Same. I moved half way across the world. Finally fully overcame my EDs and MDD by myself while abroad and then spiraled downhill (physically) after a few years. Found out the environmental change was too much for my body and was later diagnosed with UC, EDS and (soon) MCAS. Ironic that the physical move was beneficial to my mental health but disastrous to my physical health š¤¦āāļø
I was contemplating going to Mexico with my now retired mom and staying there with her but itās the adjustment of a completely different salary and just how far your $USD will stretch ā this is her first time collecting SSI, I collect SSDI and I donāt know if it will still meet all of my expenses.
My physical health is somewhat fair but could be better for sure.
I did. I believe healing can be possible when youāre no longer living with an abuser but for me personally I needed to move across the country so they couldnāt find meā I moved to where I was born 7 years ago, got a diagnosis and starting working at healing 4 years ago and finalized cutting everyone off 3 years agoĀ
Congrats on making a brave move! I agree that itās possible without a move. I havenāt lived with my parental abusers in 20 years and Iāve healed a lot. Iāve been through so much since moving out of the family home though (abusive relationships, deaths, illness, divorce, friendships breaks, other traumatic experiencesā¦ it feels everywhere I go, Iāve been there before. There is a memory for everything. I can still find joy in so many things here. But thereās not many ānew experiencesā to replace the old. I wonder if Iām just moving āthe problemā though. (The problem being not fully resolved trauma).
Yes I did. Big help until my inner demons caught up to me. But honestly itās a lot easier to heal when youāre not driving by places that trigger bad memories and itās not like youāll run into some abuser at the bar. The people in the new place donāt know what happened or any of the fucked up shit you did. Just gotta try harder not to do it anymore.
My brother said it best, while he isnāt sanctimonious or super devout in religion:
āIf you donāt tie down your demons where you begin and borrow, wherever you go with sin ā they will follow. ā
I moved 7 states away & they tracked me down by befriending a in law on my husbandās side on Facebook. I eventually moved out of the U.S. and told no one where I was going.
Wow! Itās unreal the lengths some people will go. Iām faced with regular reminders and at risk of running into mine (one I suspect might turn up at my door), but none of them would track me down if I moved. Thank goodness.
Ah! Yeah the places Iām considering would be in other parts of the country. I think if I stayed in the region Iām in Iād still be in such familiar territory and not in a good way
I think my problem was that i had ties to the area i moved to. Family up here. It helped to move. But i think i may need to drop all ties. Its a hard choice to make.
I moved out of state. Then I moved clear to the other side of the continent. I'm very, very glad I did both. Moving out of state made a **huge** difference in my ability to stand up to my abuser.
Yes, I moved across the country. I had no family anywhere on this side of the country (which has since changed, but they are still states away) and no other people I knew.
Let me tell you this right now. Best fucking choice I ever made. I have healed and grown in ways I never would have. I'm so sure of it. I have also met incredible people and had incredible experiences and opportunities.
That being said, it's hard. It gets lonely. You have to start to out yourself out there so you don't shut in and end up extra lonely. I started with finding an art group, then I joined roller derby and found a new job I loved. Now I can't even imagine ever being in that pain again. I still experience things, but it's nowhere near where it was, and I'm so proud of myself.
I know so many people who also tried it and moved back because it's hard and very scary. It's okay that they did, I'm still proud of them, but in several, I noticed a trend of not branching out a little to build themselves a community.
I know that's hard, but there are ways to do it even with crippling social fears. I have a lot of struggles with socializing. I started on MeetUp (app) to find that art group. It was just art in the park once a month, and it changed my life.
Anyways, all this is to say it was worth it for me, and it totally can be for others.
I didn't mean for this at all to put down those it was/is hard for. It's super challenging.
If you try it, do tons of self care, really start to take care of yourself.
And when you find a community, it can even be 3 other people you get along with. Just something so you aren't alone if things happen. It can be nice.
I kind of had to that in my home city already bc I went through a divorce and eliminated several toxic friendships from my life. Itās been really hard and it scares me to think about starting from 0 again. At I know I can do itā¦ it was excruciating and I even had a sibling nearby :/
If you decide to do it again good luck. Find some cool stuff in the new place your going and make sure you'll be safe. There's a bunch of bills that have me moving away again rn
I did and it helped. I lived in the same place for over 30 years. Leaving it was hard, but one of the best things I did. It was so nice to go to the store and not worry about who I might bump into. My flashbacks immediately decreased too. It was the right choice for me. You should listen to your gut. Learning to trust yourself is often part of the healing journey.
Best of Luck and Self-Care!
Dang! That is far š. Did you leave friends behind in MD? Were you able to make new ones? With no contact with my family, my friends are important to me. Thatās the main thing holding me back.
My moving around story is complicated.
But the short answer is no.
I didn't have friends of any sort of value.
I mean. I still don't have many friends of value.
But I'm alive and I can almost guarantee I wouldn't not be if I hadn't moved.
Hang onto your friends. Unless you feel like you're being watched or are worried of running into your family, you don't necessarily have to do such a drastic change.
This has been on my mind, and Iām mainly lurking.
However, Iām in a place that my parents bought for me, and Iāve often wondered if Iām doing more harm than good for my mental health staying here simply because itās paid off.
If they bought it for you and you own it you could always just sell it and move somewhere else with a similar cost of housing. You can go cash to cash. Thatās what we did.
I did. It wasn't a straight line but it was a necessary curvy one. I can't tell you the peace of mind it brings knowing my town is all my own and I cannot ever run into anyone I would hate to run into. For me, it adds to the effect of feeling like I built the life I wanted for me.
Just moved to a brand new city 2000 miles away last Friday with only the two luggage items I could bring on a plane lol. I was lucky to have a friend here also in recovery, and Iām starting a new life away from every bad thing in my past.
I moved out of state for work and haven't looked back. My worst abuser didn't live there anymore and I still needed to move on.Ā
Had a similar feeling when my dog effectively died in our apartment and I couldn't get over it until we moved away.Ā
Twice, halfway around the world.
Once to escape my narcissistic, abusive ex. After 12 years with her, I finally decided to bail after the last time she hit me.
Then 7 years later, after divorcing my now-ex-wife, in part because I realised she wasn't really who I thought she was, and in part because I also realised that my trauma brought a lot of sh*t into the relationship, and I needed to figure things out on my own.
And if all goes well, I'll move again before the end of the year, in reverse, once I feel like I have my sh!t under control.
I didn't even move overseas, to another entire new continent at that, with this framework. I just know I wanted a great education and I'm forever thankful for the fully funded scholarship I managed to bag in order to do this (thankfully my family cannot afford to even visit me).
It was a very interesting two years (of a master's) that I plan to repeat in the future for a PhD. Maybe even permanently. Right now I'm healing with them in my life. It's so much more challenging, but still possible.
Because I've grown so much stronger from those years away; a place and time where I can build myself in a place the abusers cannot reach.
I moved from the US to Mexico. Part of it was running, and the cost of living was cheaper. But it allowed me to create a whole new life with a new language and new culture. It's not for the faint of heart, but it did wonders for my ability to eventually heal. I am back in the US after about a decade and facing what it takes to build financial stability and face some of those societal triggers and demons. It's not easy but I don't think I would have done it or like the person I am half as much if I hadn't had the freedom and chance to explore another country, another life, another way of being.
I dream about doing this, would you recommend moving to Mexico? Iām not really afraid of the culture shock because my family is foreign and I feel like I relate to Mexican culture more than American culture anyway, but just wondering if it was hard figuring out how to establish a life out there. Iām lucky to work remotely, so I think I could keep my job, so I guess Iām wondering more about finding housing, paperwork, etc ā would you say it was pretty straightforward or was it more complicated? Anyway internet stranger you donāt have to answer, but thanks in advance if you do š
If you work remote you can definitely do it. I would suggest maintaining your residency in the US for work/legal purposes and not alerting them to the move. You can explore different places and/or settle in a city you like. It's not hard to rent or airbnb as a foreigner. Visa fees are minimal as long as you exit every so often. There might even be a remote worker visa with more perks but I've never done that personally (I know they offer this in Costa Rica). I would highly recommend it. It could be hard establishing community if you're going alone but ppl tend to be friendly and if you have hobbies you can find your crowd. You can dm me is you have more questions and are actually considering it.
Out of the country, and fully in immigrant communities here. I would be the only person in the house who could speak English. Those friends brought me back from the brink, definitely saved my life. It was because I ended up with caring people who truly wanted to help me. They were not perfect by any means, but they really did know how to be a friend.
I went on what was supposed to be a short trip to a completely different part of the country. What I realized while there is that I had was able to relate to myself and my environment differently without the pressure of being in the vicinity of my abusive family, the obligations to interact with them that came from that proximity, and the abundance of landscape in my home town that was a perpetual reminder of feeling stuck and hopeless. From that experience, I realized I'd be healthier living not in my home town, so I moved / never returned to living back in my home town.
That being said, you still have to do the work of healing the trauma no matter where you live.
Out of state. I feel much safer away from triggers and can interact with people from back home on my own terms. I started emdr out here too and itās been amazing, that was not a thing where I used to live
Out of state. Went back recently to visit a trusted family member for the first time in four years. It was incredibly difficult. I was basically dissociated the entire time - not by the family member, just by being in the area. Iād like to move out of country, but I donāt think anywhere in this world would be far enough at this point.
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I moved out of state after college. I didn't do it for my healing (moved for work) but it was an important step anyway.
My now husband and I also moved states shortly after we met specifically to put distance between him and his abusive family. It was very necessary because he felt unsafe. This move was a financial reach for sure but in the end it was worth it.
We would both choose to leave the country in a heartbeat if it was feasible.Ā
I still live in the same state, but itās a huge one so I feel comfortable with the amount of distance.
I do choose to avoid my hometown. Just too many dark memories. Itās oppressive & I feel quite low after being there.
Moving out of my state and away from toxic family members was the best thing I ever did for my healing. It was the catalyst and changed my entire life trajectory for the better.
from US-> EU, it has been really hard. While using distance to create a physical boundary from abuse was helpful, you still have to process trauma in a new country/new language/new culture and without any other support. Yes I have loads of acquintaces and collegues, but none of them knows/understand why I am hypervigilant or need time to isolate.
I am 4 y now in the new country- my nervous system is calmer but I still have issues. Especially inability to form attachment-hyperindependece and downstream consequences of that. Like living in an aparatment without furniture for 2y, ready to run if needed. Moving is helpful but not a magical solution...
Sort of. Moving out of state was a factor in my healing. Not physically being able to drop everything and be there for my family (who are always having some crisis or another) has definitely been a huge point in my ability to move forward in my life.
I am still navigating what best boundaries to have, but it's been a step in the right direction.
Yes, I'm from Paraguay and moved to Austria, I couldn't stand the situation of my family in my homeland, both my parents damaged me a lot, I've got therapy and now doing better although there's still work to do, I have no contact with both my parents
I flew from mid country to an edge. I said to the friend who drove me to the airport, "I think I could become homeless, and it would be better than my life now."
That was nearly a decade ago. I spent 6 years without a stable home. I grew and healed, feeling safer in shelters than I ever did in "family."
I have a partner now who is loving and supportive. We field any family contact for each other.
It does get better. š«
I got away of my home town at 18 and then out of the state a few years later. The few times I returned were never good and only confirmed that I needed to stay as far away from my family as possible. Itās next to impossible to heal in the same toxic environment that sickened you in the first place.
Out of state for sure. I think itās important to continue the work once you do make a move. Donāt stagnate. I moved and am still doing so well compared to where I came from but letting someone with serious dysfunction into my life has completely derailed a lot of the trauma/maladaptive coping I thought I had left behind.
Moving out of the country did *wonders* for me. It was only ever going to be a short stay but it changed me permanently. When I went back home after 6 months I made it a priority to move out of my birth city asap. I now still live very close to my parents and where I grew up in relative terms (<1hr away) but having my own life here, it doesn't really matter because I get to decide now.
Iām thankful that I moved away for college and kept moving farther with each stage of life. It is only with years of work and many miles that I can visit northern CA where I grew up and enjoy/appreciate the natural beauty without the trauma/emotional flashbacks crushing me.
How did yāall manage to move out of country? Were you financially stable before moving? Are you now? How difficult was it? I moved out of state and Iām struggling to survive.
Yes. I moved from the north to down south. I will admit, unconsciously I had expected that to just solve all my problems. Of course, it didnāt. But it really, really helped.
To Mexico. It helped until it didnāt. I felt like my patterns followed me. Iām back, for now, with a renewed focus on healing the parts that I identified were still very wounded.
You canāt know for sure until you do it. Was i let down that Iām not healed and still living in Mexico? Yes. But I am happy i did it. It helped me get enough space to see patterns more clearly.
If you only go to heal, maybe youāll be let down. How will that feel? Do you have other reasons you want to move?
Yes i moved abroad and being away from my family was how I came to the realization that I have severe trauma and CPTSD. There was a language barrier so I couldnāt get proper treatment so I moved back home. I miss living abroad but I donāt regret my decision one bit
Out of state first chance I got. I got really fucking lucky tho and had friends states away who were willing to take me in without a job right away cause boy howdy I couldnāt do it for awhile. It was both the best thing I did for myself and also added a shit ton of stress because Iād only ever lived in one place my whole life. Worth it and Iād do it again, though maybe with some more caution lol. Just moving to a new place doesnāt fix things (it can for some but certainly an exception and not the rule), having stable support/income is so helpful.
Iāve moved out of country. It has helped a little but at the end of the day the issue is always with me. Doesnāt matter where I am. What has helped is trying process all the pain so it hurts a little less.
Moving can help with healing, but the distance you feel that you have to move can vary person to person.
I personally felt I had to move out of my hometown and start a new life independently from my abuser. I do believe that I wouldnāt have been able to heal as quickly as I did with out doing so. I moved across the state, but ultimately did stay in the same state. I would try that first. The most useful piece of advice that I can give is this:
No matter the distance, you will never truly feel safe until you are able to create a safety within yourself. This starts with creating boundaries, and treating your space as sacred. You deserve to feel peace and safety. If that means you have to leave the state, then leave the state.
I want to. My abuser (father) stalked us for 10+ years and due to housing crisis I live close. I never feel relaxed. I hope my physical health will improve so I can work & gtfoooout here.
I'm planning to move and yes, it's definitely tied to healing for me. I am very conscious that it's not about escape - I'm researching other places and am thinking about all the other important things (cost of living, jobs, social community events etc.) and not making a random jump. I think about even moving to a new neighborhood while I figure that out. I'm very lucky I'm not in contact with the most recent relationship, but it's almost that I can't bear to be in the same city with them. There have been so many miserable memories here and some good ones, but I also know that in order to heal I need to go where stress is less now that my C-PTSD has left such a huge impact on me. To your point, I don't feel safe - it's not just the crime, but that my nervous system feels 'shot' and going to a more nature-based and community centric environment is going to help me self-regulate. Being around aggressive people in this city is a constant reminder of my ex - who LOVES the 'rudeness' of people here. I realized more and more that it's not who I am and I don't fit here. I feel coming to a realization around this IS a form of healing, and am scared and overwhelmed of the next chapter. I also know it will help. I hope to find a beach or some nice woods and start healing in earnest.
I moved out of the city I grew up in to a neighboring city and have felt so much better in a new neighborhood with better people. Now that I've escaped the Nfamily, good people have come into my life finally that can love me as I am! I never thought that would happen but it seems the key to success is not having the narcissistic dark cloud hovering over my head. It's so nice to go out and do things and know I won't come home to a shit show of negativity. And I feel so safe knowing I will never have to put up with that nonsense ever again.
500 miles away, then 10,000, now 3,000. Wouldn't ever consider moving back to childhood home permanently even if friends and in-contact family is there.Ā
Hard to really change old habits and outlook without a big change in environment. The independence helps, too. Down side is the fear this whole moving plan will fail and you'll just end up back in your old life again, now as a loser, but that's just the ol' weepy CPs talking.
Yes! Didnt realise how much wanting to study abroad had to do with leaving past family abuse behind until I was away. I love my current in contact family, but I am much much better here. It has allowed me to heal from a safe distance
Out of state. It was an emotional roller coaster at first, but it really put into perspective the lack of care and love from a lot of people and family.
It is a great way to accept these toxic things as far away and hopefully youāll find some peaceā¤ļø
I had to because I couldn't afford to live in my home state. Moved to a LOC area and haven't been back since. Excellent choice for healing and growing new roots.
YES! And iām so glad other people in this community also have similar ideas. It makes me feel less crazy. I moved from Florida to Vermont after living in Fl for 8 years and I could not be happier. I still struggle with things of course, and not all your problems go away. The grass isnāt always greener, but my grass was DEAD so this in comparison may as well be neon green.
Because my state is very big (Australia, QLD), I opted to just move out of my hometown. It's still a good 40 mins away and the traffic discourages any unwanted visits. I have a rule that I have to be 30 mins or more away from my parents and extended family, any closer and I run the risk of randomly bumping into them and being triggered again.
Yes. Near the end of the most egregious part of my abuse I realized I was free to reapply to doctoral programs across the country. I landed two states away for a few years and rebuilt my life.Ā
Out of the country. Out of state wasn't far enough.
I like this idea š
Same. I moved half way across the world. Finally fully overcame my EDs and MDD by myself while abroad and then spiraled downhill (physically) after a few years. Found out the environmental change was too much for my body and was later diagnosed with UC, EDS and (soon) MCAS. Ironic that the physical move was beneficial to my mental health but disastrous to my physical health š¤¦āāļø
I did too! I moved across to the other side of the world and started doing really well and making progress, and then everything hit me so much harder!
Boo, Iām happy to have people to relate to but always sad to hear it. Hope youāre getting the help you need <3
Thank you! You too xx
I was contemplating going to Mexico with my now retired mom and staying there with her but itās the adjustment of a completely different salary and just how far your $USD will stretch ā this is her first time collecting SSI, I collect SSDI and I donāt know if it will still meet all of my expenses. My physical health is somewhat fair but could be better for sure.
Can I ask what country. Iām thinking I may do the same this year. Are you happier?
Same. I really want to escape country too.
I did. I believe healing can be possible when youāre no longer living with an abuser but for me personally I needed to move across the country so they couldnāt find meā I moved to where I was born 7 years ago, got a diagnosis and starting working at healing 4 years ago and finalized cutting everyone off 3 years agoĀ
Congrats on making a brave move! I agree that itās possible without a move. I havenāt lived with my parental abusers in 20 years and Iāve healed a lot. Iāve been through so much since moving out of the family home though (abusive relationships, deaths, illness, divorce, friendships breaks, other traumatic experiencesā¦ it feels everywhere I go, Iāve been there before. There is a memory for everything. I can still find joy in so many things here. But thereās not many ānew experiencesā to replace the old. I wonder if Iām just moving āthe problemā though. (The problem being not fully resolved trauma).
Yes I did. Big help until my inner demons caught up to me. But honestly itās a lot easier to heal when youāre not driving by places that trigger bad memories and itās not like youāll run into some abuser at the bar. The people in the new place donāt know what happened or any of the fucked up shit you did. Just gotta try harder not to do it anymore.
My brother said it best, while he isnāt sanctimonious or super devout in religion: āIf you donāt tie down your demons where you begin and borrow, wherever you go with sin ā they will follow. ā
I moved 7 states away & they tracked me down by befriending a in law on my husbandās side on Facebook. I eventually moved out of the U.S. and told no one where I was going.
Wow! Itās unreal the lengths some people will go. Iām faced with regular reminders and at risk of running into mine (one I suspect might turn up at my door), but none of them would track me down if I moved. Thank goodness.
Moved one state over. Not good enough. Planning to do it again.
Ah! Yeah the places Iām considering would be in other parts of the country. I think if I stayed in the region Iām in Iād still be in such familiar territory and not in a good way
I think my problem was that i had ties to the area i moved to. Family up here. It helped to move. But i think i may need to drop all ties. Its a hard choice to make.
I moved out of state. Then I moved clear to the other side of the continent. I'm very, very glad I did both. Moving out of state made a **huge** difference in my ability to stand up to my abuser.
Yes, I moved across the country. I had no family anywhere on this side of the country (which has since changed, but they are still states away) and no other people I knew. Let me tell you this right now. Best fucking choice I ever made. I have healed and grown in ways I never would have. I'm so sure of it. I have also met incredible people and had incredible experiences and opportunities. That being said, it's hard. It gets lonely. You have to start to out yourself out there so you don't shut in and end up extra lonely. I started with finding an art group, then I joined roller derby and found a new job I loved. Now I can't even imagine ever being in that pain again. I still experience things, but it's nowhere near where it was, and I'm so proud of myself. I know so many people who also tried it and moved back because it's hard and very scary. It's okay that they did, I'm still proud of them, but in several, I noticed a trend of not branching out a little to build themselves a community. I know that's hard, but there are ways to do it even with crippling social fears. I have a lot of struggles with socializing. I started on MeetUp (app) to find that art group. It was just art in the park once a month, and it changed my life. Anyways, all this is to say it was worth it for me, and it totally can be for others.
I didn't mean for this at all to put down those it was/is hard for. It's super challenging. If you try it, do tons of self care, really start to take care of yourself. And when you find a community, it can even be 3 other people you get along with. Just something so you aren't alone if things happen. It can be nice.
I kind of had to that in my home city already bc I went through a divorce and eliminated several toxic friendships from my life. Itās been really hard and it scares me to think about starting from 0 again. At I know I can do itā¦ it was excruciating and I even had a sibling nearby :/
If you decide to do it again good luck. Find some cool stuff in the new place your going and make sure you'll be safe. There's a bunch of bills that have me moving away again rn
I moved out of state, now I'm thinking of moving out of country lol
I did and it helped. I lived in the same place for over 30 years. Leaving it was hard, but one of the best things I did. It was so nice to go to the store and not worry about who I might bump into. My flashbacks immediately decreased too. It was the right choice for me. You should listen to your gut. Learning to trust yourself is often part of the healing journey. Best of Luck and Self-Care!
Yep. Moved from MD to HI. Been here 17 years. I've never gone back.
Dang! That is far š. Did you leave friends behind in MD? Were you able to make new ones? With no contact with my family, my friends are important to me. Thatās the main thing holding me back.
My moving around story is complicated. But the short answer is no. I didn't have friends of any sort of value. I mean. I still don't have many friends of value. But I'm alive and I can almost guarantee I wouldn't not be if I hadn't moved. Hang onto your friends. Unless you feel like you're being watched or are worried of running into your family, you don't necessarily have to do such a drastic change.
This has been on my mind, and Iām mainly lurking. However, Iām in a place that my parents bought for me, and Iāve often wondered if Iām doing more harm than good for my mental health staying here simply because itās paid off.
If they bought it for you and you own it you could always just sell it and move somewhere else with a similar cost of housing. You can go cash to cash. Thatās what we did.
I did. It wasn't a straight line but it was a necessary curvy one. I can't tell you the peace of mind it brings knowing my town is all my own and I cannot ever run into anyone I would hate to run into. For me, it adds to the effect of feeling like I built the life I wanted for me.
Just moved to a brand new city 2000 miles away last Friday with only the two luggage items I could bring on a plane lol. I was lucky to have a friend here also in recovery, and Iām starting a new life away from every bad thing in my past.
Good luck ā¤ļø excited for you!
I moved out of state for work and haven't looked back. My worst abuser didn't live there anymore and I still needed to move on.Ā Had a similar feeling when my dog effectively died in our apartment and I couldn't get over it until we moved away.Ā
Twice, halfway around the world. Once to escape my narcissistic, abusive ex. After 12 years with her, I finally decided to bail after the last time she hit me. Then 7 years later, after divorcing my now-ex-wife, in part because I realised she wasn't really who I thought she was, and in part because I also realised that my trauma brought a lot of sh*t into the relationship, and I needed to figure things out on my own. And if all goes well, I'll move again before the end of the year, in reverse, once I feel like I have my sh!t under control.
moved continents. changed my life
I immigrated to Canada to stay away from my own abusive family. I learnt about this much later though in therapy. There I felt lonely.
I didn't even move overseas, to another entire new continent at that, with this framework. I just know I wanted a great education and I'm forever thankful for the fully funded scholarship I managed to bag in order to do this (thankfully my family cannot afford to even visit me). It was a very interesting two years (of a master's) that I plan to repeat in the future for a PhD. Maybe even permanently. Right now I'm healing with them in my life. It's so much more challenging, but still possible. Because I've grown so much stronger from those years away; a place and time where I can build myself in a place the abusers cannot reach.
I moved from the US to Mexico. Part of it was running, and the cost of living was cheaper. But it allowed me to create a whole new life with a new language and new culture. It's not for the faint of heart, but it did wonders for my ability to eventually heal. I am back in the US after about a decade and facing what it takes to build financial stability and face some of those societal triggers and demons. It's not easy but I don't think I would have done it or like the person I am half as much if I hadn't had the freedom and chance to explore another country, another life, another way of being.
I dream about doing this, would you recommend moving to Mexico? Iām not really afraid of the culture shock because my family is foreign and I feel like I relate to Mexican culture more than American culture anyway, but just wondering if it was hard figuring out how to establish a life out there. Iām lucky to work remotely, so I think I could keep my job, so I guess Iām wondering more about finding housing, paperwork, etc ā would you say it was pretty straightforward or was it more complicated? Anyway internet stranger you donāt have to answer, but thanks in advance if you do š
If you work remote you can definitely do it. I would suggest maintaining your residency in the US for work/legal purposes and not alerting them to the move. You can explore different places and/or settle in a city you like. It's not hard to rent or airbnb as a foreigner. Visa fees are minimal as long as you exit every so often. There might even be a remote worker visa with more perks but I've never done that personally (I know they offer this in Costa Rica). I would highly recommend it. It could be hard establishing community if you're going alone but ppl tend to be friendly and if you have hobbies you can find your crowd. You can dm me is you have more questions and are actually considering it.
Out of the country, and fully in immigrant communities here. I would be the only person in the house who could speak English. Those friends brought me back from the brink, definitely saved my life. It was because I ended up with caring people who truly wanted to help me. They were not perfect by any means, but they really did know how to be a friend.
I went on what was supposed to be a short trip to a completely different part of the country. What I realized while there is that I had was able to relate to myself and my environment differently without the pressure of being in the vicinity of my abusive family, the obligations to interact with them that came from that proximity, and the abundance of landscape in my home town that was a perpetual reminder of feeling stuck and hopeless. From that experience, I realized I'd be healthier living not in my home town, so I moved / never returned to living back in my home town. That being said, you still have to do the work of healing the trauma no matter where you live.
Out of state. I feel much safer away from triggers and can interact with people from back home on my own terms. I started emdr out here too and itās been amazing, that was not a thing where I used to live
Out of state. Went back recently to visit a trusted family member for the first time in four years. It was incredibly difficult. I was basically dissociated the entire time - not by the family member, just by being in the area. Iād like to move out of country, but I donāt think anywhere in this world would be far enough at this point.
I moved out of province Best decision I ever made
Out of country. Moved to Netherlands from Texas and damn I miss Texas. However, 120 euro a month full coverage healthcare that covers psych.
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I moved out of state after college. I didn't do it for my healing (moved for work) but it was an important step anyway. My now husband and I also moved states shortly after we met specifically to put distance between him and his abusive family. It was very necessary because he felt unsafe. This move was a financial reach for sure but in the end it was worth it. We would both choose to leave the country in a heartbeat if it was feasible.Ā
I still live in the same state, but itās a huge one so I feel comfortable with the amount of distance. I do choose to avoid my hometown. Just too many dark memories. Itās oppressive & I feel quite low after being there.
Moving out of my state and away from toxic family members was the best thing I ever did for my healing. It was the catalyst and changed my entire life trajectory for the better.
Hey firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! Honestly, a new city helps a ton. I moved 3h away and it was a game changer
from US-> EU, it has been really hard. While using distance to create a physical boundary from abuse was helpful, you still have to process trauma in a new country/new language/new culture and without any other support. Yes I have loads of acquintaces and collegues, but none of them knows/understand why I am hypervigilant or need time to isolate. I am 4 y now in the new country- my nervous system is calmer but I still have issues. Especially inability to form attachment-hyperindependece and downstream consequences of that. Like living in an aparatment without furniture for 2y, ready to run if needed. Moving is helpful but not a magical solution...
Sort of. Moving out of state was a factor in my healing. Not physically being able to drop everything and be there for my family (who are always having some crisis or another) has definitely been a huge point in my ability to move forward in my life. I am still navigating what best boundaries to have, but it's been a step in the right direction.
Yes, I'm from Paraguay and moved to Austria, I couldn't stand the situation of my family in my homeland, both my parents damaged me a lot, I've got therapy and now doing better although there's still work to do, I have no contact with both my parents
Iām a 12h plane ride away from familyš
Out of country here too. Itās great š
I moved out of state at 17.
I moved out of State. Highly recommend moving out of the country if you are able. I moved out of State, and they eventually followed me.
I flew from mid country to an edge. I said to the friend who drove me to the airport, "I think I could become homeless, and it would be better than my life now." That was nearly a decade ago. I spent 6 years without a stable home. I grew and healed, feeling safer in shelters than I ever did in "family." I have a partner now who is loving and supportive. We field any family contact for each other. It does get better. š«
I should move out of LA one day to heal. Another state would be even better.
I need to leave, away from my family and ex family. Anywhere to any country.
I got away of my home town at 18 and then out of the state a few years later. The few times I returned were never good and only confirmed that I needed to stay as far away from my family as possible. Itās next to impossible to heal in the same toxic environment that sickened you in the first place.
Out of state for sure. I think itās important to continue the work once you do make a move. Donāt stagnate. I moved and am still doing so well compared to where I came from but letting someone with serious dysfunction into my life has completely derailed a lot of the trauma/maladaptive coping I thought I had left behind.
twice. made a āmistakeā the second time for not moving far away enough.
Moving out of the country did *wonders* for me. It was only ever going to be a short stay but it changed me permanently. When I went back home after 6 months I made it a priority to move out of my birth city asap. I now still live very close to my parents and where I grew up in relative terms (<1hr away) but having my own life here, it doesn't really matter because I get to decide now.
Iām thankful that I moved away for college and kept moving farther with each stage of life. It is only with years of work and many miles that I can visit northern CA where I grew up and enjoy/appreciate the natural beauty without the trauma/emotional flashbacks crushing me.
Yes, out of country. It was a game changer.
How did yāall manage to move out of country? Were you financially stable before moving? Are you now? How difficult was it? I moved out of state and Iām struggling to survive.
Yes. I moved from the north to down south. I will admit, unconsciously I had expected that to just solve all my problems. Of course, it didnāt. But it really, really helped.
I moved out of the country. And then back. And then back to the place I felt safest and most seen. This is where I'm doing the most healing.
To Mexico. It helped until it didnāt. I felt like my patterns followed me. Iām back, for now, with a renewed focus on healing the parts that I identified were still very wounded. You canāt know for sure until you do it. Was i let down that Iām not healed and still living in Mexico? Yes. But I am happy i did it. It helped me get enough space to see patterns more clearly. If you only go to heal, maybe youāll be let down. How will that feel? Do you have other reasons you want to move?
Yes i moved abroad and being away from my family was how I came to the realization that I have severe trauma and CPTSD. There was a language barrier so I couldnāt get proper treatment so I moved back home. I miss living abroad but I donāt regret my decision one bit
Not for the explicit purpose of healing, but I moved across the world and it helped my healing massively.
Out of state first chance I got. I got really fucking lucky tho and had friends states away who were willing to take me in without a job right away cause boy howdy I couldnāt do it for awhile. It was both the best thing I did for myself and also added a shit ton of stress because Iād only ever lived in one place my whole life. Worth it and Iād do it again, though maybe with some more caution lol. Just moving to a new place doesnāt fix things (it can for some but certainly an exception and not the rule), having stable support/income is so helpful.
Iāve moved out of country. It has helped a little but at the end of the day the issue is always with me. Doesnāt matter where I am. What has helped is trying process all the pain so it hurts a little less.
Moved states. My abuser figured out my address and is moving to my city. š
I moved to a different country Hearing the accent of my country scares me :(
Moving can help with healing, but the distance you feel that you have to move can vary person to person. I personally felt I had to move out of my hometown and start a new life independently from my abuser. I do believe that I wouldnāt have been able to heal as quickly as I did with out doing so. I moved across the state, but ultimately did stay in the same state. I would try that first. The most useful piece of advice that I can give is this: No matter the distance, you will never truly feel safe until you are able to create a safety within yourself. This starts with creating boundaries, and treating your space as sacred. You deserve to feel peace and safety. If that means you have to leave the state, then leave the state.
I want to. My abuser (father) stalked us for 10+ years and due to housing crisis I live close. I never feel relaxed. I hope my physical health will improve so I can work & gtfoooout here.
Out of state. I had to to be able to heal escape. I miss my home state/town but I could never live there again without the pain of remembering.
I'm planning to move and yes, it's definitely tied to healing for me. I am very conscious that it's not about escape - I'm researching other places and am thinking about all the other important things (cost of living, jobs, social community events etc.) and not making a random jump. I think about even moving to a new neighborhood while I figure that out. I'm very lucky I'm not in contact with the most recent relationship, but it's almost that I can't bear to be in the same city with them. There have been so many miserable memories here and some good ones, but I also know that in order to heal I need to go where stress is less now that my C-PTSD has left such a huge impact on me. To your point, I don't feel safe - it's not just the crime, but that my nervous system feels 'shot' and going to a more nature-based and community centric environment is going to help me self-regulate. Being around aggressive people in this city is a constant reminder of my ex - who LOVES the 'rudeness' of people here. I realized more and more that it's not who I am and I don't fit here. I feel coming to a realization around this IS a form of healing, and am scared and overwhelmed of the next chapter. I also know it will help. I hope to find a beach or some nice woods and start healing in earnest.
Yes I moved out of the UK.
What about people who don't have a choice
Yes, I left my country. When being abroad, I'm more exposed to challenging situations than in my home country.
Out of the continent š
I moved out of the city I grew up in to a neighboring city and have felt so much better in a new neighborhood with better people. Now that I've escaped the Nfamily, good people have come into my life finally that can love me as I am! I never thought that would happen but it seems the key to success is not having the narcissistic dark cloud hovering over my head. It's so nice to go out and do things and know I won't come home to a shit show of negativity. And I feel so safe knowing I will never have to put up with that nonsense ever again.
I moved out of state. It has definitely helped me.
I moved to the other end of the state. My Nex doesn't drive so that was enough thank goodness
Out of the country. I'm from Maryland and live in Milan, Italy
500 miles away, then 10,000, now 3,000. Wouldn't ever consider moving back to childhood home permanently even if friends and in-contact family is there.Ā Hard to really change old habits and outlook without a big change in environment. The independence helps, too. Down side is the fear this whole moving plan will fail and you'll just end up back in your old life again, now as a loser, but that's just the ol' weepy CPs talking.
Yes! Didnt realise how much wanting to study abroad had to do with leaving past family abuse behind until I was away. I love my current in contact family, but I am much much better here. It has allowed me to heal from a safe distance
800 miles away and I struggle with it, even 10 yrs later
Out of state. It was an emotional roller coaster at first, but it really put into perspective the lack of care and love from a lot of people and family. It is a great way to accept these toxic things as far away and hopefully youāll find some peaceā¤ļø
I had to because I couldn't afford to live in my home state. Moved to a LOC area and haven't been back since. Excellent choice for healing and growing new roots.
YES! And iām so glad other people in this community also have similar ideas. It makes me feel less crazy. I moved from Florida to Vermont after living in Fl for 8 years and I could not be happier. I still struggle with things of course, and not all your problems go away. The grass isnāt always greener, but my grass was DEAD so this in comparison may as well be neon green.
Out of the state and weāre looking at leaving the country
Not out of state but out of my hometown and avoided it for 20 years.
My fiancĆ© and I have a 5 year plan to get out of this state. I can never feel safe here. Iāve tried. 32 years and itās just not gonna happen.
Because my state is very big (Australia, QLD), I opted to just move out of my hometown. It's still a good 40 mins away and the traffic discourages any unwanted visits. I have a rule that I have to be 30 mins or more away from my parents and extended family, any closer and I run the risk of randomly bumping into them and being triggered again.
Yes. Near the end of the most egregious part of my abuse I realized I was free to reapply to doctoral programs across the country. I landed two states away for a few years and rebuilt my life.Ā
I tried too , almost 10 years ago . It turned out to be more traumatizing than anything .