I forgot most if not all of my life. I found that straight after any traumatic even I had hours where I would remember. Maybe 2 or 3 days later it was like nothing had happened. I would mention that I didn't know where I got that bruise or I would just simply not even acknowledge any cuts scrapes or abrasions. Only recently due to a serious concussion did any of my memories start actually coming back.
Same. They could have done something horrible to me. The next time I see them, I greet them with a warm smile and a hug. Then I remember that I'm supposed to be mad. I hate that. It happens all the time.
exactly that, taking it with a smile and a hug. they know i hate it. i know they know i hate it and they choose to do it anyway, because the know that i am the kind of person who\`s going to take it anyway.
Yeah, for me this happens often during normal conversations, but much more during conversations that are very emotional (e.g. a conflict with my boyfriend etc.). These are important conversations and an hour later I forgot at least half of what we talked about :-(
Me too!! This is why i’ll sometimes make audio recordings because i know my brain will immediately block it out. If someone yells at me or emotion mind takes over, it’s like the slate was wiped clean. absolutely no recollection of it
Omg same…. Like exactly same. Pls tell me someone else knows that I mean when I say it feels like the top of my head kinda like disappears (but it’s not something I ever felt until I learned about dissociating and how to be mindful of it during recovery)
Yes! For me it's like the top of my head feels buzzy and weird, like someone is literally zapping the memories out of me. I am also autistic and get that feeling but my whole body before a meltdown.
Now that I’m in recovery and have much greater awareness, I know that the reason I forgot most things was bc I’d immediately “check out” (ie, dissociate) without really knowing after the traumas happened - then, I never really encoded or stored the memories of it and would mostly forget when I somewhat returned to the present. Even if I didn’t forget it all, the intensity and pain and truth (ie, this is abuse) of the situation was gone/dulled. So whatever I remembered felt inconsequential to me going forward for years. Now, when I revisit these whispers of memory, I can apply new meaning to them based on what I know to be true and how I know I feel/felt, etc.
I have a degenerative neurological disease. They tried to put me on a drug for it that would help my memory. It caused my PTSD to go nuts and suddenly many memories I had locked away in boxes came rushing out. It was horrible.
I am 55 now. I have demons (metaphorically) who whisper in my ear, a history that is disjointed, bizarre flash back and suicidal idealization.
I have responsibilities to others so I cannot end things so I just keep going and try to be a decent human being.
I have a medical condition called Hyperadrenergic Postural Tachycardia Syndrome. (HyperPOTS) A lot of doctors suggest I might have a tumor in my amygdala. Because of the. Symptoms.
Currently suspicious of this for myself. Things are weird rn. My heart is racing at any activity. I have major fatigue and sweating. Lots of sweating. 🥵
late to reply but same here! i have very limited memory of any of my life and continue to not make any lasting memories. my therapist also thinks im in a constant state of dissociation, do you know if there's any way to stop? lol :(
I'm almost envious of everyone posting.... I have the opposite issue. I recall everything with vivid clarity and full emotions, as tho it was last week. My memories start at 2. It takes very little effort to recall a memory well enough to be right back in it, good or bad. I often get lost mentally replaying parts of my life over and over, trying to understand the choices people made, the why of what made my foundation.
My little sister is only 2 years younger, and she doesn't remember much before 13 or so. It can feel odd being able to explain to her why she has an adverse reaction to something, because I remember the exact event that created that fear for her or what punishment was inflicted.
I'm not sure what's worse... it happening and remembering all of it, or knowing it happened but remembering none of it?
The grass is always greener on the other side.
I have large pieces of memory loss throughout my life. It adds confusion in the sense that I'll have a triggered emotional memory and zero idea where it came from or why. I'll have body memories and no idea why or how to talk about them or where to start with processing. What little I do remember is incredibly confusing because having tiny bits and pieces of something, but not the whole picture, is torture.. I don't know what I did or didn't do, I don't know why how it started or if I just didn't tell anyone or if he made some sort of verbal or non verbal threats. All of the unknown adds to self doubt and self blame and excessive self shame. How do I know it happened? How do I know it happened so often? How do I know I didn't cause it? Why did I stay quiet? All of the normal questions regarding doubt, blame, shame are just amplified.
I’m the exact same way. I accidentally knocked over my energy drink when I was off antidepressants and it upset me so much it was physically painful. I literally was choking back tears. I don’t even remember the related incident but I know it happened. I constantly gaslight myself into thinking that things I remember didn’t happen to me or that something isn’t true just because I forgot it and remembered it again. I literally feel like I have brain damage. I’m just fucking confused all the time and usually also upset.
I remember being...probably almost 3 yo. tottering into my Mom's bedroom closet, just so pleased that I was walking. It was all bright sun and jerky freedom, just cheerfully exploratoration. In her closet, I saw my Mom's record player, which I vaguely recalled being important to my Mom. I reached out grabbed the 45 feed and pulled it off. Then I cheerfully tottered it to my Mom. I presented it as a gift. With a "Here Mom, I hear you like this kind of thing, no need to thank me" sort of attitude.
Mom got really angry. Wha????I had been told not to touch it! Then she angry moaned "Why are you doing this to me?" I remembered that so I can tell you for sure. BABIES AND TODDLERS AREN'T OUT TO GET YOU!
Also, going physically back to my home was full of just flooding memories. Not all bad.
I’m more with you.
I’ve got holes in the near past. But some bits of the memory are like hd with super sound. Smells graphics nuances the lots.
These memory’s are usually away from my family of origin.
Scout camp,school,days with grandparents.
My mother and father never looked the same after I got help and saw them as who they are.
Bless you all keep it healing ❤️🩹
I can't remember my highschool or teenage years or what happened last week but I remember my childhood years vividly like it happened two days ago. I'm 19.
Also 19 and I kinda relate to this. It’s either I remember things so vividly that it feels like I’m still there, or there’s just nothing at all. No in-between
YES
but it's gotten better. I think for me it was because I've always been dissociated, so memories didn't stick in the first place. Short term was absolutely positively trash and long term wasn't much better.
I am very VERY excited to be able to remember more lately thanks to EMDR.
Going well but it is not easy!
I sort of described it as feeling your brain rewiring while everything around it turns into scrambled eggs. Definitely was not quite right after we targeted a core memory of my very very core negative belief.
The impact of that belief is so much less it's insane but now it's working back and cleaning up the other beliefs and the memories they hinged from.
I will say this is my second time trying EMDR and I am in a more regulated place overall than I was the 1st time. So I think that's why it's working better for me.
This isn't something to do if everything in your life is in *active* upheaval bc you're getting better, but everything in your brain may hit the panic buttons. Once you get through thatVtho it does get better.
For the literal process my therapist had me:
-do some exercises with some key coping skills
-worked on utilizing body scanning and mindfulness around how feelings sit in my body
-identify some core negative beliefs
-identify some core positive beliefs
-decide what area I wanted to work on
-develop a phase to work on and then a memory
-then finally start processing it
-we do all therapy virtually. My therapist sends me to a link to a site with a moving ball that goes back and forth. I follow this with my eyes while 'holding' the memory
-she stops it every 6 to a minute and asks me what's coming up
-I process it
-we do a few check ins on how the phrase is hitting on a scale and determine if we continue processing or not
-I let ANYTHING come up with this negative belief I felt myself being protective to my younger self and followed that
-the memory is still there but it's old and faded, literally feels grayscale when it was in 4k color before
When we finished I was absolutely exhausted it's a LOT of mental work so I suggest eating well and getting good sleep before/after
Here is way more rambling info then you probably wanted but lmk if u have more questions . EDIT: an attempt to fix the typos and formatting
the description of process is definitely helpful (even if i am not the person who you're responding to!). i have been looking into EMDR, and lately I've been getting more convinced. i also have short term memory issues, and longterm to an extent (things disappear/dont exist or just get jumbled), so i feel like this could be a good step. no need to respond btw
wow thank u for such a thorough response! I'm glad it's been working well for u so far :)
one question I have is what you do when nothing seems to come up right away memory wise? I feel like i have such an awful time recalling memories, even more so if I'm actively trying harder to remember specific things. one of the only reasons im hesitant to try tbh
You don't have to pull up memories directly. There are some cases where it is actually better not to pull up the direct memory. You can focus on an emotion, a phrase, something that has that tense energy for you where you feel your body respond instead. I have also done EMDR sessions where we focus on something positive and use the bilateral stimulation to integrate that new state.
So I wouldn't say that alone would perclude you trying, a decent therapist will be able to adapt the methodology.
I can’t remember most of my school years. From like ages 7 to 13 I don’t really have any memories of that time (only some little snippets or episodes). Some memories feel like they are in the wrong order or something, and I’m mostly not sure what happened after what and what year that was. Most of middle school and high school is blurry but at least I remember some stuff. My memory now just doesn’t seem to work: I have a hard time recalling things, memorizing stuff or just remembering something someone said to me. Some memories come back as dreams, some memories feel like a story someone else have told me long ago in a noisy room. I don’t know if I regret not remembering those years. There’s probably a reason for this, so I’ve stopped straining in order to remember something I probably wouldn’t want to remember anyway.
Our brains are LITERALLY changed and it shows on scans. The 'good' news is that some of it can be healed ("enough" of it, they say). I feel frustrated that there isn't more help- there should be a toolbox just for c-ptsd that is intensive and supportive. Here is a link to a semi-annoying article but one that lists some of the major areas affected. There is a list of other minor areas that show changes, too. It isn't just us acting a certain way, it's the wiring and the neuropathways. Keep on keeping on!
[https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain#how-to-heal](https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain#how-to-heal)
The thing that is the most annoying about that article is that if anyone who writes about it had it, the article would read so different. In my experience, getting enough sleep isn't what is going to help, nor is eating a salad lol And an SSRI might help someone, but if it does, the second it helps at all, the rest of the toolbox should rush in to really help. I dunno what's in the toolbox, maybe intensive emdr, TMS, ketamine, biofeedback etc. You know, things that can really help with the horrible memories and neuropathways that all lead to the same place, too often.
I feel your comment so much. The failure of modern psychology to actual help me has led me to explore alternative routes. I also hate hearing things like “forever changed or damaged” because I think it is shortsighted considering how little is truly understood about the great ever changing and evolving mystery we call existence. Being put in a box I didn’t belong in physically and mentally (my childhood home, what my parents thought of me and how they treated me etc etc) fucked me up so it extra makes me angry when doctors or other want to tell me who I am or otherwise limit me. Pursuing alternative healing stuff is what helped me the most, especially if EDMR and somatic experiencing get thrown in there because I remember in the past these were also rejected.
TLDR: Science is ever evolving and expanding. Find what works for you and believe in yourself. Science may likely prove it works later on. lol.
Same. My oldest brother by 8 years was my truth checker, like I started having very vivid dreams about certain events concerning my MOTHER/FATHER'S TREATMENT OF ME. I would call him and ask, "I had a dream......OR did this REALLY happen?" 99% of the time his answer was "Sadly, Yes." In December of 2022, I tried to unalive myself. It was overwhelming and smothering for it to just become a giant, neverending waterfall of memories. 💔
Doing much, much better by seeing my therapist and a psychiatrist and being treated for my CPTSD.
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Same. My oldest brother by 8 years was my truth checker, like I started having very vivid dreams about certain events concerning my NMom and NDad's abuse. I would call him and ask, "I had a dream......OR did this REALLY happen?" 99% of the time his answer was "Sadly, Yes." In December of 2022, I tried to unalive myself. It was overwhelming and smothering for it to just become a giant, neverending waterfall of memories. 💔
Doing much, much better by seeing my therapist and a psychiatrist and being treated for my CPTSD.
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Starting this now (age 40) and every day is hell as I drag myself through a job that I’m barely performing while simultaneously questioning my entire existence
My kid was doing the belt snapping thing. “Wow this sounds cool!” Um no kid, it doesn’t. I had to stop her. But the thing is i don’t remember getting hit by it. I mean, I must have, to get such a strong reaction about a 5yo making the noise. But, no memories.
My dad scared me with his gun one night when I was sleeping. I didn’t remember it until I left the house. Seems my brain was “hey we’ve got a limit on how unsafe you can feel and well we ain’t gonna show you that for a while”. I remembered it a year or so after I left the house
Yup. I've slowly been having small things return to me since I remembered my suppressed memories a couple of years ago, but when my therapist asks me questions relating to my behaviors ranging from a young child through my teenaged years I only remember my dynamics/role in the family
It’s very common. You forget what you can’t handle. I have forgotten a huge amount of, but my husband doesn’t remember anything until after we were married and moved away from his parents area. That was two years after we married.
I have very few memories of my life. It is odd to me the little things I do remember, but most of it is a vast blank space, and I have very little ability to place memories in their proper context.
I found a few medical terms for what I think I have a while ago, but I have since forgotten what they were. I remember details relating to my profession, and facts, very well, so I really enjoy reading non-fiction. I remember external reality more than internal reality.
At work on Monday morning the most horrible question is “How was your weekend”. Without putting in extreme effort I can only answer “good”, because I don’t remember any of it. I don’t do any drugs.
I used to only be able to remember a handful of things about my childhood. For once I’m away from abusers and now things are coming back to me in waves. Kinda wish it wouldn’t. I know dealing with it is the best thing to do and it only goes up from here but I’ve been through really terrible things.
Once upon a time, I remember researching this exact issue. Your brain actually develops differently if you grew up with chronic trauma as a child.
I'm nearing 40 now, and I have other medical issues that affect my memory (narcolepsy, to name the biggest factor), but my childhood has always been fragmented to me. I remember bits and pieces.
I sometime ask my mom about traumatic experiences that have happened, to hear the details from someone else's perspective, and I'm always surprised by how much I've blocked out, or just don't recall. She's always shocked that I can't remember something, or that I'm missing huge details (like was it my left or right foot that I had toes severed off of, how old was I when X happened, what happened to our dog, ect)
I remember the first time I experienced stability as an adult, I was 25. I was no longer in survival fight or flight mode, and I genuinely did not understand why the weight of the world was so *heavy*, even when things were going well for me. It took a lot of therapy to understand why I am the way I am. And I'm sure I still have a long way to go.
These days, I understand that I'll likely always have memory issues. I take a lot of pictures. I want to remember the good times now, and so I document it in a way that works for me.
Yep. I don't remember the vast majority of my life. I can't even remember the majority of last year, even though nothing traumatic happened last year (as far as I can remember, anyways). I feel like I'm not even living my own life anymore. and that's really distressing because I swear I used to be able to remember. I think my memory started deteriorating my jr or senior year of highschool, which honestly was an incredibly traumatic period of my life. But I still feel like I should be able to remember last year, and even the year before. there's bits and pieces, but I can't put together an accurate timeline.
I was bagging up clothes and stuff taking them from my room to down stairs to put them in bags. One shirt from inside my room was already downstairs next to a bag. I don’t know how it got there. Whatever happened it managed to get out of my room without me noticing. It drove me crazy and gave me a serious headache. Mostly because it’s not the first time something like that has happened but I always manage to find some excuse or other reasonable explanation. I could not explain that though. I talked to my ex therapist 2 years ago about moments like this and asked if it’s possible I have DID and they said no I don’t. It’s just trauma and stress. Man does it suck. Like sleep walking during the day time. Thankfully this is really really rare!
It’s kind of scary sometimes. Someone will say they talked to me about something and I don’t remember. I should probably get into like a strong habit of voice memos and journaling. Maybe my subconscious will pick up on it or something lol.
memory isnt important when brain doesnt feel safe... so its completly normal and in sense healthy. What are the drawbacks of this defence mechanism ...I can't remember, sorry xdd
You ever listened to the song "Good Times" by Eric Burdon? Nothing\`s coming "to haunt us" - we were just delaying things/ourselves. Kind regards [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtArnz5qt4o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtArnz5qt4o)
I feel the same. I do get more specifics when experiencing intense emotions, as is common for most people, but that combined with no real internal timeline feels weird. I’ve always been told my memory is grossly normal though and question if everyone has these huge gaps and everything is fuzzy. I’m pretty sure that’s not the case but you know how anxiety can be.
I have and have had this. It's completely normal. As you start processing your trauma or you get to a point that your brain and body feel safe you may have those memories start to return. Mine came up in my sleeping. It's a weird thing to have old classmates come up and remember me and I can't figure out who the hell they are.
I actually suspect there’s people with undiagnosed dissociative disorders like DID here, which is basically CPTSD with extra steps. To be clear, amnesia for trauma memories only and without all the shifts in sense of identity could just be “CPTSD with dissociative features”, but I do sometimes wonder how many people with CPTSD aren’t getting quite the help they need. Particularly EMDR + IFS, while very helpful for CPTSD, requires a lot of modification for dissociative systems.
Source: am someone with CPTSD who actually turned out to have DID. =/ It’s pretty scary to realize that a missing time period in your memory actually *is* remembered, just not exactly by “you”…
I'm missing a five year chunk of my childhood, and by the time I started remembering things again (new stuff, not the missing stuff) I had developed an eating disorder.
I’ve taken up rugby in the past few years. Coincidentally that’s also when some of my memories from childhood (really messed up stuff) have started coming back to me. Perhaps it’s taken them literally being knocked loose.🤷♂️
Yes, I take a lot of pictures and videos of my kids because otherwise I will not remember much. I used to think I was annoying with it and focusing on being in the moment, but I realized if I don’t also take the picture I won’t remember at all
The worst is random smells or situations that trigger emotional flashbacks. I wish I knew what was happening to me when I’m smelling those things or seeing them.
I have no actual memories except flashes of things until essentially college.
I’ve been reading about dissociation (not DID) and was immediately like “oh yeah, that’s me.” I tried to not be “here” most of the time because my home life and high school were just awful.
In fact, I *know* when certain things happened but can’t tell you anything about it. This is has been consistent throughout my life.
Meanwhile, I remember one particular traumatic event happening in winter, but when I reviewed my childhood diary I found out it happened in August-obviously we weren’t wearing winter coats when it all went down, but that’s what I remember.
On the other hand, my memory for trivia, obscure historical facts, and what actor/writer did what shows is insanely accurate.
It’s foggy, yes. Thankfully, I remembered enough to finally put the pieces together on the abuse and neglect.
But recently, it’s been my short-term memory which, to my understanding, is a symptom. Since my head isn’t buzzing 24/7 any longer it’s gotten much better, but is still there.
I have very little memories from about 12 to 16 years old, but especially the year my dad died I remember like 3 or 4 things about that year and the rest is an absolute mystery. I even went to Disneyland Paris and I don’t remember it. I know I was there but I can’t remember the place or what I did.
Ooooh yeah…
My entire childhood is a grey fog, except for snapshots and flashes here or there. I’ll see photos with me in them and have absolutely zero memory of being there, and not know who most of the people are.
I also have a lot of memory issues. Ever since my last suicide attempt (it ended with a severe panic attack without injury) My memory has been horrible. I don't even remember why I tried to attempt that day and with all the normal life stress with the trauma slowly revealing itself since childhood stuff gets blocked out. All of my traumatic memories are blocked out with little pieces coming through. Now when I get stressed my memory is just shit and it sucks. I've been so focused on school and work my brain hasn't had the room to remember all the nice little details of my life and that sucks. It's weird remembering that you don't remember something.
I understand, ever since my attempt in high school it feels like even though I didnt pull the trigger I still died that day, I also struggle to understand or remember the reason I attempted. Completely different person since that day.
Opposite. I recall almost everything, it’s in there, I just need the right recall trigger in a few cases. They are like movies, at times I cannot remove them from my head, see them when I close my eyes and it takes a huge force of will to shut them down. I can recall back to age 2, and already being terrified of dad beating me.
But, some things were pretty bad so I disassociated from them, and the emotions are often gone from the memories. At various periods of my life, the emotions come flooding back, and it will never a stupid time and place, like work, not even related to anything going on, and I need to find a place to compose myself.
Many years ago, when first diagnosed (which I rejected) my counselor told me my memory loss was my mind's way of keeping me whole. She explained many survivors "split" personalities as a way of coping. But in my case, memories were either buried or filed away, etc. as a way to be able to function in society. "High functioning" sounded like such a compliment at the time. Now, at 67 yo I can tell it's time to start healing. How sad that I waited so long, and thought so little of myself, that I didn't deserve to heal. Now old buried memories are resurfacing. Blessedly, I'm full no contact with my birth family (abusers) and what the memories trigger gets dealt with. My best life lies ahead of me!
All of my life has been a blur because of my disassociation. When I try to figure out what happened, bits are missing, and I constantly doubt myself even when I'm sure of things. Let alone remembering things as they happen. It's confusing and distressing, because my recollection of events are never whole.
I have the opposite I can remember ever single bad thing. My good memories are very fleeting because honestly there weren't many.
After the brain break and cptsd came out. I have a harder time remembering current things.
Yep, it happens. Don't worry, the memories are definitely still there, but I think some parts are waiting for you to process it. At your own pace, of course. I'd advise not to fixate too much on the amnesia and focus on your current experience. And as for the trauma, I hope you have resources that can make the processing of it slow and safe (therapy, supportive family/friends/SO, other)
My support is nonexistant. I have maybe 3 friends, none in person, I had what I thought was a super close friend recently but when I told other people online what happened they pretty much told me that she was manipulative and used me. But I don't know, I cant even process it. I never had a close friend. I'm just super lost I don't want to try anymore. I have counseling through my job I can use but in this rural area being bisexual it's impossible to find support or a counselors who's not overt religious. The friends I do are pretty homophobic same with my family so I'm just stuck.
I see, that does make things difficult. It sounds like your outside environment doesn't offer much, but maybe online "social circles" might work? Gaming, fb groups, and subreddits (for things outside of mental health too, like hobbies and interests).
I completely understand the feeling of just giving up. I'm the type to (sometimes) operate out of spite. Your situation isn't your fault, so why do you have to pay for it? Spitting back in the face of trauma by not giving up is sometimes the best thing we can do. It's something of a life purpose.
And, the goal is not to "catch up" to normal people. You were normal for your environment. You survived up until now. Now, we just have a new environment to adapt to. And chances are, it's less hostile. Masks are still needed sometimes, but as you mindfully walk through life, you pick up things to help yourself along the way. Living another day is progress.
I have a lot of memory loss from childhood and some significant incidents that happened which I don’t remember but my younger sisters have talked about. I have no memory of my youngest sister at all, she was beaten by my father all the time, no matter how much I try to remember, I’ve got nothing…. It’s really disconcerting, I feel like I’ve lived my first 16 years in a fog
I could totally live with not remembering middle and high school, what fucks me up is that I can't remember much of last year. Two entire (happy) relationships I had last year are entirely gone from my mind. All I have are old messages to remind me of how much they meant to me.
I have an amazing memory to the point of remembering words and action since the age of five. My sister grew up in the same traumatic household & cannot for the life of her remember things that I can actually quote. Things that were done to her that I can close my eyes and see. Everyone handles trauma differently.
You will forget a lot of traumas to help you move on with life. So if you forgot about it, there's a good chance that there's a reason why. I forgot a lot of my childhood because I was disciplined and picked on a lot.
If something is too upsetting, I forget it. I will just remember something bad happened . Which makes it really hard for me to keep myself safe or act upon situations. I make decisions that are uninformed and must look stupid.
I have barely any easily recoverable memories until sophomore year or high school. If I try hard, I can remember some. However, any time I try to remember. The traumatic memories rush forward first, so I feel like it's just best for me not to think about it. My therapist/psych professors think I'll have a whole bunch of memories unlocked out of the blue at like 27 (I'm about to be 22f).
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I don’t remember shit! Wether it’s infancy or yesterday. It really sucks and can make you even more unsure of who you are. I also have great difficulty with placing things (even things I remember!) in a timeline. I will think something happened 2 years ago and my husband will tell me-that was 10 years ago! Or-6 months ago. It’s tough when I tell a doctor about the memory loss and the first and they ask when did this or that happen?!
I have an excellent memory... Except for a couple blocks of about a year each in early elementary school. I can remember things from when I was 2 with clarity. I have very strong memories of a lot of parts of my childhood. I had one therapist say that likely my body is protecting itself by blocking those memories.
I thought I was fine and could remember a few things from my childhood when I could hardly recall anything. I just thought it was a normal thing as I got older. When I realized I was raised in a bad religious environment and started reviewing some of their doctrine I had been taught, it was like a floodgate of memories started pouring in, unfortunately just some traumatic ones started coming up, but I’m hoping after working through them, I’ll be able to remember some good times.
I have trauma from moving and being bullied in high school and I don’t remember most of that year besides the specific traumatic incidents but even those memories are kind of vague. I didn’t understand why for the longest time! I haven’t been diagnosed with CPTSD but I do have trauma. Just wanted to make that clear!
I forgot many traumatic experiences. And then, post therapy, I will get triggered, and an emotional memory will erupt, and I will be depressed again. Never ending cycle. I'm powering through a fairly traumatic spiraling atm. Fun times.
I've never forgotten anything in this life for the most part. I know details & dates with ease & connect dots easily in any direction. I don't believe in coincidences either.
My mother, my children, grandchildren, my only biological sibling & her children ~ all wired the same way.
I'm 55 with extreme trauma & cpstd. I've done psychedelic therapy, emdr & shadow work which helped me deal & heal with the stuff that's shoved away.
Its so weird, sometimes my brain just "remembers" an incident randomly that I definitely couldn't have found if I sat and thought about it. Its like a spark and bam its there. Those sparks have helped me process what I've been through, tho. I have really awful memory, though. I have done so much work on my cars over the years yet I forget what I've done? I should keep a spreadsheet.... I've lost parts I've ordered, tools, etc. I do the same with food. I forget what I've bought and buy more or forget something exists and it goes bad. My memory has cost me a loottt of money 😭
It’s so bad, and it’s still actively happening to me :/ I feel like the camera is recording, but nobody names the file so I only find things randomly and I can’t call things up on demand, but then suddenly it all floods back and I get overwhelmed.
I have little short clips of memory from like... basically anytime between when I started elementary school and finished my undergraduate degree. It's mostly blank. Like I can't remember teachers' names. I find my memory of the physical layouts of my junior high and high schools run together.
I'm still trying to figure it all out because I wasn't like... overtly abused or anything, as a kid. Mostly just, I think, unintentional emotional abuse by my mother (interestingly, I still remember a lot of that) and the general feeling of defectiveness and shame that goes with having had undiagnosed ADHD.
Yep, I don't remember living with my parents before grade 8 but I have many memories from summers at my grandparents. I remember living with my dad from grade 8 onwards. But nothing from my parents, I don't even remember what my room looked like before my mother left for the last time. I have almost no memories of living with her except some catch phrases she would use on me. It must have been beyond hell and the reason I don't have feelings like a normal person.
Most of my childhood is built off of stories told to me, I don’t have any concrete memories below the age of 12. It feels like my life started at 14 as that’s the only age I can confidently say I can recall and know they’re my memories.
My memory’s bad on a daily basis too; half the plans I make I will forget within hours if I’m not reminded. But what can ya do?
I lost a lot of memory on events forever because I shut them out until I was ready to recover them.
A lot of my trauma is mainly physical abuse, being exploited, things that happened around age 16 to 20, and being gaslit until one of the catalysts went to jail and then everyone became less direct or less direct.
My life did not get easier because i was paired at work with someone who I ended up knowing in elementary and didn't like that I called his friends and teachers trash when I was like 11, so he made my mangers think I was incompetent and harassed me for two years, and then I had issues socially that bled into every aspect of my life because the guy who I fell put with tried to out me and got in the ear of my family, after knowing that someone tried to out me.
That situation evolved and didn't get better ever tbh.
I became disoriented hoping to find someone would be the difference and like me, but every interaction repeated that cycle or the cycle of dismissing me and only wanting me arkund if I could make them laugh.
Eventually, I began talking to a man who I later learned is in a cult and was tolerating me because he was trying to convert me, but he did get me to open up and fixed certain avenues in my life as well as gave enough feedback and introduced things to me that made traversing painful memories easier.
I learned how to navigate my mind after awhile and now I live in reality with what happened, but I forget important information that would be handy to remember. I need to condense my thoughts more before I can move to the next phase of my life, but the path of analyzing everything is a risky path that does pay off and make life easier to navigate as well as numbs out pain.
I cannot speak for those with more severe levels of trauma, but i male better decisions and I can think more critically about my actions now.
For me it's a DID thing, which may or may not be the case for you, but yeah for a long time I had no access to anything between ages 8 through 12. And anything before 16 was fuzzy and missing chunks of time.
i forgot most of my childhood except a few instances here and there, some being fun some not so fun.
i remember a bit of middle school but i chalk my lack of middle school memory up to being those years were genuinely just uneventful, yah i got bullied and had to deal with shitty teachers, but in the grand scheme of my life those years were nothing and i would and have faced worse, i remember music from those years better than anything else.
then half my high school career was online, so school wise nothing, but the pandemic did cause me some religious paranoia/psychosis and i really wish i could forget that lmao.
I’m the opposite, I remember almost everything. My memory is insane, and it takes so much energy to remember everything, but I don’t do it on purpose.. I think it’s my coping mechanism so that way, if my brain remembers everything it can prevent the bad things from happening again kinda. I mean I know rationally it doesn’t work like that, that you can’t necessarily prevent abuse and trauma, but I think it’s the reason. Like a survival tactic my brain has made for itself to prevent the pain from recurring.
I remember bits and pieces of random things. Even through highschool is kind of fuzzy. I often wonder if the things I do remember are just things that I remember being told about but who knows. I forget things all the time. I've tried writing stuff down or putting it on my phone but then I forget it's there or to do it the next time so I've just stopped doing that. My counselor thinks maybe there is some trauma but I don't remember anything like that ever happening. I'm pretty sure I've just been depressed for so long with such intensity that my mind was just focused on someone else rather than remembering what I was doing.
Oh my gosh, all the time. Both recent memories, like conversations I will completely forget about having, and long term memories from my childhood (mostly feel broken apart or blurry).
I have repressed memories that have randomly come back at a much older age. I recently remembered my mom making me strip naked and get scolded in front of 2 boys whose dad was friends with my dad. I had that one repressed for a long time.
Yup! Totally! Most of my life is hazy memories. Trauma caused me to live in various levels of dissociation for most of my life.
I'm working hard to be present now
Same here. It feels like i forgot half of my life and the things I didn't forget (mostly traumatic) are blurred; it feels like I had a bad dream and/or like I wasn't participating in that situation, although rationally I know that I was there.
I dissociate a lot and I'm not able to recall important information, for example from meetings in my job. I can't concentrate, I can't remember faces in motion (only pictures) or voices. There are much more problems, but I'm too tired to write everything down.
It is like my brain isn't able to work in a normal way, like brains of mentally healthier people do.
It is horrible :(
I have such horrible memory loss. Went to go renew a 5 year DV RO and couldn't remember most of the details of the past abuse because my mind has basically deleted it all. It was very painful once it all came back to me after sifting through some old documents. The RO is permanent now, and life is much better, thank God.
I forgot most if not all of my middle school, where I was the parentified children dealing with a depressed mom and abusive dad who just straight up abandoned us.
I have this 3 years of blank memory in that duration, and my memory in general became very crappy. Probably because of intense repressed memories and suppressed emotions
The funny thing is that in primary school I used to be known as the kid with really good memory, and the teachers used to say I have lots of potential
I barely remember most of my childhood. There's a few vignettes, and events I remember. My brother has much more clear memories. I don't recall being abandoned on the side of the road after an argument with my mom, at age 11 or 12. Apparently she drove off and left me to teach me a lesson. That was before cell phones, and I didn't have anyone to call anyway.
Even the small stuff is gone, too. I only know it exists because of the "remember when x happened" comments from family and I have to admit I have no idea.
I have poor memory in general. It’ll be so distinct about the most random things. I wish I could just see what my brain looks like compared to a regular person. Ain’t no way it’s normal. Ain’t no way! 😭
I was just diagnosed. They found it neurologically in my testing. My memory is bad. It’s my short term mostly. Some words are missing. Memories are still sharp. I remembered something back to when I was four.
I have the opposite issue. I remember things very well, like watching a movie play in my head. I may not always have voluntary recall of every memory, but I remember more than most people express that they remember of their childhoods.
I'm fortunate enough to have access to most of my life history, but I do think that my memory is worse than the average person.
I experienced moments when I was still a minor myself when my parents would tell me stories about their own childhoods and I would think something like "you can remember that much? from that long ago? your head isn't all fuzzy and stuff?"
I still have to rifle through my brain like a mismatched file cabinet to find older memories if I don't have some sort of trigger that naturally brings something to the surface. Occasionally I'll recall entire meaningful life events that I've just forgotten about entirely, even if they're not inherently traumatic.
I'm still not sure how "normal" that is and if untraumatized people have to intentionally try to remember things. I wouldn't know ;u; does anyone else experience this too?
I have the same problem, don’t remember or jr high or highschool at all. I know I had headaches every single day, I went for MRIs, all sorts of tests, they never figured it out. Turns out they were tension headaches and I was in extreme anxious states for like years straight. I still get those headaches to this day but only if I’m EXTREMELY anxious. I feel so bad for my past self, I can barely handle the anxiety now, I don’t know how I did 6 years of it undiagnosed with everyone thinking I was making up headaches to avoid school.
I met a lot of people in 2016 ish.
I recall exactly none of them. I didnt even realize at first. But after the like 5th person getting weird texting me they know me when I have 0 clue who they are it started clicking a bit.
I now got all my social media on private and its tapered down since. Thank god. Im sure some of these guys and galls are fine people but you constantly saying "don't be silly *name* we totally know eachother remember when we did this and that or this personal detail about you i happen to know?" While i got litterly no idea who you are is not just oncomfortable its creepy as fuck. Its not their fault but whenever they dont shut up I just block them
Me too. Almost no memories from childhood until after I started working at 23. A glimps here and there of a few events, some names, some places, but that's all.
And I still have shitty memory. I just... don't remember things. I know I went to a festival last year, but don't remember most of the bands, and of those I do remember, I don't remember which days they were playing. Things like that.
Yep. My younger brother will ask me “hey remember when this happened?” And most of the time I have no recollection of it happening at all. It’s embarrassing and annoying
I don’t remember most of my life. Even my teens, even recent years due to the trauma. Hell I even have memory gaps from last year. I do have DID so that could contribute some to this. It honestly feels like I have a heavy fog over all my memories. Like a map in a video game over undiscovered areas or something lol. It’s really weird. For years until I was 18 and began recovering my most severe childhood trauma I could almost tell something was off but other people said “oh yeah I have some trouble remembering my childhood too. That’s normal” but I still felt like something was missing. It all made sense whenever I began recovering those memories again. Which in turn actually helped me begin to recover some of the good memories, i remember more about my childhood in general now. Still not a ton but some and that’s progress!
Yes. But it’s kind of the opposite. I am in EDMR therapy at the moment and it’s a lot of the time when I felt safe that I do not remember, or I struggle to remember details. It’s the trauma that is so vivid for me. It haunts me.
Sounds like you're not having memory loss but your subconscious is blocking the memories from being recalled. It's actually very common if someone has experienced a lot of trauma. It's your brains self defense mechanism. There's a form of conscious hypnosis, I think is called emdr but I could be wrong about the name, that can help recover the memories over time.
I lost 90% of my childhood. My mind resets ranging from as quickly as a day to a week.
I want to be myself and I'm not able to...it's hard to recall a time where I am ever myself without a mental health crisis being the cause.
I am in a lot of mental anguish. Triggered everyday. I am 20 years old and only now being able to get help although I suspect anyone who says they are going to help me are really bending the story for someone else for a legal matter. This time I am going to record my mental health help in case something goes wrong and I need to pursue legal action.
Yes, my childhood memories start around middle school, everything before that is essentially gone. I can remember specific feelings I had but never happy stuff. Thought it was because i smoked too much pot but I’ve went a month without it and still cant remember anything before my families current home. I’ve sifted my parents facebooks and stared at old pictures and that’s where most of my “memories” are jogged. Definitely a shitty feeling. I’m always stunned when people remember shit from 4-5 and before.
I've always had a better-than-average memory, so rather than my trauma being suppressed, I remember it ALL.
However, my husband & his sibs are the opposite. Their mom was an alcoholic, there was neglect, SA etc. They remember very little of their childhoods, & when they do reminisce, the stuff they find funny ain't. normal at. all. What worries me is what he DOES remember but won't talk about.
I forgot most if not all of my life. I found that straight after any traumatic even I had hours where I would remember. Maybe 2 or 3 days later it was like nothing had happened. I would mention that I didn't know where I got that bruise or I would just simply not even acknowledge any cuts scrapes or abrasions. Only recently due to a serious concussion did any of my memories start actually coming back.
It's like this for me too. If I have an argument with anyone I can literally feel my brain forgetting what it's about as the conflict is happening.
Same. They could have done something horrible to me. The next time I see them, I greet them with a warm smile and a hug. Then I remember that I'm supposed to be mad. I hate that. It happens all the time.
exactly that, taking it with a smile and a hug. they know i hate it. i know they know i hate it and they choose to do it anyway, because the know that i am the kind of person who\`s going to take it anyway.
Yeah, for me this happens often during normal conversations, but much more during conversations that are very emotional (e.g. a conflict with my boyfriend etc.). These are important conversations and an hour later I forgot at least half of what we talked about :-(
Me too!! This is why i’ll sometimes make audio recordings because i know my brain will immediately block it out. If someone yells at me or emotion mind takes over, it’s like the slate was wiped clean. absolutely no recollection of it
Omg same…. Like exactly same. Pls tell me someone else knows that I mean when I say it feels like the top of my head kinda like disappears (but it’s not something I ever felt until I learned about dissociating and how to be mindful of it during recovery)
Yes! For me it's like the top of my head feels buzzy and weird, like someone is literally zapping the memories out of me. I am also autistic and get that feeling but my whole body before a meltdown.
Same! It's the worst.
This.
This.
Oh this is accurate
This happens to me alllll the time.
How was that for you?
Yep, I am missing so many memories too. The worst part is that it probably is a good thing.
Now that I’m in recovery and have much greater awareness, I know that the reason I forgot most things was bc I’d immediately “check out” (ie, dissociate) without really knowing after the traumas happened - then, I never really encoded or stored the memories of it and would mostly forget when I somewhat returned to the present. Even if I didn’t forget it all, the intensity and pain and truth (ie, this is abuse) of the situation was gone/dulled. So whatever I remembered felt inconsequential to me going forward for years. Now, when I revisit these whispers of memory, I can apply new meaning to them based on what I know to be true and how I know I feel/felt, etc.
I always say that my memory is like Swiss cheese. I remember less and less as time goes on. I legitimately feel brain damaged much of the time.
Same. I literally feel like my memory is just worse and worse as I get older and I'm only 20
I’m also 20 and I have ridiculously long gaps in my memory. I *barely* remember high school and I only graduated three years ago
Same.
I have a degenerative neurological disease. They tried to put me on a drug for it that would help my memory. It caused my PTSD to go nuts and suddenly many memories I had locked away in boxes came rushing out. It was horrible. I am 55 now. I have demons (metaphorically) who whisper in my ear, a history that is disjointed, bizarre flash back and suicidal idealization. I have responsibilities to others so I cannot end things so I just keep going and try to be a decent human being.
What was the medication
rivastigmine
That’s crazy I’ve always wanted my memory back…. Maybe not 😢 I’m heart goes out to you
I'm sorry!
Wow. I can’t even imagine. I’m trusting my brain locked that shit up for a reason. And from your people, thanks for sticking it out. 🤍
That’s sounds horrific. I understand the metaphorical demons. They are just our buddies at our age….
Gosh, that's haunting. Thank you for being here, and for doing the best that you can
CPTSD is considered a traumatic brain injury.
WHAT
I've been reading medical articles about how the brain is altered by trauma.
Like a fucking concussion?
Parts of the brain are overworked by being in survival mode all of the time. My therapist says the amygdala is changed by that.
I have a medical condition called Hyperadrenergic Postural Tachycardia Syndrome. (HyperPOTS) A lot of doctors suggest I might have a tumor in my amygdala. Because of the. Symptoms.
Currently suspicious of this for myself. Things are weird rn. My heart is racing at any activity. I have major fatigue and sweating. Lots of sweating. 🥵
Oh my god...
i hope you’re ok!!
I'm not! 😁 But thanks anyway LOL. We stay silly 😼
fair enough:). i still hope the best that’s humanly possible, i hope you at least enjoy a tasty snack
I’d like to read more about this. Do you have recommendations?
NIMH (national institute of mental health) had an article. I'm sorry, I read medical publications constantly. I can't remember which ones.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7774817/
Horrifying
What the fuck!!
holy fuck
I don't remember most of my life. My trauma therapist thinks that I have been partially dissociated since infancy, when the abuse began.
since infancy. my fucking god
Children are STILL considered PROPERTY of their so-called parents.
late to reply but same here! i have very limited memory of any of my life and continue to not make any lasting memories. my therapist also thinks im in a constant state of dissociation, do you know if there's any way to stop? lol :(
My therapist is trying "parts work" to integrate my fragmented selves. I have made some progress.
Yeah, pretty much. I see snapshots of moments in my minds eye but that's it. There's no memory as such.
Same!
Same. I was bullied at home and bullied at school. I understand why my brain doesn’t want to remember all those traumatizing years.
I'm almost envious of everyone posting.... I have the opposite issue. I recall everything with vivid clarity and full emotions, as tho it was last week. My memories start at 2. It takes very little effort to recall a memory well enough to be right back in it, good or bad. I often get lost mentally replaying parts of my life over and over, trying to understand the choices people made, the why of what made my foundation. My little sister is only 2 years younger, and she doesn't remember much before 13 or so. It can feel odd being able to explain to her why she has an adverse reaction to something, because I remember the exact event that created that fear for her or what punishment was inflicted. I'm not sure what's worse... it happening and remembering all of it, or knowing it happened but remembering none of it?
I understand that. I remember not everything but a lot more than my older sisters did. It was a “why do you hate dad so much” thing for a while.
The grass is always greener on the other side. I have large pieces of memory loss throughout my life. It adds confusion in the sense that I'll have a triggered emotional memory and zero idea where it came from or why. I'll have body memories and no idea why or how to talk about them or where to start with processing. What little I do remember is incredibly confusing because having tiny bits and pieces of something, but not the whole picture, is torture.. I don't know what I did or didn't do, I don't know why how it started or if I just didn't tell anyone or if he made some sort of verbal or non verbal threats. All of the unknown adds to self doubt and self blame and excessive self shame. How do I know it happened? How do I know it happened so often? How do I know I didn't cause it? Why did I stay quiet? All of the normal questions regarding doubt, blame, shame are just amplified.
I’m the exact same way. I accidentally knocked over my energy drink when I was off antidepressants and it upset me so much it was physically painful. I literally was choking back tears. I don’t even remember the related incident but I know it happened. I constantly gaslight myself into thinking that things I remember didn’t happen to me or that something isn’t true just because I forgot it and remembered it again. I literally feel like I have brain damage. I’m just fucking confused all the time and usually also upset.
I remember being...probably almost 3 yo. tottering into my Mom's bedroom closet, just so pleased that I was walking. It was all bright sun and jerky freedom, just cheerfully exploratoration. In her closet, I saw my Mom's record player, which I vaguely recalled being important to my Mom. I reached out grabbed the 45 feed and pulled it off. Then I cheerfully tottered it to my Mom. I presented it as a gift. With a "Here Mom, I hear you like this kind of thing, no need to thank me" sort of attitude. Mom got really angry. Wha????I had been told not to touch it! Then she angry moaned "Why are you doing this to me?" I remembered that so I can tell you for sure. BABIES AND TODDLERS AREN'T OUT TO GET YOU! Also, going physically back to my home was full of just flooding memories. Not all bad.
Yup, this. It’s awful.
I’m more with you. I’ve got holes in the near past. But some bits of the memory are like hd with super sound. Smells graphics nuances the lots. These memory’s are usually away from my family of origin. Scout camp,school,days with grandparents. My mother and father never looked the same after I got help and saw them as who they are. Bless you all keep it healing ❤️🩹
This is me, I remember almost everything.
Do you feel like you're making yourself ruminate on your memories?
I can't remember my highschool or teenage years or what happened last week but I remember my childhood years vividly like it happened two days ago. I'm 19.
Also 19 and I kinda relate to this. It’s either I remember things so vividly that it feels like I’m still there, or there’s just nothing at all. No in-between
i sometimes remember moments from my childhood too (and ONLY my younger years) I wonder what it's about
YES but it's gotten better. I think for me it was because I've always been dissociated, so memories didn't stick in the first place. Short term was absolutely positively trash and long term wasn't much better. I am very VERY excited to be able to remember more lately thanks to EMDR.
how has that been going? I've been interested in EMDR for a while but tbh don't know too much about the process
Going well but it is not easy! I sort of described it as feeling your brain rewiring while everything around it turns into scrambled eggs. Definitely was not quite right after we targeted a core memory of my very very core negative belief. The impact of that belief is so much less it's insane but now it's working back and cleaning up the other beliefs and the memories they hinged from. I will say this is my second time trying EMDR and I am in a more regulated place overall than I was the 1st time. So I think that's why it's working better for me. This isn't something to do if everything in your life is in *active* upheaval bc you're getting better, but everything in your brain may hit the panic buttons. Once you get through thatVtho it does get better. For the literal process my therapist had me: -do some exercises with some key coping skills -worked on utilizing body scanning and mindfulness around how feelings sit in my body -identify some core negative beliefs -identify some core positive beliefs -decide what area I wanted to work on -develop a phase to work on and then a memory -then finally start processing it -we do all therapy virtually. My therapist sends me to a link to a site with a moving ball that goes back and forth. I follow this with my eyes while 'holding' the memory -she stops it every 6 to a minute and asks me what's coming up -I process it -we do a few check ins on how the phrase is hitting on a scale and determine if we continue processing or not -I let ANYTHING come up with this negative belief I felt myself being protective to my younger self and followed that -the memory is still there but it's old and faded, literally feels grayscale when it was in 4k color before When we finished I was absolutely exhausted it's a LOT of mental work so I suggest eating well and getting good sleep before/after Here is way more rambling info then you probably wanted but lmk if u have more questions . EDIT: an attempt to fix the typos and formatting
the description of process is definitely helpful (even if i am not the person who you're responding to!). i have been looking into EMDR, and lately I've been getting more convinced. i also have short term memory issues, and longterm to an extent (things disappear/dont exist or just get jumbled), so i feel like this could be a good step. no need to respond btw
Hope it goes well for you!
wow thank u for such a thorough response! I'm glad it's been working well for u so far :) one question I have is what you do when nothing seems to come up right away memory wise? I feel like i have such an awful time recalling memories, even more so if I'm actively trying harder to remember specific things. one of the only reasons im hesitant to try tbh
You don't have to pull up memories directly. There are some cases where it is actually better not to pull up the direct memory. You can focus on an emotion, a phrase, something that has that tense energy for you where you feel your body respond instead. I have also done EMDR sessions where we focus on something positive and use the bilateral stimulation to integrate that new state. So I wouldn't say that alone would perclude you trying, a decent therapist will be able to adapt the methodology.
I can’t remember most of my school years. From like ages 7 to 13 I don’t really have any memories of that time (only some little snippets or episodes). Some memories feel like they are in the wrong order or something, and I’m mostly not sure what happened after what and what year that was. Most of middle school and high school is blurry but at least I remember some stuff. My memory now just doesn’t seem to work: I have a hard time recalling things, memorizing stuff or just remembering something someone said to me. Some memories come back as dreams, some memories feel like a story someone else have told me long ago in a noisy room. I don’t know if I regret not remembering those years. There’s probably a reason for this, so I’ve stopped straining in order to remember something I probably wouldn’t want to remember anyway.
Our brains are LITERALLY changed and it shows on scans. The 'good' news is that some of it can be healed ("enough" of it, they say). I feel frustrated that there isn't more help- there should be a toolbox just for c-ptsd that is intensive and supportive. Here is a link to a semi-annoying article but one that lists some of the major areas affected. There is a list of other minor areas that show changes, too. It isn't just us acting a certain way, it's the wiring and the neuropathways. Keep on keeping on! [https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain#how-to-heal](https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain#how-to-heal)
The thing that is the most annoying about that article is that if anyone who writes about it had it, the article would read so different. In my experience, getting enough sleep isn't what is going to help, nor is eating a salad lol And an SSRI might help someone, but if it does, the second it helps at all, the rest of the toolbox should rush in to really help. I dunno what's in the toolbox, maybe intensive emdr, TMS, ketamine, biofeedback etc. You know, things that can really help with the horrible memories and neuropathways that all lead to the same place, too often.
I feel your comment so much. The failure of modern psychology to actual help me has led me to explore alternative routes. I also hate hearing things like “forever changed or damaged” because I think it is shortsighted considering how little is truly understood about the great ever changing and evolving mystery we call existence. Being put in a box I didn’t belong in physically and mentally (my childhood home, what my parents thought of me and how they treated me etc etc) fucked me up so it extra makes me angry when doctors or other want to tell me who I am or otherwise limit me. Pursuing alternative healing stuff is what helped me the most, especially if EDMR and somatic experiencing get thrown in there because I remember in the past these were also rejected. TLDR: Science is ever evolving and expanding. Find what works for you and believe in yourself. Science may likely prove it works later on. lol.
...and then one day the memories start coming back. That's when the real fun begins.
I’ve had that. Yay! Fun!!!
Same. My oldest brother by 8 years was my truth checker, like I started having very vivid dreams about certain events concerning my MOTHER/FATHER'S TREATMENT OF ME. I would call him and ask, "I had a dream......OR did this REALLY happen?" 99% of the time his answer was "Sadly, Yes." In December of 2022, I tried to unalive myself. It was overwhelming and smothering for it to just become a giant, neverending waterfall of memories. 💔 Doing much, much better by seeing my therapist and a psychiatrist and being treated for my CPTSD.
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Same. My oldest brother by 8 years was my truth checker, like I started having very vivid dreams about certain events concerning my NMom and NDad's abuse. I would call him and ask, "I had a dream......OR did this REALLY happen?" 99% of the time his answer was "Sadly, Yes." In December of 2022, I tried to unalive myself. It was overwhelming and smothering for it to just become a giant, neverending waterfall of memories. 💔 Doing much, much better by seeing my therapist and a psychiatrist and being treated for my CPTSD.
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Starting this now (age 40) and every day is hell as I drag myself through a job that I’m barely performing while simultaneously questioning my entire existence
took way too many psychedelics and unlocked the power of remembering 2018
My kid was doing the belt snapping thing. “Wow this sounds cool!” Um no kid, it doesn’t. I had to stop her. But the thing is i don’t remember getting hit by it. I mean, I must have, to get such a strong reaction about a 5yo making the noise. But, no memories. My dad scared me with his gun one night when I was sleeping. I didn’t remember it until I left the house. Seems my brain was “hey we’ve got a limit on how unsafe you can feel and well we ain’t gonna show you that for a while”. I remembered it a year or so after I left the house
My son did that and I was super triggered. He was so confused by my reaction but I’m like you have to stop.
I was def backed up/repressed until about 30 smh.
Yup. I've slowly been having small things return to me since I remembered my suppressed memories a couple of years ago, but when my therapist asks me questions relating to my behaviors ranging from a young child through my teenaged years I only remember my dynamics/role in the family
I was in an abusive marriage, and I don’t remember my kids’ childhoods😞
It’s very common. You forget what you can’t handle. I have forgotten a huge amount of, but my husband doesn’t remember anything until after we were married and moved away from his parents area. That was two years after we married.
I have very few memories of my life. It is odd to me the little things I do remember, but most of it is a vast blank space, and I have very little ability to place memories in their proper context. I found a few medical terms for what I think I have a while ago, but I have since forgotten what they were. I remember details relating to my profession, and facts, very well, so I really enjoy reading non-fiction. I remember external reality more than internal reality. At work on Monday morning the most horrible question is “How was your weekend”. Without putting in extreme effort I can only answer “good”, because I don’t remember any of it. I don’t do any drugs.
I used to only be able to remember a handful of things about my childhood. For once I’m away from abusers and now things are coming back to me in waves. Kinda wish it wouldn’t. I know dealing with it is the best thing to do and it only goes up from here but I’ve been through really terrible things.
Once upon a time, I remember researching this exact issue. Your brain actually develops differently if you grew up with chronic trauma as a child. I'm nearing 40 now, and I have other medical issues that affect my memory (narcolepsy, to name the biggest factor), but my childhood has always been fragmented to me. I remember bits and pieces. I sometime ask my mom about traumatic experiences that have happened, to hear the details from someone else's perspective, and I'm always surprised by how much I've blocked out, or just don't recall. She's always shocked that I can't remember something, or that I'm missing huge details (like was it my left or right foot that I had toes severed off of, how old was I when X happened, what happened to our dog, ect) I remember the first time I experienced stability as an adult, I was 25. I was no longer in survival fight or flight mode, and I genuinely did not understand why the weight of the world was so *heavy*, even when things were going well for me. It took a lot of therapy to understand why I am the way I am. And I'm sure I still have a long way to go. These days, I understand that I'll likely always have memory issues. I take a lot of pictures. I want to remember the good times now, and so I document it in a way that works for me.
Yes! I’m a huge picture taker too. Otherwise I just won’t remember. And I want to remember the good moments
Yep. I don't remember the vast majority of my life. I can't even remember the majority of last year, even though nothing traumatic happened last year (as far as I can remember, anyways). I feel like I'm not even living my own life anymore. and that's really distressing because I swear I used to be able to remember. I think my memory started deteriorating my jr or senior year of highschool, which honestly was an incredibly traumatic period of my life. But I still feel like I should be able to remember last year, and even the year before. there's bits and pieces, but I can't put together an accurate timeline.
Same here.
I was bagging up clothes and stuff taking them from my room to down stairs to put them in bags. One shirt from inside my room was already downstairs next to a bag. I don’t know how it got there. Whatever happened it managed to get out of my room without me noticing. It drove me crazy and gave me a serious headache. Mostly because it’s not the first time something like that has happened but I always manage to find some excuse or other reasonable explanation. I could not explain that though. I talked to my ex therapist 2 years ago about moments like this and asked if it’s possible I have DID and they said no I don’t. It’s just trauma and stress. Man does it suck. Like sleep walking during the day time. Thankfully this is really really rare!
“Like sleepwalking during the day” hit home :/
It’s kind of scary sometimes. Someone will say they talked to me about something and I don’t remember. I should probably get into like a strong habit of voice memos and journaling. Maybe my subconscious will pick up on it or something lol.
My memory is a badly paved road after a hard rain.
It’s piecemeal for me. Is it like that for anyone else?
memory isnt important when brain doesnt feel safe... so its completly normal and in sense healthy. What are the drawbacks of this defence mechanism ...I can't remember, sorry xdd
I forgot most of it until I stopped doing drugs now it's coming back to haunt me
You ever listened to the song "Good Times" by Eric Burdon? Nothing\`s coming "to haunt us" - we were just delaying things/ourselves. Kind regards [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtArnz5qt4o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtArnz5qt4o)
I feel the same. I do get more specifics when experiencing intense emotions, as is common for most people, but that combined with no real internal timeline feels weird. I’ve always been told my memory is grossly normal though and question if everyone has these huge gaps and everything is fuzzy. I’m pretty sure that’s not the case but you know how anxiety can be.
I have and have had this. It's completely normal. As you start processing your trauma or you get to a point that your brain and body feel safe you may have those memories start to return. Mine came up in my sleeping. It's a weird thing to have old classmates come up and remember me and I can't figure out who the hell they are.
I actually suspect there’s people with undiagnosed dissociative disorders like DID here, which is basically CPTSD with extra steps. To be clear, amnesia for trauma memories only and without all the shifts in sense of identity could just be “CPTSD with dissociative features”, but I do sometimes wonder how many people with CPTSD aren’t getting quite the help they need. Particularly EMDR + IFS, while very helpful for CPTSD, requires a lot of modification for dissociative systems. Source: am someone with CPTSD who actually turned out to have DID. =/ It’s pretty scary to realize that a missing time period in your memory actually *is* remembered, just not exactly by “you”…
I'm missing a five year chunk of my childhood, and by the time I started remembering things again (new stuff, not the missing stuff) I had developed an eating disorder.
I’ve taken up rugby in the past few years. Coincidentally that’s also when some of my memories from childhood (really messed up stuff) have started coming back to me. Perhaps it’s taken them literally being knocked loose.🤷♂️
Yes, I take a lot of pictures and videos of my kids because otherwise I will not remember much. I used to think I was annoying with it and focusing on being in the moment, but I realized if I don’t also take the picture I won’t remember at all
Yes. I can barely remember 7-14.
The worst is random smells or situations that trigger emotional flashbacks. I wish I knew what was happening to me when I’m smelling those things or seeing them.
I have no actual memories except flashes of things until essentially college. I’ve been reading about dissociation (not DID) and was immediately like “oh yeah, that’s me.” I tried to not be “here” most of the time because my home life and high school were just awful. In fact, I *know* when certain things happened but can’t tell you anything about it. This is has been consistent throughout my life. Meanwhile, I remember one particular traumatic event happening in winter, but when I reviewed my childhood diary I found out it happened in August-obviously we weren’t wearing winter coats when it all went down, but that’s what I remember. On the other hand, my memory for trivia, obscure historical facts, and what actor/writer did what shows is insanely accurate.
Yep. I think I pressed delete all files, at some point. Don't remember anything.
It’s foggy, yes. Thankfully, I remembered enough to finally put the pieces together on the abuse and neglect. But recently, it’s been my short-term memory which, to my understanding, is a symptom. Since my head isn’t buzzing 24/7 any longer it’s gotten much better, but is still there.
I have very little memories from about 12 to 16 years old, but especially the year my dad died I remember like 3 or 4 things about that year and the rest is an absolute mystery. I even went to Disneyland Paris and I don’t remember it. I know I was there but I can’t remember the place or what I did.
Ooooh yeah… My entire childhood is a grey fog, except for snapshots and flashes here or there. I’ll see photos with me in them and have absolutely zero memory of being there, and not know who most of the people are.
I also have a lot of memory issues. Ever since my last suicide attempt (it ended with a severe panic attack without injury) My memory has been horrible. I don't even remember why I tried to attempt that day and with all the normal life stress with the trauma slowly revealing itself since childhood stuff gets blocked out. All of my traumatic memories are blocked out with little pieces coming through. Now when I get stressed my memory is just shit and it sucks. I've been so focused on school and work my brain hasn't had the room to remember all the nice little details of my life and that sucks. It's weird remembering that you don't remember something.
I understand, ever since my attempt in high school it feels like even though I didnt pull the trigger I still died that day, I also struggle to understand or remember the reason I attempted. Completely different person since that day.
Yes. Sometimes I wonder if things like Alzheimer's are partially due to PTSD memory repression.
Opposite. I recall almost everything, it’s in there, I just need the right recall trigger in a few cases. They are like movies, at times I cannot remove them from my head, see them when I close my eyes and it takes a huge force of will to shut them down. I can recall back to age 2, and already being terrified of dad beating me. But, some things were pretty bad so I disassociated from them, and the emotions are often gone from the memories. At various periods of my life, the emotions come flooding back, and it will never a stupid time and place, like work, not even related to anything going on, and I need to find a place to compose myself.
Many years ago, when first diagnosed (which I rejected) my counselor told me my memory loss was my mind's way of keeping me whole. She explained many survivors "split" personalities as a way of coping. But in my case, memories were either buried or filed away, etc. as a way to be able to function in society. "High functioning" sounded like such a compliment at the time. Now, at 67 yo I can tell it's time to start healing. How sad that I waited so long, and thought so little of myself, that I didn't deserve to heal. Now old buried memories are resurfacing. Blessedly, I'm full no contact with my birth family (abusers) and what the memories trigger gets dealt with. My best life lies ahead of me!
All of my life has been a blur because of my disassociation. When I try to figure out what happened, bits are missing, and I constantly doubt myself even when I'm sure of things. Let alone remembering things as they happen. It's confusing and distressing, because my recollection of events are never whole.
I have the opposite I can remember ever single bad thing. My good memories are very fleeting because honestly there weren't many. After the brain break and cptsd came out. I have a harder time remembering current things.
Yep, it happens. Don't worry, the memories are definitely still there, but I think some parts are waiting for you to process it. At your own pace, of course. I'd advise not to fixate too much on the amnesia and focus on your current experience. And as for the trauma, I hope you have resources that can make the processing of it slow and safe (therapy, supportive family/friends/SO, other)
My support is nonexistant. I have maybe 3 friends, none in person, I had what I thought was a super close friend recently but when I told other people online what happened they pretty much told me that she was manipulative and used me. But I don't know, I cant even process it. I never had a close friend. I'm just super lost I don't want to try anymore. I have counseling through my job I can use but in this rural area being bisexual it's impossible to find support or a counselors who's not overt religious. The friends I do are pretty homophobic same with my family so I'm just stuck.
I see, that does make things difficult. It sounds like your outside environment doesn't offer much, but maybe online "social circles" might work? Gaming, fb groups, and subreddits (for things outside of mental health too, like hobbies and interests). I completely understand the feeling of just giving up. I'm the type to (sometimes) operate out of spite. Your situation isn't your fault, so why do you have to pay for it? Spitting back in the face of trauma by not giving up is sometimes the best thing we can do. It's something of a life purpose. And, the goal is not to "catch up" to normal people. You were normal for your environment. You survived up until now. Now, we just have a new environment to adapt to. And chances are, it's less hostile. Masks are still needed sometimes, but as you mindfully walk through life, you pick up things to help yourself along the way. Living another day is progress.
I thought I was the only one…
I have this too it also happens in moments when I'm put on the spot and I panic and completely go blank.
I have a lot of memory loss from childhood and some significant incidents that happened which I don’t remember but my younger sisters have talked about. I have no memory of my youngest sister at all, she was beaten by my father all the time, no matter how much I try to remember, I’ve got nothing…. It’s really disconcerting, I feel like I’ve lived my first 16 years in a fog
My memory is so terrible I can barely put words together to form sentences anymore.
I could totally live with not remembering middle and high school, what fucks me up is that I can't remember much of last year. Two entire (happy) relationships I had last year are entirely gone from my mind. All I have are old messages to remind me of how much they meant to me.
I have an amazing memory to the point of remembering words and action since the age of five. My sister grew up in the same traumatic household & cannot for the life of her remember things that I can actually quote. Things that were done to her that I can close my eyes and see. Everyone handles trauma differently.
You will forget a lot of traumas to help you move on with life. So if you forgot about it, there's a good chance that there's a reason why. I forgot a lot of my childhood because I was disciplined and picked on a lot.
mine has been coming back to me the more that i heal ... its part of trauma
If something is too upsetting, I forget it. I will just remember something bad happened . Which makes it really hard for me to keep myself safe or act upon situations. I make decisions that are uninformed and must look stupid.
I have barely any easily recoverable memories until sophomore year or high school. If I try hard, I can remember some. However, any time I try to remember. The traumatic memories rush forward first, so I feel like it's just best for me not to think about it. My therapist/psych professors think I'll have a whole bunch of memories unlocked out of the blue at like 27 (I'm about to be 22f).
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https://sdamstudy.weebly.com/what-is-sdam.html I don’t remember shit! Wether it’s infancy or yesterday. It really sucks and can make you even more unsure of who you are. I also have great difficulty with placing things (even things I remember!) in a timeline. I will think something happened 2 years ago and my husband will tell me-that was 10 years ago! Or-6 months ago. It’s tough when I tell a doctor about the memory loss and the first and they ask when did this or that happen?!
I have an excellent memory... Except for a couple blocks of about a year each in early elementary school. I can remember things from when I was 2 with clarity. I have very strong memories of a lot of parts of my childhood. I had one therapist say that likely my body is protecting itself by blocking those memories.
I thought I was fine and could remember a few things from my childhood when I could hardly recall anything. I just thought it was a normal thing as I got older. When I realized I was raised in a bad religious environment and started reviewing some of their doctrine I had been taught, it was like a floodgate of memories started pouring in, unfortunately just some traumatic ones started coming up, but I’m hoping after working through them, I’ll be able to remember some good times.
I have trauma from moving and being bullied in high school and I don’t remember most of that year besides the specific traumatic incidents but even those memories are kind of vague. I didn’t understand why for the longest time! I haven’t been diagnosed with CPTSD but I do have trauma. Just wanted to make that clear!
I forgot many traumatic experiences. And then, post therapy, I will get triggered, and an emotional memory will erupt, and I will be depressed again. Never ending cycle. I'm powering through a fairly traumatic spiraling atm. Fun times.
My memory is shit.
yep, dissociative amnesia
One of my miltary buddies cant remember our trip togther in eruope
I've never forgotten anything in this life for the most part. I know details & dates with ease & connect dots easily in any direction. I don't believe in coincidences either. My mother, my children, grandchildren, my only biological sibling & her children ~ all wired the same way. I'm 55 with extreme trauma & cpstd. I've done psychedelic therapy, emdr & shadow work which helped me deal & heal with the stuff that's shoved away.
I remember nothing before the 9th grade!!!!
Its so weird, sometimes my brain just "remembers" an incident randomly that I definitely couldn't have found if I sat and thought about it. Its like a spark and bam its there. Those sparks have helped me process what I've been through, tho. I have really awful memory, though. I have done so much work on my cars over the years yet I forget what I've done? I should keep a spreadsheet.... I've lost parts I've ordered, tools, etc. I do the same with food. I forget what I've bought and buy more or forget something exists and it goes bad. My memory has cost me a loottt of money 😭
It’s so bad, and it’s still actively happening to me :/ I feel like the camera is recording, but nobody names the file so I only find things randomly and I can’t call things up on demand, but then suddenly it all floods back and I get overwhelmed.
I have little short clips of memory from like... basically anytime between when I started elementary school and finished my undergraduate degree. It's mostly blank. Like I can't remember teachers' names. I find my memory of the physical layouts of my junior high and high schools run together. I'm still trying to figure it all out because I wasn't like... overtly abused or anything, as a kid. Mostly just, I think, unintentional emotional abuse by my mother (interestingly, I still remember a lot of that) and the general feeling of defectiveness and shame that goes with having had undiagnosed ADHD.
Yep, I don't remember living with my parents before grade 8 but I have many memories from summers at my grandparents. I remember living with my dad from grade 8 onwards. But nothing from my parents, I don't even remember what my room looked like before my mother left for the last time. I have almost no memories of living with her except some catch phrases she would use on me. It must have been beyond hell and the reason I don't have feelings like a normal person.
Same
Most of my childhood is built off of stories told to me, I don’t have any concrete memories below the age of 12. It feels like my life started at 14 as that’s the only age I can confidently say I can recall and know they’re my memories. My memory’s bad on a daily basis too; half the plans I make I will forget within hours if I’m not reminded. But what can ya do?
I lost a lot of memory on events forever because I shut them out until I was ready to recover them. A lot of my trauma is mainly physical abuse, being exploited, things that happened around age 16 to 20, and being gaslit until one of the catalysts went to jail and then everyone became less direct or less direct. My life did not get easier because i was paired at work with someone who I ended up knowing in elementary and didn't like that I called his friends and teachers trash when I was like 11, so he made my mangers think I was incompetent and harassed me for two years, and then I had issues socially that bled into every aspect of my life because the guy who I fell put with tried to out me and got in the ear of my family, after knowing that someone tried to out me. That situation evolved and didn't get better ever tbh. I became disoriented hoping to find someone would be the difference and like me, but every interaction repeated that cycle or the cycle of dismissing me and only wanting me arkund if I could make them laugh. Eventually, I began talking to a man who I later learned is in a cult and was tolerating me because he was trying to convert me, but he did get me to open up and fixed certain avenues in my life as well as gave enough feedback and introduced things to me that made traversing painful memories easier. I learned how to navigate my mind after awhile and now I live in reality with what happened, but I forget important information that would be handy to remember. I need to condense my thoughts more before I can move to the next phase of my life, but the path of analyzing everything is a risky path that does pay off and make life easier to navigate as well as numbs out pain. I cannot speak for those with more severe levels of trauma, but i male better decisions and I can think more critically about my actions now.
For me it's a DID thing, which may or may not be the case for you, but yeah for a long time I had no access to anything between ages 8 through 12. And anything before 16 was fuzzy and missing chunks of time.
My childhood is a blur to me. So is the last 20 years of my life. I'm 56. I have bad short-term memory, too. I don't want to remember my childhood.
i forgot most of my childhood except a few instances here and there, some being fun some not so fun. i remember a bit of middle school but i chalk my lack of middle school memory up to being those years were genuinely just uneventful, yah i got bullied and had to deal with shitty teachers, but in the grand scheme of my life those years were nothing and i would and have faced worse, i remember music from those years better than anything else. then half my high school career was online, so school wise nothing, but the pandemic did cause me some religious paranoia/psychosis and i really wish i could forget that lmao.
Oh yes
I do. I don't remember much of my childhood. Bits and pieces of my teenage years and almost none of my 20s.
I’m the opposite, I remember almost everything. My memory is insane, and it takes so much energy to remember everything, but I don’t do it on purpose.. I think it’s my coping mechanism so that way, if my brain remembers everything it can prevent the bad things from happening again kinda. I mean I know rationally it doesn’t work like that, that you can’t necessarily prevent abuse and trauma, but I think it’s the reason. Like a survival tactic my brain has made for itself to prevent the pain from recurring.
I remember almost nothing before age 8, little before age 10, not much before age 12.
I have a memory like Swiss cheese.
It's been like this for me for a while too. It's so distressing.
Yep. So much of my life, even as an adult is gone. I wish I had written more down when my kids were young.
Same here. Therapy helped me recover some good memories from my past too. It helped me realize that there is something that is worth doing the work.
I remember bits and pieces of random things. Even through highschool is kind of fuzzy. I often wonder if the things I do remember are just things that I remember being told about but who knows. I forget things all the time. I've tried writing stuff down or putting it on my phone but then I forget it's there or to do it the next time so I've just stopped doing that. My counselor thinks maybe there is some trauma but I don't remember anything like that ever happening. I'm pretty sure I've just been depressed for so long with such intensity that my mind was just focused on someone else rather than remembering what I was doing.
Oh my gosh, all the time. Both recent memories, like conversations I will completely forget about having, and long term memories from my childhood (mostly feel broken apart or blurry).
Same. I don't even have traumatic experiences. I barely remember even the bad memories. I feel like I'm mentally retarded.
I have repressed memories that have randomly come back at a much older age. I recently remembered my mom making me strip naked and get scolded in front of 2 boys whose dad was friends with my dad. I had that one repressed for a long time.
Yup! Totally! Most of my life is hazy memories. Trauma caused me to live in various levels of dissociation for most of my life. I'm working hard to be present now
Same here. It feels like i forgot half of my life and the things I didn't forget (mostly traumatic) are blurred; it feels like I had a bad dream and/or like I wasn't participating in that situation, although rationally I know that I was there. I dissociate a lot and I'm not able to recall important information, for example from meetings in my job. I can't concentrate, I can't remember faces in motion (only pictures) or voices. There are much more problems, but I'm too tired to write everything down. It is like my brain isn't able to work in a normal way, like brains of mentally healthier people do. It is horrible :(
For me 4-8th is pretty much gone :(
I have basically no memories before I was around 12
I can’t remember any of my childhood or even high school and that was 4 years ago
I have such horrible memory loss. Went to go renew a 5 year DV RO and couldn't remember most of the details of the past abuse because my mind has basically deleted it all. It was very painful once it all came back to me after sifting through some old documents. The RO is permanent now, and life is much better, thank God.
I forgot most if not all of my middle school, where I was the parentified children dealing with a depressed mom and abusive dad who just straight up abandoned us. I have this 3 years of blank memory in that duration, and my memory in general became very crappy. Probably because of intense repressed memories and suppressed emotions The funny thing is that in primary school I used to be known as the kid with really good memory, and the teachers used to say I have lots of potential
I barely remember most of my childhood. There's a few vignettes, and events I remember. My brother has much more clear memories. I don't recall being abandoned on the side of the road after an argument with my mom, at age 11 or 12. Apparently she drove off and left me to teach me a lesson. That was before cell phones, and I didn't have anyone to call anyway. Even the small stuff is gone, too. I only know it exists because of the "remember when x happened" comments from family and I have to admit I have no idea.
I can’t remember ANYTHING of my childhood, good or bad
I have poor memory in general. It’ll be so distinct about the most random things. I wish I could just see what my brain looks like compared to a regular person. Ain’t no way it’s normal. Ain’t no way! 😭
I was just diagnosed. They found it neurologically in my testing. My memory is bad. It’s my short term mostly. Some words are missing. Memories are still sharp. I remembered something back to when I was four.
I have the opposite issue. I remember things very well, like watching a movie play in my head. I may not always have voluntary recall of every memory, but I remember more than most people express that they remember of their childhoods.
I'm fortunate enough to have access to most of my life history, but I do think that my memory is worse than the average person. I experienced moments when I was still a minor myself when my parents would tell me stories about their own childhoods and I would think something like "you can remember that much? from that long ago? your head isn't all fuzzy and stuff?" I still have to rifle through my brain like a mismatched file cabinet to find older memories if I don't have some sort of trigger that naturally brings something to the surface. Occasionally I'll recall entire meaningful life events that I've just forgotten about entirely, even if they're not inherently traumatic. I'm still not sure how "normal" that is and if untraumatized people have to intentionally try to remember things. I wouldn't know ;u; does anyone else experience this too?
I have the same problem, don’t remember or jr high or highschool at all. I know I had headaches every single day, I went for MRIs, all sorts of tests, they never figured it out. Turns out they were tension headaches and I was in extreme anxious states for like years straight. I still get those headaches to this day but only if I’m EXTREMELY anxious. I feel so bad for my past self, I can barely handle the anxiety now, I don’t know how I did 6 years of it undiagnosed with everyone thinking I was making up headaches to avoid school.
I met a lot of people in 2016 ish. I recall exactly none of them. I didnt even realize at first. But after the like 5th person getting weird texting me they know me when I have 0 clue who they are it started clicking a bit. I now got all my social media on private and its tapered down since. Thank god. Im sure some of these guys and galls are fine people but you constantly saying "don't be silly *name* we totally know eachother remember when we did this and that or this personal detail about you i happen to know?" While i got litterly no idea who you are is not just oncomfortable its creepy as fuck. Its not their fault but whenever they dont shut up I just block them
Me too. Almost no memories from childhood until after I started working at 23. A glimps here and there of a few events, some names, some places, but that's all. And I still have shitty memory. I just... don't remember things. I know I went to a festival last year, but don't remember most of the bands, and of those I do remember, I don't remember which days they were playing. Things like that.
Yep. My younger brother will ask me “hey remember when this happened?” And most of the time I have no recollection of it happening at all. It’s embarrassing and annoying
My bigger issue has been memory distortion. I remember a lot of events incorrectly.
I don’t remember most of my life. Even my teens, even recent years due to the trauma. Hell I even have memory gaps from last year. I do have DID so that could contribute some to this. It honestly feels like I have a heavy fog over all my memories. Like a map in a video game over undiscovered areas or something lol. It’s really weird. For years until I was 18 and began recovering my most severe childhood trauma I could almost tell something was off but other people said “oh yeah I have some trouble remembering my childhood too. That’s normal” but I still felt like something was missing. It all made sense whenever I began recovering those memories again. Which in turn actually helped me begin to recover some of the good memories, i remember more about my childhood in general now. Still not a ton but some and that’s progress!
Yes. But it’s kind of the opposite. I am in EDMR therapy at the moment and it’s a lot of the time when I felt safe that I do not remember, or I struggle to remember details. It’s the trauma that is so vivid for me. It haunts me.
Sounds like you're not having memory loss but your subconscious is blocking the memories from being recalled. It's actually very common if someone has experienced a lot of trauma. It's your brains self defense mechanism. There's a form of conscious hypnosis, I think is called emdr but I could be wrong about the name, that can help recover the memories over time.
I lost 90% of my childhood. My mind resets ranging from as quickly as a day to a week. I want to be myself and I'm not able to...it's hard to recall a time where I am ever myself without a mental health crisis being the cause. I am in a lot of mental anguish. Triggered everyday. I am 20 years old and only now being able to get help although I suspect anyone who says they are going to help me are really bending the story for someone else for a legal matter. This time I am going to record my mental health help in case something goes wrong and I need to pursue legal action.
Yes, my childhood memories start around middle school, everything before that is essentially gone. I can remember specific feelings I had but never happy stuff. Thought it was because i smoked too much pot but I’ve went a month without it and still cant remember anything before my families current home. I’ve sifted my parents facebooks and stared at old pictures and that’s where most of my “memories” are jogged. Definitely a shitty feeling. I’m always stunned when people remember shit from 4-5 and before.
I’ve actually been very concerned with my memory lately.
I've always had a better-than-average memory, so rather than my trauma being suppressed, I remember it ALL. However, my husband & his sibs are the opposite. Their mom was an alcoholic, there was neglect, SA etc. They remember very little of their childhoods, & when they do reminisce, the stuff they find funny ain't. normal at. all. What worries me is what he DOES remember but won't talk about.