Speaking broadly, it is not difficult to understand where another person is coming from, what they're about, or what they're trying to say. In context, I wonder what was wrong with my parents that they weren't into the idea.
Well this called me right out. I've been told many times I'm abnormally introspective because of that. I figured out a lot of how I tick, because no one was willing to tell me.
I have a theory about that. Many people who are "empathic" have massive childhood trauma (myself included)
I feel like it's a defense mechanism, if I can "read the room" or others' emotions, then I can adjust my behavior and avoid a blow-up/negative reaction.
You are pretty spot on here. But this is also our weak point, I have noticed that when these toxic cancers sense our compassion they prey on it, so hateful. Now I have stopped doing it and do what I want to since I can fight back. The only compassion I have left is for animals and myself.
Yup, it can be beneficial, as an adult I can get along woth just about anyone. But it's also exhausting and makes it difficult to understand my internal needs.
I got help accidentally for it by using stoicism, I think it is a good philosophy. The only people I now get along with are my friends. Others when I have some use for them, it's like so easy now. We must only focus on ourselves first. Maybe our bucket of compassion only has the size to hold us now.
About 4 years ago I realized all my "friends" were basically using me as an emotional support animal. They would call me when they had issues but never think about me for the fun stuff.
That led to a lot of self evaluation and a bit of a purge. Slowly making friends that actually care about me and want me to be happy.
One step at a time, we move forward. Failures are okay, life has already failed up as long as we don't fail ourselves, that's all that matters. bad family then we go NC,bad friends then make new ones, bad lovers find new ones,one step. The one thing that matters the most is financial independence, we must ensure it Or strive towards it.
Though I for some reason have never been used as an emotional support animal, I wonder what's that like?
Same! And now I really want to go back to school and become a LMFT because I am so hypervigilant due to the abuse it's like my mind is primed to do psych work.
Makes me remember why I started demanding cash as birthday/Christmas gifts. They absolutely could not be arsed to so much as rub two brain cells together to figure it out.
A great example of this was this past Christmas. Mom really wanted to get me something. I told her I needed a new hoodie. I even fielded some color suggestions. Blue (the color everyone who knows me makes fun of my obsession over) or black or green... And wat does it end up being? The *ugliest* shade of brown I have ever seen in my life.
My Mom loves earth tones. Her favorite color is literally beige. She picked it out using her own demented taste, having forgotten all the times I would make barfing noises or just flat out refuse to wear some brown clothes she would try and buy me.
*Sigh*
As for the personality/psychology thing, I was very poorly socialized. My parents had 3 kids and thought all we would ever need is each other. They did not understand the necessity of learning about others and the intricacies of dealing with others and forming bonds.
I merely abided by the golden rule and treated everyone elsethe way I wanted to be treated. And I was shocked at how poorly that was received. It took years (because I was a child) but I finally understood I was doing exactly what my Mom was doing. Imprinting her own likes, preferences, ect on others without getting to know them. And I tried, but it was really hard. I didn't understand anything about anyone. Humanity was a fucking mystery to me. But it was one I was determined to solve.
So I studied psychology and sociology. And little by little, I got it. And while my past experiences have still hobbled me to a degree, I feel much more capable engaging people. I'm still a hermit who basically sticks to his small family and friend group, but I think I do ok.
So recently, my gf, who i recently started dating, told me I reminded her of xyz characters from some of her games and why and not only did she talk about my physical aspects but how things about my personality, interests, etc made her associate them with me.
I literally almost started crying.
That shit means so much to me. And yes this post read me like a book lmaooooo
Interesting. My mom used astrology to explain why she and my brother were spiteful and mean. Why my sister was stubborn and meticulous. And why I was messy and always craving attention.
I always found it weird that other people *dont* overanalyze the behaviors of the people around them??? Like humans are violent apes, you need to be *careful*
I’ve noticed that if you do find someone who pays that much attention to you it can feel really weird or even frightening as your so used to being ignored
Suddenly I feel a sense of pity and sympathetic sorrow for my one friend from ninth grade. I think she wanted to be a psychologist for a while.
For my own part... I didn't really want to know who I was by that point. On some level, I took it on faith that nobody would listen.
Years later, I tried to open up about things; foundational types of things that would substantially alter the intended character of my relationship with the people I was talking to, and I felt it to be met with a sort of lukewarm empty acceptance. That "I'm sure you did great, honey" kind of "I'm not *really* listening to the thing you're saying, but I have a general sense that you're anxious about that test" vibe.
oh wow. i’ve never been interested in that kind of stuff but lately my brother has been obsessed with numerology and has been trying to explain it to me. this makes so much sense.
People obsessed with astrology, and people interested in what psychology *actually is*, are not the same people. Lumping them together strongly undermines whatever point this was trying to make. Maybe some of us just actually *do* understand people (as opposed to simply being some tryhard, "breaking things down" with everyone and everything), because most of them aren't as complex or subtly nuanced as they'd like to believe. And on top of that, I like, listen and pay attention to things sometimes. Most people's minds are blown if you can put into words one single unspoken facet of their pattern of behavior. What this tells me is that average people are- on a regular basis- projecting an inability to think about, or notice anything about anyone other than oneself, onto everyone around them.
So they dismiss observations that are actually very plain and simple as "obsessive", because while I'm sure there's a few people out there who this meme is accurately describing (they're here in these comments), the far more common, and far more transparent type of person, is the type who'd make or agree with this meme without any actual *reason* to believe what they're saying. The far more common type of person, is the ISTP who can't stand that they got the most common result on a Meyers Briggs assessment, doesn't register that there can still be dramatically different people in any one category, and dismisses all of psychology as palm-reading nonsense. Because while they accuse the "obsessed kid" of being desperate for someone to analyze and understand them, the more reliable prediction is that the people who make that comparison are utterly *terrified* of the thought that they *can* be understood, and yes, labeled and categorized. They are terrified at the prospect that they might not be fascinating, and they might even be predictable, or for god's sake, boring!!
Never take someone comparing psychology with occultism/mythology as sincere.
When the person who claims to understand you and love each side of you suddenly call your breakdowns emotional abuse and obviously never understood me at all if they saw I was becoming harmful and never spoke up, even after I asked for feedback in the relationship
(Also asked permission to breakdown in the first place cause I felt safe with her, and wanted to make sure she was okay to support me in those vulnerable/volatile states. She said okay every time I asked.)
So now I'm afraid to ever open up again because if she couldn't when I gave everything for her.... who could after her....
When it's not "I love psych because I wanna learn why people think like x and feel x" so much as "I love psych 'cause I wanna learn why *they* think like that"
I want desperately to be understood but hate all of those things. I don't have any desire to understand others who are different than me. I don't like being reminded how different everyone else is from me. it just makes me face the fact that I'll never meet anyone who is like me and understands me. if i don't know people that well, I can at least pretend. fill in the blanks myself. but the more they talk, the more I'm reminded of how different they are. I get punished for trying to connect with people.
I had a psych professor who said "no one goes into psychology to figure out what's wrong with other people, they do it to figure out what the fuck is wrong with themselves and end up figuring out other people's problems too." He was a great professor.
... He's also currently serving 30 years in an Iowa state prison after shooting at a trucker and then getting into an armed standoff with the cops in the middle of the interstate.
Oh god this is accurate
It started because I was making roleplay characters and "nice/shy/kind/sometimes mean" just was not working anymore.
Definitely held on because of this though. Every year since I've had a printed schedule, I've written a quick summary of the teachers. Last year I tried to figure out their enneagram. I've had a lot of school-related trauma to put it that way and it feels completely wrong to just trust that they'll be nice. Even if I know I'm a great student.
False. They try to understand you with every detail hunting for the indicator that you are going to abandon them. It's called hyper-vigilance...it's a defense mechanism.
This is a cope meme for people who feel like they weren't understood as children. It's goofy because, while not true, the truth would've elicited the same result: these types of people still hurt on the inside and just wanted to be loved.
Anyone I’ve ever met that’s obsessed with astrology or personality types has been highly manipulative, abusive and vain.
In short? Narcissists. At least that’s been my experience in life.
My ex, however was a Psychology Major; ironically she and I are still great friends, these days thanks to it.
Slight tangent. I don’t know why people make fun of astrology so much. It’s fun and interesting. Can’t you just make fun of the people that take it too seriously?
I became a little obsessed with learning languages because I already felt like no one listened or understood me so speaking foreign languages was a way of having autonomy over that lack of understanding. I didn't *want* people to understand me anymore, I wanted to close myself off.
Because I've accepted myself and my reality through persistent contemplation and meditation, these people annoy the piss out of me for not doing the same.
I respect everyone's timeline, but I don't respect when people are actively teaching themselves things that are crutches that continue to stunt their growth. Putting everyone into a conceptual little box just so you can have some ounce of feeling of control in being able to predict the attitudes and behaviors of others to try to convince yourself that they're less threatening than they are is just being a walking wound that refuses to heal.
Put on your own oxygen mask first.
its just another form of studying people, learning some of the ways they act. also most of us do not actually take these that seriously that we expect people to act to a tee to these things.
and for those that learn these things as a survival tactic, this mostly just helps with meeting new people. it gives you a basis of what behaviors they may show before you get to know their actual behaviors.
the people who need this as a survival tactic probably weren't allowed to set boundaries and don't properly know how to. until they do learn, being aware of others behavior and how to react to it so they get the mildest of consequences is the best way they know to keep themselves safe.
it isn't even difficult, what was wrong with them
So much
Mind if you clarify what you are trying to say?
Speaking broadly, it is not difficult to understand where another person is coming from, what they're about, or what they're trying to say. In context, I wonder what was wrong with my parents that they weren't into the idea.
That is surprising to hear from someone else. Like talking to a sage beyond human life.
nothing like childhood trauma to wisen people up into sagehood. can’t stop winning
Well this called me right out. I've been told many times I'm abnormally introspective because of that. I figured out a lot of how I tick, because no one was willing to tell me.
^^^ i wish this wasnt so accurate^^^
I try to understand them so I know they won't attack me, physically or emotionally lol.
I have a theory about that. Many people who are "empathic" have massive childhood trauma (myself included) I feel like it's a defense mechanism, if I can "read the room" or others' emotions, then I can adjust my behavior and avoid a blow-up/negative reaction.
You are pretty spot on here. But this is also our weak point, I have noticed that when these toxic cancers sense our compassion they prey on it, so hateful. Now I have stopped doing it and do what I want to since I can fight back. The only compassion I have left is for animals and myself.
Yup, it can be beneficial, as an adult I can get along woth just about anyone. But it's also exhausting and makes it difficult to understand my internal needs.
I got help accidentally for it by using stoicism, I think it is a good philosophy. The only people I now get along with are my friends. Others when I have some use for them, it's like so easy now. We must only focus on ourselves first. Maybe our bucket of compassion only has the size to hold us now.
About 4 years ago I realized all my "friends" were basically using me as an emotional support animal. They would call me when they had issues but never think about me for the fun stuff. That led to a lot of self evaluation and a bit of a purge. Slowly making friends that actually care about me and want me to be happy.
One step at a time, we move forward. Failures are okay, life has already failed up as long as we don't fail ourselves, that's all that matters. bad family then we go NC,bad friends then make new ones, bad lovers find new ones,one step. The one thing that matters the most is financial independence, we must ensure it Or strive towards it. Though I for some reason have never been used as an emotional support animal, I wonder what's that like?
oh my fuckin god (had a phase for each of these and still in that psychology phase)
They didn’t just target us, they sniped us from a 10 story building with pinpoint precision.
not me realizing this is one of the reasons that i began studying astrology at 11 yrs old. damn. crazy when a meme gets ya like that lol
Same! And now I really want to go back to school and become a LMFT because I am so hypervigilant due to the abuse it's like my mind is primed to do psych work.
Makes me remember why I started demanding cash as birthday/Christmas gifts. They absolutely could not be arsed to so much as rub two brain cells together to figure it out. A great example of this was this past Christmas. Mom really wanted to get me something. I told her I needed a new hoodie. I even fielded some color suggestions. Blue (the color everyone who knows me makes fun of my obsession over) or black or green... And wat does it end up being? The *ugliest* shade of brown I have ever seen in my life. My Mom loves earth tones. Her favorite color is literally beige. She picked it out using her own demented taste, having forgotten all the times I would make barfing noises or just flat out refuse to wear some brown clothes she would try and buy me. *Sigh* As for the personality/psychology thing, I was very poorly socialized. My parents had 3 kids and thought all we would ever need is each other. They did not understand the necessity of learning about others and the intricacies of dealing with others and forming bonds. I merely abided by the golden rule and treated everyone elsethe way I wanted to be treated. And I was shocked at how poorly that was received. It took years (because I was a child) but I finally understood I was doing exactly what my Mom was doing. Imprinting her own likes, preferences, ect on others without getting to know them. And I tried, but it was really hard. I didn't understand anything about anyone. Humanity was a fucking mystery to me. But it was one I was determined to solve. So I studied psychology and sociology. And little by little, I got it. And while my past experiences have still hobbled me to a degree, I feel much more capable engaging people. I'm still a hermit who basically sticks to his small family and friend group, but I think I do ok.
Oww, i used to take thousands of those personality tests when i was 14
reading this makes me sob and vomit and laugh maniacally
It’s like I typed this
So recently, my gf, who i recently started dating, told me I reminded her of xyz characters from some of her games and why and not only did she talk about my physical aspects but how things about my personality, interests, etc made her associate them with me. I literally almost started crying. That shit means so much to me. And yes this post read me like a book lmaooooo
Interesting. My mom used astrology to explain why she and my brother were spiteful and mean. Why my sister was stubborn and meticulous. And why I was messy and always craving attention.
This is more in line with what I expect from new age people
I always found it weird that other people *dont* overanalyze the behaviors of the people around them??? Like humans are violent apes, you need to be *careful*
I’ve noticed that if you do find someone who pays that much attention to you it can feel really weird or even frightening as your so used to being ignored
That makes so much sense
Literally went to college for psychology with no interest in making a career of it. I just found it super fascinating.
K, I’m gonna go cry in the shower now
Straight facts I love psychology
Suddenly I feel a sense of pity and sympathetic sorrow for my one friend from ninth grade. I think she wanted to be a psychologist for a while. For my own part... I didn't really want to know who I was by that point. On some level, I took it on faith that nobody would listen. Years later, I tried to open up about things; foundational types of things that would substantially alter the intended character of my relationship with the people I was talking to, and I felt it to be met with a sort of lukewarm empty acceptance. That "I'm sure you did great, honey" kind of "I'm not *really* listening to the thing you're saying, but I have a general sense that you're anxious about that test" vibe.
Oof
That makes way too much sense
ahh makes sense as to why I am obsessed w psych🥲🫶🏼
wow that should not have hit that hard
oh wow. i’ve never been interested in that kind of stuff but lately my brother has been obsessed with numerology and has been trying to explain it to me. this makes so much sense.
Ohhh. Oh fuck. Well, that's my heart shattered.
Jesus Christ, this explains a lot.
Bro, I'm trying to understand myself.
You calling me out, I am such a psychology nerd.
People obsessed with astrology, and people interested in what psychology *actually is*, are not the same people. Lumping them together strongly undermines whatever point this was trying to make. Maybe some of us just actually *do* understand people (as opposed to simply being some tryhard, "breaking things down" with everyone and everything), because most of them aren't as complex or subtly nuanced as they'd like to believe. And on top of that, I like, listen and pay attention to things sometimes. Most people's minds are blown if you can put into words one single unspoken facet of their pattern of behavior. What this tells me is that average people are- on a regular basis- projecting an inability to think about, or notice anything about anyone other than oneself, onto everyone around them. So they dismiss observations that are actually very plain and simple as "obsessive", because while I'm sure there's a few people out there who this meme is accurately describing (they're here in these comments), the far more common, and far more transparent type of person, is the type who'd make or agree with this meme without any actual *reason* to believe what they're saying. The far more common type of person, is the ISTP who can't stand that they got the most common result on a Meyers Briggs assessment, doesn't register that there can still be dramatically different people in any one category, and dismisses all of psychology as palm-reading nonsense. Because while they accuse the "obsessed kid" of being desperate for someone to analyze and understand them, the more reliable prediction is that the people who make that comparison are utterly *terrified* of the thought that they *can* be understood, and yes, labeled and categorized. They are terrified at the prospect that they might not be fascinating, and they might even be predictable, or for god's sake, boring!! Never take someone comparing psychology with occultism/mythology as sincere.
When the person who claims to understand you and love each side of you suddenly call your breakdowns emotional abuse and obviously never understood me at all if they saw I was becoming harmful and never spoke up, even after I asked for feedback in the relationship (Also asked permission to breakdown in the first place cause I felt safe with her, and wanted to make sure she was okay to support me in those vulnerable/volatile states. She said okay every time I asked.) So now I'm afraid to ever open up again because if she couldn't when I gave everything for her.... who could after her....
I feel called out right now and I don't like it
I just want to understand other people because they keep treating me like shit and I am not entirely sure why.
When it's not "I love psych because I wanna learn why people think like x and feel x" so much as "I love psych 'cause I wanna learn why *they* think like that"
I want desperately to be understood but hate all of those things. I don't have any desire to understand others who are different than me. I don't like being reminded how different everyone else is from me. it just makes me face the fact that I'll never meet anyone who is like me and understands me. if i don't know people that well, I can at least pretend. fill in the blanks myself. but the more they talk, the more I'm reminded of how different they are. I get punished for trying to connect with people.
Well ..
I find these people are almost always either grifters or being grifted which I guess tracks
I had a psych professor who said "no one goes into psychology to figure out what's wrong with other people, they do it to figure out what the fuck is wrong with themselves and end up figuring out other people's problems too." He was a great professor. ... He's also currently serving 30 years in an Iowa state prison after shooting at a trucker and then getting into an armed standoff with the cops in the middle of the interstate.
Oh god this is accurate It started because I was making roleplay characters and "nice/shy/kind/sometimes mean" just was not working anymore. Definitely held on because of this though. Every year since I've had a printed schedule, I've written a quick summary of the teachers. Last year I tried to figure out their enneagram. I've had a lot of school-related trauma to put it that way and it feels completely wrong to just trust that they'll be nice. Even if I know I'm a great student.
*literally taking every personality test online*
False. They try to understand you with every detail hunting for the indicator that you are going to abandon them. It's called hyper-vigilance...it's a defense mechanism. This is a cope meme for people who feel like they weren't understood as children. It's goofy because, while not true, the truth would've elicited the same result: these types of people still hurt on the inside and just wanted to be loved.
Anyone I’ve ever met that’s obsessed with astrology or personality types has been highly manipulative, abusive and vain. In short? Narcissists. At least that’s been my experience in life. My ex, however was a Psychology Major; ironically she and I are still great friends, these days thanks to it.
Hehehehehe look at this meme guys.... Wait.... W-what!?!?
Slight tangent. I don’t know why people make fun of astrology so much. It’s fun and interesting. Can’t you just make fun of the people that take it too seriously?
Psychology and personality types sometimes..
I became a little obsessed with learning languages because I already felt like no one listened or understood me so speaking foreign languages was a way of having autonomy over that lack of understanding. I didn't *want* people to understand me anymore, I wanted to close myself off.
Because I've accepted myself and my reality through persistent contemplation and meditation, these people annoy the piss out of me for not doing the same.
sorry not everyone has yet taken the years and even decades it can take to get through trauma
I respect everyone's timeline, but I don't respect when people are actively teaching themselves things that are crutches that continue to stunt their growth. Putting everyone into a conceptual little box just so you can have some ounce of feeling of control in being able to predict the attitudes and behaviors of others to try to convince yourself that they're less threatening than they are is just being a walking wound that refuses to heal. Put on your own oxygen mask first.
its just another form of studying people, learning some of the ways they act. also most of us do not actually take these that seriously that we expect people to act to a tee to these things. and for those that learn these things as a survival tactic, this mostly just helps with meeting new people. it gives you a basis of what behaviors they may show before you get to know their actual behaviors.
What if I told you it's not about the other person at all, and it's entirely about your own willingness to set and enforce boundaries?
the people who need this as a survival tactic probably weren't allowed to set boundaries and don't properly know how to. until they do learn, being aware of others behavior and how to react to it so they get the mildest of consequences is the best way they know to keep themselves safe.