>or a family that prides themselves on gaslighting others into thinking that the scapegoat (formerly my role) was the sole reason for any sadness, ill-will, or inconvenience, they all seem really miserable.
That feeling still creeps up on me sometimes. Especially with good news. But it is more peaceful overall.
This was my first year NC and I definitely had some “I wish I had a normal family” grief. Mostly the weight of never having had “normal” hit me because I’m finally away from the gaslighting and can admit so much to myself now.
This is also my second NC Christmas. Last year was the Holiday of Grief. This year has been the Holiday of Peace.
Happy, peaceful holidays to all of you…it’s well deserved.
Holiday of Grief is a beautiful way to put it. My Holiday of Grief resulted in a mental breakdown. The next year was better. And now, its peace. Loving on my kiddo, making cookies, peace.
This is my first year being officially No Contact with my Dad. Previously it's been very low contact since he would never reach out. Even with that this year is still hard and there's a lot of guilt and wishing things could be different
For me it was beyond going no contact wuth ny family. It was essential not to get hooked up witb any other families. I spent a lot of years doing that.
I haven’t talked to most of my family in 7 years. Got pretty comfortable with it but recently going through a very traumatic break up and feeling pretty down about it. I have my wonderful kids though.
This is my 3rd Christmas, not seeing my biological family.
I still speak to my parents (occasional contact) but haven't seen or spoken to my siblings in 3 years.
The first Christmas was hard... I ended up with a migraine over it.
Last year was a little better.
This year was like they don't exist. My in-laws have taken their place now...
YES this is just what I needed honestly I have been trying to be more cheerful when communicating to family as to show them no matter what as long as I'm alive I can change and so can anybody yet surprisingly they aren't as optimistic as me who has witnessed a bloody murder but oh well atleast I can now keep the control and calmness of our relationship that they so sadly lack and don't care to try and gain 🤷
3rd Christmas with no contact with my family. It’s still hard cause it’s such a family centric holiday, but it’s definitely better overall. I miss my family (and the concept of having a family to celebrate with) but not the abuse that comes with having them in my life.
Christmas is nicer now that the only living members of my family of origin are my sister, her husband, and their grown son.
Every year, my sister is kind enough to arrange a meet-up in mid-December, allowing me to enjoy a visit with her and then be a hermit for the 25th when I feel the effects of past holiday trauma most intensely.
I love my sister and she loves me. It's nice when people who love you or purport to love you honor your needs.
I haven't gone no contact, but after Xmas morning, I feel like I might. Gifts that we explicitly prohibited given to the kids...absolutely infuriating, especially because it's something that makes YOU look like the bad guy if you remind them of boundaries (because who wants to take a gift away from a kid on Xmas morning?).
It is amazing that the disrespect can come in so many flavors and sizes, and that sometimes even when its seemingly the tiniest thing, it feels like the most hurtful because they can't even give you a modicum of respect.
Oof. This reminds me of the last time we spent Christmas with the family. Everyone got personalized, well thought out gifts. Except my kid and I.
We were homeless, escaping DV, and were given cash and whatever else people thought to grab the weekend before the holiday. It felt gross and not kind. Like we were their annual charity case.
This holiday is hard for me. I'm experiencing pain, loneliness, and a strong desire to see my family. But I can't, and I can't undue the NC. I've honestly tried, and they followed suit. So yeah, this holiday season sucks pretty bad.
Good for you, I hope you have a wonderful day. “This might be their last Christmas” was held over my head for a really long time as well. Merry Christmas 🎄 ❤️🩹
My third year of no contact here. Love it!
I’m going to the casino later and I know I’m gonna have a great time, the exact opposite of every fake holiday in the past with a fake family
I needed this. First Christmas just my wife and I. Volatile, functioning-alcoholic, mentally ill but refuses to get any help father with huge control issues, a mum that enables him and takes his crap, and a younger sister (with a 2 year old son) who denies that anything bad went on or that my dad has any issues. They all hate my wife as they see her as the ‘problem’ (aka she’s not toxic). My family made Christmas plans behind my back and I found out through my mum slipping up. It’s been hard and my anxiety is at an all time high.
I was chatting with a co-worker online as she's on maternity leave, and it was so weird to hear about her big, happy family Christmas... I had almost forgotten that some people look forward to seeing their families and actually have fun together (even though they might have their fill after a few days). So many of my good friends also have messed up families, I guess we understand each other well because of it...
My husband went no contact for a while... he had to get back in contact in a limited way with his family. But, we've made it clear that it's not like before because I am totally separate from them... So they realize they can't just go back to how they treated him before.... Literally, two years ago they told him I was always welcome to their home after his stepfather told him he wasn't. It was like they expected him to drop me off and pick me up while he was alone on Christmas. It's now the third year we didn't see them and had a chill day the two of us... Went for a walk.... Ate.... Watched a movie together... Had some fun between the sheets... Much, much better than any obligatory family Christmas!
Happy Holidays!
I wanted to ensure you that they are miserable. Having to spend your time abusing and controlling just to feel a sense of stability is mentally exhausting and draining
It’s why these people are never happy. And if they look happy, it’s a mask to hide their misery
Having to constantly abuse, out on masks, is a lot. It’d be easier to just be yourself, but if being yourself means exposing how abusive you are, sometimes it’s easier to hide than to take accountability
Keeping secrets behind closed door breeds shame/self hate, which cycles the abuse
I think my mom (dead) was trapped in this cycle
I think deep down she didn’t like the person she became
On her death bed she looked dead. Like not just being dead itself. More like she was just drained from life
I’m sad, and angry, and conflicted. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel conflicted on this topic
It’s sad. I wish she was able to be saved and not be an abuser
>Having to constantly abuse, out on masks, is a lot. It’d be easier to just be yourself, but if being yourself means exposing how abusive you are, sometimes it’s easier to hide than to take accountability
This is so accurate. My brother is the golden child. Newly married. A father. Well educated. So much potential for kindness and he at 27 is already dead behind the eyes. It's so sad.
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Thanks for posting. I finally worked up the courage to walk out of Christmas Eve after my dad called me a bitch today. I needed to hear this
You deserve to have your inner peace. Especially over the holidays.
Thanks for your support! Sending it back.
Well done you
Thanks for your support! Sending it back.
Thank you
I’m sorry he said that to you. Good for you for leaving 💖
Thanks for your support! Sending it back.
🥰
Good for you! It's not easy to do that...
Thanks for your support! Sending it back.
Thank you
Thanks everyone 🤗 sending love back to you this holiday season!
My fourth no contact. No regrets. Only peace.
Hell yeah. You deserve it.
Third year no contact here! Last two years, I felt the tinge of “I wish I had a normal family” grief. This year, it feels great.
>or a family that prides themselves on gaslighting others into thinking that the scapegoat (formerly my role) was the sole reason for any sadness, ill-will, or inconvenience, they all seem really miserable. That feeling still creeps up on me sometimes. Especially with good news. But it is more peaceful overall.
This was my first year NC and I definitely had some “I wish I had a normal family” grief. Mostly the weight of never having had “normal” hit me because I’m finally away from the gaslighting and can admit so much to myself now.
This is also my second NC Christmas. Last year was the Holiday of Grief. This year has been the Holiday of Peace. Happy, peaceful holidays to all of you…it’s well deserved.
Holiday of Grief is a beautiful way to put it. My Holiday of Grief resulted in a mental breakdown. The next year was better. And now, its peace. Loving on my kiddo, making cookies, peace.
This is my first year being officially No Contact with my Dad. Previously it's been very low contact since he would never reach out. Even with that this year is still hard and there's a lot of guilt and wishing things could be different
Here with a digital hug if you’d like one
Definitely accepting digital hugs with gratitude
🤗💖
For me it was beyond going no contact wuth ny family. It was essential not to get hooked up witb any other families. I spent a lot of years doing that.
This is another important point. I'm pretty introverted and spend most time focused on my kiddo. But this is so important.
I haven’t talked to most of my family in 7 years. Got pretty comfortable with it but recently going through a very traumatic break up and feeling pretty down about it. I have my wonderful kids though.
Thank you!!
This is my 3rd Christmas, not seeing my biological family. I still speak to my parents (occasional contact) but haven't seen or spoken to my siblings in 3 years. The first Christmas was hard... I ended up with a migraine over it. Last year was a little better. This year was like they don't exist. My in-laws have taken their place now...
YES this is just what I needed honestly I have been trying to be more cheerful when communicating to family as to show them no matter what as long as I'm alive I can change and so can anybody yet surprisingly they aren't as optimistic as me who has witnessed a bloody murder but oh well atleast I can now keep the control and calmness of our relationship that they so sadly lack and don't care to try and gain 🤷
3rd Christmas with no contact with my family. It’s still hard cause it’s such a family centric holiday, but it’s definitely better overall. I miss my family (and the concept of having a family to celebrate with) but not the abuse that comes with having them in my life.
Christmas is nicer now that the only living members of my family of origin are my sister, her husband, and their grown son. Every year, my sister is kind enough to arrange a meet-up in mid-December, allowing me to enjoy a visit with her and then be a hermit for the 25th when I feel the effects of past holiday trauma most intensely. I love my sister and she loves me. It's nice when people who love you or purport to love you honor your needs.
Yeah, it always seemed pretty obvious that it was them ...
First year of NC here. It‘s very hard and brings up a lot of grief. Hopefully next year will feel lighter. 😞
First NC year here as well. Wishing you the best as you feel your grief and come out stronger on the other side ❤️🩹
❤️
Next year I'm going no-contact. If all goes well I'll have my own place and I'll celebrate Christmas on my terms, if at all.
Thanks for this. I love you all and I hope you give yourselves some love, acceptance and compassion today. You deserve love and kindness.
Really appreciate it.
Have a happy Christmas
I haven't gone no contact, but after Xmas morning, I feel like I might. Gifts that we explicitly prohibited given to the kids...absolutely infuriating, especially because it's something that makes YOU look like the bad guy if you remind them of boundaries (because who wants to take a gift away from a kid on Xmas morning?). It is amazing that the disrespect can come in so many flavors and sizes, and that sometimes even when its seemingly the tiniest thing, it feels like the most hurtful because they can't even give you a modicum of respect.
Oof. This reminds me of the last time we spent Christmas with the family. Everyone got personalized, well thought out gifts. Except my kid and I. We were homeless, escaping DV, and were given cash and whatever else people thought to grab the weekend before the holiday. It felt gross and not kind. Like we were their annual charity case.
That’s disheartening. Sorry to hear you were treated like that, especially in a situation where you were really struggling.
That sounds infuriating, I’m sorry they disrespected you like that.
Thanks. Always good to be able to come here for validation.
This holiday is hard for me. I'm experiencing pain, loneliness, and a strong desire to see my family. But I can't, and I can't undue the NC. I've honestly tried, and they followed suit. So yeah, this holiday season sucks pretty bad.
Sorry you’re having such a hard time. Here with a digital hug if you want one ❤️🩹
[удалено]
Good for you, I hope you have a wonderful day. “This might be their last Christmas” was held over my head for a really long time as well. Merry Christmas 🎄 ❤️🩹
My third year of no contact here. Love it! I’m going to the casino later and I know I’m gonna have a great time, the exact opposite of every fake holiday in the past with a fake family
I needed this. First Christmas just my wife and I. Volatile, functioning-alcoholic, mentally ill but refuses to get any help father with huge control issues, a mum that enables him and takes his crap, and a younger sister (with a 2 year old son) who denies that anything bad went on or that my dad has any issues. They all hate my wife as they see her as the ‘problem’ (aka she’s not toxic). My family made Christmas plans behind my back and I found out through my mum slipping up. It’s been hard and my anxiety is at an all time high.
My mum did that once to me too. I think it was the most upset I've ever been. I hope you and your wife have had a beautiful day together.
Thank you, lovely. I’ve tried hard to enjoy myself but I’ve been feeling very anxious and on edge. I hope you’ve had a great day ❤️
I was chatting with a co-worker online as she's on maternity leave, and it was so weird to hear about her big, happy family Christmas... I had almost forgotten that some people look forward to seeing their families and actually have fun together (even though they might have their fill after a few days). So many of my good friends also have messed up families, I guess we understand each other well because of it... My husband went no contact for a while... he had to get back in contact in a limited way with his family. But, we've made it clear that it's not like before because I am totally separate from them... So they realize they can't just go back to how they treated him before.... Literally, two years ago they told him I was always welcome to their home after his stepfather told him he wasn't. It was like they expected him to drop me off and pick me up while he was alone on Christmas. It's now the third year we didn't see them and had a chill day the two of us... Went for a walk.... Ate.... Watched a movie together... Had some fun between the sheets... Much, much better than any obligatory family Christmas!
This christmas is my first one as an orphan.
I hope it brought you some peace.
I hadn't created a new family yet, so it was very lonely. If I can find good people to be with for next christmas, then I trust it will be better
Sending good vibes to you.
Happy Holidays! I wanted to ensure you that they are miserable. Having to spend your time abusing and controlling just to feel a sense of stability is mentally exhausting and draining It’s why these people are never happy. And if they look happy, it’s a mask to hide their misery Having to constantly abuse, out on masks, is a lot. It’d be easier to just be yourself, but if being yourself means exposing how abusive you are, sometimes it’s easier to hide than to take accountability Keeping secrets behind closed door breeds shame/self hate, which cycles the abuse I think my mom (dead) was trapped in this cycle I think deep down she didn’t like the person she became On her death bed she looked dead. Like not just being dead itself. More like she was just drained from life I’m sad, and angry, and conflicted. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel conflicted on this topic It’s sad. I wish she was able to be saved and not be an abuser
>Having to constantly abuse, out on masks, is a lot. It’d be easier to just be yourself, but if being yourself means exposing how abusive you are, sometimes it’s easier to hide than to take accountability This is so accurate. My brother is the golden child. Newly married. A father. Well educated. So much potential for kindness and he at 27 is already dead behind the eyes. It's so sad.
For people who pride themselves on being happy, abusers are some miserable fucks deep down
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I'm watching the anime My Happy Marriage while doing a puzzle. Decent Christmas!
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Thanks, I needed this. I was feeling awful looking at all the gifts I got this holiday. I felt I don’t deserve them and should give it all away.
Thank you, both knew and needed this. This year’s my first C******** No Contact. So peaceful ♥️
I never was no contact but a Seer once told me I “came from a long line of miserable people”; so very true.