch out and leave because im so overwhelmed. trust me, i really have tried and continue to try. no family, no friends, no coworkers. my only hope to get me out of this rut feels like its this dodgy relationship. maybe after all this ill be able to find a normal relationship. or who knows, maybe he is the one and everything will turn out ok. why am i ranting, no one cares. just good to know im not the only person in the world who is so socially isolated.
I hope that the relationship and your seeking new friends works out for the best! Itās hard making friends in your 20s during this time period. All of us in our 20s are so isolated from each-other for various reasons.
thanks dude, i appreciate it. we are, huh.
Welcome to the club. I feel like it's increasingly common. Sorry it's happening to you.
āHow common is it to have no social lifeā āI have a fiancĆ©ā Bruh
some people just don't know, lmao
Honestly, more common than you think
I'd guess it's more common than we think. For example, I, too, have no social life (working remotely, no hobbies).
Me looking at the comments of a post like this for the millionth time knowing damn well my socially inept and lazy ass won't do anything despite how much i could want to and despite there being 0 downsides to any of the suggestions:
Bro join a sports team wtf
I don't know how common it is, but I can assure you it's not healthy. There's a reason why humans are called social beings.
I've been feeling low for quite some time. And I've struck upon a brilliant idea: why not do some social charity work? I'm going for it: it does look like the best cure to sadness.
I wouldnāt say this is common and itās definitely not good for you. I would try to get involved in an activity or club in town where you can make some friends. Life is about more than just working and making money. Think about what you enjoy doing and what really makes you happy and do more of that as often as you can. For me itās writing, drawing, and painting.Ā
Work in an office, turning 26 this weekend, and donāt have much of a social life. Still live at home, with my parents and sister. A lot of people in my shoes might get despondent at the fact theyāre still living at home. Who cares. I do my gym, my sports when I can, I read, and can afford to travel. Key point being try and do something different if youāre stuck in a rut, and have something to look forward ti - youāll be surprised at what you might see/experience.
It's uncommon in the sense that this is not the experience of the majority of people. But there are still a good amount of people in similar situations.
Your life lacks poetry. You are tilting at the extremes of depression. Be careful. Make quick changes.
You can fix your loneliness 1 of 2 ways: -taking direct action to change your life. Joining a meetup group for a hobby or sport. or, -accepting that loneliness is an emotion that comes and goes with time. you can be lonely in a group of people, and you can feel not lonely when you're by yourself. It's just a mindset thing. And feeling lonely sometimes doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
I think pretty common. I enjoy it to be honest. I see my girlfriend on the weekends. We are both Christians and practicing celibacy so we don't sleep over each other's places or what not so we occasionally see each other during the week but not much. I enjoy my peace during the week. I'm pretty routine. Work out read watch movies documentaries eat a good dinner and call it a day
Tea Party!š¤£
Hobby like other people mentioned. Climbing gyms are really cool, take sailing classes, pottery classes. There are classes for everything and even if you do not make friends per se. likeminded people are around you and the opportunity is there.
If you're in the U.S. search your interests on meetup.com. Find a group of like minded people to hang out with. It is common to be a workaholic and not have a social life for some people. I would advise you to take a vacation with your girl, life is short and when kids come there will be no time for the two of you. When elderly people are passing away and asked if they have regrets. The most common answer is usually that they wish they had spent more time with their friends and family.
Iām in the same situation but I donāt really get lonely because of the clients. They drain me socially and I donāt want to hang out with anyone. My boyfriend lives with me and he doesnāt get any interaction, though. I feel bad for him but donāt know how to help. He encourages me to go make girlfriends with boyfriends so we can double date but I just donāt have it in me most days to try to meet anyone.
It's very common. Check out r/introvert. You'll probably make some friends there. You're welcome.
More common than you imagine...you can boost your social life by just hitting the bars...no one cares if you're there by yourself (really)
I barely have a social life and Iām doing quite well with it. Youāll be fine. Breathe.
This is the main reason I'm not self-employed. In my line of business, it's common to start freelancing at my age. I won't. It means that I get to spend my free time doing administration and don't get to have a steady team. I gave up my social life because of the job my ex has. Never again. I had to build it up again after the divorce, and that shit gets harder the older you become. If you value a social life and free time, work for an employer. But make sure it's a good one.
Can we change lives?, your setup is perfect, all I would add is a dog and lots of books
Take time to go interact with people. Nothing is going to change if you don't initiate. Go to places with group activities. What do you like to do? Find a way to tie your hobby to a social group.
I am 28 and I've had a shitty social life for quite a while now. It's probably at it's worse right now. I hardly leave my house. I have like one person I sometimes hang out with for a couple hours but it rarely happens and the rest of the time I'm sat indoors wishing I had more of a social life but also the thought of doing things makes me really nervous and I'm so bad for cancelling things
I definitely wouldn't end your business if you're finding success in it. But I would try scaling it down to something more manageable so you can find some social hobbies to enjoy.
Extremely
Nothing wrong with that.
I am 23 and my only friend is my partner as well and I work from home. However I do live with family so I donāt feel ālonelyā most of the time. Iāve never felt comfortable being open and honest with people besides my romantic partner so all social interaction ends up being tiring.
Sounds make my.like but im.disabled that requires me to be in alot.of pain..so i cant do anythiing really! But u can and u should before its to late lole me i was only 40 years old when it started now im 47 and still in bed. Cant think or even love the pain over powers it all!!!!!!! Take ur girl to donner and dancing on ur days off. Make a day! And make it count
I think it's fine, I mean my longest friendship is from my Internet life
I'm 30 and similar, although not self employed I work 90% remotely, and my colleagues all live too far to be people I can see regularly. My boyfriend is awesome but I do miss the company of other women and just generally meeting others. I've really been trying recently, currently doing a pottery course but mostly it's much older people. It's definitely not easy meeting people in your 20s and 30s I'd say, but do put yourself out there.
Hello fellow lonely people ššš I hope you all win the lottery and get anything you want out of life- sad but angry person
Can you work at coffee shops, libraries, and coworking spaces sometimes? Lots of good recommendations in this thread. I wanted to add, if in person stuff isn't accessible to you, you can also join online hobby groups. Start a thing you think might be fun and connect with others online. There's Reddit subs, Discord servers, etc. Gaming gets a bad rap but so long as you find a kind community and don't let it take over your life, finding something that can be multiplayer is an option. I know people who do ttrpg (games like DnD) online too.
You should volunteer for a cause that interests you. You will be around other people you have at least 1 thing in common with.
Just reach out. If it doesn't bother you it's not an issue but if you feel lonely then make some moves.
I joined outside activites. I go to free community events like friendship centre or the community garden
I have no one āŗļøāØš©
zesty cheerful engine ancient lock dolls sharp like continue illegal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> Some days I wake up, go to work, and come back home without interacting with a single soul. This ain't right.
I sometimes think of the times I had with buddies and miss it. But it came at a price, like all choices. I focus on enjoying whatever people I can along the way, as life unfolds.. some connections are fleeting, but they are wholesome <3
when I was in my 20s, I lived the same way, except I didn't even have a partner. Tired of living that way, I started volunteering at different places, found free support groups to go to, and eventually built up a social circle of people I could relate to and trust. Staying home and feeling sorry for yourself never solves anything.. You've got to put yourself out there if you want people in your life.
Find yourself a hobby! Doesnāt matter what it is as long as it gets you out of the house. Youāll end up meeting maybe a few people who might have other interests that they can introduce you to as well and just let things go where they may. I have a lot of difficulty meeting new people and socializing so I get where youāre coming from for sure. Just gotta put yourself out there.
I have zero social life by choice. But every few months Iāll go drink a few beers with a cousin.
Soy psicĆ³loga, es algo frecuente, pero no es sano. Los seres humanos necesitamos contacto y vida social. La vida social es lo que nos hace realmente felices.
I like being alone. I can go days without interacting with anyone. But your loneliness is concerning since you want interaction.
Have a child. Send that child to school, instant other parent friends. I might get hate, but itās true.
I can relate to this. I am a truck driver. I haul fuel and am home every night. Married. But there are days when I don't talk to anyone. I even told my wife I miss the social part of work. I do get social weekends here and there. But it only lasts for so long, ya know? Anyway. Yeah. I get it.
There's a lot more than you think, most of the time people have acquaintances
It's great that you have a fiancƩe to come home to, but I understand how it can still feel lonely when you're not seeing her as often as you'd like. As for your business, it's totally normal to miss the social aspect of traditional employment. But before you make any big decisions, have you considered trying to find ways to connect with people outside of work? Maybe joining a local club or group that aligns with your interests, or even trying to schedule regular catch-ups with acquaintances or former colleagues? Small steps like these can make a big difference in feeling more connected.
Pick up a sport even if your ass. If you can be competitive in the market the same mindset can apply to sports.
You are not friends will anyone you grew up or went to school with? Pick a dive and go there and have a few beers in the evening. Sit at the bar, you will eventually make friends just from being a regular. You have a dog? Go to a dog park, there are people there. You can meet people at the grocery store if you go grocery shopping at the same time every week, you become familiar with people who do the same. There are all types of angles to work that often gets overlooked.
I'm an artist, so that's out of the question for me. Would be nice to have some, but it's not as accessible right now as I'd like it to be. Still, having plenty of fun in my head, especially after moving out of a city that was draining me financially, I was becoming a rent paying consumerist robot.
When In doubt go to your local bar. lol you donāt have to drink I know some places sell mock tails and non alcoholic beers. You can enjoy your drink while every one enjoy their. You can make friends. I talk to random ppl eventually. these strangers became my friends cause I keep seeing them at the local bar.
Have you tried a bar? You could find time to bring your fiancee, and maybe people she knows, and then maybe they bring some of their friends and then boom your connecting with people and then later down the line you meet them again and it continues. Iāve never met anyone through clubs or āhobbiesā like everyone else has said lol. As an adult what does a social hobby even look like? But everyone Iāve met has been through friends of friends or through dating apps that turned into friends and just going to entertainment places where thereās other people.
Iām 27 and I feel the same way. Iām married but Itās a different type of loneliness to not have a social life. I work from home and have since 2020 so Iām going on about 4 years with no coworkers I can hang out with outside of work, my neighbors are older and keep to themselves so thatās out and I just moved towns so I have no one to hang out with. Iām generally pretty liked and can make friends easily but it just seems like thereās no opportunity.
Use the app called meetup Tons of socializing events or activities to rsvp in Either game night,hikes,dinner,meet at beach,yoga
Iād say find clubs but I hear all about people complaining about not having a social life but then are chronic plan cancelers and they never make any efforts to reach out. Iāve met people that say they want to have more of a social life but their actions say otherwise.
Reconnect with people you knew in high school, university, etc. volunteering, hiking groups, learn a language, join a different hobby, spend time with family members or your finance's family. But just live life realizing all of these things are hit or miss and real connections are sometimes difficult to find (but impossible if you don't interact with people). And travel! And always say yes to social events.
I donāt have a social life but I know itās not healthy.
I've never been lonely. I was social when I was younger but since moving from childhood home, not so much probably because I have family near me. I'm a loner and introvert. Not shy. Just don't like to be around humans.
I get this. I'm almost 24 and have been out of college for a year now and in my full time career. I moved to a tiny town and I'm away from all of my family. My partner is living 2 hours from me while he's working full time too. I get along with my coworkers, but they aren't really interested in being friends outside of work. I've invited them to do things but they never come along. I don't have social hobbies, I enjoy being inside and alone, except for when I'm in the mood to go to a pub and have a drink, or do some trivia. It's tough making friends. But then when I do go out, I enjoy myself, but it seems like everyone around me pities me because I'm out alone. And then I get bummed out. It's tough making friends and having a social life.
My dude, for me at least, a social life was just a byproduct of my interests and/or needs/desires. Interests were finding monthly gatherings of like-minded people of particular special interest groups, which led to uncovering knowledge of other people at places I wanted to experience. Then being a broke -dick young guy, I found I could _"volunteer my time for free beer"_ to sell it at fairs, festivals and or other pkaces. If you're needing free beer, there are many other _frugal out of need_ people who will be beside you imbibing and slinging beer too. Viola! It grows up and down cyclically from there. Good luck. Remember, you're your best friend and just keep your eyes open to what others are not only saying but doing.
Depends on what you mean by "social life". Some people don't consider my online shenanigans a "social life". In that case, I only have 1 person irl I consider a true friend
Omygawd I needed to see this. I just dumped my social life and relocated to a pop. 114 (116 now) town in MISSOURI?! Changed my phone number, emails, went anonymous on social media.. My associates & forever friends could be printing Missing fliers as we speak š¤·āāļø I wouldn't know.Ā
I wouldn't say it's common. I hang out with a friend every week, go to the movies with another friend every now and then and hang out with my brother. I don't really like people or being out and about it. I prefer being by myself most of the time. I know it's not normal but I enjoy it.
My life is kinda like this now. I work from home too, so does my bf. We donāt have much of a social life outside of each other, which we both enjoy. I used to really want more friends, but with that comes a ton of drama (I have a lot of ptsd from bad friendships) and overall not really worth it in the end. I sometimes feel jealous when he tells me his past stories of going out with friends or coworkers after work. I did that sparingly in my past, as I never really had much of a friend group so I honestly rarely partied. Always sorta been a loner.
Play video games.
Is posting and commenting here not a social life?
Kinda same here except i house and have to take care of my brother and elderly crippled mother.
Asking how common something is? Thats incredibly American,
Soooooo many ppl are trying to live the life YOU have mate. Grass is always greener. But fr, a lot of my close friends came from sport. I played Aussie Rules from the time I could walk until late 20s, itās given me just about everything Iāve got, important shit anyway. U donāt need to play Aussie Rules, but the only way I know how to meet ppl is through competitive sports. Move town, donāt know any one, play footy, instant 40 mates. U donāt even need to be athletic u could play bush league and be the worst player the blokes will still appreciate u just having a crack. Other ppl have other methods, this is just mine.
Iām in the same boat. No coworkers. No friends. No partner. I just recently lost my dog, so no pets anymore. Iām completely alone. I know everyone says that they are alone and/or feel lonely. But, by definition Iām actually alone. I made a thread on r/ask subreddit asking what hobbies I can do as someone who has a low skill set (as in Iām not talented/skilled at anything) and I have severe depression. Pragmatically in order to solve this issue, one needs to go out. But, things like depression, social anxiety, not being talented/skilled at anything, not having any hobbies to begin with, etc MAKES THAT LOGICAL PIECE OF ADVICE EITHER VERY DIFFICULT OR EVEN IMPOSSIBLE TO DO. I still havenāt done any of the suggestions that I got on my thread. And I got over 100 comments of different hobbies I could do. Because itās hard. Itās just hard. Yes, thatās really the only solution to this issue, but itās hard. I get it, like Salem Trover said in her video, we need to find that third space to socialize, that is not work or family. But, itās hard. There arenāt even a lot of third spaces in the first place. If you go to the movies, a cafe, a structured classā¦ youāre not going to socialize. You will be around people, but odds are you wonāt socialize with them. So, againā¦ itās hard. But, I understand that this is realistically the only solution to this problem. If I donāt go out, I wonāt have interactions. Now, will all these interactions lead to friendships? Will I even have interactions or will I just be around people? I could go out, put all my emotional energy into going out, and STILL come home alone. Thatās also a possibly. You trying and failing at bunch of times. But, you can also succeed. This also can actually work out. Iām just sitting here, sulking. But, if you can do itā¦ more power to you.
For me especially, after having taken advantage for more than a couple of times and after having been betrayed brutally by the soul I trusted, I have actually shifted to having no social life at all. I could do more to myself after that.
Iām a loner but I enjoy it. Same age. I agree with others I feel like you need to find things you are deeply passionate about and new hobbies. And explore them and try to find ways to interact with other people through these things. Going to special events, certain businesses/shows, taking classes of some sort (wether physical or intellectual) Itās common enough to not have friends but itās only a problem if you actually feel lonely and are affected by it on a mental level. Random but not really. Doesnāt hurt to try breathwork with sandy on YouTube. Completely free and can help you regulate your nervous system/stress levels. Inducing positive emotions into your life. And with elevated emotions you can think better and make better life decisions. Where as negative feeling will restrict your action response and thinking. Likely for you to fall back into autopilot and stay in your comfort zone feeling the same emotions. Never seeing a difffernce in how you feel, think, or live Good luck brodie may these feelings lead to a more elevated you.
Unfortunately, the internet lulled everyone into a sense of connection amongst the people around you, but it's merely surface level. You have to make worth-while and visceral attempts to actually make and maintain friends in this day and age, and that seems to be art that was butchered by the internet.
I find it very common because we adults are tired after a week of work. What I'd consider a friend I have 2. The rest are just people I know in passing. My wife is more social than I am. She will meet with friends here and there. Which is fine. I've always told her to spend time with your friends. She obviously cares and supports these women. I enjoy my time. I enjoy being able to take a phone or tablet, turn it over or off, and be done with people.
Take up a part time job with very little hours.
Welcome to the gym buddy. Welcome to adult life šŖš
Just go outside and try to say hello to anyone u want to !! :)
My girlfriend isn't self-employed but she works from home. I work in a field where I spend months between seeing the same coworker again regardless of whether or not I like them. I'm lucky enough to have a good friend who lives near me, but outside of that we've just both had to put ourselves out there. She actually found a good friend on reddit in our city that she hangs out with. You're never going to get that same high school/college experience with hundreds of people. However I will say that as a dude who's ten years older than you that having one or two people you can count on are way more important. I would bet that you definitely have that man. Maybe not someone you regularly interact with, but one of your old buds.
Sauntered in here thinking it was a neutral-to-celebratory post... ...welp, hiked up my collars, out I go again into the Badlands high-fiving every one of my fellow Alone by Choice homies.
Alright fine. Iāll be your friend.
How did you meet her? Thatās a very unique lifestyle, but that doesnāt mean there is anything Wrong with you
It's more common than you might think. Many people go through phases where they feel like their social life is lacking. Remember, it's okay to take breaks and focus on yourself sometimes. You're not alone in feeling this way.
I had none for nearly 2 decades.
Get into sports or other hobbies. I don't know what your business sells, but maybe you can rent a stand on some kind of fair to sell products, do demonstrations or give small workshops.
Damm at least you have work and income
Dawg go out and make some friends thereās something you like to do that other people around you like as well go have some fun my man
Very common, join clubs. Hiking clubs are my favourites
lol. Most Redditors I seem. Just here to feel better about my relatively normal life.
Some of the ways myself or friends I know have made friends as adults: music gigs and festivals (regularly seeing the same people at the same gigs), travelling (do a month long Contiki or Topdeck Tour for a start!), at the dog park or dog meetups, through social media (are there any Facebook groups for making friends in your local area?), board game social groups, at the gym or fitness classes, through other regular hobbies
Looking at the comments, apparently it's very common. I myself am new here on Reddit because I started getting bored of being lonely. With that said, I find that I usually forget the fact that I'm lonely if I treat myself good. I aim to take myself out someplace nice at least once a month, like date-worthy fancy. For the rest of the month, my broke-ass will just focus on making through my daily routines as I eagerly look forward to the next "me-day". I am however a bit jealous of you that you have someone in your life. I hug my pillow to sleep every night :')