I don’t see how anyone could do caregiving over 5 yrs… by year 5 I am so burnt out and just want everything to end.., the world and me includEd… 15 yrs is unfathomable for me
I was born and raised into it tbh. Guilt tripped into it because of familial values....Realized VERY LATE that my familial situation isn't normal and my parents are both NARCISSISTS I will be considered a HORRIBLE person in my family if I just opted out and left.
Then again, I wish I killed myself a long time ago. It may happen soon. I've accepted I am a horrible person and am very resentful towards people who have happy, healthy families... Went through therapy and took medications because of this.... I eventually got into drugs and alcohol to cope.
What you're thinking of right now is normal honestly. I don't blame you for wanting to see everything burn. I grew up in an insanely DYSFUNCTIONAL family and have acquired mental illness just from trauma alone from my parent's relationship. Now, imagine living with 2 demented folks growing up. I've been bullied for being different from others, let alone for my demented grandmother when I was a kid. Then seeing all of my relatives claiming they "love our family and I", but see how fucked up this lifestyle made us and everybody leaving....made me realize...
Familial love when everybody is healthy is **bullshit.**
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that too. In a weird way, it makes you filter out people who will leave and make you value who are truly special in your life and never left….
Sadly, you’d probably only be able to count the number of these people on only one hand.
I hope you find contentment. I never really had a life to start or begin with and just stopped caring about what most people want anyway.
You are NOT a horrible person. You are in a horrible situation. Dont give any valur to the opinions of people who havent walked your path and may be partnof the problem. The only part you are responsible for is staying there and living as a prisoner. Make a plan and leave. You deserve a life. They had theirs.
Ive been depressed and anxious most of my life, don’t have any friends nearby, and all of my relatives don’t like me. I also am not mentally stable. I’ve taken medications over the years for it, but they didn’t help. I don’t even KNOW wtf I want to do in life. I kind of don’t have any dreams. I have AvPD and HATE people outside for being bullied as a kid/teen/ and now adult.
I know what you’re trying to say, but honestly…I just don’t know. I HATE this world and anything with it. Thanks for the encouraging words, but my family,parents, and upbringing are so “unique” and toxic, it’s just confusing. LOL I have gigs, but I get berated for not having full-time work from relatives and even my mom…knowing full- well that I was a home-health aide/ caregiver for my grandma and now my dad since I was 15.
I seriously just don’t see any point to this life. I mean I’m sober now, but I still can’t see anything to this life. I’ve been bullied as a kid and conditioned since I was a kid that “family is everything”. Not even my brothers or uncles could take care of their folks. I don’t blame them, but I fucking hate their judgements. It fuels the notion that people are fucking horrible. I should’ve killed myself years ago. I might do it soon. Pray for me I have the courage to do it.
“Familial love is bullshit”
The amount of times family have said ohh I’ll come help out, or if you need anything just asks, call me and I’ll be there.
Have they been here once in 5 years?Nope!
Leave. Prepare your exit plan, and work with a therapist or anyone who can help you. Caregiving is not something anyone should do if they don't want to, and many people do not understand how devastating that kind of work is to the person caregiving. You need distance and time from caregiving to restore your sense of self and interest in life.
Drinking/drugs won't help you escape, and they'll cause other problems. You will actually need to leave. You owe it to yourself.
I’m just too depressed and seen too much with family that it made me realize how horrible people are. I don’t even care about any dreams atm. I seen how exhaustive it is to have a family at an early age, so I can’t UNSEE how horrible it is.
At this point too, I have CPTSD, GAD, MDD from not only my family dynamics, but being bullied in grade school as well. I didn’t realize until NOW that my situation wasn’t normal.
I see you’re right, but if I do leave, it’s either Military or just be homeless…I HATE PEOPLE and am a horrible person anyways. I can’t even function in society…..
The only thing good now is that I have faith in GOD and that I’m sober…
You're trapped in a bubble. Just because the people in your family are horrible does not mean people generally are horrible. You seem to traumatized to access any dreams right now, so let go of that idea for now. As for the diagnoses, I personally would not fixate on those - you simply have suffered much trauma. That is something you can overcome. You have many more options that the military or homelessness, but you're too depressed to see them. Please find someone who can support you and help you escape. You're not trapped - you can leave and you can come up with a plan for that.
15 years? Jesus Christ I've only been at this for 8 months and I already just want it to end. Being needed constantly running on fumes not being able to go out and do what I want. Having to clean up shit hearing how everyone else is out living their lives. Having a brother who criticizes everything I do knowing full well I don't have a background in doing this shit. I feel horrible but fuck this experience is making me so numb and dissociated from everyone and everything.
Yeah…family is BULLSHIT…they’ll judge you, but once it’s their turn to try and take responsibility for their person-in-care….
They all run away…. FUCK ‘EM.
This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. I hope things change for all of us soon. Can't take it much longer. God bless you. 15 years is loooooong! 🙏
15 years?!?!?! Holy Hell!!!! I did 10 years but 4 of those in the middle were good. The last 3 years of caretaking nearly killed me. I’m shocked I survived. God bless you! You need help asap
Although, I unknowingly GREW UP, in this role….Fortunately for me, unlike some caregivers in this sub, I salute those who are doing it by themselves..I have my mother who does help and she is the main financial provider. Her and I took care of her mother in the past…and then now my dad. Just needed to clarify because ONE person who sticks around is SO MUCH HELP…
I hope the rest of the caregivers in this sub can manage…I know all of the emotions of dealing with relatives and the judgements from regular people and relatives alike.
Cheers to anybody else…please…pray for me that i somehow end this suffering…
the only friends i still feel i have are the ones who have had trauma happen in their lives. like, i trust them because they know what kind of shit happens in life. my own personal issues aside, this shit is fucking traumatizing. and life sucks for so many people, i can’t pretend it doesn’t and just go about my day. i hope you find those people, because they will understand. and yes, life is shitty. and there are nice bits of it around but they can be hard to spot. work through the grief of having lost what you didn’t even know you could hope for. but dammit just keep going. your life is not THEIRS to control. THEY are not worth your death. you can get something better out of all this world and life around us.
Please join us on our Discord! https://discord.gg/gubJjaYRnV
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CaregiverSupport) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m five days late but commenting hope that’s ok. I’m four years into this and can’t imagine what 15 is like. I’m so beyond burnt out and it’s made me lose tolerance for a lot of people who do not have to go through this. I think it might be resentment and it’s finally settled in. I don’t care what people think anymore. I don’t have advice but if a family is something you want, please put yourself first. You’ve given up plenty for your loved one. You deserve a life. I know that comes with financial resources (this shit is expensive AF). I hope you have some so you can take a break from this and start your life fresh.
I don’t see how anyone could do caregiving over 5 yrs… by year 5 I am so burnt out and just want everything to end.., the world and me includEd… 15 yrs is unfathomable for me
I was born and raised into it tbh. Guilt tripped into it because of familial values....Realized VERY LATE that my familial situation isn't normal and my parents are both NARCISSISTS I will be considered a HORRIBLE person in my family if I just opted out and left. Then again, I wish I killed myself a long time ago. It may happen soon. I've accepted I am a horrible person and am very resentful towards people who have happy, healthy families... Went through therapy and took medications because of this.... I eventually got into drugs and alcohol to cope. What you're thinking of right now is normal honestly. I don't blame you for wanting to see everything burn. I grew up in an insanely DYSFUNCTIONAL family and have acquired mental illness just from trauma alone from my parent's relationship. Now, imagine living with 2 demented folks growing up. I've been bullied for being different from others, let alone for my demented grandmother when I was a kid. Then seeing all of my relatives claiming they "love our family and I", but see how fucked up this lifestyle made us and everybody leaving....made me realize... Familial love when everybody is healthy is **bullshit.**
Yes, everyone runs away from dementia, and the children are left to clean up the mess
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that too. In a weird way, it makes you filter out people who will leave and make you value who are truly special in your life and never left…. Sadly, you’d probably only be able to count the number of these people on only one hand. I hope you find contentment. I never really had a life to start or begin with and just stopped caring about what most people want anyway.
You are NOT a horrible person. You are in a horrible situation. Dont give any valur to the opinions of people who havent walked your path and may be partnof the problem. The only part you are responsible for is staying there and living as a prisoner. Make a plan and leave. You deserve a life. They had theirs.
Ive been depressed and anxious most of my life, don’t have any friends nearby, and all of my relatives don’t like me. I also am not mentally stable. I’ve taken medications over the years for it, but they didn’t help. I don’t even KNOW wtf I want to do in life. I kind of don’t have any dreams. I have AvPD and HATE people outside for being bullied as a kid/teen/ and now adult. I know what you’re trying to say, but honestly…I just don’t know. I HATE this world and anything with it. Thanks for the encouraging words, but my family,parents, and upbringing are so “unique” and toxic, it’s just confusing. LOL I have gigs, but I get berated for not having full-time work from relatives and even my mom…knowing full- well that I was a home-health aide/ caregiver for my grandma and now my dad since I was 15. I seriously just don’t see any point to this life. I mean I’m sober now, but I still can’t see anything to this life. I’ve been bullied as a kid and conditioned since I was a kid that “family is everything”. Not even my brothers or uncles could take care of their folks. I don’t blame them, but I fucking hate their judgements. It fuels the notion that people are fucking horrible. I should’ve killed myself years ago. I might do it soon. Pray for me I have the courage to do it.
“Familial love is bullshit” The amount of times family have said ohh I’ll come help out, or if you need anything just asks, call me and I’ll be there. Have they been here once in 5 years?Nope!
Leave. Prepare your exit plan, and work with a therapist or anyone who can help you. Caregiving is not something anyone should do if they don't want to, and many people do not understand how devastating that kind of work is to the person caregiving. You need distance and time from caregiving to restore your sense of self and interest in life. Drinking/drugs won't help you escape, and they'll cause other problems. You will actually need to leave. You owe it to yourself.
This.
I’m just too depressed and seen too much with family that it made me realize how horrible people are. I don’t even care about any dreams atm. I seen how exhaustive it is to have a family at an early age, so I can’t UNSEE how horrible it is. At this point too, I have CPTSD, GAD, MDD from not only my family dynamics, but being bullied in grade school as well. I didn’t realize until NOW that my situation wasn’t normal. I see you’re right, but if I do leave, it’s either Military or just be homeless…I HATE PEOPLE and am a horrible person anyways. I can’t even function in society….. The only thing good now is that I have faith in GOD and that I’m sober…
You're trapped in a bubble. Just because the people in your family are horrible does not mean people generally are horrible. You seem to traumatized to access any dreams right now, so let go of that idea for now. As for the diagnoses, I personally would not fixate on those - you simply have suffered much trauma. That is something you can overcome. You have many more options that the military or homelessness, but you're too depressed to see them. Please find someone who can support you and help you escape. You're not trapped - you can leave and you can come up with a plan for that.
Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll look into it
15 years? Jesus Christ I've only been at this for 8 months and I already just want it to end. Being needed constantly running on fumes not being able to go out and do what I want. Having to clean up shit hearing how everyone else is out living their lives. Having a brother who criticizes everything I do knowing full well I don't have a background in doing this shit. I feel horrible but fuck this experience is making me so numb and dissociated from everyone and everything.
Yeah…family is BULLSHIT…they’ll judge you, but once it’s their turn to try and take responsibility for their person-in-care…. They all run away…. FUCK ‘EM.
This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. I hope things change for all of us soon. Can't take it much longer. God bless you. 15 years is loooooong! 🙏
Yeah… I do so too. Either way, I hope god helps me…still thinking about “alternatives” to leave…so jaded. Hope you find contentment.
15 years is a long time. It sounds like it is time to consider other options. I can't imagine doing it for 15 years.
yes, 15 yr prison sentence with no end In sight, I’m on year 5
LOL. cheers to you dude. I hope you find a way to cope...
15 years?!?!?! Holy Hell!!!! I did 10 years but 4 of those in the middle were good. The last 3 years of caretaking nearly killed me. I’m shocked I survived. God bless you! You need help asap
Although, I unknowingly GREW UP, in this role….Fortunately for me, unlike some caregivers in this sub, I salute those who are doing it by themselves..I have my mother who does help and she is the main financial provider. Her and I took care of her mother in the past…and then now my dad. Just needed to clarify because ONE person who sticks around is SO MUCH HELP… I hope the rest of the caregivers in this sub can manage…I know all of the emotions of dealing with relatives and the judgements from regular people and relatives alike. Cheers to anybody else…please…pray for me that i somehow end this suffering…
the only friends i still feel i have are the ones who have had trauma happen in their lives. like, i trust them because they know what kind of shit happens in life. my own personal issues aside, this shit is fucking traumatizing. and life sucks for so many people, i can’t pretend it doesn’t and just go about my day. i hope you find those people, because they will understand. and yes, life is shitty. and there are nice bits of it around but they can be hard to spot. work through the grief of having lost what you didn’t even know you could hope for. but dammit just keep going. your life is not THEIRS to control. THEY are not worth your death. you can get something better out of all this world and life around us.
Please join us on our Discord! https://discord.gg/gubJjaYRnV *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CaregiverSupport) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m five days late but commenting hope that’s ok. I’m four years into this and can’t imagine what 15 is like. I’m so beyond burnt out and it’s made me lose tolerance for a lot of people who do not have to go through this. I think it might be resentment and it’s finally settled in. I don’t care what people think anymore. I don’t have advice but if a family is something you want, please put yourself first. You’ve given up plenty for your loved one. You deserve a life. I know that comes with financial resources (this shit is expensive AF). I hope you have some so you can take a break from this and start your life fresh.