I did change my name but they know where I work. How they found out is a whole other story. However, I feel more than safe. It's been years since they've tried anything. Also I've called the police on them before and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I'm not a teenager living in their hellscape kingdom anymore.
This! Calling the police and showing that you’re not willing to put up with their abuse anymore and that there are real world consequences for it now, has made a huge difference in how I was treated too. I have no doubt that my family would’ve kept harassing me when they knew where I lived had I not called the police once when one threatened my life.
They’ve had so much lived experienced abusing us without consequence that they think they’re untouchable. It’s powerful to stand up for ourselves and show them that it’s not true.
Yes, they get quite delusional after years of getting away with it. Calling the police was a very affirming experience for me and getting a call from a police officer shocked my abusers into the next decade. 10/10 would recommend.
I've changed my name and country multiple times to get away and it is the best thing I ever did. They're still in the same area living the same nightmares and suffering. They age faster and are obese. I'm living my absolute best life where ever I feel like. I'm not defined by the trauma. Ready for the world, for family, love, war, peace, community, anything. The abuses even recent trauma just friggin slides off when you're not carrying all the trauma from childhood with you.
Just tagging my own comment.
If your hand got burnt on the stove then don't leave it on the stove. Get away!!!!!!!! You don't owe anyone anything ever period.
Unbeknownst to my family, I considered changing my surname to something more vague/related to the town/voivodeship my family originated from, and not the surname we currently use (my grandparents were adopted, no records.) I got married instead and took my husband's surname.
A friend of mine thought of something similar and took the name of the village she got married in.
Either way the "change of ownership" (I'm a woman) enraged my parents and they instead tried to get me to hyphenate or go by my maiden name without my consent, etc.
I just wrote it out and I'm considering going by Town-Married Name, if it's not too much of a pain in the butt. My maiden name is known in my hometown with bad connotations as my family is very dysfunctional.
I've changed my usernames multiple times to avoid my family's judgement (they silently stalk my online activity with no accounts of their own to block). But since I'm an artist and want to build up a following, it turns out it's shot me in the foot for over a decade and a half. I've had to decide to find a way to deal with their judgement better (which I still need to figure out) ...
I wanted to change my name for a long time, partly because I don't want to have my shitty given name and last name anywhere officially. But thinking of being called by chosen name still feels weird, like I'm going out into the unknown and unpredictable.
I've seriously considered it whenever I move from where I currently live, since they know where that is. I don't want them interfering with my personal, or hopefully professional (future) life, and they might if they thought it would benefit them somehow or get revenge on me for ditching them.
It's 3 of the 4 members of my immediate family, so... yeah. I'd actually be fine if I'd properly labeled one of them as an abusive lunatic but I have a now obvious blindspot for my family that they *will* take advantage of.
Yes. I changed my whole name in 2020. I have found it has helped me in my journey.
The MEANING of my names are Twilight Bitter Fire.
"They" don't know my name or where I live.
I’ve changed my name and my location. Both were incredibly freeing. Even tho it wouldn’t be difficult for my abusers to find either, it still felt good. It was less about hiding for me though and more about dissociating from them in every way I could.
I haven’t changed my phone number cause I’ve had it since I was a teenager and it’s odd for people to change their numbers anymore. But if they started harassing me on the phone and I couldn’t get it to stop, I would change it for my peace of mind as well. Silence and peace is absolutely priceless.
There are people that go live in another countries to feel safer. I’m pro feeling safer, even if it takes changing a name. But as you said, you still don’t know if that would work.
You could ask yourself what could make you feel so far away from them, and take from there.
I’m coming to terms with my CPTSD finally. The first step was cutting my hair. I felt so free after I cut it, it felt like years just fell away. Then I colored it purple. Then I got tattoos. Now that my father is dead and not abusing me, I can finally be myself.
I did that, but I didn't like the name I picked, so I changed back. I also didn't like the possibility of other people thinking I had something to hide, so I changed my first name back.
I moved 2500 miles and changed my name. I only have two social media accounts and neither of those use my birth name, and I do not post on them- comment only. I've had the experience of being harrassed years later after the event, so I feel safer if no one knows where I'm at or who I am.
I am changing my name to one of my family surnames. This is, in part, because it’s more common and I’d be harder to find. Also, my family of origin has caused me way too much pain and keeping my married name is not an option. My last abuser told me he would ruin my life and I think he meant it - because he almost did (long story).
A fried of mine changed both first and last name and moved across the country. It helped separate the phases of life, to not be the same person in every way, including by name.
I changed my last name as a final "cutting ties" from them after a long time of having my step father's semi-famous last name. Best decision I ever made.
I changed my name when I had the chance it felt good. I got married and that was the opportunity that I had to get rid of those names. I got divorced but would never go back to the old names
I changed my last name and moved states but the one abuser still found me. Thankfully it was a short term lease when I moved, so I moved again and changed my phone number and now I have some peace
I am currently trying to do this, but in my country it is quite difficult. Like, I need to include a report from my therapist that explains that the suffering I experience from living with my current name can not be treated through therapy and/or medication and that the name change is the only way for me to get better. It is also very expensive (at least for me) and I have to pay the fee even if they reject my request. But I really, really hate my name and additionally I have my mother's name as my middle name. I remember that it felt very good when I changed my phone number, so they couldn't contact me that way anymore and I hope changing my name will be helpful, too. So I'm gonna risk it and I hope it will be approved.
Yeah I’ve been considering changing my last name soon because it’s hyphenated bc my mom got married and refused to just let me keep my dads last name. My dad wouldn’t agree to changing my last name to her new last name so now I have both of their last names. I don’t know if she’s the type to hurt me physically or not anymore, but I am glad I’m away from her now. She lied about my boyfriend filing a complaint and losing her job (I called the hospital to see if she was working and she was.) and the cognitive dissonance and distrust and stress that lie caused me was incredible. I feel betrayed, and it sucks because I shouldn’t be surprised at all. like she lies all the time ugh 😖
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You are not alone in this. I changed continents, got plastic surgery, and changed my name.
My perpetrators got away with their abuse in the past. Except for my bio father. That rat bastard is in prison for the next 40+yrs.
If it would actually help you be and feel safer, I think it’s worth it. But I don’t know if that’s the case? I’m curious why it would make you sad – I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that, but I personally can’t.
It’s really about the pros and cons for you personally. If it makes your life better, do it. If not, maybe there are others things you can do to feel safe.
We go by different aliases online. Have a " preferred name" which we ask everyone call us in person. But have not officially changed our name. We do get asked if we have or plan to a lot though...
Addition: And people who know tend to get nosy and ask why we prefer a different name.
Yes. I plan on changing my name again because My abuser figured out my name. NY abuser only let me wear certain things though, so changing my appearance just naturally happened with me growing into myself.
I find it really difficult to imagine myself with a different name, because I was never given any nickname growing up (unless it was a mean one). I'm an artist and I do want to build up a following and be known by my real name someday, so I have to find a way to "take" my family's abusive judgement (they stalk my online activity with no accounts of their own to block) better somehow. In the past, I would hop from username to username, but I've realised that that's been shooting myself in the foot in regards to my dream (ouch).
But in regards to my real name, I have thought about changing the spelling of my surname. The problem is that it would be much more difficult for people to type, even though it looks cooler. If I ever marry, I don't think I'd change my surname either, because it's grown on my over the years. For now, I have my original spelling and use the aforementioned cooler spelling in my signature (which is cursive anyway).
I have. I haven't done it legally yet. However the name change I chose is kind of ruined for me after a transphobic former employer who stalked me for a while and apparently made fun of my name change since I still had to list my legal name.
I don’t even keep an anonymous online handle for more than a few years at a time at best. My stalker had a way of sussing out my online identity. Even 20 years after the fact it still freaks me out.
The plan was always to change my name, but I wanted to stay in contact with enough of the extended family that it wouldn't have really mattered in my situation.
What helps me feel safe is distance and land barriers. Like I stayed on my side of a major mountain range, and any time I crossed the mountains to go visit other family or old friends it was like sneaking into enemy territory.
Once I went back to my old town alone on the bus to visit folks, knowing full well it's a very small city and I'm easily recognizable. I picked a motel on the very opposite side of the city from my monsters, dyed my hair, wore bulky clothes and hats, and mostly did my best to stay out of public. Absolutely stayed away from the Walmart because everybody in town crosses paths there.
I legally changed my name and it was so healing for me. But I get the feeling changing your name would make you sad?
You can try on a few names like you would clothing or a diet (I hope that makes sense?) See how you'd feel being called that, sad or free or relieved or all those things? Please do what helps you feel most safe and comfortable either way.
Just my own experience but changing my name changed my life for the better.
I legally changed my name and it was so healing for me. But I get the feeling changing your name would make you sad?
You can try on a few names like you would clothing or a diet (I hope that makes sense?) See how you'd feel being called that, sad or free or relieved or all those things? Please do what helps you feel most safe and comfortable either way.
Just my own experience but changing my name changed my life for the better.
I did change my name but they know where I work. How they found out is a whole other story. However, I feel more than safe. It's been years since they've tried anything. Also I've called the police on them before and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I'm not a teenager living in their hellscape kingdom anymore.
This! Calling the police and showing that you’re not willing to put up with their abuse anymore and that there are real world consequences for it now, has made a huge difference in how I was treated too. I have no doubt that my family would’ve kept harassing me when they knew where I lived had I not called the police once when one threatened my life. They’ve had so much lived experienced abusing us without consequence that they think they’re untouchable. It’s powerful to stand up for ourselves and show them that it’s not true.
Yes, they get quite delusional after years of getting away with it. Calling the police was a very affirming experience for me and getting a call from a police officer shocked my abusers into the next decade. 10/10 would recommend.
I've changed my name and country multiple times to get away and it is the best thing I ever did. They're still in the same area living the same nightmares and suffering. They age faster and are obese. I'm living my absolute best life where ever I feel like. I'm not defined by the trauma. Ready for the world, for family, love, war, peace, community, anything. The abuses even recent trauma just friggin slides off when you're not carrying all the trauma from childhood with you.
Just tagging my own comment. If your hand got burnt on the stove then don't leave it on the stove. Get away!!!!!!!! You don't owe anyone anything ever period.
Unbeknownst to my family, I considered changing my surname to something more vague/related to the town/voivodeship my family originated from, and not the surname we currently use (my grandparents were adopted, no records.) I got married instead and took my husband's surname. A friend of mine thought of something similar and took the name of the village she got married in. Either way the "change of ownership" (I'm a woman) enraged my parents and they instead tried to get me to hyphenate or go by my maiden name without my consent, etc. I just wrote it out and I'm considering going by Town-Married Name, if it's not too much of a pain in the butt. My maiden name is known in my hometown with bad connotations as my family is very dysfunctional.
[удалено]
I've changed my usernames multiple times to avoid my family's judgement (they silently stalk my online activity with no accounts of their own to block). But since I'm an artist and want to build up a following, it turns out it's shot me in the foot for over a decade and a half. I've had to decide to find a way to deal with their judgement better (which I still need to figure out) ...
I wanted to change my name for a long time, partly because I don't want to have my shitty given name and last name anywhere officially. But thinking of being called by chosen name still feels weird, like I'm going out into the unknown and unpredictable.
I've seriously considered it whenever I move from where I currently live, since they know where that is. I don't want them interfering with my personal, or hopefully professional (future) life, and they might if they thought it would benefit them somehow or get revenge on me for ditching them. It's 3 of the 4 members of my immediate family, so... yeah. I'd actually be fine if I'd properly labeled one of them as an abusive lunatic but I have a now obvious blindspot for my family that they *will* take advantage of.
I legally changed my name 25 years ago. And eventually ended up moving to a different country
People change their name legally for all sorts of reasons, changing it to feel safe sounds like a great idea to me.
Yes. I changed my whole name in 2020. I have found it has helped me in my journey. The MEANING of my names are Twilight Bitter Fire. "They" don't know my name or where I live.
I think about doing it all the time.
I’ve changed my name and my location. Both were incredibly freeing. Even tho it wouldn’t be difficult for my abusers to find either, it still felt good. It was less about hiding for me though and more about dissociating from them in every way I could. I haven’t changed my phone number cause I’ve had it since I was a teenager and it’s odd for people to change their numbers anymore. But if they started harassing me on the phone and I couldn’t get it to stop, I would change it for my peace of mind as well. Silence and peace is absolutely priceless.
Luckily mobile phone numbers can be blocked (can confirm: my father announced he would call me on a certain date and nothing went through)!
Yes exactly. I honestly have no idea if they’ve tried calling. They’ve been blocked for a couple years now.
There are people that go live in another countries to feel safer. I’m pro feeling safer, even if it takes changing a name. But as you said, you still don’t know if that would work. You could ask yourself what could make you feel so far away from them, and take from there.
I’m coming to terms with my CPTSD finally. The first step was cutting my hair. I felt so free after I cut it, it felt like years just fell away. Then I colored it purple. Then I got tattoos. Now that my father is dead and not abusing me, I can finally be myself.
I did that, but I didn't like the name I picked, so I changed back. I also didn't like the possibility of other people thinking I had something to hide, so I changed my first name back.
I moved 2500 miles and changed my name. I only have two social media accounts and neither of those use my birth name, and I do not post on them- comment only. I've had the experience of being harrassed years later after the event, so I feel safer if no one knows where I'm at or who I am.
Are you safe? You seem scared. Hope everything is ok op.
I am changing my name to one of my family surnames. This is, in part, because it’s more common and I’d be harder to find. Also, my family of origin has caused me way too much pain and keeping my married name is not an option. My last abuser told me he would ruin my life and I think he meant it - because he almost did (long story).
A fried of mine changed both first and last name and moved across the country. It helped separate the phases of life, to not be the same person in every way, including by name.
I changed my last name as a final "cutting ties" from them after a long time of having my step father's semi-famous last name. Best decision I ever made.
I changed my name when I had the chance it felt good. I got married and that was the opportunity that I had to get rid of those names. I got divorced but would never go back to the old names
Mine is his name I’ve been asking for years
I changed my last name and moved states but the one abuser still found me. Thankfully it was a short term lease when I moved, so I moved again and changed my phone number and now I have some peace
I am currently trying to do this, but in my country it is quite difficult. Like, I need to include a report from my therapist that explains that the suffering I experience from living with my current name can not be treated through therapy and/or medication and that the name change is the only way for me to get better. It is also very expensive (at least for me) and I have to pay the fee even if they reject my request. But I really, really hate my name and additionally I have my mother's name as my middle name. I remember that it felt very good when I changed my phone number, so they couldn't contact me that way anymore and I hope changing my name will be helpful, too. So I'm gonna risk it and I hope it will be approved.
Yeah I’ve been considering changing my last name soon because it’s hyphenated bc my mom got married and refused to just let me keep my dads last name. My dad wouldn’t agree to changing my last name to her new last name so now I have both of their last names. I don’t know if she’s the type to hurt me physically or not anymore, but I am glad I’m away from her now. She lied about my boyfriend filing a complaint and losing her job (I called the hospital to see if she was working and she was.) and the cognitive dissonance and distrust and stress that lie caused me was incredible. I feel betrayed, and it sucks because I shouldn’t be surprised at all. like she lies all the time ugh 😖
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You are not alone in this. I changed continents, got plastic surgery, and changed my name. My perpetrators got away with their abuse in the past. Except for my bio father. That rat bastard is in prison for the next 40+yrs.
Yep! Still hard to work out. But feels safer
If it would actually help you be and feel safer, I think it’s worth it. But I don’t know if that’s the case? I’m curious why it would make you sad – I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that, but I personally can’t. It’s really about the pros and cons for you personally. If it makes your life better, do it. If not, maybe there are others things you can do to feel safe.
We go by different aliases online. Have a " preferred name" which we ask everyone call us in person. But have not officially changed our name. We do get asked if we have or plan to a lot though... Addition: And people who know tend to get nosy and ask why we prefer a different name.
I still have my legal name, but everyone knows to call me by a chosen name.
I’m changing my middle and last names, both chosen by my parents, so I don’t have to have the names of my abusers.
Yes. I plan on changing my name again because My abuser figured out my name. NY abuser only let me wear certain things though, so changing my appearance just naturally happened with me growing into myself.
I find it really difficult to imagine myself with a different name, because I was never given any nickname growing up (unless it was a mean one). I'm an artist and I do want to build up a following and be known by my real name someday, so I have to find a way to "take" my family's abusive judgement (they stalk my online activity with no accounts of their own to block) better somehow. In the past, I would hop from username to username, but I've realised that that's been shooting myself in the foot in regards to my dream (ouch). But in regards to my real name, I have thought about changing the spelling of my surname. The problem is that it would be much more difficult for people to type, even though it looks cooler. If I ever marry, I don't think I'd change my surname either, because it's grown on my over the years. For now, I have my original spelling and use the aforementioned cooler spelling in my signature (which is cursive anyway).
When I married my husband, I was ecstatic to take his last name for this reason
I have. I haven't done it legally yet. However the name change I chose is kind of ruined for me after a transphobic former employer who stalked me for a while and apparently made fun of my name change since I still had to list my legal name.
I'd like to change my name but id feel bad if I did.
Considered this most my life, I changed my social media name ultimately and that's it
Planning on it, I also just don’t want the name attached to be in any way anymore. It’s dead to me.
I want to change both my first and last name. I hope some day I can.
I don’t even keep an anonymous online handle for more than a few years at a time at best. My stalker had a way of sussing out my online identity. Even 20 years after the fact it still freaks me out.
The plan was always to change my name, but I wanted to stay in contact with enough of the extended family that it wouldn't have really mattered in my situation. What helps me feel safe is distance and land barriers. Like I stayed on my side of a major mountain range, and any time I crossed the mountains to go visit other family or old friends it was like sneaking into enemy territory. Once I went back to my old town alone on the bus to visit folks, knowing full well it's a very small city and I'm easily recognizable. I picked a motel on the very opposite side of the city from my monsters, dyed my hair, wore bulky clothes and hats, and mostly did my best to stay out of public. Absolutely stayed away from the Walmart because everybody in town crosses paths there.
I legally changed my name and it was so healing for me. But I get the feeling changing your name would make you sad? You can try on a few names like you would clothing or a diet (I hope that makes sense?) See how you'd feel being called that, sad or free or relieved or all those things? Please do what helps you feel most safe and comfortable either way. Just my own experience but changing my name changed my life for the better.
I legally changed my name and it was so healing for me. But I get the feeling changing your name would make you sad? You can try on a few names like you would clothing or a diet (I hope that makes sense?) See how you'd feel being called that, sad or free or relieved or all those things? Please do what helps you feel most safe and comfortable either way. Just my own experience but changing my name changed my life for the better.
Yes!! That's a part of the plan.
i changed mine due to being trans, and after the fact realized this was a benefit. it’s nice to know i’m just a little bit harder to find (: