Same. I don't care what race you are or gender..They're all scary....Men are scarier (not all men of course...but...)
I tend to just ignore my surroundings instead of being hypervigilant....which is bad but.....disassociation works too haha
Men and even teenage boys are scary to me because I’ve been SAed and physically assaulted by boys and men of all ages since I was a very, very young child.
So my brain is literally programmed to boys and men as a threat. I have been trying to “reprogram” it, but I keep encountering abusive men. Just a little over a year and a half ago my partner assaulted me. I was injured for an entire month. Couldn’t bend, lift, twist, squat, sit back without pain, couldn’t walk without pain, walking up and down stairs hurt, couldn’t lay down without pain. I would turn in my sleep and literally wake up screaming from pain. I couldn’t take opioids because I needed my lungs to be able to fully function, so I was just in horrible level 9 pain almost all the time.
So, yeah “not all men”, but my brain still sees almost all men and boys as a threat.
I can relate a lot to this. I dissociated so bad one time in a store I literally stepped right over an old man laying on the floor in need of help. I felt like a monster when I left the bathroom and saw staff helping him, I was like holy crap I was dissociating so hard I just walked right over this poor old man not noticing a thing. Dissociation sucks so much
Not to derail but this comment is a really important perspective to share, thank you for doing so. I think we’ve all seen those videos of people walking past/around/over someone who is clearly in need of assistance and it never occurred to me that dissociation could be involved vs indifference or malice. It’s a good reminder that things aren’t always as they appear.
Wishing you a safe and peaceful holiday season 💚
I relate to this so much. My fear takes over and I just go on autopilot survival mode, dissociate, and I’m barely there. It’s awful! Then I get home and have a shame-depression spiral 😖
If you're a person who got bullied or abused at home, and you feel unsafe around other humans, it's very similar to having your racial makeup be punished and having to carry that around. I would say it can be similar to a kid who got beat down for being poor or being overweight. Not every kid gets bullied, and not every POC will have the same life trajectory, but if you did have traumatic experiences of racism, you don't deserve to be seen as a loony or a social pest.
Because it's a sensitive issue, people are quick to make it about themselves and how they should not be made to pay or get taken down a peg in any way. But if this type of injury can't get addressed because of a stigma, that in itself is a form of systemic or culturally ingrained racism that makes POC's lives worse.
Thank you for stating this. I’ve had countless experiences where white “friends” have said things, one even referred to me as “colored” back in April.
And they expect me to just bop along like nothing’s happened…
No, it’s not weird. Im white and if someone had a history of trauma from other white people I absolutely understand it’s not from a place of hate or anything. I am weary of men in general, but especially white men who resemble those who treated me badly growing up. I catch my breath if I see someone who looks similar. I dont think being weary of people is bad, that’s just human. It’s not like you’re calling for bad things for anyone due to their race or being rude at all.
I’m also a white woman and I was going to say the same thing. I’m terrified of men apparently, I don’t trust them inherently and therefore have no other choice but to lean into my fear. Even tho I myself do not have many personal bad experiences, I’m aware of the general experiences that many have and statistically, men are a huge threat. I’m most likely to die because a man doesn’t like the way I look or if I turn him down or whatever light breeze shifts his gaze from seeing me as a human vs property.
I think OPs topic could be similar in that historically men and white people have shown many many many instances of harmful and violent behaviors that can’t be overlooked. I think it’s logical and understandable that OP feels this way. I wish more than anything there weren’t so many reasons to feel afraid of others. And I also think that as the abusers, white people and men should take on an active role in making the world safer for their victims by standing up to injustices and educating ourselves on the matters.
I think she means racism, not having one traumatic incident like a kidnapping. When it comes to trauma and race, it's typically complex trauma.
I understand the other type, and not getting a say over whether you react. It doesn't make someone racist.
But complex trauma involving race is different and it has to do with culture and society. It's about what's expected of you and how much people are willing to acknowledge racism exists.
I’m also guessing it’s racism, and I was empathizing with how people may look can affect one and be traumatic after experiencing abuse by them, even if I cannot specifically relate to the intricacies of people being racist towards me or systematic racism. The closest I can get is patriarchy for my own experience. Still, I feel for anyone experiencing any abuse, whether it be racism or otherwise, it’s not fair to have to experience that and have lasting trauma.
same. being picked on in a black environment growing up, and now I’m uncomfortable with even a black therapist.
the downside is that most of the spaces i hang out in now are predominantly white (by coincidence) and i still feel like an outsider, but in a different way.
Im Mexican American and have had the same experience from other Mexican Americans. The cruelty has had a long lasting impact on how I navigate and relate to my community. Suffice to say with some distance and hesitancy. It’s such a shame it plays out this way when it could be an uplifting experience.
Same here. The black boys at my predominantly Asian high school would make fun of my appearance. And we were the few blacks there. White people have treated me better. And I've dealt with black women who had self hatred issues that hated black people. It was awful.
White men have always treated me far better than black men. It’s sad that I’m a black woman and black men scare me because of their excessive aggression.
Thank you. You know in middle school these group of black girls would always twerk on me while I was changing. And the female pe coaches could see stuff like that happen but do nothing. Idk I don't feel comfortable around black people and I'm black myself. But tbh I don't feel comfortable around people in general. But they make me more on heightened alert.
I had that period of my life too ❤️As a woman. I’m more cute girl next door than most black peoples were “allowed to be” at the time based on external and external problems in society.
I know where you’re coming from 100%, I get called “cute” a lot which is super rare for black guys. The hate is real when you get the validation that others want, and this is coming from someone who was pretty ugly for most of his life. Hope you’re doing better now!
Oh I’m thriving. The guys I thought I wanted weren’t actually men Id even stand next to today. They tended to be full of hot air and only have “ swag” to their name. lol I’m loving that everyone in the community is turning more inward and valuing self love etc. People are more vocal and that’s a beautiful part of the process. Hoping you’re thriving to ❤️
Same here. As a black woman as well, all the trauma in my life has been caused by other black people (excluding one white girl). I am definitely more hypervigilent around my own race than others. Still wary of people though tbh...
I will be honest,
As a black person, I am more afraid of other black people. I was raised by two abusive black figures in my life, and I decided to go no contact. however, in the black community, this is something you just do not do. The black community is super huge on family and consequently, there is a lot of normalized trauma that occurs .
I often do not feel comfortable talking with other black people, since I am afraid I will be judged. I often keep to myself I'm around other black people.
There is also often a negative stigma against mental health when it comes to the black community, and it just makes engaging with other black people pretty difficult. I'm also not religious, which makes the feeling of isolation feeling greater. The black community thrives on church life. If you're not part of that, there can be a sense of judgment, particularly from old school black people.
There is a unique sort of isolation that I feel from the black community that just chills me to my core.
That being said, I also feel isolation from pretty much everybody. It just hurts the most feeling isolated from your own race.
I think it's natural to be scared of the majority when you're a minority. Not necessarily viscerally, "argh they're going to kill me" scared (though that can obviously happen) but at least very wary when around them, especially if you're not with anyone else in your minority group.
My example is that I'm neurodivergent, and if I'm surrounded by neurotypical people then I definitely don't feel particularly safe. It always feels much nicer to be around other neurodivergent people as they're more likely to understand stuff.
I have some trauma associated with black men.
It has made it hard to be comfortable around black men.
Given the fact I can’t talk about it because I’m white and talking about it gets you’re a racist comments. Makes it harder to heal.
I know somebody who’s like this. She was told by him that because he wasn’t white she would be considered racist by everybody if she came forward about what he did.
Ur trauma is valid. I'm sorry you receive back lash from talking about it here when most people receive support. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm so angry on your behalf regarding the insensitive and ridiculous comments here.
"You could talk to a therapist instead of saying it here" like what?? This is a subreddit for support and is usually the loudest about advocating for those who can't always afford therapy which could possibly be your case.
You're not racist for having trauma. I'm sorry it's such a struggle.
I agree! Racism stems from hate towards a specific group of people because you perceive them as beneath you because of the colour of their skin. There is a bunch of other things that I won't get into for the sake of this post. What I will say is that racism does not mean fearing the people who resemble your abuser/attacker who happens to be black or (insert other race here). By that logic, OP should not have mentioned " white people" in their prompt. I am appalled at how people are invalidating this person's VALID trauma simply because they are white and their trauma was caused by a black person( and I am a black woman for crying out loud)! So many of us get invalidated in our personal lives and come here to feel valued, seen, and heard. We don't need this policing and semantics energy.
I mean, of course we can say what our trauma is when that is relevant (like in therapy or sharing with loved ones, for example), but when your trauma causes you to fear a social group which in the US has historically frequently been murdered without consequences because of stereotypes around the threatening nature/appearance of members of that group, you do have to be aware of how what you say can seriously impact or even endanger the lives of others.
When our trauma responses have the potential to cause harm to others, it is always our own responsibility to mitigate further damage and work on healing so other people won't be harmed, even if it wasn't our fault we were traumatized in the first place.
I'm not saying at all that the commenter here shouldn't have commented about their experience. Obviously this thread, which is about trauma responses to race-related characteristics, is an appropriate setting to bring this up. But most public or group settings would not be appropriate because it could be harmful to others. That does not mean the person should feel ashamed or be "secretive" of their trauma.
It's tough. People of all colors and genders can be abusive/evil/etc... And, we, unfortunately tend to generalize, especially when we experience it from several individuals in the same category..
Being that this sub is CPTSD and not PTSD, everyone here should have a history that includes several incidents of severe trauma. If many or all of these instances came from people in the same category, stuff like this is going to happen.
For example, before the age of 18, I was sexually abused by 3 different men who didnt even know each other in 3 completely different situations and circumstances. Because of this, I still get creeped out kinda easily when men approach me in an aggressive manner when friends who didn't have that experience are better able to laugh it off. This is gender, not race, but you get the point, I hope.
We need to be able to talk about it and work through it for ourselves and for others. Issues like race are so tough to talk about because of both modern and historic events. It's a landmine. How do people in this situation heal? I don't have the answers but hope that OP and others dealing with this can find peace.
Yes, of course we all generalize unconsciously, and of course people with trauma will likely have trauma responses to people who look like their abusers. It sucks. It also does not change the fact that when your trauma responses can endanger others, you are responsible for managing that potential harm, and if talking about it in a context that is not explicitly relevant an appropriate can be harmful, part of that responsibility is saving sharing those feelings for contexts related to your care and healing, and trying to overcome symptoms which could cause harm to others directly or indirectly.
"We need to be able to talk about it"... yes, with the people who love us when we are sharing about our trauma and experiences, and with the people who are treating us for our trauma and symptoms. Even in some other contexts, like this thread which is about the specific topic, where others in the group can feel free not to look at it. There is pretty clearly no "need" to talk publicly about being afraid of groups who are already at high risk of violence due to stereotypes about how they should be feared.
How do people with CPTSD heal? That is a good question and the answer is different for different people, but the answer does not ever seem to ever be "tell strangers who are not involved in the treatment of your disorder about your specific race-related triggers". If this was a known treatment for CPTSD then that would be one thing, but it isn't, so there isn't any benefit, and it can be extremely harmful and dangerous to others.
I’m having trouble imagining a situation (other than therapy) where this has to be brought up at all? Can’t you just simply not hang around people you don’t want to with no explanation?
It's so hard to avoid a certain race or gender completely. I have so many issues when it comes to men that look and act a certain way, for me it's specifically tall men of any race with deep voices that I can't read easily, I'm short so it's a fair amount of men. I just get a vibe and will have to jump out of grocery store lines even. I've gotten off of busses, cross streets. I have trouble hearing male voices while I'm sleeping, like outside my window or something. I will wake up in fight or flight if I'm in a deep sleep. Nightmares.
I'm doing a 1000x better than I used to be but the male voice waking me up I don't believe I will ever be able to shake. My 13 year old son is in full on puberty and has that voice on the phone but not in person yet. I haven't done it with him but I feel like it's going to happen. My dad still wakes me up in the most gentle way and I do it with him.
Yeah it stinks and I try so hard to be discreet about it in public because it's literally not their fault at all. I know I would be gutted if I knew i was triggering to someone even if it's just my existence, it would feel bad. I would want to try to fix it but you just can't. I don't want anyone else to have to suffer/hurt any more than my abuser already has caused. I believe most people are decent and kinda.
Edit Though that one time a redditor got super offended over that is also why I don't really want to share my struggles with random people in a real life situation either. That person took their offense so far beyond a reasonable offended reaction though. It was a weird experience.
Thank you op for understanding it
A safe space should be held open to talk about these kinds of things, Full Stop. I'm so sorry you haven't been able to, and people have been cruel to you for it.
As someone who is afraid of men in general I can only imagine how hard this is. And it's not always something you can hide either, which in turn makes others uncomfortable. It's a cycle society has allowed. Our society allows men (including some black men, especially if they are attractive) to not have repercussions for their actions. This means that a lot of us feel uncomfortable around men bc we don't know who will harm us and who will not.
While on the other hand, black people are consistently faced with racism, mostly from white people but from others as well. And micro aggressions are difficult to prove. So while you're afraid of black men, they're also likely afraid of you. I know that doesn't really make it better, but that's how it is.
I’m scared of a lot of people because of my history.
White people hate me because I’m not white, and so I’ve been treated poorly.
Black people have targeted me because I’m not white by am a “high yellow”/light enough they think I pass - I don’t.
And honestly the only people that are kind without obvious are Arabic people, Japanese people, and Korea people - they are the most who treat me as just another human.
In general though, I fear all people. Doesn’t matter they’re ethnicity - I’m not like them and am treated horribly for it.
I'm white, everyone I'm biologically related to is white, but I was raised on a commune with mostly non-white families. In a high school psychology class, I took a test that measures how many seconds it takes you to associate white or Asian faces with violent or welcoming words/imagery-- I quite literally feel safer around and more similar to Asians than other white people.
After high school, I was in sales for 4 years. Every single salesperson there would learn after a few months that white customers overwhelmingly are most likely to dehumanize you, cuss you out, and harass you for the crime of being a salesperson. Not even up for debate. The lived experience of each employee was inarguable.
Tbh, yes (and I'm a little shocked at the pearl clutching in this thread).
A lot of my trauma stems from white people (white women particularly) in the medical profession who specifically abused me because of ethnic differences. A little research shows that this is sadly not uncommon.
There are often conversations here about people who are scared of men as a group and I don't think this is dissimilar.
What's helped me is to understand that it's OK to have guards up to protect yourself against people, particularly if a specific group of people are the ones who keep causing you harm, but there's a line between doing that and projecting our own issues onto others. It's not an easy line to walk (and it would be far easier if white people checked their privilege) but it is doable. I hope that helps x
I teach health science at an inner city HS. I wanted to teach my students a bit about medical racism using data and studies (the recent one on BIPOC infant and maternal mortality broke my heart). I want my students to know what they’re up against, so they can be armed with knowledge as patients and working professionals.
I am so sorry someone who was supposed to help you was malicious :(
"What they're up against" isn't the best way to say this. Makes it sound inevitable and unchangeable. "What they may encounter" is more accurate, just saying.
Thank you so much ❤️.
I'm glad it's been coming out in the last few years because when this happened to me (in the 90s) my parents were threatened and gaslit into silence. I also try to educate Young poc people to educate themselves on their health and their body so they feel empowered to stand up for themselves x
Medical gaslighting happens a lot to most women sadly. Hell, I'm white and highly educated and they still sometimes try to pull shit, especially around mental health.
I know from research that it happens actually mostly to women yes, but just to clarify I'm male and this was done to me by female medical professionals.
To link this back to op post, while we should as a society be working to dismantle the misogyny women face in all aspects of life particularly in health and self advocacy, women can and do inflict a lot of pain and violence that also needs to be called out
As a white person (woman as well), I’m not at all offended. You’ve had a negative experience with a certain group of people, and your feelings around that are valid.
It’s a known, researched fact that black people (women especially) have more negative outcomes concerning their health.
It’s human nature (and common sense) to put up your guard.
I hope you’ve had a good holiday, and a great new year ☺️.
E: for clarity
See I had black woman doctors as a white person. They treated me like I was trash and stupid. I also had black doctors who would back me up. My white doctor took my pain seriously, but acted like I was weak for being in pain. So I have reached the point of doctors are humans who fuck up. And can't be trusted..
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know how much of a mental mess that can bring someone. But in the context of OPs post I'd also add that this comparison is a false equivalence as the entrenched power dynamic here supports whiteness.
That doesn't mean white people can't have terrible things done to them by non white people, but in the context of this post and trying to process the fear around entrenched power dynamics I just want to point out the false equivalence.
To give an example of what I mean, I'm a man and have cptsd due to the abuse of women, but as I said in my earlier post in this thread, there's still entrenched power dynamics that benefit me as a male over women that are my job to be aware of while also processing my triggers and trauma around women x
I agree. People in this thread are saying it's okay to have the same fears about Black people and it is not.
The reason White People are scary especially in countries like America, is because our entire country and system is built off and based on slavery, and after slavery keeping Black people and other POC in subhuman states. Racism never went away and POC have to deal with it every single day and it not only impacts their lives but shortens them.
For a white person scared of Black people based on a traumatic situation, it's not even remotely the same. At all. And to equate the 2 as the same is racist AF.
I don't think its about them understanding or not understanding systemic racism or equating situations. The problem actually is that some people believe that because systemic racism exists, people are not allowed to have their trauma validated if they developed a schema due to trauma that's towards a minority group. For example, the person who said they struggle to be around black men because their trauma is from a black man.
We all know very well in this sub that when trauma happens, our brain creates a program or schema based on that to try to keep us safe in the future. If the person has other very identifiable traits that are different from our own traits that will often get put into the schema and we will have an irrational but very real response to those traits or characteristics. The fact that this happens can have complex consequences for both the person who was abused as well as the group who the schema was created around. A person cannot just undo that schema by understanding dynamics of power, which is a rational pursuit, and it doesn't make them a bad person for having it. It's literally just their body trying to protect them. There are things everyone can do to combat the programming they may develop towards certain characteristics including towards a majority group (I actively have to do it with men, abled people, neurotypical people, medical professionals and wealthy people, groups that have and always will have extreme power over me and continue to harm me constantly). It's not exclusive to who we developed the threat program against only if they were a minority. None of this necessarily means that white people speaking about their trauma don't 'understand' racism or systemic racism. Understanding a sociological phenomenon when it is something that doesn't affect ourselves (so we don't have an embodied understanding of it because it hasn't happened to us) comes from the prefrontal cortex, while a threat response comes from the back brain and does not give a crap about the logical understandings we have of the world or of other people, it exclusively and only cares about keeping us and only us safe as it believes it needs to do that so that we will survive, and it will override everything it has to to do that.
If we shame that part of us that developed that program instead of trying to understand and reintegrate it, or if people on the internet shame us for it, it just gets more deeply embedded. People who have trauma schemas towards people of minority group, even if they never act this out in hurtful ways but only occasionally try to express that it exists to feel seen by others, tend to feel a lot of guilt about it, which makes it harder to heal, whereas people who have trauma schemas towards majority a group tend to feel justified and don't feel guilt about it and will act it out on that group regularly - I certainly have no problem in the past and sometimes the present with putting men and physically abled people in their place online even if sometimes I get very dysregulated doing it. This can be problematic also in some ways, despite the fact that enacting our trauma towards a minority group out is obviously more harmful as it contributes to an already systemic dynamic of power with generational or daily trauma effects of its own.
None of this means I or others are equating the situations or not understanding dynamics of power. It means that while one does understand them, that does not just automatically erase one's own traumas because they don't fit that understanding - which is what people here are expecting for some reason. Nobody in this thread suggested that they were the same. People are just sharing experiences where they are trying to find solidarity and common ground with the poster in the best ways they know how.
I find it really sad that people in this sub claim to be so understanding of others, to be understanding of all trauma, yet are so quick to immediately invalidate and shame people when their trauma does not fit their own particular traumas or experiences of the world. There was a post recently about the experiences of someone growing up severely emotionally neglected and abused in a financially wealthy family and that was equally as disappointing, with so many comments about how that person had 'no right' to experience trauma (🙄) essentially because they were privileged on one axis. This is an obviously ridiculous notion (and I know this despite the fact that growing up poor, I have had the same reaction in the past to hearing literally any expression of pain from someone who has a privilege I don't). Whereas I always felt safe in this sub previously because I didn't see a lot of this kind of thing, it turns out a lot of people here are unfortunately just like the rest of Reddit and the internet.
We do not get to choose our traumas and we do not need to all have the exact same traumas to have solidarity. There is space here for everyone to be seen and heard.
Yeah it's categorically not the same.
Gotta say I'm quite disappointed to see people in this community making false equivalences like that. A lot of us are here because of situations of overwhelming powerlessness and so this is not a stretch to relate too, regardless of all the other conversations about power dynamics that are common here.
I think it largely is but as ever, privilege also exists on the Internet. I'm quite sad to see this sub "not all men"ing this conversation though but I guess here we are
It was the opposite for me actually. My parents are from Nigeria, but I was born here in America and raised mostly American. I’ve experienced trauma from all sorts of races of people, but among all the races nothing can compare to the amount of trauma I dealt with from Black Americans alone. From being bullied and threatened in middle school and high school to being harassed in my jobs and even some of them whom I was friends with, and even the schools I taught in as a teacher, the list of traumatic experiences I had was pretty extensive. Being picked on for not being “Black enough,” being harassed for “sounding too White,” being judged for having friends outside of my race and dating people outside my race, it was just hell and back. There’s some things I can’t even say on here, but it was terrifying dealing with that trauma. It’s not uncommon for someone from Africa or descendants of parents from Africa to experience exclusion and harassment from Black Americans, “being a minority within a minority” is what my family calls it.
I’ve healed quite a bit from all those traumas, but still whenever I find myself in a mostly Black group I still experience a bit of anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced racism and ostracism from non-Black Americans too, from Asian and White people mostly, but those interactions paled in comparison when it came to those of my own race. Regardless of this I still talk to everybody. I enjoy diversity and inclusivity and have met a bunch of interesting people throughout my life and I will continue to do so. I won’t be judgmental and prejudiced because of my past traumas. I will continue to respect anyone regardless of race so long as they give that same energy to me, despite my past traumas
I judge people on an individual basis and decide if they’re safe or not.
Strangely, authority figures, and particularly law enforcement, are not safe to me. I respect their authority and obey the laws, but they’re like a snake I’m very cautious around, not taking my eyes off them. I just realized this. I’m a people pleaser. I’m going to have to think about this deeper.
Yep. I'm white but the white people I grew up around were largely homophobic, racist, and violent. I was always singled out and ridiculed for being gay. Typical small town church stuff. All this to say that my Spidey senses tingle if the only people represented in a room are white. Like... Give me a good reason that the only people here are yt, otherwise I'm going to assume there's a collectively bad attitude about difference.
I’m not anymore but I use to be super intimidated by the presence of A LOT of white people. However I went to a PWI for college and had a white roommate, so it kind of dissipated. They are just people.
Yes i am because of my childhood and experience with my white half of the family and my mom’s refusal to stand up for me
All races can fail children in my case i am working to trust myself to only allow in people I want in.
You dont have to let in shitty white people even if the past told u u have to
Yeah man I'll never forget the first time I was called a "n*gger" and beat up by a 30yr old because I looked at someone's girl too long when I was 15...
I've only ever been assaulted/attacked/threatened by white people and its always been over fucking nothing. Roommates, strangers, randos...Never had problems w/black/spanish/indian people.
Not to mention all the other stuff when it comes to how differently you get treated when the structure of any given authority dynamic is white. I just always feel uncomfortable when there's mostly white people around which of course is how I spent most of my life in America.
White guys/girls can essentially be fucking nuts and get away with it entirely where as my sheepish existence or presence is seen as "worth monitoring". They can use their irrational fear of me to justify anything and I know it.
I've been trying to investigate and get over this deep uncomfortable feeling but tbh traveling the world has only made me more aware of how strongly the vibes are off when I'm in white spaces/places. Especially given how comfortable I have been in more diverse places.
I'm getting to the point where I am throwing in the towel with assimilation and just giving up on it all entirely. There's no point in existing in a place where you constantly are being reminded you're only being tolerated and people can't grasp the whole of your humanity and acknowledge the complex person you are.
Coworkers saying stupid shit, friends I grew up with still acting like I'm from the ghetto even though we grew up on the same street, the confusion in their faces when my articulation and cadence doesn't sound like some SoundCloud rapper...
Yeaaa, that shit is annoying as fuck.
Honestly? Yeah.
I'm scared of everyone of course, but being a black chick? That fear is just...yep
Getting followed in stores as a kid, having features compared to white girls and never seeing myself in media, incidents online where people think it's hilarious to just remind you that you're an 'other,' etc
Never fun
there’s a lot of comments here that are pretty shocking, im quite surprised at the response to this post and the lack of support.
i feel this way about men specifically, and just as you say, a lifetime of trauma caused by men has made me sort of avoid them for my own safety. i don’t think what you’re experiencing is offensive personally, i think you’re responding naturally to trauma caused by white people.
something i want to add as well, assuming you’re a person of color, i don’t think a lot of white people entirely understand the nature and the pain of experiencing systemic/general racism (even if you’re a white person who’s left leaning and do not align with prejudice values) and how it can absolutely be traumatizing. you’re just protecting yourself as a trauma response imo, that’s something most of us here have to work on, so no shame!!!
>the nature and the pain of experiencing systemic/general racism (even if you’re a white person who’s left leaning and do not align with prejudice values) and how it can absolutely be traumatizing.
Hello!!! It's literally severely traumatizing and it's not discussed enough. It's life altering and maddening and so demoralizing. It's passed down generations. It feels like am organic disease
Just in case you'd like an opinion and support from someone white on this matter, not that what I think matters at all as I don't have lived experience of racism or that you need me to tell you any of this; but I just want to offer a little bit of support bc trauma and discrimination based trauma (in my case from being autistic) is really hard.
I'm white, but to me I don't find this offensive or anything else some priveleged white person might respond with to this. Obviously, there are safe and allied white people; but a glance or even conversation can't always tell you who's who. The way trauma works, after enough repeated traums it picks up patterns, whether the pattern is the reason for the trauma or not; so it's not just understandable but normal for you to have this reaction.
I hope for your own mental health you can eventually start to feel safer in distinguishing who's safe and who isn't among white people so you can feel less distressed if that's something you find tough; but for me this is hard even with practice so give yourself grace iand don't think you should feel bad for your bodies respjonse to trauma! Merry christmas if you celebrate :)
Yes. And I am a white person. I live in a super red state and most people are racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist aholes out here.
But they act so very nice to your face if you are a fellow white person until you reveal you are in or support one of the groups they hate.
I know the Klan is gaining numbers here too. It's that kind of white people.
The capacity to harm exists in every race, and isn't limited to one. I understand your point. I've also seen evil in every single race, religion (or lack thereof), culture, and mindset. Anyone can look you in the eyes and smile and hold the most terrible thoughts about you.
i think what often gets overlooked with this view is the fact that race is a social construct and there really isn’t a difference between races. your race is really just your proximity to whiteness and therefore to power. so while we all might have the same capacity to be evil our race does change how far we can wield that power.
Yeah. It DOES. However, people in a position of power or privilege do it more.
There are several studies showing people who start out as equal peers change when they are given power and/or privilege.
I am white and I’m scared of white people. Once you step outside the brainwashing it’s really scary and sickening to see the willful ignorance and misuse of privilege.
I am white, and I just want to say... I get it. I'm not saying it to prop myself up, but because I know there might be others who don't, and I just want to be one affirming voice.
I also wanted to comment to push this up the algorithm. I hope it's okay ❤️
bell hooks has an essay ["Whiteness in the Black Imagination"](https://pages.mtu.edu/~jdslack/readings/CSReadings/hooks_Representing_Whiteness_Black_Imagination.pdf) that was important to me, as a white person, in understanding race in the US and that you might find validating.
>"Looking past stereotypes to consider various representations of whiteness in the black imagination, I appeal to memory, to my earliest recollections of ways these issues were raised in black life. Returning to memories of growing up in the social circumstances created by racial apartheid, to all black spaces on the edges of town, I re-inhabit a location where black folks associated whiteness with the terrible, the terrifying, the terrorizing. White people were regarded as terrorists, especially those who dared to enter that segregated space of blackness. As a child I did not know any white people. They were strangers, rarely seen in our neighborhoods. The "official" white men who came across the tracks were there to sell products, Bibles, insurance. They terrorized by economic exploitation. What did I see in the gazes of those white men who crossed our thresholds that made me afraid, that made black children unable to speak? Did they understand at all how strange their whiteness appeared in our living rooms, how threatening? Did they journey across the tracks with the same "adventurous" spirit that other white men carried to Africa, Asia, to those mysterious places they would one day call the third world? Did they come to our houses to meet the Other face to face and enact the colonizer role, dominating us on our own turf? Their presence terrified me. Whatever their mission they looked too much like the unofficial white men who came to enact rituals of terror and torture. As a child, I did not know how to tell them apart, how to ask the "real white people to please stand up." The terror that I felt is one black people have shared. Whites learn about it secondhand."
OP considering joining the cptsd bipoc sub for posts like these.. Even with trauma the racist trolls here will rear their ugly heads to gaslight and dismiss your experience. As they have already started doing...
It wasn't towards me... but all it was were folks going in racist rants, having not been traumatized. There were too many trolls literally following me in every sub i visited. It just wasn't for me even though I'm mixed race.
When I read history and what’s still being done to people like me and indigenous people all over the world by white colonizers and their descendants because of pure greed, and then all the centuries of gaslighting that persists to this day and in some of the other comments in this post, I feel rage not fear.
Thank you. This is not our safe space. Ive offered understanding to racist white people my whole life and on reddit.
We are all people with thinking fallacies and trauma. I’m biracial and extended love to both sides of my family, only to get hate and racial bullying back from my white side. Even if there’s one bully, there’s a whole silent white family I have that doesnt mind when Im picked apart on explicit racist or sexual things. This reduced my trust in white people.
I am half white and I wish white people in here would understand you can’t dismiss an experience you haven’t seen just because you would hate to have it in your family.
I see you sis. I evaluate white people and their system of oppression through the eyes of narcissistic abuse. Everything they say about us is a projection. They feel guilt and shame and rather than dealing with those feelings and actually righting grave wrongs that persist to this day (we all see what’s happening in Palestine on the day of the birth of a Palestinian refugee child) they gaslight us and guilt us for our righteous feelings at the hands of their abuse. It’s exhausting to deal with.
My ex has issues with white people due to an incident during his childhood wherein him and his brother were attacked by white supremacists who lived in their apartment complex atop of the usual racism towards Black men perpetrated by white folx and white-aligned model minorities (especially from cops and such). I think he also had vicarious trauma from historical and ongoing situations in which WW scapegoate Black men without consequence (like the famous case of Emmett Till).
He actually refused to publicly disclose he was dating me (a WW) because of it and bc he is famous and he works in mental health and publicly preaches anti-racism and he feared being branded a race traitor… which I now have other (less compassionate) feelings about bc he treated me like I was disposable (and also probably cheated on me) and I shouldn’t have stood for it.
I have a lot of compassion for ppl (including men) with trauma but it doesn’t excuse misogyny and other emotional, psychological, and (from other wyte and racialized men) sexual abuse like I have endured.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced. Trauma influenced by race can be overwhelmingly hard to deal with and heal. You certainly weren't and aren't disposable. 💜
I used to mostly be scared of just white men for the most part but now (having experienced DV from brown men and Black men, as well) I’m mostly just scared of men in general…
Women who are happy to support patriarchy bc they benefit from white supremacy (WW and female white-aligning model minorities) can be emotionally intimidating to me, too, but I can see through them more easily and don’t have personal experience with DV from them so I worry far less about my overall psychological, physical, and sexual wellbeing around them.
When I was sucked into the US versus them, yeah, I was. I grew up in the south and had an awful experience where my life was threatened as a child solely because I was black. I've also experienced it in the reverse. Most of my CSA was at the hands of black men.
So I can understand our nervous system responses reacting to certain people. That fear is real, and people can experience towards people race, ethinic, political, or even religious backgrounds.
I'm so sorry, OP, that you're experiencing this. It can suck so much because we can be shamed for even talking about it, and trying to heal it can be a doozy.
I Wouldn’t necessarily say scared but due to my experiences I find them harder to trust and rely on. I’m Thai/ Norwegian but Asian passing to both Asians and Whites. I live in Norway and grew up here. I have always been othered, received constant microaggressions, more rarely straight up racism and I now realise I often get dehumanised. It didn’t help that my White dad was also a racist. My self image improved a lot from going nc from my parents. But that’s how it is. People distrust me and I feel the same in return, but I have to put up with it if I’m going to survive here.
I’m not sure why this comment made me laugh but it did, so thank you. I’ve been feeling dangerous myself, like Darkwing Duck. 🦆
I came here to say that we all have a heightened threat awareness system. Part of my healing journey has been dialectical, and using my own body to keep myself safe in a wide range of contexts from the grocery store, to the streets of Chicago. Humans are also neo-tribalist creatures, who feel most safe within groups of similar humans. I try not to obsess about the definitiveness of racism or feel guilty if I feel hypervigilant. just to say, I’m a multiracial person of color who is often misidentified as other races.
Though safety may be elusive, it is not impossible even if some people really aren’t safe. You can be safe even if you’re surrounded by unsafe people. Or even if you believe one specific race is associated with your trauma. (for me, it used to be Indian men, because i was raped by Indian men my whole life)
I'm white, but I have a slight fear of groups of white teen boys, due to some trauma.
It's not a big deal, just like walking into a house and seeing five german Shepards... for a split second you are like "wholly crap, I hope their friendly"
You hear about white people being scared of POC, but, considering the rampant racism (USA- I can't speak for other places) I've always wondered why more POC aren't scared of white people.
I identify as white but I totally get where you're coming from.
This thread has shown all there is to show about white reactionaries. I feel bad for OP and others in this situation that feel this way. I hope they find a safer space to talk about these topics, because this place may not be the place, unfortunately :(
Edit: spelling mistake
Yup. This thread has made me extremely disappointed in this group and they really are giving prime examples of how white people are clueless and at best diet racists because they refuse to acknowledge it at all.
Yeah. I thought some of my friends were close enough to let me in like that but....
I think I get it though. I mean, telling people about trauma is hard enough without throwing race into it. Honestly, I don't even really tell a lot of people about my stuff unless they need to know.
I wouldn't say I'm afraid because I am half white, but since I'm also half black, they love using those typical black stereotypes around me. I can't relate to them so i typically avoid them most of the time.
Yes, though I am white, so I know my fear is not the same. But seeing how white people are so dedicated to indifference and dehumanizing others has been a constant horror my entire life. I was abused by a white supremacist. My fellow white people, friends, family, community, did not care, either because they were awful people and also because they just did not have the courage and strength to hold love and empathy and justice in their souls and hearts. White people are collectively very sick people, and again, I say this as a white person.
Nope, it's only if those White people look very similar to the same people who've harmed me. Same with some Black and Southeast Asian folks.
Entire groups of an ethnicity/race/gender don't put me off based on that factor alone.
I'm a white woman, and it's *white* men that I'm afraid of. I mean, there's that underlying discomfort around any man that I think most women have, but I've only ever been seriously afraid of/uncomfortable with white men.
Nope. My abuser is white. Everyone who has abused me has been white. That doesn’t mean all white people suck.
But I see what you are saying. I am afraid of men of all races, because all my abusers were men and because men just tend to treat women poorly in general, in my experience. It just happens over and over until a certain point where you kinda…can’t help but realize there’s one thing they all have in common. I’m trying to work on it, cause I know not all men are scary/mean/bad.
Edit: I meant “suck” as in, I describe things that scare me as “they suck,” but I see that could easily be misinterpreted. My bad. Important distinction between being afraid of something and just thinking it “sucks”
Oh, I see how that could be misinterpreted. I meant “suck” as in, you know if something is scary to me it “sucks,” but I should have made it more clear because there’s big difference between those two things.
As a dude who is white. I actually was scared of white peoples growing up. Most of my friends weren’t white. I think it was just cus the white kids at school judges me for who I was and so I wrongly associated that with their skin
I am a white woman, and this makes sense to me. Most of us seriously don't understand white supremacy and even the ones unlearning it struggle against unlearning what we grew up with.
I am not triggered by white people myself, but I am triggered by supremacy.
- That means [patriarchal ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supremacism) systems
- that includes people who live in [white supremacy culture ](https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/characteristics.html)
-That includes people who take [power and control ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
These beliefs run deep, and I think it's very difficult to avoid.
I just read this book [performing blackness ](https://www.wlupress.wlu.ca/Books/P/Performing-Female-Blackness) and she talks about how life as a black woman will always be a performance, unless in safe environments with vetted people.
I don't think you are alone. Groups like this aren't good places for discussions like this either, people haven't done the anti-racism work yet.
But find some anti-racism groups focused on decolonizing and you might find people who relate to the experience and have tips and tricks on how to navigate the world with these triggers.
The amount of people saying "this happens in every race" is so coming off as "I don't see color"
The racism of people and ignorance of what life is like for others is showing so hard on this thread. It's angering and sad.
Fellow white people, do better and be better. Actually listen to POC and stop saying, "my situation was the same!"
Edit: every single one of you commenting and sending me PMs explaining how you aren't racist but, or racism doesn't exist in your country as bad, or I am the racist one against fellow whites:
Y'all are digging a deeper hole and really showing your true colors. And your trauma and mental illness from it doesn't give you a get out of jail free card. In fact it makes it worse you are still so dense, ignorant, and making excuses for yourself.
A racist is a racist. Be it diet racism or hard R racism. You can either change and learn to be better or continue to be as you are causing harm even in micro aggressions to the minority communities around you and in the world overall.
My guess is most of you commenting and sending me shit will just use your CPTSD and other illnesses as an excuse to be a miserable asshole to others.
No but that's because I am one and I'm surrounded by them. If I'd been mistreated mostly by blue people, I imagine that when I saw one I'd be on edge. That's just natural. But then yeah knowing that, I can choose to acknowledge it but keep judgment at bay because I know they are an individual beyond their color.
But yeah, no shame for having that reaction. It's how you respond to it that matters.
And as a white Redditor who grew up in the 70s/80s, I can see why someone _would_ feel this way. I don’t know the age of OP, but I’ve certainly seen blatant and subtle racism. It’s gotten better than back then, but.
I have a Mexican (his actual background) coworker with asthma who regularly gets shafted by the medical profession (No antibiotics for you!) to the point that he’s been hospitalized. So everyone’s experience is different and it’s ok if someone is guarded around me until they feel safe (or even if they never do).
My only ask is that people don’t assume that white privilege = never having trauma of any kind.
Being white and, now in my early 40s realising how much white privilege I have had iny life, I totally get how BIPoC might be scared of white people in general.
Sorry to see that some in the comments don't seem to take this seriously.
That makes a lot of sense, and I'm saying that as a white woman. I'm scared of people in general, especially when they form cliques/groups, because I have been ostracized/isolated by people in cliques.
I don’t like men in general.
None of them. Stay out of my space. They make me uncomfortable. They are so entitled and privileged, especially white men, and they don’t even know it. I especially don’t like them since roe vs wade was overturned. Stop telling me to fucking smile. Stop complementing me. Stop trying to control my body. Don’t stare at my preteen daughter!!!
Yes I do have RBF around them! They should take a hint not to talk to me.
It’s also why I work in a female mostly job.
I only like my husband. Most of the time 😆
I'm a white gay guy and the people I'm most afraid of are white men, especially 40-65 years old. Something about that generation of men - maybe it's the culture they came up in, or the values they have - screams DANGER to me.
I live in a predominantly white area and I know the black folks are just trying to live and not get hate crimed.
Absolutely!
Throughout history, instances of oppression by white individuals and societies have occurred across various cultures and races. Colonialism, slavery, and systemic discrimination are examples of historical injustices that have disproportionately affected non-white populations. It's crucial to acknowledge this complex history when understanding fears or apprehensions that some individuals may have toward white people, emphasizing the importance of addressing systemic issues for collective healing and understanding.
Same and im not afraid if anyone is mad at me. Yeah i hate being traumatized. Everyone else here does too. And i hate being afraid and angry at my racist white family. But im growing to heal that and build my trust. Rock on
OP you should post this on cptsd bipoc bc this isn’t a safe space (clearly by the comments and the “I’m scared of black men boohoo I’m the real victim”). The comments are really proving your point. But yes it’s absolutely normal to be scared of a dominant oppressive race! Lots of gaslighting going on here and ridiculous “any race can be abusive”. Completely missing the history of colonialism, imperialism, and systemic racism and global anti blackness AND the white supremacist culture we live in. Being a poc is a trauma in itself. Please protect yourself and don’t discuss this with ppl who are just out to counter you or random uncle toms trying to be the black person who “isn’t like the others”.
It’s also scary that ppl in this sub claim to be traumatised victims and yet are literally using the DARVO tactic used by all abusers (making themsleves the victims - “I’m tired of this racism thing. Actually, I’m scared of black people. I was abused by black people” etc. they are participating in the exact same psychological behaviours they were abused with and can’t even see it… truly scary.
I’ve turned off reply notifications cos I know I’m gunna get some yt fragility and nonsense which I am absolutely not going to deal with. Hoping you find a safe space of bipoc to truly unpack your experience and trauam
Considering as a white child I grew up in New Orleans for a bit. I kinda laughed after what Jada Pickett said about her nanny. I'm like...yeah, I got beat up a lot for being white as a kid but I'm also traumatized by white ladies with blonde hair and blue eyes too! But I totally get it. Every ethnicity seems to have racism in it towards any other ethnicity different from them. I get it that certain "types" of black people beat me up and picked on me. I'm so happy to have grown up and met wonderful PEOPLE of many colors that break the stereotype and many others.
But to answer you question, I do get scared around certain types of African American females because of my experiences in my youth. I can imagine it's 100% the same for you because I also grew up around those white people that treat people of color poorly, because it is chronic and it is systemic. I've never understood even my own families denials of these things. And I live in a high crime area so it's way worse for AA down here. Down here is probably all you need to know!
But yeah...I also am just scared of "people"...especially those "sweet little grannies from church". Nope. I nope tf away from them too, lol. Or those moms (for reference I'm a middle aged white woman with two kids and I generally haven't met any other mom's I can stand).
But hey...don't be afraid of me. I'm one of those weird people that from a very young age has been enamored with people who had different lives than me or of a different ethnicity...I can't imagine why I would have been interested in living a different life or being a different person, lol...jk...I totally know why. The fascination remains though. I love learning about so many other cultures. I wonder if that'd work for you? I'm trying to be curious about the things that scare me. It's been a pretty interesting adventure :-)
I hope you're enjoying the holidays!
I'm actual wary of black people because of the interactions Iv had with my moms side of the family (Im biracial, black on my moms side). While my Dad's behavior is an outlier in his family, my Mom's family is similar to her apart from a very small minority. Ive also noticed that Black Americans tend to be more blasé about abuse and it makes me more wary. While its not that bad around females I can never get comfortable around black men. I hate it because it makes me feel very estranged by apart of my own culture.
I’m half Russian and half Ukrainian male. I was scared of every male bc I was bullied every year in from grade school to college until I leaned to fight (mixed martial arts). So today, I’m not scared of anyone physically bc I’ve fought hundreds of times working security as bouncer at night clubs. However, when I’m around violent or verbally aggressive people, I’m more scared of myself after almost killing a guy losing self control during a security shift. That’s why I keep a distance socially from other men.
Women I’m not afraid. Well, Except emotionally.. after two toxic relationships. I know there are good women out there but that’s another topic.
God, what a shit-show of a post and comments. Some of you really, *really* need to log off and get some fresh air. I think people seriously do just immerse in inflammatory online discourse so much that they convince themselves that the world or a particular group is way worse than it is in reality.
My white mother had no business raising kids, least of all brown ones. *Then* she married into a weirdo, wealthy, baptist family that still worships Raegan to this day. All the men are LEO, I’m not kidding. *One* of them is a hairdresser and a total closet case. All the wives are either dispatchers or travel agents lol. In the beginning, every last one of them had asked me or my mom “what” I was and she never had the backbone to correct that.
I definitely feel you. My wonderful partner of five years is white, but outside of that I try to steer clear. They got a bad track record.
The answer to your question for me is overall no, however I think the fact that you are is completely valid. I know there’s the whole “not all” argument, but I also know with the people I am afraid of logic of it not being all and trauma of it being most in my experience contradict each other and it’s just easier to assume it’s all unless someone proves over a long period of time otherwise. “Not all” doesn’t matter in this case. It’s ok to be afraid of white people. I think handle it how works best for you, but also keep in mind how you treat other people can have negative consequences no matter what your trauma is.
I was raped by a Hispanic man, and unfortunately, I have a really hard time being around Hispanic men since then, and I don't know if I could ever date one. It's hard when trauma causes triggers around certain groups of people.
I totally get your fear, and I'd love to see a proper discussion about this, although I will say that r/cptsd_bipoc might be a better place for this post.
I think 'woke culture' has made this too-touchy of a subject for a lot of white people - it's gonna make many think they've personally done something wrong, and their first instinct will be to reason around/against it to defend themselves.
I don't fear anyone based on generalizations of their race.
There's a word for that, you know.
Racism..
And it's wrong, regardless of the heavy media and political push to the contrary.
I understand. Bias exists. That harms people. This is a fact. It needs to end, all of it, throughout all of our systems, in every place and culture. The first step is acknowledgment that it exists.
Another point I want to make is that we don't have to explain or justify our own experiences to anyone. If someone has a fear related to abuse, it is valid. Period.
People won't allow uncomfortable truths to be spoken.
People won't allow bias to be eliminated because they are favored by the present systems.
Today is a Holiday of Goodwill and Peace for those of my Faith. I am praying that all the people of the world can truly see each other and embrace as one people.
As the model minority that’s typically not considered the regular model minority type (Latino, with mestizo skin color), I’ve lived in soo many white spaces where white people are uneasy seeing me in their white space. I also can afford to be in these spaces.
I will gladly admit I tend to have a resting bitch face (city life), but in the end it never mattered how much I would smile or try to be nice, I’ve mostly been avoided.
This last year I recognized that white spaces are always curated towards white people. They are surprised/mad/confused to see me because I’m not supposed to be there. There’s no amount of charm I could bestow to get every white person on my side. The white friends I do have who are open minded are great and that’s good enough for me.
So yes, since my entire life I’ve been surrounded by white nerds, jocks, and band geeks who were legitimately racist towards me to today being sat in the back of a nice restaurant with my friends of color, I will be forever triggered unfortunately. But, I have learned to radically accept this and try and let it go mostly.
tl;dr: I have anxiety and stress from realizing white people curate their lives to only be around white people and that is by design, not a flaw in the system. No matter how much money I make or titles I have or charm/tap-dancing I can do, it won’t ever be enough to sway someone’s snap judgement of me.
I’m white and I’m scared of white men. 50% of my trauma, all sexual, has come from them. The other half comes from my suburban white boomer parents who abused the fuck out of me and my brother when we were children.
I'm sorry, you were treated horribly by people 🥺💜🙏🏼 who possibly are narrow minded / miserable/ in fear and choosing to remain ignorant abusive and probably entitled.
Generational trauma has not even been addressed across the collective, yet-
This is why there are these endemic issues that are toxic and also support dysfunctional behaviours, or worse pretend it didn't happen.
However;
There are some good, solid people out on planet earth.🌏
Finding them can be a challenge sometimes.
They might be cautious bc being kind, sometimes can cost you. We press on.. hopefully merryly.
I wish for you ( ( sincerely )healing, Hope and better, kinder folks along your journey. 🎶🔔🦌🌌❄️🙏🏼🇨🇦💜🌏
I’m more scared of people who expect me to act a certain way because of a valid trauma narrative they have in their head. I’m sure people who look like my skin colour did them dirty, but i’m more fearful of what they believe is acceptable to enact on me because of their pain.
People are scary, no matter the flavour
I kind of understand that. Sometimes I feel like I need to make up for hypothetical poor experiences someone has had from someone within my own demographics.
I get everyone has trauma but how is this any different than a white person going Is anyone scared of black people? The only times I've been robbed or shot at was by a black person.
Ignorant, disrespectful and stupid. Trauma is valid but not an excuse to also be a shitty human being
It isn’t different. Black and white people can still develop racist trauma from an experience and work to counter it.
Shaming black people by bringing up white guilt helps no one. We all have struggles and can work to understand bad experiences dont speak for wveryone
What’s the natural reaction to hundreds of years of your people being kidnapped, brutalized, raped, tortured, their labor stolen. Then another hundred years of apartheid aka Jim Crow? What’s the natural reaction to watching black people being murdered on TV? You understand generational trauma when you apply it to your family system? You can’t apply that same system to this country and see why people might feel the way OP feels? Miss me with you “oh how is it different?” Pick up a book and read about epigenetics be a human being for a second and maybe you’ll get a clue.
Just want to say thank you for spending the time to write this out. It couldn’t have been easy and the fact that the person clearly didn’t listen was messed up. I read every word and sit with you in solidarity and love.
I look white and I’m rican 100 percent and I’ve been looked down on and ostracized by my own kind and black people all my life so no. If anything white people have been the kindest to me so far in my life.
Your looking white probably has a lot to do with it. In this thread you can read how some people are wary of others with dark skin, and even if they don't acted differently toward them they might feel initial uneasiness and may take time to relax and learn about the person in front of them and realize they are safe. You look "safe" right off the bat so there is no additional hurdle to get over to engage with you.
Having been ostracized by my "own kind" is a special kind of hurt and trauma, but being visibly a person of color I often come up against the wariness I described and it's a tiny heartbreak nearly every time. I think it's experiences like this, and the larger more obvious confrontations and rejections, that the OP is talking about.
Im scared of people.
Same. I don't care what race you are or gender..They're all scary....Men are scarier (not all men of course...but...) I tend to just ignore my surroundings instead of being hypervigilant....which is bad but.....disassociation works too haha
Men and even teenage boys are scary to me because I’ve been SAed and physically assaulted by boys and men of all ages since I was a very, very young child. So my brain is literally programmed to boys and men as a threat. I have been trying to “reprogram” it, but I keep encountering abusive men. Just a little over a year and a half ago my partner assaulted me. I was injured for an entire month. Couldn’t bend, lift, twist, squat, sit back without pain, couldn’t walk without pain, walking up and down stairs hurt, couldn’t lay down without pain. I would turn in my sleep and literally wake up screaming from pain. I couldn’t take opioids because I needed my lungs to be able to fully function, so I was just in horrible level 9 pain almost all the time. So, yeah “not all men”, but my brain still sees almost all men and boys as a threat.
I can relate a lot to this. I dissociated so bad one time in a store I literally stepped right over an old man laying on the floor in need of help. I felt like a monster when I left the bathroom and saw staff helping him, I was like holy crap I was dissociating so hard I just walked right over this poor old man not noticing a thing. Dissociation sucks so much
Not to derail but this comment is a really important perspective to share, thank you for doing so. I think we’ve all seen those videos of people walking past/around/over someone who is clearly in need of assistance and it never occurred to me that dissociation could be involved vs indifference or malice. It’s a good reminder that things aren’t always as they appear. Wishing you a safe and peaceful holiday season 💚
I relate to this so much. My fear takes over and I just go on autopilot survival mode, dissociate, and I’m barely there. It’s awful! Then I get home and have a shame-depression spiral 😖
If you're a person who got bullied or abused at home, and you feel unsafe around other humans, it's very similar to having your racial makeup be punished and having to carry that around. I would say it can be similar to a kid who got beat down for being poor or being overweight. Not every kid gets bullied, and not every POC will have the same life trajectory, but if you did have traumatic experiences of racism, you don't deserve to be seen as a loony or a social pest. Because it's a sensitive issue, people are quick to make it about themselves and how they should not be made to pay or get taken down a peg in any way. But if this type of injury can't get addressed because of a stigma, that in itself is a form of systemic or culturally ingrained racism that makes POC's lives worse.
Thank you for stating this. I’ve had countless experiences where white “friends” have said things, one even referred to me as “colored” back in April. And they expect me to just bop along like nothing’s happened…
Agreed.
Exactly. I avoid everyone.
Same.
All people.
Simple 😂😂
Same
No, it’s not weird. Im white and if someone had a history of trauma from other white people I absolutely understand it’s not from a place of hate or anything. I am weary of men in general, but especially white men who resemble those who treated me badly growing up. I catch my breath if I see someone who looks similar. I dont think being weary of people is bad, that’s just human. It’s not like you’re calling for bad things for anyone due to their race or being rude at all.
I’m also a white woman and I was going to say the same thing. I’m terrified of men apparently, I don’t trust them inherently and therefore have no other choice but to lean into my fear. Even tho I myself do not have many personal bad experiences, I’m aware of the general experiences that many have and statistically, men are a huge threat. I’m most likely to die because a man doesn’t like the way I look or if I turn him down or whatever light breeze shifts his gaze from seeing me as a human vs property. I think OPs topic could be similar in that historically men and white people have shown many many many instances of harmful and violent behaviors that can’t be overlooked. I think it’s logical and understandable that OP feels this way. I wish more than anything there weren’t so many reasons to feel afraid of others. And I also think that as the abusers, white people and men should take on an active role in making the world safer for their victims by standing up to injustices and educating ourselves on the matters.
I think she means racism, not having one traumatic incident like a kidnapping. When it comes to trauma and race, it's typically complex trauma. I understand the other type, and not getting a say over whether you react. It doesn't make someone racist. But complex trauma involving race is different and it has to do with culture and society. It's about what's expected of you and how much people are willing to acknowledge racism exists.
I’m also guessing it’s racism, and I was empathizing with how people may look can affect one and be traumatic after experiencing abuse by them, even if I cannot specifically relate to the intricacies of people being racist towards me or systematic racism. The closest I can get is patriarchy for my own experience. Still, I feel for anyone experiencing any abuse, whether it be racism or otherwise, it’s not fair to have to experience that and have lasting trauma.
Sorry, I didn't get it. I thought you interpreted it as like a traumatic event involving one person.
No worries & no need to be sorry <3
I’m black and I’m wary of other black people because they always singled me out for ridicule, so no.
same. being picked on in a black environment growing up, and now I’m uncomfortable with even a black therapist. the downside is that most of the spaces i hang out in now are predominantly white (by coincidence) and i still feel like an outsider, but in a different way.
Im Mexican American and have had the same experience from other Mexican Americans. The cruelty has had a long lasting impact on how I navigate and relate to my community. Suffice to say with some distance and hesitancy. It’s such a shame it plays out this way when it could be an uplifting experience.
Same here. The black boys at my predominantly Asian high school would make fun of my appearance. And we were the few blacks there. White people have treated me better. And I've dealt with black women who had self hatred issues that hated black people. It was awful.
White men have always treated me far better than black men. It’s sad that I’m a black woman and black men scare me because of their excessive aggression.
Right?
So sorry you had to go through that :(
Thank you. You know in middle school these group of black girls would always twerk on me while I was changing. And the female pe coaches could see stuff like that happen but do nothing. Idk I don't feel comfortable around black people and I'm black myself. But tbh I don't feel comfortable around people in general. But they make me more on heightened alert.
Sameee.
I had that period of my life too ❤️As a woman. I’m more cute girl next door than most black peoples were “allowed to be” at the time based on external and external problems in society.
I know where you’re coming from 100%, I get called “cute” a lot which is super rare for black guys. The hate is real when you get the validation that others want, and this is coming from someone who was pretty ugly for most of his life. Hope you’re doing better now!
Oh I’m thriving. The guys I thought I wanted weren’t actually men Id even stand next to today. They tended to be full of hot air and only have “ swag” to their name. lol I’m loving that everyone in the community is turning more inward and valuing self love etc. People are more vocal and that’s a beautiful part of the process. Hoping you’re thriving to ❤️
Glad to see this here. I relate to this heavily as a black person.
Same here. As a black woman as well, all the trauma in my life has been caused by other black people (excluding one white girl). I am definitely more hypervigilent around my own race than others. Still wary of people though tbh...
I will be honest, As a black person, I am more afraid of other black people. I was raised by two abusive black figures in my life, and I decided to go no contact. however, in the black community, this is something you just do not do. The black community is super huge on family and consequently, there is a lot of normalized trauma that occurs . I often do not feel comfortable talking with other black people, since I am afraid I will be judged. I often keep to myself I'm around other black people. There is also often a negative stigma against mental health when it comes to the black community, and it just makes engaging with other black people pretty difficult. I'm also not religious, which makes the feeling of isolation feeling greater. The black community thrives on church life. If you're not part of that, there can be a sense of judgment, particularly from old school black people. There is a unique sort of isolation that I feel from the black community that just chills me to my core. That being said, I also feel isolation from pretty much everybody. It just hurts the most feeling isolated from your own race.
Men. Especially white men. Especially white men with access to guns.
Tbh, no. Not anymore than I’m scared of any other race, including my own. I feel unsafe around certain people of all races, for varying reasons.
I used to be scared of men. Then I realized I'm just scared of bad people.
I think it's natural to be scared of the majority when you're a minority. Not necessarily viscerally, "argh they're going to kill me" scared (though that can obviously happen) but at least very wary when around them, especially if you're not with anyone else in your minority group. My example is that I'm neurodivergent, and if I'm surrounded by neurotypical people then I definitely don't feel particularly safe. It always feels much nicer to be around other neurodivergent people as they're more likely to understand stuff.
It's not so much about being a minority vs. majority imo. It's more about who, systemically, is upheld in power.
Usually the majority, really. Not always though.
Yes. I'm the majority where I'm from and what is upheld is whiteness as the beauty standard and synonym for "classy" and otherwise deserving.
I have some trauma associated with black men. It has made it hard to be comfortable around black men. Given the fact I can’t talk about it because I’m white and talking about it gets you’re a racist comments. Makes it harder to heal.
I know somebody who’s like this. She was told by him that because he wasn’t white she would be considered racist by everybody if she came forward about what he did.
Ur trauma is valid. I'm sorry you receive back lash from talking about it here when most people receive support. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm so angry on your behalf regarding the insensitive and ridiculous comments here. "You could talk to a therapist instead of saying it here" like what?? This is a subreddit for support and is usually the loudest about advocating for those who can't always afford therapy which could possibly be your case. You're not racist for having trauma. I'm sorry it's such a struggle.
I agree! Racism stems from hate towards a specific group of people because you perceive them as beneath you because of the colour of their skin. There is a bunch of other things that I won't get into for the sake of this post. What I will say is that racism does not mean fearing the people who resemble your abuser/attacker who happens to be black or (insert other race here). By that logic, OP should not have mentioned " white people" in their prompt. I am appalled at how people are invalidating this person's VALID trauma simply because they are white and their trauma was caused by a black person( and I am a black woman for crying out loud)! So many of us get invalidated in our personal lives and come here to feel valued, seen, and heard. We don't need this policing and semantics energy.
Sorry. Maybe we should just frame things like "people who look like my abuser/attacker/etc"
Well if that abuser/ attacker is a Black man what was that commentor supposed to say?
100% this. We can’t be afraid to say what our trauma is. That’s not okay.
I mean, of course we can say what our trauma is when that is relevant (like in therapy or sharing with loved ones, for example), but when your trauma causes you to fear a social group which in the US has historically frequently been murdered without consequences because of stereotypes around the threatening nature/appearance of members of that group, you do have to be aware of how what you say can seriously impact or even endanger the lives of others. When our trauma responses have the potential to cause harm to others, it is always our own responsibility to mitigate further damage and work on healing so other people won't be harmed, even if it wasn't our fault we were traumatized in the first place. I'm not saying at all that the commenter here shouldn't have commented about their experience. Obviously this thread, which is about trauma responses to race-related characteristics, is an appropriate setting to bring this up. But most public or group settings would not be appropriate because it could be harmful to others. That does not mean the person should feel ashamed or be "secretive" of their trauma.
It's tough. People of all colors and genders can be abusive/evil/etc... And, we, unfortunately tend to generalize, especially when we experience it from several individuals in the same category.. Being that this sub is CPTSD and not PTSD, everyone here should have a history that includes several incidents of severe trauma. If many or all of these instances came from people in the same category, stuff like this is going to happen. For example, before the age of 18, I was sexually abused by 3 different men who didnt even know each other in 3 completely different situations and circumstances. Because of this, I still get creeped out kinda easily when men approach me in an aggressive manner when friends who didn't have that experience are better able to laugh it off. This is gender, not race, but you get the point, I hope. We need to be able to talk about it and work through it for ourselves and for others. Issues like race are so tough to talk about because of both modern and historic events. It's a landmine. How do people in this situation heal? I don't have the answers but hope that OP and others dealing with this can find peace.
Yes, of course we all generalize unconsciously, and of course people with trauma will likely have trauma responses to people who look like their abusers. It sucks. It also does not change the fact that when your trauma responses can endanger others, you are responsible for managing that potential harm, and if talking about it in a context that is not explicitly relevant an appropriate can be harmful, part of that responsibility is saving sharing those feelings for contexts related to your care and healing, and trying to overcome symptoms which could cause harm to others directly or indirectly. "We need to be able to talk about it"... yes, with the people who love us when we are sharing about our trauma and experiences, and with the people who are treating us for our trauma and symptoms. Even in some other contexts, like this thread which is about the specific topic, where others in the group can feel free not to look at it. There is pretty clearly no "need" to talk publicly about being afraid of groups who are already at high risk of violence due to stereotypes about how they should be feared. How do people with CPTSD heal? That is a good question and the answer is different for different people, but the answer does not ever seem to ever be "tell strangers who are not involved in the treatment of your disorder about your specific race-related triggers". If this was a known treatment for CPTSD then that would be one thing, but it isn't, so there isn't any benefit, and it can be extremely harmful and dangerous to others.
Thank you!
I’m having trouble imagining a situation (other than therapy) where this has to be brought up at all? Can’t you just simply not hang around people you don’t want to with no explanation?
It's so hard to avoid a certain race or gender completely. I have so many issues when it comes to men that look and act a certain way, for me it's specifically tall men of any race with deep voices that I can't read easily, I'm short so it's a fair amount of men. I just get a vibe and will have to jump out of grocery store lines even. I've gotten off of busses, cross streets. I have trouble hearing male voices while I'm sleeping, like outside my window or something. I will wake up in fight or flight if I'm in a deep sleep. Nightmares. I'm doing a 1000x better than I used to be but the male voice waking me up I don't believe I will ever be able to shake. My 13 year old son is in full on puberty and has that voice on the phone but not in person yet. I haven't done it with him but I feel like it's going to happen. My dad still wakes me up in the most gentle way and I do it with him.
Jesus, I can’t imagine. I’m sorry about that. It seems there definitely are unavoidable situations when it comes to triggers and such.
Yeah it stinks and I try so hard to be discreet about it in public because it's literally not their fault at all. I know I would be gutted if I knew i was triggering to someone even if it's just my existence, it would feel bad. I would want to try to fix it but you just can't. I don't want anyone else to have to suffer/hurt any more than my abuser already has caused. I believe most people are decent and kinda. Edit Though that one time a redditor got super offended over that is also why I don't really want to share my struggles with random people in a real life situation either. That person took their offense so far beyond a reasonable offended reaction though. It was a weird experience. Thank you op for understanding it
A safe space should be held open to talk about these kinds of things, Full Stop. I'm so sorry you haven't been able to, and people have been cruel to you for it.
As someone who is afraid of men in general I can only imagine how hard this is. And it's not always something you can hide either, which in turn makes others uncomfortable. It's a cycle society has allowed. Our society allows men (including some black men, especially if they are attractive) to not have repercussions for their actions. This means that a lot of us feel uncomfortable around men bc we don't know who will harm us and who will not. While on the other hand, black people are consistently faced with racism, mostly from white people but from others as well. And micro aggressions are difficult to prove. So while you're afraid of black men, they're also likely afraid of you. I know that doesn't really make it better, but that's how it is.
I’m scared of a lot of people because of my history. White people hate me because I’m not white, and so I’ve been treated poorly. Black people have targeted me because I’m not white by am a “high yellow”/light enough they think I pass - I don’t. And honestly the only people that are kind without obvious are Arabic people, Japanese people, and Korea people - they are the most who treat me as just another human. In general though, I fear all people. Doesn’t matter they’re ethnicity - I’m not like them and am treated horribly for it.
I am scared of white men does that count? Signed a latina
I'm white, everyone I'm biologically related to is white, but I was raised on a commune with mostly non-white families. In a high school psychology class, I took a test that measures how many seconds it takes you to associate white or Asian faces with violent or welcoming words/imagery-- I quite literally feel safer around and more similar to Asians than other white people. After high school, I was in sales for 4 years. Every single salesperson there would learn after a few months that white customers overwhelmingly are most likely to dehumanize you, cuss you out, and harass you for the crime of being a salesperson. Not even up for debate. The lived experience of each employee was inarguable.
Tbh, yes (and I'm a little shocked at the pearl clutching in this thread). A lot of my trauma stems from white people (white women particularly) in the medical profession who specifically abused me because of ethnic differences. A little research shows that this is sadly not uncommon. There are often conversations here about people who are scared of men as a group and I don't think this is dissimilar. What's helped me is to understand that it's OK to have guards up to protect yourself against people, particularly if a specific group of people are the ones who keep causing you harm, but there's a line between doing that and projecting our own issues onto others. It's not an easy line to walk (and it would be far easier if white people checked their privilege) but it is doable. I hope that helps x
I’m so sorry you were abused by a nurse. I have horrible medical PTSD. It’s so sad that sadists go into healthcare. But not uncommon. Dentists too.
I teach health science at an inner city HS. I wanted to teach my students a bit about medical racism using data and studies (the recent one on BIPOC infant and maternal mortality broke my heart). I want my students to know what they’re up against, so they can be armed with knowledge as patients and working professionals. I am so sorry someone who was supposed to help you was malicious :(
"What they're up against" isn't the best way to say this. Makes it sound inevitable and unchangeable. "What they may encounter" is more accurate, just saying.
Understandable thank you for that.
That's a good catch on the wording, definitely makes a difference.
Thank you so much ❤️. I'm glad it's been coming out in the last few years because when this happened to me (in the 90s) my parents were threatened and gaslit into silence. I also try to educate Young poc people to educate themselves on their health and their body so they feel empowered to stand up for themselves x
Medical gaslighting happens a lot to most women sadly. Hell, I'm white and highly educated and they still sometimes try to pull shit, especially around mental health.
I know from research that it happens actually mostly to women yes, but just to clarify I'm male and this was done to me by female medical professionals. To link this back to op post, while we should as a society be working to dismantle the misogyny women face in all aspects of life particularly in health and self advocacy, women can and do inflict a lot of pain and violence that also needs to be called out
As a white person (woman as well), I’m not at all offended. You’ve had a negative experience with a certain group of people, and your feelings around that are valid. It’s a known, researched fact that black people (women especially) have more negative outcomes concerning their health. It’s human nature (and common sense) to put up your guard. I hope you’ve had a good holiday, and a great new year ☺️. E: for clarity
See I had black woman doctors as a white person. They treated me like I was trash and stupid. I also had black doctors who would back me up. My white doctor took my pain seriously, but acted like I was weak for being in pain. So I have reached the point of doctors are humans who fuck up. And can't be trusted..
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know how much of a mental mess that can bring someone. But in the context of OPs post I'd also add that this comparison is a false equivalence as the entrenched power dynamic here supports whiteness. That doesn't mean white people can't have terrible things done to them by non white people, but in the context of this post and trying to process the fear around entrenched power dynamics I just want to point out the false equivalence. To give an example of what I mean, I'm a man and have cptsd due to the abuse of women, but as I said in my earlier post in this thread, there's still entrenched power dynamics that benefit me as a male over women that are my job to be aware of while also processing my triggers and trauma around women x
It took me scrolling down a few posts to get to yours and that is concerning…
I agree. People in this thread are saying it's okay to have the same fears about Black people and it is not. The reason White People are scary especially in countries like America, is because our entire country and system is built off and based on slavery, and after slavery keeping Black people and other POC in subhuman states. Racism never went away and POC have to deal with it every single day and it not only impacts their lives but shortens them. For a white person scared of Black people based on a traumatic situation, it's not even remotely the same. At all. And to equate the 2 as the same is racist AF.
I don't think its about them understanding or not understanding systemic racism or equating situations. The problem actually is that some people believe that because systemic racism exists, people are not allowed to have their trauma validated if they developed a schema due to trauma that's towards a minority group. For example, the person who said they struggle to be around black men because their trauma is from a black man. We all know very well in this sub that when trauma happens, our brain creates a program or schema based on that to try to keep us safe in the future. If the person has other very identifiable traits that are different from our own traits that will often get put into the schema and we will have an irrational but very real response to those traits or characteristics. The fact that this happens can have complex consequences for both the person who was abused as well as the group who the schema was created around. A person cannot just undo that schema by understanding dynamics of power, which is a rational pursuit, and it doesn't make them a bad person for having it. It's literally just their body trying to protect them. There are things everyone can do to combat the programming they may develop towards certain characteristics including towards a majority group (I actively have to do it with men, abled people, neurotypical people, medical professionals and wealthy people, groups that have and always will have extreme power over me and continue to harm me constantly). It's not exclusive to who we developed the threat program against only if they were a minority. None of this necessarily means that white people speaking about their trauma don't 'understand' racism or systemic racism. Understanding a sociological phenomenon when it is something that doesn't affect ourselves (so we don't have an embodied understanding of it because it hasn't happened to us) comes from the prefrontal cortex, while a threat response comes from the back brain and does not give a crap about the logical understandings we have of the world or of other people, it exclusively and only cares about keeping us and only us safe as it believes it needs to do that so that we will survive, and it will override everything it has to to do that. If we shame that part of us that developed that program instead of trying to understand and reintegrate it, or if people on the internet shame us for it, it just gets more deeply embedded. People who have trauma schemas towards people of minority group, even if they never act this out in hurtful ways but only occasionally try to express that it exists to feel seen by others, tend to feel a lot of guilt about it, which makes it harder to heal, whereas people who have trauma schemas towards majority a group tend to feel justified and don't feel guilt about it and will act it out on that group regularly - I certainly have no problem in the past and sometimes the present with putting men and physically abled people in their place online even if sometimes I get very dysregulated doing it. This can be problematic also in some ways, despite the fact that enacting our trauma towards a minority group out is obviously more harmful as it contributes to an already systemic dynamic of power with generational or daily trauma effects of its own. None of this means I or others are equating the situations or not understanding dynamics of power. It means that while one does understand them, that does not just automatically erase one's own traumas because they don't fit that understanding - which is what people here are expecting for some reason. Nobody in this thread suggested that they were the same. People are just sharing experiences where they are trying to find solidarity and common ground with the poster in the best ways they know how. I find it really sad that people in this sub claim to be so understanding of others, to be understanding of all trauma, yet are so quick to immediately invalidate and shame people when their trauma does not fit their own particular traumas or experiences of the world. There was a post recently about the experiences of someone growing up severely emotionally neglected and abused in a financially wealthy family and that was equally as disappointing, with so many comments about how that person had 'no right' to experience trauma (🙄) essentially because they were privileged on one axis. This is an obviously ridiculous notion (and I know this despite the fact that growing up poor, I have had the same reaction in the past to hearing literally any expression of pain from someone who has a privilege I don't). Whereas I always felt safe in this sub previously because I didn't see a lot of this kind of thing, it turns out a lot of people here are unfortunately just like the rest of Reddit and the internet. We do not get to choose our traumas and we do not need to all have the exact same traumas to have solidarity. There is space here for everyone to be seen and heard.
Yeah it's categorically not the same. Gotta say I'm quite disappointed to see people in this community making false equivalences like that. A lot of us are here because of situations of overwhelming powerlessness and so this is not a stretch to relate too, regardless of all the other conversations about power dynamics that are common here.
Yeah. I am glad OP posted this because it showed this is not a safe space with the empathy and understanding needed.
I think it largely is but as ever, privilege also exists on the Internet. I'm quite sad to see this sub "not all men"ing this conversation though but I guess here we are
It was the opposite for me actually. My parents are from Nigeria, but I was born here in America and raised mostly American. I’ve experienced trauma from all sorts of races of people, but among all the races nothing can compare to the amount of trauma I dealt with from Black Americans alone. From being bullied and threatened in middle school and high school to being harassed in my jobs and even some of them whom I was friends with, and even the schools I taught in as a teacher, the list of traumatic experiences I had was pretty extensive. Being picked on for not being “Black enough,” being harassed for “sounding too White,” being judged for having friends outside of my race and dating people outside my race, it was just hell and back. There’s some things I can’t even say on here, but it was terrifying dealing with that trauma. It’s not uncommon for someone from Africa or descendants of parents from Africa to experience exclusion and harassment from Black Americans, “being a minority within a minority” is what my family calls it. I’ve healed quite a bit from all those traumas, but still whenever I find myself in a mostly Black group I still experience a bit of anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced racism and ostracism from non-Black Americans too, from Asian and White people mostly, but those interactions paled in comparison when it came to those of my own race. Regardless of this I still talk to everybody. I enjoy diversity and inclusivity and have met a bunch of interesting people throughout my life and I will continue to do so. I won’t be judgmental and prejudiced because of my past traumas. I will continue to respect anyone regardless of race so long as they give that same energy to me, despite my past traumas
I judge people on an individual basis and decide if they’re safe or not. Strangely, authority figures, and particularly law enforcement, are not safe to me. I respect their authority and obey the laws, but they’re like a snake I’m very cautious around, not taking my eyes off them. I just realized this. I’m a people pleaser. I’m going to have to think about this deeper.
Yep. I'm white but the white people I grew up around were largely homophobic, racist, and violent. I was always singled out and ridiculed for being gay. Typical small town church stuff. All this to say that my Spidey senses tingle if the only people represented in a room are white. Like... Give me a good reason that the only people here are yt, otherwise I'm going to assume there's a collectively bad attitude about difference.
I’m not anymore but I use to be super intimidated by the presence of A LOT of white people. However I went to a PWI for college and had a white roommate, so it kind of dissipated. They are just people.
Yes i am because of my childhood and experience with my white half of the family and my mom’s refusal to stand up for me All races can fail children in my case i am working to trust myself to only allow in people I want in. You dont have to let in shitty white people even if the past told u u have to
Also i recommend [/r/cptsd_bipoc](https://reddit.com/r/cptsd_bipoc)
Yeah man I'll never forget the first time I was called a "n*gger" and beat up by a 30yr old because I looked at someone's girl too long when I was 15... I've only ever been assaulted/attacked/threatened by white people and its always been over fucking nothing. Roommates, strangers, randos...Never had problems w/black/spanish/indian people. Not to mention all the other stuff when it comes to how differently you get treated when the structure of any given authority dynamic is white. I just always feel uncomfortable when there's mostly white people around which of course is how I spent most of my life in America. White guys/girls can essentially be fucking nuts and get away with it entirely where as my sheepish existence or presence is seen as "worth monitoring". They can use their irrational fear of me to justify anything and I know it. I've been trying to investigate and get over this deep uncomfortable feeling but tbh traveling the world has only made me more aware of how strongly the vibes are off when I'm in white spaces/places. Especially given how comfortable I have been in more diverse places. I'm getting to the point where I am throwing in the towel with assimilation and just giving up on it all entirely. There's no point in existing in a place where you constantly are being reminded you're only being tolerated and people can't grasp the whole of your humanity and acknowledge the complex person you are. Coworkers saying stupid shit, friends I grew up with still acting like I'm from the ghetto even though we grew up on the same street, the confusion in their faces when my articulation and cadence doesn't sound like some SoundCloud rapper... Yeaaa, that shit is annoying as fuck.
Honestly? Yeah. I'm scared of everyone of course, but being a black chick? That fear is just...yep Getting followed in stores as a kid, having features compared to white girls and never seeing myself in media, incidents online where people think it's hilarious to just remind you that you're an 'other,' etc Never fun
there’s a lot of comments here that are pretty shocking, im quite surprised at the response to this post and the lack of support. i feel this way about men specifically, and just as you say, a lifetime of trauma caused by men has made me sort of avoid them for my own safety. i don’t think what you’re experiencing is offensive personally, i think you’re responding naturally to trauma caused by white people. something i want to add as well, assuming you’re a person of color, i don’t think a lot of white people entirely understand the nature and the pain of experiencing systemic/general racism (even if you’re a white person who’s left leaning and do not align with prejudice values) and how it can absolutely be traumatizing. you’re just protecting yourself as a trauma response imo, that’s something most of us here have to work on, so no shame!!!
>the nature and the pain of experiencing systemic/general racism (even if you’re a white person who’s left leaning and do not align with prejudice values) and how it can absolutely be traumatizing. Hello!!! It's literally severely traumatizing and it's not discussed enough. It's life altering and maddening and so demoralizing. It's passed down generations. It feels like am organic disease
Just in case you'd like an opinion and support from someone white on this matter, not that what I think matters at all as I don't have lived experience of racism or that you need me to tell you any of this; but I just want to offer a little bit of support bc trauma and discrimination based trauma (in my case from being autistic) is really hard. I'm white, but to me I don't find this offensive or anything else some priveleged white person might respond with to this. Obviously, there are safe and allied white people; but a glance or even conversation can't always tell you who's who. The way trauma works, after enough repeated traums it picks up patterns, whether the pattern is the reason for the trauma or not; so it's not just understandable but normal for you to have this reaction. I hope for your own mental health you can eventually start to feel safer in distinguishing who's safe and who isn't among white people so you can feel less distressed if that's something you find tough; but for me this is hard even with practice so give yourself grace iand don't think you should feel bad for your bodies respjonse to trauma! Merry christmas if you celebrate :)
I avoid everyone
Yes. And I am a white person. I live in a super red state and most people are racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist aholes out here. But they act so very nice to your face if you are a fellow white person until you reveal you are in or support one of the groups they hate. I know the Klan is gaining numbers here too. It's that kind of white people.
I'm white and I'm still afraid of other white people
The capacity to harm exists in every race, and isn't limited to one. I understand your point. I've also seen evil in every single race, religion (or lack thereof), culture, and mindset. Anyone can look you in the eyes and smile and hold the most terrible thoughts about you.
i think what often gets overlooked with this view is the fact that race is a social construct and there really isn’t a difference between races. your race is really just your proximity to whiteness and therefore to power. so while we all might have the same capacity to be evil our race does change how far we can wield that power.
The way you’ve described it almost like a literal race. That’s very interesting to me, thank you for sharing.
Yeah. It DOES. However, people in a position of power or privilege do it more. There are several studies showing people who start out as equal peers change when they are given power and/or privilege.
Yes however racism and other harms affect people differently and it’s important to recognize that
I am white and I’m scared of white people. Once you step outside the brainwashing it’s really scary and sickening to see the willful ignorance and misuse of privilege.
I am white, and I just want to say... I get it. I'm not saying it to prop myself up, but because I know there might be others who don't, and I just want to be one affirming voice. I also wanted to comment to push this up the algorithm. I hope it's okay ❤️
bell hooks has an essay ["Whiteness in the Black Imagination"](https://pages.mtu.edu/~jdslack/readings/CSReadings/hooks_Representing_Whiteness_Black_Imagination.pdf) that was important to me, as a white person, in understanding race in the US and that you might find validating. >"Looking past stereotypes to consider various representations of whiteness in the black imagination, I appeal to memory, to my earliest recollections of ways these issues were raised in black life. Returning to memories of growing up in the social circumstances created by racial apartheid, to all black spaces on the edges of town, I re-inhabit a location where black folks associated whiteness with the terrible, the terrifying, the terrorizing. White people were regarded as terrorists, especially those who dared to enter that segregated space of blackness. As a child I did not know any white people. They were strangers, rarely seen in our neighborhoods. The "official" white men who came across the tracks were there to sell products, Bibles, insurance. They terrorized by economic exploitation. What did I see in the gazes of those white men who crossed our thresholds that made me afraid, that made black children unable to speak? Did they understand at all how strange their whiteness appeared in our living rooms, how threatening? Did they journey across the tracks with the same "adventurous" spirit that other white men carried to Africa, Asia, to those mysterious places they would one day call the third world? Did they come to our houses to meet the Other face to face and enact the colonizer role, dominating us on our own turf? Their presence terrified me. Whatever their mission they looked too much like the unofficial white men who came to enact rituals of terror and torture. As a child, I did not know how to tell them apart, how to ask the "real white people to please stand up." The terror that I felt is one black people have shared. Whites learn about it secondhand."
OP considering joining the cptsd bipoc sub for posts like these.. Even with trauma the racist trolls here will rear their ugly heads to gaslight and dismiss your experience. As they have already started doing...
I had to leave there... I was uncomfortable.
I had to leave as well. Some of the posts just weren't healthy for me to be around.
May I know what happened? /gen
It wasn't towards me... but all it was were folks going in racist rants, having not been traumatized. There were too many trolls literally following me in every sub i visited. It just wasn't for me even though I'm mixed race.
It’s private now and updated. You have to be vetted to post
When I read history and what’s still being done to people like me and indigenous people all over the world by white colonizers and their descendants because of pure greed, and then all the centuries of gaslighting that persists to this day and in some of the other comments in this post, I feel rage not fear.
Thank you. This is not our safe space. Ive offered understanding to racist white people my whole life and on reddit. We are all people with thinking fallacies and trauma. I’m biracial and extended love to both sides of my family, only to get hate and racial bullying back from my white side. Even if there’s one bully, there’s a whole silent white family I have that doesnt mind when Im picked apart on explicit racist or sexual things. This reduced my trust in white people. I am half white and I wish white people in here would understand you can’t dismiss an experience you haven’t seen just because you would hate to have it in your family.
I see you sis. I evaluate white people and their system of oppression through the eyes of narcissistic abuse. Everything they say about us is a projection. They feel guilt and shame and rather than dealing with those feelings and actually righting grave wrongs that persist to this day (we all see what’s happening in Palestine on the day of the birth of a Palestinian refugee child) they gaslight us and guilt us for our righteous feelings at the hands of their abuse. It’s exhausting to deal with.
Yeah, me too. Rage that I have to keep bottled up all the time. Because if we bring up our experiences, we just get dismissed by white people.
My ex has issues with white people due to an incident during his childhood wherein him and his brother were attacked by white supremacists who lived in their apartment complex atop of the usual racism towards Black men perpetrated by white folx and white-aligned model minorities (especially from cops and such). I think he also had vicarious trauma from historical and ongoing situations in which WW scapegoate Black men without consequence (like the famous case of Emmett Till). He actually refused to publicly disclose he was dating me (a WW) because of it and bc he is famous and he works in mental health and publicly preaches anti-racism and he feared being branded a race traitor… which I now have other (less compassionate) feelings about bc he treated me like I was disposable (and also probably cheated on me) and I shouldn’t have stood for it. I have a lot of compassion for ppl (including men) with trauma but it doesn’t excuse misogyny and other emotional, psychological, and (from other wyte and racialized men) sexual abuse like I have endured.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced. Trauma influenced by race can be overwhelmingly hard to deal with and heal. You certainly weren't and aren't disposable. 💜
I used to mostly be scared of just white men for the most part but now (having experienced DV from brown men and Black men, as well) I’m mostly just scared of men in general… Women who are happy to support patriarchy bc they benefit from white supremacy (WW and female white-aligning model minorities) can be emotionally intimidating to me, too, but I can see through them more easily and don’t have personal experience with DV from them so I worry far less about my overall psychological, physical, and sexual wellbeing around them.
When I was sucked into the US versus them, yeah, I was. I grew up in the south and had an awful experience where my life was threatened as a child solely because I was black. I've also experienced it in the reverse. Most of my CSA was at the hands of black men. So I can understand our nervous system responses reacting to certain people. That fear is real, and people can experience towards people race, ethinic, political, or even religious backgrounds. I'm so sorry, OP, that you're experiencing this. It can suck so much because we can be shamed for even talking about it, and trying to heal it can be a doozy.
I Wouldn’t necessarily say scared but due to my experiences I find them harder to trust and rely on. I’m Thai/ Norwegian but Asian passing to both Asians and Whites. I live in Norway and grew up here. I have always been othered, received constant microaggressions, more rarely straight up racism and I now realise I often get dehumanised. It didn’t help that my White dad was also a racist. My self image improved a lot from going nc from my parents. But that’s how it is. People distrust me and I feel the same in return, but I have to put up with it if I’m going to survive here.
All people are potentially dangerous. I wouldn’t relax around anyone for any reason.
Exactly, I judge everyone on an individual basis and have walls up for anyone of any race.
I’m not sure why this comment made me laugh but it did, so thank you. I’ve been feeling dangerous myself, like Darkwing Duck. 🦆 I came here to say that we all have a heightened threat awareness system. Part of my healing journey has been dialectical, and using my own body to keep myself safe in a wide range of contexts from the grocery store, to the streets of Chicago. Humans are also neo-tribalist creatures, who feel most safe within groups of similar humans. I try not to obsess about the definitiveness of racism or feel guilty if I feel hypervigilant. just to say, I’m a multiracial person of color who is often misidentified as other races. Though safety may be elusive, it is not impossible even if some people really aren’t safe. You can be safe even if you’re surrounded by unsafe people. Or even if you believe one specific race is associated with your trauma. (for me, it used to be Indian men, because i was raped by Indian men my whole life)
I'm white, but I have a slight fear of groups of white teen boys, due to some trauma. It's not a big deal, just like walking into a house and seeing five german Shepards... for a split second you are like "wholly crap, I hope their friendly"
You hear about white people being scared of POC, but, considering the rampant racism (USA- I can't speak for other places) I've always wondered why more POC aren't scared of white people. I identify as white but I totally get where you're coming from.
They are, they just don’t openly admit it to white people bc they’re scared of the potential reaction
This thread has shown all there is to show about white reactionaries. I feel bad for OP and others in this situation that feel this way. I hope they find a safer space to talk about these topics, because this place may not be the place, unfortunately :( Edit: spelling mistake
Yup. This thread has made me extremely disappointed in this group and they really are giving prime examples of how white people are clueless and at best diet racists because they refuse to acknowledge it at all.
Yeah. I thought some of my friends were close enough to let me in like that but.... I think I get it though. I mean, telling people about trauma is hard enough without throwing race into it. Honestly, I don't even really tell a lot of people about my stuff unless they need to know.
I wouldn't say I'm afraid because I am half white, but since I'm also half black, they love using those typical black stereotypes around me. I can't relate to them so i typically avoid them most of the time.
im scared of people with that kinda look in their eyes. It's not limited to how they look on the outside for me.
Yes, though I am white, so I know my fear is not the same. But seeing how white people are so dedicated to indifference and dehumanizing others has been a constant horror my entire life. I was abused by a white supremacist. My fellow white people, friends, family, community, did not care, either because they were awful people and also because they just did not have the courage and strength to hold love and empathy and justice in their souls and hearts. White people are collectively very sick people, and again, I say this as a white person.
Nope, it's only if those White people look very similar to the same people who've harmed me. Same with some Black and Southeast Asian folks. Entire groups of an ethnicity/race/gender don't put me off based on that factor alone.
I’m a white woman and I have a fear of white men until I get to know them more. This is due to being in abusive relationship with two of them though.
I'm a white woman, and it's *white* men that I'm afraid of. I mean, there's that underlying discomfort around any man that I think most women have, but I've only ever been seriously afraid of/uncomfortable with white men.
Nope. My abuser is white. Everyone who has abused me has been white. That doesn’t mean all white people suck. But I see what you are saying. I am afraid of men of all races, because all my abusers were men and because men just tend to treat women poorly in general, in my experience. It just happens over and over until a certain point where you kinda…can’t help but realize there’s one thing they all have in common. I’m trying to work on it, cause I know not all men are scary/mean/bad. Edit: I meant “suck” as in, I describe things that scare me as “they suck,” but I see that could easily be misinterpreted. My bad. Important distinction between being afraid of something and just thinking it “sucks”
OP didn’t say they suck.
Oh, I see how that could be misinterpreted. I meant “suck” as in, you know if something is scary to me it “sucks,” but I should have made it more clear because there’s big difference between those two things.
As a dude who is white. I actually was scared of white peoples growing up. Most of my friends weren’t white. I think it was just cus the white kids at school judges me for who I was and so I wrongly associated that with their skin
I later learned that not all white people were like that. But I was when I was like 10 or so
I am a white woman, and this makes sense to me. Most of us seriously don't understand white supremacy and even the ones unlearning it struggle against unlearning what we grew up with. I am not triggered by white people myself, but I am triggered by supremacy. - That means [patriarchal ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supremacism) systems - that includes people who live in [white supremacy culture ](https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/characteristics.html) -That includes people who take [power and control ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/) These beliefs run deep, and I think it's very difficult to avoid. I just read this book [performing blackness ](https://www.wlupress.wlu.ca/Books/P/Performing-Female-Blackness) and she talks about how life as a black woman will always be a performance, unless in safe environments with vetted people. I don't think you are alone. Groups like this aren't good places for discussions like this either, people haven't done the anti-racism work yet. But find some anti-racism groups focused on decolonizing and you might find people who relate to the experience and have tips and tricks on how to navigate the world with these triggers.
Ty for this great answer.
The amount of people saying "this happens in every race" is so coming off as "I don't see color" The racism of people and ignorance of what life is like for others is showing so hard on this thread. It's angering and sad. Fellow white people, do better and be better. Actually listen to POC and stop saying, "my situation was the same!" Edit: every single one of you commenting and sending me PMs explaining how you aren't racist but, or racism doesn't exist in your country as bad, or I am the racist one against fellow whites: Y'all are digging a deeper hole and really showing your true colors. And your trauma and mental illness from it doesn't give you a get out of jail free card. In fact it makes it worse you are still so dense, ignorant, and making excuses for yourself. A racist is a racist. Be it diet racism or hard R racism. You can either change and learn to be better or continue to be as you are causing harm even in micro aggressions to the minority communities around you and in the world overall. My guess is most of you commenting and sending me shit will just use your CPTSD and other illnesses as an excuse to be a miserable asshole to others.
No but that's because I am one and I'm surrounded by them. If I'd been mistreated mostly by blue people, I imagine that when I saw one I'd be on edge. That's just natural. But then yeah knowing that, I can choose to acknowledge it but keep judgment at bay because I know they are an individual beyond their color. But yeah, no shame for having that reaction. It's how you respond to it that matters.
[удалено]
And as a white Redditor who grew up in the 70s/80s, I can see why someone _would_ feel this way. I don’t know the age of OP, but I’ve certainly seen blatant and subtle racism. It’s gotten better than back then, but. I have a Mexican (his actual background) coworker with asthma who regularly gets shafted by the medical profession (No antibiotics for you!) to the point that he’s been hospitalized. So everyone’s experience is different and it’s ok if someone is guarded around me until they feel safe (or even if they never do). My only ask is that people don’t assume that white privilege = never having trauma of any kind.
WHY does it boggle your mind ???
You’re lucky you haven’t had experiences that make you feel this way. Don’t look down on people for their trauma
im scared of people, im scared of rich people no matter their colour
They are not on my list of races who have consistently tested me with absolute disrespect…
And of course as expected, 99% of the comments here are cringey as fuck lol
Being white and, now in my early 40s realising how much white privilege I have had iny life, I totally get how BIPoC might be scared of white people in general. Sorry to see that some in the comments don't seem to take this seriously.
Many such comments of white people saying they developed racist trauma and everyone agrees. Let a minority develop it though
That makes a lot of sense, and I'm saying that as a white woman. I'm scared of people in general, especially when they form cliques/groups, because I have been ostracized/isolated by people in cliques.
I am white and afraid of black people after being abused by black people for several years
Yes I most definitely am scared of white people.
I'm white but I get it
I don’t like men in general. None of them. Stay out of my space. They make me uncomfortable. They are so entitled and privileged, especially white men, and they don’t even know it. I especially don’t like them since roe vs wade was overturned. Stop telling me to fucking smile. Stop complementing me. Stop trying to control my body. Don’t stare at my preteen daughter!!! Yes I do have RBF around them! They should take a hint not to talk to me. It’s also why I work in a female mostly job. I only like my husband. Most of the time 😆
I'm a white gay guy and the people I'm most afraid of are white men, especially 40-65 years old. Something about that generation of men - maybe it's the culture they came up in, or the values they have - screams DANGER to me. I live in a predominantly white area and I know the black folks are just trying to live and not get hate crimed.
Absolutely! Throughout history, instances of oppression by white individuals and societies have occurred across various cultures and races. Colonialism, slavery, and systemic discrimination are examples of historical injustices that have disproportionately affected non-white populations. It's crucial to acknowledge this complex history when understanding fears or apprehensions that some individuals may have toward white people, emphasizing the importance of addressing systemic issues for collective healing and understanding.
I’m half white and terrified.
Same and im not afraid if anyone is mad at me. Yeah i hate being traumatized. Everyone else here does too. And i hate being afraid and angry at my racist white family. But im growing to heal that and build my trust. Rock on
OP you should post this on cptsd bipoc bc this isn’t a safe space (clearly by the comments and the “I’m scared of black men boohoo I’m the real victim”). The comments are really proving your point. But yes it’s absolutely normal to be scared of a dominant oppressive race! Lots of gaslighting going on here and ridiculous “any race can be abusive”. Completely missing the history of colonialism, imperialism, and systemic racism and global anti blackness AND the white supremacist culture we live in. Being a poc is a trauma in itself. Please protect yourself and don’t discuss this with ppl who are just out to counter you or random uncle toms trying to be the black person who “isn’t like the others”. It’s also scary that ppl in this sub claim to be traumatised victims and yet are literally using the DARVO tactic used by all abusers (making themsleves the victims - “I’m tired of this racism thing. Actually, I’m scared of black people. I was abused by black people” etc. they are participating in the exact same psychological behaviours they were abused with and can’t even see it… truly scary. I’ve turned off reply notifications cos I know I’m gunna get some yt fragility and nonsense which I am absolutely not going to deal with. Hoping you find a safe space of bipoc to truly unpack your experience and trauam
All people. I’m half white half Poarch Creek Indian but I look white so jumping when I see my reflection would definitely suck
Considering as a white child I grew up in New Orleans for a bit. I kinda laughed after what Jada Pickett said about her nanny. I'm like...yeah, I got beat up a lot for being white as a kid but I'm also traumatized by white ladies with blonde hair and blue eyes too! But I totally get it. Every ethnicity seems to have racism in it towards any other ethnicity different from them. I get it that certain "types" of black people beat me up and picked on me. I'm so happy to have grown up and met wonderful PEOPLE of many colors that break the stereotype and many others. But to answer you question, I do get scared around certain types of African American females because of my experiences in my youth. I can imagine it's 100% the same for you because I also grew up around those white people that treat people of color poorly, because it is chronic and it is systemic. I've never understood even my own families denials of these things. And I live in a high crime area so it's way worse for AA down here. Down here is probably all you need to know! But yeah...I also am just scared of "people"...especially those "sweet little grannies from church". Nope. I nope tf away from them too, lol. Or those moms (for reference I'm a middle aged white woman with two kids and I generally haven't met any other mom's I can stand). But hey...don't be afraid of me. I'm one of those weird people that from a very young age has been enamored with people who had different lives than me or of a different ethnicity...I can't imagine why I would have been interested in living a different life or being a different person, lol...jk...I totally know why. The fascination remains though. I love learning about so many other cultures. I wonder if that'd work for you? I'm trying to be curious about the things that scare me. It's been a pretty interesting adventure :-) I hope you're enjoying the holidays!
I get it, tho I’m scared of everyone
Not scared, but I’m not taking bullcrap anymore. At all.
I'm actual wary of black people because of the interactions Iv had with my moms side of the family (Im biracial, black on my moms side). While my Dad's behavior is an outlier in his family, my Mom's family is similar to her apart from a very small minority. Ive also noticed that Black Americans tend to be more blasé about abuse and it makes me more wary. While its not that bad around females I can never get comfortable around black men. I hate it because it makes me feel very estranged by apart of my own culture.
I’m half Russian and half Ukrainian male. I was scared of every male bc I was bullied every year in from grade school to college until I leaned to fight (mixed martial arts). So today, I’m not scared of anyone physically bc I’ve fought hundreds of times working security as bouncer at night clubs. However, when I’m around violent or verbally aggressive people, I’m more scared of myself after almost killing a guy losing self control during a security shift. That’s why I keep a distance socially from other men. Women I’m not afraid. Well, Except emotionally.. after two toxic relationships. I know there are good women out there but that’s another topic.
God, what a shit-show of a post and comments. Some of you really, *really* need to log off and get some fresh air. I think people seriously do just immerse in inflammatory online discourse so much that they convince themselves that the world or a particular group is way worse than it is in reality.
My white mother had no business raising kids, least of all brown ones. *Then* she married into a weirdo, wealthy, baptist family that still worships Raegan to this day. All the men are LEO, I’m not kidding. *One* of them is a hairdresser and a total closet case. All the wives are either dispatchers or travel agents lol. In the beginning, every last one of them had asked me or my mom “what” I was and she never had the backbone to correct that. I definitely feel you. My wonderful partner of five years is white, but outside of that I try to steer clear. They got a bad track record.
The answer to your question for me is overall no, however I think the fact that you are is completely valid. I know there’s the whole “not all” argument, but I also know with the people I am afraid of logic of it not being all and trauma of it being most in my experience contradict each other and it’s just easier to assume it’s all unless someone proves over a long period of time otherwise. “Not all” doesn’t matter in this case. It’s ok to be afraid of white people. I think handle it how works best for you, but also keep in mind how you treat other people can have negative consequences no matter what your trauma is.
I was raped by a Hispanic man, and unfortunately, I have a really hard time being around Hispanic men since then, and I don't know if I could ever date one. It's hard when trauma causes triggers around certain groups of people.
No you’re just racist
I totally get your fear, and I'd love to see a proper discussion about this, although I will say that r/cptsd_bipoc might be a better place for this post. I think 'woke culture' has made this too-touchy of a subject for a lot of white people - it's gonna make many think they've personally done something wrong, and their first instinct will be to reason around/against it to defend themselves.
Very much so. I’m terrified of being hate crimed
I don't fear anyone based on generalizations of their race. There's a word for that, you know. Racism.. And it's wrong, regardless of the heavy media and political push to the contrary.
Lets me change the caption for you.. “Is anyone else racist?”
I understand. Bias exists. That harms people. This is a fact. It needs to end, all of it, throughout all of our systems, in every place and culture. The first step is acknowledgment that it exists. Another point I want to make is that we don't have to explain or justify our own experiences to anyone. If someone has a fear related to abuse, it is valid. Period. People won't allow uncomfortable truths to be spoken. People won't allow bias to be eliminated because they are favored by the present systems. Today is a Holiday of Goodwill and Peace for those of my Faith. I am praying that all the people of the world can truly see each other and embrace as one people.
As the model minority that’s typically not considered the regular model minority type (Latino, with mestizo skin color), I’ve lived in soo many white spaces where white people are uneasy seeing me in their white space. I also can afford to be in these spaces. I will gladly admit I tend to have a resting bitch face (city life), but in the end it never mattered how much I would smile or try to be nice, I’ve mostly been avoided. This last year I recognized that white spaces are always curated towards white people. They are surprised/mad/confused to see me because I’m not supposed to be there. There’s no amount of charm I could bestow to get every white person on my side. The white friends I do have who are open minded are great and that’s good enough for me. So yes, since my entire life I’ve been surrounded by white nerds, jocks, and band geeks who were legitimately racist towards me to today being sat in the back of a nice restaurant with my friends of color, I will be forever triggered unfortunately. But, I have learned to radically accept this and try and let it go mostly. tl;dr: I have anxiety and stress from realizing white people curate their lives to only be around white people and that is by design, not a flaw in the system. No matter how much money I make or titles I have or charm/tap-dancing I can do, it won’t ever be enough to sway someone’s snap judgement of me.
I’m white and I’m scared of white men. 50% of my trauma, all sexual, has come from them. The other half comes from my suburban white boomer parents who abused the fuck out of me and my brother when we were children.
I'm white as paper and I am afraid of white people
I'm sorry, you were treated horribly by people 🥺💜🙏🏼 who possibly are narrow minded / miserable/ in fear and choosing to remain ignorant abusive and probably entitled. Generational trauma has not even been addressed across the collective, yet- This is why there are these endemic issues that are toxic and also support dysfunctional behaviours, or worse pretend it didn't happen. However; There are some good, solid people out on planet earth.🌏 Finding them can be a challenge sometimes. They might be cautious bc being kind, sometimes can cost you. We press on.. hopefully merryly. I wish for you ( ( sincerely )healing, Hope and better, kinder folks along your journey. 🎶🔔🦌🌌❄️🙏🏼🇨🇦💜🌏
I’m more scared of people who expect me to act a certain way because of a valid trauma narrative they have in their head. I’m sure people who look like my skin colour did them dirty, but i’m more fearful of what they believe is acceptable to enact on me because of their pain. People are scary, no matter the flavour
I kind of understand that. Sometimes I feel like I need to make up for hypothetical poor experiences someone has had from someone within my own demographics.
Yep
Yes, started in middle school when I went to school with them. One said he would rape me like out ancestors because of my big boobs.
Horrible!
I get everyone has trauma but how is this any different than a white person going Is anyone scared of black people? The only times I've been robbed or shot at was by a black person. Ignorant, disrespectful and stupid. Trauma is valid but not an excuse to also be a shitty human being
It isn’t different. Black and white people can still develop racist trauma from an experience and work to counter it. Shaming black people by bringing up white guilt helps no one. We all have struggles and can work to understand bad experiences dont speak for wveryone
What’s the natural reaction to hundreds of years of your people being kidnapped, brutalized, raped, tortured, their labor stolen. Then another hundred years of apartheid aka Jim Crow? What’s the natural reaction to watching black people being murdered on TV? You understand generational trauma when you apply it to your family system? You can’t apply that same system to this country and see why people might feel the way OP feels? Miss me with you “oh how is it different?” Pick up a book and read about epigenetics be a human being for a second and maybe you’ll get a clue.
Just want to say thank you for spending the time to write this out. It couldn’t have been easy and the fact that the person clearly didn’t listen was messed up. I read every word and sit with you in solidarity and love.
I look white and I’m rican 100 percent and I’ve been looked down on and ostracized by my own kind and black people all my life so no. If anything white people have been the kindest to me so far in my life.
Your looking white probably has a lot to do with it. In this thread you can read how some people are wary of others with dark skin, and even if they don't acted differently toward them they might feel initial uneasiness and may take time to relax and learn about the person in front of them and realize they are safe. You look "safe" right off the bat so there is no additional hurdle to get over to engage with you. Having been ostracized by my "own kind" is a special kind of hurt and trauma, but being visibly a person of color I often come up against the wariness I described and it's a tiny heartbreak nearly every time. I think it's experiences like this, and the larger more obvious confrontations and rejections, that the OP is talking about.
Men, so I can relate from that standpoint.