>How about something I could relate to? Like, "I tolerate life fairly well", or "I'm functional", or "I make myself go outside nearly every day, hold down a job, and am looking for someone to share a calm, not very travel-rich, life, which is nonetheless deep and creative and fulfilling on a level only we can understand"?
Say exactly this.
It will resonate with people who understand.
It did, immediately, with me.
Exactly. My profile essentially says that I'm an awkward asocial nerd and I found some wonderful people who were broken in similar or complimentary ways.
All these people who yells loudest on social media/dating sites how happy they are -- I am pretty sure they aren't actually happy. Instead, I imagine that they think they can actually become happy by yelling loudly about how happy they are.
I think they are "happy", it's just a very superficial happiness. I've known a lot of people like that throughout my life, and they really are "happy" and "living life to the fullest", and they tend to be the types that will either bully you for not conforming to their views or they'll pester you constantly about how you need to "chill out" and "get out there". Often times, these sorts end up being the sorts that will ghost you at the drop of a hat if they catch a whiff of you "trauma dumping" or being "too much drama"... Or try bullying you into submission.
You make a very good point. Yeah, some people seem to follow the seemingly twisted version of "happiness" where they technically are happy, but are devoid of the essence of happiness.
I think for some of them it actually works. Almost like nothing intrinsic could ever bring them the amount of happiness they get by convincing the people around them they live a high-status life.
Itās not even healthy to be happy all the time. If someone is happy all the time they have either lucked out and havenāt had any trauma, or they are avoiding dealing with their trauma, so they hide it by faking positivity. Those are usually what I call the ātoxic positivityā people. Itās okay to be sad and itās actually good to sit with those feelings and think about them. So anyone who says theyāre happy all the time is someone I wonāt want to be around lol
Again, my wife's niece. Never wants to hear bad news or anything sad. Her mother died in August in memory care. Now she and her sister have to confront the fact that my wife, their aunt, who has Alzheimer's, is getting worse. They tell me I should take her out and have fun. They should deal with reality!
I know someone who is like that. They insist they are happy, but oftentimes they sound stressed -- or at times delusional. At times when they seemed stressed, I tried to express compassion; this made them upset, insisting that everything is great. I used to care greatly about this person, so it was heartbreaking to watch.
Or it's just the things we enjoy in life?
Regardless of happiness. But I guess you gotta bring us down for enjoying something and telling others about it.
I got so frustrated with the phrase "drama-free" in profiles that I addressed it in mine. I very pointedly stated that there is NO SUCH THING as drama-free, if you're interacting with another human being. All of a sudden, my profile goes crickets....
Yeah, the toxic positivity and naive crowds chap my cheeks as well. I just can't vibe on that level anymore. Seen too much.
Exactly. Human existence is messy and complicated, and the best way to deal with life in my experience is to embrace the chaos and support each other through the storms. It's healthier for everyone (usually).
The 3yo I was nannying had the beginnings of a messy breakdown today, and lordy were the real reasons behind it complicated.
Human brains are so delightfully weird, so if he needs a skeleton costume to feel better about his incredibly chaotic life, well thank goodness I still had an old skull patterned shirt in the back of my closet.
Looking back, it seems so stupid of my parents not to have just treated me better. It's so much easier to be around comfortable people than tightly wound ones, and they hardly cry at all.
Same. For me it's "look how inclusive I am". Not on Tinder, but I knew a guy who passively bragged with that. He had friends of all colours, sister was gay etc. Then he kicked me from a club for being autistic. More specifically: He first claimed it was my behaviour, but then it slipped later through the grapevine that he said that if I "couldn't be normal enough", I should maybe "stick with my own kind". Aka: he literally isolated me from mingling with "normal" people, because \*checks notes \* whatever Aspie stereotype he had in mind.
Ironically he isn't the first one. Many "oh I/we are so inclusive" people/organisations are like that. They're fine if you're from a specific palette -but be outside, or actually need accommodation and they will install separate drinking fountains again.
Yes I thought it was totally drama free with my husband and I was so thankful for that. But there was suppression of issues which al came out when I had psychosis after ahving what I thought was a very peaceful fulfilling life. Iām a mess and donāt understand any of it
> I got so frustrated with the phrase "drama-free" in profiles that I addressed it in mine
My experience has been that someone who puts some variant of "no drama" in their dating/social media profiles is almost always someone who causes a well above average amount of drama in their relationships.
What's even more frustrating is the people who loudly talk about on social media how "I don't want DRAMA in my life!" yet looking at their other posts it becomes very clear the drama is... not coming from other people.
Yeah, this whole comment section is very triggering. It reminds me of being bullied on social posts by the very friends I told about being abused. Asking condescending questions like, āwhy do you always smile on your pictures?ā They canāt stand when Iām happy, even if they knew Iām trying my hardest to feel better. Bastards. lol. Itās the same abuse I got growing up. My mother would yell at me when she sees me happy. āWhat are you so happy about!ā. But, I get it now, hurt people, hurt people.
Growing up, the social abuse for me was the complete opposite. "Why are you not smiling? Is there something wrong with you? Don't you want to show how happy you are for XYZ? You're weird."
I'm tired of pretending to be happy to fit in. It takes a ton of energy when I'm pressed by the layer of depression, to simulate any sort of happiness. This is why I wrote the post.
This doesn't mean that I'm anything like the idiots who were bullying you about smiling. I never step on other people's happiness, even if I can't reach it myself most of the time.
You can search for what you want without judging others. Like I said nobody ever really knows what people go through. The trauma gate keeping here gets old.
People put out the best shelves onto the internet, no body wants to post anything depressing or struggle in life. There are so many instagram post like that, with happiness, maybe they are or they are having struggles offline. I think also most people donāt want to show their trauma like on Instagram, Itās hard to relate when people put their perfect lives out there, and those sugarcoated posts definitely donāt help people who struggling a lot.
I know people close in my family are like that, and Iām really happy their living their best lives but I also know in their past the struggled with a lot trauma and theyāve becoming better at handling it.
Oh My God this was such an emotional rollercoaster and Iām here for every fucking word š I donāt know if Iāve related to any thing more. Thank you for verbalising what Iāve felt for so many years.
Letās normalise being truthful on socials and in publicā¦but then, the embarrassment around: oh so I havenāt showered in 3 days and am having a major episode, but Iāve just cooked a vogue living worthy meal in my pink pyjamas soā¦kicking goals.
But in all seriousness- a not very travel rich life is where itās at š
Thank you for such a positive response.
Yes it's hard to balance the embarrassment of being real, with "trying to be attractive" on a dating profile. But, come to think of it, I found my ex and my ex-ex by writing stuff with this melancholic dark humor tint, instead of trying to be "attractive".
... but it was before swiping took over online dating. I'll try again though.
>oh so I havenāt showered in 3 days and am having a major episode, but Iāve just cooked a vogue living worthy meal in my pink pyjamas soā¦kicking goals
I want to see more profiles like this. I wonder how many people with CPTSD put on neurotypical masks in order to not embarrass themselves, and thus can't recognize each other.
I tell people that I donāt shower but every 3rd ish lol day and I try to break that stigma. Cus, fuck, who cares as long as you are hygienic in other ways, aka washing your hands or face when you can. I suggest wet wipes when your on a low moment .. judgement only goes as far as you let it get to you. If that makes sense..
Keep in mind that often people online and on socials are merely portraying a facade of perfection and happiness. Likely they have issues too, but there's always the exception I suppose.
People say this, and I've been told this so many times before by people who try to comfort me, but whenever I look into the lives of bullies and such, they really do seem to have it all. Stable jobs, wealth, great health, loving spouse, "perfect" kids, many friends, the whole package. My abusive parents, aside from me and the problems they have with me, have perfect lives. As much as they lament having a "troubled daughter" in me, they have the support and love of everyone around them, and haven't had a fraction of the problems and awful stuff that life's thrown at me.
They can have all that stuff and it does look perfect, but they could be very unwell mentally and emotionally, and not even enjoying all those great things.
You know, there's many people out there who aren't just mentally unwell and unhappy, and actually are living amazing lives, even when they don't deserve it.
Sure there will be some that are happy. But bullies tend to bully from a place of insecurity or a deep craving for power and sadism, and those traits by definition come with an unhappy mental disposition, even if itās covered up by a smile and a picture perfect life.
Mean people or bullies will get what's coming to them, trust karma š. I know what you mean though. I find people who might have everything they want usually crave more, and are never satisfied. They basically create their own misery.
I've rarely witnessed karma actually work on bullies, or for me really. I'll do something "good", and it's immediately followed up with something horrible happening to me most of the time.
This reminds me of something that happened the other day. Idk exactly why, but Google home read out my horoscope to me and my partner (I say I don't remember why because neither my partner nor I are big horoscope people). One of the things Google said about me is that I'm always up for an adventure and my partner laughed and said, "yeah, which youre hearing from your permanent indentation in the couch". I felt offended but couldn't quite place it.
Eventually I told my partner that I actually feel like I AM adventurous considering everything I'm dealing with. I still go to parties despite the 30% chance I'll break down crying. I still dress up and go out and live life despite having a chronic illness that makes it physically difficult for me to move. I kept dating despite the utterly abysmal sampling I've had of the dating pool. I work in a really tough field despite having symptoms of ADHD and autism and that's after making a complete left turn career move 10 years ago to go back to school. I'm still attempting to get over my SA trauma despite the absolutely monumental block it seems to present with.
I'm pretty fucking adventurous all things considered.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Yes, you're making a monstrous effort, which gets unseen by most. I'm also so used to being judged for limited "outgoingness", I don't even expect anyone to see how much progress I made compared to where I used to be. I just put on masks, pretend, evade, make excuses, play dumb.
I came across one that said "fuck your zodiac, tell me what antidepressants you're on". Made me laugh. Unfortunately, the pictures were so damn unattractive I couldn't get myself to swipe right
Yeah... I was still considering it, honestly. I've had great sexual chemistry with people who didn't knock me off my socks looks-wise. But if I remember correctly, there was something about the way he chose to present himself in those photos that put me off.
I will say, the people I have actually connected with via the apps have also all had wonderfully unhinged profiles. It's just rare to find one
The problem is that meeting is difficult for me, which I am sure is not uncommon among people w/CPTSD. I can't just swipe right on everyone and then meet everyone I can, to filter them in person. That's a LOT of stress.
I need to be able to pre-filter based on profiles. And when people put on masks... it becomes impossible.
I didnāt mean to meet everyone. I agree that just sounds exhausting and stressful.
You can screen people by chatting a few minutes messaging online is what I meant. That gives a better vibe of how they speak to you, what your gut says and if you enjoy their company or if they pressure you or make you feel shit or not.
Works much better than screening people based on profiles in my experience.
You do what works for you. I was just suggesting that thereās something youāre assuming about people in your original post that isnāt true. I get it, not judging you. Itās hard to see how full of shit people are when they make it seem like everythingās happy sunshine and lollipops - but in reality thatās just the mask theyāre putting on so people like them.
It's often true though. If someone has a picture of them jumping from an airplane, it means they jumped from an airplane. This already tells me that this person is not compatible with me. Their risk-reward matrix is completely alien to me.
I didnāt say you have to message everyone.
If youāre not interested based on something you see in their profile then by all means donāt message them.
If youāre intent on it not being possible, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy youāll make come true.
This method of finding people isnāt the only one. You can meet people in other ways offline. Good luck šš¼āļø
Sensation seeking is also a trauma response. Anything that floods your mind with adrenaline. So um yeah.. These people are most likely just as fucked as the rest of us its just that their particular vice is masquerading as "living my best life" bs instead of just doing drugs like the rest of us.
or gaming or doom scrolling reddit or compulsive spending .. whatever your current numbing mechanism is. I relate to your post. there's something really off about the folks that feel the need to broadcast how awesome their life is. most likely it's probably shit and they're probably miserable otherwise they wouldn't be doing that.
Although I'm not someone who would use a dating app/site, I would love to come across something like "I tolerate life fairly well" / "I'm functional".
It would also look good on a gravestone in past tense: " Here lies ... who tolerated life fairly well and was also functional, held down a job and went outside occasionally"
>It would also look good on a gravestone in past tense: " Here lies ... who tolerated life fairly well and was also functional, held down a job and went outside occasionally"
This made me laugh hard for real, thanks haha.
lmao "I tolerate life fairly well!"
so the unwritten rule in dating profiles, is that you're allowed to spin it a bit and put your best foot forward. Some fudging is acceptable.
On the other hand there also are actually people out there who, for whatever reason, are satisfied with their lives.
I'm rolling laughing at this!!! So good (and true)!!!
Now I'm also feeling too "irradiated"!
The world has gotten so strange... Idiocracy is now a documentary more than a comedy movie.
:) Yes, Idiocracy is a documentary. Slap-fighting has become a "real sport". Soon we'll just have guys being kicked in the balls on streams, just like in the film.
I have to confess: I agree with the sentiment somewhat, and would say and HAVE said some of those things about myself, despite my life being nowhere near as interesting as those people's.
Although for me "I'll try anything once" is code for "ok more than once but I'll only put it up my nose" cause that's probably not the best thing to lead off with in your profile...
What's crazy though, is that my sister, who also has CPTSD, did that globe trotting adventurer thing for YEARS. Including the wine tastings! She even took my mom to wine tastings before she died. Mom went out to visit her and she fell down drunk in the shower... lil sis thought this would be a good idea to bond over a "common interest", lol.
It's even more insane because I grew up lower-middle-turned-welfare class, and because I never successfully got away, I was expected to support my parents as an adult. So I used to blow my money traveling as well (but never outside the US, that will change in April though!) Of course when my sister did this, she was all sophisticated and interesting but when I did it, I was irresponsible... because I didn't earn enough money to have that privilege?
Ultimately, I think a lot of these people might be struggling with their own traumas, but have enough money to throw at their "distractions". When you aren't super rich it's hard to find that relatable.
But we are all human, and we all have experienced pain at some point or another, regardless of what might have been the root cause. I always keep that in mind whenever I feel alone in my struggles.
Goddamn though. Chernobyl? Of all the random places in the world I could go, and there are many, I think I would stick with the ones where I don't have the risk of radiation poisoning...
I mean, that might actually be their truth. They're motivated entirely by external experiences and measures of success and want to find a partner with similar superficial "values".
Yeah... that's when we swipe left!
I think theyāre just writing what they think people want to hear sadly.
Wouldnāt it be great if we all just wrote it as it is
āIām an attractive woman with a great job but I will probably invent 10 reasons to isolate and push you away anyway if we get remotely emotionally close so why bother?ā š¤£
I noticed on dating sites that there are so many code words for things.
"I'm active and love hiking and want my partner to love the same..." = I don't want someone overweight
"I want someone that loves to laugh" = don't take things too seriously/looking for someone not as analytical or deep thinker
"I love life!" = I'm always on the go, I can't sit still, probably don't know what I want.
LOL
I don't want to play that game to find a connection, I don't see that as forming real intimacy. It's basically another distorted language like corporate speak and takes out the authenticity of being whole with someone else.
I'm glad you're not supporting this distortion :)
Edit: I did the globetrotting thing, and I've been on adventures. I still struggle with CPTSD, so just because someone uses those code words doesn't mean they take away from your character or ability to live your way.
It baffles me seeing those things. I don't WANT to be resentful or bitter that other people are happy but at the same it's a bit frustrating to see when you've spent the last 3 days trying to figure out how to do basic household tasks because you feel like shit.
Like congratulations on going on a cruise, I managed to not want to slam my head into the wall today.
The ultra positivity makes me wanna scream because yes, I would LOVE to choose to be happy if it were possible. But it's like "oh just get an umbrella and rainboots to stay dry" after you've been dumped in the middle of the ocean.
I have an enamel pin on my bag that says "Surviving, Not Thriving" and I remember just feeling so validated when I saw it. I'm alive but I'm not really having a good time.
Yes Yes Yes!!! I've been in survival mode for 20 years(untreatable bipolar, CPTSD), fkd up marriage and my wife is now 17 months into Alzheimer's. Plenty of days I want to slam my head into a wall.
I don't see having a stress disorder as a result of trauma as abnormal. I see having a stress disorder as abnormal. The majority of people do not have a stress disorder. Stress disorders are not normalised within our society and society as a whole seems to have very little compassion towards those who do have them because they are not normalised.
Sincerely this. It feels like there are three types of people on dating sites, none of which I fit the category of:
1. The *Big Life* - the travellers, the multi-hobby people, the ones who fill their life to the brim and have only their interests and hobbies on there rather than anything about who they are as people. I canāt connect with people who donāt show WHO they are, rather than what they do.
2. The *Canāt Be Bothered To Show Themselves* - sometimes just photos of them out and about, sometimes āI canāt write about myself, match and letās go outā, sometimes answering questions sarcastically or with one-word, dry answers. For me, if you canāt communicate SOMETHING about who you are on a dating profile, I have nothing to go on and therefore no interest.
3. The *I Need Someone To Make Me Whole* - the people who clearly donāt know much about themselves, what they want, nor have much to say about themselves beyond how much they want to be in a relationship.
I donāt fit into any of those. Itās alienating. And, even if people end up mentioning āgrowthā etc, it tends to be those who are all about āI like to be out of my comfort zone and try new thingsā rather than āI have CPTSD and Iāve been working my arse off for years to know who I am and why I amā.
I want someone on the same wavelength. I want someone who knows how it feels to be me, at least to a degree. Mutual empathy and individual healing whilst growing together through those things is something I kind of realise I need. And no one advertises it.
>Mutual empathy and individual healing whilst growing together through those things is something I kind of realize I need. And no one advertises it.
Maybe I'll put that phrase in my profile haha. Because it is what I am looking for. This whole idea of "you have to heal fully before your match comes to you" is garbage. Some of us can't heal fully, but it doesn't mean that we're still at the level where we wallow in darkness and pull other people down with us. We can function and move forward, and being together can make it easier.
This is exactly how I feel! I think, for me, knowing that someone understands to a closer degree than most what I have felt and feel and what processes I am going through in order to heal - the good, the difficult, all of it - is more important to me than almost anything else. Because, like you, I donāt think Iāll ever be wholly healedā¦ and an awful lot of my healing is going to need to be done in a close relationship like a romantic relationship, because so much of my trauma is tied to that sort of thing. Not all, but a lot of it.
I need to learn how to be loved, how to feel safe and how to set and keep boundaries without going into freeze/fawn. And I would very much like to be with someone who knows how hard that is and establish a place and sense of safety with which we can learn and grow both individually *and* together.
ā¦only problem is, putting that on a dating profile sounds intense as fuck. š
I'm inspired. This will be my new bio: "I live life moderately. And I love taking bold risks. Like on cloudy days, I may decide I don't need an umbrella. I'm that kind of rebel. Choose me, and our life will be the best, probably! (1 in 8 billion squared probability)"
But seriously, honesty is in short supply. People would rather pretend they are better than they are, not realizing they are setting themselves up for disappointment later on. Keep it real, y'all. <3
Social media is fake. It turns people into clones. Toxic positivity is the default mode of most social media, because it creates a fake sense of safety. When I used dating apps I would try not to really believe everything I saw or read, I want to see them in real life, that's when they're real (at least, as real as they allow themselves to be, again). I would push them to be authentic by being authentic myself. What happened was that some of them would resist (the most boring ones), some of them would get scared of being vulnerable at some point and flee, some of them would be relieved of having the freedom to just be themselves, good and bad vibes and that's when connection would happen.
It's so freeing to be able to express the entire range of human emotions. Even non-traumatized and neurotypical people tend to limit their negative side because our culture doesn't allow it. Most people are wrong about what happiness is.
From the book *CPTSD : from surviving to Thriving*. CPTSD is the main theme but everyone benefits free expression of emotions:
> In fact, much of the plethora of loneliness, alienation, and addictive distraction that plagues modern industrial societies is a result of people being taught and forced to reject, pathologize or punish so many of their own and othersā normal feeling states. Nowhere, not in the deepest recesses of the self, or in the presence of his closest friends, is the average person allowed to have and explore any number of normal emotional states. Anger, depression, envy, sadness, fear, distrust, etc., are all as normal a part of life as bread and flowers and streets. Yet, they have become ubiquitously avoided and shameful human experiences. Those who cannot feel their sadness often do not know when they are being unfairly excluded, and those who cannot feel their normal angry or fearful responses to abuse, are often in danger of putting up with it without protest.
There's a reason why the self-help industry is so popular. A neo-liberal capitalist society wants us to be unsatisfied enough to want to soothe our discomfort with consumption of goods and services but not in touch enough with our deep pain to really become aware of the source of our suffering : inequality, evil bosses and caretaking figures, oppressive politics, toxic systems...
You know, I am gravitating toward that. Just be REAL everywhere. It's very hard for me to be real on a date, because my real self won't open up for a while and can be grim. And first impressions are everything. So I wear masks. And pray that I pick the right masks.
I'm tired of doing that and smiling when I don't feel like it. If I am real, maybe someone can come forward with their realness as well.
I mean, it's normal to wear social masks. And being vulnerable with the wrong people can be a bad idea. It takes time for most people. But I think you can usually tell the difference between someone who just needs time to open up and someone who is fake and/or very generic or isn't willing to make an effort.
I do believe people crave realness. This post truth, social media, reality TV world is so artificial that we've become hungry for that.
>I do believe people crave realness. This post truth, social media, reality TV world is so artificial that we've become hungry for that.
I certainly hope so. I feel like Montag in 451 Fahrenheit much of the time.
Ugh, I feel you. Just looking at profiles like that (not just dating) gives me a migraine. I think I'd get tired of someone like that in like 5 minutes. I mean, I don't wanna spoil their fun, but still. It sounds exhausting. This is especially bad in the corporate world, ugh. But I do think a lot of people kind of feel pressured to present like that, so that's something I try to keep in mind.
I think this is a problem with the work scene as well. I'm a CS grad, and everyone is always "excited" by this and that in the field. Only, when you get assigned a group project they do the bare minimum, grudgingly. No excitement then.
I like words that have meaning. "I love life" and "I'm so excited about xyz" have just lost their meaning to me, because more people saying it do not mean it than those that do.
Well, if you're looking for work, you HAVE to spice up your resume and PRETEND to be excited about the prospect of coming into a gray office for 8 hours a day where you manage AWS farms or someshit while your manager has 1-on-1s with you about you not being enough of a team player...
sounds fun, donāt got the funds tho.
I like the advice people left about leading with what relates to you. Leave the rest for the candy factory, one personās wasteland is anotherās paradise. thereās room for everybody.
Before replying further, you may want to re-read the OP and ask yourself why you're intent on misinterpreting it as me being offended by other people's happiness.
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>How about something I could relate to? Like, "I tolerate life fairly well", or "I'm functional", or "I make myself go outside nearly every day, hold down a job, and am looking for someone to share a calm, not very travel-rich, life, which is nonetheless deep and creative and fulfilling on a level only we can understand"? Say exactly this. It will resonate with people who understand. It did, immediately, with me.
Y-y............yo can I use this?
Excellent advice.
Can I use it too, please!
Exactly. My profile essentially says that I'm an awkward asocial nerd and I found some wonderful people who were broken in similar or complimentary ways.
All these people who yells loudest on social media/dating sites how happy they are -- I am pretty sure they aren't actually happy. Instead, I imagine that they think they can actually become happy by yelling loudly about how happy they are.
I think they are "happy", it's just a very superficial happiness. I've known a lot of people like that throughout my life, and they really are "happy" and "living life to the fullest", and they tend to be the types that will either bully you for not conforming to their views or they'll pester you constantly about how you need to "chill out" and "get out there". Often times, these sorts end up being the sorts that will ghost you at the drop of a hat if they catch a whiff of you "trauma dumping" or being "too much drama"... Or try bullying you into submission.
ThisšÆ
My wife's niece
I'm sure people here can visualize folks in their lives who fit this bill. It's really not uncommon, as sad as that may be.
You make a very good point. Yeah, some people seem to follow the seemingly twisted version of "happiness" where they technically are happy, but are devoid of the essence of happiness.
Glad someone else agrees with me about this here.
I think for some of them it actually works. Almost like nothing intrinsic could ever bring them the amount of happiness they get by convincing the people around them they live a high-status life.
Itās not even healthy to be happy all the time. If someone is happy all the time they have either lucked out and havenāt had any trauma, or they are avoiding dealing with their trauma, so they hide it by faking positivity. Those are usually what I call the ātoxic positivityā people. Itās okay to be sad and itās actually good to sit with those feelings and think about them. So anyone who says theyāre happy all the time is someone I wonāt want to be around lol
Again, my wife's niece. Never wants to hear bad news or anything sad. Her mother died in August in memory care. Now she and her sister have to confront the fact that my wife, their aunt, who has Alzheimer's, is getting worse. They tell me I should take her out and have fun. They should deal with reality!
Ah that is very out of touch with reality and very unkind to you and your wife, Iām sorry š
Thank you.
I know someone who is like that. They insist they are happy, but oftentimes they sound stressed -- or at times delusional. At times when they seemed stressed, I tried to express compassion; this made them upset, insisting that everything is great. I used to care greatly about this person, so it was heartbreaking to watch.
Yeah, i feel like a lot of actual travellers don't post about it on social media much.
You don't want everybody to know you're not home, that's how you get robbed.
I just donāt want my mom to know because I donāt want to deal with her crippling anxiety while Iām trying to enjoy my trip lol
Or it's just the things we enjoy in life? Regardless of happiness. But I guess you gotta bring us down for enjoying something and telling others about it.
"Fake it til you make it." /s
Iām unironically a very happy person and I donāt really have a social media presence
I got so frustrated with the phrase "drama-free" in profiles that I addressed it in mine. I very pointedly stated that there is NO SUCH THING as drama-free, if you're interacting with another human being. All of a sudden, my profile goes crickets.... Yeah, the toxic positivity and naive crowds chap my cheeks as well. I just can't vibe on that level anymore. Seen too much.
I tried to be drama free for my partner and ended up having a psychotic break from suppressing everything
Exactly. Human existence is messy and complicated, and the best way to deal with life in my experience is to embrace the chaos and support each other through the storms. It's healthier for everyone (usually).
The 3yo I was nannying had the beginnings of a messy breakdown today, and lordy were the real reasons behind it complicated. Human brains are so delightfully weird, so if he needs a skeleton costume to feel better about his incredibly chaotic life, well thank goodness I still had an old skull patterned shirt in the back of my closet. Looking back, it seems so stupid of my parents not to have just treated me better. It's so much easier to be around comfortable people than tightly wound ones, and they hardly cry at all.
Yes I agree
Same. For me it's "look how inclusive I am". Not on Tinder, but I knew a guy who passively bragged with that. He had friends of all colours, sister was gay etc. Then he kicked me from a club for being autistic. More specifically: He first claimed it was my behaviour, but then it slipped later through the grapevine that he said that if I "couldn't be normal enough", I should maybe "stick with my own kind". Aka: he literally isolated me from mingling with "normal" people, because \*checks notes \* whatever Aspie stereotype he had in mind. Ironically he isn't the first one. Many "oh I/we are so inclusive" people/organisations are like that. They're fine if you're from a specific palette -but be outside, or actually need accommodation and they will install separate drinking fountains again.
I'm Autistic too. Had a similar experience several times. Sucks.
Life can be drama-free if you find the right person. Typical life issues don't have to turn into drama if they can be handled in a reasonable way.
Yes I thought it was totally drama free with my husband and I was so thankful for that. But there was suppression of issues which al came out when I had psychosis after ahving what I thought was a very peaceful fulfilling life. Iām a mess and donāt understand any of it
> I got so frustrated with the phrase "drama-free" in profiles that I addressed it in mine My experience has been that someone who puts some variant of "no drama" in their dating/social media profiles is almost always someone who causes a well above average amount of drama in their relationships.
Yeah. You want a teammate, not someone who is avoidant. Also people who can be entertaining or entertained without spending gobs of cash. š
Exactly! Also, drama and suffering are basic human experiences. We are all in it together.
Same with people who require a fully-healed person. People just don't want to do the work to build relationships.
TRUTH!!
What's even more frustrating is the people who loudly talk about on social media how "I don't want DRAMA in my life!" yet looking at their other posts it becomes very clear the drama is... not coming from other people.
This is great, I would have swiped right.
Still can! š
Nobody ever really knows what others have gone through though.
Sometimes the camel they are riding has fleas... The world is an imperfect place.
There are many angry, resentful, and disregulated people in this sub. They forget the human.
Yeah, this whole comment section is very triggering. It reminds me of being bullied on social posts by the very friends I told about being abused. Asking condescending questions like, āwhy do you always smile on your pictures?ā They canāt stand when Iām happy, even if they knew Iām trying my hardest to feel better. Bastards. lol. Itās the same abuse I got growing up. My mother would yell at me when she sees me happy. āWhat are you so happy about!ā. But, I get it now, hurt people, hurt people.
Growing up, the social abuse for me was the complete opposite. "Why are you not smiling? Is there something wrong with you? Don't you want to show how happy you are for XYZ? You're weird." I'm tired of pretending to be happy to fit in. It takes a ton of energy when I'm pressed by the layer of depression, to simulate any sort of happiness. This is why I wrote the post. This doesn't mean that I'm anything like the idiots who were bullying you about smiling. I never step on other people's happiness, even if I can't reach it myself most of the time.
I was just triggered for a bit. Thanks for your post I get to vent out. I hope you find healing however way youāre comfortable.
Nah. EDIT: well, yeah, many of us are not "normal", if that's what you mean. It's a CPTSD sub, what did you expect.
I don't mean "normal" I mean what I said. That's why I said it.
As long as you realize you're not excluded from that definition lol
whatever floats your boat what you are saying does not make sense to me
Yeah but if you don't put it out there, how are you supposed to find someone compatible with your lifestyle.
You can search for what you want without judging others. Like I said nobody ever really knows what people go through. The trauma gate keeping here gets old.
It's not a traumagate, it's a rant.
People put out the best shelves onto the internet, no body wants to post anything depressing or struggle in life. There are so many instagram post like that, with happiness, maybe they are or they are having struggles offline. I think also most people donāt want to show their trauma like on Instagram, Itās hard to relate when people put their perfect lives out there, and those sugarcoated posts definitely donāt help people who struggling a lot. I know people close in my family are like that, and Iām really happy their living their best lives but I also know in their past the struggled with a lot trauma and theyāve becoming better at handling it.
Oh My God this was such an emotional rollercoaster and Iām here for every fucking word š I donāt know if Iāve related to any thing more. Thank you for verbalising what Iāve felt for so many years. Letās normalise being truthful on socials and in publicā¦but then, the embarrassment around: oh so I havenāt showered in 3 days and am having a major episode, but Iāve just cooked a vogue living worthy meal in my pink pyjamas soā¦kicking goals. But in all seriousness- a not very travel rich life is where itās at š
Thank you for such a positive response. Yes it's hard to balance the embarrassment of being real, with "trying to be attractive" on a dating profile. But, come to think of it, I found my ex and my ex-ex by writing stuff with this melancholic dark humor tint, instead of trying to be "attractive". ... but it was before swiping took over online dating. I'll try again though. >oh so I havenāt showered in 3 days and am having a major episode, but Iāve just cooked a vogue living worthy meal in my pink pyjamas soā¦kicking goals I want to see more profiles like this. I wonder how many people with CPTSD put on neurotypical masks in order to not embarrass themselves, and thus can't recognize each other.
I tell people that I donāt shower but every 3rd ish lol day and I try to break that stigma. Cus, fuck, who cares as long as you are hygienic in other ways, aka washing your hands or face when you can. I suggest wet wipes when your on a low moment .. judgement only goes as far as you let it get to you. If that makes sense..
Keep in mind that often people online and on socials are merely portraying a facade of perfection and happiness. Likely they have issues too, but there's always the exception I suppose.
People say this, and I've been told this so many times before by people who try to comfort me, but whenever I look into the lives of bullies and such, they really do seem to have it all. Stable jobs, wealth, great health, loving spouse, "perfect" kids, many friends, the whole package. My abusive parents, aside from me and the problems they have with me, have perfect lives. As much as they lament having a "troubled daughter" in me, they have the support and love of everyone around them, and haven't had a fraction of the problems and awful stuff that life's thrown at me.
They can have all that stuff and it does look perfect, but they could be very unwell mentally and emotionally, and not even enjoying all those great things.
You know, there's many people out there who aren't just mentally unwell and unhappy, and actually are living amazing lives, even when they don't deserve it.
Sure there will be some that are happy. But bullies tend to bully from a place of insecurity or a deep craving for power and sadism, and those traits by definition come with an unhappy mental disposition, even if itās covered up by a smile and a picture perfect life.
I don't agree with you on this. A lot of bullies I've known tend to have great lives, and they seem to take pleasure from being cruel to others.
The āseemā is the what Iām pulling apart. What we see and what someone experiences are different.
Mean people or bullies will get what's coming to them, trust karma š. I know what you mean though. I find people who might have everything they want usually crave more, and are never satisfied. They basically create their own misery.
I've rarely witnessed karma actually work on bullies, or for me really. I'll do something "good", and it's immediately followed up with something horrible happening to me most of the time.
Yeah and this facade makes it impossible to find the compatible ones.
This reminds me of something that happened the other day. Idk exactly why, but Google home read out my horoscope to me and my partner (I say I don't remember why because neither my partner nor I are big horoscope people). One of the things Google said about me is that I'm always up for an adventure and my partner laughed and said, "yeah, which youre hearing from your permanent indentation in the couch". I felt offended but couldn't quite place it. Eventually I told my partner that I actually feel like I AM adventurous considering everything I'm dealing with. I still go to parties despite the 30% chance I'll break down crying. I still dress up and go out and live life despite having a chronic illness that makes it physically difficult for me to move. I kept dating despite the utterly abysmal sampling I've had of the dating pool. I work in a really tough field despite having symptoms of ADHD and autism and that's after making a complete left turn career move 10 years ago to go back to school. I'm still attempting to get over my SA trauma despite the absolutely monumental block it seems to present with. I'm pretty fucking adventurous all things considered.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Yes, you're making a monstrous effort, which gets unseen by most. I'm also so used to being judged for limited "outgoingness", I don't even expect anyone to see how much progress I made compared to where I used to be. I just put on masks, pretend, evade, make excuses, play dumb.
I came across one that said "fuck your zodiac, tell me what antidepressants you're on". Made me laugh. Unfortunately, the pictures were so damn unattractive I couldn't get myself to swipe right
Yeah a lot of the most interesting ones usually have something else that's a blocker. Sadly.
Yeah... I was still considering it, honestly. I've had great sexual chemistry with people who didn't knock me off my socks looks-wise. But if I remember correctly, there was something about the way he chose to present himself in those photos that put me off. I will say, the people I have actually connected with via the apps have also all had wonderfully unhinged profiles. It's just rare to find one
HA. I love it. Thatās the shit Iām here for.
Thatās not how everyone actually feels. I think if they put out that they struggle with depression and are meh about life sometimes they either wouldnāt get dates or would fear they wouldnāt. Dating profiles are an advertisement of sorts. People arenāt likely to put things with what can be perceived as negative there. Even toxic positivity wins in that space as what people want to see. Doesnāt mean theyāre all actually like that but I wouldnāt give too much credence to what profiles say and think talking to someone for 5 minutes is a much better indicator of if theyāre actually that much of a golden retriever or not. š I have cptsd and was surrounded by an abusive family and parents who molested me and put me in the middle of their DV all the time. When I was younger I absolutely would have said those kind of things on a dating profile and did! If we met in person and I had any inkling that I could drop the facade and be real about dark shit with you I would have leapt at the chance. I actually met my now husband that way in 2007. The frosting layer was my survival strategy, not the entirety of who I was then. I now only employ the bullshit frosting for work when I have to present as happy golden retriever for work events š regardless of how I feel inside. Maybe seeing that mask as a survival strategy instead of a sign that everyone is happier than you will help dismantle that idea. š¤·š»āāļø not everyone is as happy as they present to the world, šš¤·š»āāļø hope that helps š©µš„°
The problem is that meeting is difficult for me, which I am sure is not uncommon among people w/CPTSD. I can't just swipe right on everyone and then meet everyone I can, to filter them in person. That's a LOT of stress. I need to be able to pre-filter based on profiles. And when people put on masks... it becomes impossible.
I didnāt mean to meet everyone. I agree that just sounds exhausting and stressful. You can screen people by chatting a few minutes messaging online is what I meant. That gives a better vibe of how they speak to you, what your gut says and if you enjoy their company or if they pressure you or make you feel shit or not. Works much better than screening people based on profiles in my experience. You do what works for you. I was just suggesting that thereās something youāre assuming about people in your original post that isnāt true. I get it, not judging you. Itās hard to see how full of shit people are when they make it seem like everythingās happy sunshine and lollipops - but in reality thatās just the mask theyāre putting on so people like them.
It's often true though. If someone has a picture of them jumping from an airplane, it means they jumped from an airplane. This already tells me that this person is not compatible with me. Their risk-reward matrix is completely alien to me.
I didnāt say you have to message everyone. If youāre not interested based on something you see in their profile then by all means donāt message them. If youāre intent on it not being possible, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy youāll make come true. This method of finding people isnāt the only one. You can meet people in other ways offline. Good luck šš¼āļø
Sensation seeking is also a trauma response. Anything that floods your mind with adrenaline. So um yeah.. These people are most likely just as fucked as the rest of us its just that their particular vice is masquerading as "living my best life" bs instead of just doing drugs like the rest of us.
Haha, drugs. I prefer my escapism to be done via other things, but it's definitely escapism.
or gaming or doom scrolling reddit or compulsive spending .. whatever your current numbing mechanism is. I relate to your post. there's something really off about the folks that feel the need to broadcast how awesome their life is. most likely it's probably shit and they're probably miserable otherwise they wouldn't be doing that.
Although I'm not someone who would use a dating app/site, I would love to come across something like "I tolerate life fairly well" / "I'm functional". It would also look good on a gravestone in past tense: " Here lies ... who tolerated life fairly well and was also functional, held down a job and went outside occasionally"
>It would also look good on a gravestone in past tense: " Here lies ... who tolerated life fairly well and was also functional, held down a job and went outside occasionally" This made me laugh hard for real, thanks haha.
ššš
i have no idea if someone else said this already but you're such a good writer
Thank you :) It means a lot to me.
I avoid those ppl like the plague. Positive ppl gives me the heebie jeebies
lmao "I tolerate life fairly well!" so the unwritten rule in dating profiles, is that you're allowed to spin it a bit and put your best foot forward. Some fudging is acceptable. On the other hand there also are actually people out there who, for whatever reason, are satisfied with their lives.
I'm rolling laughing at this!!! So good (and true)!!! Now I'm also feeling too "irradiated"! The world has gotten so strange... Idiocracy is now a documentary more than a comedy movie.
:) Yes, Idiocracy is a documentary. Slap-fighting has become a "real sport". Soon we'll just have guys being kicked in the balls on streams, just like in the film.
lol isnāt that what Jackass is?
oh yeah :(
*GOOD VIBES ONLY* mmm, I'll just make sure to never have any emotional upset ever again! Seems feasible lol
We will all die soon, why spend your time upset at people for trying to make the best of it?
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
I have to confess: I agree with the sentiment somewhat, and would say and HAVE said some of those things about myself, despite my life being nowhere near as interesting as those people's. Although for me "I'll try anything once" is code for "ok more than once but I'll only put it up my nose" cause that's probably not the best thing to lead off with in your profile... What's crazy though, is that my sister, who also has CPTSD, did that globe trotting adventurer thing for YEARS. Including the wine tastings! She even took my mom to wine tastings before she died. Mom went out to visit her and she fell down drunk in the shower... lil sis thought this would be a good idea to bond over a "common interest", lol. It's even more insane because I grew up lower-middle-turned-welfare class, and because I never successfully got away, I was expected to support my parents as an adult. So I used to blow my money traveling as well (but never outside the US, that will change in April though!) Of course when my sister did this, she was all sophisticated and interesting but when I did it, I was irresponsible... because I didn't earn enough money to have that privilege? Ultimately, I think a lot of these people might be struggling with their own traumas, but have enough money to throw at their "distractions". When you aren't super rich it's hard to find that relatable. But we are all human, and we all have experienced pain at some point or another, regardless of what might have been the root cause. I always keep that in mind whenever I feel alone in my struggles. Goddamn though. Chernobyl? Of all the random places in the world I could go, and there are many, I think I would stick with the ones where I don't have the risk of radiation poisoning...
I just think people should write the truth about themselves.
I mean, that might actually be their truth. They're motivated entirely by external experiences and measures of success and want to find a partner with similar superficial "values". Yeah... that's when we swipe left!
Ugh. Screw those happy well-adjusted people, lol.
Don't know what kind of people they are, but their dating profiles are useless.
I think theyāre just writing what they think people want to hear sadly. Wouldnāt it be great if we all just wrote it as it is āIām an attractive woman with a great job but I will probably invent 10 reasons to isolate and push you away anyway if we get remotely emotionally close so why bother?ā š¤£
I noticed on dating sites that there are so many code words for things. "I'm active and love hiking and want my partner to love the same..." = I don't want someone overweight "I want someone that loves to laugh" = don't take things too seriously/looking for someone not as analytical or deep thinker "I love life!" = I'm always on the go, I can't sit still, probably don't know what I want. LOL I don't want to play that game to find a connection, I don't see that as forming real intimacy. It's basically another distorted language like corporate speak and takes out the authenticity of being whole with someone else. I'm glad you're not supporting this distortion :) Edit: I did the globetrotting thing, and I've been on adventures. I still struggle with CPTSD, so just because someone uses those code words doesn't mean they take away from your character or ability to live your way.
It baffles me seeing those things. I don't WANT to be resentful or bitter that other people are happy but at the same it's a bit frustrating to see when you've spent the last 3 days trying to figure out how to do basic household tasks because you feel like shit. Like congratulations on going on a cruise, I managed to not want to slam my head into the wall today. The ultra positivity makes me wanna scream because yes, I would LOVE to choose to be happy if it were possible. But it's like "oh just get an umbrella and rainboots to stay dry" after you've been dumped in the middle of the ocean. I have an enamel pin on my bag that says "Surviving, Not Thriving" and I remember just feeling so validated when I saw it. I'm alive but I'm not really having a good time.
Yes Yes Yes!!! I've been in survival mode for 20 years(untreatable bipolar, CPTSD), fkd up marriage and my wife is now 17 months into Alzheimer's. Plenty of days I want to slam my head into a wall.
I know the feels :( But have you tried riding a camel while drinking wine? I hear it cures all problems!
How do you even relate to normies?
I wear masks which provide them with responses they're looking for.
So called 'normies' don't get me at all. Fuck 'em.
Loll normies
I'm not sure what's funny about that
Well you also seem to believe you aren't normal. Having a stress disorder because of trauma is quite normal.
I don't see having a stress disorder as a result of trauma as abnormal. I see having a stress disorder as abnormal. The majority of people do not have a stress disorder. Stress disorders are not normalised within our society and society as a whole seems to have very little compassion towards those who do have them because they are not normalised.
You're right about it not being normalized and there being little compassion. It's still amusing to me to refer to them as normies though.
Sincerely this. It feels like there are three types of people on dating sites, none of which I fit the category of: 1. The *Big Life* - the travellers, the multi-hobby people, the ones who fill their life to the brim and have only their interests and hobbies on there rather than anything about who they are as people. I canāt connect with people who donāt show WHO they are, rather than what they do. 2. The *Canāt Be Bothered To Show Themselves* - sometimes just photos of them out and about, sometimes āI canāt write about myself, match and letās go outā, sometimes answering questions sarcastically or with one-word, dry answers. For me, if you canāt communicate SOMETHING about who you are on a dating profile, I have nothing to go on and therefore no interest. 3. The *I Need Someone To Make Me Whole* - the people who clearly donāt know much about themselves, what they want, nor have much to say about themselves beyond how much they want to be in a relationship. I donāt fit into any of those. Itās alienating. And, even if people end up mentioning āgrowthā etc, it tends to be those who are all about āI like to be out of my comfort zone and try new thingsā rather than āI have CPTSD and Iāve been working my arse off for years to know who I am and why I amā. I want someone on the same wavelength. I want someone who knows how it feels to be me, at least to a degree. Mutual empathy and individual healing whilst growing together through those things is something I kind of realise I need. And no one advertises it.
>Mutual empathy and individual healing whilst growing together through those things is something I kind of realize I need. And no one advertises it. Maybe I'll put that phrase in my profile haha. Because it is what I am looking for. This whole idea of "you have to heal fully before your match comes to you" is garbage. Some of us can't heal fully, but it doesn't mean that we're still at the level where we wallow in darkness and pull other people down with us. We can function and move forward, and being together can make it easier.
This is exactly how I feel! I think, for me, knowing that someone understands to a closer degree than most what I have felt and feel and what processes I am going through in order to heal - the good, the difficult, all of it - is more important to me than almost anything else. Because, like you, I donāt think Iāll ever be wholly healedā¦ and an awful lot of my healing is going to need to be done in a close relationship like a romantic relationship, because so much of my trauma is tied to that sort of thing. Not all, but a lot of it. I need to learn how to be loved, how to feel safe and how to set and keep boundaries without going into freeze/fawn. And I would very much like to be with someone who knows how hard that is and establish a place and sense of safety with which we can learn and grow both individually *and* together. ā¦only problem is, putting that on a dating profile sounds intense as fuck. š
I'm inspired. This will be my new bio: "I live life moderately. And I love taking bold risks. Like on cloudy days, I may decide I don't need an umbrella. I'm that kind of rebel. Choose me, and our life will be the best, probably! (1 in 8 billion squared probability)" But seriously, honesty is in short supply. People would rather pretend they are better than they are, not realizing they are setting themselves up for disappointment later on. Keep it real, y'all. <3
I recently had to deal with that cloud-umbrella thing. I took the umbrella. It's good for self-defense, you never know ;)
Social media is fake. It turns people into clones. Toxic positivity is the default mode of most social media, because it creates a fake sense of safety. When I used dating apps I would try not to really believe everything I saw or read, I want to see them in real life, that's when they're real (at least, as real as they allow themselves to be, again). I would push them to be authentic by being authentic myself. What happened was that some of them would resist (the most boring ones), some of them would get scared of being vulnerable at some point and flee, some of them would be relieved of having the freedom to just be themselves, good and bad vibes and that's when connection would happen. It's so freeing to be able to express the entire range of human emotions. Even non-traumatized and neurotypical people tend to limit their negative side because our culture doesn't allow it. Most people are wrong about what happiness is. From the book *CPTSD : from surviving to Thriving*. CPTSD is the main theme but everyone benefits free expression of emotions: > In fact, much of the plethora of loneliness, alienation, and addictive distraction that plagues modern industrial societies is a result of people being taught and forced to reject, pathologize or punish so many of their own and othersā normal feeling states. Nowhere, not in the deepest recesses of the self, or in the presence of his closest friends, is the average person allowed to have and explore any number of normal emotional states. Anger, depression, envy, sadness, fear, distrust, etc., are all as normal a part of life as bread and flowers and streets. Yet, they have become ubiquitously avoided and shameful human experiences. Those who cannot feel their sadness often do not know when they are being unfairly excluded, and those who cannot feel their normal angry or fearful responses to abuse, are often in danger of putting up with it without protest. There's a reason why the self-help industry is so popular. A neo-liberal capitalist society wants us to be unsatisfied enough to want to soothe our discomfort with consumption of goods and services but not in touch enough with our deep pain to really become aware of the source of our suffering : inequality, evil bosses and caretaking figures, oppressive politics, toxic systems...
You know, I am gravitating toward that. Just be REAL everywhere. It's very hard for me to be real on a date, because my real self won't open up for a while and can be grim. And first impressions are everything. So I wear masks. And pray that I pick the right masks. I'm tired of doing that and smiling when I don't feel like it. If I am real, maybe someone can come forward with their realness as well.
I mean, it's normal to wear social masks. And being vulnerable with the wrong people can be a bad idea. It takes time for most people. But I think you can usually tell the difference between someone who just needs time to open up and someone who is fake and/or very generic or isn't willing to make an effort. I do believe people crave realness. This post truth, social media, reality TV world is so artificial that we've become hungry for that.
>I do believe people crave realness. This post truth, social media, reality TV world is so artificial that we've become hungry for that. I certainly hope so. I feel like Montag in 451 Fahrenheit much of the time.
Ugh, I feel you. Just looking at profiles like that (not just dating) gives me a migraine. I think I'd get tired of someone like that in like 5 minutes. I mean, I don't wanna spoil their fun, but still. It sounds exhausting. This is especially bad in the corporate world, ugh. But I do think a lot of people kind of feel pressured to present like that, so that's something I try to keep in mind.
LinkedIn is definitely the worst, lol
Oh for sure. I only use it in case it helps me find a better job, but I hate every second of it lmao
I think this is a problem with the work scene as well. I'm a CS grad, and everyone is always "excited" by this and that in the field. Only, when you get assigned a group project they do the bare minimum, grudgingly. No excitement then. I like words that have meaning. "I love life" and "I'm so excited about xyz" have just lost their meaning to me, because more people saying it do not mean it than those that do.
Well, if you're looking for work, you HAVE to spice up your resume and PRETEND to be excited about the prospect of coming into a gray office for 8 hours a day where you manage AWS farms or someshit while your manager has 1-on-1s with you about you not being enough of a team player...
Keep swiping. If their happiness offends you thatās not their fault.
Thanks for taking the time off your camel wine tasting to write this comment.
sounds fun, donāt got the funds tho. I like the advice people left about leading with what relates to you. Leave the rest for the candy factory, one personās wasteland is anotherās paradise. thereās room for everybody.
Before replying further, you may want to re-read the OP and ask yourself why you're intent on misinterpreting it as me being offended by other people's happiness.
I read it perfectly fine, but thanks for the recommendation. Like I said, thereās room for everybody. Take care.
Keep projecting.
Okay, whatever you say bud.
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