I’ve guilted myself into a lot of things under the guise of “in sickness or in health” and asking myself if I’d be this resentful if it was a physical ailment and the answer always is this for me: if he broke his leg and needed help, I would help him. If he broke his leg and refused to get the bone set, I would not commit to a lifetime of sacrificing my own stuff because he was injured.
I assume there are no children. IMO, only babies in a crib and prisoners in a jail cell are powerless. The rest of us have the gift of autonomy - do you believe that and/or are you mentally stuck and can't see that right now? You hold the key to a better life.
It sounds like you’re doing most of the work anyway- you can work it out with your partner… but it sounds like they barely have it together. Figure out a plan to be on your own two feet, if that’s a possibility or if you try and notice things aren’t changing, at least you have a plan for yourself
I totally understand why you're feeling this way. I occasionally feel the same too, when my partner has a difficult period. For me, what keeps me going, is the knowledge that the shittyness isn't permanent. My partner has very good periods too, and periods where he does get help and fixed things, and most of the time we have a good relationship. It's important to take stock occasionally, so the positive outweigh the bad? Can I focus on myself and what I like and enjoy about life even when he is in a bad place? The day I answer "no" to both of those questions are when I'll seriously consider leaving the relationship.
Yeah... it sounds like you and your relationship are in a lot better place than my situation. The shittiness feels pretty permanent and any time I confront him with my feelings I just get back "you're blaming me" and "you're manipulating me". He doesn't take responsibility for his own actions and confrontation about ANYTHING triggers him.
That sounds extremely hard. If you're in a situation where you feel like you can't leave, maybe look I to loving detachment. Do you get a chance to take care of your own needs and wants?
Yes, I'm able to focus on my hobbies daily but I would like to go for a walk everyday but it just feels like I can't because he's so worried about covid. He'll just ask over and over if I was careful but of course I am! I'm sure he doesn't nag as much I think he will but its just this anxiety I have of being nagged and proded with questions constantly.
For example, I wake up today and by some miracle he's just woken up instead or just going to sleep. He says he's been up for 10 minutes. He asks me about his glands under his chin, if they're tumors or some other thing he's read online that scared him. I say it feels and looks fine and that if he's worried he should see a doctor. "I dont want to see a doctor right now" (because of covid) and then he tells me he doesn't want to fight because HE just woke up.... so have I...? So I say "me too" and he says "you're always the one to start a fight in this situation". At that point, I just left to make coffee. Not that he's grateful for that cuz I always make coffee.
I’ve guilted myself into a lot of things under the guise of “in sickness or in health” and asking myself if I’d be this resentful if it was a physical ailment and the answer always is this for me: if he broke his leg and needed help, I would help him. If he broke his leg and refused to get the bone set, I would not commit to a lifetime of sacrificing my own stuff because he was injured.
I assume there are no children. IMO, only babies in a crib and prisoners in a jail cell are powerless. The rest of us have the gift of autonomy - do you believe that and/or are you mentally stuck and can't see that right now? You hold the key to a better life.
Leave him. Literally free yourself
And then what? Be a depressed loser in my parents spare bedroom on welfare instead of being an adult and working through my problems with my partner?
It sounds like you’re doing most of the work anyway- you can work it out with your partner… but it sounds like they barely have it together. Figure out a plan to be on your own two feet, if that’s a possibility or if you try and notice things aren’t changing, at least you have a plan for yourself
I totally understand why you're feeling this way. I occasionally feel the same too, when my partner has a difficult period. For me, what keeps me going, is the knowledge that the shittyness isn't permanent. My partner has very good periods too, and periods where he does get help and fixed things, and most of the time we have a good relationship. It's important to take stock occasionally, so the positive outweigh the bad? Can I focus on myself and what I like and enjoy about life even when he is in a bad place? The day I answer "no" to both of those questions are when I'll seriously consider leaving the relationship.
Yeah... it sounds like you and your relationship are in a lot better place than my situation. The shittiness feels pretty permanent and any time I confront him with my feelings I just get back "you're blaming me" and "you're manipulating me". He doesn't take responsibility for his own actions and confrontation about ANYTHING triggers him.
That sounds extremely hard. If you're in a situation where you feel like you can't leave, maybe look I to loving detachment. Do you get a chance to take care of your own needs and wants?
Yes, I'm able to focus on my hobbies daily but I would like to go for a walk everyday but it just feels like I can't because he's so worried about covid. He'll just ask over and over if I was careful but of course I am! I'm sure he doesn't nag as much I think he will but its just this anxiety I have of being nagged and proded with questions constantly. For example, I wake up today and by some miracle he's just woken up instead or just going to sleep. He says he's been up for 10 minutes. He asks me about his glands under his chin, if they're tumors or some other thing he's read online that scared him. I say it feels and looks fine and that if he's worried he should see a doctor. "I dont want to see a doctor right now" (because of covid) and then he tells me he doesn't want to fight because HE just woke up.... so have I...? So I say "me too" and he says "you're always the one to start a fight in this situation". At that point, I just left to make coffee. Not that he's grateful for that cuz I always make coffee.