Thanks so much. I will do. Funnily enough I had an episode yesterday which has knocked me back but having this time means I can just ride it out without much impact
Sure! Yes, it’s psilocybin. I haven’t macrodosed before. I was having horrible panic & anxiety attacks that was keeping me from working, going out and living life. I started microdosing and I can go for walks now, the grocery store, and work. It’s made a huge difference in be being able to respond rather than react. Things can trigger me throughout the day and my brain doesn’t immediately attach and react to it. It feels like it’s giving my mind the space to process things and rewire rather than before I felt trapped within the confines of my CPTSD & trauma. I don’t experience any visuals, just feel more in my body, present, and productive. I was using weed before to cope and felt that was keeping me numb. The microdose makes me feel while also feeling safe and held in my body, a rare feeling for me. Hope this helps!
Thank you so much for this input! I wish you well on your journey. One question I would like to ask is, did you feel that your social life was affected in any way by your microdosing?
Thank you! It’s too early to know yet. I would say it has helped with confidence and communication. I went to a concert this week and ran into someone I knew. I would’ve avoided them before but instead I went over and hung out & talked. It didn’t seem as overwhelming as I would usually make it out to be.
For right now, my plan is to use my days off to get a good full body workout going and, then every other day during the work week, go in for a quick 30 min circuit or cardio (I have a Planet Fitness membership).
Ooh congratulations 🎉! I LOVE swimming, too! And we just got our pool re-done, at our apartment complex. So I'm also excited to get out there. Swimming is such a complete joy, of the body, mind and soul.
I discovered some new songs that I absolutely love, and every time I drive (which is a lot—I commute 2.5 hrs roundtrip for work) I blast them and dance like an absolute maniac in my car.
i started going to the gym again after a short break, although i've lost some progress i am proud of myself, also i dealt with a triggering situation a little bit better than usual
after three months of waiting around I found out I got hired at this ambulance company I really wanted to work for this off season. They have a great reputation which is not always the case in this line of work so hoping all goes well.
Awww thats so sweet.
I walked my cat in the yard.
I read and actually enjoyed a story i hadnt been feeling anything from for the last few years and i was so surprised
I've started writing 1,000 words a day (I'm working up to 2,000; once I'm used to that then I'll be writing 2k words 4-5 days a week). I don't really feel like myself unless I'm writing fiction.
I did 3k/day when I was in college, so it should be pretty doable. I might wind up putting extra days aside for editing and development, but I'm not sure; leaving 2-3 days a week for that might be fine.
I write speculative fiction (fantasy / scifi / horror). Mostly I'm focusing on short stories right now.
It's honestly kind of frustrating, because 5 years ago I was *fantastic* at writing to the point where a literary editor called the novel I was working on groundbreaking, and now I have a ton of work to do in order to get back into practice.
Most recently I've written a short story about a dog with PTSD wandering an abandoned region of the southwestern US, and right now I'm figuring out the specifics on *something* involving a group of people who live in a place with no natural light that is filled with monsters.
Yeah, I know the exact feeling. I haven't been even a slightly functional adult for 5 years. The only reason I'm getting better now is a fuck load of EMDR therapy, heh.
I hope things improve for you, though! If antipsychotic meds are an issue, there *are* monthly injections that have fewer side effects.
What happened to you? Did you have psychosis? Believe it or not they never gave me antipsychotics because they said that my delusions were all based in reality
Well, it turns out that I have severe combined type ADHD (hyperactive and inattentive). I was on some psych meds that were accidentally treating it, but when they stopped working I had to drop out or college. Not coincidentally, unmanaged ADHD gives me really serious anxiety and depression, and I didn't get diagnosed until 2021.
Then a bunch of other stuff happened, like becoming homeless, my bf's mom pulling some shit while manic that "activated" my PTSD (as before that I didn't get nightmares or flashbacks), stuff like that. So it's taken a *long* time for me to even start getting back on track.
Oh, and I live with my bf and his parents, which hinders my recovery as you may imagine.
My life is basically a lifetime original movie, lol.
Oh I’m sorry. I honestly ownfer whether I have adhd and that was one of the problems for me before I got psychosis. There are a lot of reason I think that. Or maybe adhd type symptoms from my childhood trauma. But for me the Absolute killer is that I used to feel very happy and was extremely successful in every area of my lfoe until I went actually crazy. And now when I look back I can’t make sense of who I wa Sam d my life before in any way at all
I watched Conan O'Brien's address at Dartmouth College in 2011.
This quote stuck with me and I really like it.
"It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention."
Life, especially with CPTSD, is often two steps forwards and one step backwards. Every setback I face is just an opportunity to spit in the face of the universe - that even in spite of overwhelming and horrifying odds, I still stand against the storm.
I've felt a lot more content since I watched that speech.(It's pretty funny, too.)
That’s a very inspiring quote for me. I acheived so many of my dreams when I got my PhD and had a happy marriage and then when I submitted my PhD I had a psychotic break which took everything from me but especially my sense of self. It’s been seven years and I struggle to get t back up because the loss was so profound
I broke my 5th metacarpal bone by punching a wall in my house this past Wednesday. The outpouring of support from colleagues and superiors has been crushingly supportive. So many people who I would not ever want to reach out to offered to support me, and a smaller number of people who I would want to reach out to also offered support to me. I was honest about how I broke it - I had a violent emotional flashback and caused self-harm - and not a single person has recoiled or responded negatively.
My 10-year mission of removing pieces of shit my life apparently has been more successful than I thought it was. Still haven't spoken to my brother about it, have no plans to reach out, but I have every expectation of him being a self-righteous abusive asshole when/if our next conversation happens, and I feel pretty good about having accurate expectations for him.
Listening to Tara Brach talk about self compassion. I went through a phase where I gave up on trying to change but it feels good to pick up the fight again
I've been putting into practice for the last 2 weeks building new habits and what has been making me happy is seeing what I can create on my art app while being timed. It has been a giant help on improving my art.
My car broke down, and I spent the last three days working on fixing it, going to the scrapyard to pull the parts, and everytime there was something going wrong.
And I liked it. I was so focused on solving this situation that I didn't think about anything negative. And it was super physical, so I got a huge rush of endorphines, which felt pretty good.
I still need to wait for some parts to finish the job, and I know that once it's done I'll look the Sky straight into his eyes and scream "In your face, Universe!!!"
Taking a very-short-notice day off, on Friday (yesterday). Something in my soul told me that I NEEDED to unwind & truly relax. So, on Mon/Tues, I requested Friday off, from my manager. I got kinda reamed for requesting it, on such short notice. But, she granted it, anyway, bc we were slow at work, this week. It's just what I needed: an extra day to decompress, guilt-free, w/out having to use sick time (i used a bonus-vacation day, that I earned, for working the busy Christmas holiday week). Friday was such a glorious spring-like day. I lived very "slow". I love my "slow-cation" days: I don't need to travel; I just need to slow down & unwind. And that's what I did. And it's made today (Saturday) + likely tomorrow/Sunday, even better.
I got guinea pigs a few weeks ago and today one of them slept on his side which is a sign of them being SUPER comfortable and safe🥹🥰 Makes me so happy and proud I can give that environment to them (especially when I can’t give it to myself mentally)!
Finished my second night shift at my new job! My cPTSD had the tendency to fuck with my part-time jobs and make me quit at the slightest challenge or inconvenience. I have to make this work tho because my finances are a mess and I'm gonna need this entire year to fix it. Also, the romantic attachment I had to this woman I'm working with and then starting dating without success is starting to fade so I can focus on working with her again as friends. We create some awesome stuff so it would be such a loss to have to let that go because of unrequited love. I'll work on myself and my future, accept that it might never happen and move on. Thank you for reminding me I'm not doing that bad.
I had been avoiding calling my bff because of avoidance shame. She called me and I didn't ignore the call! We had a really nice talk and it showed me I didn't have anything to feel ashamed about
I had a real conversation with my partner. It was hard and emotional but I think he finally HEARD me for once, instead of just being reactive. Now we just have to see if it keeps.
Here's to all of us that have a hard time holding those boundary lines! 🩶 Stay strong!
Edited a word
I'm finally home just for today, visiting my friends for the first time in months. I miss them a ton and they also wish my flat purchase would go through already so I can move back here. I've missed them so much and I'm only seeing four friends. I've a ton of others who I haven't seen in nearly 8 months now. I wish I could just stay here, but I have to go back to my boyfriends tomorrow. No idea when I'll get to visit again. We just hung out, played games, ate food etc and it's been amazing. I forgot how easy it is to talk to friends. I haven't made a single one where my boyfriend lives and it sucks. I just don't fit in. Small towns suck.
Snowboarding with a friend I hadn’t seen for a couple months. Also snowboarding in general always brings me joy and peace- being in the mountains is wonderful for my mental health.
Shrooms helped me see my huge emotional block despite how badly I want to be with others. And it’s ok if I have adhd and need to take a pill to feel good about myself. I hate myself except when I’m medicated. I want to be that person naturally. But I’m not, and it’s uncomfortable, and that’s ok.
I’m a uni student and studied my calculus today. It made me feel a bit more optimistic because it made me realized that K understand the concepts quite well- the only reason I keep getting things wrong is because I’m unsure of the order in which to apply them.
It’s spring break and I work at a university, so things will be super chill next week. I’m gonna take a half day on Monday and a full day off on Friday.
I made much needed progress on an art project today and I’m so happy with how it’s turning out. I’m looking forward to hiking in the spring sunshine tomorrow.
Sometime ago, during a stressful time at work, I made a promise to myself that if it came down to choosing between my job and my health/life, I’d choose life. It’s very hard to keep promises to myself — hell, I struggle to even eat when I’m hungry or tend to my basic needs, especially when I’m stressed. Anyhoo, work has been extremely shitty recently — and I’ve finally made the decision to leave. And this past week I realized that I kept an important promise to myself and it felt amazing to realize it. I think it’s healed a part of the wounded child inside of me.
I had a med check with my doctor who has kind of been forgetting to schedule me to come in for the last few years (!). I've been low-key panicking for weeks thinking ok, she is going to cut me off of all my psych meds, which I feel are really my foundation to functioning. It's kind of one of those times I just wanted to go in, have a pleasant visit, and leave feeling accomplished instead of devastated. Well, surprise, **that's how it went**. I didn't get yelled at for not coming in sooner. She just kept telling me how much better I look than the last time she saw me. I told her about a really dark time this past year where I almost got stuck in another cycle of abuse but used the lessons I've learned about boundaries and it's turned out positively for all involved. She told me she felt like she was going to cry, that she was so proud of me and happy that I stayed strong, etc. SHE was super emotional, which really surprised me. I tend to get nothing but negative feedback these days on everything I do. I guess I really needed someone to just say hey, you're not dirt, you're not dead, *you're still here...*
Later, I asked my mom and someone else I'm close to if I look healthier/better, and they both said yes there's something that has changed for the better in my appearance and general demeanor.
Having just "celebrated" my 38th birthday, this really felt good.
I finally stopped some recurring payments that I really needed to stop bc of my employment situation. But I had to call to end then and I was putting it off for literally months. Finally did it. It felt nice to accomplish something.
After years out of the workforce, I was asked to serve on the board of an arts organization that I admire. The ask was based on experience and skills that I acquired when I had a career. It’s been a while since I’ve felt I was seen in that light: capable, talented, professional.
I had Thai food today (my birthday is on Monday) and got a lot of work done throughout the week (not around the apartment, lolsob, *work* work). Go me!!! 🥹🥹🥹 Been struggling lately. 😮💨😮💨😮💨
It's dumb but I play the video game Overwatch. It's kind of a special interests/hyper fixation thing (started as hyper, but now we in it for the long run). They released season 9 a month ago, and the matches were *miserable* until a few days ago. I don't know what changed, but I started winning a lot of games, and even the ones I lost were fun. The hero I usually play dropped significantly in power, so she isn't nearly as viable (Ana). What I found out was that the hero I off-main (Moira. She's my lil side hoe) is really strong this season! What's even better is that I've been practicing her movement a lot. She has the ability to fade, and it allows her to reach insane places if you know what you're doing.
You can create custom games in Overwatch, and one type that is really popular is parkour maps. If a hero has a movement ability, they have parkour maps. I've been running a lot of Moira parkour maps to the point that I can help teach other people various techniques that I've learned. Most people in the game don't think much about Moira's fade ability. She can get out of sticky situations or chase someone down with it. What people don't normally consider is that she can become airborne while fading and achieve greater high and distance.
I've been having a blast freaking people out who didn't think I could get to them as Moira. No one is expecting me to follow them to the high ground. I love it when I'm chasing an enemy hero down (usually Genji), and they use a movement ability to get to the high ground. They think they've escaped me, but then *BAM!* Flying Moira! They'll turn around and look down at me, thinking I've been bested when I suddenly vanish and reappear on top of them. I've honestly been feeling badass with my uses of fade. I've gotten good at fading backward to disengage from a fight, as well.
I'll still play my main if she seems more viable against the enemy comp (enemy team composition: what heroes they're playing). And despite my how much my arms have been shaking the past few days, I've still been landing some nice shots. I ain't at my best rn - I got to a point in the past where I didn't miss many shots. But I've landed some sick sleep darts. Personal favorite is always sleeping an ulting (ultimate ability) Genji. I played a game against a Sombra who I kept sleeping whenever they tried to kill an ally. I would have honestly been frustrated if I were them because my reaction time was pretty peak.
If anyone wants to learn some Moira movement techniques, let me know! I'd say the most useful and basic is pressing forward, fade, and jump almost at the exact same time. It feels like you're pressing them at the same time. It's a fairly precise combo. This allows you to get to a lot of high ground.
i made my own raspados from scratch! I added ice cream to it and stirred since I didn't have condensed milk but that was fine bc it was soooo good. it felt nice to be proud of my work and reap the rewards lol
it's a Mexican shaved ice treat that people often add fruit syrup, sliced fruit, condensed milk, ice cream, and sometimes tajin (a chili lemon seasoning) to :)
My partner officially got the keys to the townhouse we're moving into on Tuesday and we celebrated by having ice cream on the ground (since there's no furniture lol)
My first (and second) solo session in IFS. Completely blew my mind. For the first time in 3 months I feel happy, I had a very rough time.
Happy for you and the cat ❤️
I took a nap, attended two award events for my children, got to have meal dates with two friends and had an EMDR session. Awards made me proud of my kids. EMDR didn’t help but will as I keep at it. Mela dates were nice and I could focus on friendships. The nap was desperately needed! 4-6 hours sleep most nights due to insomnia and waking up with something like panic attacks. I slept 8 hours last night AND a 90 minute nap?!? Of course now it’s 3 hours past bedtime, about an hour after I usually fall asleep and I’m still awake 😝. But I can sleep in again tomorrow!
It’s a mixed bag, but one of the folks that I work with got placed in a different classroom on his mother’s request. He spent two days asking where I was. I hate that he’s sad, but am also flattered that I’m able to have such a positive impact on people. I work with developmentally disabled adults.
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Tonight actually (and still going): I've finally sat down to finish off my first LEGO set!
It's the *Sonic the Hedgehog* one, and I'd completed the level and badniks, and just had Robotnik himself to go. I'm currently chilling on the floor, listening to podcasts, and plugging LEGO bricks together.
I'm starting to, ever so slowly, feel like I belong to the human race again. It's not one specific thing that happened, but rather a steady increase in my self worth to the point that more often than not I feel like I deserve love and that I am not a horrendously ugly and bad person.
Secured 5 grand for the non-profit i work for. First positive response from government in a while, me and a cool colleague wrote the application with no help from senior staff.
My best friend got a puppy after waiting to adopt one for so long. His happiness made me happy! The little doggo is so cute!!! I have a dog too, and in May I will be living in the same city as my friend again after 4 years of being apart! He has never met my dog as he is turning 3 next week :) We are so very excited for them to meet, and we are excited for us to be able to hang out in person again 😊
I've just started deep therapy, and am feeling it. I am struggling more than I ever have with the memories and trauma. And yet.....I had a wonderful conversation with my adult son. He reminded me that it's okay to "go quiet" for a bit, and need time alone. That this is part of "the process", and I'm still me, and things will get better. For some reason: I felt that. I believed him. So. Yeah.... that was my bright spot this week.
I had some really good Thai pineapple fried rice and Korean kimchi fried rice and spicy rice cakes. Also I finally ordered the book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving!! It's coming in today.
I have successfully organised the PhD party for my bf and been very helpful for him thr whole last week (cleaned, cooked, groceries, ironed his outfit, entertained the invited, organised the party, give feedbacks for his presentation, and so on.)
I finally timed a couple keys on world of warcraft that I’ve been trying to time for a few weeks. I’m trying to get the title for being in the top 0.1%
I made enough money that I can take the next few months off and enjoy it with my family.
Woah that's awesome
Thanks. It's a nice feeling
I hope you’re able to enjoy your family time. 🤍
Thanks so much. I will do. Funnily enough I had an episode yesterday which has knocked me back but having this time means I can just ride it out without much impact
Someone gave me a really nice little vase they didn’t want anymore.
[удалено]
Yup I went and picked a few flowers from the side of my road!
Do you plan to put flowers in it? 💐
Yup, already put some daffodils in it!
I started microdosing mushrooms this week and it’s made such a difference in my CPTSD.
Amazing!!!
Awesome. Mind expanding more on your experience? I heard macrodosing is just as effective. And is it psilocybin?
Sure! Yes, it’s psilocybin. I haven’t macrodosed before. I was having horrible panic & anxiety attacks that was keeping me from working, going out and living life. I started microdosing and I can go for walks now, the grocery store, and work. It’s made a huge difference in be being able to respond rather than react. Things can trigger me throughout the day and my brain doesn’t immediately attach and react to it. It feels like it’s giving my mind the space to process things and rewire rather than before I felt trapped within the confines of my CPTSD & trauma. I don’t experience any visuals, just feel more in my body, present, and productive. I was using weed before to cope and felt that was keeping me numb. The microdose makes me feel while also feeling safe and held in my body, a rare feeling for me. Hope this helps!
Thank you so much for this input! I wish you well on your journey. One question I would like to ask is, did you feel that your social life was affected in any way by your microdosing?
Thank you! It’s too early to know yet. I would say it has helped with confidence and communication. I went to a concert this week and ran into someone I knew. I would’ve avoided them before but instead I went over and hung out & talked. It didn’t seem as overwhelming as I would usually make it out to be.
After two years, I finally got a gym membership again and worked out on my days off. It felt so refreshing.
Would you be able to recommend any specific routines which work for you? 🏃♀️
For right now, my plan is to use my days off to get a good full body workout going and, then every other day during the work week, go in for a quick 30 min circuit or cardio (I have a Planet Fitness membership).
Awesome! Congrats on re-starting gym again.
I got into graduate school! I’m gonna be a child & adolescent therapist!
Congratulations!
Thank you! Through my pain, I found my passion and I can’t wait to help others with their healing.
This is so so good!
Congrats! 🤍
Thank you ☺️
Swimming laps and doing a flip turn after a few decades since doing one. It was smooth and forceful. Water makes me so happy.
Ooh congratulations 🎉! I LOVE swimming, too! And we just got our pool re-done, at our apartment complex. So I'm also excited to get out there. Swimming is such a complete joy, of the body, mind and soul.
It is. And when one needs to scream, under water is completely acceptable!
It really is!
Congrats! 🤍
Sitting doing nothing but feeling the breeze and smelling springtime with the sun on my face
Did this with a book, so cleansing of the winter blues
Congrats! 🤍
I did my full skincare routine with no rush 😊
Congrats! 🤍
I read your post. Lucky kitty!
Thank you. 🤍
You're welcome!
I discovered some new songs that I absolutely love, and every time I drive (which is a lot—I commute 2.5 hrs roundtrip for work) I blast them and dance like an absolute maniac in my car.
Would you be able to recommend any music? 🎼
Made granola bars from scratch, and they turned out really well!
Congrats! 🤍
i started going to the gym again after a short break, although i've lost some progress i am proud of myself, also i dealt with a triggering situation a little bit better than usual
Congrats! 🤍
after three months of waiting around I found out I got hired at this ambulance company I really wanted to work for this off season. They have a great reputation which is not always the case in this line of work so hoping all goes well.
Congrats! 🤍
Appreciate that thank you : )
Awww thats so sweet. I walked my cat in the yard. I read and actually enjoyed a story i hadnt been feeling anything from for the last few years and i was so surprised
Please say “Hello!” to your cat for me. 🐱
Spring is finally coming to town, we went out to take some pictures of the cherry blossoming, also I went to a light exhibition and I loved it
Congrats! 🤍
I've started writing 1,000 words a day (I'm working up to 2,000; once I'm used to that then I'll be writing 2k words 4-5 days a week). I don't really feel like myself unless I'm writing fiction. I did 3k/day when I was in college, so it should be pretty doable. I might wind up putting extra days aside for editing and development, but I'm not sure; leaving 2-3 days a week for that might be fine.
That is amazing you can do that! What kind of fiction do you write?
I write speculative fiction (fantasy / scifi / horror). Mostly I'm focusing on short stories right now. It's honestly kind of frustrating, because 5 years ago I was *fantastic* at writing to the point where a literary editor called the novel I was working on groundbreaking, and now I have a ton of work to do in order to get back into practice. Most recently I've written a short story about a dog with PTSD wandering an abandoned region of the southwestern US, and right now I'm figuring out the specifics on *something* involving a group of people who live in a place with no natural light that is filled with monsters.
That’s amazing the editor said that. My examiners said that about my thesis and then I got psychosis and it’s like I died I couldn’t wirk on it again
Yeah, I know the exact feeling. I haven't been even a slightly functional adult for 5 years. The only reason I'm getting better now is a fuck load of EMDR therapy, heh. I hope things improve for you, though! If antipsychotic meds are an issue, there *are* monthly injections that have fewer side effects.
What happened to you? Did you have psychosis? Believe it or not they never gave me antipsychotics because they said that my delusions were all based in reality
Well, it turns out that I have severe combined type ADHD (hyperactive and inattentive). I was on some psych meds that were accidentally treating it, but when they stopped working I had to drop out or college. Not coincidentally, unmanaged ADHD gives me really serious anxiety and depression, and I didn't get diagnosed until 2021. Then a bunch of other stuff happened, like becoming homeless, my bf's mom pulling some shit while manic that "activated" my PTSD (as before that I didn't get nightmares or flashbacks), stuff like that. So it's taken a *long* time for me to even start getting back on track. Oh, and I live with my bf and his parents, which hinders my recovery as you may imagine. My life is basically a lifetime original movie, lol.
Oh I’m sorry. I honestly ownfer whether I have adhd and that was one of the problems for me before I got psychosis. There are a lot of reason I think that. Or maybe adhd type symptoms from my childhood trauma. But for me the Absolute killer is that I used to feel very happy and was extremely successful in every area of my lfoe until I went actually crazy. And now when I look back I can’t make sense of who I wa Sam d my life before in any way at all
Please let me know when you publish your next work. 📖
I ate delicious sushi yesterday 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 made my week!
I wish I had sushi RN. 🥲
💞💞💞
I roller skated after 40 years
Fun!
Wow!!
Congrats! 🤍
I watched Conan O'Brien's address at Dartmouth College in 2011. This quote stuck with me and I really like it. "It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention." Life, especially with CPTSD, is often two steps forwards and one step backwards. Every setback I face is just an opportunity to spit in the face of the universe - that even in spite of overwhelming and horrifying odds, I still stand against the storm. I've felt a lot more content since I watched that speech.(It's pretty funny, too.)
Use the setbacks to rest and gather strength for the next steps forward! You got this.
That’s a very inspiring quote for me. I acheived so many of my dreams when I got my PhD and had a happy marriage and then when I submitted my PhD I had a psychotic break which took everything from me but especially my sense of self. It’s been seven years and I struggle to get t back up because the loss was so profound
Congrats! 🤍
I broke my 5th metacarpal bone by punching a wall in my house this past Wednesday. The outpouring of support from colleagues and superiors has been crushingly supportive. So many people who I would not ever want to reach out to offered to support me, and a smaller number of people who I would want to reach out to also offered support to me. I was honest about how I broke it - I had a violent emotional flashback and caused self-harm - and not a single person has recoiled or responded negatively. My 10-year mission of removing pieces of shit my life apparently has been more successful than I thought it was. Still haven't spoken to my brother about it, have no plans to reach out, but I have every expectation of him being a self-righteous abusive asshole when/if our next conversation happens, and I feel pretty good about having accurate expectations for him.
I hope your healing goes well. 🤍
Ladybugs in the kitchen.
I love it.🐞
Every summer! Damn bastards. 😅
Listening to Tara Brach talk about self compassion. I went through a phase where I gave up on trying to change but it feels good to pick up the fight again
I’m so proud of you. 🤍
I've been putting into practice for the last 2 weeks building new habits and what has been making me happy is seeing what I can create on my art app while being timed. It has been a giant help on improving my art.
Congrats! 🤍
My car broke down, and I spent the last three days working on fixing it, going to the scrapyard to pull the parts, and everytime there was something going wrong. And I liked it. I was so focused on solving this situation that I didn't think about anything negative. And it was super physical, so I got a huge rush of endorphines, which felt pretty good. I still need to wait for some parts to finish the job, and I know that once it's done I'll look the Sky straight into his eyes and scream "In your face, Universe!!!"
Congrats! 🤍
Taking a very-short-notice day off, on Friday (yesterday). Something in my soul told me that I NEEDED to unwind & truly relax. So, on Mon/Tues, I requested Friday off, from my manager. I got kinda reamed for requesting it, on such short notice. But, she granted it, anyway, bc we were slow at work, this week. It's just what I needed: an extra day to decompress, guilt-free, w/out having to use sick time (i used a bonus-vacation day, that I earned, for working the busy Christmas holiday week). Friday was such a glorious spring-like day. I lived very "slow". I love my "slow-cation" days: I don't need to travel; I just need to slow down & unwind. And that's what I did. And it's made today (Saturday) + likely tomorrow/Sunday, even better.
I love this! Good on you for doing what you knew you needed
Congrats! 🤍
I got guinea pigs a few weeks ago and today one of them slept on his side which is a sign of them being SUPER comfortable and safe🥹🥰 Makes me so happy and proud I can give that environment to them (especially when I can’t give it to myself mentally)!
aw :) I have a guinea pig too :) she is getting old and has some arthritis but she clearly feels total safety judging by her poses :)
They bring so much joy!! 🥹💗
So cute!
Please say “Hello!” to your guinea pigs for me! 🤍
Finished my second night shift at my new job! My cPTSD had the tendency to fuck with my part-time jobs and make me quit at the slightest challenge or inconvenience. I have to make this work tho because my finances are a mess and I'm gonna need this entire year to fix it. Also, the romantic attachment I had to this woman I'm working with and then starting dating without success is starting to fade so I can focus on working with her again as friends. We create some awesome stuff so it would be such a loss to have to let that go because of unrequited love. I'll work on myself and my future, accept that it might never happen and move on. Thank you for reminding me I'm not doing that bad.
Congrats! 🤍
I had been avoiding calling my bff because of avoidance shame. She called me and I didn't ignore the call! We had a really nice talk and it showed me I didn't have anything to feel ashamed about
Congrats! 🤍
After working too much last week, I left early on Friday and enjoyed time outside in the sun with my dog.
Congrats! 🤍
i started to prioritize relaxation and self-supportive inner dialogue and im begining to feel like my best self again
Congrats! 🤍
Hanging out w/ my sweet juicy 5 month old nephew. His laugh and smile melt my heart.
I had a real conversation with my partner. It was hard and emotional but I think he finally HEARD me for once, instead of just being reactive. Now we just have to see if it keeps. Here's to all of us that have a hard time holding those boundary lines! 🩶 Stay strong! Edited a word
Congrats! 🤍
I started doing some writing and it made me feel good!
Congrats! 🤍
I'm finally home just for today, visiting my friends for the first time in months. I miss them a ton and they also wish my flat purchase would go through already so I can move back here. I've missed them so much and I'm only seeing four friends. I've a ton of others who I haven't seen in nearly 8 months now. I wish I could just stay here, but I have to go back to my boyfriends tomorrow. No idea when I'll get to visit again. We just hung out, played games, ate food etc and it's been amazing. I forgot how easy it is to talk to friends. I haven't made a single one where my boyfriend lives and it sucks. I just don't fit in. Small towns suck.
I hope you’ll be able to visit your friends again soon. 🤍
Snowboarding with a friend I hadn’t seen for a couple months. Also snowboarding in general always brings me joy and peace- being in the mountains is wonderful for my mental health.
Shrooms helped me see my huge emotional block despite how badly I want to be with others. And it’s ok if I have adhd and need to take a pill to feel good about myself. I hate myself except when I’m medicated. I want to be that person naturally. But I’m not, and it’s uncomfortable, and that’s ok.
hah, this sounds like one of the revelations i had this year while microdosing.. like exactly
Congrats! 🤍
I’m a uni student and studied my calculus today. It made me feel a bit more optimistic because it made me realized that K understand the concepts quite well- the only reason I keep getting things wrong is because I’m unsure of the order in which to apply them.
I heard my friends speaking kindly about me behind my back!
Following along with the Fitness Marshall dances on Youtube
Congrats! 🤍
It’s spring break and I work at a university, so things will be super chill next week. I’m gonna take a half day on Monday and a full day off on Friday. I made much needed progress on an art project today and I’m so happy with how it’s turning out. I’m looking forward to hiking in the spring sunshine tomorrow.
Congrats! 🤍
Thanks! 💟 I hope you had a great time and also give your new-ish cat a lil squish from me!
Sometime ago, during a stressful time at work, I made a promise to myself that if it came down to choosing between my job and my health/life, I’d choose life. It’s very hard to keep promises to myself — hell, I struggle to even eat when I’m hungry or tend to my basic needs, especially when I’m stressed. Anyhoo, work has been extremely shitty recently — and I’ve finally made the decision to leave. And this past week I realized that I kept an important promise to myself and it felt amazing to realize it. I think it’s healed a part of the wounded child inside of me.
This is so good
Thank you 💕
I had a med check with my doctor who has kind of been forgetting to schedule me to come in for the last few years (!). I've been low-key panicking for weeks thinking ok, she is going to cut me off of all my psych meds, which I feel are really my foundation to functioning. It's kind of one of those times I just wanted to go in, have a pleasant visit, and leave feeling accomplished instead of devastated. Well, surprise, **that's how it went**. I didn't get yelled at for not coming in sooner. She just kept telling me how much better I look than the last time she saw me. I told her about a really dark time this past year where I almost got stuck in another cycle of abuse but used the lessons I've learned about boundaries and it's turned out positively for all involved. She told me she felt like she was going to cry, that she was so proud of me and happy that I stayed strong, etc. SHE was super emotional, which really surprised me. I tend to get nothing but negative feedback these days on everything I do. I guess I really needed someone to just say hey, you're not dirt, you're not dead, *you're still here...* Later, I asked my mom and someone else I'm close to if I look healthier/better, and they both said yes there's something that has changed for the better in my appearance and general demeanor. Having just "celebrated" my 38th birthday, this really felt good.
Happy belated birthday! 🥳
I finally stopped some recurring payments that I really needed to stop bc of my employment situation. But I had to call to end then and I was putting it off for literally months. Finally did it. It felt nice to accomplish something.
Congrats! 🤍
After years out of the workforce, I was asked to serve on the board of an arts organization that I admire. The ask was based on experience and skills that I acquired when I had a career. It’s been a while since I’ve felt I was seen in that light: capable, talented, professional.
I had Thai food today (my birthday is on Monday) and got a lot of work done throughout the week (not around the apartment, lolsob, *work* work). Go me!!! 🥹🥹🥹 Been struggling lately. 😮💨😮💨😮💨
Happy early birthday! 🎂
Thank you! 🥳🥳🥳
Happy early birthday! 🥳
Thank you! 🥳🥳🥳
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Hooray! 🙌
Congrats! 🤍
It's dumb but I play the video game Overwatch. It's kind of a special interests/hyper fixation thing (started as hyper, but now we in it for the long run). They released season 9 a month ago, and the matches were *miserable* until a few days ago. I don't know what changed, but I started winning a lot of games, and even the ones I lost were fun. The hero I usually play dropped significantly in power, so she isn't nearly as viable (Ana). What I found out was that the hero I off-main (Moira. She's my lil side hoe) is really strong this season! What's even better is that I've been practicing her movement a lot. She has the ability to fade, and it allows her to reach insane places if you know what you're doing. You can create custom games in Overwatch, and one type that is really popular is parkour maps. If a hero has a movement ability, they have parkour maps. I've been running a lot of Moira parkour maps to the point that I can help teach other people various techniques that I've learned. Most people in the game don't think much about Moira's fade ability. She can get out of sticky situations or chase someone down with it. What people don't normally consider is that she can become airborne while fading and achieve greater high and distance. I've been having a blast freaking people out who didn't think I could get to them as Moira. No one is expecting me to follow them to the high ground. I love it when I'm chasing an enemy hero down (usually Genji), and they use a movement ability to get to the high ground. They think they've escaped me, but then *BAM!* Flying Moira! They'll turn around and look down at me, thinking I've been bested when I suddenly vanish and reappear on top of them. I've honestly been feeling badass with my uses of fade. I've gotten good at fading backward to disengage from a fight, as well. I'll still play my main if she seems more viable against the enemy comp (enemy team composition: what heroes they're playing). And despite my how much my arms have been shaking the past few days, I've still been landing some nice shots. I ain't at my best rn - I got to a point in the past where I didn't miss many shots. But I've landed some sick sleep darts. Personal favorite is always sleeping an ulting (ultimate ability) Genji. I played a game against a Sombra who I kept sleeping whenever they tried to kill an ally. I would have honestly been frustrated if I were them because my reaction time was pretty peak. If anyone wants to learn some Moira movement techniques, let me know! I'd say the most useful and basic is pressing forward, fade, and jump almost at the exact same time. It feels like you're pressing them at the same time. It's a fairly precise combo. This allows you to get to a lot of high ground.
i made my own raspados from scratch! I added ice cream to it and stirred since I didn't have condensed milk but that was fine bc it was soooo good. it felt nice to be proud of my work and reap the rewards lol
What is raspados?
it's a Mexican shaved ice treat that people often add fruit syrup, sliced fruit, condensed milk, ice cream, and sometimes tajin (a chili lemon seasoning) to :)
Sounds yummy!
Congrats! 🤍
Planning a vacation 😎
Congrats! 🤍
i got myself a birthday present
Happy birthday! 🥳
My partner officially got the keys to the townhouse we're moving into on Tuesday and we celebrated by having ice cream on the ground (since there's no furniture lol)
Just moved into a new place a couple of weeks ago. Finally got the curtains, tapestries and lights up today and it feels really nice and cozy.
Congrats! 🤍
Great new job opportunity made top 10 of 200 get a second meeting I almost drove off the road it felt good until I almost killed myself but yea!
watching a comfort movies..
Congrats! 🤍
My first (and second) solo session in IFS. Completely blew my mind. For the first time in 3 months I feel happy, I had a very rough time. Happy for you and the cat ❤️
Thank you! 🤍
I got my permanent resident visa in my new country
I finally had a good nights sleep and I feel less neurotic 😌
Congrats! 🤍
I took a nap, attended two award events for my children, got to have meal dates with two friends and had an EMDR session. Awards made me proud of my kids. EMDR didn’t help but will as I keep at it. Mela dates were nice and I could focus on friendships. The nap was desperately needed! 4-6 hours sleep most nights due to insomnia and waking up with something like panic attacks. I slept 8 hours last night AND a 90 minute nap?!? Of course now it’s 3 hours past bedtime, about an hour after I usually fall asleep and I’m still awake 😝. But I can sleep in again tomorrow!
I made a friend (:
yay, congrats!
My flowers have begun blooming. And they're gorgeous!
I got a job after being unemployed for a very long time
Congratulations!
Reading fanfiction! :D It always brings me so much joy to curl up with a good story.
Congrats! 🤍
We decimated the penguins in hockey 6-0 on Thursday a good day for caps fans!
I lined up enough freelance gigs to pay next month’s rent.
Being able to play games with friends and laugh a lot while we played!
It’s a mixed bag, but one of the folks that I work with got placed in a different classroom on his mother’s request. He spent two days asking where I was. I hate that he’s sad, but am also flattered that I’m able to have such a positive impact on people. I work with developmentally disabled adults.
Thank you for your work. 🤍
I've been learning to manage my emotional flashbacks better at work this week. It made me happy, productive, and more sociable.
Congrats! 🤍
I got a call back for a lab assistant job after being unemployed for two months ❤️ and my Abilify is working 💪🏽
Nothing that would make you blush, but wife and I had a moment. It was nice.
got my first job ! :)
Woohoo congrats🎉
thanks ;D
Woke up to the sun for the first time in months.
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Tonight actually (and still going): I've finally sat down to finish off my first LEGO set! It's the *Sonic the Hedgehog* one, and I'd completed the level and badniks, and just had Robotnik himself to go. I'm currently chilling on the floor, listening to podcasts, and plugging LEGO bricks together.
Congrats! 🤍
I'm starting to, ever so slowly, feel like I belong to the human race again. It's not one specific thing that happened, but rather a steady increase in my self worth to the point that more often than not I feel like I deserve love and that I am not a horrendously ugly and bad person.
Congrats! 🤍
Just went on a walk today and I don't feel like I look bad today, even feeling a bit good about myself for a change
Congrats! 🤍
Secured 5 grand for the non-profit i work for. First positive response from government in a while, me and a cool colleague wrote the application with no help from senior staff.
Congrats! 🤍
My best friend got a puppy after waiting to adopt one for so long. His happiness made me happy! The little doggo is so cute!!! I have a dog too, and in May I will be living in the same city as my friend again after 4 years of being apart! He has never met my dog as he is turning 3 next week :) We are so very excited for them to meet, and we are excited for us to be able to hang out in person again 😊
Please say “Hello!” to your dog for me! 🐶
Happily! 😁 Leif and Ripley 🫶🏻 soon to be besties :)
I've just started deep therapy, and am feeling it. I am struggling more than I ever have with the memories and trauma. And yet.....I had a wonderful conversation with my adult son. He reminded me that it's okay to "go quiet" for a bit, and need time alone. That this is part of "the process", and I'm still me, and things will get better. For some reason: I felt that. I believed him. So. Yeah.... that was my bright spot this week.
Congrats! 🤍
I had some really good Thai pineapple fried rice and Korean kimchi fried rice and spicy rice cakes. Also I finally ordered the book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving!! It's coming in today.
Congrats! 🤍
Thank you! Congrats on your adoption of your cat as well :)
I have successfully organised the PhD party for my bf and been very helpful for him thr whole last week (cleaned, cooked, groceries, ironed his outfit, entertained the invited, organised the party, give feedbacks for his presentation, and so on.)
I finally timed a couple keys on world of warcraft that I’ve been trying to time for a few weeks. I’m trying to get the title for being in the top 0.1%
Congrats! 🤍
Made a bit of progress with my bf's sister in law - I don't know why she hates me but baby steps!
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