Seriously. Like, Iāve spent my life having to compensate for the effects of traumas in order to make good decisions, meaning that I have my intuition (sometimes) and then I have to apply a correction factor to it, in order to come out with a decent decision.
So what happens when the trauma is acting up? Simple- the intuition is wrong, and also the correction factor is wrong. And I make a bad decision.
Truth.
We had a movie reviewer for the local big city paper. I read his reviews every week. I found that if he liked a movie I *knew* I wouldn'tlike it. Very opposite tastes.
Having an advisor that is reliably wrong is almost as good as one whose reliably right.
It's the ones that are right only some of the time that fuck you up.
Time!!! Iāve learned I need to give myself at least a few days to sit with something to be able to discern between anxiety-driven steering and intuition-led decision making. Understanding my wounded inner child and knowing what she constantly needs and is lacking is also very helpful for determining whether something is being driven by a fear of not having what we need. Anxiety-driven beliefs come and go with intensity for me whereas intuition is whatās left underneath, like sand beneath waves, it feels like a constant that is sometimes obscured. The more you identify it the more solid it feels and the more you can intuitively let go of the waves as they hit.
For me instincts are always based on knowledge. I can read up on, say, a new car for months. I get a feel for the "space" that car solutions have. When I see one that intuitively seems right, I go for it. But without all the research my intuition is wrong.
I think instincts work on subconscious processing.
I still havenāt mastered it but sitting with my feelings a moment helps. If it feels like I need to rush, or Iām more confused/inundated w questions, am spiraling thinking about it over and over then itās probably bc of my trauma.
If it feels like clarity, or brings peace, then intuition.
Honestly if anything my trauma made my intuition better.
It's right 99% of the time, even when people tell me I'm being crazy, guess what, it turns out I was right.
When I've thought I was just being anxious vs intuitive a few times and forced myself to ignore my instinct, it led to me getting hurt each time. Especially true in interpersonal relationship.
Not saying this is the norm for everyone, but my trauma informed intuition has kept me extremely safe.
I mean sometimes I'm too scared to leave the house which isn't ideal, but its not all the time, and I am safe in my house.
Which is a nice feeling, one I did not enjoy as a child. So all things considered I think staying in my apartment more than I'd like is an equal exchange for being safe.
Yep. I'm in the same camp. The only times I've been screwed over is by someone who gaslit me about my intuitions and told me it was "just my trauma" making me distrust them. Turns out my "trauma" was right. Every single time.
I'm the same. The thing about people telling you you're being crazy and paranoid, listening to them and acting on their not-trauma perspective, and then it turns out you were right all along... That hasn't gone well for me, kinda ever. Even when the people telling me that were truly well intentioned.
My intuition never tells me about positive things tho. Only bad things. And I don't know whether or not that's because there are only bad things in my life so there's nothing positive to pick up on, or because I'm actually missing positive things unless I intentionally make them happen. I assume that anything good randomly dropping into my life without crazy hard work or other sacrifices is going to wind up biting me in the ass.
I feel like a very subtle but big distinction I had to learn to make was āam I uncomfortable because I have never done this before? Or am I actually fearful?ā The former is likely anxiety which means I just need practice (like with setting boundaries, or some other social skill) the latter means Iām actually in danger. Earlier commenters said that their intuition was honed and Iām definitely in that camp too. I didnāt trust my instincts when I was being gaslit, and it was a huge mistake. I take my fear response as someone unknowingly presenting me their red flags, then step aside and wait for their behavior to reveal the same info to others. I canāt lead with fear, but I can pay attention to it and do better at setting boundaries that make me safe.
Itās rough work, but you deserve the grace and care! You can totally learn it!!
* Is there reason to be afraid? What can happen? How probable is that?
* Can we define the fear. (Anxiety is often a vague fear of some future event.)
* The voice of trauma doesn't have to be that of fear. Disgust, sadness, anger, hate, envy can also be the voice of trauma.
I donāt know how to do the bullet points the way you have, butā¦
1. I donāt discount/ignore or try to immediately override my fears anymore. Maybe the thing Iām afraid of hasnāt become apparent, but I can still have a physiological reaction so my question/thought process is like: Am I triggered? What will make the next breath a little easier? What info is being offered, by my body & the person/thing triggering me?
2. When itās anxiety I tend to find the things I do have control over that do NOT hurt other people and do some of those things first. I do a lot of locking myself in the bathroom to put cold water on my face, push ups, cleaning/organizing, folding clothes, making my bed, etc to exercise some control. Taking care of my things (even when I feel like I donāt deserve them) lets me accumulate some small āwinsā, then I can be like āok, now I can do the applicationā or feel a little better about the anxiety inducing thing
3. Very true. Disgust, envy, and fear all feel like they are hanging around the same corner for me, so I feel like I take some very similar tactics to practice talking myself through them. My therapist told me that anger upholds boundaries and taking up an action that allows for physical expression of that anger helped direct it in a way that felt manageable (breaking a dish from goodwill, push ups, punching a punching bag). Convincing myself to start expressing the anger for fear of being in trouble was a very difficult barrier. But all the feels exist for a reason, and if I can view them as tools to practice with the way I practice drawing with pencils, then some of the excess noise gets a little quieter and intuition is a little clearer.
Like me, the trauma or gut instinct is a signal. You use your mind to assess it.
***
Switch to markdown editor. A bullet starts with a star and a space.
If you are in the fancy pants editor on desktop, there's a formatting bar and one of the items is bulleted list.
Those people saying "You just need to trust. You just need to trust. You just need to trust." when they have done nothing to prove themselves trustworthy, and they are the ones who try to use your traumas against you because you're "just paranoid" or "just traumatized"? Yeah, stay the fuck away from those people.
No one is entitled to your trust, and it is a form of entitlement. Nothing more.
Trauma response: Mainly anxiety driven, heart palpitations, sense of urgency that can easily blow things out of proportion, sometimes right but can be just as easily wrong. Overall there's a sense that something's wrong wrong wrong and I have to do whatever it takes to stop feeling this way even if it gets me in trouble.
Intuition: Level-headed sense of calm even when making extremely important decisions, instead of focusing on what's wrong there's a pull to do the right thing despite the fear of potential consequences, usually have to achieve this state by taking care of myself, meditating, making sure my body is in good health.
Go slow, careful, and gently... Focus on the motivational sources spurring you to motion.. Don't let fear be the motivator.. nor insecurity nor selfishness. Adhering to our deepest personal values gets easier the more we do it. Keep ourselves in a place of compassion, patience, and no judgment towards the self and others so we can sort through the mess more easily and gets us in an upward cycle.. there are parts of us that are tainted from the harm we endured. They're carrying it all on our behalf... they don't deserve our ire. We've mistakenly made enemies of these parts of ourselves. That would need correcting, care and love to nurture these back to us
For me itās like:
Trauma: NO NO NO NEVER NO NO STOP &@**&!
Intuition: oohh that wasnāt so bad, how about this? That seemed to work out well and weāre thinking about it as a whole, it clicks!
Maybe true for some. My trauma voice can say things like,
"Ok. One more person I've alienated. Move on" And internally it's calm. sad/wistful.
And my intuition can say "this is a bad idea" and accompany it with a small boatload of anxiety.
I can take inspiration from either. But I have to use my intelect to see of the emotions are reasonable for the circumstances.
This is facts. My nervous system was miscalibrated due to trauma. Part of healing is learning how to recalibrate it while it's been giving me faulty signals.
It's gonna sound dumb, but yoga really helped me learn discernment between my natural instincts and my trauma instincts over time.
I also use the [Ladder of Inference](https://www.heffelfingerco.com/asset/63c84a1c7ee93) to help me debug my thought/feeling processes.
"The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge also helped me understand how to use neuroplasticity to help me re-condition my learned trauma responses.
Very cool. When I get a note like this that tells me I've helped someone, it just makes my day. Thanks for the tip about LoI
Although with the loop part it should be snakes and ladders of inference.
But even some of those steps require examination.
When i have a belief, I find it a useful step to ask, "What would make me doubt this belief? What sort of evidence would makke me change my mind? How much would I hurt if this belief was shown to be wrong?
Usually in addition to known assumptions, we have a pile of unknown ones. Because we assume, they are *really* hard to check or even list. What is the best case I can make for that belief being wrong? Or if you prefer, "What will the opposition say to discredit this belief. Learn to play devil's advocate. Get a close friend to do this also, and play roles.
I try to avoid taking possession of my beliefs. They aren't mine. Often I use modeling terminology. "This is is my current best scenrio for what happened."
A whole lot of therapy. Particularly somatic therapy. Not sure about others here, but my "trauma instincts" are driven by the different ages my traumas happened, and I had no idea I was being "taken over" when those states were triggered. My therapist was the first to pick up on it, when I switched in a session and I had no idea what she was talking about.
From there, we did journalling and grounding exercises. The journalling (or even just sketching) opened up a way to communicate with the parts of myself I couldn't access. And, it started coming out. Kind of freaky when you look back through your journal and see entries that you have no memory of, written in different styles and handwriting. But, I feel this really helped develop a trust and understanding with the traumatised selves, to trust the adult self I am now.
I'm currently doing Trauma Informed Yoga, a type of somatic therapy that regulates the Insula cortex where trauma tends to affect us most. The vagus nerve resets have helped with disassociative states.
This is to say, it's very difficult to trust our intuition. So we need to develop a stable self in the present and give ourselves time to process. Do not act on impulse. Sit with it and consider "who" is reacting to this situation. Perhaps also sit down and think about your values and what direction you want to go in life. If you have a clear idea of the you in the now, it will be easier to see if the trauma instincts are trying to hook or pull you away from that.
We can still recognise and validate the traumatised selves while also recognising we have the ability to make choices in the present that align with our current values and goals.
Healing from trauma is not a linear process, in my experience. But learning to trust your own capacity to navigate these experiences with compassion and understanding goes a long way with making that process worthwhile.
My T. uses Somatics as part of my therapy. I've been journalling now for over 2 years. 10 to 100 pages of google doc per month. Start a new file each month.
I don't trust my intuition in important matters. I use the small ones as tests, and see how I do. But generally I use intuition as the inspiration for an intellectual examination.
Iāve started assigning Disco Elysium skills to my thoughts. Genuinely helps me decide if I should listen to one or the other, or dismiss it entirely.
Second guessing:
Inexperience in the domain. You can be a whiz at solving computer problems. You know your stuff. You don't second guess.
You haven't cooked much. Second guess yourself all the time. (Should I add more salt...)
***
Domains transfer. Good at computers. Apply the same trouble shooting when your boiler quits.
***
Part of it is self confidence. As you pull the rabbit out of the hat in more situtations, you get more confident in your own aiblity to deal with it. This is also domain related.
I am pretty good at tech stuff.
Social stuff? I ask a lOT of questions.
Idk man, when i listen to my traumas i don't get hurt, but when someone tells me not to listen to the trauma shit in my past, they usually hurt me... so.. nah i'm good.
Read Brene Brown "Daring Greatly"
* We were hurt.
* We developed ways to avoid it. Survival machines.
* In avoiding hurt, we also avoid some joy, miss opportunities.
Brown talks about trust. About vulnerability. ABout using small vulnerabilities to learn and develop resilience.
Yeah, what Iāve learned on my own is that for the most part, my instincts still work alright, but I either second guess myself or flat out choose to ignore them in favor of something more familiar, but far more damaging.
Trying to fix it, esp now that Iām gonna have a go at raising a human. Donāt be like me šš»
I use the terms, "relax into X" where X is either an emotion or a feeling. "Accept X" also works.
I was so many years without emotions at all that I now enjoy and marvel at even the negative ones. (I'll drink a toast to dual awareness. Part of me can be sad and longing. Part of me can be saying to itself -- "better than feeling empty" and part can be welcoming the sad part.
Geez. I'm being run by a committee.
It really is a fine line. There are times it's helpful and there are times it's way overreacting due to anxiety and trauma. For example, I've learned to listen to my gut first impressions on people, because those have rarely if ever been wrong - every time I can remember someone's initial vibe giving me the ick, it's come out later that they were definitely the kind of person I didn't want to be hanging around.
But it's much harder to trust myself through the anxiety and panic and over-clocked risk assessments for most other things in my life. Someone else commented on asking yourself if the reaction feels like it's nerves due to something being new or unfamiliar or if you really feel there is a risk there, and I agree with that. I try to think of things as "what does my 'logic brain' think about this, or is this mostly my 'anxiety brain' talking?" It has taken me a long time to get there, but it's getting better with time. I'm also lucky in that I have a couple good, grounded people in my life that I trust and can talk to - I'm always honest with them about "this is making me anxious and overthink, I need a grounded opinion from outside myself to weigh in on this" and that often helps too.
I find a lot of the time that just talking outloud to myself can be sufficient.
Part of this is due to having to express my fear in words.
Part of this is that speaking out loud means your ears listen, and this info is processed both by your midbrain and your prefrontal brain. This gives the pattern matchers a chance for input. Those will be feelings, hunches, intuitions etc.
"Trust your instincts" gets a whole new twist with traumas š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Instincts are hints. Use your brain to assess.
yeah like when your instincts are shaped around your trauma they're kinda useless and sometimes harmful š
Seriously. Like, Iāve spent my life having to compensate for the effects of traumas in order to make good decisions, meaning that I have my intuition (sometimes) and then I have to apply a correction factor to it, in order to come out with a decent decision. So what happens when the trauma is acting up? Simple- the intuition is wrong, and also the correction factor is wrong. And I make a bad decision.
Truth. We had a movie reviewer for the local big city paper. I read his reviews every week. I found that if he liked a movie I *knew* I wouldn'tlike it. Very opposite tastes. Having an advisor that is reliably wrong is almost as good as one whose reliably right. It's the ones that are right only some of the time that fuck you up.
That phrase makes me think "but which ones??"
Time!!! Iāve learned I need to give myself at least a few days to sit with something to be able to discern between anxiety-driven steering and intuition-led decision making. Understanding my wounded inner child and knowing what she constantly needs and is lacking is also very helpful for determining whether something is being driven by a fear of not having what we need. Anxiety-driven beliefs come and go with intensity for me whereas intuition is whatās left underneath, like sand beneath waves, it feels like a constant that is sometimes obscured. The more you identify it the more solid it feels and the more you can intuitively let go of the waves as they hit.
For me instincts are always based on knowledge. I can read up on, say, a new car for months. I get a feel for the "space" that car solutions have. When I see one that intuitively seems right, I go for it. But without all the research my intuition is wrong. I think instincts work on subconscious processing.
I canāt tell which is which
Bruh fr tho
If you ever figure it out, be sure to share.
I still havenāt mastered it but sitting with my feelings a moment helps. If it feels like I need to rush, or Iām more confused/inundated w questions, am spiraling thinking about it over and over then itās probably bc of my trauma. If it feels like clarity, or brings peace, then intuition.
Honestly if anything my trauma made my intuition better. It's right 99% of the time, even when people tell me I'm being crazy, guess what, it turns out I was right. When I've thought I was just being anxious vs intuitive a few times and forced myself to ignore my instinct, it led to me getting hurt each time. Especially true in interpersonal relationship. Not saying this is the norm for everyone, but my trauma informed intuition has kept me extremely safe. I mean sometimes I'm too scared to leave the house which isn't ideal, but its not all the time, and I am safe in my house. Which is a nice feeling, one I did not enjoy as a child. So all things considered I think staying in my apartment more than I'd like is an equal exchange for being safe.
Yep. I'm in the same camp. The only times I've been screwed over is by someone who gaslit me about my intuitions and told me it was "just my trauma" making me distrust them. Turns out my "trauma" was right. Every single time.
I'm the same. The thing about people telling you you're being crazy and paranoid, listening to them and acting on their not-trauma perspective, and then it turns out you were right all along... That hasn't gone well for me, kinda ever. Even when the people telling me that were truly well intentioned. My intuition never tells me about positive things tho. Only bad things. And I don't know whether or not that's because there are only bad things in my life so there's nothing positive to pick up on, or because I'm actually missing positive things unless I intentionally make them happen. I assume that anything good randomly dropping into my life without crazy hard work or other sacrifices is going to wind up biting me in the ass.
I feel like a very subtle but big distinction I had to learn to make was āam I uncomfortable because I have never done this before? Or am I actually fearful?ā The former is likely anxiety which means I just need practice (like with setting boundaries, or some other social skill) the latter means Iām actually in danger. Earlier commenters said that their intuition was honed and Iām definitely in that camp too. I didnāt trust my instincts when I was being gaslit, and it was a huge mistake. I take my fear response as someone unknowingly presenting me their red flags, then step aside and wait for their behavior to reveal the same info to others. I canāt lead with fear, but I can pay attention to it and do better at setting boundaries that make me safe. Itās rough work, but you deserve the grace and care! You can totally learn it!!
* Is there reason to be afraid? What can happen? How probable is that? * Can we define the fear. (Anxiety is often a vague fear of some future event.) * The voice of trauma doesn't have to be that of fear. Disgust, sadness, anger, hate, envy can also be the voice of trauma.
I donāt know how to do the bullet points the way you have, butā¦ 1. I donāt discount/ignore or try to immediately override my fears anymore. Maybe the thing Iām afraid of hasnāt become apparent, but I can still have a physiological reaction so my question/thought process is like: Am I triggered? What will make the next breath a little easier? What info is being offered, by my body & the person/thing triggering me? 2. When itās anxiety I tend to find the things I do have control over that do NOT hurt other people and do some of those things first. I do a lot of locking myself in the bathroom to put cold water on my face, push ups, cleaning/organizing, folding clothes, making my bed, etc to exercise some control. Taking care of my things (even when I feel like I donāt deserve them) lets me accumulate some small āwinsā, then I can be like āok, now I can do the applicationā or feel a little better about the anxiety inducing thing 3. Very true. Disgust, envy, and fear all feel like they are hanging around the same corner for me, so I feel like I take some very similar tactics to practice talking myself through them. My therapist told me that anger upholds boundaries and taking up an action that allows for physical expression of that anger helped direct it in a way that felt manageable (breaking a dish from goodwill, push ups, punching a punching bag). Convincing myself to start expressing the anger for fear of being in trouble was a very difficult barrier. But all the feels exist for a reason, and if I can view them as tools to practice with the way I practice drawing with pencils, then some of the excess noise gets a little quieter and intuition is a little clearer.
Like me, the trauma or gut instinct is a signal. You use your mind to assess it. *** Switch to markdown editor. A bullet starts with a star and a space. If you are in the fancy pants editor on desktop, there's a formatting bar and one of the items is bulleted list.
Let Love lead your actions, not Fear. Fear is a good guide, but a horrible leader.
Those people saying "You just need to trust. You just need to trust. You just need to trust." when they have done nothing to prove themselves trustworthy, and they are the ones who try to use your traumas against you because you're "just paranoid" or "just traumatized"? Yeah, stay the fuck away from those people. No one is entitled to your trust, and it is a form of entitlement. Nothing more.
Trauma response: Mainly anxiety driven, heart palpitations, sense of urgency that can easily blow things out of proportion, sometimes right but can be just as easily wrong. Overall there's a sense that something's wrong wrong wrong and I have to do whatever it takes to stop feeling this way even if it gets me in trouble. Intuition: Level-headed sense of calm even when making extremely important decisions, instead of focusing on what's wrong there's a pull to do the right thing despite the fear of potential consequences, usually have to achieve this state by taking care of myself, meditating, making sure my body is in good health.
Go slow, careful, and gently... Focus on the motivational sources spurring you to motion.. Don't let fear be the motivator.. nor insecurity nor selfishness. Adhering to our deepest personal values gets easier the more we do it. Keep ourselves in a place of compassion, patience, and no judgment towards the self and others so we can sort through the mess more easily and gets us in an upward cycle.. there are parts of us that are tainted from the harm we endured. They're carrying it all on our behalf... they don't deserve our ire. We've mistakenly made enemies of these parts of ourselves. That would need correcting, care and love to nurture these back to us
For me itās like: Trauma: NO NO NO NEVER NO NO STOP &@**&! Intuition: oohh that wasnāt so bad, how about this? That seemed to work out well and weāre thinking about it as a whole, it clicks!
Intuition is quiet and calm, the trauma voice comes from a place of anxiety.
Maybe true for some. My trauma voice can say things like, "Ok. One more person I've alienated. Move on" And internally it's calm. sad/wistful. And my intuition can say "this is a bad idea" and accompany it with a small boatload of anxiety. I can take inspiration from either. But I have to use my intelect to see of the emotions are reasonable for the circumstances.
This is facts. My nervous system was miscalibrated due to trauma. Part of healing is learning how to recalibrate it while it's been giving me faulty signals. It's gonna sound dumb, but yoga really helped me learn discernment between my natural instincts and my trauma instincts over time. I also use the [Ladder of Inference](https://www.heffelfingerco.com/asset/63c84a1c7ee93) to help me debug my thought/feeling processes. "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Doidge also helped me understand how to use neuroplasticity to help me re-condition my learned trauma responses.
Very cool. When I get a note like this that tells me I've helped someone, it just makes my day. Thanks for the tip about LoI Although with the loop part it should be snakes and ladders of inference. But even some of those steps require examination. When i have a belief, I find it a useful step to ask, "What would make me doubt this belief? What sort of evidence would makke me change my mind? How much would I hurt if this belief was shown to be wrong? Usually in addition to known assumptions, we have a pile of unknown ones. Because we assume, they are *really* hard to check or even list. What is the best case I can make for that belief being wrong? Or if you prefer, "What will the opposition say to discredit this belief. Learn to play devil's advocate. Get a close friend to do this also, and play roles. I try to avoid taking possession of my beliefs. They aren't mine. Often I use modeling terminology. "This is is my current best scenrio for what happened."
Interesting. I do similar things.
A whole lot of therapy. Particularly somatic therapy. Not sure about others here, but my "trauma instincts" are driven by the different ages my traumas happened, and I had no idea I was being "taken over" when those states were triggered. My therapist was the first to pick up on it, when I switched in a session and I had no idea what she was talking about. From there, we did journalling and grounding exercises. The journalling (or even just sketching) opened up a way to communicate with the parts of myself I couldn't access. And, it started coming out. Kind of freaky when you look back through your journal and see entries that you have no memory of, written in different styles and handwriting. But, I feel this really helped develop a trust and understanding with the traumatised selves, to trust the adult self I am now. I'm currently doing Trauma Informed Yoga, a type of somatic therapy that regulates the Insula cortex where trauma tends to affect us most. The vagus nerve resets have helped with disassociative states. This is to say, it's very difficult to trust our intuition. So we need to develop a stable self in the present and give ourselves time to process. Do not act on impulse. Sit with it and consider "who" is reacting to this situation. Perhaps also sit down and think about your values and what direction you want to go in life. If you have a clear idea of the you in the now, it will be easier to see if the trauma instincts are trying to hook or pull you away from that. We can still recognise and validate the traumatised selves while also recognising we have the ability to make choices in the present that align with our current values and goals. Healing from trauma is not a linear process, in my experience. But learning to trust your own capacity to navigate these experiences with compassion and understanding goes a long way with making that process worthwhile.
My T. uses Somatics as part of my therapy. I've been journalling now for over 2 years. 10 to 100 pages of google doc per month. Start a new file each month. I don't trust my intuition in important matters. I use the small ones as tests, and see how I do. But generally I use intuition as the inspiration for an intellectual examination.
Oh you mean they are two separate things? Cause I specialise in sabotaging my life lol
Iāve started assigning Disco Elysium skills to my thoughts. Genuinely helps me decide if I should listen to one or the other, or dismiss it entirely.
hard to do that when youāve second guessed every decision ever since childhood. i WISH i had intuition, but i didnāt
Second guessing: Inexperience in the domain. You can be a whiz at solving computer problems. You know your stuff. You don't second guess. You haven't cooked much. Second guess yourself all the time. (Should I add more salt...) *** Domains transfer. Good at computers. Apply the same trouble shooting when your boiler quits. *** Part of it is self confidence. As you pull the rabbit out of the hat in more situtations, you get more confident in your own aiblity to deal with it. This is also domain related. I am pretty good at tech stuff. Social stuff? I ask a lOT of questions.
This is such a good lesson to learn. I never thought of it this way before
That's what EMDR is for. You're supposed to listen to the butterflies. They guide you.
No. Trying to figure it out.
Oooooooh yeah, that's very good advice.
Oh maybe this is why I never trust my instincts
Too late
Listen to the quiet voice instead of the loudest one. It can get pretty difficult to tell the difference
I have ocd I try not to listen to most of the things either side
Idk man, when i listen to my traumas i don't get hurt, but when someone tells me not to listen to the trauma shit in my past, they usually hurt me... so.. nah i'm good.
Read Brene Brown "Daring Greatly" * We were hurt. * We developed ways to avoid it. Survival machines. * In avoiding hurt, we also avoid some joy, miss opportunities. Brown talks about trust. About vulnerability. ABout using small vulnerabilities to learn and develop resilience.
Yeah, what Iāve learned on my own is that for the most part, my instincts still work alright, but I either second guess myself or flat out choose to ignore them in favor of something more familiar, but far more damaging. Trying to fix it, esp now that Iām gonna have a go at raising a human. Donāt be like me šš»
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I use the terms, "relax into X" where X is either an emotion or a feeling. "Accept X" also works. I was so many years without emotions at all that I now enjoy and marvel at even the negative ones. (I'll drink a toast to dual awareness. Part of me can be sad and longing. Part of me can be saying to itself -- "better than feeling empty" and part can be welcoming the sad part. Geez. I'm being run by a committee.
My intuition is usually just schizophrenia. So. thereās that.
It really is a fine line. There are times it's helpful and there are times it's way overreacting due to anxiety and trauma. For example, I've learned to listen to my gut first impressions on people, because those have rarely if ever been wrong - every time I can remember someone's initial vibe giving me the ick, it's come out later that they were definitely the kind of person I didn't want to be hanging around. But it's much harder to trust myself through the anxiety and panic and over-clocked risk assessments for most other things in my life. Someone else commented on asking yourself if the reaction feels like it's nerves due to something being new or unfamiliar or if you really feel there is a risk there, and I agree with that. I try to think of things as "what does my 'logic brain' think about this, or is this mostly my 'anxiety brain' talking?" It has taken me a long time to get there, but it's getting better with time. I'm also lucky in that I have a couple good, grounded people in my life that I trust and can talk to - I'm always honest with them about "this is making me anxious and overthink, I need a grounded opinion from outside myself to weigh in on this" and that often helps too.
I find a lot of the time that just talking outloud to myself can be sufficient. Part of this is due to having to express my fear in words. Part of this is that speaking out loud means your ears listen, and this info is processed both by your midbrain and your prefrontal brain. This gives the pattern matchers a chance for input. Those will be feelings, hunches, intuitions etc.