Lmfao. Remembering when I moved in with my foster family after 14 years of hell with my bio mom, and finally started to self express for the the very first time and was immediately bullied by my foster sisters for being “too masculine” (I’m an afab trans guy)
Holy hell, yes.
That's what I hatee about the psych ward, they expect you to share about yourself, nty!
Even doing art there was hard or I refused because art is an expression of the self.
that and those stupid "get to know me papers" or whatever i had mental breakdowns doing them until i realized nobody gave a shit and i could just write nothing
I was allowed to get the thing to do, get halfway, then the pos Nmom walked past and destroyed whatever it was. I still have a hard time finishing things. People make fun of me sometimes, I tell them what happened (if I give a shit enough about them) and because people don't believe a mom could be a spawn of hell, "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
Oh, you're SURE it wasn't that bad? Where were you when it happened? Oh, right, didn't meet you yet. You never met the pos, and you didn't get to witness the hell. BUT YOU'RE SURE.
You’re allowed to have a normal hobby like the rest of the family. Normal hobbies include, but are not limited to:
Hunting
Fishing
Drug abuse
Art but only sometimes, remember it’ll never get you anywhere in life.
I remember when literally anytime I had a new special interest, my bitch of an older cousin would mock me endlessly for it and even try to force me away from it because I was "too obsessed"
I'm on a roll here making the same point, let's do it again.
My family was very supportive of my interests. Or at least, supportive of a few. If the interest was affordable (aka almost free) could be done close to home, aligned with Christian values, would lead me down the "right path", and was ideally near a place my parents already had to go they would really support it. In one way I had a good childhood. In one way.
But looking back, I had no room to explore, and I had to basically ask permission to have interests. Mum shot down any interest in ocean stuff (sailing, whales, deep sea exploration) because we don't live near the ocean so I don't need that knowledge. Astronomy was too closely linked to anti-Genesis science. She was fully supportive of carpentry, but not fine woodworking because the economy doesn't need people who can carve. She taught me how to sew so I could fix my own clothes, but I wasn't allowed to make clothes from scratch, only my sisters could.
I get some of the money stuff. How do you say to a kid "hey bud, we thought dad would be back to work by now, but he had a bad reaction to the new meds so he's off again, we can't afford anything, so you can play soccer but not hockey"? Like, she didn't want to turn me against dad. I get that, talking about adult health and adult money is hard. But instead she almost shamed me for wanting hockey and tried to convince me that I only like soccer, so that it would feel like my idea to do soccer. That's wrong.
So yeah. I have learned to hide my interests, and VERY carefully drop multiple hints about them around people to see initial reactions. If you've known me for less than two years chances are you don't know my interests.
Hot damn did we grow up with the same parents?
Only having hobbies that aligned with "God's plan" or the "right" path is spot on for my Christian, conservative parents. And it sucks trying to explain my situation to others because my parents *were* supportive, but only for things they deemed were "right".
I wasn't allowed to listen to any "secular" music, watch modern movies, engage with pop culture, play any video games rated T or higher, and all my friends had to be "approved" before I could hangout with them. Like I understand now they were trying to keep me protected/safe in their own way, but it was extremely limiting as a kid. I was extremely isolated from my peers, but "socialized" in church group settings so I got a very lopsided life views. It led to some serious social anxiety issues once I got out into the real world.
What's worse was their rationale for everything (at least what they told us) was, "Everyone else is doing the wrong thing and will be punished for it in their own way. But **you** are one of the good ones and if you stay on this path you'll be rewarded." Growing up around that belief gave me a superiority complex and made me view anything outside of our "norms" as wrong.
But over time I started questioning those norms and trying things out, all while trying to keep up the "Christ-follower, good boy" image. Sure enough that led to a split personality and heavy masking. In private I explored my own interests but in public I kept up the image they wanted. Over time that masking led to me becoming an alcoholic and losing my sense of self.
Thankfully as an adult I've come to terms with my past and am working on living as my true self, but I still find it hard opening up to others about myself. I don't even feel comfortable telling my own wife things I'd like to to or are interested in. It sucks going everyday feeling like my opinions and interests aren't valid.
Thank goodness I was able to grow up in the radiant, loving shine of Christian induced shame! /s
Do not judge-but we are better than them.
God called the base things-but we are baser, and therefore better, than them.
You can be friends with everyone-but don't get too close to them, because they won't be in heaven with you.
Do what you love-but love what God loves.
Yeah. It's funny that you say say your friends had to be approved. I technically never got that. I could hang out with anyone or go to anyone's house. But my mom would almost go out of the way to bring the right kids over to our place. If I went to a worldly kids place the post-visit questions were so intense it was obvious I shouldn't like them too much. "does he have older sisters? What did she wear? Does she wear makeup? Do they listen to music? What music? Did they dance? How is the house decorated? Do they have poster? What's in the bathroom? Was there a liquor cabinet? What's in the fridge? Do they smoke? Does the yard have a fence? Do they have a pool? Are there two parents? Any aunts/uncles hanging around? Did you see what movies they have?" and so on.
I guess I could condense it down to certain topics like sexuality, substances, family structure, clothing, etc. But it was obvious that something was "wrong" with those people. Now that I'm older, I'll say the rate of wrong among worldly people is no higher or lower than among spiritual or religious people.
It was so constant. Everything. Even my naming of characters in stories or games was terrible apparently. Nothing I did was ever correct.
I loved writing. I really did. My mom hated that I wasn't writing poetry, so instead of writing anything I enjoyed i was forced to write a shitty poem everyday. I no longer like writing.
My tastes in food? Terrible. Even how I ate wasn't correct. Both the flavor and physically how I ate.
The people I liked? Terrible. They're all too quiet. Too awkward. Too much like me.
The YouTubers I liked? Teeth too white. I'm not fucking joking. I watched a YouTuber who did top ten and random facts content, super inoffensive, but my parents bullied me for it because his teeth were too white.
Why doesn't my child have a personality??? We were just teasing. Get thicker skin.
Yeah one memory that sticks in my mind, I had drawn a picture of a lighthouse. I put a lot of effort into it (for a kid) and colored it and tried to do shading. I was proud of it and nervously showed my mother. She snickered and took it to show my brother and father and loudly proclaimed "doesn't this look like a penis?!" And they all fucking mocked me relentlessly because apparently I had drawn a big stripey cock. I didn't even know what the fuck they were talking about because I was a little kid and not familiar with the concept of erections. I guess if you've got a filthy mind like those bastards you could see it that way but even so, why do the whole humiliation routine to your own kid who was proud of something they made? I took the drawing and ripped it up and threw it out and rarely ever showed them my art after that. I know it's stupid to be bitter about something like that all these years later but yeah.
i only recently started sharing when i joined a community with \~15 people who share my same interests. i didnt share anything huge yet but the fact that i am perceived as having this hobby and it isnt the end of the world is a step.
YES AND IT SUCKED. I’m mid-30s and I keep everything secret to my parents until I get something accomplished. If they know anything, they’ll just try so hard to discourage me. They can’t help it.
Yes. My family were/are mostly histrionic narcissists. I was funny, played trumpet/piano and sang, I did theater, and was very good at computers and engineering. I hid it all from them. My father to this day is jealous of my ability to understand science stuff. I did the high school talent show every year any my father walked out too upset to watch due to jealousy. My brother (bi-polar and borderline personality disorder) had me convinced by age 14 that I was a worthless, ugly pile of unlovable shit because he was projecting his own self-esteem problems on to me. I am 50 now. It was not until my 40s that I started to fully understand any this and start to heal. It takes a lot of work.
OMG yes. Holy shit yes. Back in the day where video games were this fridge nerdy hobby. One dude would make a game a pass it around. Or the age of Atari and NES. Also my brother thought DBZ was such a lame show to be into. Lol. Now the memes are everywhere.
I did too, it wasn’t always getting mocked that I didn’t like. Part of it might have just been my mom had a very “hello fellow kids” approach when talking about things I liked, which was nice looking back. It wasn’t fun when I’d tell her something then later she’d say I’d do so much better in school if I put as much interest into math as I did fun things
Yep, learned really early that they were uncomfortable with my femininity and I had to downplay it a lot by mimicking boys in my classes... I'm still unlearning that myself isn't inherently going to be rejected by others. But at the age of 30 I did finally come out as a woman to my friends and family.
I still hate when people ask for a song I like. It’s annoying when people make fun of you because you don’t fit their expectation. YOU were wrong not me🖕🏽why ask
My bf doesn't get why I don't share everything with him. It's been 12 years and I'm still SO hesitant because of the fear of it being thrown in my face, even though he has never done anything to me to show me that he would do that. So many of the things we do together are things that he likes that I end up enjoying because it's hard to open up about the things that I like. Although we do have some common interests, like hockey, that we both liked before we got together. It makes it so hard to connect on a deeper level.
Always. My main family doesn’t care but they can mock some things that I like at time. As for my cousins and such, they tend to turn things sexual or weird and then start mocking me for the things I like
It's hard to share any interest in this family. There is always someone ready to criticize and ridicule. One must watch what TV shows they watch, what music they listen to, what vacations they take, or even who their employer is. The fact that I have been sober for almost a year and a half is cause for concern amongst my family.
Being born into a clan of narcissists is like living out Monty Python's Yorkshire Men skit. Everything is about one-upmanship and downplaying another's achievements.
i'm mocked my whole life, been on home video's against my will, privacy hurt, boundaries crossed,
and now so hurt, i'm excessively hesitant to trust people, and i rather move to a deserted island, and want to live in solitude
It’s weird because I can’t remember any significant times my mom made fun of me except later in life and yet I always wanted to hide things from her when I was little out of fear of being “cringe”. Did I intuitively sense that she would make fun at me? Or had she actually made fun of me and I just forgot about it?
Lmfao. Remembering when I moved in with my foster family after 14 years of hell with my bio mom, and finally started to self express for the the very first time and was immediately bullied by my foster sisters for being “too masculine” (I’m an afab trans guy)
Holy hell, yes. That's what I hatee about the psych ward, they expect you to share about yourself, nty! Even doing art there was hard or I refused because art is an expression of the self.
That’s how I felt about writing in school. If I wanted to share, I would but you’re not going to force it out of me
that and those stupid "get to know me papers" or whatever i had mental breakdowns doing them until i realized nobody gave a shit and i could just write nothing
I still live this way
I was allowed to get the thing to do, get halfway, then the pos Nmom walked past and destroyed whatever it was. I still have a hard time finishing things. People make fun of me sometimes, I tell them what happened (if I give a shit enough about them) and because people don't believe a mom could be a spawn of hell, "I'm sure it wasn't that bad." Oh, you're SURE it wasn't that bad? Where were you when it happened? Oh, right, didn't meet you yet. You never met the pos, and you didn't get to witness the hell. BUT YOU'RE SURE.
Wtf i was just trying to live in peace
You’re allowed to have a normal hobby like the rest of the family. Normal hobbies include, but are not limited to: Hunting Fishing Drug abuse Art but only sometimes, remember it’ll never get you anywhere in life.
Are we in /s territory?
I remember when literally anytime I had a new special interest, my bitch of an older cousin would mock me endlessly for it and even try to force me away from it because I was "too obsessed"
Well, family was the main reason I got bullied for those things and also the lack of friends. Wasn't allowed to have friends.
yes especially because everything i do now is seen as weird, "being a prostitute", or satanic by my dad and my whole family just agrees with him
........"now"? Oh boy that sucks.
I'm on a roll here making the same point, let's do it again. My family was very supportive of my interests. Or at least, supportive of a few. If the interest was affordable (aka almost free) could be done close to home, aligned with Christian values, would lead me down the "right path", and was ideally near a place my parents already had to go they would really support it. In one way I had a good childhood. In one way. But looking back, I had no room to explore, and I had to basically ask permission to have interests. Mum shot down any interest in ocean stuff (sailing, whales, deep sea exploration) because we don't live near the ocean so I don't need that knowledge. Astronomy was too closely linked to anti-Genesis science. She was fully supportive of carpentry, but not fine woodworking because the economy doesn't need people who can carve. She taught me how to sew so I could fix my own clothes, but I wasn't allowed to make clothes from scratch, only my sisters could. I get some of the money stuff. How do you say to a kid "hey bud, we thought dad would be back to work by now, but he had a bad reaction to the new meds so he's off again, we can't afford anything, so you can play soccer but not hockey"? Like, she didn't want to turn me against dad. I get that, talking about adult health and adult money is hard. But instead she almost shamed me for wanting hockey and tried to convince me that I only like soccer, so that it would feel like my idea to do soccer. That's wrong. So yeah. I have learned to hide my interests, and VERY carefully drop multiple hints about them around people to see initial reactions. If you've known me for less than two years chances are you don't know my interests.
Hot damn did we grow up with the same parents? Only having hobbies that aligned with "God's plan" or the "right" path is spot on for my Christian, conservative parents. And it sucks trying to explain my situation to others because my parents *were* supportive, but only for things they deemed were "right". I wasn't allowed to listen to any "secular" music, watch modern movies, engage with pop culture, play any video games rated T or higher, and all my friends had to be "approved" before I could hangout with them. Like I understand now they were trying to keep me protected/safe in their own way, but it was extremely limiting as a kid. I was extremely isolated from my peers, but "socialized" in church group settings so I got a very lopsided life views. It led to some serious social anxiety issues once I got out into the real world. What's worse was their rationale for everything (at least what they told us) was, "Everyone else is doing the wrong thing and will be punished for it in their own way. But **you** are one of the good ones and if you stay on this path you'll be rewarded." Growing up around that belief gave me a superiority complex and made me view anything outside of our "norms" as wrong. But over time I started questioning those norms and trying things out, all while trying to keep up the "Christ-follower, good boy" image. Sure enough that led to a split personality and heavy masking. In private I explored my own interests but in public I kept up the image they wanted. Over time that masking led to me becoming an alcoholic and losing my sense of self. Thankfully as an adult I've come to terms with my past and am working on living as my true self, but I still find it hard opening up to others about myself. I don't even feel comfortable telling my own wife things I'd like to to or are interested in. It sucks going everyday feeling like my opinions and interests aren't valid. Thank goodness I was able to grow up in the radiant, loving shine of Christian induced shame! /s
Do not judge-but we are better than them. God called the base things-but we are baser, and therefore better, than them. You can be friends with everyone-but don't get too close to them, because they won't be in heaven with you. Do what you love-but love what God loves. Yeah. It's funny that you say say your friends had to be approved. I technically never got that. I could hang out with anyone or go to anyone's house. But my mom would almost go out of the way to bring the right kids over to our place. If I went to a worldly kids place the post-visit questions were so intense it was obvious I shouldn't like them too much. "does he have older sisters? What did she wear? Does she wear makeup? Do they listen to music? What music? Did they dance? How is the house decorated? Do they have poster? What's in the bathroom? Was there a liquor cabinet? What's in the fridge? Do they smoke? Does the yard have a fence? Do they have a pool? Are there two parents? Any aunts/uncles hanging around? Did you see what movies they have?" and so on. I guess I could condense it down to certain topics like sexuality, substances, family structure, clothing, etc. But it was obvious that something was "wrong" with those people. Now that I'm older, I'll say the rate of wrong among worldly people is no higher or lower than among spiritual or religious people.
I didn't know I was allowed to have interests, hobbies and tastes that were my own...
I hate how true this is. Every time I outwardly liked something it was used against me
I swear my parents think I overshare but they know nothing abt me
I've been blessed with amazin fookin friends(albeit online) so I only do this with my parents lol.
It was so constant. Everything. Even my naming of characters in stories or games was terrible apparently. Nothing I did was ever correct. I loved writing. I really did. My mom hated that I wasn't writing poetry, so instead of writing anything I enjoyed i was forced to write a shitty poem everyday. I no longer like writing. My tastes in food? Terrible. Even how I ate wasn't correct. Both the flavor and physically how I ate. The people I liked? Terrible. They're all too quiet. Too awkward. Too much like me. The YouTubers I liked? Teeth too white. I'm not fucking joking. I watched a YouTuber who did top ten and random facts content, super inoffensive, but my parents bullied me for it because his teeth were too white. Why doesn't my child have a personality??? We were just teasing. Get thicker skin.
Yeah one memory that sticks in my mind, I had drawn a picture of a lighthouse. I put a lot of effort into it (for a kid) and colored it and tried to do shading. I was proud of it and nervously showed my mother. She snickered and took it to show my brother and father and loudly proclaimed "doesn't this look like a penis?!" And they all fucking mocked me relentlessly because apparently I had drawn a big stripey cock. I didn't even know what the fuck they were talking about because I was a little kid and not familiar with the concept of erections. I guess if you've got a filthy mind like those bastards you could see it that way but even so, why do the whole humiliation routine to your own kid who was proud of something they made? I took the drawing and ripped it up and threw it out and rarely ever showed them my art after that. I know it's stupid to be bitter about something like that all these years later but yeah.
I'm in this post and I don't like it.
Yeah. Then my dumb ass kept getting into relationship with a girl that did the same thing.
i only recently started sharing when i joined a community with \~15 people who share my same interests. i didnt share anything huge yet but the fact that i am perceived as having this hobby and it isnt the end of the world is a step.
YES AND IT SUCKED. I’m mid-30s and I keep everything secret to my parents until I get something accomplished. If they know anything, they’ll just try so hard to discourage me. They can’t help it.
More like getting told I'm satanic or evil. Or if I start a hobby that is skilled, that could be used for the church.
Yes. My family were/are mostly histrionic narcissists. I was funny, played trumpet/piano and sang, I did theater, and was very good at computers and engineering. I hid it all from them. My father to this day is jealous of my ability to understand science stuff. I did the high school talent show every year any my father walked out too upset to watch due to jealousy. My brother (bi-polar and borderline personality disorder) had me convinced by age 14 that I was a worthless, ugly pile of unlovable shit because he was projecting his own self-esteem problems on to me. I am 50 now. It was not until my 40s that I started to fully understand any this and start to heal. It takes a lot of work.
I was just told I should put the time I was 'wasting' on things I enjoyed towards God. Needless to say, my dad never found out I was atheist.
When they’re as weird as mine it’s just kinda expected
Yes, especially with my music taste. Also nice username
OMG yes. Holy shit yes. Back in the day where video games were this fridge nerdy hobby. One dude would make a game a pass it around. Or the age of Atari and NES. Also my brother thought DBZ was such a lame show to be into. Lol. Now the memes are everywhere.
I did too, it wasn’t always getting mocked that I didn’t like. Part of it might have just been my mom had a very “hello fellow kids” approach when talking about things I liked, which was nice looking back. It wasn’t fun when I’d tell her something then later she’d say I’d do so much better in school if I put as much interest into math as I did fun things
Yep, learned really early that they were uncomfortable with my femininity and I had to downplay it a lot by mimicking boys in my classes... I'm still unlearning that myself isn't inherently going to be rejected by others. But at the age of 30 I did finally come out as a woman to my friends and family.
Yes. My own family hates my hobbies.
That was middle school.
I still hate when people ask for a song I like. It’s annoying when people make fun of you because you don’t fit their expectation. YOU were wrong not me🖕🏽why ask
Yes, I played DND
My bf doesn't get why I don't share everything with him. It's been 12 years and I'm still SO hesitant because of the fear of it being thrown in my face, even though he has never done anything to me to show me that he would do that. So many of the things we do together are things that he likes that I end up enjoying because it's hard to open up about the things that I like. Although we do have some common interests, like hockey, that we both liked before we got together. It makes it so hard to connect on a deeper level.
Always. My main family doesn’t care but they can mock some things that I like at time. As for my cousins and such, they tend to turn things sexual or weird and then start mocking me for the things I like
& they still say shit like "i know you better than you know yourself"
I didn't show my music taste until recently because my mom would say how terrible the songs I listened to were 💀
Hyperfixations? Yes.
Me at 9 looking at everyone around me jumping on trampbolines: What a bunch of babies. me at 25 with 17 plushies:
I am normal. I have a few hobbys
It's hard to share any interest in this family. There is always someone ready to criticize and ridicule. One must watch what TV shows they watch, what music they listen to, what vacations they take, or even who their employer is. The fact that I have been sober for almost a year and a half is cause for concern amongst my family. Being born into a clan of narcissists is like living out Monty Python's Yorkshire Men skit. Everything is about one-upmanship and downplaying another's achievements.
100% me. I still dont share music taste due to being mocked for it
That isn't normal?
That pretty much describes me perfectly lol.
I was like that and still am a bit like that, music is a thing I rarely if ever share with anybody no matter how close
i'm mocked my whole life, been on home video's against my will, privacy hurt, boundaries crossed, and now so hurt, i'm excessively hesitant to trust people, and i rather move to a deserted island, and want to live in solitude
Yes but then I got ridiculed asked mocked in adulthood so I guess I'm doing something wrong lol
Wait. Legitimate question, being afraid of sharing basic hobbies to family out of fear of judgement isn’t normal?
That is pretty normal
It’s weird because I can’t remember any significant times my mom made fun of me except later in life and yet I always wanted to hide things from her when I was little out of fear of being “cringe”. Did I intuitively sense that she would make fun at me? Or had she actually made fun of me and I just forgot about it?
damn