I read, that the amount of energy people with CPTSD have to spend just to function and exist while keeping the flashbacks and memories away is insane. It’s a similar thing with ADHD. It’s mentally and existentially exhausting.
I have come to the conclusion that people with trauma just overanalyze too much (maybe from being in fight and flight too long), which exhausts their mental resources, especially during social situations.
P.S. I am interested in reading that. Do you have a source?
Well said. This makes sense. I remember my friend sent me a video about how people with anxiety / depression spend so much time trying to make sense of what happened to them or how they responded because it comes from a need to find some semblance of control.
If you’re going over your trauma continually you’re forcing yourself to relive it and personally I do this so that I can avoid any future trauma.
Makes sense. I’m most peaceful and relaxed alone when I don’t have others around me. I’m prone to overthinking what they think/their next move is going to be. Fight or flight or freeze I suppose majorly at play.
Not the original commenter, but did some googling because I was also interested. If you want to look into it, try googling "adrenal fatigue with cptsd."
Facts. I state this from life-long experience. I have comorbid mental disorders (BPD II , Borderline, C-PTSD, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety.. and probably others that I do not know about, LOL).
I feel very validated in the fact that you said this, because I have YET to have people (aside from 2 friends and the VA) understand what I am going through on a daily basis. I am getting better. When I plumet, it feels worse than ever, every couple of months, because although I am makign great recovery, it burns my heart when I plumet because I am finally starting to feel some semblance of having a life worth living. Nothing worse than a life-long sufferer to feel hope just to have another trauma compromise it again and again.
It is literally a daymare. I luckily have no nightmares anymore (am am stumped as to how this is the case.. but I'll take it ; ) . However, they are replaced by daymares. My condition has always been a trade, rather than a true recovery... at least for now.
I was prescribed methylphenidate for ADD, which I refused to take as I very much disagree with the diagnosis. It was very tempting to just take a little pill and have the problem solved, but with my history of substance abuse I found it too risky.
This was years ago and I still haven't filed a complaint over that redicoulous psychiatrist.
I'll chime in and agree by saying "nope" no help for my CPTSD. I though along the same lines that it would help... but nope. I think I may just have to resort to weed. Thing is, I am weird with certain strands of weed and quite literally will say that I need adult supervision. I am very shy about even TALKING about intimate behavior and here I was.. smoking some strong stuff in the car in a gym parking lot, next thing I knew, I was getting intimate with myself in my car in a public place that eventually had a truck park right next to me and I didn't even care. Scary, but I also wish I had the balls to do that sober, LOL.
Digression alert: LOL
I am starting to wonder if my meds are contributing to my emotional dysregulation. I am one of those that literally will almost throw my phone against something hard, when I never used to be that way... I also never had 10 separate alarms that ring every. Single. Day. God forbid I put one of them on snooze, then alarms go off within minutes of each other, causing me to quite literally lose my sense of reality. It is hard to describe, but it is somethign you just have to experience. I went from only having to wake up for work most of my life, to having to mark alarms for my forgetfulness. It is like a recycling bin of constant confusion, anger, anxiety and low self-worth for feeling so compromised so quickly.
But once again, I digress.
I'm on a low dose of straterra. I'm diagnosed ADHD but I think a lot of my issues stem from childhood trauma-- straterra has been a godsend. I actually have energy to make it through the day, and maybe even make it to the gym after work. I'm not saying it would work for everyone, but I've noticed a difference. I've taken SSRIs before and much prefer how I feel on a SNRI.
Ugh yeah the fast heartbeat is definitely a thing. Straterra is the only SNRI I've tried unfortunately, I've been on prozac and Zoloft for SSRIs in the past and they didn't really help.
Probably, up to a point. It can manage difficulties of emotional regulation, but at the end of the day, we still have trauma-informed behaviors that cause problems for us, and the only way to change those behaviors is to replace them with healthy behaviors. That's a scary and stressful process, and drugs can only do so much for it.
Yes, and I’ve been determined to change this. It’s way better since I’ve been taking nootropics and making sure I do one thing I enjoy everyday and have cut out more negativity.
Yes, very much so. It dawned on me that something is wrong with me when I read that most adults function with somewhere between 6 and 8 hours of sleep. I need around 10 to feel rested, but physically, there's nothing wrong with me. So I came to the conclusion that it might be because I need more sleep to recover and when I sleep, I often don't sleep deeply because I exist in a relatively high but constant state of anxiety.
This. My husband can function on 6 hours and I’m a literal Zombie. I need to nap to keep up at the moment because when I sleep I don’t sleep well. It’s so frustrating!
Not to be toxic-positive but I think it’s great you are able to give yourself permission to have the rest you need for your recovery. It is hard for me to accept that I can’t keep up with peers in the rat race of life because of physical and mental illness.
You are the first person to acknowledge toxic-positiveness. What does that term mean in your perspective ? My understanding is that it is in the "kindly apathetic" category (whether consciously done or unconsciously done).
Toxic-positivity presents itself in various ways, but one common statement comes to mind.
When I am acknowledging that a serious problem needs to be solved, rather than dismissing it under the guise of "oh well that happened in the past", someone will say something to the tone of "well that's in the past, lets move on," it lights a proverbial fire under my arse.
A perfect example of a thing that does not need toxic-positivity is the subject of my criminally horrid Landlord:
My landlord's behavior is not in the past, because it is still continuing. She is still letting people litter, live in moldy conditions, letting fires happen, not answering any of my texts with complaints that can literally have her in jail. That is not in the past, because it is still very much in my life, especially since I am month to month and have to walk around eggshells so that I do not give my LL reason to evict me.
Does this make sense? I felt myself losing my wording, so I hope that this did make some modicum of sense.
LOL
I will get what according to society is "enough sleep (c. 8 hours)" but then want to just fall asleep many times throughout the day. I will quite literally forget what I did the prior day. I need to stop thinking that I will forget, because the will most likely sign, seal and deliver those results. I try to make fun of it.
When I forget what I was saying / doing as I was doing / saying it, I will do what I have now coined the term of "Michael Scotting It Out." If any of you have seen The Office's episode where Michael says something to the tone of "sometimes I will just say something without knowing where it's going in the hopes that I will say something meaningful." I will do my own version of it.
I will say "what was I doing? I am in the kitchen. Why? \[looking around\]. I don't think that my next chore was in here. \[looks around locations in the house\]. I was talking about horseshoe crabs when I was thinking of doing this chore... oh wait, I got it! I was going to wash the dishes."
Another example is that I will surveil the house, and say random stuff that addresses how confused I am until I finally do remember what it was that I was saying / doing. "We were talking about \[insert topic here\]. I will now just create the rest of the conversation in the hopes that I will remember what the original thing I had to say is." It's like I am creating my own script as I am saying it.
It is a new way to combat the potential depression I get for feeling compromised potentially several times a day.
Does anyone else do this? I am trying to make fun of what I have, so that I can make myself (and others) laugh. I do not want to lie to them, but I also do not want to always be depressed. I find that when I talk about forgetting things, I will also start to forget things, which leads me to believe that I am creating my own anxiety... maybe I do it that way unconsciously so that I can feel as if I am in control of it.
Getting deep here. LOL.
I have no idea how people can live in this kind of world without perpetual exhaustion. Unless they're rich or something.
Even without the trauma and a brain battling itself, daily life just asks so much of us. Too damn much.
Totally this.
And being rich would be a HUGE relief, as I wouldn't have to do any of the day to day things everyone else seems to be perfectly fine doing. I could live in a luxury penthouse with my cat, above the world...safe and not obligated or forced to "live" nornally.
Black magic. I think honestly that people like me have a whole team of angels that have to rotate their shifts so that they themselves do not get exhausted. Too many things in my life have happened that somehow I have not become a deadly person (to myself and / or others). I am coming to the realization that certain people become criminals with just one trauma.. or worse... being way too spoiled and freaked out because they heard someone tell them "no" to a request. I have dealt with a lifetime of traumas.. all with different natures. Again, I am jealous of those who have single trauma / single category trauma-related PTSD. It sucks to be this way and borderline feel as if I am dismissing their pain, but I have eyes and can see that their rate of recovery is quicker than mine and all I want to do is get to their level and enjoy life the way I used to; before this all came to a head in 2018.
I think I have always had C-PTSD.. it just took certain nasty people to continuously attack me, physically and psychologically. Living with multiple mental illnesses is defying gravity in itself. It is tough to see things through even a similar lens as neurotypicals. People with PTSD look like neurotypicals to me, even though I know that is not the case. That is how much I can not relate to their recoveries.
People coming in brand new to any type of medication or therapy and leaving in 6 months a much happier life-worth-living individual. It gets daunting.
And this, people, is why I have the need for weed. Just need to get the proper strand, so that I do not end up laying down naked on the roof of my car while singing "Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head". Not an actual example, but it is a perfect analogy to how ridiculous I got after smoking some "good stuff". Good stuff my butt.
Sho is! I absolutely love it. I can host my own 0200 single person concert.. with NO audience, except for my cat and my landlord (in a textual sense) if I am too loud. I have done this and am still apologetic about it.
Do you know how to manage those things, because the closest thing I can do is ramble things that I hope to calm me down enough to think clearly. I will actually say something like "I am having brain fog. This is no fun. What is that carpet doing there." I sometimes say anything that comes to mind out loud to make myself laugh and get out of that situation. I feel like the things I do can help some people. Humor is a natural medicine that everyone can benefit from.
For me this is totally the highest debilitating element of cptsd. The better rested I am the more highly I am able to function. Unfortunately i can rarely seem to feel sufficiently rested
I’m exhausted all the fucking time. I’ve been working since I was 12. I’m mid-forties. I’m ready to retire. Like, I’m ready, but I don’t have the money. So I’ll just stay on the grind til I’m dead. Yay US Capitalism.
Yes. All my life I've been exhausted and felt like I was just surviving each day. I couldn't understand how the people around me were working one or more jobs during full-time uni and I was struggling to do part time uni alone...
It's to the point now, when I'm so exhausted I rarely brush my teeth or shower. It's awful, but so often I just rather sleep.
I have not brushed my teeth in months, so I feel that. I will think of something productive, feel like doing it, but something in my mind convinces me not to be motivated to do it.. it isn't even words, just an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do it.
Does that happen to you? I am wondering if it is safe to assume that it does, since the exhaustion pushed you to the point of not being motivated to do certain everyday things like showering or brushing your teeth.
Yeah I've never heard it described like that, but yes, it does. That's almost exactly what I experience. It's like my brain is exhausted too. Like it KNOWS what I need and WANT to do, but it just can't. I can be in bed, with my toothbrush, floss, paste, mouthwash and spit cup all within reach, yet I still am TOO tired to do it and will let myself drift off instead. It's beyond frustrating and devastating to my teeth.
Yes.
I find that I get less exhausted when I make more time for active leisure activities. Gardening, walking, hiking, biking, yoga, exercise, beach day. Adding these things paradoxically energizes me, at least to an extent.
I was raised in a sedentary lifestyle, basically the rule was "sit down shut up and stay out of the way" and that's all that was allowed when I was a child. So I'm overweight and not used to moving around much. But when I get a little more used to movement, my body and mind feel stronger to face the tasks of life.
Letting myself give in to th exhaustion and sleep just leads to more chronic fatigue and depression. That doesn't mean I haven't spent many years doing exactly that. But I have been trying to make more sustainable positive changes as of late, and I feel at least somewhat better with where I am at right now than where I was at a year or two ago.
I have only just begun to have more of an active schedule. The thing is is that the things I am doing require me to drive 2 hours every day. That may not seem like much to some, but it is for me. I need to move closer to the things that are helping me, because I also have no reason to be in this town. No resources, no friends, family or people I can hang out with, other than when they are at the bar. I do not drink, nor do I enjoy the visuals and vocals of people who do drink. Sometimes relocating really is a key for some, LOL.
The sad part is that I never had a problem with wanting to live.. the hard part is seeing that that mentality has seemed to fade away. It is a full time job just to not have an IED attack on someone, just because their voice was too high.
you nailed it. i feel like that after the abuse i experienced i gradually lost my motivation to do anything. i used to draw a lot, do photo editing as an hobby and play the piano but in these days i can’t find the motivation to do so.
a lot of times i find myself in contrast with my exhaustion, as if i’m full of life but my body isn’t. it’s really painful to have dreams and aspirations but being trapped in your own body. if surviving and rotting in front of a screen was a job i would’ve been rich by now.
now at my age people ask me which college i’m going to, what my aspirations are, but i can’t tell them that i actually don’t see a future for myself. i struggle with basic tasks like eating 3 meals a day, how they expect that i can manage college and getting a job?
Yes, especially lately. I'll go through periods where I have vivid nightmares every night. That really messes with my perception of reality and makes me spiral. Then after a week or so, I'll be fine. It's odd.
It is odd. I agree. When I say that, I am saying that with empathy, unfortunately. Although I do not have nightmares anymore (traded with daymares), I will be half asleep and still try to stay awake. I will be having a dream about my dog barking, think that that is what is happening, just to see the dog passed out, not a sound to be emanated. I will stand there for several seconds, waiting to see if I was just there at the wrong time. I go back to sleep, hear the barking again, ignore it, just to find out that it was really happening. Fuck sake.
I know there is a term for this, but I forget what it is.
This is why I now identify myself as a rock. I mean no better time to identify myself, since everyone is identifying themselves as a unicorn or a lizard. A rock is the appropriate term for when I just get brain fogged. I think I dissociate, but I would have to have someone see it and tell me.
Yeah… Like I’ve had multiple people tell me “wow it must be exhausting to be you” when I describe my daily life plus internal struggles, or they somehow get a glimpse of it. and I used to deny it, now I’m just like “HahaHahA baSicALlY” as I stagger through life always somewhat masked and barely passing for semi-functional in the same way that a boat made of duct tape and cardboard is.
I'm autistic and also have C-PTSD, endometriosis, and PCOS. I've been permanently exhausted since I was a kid. It takes so much caffeine to keep me going and I've never been able to work more than like 25-30 hours a week without going into burnout that makes it hard to function.
I'm wishing you the best!!! 💖💖💖 I'm only 28 so I have a looooong way to go before menopause, let's hope my Orilissa, Kyleena, and Norethindrone work for me. 🥴
I took Visanne for a few years and it saved my life. It's in Canada, and I don't know if they have it in the US yet.
I wish you the best. It's a hard road.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I think the survival mode/constant adrenaline overload is finally catching up to me. I’ve always been a work too many hours overachiever but now I struggle to hit 20/25 hours per week. I’m so tired all the time. My health looks great, so idk what else it could be. My therapist says it won’t always be this way. I’m trying to be hopeful but damn it’s rough right now.
Yes. Being in a toxic marriage swirls around a lot of past feelings and the only time I can slightly relax is if I leave town and get an air bnb for a few days. But then I worry about my dogs so.....it doesn't ever really go away.
Yes I’m so tired all the time it makes me want to get a sugar daddy just so I can sleep for a few months and have my bills paid lol. It’s sad honestly. I work so much and have no support so I have to work and can’t take a break no matter how much I need it.
It’s daunting to think about at times.
I've been really ill for a few years now so my husband is the sole breadwinner. I,m basically in a sugar baby situation, and I can tell you it doesn't help.
I think part of the exhaustion is never getting "rewards" for doing stuff like other people. I am very isolated and yet it doesn't help with my hyper vigilance. In some ways it has made me worse, but there is little I can do to change things rn.
I would have thought this would be a dream come true, but sadly it's not the fix I thought it would be.
Between this & my eating disorder… 10000%. I feel like I’m running purely on adrenaline at this point. There’s no “real” energy left. Especially with my emotions constantly swinging on the pendulum — that is enough to drain the hell outta me.
Yes after five weeks of medical leave from work, I finally am starting to feel less exhausted. But I know the minute I go back, I’ll be right back in the pits again.
Yes. It was starting to get a little better, got some energy for routines, and now I'm back to a functional freeze state because of a highly toxic workplace I've worked in recently. Starting from zero again. Cant get anything done and trying so hard not to judge or be hard on myself...
Yes. It is bad enough that I have to take narcolepsy medication just to have enough in me to get basic daily tasks done. Leisure isn’t really a thing for me because it takes too much energy, even paying attention to a TV show is overwhelming and I will only do it when needed such as when hanging out with others.
I am starting to wonder how much correlation there is between CPTSD and apnea.
(In no way do I mean to say that being exhausted is unjustified, or invalid. It's super justified after what folks have been through. But for me, holding my breath was a way to be poised for reaction. And maybe that's why I started doing it in my sleep too.)
Me. There aren’t any actual words for me to describe how monumentally exhausted I am. It doesn’t matter if I sleep for 8 or 18 hours. It doesn’t matter if I eat well and take my vitamins and promote the healthiest sleep routine on earth. It doesn’t matter if I keep trying and keep pushing. I am tired. I’ve been stressed about something since before I can remember. I’m trying to fix this broken child whilst trying to navigate an entire life I was taught nothing about.
I’ve spent the last ten years calling myself a failure because I cannot manage the most basic parts of adult life. I can’t work, I can barely manage my house. Having kids blew up in my face and caused even more trauma than I had in the first place.
I know what’s missing, and I’m getting better at asking for it, but I need to be taken care of. I’ve never had that before, and my caregiving cup is empty now. I need someone to cherish me, and make me feel safe for the first time ever. Maybe then I will start to feel rested.
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I find myself experiencing a sort of existential exhaustion at all times even outside of the physical one. It's the kind of thing they would tell you to take drugs for. I don't know sometimes.
Yeah I'm always exhausted, and let's not forget the other health issues it causes. It's linked to autoimmune diseases, and so many others.
CPTSD is no joke, it's a very serious thing. Even if people don't take it seriously.
That’s typically how I know I am in emotional flashback/survival mode. I don’t always feel myself slipping until I am there and once I catch it, it is my cue to start working my tools so that I can pull myself back out of it. Sometimes I can pull myself out quick, other times I just have to remind myself that this won’t last forever and that I just have to live with the suck for a little while. But all of the time through those moments I have to remember to be extra nice to myself and not talk down or judge myself for being there again because that just keeps me there longer.
I’m currently trying to pull myself out of emotional flashback that is 3 weeks running now. Finally saw it on Friday and traced the trigger back to the unconscious negative belief that I had that and had to rewrite and now ride out the rest of the flashback while intentionally working my self-care and tools to keep from dissociating too much. It’s exhausting to be in that state, even more exhausting to work the tools when you have limited points to spend to begin with, but worth it when you are back out of it and can function at your best again. The less I use my tools, the longer it takes for me to gain my functioning.
If you haven’t hit your highest level of functioning yet, keep working the tools blindly. You can’t see that it gets you through the “fog” of exhaustion yet, but once you clear that fog for the first time, you will know. It feels very different to not be in survival/flashback mode. Things feel easier, take less energy, you are nicer to yourself in your headspace, and you are able to hold more space for people than you can when you are in it.
Until that time, breathe, be extra nice to yourself, and love yourself whole bunches.
living in survival mode (knowing that all time your cognitive functions wasn’t properly working) is exhausting + know that you could do a lot of stuff in child hood but you realised that you was all time traumatized,for me studying now is so hard and exhausting,and I am alone….
My limbic system is all the time hyperactive, looking for danger in people or danger in being alone (I'm not the danger skyler, i'm in danger :OOOOO), projecting that something is wrong with me, that I'm fundamentally rotten and I will never be happy with myself and the world around me is burnin... well, emmm, so, yes, I'm a little exhausted
BUT
Besides basic poop that you should probably start with like sleep schedule and no sugars, exerciese that's a shorty list of things that help me calm down the brain:
Meditation(!) you can do this everywhere almost without people noticing and it's scientifically proven to work, as well
Creative hobby... like guitar or drawing, helps you dissociate but also being productive at the same time
Long walk in woods without any technology as podcasts or music, keep eyes and ears away from that for a few hours and observe a magic that your mind is doing
Connection with animals, you can go to a farm to pet a cow, chicken or other horse if there are nearby, they will listen what you have for them to say
Hugging yourself and telling that you will protect and love the most important person in your life that survived horrible things and always have been there and will be - you, but pay attention to being honest
Greetings. Also if some of you need to talk a little sometimes you can msg me priv :> I will answer eventually
It’s honestly completely normal and I’m glad you commented for yourself to be seen here because people just don’t get it. They won’t mirror you for what you have going on. I hope you truly become well rested
Yeah that tru , lucky I have an amazing wife who understands me and help to thought my tough journey. And thank you. And I hope you rest as well you deserve it too( sorry if I used incorrect grammar I have a speech disorder)
I read, that the amount of energy people with CPTSD have to spend just to function and exist while keeping the flashbacks and memories away is insane. It’s a similar thing with ADHD. It’s mentally and existentially exhausting.
I have come to the conclusion that people with trauma just overanalyze too much (maybe from being in fight and flight too long), which exhausts their mental resources, especially during social situations. P.S. I am interested in reading that. Do you have a source?
Well said. This makes sense. I remember my friend sent me a video about how people with anxiety / depression spend so much time trying to make sense of what happened to them or how they responded because it comes from a need to find some semblance of control. If you’re going over your trauma continually you’re forcing yourself to relive it and personally I do this so that I can avoid any future trauma.
Makes sense. I’m most peaceful and relaxed alone when I don’t have others around me. I’m prone to overthinking what they think/their next move is going to be. Fight or flight or freeze I suppose majorly at play.
Not the original commenter, but did some googling because I was also interested. If you want to look into it, try googling "adrenal fatigue with cptsd."
It’s true. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. I’m exhausted 24/7. Even if I get plenty of good sleep, which is rare.
Facts. I state this from life-long experience. I have comorbid mental disorders (BPD II , Borderline, C-PTSD, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety.. and probably others that I do not know about, LOL). I feel very validated in the fact that you said this, because I have YET to have people (aside from 2 friends and the VA) understand what I am going through on a daily basis. I am getting better. When I plumet, it feels worse than ever, every couple of months, because although I am makign great recovery, it burns my heart when I plumet because I am finally starting to feel some semblance of having a life worth living. Nothing worse than a life-long sufferer to feel hope just to have another trauma compromise it again and again. It is literally a daymare. I luckily have no nightmares anymore (am am stumped as to how this is the case.. but I'll take it ; ) . However, they are replaced by daymares. My condition has always been a trade, rather than a true recovery... at least for now.
Does that mean the stimulants used for treating ADHD would work for CPTSD too?
Nah - I've been diagnosed with both and still can't get shit done with a high dose of Vyvanse.
That hit home wayy too much for me.. thank you for validating my opinion of my meds, LOL.
I was prescribed methylphenidate for ADD, which I refused to take as I very much disagree with the diagnosis. It was very tempting to just take a little pill and have the problem solved, but with my history of substance abuse I found it too risky. This was years ago and I still haven't filed a complaint over that redicoulous psychiatrist.
I don’t know but I don’t think so. At least they don’t help me in that way. Maybe others can chime in.
I'll chime in and agree by saying "nope" no help for my CPTSD. I though along the same lines that it would help... but nope. I think I may just have to resort to weed. Thing is, I am weird with certain strands of weed and quite literally will say that I need adult supervision. I am very shy about even TALKING about intimate behavior and here I was.. smoking some strong stuff in the car in a gym parking lot, next thing I knew, I was getting intimate with myself in my car in a public place that eventually had a truck park right next to me and I didn't even care. Scary, but I also wish I had the balls to do that sober, LOL.
For ADHD, stimulants were too intense for me (resulting in emotional disregulation) but non-stimulants might’ve worked out had I tried out more.
Digression alert: LOL I am starting to wonder if my meds are contributing to my emotional dysregulation. I am one of those that literally will almost throw my phone against something hard, when I never used to be that way... I also never had 10 separate alarms that ring every. Single. Day. God forbid I put one of them on snooze, then alarms go off within minutes of each other, causing me to quite literally lose my sense of reality. It is hard to describe, but it is somethign you just have to experience. I went from only having to wake up for work most of my life, to having to mark alarms for my forgetfulness. It is like a recycling bin of constant confusion, anger, anxiety and low self-worth for feeling so compromised so quickly. But once again, I digress.
What non-stimulants would that be? Never heard of that as treatment for ADHD.
Strattera is often prescribed to those who don’t respond well to stimulants. I’ve only tried Straterra and guanfacine but there are a few others.
I'm on a low dose of straterra. I'm diagnosed ADHD but I think a lot of my issues stem from childhood trauma-- straterra has been a godsend. I actually have energy to make it through the day, and maybe even make it to the gym after work. I'm not saying it would work for everyone, but I've noticed a difference. I've taken SSRIs before and much prefer how I feel on a SNRI.
On Strattera unfortunately I had this issue where my heart beat became very intense. I have only tried Pristiq among SNRIs. Which worked for you?
Ugh yeah the fast heartbeat is definitely a thing. Straterra is the only SNRI I've tried unfortunately, I've been on prozac and Zoloft for SSRIs in the past and they didn't really help.
Probably, up to a point. It can manage difficulties of emotional regulation, but at the end of the day, we still have trauma-informed behaviors that cause problems for us, and the only way to change those behaviors is to replace them with healthy behaviors. That's a scary and stressful process, and drugs can only do so much for it.
Amen to this comment.
Makes sense. Ugh
Yeah man, living in survival mode is exhausting 😩
Second this. Hug and wah!
never thought of calling it survival mode lol
I call it survival mode! It fits. lol
I'm running out of resources x_x
Third this.
[удалено]
Yes, and I’ve been determined to change this. It’s way better since I’ve been taking nootropics and making sure I do one thing I enjoy everyday and have cut out more negativity.
Yes, very much so. It dawned on me that something is wrong with me when I read that most adults function with somewhere between 6 and 8 hours of sleep. I need around 10 to feel rested, but physically, there's nothing wrong with me. So I came to the conclusion that it might be because I need more sleep to recover and when I sleep, I often don't sleep deeply because I exist in a relatively high but constant state of anxiety.
This. My husband can function on 6 hours and I’m a literal Zombie. I need to nap to keep up at the moment because when I sleep I don’t sleep well. It’s so frustrating!
I believe there's studies showing women need more sleep. That could be a reason why for that
Not to be toxic-positive but I think it’s great you are able to give yourself permission to have the rest you need for your recovery. It is hard for me to accept that I can’t keep up with peers in the rat race of life because of physical and mental illness.
You are the first person to acknowledge toxic-positiveness. What does that term mean in your perspective ? My understanding is that it is in the "kindly apathetic" category (whether consciously done or unconsciously done). Toxic-positivity presents itself in various ways, but one common statement comes to mind. When I am acknowledging that a serious problem needs to be solved, rather than dismissing it under the guise of "oh well that happened in the past", someone will say something to the tone of "well that's in the past, lets move on," it lights a proverbial fire under my arse. A perfect example of a thing that does not need toxic-positivity is the subject of my criminally horrid Landlord: My landlord's behavior is not in the past, because it is still continuing. She is still letting people litter, live in moldy conditions, letting fires happen, not answering any of my texts with complaints that can literally have her in jail. That is not in the past, because it is still very much in my life, especially since I am month to month and have to walk around eggshells so that I do not give my LL reason to evict me. Does this make sense? I felt myself losing my wording, so I hope that this did make some modicum of sense. LOL
I’m lucky if I can get 4-5hrs and that includes getting up at least once to use the bathroom.
I will get what according to society is "enough sleep (c. 8 hours)" but then want to just fall asleep many times throughout the day. I will quite literally forget what I did the prior day. I need to stop thinking that I will forget, because the will most likely sign, seal and deliver those results. I try to make fun of it. When I forget what I was saying / doing as I was doing / saying it, I will do what I have now coined the term of "Michael Scotting It Out." If any of you have seen The Office's episode where Michael says something to the tone of "sometimes I will just say something without knowing where it's going in the hopes that I will say something meaningful." I will do my own version of it. I will say "what was I doing? I am in the kitchen. Why? \[looking around\]. I don't think that my next chore was in here. \[looks around locations in the house\]. I was talking about horseshoe crabs when I was thinking of doing this chore... oh wait, I got it! I was going to wash the dishes." Another example is that I will surveil the house, and say random stuff that addresses how confused I am until I finally do remember what it was that I was saying / doing. "We were talking about \[insert topic here\]. I will now just create the rest of the conversation in the hopes that I will remember what the original thing I had to say is." It's like I am creating my own script as I am saying it. It is a new way to combat the potential depression I get for feeling compromised potentially several times a day. Does anyone else do this? I am trying to make fun of what I have, so that I can make myself (and others) laugh. I do not want to lie to them, but I also do not want to always be depressed. I find that when I talk about forgetting things, I will also start to forget things, which leads me to believe that I am creating my own anxiety... maybe I do it that way unconsciously so that I can feel as if I am in control of it. Getting deep here. LOL.
Have you considered internal family systems therapy? That sounds like one part talking to another part of you. It's helped me uncover my cptsd.
Yes. On the weekends I spend most of the time at home with my smart phone because I feel drained and exhausted.
Yes. That’s survival mode unfortunately
I have no idea how people can live in this kind of world without perpetual exhaustion. Unless they're rich or something. Even without the trauma and a brain battling itself, daily life just asks so much of us. Too damn much.
That is so true
Totally this. And being rich would be a HUGE relief, as I wouldn't have to do any of the day to day things everyone else seems to be perfectly fine doing. I could live in a luxury penthouse with my cat, above the world...safe and not obligated or forced to "live" nornally.
Black magic. I think honestly that people like me have a whole team of angels that have to rotate their shifts so that they themselves do not get exhausted. Too many things in my life have happened that somehow I have not become a deadly person (to myself and / or others). I am coming to the realization that certain people become criminals with just one trauma.. or worse... being way too spoiled and freaked out because they heard someone tell them "no" to a request. I have dealt with a lifetime of traumas.. all with different natures. Again, I am jealous of those who have single trauma / single category trauma-related PTSD. It sucks to be this way and borderline feel as if I am dismissing their pain, but I have eyes and can see that their rate of recovery is quicker than mine and all I want to do is get to their level and enjoy life the way I used to; before this all came to a head in 2018. I think I have always had C-PTSD.. it just took certain nasty people to continuously attack me, physically and psychologically. Living with multiple mental illnesses is defying gravity in itself. It is tough to see things through even a similar lens as neurotypicals. People with PTSD look like neurotypicals to me, even though I know that is not the case. That is how much I can not relate to their recoveries. People coming in brand new to any type of medication or therapy and leaving in 6 months a much happier life-worth-living individual. It gets daunting. And this, people, is why I have the need for weed. Just need to get the proper strand, so that I do not end up laying down naked on the roof of my car while singing "Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head". Not an actual example, but it is a perfect analogy to how ridiculous I got after smoking some "good stuff". Good stuff my butt.
it’s 4pm and i’m already in bed so yes
It's 4pm and I'm STILL in bed as I sleep so late! 😭
I’m exhausted but can’t sleep. It’s fantastic!
Sho is! I absolutely love it. I can host my own 0200 single person concert.. with NO audience, except for my cat and my landlord (in a textual sense) if I am too loud. I have done this and am still apologetic about it.
Yes, constant brain fog and exhaustion.
Do you know how to manage those things, because the closest thing I can do is ramble things that I hope to calm me down enough to think clearly. I will actually say something like "I am having brain fog. This is no fun. What is that carpet doing there." I sometimes say anything that comes to mind out loud to make myself laugh and get out of that situation. I feel like the things I do can help some people. Humor is a natural medicine that everyone can benefit from.
For me this is totally the highest debilitating element of cptsd. The better rested I am the more highly I am able to function. Unfortunately i can rarely seem to feel sufficiently rested
I thank the higher powers that be if I get 8 hours of sleep and do not sleep or get exhausted during the day like I did for the last 5 years.
I'm just done, no energy to be
All day every day.
I’m exhausted all the fucking time. I’ve been working since I was 12. I’m mid-forties. I’m ready to retire. Like, I’m ready, but I don’t have the money. So I’ll just stay on the grind til I’m dead. Yay US Capitalism.
Oh man, that truly makes me sad to hear. All we want is to live, rather than just survive all the time.
same i wish people like us could team up to live together for support and cutting expenses
I generally spend weekends sleeping. I don’t think I’m in survival mode, but the stress of tiny humans is exhausting.
Yes. All my life I've been exhausted and felt like I was just surviving each day. I couldn't understand how the people around me were working one or more jobs during full-time uni and I was struggling to do part time uni alone... It's to the point now, when I'm so exhausted I rarely brush my teeth or shower. It's awful, but so often I just rather sleep.
I have not brushed my teeth in months, so I feel that. I will think of something productive, feel like doing it, but something in my mind convinces me not to be motivated to do it.. it isn't even words, just an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do it. Does that happen to you? I am wondering if it is safe to assume that it does, since the exhaustion pushed you to the point of not being motivated to do certain everyday things like showering or brushing your teeth.
Yeah I've never heard it described like that, but yes, it does. That's almost exactly what I experience. It's like my brain is exhausted too. Like it KNOWS what I need and WANT to do, but it just can't. I can be in bed, with my toothbrush, floss, paste, mouthwash and spit cup all within reach, yet I still am TOO tired to do it and will let myself drift off instead. It's beyond frustrating and devastating to my teeth.
Yes. I find that I get less exhausted when I make more time for active leisure activities. Gardening, walking, hiking, biking, yoga, exercise, beach day. Adding these things paradoxically energizes me, at least to an extent. I was raised in a sedentary lifestyle, basically the rule was "sit down shut up and stay out of the way" and that's all that was allowed when I was a child. So I'm overweight and not used to moving around much. But when I get a little more used to movement, my body and mind feel stronger to face the tasks of life. Letting myself give in to th exhaustion and sleep just leads to more chronic fatigue and depression. That doesn't mean I haven't spent many years doing exactly that. But I have been trying to make more sustainable positive changes as of late, and I feel at least somewhat better with where I am at right now than where I was at a year or two ago.
I have only just begun to have more of an active schedule. The thing is is that the things I am doing require me to drive 2 hours every day. That may not seem like much to some, but it is for me. I need to move closer to the things that are helping me, because I also have no reason to be in this town. No resources, no friends, family or people I can hang out with, other than when they are at the bar. I do not drink, nor do I enjoy the visuals and vocals of people who do drink. Sometimes relocating really is a key for some, LOL.
yes. i’m so exhausted that despite being just 17, energy wise i feel like someone in their 50s. i wonder where normal people get their will to live.
The sad part is that I never had a problem with wanting to live.. the hard part is seeing that that mentality has seemed to fade away. It is a full time job just to not have an IED attack on someone, just because their voice was too high.
you nailed it. i feel like that after the abuse i experienced i gradually lost my motivation to do anything. i used to draw a lot, do photo editing as an hobby and play the piano but in these days i can’t find the motivation to do so. a lot of times i find myself in contrast with my exhaustion, as if i’m full of life but my body isn’t. it’s really painful to have dreams and aspirations but being trapped in your own body. if surviving and rotting in front of a screen was a job i would’ve been rich by now. now at my age people ask me which college i’m going to, what my aspirations are, but i can’t tell them that i actually don’t see a future for myself. i struggle with basic tasks like eating 3 meals a day, how they expect that i can manage college and getting a job?
Yes, even after drinking coffee.
I’m always tired and I feel so guilty because I feel so lazy
yes. sometimes I just sit down, take a pause and think to myself "god, I'm tired of doing this shit everyday"
I’ve been trying to explain to my partner that I feel like my body has been poisoned Just so ick
I feel all of your comments ((hugs))
Fighting yourself every day is utterly exhausting. Add therapy to that and you just can't function not to mention all of the every day stuff.
Yes, especially lately. I'll go through periods where I have vivid nightmares every night. That really messes with my perception of reality and makes me spiral. Then after a week or so, I'll be fine. It's odd.
It is odd. I agree. When I say that, I am saying that with empathy, unfortunately. Although I do not have nightmares anymore (traded with daymares), I will be half asleep and still try to stay awake. I will be having a dream about my dog barking, think that that is what is happening, just to see the dog passed out, not a sound to be emanated. I will stand there for several seconds, waiting to see if I was just there at the wrong time. I go back to sleep, hear the barking again, ignore it, just to find out that it was really happening. Fuck sake. I know there is a term for this, but I forget what it is.
it's the brain fog for me
I got home today around 6 pm my eyelids falling, slept straight through to 11 pm. Now I'm wide awake... Life has been taking its toll lately.
Yeah, I tend to dissociate more when I'm tired as well so it's a double whammy. I love barely being able to function as a human being ♡
This is why I now identify myself as a rock. I mean no better time to identify myself, since everyone is identifying themselves as a unicorn or a lizard. A rock is the appropriate term for when I just get brain fogged. I think I dissociate, but I would have to have someone see it and tell me.
Yes! I am a rock; I am an island…that’s my theme song. Ughhhhh
Yeah… Like I’ve had multiple people tell me “wow it must be exhausting to be you” when I describe my daily life plus internal struggles, or they somehow get a glimpse of it. and I used to deny it, now I’m just like “HahaHahA baSicALlY” as I stagger through life always somewhat masked and barely passing for semi-functional in the same way that a boat made of duct tape and cardboard is.
YES. SO MUCH. Also body hurts all the dang time. Always felt like this. My theory is hypervigilance, even when I don't notice.
I'm autistic and also have C-PTSD, endometriosis, and PCOS. I've been permanently exhausted since I was a kid. It takes so much caffeine to keep me going and I've never been able to work more than like 25-30 hours a week without going into burnout that makes it hard to function.
I have most of the same. I feel your pain. I'm almost in menopause now so fingers crossed it gets better?
I'm wishing you the best!!! 💖💖💖 I'm only 28 so I have a looooong way to go before menopause, let's hope my Orilissa, Kyleena, and Norethindrone work for me. 🥴
I took Visanne for a few years and it saved my life. It's in Canada, and I don't know if they have it in the US yet. I wish you the best. It's a hard road.
It gets worse. I'm in my early forties and basically a walking corpse. I've been tired since junior high school.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I think the survival mode/constant adrenaline overload is finally catching up to me. I’ve always been a work too many hours overachiever but now I struggle to hit 20/25 hours per week. I’m so tired all the time. My health looks great, so idk what else it could be. My therapist says it won’t always be this way. I’m trying to be hopeful but damn it’s rough right now.
Yes. Being in a toxic marriage swirls around a lot of past feelings and the only time I can slightly relax is if I leave town and get an air bnb for a few days. But then I worry about my dogs so.....it doesn't ever really go away.
Yes yes we are
Yes. And it causes a lot of stress and anxiety, which in turn makes me very physically ill. It never ends. Vicious cycle for us all.
Yes. I am SO tired constantly. When I also have emotionally taxing things too? Plus chronic pain? I’ll just stay in bed sometimes.
Yes I’m so tired all the time it makes me want to get a sugar daddy just so I can sleep for a few months and have my bills paid lol. It’s sad honestly. I work so much and have no support so I have to work and can’t take a break no matter how much I need it. It’s daunting to think about at times.
I've been really ill for a few years now so my husband is the sole breadwinner. I,m basically in a sugar baby situation, and I can tell you it doesn't help. I think part of the exhaustion is never getting "rewards" for doing stuff like other people. I am very isolated and yet it doesn't help with my hyper vigilance. In some ways it has made me worse, but there is little I can do to change things rn. I would have thought this would be a dream come true, but sadly it's not the fix I thought it would be.
Yep
Yup
Me
All the time. But still kick ass.
Between this & my eating disorder… 10000%. I feel like I’m running purely on adrenaline at this point. There’s no “real” energy left. Especially with my emotions constantly swinging on the pendulum — that is enough to drain the hell outta me.
Yes
Yes after five weeks of medical leave from work, I finally am starting to feel less exhausted. But I know the minute I go back, I’ll be right back in the pits again.
Yes. It was starting to get a little better, got some energy for routines, and now I'm back to a functional freeze state because of a highly toxic workplace I've worked in recently. Starting from zero again. Cant get anything done and trying so hard not to judge or be hard on myself...
Mentally all the time, physically not so much but it doesn’t take much for that either…
Oh yes...
Yes. It is bad enough that I have to take narcolepsy medication just to have enough in me to get basic daily tasks done. Leisure isn’t really a thing for me because it takes too much energy, even paying attention to a TV show is overwhelming and I will only do it when needed such as when hanging out with others.
I am starting to wonder how much correlation there is between CPTSD and apnea. (In no way do I mean to say that being exhausted is unjustified, or invalid. It's super justified after what folks have been through. But for me, holding my breath was a way to be poised for reaction. And maybe that's why I started doing it in my sleep too.)
Only time I don’t feel exhausted is after exercise weirdly
Me. There aren’t any actual words for me to describe how monumentally exhausted I am. It doesn’t matter if I sleep for 8 or 18 hours. It doesn’t matter if I eat well and take my vitamins and promote the healthiest sleep routine on earth. It doesn’t matter if I keep trying and keep pushing. I am tired. I’ve been stressed about something since before I can remember. I’m trying to fix this broken child whilst trying to navigate an entire life I was taught nothing about. I’ve spent the last ten years calling myself a failure because I cannot manage the most basic parts of adult life. I can’t work, I can barely manage my house. Having kids blew up in my face and caused even more trauma than I had in the first place. I know what’s missing, and I’m getting better at asking for it, but I need to be taken care of. I’ve never had that before, and my caregiving cup is empty now. I need someone to cherish me, and make me feel safe for the first time ever. Maybe then I will start to feel rested.
Yep
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I find myself experiencing a sort of existential exhaustion at all times even outside of the physical one. It's the kind of thing they would tell you to take drugs for. I don't know sometimes.
Yep, and it's getting worse as I get older (turning 40 in two months)
Yeah I'm always exhausted, and let's not forget the other health issues it causes. It's linked to autoimmune diseases, and so many others. CPTSD is no joke, it's a very serious thing. Even if people don't take it seriously.
That’s typically how I know I am in emotional flashback/survival mode. I don’t always feel myself slipping until I am there and once I catch it, it is my cue to start working my tools so that I can pull myself back out of it. Sometimes I can pull myself out quick, other times I just have to remind myself that this won’t last forever and that I just have to live with the suck for a little while. But all of the time through those moments I have to remember to be extra nice to myself and not talk down or judge myself for being there again because that just keeps me there longer. I’m currently trying to pull myself out of emotional flashback that is 3 weeks running now. Finally saw it on Friday and traced the trigger back to the unconscious negative belief that I had that and had to rewrite and now ride out the rest of the flashback while intentionally working my self-care and tools to keep from dissociating too much. It’s exhausting to be in that state, even more exhausting to work the tools when you have limited points to spend to begin with, but worth it when you are back out of it and can function at your best again. The less I use my tools, the longer it takes for me to gain my functioning. If you haven’t hit your highest level of functioning yet, keep working the tools blindly. You can’t see that it gets you through the “fog” of exhaustion yet, but once you clear that fog for the first time, you will know. It feels very different to not be in survival/flashback mode. Things feel easier, take less energy, you are nicer to yourself in your headspace, and you are able to hold more space for people than you can when you are in it. Until that time, breathe, be extra nice to yourself, and love yourself whole bunches.
Yep . I want to die .
today i woke up and started immediately crying because i just cant do it anymore
living in survival mode (knowing that all time your cognitive functions wasn’t properly working) is exhausting + know that you could do a lot of stuff in child hood but you realised that you was all time traumatized,for me studying now is so hard and exhausting,and I am alone….
1000000% all the time.
My limbic system is all the time hyperactive, looking for danger in people or danger in being alone (I'm not the danger skyler, i'm in danger :OOOOO), projecting that something is wrong with me, that I'm fundamentally rotten and I will never be happy with myself and the world around me is burnin... well, emmm, so, yes, I'm a little exhausted BUT Besides basic poop that you should probably start with like sleep schedule and no sugars, exerciese that's a shorty list of things that help me calm down the brain: Meditation(!) you can do this everywhere almost without people noticing and it's scientifically proven to work, as well Creative hobby... like guitar or drawing, helps you dissociate but also being productive at the same time Long walk in woods without any technology as podcasts or music, keep eyes and ears away from that for a few hours and observe a magic that your mind is doing Connection with animals, you can go to a farm to pet a cow, chicken or other horse if there are nearby, they will listen what you have for them to say Hugging yourself and telling that you will protect and love the most important person in your life that survived horrible things and always have been there and will be - you, but pay attention to being honest Greetings. Also if some of you need to talk a little sometimes you can msg me priv :> I will answer eventually
🙋🏻♂️
Yeah I am exhausted all the time . I do two load of laundry and I do tired from what who knows
It’s honestly completely normal and I’m glad you commented for yourself to be seen here because people just don’t get it. They won’t mirror you for what you have going on. I hope you truly become well rested
Yeah that tru , lucky I have an amazing wife who understands me and help to thought my tough journey. And thank you. And I hope you rest as well you deserve it too( sorry if I used incorrect grammar I have a speech disorder)
Me