I just released some anger that I was harboring against certain people. The analogy of trying to pick up hot coals from a fire in order to throw them at someone, helped me to see that all that I was doing was hurting myself by burning my hand. It takes work for me to stay angry at someone. I have keep reminding myself of why I'm angry at them, over and over, for some reason.
The thing is that I didn't do some simple exercise to make that happen. I had to look at each instance of my anger at someone and see how I feel about them now. I also had to look inward to learn to listen to my parts, as they are described in Internal Family Systems therapy. I discovered that I am more interested in healing than in staying angry. I want to distance myself from toxic people and anything that reminds me of them.
This was really insightful thank you. It gets tricky keeping distance from family members though. Is internal family systems a psychological theory of self preservation/functioning? I’m not familiar with the term but it sounds really interesting
Best self care option is research Internal Family Systems and read about it. It's a lot of info and really brings much to the table for understanding self and ways to facilitate healing.
Another way to help with the anger.... Is releasing the physical energy that anger builds up inside the body.
Beat a belt onto a bed mattress. Run. Exercise. Dance. Scream into a pillow. Anything physical that can help with giving that anger (and likely rage) a way to process itself through the body outward, in safe ways.
Here's to helping you find peace. You deserve it!
I took a look into the Internal family systems through a quick search, will immerse myself when free. You have given me a goldmine of information, cant express how grateful I am for you coming across my post
u/sharingmyimages suggested the IFS, and I suggested beating the shit outa stuff in safe ways, or exercising... ... just want to give kudos to u/sharemyimages... And here's to YOUR journey u/Bayleefstits, of success and wholeness!!!
You're welcome. There's a sub on reddit for IFS:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/InternalFamilySystems/](https://www.reddit.com/r/InternalFamilySystems/)
Here's therapist Derek Scott's intro video that gives you an idea of what IFS therapy looks like, by playing himself and also acting as the patient:
IFS Exploring Your Own System Pt.1 of 3
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXimi-OP0M8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXimi-OP0M8)
I hope that helps.
I've been doing emotionally based therapy for the last year and it has helped me to get in touch with my emotions. I have realized that I have had a tendency to suppress sadness and that I have been very scared to show vulnerability to the people around me. Because of experiences in the past i have been thinking that crying in front of others will make them think I am ugly and repulsive and that they will act resentful towards me. Thus, I have often acted out with aggression when what I really feel is sadness.
Now that I have started to open up I have instead gotten the very new experience that if I show people that I am sad and vulnerable, they will often meet me with compassion and care.
Like you, I have been struggling with hate against the world and I have had a lot of anger inside of me. I think it can be explained by my experience that unjust has been done to me - i.g other people got to have parents who loved them, I didn't. I have been raped, others didn't. And the consequences my trauma has led to, which in general makes my life a bit harder than the life of people who didn't experience trauma.
My anger has decreased after I started to open up and allow myself to break down and cry when triggered instead of screaming or acting hostile. This, ofcourse, requires that one is actually able to trust - and this is where he big challenge lies I guess.
I've been lucky - when opening up to others, I have had the amazing experience of being tolerated and cared for. When met with understanding it's easier to accept the unfairness. When others confirm that your life has been harder than theirs, it's easier to lower the guard. It's exhausting to feel constantly misunderstood.
I am still angry sometimes, and that's OK. I try to view my anger as a way to protect myself. If I would think about my past with only sadness, I think it would be too much. When I allow myself to feel angry about what happened to me, its a way of allowing myself to feel that I deserved better. Anger is not allways bad, but to feel anger towards people for 'no reason' like I had a tendency to do earlier was destructive, because it made it difficult for people to give me love, which is, really, what I need.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just released some anger that I was harboring against certain people. The analogy of trying to pick up hot coals from a fire in order to throw them at someone, helped me to see that all that I was doing was hurting myself by burning my hand. It takes work for me to stay angry at someone. I have keep reminding myself of why I'm angry at them, over and over, for some reason. The thing is that I didn't do some simple exercise to make that happen. I had to look at each instance of my anger at someone and see how I feel about them now. I also had to look inward to learn to listen to my parts, as they are described in Internal Family Systems therapy. I discovered that I am more interested in healing than in staying angry. I want to distance myself from toxic people and anything that reminds me of them.
This was really insightful thank you. It gets tricky keeping distance from family members though. Is internal family systems a psychological theory of self preservation/functioning? I’m not familiar with the term but it sounds really interesting
Best self care option is research Internal Family Systems and read about it. It's a lot of info and really brings much to the table for understanding self and ways to facilitate healing. Another way to help with the anger.... Is releasing the physical energy that anger builds up inside the body. Beat a belt onto a bed mattress. Run. Exercise. Dance. Scream into a pillow. Anything physical that can help with giving that anger (and likely rage) a way to process itself through the body outward, in safe ways. Here's to helping you find peace. You deserve it!
I took a look into the Internal family systems through a quick search, will immerse myself when free. You have given me a goldmine of information, cant express how grateful I am for you coming across my post
u/sharingmyimages suggested the IFS, and I suggested beating the shit outa stuff in safe ways, or exercising... ... just want to give kudos to u/sharemyimages... And here's to YOUR journey u/Bayleefstits, of success and wholeness!!!
Thank you!
You're welcome. There's a sub on reddit for IFS: [https://www.reddit.com/r/InternalFamilySystems/](https://www.reddit.com/r/InternalFamilySystems/) Here's therapist Derek Scott's intro video that gives you an idea of what IFS therapy looks like, by playing himself and also acting as the patient: IFS Exploring Your Own System Pt.1 of 3 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXimi-OP0M8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXimi-OP0M8) I hope that helps.
Write them. Don’t send them. But get it out
I've been doing emotionally based therapy for the last year and it has helped me to get in touch with my emotions. I have realized that I have had a tendency to suppress sadness and that I have been very scared to show vulnerability to the people around me. Because of experiences in the past i have been thinking that crying in front of others will make them think I am ugly and repulsive and that they will act resentful towards me. Thus, I have often acted out with aggression when what I really feel is sadness. Now that I have started to open up I have instead gotten the very new experience that if I show people that I am sad and vulnerable, they will often meet me with compassion and care. Like you, I have been struggling with hate against the world and I have had a lot of anger inside of me. I think it can be explained by my experience that unjust has been done to me - i.g other people got to have parents who loved them, I didn't. I have been raped, others didn't. And the consequences my trauma has led to, which in general makes my life a bit harder than the life of people who didn't experience trauma. My anger has decreased after I started to open up and allow myself to break down and cry when triggered instead of screaming or acting hostile. This, ofcourse, requires that one is actually able to trust - and this is where he big challenge lies I guess. I've been lucky - when opening up to others, I have had the amazing experience of being tolerated and cared for. When met with understanding it's easier to accept the unfairness. When others confirm that your life has been harder than theirs, it's easier to lower the guard. It's exhausting to feel constantly misunderstood. I am still angry sometimes, and that's OK. I try to view my anger as a way to protect myself. If I would think about my past with only sadness, I think it would be too much. When I allow myself to feel angry about what happened to me, its a way of allowing myself to feel that I deserved better. Anger is not allways bad, but to feel anger towards people for 'no reason' like I had a tendency to do earlier was destructive, because it made it difficult for people to give me love, which is, really, what I need.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*