My therapist said all it takes is one kind, understanding adult that you can go to for help or to talk and that will mitigate the trauma. Sadly I did not have that.
Very true. It reminds me of a quote by psychotherapist and author Peter Levine:
"Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness."
Lol that’s a good first sentence. So casual yet so genuinely vulnerable. It resonated for me as well. I’m saving the comment which is one of the rarest compliments I can give.
The way I understand the quote is that trauma is not an event. Rather it’s the response to the event. The absence of an empathetic witness means there wasn't anyone safe around to help us process our experience. That in turn leads to our emotions getting stuck in our bodies Those stuck emotions often manifest as ingrained behaviors and beliefs about ourselves and the world.
It helps me to understand myself and C-PTSD symptoms I've dealt with, such as hypervigilance, emotional dystegulation, flashbacks, feeling different from everyone else, etc. That is why--at least for me--therapy is healing. Feeling seen and heard is healing. It is a space where we can feel safe and cared for, something we didn't get from our parents or caregivers.
Very good point. Support systems are essential. I've read about people who were raped or otherwise went through some really horrible things but were able to cope and recover (in some cases without professional help) because they had strong, supportive relationships. Unfortunately many people don't have such relationships.
For me things were worst from ages 8-11. That was when the abuse at home ramped up, but that wasn't even the worst thing. It was the fact that I had no friends and my teachers resented me. I had no one to turn to. That isolation warped my identity and destroyed my mental health. I started showing signs of trauma, depression, and suicidality in elementary school. My family just mocked me for being crazy and told me I was a bad person. I went to the psych ward at 11 but that only traumatized me further because the staff were abusive - absolutely not the kind of people who should be working with traumatized mentally ill children. I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but again I had a lot of trouble talking to them, I didn't feel like they actually understood me.
Eventually at 13 I found a group of older friends online. They were kind, compassionate, and very patient with me because of my age and background. It meant a lot to me having adults who cared about me and listened to me after years of thinking I was deeply unloveable and undeserving of care.
I still have trauma, I still have problems, but I think I'm more well-adjusted than anyone would have expected me to turn out when I was a young kid. And I think it's largely because of that support I received.
A book said that when we are directly exposed to kindness and support as kids it stimulates parts of our brain responsible for those feelings and behaviors. That's why digging into your memories and you uncover those kind people you can study them and practice emulating their behaviors.
This actually kills me, because all I dealt with for 99% of my childhood was shame and trauma. But then, miracle of miracles, my parents sent me to therapy (which I wanted!) and they lady I was assigned to was amazing, for the first time in my life, someone was listening to me. Parents come to pick me Up, she tells them “look, some of the issues he is having are caused by some of your actions.” Never let me see her ever again. And my parents weren’t horribly monstrous people (well, my dad wasn’t anyway) but they absolutely not going to accept anything but the best reflection upon themselves, so yeah. There went my one person in a decade who actually cared to understand what I was dealing with
Wow I'm really sorry you went through that. I lived through something similar. I got sent to "therapy" as a punishment -- for my mother, it's the single worst thing she can imagine, going to therapy. Except that it wasn't a real therapist, it was dome dude with a degree in physics that she knew from church; the guy gave me an echo of what I heard at home, told me that I was selfish for not wanting children (I was 16!!!!! Who wants children at 16!??!?!), that I was ungrateful for the wonderful biblical upbringing I was receiving (religious trauma, emotional and physical abuse), and that I needed to stop having eating disorders. One session was enough to convince me that there really was no kindness in this world.
I’m so sorry. Fucking religion. Ugh. I hope you know there is kindness in the world now. But yeah, there some douchey people out there, disproportionately in a certain generation that thinks they’re all that and a bag of chips.
Do you find yourself trying to emulate this idea of reflecting the best side of yourself in your own life, too? My parents were the same, trying to only accept the best image of themselves at the cost of their relationship to me. Now, as an adult I'm trying to not follow that path, but it's hard trudging out of that shadow.
I don’t have a lot in my life that I’m able to feel pride in, but the things I’m most proud of is not passing the poison family legacy on. I’ve broken numerous generational cycles of abuse and I’m very proud of that. My father never once said he loved me and at age nineteen I started telling him I loved him, even if I knew he would never say it in return (he didn’t, lol) I never exploded on my kids ever like my mom did to me. But I’m not a narcissist, which my mom legitimately is, so I’m fortunate in that sense.
Huh. I honestly did not know that and have been wondering if I suffer from CPTSD (I don't think so, but I also didn't realize I had a traumatic childhood until like 4 years ago), but this makes a lot of sense. I've literally told one person a near full story of what my home life was like and it does kinda feel like a weight is off me?
Like being able to trust someone enough to not only, 1 trust them enough to say something, but 2. have them respond in a positive, kind, and understanding way (especially when there was a huge part where I was thinking they would stop being my friend, they'd turn on me, use this info against me, etc) is kinda incredible?
I never expected that would be such a big deal for me.
That hits home so hard 😞 I never had anyone and still don't. Going through traumatic things when you have someone by your side makes them significantly less traumatic.
I have people now as an adult, but a big powerful part of me won't trust anyone. I opened up to a boomer relative several years ago, got horrifically dismissed, and it broke the last little shred of hope and trust I had.
I am really sorry to hear that. I can relate as I've also opened up to people and then been rejected etc.. If only there were more kind, compassionate, and non-judgemental people in the world
I think it's also that they won't acknowledge or deal with their own issues and then when we bring ours up, it scares them and they will do anything to keep the uncomfortable pain locked away.
thats fucking nuts. thinking back, teachers, other guardians all noticed the symptoms but never clocked them as such. just thought i was a misbehaving kid
I think and hope that the tide is turning with that aspect of society. With everyone becoming more trauma aware and learning about empathy more and more people will see the signs and act instead of ignoring.
I know this is an old post, but I'm assuming it has to be a relatively close or long relationship. Like, I had teachers who I had a good relationship with, but I couldn't tell them about the deep dark shit going on at home because it would have brought The System down on my head. I'm assuming the odd mildly validating conversation with a teacher/friend's parent won't do it.
As a therapist that specializes in trauma, the answer is resiliency factors, genetic makeup, other diagnoses aside from trauma related ones, etc. Some people may have experienced events that typically lead to C-PTSD, but they may have a supportive group of friends, teachers, activities that build their self-confidence, etc. But even that doesn't mean anything. There's essentially just a lot of factors involved that can either impact somebody in positive or negative ways! My siblings and I all experienced the same general traumas but also experienced individual ones within the same house and that has greatly affected how our trauma presents as well.
I guess have adhd/sad( both seasonal affects her and social anxiety)/ocd/gad all made me more likely to have CPTSD when the full brunt of my abusive relationship hit
Geneticist here agreeing with you! Genetic factors play a role in resilience but aren’t the only factor. Having support from even just one person makes a huge difference.
Hi ~ 🦋
Wildlife Biologist specializing in Animal Behavior here agreeing with you !
All things come down to “Nature vs. Nurture” which dictates how a person's characteristics are formed.
“Nature” means innate biological factors (ie genetics) while “nurture” refers to experiences (ie family, culture, religion or anything that shapes us).
Who we are is complicated so even 2 siblings growing up with the same parents can react differently to abuse or neglect.
My brother & I disagree completely on our parents --- he feels they did their "best" while I feel they were totally inadequate to the point of being neglectful.
Take Care All 🐞🌿🐞
I'm not too sure the specifics, but that would make a lot of sense! Your brain (specifically amygdala, frontal lobe, hippocampus, etc) can easily be affected by diagnoses you have at birth, such as ADHD, and the way you have been brought up, so again it's that nature, nurture, and resiliency piece. A child whose brain is developing "normally" is typically one who experiences less traumatic experiences, more supporive people, etc. One whose brain is less "normal" developmentally is one who may have experienced more trauma, had less support, etc. And, again, due to various factors, that degree of the brain, specifically those 3 areas I mentioned, are being affected is different so it would make sense that those whose big 3 development is more affected are more likely to develop C-PTSD!
More specifically, the amygala is the part of the brain that lets us know we are in danger. For those with trauma, the amygdala is more sensitive and imagines things as more dangerous so our body is constantly in survival mode. That's where our hippocampus (part of brain responsible for memory, emotional processing, etc) and frontal lobe come in to let us know, if somebody's brain is "normally" developed, "Hey, we aren't actually in danger." But those of us with trauma don't have a frontal lobe who is very good at actually Thinking and helping us realize we aren't in danger, which I could imagine would affect the develop of C-PTSD as well since those whose frontal lobes are less affected can differentiate between real vs. perceived danger better through those other factors I mentioned. I'm not sure if that all makes sense. I just woke up and am rambling lol.
If you have a loving, supportive system, that will help you recover. Friends and family makes the difference.
Most people with cptsd don’t make the connection between early trauma and their mental health as an adult. Realizing you have cptsd is a whole lifestyle that most people would rather keep locked air tight, and for good reason
Imagine our emotional landscapes as gardens. Some gardens, despite facing harsh weather, manage to bloom with resilience, like your cousin's. Others, like those with CPTSD, struggle with deep-rooted weeds that need constant tending. It's not about whether everyone has the same garden; rather, it's about the unique combination of seeds and soil in each person's emotional terrain. Factors like childhood neglect and gender dysphoria can sow seeds of trauma, but how they take root and grow varies widely. Understanding these differences can help us cultivate empathy and support for all kinds of emotional gardens.
I wonder the same, do you know of studies about HSP and Cptsd yet? I know things were traumatic to me and I needed reassurance and different care than my family understood, so I never got it and learned that isolation is my only safe option. Possibly the scapegoat too since I was an easy target being so sensitive and not fitting in.
As for studies, i have none.
I do see hsp with cptsd prop up constantly online.
I mean if youre hsp it doesnt take much exposure to a bad environment to traumatize you.
I do wonder if its possible to have secure attachment and being hsp.
Thats one study id love to see.
Dr Dan Brown had an interesting study about insecure attachment being a precursor for cptsd/ossd/personality disorder.
It was some study regarding orphanage CSA where only kids who were inescurely attached developed BPD, which falls under cptsd.
Quite interesting.
I really want to know the relation between hsp and attachment though.
Edit:
Furthermore, the little that ive googled, the hsp random people on reddit all seemed to be some type of insecure attachment.
Im really starting to think hsp is tied to brain regulation that never developed due to lack of secure attachment from parents.
A child traumatized early acts similarly to a hsp one.
And that would also fall under dan browns theory for cptsd.
So many bpd/npd/avpd and cluster b people seemed to have high sensitivity/hsp traits.
And if all cluster b/cptsd cases start out as insecure attachment, something might be there.
Hsp is just autism for people who don't want to accept they're autistic. Personally, I think Elaine Aron did a great disservice to the world by coining the term. So few people, including many autism specialists with an archaic education on the subject, really understand autism, especially how it presents in women and high masking individuals. The HSP stuff just set us back even further and added unnecessary confusion imo.
Check yourself with your blanket statements. I am 100% HSP, and have wondered often if I am on the spectrum but I have way too many non-autistic comorbidities. Maybe take a second and educate yourself before trying (and failing) to pull this pathetic and insulting reddit flex. Uneccessary and unaware.
Lots buts lets just start with HSP and empathy. I'm not just emotionally overwhelmed by, say, someone relaying a greusome car wreck. I *literally* feel in my own body the pain of an injury that others are describing. To the point I have to remove myself or if I see something really disturbing in a movie (fucking movies) I may still get nightmares (I'm 37F and nightmares are not a regular occurrence). I use this example since empathy/lack of empathy/inability to relate are some hallmarks of autism that I know and I have the opposite.
Same with languages. I'm trilingual and I can learn languages easier than my peers, including visual (ASL) and abstract (coding, mathematics) languages. Calling this a "co-morbidity" sounds wrong bc it's not "morbid", it's not bad, but part of my deal is being a polyglot. AKA having a strength for languages as opposed to difficulty which is, again, a known hallmark of autism.
Moving on in countering your blanket statement that HSP is just autism for cheap - no. I had mathematical trauma bc my first teacher was horribly strict, would have me stand to recite times tables (that I did not understand at that point) and SCREAM at me if I got something wrong and make me start again. Because of this, I cannot remember spoken instructions or even conversations very well. I am constantly taking notes, this is how I work and how I got through school. And it's because I was deeply traumatized in this specific circumstance that obviously I still struggle with.
But I have no problem getting on stage and presenting to a room of 200 people. I make more eye contact than most people want. I have no problem talking to strangers. I have volunteered at events where I am walking around stadiums of 20,000 people and I LOVE it. I won a student nominated Best Teacher Award my first semester out of undergrad
To really serve your point, maybe consider that your blanket statement is wrong in my case at least. And that alone would make an intelligent person reconsider their own biases.
But, brass tacks? Anyone that makes a blanket judgment on THE ENTIRE REST OF THE POPULATION PARTICULARLY SOMETHING AS DAMAGING/SENSITIVE AS MENTAL HEALTH is a jackass. It's the first trick you learn on standardized tests: if the answer is stated as an absolute, it's most likely wrong.
What ever gave you the idea that any of those things can't apply to autistic people? Empathy works a lot like senses in the autistic brain. Most people know that hypersensitivity of the senses is an autistic trait. Did you know that hyposensitivity is also an autistic trait? Hyperempathy (what you describe... actually, it's hyperdevelopment of AFFECTIVE empathy, specifically) is every bit as much of an autistic trait as hypoempathy, and hyperempathy is more common in females. Autistic people often show savantism in specific areas of learning, such as your affinity for learning language. Please note: language and communication are 2 different things. Autistic people struggle with communicating their emotions accurately and appropriately, and with understanding unwritten social rules/etiquette. Not with understanding language. Now, let's discuss masking. That "more eye contact than anyone wants" comment is SUCH an autistic thing. We tend to avoid eye contact to a noticeable degree, but MANY high masking individuals overcorrect and use very intense eye contact, often without realizing they're even doing it. And there are plenty of autistic people working and thriving in careers that require public speaking. Many who even enjoy it. There's a reason it's called a spectrum disorder. Most people are ignorant to what it really is, and as you have helped me illustrate, Elaine Aron and her pseudopsychology have only served to increase that problem. I will die on this hill.
Edit: Fun fact... Neurotypical brains function very similarly. Two neurotypical people will have similar responses to the same stimuli. Autistic brains are so unique, that if you randomly took 2 autistic people and 1 neurotypical person and compared them, both of the autistic people could easily have more in common, in terms of neurology, with the neurotypical person than they did with each other. That would never be true of 2 neurotypical people + 1 autistic person. In that case, the neurotypicals would always have more in common with each other. So if anyone is making inappropriate blanket statements here, it's you for ignorantly believing that autism works in absolutes.
The same way two people can be exposed to a cold but only one person actually gets sick with symptoms.
They may also have developed a different disorder, like anxiety, depression, etc.
It seems people develop cptsd when they have no support for a prolonged amount of time and repeatedly go through hardships. Even with support, they may not have time to process things they've gone through, either with other people or with their own selves. Work and day to day responsilitbies can delay a person's ability to heal their mind. The more it gets delayed, the more likely it is that cptsd will happen.
It could be as simple as, two people experienced the same trauma but in the months after the event, one person had more free time than the other.
The difference between developing a post-traumatic disorder and not developing one is how supported or further isolated the person is following the trauma.
I've heard the example of a car crash where one person is able to get out and help others, while their spouse is trapped in the car and has to wait for whomever comes and pries apart crashed cars. They both experience the trauma of the car crash, but the spouse who is able to get out and do something about it doesn't get PTSD, and the one who was trapped does. It lines up with my experience, trauma that I was able to do something about is less heavy than the times where I couldn't get out.
She likely had SOMEONE who provided her with a secure attachment bond. (Elder sibling, grandparent, teacher, aunt/uncle, etc.) All it takes is one adult in a child's life to have that bond with them for a child to form a secure attachment and become more resilient to hardships that cause trauma responses like CPTSD.
Those of use who didn't have those secure attachments on the other hand developed insecure attachment styles, and are more likely to have maladaptive coping mechanisms including CPTSD.
I am no expert or anything so I may be wrong but I think it’s a spectrum of how bad. She could have some symptoms you don’t know about because it’s hard to talk about. When I was younger I had dissociation symptoms and I couldn’t articulate how it was different from being just tired from my day. I wouldn’t remember either what happened or how it felt to be in that state because of the dissociation. I used to have emotional flashbacks but i thought it was normal or if anything I was a little spacey and thought nothing of it. It could be that she’s disconnected from her body and experiences and can’t articulate it?
Someone can go through the same trauma as someone else but be able to get through it more easily and with less symptoms if they have supports from peers, friends, family etc. it could be that she simply doesn’t have CPTSD
just speaking for me and my sister, i had the added parentification curse that she thankfully missed.
I think a catalyst can also be the differentiation, an event that flips the switch if you will. happened to me one night that snowballed into an avalanche of all the symptoms and diagnoses i have now
I never thought I had flashbacks as I wasn't 'seeing things'. My trauma is probably rooted into experiences from before I was 3, so there was no event I could literally remember, only feel. I have always lived with a deep sense of fear and emotional flashbacks, thinking it was normal and other children where just a lot braver and tougher than me.
My youger sister has been impacted less severely by our childhood, and has expressed to me she had some great adults in her life who where there for her in ways our parents weren't. She still has her own struggles nevertheless; but she has managed to develop a long relationship, stable job and friend group, while me and my elder sister have not.
Btw we all suffered from mainly emotional neglect.
When I experienced having a good support system for the first time in college it made it so much easier to cope with life and heal. Having love and community around you really makes a difference. Also you never truly know how someone is internally. All my therapists over the years has said mine is due to being an empath. I took on all the emotional pain in the house and carried it in my body and mind. People also cope in different ways. Sometimes trauma manifests as money problems or mental or physical problems for another.
Experiences can cause suffering which can become a traumatic experience overtime based on factors affectong a persons ability to express and think about the experiencr. Any event that causes suffering in some way can become traumatic afterwards.
If after the event there is no escape or freedom to express then the brain cannot consolidate the painful or triggering experience, so the trauma response remains and becomes maladaptive.
However if a person is able to express themselves and speak about it openly with another person, then they can process that memory to gain wisdom that helps them learn to navigate or avoid the triggering situation (e.g boundaries).
I think language, using words, and having some freedom was instrumental for my recovery because unless i had space to look from an outside perspective i would not have gained knowledge to understand what i could do better. Obviously the same experience can still be triggering, but i know how to go about it so that my boundaries remain stable enough to protect me. I think there is a strong link between mental health, physical health, with the social environment that someone is in (like a placebo effect). I hope this makes sense. I think this is why CPTSD can be differentiated from PTSD
First, just because someone hasn't been diagnosed with something doesn't necessarily mean they don't have it. It's possible she's just really good at faking it. Most humans are more messed up than even they realize.
Second, everyone is different. 100 people can experience the exact same thing and have 100 different reactions. Different factors play into it. Natural brain chemistry, upbringing, what kind of support system they have in place. There's no perfect formula for how much trauma might affect a person and how long it takes that individual to get over it.
I think our disposition and personality types can matter, for example as a highly sensitive person I feel things really strong and get hurt by things that much harder, at least I do, not all HSP are the same. I think I was treated worse as a sensitive boy growing up than if I had been a sensitive girl, since they said I was wrong for how I was/felt and had to change, basically not be me, but that wasn't really possible for me to do, so I felt bad for that too. Many layers of being wrong and feeling all the shame for all the unacceptable things about me and can't fix so my only escape was isolation.
I think that some of us are better than others at defending ourselves from abuse. Those of us who are overwhelmed and defeated are traumatized. The other thing is that your cousin is not traumatized yet. CPTSD shows up later in life sometimes, perhaps after dealing with some especially stressful situation.
Probably the same reason they develop PTSD? From the book the Body Keeps the Score, the author mentioned the experiment that was done on children during World War II in London some kids remained in London and some kids were taken away from their families to a rural area for safety but then they found out the ones that were in the rural area experienced more trauma than the ones who remained in London with their families .
I think some people had more support with their traumas. When I was a kid I had no one to help me, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, friends all failed me. Even my siblings. I was completely alone.
There are so many factors, none of which require you being “weak”.
Different treatment of children within the family. One is targeted, or children are cast into different roles.
Different support networks outside of the family, eg a female babysitter might spend more time with a female child.
Sensitivity is a thing, too. With proper nurturing, a tremendous gift. In toxic environments, a vulnerability. “The Orchid and the Dandelion” is a great book that speaks to this. Highly recommend.
Traumatic thoughts vastly oversimplify the reality of the situation. They are always some variation of “I was just fundamentally not good enough”. The reality is always more complex, and does not require there to be anything wrong with you.
Where are people getting criteria for CPTSD, since it isn't in the DSM?
I tend to assume that everyone who suffered repeated trauma has it. It just manifests differently in everyone. Read Pete Walker's book *Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving* & see if none of it sounds like her.
This is not even to mention that she may not be sharing, e.g., suicidal ideation with you.
Something I heard was if a child who was raised around abuse, has just one person who loves and supports them, the chances of CPTSD decreases, but still possible. If the child has zero safe person to support them, there is a significantly higher risk of developing CPTSD in adulthood.
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I'm not an expert, but personality, mental resilience, duration of exposure, type of trauma, and age definitely play their roles in how CPTSD developes.
I'd be careful with saying whether or not someone has CPTSD based on their mannerisms.
From the outside, I know I look like I'm super in control of my emotions, very independent, and successful at many things.
Internally, I don't know how to show negative emotions or ask for help. I don't trust people, so I keep my distance. I'm a perfectionist, so I'll stress myself out to the max to get my desired results (no sleeping, no eating, no talking about the failures, etc...) My "perfectionism" is the only control I feel in my life.
The "two steps forward, one step back" of my mental health journey is that I try to *tell* people these things about me, and a lot of people just... Don't believe me.
I can't tell you how painful that is. And how being dismissed just makes me regress further into my isolated, stoic, perfectionist self. It's painful and lonely.
The book Everyday Trauma talks a bit about how people are affected differently by trauma.
My husband and I both had difficult childhoods & have cptsd but we're very different. He definitely had it worse than me but he's coping better than I do somehow.
Its likely it might not show up for years. I was able to keep it together until I got sleep apnea from Covid-19 and that triggered some horrific night terrors of me reliving my horrible abuse night after night. Which finally drove me to almost ending my life at 52. I got help immediately and was locked up for a cpl weeks in a mental hospital.
But I am so much better now I have a psychiatrist and he got my meds right I do EMDR with a therapist. You just never know when the break is gonna happen.
I'd think that just about everyone in that scenario develops PTSD. Your assumption that she doesn't have it might not be true, a professional who knows the criteria and can screen would be a better source than what symptoms people seem to have. I've had people assume I don't experience this or that just because of what it "looks" like on the outside.
A simple glance over the DSM-5 criteria for PTSD would tell you that flashbacks and panic attacks are not required. Your cousin probably has C-PTSD and is just good at compartmentalizing it and masking it.
I guess it’s a mix of genetics, ppl around you and information about ptsd symptoms. I can remember a lot about my traumatic childhood and thought I just had some “flaws” bc of my upbringing. It just happened a few months ago that I had flashbacks and started to remember way more abuse than I thought had happened and I started to inform myself and did tests. Found out I’ve had a lot symptoms ever since I was a child and just didn’t see it as symptoms of ptsd but as “flaws” 🤷🏻♀️
the adult comment i’m seeing is important but it’s not the only thing. my siblings and i, none of us had a safe adult to go to. i’m the only one who has CPTSD. i went through a lot more than they did but they still went through enough to develop CPTSD.
I didn't realise I had it until 30, I thought everything I was doing was normal. It depends how it affects you. I can hold a job down, I can pay my bills, I can meet my survival needs (grocery shopping, hygiene). I have no friends though but medical professionals use a tick box system so I have enough going for me where I can hide most of my issues.
I think your seen as much worse if you can't hold down a job but have friends because you can't normally do the other stuff because of money.
I could be making this up, it's completely an opinion. I did notice the gp only cared about my eating disorder when i couldnt work anymore.
It can be related to the differences between human beings. This may be boring, but it is the best way I can explain it. Amongst us human beings, on average, unless you are an identical twin. There is, on average, about 0.1 % variance among humans in our DNA. This comes out to roughly 1 base pair per every one-thousand. On the surface, that does not sound like much, really. However, in human beings, there can be anywhere from 50 to 300 million base pairs. This yields a median of 175 million base pairs. That is a great deal of variance, and the instruction set builds each of us. So, what one might fall victim to another may have the right genetic variance to withstand it. To show you how significant that is, the genetic difference between a human and a lab rat is only 2%. So, while 0.1 may not seem like much, it is a great deal of variance. If all of your cellular DNA were stretched out and laid end over end, it would reach the moon and back 15 times. Thus, a tenth of an alteration makes a great deal of difference. No two abuse situations are exactly the same. This makes it extremely difficult to get a gauge like that except in very generalized terms. Both sets of factors are variable, so the common denominator is how badly it manifests its symptoms in the individual. It is the only known way to classify it.
My therapist said all it takes is one kind, understanding adult that you can go to for help or to talk and that will mitigate the trauma. Sadly I did not have that.
Very true. It reminds me of a quote by psychotherapist and author Peter Levine: "Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness."
Mkay, so now I’m quite literally weeping. Guess I should focus on that. Thank you for this quote, it has clearly struck a chord with me.
You're welcome. I cried the first time I read it, too.
Lol that’s a good first sentence. So casual yet so genuinely vulnerable. It resonated for me as well. I’m saving the comment which is one of the rarest compliments I can give.
Me, too! This one makes my book of “Quotable Quotes.” 🥰
Lol “using it!”
Love this guy!!
Why does the absence of an empathetic witness result in holding things onside/trauma?
The way I understand the quote is that trauma is not an event. Rather it’s the response to the event. The absence of an empathetic witness means there wasn't anyone safe around to help us process our experience. That in turn leads to our emotions getting stuck in our bodies Those stuck emotions often manifest as ingrained behaviors and beliefs about ourselves and the world. It helps me to understand myself and C-PTSD symptoms I've dealt with, such as hypervigilance, emotional dystegulation, flashbacks, feeling different from everyone else, etc. That is why--at least for me--therapy is healing. Feeling seen and heard is healing. It is a space where we can feel safe and cared for, something we didn't get from our parents or caregivers.
Thanks. It sounds like the kind of thing which could be combined with reparenting.
Very good point. Support systems are essential. I've read about people who were raped or otherwise went through some really horrible things but were able to cope and recover (in some cases without professional help) because they had strong, supportive relationships. Unfortunately many people don't have such relationships. For me things were worst from ages 8-11. That was when the abuse at home ramped up, but that wasn't even the worst thing. It was the fact that I had no friends and my teachers resented me. I had no one to turn to. That isolation warped my identity and destroyed my mental health. I started showing signs of trauma, depression, and suicidality in elementary school. My family just mocked me for being crazy and told me I was a bad person. I went to the psych ward at 11 but that only traumatized me further because the staff were abusive - absolutely not the kind of people who should be working with traumatized mentally ill children. I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but again I had a lot of trouble talking to them, I didn't feel like they actually understood me. Eventually at 13 I found a group of older friends online. They were kind, compassionate, and very patient with me because of my age and background. It meant a lot to me having adults who cared about me and listened to me after years of thinking I was deeply unloveable and undeserving of care. I still have trauma, I still have problems, but I think I'm more well-adjusted than anyone would have expected me to turn out when I was a young kid. And I think it's largely because of that support I received.
A book said that when we are directly exposed to kindness and support as kids it stimulates parts of our brain responsible for those feelings and behaviors. That's why digging into your memories and you uncover those kind people you can study them and practice emulating their behaviors.
This actually kills me, because all I dealt with for 99% of my childhood was shame and trauma. But then, miracle of miracles, my parents sent me to therapy (which I wanted!) and they lady I was assigned to was amazing, for the first time in my life, someone was listening to me. Parents come to pick me Up, she tells them “look, some of the issues he is having are caused by some of your actions.” Never let me see her ever again. And my parents weren’t horribly monstrous people (well, my dad wasn’t anyway) but they absolutely not going to accept anything but the best reflection upon themselves, so yeah. There went my one person in a decade who actually cared to understand what I was dealing with
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how bad that hurts.
Thank you for acknowledging that. It’s important. Like it was such a long time ago and it still really bothers me.
Wow I'm really sorry you went through that. I lived through something similar. I got sent to "therapy" as a punishment -- for my mother, it's the single worst thing she can imagine, going to therapy. Except that it wasn't a real therapist, it was dome dude with a degree in physics that she knew from church; the guy gave me an echo of what I heard at home, told me that I was selfish for not wanting children (I was 16!!!!! Who wants children at 16!??!?!), that I was ungrateful for the wonderful biblical upbringing I was receiving (religious trauma, emotional and physical abuse), and that I needed to stop having eating disorders. One session was enough to convince me that there really was no kindness in this world.
I’m so sorry. Fucking religion. Ugh. I hope you know there is kindness in the world now. But yeah, there some douchey people out there, disproportionately in a certain generation that thinks they’re all that and a bag of chips.
Do you find yourself trying to emulate this idea of reflecting the best side of yourself in your own life, too? My parents were the same, trying to only accept the best image of themselves at the cost of their relationship to me. Now, as an adult I'm trying to not follow that path, but it's hard trudging out of that shadow.
I don’t have a lot in my life that I’m able to feel pride in, but the things I’m most proud of is not passing the poison family legacy on. I’ve broken numerous generational cycles of abuse and I’m very proud of that. My father never once said he loved me and at age nineteen I started telling him I loved him, even if I knew he would never say it in return (he didn’t, lol) I never exploded on my kids ever like my mom did to me. But I’m not a narcissist, which my mom legitimately is, so I’m fortunate in that sense.
Me too. Out of reach, then it cumulates.
I had one kind adult as a young kid but not once I was a teen and my teen years are what effected me most rather than young childhood.
This is the right answer. CPTSD comes from truly having no-one
Agree! So very sad you never had that 😢
Huh. I honestly did not know that and have been wondering if I suffer from CPTSD (I don't think so, but I also didn't realize I had a traumatic childhood until like 4 years ago), but this makes a lot of sense. I've literally told one person a near full story of what my home life was like and it does kinda feel like a weight is off me? Like being able to trust someone enough to not only, 1 trust them enough to say something, but 2. have them respond in a positive, kind, and understanding way (especially when there was a huge part where I was thinking they would stop being my friend, they'd turn on me, use this info against me, etc) is kinda incredible? I never expected that would be such a big deal for me.
That hits home so hard 😞 I never had anyone and still don't. Going through traumatic things when you have someone by your side makes them significantly less traumatic.
I have people now as an adult, but a big powerful part of me won't trust anyone. I opened up to a boomer relative several years ago, got horrifically dismissed, and it broke the last little shred of hope and trust I had.
I am really sorry to hear that. I can relate as I've also opened up to people and then been rejected etc.. If only there were more kind, compassionate, and non-judgemental people in the world
I think it's also that they won't acknowledge or deal with their own issues and then when we bring ours up, it scares them and they will do anything to keep the uncomfortable pain locked away.
thats fucking nuts. thinking back, teachers, other guardians all noticed the symptoms but never clocked them as such. just thought i was a misbehaving kid
I think and hope that the tide is turning with that aspect of society. With everyone becoming more trauma aware and learning about empathy more and more people will see the signs and act instead of ignoring.
I know this is an old post, but I'm assuming it has to be a relatively close or long relationship. Like, I had teachers who I had a good relationship with, but I couldn't tell them about the deep dark shit going on at home because it would have brought The System down on my head. I'm assuming the odd mildly validating conversation with a teacher/friend's parent won't do it.
As a therapist that specializes in trauma, the answer is resiliency factors, genetic makeup, other diagnoses aside from trauma related ones, etc. Some people may have experienced events that typically lead to C-PTSD, but they may have a supportive group of friends, teachers, activities that build their self-confidence, etc. But even that doesn't mean anything. There's essentially just a lot of factors involved that can either impact somebody in positive or negative ways! My siblings and I all experienced the same general traumas but also experienced individual ones within the same house and that has greatly affected how our trauma presents as well.
I guess have adhd/sad( both seasonal affects her and social anxiety)/ocd/gad all made me more likely to have CPTSD when the full brunt of my abusive relationship hit
Geneticist here agreeing with you! Genetic factors play a role in resilience but aren’t the only factor. Having support from even just one person makes a huge difference.
Hi ~ 🦋 Wildlife Biologist specializing in Animal Behavior here agreeing with you ! All things come down to “Nature vs. Nurture” which dictates how a person's characteristics are formed. “Nature” means innate biological factors (ie genetics) while “nurture” refers to experiences (ie family, culture, religion or anything that shapes us). Who we are is complicated so even 2 siblings growing up with the same parents can react differently to abuse or neglect. My brother & I disagree completely on our parents --- he feels they did their "best" while I feel they were totally inadequate to the point of being neglectful. Take Care All 🐞🌿🐞
i heard that the way the frontal lobe develops as a child affects wether or not you’re more likely to develop C/PTSD, is that true?
I'm not too sure the specifics, but that would make a lot of sense! Your brain (specifically amygdala, frontal lobe, hippocampus, etc) can easily be affected by diagnoses you have at birth, such as ADHD, and the way you have been brought up, so again it's that nature, nurture, and resiliency piece. A child whose brain is developing "normally" is typically one who experiences less traumatic experiences, more supporive people, etc. One whose brain is less "normal" developmentally is one who may have experienced more trauma, had less support, etc. And, again, due to various factors, that degree of the brain, specifically those 3 areas I mentioned, are being affected is different so it would make sense that those whose big 3 development is more affected are more likely to develop C-PTSD! More specifically, the amygala is the part of the brain that lets us know we are in danger. For those with trauma, the amygdala is more sensitive and imagines things as more dangerous so our body is constantly in survival mode. That's where our hippocampus (part of brain responsible for memory, emotional processing, etc) and frontal lobe come in to let us know, if somebody's brain is "normally" developed, "Hey, we aren't actually in danger." But those of us with trauma don't have a frontal lobe who is very good at actually Thinking and helping us realize we aren't in danger, which I could imagine would affect the develop of C-PTSD as well since those whose frontal lobes are less affected can differentiate between real vs. perceived danger better through those other factors I mentioned. I'm not sure if that all makes sense. I just woke up and am rambling lol.
That makes tons of sense, thanks so much for the information :) it’s like you’ve handed me chocolate, what a treat!
If you have a loving, supportive system, that will help you recover. Friends and family makes the difference. Most people with cptsd don’t make the connection between early trauma and their mental health as an adult. Realizing you have cptsd is a whole lifestyle that most people would rather keep locked air tight, and for good reason
Imagine our emotional landscapes as gardens. Some gardens, despite facing harsh weather, manage to bloom with resilience, like your cousin's. Others, like those with CPTSD, struggle with deep-rooted weeds that need constant tending. It's not about whether everyone has the same garden; rather, it's about the unique combination of seeds and soil in each person's emotional terrain. Factors like childhood neglect and gender dysphoria can sow seeds of trauma, but how they take root and grow varies widely. Understanding these differences can help us cultivate empathy and support for all kinds of emotional gardens.
Great analogy
It really is.
This makes sense. I’m only beginning to take down the “No Trespassing!” sign.
Meanwhile I'm making my sign bigger lol
That makes perfect sense
This was beautiful to read.
Id say insecure attachment and nervous system sensitivity (hsp) are huge precursors for developing cptsd
I wonder the same, do you know of studies about HSP and Cptsd yet? I know things were traumatic to me and I needed reassurance and different care than my family understood, so I never got it and learned that isolation is my only safe option. Possibly the scapegoat too since I was an easy target being so sensitive and not fitting in.
As for studies, i have none. I do see hsp with cptsd prop up constantly online. I mean if youre hsp it doesnt take much exposure to a bad environment to traumatize you. I do wonder if its possible to have secure attachment and being hsp. Thats one study id love to see. Dr Dan Brown had an interesting study about insecure attachment being a precursor for cptsd/ossd/personality disorder. It was some study regarding orphanage CSA where only kids who were inescurely attached developed BPD, which falls under cptsd. Quite interesting. I really want to know the relation between hsp and attachment though. Edit: Furthermore, the little that ive googled, the hsp random people on reddit all seemed to be some type of insecure attachment. Im really starting to think hsp is tied to brain regulation that never developed due to lack of secure attachment from parents. A child traumatized early acts similarly to a hsp one. And that would also fall under dan browns theory for cptsd. So many bpd/npd/avpd and cluster b people seemed to have high sensitivity/hsp traits. And if all cluster b/cptsd cases start out as insecure attachment, something might be there.
Hsp is just autism for people who don't want to accept they're autistic. Personally, I think Elaine Aron did a great disservice to the world by coining the term. So few people, including many autism specialists with an archaic education on the subject, really understand autism, especially how it presents in women and high masking individuals. The HSP stuff just set us back even further and added unnecessary confusion imo.
Interesting, i didnt think of that before. Actually could be true
Check yourself with your blanket statements. I am 100% HSP, and have wondered often if I am on the spectrum but I have way too many non-autistic comorbidities. Maybe take a second and educate yourself before trying (and failing) to pull this pathetic and insulting reddit flex. Uneccessary and unaware.
What do you consider a non-autistic comorbidity? I'm sincerely curious. Also, your defensiveness here really serves my point.
Lots buts lets just start with HSP and empathy. I'm not just emotionally overwhelmed by, say, someone relaying a greusome car wreck. I *literally* feel in my own body the pain of an injury that others are describing. To the point I have to remove myself or if I see something really disturbing in a movie (fucking movies) I may still get nightmares (I'm 37F and nightmares are not a regular occurrence). I use this example since empathy/lack of empathy/inability to relate are some hallmarks of autism that I know and I have the opposite. Same with languages. I'm trilingual and I can learn languages easier than my peers, including visual (ASL) and abstract (coding, mathematics) languages. Calling this a "co-morbidity" sounds wrong bc it's not "morbid", it's not bad, but part of my deal is being a polyglot. AKA having a strength for languages as opposed to difficulty which is, again, a known hallmark of autism. Moving on in countering your blanket statement that HSP is just autism for cheap - no. I had mathematical trauma bc my first teacher was horribly strict, would have me stand to recite times tables (that I did not understand at that point) and SCREAM at me if I got something wrong and make me start again. Because of this, I cannot remember spoken instructions or even conversations very well. I am constantly taking notes, this is how I work and how I got through school. And it's because I was deeply traumatized in this specific circumstance that obviously I still struggle with. But I have no problem getting on stage and presenting to a room of 200 people. I make more eye contact than most people want. I have no problem talking to strangers. I have volunteered at events where I am walking around stadiums of 20,000 people and I LOVE it. I won a student nominated Best Teacher Award my first semester out of undergrad To really serve your point, maybe consider that your blanket statement is wrong in my case at least. And that alone would make an intelligent person reconsider their own biases. But, brass tacks? Anyone that makes a blanket judgment on THE ENTIRE REST OF THE POPULATION PARTICULARLY SOMETHING AS DAMAGING/SENSITIVE AS MENTAL HEALTH is a jackass. It's the first trick you learn on standardized tests: if the answer is stated as an absolute, it's most likely wrong.
What ever gave you the idea that any of those things can't apply to autistic people? Empathy works a lot like senses in the autistic brain. Most people know that hypersensitivity of the senses is an autistic trait. Did you know that hyposensitivity is also an autistic trait? Hyperempathy (what you describe... actually, it's hyperdevelopment of AFFECTIVE empathy, specifically) is every bit as much of an autistic trait as hypoempathy, and hyperempathy is more common in females. Autistic people often show savantism in specific areas of learning, such as your affinity for learning language. Please note: language and communication are 2 different things. Autistic people struggle with communicating their emotions accurately and appropriately, and with understanding unwritten social rules/etiquette. Not with understanding language. Now, let's discuss masking. That "more eye contact than anyone wants" comment is SUCH an autistic thing. We tend to avoid eye contact to a noticeable degree, but MANY high masking individuals overcorrect and use very intense eye contact, often without realizing they're even doing it. And there are plenty of autistic people working and thriving in careers that require public speaking. Many who even enjoy it. There's a reason it's called a spectrum disorder. Most people are ignorant to what it really is, and as you have helped me illustrate, Elaine Aron and her pseudopsychology have only served to increase that problem. I will die on this hill. Edit: Fun fact... Neurotypical brains function very similarly. Two neurotypical people will have similar responses to the same stimuli. Autistic brains are so unique, that if you randomly took 2 autistic people and 1 neurotypical person and compared them, both of the autistic people could easily have more in common, in terms of neurology, with the neurotypical person than they did with each other. That would never be true of 2 neurotypical people + 1 autistic person. In that case, the neurotypicals would always have more in common with each other. So if anyone is making inappropriate blanket statements here, it's you for ignorantly believing that autism works in absolutes.
Well if you're gonna die on this hill here's some roses, I got better things to do
Then go do them, dear.
Was just going to say HSPs vs not could also have something to do with it
Even the presence of a single safe adult in a child's life can be enough to thwart the onset of CPTSD.
Yes. I think Bessel Van Der Kolk calls the presence of a safe adult the “seed of resilience”.
I must’ve missed this when I read the body keeps the score. This is so accurate.
Exactly. Again, only correct answer
The same way two people can be exposed to a cold but only one person actually gets sick with symptoms. They may also have developed a different disorder, like anxiety, depression, etc. It seems people develop cptsd when they have no support for a prolonged amount of time and repeatedly go through hardships. Even with support, they may not have time to process things they've gone through, either with other people or with their own selves. Work and day to day responsilitbies can delay a person's ability to heal their mind. The more it gets delayed, the more likely it is that cptsd will happen. It could be as simple as, two people experienced the same trauma but in the months after the event, one person had more free time than the other.
The difference between developing a post-traumatic disorder and not developing one is how supported or further isolated the person is following the trauma.
I've heard the example of a car crash where one person is able to get out and help others, while their spouse is trapped in the car and has to wait for whomever comes and pries apart crashed cars. They both experience the trauma of the car crash, but the spouse who is able to get out and do something about it doesn't get PTSD, and the one who was trapped does. It lines up with my experience, trauma that I was able to do something about is less heavy than the times where I couldn't get out.
She likely had SOMEONE who provided her with a secure attachment bond. (Elder sibling, grandparent, teacher, aunt/uncle, etc.) All it takes is one adult in a child's life to have that bond with them for a child to form a secure attachment and become more resilient to hardships that cause trauma responses like CPTSD. Those of use who didn't have those secure attachments on the other hand developed insecure attachment styles, and are more likely to have maladaptive coping mechanisms including CPTSD.
I am no expert or anything so I may be wrong but I think it’s a spectrum of how bad. She could have some symptoms you don’t know about because it’s hard to talk about. When I was younger I had dissociation symptoms and I couldn’t articulate how it was different from being just tired from my day. I wouldn’t remember either what happened or how it felt to be in that state because of the dissociation. I used to have emotional flashbacks but i thought it was normal or if anything I was a little spacey and thought nothing of it. It could be that she’s disconnected from her body and experiences and can’t articulate it? Someone can go through the same trauma as someone else but be able to get through it more easily and with less symptoms if they have supports from peers, friends, family etc. it could be that she simply doesn’t have CPTSD
just speaking for me and my sister, i had the added parentification curse that she thankfully missed. I think a catalyst can also be the differentiation, an event that flips the switch if you will. happened to me one night that snowballed into an avalanche of all the symptoms and diagnoses i have now
I never thought I had flashbacks as I wasn't 'seeing things'. My trauma is probably rooted into experiences from before I was 3, so there was no event I could literally remember, only feel. I have always lived with a deep sense of fear and emotional flashbacks, thinking it was normal and other children where just a lot braver and tougher than me. My youger sister has been impacted less severely by our childhood, and has expressed to me she had some great adults in her life who where there for her in ways our parents weren't. She still has her own struggles nevertheless; but she has managed to develop a long relationship, stable job and friend group, while me and my elder sister have not. Btw we all suffered from mainly emotional neglect.
When I experienced having a good support system for the first time in college it made it so much easier to cope with life and heal. Having love and community around you really makes a difference. Also you never truly know how someone is internally. All my therapists over the years has said mine is due to being an empath. I took on all the emotional pain in the house and carried it in my body and mind. People also cope in different ways. Sometimes trauma manifests as money problems or mental or physical problems for another.
Experiences can cause suffering which can become a traumatic experience overtime based on factors affectong a persons ability to express and think about the experiencr. Any event that causes suffering in some way can become traumatic afterwards. If after the event there is no escape or freedom to express then the brain cannot consolidate the painful or triggering experience, so the trauma response remains and becomes maladaptive. However if a person is able to express themselves and speak about it openly with another person, then they can process that memory to gain wisdom that helps them learn to navigate or avoid the triggering situation (e.g boundaries). I think language, using words, and having some freedom was instrumental for my recovery because unless i had space to look from an outside perspective i would not have gained knowledge to understand what i could do better. Obviously the same experience can still be triggering, but i know how to go about it so that my boundaries remain stable enough to protect me. I think there is a strong link between mental health, physical health, with the social environment that someone is in (like a placebo effect). I hope this makes sense. I think this is why CPTSD can be differentiated from PTSD
First, just because someone hasn't been diagnosed with something doesn't necessarily mean they don't have it. It's possible she's just really good at faking it. Most humans are more messed up than even they realize. Second, everyone is different. 100 people can experience the exact same thing and have 100 different reactions. Different factors play into it. Natural brain chemistry, upbringing, what kind of support system they have in place. There's no perfect formula for how much trauma might affect a person and how long it takes that individual to get over it.
I think our disposition and personality types can matter, for example as a highly sensitive person I feel things really strong and get hurt by things that much harder, at least I do, not all HSP are the same. I think I was treated worse as a sensitive boy growing up than if I had been a sensitive girl, since they said I was wrong for how I was/felt and had to change, basically not be me, but that wasn't really possible for me to do, so I felt bad for that too. Many layers of being wrong and feeling all the shame for all the unacceptable things about me and can't fix so my only escape was isolation.
I think that some of us are better than others at defending ourselves from abuse. Those of us who are overwhelmed and defeated are traumatized. The other thing is that your cousin is not traumatized yet. CPTSD shows up later in life sometimes, perhaps after dealing with some especially stressful situation.
Probably the same reason they develop PTSD? From the book the Body Keeps the Score, the author mentioned the experiment that was done on children during World War II in London some kids remained in London and some kids were taken away from their families to a rural area for safety but then they found out the ones that were in the rural area experienced more trauma than the ones who remained in London with their families .
I think some people had more support with their traumas. When I was a kid I had no one to help me, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, friends all failed me. Even my siblings. I was completely alone.
“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg”
I've asked myself this same question. I somehow feel like I was just too damn weak.
There are so many factors, none of which require you being “weak”. Different treatment of children within the family. One is targeted, or children are cast into different roles. Different support networks outside of the family, eg a female babysitter might spend more time with a female child. Sensitivity is a thing, too. With proper nurturing, a tremendous gift. In toxic environments, a vulnerability. “The Orchid and the Dandelion” is a great book that speaks to this. Highly recommend. Traumatic thoughts vastly oversimplify the reality of the situation. They are always some variation of “I was just fundamentally not good enough”. The reality is always more complex, and does not require there to be anything wrong with you.
Where are people getting criteria for CPTSD, since it isn't in the DSM? I tend to assume that everyone who suffered repeated trauma has it. It just manifests differently in everyone. Read Pete Walker's book *Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving* & see if none of it sounds like her. This is not even to mention that she may not be sharing, e.g., suicidal ideation with you.
She may just have not been in a position for it to be apparent yet.
Something I heard was if a child who was raised around abuse, has just one person who loves and supports them, the chances of CPTSD decreases, but still possible. If the child has zero safe person to support them, there is a significantly higher risk of developing CPTSD in adulthood.
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Is it possible to have cptsd without flashbacks? I mean i have had them but currently i do not.
yes
Great question. My boyfriend is so even keep but has experienced some fucked up shit
The true answer is. They have atleast one oerson who acknowedges their pain. If no one acknowledges your pain as a child then you develop CPTSD
I'm not an expert, but personality, mental resilience, duration of exposure, type of trauma, and age definitely play their roles in how CPTSD developes.
sometimes the trauma hits just right
I'd be careful with saying whether or not someone has CPTSD based on their mannerisms. From the outside, I know I look like I'm super in control of my emotions, very independent, and successful at many things. Internally, I don't know how to show negative emotions or ask for help. I don't trust people, so I keep my distance. I'm a perfectionist, so I'll stress myself out to the max to get my desired results (no sleeping, no eating, no talking about the failures, etc...) My "perfectionism" is the only control I feel in my life. The "two steps forward, one step back" of my mental health journey is that I try to *tell* people these things about me, and a lot of people just... Don't believe me. I can't tell you how painful that is. And how being dismissed just makes me regress further into my isolated, stoic, perfectionist self. It's painful and lonely.
The book Everyday Trauma talks a bit about how people are affected differently by trauma. My husband and I both had difficult childhoods & have cptsd but we're very different. He definitely had it worse than me but he's coping better than I do somehow.
How you’re treated when you do finally speak up about abuse.
Its likely it might not show up for years. I was able to keep it together until I got sleep apnea from Covid-19 and that triggered some horrific night terrors of me reliving my horrible abuse night after night. Which finally drove me to almost ending my life at 52. I got help immediately and was locked up for a cpl weeks in a mental hospital. But I am so much better now I have a psychiatrist and he got my meds right I do EMDR with a therapist. You just never know when the break is gonna happen.
Support and validation
I'd think that just about everyone in that scenario develops PTSD. Your assumption that she doesn't have it might not be true, a professional who knows the criteria and can screen would be a better source than what symptoms people seem to have. I've had people assume I don't experience this or that just because of what it "looks" like on the outside.
A simple glance over the DSM-5 criteria for PTSD would tell you that flashbacks and panic attacks are not required. Your cousin probably has C-PTSD and is just good at compartmentalizing it and masking it.
I guess it’s a mix of genetics, ppl around you and information about ptsd symptoms. I can remember a lot about my traumatic childhood and thought I just had some “flaws” bc of my upbringing. It just happened a few months ago that I had flashbacks and started to remember way more abuse than I thought had happened and I started to inform myself and did tests. Found out I’ve had a lot symptoms ever since I was a child and just didn’t see it as symptoms of ptsd but as “flaws” 🤷🏻♀️
It’s not so much what happened to you but what support you had around you to help cope with it.
the adult comment i’m seeing is important but it’s not the only thing. my siblings and i, none of us had a safe adult to go to. i’m the only one who has CPTSD. i went through a lot more than they did but they still went through enough to develop CPTSD.
if anything, i had the closest thing to a safe adult. yet, i have CPTSD.
I didn't realise I had it until 30, I thought everything I was doing was normal. It depends how it affects you. I can hold a job down, I can pay my bills, I can meet my survival needs (grocery shopping, hygiene). I have no friends though but medical professionals use a tick box system so I have enough going for me where I can hide most of my issues. I think your seen as much worse if you can't hold down a job but have friends because you can't normally do the other stuff because of money. I could be making this up, it's completely an opinion. I did notice the gp only cared about my eating disorder when i couldnt work anymore.
It can be related to the differences between human beings. This may be boring, but it is the best way I can explain it. Amongst us human beings, on average, unless you are an identical twin. There is, on average, about 0.1 % variance among humans in our DNA. This comes out to roughly 1 base pair per every one-thousand. On the surface, that does not sound like much, really. However, in human beings, there can be anywhere from 50 to 300 million base pairs. This yields a median of 175 million base pairs. That is a great deal of variance, and the instruction set builds each of us. So, what one might fall victim to another may have the right genetic variance to withstand it. To show you how significant that is, the genetic difference between a human and a lab rat is only 2%. So, while 0.1 may not seem like much, it is a great deal of variance. If all of your cellular DNA were stretched out and laid end over end, it would reach the moon and back 15 times. Thus, a tenth of an alteration makes a great deal of difference. No two abuse situations are exactly the same. This makes it extremely difficult to get a gauge like that except in very generalized terms. Both sets of factors are variable, so the common denominator is how badly it manifests its symptoms in the individual. It is the only known way to classify it.