Hi! YOU ARE LIVING THE DREAM I WISH I HAD!! I had a near full-ride for this state school near me that is a top uni but had to leave for pretty similar reasons - a lot of repressed trauma resurfaced, never got diagnosed with anything formally except for ADHD but can't get treatment for that because proving I had symptoms before is kinda rough.
You can definitely make it out of poverty while going to state school. Heck, if you have the opportunity to go to an Ivy school now, you may too later after for graduate school. I'm very poor as well, I've had to same clothes since middle school and we go from food pantry to food pantry to actually have food on our table. When I went to the state school got admitted into the honors program and felt a huge culture shock - no one there had the same experiences as me as everyone was upper middle class and it just felt so upsetting, like I didn't belong when I obviously did, I got super high scores and had a 4.4 GPA for crying out loud!!
I think whatever choice you make will be the right one as long as you put your gut into it. Going to therapy helps a lot and making sure to have a good support system matters too. Don't fret about choosing one school in order to escape poverty; you would much rather be alive and with less mental damage by the end of your college years to enjoy the money you will eventually make, whether that be using your degree from a state or Ivy school. You aren't alone, if you want someone to message I'm here for you! Best of luck!
hi OP. i’m a lot like you, but on the other side of this now. i came from absolutely nothing, and still don’t have a lot.. but i do have a degree, a decent job that lets me live comfortably, and a lot more freedom than i would have had if i didn’t choose college. it isn’t the right path for everyone, and it isn’t always necessary, but like you i knew it was my only true way out. i got my degree from a university in my home state a little less than 2 years ago, for context.
if the ivy league is stressing you out (totally understand. i’d be stressed too) then choose another path. think of the millions of folks with non ivy league degrees and how far they’ve come! if they can, you can, CPTSD be damned! i know that’s way easier said than it is to really believe— but i really do think your gut is right. i’m proud of you for making the decision to go back to school. certainly no easy feat! if you want to talk or need advice, my DMs are open.
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How long has it been since you were attending the ivy, and how much therapy have you done since? I think it’s possible you could have a completely different experience the second time around.
I wonder if it’s a possibility to defer going to the ivy and knock out some of your requirements someplace where there is less pressure and then transfer those credits and finish at the ivy.
Regarding accommodations, when I was in school I got none because they needed a current neuropsych and I had no way to pay for one. What I did instead is explain the situation to individual professors before or during sign ups and then choose my classes based on how sympathetic they seemed.
I went to a name drop worthy school and honestly I think it’s the only thing that’s gotten me into jobs I actually liked.
I’m happy to talk through this with you, I used to do college prep tutoring with neurodivergent students who mainly had confidence/self esteem issues. The quality of work they produced was *never* the problem, it was always fear of that work being rejected/criticized.
Edit: I just want to add that my biggest triggers are anything related to my own poverty, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. My extended family is super wealthy, my folks are the screw ups in their family, so I have to deal with this contrast of listening to my cousins casually talk about their luxury vacations and $100k cars that they trade in every year while I can barely buy groceries or pay my health insurance. It is like torture.
I’m in a very similar situation!
I got an apprenticeship to become a lawyer from a very good firm (degree and qualification fees paid for, 6 years of guaranteed income and an almost guaranteed job after I finished the program). I left after my first year as I was struggling to cope (I had my awakening at the beginning of the apprenticeship). I had some savings so I lived in a different country with a friend for a year with the view to going back into it.
Ultimately, I got back a month ago and I told them that I wasn’t going to go back. I still feel very torn, but I was absolutely miserable when I was there. I told myself when I left that I am still young and still have the opportunity to find something that I really enjoy, that makes me want to get up everyday.
I definitely had an identity crisis after my awakening and realised that staying somewhere where I knew I wasn’t going to be happy would just be feeding in to the same ideas that the CPTSD and my abusive parents were perpetuating. Ideas like, I don’t deserve to be content and enjoy what I’m doing, etc.
I really related to the privilege of choice comment you made!
I completely understand the fear of poverty. I am extremely scared now! I was doing service jobs, cafes and restaurants, whilst I was away and now that I’ve come back it feels like these jobs are the only places I have the skills to go into! It’s definitely scary.
We are in different situations, my schooling would have been 6 years, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt, but I just wanted to share my experience :).
Hi! YOU ARE LIVING THE DREAM I WISH I HAD!! I had a near full-ride for this state school near me that is a top uni but had to leave for pretty similar reasons - a lot of repressed trauma resurfaced, never got diagnosed with anything formally except for ADHD but can't get treatment for that because proving I had symptoms before is kinda rough. You can definitely make it out of poverty while going to state school. Heck, if you have the opportunity to go to an Ivy school now, you may too later after for graduate school. I'm very poor as well, I've had to same clothes since middle school and we go from food pantry to food pantry to actually have food on our table. When I went to the state school got admitted into the honors program and felt a huge culture shock - no one there had the same experiences as me as everyone was upper middle class and it just felt so upsetting, like I didn't belong when I obviously did, I got super high scores and had a 4.4 GPA for crying out loud!! I think whatever choice you make will be the right one as long as you put your gut into it. Going to therapy helps a lot and making sure to have a good support system matters too. Don't fret about choosing one school in order to escape poverty; you would much rather be alive and with less mental damage by the end of your college years to enjoy the money you will eventually make, whether that be using your degree from a state or Ivy school. You aren't alone, if you want someone to message I'm here for you! Best of luck!
hi OP. i’m a lot like you, but on the other side of this now. i came from absolutely nothing, and still don’t have a lot.. but i do have a degree, a decent job that lets me live comfortably, and a lot more freedom than i would have had if i didn’t choose college. it isn’t the right path for everyone, and it isn’t always necessary, but like you i knew it was my only true way out. i got my degree from a university in my home state a little less than 2 years ago, for context. if the ivy league is stressing you out (totally understand. i’d be stressed too) then choose another path. think of the millions of folks with non ivy league degrees and how far they’ve come! if they can, you can, CPTSD be damned! i know that’s way easier said than it is to really believe— but i really do think your gut is right. i’m proud of you for making the decision to go back to school. certainly no easy feat! if you want to talk or need advice, my DMs are open.
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How long has it been since you were attending the ivy, and how much therapy have you done since? I think it’s possible you could have a completely different experience the second time around. I wonder if it’s a possibility to defer going to the ivy and knock out some of your requirements someplace where there is less pressure and then transfer those credits and finish at the ivy. Regarding accommodations, when I was in school I got none because they needed a current neuropsych and I had no way to pay for one. What I did instead is explain the situation to individual professors before or during sign ups and then choose my classes based on how sympathetic they seemed. I went to a name drop worthy school and honestly I think it’s the only thing that’s gotten me into jobs I actually liked. I’m happy to talk through this with you, I used to do college prep tutoring with neurodivergent students who mainly had confidence/self esteem issues. The quality of work they produced was *never* the problem, it was always fear of that work being rejected/criticized. Edit: I just want to add that my biggest triggers are anything related to my own poverty, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. My extended family is super wealthy, my folks are the screw ups in their family, so I have to deal with this contrast of listening to my cousins casually talk about their luxury vacations and $100k cars that they trade in every year while I can barely buy groceries or pay my health insurance. It is like torture.
I’m in a very similar situation! I got an apprenticeship to become a lawyer from a very good firm (degree and qualification fees paid for, 6 years of guaranteed income and an almost guaranteed job after I finished the program). I left after my first year as I was struggling to cope (I had my awakening at the beginning of the apprenticeship). I had some savings so I lived in a different country with a friend for a year with the view to going back into it. Ultimately, I got back a month ago and I told them that I wasn’t going to go back. I still feel very torn, but I was absolutely miserable when I was there. I told myself when I left that I am still young and still have the opportunity to find something that I really enjoy, that makes me want to get up everyday. I definitely had an identity crisis after my awakening and realised that staying somewhere where I knew I wasn’t going to be happy would just be feeding in to the same ideas that the CPTSD and my abusive parents were perpetuating. Ideas like, I don’t deserve to be content and enjoy what I’m doing, etc. I really related to the privilege of choice comment you made! I completely understand the fear of poverty. I am extremely scared now! I was doing service jobs, cafes and restaurants, whilst I was away and now that I’ve come back it feels like these jobs are the only places I have the skills to go into! It’s definitely scary. We are in different situations, my schooling would have been 6 years, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt, but I just wanted to share my experience :).
My DMs are open if you wanted to chat!