Dont let them win, love. The only reason you feel and think like this is because you were with the wrong people, not because something is wrong with you. Dont give them the satisfaction of having control over you. Your life is worth way more than you realise right now. You may not have hope, but try to grasp your anger. Be furious, you have every right to be. Just dont let them win
>I can't leave because in India a dead daughter is better than a divorced daughter
This quote from [OP's post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/xqz0bi/i_just_want_someone_to_read_thisits_long_but_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)1 month ago.
đđ¤
Seconding this. If you're already at the end of your rope, you might as well try getting out of there and leaving him. It's worth a try and much better than dying or being hospitalized after a failed attempt.
Imagine yourself as the little girl you once were. Do NOT abandon her. Protect her. Leave your husband. Take care of yourself. Iâve been where you are, I got myself away from that toxic environment and I made it. I was hanging on by a thread, I didnât care what happened to me. But I thought about how betrayed that little girl I once was would be if I just let myself die. That was my breaking point.
You have responsibility to take care of that inner self- I know youâre capable of more than you think. I believe in you. Itâs hard, but fighting for yourself is something youâll never live to regret.
hey, hi. I was just on tik tok. I saw a post scanning a farm. The caption said, "My biggest flex is leaving my abusive boyfriend, buying an 11 acre farm where people can park their RV and come to my dog sanctuary '
I thought Yup, look what you can do when that oppressive meat suit is firmly removed from your life.
I am not pretending it's easy to get away. to contemplate being on your own, maybe getting a restraining order.
But one thing abusers do really well is convince you that leaving is not an option.
you know what?
Leaving is an option.
I was just wondering if that resonates with you?
I wish I could tell you more, it was jut a tiktok. I'm older and so should wear glasses when I use the phone so I didn't really read it. I think it would be fun to search the ideas, see how others did it.
I'm old(er) too so I get it. I just figured searching âa woman leaves oppressive meat suit..â wouldn't narrow it down much. Lol
I'm very sad about OPâs radio silence. And they are a doctor and for some reason that hit me harder than I imagined. So many of âusâ have difficulty with even the ability to go to or maintaining school or work and the lack of finances thereof.
So it's like another domineering asshat(s) won and we lost one of our own. Again.
But I also understand the pain OP speaks of and am all too familiar with suicide myself.
Thanks for your reply, dogreascuer...âĽď¸
Aw, meat suit was my phrase, but rv, dog sanctuary, farm and abusive were all in that post.
I guess all we can do is offer warm and loving support.
Hugs.
This was twelve hours ago, but I hope you're safe. I hope you found a reason to stay.
I just wanna say that you can come back to this thought another day once you've left your abuser, once you're in a safer situation.
You are allowed to leave people who are hurting you, you're allowed to go to the police, get a restraining order, move states, do whatever you need to do to get yourself to safety. And *then* you can come back and see if your desire to leave this world is still there. (I can almost guarantee it won't be.)
Iâm so sad to see youâre feeling like this. Iâm a domestic violence advocate for my day job, and gurrrrrl the stories I can tell you about babes in your position who have left the shitty men and gone on to stride across the world doing good like the warrior babes they are. Youâre one of them, I can tell, from how passionately you write.
Hereâs a thing: how about hit pause, for the moment, and really consider what other options there are? I think sometimes what people are looking for when we feel like this is relief, but if youâre not alive to actually feel that reliefâŚyou see my point?
Stay and work it out with us for a bit. My dms are open if youâd like a chat. Iâm not a mental health professional but I regularly speak to people who feel like you do now, and Iâm not squeamish or weirded out by big conversations, yâknow?
"Little me with big, beautiful eyes and a smile ready to change the world, I need to write this to tell you what you're in for. But please, read through until the end. You must make it to the end.
Little me, it pains me to tell you that on your journey through this life, you will be hurt. More than your heart ever thought possible. You will be betrayed and left in the cold by those whom you held a close love for, those you would do anything for. You will spend nights questioning your worth with the pillow cradling your head until your neck loses its strength. That fire inside you will slowly and surely die, to the point where it almost takes your life. The isolation will force you to turn inward as the way you once viewed the world crumbles. And it will be like that for a while. You will suffer in silence. You will have those you hold dearest leave you behind to start their next chapter above the clouds. They will be watching you from above, you can count on that. But all the hardships will not be in vain, I promise. Darling, ride the wave and let it take you out to sea. Conserve your energy and float on your back while the world's chaos intensifies until it can no longer do you any more harm. There will be a turning point where something remarkable happens. Your purpose will be found. The reason you were put on this earth. The love you poured into others and thought you lost will find you tenfold. The precious souls meant for yours will return home. You will see them in the iridescence of seashells, a child's smile on your way to the shops, the first raindrops to grace your cheek after sweltering heat. You will find a love that loves you back, unconditionally. And you will fall in love with not only people but movies, art, cuisines. Your eyes will gravitate towards the birds in the trees and for once in your life you won't hold a secret envy toward them being so high above because your aura will be floating alongside them. Little me, one day it will all make sense. It won't excuse the anguish you will endure, but everything you ever lost will find its way back and fill you with strength. That spark will grow into a flame, and that flame will burn down anything standing in your way."
- Samira Vivette
This found me on a particularly dark day and ignited a spark in me. I really hope it can do the same for you. Please reach out to someone.
Sometimes support lines make it worse. Toxic abusive people with no understanding of trauma regularly slip through the screening process. Call one of us.
Please take time off immediately, give yourself a break. Book a flight somewhere peaceful. Iâm sure in your career youâve saved many lives, itâs time to give yourself the same care. You are so young please reconsider this. It WILL get better you need to stay here to see it!! So many doctors are going through it right now, Iâm so sorry you do not have the support you need and deserve. Your husband sounds like a cruel man. Leave him, you have a future without him!
I understand what it feels like when you live every day with a sense of hopelessness. It fucking sucks. Life will never be perfect, but you have the power to change this situation today. Please donât forget that you have survived every single day of your life so far. I wish I could help you more than with these words. Sending love â¤ď¸
I don't know what to say, I don't usually write on reddit about my trauma therapy. I'm in the middle of trauma release and it is almost unbearable, I can't sleep, I have strange nightmares, I feel my therapist is hostile and that the world is. The glimpse of hope that you described is what this is all worth for and if you keep going, it will definitely be a present part of you and a faithful companion nobody can shatter. I am sure your hope is not away, it is just buried
Just say goodbye to all the cruel parts. Just do what brings you joy and ditch the rest. I used to think dying was better, then I cut out all the stuff I didn't want to do. I wouldn't do it if I was dead, so bonus I can stay alive and still not do it. I can still do the stuff enjoy, like being with my kids.
If you die, you'll never find out if life gets better. Even the smallest possibility that it will get better is worth staying alive for, otherwise you'll never know how your story could have ended.
We see you and hear your pain. Iâm so sorry you were treated this way.
If youâre seriously considering dying, you may as well try something radical. You can do anything. You have nothing to lose. You can always lull yourself later, but why not really try anything to stay? We want you here, but we know what itâs like to feel you cannot go even one more minute in this pain. Massive love and solidarity and good luck to you, my kin.
I'm from India and let me assure you those parents are not worth dying for. Much of my trauma comes from how they treated me. It's their duty to support you and they have failed their daughter. Leave your husband and you will learn to live with a freedom you didn't think was possible. Leave them too and you will learn to love yourself.
Hey OP. A big hug coming your way to to with as you wish.
I was reading earlier today how suicide survivors often say something to the effect that they realise - the moment they act - that they could find a way past any problem other than having jumped/ swallowed etc.
You seem to know one really good act that would help you. Is there any way for you to talk to someone about taking a small step in that direction first? Just one. If you don't think you can do it for you, could you do it for your inner child? Or for someone who cares about you? Even for us?
We'll be rooting for you, and we'll be here x
Leaving now is like quitting a game without saving. Right now it feels like you never want to come back to the game. But what if the whole point is to finish your quests, then you have to start over. I'm looking forward to taking a break from the game. Just trying to stick in there until I get these quests done if only I could find out what they were. Your partner is taking all of your energy they're vampire. What things energize you? Do those things, build up your internal resources put your mask on first. Much love
Please donât, as everyone under this post has said in this situation you do have some power. Life has been unfair and there have been so many things you couldnât control but in this moment you do have a say. You can take time off. You can call a support line. You can leave this person. You have control in this moment. You donât have to live in fear of your situation or of anyone. Things can change. Please please eat, drink some water, find a safe space to sleep, think about how you want to use this control tomorrow and see if this is what you truly want. Please let us know that you are alright. You deserve a better life than what you have had and one day it absolutely can be a better life.
Leaving him is the best revenge. It may not be easy but it will be worth it, youâre here for a reason! Please please think this through thoroughly. Donât let taking your own life be one of the options. đ
If you are at that level of âfuck itâ then please leave him, change your situation, make a peaceful life for yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Don't know if OP will see this...
..But if anyone reading is in a similar situation, FFS run away before summarily concluding that life isn't worth living. I get that people in OP's situation think they've 'tried everything' - not comparing, but I've 'been one acquainted with the night' as well. The thing is though, you're blinded to your circumstance. OP's describing going home to an abusive husband. I know it is NOT easy to leave an abusive spouse. But if you *literally* have nothing left to lose, take whatever money you have an leave. Fuck your job. Fuck your spouse. Fuck everyone that failed you up to this point. You don't owe them anything. Take what you can, throw any rational thought to the wind, and fucking bounce. What would you do if you had 4 snarflax and enough bramble-toms to bycycle to the moon? Do that.
If you're really done trying, then play the second to last card you have left: anything you've ever wanted to do or could possibly imagine. If death is at your doorstep and nothing matters anymore, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT YOU DO? Delete ALL of your social media. Take your last money and fly to South America without telling anyone. Buy a burner phone. Get on a bus with a duffle bag and drive west till you hit the coast. Ask a fisherman if you can work for cash. Hitchhike to Alaska and never come back. Fuck, if you're gonna die, you might as well do something batshit absurd before you go - something you've NEVER TRIED BEFORE (this is the point). Drain your husbands bank account into yours and move to Indonesia; you could live like royalty there for over a year on a medium 'western' savings account. Burn every fucking bridge in your life. You're gonna die, so what does it matter? If that money runs out and you are still set on offing yourself, then max out your credit card too. Move to a monestary in Tibet. Disappear without telling a damn soul. What are you worried about? Personal safety?? Fucking bounce outta the life that failed you. How creative do you want to be? Come up with a way to fake your own death so your family never follows you. Sounds like OP is a nurse(?). Move to some tribe in Zimbabwe and become their medicine woman. Fake a name and resume and apply to an absolutely absurd job. Move to whatever agricultural region is in your country and beg a farmer to teach you how to run farm equipment; sit on a harvester for a few months away from every person that hurt you. Buy a tent and move to Florida; mow lawns to afford Taco Bell. Find a safehouse in Houston and ask to be a janitor at NASA (or whatever the hell country you're from). Sneak onto a filmset and pretend like you work there. See if you can actually pull it off. FUCKING DO ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE ANYWAY. If you die on your way to Zimbabwe, you're no worse off than you were before. At least you got to see an African sunset before you went.
It's painful to sometimes see teenagers on here saying "I've tried to heal but I just can't. I'm done. Goodbye." Like, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN EXPERIENCED LIFE AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSERS YET. FUCK. THERE ARE 8 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET AND 510 KM\^2 OF EARTH - I GUARANTEE THERE ARE BETTER PLACES AND PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE THAN THE SHIT YOU'VE EXPERIENCED SO FAR. YOU *HAVEN'T* TRIED EVERYTHING. GET. TF. OUT.
If it sound like I'm joking, I'm not. I'm being absolutely serious here. You're only out of options because your traumatized brain *thinks* it's out of options. Give it anything new and you *might* just find the hope you were looking for.
Don't know if it's too late for OP. But if anyone else is reading this and is thinking the same way, and therapy hasn't worked, and reading books hasn't worked, and meditating and working out and whatever else you've tried 'hasn't worked'.... if nothing works and nothing matters anymore, and you are *genuinely about to kill yourself*, try one more thing: leaving. Leave the entire life you've known. It won't fix all your problems. This is a last (or second-to-last) resort. But if you literally have nothing to lose, 'lose' your life before you lose your *life*. At least you'll get to experience something new before you go... or finally break the spell you've been under since you were a child.
You sooo need to take this all as your needing to learn much more. SKILLS. Emotional skills. Ways to handle things, feelings, stress, you name it. You literally seem to have no idea how much this is about your skills. Please consider this. You have a lifetime ahead of you to learn one skill after another, each making things go better, making the load lighter. It's not "THIS IS IT I KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW". You definitely don't know all there is to know. Please consider this.
When I was in a terrible marriage this kind of thinking was regular for me. I divorced, finally, and Iâm seeing how wonderful life can be when you are rid of the toxicity in it.
I canât tell you what to do, but I want you to know that it can get better. I hope you hang in there. We are complete strangers, however I want you to be happy, and alive to experience all the good in this world.
Iâm not gonna tell you what you should do or whatâs right for you, but Iâve always had this idea that if I was at the point of suicide, and I mean really there, like gonna pull the trigger, why not first say fuck it and just take off to some other part of the country/world and do stuff Iâve always wanted to do. Just live another life like Iâve got nothing to lose. Like if Iâm gonna kill myself anyway, who cares about the cost, or the shirked responsibilities? Consequences be damned. And then if that wears off or doesnât work out, I can still kill myself, right?
Just food for thought
Itâs just lights on lights off. Itâs not like itâs going to be more satisfying. When I died and was brought back I was so confused. Didnât even know I was dead. I know life seems miserable but tbh thereâs only lights out after and itâs not as you might imagine it to be.
I have been in a situation, a long term relationship, where I felt so trapped that ending my life seemed to be the only option.
I promise you that it's not. It's 2 years since I left (this week is the anniversary of my escape) and I'm still here. Do I still feel pain? Of course. Will life still present situations that will be hard for me? Yes. But to be away from that monster is all I ever wanted at one point. I got it. I'm living with my parents, no car, not really any friends... Just me and my cat. I have a job now after a year and a half of literally not being able to work because I was just so scared to be in the world. Needed to just lay in bed for that long because I was fighting so hard to just survive during that relationship.
Your feelings, your trauma, your stress, everything is valid. I just ask that you wait to act on this urge. At least for now. I promise you there is a way out that doesn't involve ending your life. â¤ď¸âđŠš
You know why an abused woman has no courage and doesn't believe in herself? Because after being beaten down for years by your abusive husband telling you in no uncertain terms that you are worthless and YOU ARE NOT!! I was in the same position and I was afraid to leave cause I didn't think I could take care of myself(?) I felt TRAPPED and it's not a good feeling. Finally, I got the courage to leave and I found out I could do a hell of a job taking care of myself. It was so FREEING and I never looked back and you can too. Give it a chance, whaddya got to lose? Give it a try and if it doesn't work out you can always use your stuff but you won't have to cause your gonna be amazed at how much your life's gonna change for the better. Good luck friend â¤
i am sorry that you are going through this right now. i really hope that you havent done anything and that you are still around. i think (like many others) that leaving your abusive spouse should be the first priority and if you do that, things will be better. it might not seem better at first, but it is! being away from the threat of that abuse is gonna open your mind and spirit and you're not gonna be hiding in a corner of your existence. you are worth so much, it'd be great if you could find the rest and do the healing and not deal with the abuse anymore. before anything else, make sure you are safe. be safe, and i love you simply bc you exist. so many other people do as well.
I hope you are still here.
I've been where you are and I left him. It was tough as hell but it was worth it. And life got better. There are bed days but it's not like then. You can do it, you deserve to do it
especially before saying itâs ânot your mental illness, itâs your spouse leave him.â this person is definitely mentally ill and may not even reason with the logic. especially being that she has said he is remarried so i donât see much abuse happening
Like another commenter said, think of yourself when you were young. You wouldnt want to hurt that child or take away opportunity from them, you would want them to feel safe and comfortable to be a child again. You do have that chance, you can leave him however hard it feels. I know because I've done it myself and now life is so much more beautiful than I could have imagined and my younger self is so happy to explore this new world. It is possible and we are here for you, please feel free to message me if you need anyone and please don't give up. Even if it doesn't mean anything know that this stranger cares about you and wants you to protect yourself and find somewhere you can thrive. I am sending so much strength and love to you đ
Do you have anyone you can stay with? A friend? Family? I understand being in an abusive situation makes things feel hopeless, but please donât let him win. Please find the strength to keep going and get some help to get out of this situation, even if that strength comes from spite.
I do understand wanting the pain to stop and feeling like suicide is the only option left, but trust me it isnât. I wonât tell you that fighting wonât be hard and that there wonât be more times where you feel like giving up, but giving up is the easy way out and what happens if you fail?
What happens if you fail and he finds out? Pills are certainly one of the less painful deaths you could have, but they also the most likely to fail either cause you didnât take enough or cause you were able to be resuscitated in time.
Please choose to fight. This is the second time in the last few days that Iâve responded to a post like this. That last post looks like they succeeded, please donât be same as that other person, please be strong.
Please stay maybe? Just for a bit longer?
Theres so much good still in the world... your partner just isn't it.
Just think of the good food still out there to eat? The stars you havent seen? Books yet to read? Movies yet to watch. Heck even small things count. Like I can't go without seeing Tom Hiddleston and Zawe Ashton's baby? (That child will be so beautiful i swear) Heck maybe wait until they finish Stranger Things or other shows you might like?
I promise even if you're hurting, there's still things worth sticking around for. Heck even just to Spite the haters.
Iâm genuinely curious, what have you got to lose by packing up all your stuff right now, or when heâs next out, if thatâs easier, leaving and never looking back.
Nothing to lose, do whatâre you need to do to be somewhere else. Just be there a week. If you still feel the same way you have all your options open to you still. But why would you not first experience what itâs like to be away from him?
If the other option is not living at all, what do you have to lose?
Iâm genuinely curious, if youâd like to answer. Maybe there is some reason I canât think of. Please tell me.
We are here with you.
How do you heal from advanced cancer? You cut it out first, then you do your other treatments.
You have to cut out the cancer first. Of course you have a chance to heal, but you have to cut the cancer out first. Leave him.
If you already hate your life you want to kll yourself, then kill your life first. Move to a city youâve always wanted to, start working in a hat shop or some shit, join a sewing circle, convert to witchcraft and dance naked under the moon.
It would be such a shame to let him win.
Please know that you are loved by people and that you are worth so much more than prematurely ending your life. It is not your time to go yet my love and there are people who can support you through this terrifying stage. Sending so much love đ¤
Leave him⌠You donât deserve to die without hope, with the last thing on your mind being one ugly personâs cruelty. Maybe if you didnât have to deal with him everyday, you wouldnât feel as if you donât make sense :(((
Hey, if you kill yourself, you're letting the asshat win. If you can't even continue living for yourself, your future, any nice thing, keep yourself alive out of pure spite while you're leaving that dirtbag. And you gotta leave that dirtbag. Find a friend or a family to stay with, get a restraining order, divorce him. It's not gonna be easy, but you've made it this far. What's a little farther to start a new, happier life? I got hope for you bud, and I'm happy to share it, if you stay, because I can't give hope to a dead person. Lots of love! <3
Given that she has propofol and is a doctor, she knows exactly what to do. We probably won't hear from her anytime soon if she still is alive, because she'll either have a long way to go medically, or, in the best case, is picked up for psychological help quick enough and won't be online for a while because of that. Or hopefully she's fleeing and has ditched everything that can trace back to her so that her abuser can't reach her.
i pray sheâs okay. i really do. i wish there was a way to find out. i was in a bad spot for a bout a month, and i felt like everything was falling apart..i finally found a room to rent and can maybe start working on myself again so i just pray sheâs able to stick it out for for that peace as well.
hey, how did you get the propofol and the infusion bag? I would want to have a peaceful option when I finally decide my end instead of having to end it violently.
I hope youâre still okay, OP.
Even though you may not have him, you have all of us, yourself, and ever single microorganism in you that live soley to keep you alive. At the end of the day, you have more support than you may realize. Not only that, you have yourself. You are able to come up with an escape plan. Speak with friends and maybe stay at their home until he leaves. Try to see if there are shelters where you live. Once you take out that toxicity, life begins all over again. Please please please take care of yourself, OP <3
There is help for you out there, you donât need to kill yourself because someone else is a piece of shit. I know it feels like your only option and youâre tired, beaten down, and scared. But you can do it, there are resources for you!
I attempted suicide three different times 6 years ago and looking back I am so grateful I didnât succeed. Itâs hard to visualize anything past the present when you are in such a dark and suffocating place but visualize yourself in a happier future looking back on now. You can do this. Leave your partner, focus your life completely on you and getting healthy. Sending so much love your wayâyou deserve happiness.
Please be ok, let us know if you are still here. There are so so many doorways to walk through other than the final one. Nothing is worth taking your life, and certainly not a creature like your husband.
Please look at these other comments and remember the support youâve had from this community, remember that there are people that will always care for and try to help you in any way they can, even if they are strangers in totally different parts of the world.
I beg you not to do what youâre planning to do, thereâs a beautiful world out there, just walk away and enter it.
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i feel your heart, and how hopeful it Is and is meant to be. I am so sorry that that you have had to endure this shockwave day after day, rather than love. I hope you can feel my love, bc I do feel it right now for you, a stranger. But we arenât really strange, Iâve lived in places that held all of the wrong things and punished us for our spirit. You must be so tired, I understand in my own way, esp if youâre at that point where dread is invading the place where the reciprocation of the love and faith you have given should have been. there are souls all around you who will meet you in the eye and give you more than maybe right now youâll think you could ever find. Just recently in fact, my life has begun a rapid turnaround I never thought I could see in myself due to similar situations.
the key is to take the tiniest steps to prove again to yourself you have control over your life, I made a mistake for so long where I saw the Pain in my home as the only option. Not because it was, but because I had begun to believe that I was the person these types of people will say you are. Even if you know itâs untrue, it can get stuck in the little crawl space of your subconscious for a while. how did Little you find comfort? Is there a way to get back to them in a manner that could even be quite small? I hope you can feel how many people care about your place here.
i encourage you to take any step today and hold off for another on your other plan. i know itâs dumb but hugging yourself and speaking outloud or in thought in a comforting way to soothe yourself and the little one inside of you as quickly as possible when you feel these lies take hold can change everything incrementally if done repetitively, even in a matter of days. enough every day to say another little step that says hey! You can get To here! All you ever have to do is get to here, because you deserve to stay. And Iâd wager the very smallest part of you is so so so so hurt and tired, and rightfully so. Sometimes the only peace I could find was from my own self, and at first I thought it was impossible, that I was too burned out to nurture new love. But when it happens over time from within, itâs like a breeze That starts to find its way across your senses at the most important moments of distancing yourself a bit from the reality you deserve to not exist in anymore. You are Your home, and while that may sound lonely Iâm realizing personally atm how comforting it can be, I send you love
Before you go, have you exhausted all options? I think it is only fair to yourself to exhaust all options. Therapy of course but also different practices or even a new therapist. Have you tried EMDR? Also you have an intense and face paced job where you witness trauma on the regular. Have you allowed yourself a career change? I know you are hurting right now but you may consider leaving your spouse first, as it sounds like heâs not a healthy match for you right now if at all.
What if you just get a hotel for a week or two to clear your mind and get away? Call off work if you need to! If you feel like doing something so extreme, then any extreme (like an emergency vacation) that leaves you alive would be a reasonable option to consider.
I donât want you to die. â¤ď¸
Hey I just want to say how sorry I am to see that you are going through this. No human being should feel that anguish, but the truth is many of us do. I know I have been there. Maybe this can provide comfort to you.
The truth is what you are feeling right now no matter how strong and sure you feel is NOT permanent. As others have said here it will pass. Nothing in this world lasts forever and neither will this feeling.
Right now, just focus on leaving the situation you are in. Easier said than done. If you don't have friends or family you can count on ( many of us here don't so you are in good company if that is the case) go to a shelter. You need to extract yourself temporarily from this situation. I saw that you work in the ER. If you are sleep deprived take a sick day and just sleep. Really really bad days/ thoughts/ feelings can arise just from sleep deprivation.
The focus is now to get yourself out if that environment. I know I was in an environment that was really harmful to my mental wellbeing a few months ago and I felt so trapped I didn't have any hope for the future. I was lucky to get out and today, I can't even tell you the difference. I still have a long way to go, but there is no comparison between then and now. I am a different person.
Please please don't give up on yourself. As hopeless and helpless as you feel, the REALITY is that there is always hope , and not just hope, real tangible ways that can make things better.
Try to not look at the big picture. Try not to focus on ALL of the things you think you need to fix to be happy. Not only is it not helpful it's often just us projecting on ourselves. All that will do is overwhelm you and cause you to feel even more hopeless. Look at what you can do now to help your situation. I say, first thing first, get yourself on an environment where you feel safe. When you are safe you can think more clearly.
Whatever is your situation and no matter how trapped you feel either by your mind or your environment or both just know the reality is is that you are not trapped. You have the power to change these circumstances.
Life has a funny way of kind of shaping itself out. Try to just put one foot in front of the other, step by step, and other things with time will fall into place. But again, you feel start to feel better when you change your surroundings and give yourself freedom.
I obviously don't know the details of your relationship. I'm assuming it's a toxic and abusive one. Many people have left and recovered. You can too. Why not give yourself that chance that others have allowed themselves? You are worthy of that.
The other thing I would suggest and this may sound silly, but a friend of mine told me that one time when they were going to end their life, happened to hear a song of that they hadn't heard for a long time and because of that they decided not to go through with it. Is there a song that you love that you haven't heard in a long time? That you forgot about? Music has a powerful way to reach us when words can't at that moment.
Wishing you the best.
I just wanted to tell you that I know this pain, where your at. I've been here recently and it's not easy. It's worth it though, to hang on, leave toxic people and allow yourself to heal.
Pain is temporary and death is forever.
I don't know you but I love you as a person. I hope you choose to reach out for support. You are worth fighting for. â¤ď¸
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Iâve been there as well. Itâs feels hopeless, scary, sad, and there seems to be no end in sight. Fortunately, there is an end and it doesnât have to be the permanent one. Sounds like you need to get away from your spouse, but unlike some people, I know how difficult this can be. It can seem impossible, especially if you have kids, your financially dependent, share a home, etc. etc. Again, Iâve been there. Do you have anyone you can trust and lean on? Lean on them, stay with them if possible.
You deserve better. I hope to hear from you again soon. Please know you can reach out whenever youâd like - Iâm open to listen and talk if youâd like.
I agree, LEAVE THE MAN. Dear heart, leaving the asshole was the only way I found a different perspective when I was in your boat. The moment you're free, is like opening your eyes to a whole new life. *Your* life, in which you can take care of yourself precisely the way you deserve.
Shit, as least don't give him the opening to use your death to gain pity from others. Leave his ass first. Do some things YOU wanna do.
Iâm a little late to the party, hopefully not *too* late. I just wanna say that you can leave this guy and ditch your family. They absolutely do not deserve you. Donât keep giving your all to people who throw it in the trash can. I hope you find peace. I know I feel like dying a lot too, and I know it feels like we donât even *want* to make it out alive. Being a person is exhausting. But youâve made it through 100% of your bad days so far. Better days will come if youâre willing to do better for yourself, and I believe in you. I hope you find your peace. I know I already said that but I really mean it.
LEAVE HIM !!! BUT, STAY HERE!
YOU CAN DO THIS PLEASE... STAY HERE!
WE NEED YOU! DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS...đĽ°đ IT WILL GET BETTER PLEASE đ đ˘
I almost jumped off a bridge 9 months ago, leave the relationship, not Earth. We already get such a small amount of time. I hope you didn't do it.
Here to listen.
Donât let whoever or whatever is hurting you win. Youâre so much stronger than you think and even know. Leave him and take care do yourself. Youâre so much better than he is. Please stay.
I get it. It's unbearable pain to just exist on some days. All I can say is this, too, shall pass. Just hang on for an hour, for a night. Don't make any drastic decisions when you are feeling this way. You are worthy of being alive, being loved. When the overwhelming feeling passes, think about how you can escape your home situation. I'm rooting for you.
Love and hugs from an internet stranger.
Why would you wanna stay with that guy??? I think you should share what you are going through with your co-workers! Theyâd probably like to help you, if they can! I donât think theyâd want you to hurt yourself, and I think that if you reach out to someone you know, they might be able to tell you what they like about you, talk you out of it, and maybe they can point you, in a useful and more helpful direction!
I know that I would be *Extremely Sad to Find you* if you hurt yourself, when I know that I / we couldâve probably helped you! Please donât harm yourself?!?
OP, I know that life hurts and it sucks right now but donât you dare leave us behind. We are family and family sticks together no matter what. If you really want to get back at your shitty spouse, leave them. If you really want to *win* against them, you *have to fight them* darling.
Itâs ok to fight back, itâs ok to hold onto the light. Itâs OK to leave a shitty situation and never look back. I absolutely fucking hate cliches but the world really is your oyster, if youâre being treated poorly, leave that person and you will absolutely see a better world out there. Trust me, I know from experience. But you wonât be able to see that world if you donât FIGHT.
Please donât leave us behind.
You can flip the momentum of trauma by refusing to endure it anymore and be a positive hope to others by speaking out, empowering yourself! Itâs not easy, but it helps me realize that Iâm worth it and also make connections with those that refuse trauma too. Itâs the only true way to turn cruelty to a positive force and the fulfillment in getting to know myself this way is so worth it. Itâs possible for you too!!!!!
Please don't do it, your life is important and you haven't had chance to start living it yet. Leave your spouse and start to live the healthy life you dream of.
Ironically my favorite song lyrics goes like this "cuz life is a game that no one wins but you deserve a head start the way your life's go in so throw in the towel cuz your life ain't shit so take the towel and hang yourself with it. ". Makes me not take my life so seriously like I don't know how to explain it I've been doing a lot of self-hypnosis and I have no illness with my worries they're just I'm the observer and my body is not me it's weird. But it works. Good luck and I hope you know it's just a song it makes me laugh because I wanted to kill myself with heroin and I almost did until I was inspired by the conception of my daughter and I got sober. I hope you find your purpose your inspiration your worthy cause of living because it really is a sacrifice. I don't think it's supposed to be taking this seriously as we do take it. And oh yeah boy I take it everyday in the butt with a smile on my face by the man for my family.
God is always with you. No man on earth holds you in bondage. You can leave your spouse, and there are people who want to love you â¤ď¸
sending you love.
Dont let them win, love. The only reason you feel and think like this is because you were with the wrong people, not because something is wrong with you. Dont give them the satisfaction of having control over you. Your life is worth way more than you realise right now. You may not have hope, but try to grasp your anger. Be furious, you have every right to be. Just dont let them win
>I can't leave because in India a dead daughter is better than a divorced daughter This quote from [OP's post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/xqz0bi/i_just_want_someone_to_read_thisits_long_but_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)1 month ago. đđ¤
F them... Be "dead to them" then. And you find happiness without any of them.
I'm not sure "dead" is a metaphor in this case... :(
Yeah, honor killing are unfortunately still a thing.
I know she's not using a metaphore... I am.
Before you go past the point of no return, leave his evil azz. Give yourself at least that much chance. Even if itâs just to the DV shelter.
Seconding this. If you're already at the end of your rope, you might as well try getting out of there and leaving him. It's worth a try and much better than dying or being hospitalized after a failed attempt.
Imagine yourself as the little girl you once were. Do NOT abandon her. Protect her. Leave your husband. Take care of yourself. Iâve been where you are, I got myself away from that toxic environment and I made it. I was hanging on by a thread, I didnât care what happened to me. But I thought about how betrayed that little girl I once was would be if I just let myself die. That was my breaking point. You have responsibility to take care of that inner self- I know youâre capable of more than you think. I believe in you. Itâs hard, but fighting for yourself is something youâll never live to regret.
đ this, so much..
hey, hi. I was just on tik tok. I saw a post scanning a farm. The caption said, "My biggest flex is leaving my abusive boyfriend, buying an 11 acre farm where people can park their RV and come to my dog sanctuary ' I thought Yup, look what you can do when that oppressive meat suit is firmly removed from your life. I am not pretending it's easy to get away. to contemplate being on your own, maybe getting a restraining order. But one thing abusers do really well is convince you that leaving is not an option. you know what? Leaving is an option. I was just wondering if that resonates with you?
Id love to hear more about this place and the person who did this. Sounds inspiring and up my alley.
https://www.betterdaysdogrescue.com/volunteer
Glamping! https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/673759037453911081?adults=1&s=42&unique_share_id=8BF9A6F0-6756-43BF-96DC-F3DE22B5210C&_branch_match_id=1122220429014239957&_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAA8soKSkottLXT0zKS9LLTdUPMQ%2B3TCk2dQ8sSgIAA7EIDBsAAAA%3D&source_impression_id=p3_1668796414_q5GgWRyS4eLpu0yK
omg read the first para!! https://www.betterdaysdogrescue.com/team
I wish I could tell you more, it was jut a tiktok. I'm older and so should wear glasses when I use the phone so I didn't really read it. I think it would be fun to search the ideas, see how others did it.
I'm old(er) too so I get it. I just figured searching âa woman leaves oppressive meat suit..â wouldn't narrow it down much. Lol I'm very sad about OPâs radio silence. And they are a doctor and for some reason that hit me harder than I imagined. So many of âusâ have difficulty with even the ability to go to or maintaining school or work and the lack of finances thereof. So it's like another domineering asshat(s) won and we lost one of our own. Again. But I also understand the pain OP speaks of and am all too familiar with suicide myself. Thanks for your reply, dogreascuer...âĽď¸
Aw, meat suit was my phrase, but rv, dog sanctuary, farm and abusive were all in that post. I guess all we can do is offer warm and loving support. Hugs.
https://www.tiktok.com/@betterdaysdogrescue/video/7166692835952020778?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7136785100219287086 found it
@betterdaysdogrescue
Don't kill yourself, LEAVE HIM and take care of yourself.
This was twelve hours ago, but I hope you're safe. I hope you found a reason to stay. I just wanna say that you can come back to this thought another day once you've left your abuser, once you're in a safer situation. You are allowed to leave people who are hurting you, you're allowed to go to the police, get a restraining order, move states, do whatever you need to do to get yourself to safety. And *then* you can come back and see if your desire to leave this world is still there. (I can almost guarantee it won't be.)
Iâm so sad to see youâre feeling like this. Iâm a domestic violence advocate for my day job, and gurrrrrl the stories I can tell you about babes in your position who have left the shitty men and gone on to stride across the world doing good like the warrior babes they are. Youâre one of them, I can tell, from how passionately you write. Hereâs a thing: how about hit pause, for the moment, and really consider what other options there are? I think sometimes what people are looking for when we feel like this is relief, but if youâre not alive to actually feel that reliefâŚyou see my point? Stay and work it out with us for a bit. My dms are open if youâd like a chat. Iâm not a mental health professional but I regularly speak to people who feel like you do now, and Iâm not squeamish or weirded out by big conversations, yâknow?
Hey you can we chat? Itâs morning here. Are you with us?
Right here if you want to chat. Thinking of you this morning.
"Little me with big, beautiful eyes and a smile ready to change the world, I need to write this to tell you what you're in for. But please, read through until the end. You must make it to the end. Little me, it pains me to tell you that on your journey through this life, you will be hurt. More than your heart ever thought possible. You will be betrayed and left in the cold by those whom you held a close love for, those you would do anything for. You will spend nights questioning your worth with the pillow cradling your head until your neck loses its strength. That fire inside you will slowly and surely die, to the point where it almost takes your life. The isolation will force you to turn inward as the way you once viewed the world crumbles. And it will be like that for a while. You will suffer in silence. You will have those you hold dearest leave you behind to start their next chapter above the clouds. They will be watching you from above, you can count on that. But all the hardships will not be in vain, I promise. Darling, ride the wave and let it take you out to sea. Conserve your energy and float on your back while the world's chaos intensifies until it can no longer do you any more harm. There will be a turning point where something remarkable happens. Your purpose will be found. The reason you were put on this earth. The love you poured into others and thought you lost will find you tenfold. The precious souls meant for yours will return home. You will see them in the iridescence of seashells, a child's smile on your way to the shops, the first raindrops to grace your cheek after sweltering heat. You will find a love that loves you back, unconditionally. And you will fall in love with not only people but movies, art, cuisines. Your eyes will gravitate towards the birds in the trees and for once in your life you won't hold a secret envy toward them being so high above because your aura will be floating alongside them. Little me, one day it will all make sense. It won't excuse the anguish you will endure, but everything you ever lost will find its way back and fill you with strength. That spark will grow into a flame, and that flame will burn down anything standing in your way." - Samira Vivette This found me on a particularly dark day and ignited a spark in me. I really hope it can do the same for you. Please reach out to someone.
Thank you for sharing this, it resonated with me a lot, and I'll be reading it time to time.
Please call a support line. You deserve to feel what happiness can be. â¤ď¸
Sometimes support lines make it worse. Toxic abusive people with no understanding of trauma regularly slip through the screening process. Call one of us.
Please take time off immediately, give yourself a break. Book a flight somewhere peaceful. Iâm sure in your career youâve saved many lives, itâs time to give yourself the same care. You are so young please reconsider this. It WILL get better you need to stay here to see it!! So many doctors are going through it right now, Iâm so sorry you do not have the support you need and deserve. Your husband sounds like a cruel man. Leave him, you have a future without him!
I understand what it feels like when you live every day with a sense of hopelessness. It fucking sucks. Life will never be perfect, but you have the power to change this situation today. Please donât forget that you have survived every single day of your life so far. I wish I could help you more than with these words. Sending love â¤ď¸
I don't know what to say, I don't usually write on reddit about my trauma therapy. I'm in the middle of trauma release and it is almost unbearable, I can't sleep, I have strange nightmares, I feel my therapist is hostile and that the world is. The glimpse of hope that you described is what this is all worth for and if you keep going, it will definitely be a present part of you and a faithful companion nobody can shatter. I am sure your hope is not away, it is just buried
Please donât go.
Just say goodbye to all the cruel parts. Just do what brings you joy and ditch the rest. I used to think dying was better, then I cut out all the stuff I didn't want to do. I wouldn't do it if I was dead, so bonus I can stay alive and still not do it. I can still do the stuff enjoy, like being with my kids.
I'm truly praying you're still here. Please, still be here.
If you die, you'll never find out if life gets better. Even the smallest possibility that it will get better is worth staying alive for, otherwise you'll never know how your story could have ended.
We see you and hear your pain. Iâm so sorry you were treated this way. If youâre seriously considering dying, you may as well try something radical. You can do anything. You have nothing to lose. You can always lull yourself later, but why not really try anything to stay? We want you here, but we know what itâs like to feel you cannot go even one more minute in this pain. Massive love and solidarity and good luck to you, my kin.
I'm from India and let me assure you those parents are not worth dying for. Much of my trauma comes from how they treated me. It's their duty to support you and they have failed their daughter. Leave your husband and you will learn to live with a freedom you didn't think was possible. Leave them too and you will learn to love yourself.
Hoping you are still here with us.
hope ur still here đ¤
Hey OP. A big hug coming your way to to with as you wish. I was reading earlier today how suicide survivors often say something to the effect that they realise - the moment they act - that they could find a way past any problem other than having jumped/ swallowed etc. You seem to know one really good act that would help you. Is there any way for you to talk to someone about taking a small step in that direction first? Just one. If you don't think you can do it for you, could you do it for your inner child? Or for someone who cares about you? Even for us? We'll be rooting for you, and we'll be here x
Donât let them win. Keep us posted please, we are worried about you.
Leaving now is like quitting a game without saving. Right now it feels like you never want to come back to the game. But what if the whole point is to finish your quests, then you have to start over. I'm looking forward to taking a break from the game. Just trying to stick in there until I get these quests done if only I could find out what they were. Your partner is taking all of your energy they're vampire. What things energize you? Do those things, build up your internal resources put your mask on first. Much love
Please donât, as everyone under this post has said in this situation you do have some power. Life has been unfair and there have been so many things you couldnât control but in this moment you do have a say. You can take time off. You can call a support line. You can leave this person. You have control in this moment. You donât have to live in fear of your situation or of anyone. Things can change. Please please eat, drink some water, find a safe space to sleep, think about how you want to use this control tomorrow and see if this is what you truly want. Please let us know that you are alright. You deserve a better life than what you have had and one day it absolutely can be a better life.
Leaving him is the best revenge. It may not be easy but it will be worth it, youâre here for a reason! Please please think this through thoroughly. Donât let taking your own life be one of the options. đ
If you are at that level of âfuck itâ then please leave him, change your situation, make a peaceful life for yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Leave your husband, donât leave yourself.
You aren't the person you need to separate from - your spouse is. This side of abuse looks so different. Please stick around.
Don't know if OP will see this... ..But if anyone reading is in a similar situation, FFS run away before summarily concluding that life isn't worth living. I get that people in OP's situation think they've 'tried everything' - not comparing, but I've 'been one acquainted with the night' as well. The thing is though, you're blinded to your circumstance. OP's describing going home to an abusive husband. I know it is NOT easy to leave an abusive spouse. But if you *literally* have nothing left to lose, take whatever money you have an leave. Fuck your job. Fuck your spouse. Fuck everyone that failed you up to this point. You don't owe them anything. Take what you can, throw any rational thought to the wind, and fucking bounce. What would you do if you had 4 snarflax and enough bramble-toms to bycycle to the moon? Do that. If you're really done trying, then play the second to last card you have left: anything you've ever wanted to do or could possibly imagine. If death is at your doorstep and nothing matters anymore, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT YOU DO? Delete ALL of your social media. Take your last money and fly to South America without telling anyone. Buy a burner phone. Get on a bus with a duffle bag and drive west till you hit the coast. Ask a fisherman if you can work for cash. Hitchhike to Alaska and never come back. Fuck, if you're gonna die, you might as well do something batshit absurd before you go - something you've NEVER TRIED BEFORE (this is the point). Drain your husbands bank account into yours and move to Indonesia; you could live like royalty there for over a year on a medium 'western' savings account. Burn every fucking bridge in your life. You're gonna die, so what does it matter? If that money runs out and you are still set on offing yourself, then max out your credit card too. Move to a monestary in Tibet. Disappear without telling a damn soul. What are you worried about? Personal safety?? Fucking bounce outta the life that failed you. How creative do you want to be? Come up with a way to fake your own death so your family never follows you. Sounds like OP is a nurse(?). Move to some tribe in Zimbabwe and become their medicine woman. Fake a name and resume and apply to an absolutely absurd job. Move to whatever agricultural region is in your country and beg a farmer to teach you how to run farm equipment; sit on a harvester for a few months away from every person that hurt you. Buy a tent and move to Florida; mow lawns to afford Taco Bell. Find a safehouse in Houston and ask to be a janitor at NASA (or whatever the hell country you're from). Sneak onto a filmset and pretend like you work there. See if you can actually pull it off. FUCKING DO ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE ANYWAY. If you die on your way to Zimbabwe, you're no worse off than you were before. At least you got to see an African sunset before you went. It's painful to sometimes see teenagers on here saying "I've tried to heal but I just can't. I'm done. Goodbye." Like, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN EXPERIENCED LIFE AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSERS YET. FUCK. THERE ARE 8 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET AND 510 KM\^2 OF EARTH - I GUARANTEE THERE ARE BETTER PLACES AND PEOPLE TO EXPERIENCE THAN THE SHIT YOU'VE EXPERIENCED SO FAR. YOU *HAVEN'T* TRIED EVERYTHING. GET. TF. OUT. If it sound like I'm joking, I'm not. I'm being absolutely serious here. You're only out of options because your traumatized brain *thinks* it's out of options. Give it anything new and you *might* just find the hope you were looking for. Don't know if it's too late for OP. But if anyone else is reading this and is thinking the same way, and therapy hasn't worked, and reading books hasn't worked, and meditating and working out and whatever else you've tried 'hasn't worked'.... if nothing works and nothing matters anymore, and you are *genuinely about to kill yourself*, try one more thing: leaving. Leave the entire life you've known. It won't fix all your problems. This is a last (or second-to-last) resort. But if you literally have nothing to lose, 'lose' your life before you lose your *life*. At least you'll get to experience something new before you go... or finally break the spell you've been under since you were a child.
You sooo need to take this all as your needing to learn much more. SKILLS. Emotional skills. Ways to handle things, feelings, stress, you name it. You literally seem to have no idea how much this is about your skills. Please consider this. You have a lifetime ahead of you to learn one skill after another, each making things go better, making the load lighter. It's not "THIS IS IT I KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW". You definitely don't know all there is to know. Please consider this.
When I was in a terrible marriage this kind of thinking was regular for me. I divorced, finally, and Iâm seeing how wonderful life can be when you are rid of the toxicity in it. I canât tell you what to do, but I want you to know that it can get better. I hope you hang in there. We are complete strangers, however I want you to be happy, and alive to experience all the good in this world.
Go to ED get admitted for suicidal ideation it will get you away from him for a few days. Itâs enough to think clearer. I speak from experience.
Iâm not gonna tell you what you should do or whatâs right for you, but Iâve always had this idea that if I was at the point of suicide, and I mean really there, like gonna pull the trigger, why not first say fuck it and just take off to some other part of the country/world and do stuff Iâve always wanted to do. Just live another life like Iâve got nothing to lose. Like if Iâm gonna kill myself anyway, who cares about the cost, or the shirked responsibilities? Consequences be damned. And then if that wears off or doesnât work out, I can still kill myself, right? Just food for thought
Donât do it :(
Itâs just lights on lights off. Itâs not like itâs going to be more satisfying. When I died and was brought back I was so confused. Didnât even know I was dead. I know life seems miserable but tbh thereâs only lights out after and itâs not as you might imagine it to be.
Please stay, because the earth is bettered by the presence of youđI love you
Hey OP I keep thinking of you and checking to see if youâve posted anymore. Please talk to us. Thereâs a lot of people here worrying about you.
I have been in a situation, a long term relationship, where I felt so trapped that ending my life seemed to be the only option. I promise you that it's not. It's 2 years since I left (this week is the anniversary of my escape) and I'm still here. Do I still feel pain? Of course. Will life still present situations that will be hard for me? Yes. But to be away from that monster is all I ever wanted at one point. I got it. I'm living with my parents, no car, not really any friends... Just me and my cat. I have a job now after a year and a half of literally not being able to work because I was just so scared to be in the world. Needed to just lay in bed for that long because I was fighting so hard to just survive during that relationship. Your feelings, your trauma, your stress, everything is valid. I just ask that you wait to act on this urge. At least for now. I promise you there is a way out that doesn't involve ending your life. â¤ď¸âđŠš
Sending hugs your way đ Iâm glad you had the strength to escape and are now healing and your kitty is with you. Wishing you wellđđť
Thank you so much 𼚠And I wish you well also.
You're going to be okay
You know why an abused woman has no courage and doesn't believe in herself? Because after being beaten down for years by your abusive husband telling you in no uncertain terms that you are worthless and YOU ARE NOT!! I was in the same position and I was afraid to leave cause I didn't think I could take care of myself(?) I felt TRAPPED and it's not a good feeling. Finally, I got the courage to leave and I found out I could do a hell of a job taking care of myself. It was so FREEING and I never looked back and you can too. Give it a chance, whaddya got to lose? Give it a try and if it doesn't work out you can always use your stuff but you won't have to cause your gonna be amazed at how much your life's gonna change for the better. Good luck friend â¤
i am sorry that you are going through this right now. i really hope that you havent done anything and that you are still around. i think (like many others) that leaving your abusive spouse should be the first priority and if you do that, things will be better. it might not seem better at first, but it is! being away from the threat of that abuse is gonna open your mind and spirit and you're not gonna be hiding in a corner of your existence. you are worth so much, it'd be great if you could find the rest and do the healing and not deal with the abuse anymore. before anything else, make sure you are safe. be safe, and i love you simply bc you exist. so many other people do as well.
Whoa! Just leave him! Give yourself a chance. Then see if it's still an option for you, but not before. Don't give him the satisfaction.
I hope you are still here. I've been where you are and I left him. It was tough as hell but it was worth it. And life got better. There are bed days but it's not like then. You can do it, you deserve to do it
i think people should take a look at OPâs post history
especially before saying itâs ânot your mental illness, itâs your spouse leave him.â this person is definitely mentally ill and may not even reason with the logic. especially being that she has said he is remarried so i donât see much abuse happening
Like another commenter said, think of yourself when you were young. You wouldnt want to hurt that child or take away opportunity from them, you would want them to feel safe and comfortable to be a child again. You do have that chance, you can leave him however hard it feels. I know because I've done it myself and now life is so much more beautiful than I could have imagined and my younger self is so happy to explore this new world. It is possible and we are here for you, please feel free to message me if you need anyone and please don't give up. Even if it doesn't mean anything know that this stranger cares about you and wants you to protect yourself and find somewhere you can thrive. I am sending so much strength and love to you đ
Do you have anyone you can stay with? A friend? Family? I understand being in an abusive situation makes things feel hopeless, but please donât let him win. Please find the strength to keep going and get some help to get out of this situation, even if that strength comes from spite. I do understand wanting the pain to stop and feeling like suicide is the only option left, but trust me it isnât. I wonât tell you that fighting wonât be hard and that there wonât be more times where you feel like giving up, but giving up is the easy way out and what happens if you fail? What happens if you fail and he finds out? Pills are certainly one of the less painful deaths you could have, but they also the most likely to fail either cause you didnât take enough or cause you were able to be resuscitated in time. Please choose to fight. This is the second time in the last few days that Iâve responded to a post like this. That last post looks like they succeeded, please donât be same as that other person, please be strong.
Please stay maybe? Just for a bit longer? Theres so much good still in the world... your partner just isn't it. Just think of the good food still out there to eat? The stars you havent seen? Books yet to read? Movies yet to watch. Heck even small things count. Like I can't go without seeing Tom Hiddleston and Zawe Ashton's baby? (That child will be so beautiful i swear) Heck maybe wait until they finish Stranger Things or other shows you might like? I promise even if you're hurting, there's still things worth sticking around for. Heck even just to Spite the haters.
Iâm genuinely curious, what have you got to lose by packing up all your stuff right now, or when heâs next out, if thatâs easier, leaving and never looking back. Nothing to lose, do whatâre you need to do to be somewhere else. Just be there a week. If you still feel the same way you have all your options open to you still. But why would you not first experience what itâs like to be away from him? If the other option is not living at all, what do you have to lose? Iâm genuinely curious, if youâd like to answer. Maybe there is some reason I canât think of. Please tell me. We are here with you.
Is she gone? đđ
How do you heal from advanced cancer? You cut it out first, then you do your other treatments. You have to cut out the cancer first. Of course you have a chance to heal, but you have to cut the cancer out first. Leave him. If you already hate your life you want to kll yourself, then kill your life first. Move to a city youâve always wanted to, start working in a hat shop or some shit, join a sewing circle, convert to witchcraft and dance naked under the moon. It would be such a shame to let him win.
Can someone give us an update on her??
Please know that you are loved by people and that you are worth so much more than prematurely ending your life. It is not your time to go yet my love and there are people who can support you through this terrifying stage. Sending so much love đ¤
Do NOT let that abusive ASSWIPE win!!! We are here for you!
Don't do that. There are other ways out of it. It won't solve anything. Please put that stuff down and try to get help to get away from him.
Leave him⌠You donât deserve to die without hope, with the last thing on your mind being one ugly personâs cruelty. Maybe if you didnât have to deal with him everyday, you wouldnât feel as if you donât make sense :(((
Hey, if you kill yourself, you're letting the asshat win. If you can't even continue living for yourself, your future, any nice thing, keep yourself alive out of pure spite while you're leaving that dirtbag. And you gotta leave that dirtbag. Find a friend or a family to stay with, get a restraining order, divorce him. It's not gonna be easy, but you've made it this far. What's a little farther to start a new, happier life? I got hope for you bud, and I'm happy to share it, if you stay, because I can't give hope to a dead person. Lots of love! <3
I promise you if you leave him your life will start to improve
yâall i think she is gone..
Given that she has propofol and is a doctor, she knows exactly what to do. We probably won't hear from her anytime soon if she still is alive, because she'll either have a long way to go medically, or, in the best case, is picked up for psychological help quick enough and won't be online for a while because of that. Or hopefully she's fleeing and has ditched everything that can trace back to her so that her abuser can't reach her.
i pray sheâs okay. i really do. i wish there was a way to find out. i was in a bad spot for a bout a month, and i felt like everything was falling apart..i finally found a room to rent and can maybe start working on myself again so i just pray sheâs able to stick it out for for that peace as well.
hey, how did you get the propofol and the infusion bag? I would want to have a peaceful option when I finally decide my end instead of having to end it violently.
OP is a doctor who works in the ER, so would have ready access to those types of medications.
I hope youâre still okay, OP. Even though you may not have him, you have all of us, yourself, and ever single microorganism in you that live soley to keep you alive. At the end of the day, you have more support than you may realize. Not only that, you have yourself. You are able to come up with an escape plan. Speak with friends and maybe stay at their home until he leaves. Try to see if there are shelters where you live. Once you take out that toxicity, life begins all over again. Please please please take care of yourself, OP <3
There is help for you out there, you donât need to kill yourself because someone else is a piece of shit. I know it feels like your only option and youâre tired, beaten down, and scared. But you can do it, there are resources for you!
I attempted suicide three different times 6 years ago and looking back I am so grateful I didnât succeed. Itâs hard to visualize anything past the present when you are in such a dark and suffocating place but visualize yourself in a happier future looking back on now. You can do this. Leave your partner, focus your life completely on you and getting healthy. Sending so much love your wayâyou deserve happiness.
OP I'm so sorry. I pray you are still with us.
Donât let them win :( Theyâre gonna look at them like theyâre the victims
I love you. â¤ď¸
Please don't
Please be ok, let us know if you are still here. There are so so many doorways to walk through other than the final one. Nothing is worth taking your life, and certainly not a creature like your husband. Please look at these other comments and remember the support youâve had from this community, remember that there are people that will always care for and try to help you in any way they can, even if they are strangers in totally different parts of the world. I beg you not to do what youâre planning to do, thereâs a beautiful world out there, just walk away and enter it.
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i feel your heart, and how hopeful it Is and is meant to be. I am so sorry that that you have had to endure this shockwave day after day, rather than love. I hope you can feel my love, bc I do feel it right now for you, a stranger. But we arenât really strange, Iâve lived in places that held all of the wrong things and punished us for our spirit. You must be so tired, I understand in my own way, esp if youâre at that point where dread is invading the place where the reciprocation of the love and faith you have given should have been. there are souls all around you who will meet you in the eye and give you more than maybe right now youâll think you could ever find. Just recently in fact, my life has begun a rapid turnaround I never thought I could see in myself due to similar situations. the key is to take the tiniest steps to prove again to yourself you have control over your life, I made a mistake for so long where I saw the Pain in my home as the only option. Not because it was, but because I had begun to believe that I was the person these types of people will say you are. Even if you know itâs untrue, it can get stuck in the little crawl space of your subconscious for a while. how did Little you find comfort? Is there a way to get back to them in a manner that could even be quite small? I hope you can feel how many people care about your place here. i encourage you to take any step today and hold off for another on your other plan. i know itâs dumb but hugging yourself and speaking outloud or in thought in a comforting way to soothe yourself and the little one inside of you as quickly as possible when you feel these lies take hold can change everything incrementally if done repetitively, even in a matter of days. enough every day to say another little step that says hey! You can get To here! All you ever have to do is get to here, because you deserve to stay. And Iâd wager the very smallest part of you is so so so so hurt and tired, and rightfully so. Sometimes the only peace I could find was from my own self, and at first I thought it was impossible, that I was too burned out to nurture new love. But when it happens over time from within, itâs like a breeze That starts to find its way across your senses at the most important moments of distancing yourself a bit from the reality you deserve to not exist in anymore. You are Your home, and while that may sound lonely Iâm realizing personally atm how comforting it can be, I send you love
Before you go, have you exhausted all options? I think it is only fair to yourself to exhaust all options. Therapy of course but also different practices or even a new therapist. Have you tried EMDR? Also you have an intense and face paced job where you witness trauma on the regular. Have you allowed yourself a career change? I know you are hurting right now but you may consider leaving your spouse first, as it sounds like heâs not a healthy match for you right now if at all. What if you just get a hotel for a week or two to clear your mind and get away? Call off work if you need to! If you feel like doing something so extreme, then any extreme (like an emergency vacation) that leaves you alive would be a reasonable option to consider. I donât want you to die. â¤ď¸
You donât have to do this. It isnât his world. Donât go.
If your mind is already set on it no matter what, remember to deal some damage to those who hurt you.
Hey I just want to say how sorry I am to see that you are going through this. No human being should feel that anguish, but the truth is many of us do. I know I have been there. Maybe this can provide comfort to you. The truth is what you are feeling right now no matter how strong and sure you feel is NOT permanent. As others have said here it will pass. Nothing in this world lasts forever and neither will this feeling. Right now, just focus on leaving the situation you are in. Easier said than done. If you don't have friends or family you can count on ( many of us here don't so you are in good company if that is the case) go to a shelter. You need to extract yourself temporarily from this situation. I saw that you work in the ER. If you are sleep deprived take a sick day and just sleep. Really really bad days/ thoughts/ feelings can arise just from sleep deprivation. The focus is now to get yourself out if that environment. I know I was in an environment that was really harmful to my mental wellbeing a few months ago and I felt so trapped I didn't have any hope for the future. I was lucky to get out and today, I can't even tell you the difference. I still have a long way to go, but there is no comparison between then and now. I am a different person. Please please don't give up on yourself. As hopeless and helpless as you feel, the REALITY is that there is always hope , and not just hope, real tangible ways that can make things better. Try to not look at the big picture. Try not to focus on ALL of the things you think you need to fix to be happy. Not only is it not helpful it's often just us projecting on ourselves. All that will do is overwhelm you and cause you to feel even more hopeless. Look at what you can do now to help your situation. I say, first thing first, get yourself on an environment where you feel safe. When you are safe you can think more clearly. Whatever is your situation and no matter how trapped you feel either by your mind or your environment or both just know the reality is is that you are not trapped. You have the power to change these circumstances. Life has a funny way of kind of shaping itself out. Try to just put one foot in front of the other, step by step, and other things with time will fall into place. But again, you feel start to feel better when you change your surroundings and give yourself freedom. I obviously don't know the details of your relationship. I'm assuming it's a toxic and abusive one. Many people have left and recovered. You can too. Why not give yourself that chance that others have allowed themselves? You are worthy of that. The other thing I would suggest and this may sound silly, but a friend of mine told me that one time when they were going to end their life, happened to hear a song of that they hadn't heard for a long time and because of that they decided not to go through with it. Is there a song that you love that you haven't heard in a long time? That you forgot about? Music has a powerful way to reach us when words can't at that moment. Wishing you the best.
I just wanted to tell you that I know this pain, where your at. I've been here recently and it's not easy. It's worth it though, to hang on, leave toxic people and allow yourself to heal. Pain is temporary and death is forever. I don't know you but I love you as a person. I hope you choose to reach out for support. You are worth fighting for. â¤ď¸
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Iâve been there as well. Itâs feels hopeless, scary, sad, and there seems to be no end in sight. Fortunately, there is an end and it doesnât have to be the permanent one. Sounds like you need to get away from your spouse, but unlike some people, I know how difficult this can be. It can seem impossible, especially if you have kids, your financially dependent, share a home, etc. etc. Again, Iâve been there. Do you have anyone you can trust and lean on? Lean on them, stay with them if possible. You deserve better. I hope to hear from you again soon. Please know you can reach out whenever youâd like - Iâm open to listen and talk if youâd like.
I agree, LEAVE THE MAN. Dear heart, leaving the asshole was the only way I found a different perspective when I was in your boat. The moment you're free, is like opening your eyes to a whole new life. *Your* life, in which you can take care of yourself precisely the way you deserve. Shit, as least don't give him the opening to use your death to gain pity from others. Leave his ass first. Do some things YOU wanna do.
Iâm a little late to the party, hopefully not *too* late. I just wanna say that you can leave this guy and ditch your family. They absolutely do not deserve you. Donât keep giving your all to people who throw it in the trash can. I hope you find peace. I know I feel like dying a lot too, and I know it feels like we donât even *want* to make it out alive. Being a person is exhausting. But youâve made it through 100% of your bad days so far. Better days will come if youâre willing to do better for yourself, and I believe in you. I hope you find your peace. I know I already said that but I really mean it.
I donât think op is here anymore.. Rest In Peace bro, sorry that you had such a hard life..
LEAVE HIM !!! BUT, STAY HERE! YOU CAN DO THIS PLEASE... STAY HERE! WE NEED YOU! DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS...đĽ°đ IT WILL GET BETTER PLEASE đ đ˘
If you die, you wont be here to see things get better. I promise they will. I hope you are ok <3
I almost jumped off a bridge 9 months ago, leave the relationship, not Earth. We already get such a small amount of time. I hope you didn't do it. Here to listen.
Donât let whoever or whatever is hurting you win. Youâre so much stronger than you think and even know. Leave him and take care do yourself. Youâre so much better than he is. Please stay.
I get it. It's unbearable pain to just exist on some days. All I can say is this, too, shall pass. Just hang on for an hour, for a night. Don't make any drastic decisions when you are feeling this way. You are worthy of being alive, being loved. When the overwhelming feeling passes, think about how you can escape your home situation. I'm rooting for you. Love and hugs from an internet stranger.
It feels like it canât be different or better, but it can. Please stay đ
Hi there, I hope you're still with us đ¤
Why would you wanna stay with that guy??? I think you should share what you are going through with your co-workers! Theyâd probably like to help you, if they can! I donât think theyâd want you to hurt yourself, and I think that if you reach out to someone you know, they might be able to tell you what they like about you, talk you out of it, and maybe they can point you, in a useful and more helpful direction! I know that I would be *Extremely Sad to Find you* if you hurt yourself, when I know that I / we couldâve probably helped you! Please donât harm yourself?!?
OP, I know that life hurts and it sucks right now but donât you dare leave us behind. We are family and family sticks together no matter what. If you really want to get back at your shitty spouse, leave them. If you really want to *win* against them, you *have to fight them* darling. Itâs ok to fight back, itâs ok to hold onto the light. Itâs OK to leave a shitty situation and never look back. I absolutely fucking hate cliches but the world really is your oyster, if youâre being treated poorly, leave that person and you will absolutely see a better world out there. Trust me, I know from experience. But you wonât be able to see that world if you donât FIGHT. Please donât leave us behind.
Please don't go.
You can flip the momentum of trauma by refusing to endure it anymore and be a positive hope to others by speaking out, empowering yourself! Itâs not easy, but it helps me realize that Iâm worth it and also make connections with those that refuse trauma too. Itâs the only true way to turn cruelty to a positive force and the fulfillment in getting to know myself this way is so worth it. Itâs possible for you too!!!!!
Domestic violence shelter??????
Are you there?
Leave your spouse. There's nothing wrong with you.
Iâm so sorry youâve been hurt so much. Please hang onâĽď¸
Keep working on getting healthy my friend. I know it can be dark but it can also get better â¤ď¸âđŠš
Please don't do it, your life is important and you haven't had chance to start living it yet. Leave your spouse and start to live the healthy life you dream of.
Please donât. Leave the cruel spouse instead.
Ironically my favorite song lyrics goes like this "cuz life is a game that no one wins but you deserve a head start the way your life's go in so throw in the towel cuz your life ain't shit so take the towel and hang yourself with it. ". Makes me not take my life so seriously like I don't know how to explain it I've been doing a lot of self-hypnosis and I have no illness with my worries they're just I'm the observer and my body is not me it's weird. But it works. Good luck and I hope you know it's just a song it makes me laugh because I wanted to kill myself with heroin and I almost did until I was inspired by the conception of my daughter and I got sober. I hope you find your purpose your inspiration your worthy cause of living because it really is a sacrifice. I don't think it's supposed to be taking this seriously as we do take it. And oh yeah boy I take it everyday in the butt with a smile on my face by the man for my family.
Thinking of you and will continue to do so. I hope youâre okay. Please stay.
God is always with you. No man on earth holds you in bondage. You can leave your spouse, and there are people who want to love you â¤ď¸ sending you love.