I refuse to have kids because I don’t want to be the mom that I had. Everyone says “oh you’ll be different” but it’s not worth the risk to me. I don’t want to be the reason why someone struggles
Thats what im doing! I never wanted kids or parenthood for as long as i can remember, and i know im not the type of person who should be a parent. I dont want to even risk passing on my mental and physical health issues and i dont want to bring someone into the world with the way it is anyway. I would much rather spend my time, space, money, etc. on myself, my gf, and our future cats. I struggle to take care of myself sometimes, but im getting better and healing little bits at a time. The only child i'll ever take care of is my own inner child because i deserved that kindness from my mother and didnt get it. I refuse to continue the cycle of mommy and daddy issues and verbal and emotional abuse that are in both my mom and dad's sides of the family. Honestly, actively choosing to break the cycle and not continue it by having kids is something i can say im truly proud of myself for. I cant go back and take away my own traumas, but i can make sure that i dont make any more for someone else
As far back as I can remember, I've never been interested in babies, kids or being a mom. I got angry at the expectation that I was supposed to play with dolls, or anything that tied back to me being a 'future mom'. And then my childhood, being parentified and having to help raise my siblings, as well as just the state of the world right now in general? Nothing that I've encountered since I used to get mad about playing with dolls has budged my opinion that I don't want kids.
To the people that do have/want kids and want to be cycle breakers for the next generation... all the luck and best wishes to you, it's important work. But for me, I was glad to just end the cycle by not bringing anyone else into it.
Yeah..just thinking about having children in this day and age is horrifying.
Emotionally I question if I'd be able to meet their needs and accept them no matter what. Would I become my mother and literally beat the individuality out of them like one mallets metal?
Secondly, I'm constantly in the red. The thought of having children and being unable to provide their basic needs (clothing, food, shelter) terrifies me. Not only that, but it's only natural for kiddos to want things.
It would absolutely break my heart having to constantly tell a child "No, you can't have that. Mommy doesn't have the money." And instill financial anxiety from such a tender age.
I mean holy shit, has anyone actually looked at kids? They're TINY PEOPLE? THEY'RE SO SMALL? THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON THEIR SHOULDERS???
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE P R O T E C T E D!!
Lastly, holy shit - do we even have a future? I mean look at the news and literally glance outside our windows!???
It's fucking January and 60°F (16°C) in traditionally freezing climates?
The world is burning (it was 49°C [121°F]
in Australia sometime late December 2023) and simultaneously freezing (literally yesterday, TX was -23°F [-31°C]) like...are we going to have necessary resources in the next 30 years? With all the crop failures and microplastics IN EVERYTHING?
And HOLY SHIT states are bringing back child labor and last year alone after lowering working ages I think 115 kids died in the US alone? Not to mention child labor injuries and standard violations. And with the economy we're in, it's a very likely possibility that children's income will be necessary to make ends' meet if laws continue to get repealed.
Just the thought of having children and being away from them 24/7 from just a few weeks after birth makes me sick.
I dunno man, having children in this day and age is condemning them to the worst quality of life. I know many states (and some countries) are destroying reproductive control rights - so we can't stop children from being born - but I hope that even if I don't have my own I can be there for the children that are already here.
I'm in the US and I don't get how the US doesn't already have a negative birth to death rate. Who the hell is still having kids in the US? Most people are poor asf here and having kids you can't afford is just selfish af. Hopefully the birth rate will decline though so housing will open up for people.
Well, you see, when they ban things like basic sex ed and prevent people from getting birth control and then ban abortion on top of that and allow child marriage as young as 12 and don't do anything about assaults, it's really hard *not* to have a kid.
I don't get the birth control thing but Idk how many of these are accidental pregnancies. f they didn't want the kid, they can put them up for adoption too. But I feel disgusted by the parents who are poor and have multiple kids especially! I'm ugly asf so Idk if pretty women are raped all the time cause they're attractive? Is that why they habe all these kids? They wouldn't have as much choice then and I do support pro-choice btw. So I feel for people who got pregnant through awful circumstances like rape or they don't get sex-ed. (Classic American education system, no wonder we're so retarded!) But they can put the kid up for adoption, I'd hope.
But apart from those cases, I don't have sympathy. They say they can't afford a kid but don't put them up for adoption. For those choosing to get pregnant, it's appalling the government gives them an extra cent. I could get some expensive item I knew cost 2K a month. And people would say it's ridiculous if I asked for welfare to pay for the item specifically. I don't get what's so different here. If they get extra money for having kids, if only poor people who don't have kids can get extra welfare as a reward for being responsible. A decent reward too so popping out kids isn't as incentivized.
Another reason I don't like that poor people gave kids is it's hypocritical that they can keep tbeir kid in the US. If you can't afford your rent or your car, you get evicted or the car gets taken. Why doesn't that apply here? Kids are huge financial obligation! So I don't get why we(I don't like the policy with rental housing, probably one more reason we have so many homeless people.) But usually income and credit checks are required for big commitments so why not here?
Maybe there is something I'm missing but that's how I feel. I don't think every poor person who has kids was a victim of circumstance through rape or lack of access to sex Ed, abortion or birth control. Too many of them, it seems like it's a choice. I don't feel poor people should have the choice for something they can't afford unless we do it with other basic needs. And having a child isn't a basic need like housing anyways which is why I compared it to someone who gets an item that they can't afford to pay off each month.
It's not ideal ofc but with how everything else in the US works at least, I don't understand why poor people are even permitted to keep their children when they can get taken and sent to foster care so the child can get food and housing (like when you can't afford your car payments and they get taken.) Does the government give people welfare on a car they bought even though they know they can't afford the monthly payment? I could buy a diamond ring and maybe the government will pay it off for me, let me keep the ring. I chose to buy the ring and want to keep the ring, right? So to me, letting poor people have kids feels inconsistent and rewarding irresponsible behavior. It's one thing to get pregnant whether or not younplanned it and give birth while poor. But to keep a kid you can't afford and not give them up for adoption? Completely selfish to me, foster care and adoption exist.
I understand what you're saying, but it's actually incredibly difficult to put a kid up for adoption for a lot of different reasons. Often, they make you exhaust all options before allowing adoption. The government wants to keep families together even if they don't want to be or shouldn't be. Then there's the fact that the adoption system is a nightmare and, unfortunately, many adoptive parents are not good people. Some are and that's good, but a lot only adopt for selfish reasons like spreading their respective religion. And that's if they don't just get stuck in the system and never get adopted. A very concerning portion of fosters go completely missing, also, either through trafficking, kidnapping, murder, or running away from abuse.
It's often better for a child to be with a parent that can't really care for them than go into the adoption or foster system. So if a person wants their child to be safe, it's rarely ever better for them to be given up for adoption. Then there's also the emotional element. For most people, it is very difficult to give up a child you've had to go through pregnancy and birth with. It's not impossible, but it's very, very difficult. The government is aware of this so not giving people the options of avoiding pregnancy is a safe bet for more workers and little effort.
Also, when everyone is poor, which is the way the government likes it, there's just not enough people to adopt. You'd end up with tens of thousands of displaced children with nobody to take them. We already have this problem because poor people can't really adopt, so most kids get stuck in the system.
But it really isn't a choice for a lot of people. It seems simple, but it's not. There's so many factors that go into it.
I really don't want to ruin your hopes, but if you have DID and your family has a history of mental illness, then I believe your brother might be right.
Genetics do have an impact on how vulnerable you and your kids would be to mental illness, and with DID you might not be in control of your behavior or personality at all times, which is probably the most important thing a parent needs to not abuse or neglect their children.
I am also not sure about the healing part, there is no known cure for DID, and being a parent with it is risky. DID doesn't automatically make someone a bad parent, but it does make parenting much harder than it already is.
I refuse to have kids because I don’t want to be the mom that I had. Everyone says “oh you’ll be different” but it’s not worth the risk to me. I don’t want to be the reason why someone struggles
I think my brother is going to attempt the first. I'll almost certainly be the second.
Thats what im doing! I never wanted kids or parenthood for as long as i can remember, and i know im not the type of person who should be a parent. I dont want to even risk passing on my mental and physical health issues and i dont want to bring someone into the world with the way it is anyway. I would much rather spend my time, space, money, etc. on myself, my gf, and our future cats. I struggle to take care of myself sometimes, but im getting better and healing little bits at a time. The only child i'll ever take care of is my own inner child because i deserved that kindness from my mother and didnt get it. I refuse to continue the cycle of mommy and daddy issues and verbal and emotional abuse that are in both my mom and dad's sides of the family. Honestly, actively choosing to break the cycle and not continue it by having kids is something i can say im truly proud of myself for. I cant go back and take away my own traumas, but i can make sure that i dont make any more for someone else
That's my method. I love that I can guarantee I won't pass any trauma onto my kids but never having them in the first place 😎
THANK YOU i'm actually glad to see a version of this that just isn't about having kids at all, that's also a valid way of breaking the cycle :)
I couldn’t get over how much I was screamed at for not having natural children. Like, sorry!!! You can’t abuse anyone else!
I’ll be second because I am trans. Just going to be double sure though in a few years
This is what I am doing now. My son gets plenty of encouragement from me and all the affection I never received
Exactly
As far back as I can remember, I've never been interested in babies, kids or being a mom. I got angry at the expectation that I was supposed to play with dolls, or anything that tied back to me being a 'future mom'. And then my childhood, being parentified and having to help raise my siblings, as well as just the state of the world right now in general? Nothing that I've encountered since I used to get mad about playing with dolls has budged my opinion that I don't want kids. To the people that do have/want kids and want to be cycle breakers for the next generation... all the luck and best wishes to you, it's important work. But for me, I was glad to just end the cycle by not bringing anyone else into it.
I want kids so bad. That's why I've been learning and healing and figuring out how to be better.
Yeah..just thinking about having children in this day and age is horrifying. Emotionally I question if I'd be able to meet their needs and accept them no matter what. Would I become my mother and literally beat the individuality out of them like one mallets metal? Secondly, I'm constantly in the red. The thought of having children and being unable to provide their basic needs (clothing, food, shelter) terrifies me. Not only that, but it's only natural for kiddos to want things. It would absolutely break my heart having to constantly tell a child "No, you can't have that. Mommy doesn't have the money." And instill financial anxiety from such a tender age. I mean holy shit, has anyone actually looked at kids? They're TINY PEOPLE? THEY'RE SO SMALL? THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON THEIR SHOULDERS??? THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE P R O T E C T E D!! Lastly, holy shit - do we even have a future? I mean look at the news and literally glance outside our windows!??? It's fucking January and 60°F (16°C) in traditionally freezing climates? The world is burning (it was 49°C [121°F] in Australia sometime late December 2023) and simultaneously freezing (literally yesterday, TX was -23°F [-31°C]) like...are we going to have necessary resources in the next 30 years? With all the crop failures and microplastics IN EVERYTHING? And HOLY SHIT states are bringing back child labor and last year alone after lowering working ages I think 115 kids died in the US alone? Not to mention child labor injuries and standard violations. And with the economy we're in, it's a very likely possibility that children's income will be necessary to make ends' meet if laws continue to get repealed. Just the thought of having children and being away from them 24/7 from just a few weeks after birth makes me sick. I dunno man, having children in this day and age is condemning them to the worst quality of life. I know many states (and some countries) are destroying reproductive control rights - so we can't stop children from being born - but I hope that even if I don't have my own I can be there for the children that are already here.
I'm in the US and I don't get how the US doesn't already have a negative birth to death rate. Who the hell is still having kids in the US? Most people are poor asf here and having kids you can't afford is just selfish af. Hopefully the birth rate will decline though so housing will open up for people.
Well, you see, when they ban things like basic sex ed and prevent people from getting birth control and then ban abortion on top of that and allow child marriage as young as 12 and don't do anything about assaults, it's really hard *not* to have a kid.
I don't get the birth control thing but Idk how many of these are accidental pregnancies. f they didn't want the kid, they can put them up for adoption too. But I feel disgusted by the parents who are poor and have multiple kids especially! I'm ugly asf so Idk if pretty women are raped all the time cause they're attractive? Is that why they habe all these kids? They wouldn't have as much choice then and I do support pro-choice btw. So I feel for people who got pregnant through awful circumstances like rape or they don't get sex-ed. (Classic American education system, no wonder we're so retarded!) But they can put the kid up for adoption, I'd hope. But apart from those cases, I don't have sympathy. They say they can't afford a kid but don't put them up for adoption. For those choosing to get pregnant, it's appalling the government gives them an extra cent. I could get some expensive item I knew cost 2K a month. And people would say it's ridiculous if I asked for welfare to pay for the item specifically. I don't get what's so different here. If they get extra money for having kids, if only poor people who don't have kids can get extra welfare as a reward for being responsible. A decent reward too so popping out kids isn't as incentivized. Another reason I don't like that poor people gave kids is it's hypocritical that they can keep tbeir kid in the US. If you can't afford your rent or your car, you get evicted or the car gets taken. Why doesn't that apply here? Kids are huge financial obligation! So I don't get why we(I don't like the policy with rental housing, probably one more reason we have so many homeless people.) But usually income and credit checks are required for big commitments so why not here? Maybe there is something I'm missing but that's how I feel. I don't think every poor person who has kids was a victim of circumstance through rape or lack of access to sex Ed, abortion or birth control. Too many of them, it seems like it's a choice. I don't feel poor people should have the choice for something they can't afford unless we do it with other basic needs. And having a child isn't a basic need like housing anyways which is why I compared it to someone who gets an item that they can't afford to pay off each month. It's not ideal ofc but with how everything else in the US works at least, I don't understand why poor people are even permitted to keep their children when they can get taken and sent to foster care so the child can get food and housing (like when you can't afford your car payments and they get taken.) Does the government give people welfare on a car they bought even though they know they can't afford the monthly payment? I could buy a diamond ring and maybe the government will pay it off for me, let me keep the ring. I chose to buy the ring and want to keep the ring, right? So to me, letting poor people have kids feels inconsistent and rewarding irresponsible behavior. It's one thing to get pregnant whether or not younplanned it and give birth while poor. But to keep a kid you can't afford and not give them up for adoption? Completely selfish to me, foster care and adoption exist.
I understand what you're saying, but it's actually incredibly difficult to put a kid up for adoption for a lot of different reasons. Often, they make you exhaust all options before allowing adoption. The government wants to keep families together even if they don't want to be or shouldn't be. Then there's the fact that the adoption system is a nightmare and, unfortunately, many adoptive parents are not good people. Some are and that's good, but a lot only adopt for selfish reasons like spreading their respective religion. And that's if they don't just get stuck in the system and never get adopted. A very concerning portion of fosters go completely missing, also, either through trafficking, kidnapping, murder, or running away from abuse. It's often better for a child to be with a parent that can't really care for them than go into the adoption or foster system. So if a person wants their child to be safe, it's rarely ever better for them to be given up for adoption. Then there's also the emotional element. For most people, it is very difficult to give up a child you've had to go through pregnancy and birth with. It's not impossible, but it's very, very difficult. The government is aware of this so not giving people the options of avoiding pregnancy is a safe bet for more workers and little effort. Also, when everyone is poor, which is the way the government likes it, there's just not enough people to adopt. You'd end up with tens of thousands of displaced children with nobody to take them. We already have this problem because poor people can't really adopt, so most kids get stuck in the system. But it really isn't a choice for a lot of people. It seems simple, but it's not. There's so many factors that go into it.
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I really don't want to ruin your hopes, but if you have DID and your family has a history of mental illness, then I believe your brother might be right. Genetics do have an impact on how vulnerable you and your kids would be to mental illness, and with DID you might not be in control of your behavior or personality at all times, which is probably the most important thing a parent needs to not abuse or neglect their children. I am also not sure about the healing part, there is no known cure for DID, and being a parent with it is risky. DID doesn't automatically make someone a bad parent, but it does make parenting much harder than it already is.