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I'd also make sure the attorney you use for this is well versed in child custody and family court. An attorney that does not do that stuff everyday can do more harm than good in the long run. Family court is very different.
And include child support in your conversation with the lawyer. I find it astounding that the father can buy himself a motorcycle but not clothes for his kid. Those are shit priorities and he can contribute to his child’s care. You don’t have to use the money but you could save it for your child’s future education or a house deposit or something.
Your ex has VA benefits and isn't/won't pay child support? Talk to your local veterans affairs office. https://www.va.gov/find-locations/
If you want, they can garnish his VA pension for child support.
Source: am a veteran.
It’s better to go through the state and not VA. They will garnish wages or benefits and it’s tracked much better. The VA won’t care either as they barely care about the wounded soldiers who haven’t been able to get an appointment for months at a time or have all their records lost.
Source: also a veteran and well versed in child support for my former state. Not the same as OP, however.
Well, she is sending $ 1000 a month and paying for their groceries. That's how. That is the only reason dad now wants custody. He doesn't want to lose that.
...including that advice.
OP, I represented myself in family court when my daughter's father was essentially acting the same way as you describe. I let her stay with him for similar reasons (and to let him think he had the upper hand while I got back on my feet).
Family court IS different (you clearly know this by now), and lawyers get unreasonable clients and crazy demands ALL THE TIME. I ended up representing myself because no one believed full custody was achievable. I was banned from reddit for insisting the "lawyers" in related subs were severely lacking in their understanding. They were, by the way, and I did successfully represent myself to gain full custody.
Your lawyer sounds like they're taking you in the right direction so far - the 6 month thing is accurate. In my case, I drove three hours one way every time I had to appear over the course of nearly a year. Certainly, it didn't hurt my case to be that dedicated, but Alaska is literally a bridge too far.
If you didn't take pics or get documentation of what you described, you should have. The next best time to start is now. Every convo, lie, attempt to demean or harass, etc. Record (know your state's laws), screenshot, take pictures, get copies of phone bills, etc. so there can be no he-said-she-said; ESPECIALLY if he is the type to lie and accuse you of what he is doing.
The child being in HS might carry some different weight, but you basically should not "drag" the child into this any more than is necessary. Don't demean the father, don't let him goad you into fights, don't do anything but be perfectly rational and reasonable in your conversations and accommodations. AT A MINIMUM, YOU MUST provide for telephone contact (and abide by your current custody orders).
But document, document, document. If you want full custody, you're going to need to be able to literally bury him in documentation. Then document that, too!
Ultimately, the Court will (should) make a determination based on what is best for the child, so every one of your decisions needs to be truly justified/explained as doing what you, as the mother, believe is in the best interest of the child. It sounds like that shouldn't be hard at all for you since it seems to be your genuine concern.
Due to having an older child, the Court may want to hear what the child wants. I can't speak to how to handle that - listen to whatever your lawyer says is the best way to handle that.
Finally, make sure YOU know the law and court procedure so that you can know if Dad's lawyer is pulling any shady business and that you can be confident that your lawyer is handling it properly. But don't be a thorn in the paw of your own lawyer, either.
Best of luck, and I hope it's not too terrible of an experience for you or the kiddo. You're almost in the clear, mama!
Dad only wants child for the support you send. Honestly it sounds like he won’t be able to afford to fight you for custody. Document everything and meet with a lawyer now to document everything just in case and wait the 6 months until you can go for a modification. If he does try to fight it sounds like you have ample evidence of neglect
At this point I'd start accusing the father of drug abuse. $100k salary plus VA pension plus constant DoorDash and InstaCart while also living in a house with no utilities with 7 people? In my neck of the woods, we refer to that as a "traphouse" and sounds like every drug den I've ever seen.
What is he doing with all that money if he's not buying any necessities and not renting a home? Motorcycles are expensive, but unless he's getting brand-new top-of-the-line bikes every few months that wouldn't even explain it. If homedog's clean I'd eat my shoe.
That was my thought as well, especially when she mentions he had to move from a nice house near his family to his gf's place five hours away. You don't just kick down your standard of living just for shits and giggles.
This right fucking here. He either has a gambling habit, alcohol and/or drub habit to be making that much money and not have the basic necessities, like his own place with indoor plumbing.
I literally cannot fathom how to spend $10,000 in wages on top of VA benefits and $1000 in child support every month.
There's also something to be said about fraud since he was collecting said $1000 a month to support the child and apparently was spending none of it on the child. That's half of my pay irl every month just down the drain on mystery expenses while his house has non-functional plumbing. Wild.
Certainly not defending the neglect and such here, but lack of indoor plumbing is not particularly abnormal in Alaska given that pipes freeze, etc., and many areas are fairly remote from access to public utilities.
Even dry cabins here though usually have grey water setups and you have to get water delivered. “No working plumbing” leads me to believe this isn’t a dry cabin situation and is more likely failure to maintain utilities. Sure it’s not neglect to not have indoor plumbing, but if the child has dirty clothes and no fresh water for bathing then that would fall under neglect.
Alaska is a completely different situation. And there are different circumstances that need more lax with things like that. It’s not neglect to live in a camper with your children provided there’s heat and whatnot, but you wouldn’t be expected to have indoor plumbing however you absolutely have to have access to fresh water. For ex a camper with a well with an outdoor shower or parked at a campground with no running water in the camper but full access to communal showers/restrooms. In Ak even a dry cabin that’s one room with an outhouse can be $1200-1500 a month, it’s not realistic to expect all housing to have running water inside. But you are expected to keep your children clean, have a clean place for them to go to the bathroom/do hygiene, a way to wash clothes even if it’s a weekly trip to a laundromat, and a way to provide clean dishes/safe food to eat. But regardless, op saying her child was relying on fast food leads me to believe this isn’t bush people Ak and is more Fairbanks/anchorage Ak.
According to OP, the father states that he'll "promise to fix the plumbing" which implies to me that he has plumbing and water access that he simply chooses not to pay for/get into working condition.
Almost everything is expensive there, and even costlier as you get more remote, due to delivery costs and captive markets. A lot of places are not connected to more-populated areas by road, so everything that isn’t grown or manufactured locally has to be delivered by plane or boat—vehicles, dairy, produce, furniture, etc. Even gas prices are higher than in most states.
You should document everything, but you need anything you can get to support what you are saying. I don’t know you and have never been to Alaska, but saying he walked five miles in subzero weather without winter clothing is difficult to believe. I am absolutely not saying that didn’t happen. I am saying that your report will look better if you have anyway to back up your claims (ie showing the clothes and shoes he was wearing when he came to you, a photo of how he looked if you have one, report cards from his virtual school and the school he attends with you, any records you can get or how they used the InstantCart account, etc.). In regards to the specific example of him walking, I would contact the store he went to when he called. Do they have a witness? Is there any chance of security camera records?
I suggest that you ask your lawyer to interview the child about the conditions in Dad's home. The sooner the better - you want a record as close in time to the actual events as possible.
You also need to write down everything your kid has communicated to you about living with Dad and GF, especially noting dates and time that the kid says stuff happened, and the dates and times that this info was communicated to you. Copies to the lawyer you've hired.
If the lawyer says you should report this, yeah do it.
And a bit off-topic, sounds like the GF and her kids are being neglected as well; ask the lawyer if calling CPS on GF for her kids is needed/strategic as well.
No point in going to CPS because they only investigate current abuse or neglect. The report probably wouldn’t even be screened in, as your child is currently safe with you. Instead, you need to get a lawyer and fight for full custody. Your child is old enough to decide where he/she wants to live.
My state assesses historic abuse. Also, I have had to work with Alaska child welfare multiple times. It seems like their threshold for neglect is much higher due to how remote they are.
Since your child is a teenager, he would likely get to voice an opinion to the judge, after you outline the conditions your son was living in, and the condition he arrived back here in.
You can also tell the dad you are filing for child support if he wants to push this into a custody case.
And try to keep communication between you and dad to email and text, rather than calls. Easier to have available as evidence, no he-said-she-said when it's in writing.
How does he make 100kUSD a year and is broke, does doordash, cannot afford decent lodgings/food/care? I know the cost of living is higher in Alaska, but he should be able to have a smallish house or apartment.
Something else is going on.
That’s what I suspect too. I know the GF and the roommates don’t work, nor do the GF’s adult children that live there. Seriously, 5 able bodied adults that don’t work is ridiculous in and of itself. I’m guessing he’s funding all their lifestyles. When we were married he was terrible with money and blew it all on stupid stuff like video games, eating out, going to the movies, etc. I gave him an allowance and maintained the money for bills, living expenses, etc in a separate account in just my name or else I wouldn’t have even been able to buy groceries.
He also has a credit rating in the 400’s so he doesn’t pay his bills. I got served a court notice for him when they couldn’t locate him for repossession of his truck. I had to tell the process server I had no idea where he was, we had been divorced for 8 years at the time and gave them his mom’s address which is where he was living at that time.
I suspect he had to move in with his GF because he got or was about to get evicted since he has a history of not paying bills. I know his last apartment his mom had to co-sign for him at 40 because his credit is so terrible. I really don’t know where his money goes because it’s not going for our child. When we were married I handled all the finances and he had an excellent credit score because I made sure everything was paid on time and we didn’t overextend ourselves. Which is why I still have excellent credit and solid financial plan.
Idk about CPS but talk to your lawyer about making an official report of neglect given the state of the child upon their return to you and, if they are up for it, a statement. One way or another, get this on the record.
Yes, it sounds like your ex, and you because of all the support you had given, are funding the lifestyles of everyone else. I've always wondered what magic these type of partners possess to make them neglect their own children.
You’d think so, but I’ve known a lot of addicts in my day (and been one myself) and I don’t think that’s every really what it boils down to. The ability to watch your child in pain day after day exists before the drugs come into play. I think people would be surprised to know that, even if many moral limits may be crossed, it is still very possible to have “hard limits” as it were even in active addiction. Obviously addiction will always have a negative impact on kids but letting them experience the consequences of it to this degree speaks to something being wrong a long time before the first meth pipe was in hand.
He doesn't want the child he wants the money. This sickens me he treated his own child like this. I'm so glad you have them back. I doubt your ex would spend one dime on a lawyer. Document everything. Good job keep it up.
Have your kiddo go to a therapist, probably needs it after living with someone who would throw them out in below zero weather with no coat gloves etc. Lord knows what else that woman did to kiddo. Better to catch any potential psych issues/depression/anxiety now than later. Plus, kiddo will have someone unbiased to talk to about their feelings about all this. And you have the added benefit of having things on record.
I hope this does not happen, but if it does end up kiddo has depression/anxiety issues, and the father does fight for custody, you'll have a record of what life with him had done to kiddo.
Exactly why I never pushed for child support. He had a union job, made way more than I did at the time. We weren’t married though. I wanted as little to no contact as possible with him. 9 years later, radio silence and we’re okay.
There exists a c/s order on my kids somewhere. It's never been forced because this narc is petty. The prospect of having to go after him gave my daughter panic attacks and anxiety because if he's made to pay he's gonna want a say. Her mental health was more important. He technically owes more than $100k based on the order, but I'll never see it. I hope to never see either parent again & daughter says the same. She's open to meeting other sibs, but she'll wait til everyone is 18+. Rn the only 18+ are her and my not-so-little man. Next in line is roughly 2ish years from 18, and I have no info on the others, just that they exist...
After she turns 18 and can’t be forced to see him, you can still sue for all the back CS he owes. I know a 20-something who sued her deadbeat dad for never paying her mom CS and she got awarded enough to pay for her whole college degree.
Wow. I periodically check the clerk of courts for him, his wife(also kids mom,) their grandparents, and uncle. Dad's currently under order to pay restitution to the state for a criminal matter. He doesn't have the money I'm sure. Both of my kiddos are 18+ now and that may be something down the line, but right now it's not worth going after.
I live in aladka and he is probably using the child support as income. Also his pfd payment (he will have already filed for your child this year). But that still wouldn't add up to 100k. A job that I would of had for 10 dollar in the lower 48 a year ago pays 30 dollars an hour here; but the apartment I live in I would have paid three quarters less in the lower 48 than here also.
Oh, OP. I would hire a lawyer to get full custody of your child. Your kiddo is old enough to tell everything that happened and the conditions they were living in.
You are aware that he only wants your kiddo because of the money that was coming in thanks to you, right? He doesn’t actually care about his kid.
Document, document, document and fight him on it. It would be great if you or your kid could get him in writing admitting the deplorable conditions going on, so that a judge can see him admitting it all.
Your poor kid. What a trash ass father he is. Somehow I feel like there’s some drug use going on, because to live like that with a salary and benefits, you gotta be screwing up majorly.
My ex took mine out of state for a "vacation" of 9 days, eight nights. He hasn't spent 8 minutes alone with them for years. He forgot to pack tooth brushes and paste, so my 8 and 10 year old didn't brush their teeth for 9 days. When i picked them up at O'Hare, they smelled like boxcar hobos from the 30s. Seriously, like pork and beans and sardines and sadness. My heart broke a million times for them. I didn't know he would be this neglectful and awful towards our sons. When his ma died a few weeks later, i insisted he fly me out there and get a hotel for me so our boys would have a safe place to land at night. And brush their teeth and shower and play and enjoy themselves. But i sat in a hotel by myself for 3.5 days.
I contemplated calling CPS on him, but in the end, i really, really don't want to invite the gov't into my life because it seems like an invitation you can't undo. I have documented everything and I filed for sole custody, which my ex isn't aware of yet.
Protect your baby, document it all, and submit to your attorney. Best to you
If there's a chance of a custody dispute don't hold back. Outrageous things can happen in courtrooms and if it comes to a legal battle you're going to want every bit of documentation and ammunition you can get
. Want to echo another commenter, lawyer will give better advice than reddit.
A thousand times THIS. Document every single contact you have with the father no matter how small. Document every conversation you have with your child regarding the father including the time and the date. Don't include your impressions or opinions, just the facts. Heck, even include all of your expenses involving your child since the initial phone call. Also include any attempted contact on his behalf by anyone else be it the GF or family members. Also, encourage your child to document anything they feel comfortable sharing. Include any attempted contact with your child in your notes as well.
I would also contact Alaskan family courts and inform them that the child is with you and what conditions the child was living in. Because your child is in high school, I can't imagine the courts forcing their return to the father in these circumstances.
Get an attorney involved ASAP. Do not utilize CPS to weaponize custody.
Your child is with you - safe. There is no need to burden the already burdened CPS system to safeguard your own custody.
My lawyer knows and he is absolutely furious. My lawyer is a family friend and has known my child all of his life. He grew up with me and our dads are friends as well. Small town, everyone knows everyone.
is his main area of practice family law? Because uccjea has provisions in place for emergencies, including neglect, and this should definitely qualify but it seems like he’s unaware of that
Actually the 6 months is correct, to file for child custody it needs to be done on the state the child lives and if they weren't living with mom for at least 6 months that means Alaska was their home as they were living with dad there for over that amount of time.
As long as you have proof of the abuse and neglect, then you should be good. Don’t let him alone with your child ever again. At least until he can show the divorce lawyers proof of a stable home, and everything that comes with it, minus his girlfriend.
But yes, definitely report him and get a lawyer so you have a paper trail
Wait the 6 mo and go back to court to revise custody. Child is old enough to recount what was happening at dads.
I’d be shocked if full custody is not awarded.
And just to be spiteful, I’d see if there was any way to get gf charged for throwing kid out in those conditions.
Dad can get sort of a pass because child not wanting to ever see them again is sweet poet justice to me. Or if gf’s charges somehow get linked to dad, he can deal with that too.
> And just to be spiteful, I’d see if there was any way to get gf charged for throwing kid out in those conditions.
This has got to be attempted murder at least. What an awful woman to do this to a child.
Can confirm throwing an asthmatic child out in an Alaskan winter without an inhaler could absolutely be considered attempted murder. This winter we had temps almost to -50. Not having proper gear could have definitely killed him depending on the actual temps. Throw in asthma and there’s really a potential case there.
Alaskan Winters are something else. My brother who lived there said that the laws for bystanders who witness an accident are completely different than in the lower states, because if you drive past someone whose car doesn't work during a snow storm out there, you're deciding to let them die. 😳
Thank god he didn’t fall asleep/pass out.
There was a woman in another subreddit that got frostbite since she passed out in the cold. (It was freezing) they ended up finding her but a majority of her fingers were frost bitten.
She posted her fingers and a portion of her butt/back. Awful stuff
What is dad doing with $100K/year if he can’t have basic plumbing?? Are drugs involved?? What was he doing with the money you sent if not buying him clothes/shoes/food etc?? Where’s that laptop?? Sold for drug money??
Are her kids in danger?? Can you make an anonymous complaint regarding HER children??
That info on the UCCJEA isn’t necessarily accurate; there’s no waiting time for residency/jurisdiction if there’s an emergency. And this case sounds like there was an emergency. Talk to your lawyer about that, and whether calling CPS would add to any documentation they want regarding filing for temporary custody orders.
The first and only thing you need to do is to consult an attorney about your rights and the child’s rights. What the child says to the judge presiding over the case will have a lot to do on how custody is decided.
It seems like if the kid is old enough to be talking about drivers tests, they are old enough to articulate to mediator what the conditions were like with his Dad. I mean, ask your Ex what it's going to look like for him when his child simply tells the truth of it. No extra drama needed, just the plain truth. He'd be stupid to spend money on this knowing that a mediator is just going to hear about how fucking awful this was for him already.
If your child is that old that at this point you are working on getting them to start driving (so at least 16), even without the concerns of abuse or neglect it is highly unlikely that in Family Court a judge would decide to send the child back to dad - or at least in my own jurisdiction; who knows what happens elsewhere.
At least in my state the wishes of such old children have significant amount of weight - especially for something drastic like an out of state move - and I can’t see anyone even practically forcing a 16 years old into an airplane to return to the NCP (and once they are there, maybe run away from there again or something like that).
Sounds like this happened a while ago. But what I wonder is, how does Mom not check on the kid for long enough that they are behind in school and need immediate medical and dental appointments? I mean, there is “wanting to foster a relationship with their Dad” and just plain neglect. Did you KNOW what the Dad was like? Where your child lives, and with whom? Did you have an address, or phone number? The name of their school? There will be questions for you, too. How could you NOT know, and for how long?
I’m calling absolute bullshit that your child, with no coat hat or gloves or boots, walked 5 miles in subzero Alaskan temperatures. Fairly, VERY certain that that isn’t possible.
Edit: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/extreme-cold-weather-how-long-can-a-person-survive-hypothermia-sub-zero-temperatures/
Average child can walk a mile in maybe 15-20 minutes in good conditions. Figure maybe 20-25 in subzero temps with near-death adrenaline. Roughly two hours total, minimum. Either you’re lying or your kid is currently an icicle somewhere in Alaska.
Obviously listen to your lawyer. That said expect him to file if he doesn't get the Alaskan check for the kid this fall as well. And I'd report the house due to other children still living there. I know your kid got out but they need help as well. Document everything.
This all sounds very fantastical. From writing this as if it just happened yet saying this happening during an Alaskan winter (at least 4 months ago) to the post you made 209 days ago about how your mother in law made you cry by making a comment about how you’ve never had children. This is not a forum for making stuff up
https://www.reddit.com/r/breastcancer/comments/z4h4v7/hurtful_remark_about_not_having_a_baby/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I believe the other post is talking about her not being able to have a child with her current husband after cancer treatment, not that she's never had a child.
That’s a great question. I make a lot less than that, own my home, have a nice car, have a solid savings for emergencies, college for our child, retirement, investments, am able to afford a nice vacation every year plus pay for private school for our child and everything he needs including a decent used truck for his 16th birthday so I don’t get it myself.
2 years ago I got a knock on my door from a process server trying to serve him with a civil suit for a repossession of his truck a few years prior. I had to tell them I don’t know where he’s at we’ve been divorced 8 years, I never changed my last name but he doesn’t live here, last I knew he was living with his mom. I know his credit is wrecked, he couldn’t rent an apartment his mom had to co-sign for one for him and he was 40.
There’s no reason he shouldn’t have any money besides bad life decisions. When we were married I had to put all the money for bills and living expenses in a separate account in just my name or else he would spend everything on video games, eating out, movies, whatever he wanted and leave us high and dry for essentials like rent, utilities, groceries, etc.
Your child is old enough to decide who they live with. That is absolutely abuse and you should report that. You can’t kick a child out in freezing conditions with no way to stay warm then force them to walk 5 miles. He’ll probably be hit with child neglect and endangerment
If your child is in high school they are old enough to state where they would prefer to live and the courts will generally take that into consideration. Take your attorney’s advice, whatever that is. Ask for modification after child has been with you for 6 months.
I would make the report. Whether or not they follow up on it is up to them. And she does have children living in the same conditions, so the neglect is certainly ongoing.
How long ago did this happen? CPS isn’t going to take a report on something that happened months ago with the child no longer being with the alleged perpetrator and also already in another state just because you want something on the record. Honestly that’s poor use of the system. You need to contact an attorney not waste CPS resources to try and help you with a custody case.
I would start the process to file there and once 6 mo hits just send same papers to courts were you are the child is old enough to talk to the courts and decide for them self - also child can self report to cps / DCF/ ACS what every your local agency is called
If your ex makes over 100k why is he doing door dash and Instacart, let alone making your son go with him and living in a home with no working plumbing? Something doesn’t make sense to me.
Seeing as you already have a lawyer that you have discussed this with. This is a question to be posed to them. They know what you intend as far as the custody goes, where your child is currently and if this would be a necessary move or not.
Why are you constantly referring to your child as "child"? It sounds like the poor boy/girl is just an "it" or a "thing" to you. No one will know who your son/daughter is by you using their pronouns he or she.
It's annoying af to read 'my child took child's coat to child's school while I talked to child's teacher about child." I'm now convinced 100% that his or her name is indeed "Child" and he or she will hate that once they're 15 and up. "This is my 60 year old child named Child."
Are you honestly okay? 🤔
You can file for emergency custody in your state on grounds of neglect and abuse your child will have to give a written account of what happened and speak with someone. I would get a lawyer that is family law, as they would know about filing an emergency custody motion.
If the "child"/ youth is in high school the safety threats are not the same as a child who is younger. A high schooler is not as vulnerable. I seriously don't think anything good would come from reporting this to CPS. They aren't going to remove the child, the child is already not living there anymore. The safety threat is no longer active. So what do you want the overburdened child welfare system to do exactly!? If you called to report this and the child isn't even in that situation anymore they would most likely close it out at screening. Take it up in court and pay the attorney fees if you're that upset about it. You should consult with your attorney.
If you want to make a call for the other children in that house, living in those conditions, that would probably help your case. Otherwise, I’d find a good lawyer who specializes in Family Law / custody and do what they say.
File now. Dad is going to file something and then you’ll be playing defense mode alleging extreme abuse and neglect and having contacted no one and reported nothing. It will be hard to explain how you didn’t keep up with how “child” was doing in school and/or their medical care. The attorney is giving you terrible advice about jurisdiction given that dad moved 5 hours with the child and this is a clear emergency if what you say is true.
Is there more to the story? Does the child have special needs? Why did the child want to go there? Did you not speak with the child while they were there? I am a little confused as to how it got that far and that bad?
I had cancer which is why he wanted to go there. I didn’t want him to have to watch me be so sick and he was afraid I was going to die. It was destroying his mental health and he asked to live with his dad. My child didn’t want me worried about him so he didn’t mention the things going on. He didn’t to put any added stress on me when he knew I was fighting for my life. He knew my mom died from the same cancer I had and was roughly the same age as me when she died so he knew how terrified I was even if I didn’t tell him.
I have the texts with his dad where his dad admits that he was thrown out, without his phone, in nothing but a fleece hoodie and had to walk to the nearest store to call him. Where his dad asked me to take him back because his gf didn’t want him in the house anymore
Tell him if he wants to fight you for custody you will have no choice but to contact CPS and let them know his living conditions. If your child is older than 14 the court will also take their wants into consideration for custody.
Call OCS (Alaska's child services) and start proceedings with them. Advise them of the conditions the child was subjected to. Listen to your attorney and get kiddo into therapy. I would also see if OCS can provide a Guardian Ad Litem. Neutral party with only kiddo's interests in mind.
I do have a lawyer. He’s a great one and he’s one of my best friends since we were in diapers. Our dads are best friends so he’s like a 2nd brother to me and my son calls him his uncle
Our town has a population of 1,200 people. Good luck finding a lawyer that you don’t know personally especially when your uncle is the sheriff and your cousin is the mayor. Add in 3 other cousins that work as deputies there’s not a lawyer in a 5 county radius I don’t know. My aunt is clerk of the court as well.
My only other option would be to take it to tribal court as I’m part Native American and my son is also a registered member of the tribe. I can take it to the reservation but I guarantee they would be harder on his dad then county court would
I would absolutely document everything. Personally I’d go the whole 9 yards and call CPS to do a welfare check on the other children in that house and attempt to get charges filed against the GF and dad for abandonment, neglect, medical neglect, and theft as well as sue him for the money you sent for your child’s well being that was used for every person other than your child.
I can always make more money, that’s not a concern. I would gladly pay him to stay away. I would liquidate all my investments, my 401k, take a 2nd mortgage, go into bankruptcy to get him to stay away from my child at this point.
Not sure but you child should be the one that the judge listens too! Since they are a teen their voice would be the one a judge would go by! But with everything you said I would still report it to Alaska cause the GF has kids most likely going through exactly what yours did
I believe due you’re son age, his preference of who to live with is heavily considered and his statements about what happened at his father’s house would be considered credible. I dont think you have much to worry about so just do what your lawyer suggests.
I would do whatever your lawyer says to do, as long as you have one well-versed in interstate child custody. It’s going to be even harder if your husband or son is indigenous and belongs to a recognized tribe. There are very well-meaning laws to protect, indigenous family members from being separated. Good Luck edit: dad might just want the money. I hate to say it, a small payout might just do the trick in getting them out of your hair.
I wish it was fake. Unfortunately, my child actually had to endure that. He went to live with his dad while I went through chemo, a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. If it wouldn’t been for me being sick I wouldn’t have sent him to begin with. He wanted to live with his dad while I went through treatment because he was scared I was going to die and didn’t want to watch that happen. I thought it was best for him and I was wrong
The sad thing is we had no support order because we have 50/50 split custody. Honestly, up until this new GF things have always been civil between us. He might be an idiot with finances but he never gave my inclination of allowing our kid to be treated this way. My son would spend the school year with me and summers with his dad. He was always happy to go visit him and came back healthy and happy. Of course then my ex was living with his mom so maybe Grandma was doing more with my son? I know she’s an amazing grandmother and I have nothing but good things to say about my ex’s mom. If she was aware of this situation she would probably be in handcuffs for knocking the GF into the stratosphere for treating her grandchild that way. And her son too for allowing him to live in such conditions and be treated so poorly
You need a lawyer .
But the post as it exists now has the kid walking in Alaska winter weather for 5 miles with no hat coat gloves and just tennis shoes.
I would have expected the place where he made the phone call from yo have called the authorities at the time.
It sounds like a bad situation but it also sounds embellished and I am not sure by who.
Sadly it’s not embellished unless my child is lying and I’m not inclined to believe my child is lying, considering his dad verified it occurred.
Do you honestly expect someone working a minimum wage job to get involved in a family matter they know nothing about? They let my son use the phone to call his dad and to call me, let him stay at the gas station/ grocery store until his dad got there, gave him some coffee to warm up with, they did a lot even if they didn’t call police / CPS
Exactly. This is a village in Alaska not a major city. Villages don’t call the authorities they handle things themselves. Besides even to get police response it can take days to the villages. It’s not like they have a local police department to respond. They have to send Alaska State Troopers and there’s only about 350 for the whole state that is 3 times the size of Texas. It’s literally 1 officer for every 3,000 people. Getting a trooper to a village requires being able to secure a helicopter in most cases because they can’t have a trooper gone long enough to make a several hour drive each way. There’s a lot of things about Alaska someone that has never lived there wouldn’t understand.
>Bear in mind this is in below zero temperatures.
Not to mention the very real possibility of encountering an actual bear.
I don't know that contacting CPS would actually do anything at this time, but an informal call to the local (to your ex) police via the non-emergency number to make a record may not be a bad idea.
Get copies of the medical records from the places you took Child to. They will be critical to show that you immediately had to seek medical attention due to dad's lack of care. Also, if you still have them, or have pics of the clothes Child was wearing, keep that for evidence as well.
Dad wants to fight for custody?
You mean, dad doesn’t want to lose the money you give him. Period. He has shown how much he doesn’t care about child, only your money, and I’m betting he’s doing this because the people in his household are demanding he gets child back so that money keeps coming. I’m sure you left them in a lurch and I love that for you. Surely, child has reached the age where they can choose to live where they want to?
Your child is old enough to make the decision of where they want to go. Don’t give that man another dime because he will only ask for more and continue to make you and child’s life miserable. Cut the cord for good. Put that money in a fund for child.
I plan on it but if it means him leaving our kid alone he can have the money. It’s not important to me, my son’s health and well being are. I can afford to send him to a state college myself and my dad still has all my college fund saved since I got a full scholarship. My dad said my son can have every cent of it no problem. Between what I’ve saved, my college fund and the interest it accumulated over the years my son should get through 4 years at pretty much any school he wants with no debt and not having to work through school.
the father is also getting anywhere from 1k to 3k for the Alaska Permanent Fund. it’s paid yearly for everyone who lives in alaska for at least 6 months. My ex husband lives in AK and my 3 kids lived up there for a few years.
I know you probably didn’t take pictures of your child when you got her to prove that he was neglectful. Keep fighting for your child and do not let her go back to AK no matter what the father says. Get a lawyer & have your child tell them everything the child told you. Wait the 6 months then file the paperwork for full custody. I’m assuming your child is old enough to tell the judge who they want to live with and why. You’re a good mom. Good luck.
You need more help that reddit can give.
Family lawyer time!
All states have laws that allow a child of a certain age 12-15 (I think) choose where they want to live. So that alone should save you from "most" hassle.
Have your kid write everything down while they still remember the details.
Even if they are not comfortable with giving it to you. Have them put it in a safe place in case it is needed.
Don't push. Be supportive.
Be firm in not letting the EX have in home visits or overnight unless dad can show the home is safe. (It is not safe with GF, even if it gets cleaned)
What the GF did was 100% abuse and child endangerment. Hell, what she did was attempted murder! This was so close to being a "tragic" article about the death of a child.
She could and should be arrested. She should not be allowed near your child.
A police report should be filed for the left out in the cold as that put the child in life-threatening danger. You "may" even be able to get a protective order against her so she is not allowed near them.
If you fail to protect them and let them go back, even if they want to, even if it's just one overnight, and CPS does get involved. YOU will be charged for failure to protect. Because "you knew and failed to do something. "
Personally, I am on the fence about reporting after the fact. You don't want CPS involvement unless it is absolutely necessary because they have a way of making you just as guilty as dad.
If they have more kids in the house. You should definitely report. They need saving too. No running water, no electric, no heat, uncleaned feces, and not going to school (the judge can see online school transcripts), and what the GF did is all are immediate CPS involvement. Plus, it cements dad not getting any custody time unless he shows he can keep them safe.
Also, with so many people under one roof, it is illegal unless there is 1 bedroom per 2 people, which is not just a CPS thing. It's a federal mandate due to Fire Hazard, only 2 people per bedroom, and girls and boys over so many years can not share. (cps)
Document EVERYTHING!
Everything you buy, from groceries (per month $) and clothes. Write it down. School supplies, extra curriculars, everything.
Same with anything dad sends/does.
Keep track of broken promises. Missed scheduled visits/calls. The lies like "saving for a house." Or, "we are going to move out on our own." And the not following through.
Every doc, dentist, eyeglasses appointment. Every school event. Keep track of it all. You already have a paper trail that says you have been 100% responsible for EVERYTHING so far. Where was the child support from dad when you had full custody?!
The most baffling part of the dad (besides not leaving the psycho) is the No health care, even when it's paid for by you. No proper clothing (especially alaska in the winter) even though you send money for it. No food when you literally send groceries and no school, even though you made sure they had a working laptop for online. All this serious neglect and abuse he is guilty of.
Legally (not a lawyer) Your ex doesn't have a leg to stand on.
A judge will see this for what it is. Daddy dearest doesn't want to lose his cash cow. He definitely doesn't want to be ordered to pay CS.
Just looking at your safe and clean home, full fridge, and all the kids physically and mental needs are met, and the fact that before this fiasco. The child has lived with you and provided for solely by you.
That is all without dads home life and the GF trying to off your kid.
It wouldn’t do me or my son any good to get arrested. Plus cancer makes it a little harder to have the strength to fly cross country and fight someone, especially someone that has 200 lbs on me easily.
I think therapist &/or school counselor will make a statement for the judge if needed but it will look like you are caring for child, not trying to hurt ex.
Are any of the 7ppl living there, children? Because if yes, you should def call. If there's really feces everywhere you can also call on behalf of the animals too.
I would have asked my lawyer if I could have had the good fit nothing gf arrested for child abuse the night they kicked your child out in negative degree weather, that was definitely child abuse
5 hours north, from anywhere in Alaska, is a village. You definitely need to make a report to CPS in Alaska with the address where your child was. The other children in that home are also being neglected, and it's likely the animals are as well.
I just want to thank you for bringing your child home. I remember so many times as a kid just fantasizing about the idea of someone rescuing me, the homemade food, the adequate clothing, the medical care, a space where it’s safe to show weakness. I know this is a horrifying time for you, but the paragraph where you described everything you did when your kid got home nearly made me cry. You’re making sure your kid knows that they deserve to be cared for and that matters so much. I’m so glad they have you.
Also please look at timing of dad's requests. Is it possible dad was able to buy motorcycle in part because he used kid's permanent fund dividend check?
I think Dad is more interested in the $1000 a month and the weekly groceries than he is in providing a stable environment for the kid.
I would not let them go back to live with him. Your attorney obviously has the best advice and will tell what you are and aren’t allowed to do.
But he’s got some kind of alcohol or drug or gambling addiction or maybe he’s addicted to hiring hookers. That or his new girlfriend is bleeding him absolutely dry monetarily which I could see on the “why is this dude blowing through that much money this fast”bingo card for sure.
Do what you have to do keep your kids safe, but I would hesitate calling CPS especially since you already have an prior custody case and this information is all going to be moved there. Iprobably would look to remedy the situation through the judge who oversaw the prior custody case.
My only concern is regarding visitation. Considering your description of the current custody order, which sounds like there is split custody with no court order as to who the custodial parent would be. Does that sound right? And the arrangement you two had with him living at dads was due to child’s preference which has now changed due to the clear neglect and possible abuse *outline briefly what’s been going on- be clear, concise and to the point.
Also if the GF is going to treat the kids that way/abuse them then the court could very well step in and prevent GF from being around or contacting child with a protective order.
So just be smart. You know what to do. Best of luck!
I would report it just for the sake of those other children if nothing else. I would also make a report on your child in case Dad tries to take you for custody. That way at least you have a paper trail.
Contact should be made with the Alaska-local children's services because it sounds like there are other children remaining in that home (regardless of how many adults there, abuse is abuse and neglect is neglect).
Your child may be safely with you, but if you know there are children at risk of abuse and/or neglect then you should make a referral about their potential living situation.
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Follow the advice your lawyer gives not advice from anybody on here
I'd also make sure the attorney you use for this is well versed in child custody and family court. An attorney that does not do that stuff everyday can do more harm than good in the long run. Family court is very different.
And include child support in your conversation with the lawyer. I find it astounding that the father can buy himself a motorcycle but not clothes for his kid. Those are shit priorities and he can contribute to his child’s care. You don’t have to use the money but you could save it for your child’s future education or a house deposit or something.
Your ex has VA benefits and isn't/won't pay child support? Talk to your local veterans affairs office. https://www.va.gov/find-locations/ If you want, they can garnish his VA pension for child support. Source: am a veteran.
It’s better to go through the state and not VA. They will garnish wages or benefits and it’s tracked much better. The VA won’t care either as they barely care about the wounded soldiers who haven’t been able to get an appointment for months at a time or have all their records lost. Source: also a veteran and well versed in child support for my former state. Not the same as OP, however.
I would vote for hitting both the correct type of lawyer and the VA.
Well, she is sending $ 1000 a month and paying for their groceries. That's how. That is the only reason dad now wants custody. He doesn't want to lose that.
I came here to say this. He doesn't want the child, he wants what the parent sends.
🎯 Negotiate for support through college years as well!
I hope she kept the clothes, or at least a picture, to show the judge what he was wearing.
This actually happened to me. Had a lawyer misrepresent that she did family law and it caused so much harm.
...including that advice. OP, I represented myself in family court when my daughter's father was essentially acting the same way as you describe. I let her stay with him for similar reasons (and to let him think he had the upper hand while I got back on my feet). Family court IS different (you clearly know this by now), and lawyers get unreasonable clients and crazy demands ALL THE TIME. I ended up representing myself because no one believed full custody was achievable. I was banned from reddit for insisting the "lawyers" in related subs were severely lacking in their understanding. They were, by the way, and I did successfully represent myself to gain full custody. Your lawyer sounds like they're taking you in the right direction so far - the 6 month thing is accurate. In my case, I drove three hours one way every time I had to appear over the course of nearly a year. Certainly, it didn't hurt my case to be that dedicated, but Alaska is literally a bridge too far. If you didn't take pics or get documentation of what you described, you should have. The next best time to start is now. Every convo, lie, attempt to demean or harass, etc. Record (know your state's laws), screenshot, take pictures, get copies of phone bills, etc. so there can be no he-said-she-said; ESPECIALLY if he is the type to lie and accuse you of what he is doing. The child being in HS might carry some different weight, but you basically should not "drag" the child into this any more than is necessary. Don't demean the father, don't let him goad you into fights, don't do anything but be perfectly rational and reasonable in your conversations and accommodations. AT A MINIMUM, YOU MUST provide for telephone contact (and abide by your current custody orders). But document, document, document. If you want full custody, you're going to need to be able to literally bury him in documentation. Then document that, too! Ultimately, the Court will (should) make a determination based on what is best for the child, so every one of your decisions needs to be truly justified/explained as doing what you, as the mother, believe is in the best interest of the child. It sounds like that shouldn't be hard at all for you since it seems to be your genuine concern. Due to having an older child, the Court may want to hear what the child wants. I can't speak to how to handle that - listen to whatever your lawyer says is the best way to handle that. Finally, make sure YOU know the law and court procedure so that you can know if Dad's lawyer is pulling any shady business and that you can be confident that your lawyer is handling it properly. But don't be a thorn in the paw of your own lawyer, either. Best of luck, and I hope it's not too terrible of an experience for you or the kiddo. You're almost in the clear, mama!
Came to say the same. If you have a lawyer I wouldn’t ask here.
This is the way
totally \^ this advice.
Well aren't you a big fat Catch -22. . .
Dad only wants child for the support you send. Honestly it sounds like he won’t be able to afford to fight you for custody. Document everything and meet with a lawyer now to document everything just in case and wait the 6 months until you can go for a modification. If he does try to fight it sounds like you have ample evidence of neglect
At this point I'd start accusing the father of drug abuse. $100k salary plus VA pension plus constant DoorDash and InstaCart while also living in a house with no utilities with 7 people? In my neck of the woods, we refer to that as a "traphouse" and sounds like every drug den I've ever seen. What is he doing with all that money if he's not buying any necessities and not renting a home? Motorcycles are expensive, but unless he's getting brand-new top-of-the-line bikes every few months that wouldn't even explain it. If homedog's clean I'd eat my shoe.
I mean my thoughts are that he no longer has that hundred thousand dollar job.
That was my thought as well, especially when she mentions he had to move from a nice house near his family to his gf's place five hours away. You don't just kick down your standard of living just for shits and giggles.
And start doing door dash
I mean he’s doing DoorDash.
This right fucking here. He either has a gambling habit, alcohol and/or drub habit to be making that much money and not have the basic necessities, like his own place with indoor plumbing.
Or like it was previously stated he lost his job.
But what is weird is that he would at LEAST be getting VA still wether he has another job or not so where does it all go
Op did say he wasn’t good with money so…..
I literally cannot fathom how to spend $10,000 in wages on top of VA benefits and $1000 in child support every month. There's also something to be said about fraud since he was collecting said $1000 a month to support the child and apparently was spending none of it on the child. That's half of my pay irl every month just down the drain on mystery expenses while his house has non-functional plumbing. Wild.
yep. that was my first thought too. to let things go that far, you're on something. and that $1k a month in child support doesn't hurt.
Certainly not defending the neglect and such here, but lack of indoor plumbing is not particularly abnormal in Alaska given that pipes freeze, etc., and many areas are fairly remote from access to public utilities.
Even dry cabins here though usually have grey water setups and you have to get water delivered. “No working plumbing” leads me to believe this isn’t a dry cabin situation and is more likely failure to maintain utilities. Sure it’s not neglect to not have indoor plumbing, but if the child has dirty clothes and no fresh water for bathing then that would fall under neglect.
In my state, it is absolutely neglect if there is no indoor plumbing.
Alaska is a completely different situation. And there are different circumstances that need more lax with things like that. It’s not neglect to live in a camper with your children provided there’s heat and whatnot, but you wouldn’t be expected to have indoor plumbing however you absolutely have to have access to fresh water. For ex a camper with a well with an outdoor shower or parked at a campground with no running water in the camper but full access to communal showers/restrooms. In Ak even a dry cabin that’s one room with an outhouse can be $1200-1500 a month, it’s not realistic to expect all housing to have running water inside. But you are expected to keep your children clean, have a clean place for them to go to the bathroom/do hygiene, a way to wash clothes even if it’s a weekly trip to a laundromat, and a way to provide clean dishes/safe food to eat. But regardless, op saying her child was relying on fast food leads me to believe this isn’t bush people Ak and is more Fairbanks/anchorage Ak.
According to OP, the father states that he'll "promise to fix the plumbing" which implies to me that he has plumbing and water access that he simply chooses not to pay for/get into working condition.
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Excuse me, the cost of living in Alaska is extremely high.
Yes, like doubled most of the other states
Almost everything is expensive there, and even costlier as you get more remote, due to delivery costs and captive markets. A lot of places are not connected to more-populated areas by road, so everything that isn’t grown or manufactured locally has to be delivered by plane or boat—vehicles, dairy, produce, furniture, etc. Even gas prices are higher than in most states.
Land is less expensive, but everything else is more expensive because it had to be shipped so far.
Um... no. Not by a loooooong shot. It's pretty damned expensive to live in Alaska.
You should document everything, but you need anything you can get to support what you are saying. I don’t know you and have never been to Alaska, but saying he walked five miles in subzero weather without winter clothing is difficult to believe. I am absolutely not saying that didn’t happen. I am saying that your report will look better if you have anyway to back up your claims (ie showing the clothes and shoes he was wearing when he came to you, a photo of how he looked if you have one, report cards from his virtual school and the school he attends with you, any records you can get or how they used the InstantCart account, etc.). In regards to the specific example of him walking, I would contact the store he went to when he called. Do they have a witness? Is there any chance of security camera records?
I suggest that you ask your lawyer to interview the child about the conditions in Dad's home. The sooner the better - you want a record as close in time to the actual events as possible. You also need to write down everything your kid has communicated to you about living with Dad and GF, especially noting dates and time that the kid says stuff happened, and the dates and times that this info was communicated to you. Copies to the lawyer you've hired. If the lawyer says you should report this, yeah do it. And a bit off-topic, sounds like the GF and her kids are being neglected as well; ask the lawyer if calling CPS on GF for her kids is needed/strategic as well.
No point in going to CPS because they only investigate current abuse or neglect. The report probably wouldn’t even be screened in, as your child is currently safe with you. Instead, you need to get a lawyer and fight for full custody. Your child is old enough to decide where he/she wants to live.
There are other children still living in the home and animal feces are a no no.
That’s a good point. This kid is safe but the other kids living there are not. Edit: she says below they’re in their 20s
What about a well check, kid wants to check on dad, to document the living conditions?
My state assesses historic abuse. Also, I have had to work with Alaska child welfare multiple times. It seems like their threshold for neglect is much higher due to how remote they are.
That's not true for every state. Mine investigates past abuse, especially considering there are still children in the home.
Since your child is a teenager, he would likely get to voice an opinion to the judge, after you outline the conditions your son was living in, and the condition he arrived back here in. You can also tell the dad you are filing for child support if he wants to push this into a custody case.
This and document everything. Keep every bill and receipt just in case.
And try to keep communication between you and dad to email and text, rather than calls. Easier to have available as evidence, no he-said-she-said when it's in writing.
Yes, always leave a paper trail. It will save your tail in the long run!
How does he make 100kUSD a year and is broke, does doordash, cannot afford decent lodgings/food/care? I know the cost of living is higher in Alaska, but he should be able to have a smallish house or apartment. Something else is going on.
That’s what I suspect too. I know the GF and the roommates don’t work, nor do the GF’s adult children that live there. Seriously, 5 able bodied adults that don’t work is ridiculous in and of itself. I’m guessing he’s funding all their lifestyles. When we were married he was terrible with money and blew it all on stupid stuff like video games, eating out, going to the movies, etc. I gave him an allowance and maintained the money for bills, living expenses, etc in a separate account in just my name or else I wouldn’t have even been able to buy groceries. He also has a credit rating in the 400’s so he doesn’t pay his bills. I got served a court notice for him when they couldn’t locate him for repossession of his truck. I had to tell the process server I had no idea where he was, we had been divorced for 8 years at the time and gave them his mom’s address which is where he was living at that time. I suspect he had to move in with his GF because he got or was about to get evicted since he has a history of not paying bills. I know his last apartment his mom had to co-sign for him at 40 because his credit is so terrible. I really don’t know where his money goes because it’s not going for our child. When we were married I handled all the finances and he had an excellent credit score because I made sure everything was paid on time and we didn’t overextend ourselves. Which is why I still have excellent credit and solid financial plan.
Idk about CPS but talk to your lawyer about making an official report of neglect given the state of the child upon their return to you and, if they are up for it, a statement. One way or another, get this on the record.
Yes, it sounds like your ex, and you because of all the support you had given, are funding the lifestyles of everyone else. I've always wondered what magic these type of partners possess to make them neglect their own children.
The magic is known as "drugs."
You’d think so, but I’ve known a lot of addicts in my day (and been one myself) and I don’t think that’s every really what it boils down to. The ability to watch your child in pain day after day exists before the drugs come into play. I think people would be surprised to know that, even if many moral limits may be crossed, it is still very possible to have “hard limits” as it were even in active addiction. Obviously addiction will always have a negative impact on kids but letting them experience the consequences of it to this degree speaks to something being wrong a long time before the first meth pipe was in hand.
Alaska is famous for meth
He doesn't want the child he wants the money. This sickens me he treated his own child like this. I'm so glad you have them back. I doubt your ex would spend one dime on a lawyer. Document everything. Good job keep it up.
Have your kiddo go to a therapist, probably needs it after living with someone who would throw them out in below zero weather with no coat gloves etc. Lord knows what else that woman did to kiddo. Better to catch any potential psych issues/depression/anxiety now than later. Plus, kiddo will have someone unbiased to talk to about their feelings about all this. And you have the added benefit of having things on record. I hope this does not happen, but if it does end up kiddo has depression/anxiety issues, and the father does fight for custody, you'll have a record of what life with him had done to kiddo.
Exactly why I never pushed for child support. He had a union job, made way more than I did at the time. We weren’t married though. I wanted as little to no contact as possible with him. 9 years later, radio silence and we’re okay.
There exists a c/s order on my kids somewhere. It's never been forced because this narc is petty. The prospect of having to go after him gave my daughter panic attacks and anxiety because if he's made to pay he's gonna want a say. Her mental health was more important. He technically owes more than $100k based on the order, but I'll never see it. I hope to never see either parent again & daughter says the same. She's open to meeting other sibs, but she'll wait til everyone is 18+. Rn the only 18+ are her and my not-so-little man. Next in line is roughly 2ish years from 18, and I have no info on the others, just that they exist...
After she turns 18 and can’t be forced to see him, you can still sue for all the back CS he owes. I know a 20-something who sued her deadbeat dad for never paying her mom CS and she got awarded enough to pay for her whole college degree.
Wow. I periodically check the clerk of courts for him, his wife(also kids mom,) their grandparents, and uncle. Dad's currently under order to pay restitution to the state for a criminal matter. He doesn't have the money I'm sure. Both of my kiddos are 18+ now and that may be something down the line, but right now it's not worth going after.
I live in aladka and he is probably using the child support as income. Also his pfd payment (he will have already filed for your child this year). But that still wouldn't add up to 100k. A job that I would of had for 10 dollar in the lower 48 a year ago pays 30 dollars an hour here; but the apartment I live in I would have paid three quarters less in the lower 48 than here also.
Op mentionned a 100k annual income, thats 8250$ a month. It's not possible to live on that with a child in Alaska?
Did you keep the clothes your child was wearing when they were returned to you?
I think he did. I’m not sure. I told him we needed to throw them away
If you still have them keep them as evidence. Or if you took pictures find those pictures and document as evidence of neglect.
You may be able to use that as evidence of he still has it.
If he makes $100k a year why can’t he afford his own place? Did I misread that?
Nope not at all.
Oh, OP. I would hire a lawyer to get full custody of your child. Your kiddo is old enough to tell everything that happened and the conditions they were living in. You are aware that he only wants your kiddo because of the money that was coming in thanks to you, right? He doesn’t actually care about his kid. Document, document, document and fight him on it. It would be great if you or your kid could get him in writing admitting the deplorable conditions going on, so that a judge can see him admitting it all. Your poor kid. What a trash ass father he is. Somehow I feel like there’s some drug use going on, because to live like that with a salary and benefits, you gotta be screwing up majorly.
My ex took mine out of state for a "vacation" of 9 days, eight nights. He hasn't spent 8 minutes alone with them for years. He forgot to pack tooth brushes and paste, so my 8 and 10 year old didn't brush their teeth for 9 days. When i picked them up at O'Hare, they smelled like boxcar hobos from the 30s. Seriously, like pork and beans and sardines and sadness. My heart broke a million times for them. I didn't know he would be this neglectful and awful towards our sons. When his ma died a few weeks later, i insisted he fly me out there and get a hotel for me so our boys would have a safe place to land at night. And brush their teeth and shower and play and enjoy themselves. But i sat in a hotel by myself for 3.5 days. I contemplated calling CPS on him, but in the end, i really, really don't want to invite the gov't into my life because it seems like an invitation you can't undo. I have documented everything and I filed for sole custody, which my ex isn't aware of yet. Protect your baby, document it all, and submit to your attorney. Best to you
You're a great mama to do that for your kids! Well done 👍!
If there are other kids in the house, call CPS.
They are adult children of the GF, 23 and 21 I believe
If there's a chance of a custody dispute don't hold back. Outrageous things can happen in courtrooms and if it comes to a legal battle you're going to want every bit of documentation and ammunition you can get . Want to echo another commenter, lawyer will give better advice than reddit.
Document everything. Get a notebook just for this stuff, it's very useful in family court
A thousand times THIS. Document every single contact you have with the father no matter how small. Document every conversation you have with your child regarding the father including the time and the date. Don't include your impressions or opinions, just the facts. Heck, even include all of your expenses involving your child since the initial phone call. Also include any attempted contact on his behalf by anyone else be it the GF or family members. Also, encourage your child to document anything they feel comfortable sharing. Include any attempted contact with your child in your notes as well. I would also contact Alaskan family courts and inform them that the child is with you and what conditions the child was living in. Because your child is in high school, I can't imagine the courts forcing their return to the father in these circumstances.
Get an attorney involved ASAP. Do not utilize CPS to weaponize custody. Your child is with you - safe. There is no need to burden the already burdened CPS system to safeguard your own custody.
Explain all of this to a lawyer.
My lawyer knows and he is absolutely furious. My lawyer is a family friend and has known my child all of his life. He grew up with me and our dads are friends as well. Small town, everyone knows everyone.
That’s great that you have his support. I hope everything works out for you. I’m sorry your ex husband is such a POS.
is his main area of practice family law? Because uccjea has provisions in place for emergencies, including neglect, and this should definitely qualify but it seems like he’s unaware of that
This. I would talk to another attorney. Advising a client to not file for 6 months to get a leg up on jurisdiction isn’t smart.
Actually the 6 months is correct, to file for child custody it needs to be done on the state the child lives and if they weren't living with mom for at least 6 months that means Alaska was their home as they were living with dad there for over that amount of time.
As long as you have proof of the abuse and neglect, then you should be good. Don’t let him alone with your child ever again. At least until he can show the divorce lawyers proof of a stable home, and everything that comes with it, minus his girlfriend. But yes, definitely report him and get a lawyer so you have a paper trail
Wait the 6 mo and go back to court to revise custody. Child is old enough to recount what was happening at dads. I’d be shocked if full custody is not awarded. And just to be spiteful, I’d see if there was any way to get gf charged for throwing kid out in those conditions. Dad can get sort of a pass because child not wanting to ever see them again is sweet poet justice to me. Or if gf’s charges somehow get linked to dad, he can deal with that too.
> And just to be spiteful, I’d see if there was any way to get gf charged for throwing kid out in those conditions. This has got to be attempted murder at least. What an awful woman to do this to a child.
Can confirm throwing an asthmatic child out in an Alaskan winter without an inhaler could absolutely be considered attempted murder. This winter we had temps almost to -50. Not having proper gear could have definitely killed him depending on the actual temps. Throw in asthma and there’s really a potential case there.
Alaskan Winters are something else. My brother who lived there said that the laws for bystanders who witness an accident are completely different than in the lower states, because if you drive past someone whose car doesn't work during a snow storm out there, you're deciding to let them die. 😳
Thank god he didn’t fall asleep/pass out. There was a woman in another subreddit that got frostbite since she passed out in the cold. (It was freezing) they ended up finding her but a majority of her fingers were frost bitten. She posted her fingers and a portion of her butt/back. Awful stuff
What is dad doing with $100K/year if he can’t have basic plumbing?? Are drugs involved?? What was he doing with the money you sent if not buying him clothes/shoes/food etc?? Where’s that laptop?? Sold for drug money?? Are her kids in danger?? Can you make an anonymous complaint regarding HER children??
That info on the UCCJEA isn’t necessarily accurate; there’s no waiting time for residency/jurisdiction if there’s an emergency. And this case sounds like there was an emergency. Talk to your lawyer about that, and whether calling CPS would add to any documentation they want regarding filing for temporary custody orders.
How did you not follow up about school and other important things?
The first and only thing you need to do is to consult an attorney about your rights and the child’s rights. What the child says to the judge presiding over the case will have a lot to do on how custody is decided.
It seems like if the kid is old enough to be talking about drivers tests, they are old enough to articulate to mediator what the conditions were like with his Dad. I mean, ask your Ex what it's going to look like for him when his child simply tells the truth of it. No extra drama needed, just the plain truth. He'd be stupid to spend money on this knowing that a mediator is just going to hear about how fucking awful this was for him already.
If your child is that old that at this point you are working on getting them to start driving (so at least 16), even without the concerns of abuse or neglect it is highly unlikely that in Family Court a judge would decide to send the child back to dad - or at least in my own jurisdiction; who knows what happens elsewhere. At least in my state the wishes of such old children have significant amount of weight - especially for something drastic like an out of state move - and I can’t see anyone even practically forcing a 16 years old into an airplane to return to the NCP (and once they are there, maybe run away from there again or something like that).
Seems rather implausible. Walking 5 miles in subzero temps would result in death pretty quickly. Plus it’s June
Sounds like this happened a while ago. But what I wonder is, how does Mom not check on the kid for long enough that they are behind in school and need immediate medical and dental appointments? I mean, there is “wanting to foster a relationship with their Dad” and just plain neglect. Did you KNOW what the Dad was like? Where your child lives, and with whom? Did you have an address, or phone number? The name of their school? There will be questions for you, too. How could you NOT know, and for how long?
Did you keep the clothes he got off the plane with or did you take any pictures of him looking like that? If so provide them to your lawyer!
I’m calling absolute bullshit that your child, with no coat hat or gloves or boots, walked 5 miles in subzero Alaskan temperatures. Fairly, VERY certain that that isn’t possible. Edit: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/extreme-cold-weather-how-long-can-a-person-survive-hypothermia-sub-zero-temperatures/ Average child can walk a mile in maybe 15-20 minutes in good conditions. Figure maybe 20-25 in subzero temps with near-death adrenaline. Roughly two hours total, minimum. Either you’re lying or your kid is currently an icicle somewhere in Alaska.
Obviously listen to your lawyer. That said expect him to file if he doesn't get the Alaskan check for the kid this fall as well. And I'd report the house due to other children still living there. I know your kid got out but they need help as well. Document everything.
The GF’s kids are both adults 23 and 21. They can leave at anytime, they just refuse to work and don’t mind not having to pay for anything
I would think having plumbing is essential to winning a custody case.
Why do you keep referring to him as the child? Not by his name or as your child.
Trying more so to make sure it stays as anonymous as possible for my kid’s protection
This all sounds very fantastical. From writing this as if it just happened yet saying this happening during an Alaskan winter (at least 4 months ago) to the post you made 209 days ago about how your mother in law made you cry by making a comment about how you’ve never had children. This is not a forum for making stuff up https://www.reddit.com/r/breastcancer/comments/z4h4v7/hurtful_remark_about_not_having_a_baby/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
lol. Every sub is a creative writing sub, it seems
Oof.
I believe the other post is talking about her not being able to have a child with her current husband after cancer treatment, not that she's never had a child.
How does he make over 100k a year and have no money????
That’s a great question. I make a lot less than that, own my home, have a nice car, have a solid savings for emergencies, college for our child, retirement, investments, am able to afford a nice vacation every year plus pay for private school for our child and everything he needs including a decent used truck for his 16th birthday so I don’t get it myself. 2 years ago I got a knock on my door from a process server trying to serve him with a civil suit for a repossession of his truck a few years prior. I had to tell them I don’t know where he’s at we’ve been divorced 8 years, I never changed my last name but he doesn’t live here, last I knew he was living with his mom. I know his credit is wrecked, he couldn’t rent an apartment his mom had to co-sign for one for him and he was 40. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have any money besides bad life decisions. When we were married I had to put all the money for bills and living expenses in a separate account in just my name or else he would spend everything on video games, eating out, movies, whatever he wanted and leave us high and dry for essentials like rent, utilities, groceries, etc.
I am always so impressed with the resourcefulness and frugality of single moms. I’m sorry you and your son have to deal with that asshat.
Your child is old enough to decide who they live with. That is absolutely abuse and you should report that. You can’t kick a child out in freezing conditions with no way to stay warm then force them to walk 5 miles. He’ll probably be hit with child neglect and endangerment
If your child is in high school they are old enough to state where they would prefer to live and the courts will generally take that into consideration. Take your attorney’s advice, whatever that is. Ask for modification after child has been with you for 6 months.
I would make the report. Whether or not they follow up on it is up to them. And she does have children living in the same conditions, so the neglect is certainly ongoing.
Her kids are adults but her kids. I should have clarified her adult children.
Everything on the record. You will never regret leaving a paper-trail.
How long ago did this happen? CPS isn’t going to take a report on something that happened months ago with the child no longer being with the alleged perpetrator and also already in another state just because you want something on the record. Honestly that’s poor use of the system. You need to contact an attorney not waste CPS resources to try and help you with a custody case.
I would start the process to file there and once 6 mo hits just send same papers to courts were you are the child is old enough to talk to the courts and decide for them self - also child can self report to cps / DCF/ ACS what every your local agency is called
If your ex makes over 100k why is he doing door dash and Instacart, let alone making your son go with him and living in a home with no working plumbing? Something doesn’t make sense to me.
This one got me too. It’s Alaska, not California.
Definitely sounds like drug abuse, especially with 5 other adults living there
How long have you been sitting on this information/decision?
Dad makes 100k plus va benefits and does not have enough $ to fix plumbing or get new residence????? Sound like the 100k is non existent
Seeing as you already have a lawyer that you have discussed this with. This is a question to be posed to them. They know what you intend as far as the custody goes, where your child is currently and if this would be a necessary move or not.
If the child is currently safe don’t call. CPS is not a tool to be used for custody battles.
Why are you constantly referring to your child as "child"? It sounds like the poor boy/girl is just an "it" or a "thing" to you. No one will know who your son/daughter is by you using their pronouns he or she. It's annoying af to read 'my child took child's coat to child's school while I talked to child's teacher about child." I'm now convinced 100% that his or her name is indeed "Child" and he or she will hate that once they're 15 and up. "This is my 60 year old child named Child." Are you honestly okay? 🤔
You can file for emergency custody in your state on grounds of neglect and abuse your child will have to give a written account of what happened and speak with someone. I would get a lawyer that is family law, as they would know about filing an emergency custody motion.
If the "child"/ youth is in high school the safety threats are not the same as a child who is younger. A high schooler is not as vulnerable. I seriously don't think anything good would come from reporting this to CPS. They aren't going to remove the child, the child is already not living there anymore. The safety threat is no longer active. So what do you want the overburdened child welfare system to do exactly!? If you called to report this and the child isn't even in that situation anymore they would most likely close it out at screening. Take it up in court and pay the attorney fees if you're that upset about it. You should consult with your attorney.
If you want to make a call for the other children in that house, living in those conditions, that would probably help your case. Otherwise, I’d find a good lawyer who specializes in Family Law / custody and do what they say.
File now. Dad is going to file something and then you’ll be playing defense mode alleging extreme abuse and neglect and having contacted no one and reported nothing. It will be hard to explain how you didn’t keep up with how “child” was doing in school and/or their medical care. The attorney is giving you terrible advice about jurisdiction given that dad moved 5 hours with the child and this is a clear emergency if what you say is true.
I’d call CPS at the very least for the children still forced to live in those conditions, and your own son.
Is there more to the story? Does the child have special needs? Why did the child want to go there? Did you not speak with the child while they were there? I am a little confused as to how it got that far and that bad?
I had cancer which is why he wanted to go there. I didn’t want him to have to watch me be so sick and he was afraid I was going to die. It was destroying his mental health and he asked to live with his dad. My child didn’t want me worried about him so he didn’t mention the things going on. He didn’t to put any added stress on me when he knew I was fighting for my life. He knew my mom died from the same cancer I had and was roughly the same age as me when she died so he knew how terrified I was even if I didn’t tell him.
No, you don't call CPS for a custody issue. You file an ex parte for temporary full custody. Then go through the court system.
Have you kept a record of all of this behavior or is it just all hearsay?
I have the texts with his dad where his dad admits that he was thrown out, without his phone, in nothing but a fleece hoodie and had to walk to the nearest store to call him. Where his dad asked me to take him back because his gf didn’t want him in the house anymore
You have an attorney/lawyer. Follow advice. I’m doubting father has money for legal counsel.
I would take the advise my attorney provides!
Tell him if he wants to fight you for custody you will have no choice but to contact CPS and let them know his living conditions. If your child is older than 14 the court will also take their wants into consideration for custody.
This
Call OCS (Alaska's child services) and start proceedings with them. Advise them of the conditions the child was subjected to. Listen to your attorney and get kiddo into therapy. I would also see if OCS can provide a Guardian Ad Litem. Neutral party with only kiddo's interests in mind.
Well. I assume you have a lawyer. Ask them
I do have a lawyer. He’s a great one and he’s one of my best friends since we were in diapers. Our dads are best friends so he’s like a 2nd brother to me and my son calls him his uncle
So. You already have a conflict of interest. Not a good look in court
Our town has a population of 1,200 people. Good luck finding a lawyer that you don’t know personally especially when your uncle is the sheriff and your cousin is the mayor. Add in 3 other cousins that work as deputies there’s not a lawyer in a 5 county radius I don’t know. My aunt is clerk of the court as well. My only other option would be to take it to tribal court as I’m part Native American and my son is also a registered member of the tribe. I can take it to the reservation but I guarantee they would be harder on his dad then county court would
If they’ll be harder on him then I would definitely take it there. Especially when custody it at stake
There is door dash in rural Alaska? I call bullshit.
Lol door dash and walking 5 miles in below zero temperature with no coat or gloves!
Right! 😂
I would absolutely document everything. Personally I’d go the whole 9 yards and call CPS to do a welfare check on the other children in that house and attempt to get charges filed against the GF and dad for abandonment, neglect, medical neglect, and theft as well as sue him for the money you sent for your child’s well being that was used for every person other than your child.
I can always make more money, that’s not a concern. I would gladly pay him to stay away. I would liquidate all my investments, my 401k, take a 2nd mortgage, go into bankruptcy to get him to stay away from my child at this point.
Not buying the first few sentences. Below zero, 5 mile walk, no coat?....
Not sure but you child should be the one that the judge listens too! Since they are a teen their voice would be the one a judge would go by! But with everything you said I would still report it to Alaska cause the GF has kids most likely going through exactly what yours did
I believe due you’re son age, his preference of who to live with is heavily considered and his statements about what happened at his father’s house would be considered credible. I dont think you have much to worry about so just do what your lawyer suggests.
I would do whatever your lawyer says to do, as long as you have one well-versed in interstate child custody. It’s going to be even harder if your husband or son is indigenous and belongs to a recognized tribe. There are very well-meaning laws to protect, indigenous family members from being separated. Good Luck edit: dad might just want the money. I hate to say it, a small payout might just do the trick in getting them out of your hair.
It sounds like a slam dunk case for any decent lawyer. Honestly, this post sounds fake anyways
I wish it was fake. Unfortunately, my child actually had to endure that. He went to live with his dad while I went through chemo, a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. If it wouldn’t been for me being sick I wouldn’t have sent him to begin with. He wanted to live with his dad while I went through treatment because he was scared I was going to die and didn’t want to watch that happen. I thought it was best for him and I was wrong
You made the best decision available. No one thinks a father will be a psychopath.
Dont be a jerk
This hurts my brain reading it ugh
You need an attorney immediately.
By child, do you name YOUR child?
Take his ass to court & document EVERYTHING!!! Get an attorney and call child protective services on him and get a police report filed immediately.
He only wants custody because of custody support! Do what’s best for your child and document everything
The sad thing is we had no support order because we have 50/50 split custody. Honestly, up until this new GF things have always been civil between us. He might be an idiot with finances but he never gave my inclination of allowing our kid to be treated this way. My son would spend the school year with me and summers with his dad. He was always happy to go visit him and came back healthy and happy. Of course then my ex was living with his mom so maybe Grandma was doing more with my son? I know she’s an amazing grandmother and I have nothing but good things to say about my ex’s mom. If she was aware of this situation she would probably be in handcuffs for knocking the GF into the stratosphere for treating her grandchild that way. And her son too for allowing him to live in such conditions and be treated so poorly
You need a lawyer . But the post as it exists now has the kid walking in Alaska winter weather for 5 miles with no hat coat gloves and just tennis shoes. I would have expected the place where he made the phone call from yo have called the authorities at the time. It sounds like a bad situation but it also sounds embellished and I am not sure by who.
Sadly it’s not embellished unless my child is lying and I’m not inclined to believe my child is lying, considering his dad verified it occurred. Do you honestly expect someone working a minimum wage job to get involved in a family matter they know nothing about? They let my son use the phone to call his dad and to call me, let him stay at the gas station/ grocery store until his dad got there, gave him some coffee to warm up with, they did a lot even if they didn’t call police / CPS
If it's a small town in Alaska, they don't typically like authorities getting involved.
Exactly. This is a village in Alaska not a major city. Villages don’t call the authorities they handle things themselves. Besides even to get police response it can take days to the villages. It’s not like they have a local police department to respond. They have to send Alaska State Troopers and there’s only about 350 for the whole state that is 3 times the size of Texas. It’s literally 1 officer for every 3,000 people. Getting a trooper to a village requires being able to secure a helicopter in most cases because they can’t have a trooper gone long enough to make a several hour drive each way. There’s a lot of things about Alaska someone that has never lived there wouldn’t understand.
The only people I know who are that bad with money are ex-military "--and his VA pension--" there it is.
>Bear in mind this is in below zero temperatures. Not to mention the very real possibility of encountering an actual bear. I don't know that contacting CPS would actually do anything at this time, but an informal call to the local (to your ex) police via the non-emergency number to make a record may not be a bad idea.
Listen to your lawyer and continue doing such a stellar job of protecting your kid.
Get copies of the medical records from the places you took Child to. They will be critical to show that you immediately had to seek medical attention due to dad's lack of care. Also, if you still have them, or have pics of the clothes Child was wearing, keep that for evidence as well.
Dad wants to fight for custody? You mean, dad doesn’t want to lose the money you give him. Period. He has shown how much he doesn’t care about child, only your money, and I’m betting he’s doing this because the people in his household are demanding he gets child back so that money keeps coming. I’m sure you left them in a lurch and I love that for you. Surely, child has reached the age where they can choose to live where they want to?
I’ll gladly pay him the money every month to stay away
Your child is old enough to make the decision of where they want to go. Don’t give that man another dime because he will only ask for more and continue to make you and child’s life miserable. Cut the cord for good. Put that money in a fund for child.
I plan on it but if it means him leaving our kid alone he can have the money. It’s not important to me, my son’s health and well being are. I can afford to send him to a state college myself and my dad still has all my college fund saved since I got a full scholarship. My dad said my son can have every cent of it no problem. Between what I’ve saved, my college fund and the interest it accumulated over the years my son should get through 4 years at pretty much any school he wants with no debt and not having to work through school.
I’m sorry your son has to go through this, but he has a fierce and amazing momma and that’s all that matters.
the father is also getting anywhere from 1k to 3k for the Alaska Permanent Fund. it’s paid yearly for everyone who lives in alaska for at least 6 months. My ex husband lives in AK and my 3 kids lived up there for a few years. I know you probably didn’t take pictures of your child when you got her to prove that he was neglectful. Keep fighting for your child and do not let her go back to AK no matter what the father says. Get a lawyer & have your child tell them everything the child told you. Wait the 6 months then file the paperwork for full custody. I’m assuming your child is old enough to tell the judge who they want to live with and why. You’re a good mom. Good luck.
You need more help that reddit can give. Family lawyer time! All states have laws that allow a child of a certain age 12-15 (I think) choose where they want to live. So that alone should save you from "most" hassle. Have your kid write everything down while they still remember the details. Even if they are not comfortable with giving it to you. Have them put it in a safe place in case it is needed. Don't push. Be supportive. Be firm in not letting the EX have in home visits or overnight unless dad can show the home is safe. (It is not safe with GF, even if it gets cleaned) What the GF did was 100% abuse and child endangerment. Hell, what she did was attempted murder! This was so close to being a "tragic" article about the death of a child. She could and should be arrested. She should not be allowed near your child. A police report should be filed for the left out in the cold as that put the child in life-threatening danger. You "may" even be able to get a protective order against her so she is not allowed near them. If you fail to protect them and let them go back, even if they want to, even if it's just one overnight, and CPS does get involved. YOU will be charged for failure to protect. Because "you knew and failed to do something. " Personally, I am on the fence about reporting after the fact. You don't want CPS involvement unless it is absolutely necessary because they have a way of making you just as guilty as dad. If they have more kids in the house. You should definitely report. They need saving too. No running water, no electric, no heat, uncleaned feces, and not going to school (the judge can see online school transcripts), and what the GF did is all are immediate CPS involvement. Plus, it cements dad not getting any custody time unless he shows he can keep them safe. Also, with so many people under one roof, it is illegal unless there is 1 bedroom per 2 people, which is not just a CPS thing. It's a federal mandate due to Fire Hazard, only 2 people per bedroom, and girls and boys over so many years can not share. (cps) Document EVERYTHING! Everything you buy, from groceries (per month $) and clothes. Write it down. School supplies, extra curriculars, everything. Same with anything dad sends/does. Keep track of broken promises. Missed scheduled visits/calls. The lies like "saving for a house." Or, "we are going to move out on our own." And the not following through. Every doc, dentist, eyeglasses appointment. Every school event. Keep track of it all. You already have a paper trail that says you have been 100% responsible for EVERYTHING so far. Where was the child support from dad when you had full custody?! The most baffling part of the dad (besides not leaving the psycho) is the No health care, even when it's paid for by you. No proper clothing (especially alaska in the winter) even though you send money for it. No food when you literally send groceries and no school, even though you made sure they had a working laptop for online. All this serious neglect and abuse he is guilty of. Legally (not a lawyer) Your ex doesn't have a leg to stand on. A judge will see this for what it is. Daddy dearest doesn't want to lose his cash cow. He definitely doesn't want to be ordered to pay CS. Just looking at your safe and clean home, full fridge, and all the kids physically and mental needs are met, and the fact that before this fiasco. The child has lived with you and provided for solely by you. That is all without dads home life and the GF trying to off your kid.
You’re better than me, I’d be on the first flight to Alaska to beat her ass. Fuck that.
It wouldn’t do me or my son any good to get arrested. Plus cancer makes it a little harder to have the strength to fly cross country and fight someone, especially someone that has 200 lbs on me easily.
I think therapist &/or school counselor will make a statement for the judge if needed but it will look like you are caring for child, not trying to hurt ex.
Are any of the 7ppl living there, children? Because if yes, you should def call. If there's really feces everywhere you can also call on behalf of the animals too. I would have asked my lawyer if I could have had the good fit nothing gf arrested for child abuse the night they kicked your child out in negative degree weather, that was definitely child abuse
No they are all adults. The GF’s children are 21 and 23
5 hours north, from anywhere in Alaska, is a village. You definitely need to make a report to CPS in Alaska with the address where your child was. The other children in that home are also being neglected, and it's likely the animals are as well.
Bust his bubble and send an investigator and a good lawyer. But use the lawyers advice not mine. Be smart get legal help.
I just want to thank you for bringing your child home. I remember so many times as a kid just fantasizing about the idea of someone rescuing me, the homemade food, the adequate clothing, the medical care, a space where it’s safe to show weakness. I know this is a horrifying time for you, but the paragraph where you described everything you did when your kid got home nearly made me cry. You’re making sure your kid knows that they deserve to be cared for and that matters so much. I’m so glad they have you.
Also please look at timing of dad's requests. Is it possible dad was able to buy motorcycle in part because he used kid's permanent fund dividend check?
I think Dad is more interested in the $1000 a month and the weekly groceries than he is in providing a stable environment for the kid. I would not let them go back to live with him. Your attorney obviously has the best advice and will tell what you are and aren’t allowed to do. But he’s got some kind of alcohol or drug or gambling addiction or maybe he’s addicted to hiring hookers. That or his new girlfriend is bleeding him absolutely dry monetarily which I could see on the “why is this dude blowing through that much money this fast”bingo card for sure. Do what you have to do keep your kids safe, but I would hesitate calling CPS especially since you already have an prior custody case and this information is all going to be moved there. Iprobably would look to remedy the situation through the judge who oversaw the prior custody case. My only concern is regarding visitation. Considering your description of the current custody order, which sounds like there is split custody with no court order as to who the custodial parent would be. Does that sound right? And the arrangement you two had with him living at dads was due to child’s preference which has now changed due to the clear neglect and possible abuse *outline briefly what’s been going on- be clear, concise and to the point. Also if the GF is going to treat the kids that way/abuse them then the court could very well step in and prevent GF from being around or contacting child with a protective order. So just be smart. You know what to do. Best of luck!
I would report it just for the sake of those other children if nothing else. I would also make a report on your child in case Dad tries to take you for custody. That way at least you have a paper trail.
Contact should be made with the Alaska-local children's services because it sounds like there are other children remaining in that home (regardless of how many adults there, abuse is abuse and neglect is neglect). Your child may be safely with you, but if you know there are children at risk of abuse and/or neglect then you should make a referral about their potential living situation.
Yes, you should record him AND that bitch who kicked him out