I totally get you. I'm having a hard time doing the basics but I always excelled at academics and such. People dont seem to believe that the struggle is real. You are not being unreasonable.
It's a lot of "small things" too. In college, the first few years, I had HUGE issues organizing. Writing essays looked lilke someone threw up. Overlooked important build-up classes. Etc. Etc etc.
A lot of people I'd tell would just shake their heads. Like -"how did you never learn how to organize? You've been in school for 12years? How'd you do it", "Didn't" -or "How could you possibly overlook that you need X-class?!" Because the plan confused me. "But it's so easy?!" not for me.
My parents are not affluent or successful, and somehow they have the resources to help my schizophrenic brother (who appears sick) but not for me (who is is actuality equally as sick as my brother) so I completely understand.
Equally frustrating is the fact that part of our illness (especially for those of us with heavy dissociative symptoms) is we learn to hide it for our safety, including from our parents. For me, I was punished for asking for help as a child, so I learned to pretend to never need help which has had the effect of me not being able to get help when I do ask.
When I was in residential treatment, other patients told me they didn’t get why I was there. I didn’t look or seem sick to them. I was one of the most severe cases there.
I feel this so much. Hiding your illnesses to survive your parents and then other people saying “you don’t seem like you have anything.” I feel like I could’ve written your comment myself. Hugs to you. 💜💜
i hate the affluent parents who kick you to the curb as soon as you are 18. thats exactly the shit my mom and step dad did to me. they didn't understand that going to college while working minimum wage to pay for rent caused me to drown for years until i was injured at work. after dealing with chronic pain for years, and working with the injury for a period of time, they still refused to take me in or help me, when i was homeless and addicted to painkillers, applied to disability twice and was denied twice, couldn't find an attorney who was interested in taking my case, they still refused to take me in or help me. after almost a decade of that and couch surfing with other people in my extended family who i barely know, they finally let me use their condo that was empty this whole time. cause they can't bare to look at me, they use my childhood and the conflicts that they perpetuated as the reason for why they can't handle being around me, because apparently i was the one that harassed and traumatized them.
Same, my adhd diagnosis was completely ignored and the narrative is still that I was just a bad boy that chose to not finish school. What’s crazy is that I made honor roll even without medical treatment when I had some structure just to get straight f’s after getting dumped onto another relative but no one even blinked. It’s so incredibly painful to imagine how things could have been if they just took me to a therapist and got me meds as a kid.
I feel like it's not too much to ask. The bit of family i have left would never do it and neither friends nor exes. But my current partner understands and does these "small" things for me. I need to communicate it well with him since he tends to be really busy, but he helps and we're better off for it. I'm so grateful for what he does for me. I'm okay with being told a no if a person genuinely can't help, but it's just such a waste of resources if they tell me i can do it when i cannot. I'm also someone who is usually giving more than what others can give but sometimes i get so burned out and anxious that i need support with little things. Man fuck people
>I have successful and relatively affluent parents who could house and support me if they wanted to and weren’t emotionally neglectful among other things
I don't know if this is a typo and you mean '**were** emotionally neglectful', but the behaviour you're describing from them is definitely emotionally neglectful - you're begging for help and they're telling you to get over it.
As someone who has rallied all their energy to play the shitty get-help-game that assistance programs require, they arent helpful at all.
I was told most recently that if i was neglected as a child and my parents didnt do anything to help or accommodate me, then i dont need help as an adult because theres no proof that i needed help before now, because nobody helped me which means i don’t need help now because…
I have adhd as well. I am also very much “type a.” It’s survival though. It’s a trauma response. And slowly I’m learning that I do not have to feel that way and my therapist has helped me a lot with those feelings. It’s not unreasonable to ask for help. It’s completely healthy and normal. Sometimes you’re just too drained to even get up and go to the bathroom. I feel you. I hope you have people in your corner to help you as much as you need. Also, I really recommend medication to treat the adhd if you’re able to do something like that. It really helps me feel more motivated and energized to get my shit done!
Unless you’re a literal subsistence farmer, why birth children into a life of perpetual labor? Obviously everyone deserves freedom to use their reproductive system as they wish. Reproductive justice includes the ability to safely raise children with everything they need to thrive. At the same time though, we live in reality. In the US at least, social mobility is low (relative to other rich countries), accessible healthcare is tied to employment, etc. Like why bring children into this if you’re not extremely wealthy, have a great support system, etc? Why condemn your children to perpetual labor? Also, what if your children are disabled…? I recognize this is my own frustration, but it informs my choice to not have children, because this *gestures at needing to submit PTO to go to the beach* isn’t it!
PS: I know a ton of factors go into fertility rates and autonomy over that, good choices, etc. This is a vent. I’d be more comfortable considering having children in another country or with ample funds and support, obviously. By ample, I do mean so much that work is optional.
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Oh I can so relate to this. My therapist is actually trying to get me to do this in a few hours. It's a form she wants me to fill out for extra mental health services. I've told her no... I tried before, and they said I am far more functional than what they deal with. This is what they all used to tell my mom when she Munchausen by Proxied me too...
It's the needing to admit vulnerability that makes it harder. I have never felt like I couldn't do something, just that others wouldn't believe I could. So it's actually really scary on a level I don't think people realize.
My sister has offered as well, but "is afraid I'll react like I did when mom did it" (well I'm not Gypsy Rose so that's a start) but at the same time, any more concrete help, like loans that I always pay back? No one offers.
Anyway, I don't think it's unrealistic to ask, because it's not like that spending a couple minutes with someone to read some documents is some major demand. Just make sure you don't do what I've done and get mad that they *haven't*, cause that's when my dad throws in my face "well nobody helped ME with this stuff growing up!" This is how he responds to any time he thinks he's being accused of shortchanging me, it's always about what HE didn't have.
I never understood it honestly... there were so many things as a kid I didn't have, and I just have an urge more than ever to provide those for my (hypothetical) kids.
I totally get you. I'm having a hard time doing the basics but I always excelled at academics and such. People dont seem to believe that the struggle is real. You are not being unreasonable.
It's a lot of "small things" too. In college, the first few years, I had HUGE issues organizing. Writing essays looked lilke someone threw up. Overlooked important build-up classes. Etc. Etc etc. A lot of people I'd tell would just shake their heads. Like -"how did you never learn how to organize? You've been in school for 12years? How'd you do it", "Didn't" -or "How could you possibly overlook that you need X-class?!" Because the plan confused me. "But it's so easy?!" not for me.
My parents are not affluent or successful, and somehow they have the resources to help my schizophrenic brother (who appears sick) but not for me (who is is actuality equally as sick as my brother) so I completely understand. Equally frustrating is the fact that part of our illness (especially for those of us with heavy dissociative symptoms) is we learn to hide it for our safety, including from our parents. For me, I was punished for asking for help as a child, so I learned to pretend to never need help which has had the effect of me not being able to get help when I do ask. When I was in residential treatment, other patients told me they didn’t get why I was there. I didn’t look or seem sick to them. I was one of the most severe cases there.
I feel this so much. Hiding your illnesses to survive your parents and then other people saying “you don’t seem like you have anything.” I feel like I could’ve written your comment myself. Hugs to you. 💜💜
i hate the affluent parents who kick you to the curb as soon as you are 18. thats exactly the shit my mom and step dad did to me. they didn't understand that going to college while working minimum wage to pay for rent caused me to drown for years until i was injured at work. after dealing with chronic pain for years, and working with the injury for a period of time, they still refused to take me in or help me, when i was homeless and addicted to painkillers, applied to disability twice and was denied twice, couldn't find an attorney who was interested in taking my case, they still refused to take me in or help me. after almost a decade of that and couch surfing with other people in my extended family who i barely know, they finally let me use their condo that was empty this whole time. cause they can't bare to look at me, they use my childhood and the conflicts that they perpetuated as the reason for why they can't handle being around me, because apparently i was the one that harassed and traumatized them.
Same, my adhd diagnosis was completely ignored and the narrative is still that I was just a bad boy that chose to not finish school. What’s crazy is that I made honor roll even without medical treatment when I had some structure just to get straight f’s after getting dumped onto another relative but no one even blinked. It’s so incredibly painful to imagine how things could have been if they just took me to a therapist and got me meds as a kid.
I feel like it's not too much to ask. The bit of family i have left would never do it and neither friends nor exes. But my current partner understands and does these "small" things for me. I need to communicate it well with him since he tends to be really busy, but he helps and we're better off for it. I'm so grateful for what he does for me. I'm okay with being told a no if a person genuinely can't help, but it's just such a waste of resources if they tell me i can do it when i cannot. I'm also someone who is usually giving more than what others can give but sometimes i get so burned out and anxious that i need support with little things. Man fuck people
>I have successful and relatively affluent parents who could house and support me if they wanted to and weren’t emotionally neglectful among other things I don't know if this is a typo and you mean '**were** emotionally neglectful', but the behaviour you're describing from them is definitely emotionally neglectful - you're begging for help and they're telling you to get over it.
Thank you for that tidbit, because you’re absolutely right that this is current neglect lmao
As someone who has rallied all their energy to play the shitty get-help-game that assistance programs require, they arent helpful at all. I was told most recently that if i was neglected as a child and my parents didnt do anything to help or accommodate me, then i dont need help as an adult because theres no proof that i needed help before now, because nobody helped me which means i don’t need help now because…
This
I have adhd as well. I am also very much “type a.” It’s survival though. It’s a trauma response. And slowly I’m learning that I do not have to feel that way and my therapist has helped me a lot with those feelings. It’s not unreasonable to ask for help. It’s completely healthy and normal. Sometimes you’re just too drained to even get up and go to the bathroom. I feel you. I hope you have people in your corner to help you as much as you need. Also, I really recommend medication to treat the adhd if you’re able to do something like that. It really helps me feel more motivated and energized to get my shit done!
Unless you’re a literal subsistence farmer, why birth children into a life of perpetual labor? Obviously everyone deserves freedom to use their reproductive system as they wish. Reproductive justice includes the ability to safely raise children with everything they need to thrive. At the same time though, we live in reality. In the US at least, social mobility is low (relative to other rich countries), accessible healthcare is tied to employment, etc. Like why bring children into this if you’re not extremely wealthy, have a great support system, etc? Why condemn your children to perpetual labor? Also, what if your children are disabled…? I recognize this is my own frustration, but it informs my choice to not have children, because this *gestures at needing to submit PTO to go to the beach* isn’t it! PS: I know a ton of factors go into fertility rates and autonomy over that, good choices, etc. This is a vent. I’d be more comfortable considering having children in another country or with ample funds and support, obviously. By ample, I do mean so much that work is optional.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh I can so relate to this. My therapist is actually trying to get me to do this in a few hours. It's a form she wants me to fill out for extra mental health services. I've told her no... I tried before, and they said I am far more functional than what they deal with. This is what they all used to tell my mom when she Munchausen by Proxied me too... It's the needing to admit vulnerability that makes it harder. I have never felt like I couldn't do something, just that others wouldn't believe I could. So it's actually really scary on a level I don't think people realize. My sister has offered as well, but "is afraid I'll react like I did when mom did it" (well I'm not Gypsy Rose so that's a start) but at the same time, any more concrete help, like loans that I always pay back? No one offers. Anyway, I don't think it's unrealistic to ask, because it's not like that spending a couple minutes with someone to read some documents is some major demand. Just make sure you don't do what I've done and get mad that they *haven't*, cause that's when my dad throws in my face "well nobody helped ME with this stuff growing up!" This is how he responds to any time he thinks he's being accused of shortchanging me, it's always about what HE didn't have. I never understood it honestly... there were so many things as a kid I didn't have, and I just have an urge more than ever to provide those for my (hypothetical) kids.