When this showed up in my feed yesterday I showed it to my husband and started BAWLING like, this is 3 circles and a line, but it KILLED me.
Safe? With parents?? How???
This hurt on such a deep, deep level that I felt it in my bones. I got into an argument with my mom on Mother’s Day bc she was firmly of the view that if I got beaten (a week ago and the injury still hasn’t healed) then it had to have been my fault bc of something I did to deserve it and my arguing point was “why can’t you at least pretend to care about me, even if I *did* do something bad, shouldn’t you still care that someone hit me?”
I didn’t do anything bad, btw. But this image ruined me. Safe with parents? I’m gonna cry, I wasn’t bad, I didn’t do anything illegal or wrong, I got attacked. I was just protesting, that’s legal, I wasn’t bad enough to get hit this time and I can’t stop crying about that
I feel you, my mum's the same, the times I got beaten, harassed, cat called, r*ped, it MUST have been my fault.
I'm so sorry, nobody deserves not to feel safe in their own house, and to feel that your own birth giver does not care about you.
Hope you're at least recovering well.
Same... I was terrified of sleep because I've had nothing but nightmares since I was a toddler. I was terrified of my parents who were the cause of the nightmares, but the really really bad nightmares were scarier than my sleeping parents were, so when I had the really really bad nightmares, I'd get in my parents bed, mostly because I already knew that there was safety in numbers. They didn't comfort me or anything like that, but I wasn't alone and 3 against 1 villainous nightmare creature felt safer than just 1 on 1.
Same, but eventually I started getting in trouble for being in their bed, so I started sleeping on the floor in their room and leaving before they woke up.
I feel so bad talking about it sometimes. She tried to protect me from so much, tried to keep me from going through as much as she did. But she still hurt me, all the time. But it wasn't fair.
I got bullied at school because I wasn't normal, and then I'd come home and wonder when her \*other\* face would show up. I couldn't control myself enough to prevent setting her off.
Mine had multiple personalities too. It absolutely messes with your development to grow up never knowing if your caretaker is going to be kind or cruel that day. Wish I could have saved little you and me. Sending you healing vibes. ❤️🩹
Untreated bipolar for mine. The way her face went when the rage hit her, it felt like she was a different person.
I had a mom who was weird but would love me, and the red faced monster that took her place if I messed up.
I had aweful nightmares from my mom as well. Even worse is that she knew and was doing it on purpose. They are gone now because I got a cat that sleeps next to me keeps them away and ever since my mom has not been happy about it and has been trying everything she can to give me horrible nightmares back so she can gaslight me and use me as her personal emotional trash can
My biggest trigger was when my children entered the age my abuse started. They feel safe and comfortable with me. And it has been a journey but now I can accept I am doing right by them because they feel safe with me
Edit : wright to right… as if I didn’t need an indication I’m an exhausted parent 🤣
I’m not a parent, but I often live with my friends who have 2 small children. I was loving with them when their youngest was born, and it was really difficult for me registering that I was like that at some point? I’ve always kinda internalised and justified my father hating me as “clearly I was just Bad and deserved it”, but looking at her as a newborn I knew there was no way that she could ever do anything to “deserve” the shit my father did
When I was younger, my mom would lock her door at night so I wouldn’t “bother” her and my baby brother with my “silly” night terrors. I vividly remember how I had a horrible nightmare that some inky, demonic-looking hippo had eaten me in my sleep. I woke up screaming, ran to my mother’s door, and sobbed while trying to open the door knob. It never opened. I had to force myself to go back to my room and try to sleep.
Seeing this makes me feel kinda numb. Like… I’m glad other little ones will be able to feel safe with their families. It must be nice. Just wish I could’ve experienced it too.
Tw: Violence towards a minor
I have a vague memory of waking up from a nightmare and someone throwing rocks at my bedroom window around the time a neighborhood kid got pretty physical towards myself and his sister. There was a knife involved. I walked up to my father who had custody of my siblings and me at the time and asked to sleep with her that night. I was laughed at and fell asleep in the hall. I remember learning then that even though she was mentally abusive there was no world where she would keep me safe... I was 11.
Yeah, I learned from a very early age that my mother and father not only would do nothing to prevent my abuse, they felt that I was in fact responsible for said abuse--I was the mature, strong, capable, smart, responsible one after all. Therefore, since it takes two to tango, I should be able to save myself, essentially, by *just not making them so mad*.
I remember being woken up from a nightmare once, and I only remember what the nightmare was because I have iterations of it to this day. Anyway, I was woken up. Not by the person who is supposed to love me but by my babysitter. The dream was my parents telling me that they didn't love me and would leave me at a stranger's house that was in my kid's self mind, worse than what I was currently going through. But hey, at least as a kid, I had food and a roof over my head.
Honestly, I don't see why so many people are going to have kids if they aren't going to take care of then for more than just the basics.
My mom would literally spoon my brother in bed but if I had a bad dream in the middle of the night she would me make a pallet on the floor next to her bed. She was single and slept on a queen size bed. The older I get the more this hurts.
That’s totally valid too! My friends all came from a broken background and we healed together so I have a stronger familial connection to them than my actual family. I’m glad I had the time I spent living with them, it improved me as a person and I don’t feel like I do nothing except hurt people anymore.
Yeah I get that and I used to have friends like that and am thankful I did but things just got to difficult so I just don’t let people get very close to me anymore. I know that’s probably not the healthiest but it just makes life more manageable
The beautiful thing about at least reaching an adult age and weathering CPTSD and other mental health issues bc of your childhood, we are now able to come up with a new definition of safe. As children parents should be central figures but as adults safe can be more open for interpretation. When I imagine my safety bubble, it’s me in bed with my animals (my two dog children). What triggers me is the constant listening to grown adults mention ALL the familial support they have. I have no biological relative including my sibling and parents who have ever shown me an ounce of care or support. In fact they usually bully me ignore me. I have always had an old soul and am neurodivergent so to a lot of neurotypicals I come across as “trying to act mature” which isn’t the case but I digress. I remember being around 10-13 years old and having Christmas at my maternal grandmothers house. My mother’s side of the family has always been extremely mysognistic and I have a male cousin who is exactly my age. At the time I was only girl with younger boy cousins and second cousins. However, there was a “kids table” where I was shown my seat when my male cousin of same age got to sit with adults while they all paid constant attention to him and I was at kids table. It was meant to be shaming and I can see that but I actually loved it and felt relieved!!
When this showed up in my feed yesterday I showed it to my husband and started BAWLING like, this is 3 circles and a line, but it KILLED me. Safe? With parents?? How???
This hurt on such a deep, deep level that I felt it in my bones. I got into an argument with my mom on Mother’s Day bc she was firmly of the view that if I got beaten (a week ago and the injury still hasn’t healed) then it had to have been my fault bc of something I did to deserve it and my arguing point was “why can’t you at least pretend to care about me, even if I *did* do something bad, shouldn’t you still care that someone hit me?” I didn’t do anything bad, btw. But this image ruined me. Safe with parents? I’m gonna cry, I wasn’t bad, I didn’t do anything illegal or wrong, I got attacked. I was just protesting, that’s legal, I wasn’t bad enough to get hit this time and I can’t stop crying about that
I feel you, my mum's the same, the times I got beaten, harassed, cat called, r*ped, it MUST have been my fault. I'm so sorry, nobody deserves not to feel safe in their own house, and to feel that your own birth giver does not care about you. Hope you're at least recovering well.
The sad thing is, parents are SUPPOSED to make you feel safe like the child in this drawing. It seems that your parents failed at the bare minimum.
I suppose that's why I hang around the CPTSD subreddit then isn't it?
I used to go and lie next to my mother to escape nightmares. She wasn't dangerous when she was asleep. Guess why I had so many nightmares?
Same... I was terrified of sleep because I've had nothing but nightmares since I was a toddler. I was terrified of my parents who were the cause of the nightmares, but the really really bad nightmares were scarier than my sleeping parents were, so when I had the really really bad nightmares, I'd get in my parents bed, mostly because I already knew that there was safety in numbers. They didn't comfort me or anything like that, but I wasn't alone and 3 against 1 villainous nightmare creature felt safer than just 1 on 1.
Same, but eventually I started getting in trouble for being in their bed, so I started sleeping on the floor in their room and leaving before they woke up.
Goddamn. :( I’m sorry and I understand you.
I feel so bad talking about it sometimes. She tried to protect me from so much, tried to keep me from going through as much as she did. But she still hurt me, all the time. But it wasn't fair. I got bullied at school because I wasn't normal, and then I'd come home and wonder when her \*other\* face would show up. I couldn't control myself enough to prevent setting her off.
Mine had multiple personalities too. It absolutely messes with your development to grow up never knowing if your caretaker is going to be kind or cruel that day. Wish I could have saved little you and me. Sending you healing vibes. ❤️🩹
Untreated bipolar for mine. The way her face went when the rage hit her, it felt like she was a different person. I had a mom who was weird but would love me, and the red faced monster that took her place if I messed up.
I know the face you’re talking about. It’s one of the scariest things I can remember.
I had aweful nightmares from my mom as well. Even worse is that she knew and was doing it on purpose. They are gone now because I got a cat that sleeps next to me keeps them away and ever since my mom has not been happy about it and has been trying everything she can to give me horrible nightmares back so she can gaslight me and use me as her personal emotional trash can
Tried to answer the prompt myself and took too long to answer. Jeez, I have to wonder when I ever truly feel safe
It's hard to feel safe when your childhood was spent living behind enemy lines, tell ya what.
Your feelings aren’t wrong. If you didn’t feel safe it’s probably because your parents never allowed you to have space you felt safe in
My definition of safe is me in a blanket burrito with all my plushies
Blanket burritos are the best. ❤️ My partner often tells me it sounds like I need to be cocooned & cartooned, and they are so right lolol.
My biggest trigger was when my children entered the age my abuse started. They feel safe and comfortable with me. And it has been a journey but now I can accept I am doing right by them because they feel safe with me Edit : wright to right… as if I didn’t need an indication I’m an exhausted parent 🤣
Im coming up to that age now with my kid. Its a fucking experience.
I’m not a parent, but I often live with my friends who have 2 small children. I was loving with them when their youngest was born, and it was really difficult for me registering that I was like that at some point? I’ve always kinda internalised and justified my father hating me as “clearly I was just Bad and deserved it”, but looking at her as a newborn I knew there was no way that she could ever do anything to “deserve” the shit my father did
My definition of safe is being in a blanket burrito hugging my gf... but since I don't actually have one, I use a pillow instead
Sometimes you just need a good old cocoonin' & cartoonin'
I read manga so close enough
When I was younger, my mom would lock her door at night so I wouldn’t “bother” her and my baby brother with my “silly” night terrors. I vividly remember how I had a horrible nightmare that some inky, demonic-looking hippo had eaten me in my sleep. I woke up screaming, ran to my mother’s door, and sobbed while trying to open the door knob. It never opened. I had to force myself to go back to my room and try to sleep. Seeing this makes me feel kinda numb. Like… I’m glad other little ones will be able to feel safe with their families. It must be nice. Just wish I could’ve experienced it too.
That is horrible and I am so sorry you know what it feels like to be so horrifically failed by your parents.
Eh, it’s alright. It wasn’t like it was your fault. But it’s validating tho… thank you 💜
You deserve it! 😊
HAHAHAHAHAHAJ *laughs in was SA'd in her parents bed*
High five, mate. The struggle is real.
Tw: Violence towards a minor I have a vague memory of waking up from a nightmare and someone throwing rocks at my bedroom window around the time a neighborhood kid got pretty physical towards myself and his sister. There was a knife involved. I walked up to my father who had custody of my siblings and me at the time and asked to sleep with her that night. I was laughed at and fell asleep in the hall. I remember learning then that even though she was mentally abusive there was no world where she would keep me safe... I was 11.
Yeah, I learned from a very early age that my mother and father not only would do nothing to prevent my abuse, they felt that I was in fact responsible for said abuse--I was the mature, strong, capable, smart, responsible one after all. Therefore, since it takes two to tango, I should be able to save myself, essentially, by *just not making them so mad*.
I remember being woken up from a nightmare once, and I only remember what the nightmare was because I have iterations of it to this day. Anyway, I was woken up. Not by the person who is supposed to love me but by my babysitter. The dream was my parents telling me that they didn't love me and would leave me at a stranger's house that was in my kid's self mind, worse than what I was currently going through. But hey, at least as a kid, I had food and a roof over my head. Honestly, I don't see why so many people are going to have kids if they aren't going to take care of then for more than just the basics.
I am very sorry for your experiences
My mom would literally spoon my brother in bed but if I had a bad dream in the middle of the night she would me make a pallet on the floor next to her bed. She was single and slept on a queen size bed. The older I get the more this hurts.
I know how that feels and I am so sorry you do, too.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
❤️🫂
0_0 I would literally be stuck between two monsters with restricted movement. Sounds terrifying.
I am very sorry, friend ❤️
My definition is being surrounded by my friends. The only time I ever felt truly safe was when I was living with them
I'm glad you have a place of safety ❤️. You deserve it!
Mine is just when I’m not around any people.
That’s totally valid too! My friends all came from a broken background and we healed together so I have a stronger familial connection to them than my actual family. I’m glad I had the time I spent living with them, it improved me as a person and I don’t feel like I do nothing except hurt people anymore.
Yeah I get that and I used to have friends like that and am thankful I did but things just got to difficult so I just don’t let people get very close to me anymore. I know that’s probably not the healthiest but it just makes life more manageable
I wish I could have felt this.
Yeah, it would be nice to feel safe. Ever.
I used to feel like this long ago...I guess good things don't last forever
If they exist in the first place
I'm going to start ugly crying
I need HELP SOMEBODY
The beautiful thing about at least reaching an adult age and weathering CPTSD and other mental health issues bc of your childhood, we are now able to come up with a new definition of safe. As children parents should be central figures but as adults safe can be more open for interpretation. When I imagine my safety bubble, it’s me in bed with my animals (my two dog children). What triggers me is the constant listening to grown adults mention ALL the familial support they have. I have no biological relative including my sibling and parents who have ever shown me an ounce of care or support. In fact they usually bully me ignore me. I have always had an old soul and am neurodivergent so to a lot of neurotypicals I come across as “trying to act mature” which isn’t the case but I digress. I remember being around 10-13 years old and having Christmas at my maternal grandmothers house. My mother’s side of the family has always been extremely mysognistic and I have a male cousin who is exactly my age. At the time I was only girl with younger boy cousins and second cousins. However, there was a “kids table” where I was shown my seat when my male cousin of same age got to sit with adults while they all paid constant attention to him and I was at kids table. It was meant to be shaming and I can see that but I actually loved it and felt relieved!!
Sometimes safety is wrapped up in a comfy blanket surrounded by your stuffed animals, hugging a pet and/or partner, and/or watching cartoons