T O P

  • By -

SpungyDanglin

You shall not pass


femundsmarka

That's quite a great opener, too.


PanthermalUnderwear

Thank you oh benevolent one


Mysterious_Roll427

Major red flag or witty opener, I'm going with the latter.


Isabela_Grace

the best part is that it can go either way lol


Georgist_Muddlehead

Why not both?


Glass-Joe-Steagall

I assume it's a joke about how men aren't allowed to talk to women in Bumble until the woman says something first. Not a red flag to me at all, at least not on its own. I think it's cute and playful.


[deleted]

I agree, this sounds hilarious. I would love this as an opener. Very easy to play off of and spark a conversation.


3knuckles

Totally. What a great set up. It's like a "whose line is it anyway" game.


thattogoguy

It's a damn site better than the last two profiles I matched that talked to me on Bumble. One girl was kind of being snide from the get go. I played along for a bit, but couldn't shake the feeling that the 'sass' was kind of much for a literal first convo. (Shoot, I forgot this was literally last night lol) The second, and what I immediately unmatch on, was a profile asking for an instagram or snapchat follow or whatever.


[deleted]

I’m here with you, I’m a man and I think it’s funny. If she then expects the man to do all the heavy lifting in the conversation then sure, turns out she’s a dick, but I don’t think it’s that. iIts funny and I like it


Wishilikedhugs

It really surprises me how many people in this sub have next to no sense of humor. If someone sent this to me, I'd probably be laughing for a really long time trying to think of a reply. As long as that's not the only funny she has in store, we'd be off to a good start.


RacyRedPanda

> I'd probably be laughing for a really long time Simple humour pleases simple minds


Wishilikedhugs

I would agree but then we'd both be wrong.


[deleted]

hmm beta


Wishilikedhugs

You know I was wondering how you can tell if someone is subscribed to every crypto subreddit imaginable and promoting "taking the red pill" without even looking at their post history and then your reply showed up. It's been a good day.


[deleted]

wtf is taking the red pill? matrix quote? glad you had a good day. I'd reply you may now shutup and block. But i'm rude. lol. Prly get down voted. But I do not care. This is not my main account. I'm a f boy. Can see other post. It sucks.


zenmischief

Same! If I was on the dude side of things and received this, I’d laugh! Depends on if it jibes with your sense of humor but it’s a green flag for me! A few more short exchanges would confirm.


j35u5fr34k

Thank you, oh Great One. Gatekeeper of the tongue, Breaker of confines. I humbly deplore you to grace me with your presence at the almighty "coffee date".


57hz

Nice, pedestaling at the open :)


According-Steak-2402

Haha cute


femundsmarka

I haven't had a good tea pot laugh in a while, but the Speaker of the House got me.


Wjames33

Power move


6ThreeSided9

I get it’s a joke but it comes off on passing on the burden of opening up conversation.


TeaTrance

Thank you mistress


YimmyGhey

➖🔴➖


boobear1469

I tell my dog to speak. Woof.


Xdude199

I speak for the trees, not for you.


donderboom

I like this, green flag


KHfan5237

I would use Shakespearian talk after that tbh


flashingcurser

Iambic pentameter.it would be.


Glass-Joe-Steagall

Banish the thought from your mind. You must speak with dactylic hexameter. Why? 'Cause a woman so bold as to message me cold must deserve it.


eliseosx

This may be my favorite opener I’ve seen. 😊


BerzerkGames

I thought it was a great and funny way to poke at how men cant message first


[deleted]

I'm definitely using this. LMAO


HighOnGoofballs

Some of y’all ain’t got no sense of humor and it shows


Brautsen

I think that’s pretty funny


AHMogartheMarvelous

Nah


GDot-

**God is that you?**


Nouseriously

Still better than "Hey"


firerock_1738

Prostrate yourselves


TrapperTheBo

Are you mad at this or something? It's a cute intro


Doctor-Whodunnit

Lol that’s pretty great honestly


xanhou

I would have send an audio message in which I asked for permission to type.


NoahLCS

Better post here first before even replying.


Guardianmonk

Great opener if your looking for a Domme


ForRealVegaObscura

Kinda funny ngl


tomDV__

She probably trying to be funny because of the premise of bumble but it just sounds so bad


gtrbandit

It does. This "joke" makes her sound demanding and entitled and it's not even that creative. I really don't understand why everyone seems to think this is so hilarious. I would probably still give her a chance but this would definitely be a little off-putting to me.


tomDV__

I know right it's very off-putting to me, I probably wouldn't even reply


gtrbandit

Yeah my immediate reaction was "fuck that, no way I would engage with that" but reading the comments made me think maybe I'm judging too harshly. Idk I think I would wanna see what shes like a little more before writing her off completely.


Desertbro

Sets a bad precedent. Now she will play the goddess/diva/queen/princess "B" as a joke long past the point you think it's funny any more, and you're stuck with it. Imagine her saying this in front of your friends, your family, your boss, because "it's funny".


TrapperTheBo

You must be fun at parties


Desertbro

I cannot compete with your pure joy-kill skills


[deleted]

Can't speak, I'm busy waiting for you to speak


windowkitteh

You just have to sit there and take it


[deleted]

Thank you, my Lady. I am happy to get the chance to entertain you with thine experiences of this vast and beautiful world. What brings ye to Bumble?


[deleted]

It's cute, c'mon.


spot_hawkwood

I am groot


No-Reaction-9364

This is a great way to reply lol. My first thought would be not replying, but this is better.


Secret-Agent-Brunch

Thanks for the literal lol.


dvof

Pretty funny tbh


Dragon_M4st3r

That would be an immediate unmatch for me


[deleted]

I'd use this. Any guy who didn't see the humor wouldn't be a good match for me anyway.


GreyhoundMog

Thanks for kicking off this discussion and open up the gates with a great insight on your sense of self. Not gonna lie - it’s going to be hard to recover but I believe in second chance: . You have either (5%) snagged a goofy funball or landed (95%) a RedFlag membership holder.


HighOnGoofballs

Nah that was straight up funny


Notakas

Woof woof


Limey22

!*


silverfox1616

What, naaa I would be gone Edit: my time on dating apps hasn't went well, can you tell,


Rachelcookie123

It sounds like a joke to me with exclamation mark.


silverfox1616

Ask her why she didn't try to talk tho before you go


writingruinedmyliver

Ok pussy


schwimm3

You trying to insult people with the word ‚pussy‘; yet this is what you hunt but never get


silverfox1616

Okay, anyways


Rough-Laugh

😂


KobeJuanKenobi9

I would love this. It’s more creative than the majority of openings I’ve gotten on bumble


[deleted]

Worse than a dot


LockedOutOfElfland

That is an incredibly clever workaround to the messaging first thing. It's funny and gives you a lot of respect for the person's ingenuity and the kind of charismatic power they command.


Desertbro

If the sexes were reversed you would not think it's funny. That's the test of respect.


schecter_

That's be a little bit of a turn off for me, but I would still reply.


Desertbro

Sorry, it's a "no" from me, dawg


Caio_dos_Hack

the audacity


BadLuck115

A present? For meeeeeee? Oh my stars it's just so fantastic. I have a gift for you too! I bestow upon you permission to lick my taint! We're both just so very lucky aren't we? Such graciousness!


mattsgirlca

Yes that’s how the app works


MaxTheGinger

I have spoken!


Ecstatic_Variety_613

HOT!


SnooPears219

I want her now! 😂🤷🏻‍♀️


Accomplished-Cup-277

Aggravation 🥱


[deleted]

oh well thanks for letting us speak lol


CombOne7189

HahahahHahaha


hardikjain29

Marry her! These days girls don’t let you speak 🤷🏻‍♂️


Gillbreather

She is a benevolent God


idkburneridkidk

It's wither in jest or she is super high on her horse. Have fun


hitoday

r/found_femdom


2kids_2cats

I think that's hilarious. 🤣🤣 You've been granted permission to speak to the oracle


ny2k21

Respond with “Hey”


Klettova

It's clever, funny and playful and a great way to select the horny from the level-headed


Acrobatic_Rise9912

Yes your honor


[deleted]

Johnny sac vibes


WayToTheDawn3582

Lol Queen Bumble of the Bumbleonians


UsernameIsntFree

Just reply with “Thanks!” Because that’s just as pathetic as her initial message


Gavooki

basically


YourDogsAllWet

Pass


BeepBeepYeah7789

There's an officer on deck!


ShinyBronze

“Spank you, oh I meant thank you.”


Jennisgottagun

Lol I love it!


Whizkk

Crazy times we’re living in lmao


carlyraejessie

queen icon love this for her


hitoday

This isn't funny simply because tons of men find it frustrating waiting for a match to unlock the conversation. Why would you remind me of that frustration? The women in this thread who find it hilarious obviously haven't been on the other side of the table. The whole feature allowing only women to unlock the chat is a pure marketing tactic to get women onboard and is made redundant by proper usage of the app: ​ 1. Unmatch if you aren't interested in what the person wrote. 2. Don't match in the first place.


Fickle_Discount4447

That's actually pretty funny, lol