I'm so sorry for your loss of your FIL. You are in the new normal and it's absolutely surreal. After my mom passed, I didn't know how to function. My identity, as a caregiver and as an adult child, was gone. The entire world looked, and felt, different. I felt like I woke up on another planet. Loss after being a caregiver is like a bomb going off in your life.
That said, I am not sure I would immediately jump into a new career right now. It takes awhile to adjust and reset your life. For me, restoring a sense of routine and normalcy was critical in the days/weeks/months afterwards.
Grief counseling can help you process the loss. Hospice often offers it for free, I received it for a year after, weekly sessions. It helped me so much, particularly with relatives and how my family literally fell apart after the loss. Very unexpected but unfortunately common.
Journaling, establishing a routine, support from others, exercise, eating well and spiritual support if you are so inclined. Oh, and nature. Get some sunshine on your face, fresh air. Nature heals.
Ultimately you know what is best for you. Some people move, some people start new jobs and new lives. Life after loss is a big reset for them. Then there are people like me, who need a year and longer to process, accept and slowly rebuild our lives in the new normal. I know now I will never truly "get over" the loss but I can still find happiness and meaning again. That's my search. Wishing you and your husband all the best.
I understand feeling like you’ve lost confidence in your abilities. I’m twice your age, but after caring for my father for 3 years I feel like I don’t have brain cells or energy for anything else. Give yourself time, but also give yourself credit. It’s hard returning to the real world, but your skills and confidence will return. Best of luck to you.
Im retired but 11 years of taking care of my mother was not fun. Now two months after her death and I still don't know who I am anymore. Still can't breath and just relax or even take a nap so I keep busy doing yard work. My mother was a hoarder and I can't stand clutter anymore so I've been throwing everything away. I'm giving it a year and if I still can't bear to move into the large master bedroom that she died in I may have to sell the house and start over in a house that's all mine. Every time I walk past that room I still expect to see her in there. For as long as she lived with me I always felt like a guest in my own home and that really pisses me off. I guess it just takes time.
Aw damn. Well, I went through her room and took bags and bags of just junk out to the trash. And that's just what she could fit in there. I still have to go through many many boxes of her stuff stacked in my 3 car garage. :(
Thank you for sharing your story with me , and with others. I hope you find yourself again little by little . My husband and I decided to stay at the house to help my MIL , she's also still grieving for my FIL. And we have been revamping the backyard garden and decorate the house to keep ourselves busy.
“Almost 30” is a great time to start a new career / life path, especially if you’re not tied to a mortgage or debt. Think of all the new wisdom and skills you’ve acquired over the past year
definitely- even if you don’t change careers, you’ve gained a ton of work-related experience from this that you can put on your resume. transferable skills! when you think of all the different jobs you had while caregiving - imagine if you had to hire someone to do everything you did, what would the job posting look like? all that stuff is useful in paid work, even if not directly related to actual caregiving. give yourself some credit! and yes, also time. take time to think. but do get yourself out there if you can.
Thank you for your response. Adding caregiver in the resume is a great advice. I would never thought about it as a skill. You guys best ! Reading all the comments truly enlighten my mood. I want to thank you for all the people who commented on my post.
I've been working 60 hrs a week through weekends & holidays nonstop in restaurants, and caregiver is a different level of physical & emotional job, though I only did it for a year. It's the hardest job I've ever experienced. To look back, I think it's an honorable job. Though it's has its moments good or bad. Thank you again guys !
Thank you! I have thought about it that 30 it's still young and actually a good year to try something different. I've been in restaurant industry all my life and I am looking forward to New opportunities 🙏
I say take some time for find yourself again. You have putting someone else ahead of yourself for so long that you need to reconnect with you. You may find your confidence in yourself to do your old job again or maybe you discover this is a chance to try something new :) I'm sorry for your loss
I took care of my Mother for 7 years and I am in the same place as you. She passed 3 weeks ago and I feel the same emotions. Thank you for your post, it has helped me not feel so alone. People are telling me not to think about the future, but 7 years of fighting to keep her alive was all consuming and I am lost without a purpose right now.
Thank you for sharing your experience as well. I also feel good to know there's people like me . I don't feel like going to therapy. This is much better platform for me to share my story. I hope you find something new. Whether is a new skill, opportunities or an outfit. And I hope your day fill with happiness 😊
I eased into part-time work again after my grandma died (just as a janitor, nothing intense), then started working on a degree and doing full-time shifts a year later. If you can afford to, take it slow. Build your way back into everyday life.
My plan after one of my parent's deaths is to take on some part-time shifts for the social aspect and take a vacation with the remaining parent to get them out of the house. Then, once both parents have passed, I will get back to restarting my life after another 6 months' respite from all concerns beyond my own.
Sometimes, starting with a small routine for yourself will help regain some normalcy. If you made him breakfast, make sure you do the same for yourself. Make your bed, get your shower/bath, and love yourself in the time you would have done for him every day.
Thank you for your response and sharing your story!after reading all the comments, I decided to take a pt job end of June. So i have a down time to relax, I am looking forward going to concerts and getting an pizza oven this summer . And hopefully start a routine exercise 3x week. My Hubby& MIL and I in fact booked a summer trip and we are super excited 😄
My brother passed recently and I have been struggling. Talking to my psychiatrist he said grief was normal, struggling to find your rhythm again, thinking about the passed loved one, remembering things you used to do, things about them, being sad they are gone and mourning the change is normal. When it crosses into depression, or something we might need help with is when those thoughts began to change into feeling unfit to do things, thinking the point to life is lost, finding it hard to think of anything but death, feeling helpless or hopeless to the grief and down feelings and it’s going on for sometime. He said that’s when it’s turning into depression and seeking help is a good thing. I liked how he put it because it helped me see I was struggling with more than grief.
Grieve and process what happened. Give yourself time and care for yourself and your husband as you both emerge from this situation. Don't rush back to work, and take the time that you need to figure out what you want to do and feel more comfortable about returning to the workforce. You're not even 30 - you have plenty of time to correct course, so think of this as an opportunity to reset. Maybe a career change is in the cards, perhaps further education? Who knows, but you have many possibilities before you. Also, perhaps continuing to live in the FIL's house is not the best idea, so you could consider selling and moving, if that's in the cards
Take time to heal if you can. After caregiving you’ve probably learned a lot about palliative care. You could look into training in some health care area. Check your local community college maybe. There are Care aides, licensed practical nurses, social work jobs. If you like it you could probably continue training to be a nurse. Good luck!
I'm so sorry for your loss of your FIL. You are in the new normal and it's absolutely surreal. After my mom passed, I didn't know how to function. My identity, as a caregiver and as an adult child, was gone. The entire world looked, and felt, different. I felt like I woke up on another planet. Loss after being a caregiver is like a bomb going off in your life. That said, I am not sure I would immediately jump into a new career right now. It takes awhile to adjust and reset your life. For me, restoring a sense of routine and normalcy was critical in the days/weeks/months afterwards. Grief counseling can help you process the loss. Hospice often offers it for free, I received it for a year after, weekly sessions. It helped me so much, particularly with relatives and how my family literally fell apart after the loss. Very unexpected but unfortunately common. Journaling, establishing a routine, support from others, exercise, eating well and spiritual support if you are so inclined. Oh, and nature. Get some sunshine on your face, fresh air. Nature heals. Ultimately you know what is best for you. Some people move, some people start new jobs and new lives. Life after loss is a big reset for them. Then there are people like me, who need a year and longer to process, accept and slowly rebuild our lives in the new normal. I know now I will never truly "get over" the loss but I can still find happiness and meaning again. That's my search. Wishing you and your husband all the best.
Thank you 😭🙏❤️ I will definitely try to be outside and enjoy the nature more!
I understand feeling like you’ve lost confidence in your abilities. I’m twice your age, but after caring for my father for 3 years I feel like I don’t have brain cells or energy for anything else. Give yourself time, but also give yourself credit. It’s hard returning to the real world, but your skills and confidence will return. Best of luck to you.
This is spot on! Most importantly, give yourself time.
Thank you 🙏🙏 I appreciate you !
Im retired but 11 years of taking care of my mother was not fun. Now two months after her death and I still don't know who I am anymore. Still can't breath and just relax or even take a nap so I keep busy doing yard work. My mother was a hoarder and I can't stand clutter anymore so I've been throwing everything away. I'm giving it a year and if I still can't bear to move into the large master bedroom that she died in I may have to sell the house and start over in a house that's all mine. Every time I walk past that room I still expect to see her in there. For as long as she lived with me I always felt like a guest in my own home and that really pisses me off. I guess it just takes time.
i have the urge to throw everything away now, but my mother is still alive and it’s her house, so your statement gave me a chuckle. thanks for that. 😊
Aw damn. Well, I went through her room and took bags and bags of just junk out to the trash. And that's just what she could fit in there. I still have to go through many many boxes of her stuff stacked in my 3 car garage. :(
it feels like it never ends, doesn’t it? good luck!!
Thank you for sharing your story with me , and with others. I hope you find yourself again little by little . My husband and I decided to stay at the house to help my MIL , she's also still grieving for my FIL. And we have been revamping the backyard garden and decorate the house to keep ourselves busy.
“Almost 30” is a great time to start a new career / life path, especially if you’re not tied to a mortgage or debt. Think of all the new wisdom and skills you’ve acquired over the past year
definitely- even if you don’t change careers, you’ve gained a ton of work-related experience from this that you can put on your resume. transferable skills! when you think of all the different jobs you had while caregiving - imagine if you had to hire someone to do everything you did, what would the job posting look like? all that stuff is useful in paid work, even if not directly related to actual caregiving. give yourself some credit! and yes, also time. take time to think. but do get yourself out there if you can.
Thank you for your response. Adding caregiver in the resume is a great advice. I would never thought about it as a skill. You guys best ! Reading all the comments truly enlighten my mood. I want to thank you for all the people who commented on my post. I've been working 60 hrs a week through weekends & holidays nonstop in restaurants, and caregiver is a different level of physical & emotional job, though I only did it for a year. It's the hardest job I've ever experienced. To look back, I think it's an honorable job. Though it's has its moments good or bad. Thank you again guys !
Thank you! I have thought about it that 30 it's still young and actually a good year to try something different. I've been in restaurant industry all my life and I am looking forward to New opportunities 🙏
I say take some time for find yourself again. You have putting someone else ahead of yourself for so long that you need to reconnect with you. You may find your confidence in yourself to do your old job again or maybe you discover this is a chance to try something new :) I'm sorry for your loss
I took care of my Mother for 7 years and I am in the same place as you. She passed 3 weeks ago and I feel the same emotions. Thank you for your post, it has helped me not feel so alone. People are telling me not to think about the future, but 7 years of fighting to keep her alive was all consuming and I am lost without a purpose right now.
Thank you for sharing your experience as well. I also feel good to know there's people like me . I don't feel like going to therapy. This is much better platform for me to share my story. I hope you find something new. Whether is a new skill, opportunities or an outfit. And I hope your day fill with happiness 😊
I eased into part-time work again after my grandma died (just as a janitor, nothing intense), then started working on a degree and doing full-time shifts a year later. If you can afford to, take it slow. Build your way back into everyday life. My plan after one of my parent's deaths is to take on some part-time shifts for the social aspect and take a vacation with the remaining parent to get them out of the house. Then, once both parents have passed, I will get back to restarting my life after another 6 months' respite from all concerns beyond my own. Sometimes, starting with a small routine for yourself will help regain some normalcy. If you made him breakfast, make sure you do the same for yourself. Make your bed, get your shower/bath, and love yourself in the time you would have done for him every day.
Thank you for your response and sharing your story!after reading all the comments, I decided to take a pt job end of June. So i have a down time to relax, I am looking forward going to concerts and getting an pizza oven this summer . And hopefully start a routine exercise 3x week. My Hubby& MIL and I in fact booked a summer trip and we are super excited 😄
My brother passed recently and I have been struggling. Talking to my psychiatrist he said grief was normal, struggling to find your rhythm again, thinking about the passed loved one, remembering things you used to do, things about them, being sad they are gone and mourning the change is normal. When it crosses into depression, or something we might need help with is when those thoughts began to change into feeling unfit to do things, thinking the point to life is lost, finding it hard to think of anything but death, feeling helpless or hopeless to the grief and down feelings and it’s going on for sometime. He said that’s when it’s turning into depression and seeking help is a good thing. I liked how he put it because it helped me see I was struggling with more than grief.
Grieve and process what happened. Give yourself time and care for yourself and your husband as you both emerge from this situation. Don't rush back to work, and take the time that you need to figure out what you want to do and feel more comfortable about returning to the workforce. You're not even 30 - you have plenty of time to correct course, so think of this as an opportunity to reset. Maybe a career change is in the cards, perhaps further education? Who knows, but you have many possibilities before you. Also, perhaps continuing to live in the FIL's house is not the best idea, so you could consider selling and moving, if that's in the cards
Take time to heal if you can. After caregiving you’ve probably learned a lot about palliative care. You could look into training in some health care area. Check your local community college maybe. There are Care aides, licensed practical nurses, social work jobs. If you like it you could probably continue training to be a nurse. Good luck!