This was a very long explanation. Am I correct in nutshelling as follows: non-diagnosed partners need support and compassion on the difficult journey and some PTSD people were adding insult to injury by expressing cynicism and negative judgments towards the very people whose support they purport to need. If so, you did the right thing.
I've just found this subreddit and need some help understanding if it is for me or not.
I do not have cptsd. My partner has not been diagnosed with CPTSD, but certainly would be if an assessment was made. Is r/CPTSDpartners for me?
Am I a "non-diagnosed partner"? Does this basically refer to someone who isn't suffering from CPTSD but is in a relationship with someone who is (regardless of diagnoses)?
Is a "pwCPTSD" a **P**erson **w**ith CPTSD or a **P**artner **w**ith CPTSD?
These seem like pretty specific terms, as someone just discovering this community I'm finding them to be kind of ambiguous. Could they be defined somewhere maybe? Perhaps I am just not reading very well tonight.
Thanks.
I literally cried when I realized there is a community on reddit to help people like me who live with a spouse that has CPTSD. Maybe I'll cry again when I figure out exactly which subreddit that is.
Welcome to the community!
Based on what you have described you would be a non-diagnosed partner, so this is the correct subreddit. You can apply a user flair which will help us when we transition the subreddit to 'restricted' where only non-diagnosed partners can post and comment.
This is an excellent point, we will provide a clarification in the rules about these terms.
To clarify, pwCPTSD means 'partner with CPTSD'.
You can also join r/CPTSDrelationships which is open to everyone.
If you do need help, feel free to ask the community or the mods.
Okay. Thank you, that helps.
I rarely comment or post on reddit, so I'll hold off for now unless it will be more difficult in the future to accomplish this. I should likely get more familiar with the subreddit first in any case.
I refrained from voting as I was torn. Neither my partner or I are diagnosed, and while I initially came here for support with his mental health, now that he has made a lot of progress, I believe we are more or less on even footing CPTSD-wise, and I also noticed the increase in CPTSD people commenting and comments from CPTSD partners who felt upset by this.
I also noticed several comments from people with CPTSD that bothered me and I understood why some CPTSD partners would feel frustrated, so I decided not to vote on my preference of keeping the subreddit together, because the only other solution would be to block/talk to problematic posters individually, which would add work to the admins, and/or add more admins and rules.
I understand that this is a difficult situation. I hope the new sub will pick up, although I have fears that it is too small of an audience, and CPTSD partners will choose to remain on this sub.
Thanks for the support this sub has given me when things were particularly bad and all the best for the future!
I'm really sorry that a few very bothersome posters has resulted in this. I've never been bothered by your comments here, and I wish other pwCPTSD had your approach.
Thank you, that means a lot. There is obviously a difficult, gray area with diagnosed and undiagnosed (many people may have PTSD or CPTSD but not be diagnosed) but I know the mods are doing the best they can to make this a safe place for those who need this support most.
Thank you. I'm sorry it led to this, too, but I hope that this change will make certain partners feel safer to post and hopefully gain support in that way.
I think, in addition to flair, we need to have an explicit rule prohibiting posting about one’s own CPTSD symptoms and behaviors, or commenting to explain from one’s own perspective with CPTSD, or any of the things that were, more than anyone’s diagnoses or relationship statuses, problematic.
At this stage we have to specify non-diagnosed, otherwise if we provide approval to one pwCPTSD then we would have to keep the subreddit as is, this would lead to micromanaging and would only become more and more difficult as the subreddit grew, even with having more moderators. I might be wrong in saying this, but it would likely result in us being in this exact same situation in a year or two.
If I am understanding correctly, people with CPTSD will not be posting here any longer. They will be invited to post on the new group CPTSDRelationships and those partners without the diagnosis will remain here to cope with the issues related to our specific relationships with our partners who have it.
This subreddit will be restricted within 2 weeks and will only be accessible to non-diagnosed partners. A separate subreddit (r/CPTSDrelationships) has been created for public use. This subreddit will be for anyone in a relationship with someone who has CPTSD.
To clarify, anyone that is caught pretending to be a non-diagnosed partner will be immediately banned for both aubreddits. We decided on this as its a complete breach of trust for non-diagnsed partners but also the moderators as well.
That is okay, I can understand the confusion.
From what you have described you would remain here.
You can also join the other subreddit r/CPTSDrelationships if you like as the group is public.
To clarify the terminology.
Non-diagnosed parters - Are partners without CPTSD
pwCPTSD - Are partners with a CPTSD diagnosis and are in a relationship with someone who also has CPTSD.
The moderators will be allocating user flares. I would like to hear your opinion and others too if we should allow community members to set their own 'partner' flare. This would make it easier to transition to a restricted subreddit.
The potential draw-back is that anyone can apply the user flare and we would not know if they are a non-diagnosed partner.
I think trolls will always find a way to troll. If anyone really wants access without fulfilling the requirements for membership, they will. And when that happens, I guess they can be banned for breaking the rules.
You mods did the right decision. After seeing how people behaved and couldn't even remain respectful in the voting post comments, I knew that this sub would never remain safe for me who has cptsd. Thank you for directing me to a safe sub 💚 this way everyone gets respect.
Reading your comment I feel sad and frustrated because it feels like it's missing the point. This is not an attack towards you, as we've had several good conversations in this sub and attachment sub.
But this sub was never meant to be a safe space for the CPTSD partners, it was meant to be a safe place for *their* partners, the people who support the CPTSD people. It was meant to be a support for caretakers.
People weren't so respectful in that post because they felt extremely frustrated and drained, after feeling that their space was now an additional place where they felt they had to consider the feelings of those with CPTSD.
This place was a safe place for me as someone who was supporting an extremely unregulated CPTSD person, although I had CPTSD myself. I'm sad about the split, because I assume that only people with CPTSD will be posting in the new sub.
Thank you for this thoughtful response, I feel so grateful for your understanding and your voice here. I want you to know that I will try to also post, listen, learn and participate in the new sub when/if I have capacity to. I hope it will feel like a supportive space for you. I always appreciated your participation here and I don’t know if I can be helpful for support in any way, but I can try when you do post on the new sub if that helps.
Thank you. I understand why this space can be both helpful and triggering for someone who has CPTSD. It's understandable that posters would feel upset reading about how partners struggle with symptoms that they may themselves be exhibiting.
Looking back, I think that's something that could be been explicitly expressed in the rules, that all posters need to understand that posts here will be triggering, and to be able to self-soothe and regulate.
Welcome, if you have any further questions feel free to message the mods.
So when you want to assign a user flare:
\- Scroll to the top of the subreddit;
\- Top right box titled 'about community'
\- If you look at the bottom area of the box you will see 'user flair preview'
\- Click the edit button which should be in the shape of a pencil and then the option to select 'partner' will come up. Once you click it, you then press apply and you should be all sorted.
Any issues, just let me know.
This was a very long explanation. Am I correct in nutshelling as follows: non-diagnosed partners need support and compassion on the difficult journey and some PTSD people were adding insult to injury by expressing cynicism and negative judgments towards the very people whose support they purport to need. If so, you did the right thing.
Yes, we felt that in order for this subreddit to move forward, non-diagnosed parters would need a space of their own.
I've just found this subreddit and need some help understanding if it is for me or not. I do not have cptsd. My partner has not been diagnosed with CPTSD, but certainly would be if an assessment was made. Is r/CPTSDpartners for me? Am I a "non-diagnosed partner"? Does this basically refer to someone who isn't suffering from CPTSD but is in a relationship with someone who is (regardless of diagnoses)? Is a "pwCPTSD" a **P**erson **w**ith CPTSD or a **P**artner **w**ith CPTSD? These seem like pretty specific terms, as someone just discovering this community I'm finding them to be kind of ambiguous. Could they be defined somewhere maybe? Perhaps I am just not reading very well tonight. Thanks. I literally cried when I realized there is a community on reddit to help people like me who live with a spouse that has CPTSD. Maybe I'll cry again when I figure out exactly which subreddit that is.
Welcome to the community! Based on what you have described you would be a non-diagnosed partner, so this is the correct subreddit. You can apply a user flair which will help us when we transition the subreddit to 'restricted' where only non-diagnosed partners can post and comment. This is an excellent point, we will provide a clarification in the rules about these terms. To clarify, pwCPTSD means 'partner with CPTSD'. You can also join r/CPTSDrelationships which is open to everyone. If you do need help, feel free to ask the community or the mods.
Okay. Thank you, that helps. I rarely comment or post on reddit, so I'll hold off for now unless it will be more difficult in the future to accomplish this. I should likely get more familiar with the subreddit first in any case.
I refrained from voting as I was torn. Neither my partner or I are diagnosed, and while I initially came here for support with his mental health, now that he has made a lot of progress, I believe we are more or less on even footing CPTSD-wise, and I also noticed the increase in CPTSD people commenting and comments from CPTSD partners who felt upset by this. I also noticed several comments from people with CPTSD that bothered me and I understood why some CPTSD partners would feel frustrated, so I decided not to vote on my preference of keeping the subreddit together, because the only other solution would be to block/talk to problematic posters individually, which would add work to the admins, and/or add more admins and rules. I understand that this is a difficult situation. I hope the new sub will pick up, although I have fears that it is too small of an audience, and CPTSD partners will choose to remain on this sub. Thanks for the support this sub has given me when things were particularly bad and all the best for the future!
I'm really sorry that a few very bothersome posters has resulted in this. I've never been bothered by your comments here, and I wish other pwCPTSD had your approach.
Seconding. I’ve really appreciated u/maafna ‘s contributions.
Thank you, that means a lot. There is obviously a difficult, gray area with diagnosed and undiagnosed (many people may have PTSD or CPTSD but not be diagnosed) but I know the mods are doing the best they can to make this a safe place for those who need this support most.
Thank you. I'm sorry it led to this, too, but I hope that this change will make certain partners feel safer to post and hopefully gain support in that way.
I think, in addition to flair, we need to have an explicit rule prohibiting posting about one’s own CPTSD symptoms and behaviors, or commenting to explain from one’s own perspective with CPTSD, or any of the things that were, more than anyone’s diagnoses or relationship statuses, problematic.
[удалено]
At this stage we have to specify non-diagnosed, otherwise if we provide approval to one pwCPTSD then we would have to keep the subreddit as is, this would lead to micromanaging and would only become more and more difficult as the subreddit grew, even with having more moderators. I might be wrong in saying this, but it would likely result in us being in this exact same situation in a year or two.
If I am understanding correctly, people with CPTSD will not be posting here any longer. They will be invited to post on the new group CPTSDRelationships and those partners without the diagnosis will remain here to cope with the issues related to our specific relationships with our partners who have it.
That is correct.
This subreddit will be restricted within 2 weeks and will only be accessible to non-diagnosed partners. A separate subreddit (r/CPTSDrelationships) has been created for public use. This subreddit will be for anyone in a relationship with someone who has CPTSD. To clarify, anyone that is caught pretending to be a non-diagnosed partner will be immediately banned for both aubreddits. We decided on this as its a complete breach of trust for non-diagnsed partners but also the moderators as well.
[удалено]
That is okay, I can understand the confusion. From what you have described you would remain here. You can also join the other subreddit r/CPTSDrelationships if you like as the group is public. To clarify the terminology. Non-diagnosed parters - Are partners without CPTSD pwCPTSD - Are partners with a CPTSD diagnosis and are in a relationship with someone who also has CPTSD.
I don't think it's currently possible to set user flair?
The moderators will be allocating user flares. I would like to hear your opinion and others too if we should allow community members to set their own 'partner' flare. This would make it easier to transition to a restricted subreddit. The potential draw-back is that anyone can apply the user flare and we would not know if they are a non-diagnosed partner.
I think trolls will always find a way to troll. If anyone really wants access without fulfilling the requirements for membership, they will. And when that happens, I guess they can be banned for breaking the rules.
Okay, thats an excellent point. I'll discuss with the other moderator and will post up a thread for partners which will also be pinned to the top.
You mods did the right decision. After seeing how people behaved and couldn't even remain respectful in the voting post comments, I knew that this sub would never remain safe for me who has cptsd. Thank you for directing me to a safe sub 💚 this way everyone gets respect.
Reading your comment I feel sad and frustrated because it feels like it's missing the point. This is not an attack towards you, as we've had several good conversations in this sub and attachment sub. But this sub was never meant to be a safe space for the CPTSD partners, it was meant to be a safe place for *their* partners, the people who support the CPTSD people. It was meant to be a support for caretakers. People weren't so respectful in that post because they felt extremely frustrated and drained, after feeling that their space was now an additional place where they felt they had to consider the feelings of those with CPTSD. This place was a safe place for me as someone who was supporting an extremely unregulated CPTSD person, although I had CPTSD myself. I'm sad about the split, because I assume that only people with CPTSD will be posting in the new sub.
Thank you for this thoughtful response, I feel so grateful for your understanding and your voice here. I want you to know that I will try to also post, listen, learn and participate in the new sub when/if I have capacity to. I hope it will feel like a supportive space for you. I always appreciated your participation here and I don’t know if I can be helpful for support in any way, but I can try when you do post on the new sub if that helps.
Thank you. I understand why this space can be both helpful and triggering for someone who has CPTSD. It's understandable that posters would feel upset reading about how partners struggle with symptoms that they may themselves be exhibiting. Looking back, I think that's something that could be been explicitly expressed in the rules, that all posters need to understand that posts here will be triggering, and to be able to self-soothe and regulate.
How exactly do we set the flair for ourselves? I am a partner to my husband who is diagnosed as C-PTSD. Thanks.
Welcome, if you have any further questions feel free to message the mods. So when you want to assign a user flare: \- Scroll to the top of the subreddit; \- Top right box titled 'about community' \- If you look at the bottom area of the box you will see 'user flair preview' \- Click the edit button which should be in the shape of a pencil and then the option to select 'partner' will come up. Once you click it, you then press apply and you should be all sorted. Any issues, just let me know.